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It’s Sunday night, and you know what that means: this week’s Comments of the Week! First, the top finisher:

“In regards to Funky Winkerbean, this is probably the only time in this dude’s life that he’ll have had two girls in French maid outfits grinding up on him, and the one who likes him is insecure and drunk. Nothing on earth could stop that sex from happening … except vomit. It’s like an episode of the Twilight Zone if it were written by Shakers.” –Trent

And the nearly-as-hilarious runners up:

“Iris Beedie may not be as street smart as her pony-tailed prisoner son Tommy, but he solicits drugs in lunch bags to passersby, so his street cred is not exactly beyond reproach.” –MossMoses

“If Snake and Jake spend all their time setting up elaborate traps for animals just so they can kill them for fun, what do these clowns do for money? The mortgage on that log cabin has got to be sky high, and ammo doesn’t come cheap these days. I think Snake is a substance abuse counselor and Jake is a hairstylist to the stars.” –dramashoes

“If Crankshaft was not complicit in atrocities committed by US troops during the Vietnam Conflict, I don’t know who the hell was.” –Joe

“That movie is better than 90% of the stuff on TV. Recast Loretta Lockhorn with Jessica Rabbit and you have every sitcom on CBS.” –yellojkt

“I also like how there’s a comma after the first Ha Curtis makes, but none of the others. The writer put in one comma, then realized that because it was Curtis, he should have put Ha in quotation marks, then realized that because it was Curtis, he needed to do something more with his life.” –Steve S

“Do they call it Lost Forest because it is so small no one can find it? How in the hell do all these people keep stumbling into each other in the middle of the woods?” –Barking Spider Brewery

“That drawing of J. Jonah in panel #2 just ain’t right. Most of me wants to vomit on my keyboard, but there’s a small part of me that wants to reach out and touch that incredibly bristly head of his and see if his hair is sharp enough to break the skin.” — King Folderol

“Molly doesn’t understand why bears in nature find her undesirable. In the human world, a naked woman chained to a tree while two men drink Old Milwaukee twenty feet away while holding guns is an invitation to fantasy fulfilled.” –Dingo

“Lynn Johnston should change the name of her comic to Invariably Worse.” –paddywhack

“Did Arbuckle break up with Liz? I mean, the strip’s forte is all-encompassing hopelessness and not real human emotion, so I could see it.” –Ryan

“Regarding the strange arrangement of Mary Worth’s kitchen: Her kitchen is mostly correct for what we call ‘universally designed,’ which is interior-design-speak for a person who will live most of her life in a wheelchair throughout her elderly years. It’s also correctly designed for a disabled person, like a person who becomes permanently wheelchair-bound after getting her legs broken with a brownie pan. I say, good forward thinking Mary!” –MGArchitect

“I find myself idly wondering what Marty Moon is doing. Whatever it is — working on his car, baking a ham, mastering sudoku, performing back-alley abortions — it has to be more interesting than the mindless plots and horrendously drawn characters we’re getting now. I’m getting worried if Moon doesn’t get a storyline soon, McLaughin’s gonna forget how to draw a goatee and we’ll lose him forever.” –Cold Eels, Distant Thoughts

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Faithful reader Angela Petteys, along with Richard Jones and Brian Parker, whose status as faithful readers I am unclear on, have produced this … this … well, all I’m going to say is that it’s a preview for The Lockhorns: The Movie and it’s hilarious.

This was the product of some sort of student TV show up at Ferris State, where they all go to school. All I can say is that when I went to college, there was a lot more studying and partying and a lot less making fun of the Lockhorns. It’s a brave new world out there, kids.

Also, this is funny in a sort of navel-gazing way. Faithful reader yellojkt, commenting on this Mark Trail, speculated that Rick and Kelly were setting up the camera for pics to be posted on NaughtyNatureLovers.com, then expressed hope that said URL didn’t actually post to a real site … and then, well, then faithful reader Chaz Larson did this. Hope your servers can handle the load, Chaz! UPDATE AS OF JUNE 4, 2010: An archive-diving reader has just alerted me that this link now points to … an actual porn site. It was inevitable! BE WARNED BEFORE YOU CLICK.

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Hey kids! Here’s today’s slightly delayed CsOTW! First, our top finisher. Many people expressed this sentiment, but Josh (nice name, that) said it in that way that made me laugh loudest:

“Is Lynn Johnston really saying that the band’s members being stoned and/or drunk actually made them unable to play their instruments? This goes against everything I know about music.” –Josh (not THE Josh)

And now the runners-up, which as usual are all excellent and difficult to select from:

“Panel 1 may be the most non-angry I’ve ever seen Margo. I didn’t believe it was her at first. I would almost trust her with a sharp knife.” –majolo

“Tommie Thompson always struck me as the type of woman who could only get sexual satisfaction from an inmate, a paperboy, or a rolled-up issue of Cosmo.” –Dingo

“How many Stevie Nicks impersonators had to die to make those costumes, Apwil? People for the Ethical Treatment of the ’70s are gonna be super pissed.” –arto

“OK, but why on Earth would anyone kidnap a bear? Isn’t the whole point to get away from bears? Why not just kidnap a mako shark, or a malfunctioning Russian nuclear submarine?” –Dan

“Sam better go check if Bobby and Raju need some help. And by ‘help,’ I mean ‘lube.'” –yellojkt

“I’m surprised that the Caveman in B.C. doesn’t just look at the card that pops out of the Know It All Boulder in total puzzlement for a moment before sniffing it cautiously and then eating it.” –Wirrrn

“The motion lines behind Tommy’s Tiny Bible seem to suggest he’s moving it rapidly toward his mother’s face. Which would seem to suggest he’s either about to hit her with it, or else he’s already given her some pretty wicked shit and knows she’ll enjoy the tracers. The Jesus tracers.” –briantologist

“That Bible is up to no good.” –Laura c

“I am not the sort of person who would wish harm on anyone, but it sure wouldn’t bother me if Molly killed somebody. I really don’t care who.” –Mr. Barkie

“What could be better than June Morgan at the DMV? Ha ha! Five straight days of June Morgan at the DMV!” –hogenmogen

“Peter Parker has the proportionate earning power of a spider.” –Air Forbes

“What the hell is Gil Thorp? Seriously? There are all these people talking but no-one’s saying anything.” –ben

“Yeah, June’s pretty hot — for a pampered rich lady who’s ready to call her lawyer at the first sign of things not going her way. I’ll still take Margo, because Margo is street people. She wouldn’t even go to the DMV. Margo is such a badass, she just steals a car whenever she needs one and then dumps it off at the chop shop when she’s done. Margo is GOD! I exist to be crushed under her iron hand. Also, Margo told me if I didn’t post this, she’ll beat me until I wet myself again.” –dramashoes

“Oh, Bobby and Raju. Your love affair may seem charmed in the the artful glow of the porchlight, but I fear Bobby’s wrestling buddies won’t be quite so taken with Raju’s self. They’ll only see the geeky side, not the romantic guy exchanging sweet nothings under the starry sky, while Sam watches and reminisces about his own carefree homoromantic youth before glumly wandering inside to not have sex with his wife.” –Laura

“Since this is Funky Winkerbean, I suggest that Jess’s throwing up is an early warning sign of cancer. Never underestimate the ability of FW to put its characters through a living hell. It’s part of Funky the way big sandwiches are a part of Blondie.” –Woodrowfan

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And! Also! New merchandise! Faithful reader Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener has submitted this wonderful graphic for all those boat-wrestlers/4.0 GPA chem majors out there:

Right now shirts with this very logo are available at the Comics Curmudgeon store! At the moment I’ve got a sweatshirt and ash grey t-shirt available, but if you want it on something else, just say the word.

(If you’re totally baffled by this, click here and scroll down.)