Archive: metaposts

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Greetings, readers! Behold, your comment of the past … two weeks!

“What do the bones strewn about this animal graveyard tell us? Quite simple: even though they may try to emulate human burial rites, some of these hideous animal people still actively consume the dead while littering nonchalantly. They still have quite a long way to go.” –Chareth Cutestory

And the hilarious double dose of runners up!

Funky Winkerbean: “So, Buddy’s the Best Man, eh? … I can only imagine what the bachelor party will be like … everyone sniffing each other’s butts, licking their own balls, rolling in rotten garbage, then eating grass until they all throw up.” –Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy

“If they had had Judge Parker instead of cold marble statues in ancient Greece, would the Allegory of the Cave still have occurred to Plato, or would he have been so thoroughly engrossed in the cave experience himself that he never would have realized it was an illusion?” –fausto

I dunno what you’re yelling, Spanish-speaking guy, but I’m wondering the SAME THING! My mind is filled with INCOMPREHENSIBLE GIBBERISH!” –damanoid

Archie: “Moose is an athlete and they make him take stuff like algebra and chemistry? Which Asian country is Riverdale High located in anyway?” –Sgt. Stoned

“Hell, Sandinista, WE’LL give you a fucking medal, if you shoot Spider-Man!!” –sully

Spider-Man: “Given that the whites of Spidey’s eyes take up most of his face, it’s probably very hard for the soldiers to judge how close they should be before they fire.” –Horace Broon

“Has any extraneous extra in a comic ever looked as forlorn as that penguin in the lineup? His internal monologue: ‘Jesus, that convenience store robbery was eight friggin’ years ago! Can’t they ever let me forget it? All I took was a bag of ice! What do they expect from a penguin living so far away from the South Pole? I get warm sometimes! Look, I’ve tried to conform to the rules of their society! Look at these lime-green golf pants! Look at this fedora! Don’t these just scream solid citizen? But nooooooooooooo! To them, I’ll always be a criminal. I mean, why would I ever steal a bike anyway? How the holy hell am I ever going to reach the damned pedals?'” –Joe Blevins

“Take that, Floppy Hat Woman. This’ll teach you poor people to follow the super rich around and not offer them money.” –Liam

Mark Trail: “Oh well, at least we still have death and taxes.” –LP2004

Mary Worth: “I killed a man back in 2006 — he looked a lot like Bob Keeshan.” –Calico

“At some point in my schooling we went to a cemetery and made reliefs of the headstones. crayons and large newsprint. I’m sure part of the reason was to understand birth and death dates. Maybe another reason was to get us all over the hump of being scared by graveyards. Then another reason still could have been the teacher’s plan to bury us all alive in an open grave.” –tallyHO

“The magnet in Zoey’s mouth has attracted the steel plate in Peter’s head.” –Odie Odo

“I’m hoping all this elaborate evolution talk is Mark’s way of revealing that Rusty is actually the Missing Link. It would explain so much.” –McManx

“I will forgive this whole Mary Worth’s Tedious Spa Vacation plot if Mr. Pushy McTownhall, quietly seething over his diminished complaint, listens with increasing fury for the next few minutes (‘My affair got out of hand!’ ‘At least you have hands!’) until he suddenly erupts in sweaty, mouth-breathing rage, throwing chairs, scattering the womenfolk, shouting, ‘This is my first vacation in years! Listen to me share, dammit!'” –bourbon babe, unbuckled

“So Crankshaft is done? Just to make sure, can everyone stick a fork in him?” –Droopy Says

In all of the commotion, I never asked if you were hurt. And I’m still not asking. Because I really don’t care. So why are you telling me?” –Nekrotzar

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Hey, no Comments of the Week from me — look for a double dose when Josh gets back next week. But we can’t let the day pass without thanking our advertisers:

And thanks to everyone who put some scratch in the tip jar! To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

Have a great weekend, everybody!


— Uncle Lumpy

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Your comment of the week is here! Isn’t it exciting!

“That’s a pretty sophisticated navigation of verb tenses for a Keane. I’m just sayin’.” –Damian

And the runners up! Very hilarious!

“I’m digging the doorbell on Reeky’s cot-sized house.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

MW: “The only possible relief in sight to this non-stop blither would be for Mary and June to trip over a pile of bones out in the desert, and for June to say, ‘Oh Mary! I told you I was unhappy because I lost my husband, but look — here he is! Yep, that’s him, all right. I’d know that tibia anywhere. Well, he’s not lost any more, so now I’m OK. Thanks, Mary. Bye!'” –seismic-2

“In the first panel, Perfesser is saying ‘Yeah’ during breaks in the conversation, in order to maintain the fiction that some kind of meaningful human interaction is taking place. By the second panel, he’s even given up on that, because he’s dead.” –Nekrotzar

“The true selling point of this comic is the angry child’s reaction. ‘Flying magic wee-wee pads? Damn, I wish I could urinate in public like dogs. Then I could fly too. Wait … what’s stopping me?’ We can be grateful Heathcliff isn’t a multi-panel strip.” –Christopher

“Notice that the caption of this particular cartoon does not even end with an exclamation point. If any situation called for an exclamation point, it’s this one.” –Joe Blevins

“There’s no better place to appreciate bean bags of any size than in a dedicated bean bag room, bereft of any other furniture, decorations or other non-bean-stuffed distractions. Speaking of which: Archie, grab a bean bag or get the fuck out.” –pugfuggly

“Remember when everyone wore Beanie Babies on their head? Yeah, neither do I.” –Dood

“Pop quiz: Which of these two women is the tallest? If you guessed Mary, then I’m sorry — see panel 2. If you guessed That Other Woman, then I’m sorry — see panel 1. The correct answer is that it depends on the position and movement of the women relative to the observer. (Note, accordingly, that That Other Woman is in the process of approaching the speed of light.)” –vewatkin

“Marvin’s dad in that last panel is just … just mellowin’ with the trees, ya dig? No problem with the baby, man. You can keep him! You can — can pick up all the chicks! You just let me have a little more of your fantastic weeeeeed.” –Black Drazon

“Spider-Man/ Spider-Man/ Ugly American Spider-Man/ Can he speak/ Your native tongue?/ No he can’t/ Cuz he’s too dumb. Look out! He is the Spider-Man.” –Bunivasal

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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