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It’s Christmas Eve, and you know what that means: I leave town and take a break from mocking the comics and let the ol’ web servers cool down as well. I’ll be back … I dunno, let’s say no sooner than January 1, and no later than January 4, depending on my mood. But if you’re hungry for more writing from me … well, I think you know where this is going:

BE MORE LIKE THIS ADORABLE DOG AND READ MY NOVEL! You can order it in physical book form, sure, but it probably won’t get to you until next year at this point. For your immediate Josh Fruhlinger prose needs, you’ll want the ebook bundle. But why not order both, just to be safe? And remember, if you feel the keen need to try before you buy, you can read the first chapter on Medium or listen to me read the the third chapter on the Catapult podcast.

And, oh yes, let’s enjoy your comment of the slightly truncated week, which will reign supreme until I come back and then we accumulate another week or so of comments:

“In spite of all the crotchety indignant pouting by Alan, I still have to say that my favorite panel in this whole strip is the final one, where Sam stares off into the middle distance, contemplating what his world is like. ‘Let’s see, I spent most of 2015 nursing a squirrel back to health, setting up a skype call to a wedding and then selling an RV to my daughter’s soon-to-be lover. Oh god, I should have never left my practice…'” –pugfuggly

And these runners up are also hilarious:

“I wouldn’t think your average newspaper cartoonist would be making enough to shop at Whole Foods, but here we are.” –Mars

“In Curtis, I like how the dad’s eyes pop madly in the third panel. Like he ignores Curtis so thoroughly that he thought he was alone and suddenly there’s a terrifying voice right there.” –BeckoningChasm

“A veritable smorgasbord, it is! Who are the Floating Hearts of Love for? Loose-Shoes? Bookworm? Shelf Ass? Blindy? Don’t commit just yet, Francis. Sit by your mother’s window a few more hours and you’ll see a hundred more freakish oddities … er, hot chicks! And be served a home cooked meal, to boot!” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Is there a more joyless character on the comic strip page than Curtis’ dad? I mean, even the residents of Westview take mild, smug delight in bad wordplay every once in a while. Greg’s existence is one of being miserably slumped in front of the television, punctuated by occasional bouts of openly hating his oldest child. If Curtis had any love for his father, he’d quit sabotaging his attempts to smoke himself to an early grave.” –TheDiva

“But I’m willing to try! Nurse, SCALPEL!!” –Tigernan Douglas Quinn, on Facebook

“That is clearly a rare Russian nesting doll with an ugly baby face painted on it, and Rex stole it from a booby-trapped tomb somewhere. It’s so perfect it belongs in a museum!” –Steve S

“‘We’ll leave you two alone then, so that we can go engage in non-stop carnal pleasure, because that is what hu-mans always do in these meat suits! Tee-hee!’ Meanwhile, on the far end of panel 2, we see another member of the Away Team in its normal physiological form, awaiting its next shift as ‘Ed’ or ‘Evy.'” –seismic-2

“We can enjoy delicious leftovers for days afterward! Weeks, maybe! I’m never leaving, by the way. I already made copies of the keys.” –Doctor Handsome

“This clearly depicts the crucial Pre-Animal Apocalypse period when the guns were taken away and the farmers were forced to use sticks to defend their livestock from the fox hordes. Fundamental transformation, indeed. Thanks, Obama.” –Mikey

“Wow, we get to watch Mary and Olive sit through church for a whole week. We FINALLY DID IT! We finally found something more boring than real church!” –DimensionalOtter

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.

And that’s all for 2015, y’all! Remember, if we’re all extra good, maybe Santa will bring us a Kwanzaa storyline in Curtis this year.

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Guys. I know you’re probably sick of hearing this by now, but: I wrote a book. It’s real, and it’s spectacular, and it has great cover art from Don Sparrow (hardcover) and Matt Lubchansky (paperback, and also the endpapers on the hardcover).

Not to give anything away, but there’s a lot about soap opera comic strips and the people online who love them ironically and maybe not-so-ironically in there. (Don Sparrow also did illustrations of the comic-within-the-novel, and was so moved by the experience he started his own!) I think it’s a funny book — I mean, I put jokes in there a-plenty — but as faithful reader Russell says, you’ll be “pleasantly surprised by the sincerity and low level of snarkiness.”

ANYWAY. I haven’t done a pledge drive this fall, but if you’re enough of a fan of this blog that you sometimes put cash in my tip jar, I think you’ll enjoy spending cash on this book instead, either as a real physical book or an ebook. And if you’re a fan of the blog but have also felt like it’s silly to put cash in an Internet tip jar because you only exchange money for goods and services, well, now’s your chance to do so, and do so now, if you want the book in time for Christmas. And if you have the urge to put some money in my tip jar anyway, well, I’m sure not gonna stop you!

OK, with that out of the way, it’s time for your comment of the week:

“‘Once we’re married, I told Cindy I’d like to live here in Westview.’ ‘WHY?’ ‘Well, I have cance– I’m sorry, I don’t know why I said that. I’m in perfect cancer. Health. I’m in perfect he–‘ (shakes head) ‘I’m sorry, can I start cancer? Over. What’s happening, Cindy?'” –Dan

Your runners up are also very funny!

“Rocky’s the only one with the decency not to shine Fuzz on about showing up for his lame-ass party.” –Doctor Handsome

“Miss Buxley’s words say ‘I’ll try,’ but her eyes say ‘I’ll try consuming your life energy to increase my demonic powers.’ More like Miss Beelzebuxley, amirite?” –Steve S

“Jordan is the chauffeur, right? He spent 20 years in the Marines, where he learned everything he knows, and so now he can drive a limo. And bring tea to the old man. And change his diapers. And beg for death, I assume.” –Calvin’s Cardboard Box

“I’m honestly surprised nobody has figured this one out yet. Look at where the submitter is from: Prescott, Wisconsin. What singular, ‘recent’ political event took place in Wisconsin? A recall election. Plugger jokes are backed up by five years, just like pluggers, is what I’m saying.” –pastordan

“Of course the Tooth Fairy cares whether you’ve been naughty or nice, Dennis. Ever seen someone with meth mouth? The Tooth Fairy is very vindictive.” –Bryan J. Simmons, on Facebook

“Dennis is old enough to lose teeth, but he still wears a onesie to bed? That tells me he’s still in nighttime diapers, with no light at the end of that particular tunnel for Alice. Should score at least a 5 on the Scale O’ Menace.” –sally

“Grumpy Santa is probably going to be the subtitle of the sixth or seventh Paul Blart: Mall Cop movie.” –Hans Peter Gertje, on Facebook

“In the Mommaverse the beta-patriarchy created ‘squatters rights’ romance to allow ‘nice guys’ to entrap women on the rebound.” –Philip Moon, on Twitter

“I told Cindy I’d like to live here in Westview! Why? Because if I’m ever going to get that Oscar, I need to learn tragedy. Where better? Deaf band instructors, everyone’s cancer ridden, this dump is the best restaurant around. It’s like a black hole for tragedy, drawing in every horror and fear and compressing them into a dark spot on the map where nothing joyous can occur. After a few years here, I’ll be ready to play Hamlet, or Oedipus, or a morally-complex villain! Assuming I survive the cancer. And this pizza.” –Voshkod

“The first rule of Establishing a New Identity Club is to not let people talk about your old identity. The second rule of Establishing a New Identity Club is to not let people talk about your old identity. The third rule of Establishing a New Identity Club is to pick a name that will not make people assume it’s made up. The fourth rule of Establishing a New Identity Club is not to hang around with your in-laws. The last rule of Establishing a New Identity Club is, if it’s your first time establishing a new identity, you’ve got to read the Chambers Affair.” –But What Do I Know?

“Oh, sure, the announcer is annoying. But that doesn’t mean Cosmo is going to watch the PG-rated version, without the beheadings or the titties that the bird actresses will somehow have.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Wearing saddle shoes and purple socks while watching tired puns on TV? That’s some niche fetish.” –Lawyerbob

“I don’t know about you, honey, but after all that ‘reality show’ unpleasantness, I am ready for some hot, hot Rebel Without a Cause role playing scenarios. Just the thing to unwind on a Saturday afternoon.” –Joe Blevins

“Unsurprisingly, the residents of the Funkyverse have only a very, very vague idea of what a smile looks like.” –C. Sandy Cyst

“Crankshaft is in excruciating pain. In related news, it’s the happiest Crankshaft holiday ever.” –TheDiva

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Hello, everybody! Remember three and a half years ago, when I had a Kickstarter to fund The Enthusiast, a novel I wanted to write? Remember how I promised it’d be done in like 18 months, and then that didn’t happen, and then I didn’t talk about it here or anywhere else for a long time, and then all of the sudden four months ago I started talking about it again and couldn’t stop talking about it, and you were like, “Jeez, Josh, when can I buy this thing already?” Well, good news: you can buy this thing already. The book is about trains, soap opera comics, and a stealth marketing agency that infiltrates groups of enthusiasts, online and in real life, to try to sell things for their clients. I’m very proud of how it turned out and am excited for you to read it. If you like this blog, you’ll probably enjoy it.

• You can buy the hardback version for $25 or the softcover version for $15 over at TopatoCo. Only a limited number of hardbacks are available, so act fast!
• You can buy the ebook edition for $8. This is a DRM-free bundle that includes Mobi (for Kindle), EPUB (for everybody else), and PDF (for any device) files.

The printing process came down to the wire in December, so if you want to give a copy of this book as a gift, you need to buy now! to get it by Christmas. Here’s a handy chart with info on shipping times from TopatoCo, the people who are doing the shipping. (If you buy the ebook edition, you can download it immediately after purchasing it, obviously.)

If you’d like to get a sense of the book before you decide to buy it, I’ve put the opening chapter up on Medium, and you can listen to me read chapter three on the Catapult podcast. You can also read this extremely positive review from Gary Tyrrell, creator of the Fleen webcomics blog.

And, finally, I’ve decided not to run my usual fall fundraiser this year in order to focus more on promoting my book. But if the mood strikes, you can always throw a few bucks in my tip jar, in addition to/instead of buying the novel. Thanks so much!