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Your COTW in just a second, but first: we’re all consumed by Apartment 3-G makeover mania, am I right? Obviously we’re all very curious about what the gals will look like, once they’ve been made over. Some commentors thought that the King Features About The Characters page offered a clue, but in fact the pics there are from the days of Alex Kotzky, the original artist. But now, I have an exclusive look, courtesy of faithful reader Brenda Starr Destroyer, of the future of 3G!

AHEM. And now … your comment of the week!

“SSmith: Every time you picture that guy from today’s throwaway panels having sex, take a drink. No, that’s not part of a game. It’s just sound advice.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

And the very funny runners up!

“This is what I love about the Batiuk-verse. Even if you’ve been in a car accident which has sent you back in time (!), you still have the presence of mind to make a terrible, terrible half-joke to an uninterested second party.” –Joe Blevins

“I don’t know what Mike and Jenna are on, but whatever drugs make you pick a pumpkin-colored jacket and matching Sansabelt slacks are drugs I want no part of.” –Patrick

“Tommie’s humiliation is somewhat spoiled for me, due to how much she’s obviously enjoying it. She’s the worst bottom ever. No wonder Margo is in such a bad mood all the time.” –Les of the Jungle Patrol

“Did anybody know about the reward? I used a newspaper ad so nobody would read it. Now, it looks like Rusty might get that dog back.” –Renee J

“Is Tommie really a singer now? Or was that all a ruse to get her on stage? I need to know so I can tell if this whole story is just mean or heart-breakingly cruel.” –AndyL

“I for one am disappointed that the naked Gunther storyline was dropped after just two weeks of fake ribaldry. Wouldn’t it have been great if the strip had become a single-joke comic called Luann Saw Gunther Naked? Okay, maybe not great, but better?” –FE

“Oh man, if you take all of Herb’s lines out of that strip it becomes an exceptionally creepy ‘Imma kill you for insurance money’ comic. Just look at Herb’s hideously bulbous eyes light up in the second panel when the idea hits him. He grapples with himself darkly in the third panel before clutching the coffee cup to himself, preparing to bash it off his mother-in-law’s head. She gives him a look of utter disdain … Mere porcelain can’t kill her, oh no Herb, you fool. Nothing can.” –Tophat

“Hey, Stan Lee writes what Stan Lee knows. In 1963 it was social anxiety. In 2010 it’s napping.” –SDL No More!

“This story arc explains so much. Obviously, Puppet Master also has a Spider-Man doll. He bought it years ago, and it’s still in its box, on a shelf.” –seismic-2

“Slim may have gotten ‘rocked’ after pulling an all-nighter moonlighting as a musician, but the true sports-hero’s-downward-spiral narrative comes with Mark Trail, as a closer examination of the dognapping neighbor reveals him to be former Mets first baseman Keith Hernandez.” –Harland

“You don’t think Mark Trail can hear facial hair? Guess again.” –Walker of Dog

“This isn’t Funk to the Future or It’s a Funkerful life. It’s The Cancer of Oz.” –Thomas B.

“Margo is bristling less at being called frumpy than she is at people thinking Lu Ann and Tommie are her friends.” –NoahSnark

“If this makeover results in fewer shirts buttoned all the way up to neck, I will be pleased as punch. However, if it means Margo stops dressing like Han Solo periodically, all the exposed clavicle in the world will not quell my rage.” –Business Pyjamas

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

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Let me finish my bout of holiday Monday bloggin’ with your COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“Or maybe Funky’s still alive and the rest of Westview died from a sudden bout of cancer! Did I just blow your minds?” –Carlo

And the runners up! Very funny!

“Please let Jenna’s answer be ‘Speaking of johnsons…'” –Push Trot

“How does the baseball hit the hat off Archie’s head, and bonk him square on top of the skull? This, coupled with Jughead’s leaping whoopee cap, suggests one possibility to me: hats in the Archie universe have evolved sentience and are attempting to escape into a funnier comic with their jumping prowess.” –dodoman1

“I hate all the clothes on all the melonheads, but I particularly hate those recurring cuffs on Jeffy’s pants. I want to pour a lot of sand in them and then watch his helpless tears.” –Poteet

“Which will do the most damage to Mary Jane, being horribly burned by Iron Man’s rocket boots or being sucked through the jagged hole in the plane’s fuselage? The correct answer is ‘remaining married to Peter Parker.'” –Ed Dravecky

“Does anyone in Santa Royale eat at any fern-free restaurants?” –Comcis Fan

“Interests that Jenna will have, given that this is a Mary Worth-sanctioned date: babies.” –Sophie

“When I was a little kid, imagining what life would be like when I’d grow up, I pictured becoming an astronaut, or a fireman, or a farmer. I pictured adventure and romance. Never once did I ever think I’d be interested in a Funky Winkerbean plot line, anxious to see what happens next. Is he dead? What’s going on? If my six-year-old self could see me now, he’d probably start crying from shame.” –Krazy Kat

“9CL: At least at the end of Casablanca someone got shot. Are we to be denied even that tiny gratification?” –Walker of Dog

“Can anybody explain how this fits in with the ‘Tommie is being set-up for her I Dressed in the Dark intervention’? This whole production seems too elaborate to have been staged as a ruse. It’s as if the Monterey Pop Festival had been staged so Janis Joplin’s friends could tell her she needed to do something about her hair.” –Ned Ryerson

“Speaking of interests, what are some of yours? I’m guessing, dudes with chest hair. Am I right?” –Mysterious Shirtless Lawyer

“Ipecac? What? Was she out of razor blades?” –Sans Sense

“Fragile and ladylike as always, MJ is so embarrassed by the suggestive webbing that she is tactfully shielding her eyes from it.” –Joe Blevins

“Tommy’s humiliation fills me with delight! Were she not fictional, I would feel ashamed. It seems to fill Margo with rage, though. Probably because she has never managed to belittle someone on such a grand scale. Sure, she’s made grown men weep, but never in front of a full auditorium. Never broadcast on national television. She probably feels like a bit of a failure in comparison. Whoever she dates next is in deep, deep trouble.” –Les of the Jungle Patrol

UPDATE: Here’s a pair of additional quotes that got considered for COTW but accidentally didn’t get pasted into this list before I published it — apologies!

“You’ve got to love Mark and Rusty’s gazing towards the horizon in hopes of spotting Sassy even though every dog in the area is running toward this old woman, to eat her.” –Black Drazon

“Perhaps some of the inky blackness slowly spreading across the turquoise night sky fell on Jenna’s face.” –LaurenM

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

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Your COTW momentarily, but first: a merch pic! I know I’ve neglected my store of late, but that doesn’t meant that faithful readers have neglected to take the fine products for sale therein on worldwide tours! For instance, here you can see faithful reader LouieLouie wearing her Molly the Bear shirt in Hong Kong. Perhaps the Buddha can help Molly understand that the hostility of others arises from their attachment to worldly things, which gives rise to suffering.

And now, without further ado, your comment of the week!

“I am really thrown by the implications of Dr. Mike’s ‘It’s great to connect after speaking on the phone.’ Are we to understand from this that at some point Mike and Jenna had a telephone conversation and they didn’t show it to us? Where’s the fire, there, Sparky? So far in 2010 there’s been at least a solid four and a half months of watching people read e-mail, or think about e-mail they’ve recently read.” –Violet

And the runners up! Very funny!

“So what would be the purpose of that Billy the Bookworm outfit, anyway? To make sure kids never want to read a book, ever?” –TinLizzie

“I’d rather just wear wet clothes than whatever that is Gunther has on. Wet clothes will dry, but once you wear a prosthetic penis-suit, you can never un-wear it.” –Darkefang

“If tomorrow is terrified swerving and Friday is the actual impact, Funky Winkerbean is going to die on my 40th birthday. It’s like God just glanced over at me and we locked gazes for a brief moment.” –killercoconut

“It’s called a spider-sense, MJ. Peter doesn’t have a ‘commotion-sense.’ Does this seat recline? Ahh, yes. It does.” –John Snyder

“Today’s Luann is … no, just can’t do it. Every time I try to concentrate on today’s strip enough to snark on it, my nose starts to bleed and I smell burning toast.” –Ed Dravecky

“Peter looks suspiciously blissed out for someone who’s squeezed into economy class and just learned that his wife wants to fuck Iron Man. I’d like to know what drugs he’s on.” –Poteet

“Tom Batiuk has confused Chekhov’s Gun with Orwell’s Boot Stamping on a Human Face — Forever.” –Spunde

“Don’t you pity Margo: her glass is half-empty ’cause she’s drinking from it, candy-ass!” –Uncle Lumpy

“‘Hey mom! I kind of wish I felt more romantic about Gunther.’ (ONE DAY PASSES) ‘Hey mom! I just got to see Gunther naked, and I can’t stop thinking about it.'” –Andy L

“It seems Funky has an iPhone 4! I wonder if he knows he could fix the signal attenuation problem by holding it a little differently — which would set up the next ultra-gloomy plot twist perfectly, as he attempts to pass the time waiting for a rescue by hopping online and staring into Rusty’s terrible, soulless eyes.” –GJ

“Given Dr. Mike’s orange blazer (Go Vols!), Jenna’s smudge-dress (Up yours, Big Dry-cleaning!), and their stilted, inane conversation, it’s impressive that the maitre d’ can maintain his professional, placid expression. But look closely at the firm set of his mouth in the second panel. He’s trying to keep from weeping.” –Walker of Dog

“I really can’t wait until they do the talking heads interviews of Tommie’s friends, and Margo and Lu Ann still are able to make Tommy’s wardrobe nightmares all about them. Lu Ann: ‘I think Tommy needs to start dressing hotter — not like a frigid bitch I know whose name rhymes with cargo.’ Margo: ‘I think Tommy would be better off if she’d steal some of my turtlenecks — like Lu Ann steals boyfriends.'” –LogopolisMike

“The Shoe afterlife is KFC.” –Mac

“I am also disturbed by the message from the Beyond: ‘Bring shorts.’ Not only is his late wife telling him that she is in Heck, she’s telling her husband that he is already damned, too. Sorry, Shoe cartoonist, but in the comics John Calvin’s doctrine of predestination is funny only when linked to Thomas Hobbes’s doctrine of the social contract.” –seismic-2

“I think it’s a Mary Worth rule that the ponytail must be in view at all times, probably as a gender marker so we don’t think that Dr. Orangecrush has a date with Drew Corey in drag.” –bourbon babe, unbuckled

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

• Hip and handmade! Cool people support artists! Shana Logic is 100% handmade & independently designed — awesome, right? Killer indie gear, including: jewelry, makeup, guys’ tees, girls’ clothing, yummy gifts, and great sale items too! Get 10% off with code: cute.
• From NYT Bestseller Allison Brennan: The Seven Deadly Sins series! “Seductive, suspenseful and exquisitely written… a fantastic escape.” –SF Examiner

To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.