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“I know we live in a time where rural and urban Americans’ views have never been further apart, but I think we can all agree that a medical practice staff is no place to celebrate adorable dingbats. Our shared history suggests the place where we should celebrate them is on the production lines of the confectionery manufacturing industry.” –James Dowd, on Facebook

And your runners up! Also hilarious!

“Sarah is pleased. She will be set loose among a horde of middle-class children — so much easier to control than the spoiled residents of Welton, and so much smarter! They will make ideal minions, and come the revolution they will wear her uniform!” –Droopy Says

“Marvin belies the notion of a philosophical absolute as even Gandhi can be moved to punch a baby.” –Hibbleton

“I’m just annoyed that Angry Bear is wearing a safety helmet but not steel-toed work boots! You think fur and toe pads are going to protect you from saw accidents or falling debris? Where is Animal OSHA on this?” –pugfuggly

“My daughters would recount middle-school conversations using the ‘on fleek’ phrase about four years ago. So it’s working its way up the pop culture landscape. Next stop: bingo night at St. Anthony’s.” –Rusty

“I hope these bears understand the concept of modern forestry management or soon they’ll have no place to shit.” –Mikey

“Of course, gender stereotypes are enforced. The girl has a pink shirt, the boy’s is blue. The baby wears a yellow onesie because gender characteristics have not developed yet. And Billy did not even bring a shirt to the office because Billy don’t wear no shirt, motherfucker.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Jeffy is surveying his Band-Aid brand adhesive bandage as if he were an inmate judging a new prison tat. Now if anyone messes with him, the entire Johnson & Johnson line of products has his back.” –Drew Funk

“To be fair to Dr. Jeff, I’ve had a bad case of Plot Device Knee before. It really hurts.” –boojum

“The chipmunk was taxidermied, then placed back into the wild. Nothing sinister happening here, friends! Not a cruel science experiment. Merely that thing I just described.” –Victor Von

“CHIPSTERMUNK” –Truckosaurus

“Suddenly she realized she had blurted it out — she was the Office Mangler, the serial killer hunted throughout Gasoline Alley for her long series of horrible murders involving office supplies. The three-hole punch in her hand grew warm.” –Voshkod

“This story arc is just setting us up for the point where Little Otis shaves his head and starts feasting on animal carcasses which, I have to admit, I’m looking forward to.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“I actually think that rocking chair is pretty menacing on the part of Dennis’ parents. You just know that sooner or later he’s going to get restless enough to bash his head into the wall.” –BigTed

“The lady in Crankshaft is frantically texting for help.” –Pozzo

“Pluggers keep watching NCIS until they find a murder method they can get away with.” –Sequitur

“Is that yet another new plugger couple? Isn’t ‘not liking new things’ sort of the essence of pluggerhood? Is Pluggers in some kind of crisis?” –Uncle Lumpy

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! And as ever, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
• Oh hey, and don’t forget, I wrote a book! You can get it in hardback, paperback, or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.

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Hello all! I will refrain from any further Irishisms and just go straight into the comment of the week:

“There are a lot of staircases here at Welton Green, but there are elevators too. It’s been, what, more than a quarter century since the Americans With Disabilities Act was passed, and don’t get me started on how long it’s been since the invention of the elevator. Yes sir, we’re all about modernization here at Welton Green. Just ask the servants.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

The runners up are also very funny!

“When all you can afford is the Off, off, off, off, off Broadway ticket prices.” –Paula Gehringer, on Facebook

“It’s interesting that Beetle has included ‘Bread of Roses’ among the improbably punny list of local restaurant names. It makes no sense — who would want rose-favored bread? — so he probably means it as code for ‘bread and roses,’ a slogan of striking labor unionists in the early 20th century. It sounds as if the terrible food, lousy working conditions and constant beatings Sarge and the rest of the Camp Swampy brass provide their soldiers are about to catch up with them.” –BigTed

“The Glutton’s Grill seems pretty straightforward about the kind of clientele it’s trying to attract. The food’s probably great, but try not to watch your fellow patrons for too long. Please keeps your limbs inside your booth.” –Cloudbuster

“‘You’re listening to Irony-FM, guaranteed contrast with your surroundings 24 hours a day, 7 days a week!’ Of course, this being the Funkyverse, they probably just play that song on a loop.” –Applemask

“Admittedly, Mary’s coup-meddling game is untested. But whether she ends up blindfolded in front of a brick wall or gazing upon her people from a palace balcony, the journey would indeed be awesome.” –Johnny Knuckles

“I think the real horror here is the fact that the house is at the top of a hill. For any middle-aged-or-older Batiuk character, that’s a terrifying prospect.” –Joe Blevins

“One thing you gotta respect about Doc: when he’s had enough of your inane chit-chat, he doesn’t mince words.” –pugfuggly

“If you’ve got the green, you’re always welcome at Welton Green.” –Zerowolf

“I feel that a bigger question is raised by that fish skeleton. What horrible crime did that fish commit against the citizenry of Animaltopia, such that the punishment was to be devoured alive by the Lord High Executioner Cat?” –Dmsilev

“It says a lot about Mary and Jeff’s relationship that when he needs care and support he goes to someone else and she leaves town.” –Aphthakid

“The majority of the upcoming arc is going to be taken up by Mary trying to post ‘Ask Wendy’ over the ship’s crappy, overpriced wi-fi.” –TheDiva

“A month from now, Wilbur sees a copy of the Tobago Times being used to stoke a curbside funeral pyre in an attempt to keep up with the Ebola outbreak. ‘Just make two lists, good stuff and stuff you want to avoid,’ Ask Wendy says, in answer to a woman who wants to know if it would be okay to tell a neighbor to not yell at her children. ‘Check with Jesus, he’s the big boss man. Remember, prison sucks.’ That’s when he finds out that his beloved column has been handed down to Tommy Beedle.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Each day they would feed us and then take us to the woods to go to the bathroom, one at a time. At first I was a little bladder shy, but then I began to learn that the guns pointed at me were to help as motivation. I’ll tell you, I’ve never had more regular movements in my life. It’s great being on schedule now. The daylight saving time adjustment didn’t even affect me this year.” –Chareth Cutestory

“You idealists believe that a gift economy would be efficient as a market economy and develop human relations! Snuffy Smith is here to dispel any illusion about a pastoral Arcadia!” –Ettorre

“Dennis practices sitting on a throne and making subjects kneel before him. Pretty menacing if you ask me!” –Tom the Sailor Man

“Detective Brack scowls at the boys as they tell their story. ‘That’s it? They made you go to the bathroom one at a time? What kind of half-baked scheme was this? I need some heavier torture if I’m going to be played by Jessica Chastain in a dramatic movie about how I brought these people to justice.’” –Drew Funk

“This is Ed’s ‘Capone Getting Busted for Tax Evasion’ Moment.” –Little Guy

“First they came for Crankshaft, and I said nothing. [pause] I think we’re actually all okay with that. [looks around, everyone’s nodding]” –Dan

“As part of their settlement with Carnival Cruises over their Wilbur and the sinking cruise ship storyline, Mary Worth will now run a week of strips shamelessly promoting how safe and enjoyable cruises are.” –Dread

“The ‘Charterstone Chow’ pellets may be nothing to write home about, but what they’re really here for is the Lemonade Jello — ‘Looks just like a real glass of lemonade!'” –Glod Glodson

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! And as ever, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
• Oh hey, and don’t forget, I wrote a book! You can get it in hardback, paperback, or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.

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Hello! Let’s get your weekend started right with a comment of the week!

“Of course there’s a ham sandwich … [grin] … Before you ask, there’s no bread, and the meat doesn’t come from a pig. [GRIN] Oh, my bug-eye stare and creepy grin? I … uh … made this expression as a kid and my face really did freeze like this. [GRIN] Want to see the back room where I keep the meat grinder? GRINNN” –Hogenmogen

Some runners up will keep the good times rolling!

“‘Toucans and hornbills are not related‘ is the most dramatic and shocking plot twist in Mark Trail for years.” –Applemask

“Where is his hand? Where is his hand?” –Liam

“Toucan bills are surprisingly light. I’m not saying you should go out hunting toucans by the dozens, removing their bills with a large serrated knife, and carrying the bills around in a burlap sack stained with toucan blood. But, if you did, it shouldn’t cause you any knee or lower back problems.” –Joe Blevins

“They’re saying that the only IUD their HMO would cover was a complete POS, so really all your birthdays are involved.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Only one thing could be more interesting than Mark’s criminal record resulting from the time he punched an entire water-themed amusement park and that’s Doc’s eyes in panel one. That man is high as a kite and yet somehow it’s Cherry who’s the paranoid one here.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Of course there is no ham sandwich! I am giving away paper napkins, salt and black pepper, all of which are worth more than gold! My business model is insanity!” –Zootyr

“Stripped to its bare essentials, the art in this strip consists entirely of hostage videos.” –Lawyerbob

“Hi and Thirsty just commuted in from 1958.” –Rusty

“Shoe celebrates the evil of monopoly power. With the only restaurant in Treetops, Roz doesn’t even try. Just hands the Perfesser a can of alphabet soup. Want it opened? That’s another buck.” –Downpuppy

“I don’t know what’s worse — that Mr. Wilson would tell his 5-year-old neighbor about his serious medical problems, or that he doesn’t have any other living friends left to talk to.” –BigTed

“Australian Phantom stamps, eh? Might be worth adding to the collection. I’ve got the Canadian Garbage Ape series and just scored the new limited edition Luann series recently put out by ISIS.” –Mikey

“A scathing indictment of teenagers who text in full sentences with proper spelling, punctuation, and capitalization. Drag them, Young and Marshall!” –Chareth Cutestory

“I’m trying to decide if the 1920s tennis racket in Alexander’s room means the artist is really out of touch with modern youth culture or really in touch with modern ironic youth culture. Is Alexander a hipster? Does he have a penny-farthing downstairs?” –Dr. Dread

“Que sera sera/ Might be where a bear might be/ No evidence from Johnny/ Que sera sera” –Dan

“Roaming the earth from Antarctica to Brazil and from all outward appearances the only thing Wilbur’s accomplished is learning how to center justify his email messages. Some journalist!” –GDBenz

“I’m guessing Slylock had a bet with his partner on whether the rabbit would steal one of the sausages. Max I guess failed to notice what Master of Observation, Slylock Fox, did: the rabbit brought his own roll.” –Kevin On Earth

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! And as ever, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
• Oh hey, and don’t forget, I wrote a book! You can get it in hardback, paperback, or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.