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This week: Your comment of the week, no fuss, no muss!

“Rusty wonders why the neighbors would put up a fence. Maybe it’s because your dumb dog runs all over the place? Just a thought.” –Flummoxicated

And the very funny runners up!

“I realize this may seem a bit petty for Margo, but our clue to her odd behavior lies in her line in panel one: ‘I’m busting out of this joint.’ Obviously, Margo’s body is currently being inhabited by a Prohibition-era mobster. She no doubt has dozens such damned souls on hand to autopilot her body through boring parts of life while she turns her malevolent gaze elsewhere.” –Warren

“I guess I Dressed in the Dark is sort of like jury duty. They have to keep the A3G girls sequestered lest they pick up a fashion magazine and suddenly they know too much.” –Carly

“Err, Mark, aren’t you supposed to give the kid the explanation that Sally and the dogs went to live on a farm where they’ll be happier? The grownups can handle the truth.” –ScienceGiant

“So I signed up Sally, the old dog lady, up for working on a farm! When I explained to her how much hard, physical labor this would involve she started crying!” –AndyL

“We also wonder if poor Sassy got the bath that she ran away from to start this episode.” –Fashion Police

“I’m betting that this is no training at all, but some sort of army testing of ‘white noise’ subliminal messages. Sure, Beetle is ‘learning’ about the M249. Alone in a totally white room, devoid of anything but a huge machine gun and a crate, with subliminal messages pumping in from hidden speakers as Sarge looks on from a two-way mirror. Next strip is going to show a Camp Swampy entirely covered in blood.” –mgm

“Sam looks pretty menacing in that last panel. ‘Toughen you up, huh? I’ve got something that will toughen you up. These sodas are room temperature … now drink up!'” –Walker of Dog

“I know the big animal shots in Mark Trail are just there for show or something, but something about that fish intrigues me. You can really picture the serene lake just outside Mark’s cabin, gently glittering in the sunlight to denote that all is well in the Lost Forest. Suddenly, this hideous fish breaks the surface, screaming ‘FUUUCK. SOMEONE KILL ME,’ before vanishing beneath the water again.” –Tophat

“There has to be some other way — an updated way — to convey ‘these people are poor.’ Because plaster and lath hasn’t been popular since the 50’s, but then again neither has Mary Worth.” –Thomas B.

“It would appear that Fred is sitting on a piece of styrofoam, possibly the packing material from the dresser next to him.” –Scott Bot

“Man, is Mike going to be surprised when he discovers his father is The Invisible Man and has always been there for him. It will be heartwarming and sentimental, until Dr. Mike completes his transformation into The Wolfman already in progress.” –Black Drazon

“Note to Mike: It takes a pretty special person to pull off an orange suit. You are NOT a special person.” –Aiantis

“That fence isn’t new; it was put there for the Truman Show-esque reality show they’ve been filming in the Lost Forest since 1946 — Who Wants to Punch a Shaggy Communist?” –bunivasal

“An adult movie called NUDITY? Are those people passing through the red light district in Herb and Jamaal’s city?” –Dr. Weird

“I love how every panel of Funky Winkerbean looks like it was lit with a single bulb dangling from a cord in some torturer’s basement.” –Patrick

“It’s nice to see the Dick Tracy artist throwing a bone to his target demographic, which he knows is comprised mainly of dangerously violent hermits and loners unfamiliar with social media devices and new technology in general. He can’t just assume they understand the concept of talking on the phone to another human being. ‘LOOK, IT’S A CELLULAR PHONE. SEE? THERE’S A KEYPAD, AND A SCREEN, AND EVERYTHING. NO WIRES, BUT STILL A PHONE. TEL-LE-PHONE. ALSO, BE GOOD OR DICK TRACY WILL DISMEMBER YOU.” -Krazy Kat

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

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Kids, an apology up front: I didn’t keep up with the comments this week as much I should have, because I was juggling a visit from my mom and practicing for my water ballet debut. (If you are interested in the latter, there are some nice pics from the Fluid Movement Facebook page, bmore media, the Baltimore Sun, and the Washington Post — careful on that last one, as it plays an ad with sound before you get to the pictures.) Most of these comments are from the beginning and end of the week — I’m sure there were some funny ones in the middle I missed!

That said, here’s the week’s top comment:

“I am just enough of a stereotypical man to often think that nothing can improve on a nice steak dinner. I am just enough of a stereotypical gay man to know that the best improvement would be sitting down next to a drunk Margo Magee who is irate because she’s getting made over by a couple of frumpy bitches.” –LogopolisMike

And the funny runners up!

“If Sassy really is a Dalmatian, it is the filthiest, most urine-stained dog imaginable and no amount of bathing will get it clean. It’s like the antithesis to Mark’s pristine mind, possibly analogous to the Portrait of Dorian Grey.” –Aviatrix

“If there is a God in heaven, tomorrow’s Luann will be one long panel of Brad slowly inhaling through his nose, followed by a small second panel; a close up of Brad’s eyes, as he whispers, ‘the scent of Toni.’ And that will be the last Luann comic. Ever. Greg Evans will simply put down his pen, nod slowly, and walk off into the distance, never to be seen again. At long last, his Work will have been done.” –Dan

“I’m all for honesty in relationships, but if you are wearing cologne you borrowed from your father, and if you are not thirteen years old, maybe don’t share that detail with your date.” –BananaSam

“I was angry, and confused! That anger and confusion made me pelvic thrust at everything and everyone!” –CleverNameIsaac

“For a brief moment, I thought Luann was going to be cool enough to reference the Old Spice Guy. ‘SWAN DIVE! Into the most awkward odor-related compliment of your life!'” –Juggleboy

“If I were in this scenario and the guy I was seeing characterized me as a ‘sexy fragrance that’s all his own,’ I would not even wait for him to slow the car down before leaping out in abject horror. I do feel, however, that the time investment required to vomit all over his upholstery first would be totally worth it.” –Violet

“Oh man, the sight of a lonely, heartbroken Crankshaft in panels one and two makes me unfathomably happy. If I could melt that image down and inject it directly into my veins I’d never feel depressed ever again.” –Paddy

“Jamaal will find out later he actually called his mother at 3 a.m. to confess his love for Herb. Hilarity still doesn’t ensue.” –zenvelo

“Mr. Wilson really doesn’t have a mouth! He has nosehairs, and a chin, neither of which can be construed as a mouth, believe me, I tried for like ten minutes.” –garet

“Sometimes, it feels like legacy comics are the only media outlets still keeping tabs on milestones of old-timey Americana like the 100th anniversary of the Boy Scouts, while the rest simply focus on Katy Perry’s boobs.” –Joe Blevins

“If one were to single-out the second panel, one might assume a family abandoned their watermelon-headed child in a pile of his own defecation. ‘Let the waves carry him off,’ they might say. ‘It’s the Atlantic Ocean’s problem now!'” –Marc

“This Family Circus should have Mark Trail-style captions over it. ‘The ocean does not care for architecture or the emotional pleasure of creation. It is mindless, soulless, and inexorable as death itself. The ocean is home to whales, sharks, beautiful dolphins, and deadly jellyfish. Do not throw rocks at the ocean.’” –Zaratustra

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

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Your comment of the week momentarily, but first, an important item that you almost certainly missed if you fail to read the Letters to the Editor page of the Richmond Times-Dispatch. Fortunately, faithful reader Mary from Richmond reads it for us, and noted the following nugget in the midst of a rambling diatribe from Eric Pickering in Midlothian about cruelty to animals and the relative newsworthiness thereof:

The police shootings happened in tense domestic situations where owners allowed their little Fido to attack the policeman. While these shootings may have been inappropriate, none of this would have happened if the animal was controlled. Loose, unsupervised animals will cause trouble somewhere and also have a good chance of getting hurt by another dog, car, or person. Mark Trail should learn this with his puppy Sassy.

You can read the whole thing here (it’s the first letter on the page), but trust me when I say that no more context is provided to those who do not follow Mark’s adventures than what you see in that paragraph.

And now, your comment of the week, which refers to some commentary of mine in this post:

“Josh, I don’t even play golf and I know what Torrey Pines is. I do not, however, know what ‘Eli Roth-style torture porn’ is. I think this says more about you than it does about me.” –Monkey David

And your runners up! Also hilarious!

“Ha ha, Tommie’s a bit more sadistic than I gave her credit for. ‘Are you in those tacky clothes that you wear every day yet? Laughing at you today will provide one of the few non-bleak memories that I have in life.'” –Fata Morgana

“Why is Dr. Mike holding a giant kitchen match? Is he going to try to immolate Mary Worth? Oh what joy! She’ll burn and burn, but not be consumed!” –zenvelo

“Dr. Mike’s hand gesture in panel one needs a little work. You’re supposed to raise the middle finger, doctor.” –Digger

“I don’t call Jenna because I’m in love with her. And I keep my computer screen turned out toward my office because it shows respect for HIPAA privacy laws. They don’t call me Dr. Opposite for nothing, Mary.” –Patrick

“Besides, Mr. Policeman, sir, we need him to ’member where we buried PJ.” –T Clone

“I can’t believe my political opponent is about find out I have cancer, and I haven’t even managed to find out his name. Talk about an informational imbalance!” –ks

“Dr. Mike’s attempt to intimidate Mary with a demonstration of his physical strength backfires badly: ‘Alas, because of previous failed romances, my heart is as fragile as this pencil. One more disappointment could cause me to snap, just like this … like … this … wait, give me a minute … mrphh … just like THIS … RRRGGH…’ As Dr. Mike, red-faced and grimacing, wrestles the unbroken pencil to the floor, Mary leaves to go plan the wedding.” –Walker of Dog

“A ha! Its obvious that Dr. Roberts deliberately did not contact her right after the date knowing that meddling Mary Worth would come in and request an appointment to demand an explanation. Cha ching! Now he can bill Mary’s fat health insurance policy and still get the girl. ‘Uh yeah, I’ll contact her, um, I think you also need a MRI.'” –Government Cheese

“If Dr. Mike’s feelings are too intense to express, he should try chugging down a bottle of wine like Jenna. It takes the edge off.” –Petal Metal

“Hronk? That’s a noise I expect from a Mark Trail second-panel goose, not a … second-panel … deformed … hand? What IS Gil Thorp known for these days anyway? I’ve lost track.” –Dragon of Life

“My take on that last panel is that the mortgage crisis is far worse than we knew — they’ve foreclosed on Baba Yaga’s chicken-legged hut. The giant kettle was probably considered a fixture, so they got that too. And now Baba’s hungry, so hungry. Townsfolk, keep your children close.” –Écureuil Écumant

“The cop says ‘Let’s go get your dog’ but didn’t add and ‘Let the punching commence’ because that goes without saying. Or, perhaps, ‘Let the punching commence’ because Murf thinks Mark might like to make a play on words. He’s wrong.” –Farley’s Revenge

“With Mary in the shrink’s chair, I’ll be over here desperately praying that a cigar remains a cigar for the duration.” –jayjaybear

“It took me several minutes of serious thinking to figure out the ‘joke’ in Wizard of Id. Not only is that the longest period of time I’ve ever spent concentrating on this particular strip; it’s also the entire allotment of time I’ve set aside for reading Wizard, ever. I didn’t expect to use it up so abruptly, but then, I didn’t expect this strip to still exist as late as 2010.” –Mollie

“Obviously the waitress is giving him the cake to placate him until the police arrive. The seventh difference is the police in the bottom panel won’t show up before the massacre begins.” –Flamedrake

“Wait, Smitty’s alibi is that he was just sitting there watching TV with a giant ceramic pig in his lap?” –Andy L

“It’s too bad Mark doesn’t have a ring like that Phantom’s, that would permanently scar those he strikes. Instead of a skull, it could leave an indelible imprint of Rusty’s hideous visage. Then again, Mark would never wear jewelry of any kind. So maybe he could just pick the kid up and swing him like a baseball bat, whacking the bad guys with his face.” –cheech wizard

“Oh my. ‘Sam seems to have taken a liking to Jules!’ Does it still count as subtext if Judge Parker puts it right there in the narration box?” –Ed Dravecky

“I think Kat’s right about being mindful of the message one’s appearance conveys. She went through some heavy deliberation before settling upon the image she wanted to project: Hillary Clinton, business leprechaun.” –Violet

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And here’s where we could be giving thanks to advertisers like you! To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.