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Hey kids! As usual, a few things of potential interest to all of you have accumulated in my inbox, to be presented for your delectation on this fine Saturday.

First off, Happy Bloomsday, everyone! Today is the day to celebrate James Joyce and his novel Ulysses (more information can, of course, be found you-know-where). In honor of Bloomsday a few years ago, faithful reader Nate created an awesome Mary Worth/Molly Bloom mashup; here’s an excerpt:

Sorry I can’t make it much bigger; but you can see the whole much-more-legible thing here.

Secondly! You may have seen the ad in the sidebar for News Free Comics! This is as an intriguing project that I feel deserves your attention. Essentially, it serves as a print syndicator of mainstream but lesser-known newspaper comics. It was originally conceived of as a locally distributed free paper in the creator’s hometown, but not enough advertising could be lined up; now he’s trying a subscription model. Would you pay for newspaper comics on paper, as God intended, delivered to your door, for only $18 a year? If so, check it out!

And, finally, there’s still ROFL!, that comedy show I’m doing in NYC in less than week…

Yes, if you live in New York, or are going to be there on June 22, and you can handle a show that starts at 11:30 p.m. (which you really ought to be able to do … after all, New York is the “city that never sleeps,” or, as my wife calls it, the “city that stays up really late and then sleeps in the next day”), then you need to come, obviously. This will be my first venture into live comedy-style entertainment, so you’ll get to witness either my discovery of my svengali-like power to mold an audience into putty, which I will use in my rise to fame and glory, or my total on-stage meltdown. Either way, you won’t want to miss it! And tickets are only $12!

The show will actually be a single-elimination Gong Show-style comedy deathmatch. My competitors include:

• Cintra Wilson of Salon and Dregublog
• Joe Garden of The Onion (the voice of Jim Anchower and Jackie Harvey), Vote Joe Garden!, and Monkeywire
• Michelle Collins of You Can’t Make It Up and VH1’s Best Week Ever
• Andrew Baron, co-creator and producer of Rocketboom
• Marisa Olson, artist/editor/curator of Rhizome.org and Nasty Nets
• Stu VanAirsdale of The Reeler
• Charles Broskoski of Supercentral

My victory over or defeat at the hands of these illustrious persons will be entirely determined by audience hooting, so buy tickets now, for pete’s sake!

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So, yeah, it’s been way too long since I promised to unveil the winner of the Self-Bashing Tyler Contest! And here’s the honest truth on why: I hate having to pick! Honestly, I’m just touched and amazed that you all put so much creative energy into this whimsical contest. I’m always impressed by the creative energies swirling around this blog. In a real way, you are all winners. (You can see all the entrants here.)

But, to paraphrase Homer Simpson, in another, more accurate way, only one of you is the winner — specifically, the winner of Dean Booth’s totally fabu Tyler action figure. That winner will be revealed in a moment! But first, a couple of runners up.

Dr. Jeff definitely gets point for his cartoonification of the panel, complete with motion lines and narration box. He also wonderfully captures Tyler’s spit curl and vacant expression.

Kevin also managed to capture Tyler’s eerie blankness. And, with cunning use of photo-editing software, he managed to piece together real-world versions of the various components of the drawing to create a deeply alienating affect — not quite as alienating as Gil Thorp itself, but pretty close to it.

But the winner broke through what was portrayed in the drawing itself to show us not just what was on the page, but what was implied, as well: namely, blood. Lots and lots of blood.

Let’s review, in its entirety, the e-mail that accompanied this picture from Wally Lamb:

Dear Sir/Madame:

I won this contest fair and square. I didn’t do anything wrong. I never filed a police report. I never accused anyone. Everyone thinks I’m stupid, even Brynna. But I got one over on all of you!

Truer words have never been spoken, sir! May I add that I desperately covet the shirt? For your pains, Wally Lamb, you shall receive the Self-Clubbing Tyler action figure. Hopefully they will let you keep it in your room at the mental ward.

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We’ve got some running around to do this afternoon; I’m hoping to get Sunday’s strips up tonight, but, in case I don’t, I thought I’d get the CsOTW out of the way now. Here’s the top comment, which just about sums up the week’s drama.

“Remember the world before the Internet? I remember it as a time of innocence, when it would never occur to us that somewhere, someone is beating off to Slylock Fox.” –Rocky Jones

And here are the almost-made-its — a big list, this week.

“So really the nickname Clambake has little to do with an actual clambake and more to do with the fact that you can’t get him to shut up. One imagines that the people who gave him his not-all-that-meaningful moniker could have come up with something a little more accurate, like Gumflap or JesusChrist,SomeonePleaseHaveThisMan’sVocalChordsSurgicallyRemoved.” –Hannah

“If a saw-toothed hairdo guy in a Punisher t-shirt can hang with a purse-carrying kid wearing a bellhop hat, then why oh why can’t we all just get along?” –Trotzenbonnie

“Golly, if the words ‘come-hither expression’ don’t apply to the look on Jamaal’s face in the first panel, then I just don’t know what. But I wish they didn’t.” –Keg of Curd

“Like most of the recent FBoFW plotlines, the tale of Liz’s turn as a bridesmaid will be half drearily predictable bullshit and half character assassination. You’ll see the ultimate conclusion looming ominously from a mile away but will still be surprised at how unlikable the characters have become.” –Trilobite

“GODDAMMIT JUDGE PARKER IS STILL ON THAT ONE DAY” –Gabe

“Beasley, I am ashamed of you. You are a government employee with a strong union backing. You should have responded as follows: ‘I save the special deliveries for your wife, you colic-haired mutant.’ And then when he swings at you, you mace him to suit your whimsy.” –Sunny Mel Blatherscythe

“Meanwhile, the squirrel reads the backstory blurb in utter disbelief. ‘Oh my paws!’ he cries, ‘In a single sentence they’ve summed up five weeks of this crazy strip.'” –Proteus

“I keep coming back for the coveralls that the villains must wear by law in Mark Trail. Not since the Cylons in the original Battlestar Galactica, with their ping-pong ball eye, has a villain had such a useless yet consistent prop.” –King Folderol

“My God, the only thing stiffer than the characters in Mark Trail is the dialogue — it’s like watching two mannequins attempt innuendo written by a five year old. I’d make a joke about the stiffness and Mark’s penis, but let’s face it: neither of those … things in this strip seem to have genitalia.” –GG

“What’s wrong, Tommie? You’re white as a sheet exactly the same skin tone as me!” –Josh Millard

“Gabriella is off her meds again. Tommie’s an angel for happening to work in a hospital, Alan’s an angel for — GASP! — having a key. Maybe the doctor’s a unicorn or something.” –commodorejohn

“If Shawna-Marie walks down the aisle to anything other than the theme from Car Wash, I will be bitterly disappointed.” –Dingo

“Hmf. A sandwich buffet for Shawna-Marie’s rehearsal dinner. The bride gets cream, but the coffee gets 2% from the Loeb’s on Bathurst.” –Uncle Lumpy

“Margo’s hair is perfect, but she’s got bedhand.” –Edgy DC

“Q. How many Clambakes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A. Why, back when I was in the Negro Leagues, the white players usedta sneak into our locker rooms and bust all the lightbulbs. But we wouldn’t let it get us down. We’d let our bats speak for us. It’s important to keep your eyes fixed on one socket and keep twisting, no matter what kind of lightbulbs life hands you. [The days of practice roll on … and so does the lightbulb story!] And remember when it seems darkest, just pull your head and keep doing it. Did I tell you about when I played with Sockless Bob Farlon and Red ‘Blue’ Green? I recall one time I ate a sandwich, and it was really good, but I didn’t know what was in it. ‘What’s in this sandwich?’ I asked everybody in the room. Folks called me ‘Sandwich’ for a while there. But back in 1952…” –The Spectacular Spider-Brick

“But Professor, if we wait till morning, maybe Lu Ann will be dead, and then I won’t have to go at all.” –flotsam

And, of course, some love for the advertisers:

• Support indie artists at Shana Logic: Stylish gifts for you and the ones you love!
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• Take the shot and the clock starts ticking: Within 48 hours, you either gain extra-human abilities, or die. Will you take it?
• Day Watch: Featuring the cinematic vision of cutting-edge director/writer Timur Bekmambetov, this is the second installment of a trilogy based on the best-selling sci-fi novels of Sergei Lukyanenko.

To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.