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Hey kids, here’s your abbreviated COTW list! (Not including the awesomely long Thanksgiving weekend post, alas.) First, the week’s top comic:

“‘You were under a lot of stress at the circus … How about a nice relaxing concert’ sounds like the opening lines from a badly-dubbed Czechoslovakian porno.” –Patrick

And the runners up! Very funny!

“In an inspired crossover from Sunday’s MT, Ruby accessorizes with kelp.” –Écureuil Écumant

“After all he’s been through, shouldn’t Scott be a little more … withered? Instead, he has soft, rounded arms, and rosy, fleshy thighs; he’d be in perfect health if he were a 19-year-old girl.” –bourbon babe, unbuckled

“I’m not a big fan of piercings, but on Cue, they seem to work. At least they look no worse to me than Ruby’s hair ribbons, the poachers’ long sideburns, and Adrian’s alleged ‘hands.'” –Poteet

“Let’s give Rusty a big hand! Seriously, anything would be less disturbing than that tiny prosthesis he is currently sporting.” –Victor Von

On the possibility of a marijuana-themed Cue-featuring t-shirt: “Anything mentioning weed reduces the number of folks who can buy it. It’s far more socially acceptable to wear incomprehensibly weird t-shirts than those promoting drugs. Sort of like how smoking weed is less acceptable than choking and punching someone because they don’t know where your mother is.” –Aviatrix

“Brad took one off-screen panel to turn a bowl of potatoes into a glass of wine. I’d respect him more for this if he hadn’t apparently also broken down the table into atomic energy to fuel this conversion process. Where will they eat now, Brad? Where will they eat now?” –Dragon of Life

“Sure, it looks like Bob may have gotten off easy, but as the ominous foregrounds in panels 2 and 3 show, the animals have not forgotten. They know the truth, and they’ll be waiting. Wildlife control, Bob? I think we’ll see who controls whom here.” –Joe Blevins

“The smallest species of squid will barely cover a dime, while the giant squid will stick you with a bar tab for eight. Squid are fucking cheapskates.” –Uncle Lumpy

DT: “‘Impaled by a trombone slide’. I’m calling it right now.” –One-eyed Wolfdog

“Got to appreciate Rod Whigham and the class he’s brought to the Gil Thorp artwork. Many’s the time I’ve wondered what All the Right Moves would look like if Tom Cruise’s face began melting.” –Edgy DC

“I believe that the poster is of Spook himself, having been forced into prostitution as part of his entrapment. It was meant to be punishment, but he seems to take a lot of pride in his erotic accomplishments.” –dondie

“I’m sorry, but that is not Toby. Look how little she is next to her Dr. Ian! No, Toby’s off doing girl stuff, leaving Dr. Ian to attend the party with a special made 3/4-scale blow-up Toby.” –Matt Algren

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

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Hold tight for your comments of the week, because first: remember how I was on the radio, in Australia? Well, now I’m on the Internet, in Australia! Er, and everywhere. Anyway, you can download my Australian radio appearance here. There are live performances of Mary Worth and Rex Morgan in there too, which is awesome, obviously.

And while we’re on matters antipodal: remember last Friday’s Luann, when hunky Man from a Land Down Under Quill told Luann that “Aussies have Thanksgiving too”? Turns out that’s not true, at all! Check out the comments on that article to find out more, with fun info about the “Starbucks Purge of 2008.”

And now … your comment of the week!

“Sounds like a certain blog-writin’ flatlander ain’t acquainted with bear face stew.” –Derdrom, in response to my curiosity as to what became of the real head originally attached to this bearskin rug

And the runners up! Extremely funny!

“I’m not saying it was a bad idea to extract all of Rusty’s teeth. I’m just saying it didn’t help.” –Poteet

“I think when all is done and punches have been delivered, Mark will take Rusty aside and chide him severely for using a contraction, even in the heat of battle.” –Niall

“Dolly is making graven images again. Can I stone her?” –zerowolf

“I’ve commented on this before, but I’m kind of obsessed with Rusty’s origin story. I now believe that Mark Trail periodically releases spores, which drift out over lost forest and grow in wood that’s iron-rich — say, from an attached chain that could hold down a raccoon or a small dog. The spores gradually grow into a misshapen juvenile form (often called ‘rusty’ due to the presence of iron). This then breaks free and wanders the woods until it finds an adult of the species. They form a pair bond. Then, the adult might asexually release spores one more time before the juvenile devours it and then reaches maturity itself. Rusty kinds looks like Mark, in a disturbing kind of way, and the above seems the most likely way that could be.” –Les of the Jungle Patrol

“I, too, am thinking Mary is developing a serious meth problem. Mary totally tweaked out last night and got a little aggressive with her nail gun. ‘What the fuck is up with these flowers. A vase? Greedy bastards!’ Blam blam. ‘Curtain rod? Oh, hell no. I’m just gonna nail these bitches right into the wall.’ Blam blam blam. ‘Now stay there, damn it, and don’t move again.'” –sugarpie

“I fail to see why Bradley DeGroot has a problem with a potential catfight between MILF DeGroot and Toni. It will combine his two objects of affection into one giant psychosexual Oedipus-fest.” –tb4000

“Our local paper experimented with weekday color for the comics, before deciding we Midwesterners just couldn’t live at that speed. Thus, I was thankfully spared the horror of Rusty’s flesh-colored eyeballs — until today. And are his eyes growing out of his cheekbones? I think they’re like the ‘eyes’ on the wings of some moths, just imitative markings to fool predators. In fact, that theory just about accounts for Rusty’s entire face.” –He Who Oh Never Mind

“See how Sassy is pulling towards the alligator, Rusty? That’s called Natural Selection — it’s God’s way of making all of us better.” –steve

“A band geek can PROBABLY net (get it?) a jock girl with tiny arms and giant hands. Probably. How cross-eyed is he?” –Shortpacked

MW: “I’m pregnant! Now our marriage is safe from any problems forever!” –commodorejohn

“Clearly the dialogue was removed from this strip so we wouldn’t realize Mark is the villain today. ‘Hello, friend puppy! My exuberance to see you overwhelms my dignity! Joy and rapture!’ Panel 2: ‘Egads, sir, I must protest your actions!'” –Dragon of Life

“One naturally speculates on how one’s lifestyle will change with the passage of time, but I have to say, if getting older means my suitors are going to start plying me with sleeping pills and rice pudding instead of liquor, I’m … just not ready for that.” –Violet

“Sadly, every time I see the dog from Mark Trail, all I can think is that Rusty’s porn star name must be, like, Sassy Woods.” –Tafadhali

“Those two Mary Worth panels look like magazine ads for the Maidenform Cross-Your-Crone Bra and the new Bose Longest Stereo Ever.” –Patrick

“Delilah is going to wish she had come to her senses sooner when the morning sickness and stretch marks begin. Breeders … ha! Mary’s shrunken womb will look pretty good to you when you’re yakking up your Cherrios, bitch.” –McManx

“‘Old folks? What are you talking about, man?’ Well, shit, who could have guessed that Alzheimer’s is contagious?” –Chyron HR

“The latest moronic Rex Morgan story was worth it for the second panel in today’s strip, in which we can actually see Tim transforming into a hybrid of Skeletor and Hitler, complete with the appropriate mustache. I can only hope that the new and improved Tim comes with a temper and habits to rival both his genetic forefathers and viciously kills Cue using a combination of black magic and propaganda. Then, off to find He-Man! Or a local minority group; it’s all good for Tim/Skeletor/Hitler.” –Alan’s Addiction

“It’s amazing that this conversation in Mary Worth is happening at all, considering Delilah is speaking into her maxi pad. Good thing she wont be needing it for the next nine months.” –lizzy

“Oh right Mary is a lady with breasts let me put incredibly unrealistic shading some where on her torso to show that she is the ladiest lady that ever was.” –Turtlefish

“As always, I am comforted by the refreshing moral simplicity of the Mark Trail universe. The transformation from bad guy to good guy requires no agonizing period of study or elaborate conversion ritual. All one needs to do is announce one’s intentions, then prove them through a vigilante assault on someone who has more facial hair than you.” –Holy Prepuce!

“I suspect Del had no idea what was involved in baby-making before she visited Charley’s love nest.” –timmy the dying boy

“I think it’s safe to assume someone swinging from a tree and kicking you in the face is not on your side.” –Jesseg

“Hi. This is Tom Batiuk. You aren’t supposed to enjoy anything. Thank you, and God bless.” –Mibbitmaker

“Snuff shoulda tuck ol’ Bullet with ’im. Mamas kin hunt ennythin’! She done a purty good job dyein’ his pelt to match, too. Well, ol’ Bullet were a purty fur piece f’m bein’ a puppy anymore. Bile ’im good, Mama, I reckon he’s kinda chewy.” –Écureuil Écumant

“It’s the Funkyverse version of ‘Point/Counterpoint’: Him: ‘I bought new CDs.’ Her: ‘Just in time for your hearing to fail.’ Him: ‘My tailored slacks are here.’ Her: ‘Just before you lose all bladder control.’ Him: ‘Levi Johnston is naked in the new Playgirl!’ Her: ‘Too bad your eyes are … wait, what?'” –Ed Dravecky

“One of two teams has won a football game. Hurrah! Or possibly not. Who knows?” –One-eyed Wolfdog

“Crock and company are imagining themselves in a winter wonderland to take their minds off their endless hellhole of a life. ‘Sir, another guard died of heat stroke yesterday.’ ‘GOSH IT SURE IS ANNOYING TO SHOVEL ALL THIS SNOW, AMIRITE?'” –bman

“Every morning before I get my newspaper, I anxiously anticipate that day’s comics page. Will Crankshaft be cranky today? Will he mispronounce a word? Will be be incompetent in some kind of yardwork? Or will he grill something incorrectly? No matter how many times I see these same jokes repeated, they in no way become old.” –Darkefang

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

• Advertise your t-shirts here: Find out more about the BlogAds t-shirt hive! Connect with young adults eager to sport your shirts! Reaching a tremendously expansive audience at a very low cost, the BlogAds T-Shirt Hive is comprised of a well-rounded set of over 30 social media elite blogs, who speak to a young hip male and female audience of clothing enthusiasts. These readers are seeking back to school threads, everyday wear and tear shirts, and any clothes that are stylish or humorous.

To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.

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Your COTWs momentarily, but some items first! In self-aggrandizing news, the radio dealie I did for “The Story,” talking about the wild dot-com roller coaster of the turn of the millennium, is now available on the Internets! You will have to listen to or skip over half an hour on medical marijuana to get to the me bits.

In actual comics-related things: if you like comics, and you like classic authors, perhaps you will like this article on McSweeny’s, depicting comics as narrated by famous authors? You may also be intrigued by this interview with Jeff “Jeffy” Keane, in which he comes across as extremely interesting and intelligent and not at all Jeffy-like! Thanks to faithful readers James and Chris, respectively, for the tips.

And now … your COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“Why is the bear so pissed off? Probably the same reason the owl is the judge. Bears are angry murderers, owls are wise hooters. And in Slylock’s forest, chicks are either old or hot, and green evil-looking people are always evil. Honestly, it’s the easy-to-follow stereotyping in Slylock that I enjoy the most, and I really hope kids can take that from the comic and apply it in their day-to-day lives.” –MolyBendum

And the funny runners up!

“That leering smirk should never be on someone under the age of … well, okay, so there’s no age when I’d want to see that smirk, but the younger the worse.” –Krud

“Someone should tell Wally that it’s pretty damn hard to drink yourself to death with beer. Unless he’s merely planning to drown himself in his own urine.” –cheech wizard

“There’s a Luann musical and it’s not ironic. Welcome to Hell, ladies and gentlemen, you’ve been here the whole time!” –carbunicle

“I’m holding out for an Apartment 3-G musical featuring the rock ballad ‘What Would Margo Do?’, the country-fried ‘Lonely Lu Ann’, and a spoken-word dirge titled ‘My Name is Tommie.'” –Ed Dravecky

“Ha! He will swirl about and erode his way in! By the standards of this strip, erosion is a pretty brisk process.” –Uncle Lumpy, on how the Sandman’s powers will aid in bank robbery

“I think she’s bad. Margo bad. And really, isn’t it all too easy to imagine Margo commissioning a naked statue of herself as an angel. It’s probably why she got into the gallery business in the first place. I mean, she clearly doesn’t care about art, normally. I bet she also has a bunch of paintings of herself as the Blessed Virgin Mary. I bet they both do.” –Les of the Jungle Patrol

“Has anyone else noticed that Bobbie seems to be looking at the back of the prints? ‘So, the girl’s name is KODAK, you say?'” –willethompson

“Yes, I need to go in and check on him Adrian. Make sure his hunky, hunky thigh is alright. Open his gown and check for numbness by running my hands up … Oh, Mary, are you still here?” –AMC

“The high school drama club probably aren’t very good, judging by the scratch marks left on the wall by earlier audience members frenetically trying to climb out through the windows.” –ArtisticPlatypus

“Meanwhile, the dialogue in Crock reads like what you’d get if you yelled ‘Legs’ at two of the world’s worst improv comics.” –Steve S

“‘Who says corporate crime in America doesn’t pay?’ Nobody. Nobody ever said that.” –rachel

“It must be a pretty grim universe in which ‘great legs’ are defined as ‘has obviously visible legs.'” –Alan’s Addiction

“Mr. Wilson’s expression makes me think that Dennis has ‘forgive’ mixed up with a verb that means ‘urinated in your coffee cup.'” –Patrick

“When one wears sweatpants and slippers as part of a three-piece suit, you’re damn right they’re having some mental problems.” –Steve L

“What the hell is on Dolly’s head? Is 1943 on top of her head?” –Steve®

“Oh look. String beans and potatoes … in Dark Age Norway … Looks like Hagar decided to raid the fridge somewhere between pillaging Baldo’s house and returning to his time machine. And look! He brought Ziggy’s nose home and gave it to his daughter’s boyfriend! What a guy!” –Black Drazon

“Hey, so why are all five of the witnesses to this ‘crime’ adults? Slylock should be shifting his focus from the Count’s alleged theft of milk and graham crackers to why all of these creepy grownups are hanging around a nursery school.” –Judas Peckerwood

“‘A turtle is the only reptile with a shell. What do other reptiles have that a turtle lacks?’ Friends.” –Disingenuous Penguin

“‘Can you list the order in which the animals testified?’ Not really, since it’s one of the notable things about animals that they can’t talk. On the other hand, check out the look on Slylock’s face as he realizes what an amateur operation he’s been running. ‘I got a bear to testify? A bear? And a rabbit? Jesus Christ, I’ve wasted my life!'” –TruthOfAngels

“Sassy is understandably straining at the leash to back herself into the gator’s mouth rather than face the hugs and kisses from the hideously malformed Rusty that surely await her upon a safe return to camp.” –Chipper

“Were it any other comic, I might be inclined to criticize Dick Tracy for today’s labored and tedious exposition, but I find the action of the strip so consistently inscrutable I could actually use a little more elucidation. I think every panel should feature not only stilted, explanatory dialogue but also at least three narration boxes and possibly a map.” –Violet

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

• Advertise your t-shirts here: Find out more about the BlogAds t-shirt hive! Connect with young adults eager to sport your shirts! Reaching a tremendously expansive audience at a very low cost, the BlogAds T-Shirt Hive is comprised of a well-rounded set of over 30 social media elite blogs, who speak to a young hip male and female audience of clothing enthusiasts. These readers are seeking back to school threads, everyday wear and tear shirts, and any clothes that are stylish or humorous.

To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.