Post Content

Thanks to everyone everywhere who sent me a link to this magnificent spoof trailer for a gritty, realistic Archie movie:

And now … your COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“Is this strip still about the horrible Twitter? Or is it about Wilbur’s loneliness and depression? I’m honestly not sure at this point.” –S. Stout

And your runners up! Very funny!

“I do like Abe reclining in the rocking chair with his hands behind his head. ‘That’s right, George, he shot me here, right in the back of the head! While I was at a fucking theatre!’” –Mooncattie

“I am surprised to not see any snark about Luann’s mom telling her to be like a cockroach. I would post some myself, but don’t want to admit I read that strip of my own free will.” –NoahSnark

“As annoying as it is when a long-running series is used to launch a disconnected spin-off, it’s also hard not to be excited about Jim Scancarelli’s new ‘Dead presidents in rocking chairs bitching about Earth from Hell’ strip.” –Jaliben

“I am starting to think that Wilbur and Dawn are actually the same person à la Fight Club. Like most ‘women’ online, Dawn is actually a frumpy, balding, middle-aged man. Wilbur’s alter ego is becoming autonomous, and only the brown syrupy juice of the Peyote plant can bring them back together.” –Jesse

“Hey, Wilbur, there’s a website I think you might want to check out. It’s called boundaries.com.” –Violet

“I doubt Loweezy can write, or that the Parson’s wife can read for that matter, so the ‘recipe’ she handed over is probably the eight slightly squiggly lines we see in the comic.” –TheTJ

“Since I didn’t get the part as Edward in the Twilight movies, I’ve lost all interest in vampirism. Except the bats. The bats I like.” –Scott Bot

“I still have hopes that the lady and her daughter are just hallucinations of rescue brought on by Mark’s massive blood loss. And also, that all of those seagulls are really vultures.” –BRWombat

“Mommy, guess how much stupid weighs!” –Doctor Handsome

“The most realistic part of this is that Mary and Rex are still fully clothed.” –Oregonian

“To be fair, mommy’s recipe calls for almost 40 lbs. of children.” –js

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

• Places you find cats: A daily webcomic about the random places cats end up. Every day is Caturday!

To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

Post Content

You know what Friday evening means, don’t you? Of course you do. IT’S YOUR TOP COMMENT!

“Buying real estate to impress the ladies seems to be the theme of A3G lately. I wonder who will buy Tommie an empty lot out in the suburbs. Oh, that’s right. Nobody.” –AndyL

And your hilarious runners up!

“Coming back can be difficult! …Especially coming back from the dead. Oh well, I’m gonna hang myself anyways.” –Alison

“The last panel does appear like a suicide attempt but, then again, I can’t imagine Mary taking her own life. Only her own life, I mean.” –Felix

“‘June tells Rex she’s going home with Berna to deal with Dexter!’ I have no idea what any of that means! But it certainly! sounds! important!” –BigTed

“Rex is donning the Mystical Gauntlet of Opulence. Invisible to mortal wage slaves, it grants him the power of Unbridled Spending.” –Doctor Handsome

“Iris is dead from internal bleeding, because Trey ran into her, literally. No wonder Margo is in such a good mood.” –Nekrotzar

“Does Batiuk even know what an ACL injury is? He seems to think that anything that isn’t cancer can be walked off or healed by a dog.” –Esther Blodgett

“Trey looks more like Margo every day, to the point I have to look at the hair bun to identify which is which. Is that how she reproduces?” –Zaratustra

“You know, I think this Rex Morgan storyline is really going to shine a spotlight on the fact that Rex is not actually a doctor and had his license suspended years ago. After all, there’s absolutely nothing he’s going to be able to do about all the injuries about to crop up now that Wolverine has invaded his strip, seeking the only place less interesting than Spider-Man to hang up his shingle and retire, violently.” –Black Drazon

“For some unknown reason, Spider-Man seems determined to give us nonstop plotlines about freakish mutants getting married. Well, better here than Gil Thorp, I suppose.” –Drew Funk

“In my opinion, The Chambers Affair is one of the best novels this year … which must suck for you, since that’s not the name of your book.” –True Fable

“I’m imagining that each book in Wilbur’s apparently large collection is hollowed out in order to secret sammiches.” –Dood

“I like that the current Mary Worth has managed to capture all the excitement of having lunch with my dad. All Mary has to do next is ask me if I’m going home to play my Gamebox 420 and the experience will be complete.” –Roktober

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

• When your moment comes, seize it: .CO is the web address that helps bring your ideas to life. Your opportunity is out there. Take it. Get inspired! Join the .COmmunity! CO makes “making your dream a reality” a reality. Learn more at Opportunity.CO

To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

Post Content

It’s time for your comment of the week … after dark.

“It’s actually a pretty gentle storyline. I mean, Mary could have drowned Jeff’s baby niece in the bathtub through neglect while coked out on Facebook or doing lines of Twitter.” –Illustre

And the hilarious runners up!

“So he’s already spent 0.66% of his three million dollars. Stop him, Berna! Stop him! He’s not like you — he doesn’t know that money isn’t meant to bring happiness!” –Frank Lee Meidere

“It appears that there’s a sinister sexual subtext in today’s Spider-Man as Peter uses his amazing finger-placement abilities to try and get his wife to sleep with him. ‘Good morning, honey! I have woken from my slumber with a Viagra-level problem that only you can assist me with! See, even the paper implores you to “Yank Something.” It’s not me! Jameson insists, nay, demands that you fulfill your marital duty!'” –Sunstreaker84

“I like imagining Daily Bugle editorial meetings: ‘Mr. Jameson, a low-rent crook told the cops a fantastical tale of being menaced by an undead creature out of superstitious European folklore!’ ‘That’s the craziest shit I ever heard! Do we have any confirmation?’ ‘Nope! Just the word of a skeevy, possibly doped-up career criminal!’ ‘Run with it! We have our Page One, people!'” –Doctor Handsome

“Yeah, sure, they hate each other, but strangely I’m kinda moved that Loretta went to the trouble to get party hats.” –Ichi

“I think it was nice of Special K to change from her red track suit to lilac blouse in honor of knee cancer. Their ribbons are lilac, because you’ll ‘lie like’ a bump on a log without that knee. SMIRK!” –Old School Allie Cat

“What gets me is Les’s expression of commingled boredom, confusion, and disgust as he tries to cope with listening to a conversation that’s not about him in any way. If there were a fourth panel, we would see him suddenly blurt, ‘I HAVE TO GO TO A BOOK SIGNING! FOR MY BOOK!’ The fifth panel would just see the characters staring at each other silently, while Les waits for the women to apologize for boring him with the details of their petty misfortunes, and to offer to give him a ride to the signing and a foot massage afterward. In the sixth panel, that is exactly what would happen.” –Obstreperous B

“I things are tough all over and real-world economic woes are oh-so-rudely threatening to puncture Sam Driver’s bubble of privilege. Soon, he’ll investigate the roots of the global economic downturn, discover that a cabal of rent-seekers has been siphoning off the world’s wealth for forty or so years, and thus solve the Mystery of the Missing Money. (Spoiler: Sam has it.)” –Effluvius Erratus

“Wait, so they cleared the court and sent the players to the locker room for a knee injury? Even in the NFL when a player is out cold and can’t move their extremities, the players stay on the field while they bring out the cart. But in the Funkiverse, they want to make sure that injuries are played for maximum dramatic effect. I suspect the locker rooms have the video of Brian’s Song playing on a continuous loop to set the mood.” –Calvin’s Cardboard Box

Spider-Man: “Ah, the old ‘Maybe he wasn’t’ ploy, always good for bringing back a character when you can’t be bothered to come up with a new plotline. ‘But wasn’t Snailman crushed by 3000 tons of Kosher rock salt and his remains fired into the sun?’ ‘Maybe he wasn’t!'” –New_squid_in_town

“I call Wilbur’s bold fashion choice of a shirt today ‘Ode to the Kidney.'”

“I think Margo is just thinking, ‘Finally, someone turned on by frigid, cold places. He’ll just love my … life.'” –Badger3k

FW: “After the coach is fired for not having any control over the team, Les More will be hired to coach the team. He’ll change the name of the team to the ‘Lisas,’ call each player ‘Lisa,’ and then write a book titled Lisa’s Daughter’s Legacy.” –thegatwickview

“People obsessed with the trivial details of other people’s lives? How shocking! By the way, did you see how black that kettle was?” –TheDiva

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

• Is your computer running slow? Crucial can help. A memory upgrade is one of the most affordable, effective ways to boost performance! Our tools find the right upgrade — guaranteed compatible. Upgrades for PCs, notebooks, netbooks, and Macs. Affordable, easy to install. Online customer/tech.
• Delirious: Even he’s not sure of his guilt! Question everything. Deceive everyone. Accused of multiple murders, Charlie Giles is an electronics VIP who has it all until he’s sucked into a web of madness and a desperate struggle to find the truth.
• When your moment comes, seize it: .CO is the web address that helps bring your ideas to life. Your opportunity is out there. Take it. Get inspired!
  Join the .COmmunity! CO makes “making your dream a reality” a reality. Learn more at Opportunity.CO

To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.