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Your comment of the week … has ARRIVED:

“Hoping for three solid weeks of Curtis trying to drum up a whisper campaign for what is clearly his webcomic. ‘Oh man, what will the daring, anonymous truthsayer behind Dear Ol’ Dad do next? He doesn’t care whose toes he steps on! And ha ha look at this, you can read all his in-your-face takes on modern parenthood at freewebcomichost dot com slash dearoldad, interesting! And it seems he has a Patreon?’” –Dan

As have your hilarious runners up!

“The fact that Jess is turning out to be a fellow super-nerd means that Dawn is in trouble. Well, ‘in trouble’ in the sense that Jared will soon break up with her. In other words, ‘lucky.’” –BigTed

“A lot gets made of ‘superhero origin stories’, so it’s nice to see that Sweepy keeps it pretty simple. ‘I dunno, I just started patrolling the streets and then everything went wrong.’ Excellent, don’t change a thing. No prequel required!” –pugfuggly

“‘What’s this?’ asks Mary as she sees Jared, who works in a hospital, conferring with a patient in that same hospital. It’s this kind of insight that keeps an old strip relevant in today’s world.” –Hibbleton

“Unfortunately unbeknownst to the cook, Poulet is a proud acolyte of the Priory of Sion. Tomorrow’s soup will be suspiciously chunky.” –Dunkelcopter

“Greg is confused, and rightfully so. How is it possible that Curtis know about webcomics, yet doesn’t understand that webcomics are for furries, not social commentary?” –pastordan

“When you want a ride, you’ve got to pay your way with gas, grass, or ass. At the loan office, it’s cred, head, or bread.” –jroggs

“I feel like Dennis and Joey will be having this same basic conversation for the rest of their lives. One day, it’ll be ‘I don’t feel so hot when I huff oven cleaning spray.’” –Joe Blevins

“You kind of lose some authority by saying that while your wife cuts your food for you, no matter how forcefully you point.” –Kevin On Earth

“It’s going to turn out that Jess is Jared’s long-lost sister.” –taig

“But … which arm? Look, I’m as disgusted as you are that I just went back to double-check the art in Rex fucking Morgan, but I did, okay? I did, and ‘that Snake guy’ hurt your left arm, it’s been your left arm this whole time, and now the White Lines of Ouchie are coming from your right arm. Sweep that up? (No.) Sweeper, sweep thyself? (NO.) Guess you’ve been rendered… armless. (There it is.)” –els

“Did you really think we wouldn’t be covering the rear exit? Now go back in there and have your surgery. We’re really eager to see how this turns out.” –cheech wizard

“Why aren’cha usin’ yer hammer bone, Dad? Ya know, the malleus, or hammer bone in yer ear? Why aren’cha usin’ yer malleus? ‘Cause it’s called a hammer? Is this funny, Dad? Is this menacing? Is it? What, too academic? [slurps drink]” –Chance

“You know what you can plan using a computer? The layout for your comic strip so that you figure out where the ‘CAUTION PIRANHAS’ label will go and you won’t have to resort to making the bottom word way off center so it can be readable in the panel.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Typically, when I see a bathroom door that’s closed, I assume that someone is using it, but then I don’t live in a universe where everyone hates everyone else and only comic books are considered valuable.” –BeckoningChasm

“‘He was really confused! And he’s also very messy, the whole package of disaster!’ Few are brave enough to talk of the taunting side of police brutality.” –Ettorre

“After a quick and sloppy reading of today’s Gil Thorp, I was under the impression that Gregg’s dad used to be on the cover of Hot Guy Magazine, and was now trying to move on from that. All respect to Neal Rubin, but I think I like my plot twist better.” –Drew Funk

“Now that the potential for anything dramatic to happen has passed, I’m interested in seeing how this becomes a financial windfall for Rex. Maybe the Street Sweeper’s trial gets wildly publicized, and so Rex makes millions on the talk show and book circuits talking about how he once treated this guy for a rotator cuff injury and then told him over the phone that no known lobotomy cures crime. Or maybe it’ll be simpler, and the police will just drive a dump truck full of asset forfeiture cash up to Rex’s front door.” –Corynaut

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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It’s here, everyone: your top comment of the week.

“Objection! The defendant is using his hat like a stupid prop! In fact, it looks like he’s trying to seduce it or something, your honor. If he starts kissing it, I’m quitting. I don’t even care.” –made of wince

And your runners up! Very funny!

“I was going to say that it was odd that neither Dot nor Ditto mentioned it was Sunday before they were already driving to school, but then again, if someone woke me up, screaming at me to get my clothes on in a mad fury, I probably wouldn’t ask too many question either.” –pugfuggly

“This is the way the strip ends/ Not with a bang but with a carbon monoxide leak in the library” –Chris+Rywalt

“That blonde in Crankshaft is or at least looks a decade or two younger than the others. Why is she spending her time napping with a bunch of old farts? Honey, get thee to a Funky strip, where you can complain about the troubles of being in your 40s/50s rather than 60s/70s.” –jenna

“Six people in REM sleep and not one has had their book slide out of their hands on to the floor? I call bullshit. I originally called bullshit on the ridiculously large sign, but the book thing bugged me more.” –Weaselboy

“He actually is a marine biologist, but stealing goodies is less humiliating and more lucrative than applying dozens and dozens of times to get one meagre grant.” –Ettore_Costa, on Twitter

“‘The dog?‘ All the other miscreants get a name (Shady Shrew, Cassandra Cat). Show Dipshit Dog some respect, would you?” –Pozzo

“Hope they’ve got Impossible sausage in the animal future, or Slylock is straight-up ignoring a much more serious crime at the snack hut just up the beach.” –Dan

“Dennis is normally ten times more articulate than the Family Circus kids, but in this situation they would know what to do: blame it on ghosts.” –Anonymous

“So, I guess you could say that Hagar got… a Viking grill funeral [CSI: Miami theme goes here]” –Dunkelcopter

“The non-grounded electrical outlet probably indicates the existence of shell and tube wiring in the Mitchell house. Menace level: High!” –But What Do I Know?

“Rex: [looking at TV] ‘Well, yeah. You’ll want to stay off of it or just not use it so much … ice and what not. Call the office and make an appointment if you don’t feel better…’ Sweeper: ‘What? No I’m asking abo–‘*Click* [stares at phone]” –Kevin On Earth

“I haven’t been following this costumed vigilante hostage scenario story, but I’m not the least bit surprised to see the thrilling climax is, as always, a phone conversation between middle-aged men.” –jroggs

“Dennis, brandishing a sledgehammer: ‘Come on, Joey! If a scraped knee gets you measly cookies, think of the rewards of a shattered tibia! You’ll be laid up in a cast enjoying you brand new PS5! We’d be foolish NOT to break your leg!’” –The Great Joe Bivins

“Well, this is only anecdotal evidence, but being hit by a car seems to have worked for my daughter.” –TheDiva

“Can’t help noticing the Street Sweeper looks nothing like the guy he was introduced as and exactly like Rex himself. Hoping this is a Looper kind of situation where Rex has been sent back in time from a dystopian future where there’s a medical cure for crime to treat the biggest criminal of all, only to discover that it’s… his past self.” –Schroduck

“One of the weirdest things about being a comic strip character is that other characters are always walking up to you and saying setup lines, totally unsolicited and out of nowhere. Today, for instance, Dagwood is just trying to read the menu when Lou approaches him and says, ‘Summer sure changes people’s eating habits.’ Dag is momentarily disoriented — as we would all be in this situation — but he quickly readjusts. By panel two, he’s leaning forward to better hear where Lou is going with this. In panel three, accepting his fate as a human joke machine who can never die, Dag solemnly closes his eyes and recites the punchline, with the calm countenance of a religious martyr who’s about to be executed for his beliefs but has come to peace with this fact.” –Joe Blevins

“I think we’re reading too much into this. This is just Lou’s way of saying it’s too hot to cook.” –Hibbleton

“Joel and the colorist both know the international convention that helps avoid collisions between mule-drawn wagons: Red on the port side, green to starboard.” –Peanut Gallery

“I am bothered by the positioning of this fence. For one thing, it simply stops, rather then connecting to anything, which seems to defeat the entire purpose of a fence. More importantly, though, is that this fence seems to be at the edge of a cliff, presumably to keep people from falling off, yet Elviney is on the other side. Has she inched her way along the very edge of the cliff face, tenaciously holding onto the fence to keep from plunging into the chasm, just so that she could deliver the set-up for today’s joke? I admire your dedication to your craft, Elviney, but I hope that once you heard the punchline for which you risked your life, you began to question your choice of a career.” –seismic-2

“The only reason the other poker players haven’t put a bullet in Snuffy yet is that he’s really bad at cheating. It’s hard to pull a gun when you see a card up his sleeve but somehow you’re still up fifty bucks.” –Tabby Lavalamp

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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It’s the first Friday of the month, and you know what that means: come to the Clubhouse in Los Feliz in Los Angeles for The Internet Read Aloud, America’s favorite live comedy show about the internet!

Tell Facebook that you’re coming, when will then legally obligate you to come to the show!

But until then, please enjoy your comment … of the week:

“Today’s Beetle Bailey was supposed to just be a picture of all the main characters with a message on top saying ‘Celebrating our troops.’ Then, at the last second, the writer found out that Memorial Day is about remembering dead military personnel, not honoring living ones, so they had to hastily change course to make a strip about the characters murdering each other.” –likeagrapefruit

Your runners up are also very funny!

“I’ll say this for Marvin: at least its brand of ‘I regret having a child’ comedy doesn’t make you want to call an intervention.” –Schroduck

“Masked vigilantes, incompetent cops, villains who take a liking to their nicknames. This is how you get Gotham. Are we ready for this swerve in the Rex Morgan story?” –Gerry Quinn

“Uptown mall/ Checking price tags right out in the hall/ Listening to the woes of neighbor friend/ Her loveless marriage problems never end” –Dan

“From ‘Women Be Shopping’ to ‘Women Be Shopping With Their Own Money’: Small steps feminism in the legacy strip Hi and Lois” –Ettorre

“Working at a bank? Doesn’t it seem like Cinnamon Knight’s job description should be ‘Breakfast Cereal Mascot?’” –Pozzo

“I’m hoping that the ‘bank’ the Cinnamon Knight works for is actually some completely unregulated fly-by-night cryptocurrency thing, and of course the missing assets are all NFTs based on jpegs of old (and messily dead) Dick Tracy villains. It still wouldn’t make any sense, but at least it would be a reality-based doesn’t-make-any-sense.” –Dmsilev

“Hell yeah, there’s no better way to deliver data on a network security breach than a single sheet of paper. Envelope’s just gonna have a drawing of guy in a stripey shirt and domino mask using a computer. Not even a very good one. Tracy’s going to nod seriously and say ‘Better get the boys in the cyber crime bureau on this one.’” –Dan

“Jingle Bells/ Pluggers smell/ Because they wear Depends/ Gotta stick/ This stamp real quick/ To pretend like I have friends” –Ace

“Her buddy sitting there thinks ‘At least she’ll take attention away from the fact that I wore slipper socks into a bar.’” –Hibbleton

“You know what? I like this one. The idea of a sarcastic mermaid hanging out at a seaside bar, passive-aggressively haranguing humans about their mistreatment of the ocean is actually pretty funny. ‘Boy theses fries are something, aren’t they? I haven’t seen this much oil since Deepwater Horizon! No but seriously folks, I’m just doing some harmless trolling, unlike the kind you do at my house! Ha ha, but really, my sister died in a fishing net…’” –pugfuggly

“Won’t Dawn be surprised when Jared’s friend talks him into going to the exact same club? I admit my premise is flawed, because Jared has no friends.” –taig

“The worst part of this date is Malcolm thinks Morbius is a Marvel movie.” –Uncle Lumpy

“It’s the small touches that make a comic strip stand out. I enjoy knowing that the guy in the last panel is a fan of that classic 60s garage rock band, Exclamation Mark and the Hysterians.” –Peanut Gallery

“‘Want to meet up ahead of time to pregame, if you know what I mean?’ ‘Giant bowl of salad and a glass of water? Hell yeah.’” –Daisy Bateman, on Twitter

“Can he, though? He spent approximately two and a half minutes with you, and I guarantee that for two of those minutes he was not listening to a thing you were saying. ‘Uh huh, uh huh, shoulder hurts, got it.’ [thinking] ‘Can my daughter make any more money from drawing… dogs? It was dogs, right? People like dogs.’” –els

“Sarge flipping a guys car is the last piece of the puzzle for me. Clearly Camp Swampy was some sort of military research base, Sarge is a failed super soldier project; instead of an invincible Adonis with super strength, they made a slovenly rage monster with super strength. Obviously they can’t just let him out into into the real world so they keep the camp open and fill it with all the washouts the military has to offer. The whole charade is a giant enclosure for the US Government’s failed Frankenstein. This also explains the talking dog.” — BananaSam

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!