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Your comment of the week coming shortly (and yes, I know I’m RIDICULOUSLY early today), but first: comics superstar Julia Wertz is also an abandoned-building-exploring superstar, and she spotted this decaying bit of newspaper from the ’60s on the floor of the projection booth in an old theater. Check out who’s there!

Yes, it’s a very special episode of Mark Trail, in which he and his friends decide to euthanize a buffalo, with a shotgun.

Anyway! In the here and now, here’s your comment … of the week!

“‘Our Becky? I mean — my Becky?’ Alas, Rufus and Joel were having Becky in common with nary a care in the world, but now the threat of monogamy has allowed jealousy to rear its ugly head. In keeping with its usual value system, Gasoline Alley gives us the important moral: bestiality is fine; fight the real enemy: Marriage.” –Sock Puppet

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Note the smirk in Darrin’s face as he shovels. He knows it’s killing the old man. He knows.” –Freakin Hemingwad

“Don’t interpret this strip in such a negative way! Maybe look on the bright side of things and hope that FW is setting us up for some Hitchcock style Rear Window suspense. That would then mean someone in the Funkyverse is going to get murdered! That’s good news, see?” –Chareth Cutestory

“Pluggers know that subject-verb agreement is only for smug elitists with their fancy ‘basic education.'” –Meg

“It’s me, Claire! Don’t sugarcoat it. I want a chocolate shell around a nougatty center!” –Dood

“Of course Dill’s team won. Did you see what those other cakes looked like? They did not represent nature in any way whatsoever.” –Liam

“In case you were wondering how well Newspaper Spider-Man’s powers work, a blind man with normal human strength just threw sort of a stiff-arm in the midst of an uncharacteristic freak-out, and Spidey blindly swung into it with such force that he’s apparently broken some ribs, lost his grip on his webline if that’s possible, and is suffering from full-body convulsions as he plummets to his doom, all the while asking, ‘?'” –Doctor Handsome

“Am I a freak for thinking the A3G storyline is kind of exciting right now? I am on the edge of my seat waiting to find out whether the fire was intentional or an accident, and what will be Evan’s fate. I should probably get some nice cushiony diapers because with the pace of this strip I will be on that seat edge for a very long time.” –Currer Bell

“Most people would take a minute to say something like, ‘What an asshole!’ or ‘What do people in San Francisco have against calling it Frisco?’ or ‘Why does my wife fall asleep every time I call her?’ But not Peter Parker. There’s Something Wrong and he’s going to find out what it is, if it kills him. I’d suggest starting with therapy.” –The Right Venerable Pasdordan

“It’s funny because Dagwood is getting his news from a newspaper while wearing a bow tie at the breakfast table, and it’s 2013.” –Squeak

“Does the fact that Becky appears to be sentient and to understand human language make this better or worse?” –junk science

“Let me go out on a limb here and suggest that Rusty’s camera holds evidence of Rod Bassy’s nefarious plot to win the fishing tournament by having his morally bankrupt sidekick attach genetically-enhanced farm-raised record-sized bass to Rod Bassy’s patented Rod Bassy Lite-Up Serial-Killer Bass Lure using the remote control midget submarine secreted in The Rod Bassy Serial Killer van when not in use. Either that, or pictures of goats humping.” –flatsixes

“I’m sure that image of Dill and Mary Worth standing in front of a star field in space is how Kubrick wanted to end 2001. Sadly, the studio told him to ‘be less weird, Stan.'” –Voshkod

“Oh, sure. That’s ALWAYS been Crock’s problem. Too MANY jokes.” –Daniel

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Whoa is the COTW showing up here before noon? YES IT IS, CRAZINESS!

“Granny? That’s the best you can come up with? Heckling Mary Worth is not for the weak, buster.” –TheDiva

And the very funny runners up!

“How boring would a sentence have to be in order to not get an exclamation point from Mark Trail? ‘Hey, Rusty, I’m going to fill out my form 1040! I hope I claim the correct number of deductions! While I’m doing that, you can take a picture of some dock!'” –Legend of the Arctic

“You’re fired, Tommie. You too, Cheryl. Unbuttoning your top button? We’re not running a brothel here!” –Hogenmogen

“Well, sure, Josh, when you say it like that it sounds kind of depressing. Maybe the truth is something much more light-hearted. Maybe she’s been in a cult all these years and was finally able to tear-gas her way out of the compound in time to see her dad die.” –Esther Blodgett

“‘The Beauty of Nature’? I’m convinced! Volcanoes and/or rivers? Nature! Bismuth, a naturally occurring element that’s used in the manufacture of Pepto Bismol and also apparently your food coloring? Nature! Mary Worth? NATURE, DAMMIT, NATURE!” –els

“I, too, have a marriage strong enough that my wife doesn’t care when I choose to sleep like a hobo because I may be needed in a different city. Strong is the correct word, right?” –NoahSnark

“Mary Worth does not take prisoners. Because let’s face it, we’re never going to see an episode where she’s got someone chained up in her basement, living in their own filth.” –cheech wizard

“Is the moral of this story really going to be ‘practice your cake transfers’? The realization that I expected more from Mary Worth: humbling, and a little bit terrifying.” –A New Day

“Once upon a time, I was driving down the road and saw a huge flock of birds pecking at something in the road, like they do. When I drove close to the birds and they dispersed, I was able to see what they were pecking at. And it was fried chicken. Like someone had just dumped their half-finished bucket of KFC out on the street. That’s when it hit me. Birds. Flocking around the fried chicken like it was the holy grail. Birds! Smacking their beaks with the deliciousness of fried bird flesh! Those winged fuckers are nasty, is all I’m saying.” –amy c

“‘I’m feeling pretty strange myself.’ ‘It’s called an erection.’ ‘I know what’s it’s cal– look, I was doing a thing. Wait, I’ve got another one: wanna give me a stroke? BOOM. Seriously, though, we should have sex.'” –bunivasal

“I’ve read about ‘women!’ Is it true what they say, about them not having wieners?” –Doctor Handsome

“‘Okay, give me her name and I’ll find out her status.’ Looks like we’re in for a heartwarming episode in which Tommie learns about HIPPA.” –Nekrotzar

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And as always, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

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You ever have a day where your goals and ambitions do not match up with your motivation or abilities? Today was such a day for me, my friends. But at least I managed to get this comment of the week post together, and share the week’s best comment with you!

“NOO! THOSE WERE SUGAR-BASED KEYS!” –Dan

And the runners up! Very funny!

“‘I’m nervous in case someone makes a cake that isn’t a shallow cylinder covered in pink icing!’ ‘What do you mean?’ ‘Well, like, supposing someone decided to represent nature’s beauty by using green icing, or even making a cake shaped like a tree or something?’ ‘Oh, I’m sure if anyone did that they’d be disqualified for not making a proper cake.'” –Horace Broon

“Well, now we know how terrible a Shoe punchline has to be before the characters can’t even be bothered with the Goggle Eyes of Horror.” –Daniel

“Overall, I think you have to grant that the depiction of avian life in Shoe is at least as realistic as the way teenagers are portrayed in Luann.” –cheech wizard

“Maybe Crank considers it a waste of time because he plans on driving his bus through George’s basement at 7:45 the next day? ‘Thanks, George, for letting me scope the place. In 12 hours, you’ll have nothing but matchsticks and tears.'” –Hogenmogen

“‘Cell’ isn’t short for ‘cellular phone’ here, guys. She’s calling Archie’s place of imprisonment. The beeps tell her his phone-activated shock collar is still functioning, still keeping him down there on the floor like the animal he is.” –Doctor Handsome

“I don’t know too much about graveyard management, but one thing I do know is that if you have a dead body with an abnormally large arm bone, you should prop it up vertically very close to a mausoleum door. That way anyone who opens the door will knock it over and get spooked out. (This post started out sarcastic, then secretly turned into a good idea.)” –Chareth Cutestory

“If John drops dead of a heart attack as he tries to lift the cake and then Mary delivers a whole week of inspirational platitudes at his funeral, I will forgive everything that has happened in this strip for the past three years.” –Poteet

“I sure hope John’s all-pink nightmare cake tribute to Mrs. Butterworth and/or Mary Worth wins him enough money to get the counseling he so desperately needs.” –Ed Dravecky

” Man, that felt good! I should havetightened the crotch on these pants years ago!” –Oregonian

“I’ll never forget the scene when Cameron Diaz came back from the dead in There’s Nothing Natural About Mary.” –Lenoxus

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And as always, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Shana Logic: The best indie gear ever! 100% Handmade &
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