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Hello all! It being the first of the month, it is my day to remind you that, if you enjoy using and/or following jokesters on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, or Google+, why, you can follow me on any of those services, merely by clicking the appropriate links previously in this sentece! I post mostly the same things to all of these sites (links to updates to this blog, links to things I write elsewhere, announcements about projects, links to things I think are funny, dumb jokes) so probably just pick the one you like best. Or pick none at all! The choice is yours.

And now, your anti-social comment of the week!

“In the time it’s taking Sam and Avery to blather about getting ready for a fly-fishing trip, entire species of fish have evolved, risen to dominate their ecosystems, and died out again. Meanwhile, Sophie’s learned two guitar chords and Abbey has found a new way to jut.” –Amy Stephenson

And your runners up! Very funny!

“‘Wilbur tries to comfort Dawn.’ That is the saddest thing I’ve ever read.” –lorne

“After a week or so of strips listing all the specs of Sam’s new fishing rod, I fully expect to learn secondhand that a recurring character has died off-panel in the meantime. Details will be sketchy at best.” –Doctor Handsome

“At this point (yes, now) I’m really wondering who the demographic for Judge Parker is, outside of Los Mudges. I get it that it’s supposed to be escapist richy-rich fantasy, but really, it’s like having Dynasty served up 3 sentences per day. I wonder if someone is lounging around in a villa somewhere saying, ‘Jeeves, read me today’s Judge Parker if you’d be so kind.'” –Santa Royale With Cheese

“Today we see that Mark is slowly paddling a canoe by himself up to Mike Harris’s isolated cabin all alone in the deep woods, so that he can confront Mr. Harris, a once chain-smoking but now nervous, irritable killer who has framed someone else for his crime, a scheme that can be undone only by evidence that Mark alone has in his possession. And Mike Harris has of course already proven himself to be a deadly shot at long range, so a lone canoeist all exposed in the middle of the river would be an almost trivial target. This story arc is encouraging, so far!!!” –seismic-2

“Please, please, please let us be heading toward a JP/MT crossover! It’s a square-jawed asexual fish-off! Widow Chavez turns out to be an assassin and winds up in a shotgun duel with the unknowingly deadly Peaches! Air to air combat between Avery and Harris! Don’t deny me, old-school comics, I need this.” –geekwhisperer

“Maybe Judge Parker could be given over completely to a tie-in with a new Home Not Shopping Channel. The channel would feature products that no viewer could possibly afford. There would be no call-in number for orders. Viewers would see Peaches and other models endlessly displaying high-end luxury goods, and a parade of wealthy guest stars would drop by to affect a mein of smug indifference while the host gave them the merchandise for free.” –Calvin’s Cardboard Box

“I think we’re in for a Phantom of the Opera-type story here. Except instead of a phantom, it will be a clown, and instead of an opera, it will be a really bad play.” –Weaselboy

“You all laugh now, but Clown-9 may be to Spider-Man what the Joker is to Batman. They are already direct opposites; Clown-9 is getting dressed and planning his day, while Spider-Man is laying on the couch watching TV naked.” –S. Stout

“What drugs are they doing over there at Marvel to allow a character resembling a 1950s-one-shot-joke-criminal-from-Batman be introduced as the main protagonist in a 2012 daily Spider-Man comic no one but the people reading this site care about? Because I want some! Don’t those one-step-above-an-intern colorists have any idea how much continuity-arguing and plot-line complications they’re creating for fanboys and comic nerds for the next millennium? I look forward to the day, 30 years from now, when some Frank Miller/Neil Gaiman-esque dreamer grittily reboots this villain in a graphic novel where Hardy Laurel eats the faces off his victims and wears their skin onstage, taking hostages and forcing them to watch his ‘comedic acting’ until they don’t laugh enough, at which point he electrocutes them. Wherein, once again, Spider-Man will merely mope.” –OhMyGod76

“I’m only slightly embarassed to admit that I went through the Mary Worth archives to confirm that Dawn has said ‘Life is brutal’ verbatim on three separate occasions. While not qualified to really offer an opinion, I’d say she’s pretty much out of her gourd.” –Tim

“Shudder to think what it would be like to see Wilbur shutting a door with that determined look on his face, then saunter his way across the room to grab you. I have never felt more empathy for a telephone than the one we see in panel two.” –Chareth Cutestory

“Hello, Quiznos Subs and Sandwiches … no, I will not read the menu to you over the phone. And this is your last warning about this, Mr. Weston.” –pugfuggly

I must thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Terrified: Her nightmare is only beginning! New York Times bestselling author Kevin O’Brien’s riveting new serial killer thriller takes readers into the mind of a terrifying stalker — who is unrelenting, unstoppable, and absolutely vicious.
• Raymond Chandler at the ashram: What do you call a murder mystery made with a cup of humor, a dash of romance, and a sprig of mysticism, then rolled in chick-lit and sprinkled with some hot stuff? Just Stab Me In The Eye.

To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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You guys, I am very disappointed at the paucity of entries for the Hilariously Overwrought Rex and June Facial Expression Lookalike Contest! It’s possible that the Saturday of a holiday weekend isn’t the best possible time to post such a contest, but heck, I can’t control when Rex Morgan puts up its most hilarious panels. Anyway, assuming that you were all too busy grilling to get swept up in Overwrought Facial Expression theater, here’s a quick recap: imitate this panel (Rex and June at minimum, add Iris and Mabel if you want to up the degree of difficulty) and win eternal glory AND one item of your choice from the CafePress store.

While most of you have misplaced priorities and spent the weekend “spending time with your family” or “honoring those who died in America’s wars” instead of dressing up like cartoon characters and making funny faces, we did get a few entries. First up are the husband-and-wife team of faithful readers Nate and Hani. Nate is really pushing the envelope in terms of facial expression safety, and I like it! They also used advanced technology to actually insert themselves into a cartoon world.

Faithful readers Dr. Jeff Corey and Lucy Van Pelt (not their actual names) also used Photoshoppery to add to the verisimilitude of their entry, or at least I hope they did, because otherwise they’ve either crashed someone’s funeral or ruined a funeral service for one of their own loved ones:

Faithful reader Mibbitmaker swapped in characters from his Pop Culture Kids comic, who are imagining being someone else pretending to be someone else … well, it made my head hurt just a little.

And, finally, faithful reader Ricky Lee provides the three-way soap opera crossover I’ve always dreamed of:

So there’s your competition. CAN YOU DO BETTER?

ALSO, TOTALLY UNRELATED NOTE: I know that many of you are, like me, fans of Richard Thompson’s strip Cul De Sac. You probably know that Thompson has been stricken by Parkinson’s Disease, though he’s continuing with his great work. A bunch of other artists, including many names you’ll know, have banded together as Team Cul De Sac, have created their own takes on the strip’s characters, and are auctioning them off to raise money for Parkinson’s research. Check ’em out!

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The weekend can’t really start without your comment of the week, right?

“If one wasn’t familiar with Jack’s oeuvre, you might just think he’s a rabid pro-smoking activist. ‘Somebody’s trying to leave Flavor Country in my neck of the woods? NOT ON MY WATCH!'” –Jason

And then there are the runners up! Very funny!

“‘Dad, I’m already upset enough — why are you slapping me in the arm?!’ ‘Because it’ll be a love tap compared to what’ll happen if Worth finds out you’re giving up on LOOOOVE, honey. God, the woman’s insufferable!'” –Mibbitmaker

“Did that teddy bear break out in a smile between panels? ‘Do it! The world is ending, Dawn — nothing matters anymore! I have a gun!'” –Nate

“And do you have any other good news for me, Howie and Carm? I’m still waiting for that first-born you owe me.” –LP2004

“Really, Funky Winkerbean? I don’t want to hear the words ‘turn on’ in any of your strips unless they are followed by the words ‘the oven and stick your head in it.'” –Bootsy

“Now Peter is really concerned, because he remembers how things turned out with Captain America. The early euphoria, the awkward sex, the lingering shame, the gradual loss of contact. And they can’t afford for MJ to lose her job over this. Better go take a nap and ruminate on it a bit.” –Ulysses Pornstache III

“Dagwood is concerned that his extremely square son might be in over his head in the world of DIY punk. When he learns that the boy is, instead, merely a consumerist sheep, he knows that he should feel relieved, but he just feels hollow and confused. ‘What have I raised?’ he wonders. ‘Is this just the times? If that haircut isn’t ironic, what is it?'” –Meeskite

“‘Ha ha, good one, Dad!’ No. Not a good one. Not a good one at all.” –Blaise Marcoux

“Nothing says ‘happiest days of our lives’ quite like grayscale balloons.” –Nekrotzar

“I have never seen a teacher so jazzed about being appreciated as Mr. Green.” –Mumblix Grumph

“We call it the Tranquility Room because it’s the only room in the building where the walls aren’t painted that godawful burnt orange.” –Francisco Arrowroot

“Dawn, I hope you know it’s nothing personal. I just like my women blonde and sleeveless.” –GDBenz

“Pluggers apparently need, like, 6 pages of obits. They die in so many ways!” –Chris B

I must thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• A paranormal romance: After being plagued by strange dreams involving a mysterious man, 16-year-old Cat Townsend discovers not only do mythological figures such as genies exist but a particularly powerful one wants to transfer his powers to her.
• Raymond Chandler at the ashram: What do you call a murder mystery made with a cup of humor, a dash of romance, and a sprig of mysticism, then rolled in chick-lit and sprinkled with some hot stuff? Just Stab Me In The Eye.

To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.