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Folks! It’s the last Friday of the month, and around here on the last Friday of the month we announce my comedy show, which happens on the first Friday of the month, every month! And it’s happening next Friday! Wanna learn about Ansel Elgort, Tik Tok, and tweens? Then be there!

And like every Friday — first, last, whatever — today we present to you this week’s comment of the week!

“C’mon, Josh, the teen is hanging at the elementary school because he’s selling drugs, and Thel is smiling because she’s about to get a dime bag, which she definitely needs to make it through the day without murdering one of her four melon-headed children, probably this especially dumb one here blathering on about math.” –Thelonious_Nick

The runners up are also hilarious!

“Buck’s head looks like if Easter Island had accountants.” –pugfuggly

“‘Have you ever eaten food that had nasty after effects?’ ‘Yeah, earlier today. That’s why I had to ditch my clothes.’” –nescio

“I don’t think I called my own father ‘dad’ or ‘pop’ that many times in the 46 years we shared the earth together, total. We just kind of assumed it was the reason we were hanging out together.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“I can’t fault her question. It’s actually a great segue into making up an excuse to leave.” –pachoo

“This is why I never check email or forums in my house’s black void of nothingness room. Always seems to be just bad news.” –jroggs

“In fairness, the HR team at NotChicago Police recognize ‘faked own death‘ as a legitimate reason for missing an extended period of work, right alongside ‘abducted by Moon aliens,’ ‘deep undercover as an over-the-top ethnic stereotype,’ and, of course, ‘maternity leave.’” –Dmsilev

“The problem with drawing your children as terrifying melon-headed freaks and your adults with relatively normal proportions is you have no idea how to draw adolescents. Do you use your adult body type but slightly shorter, or do you stretch out the stumpy bodies of the hideous child things to create the monstrosity seen here?” –Rosstifer

“This is obviously a kid Billy’s age standing on another kid’s shoulders. The ‘numbers and letters’ are in a math story problem intended to discover whether this finally makes them tall enough to ride a rollercoaster.” –BigTed

“It must be Take Your Wife and Child to Work and Then Mostly Ignore Them Day again. Has it really been a year?” –Joe Blevins

“Yes! Because roller coasters go through tunnels (but only one time, like Hugo)? Wait this is a sex metaphor, right?” –Foodar

“Mr. Wilson is plotting to convert every atom of Dennis’s body into pure energy. Who’s the menace now?” –Peanut Gallery

“There are a lot of ways Dennis could have rubbed his youthful vigor and energy in Wilson’s nose but breakdancing across the lawn has a certain cruel panache. ‘Your elderly joints could never do this, old man. Death will take you soon.’” –Escape Zeppelin

“I wish you the best with your long-distance love, dear. Here, have some carpet samples! I know you’re not capable of feeding yourself!” –Mysterious Shirtless Lawyer

“One has a Ph.D. in anthropology, the other lives with his father-in-law and owns one set of clothes.” –Rusty

“So … you think Gil Thorp‘s third panel was written to spark slash fiction about the coaches? Because that’s how you get slash fiction about the coaches.” –Voshkod

“My favorite horrifying detail about Beetle Bailey is that fake mom is a grown-up Little Orphan Annie! Daddy Warbucks is a big-time defense contractor of course, but I’m a little surprised that his long-term play there was to turn her into a military Weeble.” –matt w

“Which Prescott Award did the guy win? The Gerald W. Prescott Award to recognize scholarly works on phycology? The Albert B. Prescott Pharmacy Leadership Award? The Samuel Cate Prescott Award for research in food science and technology? Because all of those sound pretty impressive, actually.” –JJ48

“Les at the next table, muttering, ‘Advertising does not sell books, dead spouses sell books. Only one thing matters in this industry, and that is cancer. A-B-C. A: always, B: be, C: cancer-adjacent. Always be cancer-adjacent. Do I have your attention?’” –Dan

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• PicturePunches: Join our community of funny memers who like to earn from their sense of humor.

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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This week’s top comment is here for your enjoyment!

“I don’t like to think of dogs as little humans but that‘s exactly my dog’s response when I return after being out for a couple of hours.” –Northernlurker

The runners up are also quite funny!

“This strip would be infinitely better if the sign-off panel also showed Hugo sipping a margarita on the plane, fresh into negging a frumpy English university student. When she asks why he’s not drinking wine he lectures her on how it’s not REALLY wine if it’s not from Bordeaux.” –Anna Carlsson, on Twitter

“There are so very many things that Dawn should definitely regret.” –Rosstifer

“At least Dawn has learned some new skills from her relationship with Hugo. She’s picked up some French, and also learned to condescendingly translate French for American audiences, including her own subconscious.” –Constance Justice

“Meat, fish, wines from Normandy — if not Sicily. Hagar knows that he has to practice conspicuous consumption to awe his subordinates with his wealth.” –Ettorre

“I like the idea of someone throwing bouquets to the mourners while the pallbearers carry the deceased off to his final reward, as onlookers try to make the snap decision of whether they should reach out and grab the pretty flowers or dodge the harbingers of morality. But I love the idea that such bouquets come wrapped in skull-crunching clay pots filled with dirt.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“The bird-men of Shoe aren’t glum because one of them caught the harbinger of death. They’re glum because they know they will never die. This isn’t one of those other strips, where the writer will occasionally end a character’s suffering. They’re trapped forever in this heavy-lidded, trash-strewn existence, where the outdated Treetops Tattler is constantly on the verge of collapse, and with it the entire grill- and fern bar-based economy. Who was Old Man Perkins anyway? It didn’t matter, it was just an excuse to dream of a way out. Those flowers are damaged because they were fought over.” –Banana Jr. 6000

“The eight part miniseries on Netflix’s the thing/ Wherein I’ll catch the conscience of the Deputy Director for Operations.” –Voshkod

“So, April is a CIA operative who thinks Hollywood produces super-accurate biopics, huh?” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“How nice, Mommy gives Trixie a kiss on the forehead as she walks by! (Daddy just smiles while ignoring her completely.) Anyway, enjoy sitting by yourself on the empty floor all day!” –BigTed

“Obviously the classic Six Chix art is obscuring the joke, but… he’s wearing his mother strapped to his back, right? And she’s about two feet tall, easily 80 years old, and literally a bluestocking? And the punchline is that he plans to feed her — his own mother — cheap wine from a baby cup? I haven’t seen such Oedipal hijinks since Momma ended.” –Schroduck

“Loving the look of cold detachment on PJ’s face. ‘Ah, I understand: stop the beep, kill the man. Another piece of my plan falls into place.’” –pugfuggly

“A plugger’s pharmacist is someone who thinks ‘HIPAA’ is someone who attended the original ‘Waadstaack.’” –Where’s Rocky?

“Plus citizens of Kathmandu are known for scrupulous honesty. Most cities boasting populations over 985,000 would round that up to a million. Not us!” –FE

“Look at the terror in that poor bastard’s eyes! So mom’s lumbago is back? But she died three years ago!” –Mumblix_Grumph

“So now the poor kid has to stay in Vegas for the rest of its life. Sorry, but those are the rules!” –Peanut Gallery

“Yeah, there’s nothing like remembering the 60s by wearing an uncomfortable, impractical outfit for housework when you’re already clinging to gender norms from the same era by being the only one who cleans the house.” –Truckosaurus

“‘Women choose their sexual partners on the basis of quantified athletic performance‘ certainly sounds like something men assume is true, but it might be worth running that idea past an actual woman.” –Francisco Arrowroot

“Chance Macy is reading A User’s Guide to Sitting in Chairs. You can see he needs it.” –Joe Blevins

“Ma Chouchoute! I think I left it here, maybe in the bathroom.” –FritzHolz

“Honest to God. We were told that the talking chimp killed the actress out of jealousy in one panel, without ever having been told what there was to be jealous about, or WHY THE GODDAMN CHIMP COULD TALK, but it takes an entire week to read a letter.” –Rube

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• PicturePunches: Join our community of funny memers who like to earn from their sense of humor.

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Try not to be too spooked by the calendar to enjoy today’s comment … of the week.

“I’d be downright annoyed if my naturalist husband thought I still believed in cryptozoology after listening to his lectures for 12,943 days straight, but Cherry looks downright worried. Maybe that’s because Mark is an emotionless void and she lives in terror of his unpredictably flat affect, not knowing whether the next words out of his mouth will be ‘I know, honey, I’m just trying to lighten the mood‘ or ‘divorce.’ But I prefer to think this is less about her and Mark and more about her and yetis. ‘I’m not worried whether yetis are real or not,’ she says, her hands unconsciously tracing the curves of her blouse, much as white-furred, larger yet gentle hands had done, during one of Mark’s two-week expeditions that somehow lasted around seven months. ‘Ha ha ha, abominable snowmen, the stuff of cartoon movies! Who would BELIEVE such things? NOT ME, CERTAINLY!’” –T Campbell

The runners up? Also very funny this week!

“I think the flashback is supposed to be the night she got pregnant: ‘Italian food would be a bit too exciting for my aching stomach, but sex with you should be all right.’” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Beautiful thoughts, Trixie. Meanwhile, next door, Thirsty is drunk again.” –Little Blue Bicycle

“This strip is as on fleek as that mom’s bandanna. That’s something the kids say, right? Means stiffly-starched?” –pastordan

“‘Where they stay until they expire?’ If I know even one thing about pluggers (i.e., too much), it’s that their love for playing by the rules is far behind their love for bargains and giving minimum wage-earning cashiers grief.” –Irrischano

“[Coroner in a month]: ‘Cause of death: Sui-Tide™.’ [smirks] ‘Get it?’” –Foodar

“Here’s hoping that other cartoonists will join Batuik in raising awareness of CTE, by having one character in each of their strips bludgeoned to death. Maybe let the readers vote?” –Zla’od

“Wotsamatta U is meant to sound like Whatsa Matter You, which is kind of a dialect, maybe Italian. It means, What’s The Matter With You? Get it? Get it? No, I don’t mean I think you’ve got anything wrong with you. It’s just a joke. Geez. What are you, Italian or something? Don’t be so thin skinned.” –Only Here For The Ads

“I like that this joke is delicately balanced on three premises: (1) babies compete with each other in organized contests (2) babies can choose the foods that they will have access to and (3) babies have made the important link between diet and gastrointestinal performance, and use this information to strategize! It’s the kind of thing you could only come up with by the standard Marvin joke method: start with the punchline ‘POOP’ and work backwards.” –pugfuggly

“Do plugger cats come running to the sound of the can opener? Do they sometimes, shamefully, turn on the can opener just to feel something?” –Voshkod

“Sorry, can you rage a little harder as you insist you don’t have a drug problem? That will make it even more convincing!” –BigTed

“So, Henry’s got a photo album full of muscle fetish porn. Meanwhile, Alice is snickering in the background because Henry doesn’t know about her weekly nooners at the gym. Suddenly, Dennis is the least menacing member of this household.” –jvwalt

“It’s ironic, because it struck the North Face of the fort.” –Pozzo

“Dawn is being approached by a stranger with disfiguring scars? Looks like she’s about to learn an important lesson about, um … something.” –Noel

“This cannonball brought to you courtesy of Grumman Allied Industries, Inc. ‘When you think big balls, think Grumman.’ Have a great day, enemy combatant.” –Maude R. Fawker

“Mermaids don’t have shells the way snails do. When they are little, they live in them like hermit crabs to avoid predators. This lasts until they are grown enough to overcome their shyness and go lure sailors to their deaths, at which point they can start living in the wrecked hulls of ships instead. Lucky Eddy would know all this if he were able to read.” –pachoo

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• PicturePunches: Join our community of funny memers who like to earn from their sense of humor.

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!