Post Content

OK, kids, I’m going to post a weekend’s worth of comics later this morning, but first: this week’s COTW runners-up:

“Death is clear cut/It’s life that isn’t/The gorge took Aldo/but mine has risen/BURMA SHAVE” –mdrew

“You guys can keep ignoring it all you want, but no one — and I mean NO ONE — is exploring the many, many ways the word ‘punchbowl’ can be used for humor like TDIET’s Al Scaduto.” –gump worsley

“I’m so glad Sam and Horace are taking the high road, keeping the campaign focused on the issues — like Reggie’s fat, rich, alcoholic wife.” –Dennis Jimenez

“I’m sick of mustachioed foob characters using their lips for things (kissing, trumpet mouthpiece playing). It grosses me out.” –anne

“Meanwhile, random crap just spontaneously happens in Gil Thorp.” –RoboMax

“Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Other times, it is a disturbingly inappropriate prop trying to compensate for the lack of visual excitement in Judge Parker: Tales From the Closet.” –Decker

“I was unaware of One Big Happy until tonight, which shall forever be known as ‘Black Tuesday.'” –Joe

“If they made a movie about Gil Thorp they could just use chunks of firewood. It would be no less lifelike than the characters, and since all the action happens offscreen it really doesn’t matter that they’re inanimate.” –RentedMule

“I’m concerned about the lumpiness of the chaplain [in Beetle Bailey]. His head is nothing but tumor on top of tumor. And I’m guessing that odd crescent-wedge below his nose is his mouth, but the mechanics of his jaw frighten me.” –Blueline

“Then they could have a domestic disturbance, because a plugger marriage counselor is an episode of Cops.” –Steve S

JP: “‘You know what the doctor said about cigars!’ …Dr. Freud? Yeah, we know.” –Mibbitmaker

“Mary’s going to try another route to reach Dr. Jeff Cory? I think I get what’s intimated here but the way she said it it sounds like she may have just realized that the world is in fact round. ‘He’s so far away! But I can try another route, heading west to get to the Indies instead of our usual eastern trade route! That will show you all.'” –arlo

“‘Your husband can’t walk and has the mind of a child.’ ‘Then at least he’s happy.’ Yeah, happy as a child who CAN’T WALK!” –Ran

“And Horace’s wife is a fox. He doesn’t care if she is 15. And his granddaughter.” –smacky

“Are those… things… on either side just above Olive Oyl’s negative-space hips supposed to be her breasts, sagging and torn after years and years of over-zealous manipulation at the spinach-fueled fingers of her cyclopean beau?!” –Wirrrn

“I think Mark Trail has honestly stopped caring. For the past three days, it’s, ‘We should save Molly … yep … any time now. Ah, forget it. Lets just drink beer and talk about how they’re going to horribly mutilate her.'” –Monkey’s Paw

“Can’t you see that the poachers are going soft? Molly can melt her way into anyone’s heart. It’s Reverse Stockholm Syndrome. First they won’t be able to kill her, then they will save her from a giant mallard and everyone will have a good cry. Then Molly will eat them. Or french them, whatever.” –ben

“So, I know this is a problem that comes up periodically in the horrifying Dr. Moreau-meets-Git-R-Done world of Pluggers, but a chicken owning a pet cat is just asking for trouble.” –Cold Eels, Distant Thoughts

“So, when Dr. Jeff doesn’t return her calls, Mary Worth heads down to his kids’ workplace to harass them about it? I’m pretty sure this is covered in the definition of ‘stalking.'” –Donut

“This is Mary Worth and so disappointment is inevitable.” –Dactyl

“I’ve already given my ass to Margo, but Tommie has stolen my heart with her adorable self-doubt.” –dramashoes

Also! A fab new Comics Curmudgeon merch photo has arrived from faithful reader Non-Shannon. She’s working it like a claw here with her beloved bearded dragon, Sir Hubert Cumberdale.

You too can be like Non-Shannon by (a) buying stuff from my store and (b) (this is the important part) sending me a picture of you wearing it.

Finally, in a new weekly feature here at the Comics Curmudgeon, I’d like to thank this week’s advertisers:

• Very Funny Ads (powered by TBS) (link includes sound, so turn the volume down if you’re at work)
• PETA’s Boycott KFC video (starring Pamela Anderson)

If you’d like to join these fine advertisers on the site, click here to get started.

Post Content

Has the Comics Curmudgeon ever been graced by a merchandise model as adorable as faithful reader Banana’s young’un?

The only thing that comes close is this picture, though technically the kids in that photo aren’t actually modeling merchandise, but rather serving as props. Still, it’s good to boost the cuteness factor however we can. Remember, a variety of Molly the Bear merchandise is available for both big and little people.

Meanwhile, Fencepost Frank would like to remind you that he’s updated his MySpace page and that his hat is still available.

Fencepost Frank was a particularly early figure in the Comics Curmudgeon mythos, and many of you may not have been around during his heyday. This strip is actually one of the few in which he appeared, but I think you can understand from reading it the long shadow he has cast.

Post Content

Without further ado: Your funny funnies from the past seven days!

“I don’t think these people know the meaning of the word ‘closure’ any more than they know the meaning of the word ‘intervention’. For ‘intervention’ read ‘attack’, and for ‘closure’ read ‘satisfaction’.” –ragthetiger

“It seems to me that Mark Trail’s Molly also has the remarkable ability to change size; she’s shrunk from a full-sized behemoth to little more than a teddy bear when visiting her trainer in the hospital. Next week Mark should be able to stow Molly in the pocket of his flannel shirt and keep her fed with a peanut a day.” –Nicky Newark

“This morning in MW, Wilbur sez, ‘I hope we won’t be asked to say anything…’ Apparently Wilbur hasn’t noticed that no one’s ever asked him to say anything, ever.” –jules

“I guess the rules of responsible pet ownership, much like the laws of physics, don’t apply in Lost Forest.” –MossMoses

“Why no freshly dug grave? After that wreck, they probably decided to save money and just injected Aldo’s remains into the earth using a Popeil Solid Flavor Injector.” –Trent

“And Ian: Making a joke at Aldo’s funeral. I can’t wait to see you have a heart attack on the toilet.” –smacky

“Seriously, you read that last dialogue balloon too many times, all hope in the universe dies.” –Zack

“Personally, I’m hoping we get a tearful confession from Toby. ‘It was my fault! In my concern for my friend, I created the confrontation that drove Aldo to his death! Also, I paid a guy to cut his brake lines.'” –Splinky

“And that’s when I realized Family Circus is where humor goes to die.” –treedweller

“FooB: This strip has degenerated into the boringest thing ever. It is a glorification of the dull. I imagine everyone wearing shades of beige and grey, the sky behind them the color of a hangover, and the vague scent of a papermill in the air.” –pelagius

“It seems Abbey now has a permanent seductive ‘let’s boink’ expression regardless of what she’s talking about, including hordes of mice. I think she should become a local news anchor.” –Poteet

“And as for you people who want Liz to get together with Paul — what did Paul ever do to you? I like Paul, and he deserves much better than Liz. He should marry that nice girl that replaced Liz. And they should adopt a pet bear, named Molly, who is A Very Good Bear with Very Bad Luck.” –Summerhouse

“The majority of Gil Thorp takes place after something has happened: ‘Well, we lost that game!’ ‘Hey, I saw someone tearing down posters!’ ‘I dropped out of the race!’ It’s an interesting creative choice to concentrate solely on the conversations that take place between the rare moments of excitement.” –smacky

“Between Molly and Barfy, there’s been a lot of cross-species making out going on lately, and I for one am excited…er, disgusted.” –Pozzo

“Family Circus actually is on target today. I’d much rather be licked by a dog or rat-eating cat than have any close contact with a child.” –Frank Drackman

“How are these mullet-tops going to make money with a trained bear, anyway? Take her to a national park and have her steal pick-a-nick baskets?” –Randy

“Granthony hasn’t made a tough decision since he was at Tim Horten’s and it was a choice between frosted or unfrosted cinnamon rolls. (BTW, he chose frosted and has had serious doubts ever since.)” –Justafoob

“Oh, and yesterday? When she said she felt like she wasn’t ‘accomplished’ next to Anthony? I assumed she was just being polite…try to make the poor lug feel better since, you know, his life is shambles and whatnot.” –Cafangdra

“Lu Ann is caught between the moon and New York City. It isn’t pretty, but it’s true.” –Dingo

“I will be the first to admit that I am nothing if not inept when it comes to identifying the various Judge Parker characters. My excuse — and I think its a good one — is that I really don’t give a damn who they are. I believe the blonde JP kid is called ‘Sophie’. Why she is called that, well, that’s anybody’s guess.” –Fred P.

“I can’t believe Mark Trail called Molly ‘it.’ ‘It?!’ Listen, Mark, Molly is a BUAP : Brown Ursa-American Princess. You better check yourself before you wreck yourself, because pretty soon the strip is going to be called Molly and Mark and then just Molly. We’ll see who’s an ‘it’ then.” –Summerhouse

“I’m too urbane and witty for Pluggers, not quite literate enough for 9CL. I’ll always have Mark Trail.” –dramashoes

“The more Anthony burbles on at Liz, the more I realize what a truly unsung heroine — possessed of patience and strength beyond that of we mere mortals — Thérèse must have been to have prevented herself from brutally clubbing him to death with his telescope before she left.” –Jennifer