“Really loving that last panel, in which it looks as if Gil is doing an ad for Cubs Brand Coffee. ‘We might not know what matters in the hoity-toity world of Manhattan journalism, but one thing we do appreciate is the smooth bold taste of a coffee roasted over a tire fire on the banks of Lake Michgan…’” –pugfuggly

“Why is there a question mark when Dick says ‘B.O. Plenty?’ After seventy years (or whatever), you’d think he’d be used to people he knows having stupid names.” –Pozzo

“Ah, yes, The Bucket List — the family-friendly movie that makes every child with a streaming service unnaturally aware of their own mortality. (Of course, E.T. and The Avengers: Endgame serve the same purpose — but at least in those movies, there’s the comforting sense that you might come back.)” –BigTed

“A plugger’s phone sex is frustrating for both parties involved.” –Hibbleton

“Okay, okay, I will admit to one other possible scenario in the Lockhorns: Given Loretta’s position — facing away from Leroy, one foot forward, chin tossed coquettishly over her shoulder — this is less a comics panel than stage design for the Lockhorns opera buffa the Met never staged. In this heartwarming and climactic duet, Loretta (played by Leontyne Price) launches into her triumphant ‘I told you so! I told you so!’ fan dance while Leroy (newcomer James Harrison Morales) hacks up gallon after gallon of bug cream in a tenor counterpoint, and eventually dies of liver failure. (Conducted by James Levine, who was later accused of groping Loretta.)” –pastordan

“Today’s Mary Worth is very interesting. The art is full of signifiers of sad sack single male: microwaved pizza as lonely dinner, Star Wars shirt, talking to a pet. But the text conveys the opposite meaning: this male is desired and fought over by two young females. Is this semiological contradiction a clever, postmodern subversion of expectations or just incompetence and lack of communication between writer and artist? You decide! No seriously, it’s postmodernism, you decide!” –Ettorre

“Camp Swampy Enlistment Questionnaire: 1) Are you male? 2) Do you have comically-styled, coal-black hair?” –Carsick Yankee

“Sadly, the men at Camp Swampy were so inured to bad haircuts that no one noticed that Beetle’s perm throbbed slowly to the beating of an alien heart. The Permian symbiotes slowly conquered the Camp, and then the Pentagon, and then the world, leaving humanity in Permanent subjugation.” –Voshkod

“Well, at least the comic books will be happy together.” –Banana Jr. 6000

“I wish I were as satisfied with ANYTHING in my life as the Gil Thorp background guy is with his coffee.” –Pat Ferruzza, on Facebook

“Imagine a world where even in the private sanctuary of your bathroom, your own bodily wastes advertised targeted products to you as they streamed out. I hate to say it, but Marvin might just have accidentally created the best cyberpunk body horror dystopia of the century.” –Schroduck

“The best comics strips are the ones where you have to use your own imagination to make them amusing and in Marvin we’re not being shown the lower half of these two old men that makes it clear they are Cossack dancing while watching TV and grousing about kids today.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Even as stupid as Funky Winkerbean characters can be, they would have figured out they had no gift quickly if they traveled there together. So they must have traveled separately, which is what I would do if I were either of them.” –nescio

“It’s actually TJ Hooker, the bugged William Shatner action figure Jared put in Dawn’s purse to spy on her.” –Jay Brutus

“Hoping for three solid weeks of Curtis trying to drum up a whisper campaign for what is clearly his webcomic. ‘Oh man, what will the daring, anonymous truthsayer behind Dear Ol’ Dad do next? He doesn’t care whose toes he steps on! And ha ha look at this, you can read all his in-your-face takes on modern parenthood at freewebcomichost dot com slash dearoldad, interesting! And it seems he has a Patreon?’” –Dan

“The fact that Jess is turning out to be a fellow super-nerd means that Dawn is in trouble. Well, ‘in trouble’ in the sense that Jared will soon break up with her. In other words, ‘lucky.’” –BigTed

“A lot gets made of ‘superhero origin stories’, so it’s nice to see that Sweepy keeps it pretty simple. ‘I dunno, I just started patrolling the streets and then everything went wrong.’ Excellent, don’t change a thing. No prequel required!” –pugfuggly

“‘What’s this?’ asks Mary as she sees Jared, who works in a hospital, conferring with a patient in that same hospital. It’s this kind of insight that keeps an old strip relevant in today’s world.” –Hibbleton

“Unfortunately unbeknownst to the cook, Poulet is a proud acolyte of the Priory of Sion. Tomorrow’s soup will be suspiciously chunky.” –Dunkelcopter

“Greg is confused, and rightfully so. How is it possible that Curtis know about webcomics, yet doesn’t understand that webcomics are for furries, not social commentary?” –pastordan

“When you want a ride, you’ve got to pay your way with gas, grass, or ass. At the loan office, it’s cred, head, or bread.” –jroggs

“I feel like Dennis and Joey will be having this same basic conversation for the rest of their lives. One day, it’ll be ‘I don’t feel so hot when I huff oven cleaning spray.’” –Joe Blevins

“You kind of lose some authority by saying that while your wife cuts your food for you, no matter how forcefully you point.” –Kevin On Earth

“It’s going to turn out that Jess is Jared’s long-lost sister.” –taig

“But … which arm? Look, I’m as disgusted as you are that I just went back to double-check the art in Rex fucking Morgan, but I did, okay? I did, and ‘that Snake guy’ hurt your left arm, it’s been your left arm this whole time, and now the White Lines of Ouchie are coming from your right arm. Sweep that up? (No.) Sweeper, sweep thyself? (NO.) Guess you’ve been rendered… armless. (There it is.)” –els

“Did you really think we wouldn’t be covering the rear exit? Now go back in there and have your surgery. We’re really eager to see how this turns out.” –cheech wizard

“Why aren’cha usin’ yer hammer bone, Dad? Ya know, the malleus, or hammer bone in yer ear? Why aren’cha usin’ yer malleus? ‘Cause it’s called a hammer? Is this funny, Dad? Is this menacing? Is it? What, too academic? [slurps drink]” –Chance

“You know what you can plan using a computer? The layout for your comic strip so that you figure out where the ‘CAUTION PIRANHAS’ label will go and you won’t have to resort to making the bottom word way off center so it can be readable in the panel.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Typically, when I see a bathroom door that’s closed, I assume that someone is using it, but then I don’t live in a universe where everyone hates everyone else and only comic books are considered valuable.” –BeckoningChasm

“‘He was really confused! And he’s also very messy, the whole package of disaster!’ Few are brave enough to talk of the taunting side of police brutality.” –Ettorre

“After a quick and sloppy reading of today’s Gil Thorp, I was under the impression that Gregg’s dad used to be on the cover of Hot Guy Magazine, and was now trying to move on from that. All respect to Neal Rubin, but I think I like my plot twist better.” –Drew Funk

“Now that the potential for anything dramatic to happen has passed, I’m interested in seeing how this becomes a financial windfall for Rex. Maybe the Street Sweeper’s trial gets wildly publicized, and so Rex makes millions on the talk show and book circuits talking about how he once treated this guy for a rotator cuff injury and then told him over the phone that no known lobotomy cures crime. Or maybe it’ll be simpler, and the police will just drive a dump truck full of asset forfeiture cash up to Rex’s front door.” –Corynaut

“Objection! The defendant is using his hat like a stupid prop! In fact, it looks like he’s trying to seduce it or something, your honor. If he starts kissing it, I’m quitting. I don’t even care.” –made of wince

“I was going to say that it was odd that neither Dot nor Ditto mentioned it was Sunday before they were already driving to school, but then again, if someone woke me up, screaming at me to get my clothes on in a mad fury, I probably wouldn’t ask too many question either.” –pugfuggly

“This is the way the strip ends/ Not with a bang but with a carbon monoxide leak in the library” –Chris+Rywalt

“That blonde in Crankshaft is or at least looks a decade or two younger than the others. Why is she spending her time napping with a bunch of old farts? Honey, get thee to a Funky strip, where you can complain about the troubles of being in your 40s/50s rather than 60s/70s.” –jenna

“Six people in REM sleep and not one has had their book slide out of their hands on to the floor? I call bullshit. I originally called bullshit on the ridiculously large sign, but the book thing bugged me more.” –Weaselboy

“He actually is a marine biologist, but stealing goodies is less humiliating and more lucrative than applying dozens and dozens of times to get one meagre grant.” –Ettore_Costa, on Twitter

“‘The dog?‘ All the other miscreants get a name (Shady Shrew, Cassandra Cat). Show Dipshit Dog some respect, would you?” –Pozzo

“Hope they’ve got Impossible sausage in the animal future, or Slylock is straight-up ignoring a much more serious crime at the snack hut just up the beach.” –Dan

“Dennis is normally ten times more articulate than the Family Circus kids, but in this situation they would know what to do: blame it on ghosts.” –Anonymous

“So, I guess you could say that Hagar got… a Viking grill funeral [CSI: Miami theme goes here]” –Dunkelcopter

“The non-grounded electrical outlet probably indicates the existence of shell and tube wiring in the Mitchell house. Menace level: High!” –But What Do I Know?

“Rex: [looking at TV] ‘Well, yeah. You’ll want to stay off of it or just not use it so much … ice and what not. Call the office and make an appointment if you don’t feel better…’ Sweeper: ‘What? No I’m asking abo–‘*Click* [stares at phone]” –Kevin On Earth

“I haven’t been following this costumed vigilante hostage scenario story, but I’m not the least bit surprised to see the thrilling climax is, as always, a phone conversation between middle-aged men.” –jroggs

“Dennis, brandishing a sledgehammer: ‘Come on, Joey! If a scraped knee gets you measly cookies, think of the rewards of a shattered tibia! You’ll be laid up in a cast enjoying you brand new PS5! We’d be foolish NOT to break your leg!’” –The Great Joe Bivins

“Well, this is only anecdotal evidence, but being hit by a car seems to have worked for my daughter.” –TheDiva

“Can’t help noticing the Street Sweeper looks nothing like the guy he was introduced as and exactly like Rex himself. Hoping this is a Looper kind of situation where Rex has been sent back in time from a dystopian future where there’s a medical cure for crime to treat the biggest criminal of all, only to discover that it’s… his past self.” –Schroduck

“One of the weirdest things about being a comic strip character is that other characters are always walking up to you and saying setup lines, totally unsolicited and out of nowhere. Today, for instance, Dagwood is just trying to read the menu when Lou approaches him and says, ‘Summer sure changes people’s eating habits.’ Dag is momentarily disoriented — as we would all be in this situation — but he quickly readjusts. By panel two, he’s leaning forward to better hear where Lou is going with this. In panel three, accepting his fate as a human joke machine who can never die, Dag solemnly closes his eyes and recites the punchline, with the calm countenance of a religious martyr who’s about to be executed for his beliefs but has come to peace with this fact.” –Joe Blevins

“I think we’re reading too much into this. This is just Lou’s way of saying it’s too hot to cook.” –Hibbleton

“Joel and the colorist both know the international convention that helps avoid collisions between mule-drawn wagons: Red on the port side, green to starboard.” –Peanut Gallery

“I am bothered by the positioning of this fence. For one thing, it simply stops, rather then connecting to anything, which seems to defeat the entire purpose of a fence. More importantly, though, is that this fence seems to be at the edge of a cliff, presumably to keep people from falling off, yet Elviney is on the other side. Has she inched her way along the very edge of the cliff face, tenaciously holding onto the fence to keep from plunging into the chasm, just so that she could deliver the set-up for today’s joke? I admire your dedication to your craft, Elviney, but I hope that once you heard the punchline for which you risked your life, you began to question your choice of a career.” –seismic-2

“The only reason the other poker players haven’t put a bullet in Snuffy yet is that he’s really bad at cheating. It’s hard to pull a gun when you see a card up his sleeve but somehow you’re still up fifty bucks.” –Tabby Lavalamp