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Hey guys! Just a reminder that my East Coast book tour is happening in less than a month! Oh boy oh boy. And now three of the four events have Facebook Event pages, where you can sign up and be constantly reminded that this extremely important get-together is looming, on social media!

• April 26, 7 pm, at Upshur Books in Washington, DC!
• April 28, 7 pm, at Atomic Books in Baltimore! I’m sharing this bill with Ariel S. Winter, who’ll be reading from his book Barren Cove. (I mistyped this as the 29th when I first put the post up but the 28th is the correct date.)
• May 5, 7 pm, at Talking Leaves Books in Buffalo!

And don’t forget, on May 2 I’ll be reading at the City Reliquary museum in Brooklyn, NY. Look for a Facebook event for that, coming soon!

If you haven’t bought my novel yet and are planning on attending one of these events, I would ask that you hold out and buy it there, because that helps out the bookstores who have been nice enough to host me. (If you haven’t bought my novel yet and won’t be able to make it to any of these events, well, you know what to do.)

OK, with that self-promotion out of the way, here’s your comment of the week!

“I’ll use my old-school reporting skills to track down the old movie actor! I’ll just take out my notebook and pen and start interviewing leads! Guess I’ll start with the pizza waitress. HEY LADY! HAVE YOU SEEN CLIFF ANGER?” –Ukulele Ike

And your very funny runners up!

“Hear that kids? If you’re feeling lonely, just go make more friends! And if you’re feeling hungry, get something to eat! And if you feel like you’re being patronized, well that’s probably because you’re a bad person.” –pugfuggly

“An elderly woman explains modern-day friendship to a 22 year old: perhaps the ultimate Worthsplaining moment.” –bourbonbabe, unbuckled

“Imagine if Tracy and his detective buddies took this as an opportunity to go home. ‘Yep, Specs and Spicy clearly didn’t live through an explosion like that. And even if they did, sounds like they’re DJ’s problem now. Who’s up for Cuban sandwiches before we blow this joint? Get it? Blow, as in an explosion? Haha, everyone in that building is dead.'” –Bryan J. Simmons, on Facebook

“I think Mr Chubb’s comical stagy bandages might be a result of him having escaped from a far more cartoony strip, as evidenced by the shape and size of his head. ‘When that monster RV sideswiped me, I thought for sure that all that would happen was my car would flatten, then spring back into shape with a popping sound!'” –Horace Broon

“I guess it’s SORT of reassuring these days to have a giant explosion at a crowded recreational site that ISN’T caused by terrorists. ‘Nope, there was no religio-politco reason this time for all you people to have your friends and family killed or horribly crippled; just a side effect of the usual greedheads-out-for-money trope. So sleep tight and be thankful, Cuba!'” –Shrug

“And then … I had this incredibly amazing thought … what if I started talking … with dramatic pauses everywhere … in order to drag out my speech … over several days … of … strips…” –Schroduck

“Ooooooh hiking! I thought you said Thai king club, where you get together once a week to pay tribute to his majesty Bhumibol Adulyadej! The new, bolder Dawn is a royalist, so la kxn, anti-monarchical PAD scum!” –Alex Blaze

“Who wants to ask me how long I’ve had my new watch? Nobody? No takers? Not even one? Is there even anyone else here? Hello? Where am I? What even is this place? Am I dead? Is this what Heaven is?” –Joe Blevins

“The eyes are close to X’s, which indicates the wrestlee is dead? Moose killed him & is toying with him like a cat with a dead mouse.” –Chip Gorman, on Twitter

“I’m Harlan Jones but you can just call me ART HISTORY because that’s what I wrote on the board instead of my name. I’m a sub so I don’t expect any of you to learn my name anyway. At my last job they called me DOESN’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT LATIN.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“I see Prof. Phipps as an Indiana Jones-type character, pursuing art history issues across the globe while his poor students suffer under a series of under-qualified substitutes. ‘It belongs in a museum!’ ‘Oh, I agree, Professor Phipps, which is why we’re taking it to the Hermitage.’ ‘Ah, very nice. You’ll hang it with the other 18th century masters, I assume?’ ‘Of course.’ ‘Ha! That’s clearly a 17th century master, Belloq!’ ‘Curses!'” –Voshkod

“The point where colon cancer is mentioned is where a sympathetic protagonist might stop smirking, but that’s not the Driver Way.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“How did Sam get transported into a Dave Berg ‘Lighter Side of Torts and Personal Injuries’ feature?” –Dood

“So wait, is that larger dog the fire hydrant’s … pimp? Is that what’s going on here? Even for Marvin, this is a whole new level of depravity.” –Brad

“Hey, word to the wise, pal: you’re in prison for parole violation, i.e., you’ve been there before. Don’t try to fool us into thinking you weren’t struggling for a ‘witty’ rejoinder the first time you were locked up. ‘Here’s your squalid cell, you putrid piece of reptilian shit.’ ‘Does it … come with a shovel?'” –Irrischano

“Magnus is living every standup comedian’s worst nightmare. ‘Uh oh, nobody laughed! Better add my own laughter! Better tell another bad joke without pausing! Oh no, I’m bombing! Also, I’m in prison!'” –Steve S

“Internal Document, King Features Syndicate
Funkyverse Strategic Plan, 2016
MARCH: Repeatedly call attention to the fact that Funky Winkerbean takes place ten years in the future.
APRIL: Characters do not know what the internet is.
MAY-DECEMBER: Cancer.” –Dan

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
• Oh, yes, and my novel is something you should buy, in hardback, paperback, or ebook form! It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Guys, I have been remiss in keeping you up to date on important news in our beloved soap opera strips! First off, Paul Ryan, who’s been the artist on the Phantom since 2005, sadly passed away earlier this month. The new artist for the daily strip will be Mike Manley, who you may recognize as the artist for Judge Parker. Meanwhile, Terry Beatty, who draws the Sunday Phantoms and also Rex Morgan, M.D., wil be writing Rex Morgan as well! This is the first shift in writer in that strip over the whole time I’ve written this blog, and it will be very interesting to see what new directions he’ll come up with. Woody Wilson will still write Judge Parker, so we won’t have to deal with too much change at once. The new strips from everyone should start showing up in May.

But your comment of the week is available … right now!

“Yeah, Andy was just at the funeral of the man he mauled to steal that suit. Bears, man.” –Steve S

And the runners up! Very funny!

“I’d desperately love to see the next panel, since Rex has no concept of irony or sarcasm and would likely try to come up with a sincere answer to Milton’s bitter rhetorical question. ‘Um … bad, I guess?’ Milton would then use his last bit of strength to cover his own face with his palm.” –Joe Blevins

“I guess Loweezy and Elviney are backwoods goths, judging from their ‘tomato beset by acremonium mold’ and ‘Manic Panic in the exact same color as my collar and cuffs’ looks. Mabel should know that there’s no room for preps in THIS town!” –letsmoveourbootybutts

“Come on, Milton, tell us how you really feel. Oh, you already are? Well, I guess Heather doesn’t have to try so hard to stop you, since it’s not a board meeting.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Why is it a bogus brew? Probably because a mix of ‘mushroom spores’ (i.e., psilocybin mushrooms), ‘honey extract from flowers’ (morphine) and ‘cactus juice’ (mescaline) isn’t going to give you a rush of happy feelings so much as a wild journey into the darkest regions of your own soul. Hope none of you animals have any unresolved feelings about any petty crimes you might have committed in previous strips, because that shit is about to get real.” –pugfuggly

“Rex consults the laminated picture of an ox he carries in his wallet for reference. It is the only diagnosis he knows.” –Uncle Lumpy

“Today’s Gasoline Alley is clearly the setup for a porno that I am not in the target demographic for.” –Doctor Handsome

“You want to talk menace? Whose tongue is Wilson carrying around in his back pocket?” –Dood

“I love Rex’s clenched jaw in panel 2. ‘Must … maintain …pleasantries…'” –The Might Untrained FOOZLE

“I’m really hoping for a ‘gaslighting Milton’ twist here. He’s not losing his mind — he’s being slowly poisoned by his wife. Nobody knows how to slip barbiturates into mush like a former nanny!” –Fritz H.

“Funny that Dennis’ dad’s boss looks a lot like Henry, except with a squarer jaw, more determined expression, more modern hair and glasses, and multiple degrees on the wall. This is the life Henry thought he would lead when he married gorgeous Alice, only to be dragged down into psychological defeat by his stinker of a son.” –BigTed

“A library book!? My one weakness!” –Peanut Gallery

“Haha, Dawn is doing that thing where when you haven’t been listening to someone you just repeat the last phrase they said as a question so that they will carry on talking.” –Currer Bell

“Lilian knew this would have to end in death; her death, or the library’s death. She’d seen things in her long life, things that books only hinted at. Panic drained from her body, replaced with grim determination. ‘You girls go finish all the sodas in the fridge,’ she said with false gaiety, ‘Grandma needs the bottles!’ There would be gas in the garage, and plenty of rags to turn into fuses. And tonight, purifying fire at the library would destroy all records of late fees. Yes; this was the easy way out.” –Voshkod

“This is like an industrial safety training pamphlet, only somehow more boring.” –Vulcan With a Mullet

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
• Oh, yes, and my novel is something you should buy, in hardback, paperback, or ebook form! It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

Post Content

Hey guys! I know I’ve been nudging you gently, but it’s been a few weeks since I nudged you hard that, if you like my blog, you will probably like and should read my novel, The Enthusiast! One of the plot threads involves an online community obsessed with a soap opera comic strip and may seem familiar to some of you. Other parts are about trains, marketing, integrity, joy, and How We Live Now. I think you will like it a lot! It’s gotten a bunch of really nice reviews on Goodreads, and if you want a sample, you can read the first chapter on Medium or listen to me read the third chapter on the Catapult podcast. Once you’ve done all that, you’ll obviously want to buy it; you can get it in hardcover or softcover form from TopatoCo or in ebook form from Gumroad (DRM free! all formats!) or the Amazon Kindle store.

But wait, there’s more! If you only buy books when you get interact with their author in real life, well, I’ll be doing a book tour through the northeast US in late April and early May! Pencil in one of these dates, please!

April 26: Upshur Street Books, Washington, DC
April 28: Atomic Books, Baltimore, MD
May 2: The City Reliquary, Brooklyn, NY
May 5: Talking Leaves Books, Buffalo NY

If you haven’t bought a book yet, have been thinking to yourself “Oh, I keep meaning to buy Josh’s book,” and can make it to one of these readings, I would urge you to hold out and buy the book there! I would love to get as big a crowd as possible at the events and have as many book sales as possible there to make it worthwhile for the hosts, who are very graciously putting up an event for a self-published author.

ANYWAY! With that all out of the way, let’s laugh heartily at this week’s comment of the week:

“Oh, it seems the Commissioner is calling for the mysterious hero known only as Gullman. Excuse me Mary, I have … an appointment.” –Dan

The runners up will also prompt guffaws!

“This is the ‘nursery,’ Dr. Morgan! Please don’t let the fact that I’m extremely old but still have a crib in the house bother you. Say, have you ever heard of a sexual practice called infantilism? My former lover Franco Wallace sure has!” –BigTed

“I don’t follow Gil Thorp so those names are just a list of things to me. Maxwell, Kenzie, Leisl Ishii, Stacy Duford! Winter Blast, Central City! Snow slide, zipline, music, trouble! It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine!” –TheRealAaron

“Neighborhood pinhead? My neighborhood doesn’t have it’s own pinhead, and I pay outrageous HOA dues! I wonder how I can get Cilla to throw in this pinhead for free? Maybe by answering all her questions in the tersest manner possible and smirking. That usually does it.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“That jester, man. That jester in the lower right corner of the last panel. That guy … I don’t trust that guy. He’s able to transition too quickly from juggling to bloodlust. Most people need a few seconds for that.” –Joe Blevins

“So, Curtis’s parents partake in Chess Sex? ‘I’ll move my bishop to the desired space, hehe.’” –DimensionalOtter

“You know, guys, if you have nothing to say, it’s perfectly okay to just be quiet and not say it.” –bourbonbabe, unbuckled

“Meanwhile, Max Mouse is deep in thought. ‘Should I aim for blackmail, or identity theft?'” –Peanut Gallery

“Look at Slylock Fox: the hat, the cape, the exaggerated lean. I just realized he’s not a detective; he’s a stereotypical 1970s pimp. Even the name fits.” –Steve S

“No, we don’t serve ‘Margaretas.’ Now shut up and drink your Margropolitan.” –Doctor Handsome

“Based on Jeff’s expression in the first panel, ‘You would know, Mary!’ is coded speech for, ‘Help! A scorpion crawled up my pants leg and stung me in the ass!’ That will never happen, though, because it would be an interesting plot point, something that is expressly forbidden.” –AhClem

“This was the future of the Keane family compound, the boy child who was to lead them? Her brother was an idiot and Dolly knew it. Oh, in time he would take the throne but it would be Dolly who held the true power. She would manipulate him as easily as she manipulated the social workers who visited them weekly. Having tamed the dragon of 3rd grade math, the mind and will of Billy Keane would prove no challenge, no challenge at all.” –EscapeZeppelin

“And, number one on the list of the ten most unnecessary things to say to someone crossing an unstable rock bridge over a chasm: ‘Be careful!'” –lumaca morente

“Aren’t homework assignments for early elementary school-age children typically on brightly-colored worksheets, not a scattering of looseleaf, legal pads, and accordion files? I think Daddy tricked Billy into doing the taxes this year.” –Irrischano

“In his heart, Rex knew that his BMW’s electronic key wouldn’t lock the old man’s mouth, but he felt compelled to try anyhow.” –pugfuggly

“If someone doesn’t close that portal to the Dimension of the Gulls, Santa Royale is going to be buried under feet of bird crap. Which, taking all things into account, would probably be an improvement.” –Voshkod

“In every first panel in this series, Jeff has a look on his face like he has no idea what Mary is talking about and no idea how to respond. He’s just guessing what to say, knowing he has to say something and hoping that it doesn’t throw Mary into a murderous rage or, worse, draws her meddling eye to him. The second panel reflects his gut-wrenching relief that he guessed right — the vertiginous gratitude one might feel after just avoiding being hit by a train.” –Lawyerbob

“Usually, someone who says ‘I’m Dr. Worth … at your service’ with that facial expression is about to sell molly at a rave.” –Steve S

“Yeah, if there’s anything preverbal toddlers hate, it’s watching people dance and sing on TV.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“No, this isn’t the exact same strip we’ve been running for week now. This version has an ad for Honda in it. Cha ching! Who’s lazy now, sukkas?” –Aphthakid

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Strange World Cthulhu: Shadow Over Texas: Veteran Comics Curmudgeon fan Donald Saxman has a new Kickstarter campaign ad for an HP Lovecraft monster fighting role playing game set in Texas in the roaring twenties. Even if you aren’t an RP gamer the “Strange World Cthulhu: Shadow Over Texas” adventure modules are interactive fiction and the Texas sourcebook should confirm all your most horrible suspicions about the Lone Star state. If that doesn’t sell you, haven’t you every wondered what would happen if the steam-powered Battleship Texas fought the ancient giant Deep One Dagon?
• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
• Oh, yes, and my novel is something you should buy, in hardback, paperback, or ebook form! It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.