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Mary Worth, 4/25/12

Oh, man, the fancy New York City party Mary’s going to is being thrown by none other than Bobby and Gina! Gina, you might recall, was a waitress who was pining away for her lost childhood love and then Mary gave her the painfully obvious advice of “Maybe look him up on the Internet?” and then she found out that he was a soccer superstar who still loved her, of course. Last we saw her she was getting the hell out of Santa Royale at maximum speed and acquiescing eagerly to Bobby’s casual marriage proposal. Have they really waited this long to have an engagement announcement party? I’m thinking it’s something bigger. “We’ve asked all our loved ones together here because we have a special announcement: Gina has transcended this plane of existence to become an omnipresent, omniscient deity! Wherever you go, whatever you do, her disembodied consciousness is gazing at you from the clouds!”

Gil Thorp, 4/25/12

How bored have I been by the current “Milford’s new star pitcher has a secret and that secret is the child she had when she was 14” storyline in Gil Thorp? So bored that I haven’t discussed it, like, at all, for eight weeks! How much do I miss the “All the Milford players are getting tattoos at a completely legal tattoo parlor” storyline from the winter? So much that I really wanted that to be an enormous cross tattoo on the neck of the girl in panel three, but I think it’s just a shadow or something.

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Mary Worth, 4/23/12

Oh, I’m sorry, were you expecting there to be some more dramatic meat to the “Nola reforms” storyline, or at least maybe the reappearance of that comically weepy televangelist? Well, tough! Having squared all that business away, Mary is going to jet off to New York City without so much as a pool party. Who needs some lame California soirée when there’s a hip New York City get-together you’ve been invited to, probably in some converted loft space on the Lower East Side, am I right?

I’m actually pretty sure that this will be the first time I’ve ever seen Mary leave Santa Royale, other than when she flew to Vietnam to rescue Dr. Jeff from the charity work he loved so much. Obviously Jeff doesn’t get invited on fun trips, though we should maybe question whether Mary is going to have as much fun as she thinks she will. Since she was unable to handle the raw urban horror of downtown Santa Royale and its hellish Women’s Shelter, I imagine she’ll find even New York’s most upscale neighborhoods utterly terrifying.

Apartment 3-G, 4/23/12

Because you know what happens in New York? Rampant adultery, that’s what! I mean, if you consider mashing your faces together drunkenly and saying “KISS” really loudly to be adultery, which I’m assuming Mary does. Anyway, this kissing business is clearly Margo’s worst bad idea yet — not because Margo is somehow morally opposed to stealing men away from their hugely pregnant wives or anything, but because Scott is a whiny little feeb not worthy of her attentions and Nina is a badass who can strangle people with her mind.

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 4/22/12

Well, it’s about time that a member of the Slylock Fox rogues gallery started fighting back against the cruel dictatorship of ratiocination that’s always keeping them down; and I’m enough of a speciesist to be glad to see that it’s Slick Smitty, the lone human recurring character in this strip full of anthropomorphic insanity. Still, it’s unsurprising to see that he’s not getting a fair trial here by this all-animal jury, who all appear enraptured by Slylock’s blatantly classist argument. “Remember, a true gentleman would have offered his right hand for a handshake. By crudely thrusting his left hand at me, Slick Smitty proved he was no gentleman. Didn’t he deserve to have his delicate metacarpals crushed by my powerful vulpine paw?”

Mary Worth, 4/22/12

I know it’s a fairly small aspect of this plot, I’m a little worried about Dan Smithers, the man whom Nola lied about in order to get his job. Do you really think he’s going to get his job back? How’s that conversation going to go? “Hey, Prez, I know that you were willing to fire me for embezzlement based only on the say-so of your underling who you were sleeping with, and who stood to benefit by my removal, but I’m willing to let bygones be bygones and establish an incredibly awkward working relationship with you! Oh, FYI, since I left I developed a drinking problem.”