“The normal reaction of a Bedouin family to the acquisition of a free camel would be pure joy. But of course, Crock isn’t really about North Africa. It’s about … well, I’m not really sure what it’s about.” –Rube

“That guy in Daddy Daze doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Everybody knows the most ticklish warden in the whole penal system is Albert ‘Bear’ Trijolo at ADX Florence.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“I can always warm up the car and take everyone for a ride! We need just some more CO2 in the air to defeat winter forever.” –Ettorre”

“This may be the truest thing I have ever said: in Crock, no anatomy can be taken for granted.” –pastordan

“I like to think that his voice gets progressively louder as they walk home or wherever. He grabs random people and shakes them. ‘I’M A GODDAMN STAR WARS FANATIC!’ he yells, as Dawn just stands and stares into the middle distance.” –overtim, on Twitter

“I’ve been reading this fascinating book about squirrels! Did you know squirrels can be trained? So if I took, for example, a scarecrow, dressed it up in a band uniform, and stuffed it full of nuts, squirrels will eventual connect band uniforms with nuts! Anyway, enjoy the next football game, in autumn, as the weather is turning cold and the squirrels instinctively start hunting, desperately, for nuts. I know I will.” –Voshkod

“Can’t wait to see how the Mary Worth team tackles the delicate issue of May-December threesomes.” –pugfuggly

“I do note the … speed puffs? … visible in front of the reversing car are visible in Bumstead’s shot, so perhaps the joke is that they are desperately fleeing Bumstead. You can see it in the woman’s face — the conflict between being nice and the realization that freedom is actually possible and maybe worth being a bit rude about.” –toxic

“Opera is a gangrenous lesion upon the once lustrous skin of human culture and art, says the man who draws and publishes pictures of an infant smugly pissing himself roughly 300 days each year.” –jroggs

“Some of these kids are labeled ‘troubled children,’ making it easier to pass off their disappearances as ‘running away.’ If Thompkins wanders off during the hike, I wouldn’t worry too much about tracking him down.” –TheDiva

“I can’t be the only one puzzled as to why they specifically chose to call him Geoff as opposed to Jeff. It’s very distracting. My question is, what are they trying to distract us from?!” –Violet

“Is that why your pursuit of eternal youth has led you to undergo body modifications that gave you a 2 inch waist?” –TheRealAaron

“Their yoga may be a Tibetan form of meditation focused on ‘naked awareness,’ i.e., recognition of phenomena as manifestations of one’s own mind, without the mediation of conceptual discrimination. And Jared may object because he feels this to represent a misunderstanding of the nature of emptiness.” –Zla’od

“That’s great. Fantastic. I wasn’t feeling enough like I’m living through the apocalypse or anything, definitely needed to hear that Billy Keane knows what sex is.” –Dan

“This right here. This exact moment. This is the catalyst for Thel starting to have extramarital affairs before ultimately leaving the family. She’d thank little Billy if she could remember his name.” –Joe Blevins

“I like the way the neighbor lady stares out her door, but what’s she thinking? ‘We need a bigger fence?’ ‘Why is he selling rat poison like candy?’ ‘What will the neighbors think of me if I’m the one who finally calls CPS on that freak show?’” –Rocky the Flipped-Out Squirrel

“Squirrels are NOT absent-minded! They just bury more nuts than they need, in order to be sure of having enough. A certain cartoonist I can think of would do well to follow their example, where ‘burying nuts’ is a metaphor for ‘providing some content that would make it worthwhile for anyone in their right mind to read their stupid comic strip.’” –Peanut Gallery

“The DAGWOOD lies awake at night pondering how delicious his grandchildren will taste if he has the patience to refrain from devouring his spawn now. Spoiler alert: He does not.” –Dread

“Today’s little vignette in Snuffy Smith is colder than any Lockhorns panel. The man has his second, younger, and more beautiful wife carry around the urn containing his first wife’s ashes. ‘Yep, honey, this is where you’re gonna end up when you get older, and I’ll get a new wife to carry your ashes around. Heh, it’s the way of the hills.’” –Voshkod

“I want him to read the part about finding the first Warby Parker store in 1814.” –Dennis Jimenez

“Beetle Bailey has been around so long that sometimes it still engages in vicious Christian polemics against Sol Invictus.” –Ettorre

“Ha ha, it’s funny because once Beetle gets out of bed, he’s in for excruciating training sessions to prepare him for a battle to the death that he may not survive.” –The Dimensional Otter

“This being the Batiuk-verse, both Funky and Holly have failing memories because their brains are rotting from the inside out due to some terrible medical condition that will eventually kill them. In retrospect, this will be the first indication that something was seriously wrong. ‘Tell me,’ a doctor will grimly say, ‘do you sometimes have difficulty remembering which episodes of Mozart in the Jungle you’ve seen?’” –Joe Blevins

“Even that owl in the ridiculously high tree above Mark’s ridiculously large log-cabin house realizes that Mark probably left Dr. Camel out to freeze. ‘Yo-o-o-o-u, that’s who-o–o-o-o,’ it will hoot out into the night, either indicating Mark’s extreme guilt or the fact that it can’t make any other sounds.” –BigTed

“To me, the real humour in this strip comes in panels one and two, where the Funky and wife state the blatantly obvious to each other, in a way that makes me doubt that they know what’s really going on? Like, this is definitely the conversation of two people who have been caught in a mutual lie about loving basketball and are trying to cover it up by reciting phrases they’ve heard commentators make in previous games.” –pugfuggly

“Catman knows this guy’s completely lost it. No one in their decrepit peer group has been allowed to drive for years. They’ve pretty much run over every pedestrian in town.” –made of wince

“Has Mark’s house always been this weird-looking? It doesn’t so much look like a big log cabin as a bunch of little log cabins huddling together for warmth.” –jroggs

“This lady will get sued for libel in front of an all-hater jury. Prayer answered.” –Uncle Lumpy

“Looking at the featureless black liquid pouring straight out from the teapot, it’s becoming clear how everyone gets cancer in the Funkyverse. (It’s the jokes.)” –pastordan

“Jared: ‘And the whole controversy about whether Rise of the Skywalker was any good is such a moot point when you consider–‘ Dawn [head down, knitting laboriously]: ‘Uh huh.’ Jared: ‘–Plus there’s that whole thing with Snoke–‘ Dawn [leaning into her knitting more, focusing entirely on the stitches]: ‘Yeah, that’s great.’” –Lionheart

“The implication here is that despite her edgy appearance — the tousled natural locs, razor stubbled legs peeking out from under an indie rock band tee, a face contorted by a grimace — today’s character is actually quite milquetoast. She believes in a higher power, observes traditional holidays, and in her wildest teary-eyed rage, the best revenge she can imagine is a punchline that could easily be spoken by Ziggy. This chick’s a poser!” –Tonya

“You spelled ‘midnight’ wrong. Also, there should be a period after ‘LLC.’” –T Campbell

“Who knew the line was so thin between emotionlessly killing inanimate objects (boatsplosions, islandsplosion) and killing people? Mark Trail‘s readers now know.” –Baja Gaijin

“A vacant stare and the phrase ‘no doubt!’ are definitely the most useful skills for living with Mark Trail.” –Dan

“The sign contains ‘no’ misused ‘quotation marks.’ Disappointment я Us.” –Cloudbuster

“Pretty good taxidermy job on that geezer Cherry’s sitting on. Do you think Mark did it, or did Rusty watch a bunch of YouTube videos?” –Twinkles the Elf

“You’re right, Sam. If only I had a way to be the voice for those in need without running for mayor. Perhaps if I had legal skills and a license to practice law I could volunteer at clinic for the underprivileged. Or if I were a best-selling author I could write an expose of the prison system and donate the profits to charity. But that’s just wild fantasy. Nope. Gotta be practical. Running a vanity campaign for small town mayor is the only way to go.” –Where’s Rocky

“I’m very disturbed by the fact that Leroy’s and Loretta’s houseguest is in exactly the same pose I’m in when standing at a urinal and I hear someone come into the restroom.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“I considered trying to write some kind of humorous comment referencing the deep misogyny involved in casting women simultaneously as spendthrifts and penny-pinchers, but then I decided to spend the day in the fetal position with the covers pulled over my head instead, as I typically do whenever I’m reminded that it’s 2020 and The Lockhorns is still ‘enjoyed’ by readers across the country.” –a.

“Snuffy’s not actually leaning on that stump, is he? It looks like his elbow’s propped against it, but he’s otherwise just maintaining an unsupported sitting position. Brother’s got some core strength!” –Pozzo

“Pluggers support testing makeup on animals.” –Quiggle

“I’m pretty sure a ‘plugger selfie‘ entailed holding an off-brand disposable camera at arms length while standing in front of a road sign declaring that Disney World is only 50 miles away. Squeeze in kids, there’s only 23 shots left and I guarantee that half will have my thumb in them!” –Mighty Sean Young

“I wonder how many variations of the phrase ‘No really, I have a boyfriend in France’ Dawn has rehearsed trying to find one that sounds plausible to herself, let alone other people. Because she needs to try at least one more.” –Francisco Arrowroot

“Literally the entire last week of Mary Worth was Hugo and Dawn declaring how they love each other and are committed to making this long-distance relationship work while Wilbur does everything possible to rain on their parade, usually by repeating some variation on ‘You live in different countries, though.’ I did not suffer through that just to see Wilbur proven right.” –Joe Blevins

“Check out the window in the background. Fozzie Bear has seen some shit.” –Lee Sherman

“Even weirder with Dennis The Menace is that it’s a federal holiday, so the mailman has no business delivering anything today. Maybe he just wants to randomly hang out with Mr. Wilson too.” –jeltranksss

“You never met my father. Neither have I. [Sobs uncontrollably]” –Ettorre

“In Dorkworld, a popular flirting ritual consists of a female’s impressing a potential mate by demonstrating that she can eat a slice of pizza while balancing it on her fingertips. ‘How delicate and skillful!’ thinks the male dork. Look for more details in an upcoming Sunday Mark Trail strip.” –seismic-2

“Now that we’ve talked for an hour, and he’s sure to be frozen to death, let’s call in a helicopter. I need to get home and pontificate about the internet some more. Mingma! Bring me my secure flip phone! Yes, Genie, justice has been done tonight.” –Little Blue Bicycle

“I like the way the narration box in Mary Worth pointedly describes Dawn as settling into a quiet booth and studying, rather than her actual activity of scanning the pizza place looking for anyone she might be able to talk to or flirt with to avoid having to actually doing her homework.” –Thelonious_Nick

“I refuse to believe a malapropism-obsessed man named Crankshaft does not want sex. It opens whole new vistas of uncomfortable wordplay.” –Dan

“Quick, we have to loot all of his insulin before he returns, we can sell it for hundreds of dollars a dose in the U.S.!” –DevOpsDad

“Props to Rex Morgan, BTW, for capturing that look in panel two where she’s clearly contemplating murdering Rex just to escape this conversation. Really really nailed it.” –toxic

“I gotta think about whether I’d rather see that lug again or just clean up by taking you to court for this gross violation of ethics and privacy. After all, I could use the dough, but I’ll admit I’m a little curious about his hair now.” –Old Man Muffaroo

“Maybe the point of this story is that Harvey becomes the very yeti he was looking for, lost in the mountains whistling to himself and he tries to reclaim his lost leg. That’s be a pretty epic twist! Sure, the timeline wouldn’t actually make any sense at all, but then his thing is social media and they like to show things out of order anyway so that’s just extra commentary.” –pachoo

“My theory that Six Chix is drawn by vampires in an attempt to normalize their horrible lifestyle continues to hold up. Look at them. Children of the night. What horrible art they make.” –Voshkod

“I wasn’t expecting Mark Trail to turn into a supervillain origin story. That’s right, folks. Dr. Camel will take this opportunity to reinvent himself as … Dr. Icing! The diabetic supervillain with some kind of … sugar/snow theme going on? I’m not sure. Haven’t really thought it through, but considering he already went from ‘Losing a leg to diabetes’ to ‘Attacked by a Yeti,’ I doubt he’ll put much thought into his new persona, either.” –WLP

“It sure is hilarious how so many young people have a serious problem with addiction to technology and lack of human interaction, while we adults just enable them and laugh! Ha ha!” –JJ48

“Pluggers are not dying to try a new restaurant. What the hell is this.” –matt w

“Is Dennis promoting the patriarchy by gendering ‘mailer daemon,’ or promoting anarchy by rejecting ‘postmaster’?”” –KevinR

“‘Tonight you’re a menace. When you see an opening–’ ‘I … report an opening?’” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women