Post Content

Your COTW in a moment, but first: thanks, faithful reader tb4000, for pointing out this teaser trailer for the Marmaduke movie. Thanks a lot. God help us all!

Anyway, assuming that you still have the capacity to feel joy after watching that, here’s this week’s COTW:

“‘Loved your mother?’ Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down there slugger. There is only one person Big Daddy Wilbur loves, and that’s Big Daddy Wilbur. Second place goes to this pastrami on rye.” –Icepick Jones

And the runners up! Very funny!

“I find it hard to believe that there could ever be a case of misunderstood intentions in the Mark Trailniverse, especially when everyone is always shouting their internal monologue in all caps. I mean what else can you take from ‘I’M SURE HE’LL UNDERSTAND WHEN I TELL HIM A BOY’S LIFE IS AT STAKE’? I bet the the store owner is hard of hearing. ‘WHAT’S THAT? A BOY IS A STEAK? I’LL HAVE TO ACT FAST TO APPREHEND THIS CANNIBALISTIC FREAK!'” –It’s time to pay the price

“Okay, most of us have a tryst we regret but was Wilbur’s lady so repulsive that the very mention of the ‘relationship with her’ causes Wilbur to hold his nose in disgust? I can only imagine what she must do when she thinks about that night of face slapping, ‘whoa’-yelling passion.” –Thomas B.

“Props to Jackelrod! Finally, we have a cartoonist who is willing to acknowledge his advancing age and preclude the zombification of his strip by killing off all its characters! That is what he’s doing, right?” –wagmore barkless

“I’m hoping for a Slylock Fox/Mark Trail crossover: ‘This storeowner hit Mark with a wrench because he caught him breaking and entering in order to steal an old jack, but Mark insists he was only doing it because a boy’s life was at stake. Why does Slylock suspect Mark is telling the truth?’ Answer: Slylock noticed that Mark is less suspicious-looking than the store owner, and therefore must be innocent.” –Poor Thompson

“I can see where this Mark Trail storyline is going. Sheriff: ‘Squeal like a pig!’ Mark: ‘PIGS ARE A GENUS OF EVEN-TOED UNGULATES WITHIN THE FAMILY SUIDAE.'” –Aaron

“The Python’s greatest accomplishment was to infect himself with Ebola while playing with fruitbats alone in the jungle. As a terrorist, he’s the guy that Basque separatists tell jokes about while getting drunk and vowing that their people will one day be free of the yoke of tyranny represented by trash collection policies imposed on them by Madrid. Somewhere in Uzbekistan there are three guys in a tent arguing over post-Maoist agricultural policy who have greater ideological coherence and a more compelling revolutionary agenda.” –Master Softheart

“Beetle Bailey: It’s no longer subtext at this point, right? It’s just text. Soon it will be diagrams.” –Joe Blevins

“Shoe: Ha ha! Lawyers! They suck! Why don’t they do something productive, like drawing somebody else’s comic after he dies?” –Chyron HR

“Maybe instead of just being accidentally boring, the writers of Mary Worth are giving us a powerful depiction of how lonely, boring, and emotionally bankrupt this ‘online social networking’ really is? Wilbur can remember his swingin’ college days, but he’s now so doughy that he can’t even summon up the energy to flash back to them. He hears the news that he may have a son, but it only bestirs him to make another sandwich and plop his pasty ass back down in front of that screen again.” –Mardou Fox

“Mark Trail easily has several concussions from this fishing trip alone, which would explain his panicked numbskullery and poor station-wagon-handling skills.” –ArchieNemesis

“That first panel of Crankshaft sounds like the first line of a poem. ‘Just sit there and be quiet, or I’ll do what I said’/ A single kid giggled, and shortly was dead.” –Patrick

“Dear Greg Evans: Australians do, in fact, say ‘hello.'” –Anonymous

“I love today’s Dick Tracy, in which about 50% of the comic’s space is taken up by hair, 20% is given to random violence and bruising, and 25% is given to over-sized faces and the color black. This leaves 5% of the strip for the dialogue, which is about the most enjoyable ratio in Dick Tracy.” –Alan’s Addiction

“Wilbur looks so angry because the giant thought bubble of Abby means there’s no room left in the panel for even one sandwich.” –Perky Bird

“I love Wilbur’s serious flashback face. He’s methodically and logically going through his memories of this girl to try to figure out whether or not he got her pregnant. ‘No, not this memory. Here she’s fully clothed. Next slide, please.'” –AndyL

“Oh, sure, the Lost Patrol’s all excited now. Wait until they find out that the Victoria’s Secret models have all been drawn by the same guy who draws Crock.” –Pozzo

“Yeah, June Morgan is not uptight, she’s … wait, what’s a word that means ‘really uptight’?” –Trilobite

“Wilbur: ‘Say, what’s this in the sidebar? DADS GET $10K. Hel-l-l-o, silver lining!'” –One-eyed Wolfdog

“Actually, if I were June, the first thing I’d do once Rex fell back asleep would be to Google ‘life jackets+gay slang.'” –GG

“More worrisome, though, is that Marvin THINKS a shout that’s loud enough to knock the miserable creature into the air. I can only conclude Marvin is developing psychic powers, and you all know what that means: telekinetically controlled levitating feces.” –avatarjk137

“Bitsy is actually a bigger yellow dog. This nasty little dog came with the grandparents when they moved in. I can’t remember the name, so I’ve got that going for me.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Note that the smoke curling out of Mary’s pot is a bright white. I believe Mary just elected a new pope.” –gkl

“I don’t know whether it’s the corrupting influence of this blog or simply a sign that I have reached my limit of Mary Worth-induced boredom at last, but whatever the reason, I am unable to read ‘How was Scott’s physical therapy session, Adrian?’ and the dialogue that follows as anything but the lewdest sort of innuendo. I thought I’d hit on a fun new way to endure the Scott-and-Adrian love story, until I got to ‘That’s what fathers are for!’ and the nausea hit.” –Anonymous

“Does the moniker ‘Crooked Croaker’ imply that the frog will begin vocalizing or that he will die in police custody?” –McManx

“I am totally psyched to meet Ruby’s new boyfriend! Queens denizen though he may be, my repeated attempts to picture him as anything other than well-nigh indistinguishable from Colonel Sanders have met with complete failure.” –Violet

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

• What’s Your Pee Telling You? Follow up to the #2 Best-Seller, What’s Your Poo Telling You? Hilarious and fact-filled stocking stuffer! Overflowing with information about PEE, POO, and FARTS! Will peeing on a jellyfish sting relieve the pain? MYTH! Is it really possible to light your farts on fire? TRUTH!
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To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.

Post Content

Your COTW coming in a moment, but first: were any of you at the Bust Craftacular craft show in New York City the weekend of the 5th and 6th? And did you notice a certain attractive young lady helping out one of her friends who was one of the vendors? And did you notice a certain dashing young man who was married to said attractive young lady, and who stopped by for a visit? Well, as this blurry but endearing cell-phone photo demonstrates, faithful readers Anna (aka Mary Kay Commando) and Jess certainly did!

The lesson here, folks, is to take advantage of those rare occasions when I emerge blinking from my dank underground lair, and come up and say hi if you spot me! You will be immortalized on the Internet, forever! Jess and Anna were charming and it was great talking to them.

And with that out of the way, here is your COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“It’s okay, Mark! My body can no longer feel pain! And my spirit … my spirit is free!” –ChrisV82

And the runners-up! Just as Wilbur and his bastard spawn dominated last week, so Mark and Rusty’s adventures were on your minds this week.

“Today’s Mark Trail has me grabbing a bag of popcorn and a copy of the tide tables.” –NoahSnark

“I was going to say that pelicans probably don’t sit up in trees. But first I Google-Image-Searched ‘pelican in a tree’, and look at that, they do. Then I realized that I had been tricked into learning about nature. Verrrrry tricky, Mr. Elrod. Well played, sir.” –Just some guy

“Speaking of Judge Parker, we note that Miss Sanchez did not remain seated for long. She probably needed to stand up in order to breathe.” –Fashion Police

“They say that when a loved one is in peril such as being trapped under a vehicle, a parent can summon the strength of 10 men. Mark can’t because he simply doesn’t love Rusty enough. And who could blame him?” –gagott68

“Minutes will seem epochs until we finally get to see Wilbur’s college hair.” –Gump Worsley

“Rusty, we passed an old life insurance agency a little way back … I’m going to run back there and help your loved ones.” –Stroker Ace

“Well, if people are going to believe that a ‘dog’ knocked the car onto Rusty, and that a boy would name that dog ‘Sassy,’ surely they’ll believe whatever Mark tells them about the aftermath of the ‘accident.'” –Steve S

“Perhaps it’s just because Rusty looks almost human (by the artistic standards of the strip) in panel 1, but this storyline seems rather hilariously, nightmarishly cruel, with more and more ludicrously over-the-top evils befalling a hapless deformed dwarf while a high functioning autistic man stands around and tries to help in logically consistent but idiotic and completely ineffectual ways.” –Master Softheart

“All of Mark’s actions seem so dim, but maybe he’s just trying to let the Law of Nature play itself out with no interference. The deer that jumped in front of the car lived, so Rusty must die. Nature is like that, harsh but beautiful, much like June Morgan.” –Mardou Fox

“After spending half the day looking for her vacuum, Aunt May stared into the middle distance, wondering when the Alzheimer’s would finally take her.” –kittyloop

“If the size of modern comic strips weren’t so small, Brook’s tatas wouldn’t have needed to have been pushed up into her throat to fit in the panel.” –doug rogers

“Yes, that’s right, a vacuum cleaner! And it’s going to be lights out for you, Sandman, just as soon as I find a … just as soon as I plug it into a … nearby … Oh goddamn it Spidey, come on. You can do this.” –Bryan Bryan

“So here I am trying to make a joke about the fact that both Summer and Pete seem to have the same haircut when I realize that hers reflects light and his soaks it up like a black hole. I like to believe that he’s covering self-induced early greys with permanent marker, foreshadowing the ritz and glamour of Chez Pete, where Summer Jr. will be messily conceived. God I love this comic.” –Black Drazon

“I can’t understand why the store in Mark Trail would be closed. Ample parking, great location … what’s the problem?” –survivor

“Wait, didn’t Rusty get pinned under the car because of a jack that was used on the sand? So now Mark is going to use ANOTHER jack to save him? I so very much hope this is going to be an endless loop of a car being raised and smashed down on Rusty while Mark smashes in more and more automotive store windows in the hopes that THIS jack will save his young protege.” –Patrick

“That box on the plugger’s TV is probably one of those new-fangled digital converter doohickeys the gummint is trying to force us all to buy if we don’t want to throw away our perfectly good black-and-white TVs darnit like when they told us stereo was better for music but all music today is already too loud and those kids I don’t know why they dress like such hooligans it’s gotten so you can’t go out anywhere they got these rappers now.” –Kibo

“So my favorite thing about today’s Ziggy is that it assumes we’re culturally illiterate. Do we really need a labeled chair to tell us that the fat man with a white beard and a funny costume is Santa? The whole over-labeling thing makes me think the comic is going to be turned into a political cartoon and Ziggy will have to wear a shirt that says ‘the broken and castrated American spirit’ at all times.” –GG

“Me talking to my grandkids in 2055: ‘Yup! December 12 was the day Mark Trail became an anarchist. It was Saturday and it was beautiful.'” –Edgy DC

“It looks like Cherry got Mark a second shirt for Christmas. Oh, and it matches all her pink polo shirts. Now they can be twinsies! Or at least they could, if they ever spent any time together.” –Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses

“I just assumed Mark was acting out a scene from the 1989 classic Do the Right Thing as part of an ongoing Spike Lee retrospective. Next week is Malcom X week, when we’ll hear some stunning oratories about how we didn’t land on Lost Forest; Lost Forest landed on us.” –Dan

“Cherry, I know you’re my animal, and I know you need to be loved! I promise I won’t return you to the shelter, at least for now!” –Calico

“‘And believe me, pets need a great deal of attention!’ says Mark Trail, as he throws his Saint Bernard’s ginormous turd into the fireplace.” –Disingenuous Penguin

“By the way, this is Mark’s second concussion in a month, so the NFL will make him sit out the next game.” –mr 12 oz can

“There’s not much that could come after ‘June is not amused…’ which wouldn’t make me nod quietly and think ‘No, she sure wouldn’t be amused by that, would she? No sir!’ I mean, I can’t think of anything, really.” –One-eyed Wolfdog

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

• Advertise your t-shirts here: Find out more about the BlogAds t-shirt hive! Connect with young adults eager to sport your shirts! Reaching a tremendously expansive audience at a very low cost, the BlogAds T-Shirt Hive is comprised of a well-rounded set of over 30 social media elite blogs, who speak to a young hip male and female audience of clothing enthusiasts. These readers are seeking back to school threads, everyday wear and tear shirts, and any clothes that are stylish or humorous.

To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.

Post Content

You might recall that I announced a while back that a redesigned version of the site is in the works. Well, it is pretty much ready to be looked at by our crack beta testing crew!  I’ve already got a good list of folks (you’ll all get a note from me with more info in the next day or so!), but I am still looking for anyone who uses a BlackBerry with Web-surfing capabilities, or a new Droid phone (or something else that runs version 2.0 of Android). If you match that description and would like to participate, drop me a line at bio@jfruh.com. (UPDATE: OK, I have enough people for this now, but if you’re *really* jazzed to participate, I could always use more!)

Oh, and hey, you know that top comment you’ve been looking for? Well, here it is!

“I love the gratuitous cell phone that the comatose Chip is clutching with a ferocious and doubtlessly drug-induced rigor. These OD’ing kids and their cell phones! I bet he’s TEXTING, amirite?” –teddytoad

And the runners up! Very amusing!

“I think I figured out why Jeffy is sitting there. He just burned a doobie. He has that smug far-off look, he’s sitting in a doorway spacing out watching his matriarchs get their gab on while Dolly drones on. ‘What’s she even talking about man, and check out that cat man that cat is far out.'” –micedwhale

“Mr. Howard is clearly so overwhelmed by Peter’s almost superhuman handsomeness that he barely cares about his mother at this point. ‘Yeah, yeah, the old bag seems fine … Tell me, what kind of product are you using in your hair? I’ve mainly been using varnish and STP in mine, but I want the kind of bounce and vitality that you have! I mean, just look at that shine!'” –Joe Blevins

“Make sure all six of those remaining hairs are combed over! You are a self-sufficient, confident man of strength, and your hair-placement skills will just shout out ‘Tiger In The Bedroom!’ to your fellow non-swimming, action-seeking pool party guests. And that long straw in your drink? Icing, my friend. Icing.” –Mooncattie

“I may miss Iris, but you cannot miss my irises!” –Dragon of Life

“So, Mark drives his station-wagon, say, ninety kilometres an hour off a ledge at least two metres up, and all it suffered was a broken tire? Maybe he stuck his arm out the window and punched the air below to soften the impact or something.” –Jacob

“Is this year’s Charterstone pool party theme ‘Hold Your Food And Beverages at an Awkward Angle?'” –Patrick

“At least you still have Dawn around. Its patented grease-fighting formula will come in handy, now that Iris isn’t around to scape the remnants of microwave burritos off your dishes.” –Pozzo

On Wilbur’s Facebook page: “Of course, it can only be authentic if he has zero friends.” –bourbon babe, unbuckled

“And Rex Morgan’s storyline ends exactly as they all should: with a panel full of nothing but incredibly awkward silence.” –Black Drazon

“I like the fact that the only things visible on the buffet table in the Mary Worth strip are a bowl of apples, a plate of fish quenelles and a bottle of ketchup. One can’t help speculating about what the dessert will be. Bearnaise cake? Cheese-flavored ice cream with a topping of erasers?” –Anonymous

“Since Wilbur Weston’s stated profession is masquerading as a female advice columnist, I can only imagine that his Facebook page would have to carry the charade farther. So, when he asked for Dawn’s ‘help’, I suspect he meant ‘pose for my Facebook photo, and show some skin, if you could.'” –hogenmogen

“Phantom: If they just make this storyline focus on Diana escaping from the bizarre, unfocused international terrorists and eventually taking revenge on the Python — with perhaps the occasional flash to the titular character as he mopes around in self-pity and watches afternoon soaps while developing an eating disorder — I would be happy beyond expression.” –Master Softheart

“Also, you may be a tad on the chubby side, Wilbur, but you hardly constitute a legion.” –Violet

“I’m less concerned with Jeffy slobber and more with the fact that he’s hovering 3 inches off the ground. Not to mention the whereabouts of his mother’s legs. I’m not saying the two are linked in some sort of bizarre amputation-for-levitation satanic tradeoff. But I’m not prepared to rule it out either.” –It’s time to pay the price

“Judging from panel 2, Wilbur thinks this new ‘social networking’ craze is all about the shadow puppets.” –Steve S

“And here I was, expecting exciting Facebook statuses like, ‘Wilbur is standing in his underwear, eating handfuls of cold cereal over the sink.'” –mojo

“Besides, isn’t this guy an advice columnist? Because, really.” –Honeypot

“In honor of Wilbur, let me be the first person to introduce a new catch-phrase/cliche into the English-speaking lexicon: YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO COMB-OVER THIS PROBLEM!!!” –Marion Delgado

“In panel two it looks as though Wilbur is attempting to do finger quotes. Now on to explore new worlds, in ‘online social networking,’ and when I say ‘online social networking,’ I mean Japanese porn.” –Not_Wilbur

“I think you’re too hard on Rusty. Clearly he’s going to be a man’s man — how many 10 year olds would bother isolating which part of the car was on them before mentioning that they’re trapped? ‘The axle’s on my leg! No, wait, that’s the rear differential housing. Anyway, hand me the grease gun — as long as I’m under here I may as well make myself useful.'” –Evan

“Coach Fazio forfeited his entire season when his players got caught drinking. I went over to personally rub it in his face. How can I let my players stay on the team without looking like a bigger jack-off?” –AmazingThor

“On the other hand this might be the beginning of a theme where Rusty becomes increasingly mangled and deformed. In several years he’ll end up as a torso and most of a head that lives in a 5 gallon bucket.” –Birthmark Hal

“Wilbur just set up his account that same day, right? Was this kid sitting around searching every social networking site for ‘Wilbur Weston’ every day until he finally found a result? Because … honestly, that sounds like something Wilbur’s progeny would do. Maybe it’s not a scam after all!” –JC Lisbon

“I know it’s just a side effect of having to make Sunday strips nonessential. but it’s fun to imagine that Wilbur has been saying ‘Woah!’ and touching parts of his face over and over for fifteen minutes.” –BananaSam

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

• Advertise your t-shirts here: Find out more about the BlogAds t-shirt hive! Connect with young adults eager to sport your shirts! Reaching a tremendously expansive audience at a very low cost, the BlogAds T-Shirt Hive is comprised of a well-rounded set of over 30 social media elite blogs, who speak to a young hip male and female audience of clothing enthusiasts. These readers are seeking back to school threads, everyday wear and tear shirts, and any clothes that are stylish or humorous.

To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.