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It’s your comment of the week! Enjoy!

“Ok, I was wrong that Melvin would have needed super strength to carry so much gold. He got his giant worm to do it, so his ability is actually having friends, or at least being able to work with others. But those are still special powers in this comic, right?” –pachoo

It’s also your runners up! Enjoy these too!

“That’s my surprise — my son, Johnny. See, Johnny, I said ‘surprise’ this time, not ‘mistake.’ That’s better, right?” –BigTed

“Runaway trains hurtle, careen, or crash. They do not throb.” –Lorne

“Sure, it was exciting when they announced that the next star of Doctor Who would be female. But it’s only when Mark Trail announces that previously-unmentioned bank robbery accomplice #2 is also a woman that you see what a truly golden age we live in for female representation in the arts.” –Schroduck

“So the Rapid City FBI office is on the 7th floor of the Regional Hospital? Of course! That’s where the male pattern-baldness treatment program does business.” –Dennis Jimenez

“And that, friends, wraps up another thrilling Spider-Man adventure. Aunt May is going to marry an international criminal. ‘Melvin’ looted the national treasury of billions in gold and jewels. Aunt Anna has gotten laid by a real Hollywood publicist. That damn fire escape has been pulled down and destroyed. Welp, off to San Francisco, to meet new friends and new challenges!” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Even though I grew up there, seeing South Dakota mentioned over and over in Mark Trail gives me the sense that it’s a fictional place.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“It appears that Rex is enjoying being a part of this strip just about as much as I enjoy reading it.” –Red Delicious

“‘And there are other mentions of you elsewhere on the internet’ could be a very menacing phrase of it weren’t directed at the two most dull people on earth. ‘TWO WASPS RAISE MILQUETOAST CHILDREN! WHAT HAPPENS NEXT WILL BORE YOU.'” –pugfuggly

“Seems to me sending a birth announcement to the hometown newspaper is more like something June’s mom would do. Which leads to the thought: why don’t we ever see June or Rex’s parents? I mean, I get it, Rex is an incredibly lifelike man machine, but June is presumably a normal human female? Or does the uncanny valley defined by Sarah repel even the strongest of meddling grandparent?” –pastordan

“It could explain why no one ever ages. Dennis, Mr. Wilson, everyone, they’re all clones. Normally they’re released as needed to replace their older selves but the mechanism is breaking down. It’s sending out more and more Dennis clones. It’s time to begin the culling.” –WLP

“Look, Mark Trail, I read the comics to escape. Continuing to feature a series of middle-aged office workers becoming increasingly confused about a series of rapidly changing facts is a little too close to home for my liking.” –James Dowd, on Facebook

“The strip needs to get back to its roots, showing random wildlife lovingly drawn in close up for no reason at all. There’s plenty of room on these guys’ foreheads to place a duck or raccoon.” –Rusty

“His name is John Carter — his daddy’s choice. Well, actually I don’t know who his daddy is, but we had sex in a theatre screening John Carter, because it was empty.” –Ettore

“It’s for work! I’m a grape.” –Ukulele Ike

“What I love about that old Mark Trail you linked to is how the ponytailed bank robber is fretting about the FBI. ‘They have that facial recognition software!’ When we in the audience know that that it took the FBI several weeks of obsessively re-watching the video to even figure out that one of the robbers is a woman. I think you’re okay, guys.” –Rita Lake

“C’mon, Jeffy. He’s wagging his ass in your face again. It would so easy to just reach up and push him over. Do it. Dooooooo iiiiiiiiiit.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“‘They remember even longer than mommies!’ ‘That’s because they don’t have access to sweet, sweet booze,’ Thel whispers, as she reaches for her flask to take a few ladylike nips.” –Voshkod

“While I appreciate the inclusion of a Johnny Cash/Carter Family cameo, the artist has denied us the opportunity to see Rex’s face at the exact second he learns his smug supposition was incorrect.” –Joe Blevins

“In spite of the romantic turn the strip is taking I’m going to hold on to the belief that all the characters reproduce asexually, like corals or sponges. It helps explain their appearances.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“He killed himself driving drunk and left his boy to be raised by a single mama. Now, that’s taking a country music obsession a little far.” –Where’s Rocky

“Fortunately, he’s dead now, although I’m still feeling guilty for thinking that, so let me compensate by feeling sorry for myself. And how are you, June? Do you ever feel bad about being vastly overpaid for whatever it is that you do?” –But What Do I Know?

“Jaquan ‘The Don’ Case was a very transparent stand-in for LeBron James back when LeBron was still a high school phenom. Trey Davis ended up going to College of Charleston and I am pretty sure was drawn to be black back in 2003, and Hadley V. Baxendale discovered that Jaquan really loved studying and convinced him to go to college for 4 years and not make a trillion dollars in the pros, in the days before the NBA’s age minimum, when his school, Bishop James Tardy, replaced one of the lesser Valley Conference foes (Goshen?) when their entire team was suspended for drinking in the Drinking Cave. Look, I hate that I can recall all of these plot points with ease, but in my defense, I know absolutely nothing about Funky Winkerbean, so I can continue clinging to the remains of my self-esteem.” –Drew Funk

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! And as ever, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
• Oh hey, and don’t forget, I wrote a book! You can get it in hardcover, paperback or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.

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Hey all! Your comment of the week in a moment, but first: I saw some comments this week about a video ad that was causing the page to move around and make things more difficult to read and comment. I believe that I have successfully removed the ad that was causing the problem and now I’m experimenting with some other ads. You may need to shift-reload the page to see the new layout. If you’re still experiencing that problem, or encountering some new ones that you think arise from the ads, please let me know ASAP! And the way to let me know truly as soon as possible is to email me at bio@jfruh.com, not to post a comment about it.

And now, with that out of the way: your comment of the week!

“Ha ha, kids sure say the darnedest things! I mean, not today, obviously, but sometimes, yeah!” –pugfuggly

And your hilarious runners up!

“Hmmmm, a ‘baby,’ they say….nope, not ringing a bell.” –Tigernan Douglas Pournelle, on Facebook

“On 4th thought, people used to write directly to me at Gasoline Alley before they complicated addresses! They stopped writing when they had to add an extra 5 digits! When I finish wrapping up this mail bomb I’ll finally have my revenge on Mr. ZIP!” –nescio

“Her name is ‘Charlotte’. Her code name is ‘Sungirl 734’, but her handlers in the KGB just call her ‘Comrade Baby.’” –seismic-2

“Is there a way a reader could break through the wall and ask April what’s going on? Is she safe? Is the baby safe? Is she, in fact, a traitor? I already know everything I need to know about Randy.” –Northernlurker

“‘I do declare the very thought of Mr. Trail gives me the vapors,’ said Lesley, carefully angling herself toward the fainting couch her boss bought just for these occasions.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“I’m trying to decode the expression on the plugger’s face. Terror? Shame? Grim fascination? All three? ‘Please, God, say that came out of the car and not out of me!’” –Joe Blevins

“Jeez, creepy old man in Gasoline Alley. The kid is already unconscious. No need to throw shuriken at him. Good thing you have no depth perception or you might have hurt him like a mackerel, or those fish you caught.” –Voshkod

“Our culture is so obsessed with ancestral roots and pristine culture that there is little space for the experience of mixed children, who are under pressure to define a straightforward identity. This is heavy stuff from a strip all about shitting yourself.” –Ettore

“It’s a good thing Bill Watterson’s Calvin and Hobbes strip doesn’t still run in newspapers, or Sarah might realize that comic characters can actually have fun.” –BigTed

“I know there’s no dress code at a comic con, but Marianne is wearing a frumpy t-shirt, Cliff is dressed for his own funeral, and Conan is auditioning for the part of Arthur ‘the Fonz’ Fonzarelli in Happy Days: The Movie.” –Hogen the Mogen

“The Rise & Fall of Nazi Germany, by Mort Walker.” –Steve S

“I have to admire the Lt. Colonel for his commitment to following orders as the two officers walked silently from the office, checked out of their base, went to their respective houses, changed into civilian clothes, gathered their golf clubs from the garage, and awkwardly carpooled over to the golf course. ‘Any minute now,’ he thought, ‘He’ll order me to speak again and I can finally tell him about my views on central banks and how the country went straight to hell after we abandoned the gold standard.’” –Dread

“The man being pushed out the window represents the Patriarchy, which has been holding back the collective artists of the strip reaching their full potential these many years. The fact that it is sloppily drawn is ironic, for once.” –Rusty

“I’ll bet you dollars to donuts that Dithers and Bumstead buy their PJs at the same shop.” –DaveInPgh

“While Melvin’s commodity-dependent wealth scheme is certainly resistant to inflation, he should have proven oil reserves at a minimum if he’s going to vault into the world’s richest circle. And if he’s to out-compete Doc Ock’s tentacl.com, he’ll need some form of social media strategy as well. The ‘Moles Only’ site and a pocketful of stolen DeBeers’ property will get you nowhere.” –pastordan

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! And as ever, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
• Oh hey, and don’t forget, I wrote a book! You can get it in hardcover, paperback or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.

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Hey y’all! Today is the first Friday of the month, and you know what that means: it’s time for my monthly live comedy show in LA, the Internet Read Aloud!

This week’s topics include marriage, hair and hair substitutes, stuffed animals, and inscrutable celebrity communiques. Don’t miss it! Here’s the Facebook event!

And now: your comment of the week.

“Teach me? The fool. It is HE who will learn something… about buying term life insurance!” –Lorne Hanks, on Facebook

And your runners up!

“If we’re going to go to an all ‘bantering inside offices‘ format for Mark Trail, can we at least have some of the signature elements of the strip? Maybe a close-up of a fax machine and a potted fern as the discussions take place off in the distance? Or an intern gathering leftover bagels from an executive meeting to store for winter under the speech bubbles?” –James Dowd, on Facebook

“Based on his red cheeks, half lidded gaze, and that he’s lecturing to no one, Hi has been pursuing the happiness pretty hard.” –Alan

“Hi, you can’t fool me with this All-American schtick. I see your Swiss cheese, French bread, and, uh, Enemy-of-the-People cake.” –matt w

“I love that Mary refers to Derek and Esme’s near-affair as a ‘friendship.’ As if those two were just the best of buddies, swapping stories and collecting fireflies in old mayonnaise jars. Mary is the queen of polite euphemisms that are somehow more cutting than just saying the real thing.” –Joe Blevins

“…and make things right between you [hands Derek a 10×10 glossy of him and Katie, but with the eyes scratched out] Whoops, let me try again. [hands Derek a picture of Dr. Jeff] Oh, pardon me. I don’t know who that is. [fumbles in her purse, a length of rope falls out, she spills several unlabelled bottles of pills on the floor. A petrified human finger tumbles away and rolls across the floor of the photo gallery. Mary makes a vague attempt to stop it, but then just waves her hand.] Oh, well. Hey! Ships passing in the night. Small world, me and the Worthies released a folk album of that exact title in 1974.” –Jack Loves Comics

“There are two possibilities. One, Shady Shrew will be very disappointed when he meets up with his fence later today. Two, that’s the recipe taped to the cabinet.” –A Concerned Reader

“With that damned detective and his annoying sidekick snooping around her kitchen, Holly Hippo had to think fast. He’s here about the peaches. He must be on to the laetrile ring. She silently cursed Stoolie Shark for breaking so soon. Last time I get involved with someone named ‘Stoolie,’ she thought wanly. Explain away the peaches. ‘My recipe for peach pie just got stolen!’ she suddenly blurted out. ‘I need it for the contest tonight. It was on a piece of paper from that pad!’ The fox looked up at her with hooded eyes. He pulled a pencil out of his pocket and reached for the blank scratchpad. Why doesn’t he speak? Why doesn’t he ever speak? Holly shrieked in her head. With a helpful yet vulpine grin, he began to run the graphite over the blank page. First in horror, then in numbness, Holly watched the entire laetrile ring appear on the page. Names, dates, location of the farm outside of Juarez. When the little mouse slipped on the cuffs, she didn’t even try to stop him.” –Voshkod

“Holly Hippo is of course a reference to Saint Augustine of Hippo, the true Holy Hippo. The theft of the recipe is a reference to the theft of the pears in the Confessions. Slylock is a reference to the thirst of knowledge for God. The Animalapocalypse is a reference to the sack of Rome and the fall of the Roman empire. The little time left is a reference to the urgency of conversion. Max is Max.” –Ettorre

“Who was Toby’s dance partner at the disco? Entertainer Escobar? Mary will put that photo she’s clutching to very good use, once they get back to Charterstone.” –seismic-2

“Is this some kind of executive power move to asset dominance over your underlings? ‘Keep talking, Leslie, don’t stop until I tell you. Here are some topics: walruses! bran muffins! the Louisiana purchase!’” –pugfuggly

“As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into an amusement-park executive. In his struggle to escape he was only able to project a single hand through his new chest, which allowed him to maintain a tenuous hold on reality. His quest for sanity led only to horrified looks as his quest disturbed the placid reality of others.” –Droopy Says

“Two weeks from now: ‘Lesley, I’m your friend as well as your attorney, so I have to be honest and tell you that this would be the weirdest sexual-harassment lawsuit ever.’” –Poteet

“Out of context, the last two panels of Mark Trail make it look like Lesley is giving her boss a very disinterested handjob. Even in context, I’m not sure that isn’t happening.” –Harold

“I’m loving how intent the Blondie artists seem to be to demonstrate how behind the times they are. I mean, what’s in that glass cabinet? A portable DVD player, a pair of VHS camcorders, a Palm Pilot, and what looks like a disposable film camera. The BlackBerry attached to a watch-strap might actually be the most high-tech thing in that shop.” –Schroduck

“I’m more worried about why Dagwood wants to buy a Geiger counter than anything else. There are safer ways to heat your sandwiches up, I promise.” –Drew Funk

“Time marches on in the world of bird journalism as the Perfesser replaces his trusty Smith Corona with a modern day laptop computer. It’s just too bad he doesn’t have any grandchildren who might explain to him how, with Microsoft Word, he can now edit his articles in-program, and doesn’t have to print out every single lousy draft.” –livingonvideo

“We will drop these fire escapes on ourselves, sue the construction company for damages and use the money to buy ghillie suits!” –Zootyr

“Let’s make sure the police don’t notice us! I know, I’ll partially destroy a building! That’s inconspicuous!” –lumaca morente

“So brave of Cindy to take a stand on something that happened sixty years ago. I bet she’s in favor of Brown v. Board of Education too! Crazy!” –Mysterious Shirtless Lawyer

“This plugger will only eat the pluggeriest potato-chip flavor of all: plain. Sour Cream and Onion is for liberals; Salt and Vinegar is for Europeans; and Barbecue is such a travesty of the true American cuisine that he won’t even speak its name.” –BigTed

“It’s Henry Mitchell’s heart surgery scars that prompt questions about his age. Naturally having a son like Dennis prompts regular cardiac arrests.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Dennis distracting everyone from a drowning beachgoer frantically waving for help with ‘my dad is so old’ jokes: Menace level: Extreme.” –Dread

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! And as ever, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
• Oh hey, and don’t forget, I wrote a book! You can get it in hardcover, paperback or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.