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It’s time for this week’s funniest comment … of the week!

“I would not give up on him too quickly. His last two girlfriends wound up with much younger, hotter men. I’m not sure you’re at that point yet.” –cheech wizard

The runners up? Also very funny!

“Snuffy sorted the leaves by color, probably while on a meth jag.” –Uncle Lumpy

“Marie, it would be so great to have you back. Maybe Sophie would open up and emotionally connect with you. And it would open up a world of dramatic possibilities for this comic strip if the gangster cartel that you are hiding from murdered you on the front porch of my B&B! Welcome back.” –greenantler

“Wouldn’t wearing a helmet be counterproductive if trying to die in a car crash? Bull always was the stupid one.” –Rusty

“I like how the last two panels seem to have a spotlight shining down, as if to assure us that yes, there are some vaudeville-era puns being dropped, even if we can’t hear them.” –pugfuggly

“You’re dating Wilbur… and you’re thinking of dumping him because his Netflix tastes do not perfectly fit with yours?! How can you be too and not enough picky at the same time?!” –Ettorre

“Just to recap, Estelle’s last boyfriend was a grotesque con artist who lied about who he was, fleeced her for thousands of dollars, and verbally abused her. The fact that she considers Wilbur a better choice — but only slightly — is pretty sad, man.” –BigTed

“Maybe some fans of this strip didn’t get that it’s really Bull who died. There are a lot of conspiracy theories floating around out there. But now you have it from an authoritative source: the paper of record that didn’t bother to look up the deceased’s real name and publishes death notices in Comic Sans.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“They forgot the indicator but today’s Funky Winkerbean is actually part of the flashback series from last week, giving us a rare glimpse at one of Westview’s famous daily funeral rehearsals.” –Cheddar Monkey

“First the Mutts came for the humans and I said nothing because they were so cute and had a good point.” –RexDartEskimoPi, on Twitter

“Meanwhile, The Phantom’s Asterisk Box, isn’t it time you came up with a real name for the language spoken by the Bandar? Here‘s a Wikipedia article on Afroasiatic languages. Go wild.” –matt w

“I sure would hate to see the Pavlovian experiment necessary to forge the psychological link between praise and suddenly needing to pee.” –Lionheart

“The only remotely interesting part of this Rex Morgan plotline so far is today’s reveal that Mindy has quite a wide variety of interests when it comes to the plotlines of the softcore pornography she’s streaming.” –Brad

“Howard Johnson had 28 flavors in the thirties. Pluggers live in a house of lies.” –gleeb

“Anyway, that‘s gonna be the opening of Bull’s Story. Isn’t it brilliant? God, I’m good.” –Rosstifer

“Man, I don’t get why everyone says not to speak ill of the dead. It’s so much better than speaking ill of the living, who might retaliate!” –JJ48

“Bittersweet Nugget is the flavor of your final memories of your dead wife, sir, now in ice cream form! We also have Fumbling Romance, which is the flavor of your initial overtures toward her, Uncomfortable Silence, for that time when you admitted you thought her sister was prettier, Rocky Regrets, for when you nearly got divorced but stayed together for the kids, and Plain Vanilla, for the rest of your life.” –Voshkod

“All hail the rhino, saving us from another day of Dr. Camel talking about how boring other people’s lives are! We can only hope rhinos continue to keep a watchful eye on the strip, destroying something any time we get too bogged down in standard dull-as-dishwater dialogue.” –Conynaut

“Oh, Mary, you hopeless romantic. Everyone should be so lucky to meet that special someone that they can look in the eye year after year and truthfully say those magic words, ‘Overall I enjoy your company.’” –jroggs

“What’s the intended joke even supposed to be here? ‘Ha ha wimmen am I right — always carefully considering a purchase that could run $100 or more!’” –Alex Parker-Spencer-Driver

“Estelle and Mary enjoy an invigorating walk down by the Charterstone mosquito hatchery.” –Ukulele Ike

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Folks! It’s the first Friday of the month, and inevitably, that means it’s time for my live comedy show, the Internet Read Aloud, tonight in Los Angeles! Wanna learn about Ansel Elgort, Tik Tok, and tweens? Then be there!

And like every Friday — first, last, whatever — today we present to you this week’s comment of the week!

“I’m glad they’re doing this Buck and Mindy story as a flashback, so there’s no DRAMA stinking up this pregnancy storyline. So relieved I didn’t have to experience any dramatic tension when Mindy fell! I bet we all need some ‘bed rest‘ after such a close call with narrative.” –katakana haru, on Twitter

Your runners up? Also hilarious!

“What’s not funny is that Thel would ever consider taking those brats into a piano and organ store, even with clean hands. Truly her mind is gone, or her hearing.” –Arabella

“The DJ gladly complies with Slylock’s request. It is a welcome change of pace from the incessant drudgery imposed on him by his animal masters, who insist that, as one of the few surviving humans with any knowledge of how to operate a radio station, he perform all of the DJ, engineering, and maintenance duties, or be punished for his failure. At least his fate is better than his friend at the car factory, who is tasked with keeping all of the automated assembly lines running despite having no idea how to ensure that the resulting product operates safely for more than a few minutes at a time.” –Harold

“Hmmm, looks like Wilbur has traded in his half-round glasses for a new pair of rounded squares. I guess when you’re travelling distant disaster zones with a cold sense of detachment, you might as well look like Kissinger.” –pugfuggly

“Yes Dawn, we know you got laid. The biblical symbolism is a little tacky though.” –Dan

“‘In life, Bull gained fame charging through the opponents’ defensive line, so it’s only fitting for him to depart by charging through that guardrail.’ –Les giving the eulogy, probably” –matress_island, on Twitter

“Presumably Crankshaft is anti-vaxx because it leads to fewer children on his bus route.” –Marcus Theory

“‘You know, you can tip me right on the app.’ ‘And waste this sandwich I found on the sidewalk?’” –Rube

“I’d be grouchy too if my shirts had that many buttons. Must take him an hour to get dressed in the morning.” –Ukulele Ike

“If my reading of medieval sagas tells me anything, this no doubt is the beginning of a long violent and especially blood feud. Only after the death of many trusted thanes in Hagar’s comitatus (watch out, Lucky Eddy) will a fragile peace be bought with the paying of wergeld and the marrying off of Hagar’s daughter Honi as a peace weaver between the warring clans. Then the monsters will come.” –Joe Momma

“And it was Sophie who figured out that waiting on just the three of us meant the servants were only working like, two hours a day. So this B&B thing means we’re getting more value out of them, although watching all this increased activity is exhausting, quite frankly.” –cheech wizard

“I have to say that I’m glad (read: disappointed) Funky Winkerbean didn’t have some bizarre euphemism for Bull being dead on the spot. I suppose they could repurpose ‘solo car date’ for it.” –Brian Renadette, on Twitter

“This is quite literally what passes for pillow talk in the Marvinverse.” –pastordan

“Since roughing it is a pretty common concept in our culture, I can only assume that the quotation marks Marvin’s parents are using here mean they’re employing it as code for a specific sex act. Marvin’s dad (whose name I refuse to look up) wants to go camping so they can ‘rough it’ for a weekend away from the prying eyes and ears of their neighbors and household smart devices. Jen’s price is that Jeff (okay, FINE, I had to look it up) will have to clean their child’s bottom with 1-ply toilet paper … presumably forever? Their scat-obsessed, willfully non-potty-trained monster of a child. No wonder he looks so pissed.” –Doctor Moreau

“‘Was he wearing a…’ ‘Yeah…’ ‘Wow, I’ve never even seen a Pulitzer prize medal close up, before!’” –seismic-2

“I had Mr. Wilson pegged as someone with Fox News on his TV 24/7, so I’m surprised to find out he’s actually into the Voluntary Human Extinction movement.” –Zombie Dodge

“You’re looking at this all wrong, George. His status as an overindulged only child explains 90% of Dennis’ behavior. What you’ve gotta do is make sure Henry and Alice have a second child. Stop seeing this as a series of battles and start seeing it as a war.” –Joe Blevins

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• PicturePunches: Join our community of funny memers who like to earn from their sense of humor.

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Folks! It’s the last Friday of the month, and around here on the last Friday of the month we announce my comedy show, which happens on the first Friday of the month, every month! And it’s happening next Friday! Wanna learn about Ansel Elgort, Tik Tok, and tweens? Then be there!

And like every Friday — first, last, whatever — today we present to you this week’s comment of the week!

“C’mon, Josh, the teen is hanging at the elementary school because he’s selling drugs, and Thel is smiling because she’s about to get a dime bag, which she definitely needs to make it through the day without murdering one of her four melon-headed children, probably this especially dumb one here blathering on about math.” –Thelonious_Nick

The runners up are also hilarious!

“Buck’s head looks like if Easter Island had accountants.” –pugfuggly

“‘Have you ever eaten food that had nasty after effects?’ ‘Yeah, earlier today. That’s why I had to ditch my clothes.’” –nescio

“I don’t think I called my own father ‘dad’ or ‘pop’ that many times in the 46 years we shared the earth together, total. We just kind of assumed it was the reason we were hanging out together.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“I can’t fault her question. It’s actually a great segue into making up an excuse to leave.” –pachoo

“This is why I never check email or forums in my house’s black void of nothingness room. Always seems to be just bad news.” –jroggs

“In fairness, the HR team at NotChicago Police recognize ‘faked own death‘ as a legitimate reason for missing an extended period of work, right alongside ‘abducted by Moon aliens,’ ‘deep undercover as an over-the-top ethnic stereotype,’ and, of course, ‘maternity leave.’” –Dmsilev

“The problem with drawing your children as terrifying melon-headed freaks and your adults with relatively normal proportions is you have no idea how to draw adolescents. Do you use your adult body type but slightly shorter, or do you stretch out the stumpy bodies of the hideous child things to create the monstrosity seen here?” –Rosstifer

“This is obviously a kid Billy’s age standing on another kid’s shoulders. The ‘numbers and letters’ are in a math story problem intended to discover whether this finally makes them tall enough to ride a rollercoaster.” –BigTed

“It must be Take Your Wife and Child to Work and Then Mostly Ignore Them Day again. Has it really been a year?” –Joe Blevins

“Yes! Because roller coasters go through tunnels (but only one time, like Hugo)? Wait this is a sex metaphor, right?” –Foodar

“Mr. Wilson is plotting to convert every atom of Dennis’s body into pure energy. Who’s the menace now?” –Peanut Gallery

“There are a lot of ways Dennis could have rubbed his youthful vigor and energy in Wilson’s nose but breakdancing across the lawn has a certain cruel panache. ‘Your elderly joints could never do this, old man. Death will take you soon.’” –Escape Zeppelin

“I wish you the best with your long-distance love, dear. Here, have some carpet samples! I know you’re not capable of feeding yourself!” –Mysterious Shirtless Lawyer

“One has a Ph.D. in anthropology, the other lives with his father-in-law and owns one set of clothes.” –Rusty

“So … you think Gil Thorp‘s third panel was written to spark slash fiction about the coaches? Because that’s how you get slash fiction about the coaches.” –Voshkod

“My favorite horrifying detail about Beetle Bailey is that fake mom is a grown-up Little Orphan Annie! Daddy Warbucks is a big-time defense contractor of course, but I’m a little surprised that his long-term play there was to turn her into a military Weeble.” –matt w

“Which Prescott Award did the guy win? The Gerald W. Prescott Award to recognize scholarly works on phycology? The Albert B. Prescott Pharmacy Leadership Award? The Samuel Cate Prescott Award for research in food science and technology? Because all of those sound pretty impressive, actually.” –JJ48

“Les at the next table, muttering, ‘Advertising does not sell books, dead spouses sell books. Only one thing matters in this industry, and that is cancer. A-B-C. A: always, B: be, C: cancer-adjacent. Always be cancer-adjacent. Do I have your attention?’” –Dan

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• PicturePunches: Join our community of funny memers who like to earn from their sense of humor.

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!