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Folks, I shan’t beat around the bush: this here is your comment of the week.

“Blaze arrives on the scene, to fill his new role as exposition bomb, and what a bomb! Luke Skywalker haircut, shirt open to the winds to accentuate his flat, bare and pallid flesh, neckerchief tied tight enough to introduce constant auto-erotic asphyxiation. Blaze is ready to drop his contractually obliged one-line-a-year, folks, let’s sit back and enjoy.” –Black Drazon

And your runners up! So funny!

“Geez, Cherry, you’re supposed to spray that stuff on the spiders, not sniff it yourself. Oh well, she looks like she’s plenty wired now. Mark will have even more trouble than usual fending off her physical advances.” –Digger

Spider-Man: “‘He’s just pretending to be asleep!’ Say what you want about Peter but he’s the expert on actual versus pretend sleeping. He’s also pretty good on head injuries.” –Chip Whittle

“‘Now here’s one by Woody Guthrie, about the plight of…’ is not a sentence I would ever stick around for the end of in real life, so kudos to Gil Thorp for realizing that I wouldn’t in a comic strip, either.” –Doctor Handsome

“Trying to sell milk to cows sounds less like a con artist and more like a man unable to formulate a workable business strategy.” –Dave

“Look, son! I get Men’s Workout right here on my electronic reading device! It’s like a crisp, new copy every time.” –Comcis Fan

“And what about the bright red cashmere sweater? We are sadly aware that the days of doctors dressing like professionals is over, but Dr. Cory’s aggressively blatant leisurewear rather sends the message that he really doesn’t have any interest whatsoever in his patients. One could say the same for Dr. Cory the Younger’s Spanx® t-shirt.” –Fashion Police

“I like watching Dr. Drew between panel one and two here. ‘Liza’ is checking him out in panel two, while Dr. Drew examines the medical chart of the orange suited man he just cheerily waved goodbye to, his grim expression clearly reading as ‘Oh shit, I probably shouldn’t have said “see you later” to that guy. Ha ha! I’m a terrible doctor.'” –Tophat

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

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Guys, do you remember earlier this month, when I made a joke about Wilbur’s sandwich photography Tumblr? Well, obviously — obviously — this is a thing that actually exists. Obviously!

Anyway, now it is time for your comment of the week:

“Is Iris the on-call person for the Fortune Cookie Hotline? Reminding people to add ‘in bed’ is just one of the many services the FCH provides.” –bartcow

And your runners up! Very funny!

“I have long suspected the Beetle Bailey tanks were inflatable.” –Rusty

“Wow … Iris is puttin’ the moves on the old hobo guy. See how she distinctly eyes him when she says ‘In bed’ and he’s all ‘That’s what I’m talkin’ about’. She might as well just straddle him right there. Then I’ll just kill myself.” –Andie

“Look, I know it’s dumb to complain about the artwork in Crock, and I wouldn’t say anything if it were just the people and animals and buildings that were painfully off-model. But seriously, how hard is it to draw the sun? It’s a fucking circle.” –Dr. Handsome

“Really Dan? Flying in from Colorado? I’m not going to judge you, we both know you’re here to sing your greatest hits at the Ramada Inn Lounge on 52nd St. Now let’s hear some ‘We’ve got tonight.'” –Maggie the Cat

“Clearly this man is a genie, as you can even see Lonnie rubbing the lamp in panel one.” –Poor Thompson

“9CL: Oh my God. I think I’ve finally found my breaking point, and it’s seeing two chicks in bathrobes hanging all over an alarmed Seth. It’s like a stupid, hurty version of Three’s Company.” –Shem

“I like the band-aid on Mark Trail’s head. It’s a helpful reminder that he was shot, presumably in the head.” –SideshowJon

“I, for one, am predicting that Beetle Bailey will go into a Funky Winkerbean-esque slide into depressing melodrama, starting with the revelation that Halftrack is now developing Alzheimer’s. Or schizophrenia. Which one makes old people dress up like Flintstones characters, again?” –Sillstaw

“Note that Miss Buxley doesn’t say ‘the Army’s budget reduction’; instead, she says ‘our budget reduction.’ What she means is that Walker-Browne industries are losing money, and they are in danger of being taken over by Parker-Hart. General Halftrack is therefore being proactive by trying to stake out a claim on a role in B.C., lest he join the rest of his troops in being re-assigned to Crock. Can you blame him?” –seismic-2

Judge Parker: “I think Sophie’s blooming into womanhood will consist of the sound effect ‘BO-YO-YO-YOING.'” –Chyron HR

“Elizabeth Taylor immortalized the role of Margo in Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf; Richard Burton played Alan/Trey/Jack, and Sandy Dennis was Lu Ann. The role of Tommie was played by no one, who received that year’s Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress.” –Uncle Lumpy

“Since Luann has the features and bone structure of a Jack o’ Lantern, she has good reason to be depressed about the aging process.” –Mustang

“Here’s a tip on making FW enjoyable. Virtually every Funky strip can be spiced up if you imagine one final panel where someone says, ‘Awwww, snap!'” –Captain Plaid Pants

“I’ve always held the belief that the best way to make a marginally witty joke sound funnier is to employ a funny voice at a key moment, but the Gasoline Alley suit guy seems to go for wild arm gestures and ta-daaa moves like he’s some sort of terrible pun magician.” –Drew Funk

Also there is this awesome thing from commodorejohn which was too long for consideration, but awesome nonetheless.

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You guys! You are I hope aware of [Citation Needed], the Wikipedia-themed Tumblr to which I contribute! You will probably also be aware of the associated podcast put out by mad genius Conor Lastowka. Well, I am in the most recent episode, talkin’ about the Wizard of Id! You will want to have a listen, I think.

Oh, and hey, it’s time for your comment of the week, of course!

“‘Script Westview’ is also known by another name: ‘Comic Sans Happiness.'” –Mibbitmaker

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Why is Constance’s nose growing? She hasn’t even denied killing Jackie yet!” –Chyron HR

“I used to fly kites when I was a kid and things were simpler. And you’re, like, ten now, right? I lose track of these things.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“How about this: ‘You’re a plugger if you think every aspect of your life is somehow more folksy and significant than everyone else’s.'” –Frank Lee Meidere

“I wish they would just end Ziggy and Pluggers. Both strips are played out, tired, and constantly recycling the same jokes. At least combine them into a single strip. I mean, Ziggy’s pets are already sentient and he’s, what, some kind of human-sloth hybrid, right? The caption for today’s Zuggers could read, ‘Zuggers talk to their pets like they’re people because actual people will have nothing to do with them.’ Alternatively, in Pliggy, the gas pump could be saying something insulting like ‘Prices are always going up, dipshit,’ or ‘Your ass already has plenty of gas.'” –Effluvius Erratus

“And with a triumphant and horrible cry, Mary Worth bursts out of Wilbur’s chest. ‘It was not this bloated oaf, whose maggoty flesh I have worn these last three weeks, but I who did devise this glorious, meddlesome scheme, I who saved dopey Dawn from the accursed Internet!’ At which point matters take a somewhat nasty turn.” –new_squid_in_town

“Now that is some goggle eyed horror! The Shoe artists must be used to the typical amounts of goggle-eyed-ness, and, like a heroin addict craving a fix, must be amping the goggle eyes to a ridiculous and potentially lethal level in order to just feel human.” –Conor

“‘I don’t know, Max — that just doesn’t “wring” true.’ My work here is done.” –Pozzo

Spider-Man: “The city is being terrorized — terrorized, I say — by a vampire with bad posture, split ends, and a propensity for hugs. Somewhere an emo band is wondering with ironic detachment where its lead singer has gotten to.” –Esther Blodgett

“Isn’t Lureen weeping at the sight of Loweezy’s wattle-scrotum-thingy? Lord knows, that’s what I’d do.” –Oregonian

“‘Didn’t Dag get the memo?’ It’s 2011 and he’s wearing a bowtie and a robin-egg blue trenchcoat — safe to say Dag has missed a lot of memos.” –R in CT

“‘Hobo tramp’ is not to be confused with Hobotramp, the Supertramp tribute band whose members are all homeless.” –frippy

“Well, he’s either Santa, God, or Aqualung. I like those odds!” –Chyron HR

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