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Just a quick COTW this week, and then I’m taking a belated holiday weekend off. See y’all Monday! Here’s your top comment:

“Come on, Mary. Why look so scared? It’s beautiful when two people find real love. You should give it a chance. What? Why not give it a chance, Mary? Perhaps you should work on whatever problem is holding you back from love. What would Jung say, Mary?” –Comcis Fan

And the funny runners up!

“I thought calling Ziggy a loser was a statement of fact, not an insult. It’s like calling your physician ‘doctor.'” –TheDiva

“I’m inordinately worried about that cup of boiling-hot tea precariously perched on the arm of the couch in today’s Marvin. Actually, ‘worried’ might not be the right term. ‘Hopeful’ might be better.” –Patrick

“Ah! So this ludicrous ‘undercover fisherman’ storyline is just an excuse to have Bill Ellis pose in creepy ways for HR’s next sexual harassment PowerPoint.” –Doctor Handsome

“I guess I just don’t see why this Mark Trail strip has to be from Bill’s point of view anyhow, seeing as he’s just repeating everything Mark’s saying in the first place, sitcom-style. ‘Why yes, Mark, Kelly and her bizarrely Rusty-like face are here. What? Why yes, she IS wearing her modest fuchsia top and apparently masturbating right in front of me. How did you know?'” –els

“I can’t wait for Kelly Welly to get to the fishing hole for a week of bacchanalian debauchery with Mr. Trail. She’ll blow his cover and his mind.” –Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™

“I .. I can’t tell how many eyes that moose has.” –whozitwhatzit

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

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As promised, here’s your Friday comment of the week — comment of the last nearly two weeks, due to the shift:

“‘We think you are the most qualified person to help us’ is such an indefensibly stupid thing to say, where ‘you’ = ‘Mark Trail,’ that the strip immediately cuts to a very long view of the scene. ‘Obviously there’s no longer any reason to listen to this guy. Here are some ducks, conspicuously not discussing Mark Trail’s “qualifications.” Don’t they look wise?'” –Mollie

And the runners up! Very funny! And very many, because so long in waiting:

“I do love Frank’s brilliant political sense. ‘If this little-known nature reporter writes an article in an obscure magazine, I’m done for! But if that reporter dies under mysterious circumstances and all the evidence points to me … happy days are here again!'” –The Ghost of Jarrod

“‘Holy M**krel’ indeed. I thought MT was a family strip where gentlemen formally apologize to each other as they take their beatings, and now this? Filth.” –DumbBlone

“So you’re fine with how Billy is wearing a clean white shirt with collar and cuffs, more dressed up than the average churchgoer is for First Communion these days? What’s he doing, going right from dinner to managing a ‘Nifty Fifty’ stock portfolio in 1968?” –Chip Whittle

“Mark Trail: Say what you will about Mary Worth, but it didn’t take Aldo the better part of a week to drive over a cliff.” –Charlene

“Scott, my hero! He’s so assertive, and confident, and, er, physically intimidating with women, and, um, easily angered … But at least Mary likes him, so … Hoo-boy, I’ve made a terrible mistake, haven’t I?” –BigTed

“Sure it looks bad when the obviously-drunk Scott starts an altercation in the middle of the wedding store, but really, could you go shopping for invitations with Adrian, Jill, and Mary Worth without getting completely hammered first? I thought not.” –Truckasaurus

“The clown wants Ziggy’s funnies — or as the rest of us call them, kidneys.” –Master Mahan

“Jill reeled away from Scott. ‘No, assertive and dominant males! My one weakness!’ Panicking, she ran off into the night and the entire department store cheered. Then, Scott and Adrian finally got married, in the prettiest wedding Charterstone had ever seen. Anyways, I’m glad you all stuck with me through this extended Mary Worth fanfic. It’s really hard to bring back characters from old storylines, and to write fanfic in general when you’re a misogynist, and I appreciate that you all … what? King Features is publishing what?” –Black Drazon

“I love how Mark thinks that pulling a lifeless, ripped-apart torso from a burning car counts as saving it.” –Mark

“Why would you want an easily forgettable design? Why not be like Mary, whose top will be haunting my dreams for months to come and may cause me to seek solace in therapy or alcohol?” –Pozzo

“Would you mind picking up a few groceries for me? I wrote this list down five months ago, and was starting to think I’d never find someone to thrust it at … angel.” –ks

“I’m sorry, I don’t follow Funky Winkerbean anymore because I still have the will to live.” –Cranky

“Panel one of Mark Trail is amazing. Considering that it doesn’t cost comic strips any more to have flaming cars suspended from cliff faces than it does to have talking heads, I’m now profoundly disappointed in every other comic ever.” –Aviatrix

“Is there any downside to Aunt May marrying the Mole Man? She seems taken with his gentlemanly-like kidnapping, and she’d no longer be a lonely widow. And he seems to be able to take care of himself, so there’s not a lot of risk of him dying due to SpiderMan’s apathetic behavior towards criminals. (‘Hmm, I can’t decide between watching TV or fighting the Giant Weed Wacker of Death … oh no! Uncle Mole Man has been slain while I was watching American Idol. Now I feel guilty.’)” –FafMor

On the first panel of this strip: “There are musicals with subtler choreography.” –commodorejohn

“I like how Daddy’s phrasing and Mommy’s expression indicate there has been no discussion about dinner. It’s not we who decided who was making dinner, just I. ‘You know what? I bet I could make dinner. So, is the oven hot all the time, or is there someone I have to call?'” –He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus

“For the past few days, I’ve been wondering where the bums in Dick Tracy got all the Cubs merch. Today, I’m far more preoccupied with where they got those kicky scarves that look like human arms.” –Gold-Digging Nanny

“Also, what happened to Donna’s necklace between panels 1 and 2? Is she promoting her website with the world’s most modest striptease?” –Patrick

“PJ is just biding his time: ‘Stay cool, ’J, stay cool. It’s only a matter of time before you’re tall enough to reach the knife drawer.'” –bourbon babe, unbuckled

“‘Addicted to life in a courtroom?’ Does he suck the bailiff’s blood?” –Lawyerbob

“Sure, Jim Davis may have insulted veterans yesterday, but where is the apology for those of us that read Garfield every day?” –Darkefang

“I’m just admiring how June’s eyes match her shirt, a lovely pea-soup green. Contacts? Jaundice? Who can say?” –bbofun

“Just who the hell is on the other end of this conversation, anyway? Does Zombie Hank Ketcham think that Facebook cold-calls people to encourage them to join?” –This Guy

“‘You need anything … and I mean ANYTHING … you call me, Miss.’ ‘You mean like … sexual intercourse?’ ‘Oh no … ho ho ho … I mean actual repair help. See, while I look bland and milquetoast, the secret is I actually am.'” –tb4000

“Are the Poles white enough to move into A3G territory? Go figure.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Mark, I hope we can be friends again. Because I still want to try to kill you in laughably ineffective ways.” –Flummoxicated

“What do you mean not naturalistic? There’s a duck! It’s right there! How much more naturalistic do you want?” –Tim

“Let’s see. I think I have the Milford Power Structure figured out: The town police chief informs the football coach/athletic director of all pending criminal investigations surrounding his team. The coach feints the use of a suspended student in a game to lure the principal into the open. AND AT THE HOMECOMING BONFIRE WE BURN THE INFIDELS! Go Mudlarks.” –UncleJeff

“Wow, yeah, most people would probably go with the somewhat more defensible ‘Hey, if I don’t do it, someone else will,’ but no, according to Cody, somebody’s got to do it. ‘What, coach? Kids need drugs; I need cash — it’s win-win. Do you honestly want to live in a world where the kids walk around not constantly high as fuck? Does anyone?'” –Violet

“Perhaps Mark thinks the US Customs Department is in charge of actual, you know, customs — wearing white after Labor Day, fireworks vs sparklers, whether dogs can come into restaurants, who can safely wear facial hair, that sort of thing. Otherwise I can’t imagine why he finds this guy ‘interesting’.” –The Ridger

“Much like Ziggy, our sun is about 40% too small to go out in some sort of gargantuan cataclysm, leaving a profound permanent hole in what we thought was reality behind. No, like Ziggy, Sol will flare up furtively for a few hundred million years before shrinking forever into a paralyzingly unremarkable white dwarf. Which I guess makes this the best Ziggy joke ever.” –Johann Sebastian Coch

“Agent Giant Duck is right, Mark, you can easily mix with fishermen. I’ve got to get back to the set of It Happened One Night before Claudette Colbert notices that I’m gone.” –Ed Dravecky

“I must admit, I’d like to see David Dimbleby commentating on the Mole Man/May wedding. ‘And on the left hand side of this dark, underground cavern, we can see — or we could if there was any light — the Children’s Choir of Subterrainea. Of course, Moloids are unable to speak, let alone sing, but these mutated monsters have been personally selected by Mole Man for the harmony of their disturbing squelching noises…'” –Some Guy

“If the Mole Man spent two months salary on that engagement ring, I think lazy-ass Peter better start addressing him as Uncle Mole and ask if he has any openings at the mine.” –LUJBEM FEJF

“Apparently, ‘Well-Known Outdoorsman’ is a thing now.” –Doctor Handsome

“Oh, Spiderman doesn’t want Aunt May to marry a wealthy stranger? Maybe he should have thought of that before he let her old husband die!” –AndyL

“For a foster kid with emotional attachment disorder, Cody has a pretty breezy, mellow outlook. Oh right, the drugs.” –Walker of Dog

“Jeffy’s attempt to fool his grandmother into believing that heretical modern behavior like ‘reading’ is countenanced when she is not present is sadly belied by that dust coming off the book when it is closed.” –DaveyK

“The compulsive exposition at the end of Dick Tracy plots is charming — like a six-year old with a stutter trying to explain a Harold Pinter play.” –Uncle Lumpy

“A3G is setting up the most convoluted ‘twelve inch pianist’ joke EVER.” –One-eyed Wolfdog

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

• Is your computer running slow? Crucial can help. A memory upgrade is one of the most affordable, effective ways to boost performance! Our tools find the right upgrade — guaranteed compatible. Upgrades for PCs, notebooks, netbooks, and Macs. Affordable, easy to install. Online customer/tech support available.

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Your comments of the week in a moment, but first, an exciting photo of a reader wearing Comics Curmudgeon merch! I have been terribly remiss in keeping up my store — surely some t-shirt worthy catch phrase/publicly available clip art combo is out there for the making? — but that hasn’t stopped faithful readers from donning classic merch! For instance, faithful reader KarMann is here modeling a classic “Work them like a claw and call me Randy” t-shirt, made all the more appropriate by the fact that his non-Internet name is, in fact, Randy!

(Take a step into the wayback machine to research the origin of this phrase, though trust me, it doesn’t make that much more sense in context.)

And with that out of the way, brace yourself for your COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“There’s still time for this to be the surprise uncovering of Milford’s largest underground oregano ring! ‘I just wanted to cook so that I could find someone that loves me!!’ THERE’S STILL TIME!” –Black Drazon

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Shouldn’t there be some kind of, I don’t know, italics or something to show that bird-momma is groaning and not actually saying ‘Groan’? Or maybe she is, and we learn that the birds who rule this upside down world may have learned the art of annoying clichés like ‘Y is the new X’, but they have yet to master the subtleties of the onomatopoeia.” –Francisco Arrowroot

“Given Marmaduke’s aggression and history of willful disobedience, I assume he was never neutered, which makes this image of two children staring up at his airborne scrotum even more disturbing.” –JC

“‘Hard to please and also gross’, huh? Well, welcome to the Internet!” –Tom Allen

“Explain to me again why Lucky has to go to some other forest when the Johnsons live in the very forest where Lucky is from, you know, the one where he lived with his mother until she stepped away for five minutes and he was stolen by a pair of pink-skinned bipeds? Are they worried about Frank seeking revenge? Leave it to Mark Trail to have witness protection for wild animals, but no local law enforcement to arrest people who trespass or commit assault.” –Mr. Goboto

“That independent thinking and competent decision making must stand Adrian in good stead as a doctor. ‘So, Mr. Harris, I was going to remove your gallbladder as planned, but the anesthesiologist told me that was considered passe nowadays, and so we were going to go for an appendectomy but the nurse said if she had to assist at another of those she would just die of boredom, and then your wife chimed in and well, you know how it is, getting everyone to agree on something, so, long story short: you now have a baboon heart and a smaller nose.'” –Violet

“Yes, only cowards don’t go with their heart. You don’t want me to think you’re a coward do you? DO you?” –TheTJ

“Thanks for pointing out the Tommie story lines. My brain has begun to tune her out. It’s like those Magic Eye things from the ’90s. I stare and squint at A3G for the longest time until you lean over and tell me, ‘It’s about Tommie. Her aunt is in town or something,’ and then I pretend to see it so we can move on to making fun of Crankshaft.” –Thinks He’s Brenda Starr

“I don’t really believe that Adrian is obsessed with the opinions of others, though: if that were true, how could she still have that haircut?” –Trilobite

“OH LOOK IT’S ANOTHER LUMPY-FACED WHITE LADY WITH ORANGE HAIR. Apartment 3G is turning into Being John Malkovich, but with lumpy-faced white ladies with orange hair. I guess this one has a double chin to indicate she’s not Ruby (whose distinguishing accessory is dorky bows) or Margo’s shooty stepmum (gun) or Aunty Iris (jaunty turtleneck and ‘That Girl’ flip) or the makeover lady (equally unappealing daughter) BUT JESUS CHRIST WHY DOES EVERYONE IN THIS STRIP HAVE TO BE A LUMPY-FACED WHITE LADY WITH ORANGE HAIR.” –JupiterPluvius

“Apparently Thel was on the phone with Blondie, signing off with ‘Who’s got the most improbable bust-to-waist ratio now, bitch?'” –Uncle Ritzy Fritz

“I’m taking the laughable popularity of Les’s book — I’ve seen shorter lines for Saul Bellow — as an indication of just how awful life in Westview is. ‘Lisa Moore? She’s one of the lucky few who made it out of here, right? What’s her secret?'” –Spunde

“What’s sad with Apartment 3-G is the lost opportunity. You have the perfect setup — ‘Who is Prissy, Mrs. Bloom?’ — and then no punchline at all. Mrs. Bloom could have at least responded, ‘Why, Margo, of course!’ before launching into how she’s actually referring to her cat, who, like Margo, drinks milk from a saucer and frequently bathes and sleeps.” –Dood

“This is why Frank in Mark Trail would be a great governor: complete transparency. Every shady deal or legislative malfeasance would be shouted out an open window to the waiting press below.” –ArchieNemesis

“I’m OK with Frank’s pro-homicide platform, but how’s his prostate?” –Walker of Dog

“I particularly like the way The Greg & Mort Walker Amalgamated Humor Corporation, LLC decided to put ‘doggie bag’ in quotes, as though it’s some obscure, industry-specific phrase that the rest of us who aren’t ‘in the biz’ might not recognize, which could, in turn, lead us to mistakenly assume that Sarge has simply given up all pretense of dignity and is now blatantly raiding Otto’s food bowl in broad daylight.” –Ringo Beaumont III

“That’s the shittiest looking weed ever. Those are totally XXL Chalupas from Taco Bell.” –Hamsterpants

“Dennis appears to be stealing his dialogue from Family Circus. This is a good move for him — few things are as menacing as Jeffy’s dead eyes.” –Master Mahan

“I think the reason Crankshaft is complaining about the local Cleveland football team in the most generic sense is that someone must have realized how bad it would look to have a comic strip with an angry old white man complaining relentlessly about ‘the Browns.'” –Lorne

As ever, big thanks go out to everyone who put some cash in my tip jar! And, while there are no advertisers to thank this week, there have been some exciting updates to our advertising offerings, so please check those out!