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Hope that your weekend of happy fun times is all the happier because it begins with this week’s top comment:

“All hail Martine! Plumber’s apprentice to Dracula!” –Artist formerly known as Ben

And these runners up are also fun!

“Yes, this is the first time we’ve had sex where you weren’t thinking of your dead wife, so I thought for a change that I would bring her up … so, are you thinking of her now?” –pugfuggly

“I love the sad, sad picture of Snuffy on that poster. He took his hat off and Lukey took a picture of his hangdog expression to commemorate the occasion. Lukey is kind of a dick.” –Faoladh

“If the tongue-waggin’, droopy boob scenes we see in Snuffy Smith are representative of the strip’s whole universe, then I doubt that there are any cute cat uploaders because there is nothing cute whatsoever in the poorly-drawn dystopia that is Hootin’ Holler. Even a baby seal’s mouth would become a yawning maw from which no adorableness can escape when it laughed.” –Neigedens

“Having told the duck all of her dark and terrible secrets Helga proceeded to kill it, cook it, and serve it to Hagar so he could understand her better without the terrible burdens of communication and knowledge.” –NoahSnark

“Look, I’m way beyond being bothered by the implication that Clovis intends to beat his wife for many more years, or the fact that Snuffy finds that hilarious. But Clovis’s facial expression in the last panel is fucking inexcusable. He looks like the world’s ugliest sea lion getting ready to perform cunnilingus on the devil.” –Doctor Handsome

“Les is a success at last! If only he had another book in him to keep the momentum going. What else could he Frey-fake-memoir about? No, gotta keep it real, since the Three Cups of Tea scandal they’re really checking. Too bad someone else close to Les isn’t dying. Too bad. Too bad. The white screen stares in front of him, mocking him with its emptiness. The kitchen knives call his name from their drawers. So many people in Westview in pain, and Les could fix it all. They’d thank him, really, especially when they get movies made about them. Cayla wants to be as famous as Lisa, doesn’t she? Of course she does. Of course. Go get those knives, Les. It’s all for the sake of art.” –MaryAnnTheRest

“I love Snuffy Smith’s reaction in the final panel there, clutching his head in disbelief. ‘Haw haw haw! Fifteen! You said fifteen! That’s definitely a thing that you said! … Okay, I dunno what a fifteen is.'” –Tophat

“I hope we can remain friends! If I’m lucky, she’ll say ‘yes’ when I get down on one knee and offer her this diamond friendship ring. And I hope she’ll accept my offer to move into my place, since I’ve really been struggling with the rent since my last roommate moved out and it’d be great to have a new roomie that I’m already friends with. You know, I don’t see how this breakup could go wrong at all!” –Krazy Kat

“Spider-Man is thinking, ‘I want to erect a monument to this conversation … where can I find a grade of marble boring enough?'” –Kibo

“Did you think the vampires in Twilight were awful? Just wait; Spider-Man features vampires who can’t even successfully turn into vampires. They can only melodramatically shrug at their inability to become vampires and then argue about it. On the other hand, they do have horrifically over-sized eyebrows.” –Alan’s Addiction

“What’s that? They want to make Lisa’s Story into a movie? And hire me as a consultant? Thanks, but I just got laid for the first time since she died and … I guess I’m just not that obsessed by it any more. Ok? Thanks — bye.” –cheech wizard

“I need a C-band uplink, gentleman. I shall also require some Grey Poupon.” –Ned Ryerson

“‘OH MARGO. I’M GOING TO CRY.’ ‘YES.’ ‘THIS IS DEFINITELY HOW THE HU-MANS PORTRAY EMOTION.’ ‘YES.’ ‘WE ARE NOT AT ALL UNFEELING SPACE ROBOTS FROM THE BEYOND.’ ‘NO.'” –commodorejohn

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:

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Sorry this is going up so late, guys — I spent the day seeing tons of movies at the always awesome Maryland Film Festival (and if you’re within driving distance of Baltimore, I expect you to be there this weekend). But anyway: your comment of the week!

“I just want to say to anyone who thinks today’s Mark Trail is like gay porn: you have bad taste in gay porn.” –nescio

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Ziggy’s never ridden anyone in his life and likely never will, so this is his big chance! With the cost priced at Ziggy’s income level and his pants already off, Ziggy is ready for action.” –S. Stout

“I like to think that Mr. Wilson’s evil, hate-filled gaze caused Dennis’s glass to implode. I think that giving Mr. Wilson freaky mind-powers would make this strip the indisputable greatest thing, ever. If you disagree with that statement, merely imagine it as, ‘Grumpy Old Men: Scanners.’ Still don’t like the idea? That’s all right; telekinetic Mr. Wilson knows where you live and can literally change your mind.” –Alan’s Addiction

“Berna and Rex lean over the parapet to see Dex yelling from a trap door. Soon, they will scramble down the leaning slab to rescue him. It’s true what they say: Brutalism’s spatial vocabulary is overconstrained.” –Uncle Lumpy

“Greatest trios in history: 5. Bird, McHale, Parrish. 4. Moe, Larry, Curly. 3. Cobain, Grohl, Novaselic. 2. Father, Son, Holy Spirit. 1. Today’s Mark Trail: Tron, Thundarr the Barbarian, and Jeff Hostetler.” –Gene S.

“I thought I was grossed out by Les’s kissing Lisa because Lisa is dead. But no, now that I see Les kissing a living woman, that’s gross too. From the way he extends his lips, I imagine they squish like liver and are slightly watery around the edges.” –Katy

“I know it’s way too much to hope that Savarna has found true love with a nice human male who carries on normal conversations and never wears purple tights and stripey shorts. But she does seem genuinely gleeful, so I’m hoping she recently discovered vibrators.” –Poteet

“Humans are less to us than beasts are to them! For example, it wouldn’t even occur to any human to force beasts to watch this idiotic storyline play out! Their compassion is their weakness!” –Doctor Handsome

“When exactly did Martine change from last week’s brown-housecoat-over-a-pink-dress ensemble to her current ‘Jazzercize bride of darkness’ look, anyway?” –TheDiva

“So Quill did not go to the pageant, apparently. He had the opportunity to attend an abysmally conceived and almost unfathomably haphazardly executed parade of shame at a jam-packed frankfurter emporium and he just let it pass? What the hell did he even come to this country for, anyway?” –Violet

“Tips from Mark Trail: If you’re out in the woods and without a sleeping bag, find a giant summer squash, cut it open and use it as your sleeping bag. It’s squishy, but warm.” –Dood

“Oy, mopey Les sex. What am I bet that he gives her the cancer with his sad, sad wiener?” –Hamsterpants

“THERE SURE ARE A LOT OF DIFFERENT NOISES AROUND HERE, ANDY! YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL HERE IN THE PART OF THE FOREST WHERE IT IS BOTH NIGHT AND DAY SIMULTANEOUSLY. IF YOU DISTURB THE WILD YOU MIGHT ATTRACT UNWANTED ATTENTION FROM BEARS, THAT COUGAR WE SAW MOMENTS AGO, OR THE POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS MAN WE’RE STALKING!! BUT ITS NOTHING FOR EXPERIENCED WOODSMEN LIKE US TO BE WORRIED ABOUT! I’LL JUST FALL ASLEEP AN INCH FROM THIS UNATTENDED FIRE AND I’LL SEE YOU IN THE MORNIzzzZZZZzzzzzZZZzZZZ…” –Black Drazon

Oh, I read you! You want to see my shrine to my dead wife in the attic!” –AndyL

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Crucial tech tips: Run the Crucial System Scanner to find out what type of memory you have installed.

To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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You guys, I normally do my ad love bit at the end of this post, but this week’s ad should get better treatment, because it’s for a book written by One Big Happy scribe and faithful Comics Curmudgeon reader Rick Detorie: The Accidental Genius Of Weasel High! Kirkus Reviews says: “No accidental work of genius, this — Detorie’s carefully crafted novel is an engaging experience.” And Stephan Pastis of Pearls Before Swine says “This book gets the highest rating I can give a book without actually being paid to say so.” Well, I’m being paid, but I still think you should check it out.

And now, your comment of the week!

“Wait a minute! It has been amply demonstrated that Liza does not love Mountview Hospital. Are we to understand that she is a mug thief along with everything else?” –Violet

And your very funny runners up.

“I do like the drug metaphor. ‘I AM WHO I AM. Specifically, I am like heroin. Sweet, sweet heroin.'” –Neigedens

“Having successfully integrated the messages of his new corporate sponsors into a sermon, the preacher in Gasoline Alley proceeded on to phase 2 — replacing the sacrament with Diet Pepsi and Necco wafers.” –NoahSnark

“I hope when we finally see John Fucking Thrasher that he’s dressed in a hoodie and aviator glasses. And pants, too, I guess.” –Maggie the Cat

“Clearly, the purpose of Rick’s head examination was to select an Easter bonnet to go with his peach suit.” –Fashion Police

“I’m hoping that Rick’s statement ‘I was busy having my head examined’ is a euphemism for ‘trepanning.’ Gruesome, outdated medical procedures can only improve Apartment 3G, especially after Margo learns how to use them to further bend Tommie to her will. Failing that, I hope that ‘I was busy having my head examined’ is a euphemism for ‘seeing a phrenologist.’ Because 19th century pseudoscience is vastly preferable to seeing Rick go on for weeks about his numerous insecurities. Also, because I’m interested in any sort of explanation for all of his weird extra facial clefts seen in the second panel.” –Alan’s Addiction

“Liza is obviously flooding Facebook with iPhone photos of her half-eaten cafeteria sponge.” –Patrick

“Of course this nurse doesn’t have any information on this patient – it’s a little difficult to accurately diagnose a problem when the only equipment in your patient’s room is two IV stands and a cash register.” –Scott Bot

“Who gives a shit about this no-name gomer and his stupid fever when that crazy fucking nurse is releasing General Zod from the Phantom Zone?!” –Doctor Handsome

“Liza’s not a good nurse because she hasn’t got the patients. Get it? Huh? Patients = patience? Ha! Also because she lets them die while she plays Fruit Ninja.” –Esther Blodgett

“My favorite thing is how royally pissed the Python looks. ‘A freakin’ open-air cage? Anyone here ever hear of the rainy season? Happens every year? Hello!!?'” –boojum

“Remember that Morbius bit Spiderman during their battle. In most vampire mythologies this means that Spiderman would come under the vampire’s power. However the power is reversed here, as it is now poor Morbius who can’t keep his eyes open and can’t tell whether he’s awake or asleep. At their next encounter Morbius will meekly submit to Spiderman’s whims, which will involve a couch and widescreen plasma TV.” –Bill Thompson

“I dunno. I just assumed sandwich was code for ‘threesome’ personally.” –Jobrill

“In the third panel, who is the guy behind the sheriff? It looks like Mark in a bad ’70s porn star disguise. Maybe that is how Mark will get to talk to John Thrasher — either by delivering a pizza or say that he is there to clean the pool. –Liam

“Shouldn’t that be ‘2nite’? C’mon, girlfriend, that’s how all the hip texters talk! Oh, well, at least she hasn’t found a way to dot her i’s with little hearts.” –Pozzo

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