Post Content

Let’s get right to your COMMENT OF THE WEEK, people!

“I think we can all agree that even if TJ does embark upon a romantic liaison with an eight-year-old, this will still only be like the third or fourth grossest plot development in recent Luann history.” –Violet

And the runners up! Hi-larious!

“The other people in the hospital have the right idea. ‘LOOK AWAY! It’s too late for that woman, but we can save ourselves if we just don’t make eye contact!'” –Dragon of Life

“You better not talk/ You better not cry/ You better watch out/ I’m telling you why/ Margo Magee is watching you eat” –skullcrusherjones

“Luann is mildly funnier (and much more fitting) if one imagines Shannon pronouncing it ‘B-wad.'” –indrifan

“I’ve really no time to chit-chat, Bonnie. I need to get this Alexander Haig costume back to the novelty store.” –Doug Starr Twinkle

“Every time I laugh at Ziggy, I’m filled with equal parts nostalgia and shame.” –Jesse C

“As much as I love Gil Thorp, and I do, I think it’s time to tweak the format. Instead of giving us season after season of boring, middling teams who miss the playdowns, why not give us horribly, violently dysfunctional teams that miss the playdowns, with the culmination of every plot being Kaz brutally ‘separating’ the fighting individuals and Gil somehow not getting fired by diverting all blame to the kids’ parents/video games/Marty Moon? For those still on the fence, it would have the added benefit of seeing all the annoying jocks bloodily beaten at some point in each plotline.” –Drew Funk

“Reading Mary Worth today, I was struck with a compulsion to adapt this storyline into a parody of the Beatles’ ‘Doctor Robert,’ for obvious reasons. Unfortunately, I’m still a young man with hopes and dreams, and none of them involve spending more than thirty seconds of mental energy a day contemplating Mary Worth.” –Snuggs

“Tacos are ‘wraps,’ now. I guess the young folks call crepes ‘flats’ and biscuits ‘sports’ and tea ‘gerzzle’ and cars ‘hoot-a-root yer uncle Bob.'” –Jumper

“I feel for ol’ Number One in panel one of Gil Thorp. There he is, drowning in adolescent confusion as he laces up, his eyes dashing back and forth from the hetero-eroticism plastered on his locker door to the homo-eroticism 15 degrees to left, when BAM! — his gesticulating captain thoughtlessly whacks him in the side of his head. Suddenly aware that he’s part of the scene he’d been ignoring, he rapidly bends over to hide his boner from his teammates.” –Edgy DC

“When Mary Worth ‘turns on the charm,’ she literally reaches up and flicks a switch behind her right ear.” –Perky Bird

“Whoa! Whoa! What happened to Bonnie? It looks like Doctor Roberts has sawed off her credit card hand and she’s still weak legged from the anesthesia. ‘What about YOU Dr. Roberts? Each day hundreds of physicians are confronted with lawsuits. Do you have the emotional and financial reserves to withstand this onslaught? Do you like tan glop? What are you doing tomorrow evening?'” –mustang

“Books? Pluggers don’t have time for that sort of east-coast intellectualism! Pluggers go to the public library because it’s the only place in town that still rents VHS tapes.” –Andy L

“I’d just like to know why Spidey is posing like that as he cracks wise. ‘In some nutty way, I guess I win! By the way, what do you think of my new bikini?'” –Luprand

“It took 3 years after Hart’s death for BC to succumb to the icy grip of Bolshevism! Next thing you know, the whole strip will be poster-style images of cavemen casting off their chains, and rejecting whimsical daily gags in favor of a harsh, unflinching Soviet realism, in celebration of the poverty and suffering which redeems us. So … it’ll basically be Funky Winkerbean, I guess is what I’m saying.” –Dan

“I don’t share your ethical concerns. The way I see it, we aren’t breaking into Margo’s apartment — we’re just breaking into Tommie and Lu Ann’s apartment. By the way, how would you like a handy stethoscope and some kitschy greeting cards?” –seismic-2

“‘Well, if you know somebody who’s right for me…’ Perhaps a service animal to help you for this grand mal seizure you seem to be having.” –LogopolisMike

“Oh yeah, that’s right, Mr. Wilson used to be a mailman. Except for a few years in the seventies, when he was Augusto Pinochet.” –Ktrout

“That is some well-groomed facial hair that Aristotle is rocking. No way he’s not spending at least 30-45 minutes a day combing that bastard.” –Grump

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And here’s where we could be giving thanks to advertisers like you! To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

Post Content

Completing my Monday evening lightning round blogging, I give you your COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“Lu Ann is trying to decide if kidnapping Margo’s fiancé, tying him up in the closet, and faking his death in Asia counts as ‘boyfriend stealing.’ Give her a moment.” –Black Drazon

And the almost-as-hilarious runners up!

“This can only end with Sassy trapped in a well.” –Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™

“Glad to see that Herb and Jamaal made that vital leap from AOL to Hotmail, proving that they are always at least five years behind the most popular Internet program. Can’t wait until the 2015 version of the strip that tells us to visit the Herb and Jamaal Facebook page.” –Taquelli

“Come on, there is no way Lu Ann would be able to refrain from verbalizing her every thought, Spider-Man style.” –Steve S

“Wait, come back! You didn’t pay your bill!” –Calico

Re: Spider-Man: “The fact that the [comic book] is pretty good only serves to make newspaper Spider-Man worse. It’s a bit like if they made the New Testament into a newspaper strip, and it was Ziggy.” –Push Trot

“As a dog owner, I know that the best way to deal with a runaway dog is to stand in the doorway and try to reason with it.” –Iconoclast

“Luann’s mother clearly needs to be blitzed out of her mind to deal with her daughter in any way, shape, or form. This makes her the closest thing in the strip to an audience surrogate.” –Dragon of Life

“Why would anyone tell a young person, ‘Why do you feel the need to be romantic toward anyone?’ Maybe because I’m fueled by raging hormones, you lifeless, spirit-crushing robot. Her track goes somewhere: straight into the void where her soul should be.” –Joike

“Only in the world of Jack Elrod does one find a vet so dispassionate that he merely comments on a pup’s sure death as the collar-less stray runs off into Big City traffic. Mark’s next Sunday InfoStrip nugget: ‘Many veterinarians are avid taxidermists!'” –Bennui

“You’re a plugger if you think diabetes is a myth invented by lettuce farmers.” –mustang

“I wouldn’t be so sure that Bonnie has her shopping habit under control, considering that she just stopped to purchase a liter of blood.” –BigTed

“And I have good news about Ernie! He died in a car crash near the Aldo Memorial Crevasse while he was fleeing our loveless marriage! I can shop all I want, now!” –Snuggs

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And here’s where we might be giving thanks to advertisers like you! To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

Post Content

You guys! As you may have heard, this past Saturday, for only the second time in recorded human history, I emerged from my hidey-hole to interact with readers at a scheduled event, in person! This glorious happening happened in our nation’s capital, and the organizational efforts were entirely on the part of faithful reader Bourbon Babe, unbuckled, with whom I actually got to drink bourbon! I had a great time, and was even gifted with a special purple lorikeet-themed t-shirt, from faithful reader Écureuil Écumant! (Mr. É-É also sported a genuine Dr. Jeff Corey-style green suit jacket for the occasion.) Other attendees included faithful readers Miss Othmar (and her son!), Mooncattie, Wossname, Seismic-2, Perkybird (and Mr. Perkybird!), The Ridger, Paul, Spunkyzoo (aka Susie), and Razmytaz and his wife and son! (And I think that’s it? Write me if I’ve left you out!) You should check out the Flickr photo sets of the event from Bourbon Babe and Mooncattie to see not only the event itself but the outing to the zoo organized earlier. If you need any incentive to look at these pictures, I have one thing to say to you: Rusty’s head on a stick.

Thanks to everybody who came out! (And special thanks to the Perkybirds who went totally out of their way to drive me back to my DC friends’ house, as the Washington Metro Red Line was undergoing track work and was apparently quite the fright.)

And now: your COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“Poor Lu Ann. She finally gets up the courage to give Margo ‘the finger’, without ever realizing it’s a specific finger, and that isn’t it.” –Concrete Queen

And the runners up! Quite amusing!

“I’m starting to think that Curtis’s hat isn’t a conscious decision on his part, but maybe some kind of Flyspeck Island cursed artifact that’s attached to his head, constantly making him look like a moron. Look at panel 3, where he eyes his eternal punishment wearily.” –Taquelli

“Luann: ‘Something came up.’ ‘Something? Like…?’ ‘Something like MY PENIS! Bahahaha!! …Seriously, though, I can’t make it.'” –Austria

“I love how Mark specifically tells Rusty, ‘You’re not going to rest until Sassy comes home.’ Had there been more room for dialogue, I’m sure that Mark would have added, ‘As for me, well, I’m gonna look for half an hour, forty-five minutes tops. Then I have to hit the hay, ’cause tomorrow I’m gonna have a long day of acting like I can see what’s different about Cherry’s hairstyle.'” –The Poster with No Name

“Going by the Shirt-Off-Yore-Back Feller’s appearance, I’d guess the M is for Manscaping.” –Red Greenback

“Today’s Luann wins the award for the worst sexual metaphor ever. The phrase ‘Could you freeze my goodies’ should be forever outlawed by the Geneva Sexy-Talk Convention.” –Stu

“I don’t think those are shoulder pads. I’m not an oncologist, but I think I know a malignant clavicle when I see it.” –wagmore barkless

“Dennis the Menace has shown young Dennis praying at his bedside for decades, but I don’t know that they’ve ever explicitly told us he was praying to God.” –Ed Dravecky

“I’m imagining the visual of a scrapbooking party in the Funkyverse. ‘Take the picture of your dead wife/attempted suicide/failed business venture and paste it onto the colored paper. Now delicately sprinkle the page with your tears. Don’t forget to take this out to scare off any of your offspring’s potential mates!'” –Dr. Dread

“Speaking of which, Mary might take a page from one of the Five Books of Moses, who A) was a humble and reluctant leader, B) learned that the Hebrews could be helped only when ready to help themselves, and C) rarely if ever wore a neckerchief.” –Comics Fan

“Q: What do Pluggers have in common with Mark Trail? A: Dog hairs and skid marks.” –Ned Ryerson

“Nothing more romantic than a road flare lit dinner for two.” –zerowolf

“Dolly asks a legitimate question. When Daddy is under the weather, he is sick. When Daddy is flying over the weather, he is high.” –survivor

“By ‘X-pensive,’ Cosmo means ‘thinking about porn’ — hence his posture in front of the TV, lack of pants, and surprised expression.” –Uncle Lumpy

“9 Chickweed Lane, October 30th, 2009: ‘Juliette, did I ever tell you how I met and fell in love with your father?’ 9 Chickweed Lane, May 24th, 2010: ‘–he mounted me again. Our sweaty bodies were writhing and grinding as he rhythmically thrusted his–‘ ‘Will you look at the time! Mom, I … I really need to go.'” –Push Trot

“Slylock’s normal mystery has been replaced by an annoying numerical mystery that only a meth head could solve. ‘Is it 15 spiders or only 14? In all this excitement, I can’t tell. You’ve got to ask yourself one question: do you feel delusional? Well, do you?!'” –Jumper

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

• Wereling: A book to sink your teeth into!: Is he boy or beast? Trey’s ordinary life is wrenched apart when he discovers he’s the last hereditary werewolf, demons are closing in, and the most psychopathic bloodsucker to rock the Netherworld wants him dead.

To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.