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INCOMING: THIS WEEK’S FUNNIEST COMMENT RIGHT NOW!

“I’ll suspend a lot of disbelief when it comes to Family Circus but I refuse to believe ANY child would salivate at the sight of a dish of Werther’s Originals the way Billy is. Is he gonna plead that they stay up to watch Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman as well?” –Irrischana

THESE RUNNERS UP ARE ALSO EXPLOSIVELY HILARIOUS!

“So the previous explorer came in, looked around without disturbing or stealing any of the precious antiquities, and carefully sealed the entrance when he left. Slylock, meanwhile, seems to have bashed a hole in the wall with a big ol’ sledgehammer. Who’s the real destroyer of ancient cultures here? It’ll serve Slylock and Max right if the entire structure falls down on top of them, sealing them in with the mummy, and they spend all the rest of eternity as afterlife servants to Amenhotep II.” –BigTed

“Oh, there’s nothing I want more than to see the male characters of Shoe perform the mating rituals of their species. Apparently the Perfessor is an osprey, so he will perform an undulating dance in the sky while carrying fish or nesting material. On the other hand, that might be too risque for the newspaper comics pages.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“How come not one person in that row of people at the Oscars is attractive?” –Professor Well Actually

“I call shenanigans. Pluggers can’t tell if their hands are hot or cold due to diabetic neuropathy.” –Hibbleton

“These are not ‘books in the bathroom‘ as you might think, but ‘bathroom books’: guides on mastering pooping techniques and styles. Pluggers take it very seriously.” –pugfuggly

“Why did the last panel of Rex Morgan suddenly turn into a Soviet-era propaganda poster? When the revolution comes, Kyle Vidpa and his Bolshevik army will force parents to believe their children, by any means necessary.” –Schroduck

“Given the lack of a TP dispenser in that bathroom, we can safely assume the books aren’t there for reading.” –Hannibal’s Lectern

“‘So,’ says the thirty-something neighbor lady with the unhappy marriage, ‘I’ve been following your teenage son very closely on social media. I keep tabs on his dating life.’” –Joe Blevins

“‘If you had a dog, what would you name it?’ was last night’s Final Jeopardy question, under the category of ‘Most improbable way to initiate a conversation.’” –seismic-2

“The intensity with which the Mitchells are watching Dennis makes me wonder just how much poison they put in his serving.” –TheCasey

“I also appreciate that Daddy Daze Daddy has put the baby on what appears to be a freestanding bar stool. He can fall onto his head in any direction!” –matt w

“US Hospitals are known for exorbitant prices, but that’s nothing compared to what Rex and June would charge him for a conference room birth. To the hospital, stat!” –nescio

“‘Lord, I’d give anything…’ Did Crankshaft just sell his soul? And for a very minor favor? I still think it was the Devil that got the worst of the bargain.” –Ettorre

“I like that these two are performing as an old-style vaudeville comic duo but, in keeping with Hootin’ Holler’s fear of the outside world, they can only do it in private, in fear their comedy stylings be taken for witchcraft.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Smiley polished his glasses interminably with the end of his tie before speaking in a damp whisper. ‘The key, Control, was a series of letters posted from Czechoslovakia to Treetops, East Virginia, in the United States. That was how the mole was getting the information out of Prague Station, the information that lost us agents Starling, Oriole, and Flamingo. But the mole made a mistake; his asset in the U.S. fell in love with him. Strange story. Anyway, we have the mole, we have his U.S. asset thanks to the Cousins, and I think we can wrap the whole thing up.’ –Excerpt from the shocking conclusion to John LeCarre’s Flicker, Falcon, Fishhawk, Spy” –Voshkod

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Folks! It’s TONIGHT! The Internet Read Aloud, America’s favorite live comedy show about the Internet, is COMING BACK, live on stage, in Los Angeles!

Look at all these beautiful faces that you will see make comedy noises at you!

Here’s the Facebook event, if you’re interested! We used to have the show at 8 but now it’s at 7, so be sure to come at 7 if you come!

And now, your comment of the week:

“I assume the unexpected sight in Dagwood’s gullet is a wholly undigested 6-foot hoagie.” –Vice President John Adams

And your runners up! Very funny!

“The chances that this guy’s name isn’t even ‘Harley’? Extremely high.” –TwiggyJake, on Twitter

“An uncommon mouth is so much better than those vulgar, common mouths that the peasants have … you know, fit only for chewing gruel.” –Vulcan With A Mullet

“Roses are red,
Violets aren’t, cripes;
Your womanly beauty reminds me
Of actor Wesley Snipes.” –jroggs

“The Teachers Workroom: Because getting through a conversation with these coworkers is a chore.” –Joe Blevins

“If Toby has such an uncommon mouth, how come she had to use her HANDS to catch and throw that Frisbee?” –Charterstoned

“Bird and reptile propaganda will try to spin this tragedy as proof of the superiority of laying eggs.” –Ettorre

“Why are they throwing around a lid to an industrial-sized jar of peanut butter? Surely, frisbees aren’t that expensive.” –taig

“Slylock knows why there aren’t enough life jackets: they wasted one on Max.” –nescio

“Once again the comics have unveiled a new super-niche kink demographic, in Fifty Shades of Frisbee.” –Ben Harper, on Twitter

“Actually, Leroy, that’s not a spa; Loretta’s going to a meeting of SPA — Spouse Poisoner’s Anonymous. Enjoy your laughs … while you can.” –Pozzo

“Dagwood chuckled to himself, softly, upon hearing Dithers’ conversation around the corner. A compromise, he called it. If only the boss knew that by donning the colors of Mardi Gras, that Bacchanalia of fatty fried cuisine, Dagwood’s power had doubled — nay, quadrupled in intensity. He had gained a modicum of control over his universe. Dagwood decided to start out small — manifesting bits of floating confetti here, maintaining the temperature of the gumbo there — but soon, like boiling a frog in a pot, little by little, he would increase his influence. Yes — by this time tomorrow, there would be no tomorrow. There would be only Mardi Gras, now and forever.” –Austria

“The television in the breakroom at DitherCo is constantly tuned to the Holiday Channel, your number one source for holiday information. Today it’s wall-to-wall coverage of Mardi Gras; tomorrow, it features Ash Wednesday, Texas Independence Day, and a short clip on Sri Lanka’s Air Force Day that runs at like 2 A.M.” –Voshkod

“For a brief moment I thought a medical professional was finally going to get to the bottom of whatever the hell has been going on with Dagwood’s neck for the last 90ish years.” –tristanitis, on Twitter

“It’s nice to see them showing some creativity by moving on from ripping off sixty year old Marvel comics to ripping off forty year old Captain Planet cartoons.” –Where’s Rocky?

“EXTRA EXTRA LOCAL MOM’S PRIZE WINNING COOKIE RECIPE IS JUST THAT REFRIGERATED DOUGH THAT COMES IN A TUBE” –made of wince

“Tonight, Les Moore will corner Marvin’s dad in a dark alley with a knife to his throat, hissing ‘This is your last warning: stay out of heavy-lidded smug ennui if you know what’s good for you.’” –pastordan

“Look at that face. He is so proud of himself, y’all. He practiced in the mirror all last night, running the plan over and over again: “First I throw the Frisbee at her! And she’ll throw it back! And then we’ll be playing Frisbee, and then I’ll seal the deal by saying I’m glad I initiated a fling with her, and then she’ll laugh, and laugh, and then we’ll do the thing I drew us doing two nights ago, only we’ll do it on a pile of Frisbees.’” –els

“Ugh, go to Funky Winkerbean with that wordplay, Cal. At least they’d have the sense to be appalled and disgusted by it.” –TheDiva

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

Post Content

Hello everyone! Do not forget, the Internet Read Aloud, America’s favorite live comedy show about the Internet, is COMING BACK, in just a week!

There’s still time to buy your plane tickets for this once-in-a-lifetime once-a-month event! Here’s the Facebook event, if you’re interested! We used to have the show at 8 but now it’s at 7, so be sure to come at 7 if you come!

And no matter what your show-attending status, please enjoy this week’s top comment!

“My mom says looking at her Chico’s catalog while jerking off is a waste of time. Also, I have serious Mommy Issues — will you swaddle me?” –Old School Allie Cat

The runners up? Also very funny!

“As I was saying, we’re not going to make an offer. Mr. Thorson here has very kindly agreed to beat the shit out of you.” –Peanut Gallery

“The only pleasure I get from this is when Dustin’s dad eyes his phone warily in panel one, as if to say, ‘Oh, god, who could this possibly be? It’s not Dustin, is it?’ Considering Dustin’s employment history, it actually might be.” –Joe Blevins

“Dithers is ruining the spirit of Presidents’ Day! He should be selling mattresses!” –Ettorre

“This is what happens when your stock mid-20th century sitcom trope (‘women and furs, amirite?’) has a head-on collision with the grim reality of your central conceit (‘Helga would already have tons of furs, because it’s below freezing and pitch dark for half the year’).” –TheDiva

“Just how long is that notebook and how far down does that picture go? Could this be what Toby is referring to with ‘negative space?’” –Scratchy Scrotum LXIX

“I like the range of expressions we’re seeing here, from bored to mildly concerned, with the exception of Ed who looks absolutely freaked out. ‘This must be bad. Nobody invites me to shit!’” –pugfuggly

“I was going to make a crack about how Madison is the girl in the front row, and then I was going to make a crack about how ‘Madison’ is probably an old person name by now and Pranit should hit on someone his own age, and then I looked it up and the popularity of ‘Madison’ peaked in 2005 and is absolutely age-appropriate for the girl in the front row and Pranit should totally be hitting on Madisons. I am willing to put much more work into this than into following the actual plot of Gil Thorp.” –matt w

“Pranit! Hey, Pranit! You sit up straight and listen well when I tell you about the heroism and vision of Francisco Solano Lopez, you hear me? He was South America’s Napoleon!” –jroggs

“You would think everyplace in Centerville would have learned to keep their doors locked by now to ward off premature Crankshaft.” –nescio

“‘The rose has you thinking of Daisy Dugan. But his name is Daisy, not Rose.’ God damn this is why Tracy gets paid the big bucks. Sit back and watch a master detective at work, folks.” –Dan

“‘My mother thinks my movie watching and frisbee playing are a waste of time,’ said Cal, adding, ‘She really wants me to focus on my art.’ At that point his story began to fall apart.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Why am I telling you this? You kidding me? I’m supposed to tell you this stuff, numb nuts. Why else would I be here? What kinda dope are you on, and if you have any left, can I get me some?” –made of wince

“How to get all the excitement of a courtroom drama without actually having to draw a courtroom.” –Oversized Garden Ornament

“Snitches get stitches, y’know. Fortunately, Rex is a doctor, so at least they’ll be sterile.” –Pozzo

“Five years’ worth of single-use shampoo tubes would require at least 1000 motel visits, you know. (What, you think a plugger showers every day?) And the average motel costs at least $45 per night … actually we don’t have to do the rest of the math. We already see exactly what it means to be a plugger — to be so economically comfortable as to be able to spend years of your life on the road and sleeping in motels, yet feeling so economically vulnerable you take comfort in and define your own identity by the hoarding of dozens of dollars worth of free hygiene products.” –Amelie Wikström

“It may seem odd that Dolly is explaining this to non-verbal PJ but she’s just rehearsing her TED talk.” –Hibbleton

“That look on ‘Miss Sarah’s’ face says it all. She found this guy, blackmailed him into coming forward, and is making goddam sure he delivers. What, you think she’s going to let her dick of a father handle this when her Kitty Cop merchandising deals are at risk?” –Lawyerbob

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!