Archive: metaposts

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Hey all, it’s time for your top comment!

On who takes the FW flashback pictures: “I dunno, the yearbook committee? ‘Quick, beatdown of Les at 4 today, grab the camera. We can put the photos in a scrapbooky collage thing between the freshman and sophomore pages. I have some blank speech bubble stickers to put on them. Write something about Les pissing himself.’ At least that’s how I would’ve run Westview High’s yearbook committee.” –MaryAnnTheRest

And your very funny runners up!

“Maybe this mustache will make Dawn love me again.” –Chyron HR

Hamburger guy should definitely ask the waitress about pie.” –Dood

“For someone as lazy as Spider-Man is, he sure is good at rejecting the most obvious solution.” –TheDiva

“Margo laughs as she imagines Tommie’s destiny: a hungover Dan Diller, after a night of inebriated wild monkey sex with aunt Iris, vomiting on Tommie over breakfast.” –Hibbleton

COME ON FONT, BOLD! BOLD! BOLD!” –Red Greenback

“Really, Mark Trail is still wearing that band aid, how long is he going to milk this whole getting shot in the head thing.” –Rob

“Remember, if you’re not going, ‘wait, what?’ you’re not reading the real Dick Tracy.” –Chip Whittle

“Friday’s strip ends in Liza’s apartment, which is revealed to be a floor-to-ceiling shrine to Dr. Drew Cory. In the last panel, Liza, in her wedding dress, points her gun at Drew and says, ‘For you and me .. the moment is NOW.'” –frippy

“Ever the cheapskate, Dr. Drew is now taking to winning women’s hearts with romantic lunches sitting on the mat of a boxing ring. You go, Dr. Drew. I’m in your corner.” –Edgy DC

“Those who believe that Abbey will tell Soph that she should hide her intelligence are wrong, as are those who think Abbey will tell Soph to be proud of her intelligence. Nor will Abbey recommend that Soph stop competing. Instead, this story line will play out the same as all the others: completely forgotten as we suddenly switch to another plot.” –Frank Lee Meidere

“Like so many times with soap opera strips, I find myself drawn to the contents of some characters’ glass. Is the young lady in Mary Worth drinking milk? Opaque water? Opaque vodka? I’m hoping toward the latter, as it’s the only thing that would take my mind off of the cafeteria paint job, which seem to have been pre-coloured to hide my vomit the moment it hits the walls.” –Black Drazon

“Is it wrong that I hope the next three days are Les being beaten to a pulp? That’s for being so smug all the time in the future!” –S. Stout

Mary Worth is on its way to becoming the pointiest comic on the block, with characters over the last week or so pointing more and more frequently to make pointy points. I think there could still be more, though. Take today’s strip, it could have gone like this: Liza: (pointing at Drew) ‘I like your attitude! You have an attractive appreciation for life.’ Drew: (pointing at self) ‘I can’t help being thankful for my life and all that’s in it!’ Liza: (Pointing to Drew’s smiling mouth) ‘I’m attracted to that happiness … (pointing to self) and I’d like to add to it.’ Drew: (pointing towards crotch) ‘There’s a lot to be grateful for!'” –pugfuggly

“Les, like the wily garden toad, has a bladder a quarter the size of his torso. It’s the only defense he has: copious nervous urination.” –Baka Gaijin

“If Mark Trail were Funky Winkerbean, the big arrow labeled ‘TERMINAL’ would be foreshadowing.” –David Willis

“Is there anything Luann’s Mrs. Horner can’t do? Other than avoid being in this strip, that is.” –True Fable

Mary Worth is far too subtle for me — does this woman like the doctor or not?” –Gump Worsley

“Just a moment, June, my Rex-Sense is tingling. It warns me when people expect empathy from me.” –Jesse R

“What the hell club would name Momma ‘Mother of the Year?’ The Khmer Rouge?” –Doctor Handsome

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Folks, I shan’t beat around the bush: this here is your comment of the week.

Blaze arrives on the scene, to fill his new role as exposition bomb, and what a bomb! Luke Skywalker haircut, shirt open to the winds to accentuate his flat, bare and pallid flesh, neckerchief tied tight enough to introduce constant auto-erotic asphyxiation. Blaze is ready to drop his contractually obliged one-line-a-year, folks, let’s sit back and enjoy.” –Black Drazon

And your runners up! So funny!

“Geez, Cherry, you’re supposed to spray that stuff on the spiders, not sniff it yourself. Oh well, she looks like she’s plenty wired now. Mark will have even more trouble than usual fending off her physical advances.” –Digger

Spider-Man: “‘He’s just pretending to be asleep!’ Say what you want about Peter but he’s the expert on actual versus pretend sleeping. He’s also pretty good on head injuries.” –Chip Whittle

‘Now here’s one by Woody Guthrie, about the plight of…’ is not a sentence I would ever stick around for the end of in real life, so kudos to Gil Thorp for realizing that I wouldn’t in a comic strip, either.” –Doctor Handsome

Trying to sell milk to cows sounds less like a con artist and more like a man unable to formulate a workable business strategy.” –Dave

“Look, son! I get Men’s Workout right here on my electronic reading device! It’s like a crisp, new copy every time.” –Comcis Fan

“And what about the bright red cashmere sweater? We are sadly aware that the days of doctors dressing like professionals is over, but Dr. Cory’s aggressively blatant leisurewear rather sends the message that he really doesn’t have any interest whatsoever in his patients. One could say the same for Dr. Cory the Younger’s Spanx® t-shirt.” –Fashion Police

“I like watching Dr. Drew between panel one and two here. ‘Liza’ is checking him out in panel two, while Dr. Drew examines the medical chart of the orange suited man he just cheerily waved goodbye to, his grim expression clearly reading as ‘Oh shit, I probably shouldn’t have said “see you later” to that guy. Ha ha! I’m a terrible doctor.'” –Tophat

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

  • Is your computer running slow?: Crucial can help. A memory upgrade is one of the most affordable, effective ways to boost performance! Our tools find the right upgrade–guaranteed compatible. Upgrades for PCs, notebooks, netbooks, and Macs. Affordable, easy to install. Online customer/tech support.

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Guys, do you remember earlier this month, when I made a joke about Wilbur’s sandwich photography Tumblr? Well, obviously — obviously — this is a thing that actually exists. Obviously!

Anyway, now it is time for your comment of the week:

“Is Iris the on-call person for the Fortune Cookie Hotline? Reminding people to add ‘in bed’ is just one of the many services the FCH provides.” –bartcow

And your runners up! Very funny!

“I have long suspected the Beetle Bailey tanks were inflatable.” –Rusty

“Wow … Iris is puttin’ the moves on the old hobo guy. See how she distinctly eyes him when she says ‘In bed’ and he’s all ‘That’s what I’m talkin’ about’. She might as well just straddle him right there. Then I’ll just kill myself.” –Andie

“Look, I know it’s dumb to complain about the artwork in Crock, and I wouldn’t say anything if it were just the people and animals and buildings that were painfully off-model. But seriously, how hard is it to draw the sun? It’s a fucking circle.” –Dr. Handsome

Really Dan? Flying in from Colorado? I’m not going to judge you, we both know you’re here to sing your greatest hits at the Ramada Inn Lounge on 52nd St. Now let’s hear some ‘We’ve got tonight.'” –Maggie the Cat

“Clearly this man is a genie, as you can even see Lonnie rubbing the lamp in panel one.” –Poor Thompson

9CL: Oh my God. I think I’ve finally found my breaking point, and it’s seeing two chicks in bathrobes hanging all over an alarmed Seth. It’s like a stupid, hurty version of Three’s Company.” –Shem

“I like the band-aid on Mark Trail’s head. It’s a helpful reminder that he was shot, presumably in the head.” –SideshowJon

“I, for one, am predicting that Beetle Bailey will go into a Funky Winkerbean-esque slide into depressing melodrama, starting with the revelation that Halftrack is now developing Alzheimer’s. Or schizophrenia. Which one makes old people dress up like Flintstones characters, again?” –Sillstaw

“Note that Miss Buxley doesn’t say ‘the Army’s budget reduction’; instead, she says ‘our budget reduction.’ What she means is that Walker-Browne industries are losing money, and they are in danger of being taken over by Parker-Hart. General Halftrack is therefore being proactive by trying to stake out a claim on a role in B.C., lest he join the rest of his troops in being re-assigned to Crock. Can you blame him?” –seismic-2

Judge Parker: “I think Sophie’s blooming into womanhood will consist of the sound effect ‘BO-YO-YO-YOING.'” –Chyron HR

“Elizabeth Taylor immortalized the role of Margo in Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf; Richard Burton played Alan/Trey/Jack, and Sandy Dennis was Lu Ann. The role of Tommie was played by no one, who received that year’s Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress.” –Uncle Lumpy

“Since Luann has the features and bone structure of a Jack o’ Lantern, she has good reason to be depressed about the aging process.” –Mustang

“Here’s a tip on making FW enjoyable. Virtually every Funky strip can be spiced up if you imagine one final panel where someone says, ‘Awwww, snap!'” –Captain Plaid Pants

“I’ve always held the belief that the best way to make a marginally witty joke sound funnier is to employ a funny voice at a key moment, but the Gasoline Alley suit guy seems to go for wild arm gestures and ta-daaa moves like he’s some sort of terrible pun magician.” –Drew Funk

Also there is this awesome thing from commodorejohn which was too long for consideration, but awesome nonetheless.

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