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Funky Winkerbean, 9/12/12

In accordance with Funky Winkerbean’s long tradition of making unbearably big deals out of low-level life problems, Mopey Pete the comics artist is behind deadline on the Superman book he’s working on, which is being portrayed metaphorically by him being bedeviled by a sinister supervillain called “The Lord of Late.” This was easy enough to ignore until today, when it was revealed that Mopey Pete is writing a series about Superman walking across America. Does Mopey Pete not know that Superman can fly?? Then I found out that this was actually a real thing, which just made me madder. Does DC Comics not know that Superman can fly??

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/12/12

Oh my goodness, Rex’s look of weary disgust in panel three is priceless. “Ugh, the worst part of my highly-compensated medical work is that sometimes you repair a dumb meatsack and then it thinks you have some kind of emotional connection to it or something. Looks like it’s time to starting having all patients anesthetized before I come into the room!”

Hi and Lois, 9/12/12

Poor Trixie has been used as an unwilling tool in the seduction of more innocent girls than she can count, with her pre-verbal status leaving her unable to warn Chip’s emotional victims. You can tell by her face in panel two that this is really starting to wear her down.

Family Circus, 9/12/12

Check out Dolly’s smug facial expression! That’s the look of a girl who can find the sex parts of any book.

Herb and Jamaal, 9/12/12

Shorter Jamaal: “I hold my best friend in withering contempt, because I’m a terrible person.”

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Hi and Lois, 9/10/12

I am confused and terrified by the inky blackness out of which the Flagstons’ angry, violent word balloons emerge in panel one. I imagine that, as each meal commences, a designated family member turns off the light, so that the savage battle for conversational supremacy takes place in darkness, which increases the degree of difficulty and bitterness. Or is it meant to represent spiritual darkness? As the family turns on each other for the most petty and pointless of reasons, are to understand that their hatred is so toxic that it has literally blotted out the sun?

Mark Trail, 9/10/12

“Whoa whoa whoa, kid, I didn’t hear anyone say anything like ‘We can take him with us, or shoot him and the adorable puppy now.’ Did you hear anyone saying anything about shooting the dog? What I’m trying to say is that it’s time to hitch the Sassy wagon to a new star. Good luck with that whole getting shot thing!”

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Marvin, 9/7/12

Yes, Jeff, don’t you find your wife as sexually appealing as she was when she was 12? Be very careful about how you answer this question! Today’s Marvin has been cleverly designed to elicit sighs of relief when the strip moves back to its usual jokes about soiled diapers.

Hi and Lois, 9/7/12

Look, Chip, don’t expect coherent answers from your dad when he’s lounging theatrically in his man-cave and listening to his old records and smoking tons of weed, OK?

Momma, 9/7/12

Ha ha, it’s funny because Momma knows Francis doesn’t have any friends!