Post Content

Get ready to enjoy the heck out of this week’s top comment:

“Meanwhile, Jeffy’s holding that pennant and thinks the Mets are a country.” –But What Do I Know?

And the runners up? Enjoy those as well.

“‘Dad, I had a terrible nightmare! I turned into you and I woke up screaming!’ ‘I also dream about turning into me and wake up screaming. But there’s no real escape from the nightmare for me!”” –Ettorre

“For a brief, shimmering moment, as she contemplated the monastic tonsure, Dawn had hope that life was more than just brutal, that it had purpose and meaning and direction. All too quickly, though, her subconscious reminded her of the curse of the Westons: to wander the earth as giant bald babies, screaming Godzilla-like in the loveless night. In the morning, she arose and purchased the Complete Idiot’s Guide To Negging. She had her fate, and she embraced it.” –pastordan

“Come down to Gooney Gas for the freshest gas made from gooney birds. Our gooney gathers travel to exotic locations around the world — from French Polynesia to French Frigate Shoals! — and select only the finest, plumpist gooneys to be rendered into gasoline through our patented (pending) process of extreme heat and pressure! Then we crack the gooney juice into various hydrocarbons, from tar (buy it at Gooney Paving!), natural gas (on sale at Gaseous Gooneys), ethylene (Gooney Chemicals, LLC), and, of course, good old fashioned gasoline! Put a Gooney in your tank and your car will soar!” –Voshkod

“Dagwood is simply stabbing the nozzle straight into the side and filling up the trunk with gasoline.” –Professor Well Actually

“‘We’ve not checked in with the Harwoods, Senior and Junior, in a while.’ Well, whose fault is that, Narration Box? There is no ‘we’. Leave me out of this.” –made of wince

“Glad to see you, Dawn! Now I have an excuse to drink a Gin Fizz at 8am.” –Hibbleton

“We’ve seen Wilbur do so many insane, awful things, but what’s the worst thing we’ve seen Dawn do? Not in the same league. Also she’s attractive, I think (?) and although in all these years I’ve never seen her exhibit a personality per se, I’d argue that no personality is infinitely preferable to a Wilburesque personality.” –Violet

“[Clearing throat, hastily shoving notes on Toby’s current crisis under the muffin plate] Yes I knew this was happening but felt it wasn’t yet time to say anything.” –Dan

“[10 minutes after Harwood Jr leaves] Well, my shoes are tied up nice and good. Now how do I make dinner?… FUCK” –pugfuggly

“There is a fascinating documentary on YouTube called ‘How this font became the face of Chinese food in America’ about the typography of Chinese restaurants through the years that’s just under 20 minutes long that seems like it goes by faster than spending 5 seconds reading a decades old Family Circus. The only advantages to the comic are Billy angrily pointing an accusatory finger because he’s not gonna have a sweet and sour nothing, damn it, a gormless Jeffy waving the pendant he will lose before the day is done, and Papa Keene reading the menu to make sure it’s as inauthentic as possible.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“See I’m just staring at the row of flags trying to figure out the geopolitical implications of the Family Circus universe — for example, is that both an independent England and a United Kingdom? Or maybe Italian unification didn’t happen and that’s Genoa?”” –nicole 2: the squeakquel, on Twitter

“Thel’s heavy-lidded, self-medicated look of appraisal at her husband and children is chilling. ‘It’s not like I thought I was marrying a genius or anything,’ she muses idly. ‘But this … this is wrong, isn’t it? This is very, very wrong. I’m … I’m trapped, aren’t I? Is there anywhere around here a woman can get a drink at 8:45 in the morning?’” –Doctor Moreau

“Keep a video record of my dying wife, so when her infant daughter grows up she’ll know how her mom looked, moved, spoke? Get the fuck out of here, that’s ridiculous. Why would I want to do that? oh, wait … did you say Hari Seldon?” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Presumably the ‘Frozen Dante’ stand in the background symbolizes that Crankshaft is destined for the Ninth Circle of Hell (the frozen lake Cocytus). He’ll probably run into famous inmate Judas Iscariot and make an awful pun on his name.” –Peanut Gallery

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

Post Content

Is it time for your comment of the week? You know it!

“It’s good to know that this guy specifically chose a chunky, heavy gold wedding ring. He’s so married he wants his ring to be visible from space. You got the Great Wall and you got this. You won’t see him putting out for an appletini, baby.” –made of wince

Are the runners up hilarious? You bet they are!

“Dad, those are just the things people said to your face. Believe me, you’ve been called much worse.” –Merry Mirth

“Hi, Plato! Killer was just giving me a, uh … document HOW WAS YOUR DATE?” –Davey Compson

“I love how Dagwood doesn’t even look sweaty in panel 2. ‘Yes, it is hot enough for me. A nice comfortable 70°F, perfect for wandering around the office in a three piece suit!’” –Schroduck

“Distressing implications in today’s Blondie. After, what, 80+ years (?) of consuming suspicious foods and millions of Scoville units, Dagwood’s taste buds have all but shriveled away. He eats the way he does in a futile attempt to be able to taste something, anything, like he used to. Nuclear chili, at the very least, makes him feel something.” –Austria

“What is this? Local Gossip Radio, hosted by the Beards of Evil?” –Anonymous

“Maybe, if I were a better person, I could be cuddling up with … Jared?! Wait, no, that can’t be right.” –Joe Blevins

“Yeah, I didn’t even tell him to look after the house, I just left a case of beer in the fridge knowing that he would sniff it out like a campground raccoon and nest there. He should protect his territory from burglars for the next week before moving on.” –pugfuggly

“I appreciate the sequence of today’s strips. We start off our journey with Dawn agonizing that she’ll never find ‘lasting happiness’, with the other two questioning if there really is such a thing. Who’s to say that she and Jared wouldn’t have ended up like the Lockhorns, forever entwined in a bitter battle neither can bring themselves to walk away from, where one day the city comes to seize their home for unpaid taxes only to find their mummified husks where one has their hands around the other’s neck. Or they couldn’t become Hi and Lois, outwardly happy but consigned to the humdrum life of the suburbs where the only thrills are enabling your neighbor’s alcoholism and finding ways to escape from your troubled children. There are worse fates than becoming your father, so shave your head and get started on a life of single self-centered schlubbiness before your life gets so miserable that you start taunting your hated spouse while he has a wrench in his hand.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“‘I’m in MENSA, my mind is quick’ is a top-tier round-headed antagonist volley. New writer starting extremely strong. Debate him, Gil Thorp!” –Dan

“Lois, Trixie, Hi, and Ditto are happily looking at the ocean. Dot and Chip are happily looking at the logo for ‘Stadia Penises.’” –matt w

“I need to get Gil’s side of the story first! [calls Gil] Gil? This is Marty Moon. I had a source on my show today that alleges that we are buddies. Do you have any comment on these allegations?” –Drew Funk

“I can just hear a pitch for this week’s installments of Marvin. ‘Think of Pickles. Now ask yourself: what if it were bad?’” –Acilius

“Well, on the plus side, the enemy is mixing forward attack elements (armor), infantry support weapons (mortars), and long-range fire support (artillery) on the same hill. They’re as incompetent as the soldiers from Camp Swampy! How much consolation that is to the thin pink mist that was Beetle’s squad is left to the reader.” –Voshkod

“Earlier, the supply officer had weighed the cost of army issue binoculars against the lives of the average Camp Swampy soldier. ‘Sorry, we’re all out. Try squinting really hard.’” –Hibbleton

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

Post Content

FOLKS! This month’s Internet Read Aloud is happening tonight, in the city of Los Angeles, California! Got a fun lineup and the price literally cannot be beat (unless someone is paying you to go to their comedy show, and which seems like madness).

Here is the link to the Facebook event! Please come if you are able, I promise you’ll have a good time!

To tide you over, laff-wise, here is this week’s comment of the week!

“Just look at those kids. They’re thinking ‘Outside? What’s that?’” –Lord Flatulence

And here are the very funny runners up!

“Don’t worry, Trixie! Thanks to the miracle of modern science, this food is so utterly processed and packed with preservatives that the ants wouldn’t touch it, anyway! WE’RE FIXING ALL OF GOD’S MISTAKES! ISN’T IT WONDERFUL??” –Dunkelcopter

“For a brief shining moment I thought the last panel might be a written apology.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“I’m still stuck on how to complete the sentence ‘When Wilbur and Dawn eat together…’ Best I’ve got so far is ‘no one goes away hungry — except emotionally.’” –Peanut Gallery

“C’mon, Sarge, let the soldiers go inside! They’ve finished their raking task so effectively that the ground has been cleared of all objects, natural or man-made! Any more and they’ll be raking down to the sub-atomic level!” –Thelonious_Nick

“The Mary Worth Universe feels much more alive and real if we know that even when Wilbur is off-panel he keeps fucking everything up.” –Ettorre

“Dad, I’m just gonna stop you right there. When I say ‘How are things with you, Dad?’, I mean, ‘How’s work?’ or ‘Done any good karaoke lately?’ I do not — and I mean this sincerely — want to hear anything, anything at all, about your love life. Anything. In fact, I don’t want to hear about you at all. Or look at you. Listen, I’m just gonna keep talking about myself as I spoon broccoli into my mouth, ‘kay? Great.” –els

“‘Have you heard from Sam?’ ‘No. I think we both need a little space right now. That’s why I bought another 1,300 acres. Is the real estate lawyer here?’” –pastordan

“Ah, Dawn, if nothing else is redeeming about you, your shade game is strong: ‘Well, of course, Stella wants a break from you … but my situation is totally different. I’m me! I didn’t expect anyone would want to get away from me!’” –Dread

“Blondie editors cropped out a message urging fans to make and post pics of their own special Dagwood pancakes after being unable to find a satisfactory hashtags (rejecting #dagjacks and a portmanteau of Bumstead and pancakes, #bumcakes, which was too prone to autocorrect).” –Frissen Frassen Russen Mussen

“The lying didn’t come BEFORE the eyeing, the lying was a defense mechanism brought on by the decrying of the eyeing. If Jared hadn’t been publicly mortifying about the eyeing, there’d have been no need for lying. And don’t even get me started on the spying.” –MKay

“It looks like Wilbur is laser focused on drinking out of that cup. Dawn does not appear confident he will succeed.” –Kevin On Earth

“‘Oh, you think the names Jack and Jill are inherently funny, do you? What’s your name, sir?’ ‘Funky Winkerbean.’ ‘Get out.’” –Banana Jr. 6000

“Doesn’t the annuity/long-term care salesman usually spring for a meal at a swanky bistro to draw suckers, ahem, potential clients into the presentation? [slaps forehead] But of course — this is Westview and the only available venue would have been Montoni’s. Carry on, Glengarry Man!” –But What Do I Know?

“In Wilbur’s memory, his past partners look at him with an expression that is best described as ‘grudging tolerance,’ and that yet it’s still clear that’s a step or twelve above how they actually viewed him.” –Conynaut

“Gotta love the little ‘service entry’ translation at the bottom of the third panel. As if the reader is supposed to think, ‘Oh, wow! They have service entries on the moon! They’re so like us in so many ways!’” –Joe Blevins

“The extent to which Zak, without even trying, left an open wound of emasculation across Wilbur’s psyche that will never begin to heal is why Zak is the best Mary Worth character, even when off-camera for years at a time. I hope this plot ends with him looking up the pay of the average tech CEO and the average local advice columnist and realizing how optimistic ‘twice my salary’ was.” –Dan

“What I’m saying Dawn is that if you were a hot lady, you could get a guy, maybe even one with money.” –Little Blue Bicycle

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!