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Oh hey, after a week off, it’s a new comment of the week!

“‘I will always be in your debt!’ Translation: Don’t expect any of that money back.” –White Rabbit

And some very funny runners up!

“In the third panel, note that Veronica and Archie are helpfully demonstrating the two extremes of Bipolar II disorder. Even their outfits (Screamin’ Strike Pink and Bowling Bummer Blue, respectively) convey episodes of hypomania and deep depression.” –Joe Blevins

Luann: “Protip: if you live in a world of paper-thin characterizations where most people are defined by one or two traits that are comically exaggerated to substitute for personality, you might want to avoid marrying someone whose single defining trait you find intensely irritating.” –Master Softheart

“Mary says she lived in New York ‘years ago’ and that it’s since lost its old-town charm, which confirms my suspicion that Mary is not ‘perpetually 60,’ but a member of the undead. The last time New York had real old-town charm was in the days of Peter Stuyvesant, of whom Mary has first hand knowledge. Ask her sometime about his ‘Dutch treat.'” –debussy fields

“‘Whoops, this syrup is slippery,’ cried the henchman, ‘and the jar fell right into this basket of deadly cobras!’ And so Old Man Dunlap passed the fresh batch of meth to his distributor right under Mark Trail’s nose.” –Ed Dravecky

“HEATHCLIFF IS ASCENDANT. HEATHCLIFF KNOWS ALL. SEES ALL. CONSUMES ALL. GRAVITY DOES NOT AFFECT HEATHCLIFF. TIME DOES NOT AFFECT HEATHCLIFF. YOU ARE ALREADY IN HIS MOUTH. YOUR FRIENDS ARE HIS TEETH. YOUR HOME IS HIS ESOPHAGUS. YOUR TOMB IS HIS STOMACH. YOU WILL BE BURIED.

it is too late” –bunivasal

“Spider-Man would like to lash back at the jeering children, mocking their own weaknesses and insecurities with a catchy taunt of his own, but he can’t think of anything that rhymes with ‘pencil-thin mustache.’ Or ‘hormonal imbalance.’ Or ‘Don Johnson’s jacket.'” –Shoe Substitutes

“I’m a little disappointed that the newly-liberated rabbit passed up this opportunity to hop on Pop.” –Doctor Handsome

“Say what you want about Leroy’s alcoholism, at least he keeps his bottles neatly organized, largest to smallest. That there is a sign he still takes some small pride in his chosen vocation.” –Robot Quasar

“Perhaps Hagar is going to be this generation’s Conan. First, Hagar the Horrible, which we’ve been enjoying (is that too strong a term?), then Hagar the Conquerer, in which he leads his men south into the civilized lands and plows a trail of fire and gold, and finally Hagar the Emperor, where he broods on this throne of skulls and ponders whether it was worth leaving the thatched hut on the icy shores for the warm pleasures of the South. It will end, tragic and bloody, with a nod to Shakespeare when Eddie, a minor Iago, kills Hagar and takes Helga as his own.” –Voshkod

“For such a great Broadway actor, Ken isn’t able to keep up his ‘Happy to Be With Mary Worth’ face for a couple minutes.” –Baka Gaijin

“Oh god, it’s a team-up with the golden age Crankshaft. I am just 100% not ready for Crisis on Funkyverse One.” –Dan

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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Hey guys, I’m traveling for the Thanksgiving holiday and so I’m going to skip doing a COTW this week, OK? Let’s give DaveyK another week at the top. Hope you’re enjoying your turkey comas!

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Guys, just a quick final reminder that I and many other funny people are going to be funny Saturday night, in Baltimore. You should come!

Also funny: this week’s comment of the week:

“Better Half routinely poses a bedeviling question: Is any creature inside the narrative alive to the existential horrors which we, the audience, are subjected to on a daily basis? With one glance, today, comes the answer: The cat is aware.” –DaveyK

Almsot as funny: the runners up!

“Ed was just waiting for an opportunity to rail against his hated enemy, the ‘Transportation Department,’ the faceless (and possibly nonexistent) government bureaucracy he has arbitrarily blamed for all his problems — career, health, emotional, interpersonal, you name it. I’m sure he wasn’t actually listening to what his coworkers were saying, just waiting for a gap — any kind of lull in the conversation — so he could complain about the much-loathed Transportation Department and their ‘stunts.’ The dialogue here could have been about anything. ‘Hmm. Looks like it’s clouding up a bit out there.’ ‘GODDAMNED TRANSPORTATION DEPARTMENT! How many shoe boxes of my feces do I have the send them anonymously through the mail before they stop pulling stunts like this?'” –Joe Blevins

“Call me old-fashioned, but I like seeing a man derive joy from his chosen profession.” –Gladly, the cross-eyed bear

“Current Wizard of Id Comics Translated: [long farting noise]” –pugfuggly

“I usually think the signatures on comic strips are a little ostentatious. But if I drew some random thug just walking up and knocking Mary Worth over for absolutely no reason, just because fuck Mary Worth? Yeah, I’d take some pride in that.” –Dan

“Not only does today’s Mary Worth exploit multiple middle-class elderly fears for dramatic effect, it also reinforces their misunderstanding of just what a ‘pusher’ is.” –Q0906+6930

“Dad? DAD?! WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY, DAD?? No, don’t lay in the water and slowly drown! That is so like you, dad! This is why mom left, dad!” –Tophat

“‘Knutsen, Secretary of the Unlettered Savage’ is one of the less popular Norse sagas.” –nescio

“I wonder if Mary kept the receipt for that purse. I know that cheap old biddy isn’t carrying any cash. So at the very least, the mugger should be able to return the purse and get some Lord & Taylor store credit for his effort.” –Marc

“The Heathcliff team briefly considered making the effort to stagger the text to correspond with the rippling of the flag in the breeze, but decided that that would run counter to the spirt of the joke.” –Doctor Handsome

“So a little while back, Mark tries to show city slickers how great camping is and they burn the forest down after an attempted bear mauling. Then he goes fishing with Rusty the dog faced boy and they trip on ’shrooms. Now they go camping and look to be having a miserable time. Is this a new direction for the Mark Trail franchise sponsored by Comfort Inns?” –Maltmasher

“I tell ya’s, Rocco, Blackie … I had the purse in my hand and was about to give one last pull, but then she says ‘Leave me alone,’ and I don’t have to tell you mugs, we gotta respect that, it’s our code. But then she adds, ‘…you jerk.’ Well, I ain’t gonna take that kind of language from nobody. This was in Central Park, remember. Kids can hear. So I killed her.” –Dr. Mabuse

JP: “Because there is no logical difference between the plausibility of a multi-billion dollar National Security Program firing drone-mounted Hellfire missiles at suspected terrorists in active war zones from remote locations and a 13 year old cheerleader maneuvering a recon satellite by making a phone call to a ‘translator’ vacationing on a cruise ship. Sometimes, Sam, I swear you forget what strip you’re notionally a protagonist in.” –Master Softheart

“You must be part fish. My dad says he wants to hook you with his rod!” –sporknpork

FW: “Ann breathes a sigh of relief that the child (probably) won’t be named after Blessed Saint Dead Lisa. Jess’ mother is just relieved someone finally remembered she existed. Funky is awed to realize he feels something that isn’t soul-crushing despair, while giving the pre-arranged signal for ‘Yes, we have penis!’ Les is shocked that he wasn’t called first, while frantically trying to figure out what the male variation of ‘Lisa’ is. Cayla stands quietly by and allows herself to be ignored, as per the norm.” –TheDiva

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• Weapon Brown: Weapon Brown is a graphic novel in the post-apocalyptic genre, with something extra: the entire cast is drawn from the history of newspaper comics! All of your favorite funny page friends from Charlie Brown to Ziggy are featured as mutants, mercenaries, or some other variety of wasteland badass, all wrapped up in a thrilling action parody! The Kickstarter is now into its stretch goal where every pledge could be the one that doubles the size of the book to a mega-sized 400-pages!

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