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Hello everyone! Your slightly truncated end-of-year COTW in a moment, but first, a couple of important notes. First, as he does every year, faithful reader Wanders has put together The Worthy Awards, celebrating the best Mary Worth had to offer in 2017. Vote in classic categories like “Outstanding Floating Head” and new ones like “Outstanding Stunt!”

Secondly, if you are going to be in LA in the new year and already are worried about how you’ll entertain yourself, why not commit to attending The Internet Read Aloud at 8 pm on Friday January 5th! It’s a live show hosted by me that includes many jokes about the Internet that you’ll probably enjoy!

As is traditional, I’m taking the next week and change off, but will be back in the comics-mocking saddle sometime … oh, let’s say January 2nd-ish. Have a happy Christmas and New Year and I’ll see you in 2018! In the meantime, enjoy this final comment of the week for the year:

“Why is the bear wearing a hard hat? Alternatively, why is nobody else wearing one? Slylock really ought to be using those reasoning skills to see if maybe he’s underneath something heavy.” –Drew

These runners up are hilarious as well!

“Claude Manx is a very international name for a plugger. I wonder, what brought this cat from his Franco-Gaelic homeland to blue-collar America? Was he once a French millionaire who tried to hide his ill-gotten gains in the notorious tax haven, only to lose it all and flee to the States under a transparent assumed name? Was he the son of a Vichyste captured by the Allies and interned on the Isle of Man, trying to escape the shadow of his father’s crimes? Was he… oh, it’s meant to sound like ‘Clawed,’ I get it.” –Schroduck

“‘That’s it! We’ll go caroling!’ said Lois, to no one at all, in a manic kind of way that makes me worry about where her children are.” –pugfuggly

“Rex’s order from the Franklin Mint goes south.” Kevin on Earth

“The dove of peace looks pretty threatening to the cardinal. What’s he going to do, shit on the cardinal’s car?” –Northernlurker

“‘Kelly is on her computer all day…’ It’s called a webcam.” –Liam Astle, on Facebook

“He’s so well-groomed. If only I could grow stubble like that! Hmm, maybe a chin-combover?” –Peanut Gallery

“I want — no, I need — wallpaper of Wilbur stalking behind the landscaping. I don’t mean computer wallpaper. I want this on the wall in my kitchen, reminding everyone to use condiments responsibly.” –Nekrotzar

“Please God let this be a shrubbery costume he’s wearing all around town.” –Anne Elisabeth Dillon, on Facebook

“Is he a professional or into illegal activities? Let me stalk him, maybe install a camera to spy on him in his home, maybe go through his garbage looking for something incriminating. I’ll find out if he is a no good creep!” –Joe Momma

“I didn’t know that Wilbur could move like that! In that I mean he has the ability to crouch and hide. I hope his knockoff Members Only pants will be able to keep up with these new activities.” –Government Cheese

“I am puzzled how Mark Trail’s going to get involved in the diamond smuggling/incipient murder that’s going on in his strip. Maybe the murder of an endangered raccoon-bearded Tut cosplayer (Procyonbarba tutankhamun, if you need the binomial name) will get his attention?” –Voshkod

“I like that, even though Dirty is a criminal lowlife whose nickname suggests filth, he keeps his T-shirt blindingly white and his hair as well-manicured as the grass at a Major League ballpark.” –Joe Blevins

“She would’ve loved it. I, on the other hand, think it’s melodramatic, self-indulgent, and badly written. She had terrible taste.” –Ettorre

“This is just like The Jazz Singer … but with football … and no father … or jazz. Okay, it’s nothing like The Jazz Singer.” –Dennis Jimenez

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.

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Hey all, an extremely brief note on ads here: over the past few months I’ve gotten some complaints about ads on my site redirecting you elsewhere, especially on phones and tablets. I’ve got a new ad provider now and I think these problems should be solved. If you do have further trouble with the ads, please email me at jfruh@jfruh.com and I’ll see what I can do! You’ll also notice that most of my new banner ads have “report ad” links at the bottom left, so if they’re behaving badly (especially if they’re playing audio) please click that and let the advertiser know directly.

And now, without further ado, it’s your comment of the week!

“Wilbur’s look of horror is understandable. Since he has never heard of any human being named ‘Zak’, he assumes that now he has been replaced by a brand of vibrator.” –seismic-2

And your hilarious runners up!

“At least Thel will have a Merry Christmas. She finally ran away, leaving a big cartoon-style hole in the wall of the house.” –nescio

“I’ve seen a lot of unrealistic things in this comic strip: misshapen criminals, space aliens, personal-use spaceships, etc. But two teenagers that still go to the mall and still buy CDs may take the cake.” –Where’s Rocky

“The Keane’s house appears to be about four feet wide. For some reason, nothing about this strip has ever depressed me more.” –Pozzo

“The animals paint everything in the neighborhood white because they only have a vague idea what gentrification entails.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“Slylock doesn’t even bother to point out to Shady that using a water soluble paint on the outside of his house is a terrible idea. While performing a citizen’s arrest on the shrew, he fails to notice Eddie Elephant dumping the waste from his brush wash bucket into the pond, which can only benefit from a proprietary concoction of dimethylforamide, 2-butoxyethanol and ethylbenzene.” –Hogenmogen

“Full communism at the Six Chix studio in 2018. #sixlidarity” –Dan

“This khaki-clad individual is not a third-string paranormal; he’s a member of the cult of Jack Hanna, whose members live zookeeper based lifestyles and often recruit new followers by staging fake animal attacks and then ‘rescuing’ the victims. The fact that the comic letterist misspelled Hanna’s name in his prayer just shows the kind of prejudice these brave worshippers face in today’s secular society.” –samurailizard

“What Wilbur had in Bogota…? Cocaine? Is he talking about cocaine? It would certainly explain the filthy credit card he’s holding up to his face.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“In trying to figure out what it means that she studied the report about the 110 football players ‘intently,’ I Googled the word, and it took me to the Merriam-Webster definition of ‘intent,” the first listing being ‘the design or purpose to commit a wrongful or criminal act.’ Grifter Concussion Doctor: this could be the best Gil Thorp story line ever!” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Wilbur, I’ve got a millennial boyfriend now. He’s looking at apps on his phone as we speak!” –Peanut Gallery

“I like that they spelled it ‘Bogotà,’ just to assure us that yes, Wilbur is saying that word in a Spanish accent and yes, he is that insufferable guy who comes back from vacation with a whole new set of unbearable foreign affectations. You made an excellent decision, Iris. Stay the course.” –pugfuggly

“I’m so happy that there’s still a lingering possibility that we’ll get to see Mark punch a prairie dog.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Man, June is missing out on the great sport of messing with people. ‘Yes, they may as well be twins. They were vat-grown from the same DNA and yet one turned out blond and the other has black hair. Nature, nurture, Brazilian Hitler-clone facility, who knows? Oh, heil, I’ve said too much. I meant oh, hell, of course. Not heil. We should go now.’” –Voshkod

“Okay guys, we got to get our story straight if anybody asks. Remember, the bear ate the bank loot when he ate the three perps. Now for the big question: what’s 200 grand divided by three?” –Guillermo el chiclero

“‘Now, if you folks will pardon me, I’ve got to get back to the station — there’s a lot of paperwork to do!’ Having said this, the sheriff took a moment to survey the faces of the others in the room. All glum, every one. Clearly, his attempt to launch a catchphrase just then had failed.” –Joe Blevins

“‘HULK WILL SMASH‘ is an interesting development. Normally, Hulk is only capable of expressing himself in the simple present tense, but here he is getting all modal future on us. Looking forward to Hulk advancing through preterite (‘HULK SMASHED’), perfect (‘HULK HAD SMASHED’), progressive (‘HULK IS SMASHING’), subjunctive (‘IF HULK WERE TO SMASH’), simple conditional (‘HULK WOULD SMASH’), pluperfect progressive (‘HULK HAD BEEN SMASHING’) and finally the conditional perfect progressive (‘HULK WOULD HAVE BEEN SMASHING’)” –Schroduck

“The real question is: who’s throwing that football? It looks like it’s emerging from Token Black Basketball Guy’s skull like some kind of Dick’s Sporting Goods Athena.” –TheDiva

“Now that there is a second credentialed scientist on the scene, surely Dr. Connors has no more use for a photojournalist who excelled at high school chemistry. So for Peter and MJ, it’s off to the next adventure! Or Pretty Little Liars binge, or whatever!” –A Concerned Reader

“Although morally questionable, I understand that Gil Thorp has to pander to his audience of people who love football and do not care about concussions. I am just saying that there are not enough people reading newspapers today, so promoting an injury which robs the people of their ability to read is self-defeating in the long-term.” –Ettore

“The real story in today’s Mark Trail is not that he is admitting to eating prairie dog, it’s that he has admitted to eating something as wildly exotic as enchiladas.” –grsblvnyk

“You can see where this is going. The causal rip in space-time that allowed the bearded evil Uncle Gary to replace football loving, proud American Uncle Gary will be repaired by Gil using his vast knowledge of alternative quantum theory and his other-worldly intellect. That or maybe they’ll Skype Rick’s dad.” –Mikey

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.

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Hey all! Your COTW in a moment, but first off, a very brief note for those who have backed me on Patreon: if you haven’t already heard, Patreon is changing the way it charges fees to shift them from creators to backers, which means that the amount you’ll be charged for your pledges will be going up. I talk about what it means in more detail here, including options for changing or ending your patronage, and you can also read Patreon’s reasoning.

And with that unpleasantness out of the way, it’s time for your comment of the week!

“Whoever had ‘Hornt-up Henry Mitchell’ in the ‘Weird-Ass Things 2017 Has Brought Us’ pool, congrats, come get your winnings, you shot for the moon and it paid off.” –Dan

And for your runners up! Extremely hilarious

“Oh, I get it! The ‘reindeer’ have revolted, forcing Santa to pull his own sleigh, which means Christmas will be late! And they’re snails, because … it’s slow… [checks notes] No, nevermind, false alarm.” –pugfuggly

“An old lady, a middle-aged lady, and bad literary puns — this strip may seem outdated, but it knows how to appeal to the demographic that still remembers what a ‘bookstore’ is.” –BigTed

“Who can forget those beloved Snail Christmas classics ‘Oh Little Shell of Bethlehem,’ ‘Do Your Olfactory Tentacles Sense What My Olfactory Tentacles Sense,’ and ‘O Come O Come, Keep Coming, Any Day Now, We’re Still Waiting, Just Get Here When You Can Emmanuel.’” –TheDiva

“Why, why does the highly-improbable accomplishment always have to involve writing? Just for a change, how about one of these characters fiddles around with some kind of Junior Scientist kit and wins a Nobel in chemistry?” –Poteet

“His wrist wizard has saved our lives many times. Sure, we could just use smart phones like every single other police agency in the country, but where’s the excuse to crack skulls for Diet if we did that? Has Tim Cook ever asked us to rough up a suspect? Did Bill Gates ever ask us to plant drugs on a defendant? Where would our fun come from if we just bought our tech from the lowest responsible bidder on a general services agency contract?” –Where’s Rocky?

“But doctor, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH” –fatherdog, on Twitter

“Consider, if you will, a world in which ‘Clown will soon retire’ is news warranting a front-page screaming-huge-font headline. I see two possible scenarios. Either this is a world in which absolutely nothing of interest ever happens. Or, it is a world of horror, in which the Clowns rule with an iron fist clenched firmly around the red nose of the populace and we are witnessing the Politburo unseating its General Secretary. Though it may not make the news, this story will soon be followed up by Wilhelm’s execution by firing squad (via guns that ‘shoot’ BANG! signs of course).” –Dmsilev

“‘World’s Oldest Clown‘ is probably on no one’s list of life aspirations.” –Pozzo

“You see, it’s windy and… [eyes drift upward]” –Kevin On Earth

“It’s worthwhile studying Jeff’s face in panel one. His wife has just walked in the room, smiling broadly and announcing, ‘Guess what?’ Those words could presage almost anything, but does Jeff allow himself to be optimistic for even a few seconds? He does not. He knows, deep down, that there is a 99% chance Pam’s news will be about her awful, hateful father. In a few seconds, he’ll be required to say something like, ‘Oh, did he? How’d that happen?’ Jeff’s look in panel one is the look of a man who knows he is not even the main character in his own life.” –Joe Blevins

“I’m left wondering how the ‘Moon Governor‘ is elected. How gerrymandered is the Moon? Does one win by focusing electoral efforts on the near side or the far side? Does antenna size matter? How does one do an outside campaign rally without any oxygen?” –Voshkod

“Mr Ermine, I know I’m an alien to your Earthworld, and largely ignorant of your Earth ways and means, but don’t you Earthers need to open your mouth to drink coffee?” –Charles Nelson,Really!

“DAY-DRINKING DIAMOND-DEALER: My, my, my… where did you find those? Just lying around Africa, I suppose?
DIRTY: Don’t ask — don’t tell!
RACCOONTAILBEARD: That has always been my policy!
DIRTY: You literally JUST asked me where I got them.
LEX LUTHOR IN CONFUSING COSPLAY: I did not, I tell you!” –T Campbell

“This crew of old people all live in a convalescent home, although it’s been retconned into assisted living. I suppose they all enjoy a communal bath each morning, with the assistance of nurse’s aides.” –Rusty

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.