“All this, and we still don’t know who Brad is. Sonia’s boyfriend? Kitty’s boyfriend? Sonia’s father? Kitty’s father? I’m betting he’s the sales rep from meatless ‘BLUFF’© burgers, making his commission one dysfunctional household at a time.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Marvin branches out into a new form of dumping.” –nescio

“In Harry Harrison’s novel Make Room! Make Room!, ‘soylent steaks’ referred to meat substitutes made from soy and lentils — a perfectly respectable veggie burger. But the film adaptation punched it up into the titular Soylent Green, which famously is people. Then the techbro decided to name his food substitute after the best known popular representation of cannibalism, and now we’re full circle, with something that probably is soy and lentils filtered through layers of signification. Semiotics in Mary Worth isn’t just calling a guy ‘Hillend’ because his butt is the size of a natural formation!” –matt w

“Who dresses their toddler like this? Is Marvin going to see Santa or going to a wedding?” –ectojazzmage

“Whether or not an adult camel is smarter than a human boy, he’s smart enough fashion-wise to be wearing the service hat of what appears to be … a train conductor? For sanity’s sake, I’ll assume he took it off the desiccated corpse of the real conductor whose body still lies alongside a forgotten railway car half buried in the desert sand.” –Hibbleton

“Well, Dennis, I actually have a CDL and a private pilot license issued by the FAA — that covers the US, of course. Now, for the EU, I have separate licensing for both activities but, since Brexit, they’re not valid in the UK, so that required additional bureaucracy. Now Russia, well, Santa had to pay out a pretty penny to get the right people to sign the right paperwork, and then I had to get the sleigh’s IFF transponder cleared by both Russian and Ukrainian forces … [thirty minutes later] … and finally, I got a Civil Aviation Safety Authority certificate in Australia! Does that answer your question?” –Voshkod

“Have you every considered that what you thought of as a normal and functional part of your anatomy was actually a swollen, puss-filled cyst? Merry Christmas, and body horror to all!” –Stuart F

“Billy’s previous two letters read ‘Santa, pay attention to my third letter but not to this one’ and ‘Santa, pay attention to any letter that does not ask you to pay attention to it’. He’s hoping he can cause Santa to experience a logical paradox and go down in history as the boy who ruined Christmas for everyone.” –Schroduck

“Shoe is simply telling Roz that as long as she serves bird meat to her costumers, the charges of cannibalism will not stick, because the evidence is digested. Freezing the meals will only produce long-lasting incriminating evidence.” –Ettorre

“Poor Shoe. He was just trying to not tell Roz that she’s stupid if she thinks she could start a small business that could even begin to compete for shelf space already dominated by multi-national conglomerates but isn’t bright enough himself to do it in any way other than insulting her cooking. Roz, you’re already in a losing battle against chain restaurants. Looks at all those empty stools.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Rene is the sort to have news alerts with his name (and various aliases) delivered to his smartphone. Relying on broadcast news isn’t how he got this far ahead.” –Philip

“Dick Tracy took this job for two reasons: to shoot people with impunity, and to be smug in his moral superiority over others. And if he can’t have the former, by GOD will he indulge in the latter.” –TheDiva

“The next time I’m interrogated by the police, I’ll make sure to wear a sweet Criterion Channel branded polo shirt. Cops can’t lock you up if they see your devotion to Cinema.” –lorne

“He didn’t skip out on you, Mud. He calmly walked to an Uber with dignity, a suitcase of money, and whatever wasn’t nailed down, then rode to the airport.” –Old Man Shadow

“If a plugger slips and falls on the ice and no one is around to hear, will he make a sound? Yes, he’ll make a sound about the fall with his friends at the diner for the next decade or until full dementia kicks in.” –Baja Gaijin

“‘Cloudy, not bright’ is a phrase that seemed familiar to me but I couldn’t place it, so I googled it. Turns out that the top hits were all clues from holiday crosswords. Anyhow, just loving the idea of Gregg Walker sipping tea by a fire, looking over a newspaper, when it suddenly dawns on him that he was supposed draw a comic. He quickly scans the clues until he falls on that one, and writes ‘+ SARGE VIOLENCE’ on it in blue ink, takes another sip of tea, and turns over to the sports section.” –pugfuggly

“Looks like the Hi and Lois visual content assembly team didn’t have a baby stroller in their clip-art file. Instead, they had assets for a handtruck and a high chair, and only five minutes before they had to leave for their league bowling match.” –jroggs

“Remember, the plugger himself is there to hear the gunshot-like sound of his femur breaking.” –lynn

“About damn time that we saw a woman who wanted Santa to satisfy her burning womanly needs. Normally we just see flirting with the ulterior motive of getting sables and convertibles.” –Tonio

“When Brad finally does lose the hat, the extent of his male pattern baldness will shock us all. Say what you will about Keith’s politics, but his red-blooded all-American crew cut will stand proud and strong forever!” –BigTed

“At her age, her likes and dislikes change at the drop of a hat. Yes, all Sonia really needs is to replace Brad with a nice, sensible young man whose interests and attitudes she’ll adopt as her own in a totally appropriate, mentally healthy way! Let’s see who the available male options are in Mary Worth-land. Well, there’s Tommy. Um, let’s move on. And isn’t Dr. Drew taken nowadays? Sorry Sonia, looks like it’s Wilbur for you!” –Thelonious_Nick

“You know if the creators needed a ‘medical issue’ for Rex to explore, they could have an arc where he examines the Schlubification Virus that’s apparently going around. Mud/Fergus seems to be it’s latest victim. He used be be a big boisterous bear of a man, and now look at him: slumped shoulders, weak chin, a hangdog expression and a partially damaged brain. Remember when Mud would have the cleverness to create outrageous schemes instead of shamelessly falling for them like a chump? Look at what the ravages of disease reduced him to!” –2+2=7

“Never mind the check, I wanna know what’s up with this grocery store where people line up perpendicular to the cash lanes. That is some freaky stuff.” –pugfuggly

“Hmm, Helen is the one being annoying and holding up the line, so how do I make it clear that the young person is actually the bad one? This is a five piercing minimum job.” –Schroduck

“Hahaha, Henry sure is mad at [squints] former Prime Minister of New Zealand, John Key.” –Truckosaurus

“To anyone inclined to complain that there’s no menacing in this strip: What Dennis is pointedly sipping from that glass is the contents of Mr. Mitchell’s formerly mint condition 1992 bottle of Crystal Pepsi. Dennis is just waiting for his dad to finally take his eyes off the news long enough to notice.” –Peanut Gallery

“So is Rodney Rat Reeky’s more well-to-do brother? I’m guessing his success is relatively recent, because his dental work indicates he once shared Reeky’s meth habit.” –Pozzo

“I think was can all agree that in addition to being propaganda for the animal regime, Slylock Fox & Comics for Kids also serves as propaganda for our own Educational State. This is a sad attempt to sell children on the practicality of learning algebra as a useful skill, when they have a phone in their pocket many times more powerful than the computers that landed men on the moon.” –Philip

“‘I wonder whatever happened to Falcon Crest.’ ‘I dunno. And we’re birds. So you’d think we’d know.’” –Just John

“I never thought I’d find myself staring in slack-jawed wonder at someone holding a phone in a believable manner, but here we are. Agape. Gazing at a man-mountain as he gets snitty about his ex’s dinner party planning. Keith, you’re kind of a drip, but you’ve made a believer out of me.” –els

“The soda and burger are actually for the guy in the car; Beetle has a very skewed idea of what first aid entails.” –ectojazzmage

“Listen Keith, you missed twenty years of Thanksgivings full of awkwardness and political quarreling, so I am trying my best to cram all of them in as few sessions as possible.” –Ettorre

“This might be a Me Thing, but I always get a little unnerved when they actually draw Beetle Bailey wielding a rifle. I think it’s sort of a reminder that he’s spent the last 80 years being trained to kill.” –Dan McDermott, on Facebook

“As far as retirement plans go, telling bloodthirsty raiders about your hidden gold reserves is probably not in the top 10.” –jroggs

“And it gets worse … the old geezer says back in the 70s his boots were really muddy.” –Flipper

“Being part of the same Walker-Browne syndicate, I’m guessing that Hi & Lois, Beetle Bailey and Hagar all share the same interchangeable sound stages, sets, and back lots. Efficient? Sure! Imaginative? Nope!” –Daisy

“It’s too late! Prince Albert suffocated decades ago! PLUGGERS KILLED PRINCE ALBERT!!!” –nescio

“The fortune teller has a star and crescent on her tent, both classic symbols of Islam. Brave of Crock to wade into the question of whether divination is haram under Islam. While many do support the position of al-Ghazali that attempting to see the future interferes in the domain of Allah, we must not forget that other respected scholars view it as almost medicinal. Stay tuned to Crock for other deep dives into Islamic theory, colonialism, and bad art.” –Voshkod

“I’d say this particular installment is uncharacteristically bleak for Hi and Lois, which touches upon the grim occasionally but generally favors the corny. That the late Mrs. Wavering appears to be hopped up off her hatstand on goofballs adds a welcome note of levity, in my opinion.” –Violet

“[Ring!] ‘Walker Comics Inc.’ ‘This is Smedly and Smedly, attorneys. We represent the Keane Family. Our clients believe that you infringed on their copyrighted sappy dead grandparent meme today!’ ‘Not at all! You’ll note the absence of a dead spirit or angel, which protects us from legal violations.’ ‘Nonetheless you’re treading on thin ice. Make sure that Ditto walks straight home if you know what’s good for you. Good day.’” –Little Blue Bicycle

“Careful, anonymous voice — you wouldn’t like him when he’s angry! In fact, you probably wouldn’t like him much now.” –Pozzo

“Hey, is Mary Worth about to introduce a fourth new character in a single month? If the story keeps moving at breakneck speed like this, I think by the time the new year rolls around something might actually happen!” –BigTed

“For those of you who don’t understand the concept of hate-reading, feast your eyes on today’s comic. Lyle Ollman has been conjured by the universe and delivered directly to Rex just to help him cope with his mild irritation about Rene’s recent success. Never before in the history of literature has so unlikely a deus ex machina been employed to resolve so minor a nuisance. Where are you going to find something this wonderful in good writing?” –jroggs

“C’mon, Keith is obviously not the Hulk! He’s the Thing. Look how orange he is!” –matt w

“Pluggers put up natural Christmas trees as an excuse to stay zonked out on Benadryl during the holidays.” –nescio

“Suddenly, improbably, Rex discovers there’s something he actually cares about. And it certainly isn’t medicine. Plagiarism? REX SMASH!’” –Peanut Gallery

“Ah, ‘Fight the System,’ the famous song by Public Adversary.” –Anonymous

“In a strip where I’m used to seeing the characters being absolute assholes to each other, it’s nice to see some gentler assholery like, ‘I put your image on Facebook without your consent.’” –taig

“‘Ollman Technique’: Vague, stuffy, sounds kind of like something they’d do to you in A Clockwork Orange. ‘Mirakle Method’: Memorable, good use of alliteration and wordplay, a name that practically screams ‘fast, easy self-help system.’ It doesn’t take a branding expert to see where Mr. Ollman went wrong here.” –TheDiva

“As of today, Tom Armstrong has produced 24 consecutive Marvin strips without a poop joke. I don’t know if he’s trying to turn over a new leaf, or setting us up for ‘the twelve diapers of Christmas,’ but I have to admit he’s got me on the edge of my (toilet) seat.” –Hannibal’s Lectern

“Whether Frank Jr. is born or made, in any case the Frankenstein parents put a lot more resources into having him than most of us organic folks ever will. Finding a new head/replacement brain is also difficult enough without pitchfork wielding townsfolk already suspicious of them for every grave robbery.” –Philip

“Why is every character in Snuffy Smith the oldest person you’ve ever seen, including the children?” –Finn

“St. Nicholas was of Greek descent, born in what is modern day Turkey. Through the centuries, characters based on him got mixed and matched and localized and so frankly any depiction of Santa Clause is fine (I think you need to hear this most of all, Megyn Kelly). That doesn’t make him exclaiming, ‘Oh, my garsh!’ any less jarring. I wasn’t ready for the Goofyfication.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“The maritime authorities may wink at attempted murder on the high seas, but the American justice system has no mercy for copyright infringers. What does this have to do with Rex? He’ll be the physician who administers the lethal injection.” –FE

“I love this insight into Rex’s bedside manner. How many patients per day do you think he corners in an examination room and subjects to aggressive questioning on topics completely unrelated to their medical problem? I think he prefers doing it to the old and confused ones, since they’re more likely to be dismissed as cranks when they complain to the state board of physicians.” –Thelonious_Nick

“Comics are a creative medium where the only boundary is the fantasy of the writer and the ability of the artist. They can show the most fantastic and absurd things! For example, today Marvin shows people laughing due to events in Marvin.” –Ettorre

“The less time I spend thinking about the output/throughput of Shoe, the better off I am. But what’s the input here? Why does it match the Perfesser’s sweater? What are they drinking, fermented puceberry juice?” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“I absolutely love how after making Sonia and Brad out to be ACAB mega-Marxist anarcho-communists, the only concrete ideology they have so far is ‘kind of environmentalist, probably not big fans of whale hunting.’ Come on Keith, you live in coastal California. Even in the absolute reddest county, you should know plenty of vegans (admittedly most of them will be doing it because of an insane detox they saw on TikTok rather to save the planet per se).” –Schroduck

“Hmm, looks like the chatbot that writes this strip now is trying to plant some pro-AI material to influence hip youth like Chip. Unfortunately, this just demonstrates its limitations: it hasn’t figured what demographic actually reads this strip and, like a lot of AI, still has a problem doing hands.” –pugfuggly

“We can do this all week — when George gets a colonoscopy (‘Did you find Dennis up there?’), goes to hospice (‘Will I see Dennis in hell?’). Mr. Wilson is obsessed with his neighbor’s child and this legacy comic is here to make damn sure you find it as amusing as they do.” –Quiggle

“I’m not joking, doctor. [turns around to reveal Dennis clinging to his back, feasting on his blood like a leech]” –ectojazzmage