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Hey y’all, my book tour is starting next week, OMG! Prepare your body and mind to attend the following events at the following times. I’ll be reading my book aloud, signing my book, and answering questions about it, and all that jazz!

Also: do you have a book podcast? (Or a comics podcast, or a public transit podcast!) Or a radio show, maybe in one of these cities? I would love to go on said podcast/radio show and talk about my novel! Email me at bio@jfruh.com to set something up.

Oh, have you managed to avoid knowing about my novel? Well, you can read the first chapter here or listen to me read the third one here.

• April 26, 7 pm, at Upshur Books in Washington, DC!
• April 28, 7 pm, at Atomic Books in Baltimore! I’m sharing this bill with Ariel S. Winter, who’ll be reading from his book Barren Cove.
• May 2, 7 pm, at the City Reliquary in Brooklyn!
• May 5, 7 pm, at Talking Leaves Books in Buffalo!

If you haven’t bought my novel yet and are planning on attending one of these events, I would ask that you hold out and buy it there, because that helps out the bookstores who have been nice enough to host me. (If you haven’t bought my novel yet and won’t be able to make it to any of these events, well, you know what to do.)

OK ANYWAY ON WITH THE SHOW, HERE’S THE COTW:

“My rule is that if the pet care book is as big or bigger than you, you are in no position to take care of a pet.” –James in North Dakota

And the very funny runners up:

“Did you know that whales used to live on land? And that jet fuel can’t melt steel beams?” –Doctor Handsome

“I wasn’t expecting Family Circus to be cancelled after 56 years and replaced in mid-strip by The Great Gatsby Babies, but I’m willing to roll with it.” –Chyron HR

“I’d think lunch was pretty awesome too if I could fix my own martinis in the student cafeteria instead of the arts supply closet.” –Kevin On Earth

“Yes, I think lunch is pretty awesome, too. Hey, I’ve got an idea that might sound a bit pretentious… Since I went ahead and became a professor and we are at an institution of higher learning, do you want to try bumping up the level of conversation? No? Ok, well lunch is awesome and homework is poopy.” –Chareth Cutestory

“Dawn honors The Sandwich with the attendant silverware, just as she cups her hands in thankful prayer to the Most Righteous John Montagu, the Fourth Earl Of Sandwich. KNEEL, you ersatz art historian! You know nothing of art! This is art!” –Sgt Saunders

“I’ll have the tan sandwich, medium flat, extra rigid, please!” –Red Delicious

“So just apropos of nothing, Hagar decides to quiz his compatriot on religious doctrine? ‘What are the seven deadly sins? I’m trying to break them all, and I’m not sure. I straight up murdered the priest in our last raid, so I can’t ask him. Is killing one of the seven? How can it not be one of the seven deadly sins?'” –hogenmogen

“I’m impressed you even tried! What a novel concept- to make an effort to peruse your interests and accomplish your goals. You’ve really cracked the code of life, Harlan Jones.” –Here come the Judge

“Harlan knows that the ‘varying degrees of success’ clause is the best way to make ridiculous claims: ‘I water skied the length of the Nile and opened a jar of pickles, with varying degrees of success.’” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Somehow the fact that a couple of Vikings are in a restaurant with a waitress bothers me less than the fact that the waitress is holding a pencil, which wasn’t invented until 1564. If they have in fact converted to Christianity, they should consider burning her as a witch.” –Esther Blodgett

“Writer’s notes to artist, Judge Parker, panel 1, April 20, 2016: Dialogue box: ‘How’s Rocky’s book deal coming along, Sam?’ Her brows deeply furrowed, her breasts struggling to break free from her skin-tight stretchy dress.” –jvwalt

“Hi, my head is shaped like a sex toy. Can I touch your dirty underwear?” –Kevin Keeney, on Facebook

“Today’s strip is a lot funnier if you imagine Jamaal’s comment in the final panel dripping with sarcasm. ‘No, Herb, I go there to flirt with women. You know how I just loooove the ladies. Ugh, how am I going to get those sailor outfits clean for the party on Friday now?'” –pugfuggly

“God, I hope this week of Funky Winkerbean ends before he gets to Io. ‘A heady mix of ipecac and Ex-Lax, to guarantee eruptions!'” –Voshkod

“Change dot org petition to prevent any Funky Winkerbean character from ever using the word ‘creamy’ again.” –Dan

“I remember the first time I got a taste of an “adults praise little Sarah” strip. It was magical, and overwhelming. Of course, I was hooked. And as time went by the praise became more effusive, more consistent. And now I realize that I’ve reached the point where a strip like today’s, where a near-adult praises Sarah in a ridiculous and over-the-top manner, just doesn’t do it for me any more. I mean, it’s there. It’s what I need to get through the morning. But that magic is gone. Next week, I’ve been promised a room full of wealthy arts patrons standing around an art museum praising Sarah, lavishing her with attention and wealth, hailing her as the world’s greatest artist. I’m hoping that this will be enough to bring back that thrill, but I’m worrying that maybe it won’t. I’m chasing something more. Maybe reading the strip off of a tattoo on a stripper’s crotch? Or maybe I need to set the strip on fire and inhale the smoke? Something, man. ’Cause today’s style with just one teenager doin the praisin just ain’t cuttin it for me any more.” –Calvin’s Cardboard Box

“What’s ironic is that the dog … bear thing so happy to have outlived his friends appears to be clutching his chest with his left paw. You can’t out-power walk Death forever, man bear dog, and she has finally caught up to you.” –Dread

“But look, the eldest is wearing jams. Are you sure you don’t want to upgrade from seventies kids to eighties?” –Artist formerly known as Ben

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
• Oh, yes, and my novel is something you should buy, in hardback, paperback, or ebook form! It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

Post Content

You know the drill by now, kids: I do the comment of the week, but first I remind you about my looming east coast tour!

• April 26, 7 pm, at Upshur Books in Washington, DC!
• April 28, 7 pm, at Atomic Books in Baltimore! I’m sharing this bill with Ariel S. Winter, who’ll be reading from his book Barren Cove.
• May 2, 7 pm, at the City Reliquary in Brooklyn!
• May 5, 7 pm, at Talking Leaves Books in Buffalo!

If you haven’t bought my novel yet and are planning on attending one of these events, I would ask that you hold out and buy it there, because that helps out the bookstores who have been nice enough to host me. (If you haven’t bought my novel yet and won’t be able to make it to any of these events, well, you know what to do.)

AHEM, AND NOW, your COTW!

“Yes, ‘Alfie.’ That’s short for ‘Resuscitation Alfred.’ He’s been here since the incident at the Red Cross CPR trainining class. Given what happened, they haven’t asked for it back. Alcohol swab?” –Kevin On Earth

And your hilarious runners up!

“Hootin’ Holler residents discover Dizzy-World when they’re young, and the meth labs and shine stills they slap together later are desperate attempts to maintain the pleasures of their youth.” –Oavis

“I love how unenthusiastic Creepy McProfessor looks. Like he doesn’t really want to do this, but ugh, fine, he’ll be Dawn’s weird forbidden romance if he must.” –thleeny

“Sure, it seems like a harmless enough thing to draw all your animal creatures with weirdly human features (breasts, beer bellies, life-sapping ennui), but one day, the whims of the public will force you to draw those beasts naked, and then no amount of bubble bath or wine artfully placed over the cleavage will protect you.” –Schroduck

“And the, uh, mountain of marijuana it’s sitting on? Is that part of the karst or whatever, too?” –pugfuggly

“Suffice it to say, I’m called in to consult on what kinds of solvents will dissolve bones, teeth, hair, etc. If I tell you anything more you’ll be a witness, which you do not want.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“So Harlan Jones’ everyday outfit consists of a buttoned-up polo shirt, green sports jacket and man-bag? I think it’s less likely that ‘Alfie’ is his lover than, say, his caddie.” –BigTed

“Watch yourself, Alfie. Your adorable companionship is keeping this man sane, and away from seeking another hetero-normative marriage. This may please your owner, but it will not please Mary. And Mary gets what she wants.” –Enlong

“So I told my editor, ‘she can have tits or she can have a chin, I don’t do both.’” –Dan

“‘Matty Squared’ is 10% Max Headroom and 90% the late Orville Redenbacher. Or should I say … ORVILLE DEADENBACHER. Hey, creators of Dick Tracy, you can have that one for free, as long as you promise to never give me credit.” –Kibo

“Let’s be fair to plumbers in the Pluggersverse; designing a toilet that can handle both bear and kangaroo scat probably is rocket science.” –Voshkod

“That net is sure going to make it difficult for all of Camp Swampy’s justifiably suicidal soldiers to step three feet to the right before they jump.” –Steve S

“I want to concentrate on myself, improve my mind, focus on learning. But just temporarily! Can you imagine spending a big chunk of your life on improving your mind and learning stuff? In under five years, I’ll be back to being as ignorant as they come, honest!” –seismic-2

“What’s great is you can drop Carlyle J. Chaffeur’s stunning Rex Morgan, M.D., second-panel turn into any comic strip and it just works. Hell, even Gary Brookins over at Pluggers would love material like this. ‘Pluggers are hotter than a two dollar pistol on Saturday night,’ with special thanks to Carlyle J. Chaffeur.” –Dood

“You’re so young, and vibrant, and alive. Not like my dead wife. Alright, let’s do downward dog. Like this adorable dog, which is the only thing keeping me sane, now that my wife is dead. Man, I’m really baring my soul, here. Don’t feel the need to reciprocate, it’s definitely not my intent to create an emotional low-pressure system. Are you dating? I haven’t. Not since my wife died.” –bunivasal

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
• Oh, yes, and my novel is something you should buy, in hardback, paperback, or ebook form! It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

Post Content

Hey guys! My northeast book tour is rumbling your way with the full force of a runaway subway train! Behold, Facebook events for every stop, plus important transit information for each!

• April 26, 7 pm, at Upshur Books in Washington, DC! To get here via the Washington Metro, take the Green or Yellow line to Georgia Avenue/Petworth.
• April 28, 7 pm, at Atomic Books in Baltimore! I’m sharing this bill with Ariel S. Winter, who’ll be reading from his book Barren Cove. To get here via the Baltimore Light Rail, take the train to Woodberry.
• May 2, 7 pm, at the City Reliquary in Brooklyn! To get here via the New York Subway, take the G or L train to Lorimer Street/Metropolitan Avenue, or the J, M, or Z train to Marcy Avenue.
• May 5, 7 pm, at Talking Leaves Books in Buffalo! To get here by the Buffalo Metro Rail, take the train to LaSalle station.

If you haven’t bought my novel yet and are planning on attending one of these events, I would ask that you hold out and buy it there, because that helps out the bookstores who have been nice enough to host me. (If you haven’t bought my novel yet and won’t be able to make it to any of these events, well, you know what to do.)

OK! And now! Your comment of the week!

“Xandu’s phone doesn’t have an outward facing camera lens, so my best guess is that he bought a phone that could only take selfies. That, or the greasy salesperson at the Verizon store pegged him as an old person trying to buy a smart phone. ‘Sure, yeah, you want to do the selfies you hear kids talking about? This one can do that for you. Now how about 4-year insurance and theft protection for our one-time special price of $135? I like your cape, by the way.'” –Chareth Cutestory

And your hilarious runners up!

“Human beings talk like this — to one another!” –Paul Bond, on Facebook

“This is one of those conversations where somebody mispronounces ‘epitome’ and the other person doesn’t correct it. Years later, Dawn will learn the correct pronunciation of ‘epitome’ and she will burn with shame at this memory.” –lorne

“Like a modern-day Da Vinci, I’ve got a blog and a podcast.” –Doctor Handsome

“Every line of Dawn’s dialogue reads like a Turing test. ‘I heard it’s a popular form of physical exercise. Would you like to hear about other exercises? For example, I know a lot about Pilates, which is also popular. Try things! Art! Mustache ERROR ERROR ERROR.'” –els

“What’s his safe word? ‘Mailbox,’ maybe?” –The Kangaroo

“Oregano? Paprika? Not on my watch. If pepper was good enough for my grandpappy in World War II, it’s good enough for you. God help you if you ask me for salt.” –Tigernan Douglas Quinn, on Facebook

“Oh, it’s not going to happen here. I thought we’d convene the club at a nice cafe, sip some lattes and think of sandwich ingredient combinations, and then name them after club members who best fit the description of that theoretical sandwich. Then, the orgy.” –pugfuggly

“I think Lou is subtly hinting that he is the only character in the strip with metafictional awareness. ‘It’s not going to happen here,’ he says, wondering for a moment if he should tell Dagwood that there is a world where it does happen, a world where they exist only in a timeless, two-dimensional limbo, endlessly acting out shopworn running gags for an ambivalent, dwindling audience. He decides to keep silent, and secretly envies Dagwood’s blissful ignorance.” –TheDiva

“I applaud Mary Worth’s new, more honest presentation of bland platitudes as things that have ‘been said,’ rather than specifically attributing them to John Donne and/or Lennon.” –Chyron HR

“Hands out, snap your fingers, twirl, and DANCE BREAK. Dawn’s one-woman production of West Side Story is going… I mean, it’s not going well, but at least she’s getting out of the house.” –Dan

“The most unsettling thing is that Dawn’s thoughts register as more unintelligible than those of Trixie, and she gets two whole panels.” –Irrischano

“I think Beetle Bailey is setting up a long game that will pay off months from now. A group of bombers is attacking a suspected terrorist compound somewhere in the Middle East, but one plane drops flowers instead of bombs. ‘Uh-oh,’ the pilot thinks, ‘Looks like I got in the wrong plane.’ Cut to Camp Swampy, where all the buildings are demolished, everything is on fire, and everyone is dead or grievously wounded, at which point the strip can finally, mercifully end.” –Francis

“Grandma? The lady who’s staring vacantly in the background for no discernible reason? I wouldn’t put too much stock in anything she tells you, Dolly.” –Steve S

“Dawn doesn’t realize how lucky she is that Harlan isn’t just introducing her to yoga. He’s introducing her to cold yoga. Practiced on a sheet of solid ice, it’s for those elites who know ‘hot yoga’ is for suckers. Real yoga mastery is being able to maintain a downward dog while your mat keeps slipping out from under you.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“As much as we snark on Judge Parker, it’s nice to see a comic strip that presents a marriage between a woman and a car-carrying vessel as a normal thing that doesn’t require comment. Here’s to a long and happy marriage between Angie Thornton and the M/V Peter Ferry. May they have a flotilla of healthy tugboats.” –Voshkod

“Look at Harlan, creating a ‘safe space’ for Dawn, as is the trend at college nowadays. ‘We’re informal, like we’re at home. No more furrowing your brow as you try to comprehend the achievements of the great intellects of the past.’ It must be working, because the guy in green is feeling safe and informal enough to fondle himself in public.” –KreatureFeatures

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
• Oh, yes, and my novel is something you should buy, in hardback, paperback, or ebook form! It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.