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Hi everyone! Your eyes do not deceive you: this is a truncated comments of the week post, because I’m doing a truncated week of blogging! Your favorite Uncle Lumpy is coming by tomorrow to do some guest blogging, while I take a relaxing vacation at an undisclosed location. Be nice to him, and each other! I’ll be back in the blogging saddle on Monday, September 14th, and as usual, Uncle Lumpy loves you all too much to try to choose a favorite commenter, so this week’s winner will stay up at the top of the site for a bit:

“‘Are you Corina Karenna?’ ‘Why? Are you authority?’ Oh man this bad girl with a heart of gold is gonna need so much of the discipline and integrity you only get from organized sports.” –Dan

This week’s runners up will also stand the test of time!

“‘That’s impossible!’ thinks Slylock, who has been mind-controlled into believing that the Acme Mind-Controlling Crown Company, a well-established corporation two towns over, can’t logically exist. (Their actual slogan is ‘We’re Space Aliens From From a Galaxy 5 Million Miles Away, So Your Friend or Neighbor Couldn’t Possibly Be Using Our Products on You!’) Slylock has also been made to believe he’s a hyperintelligent fox with extensive law-enforcement training, when he’s really only a moderately intelligent fox who attended a lesser state university.” –BigTed

“Shoe’s joke is so incredibly stupid that it annoys me and then I’m annoyed that I’m letting Shoe annoy me. Why a woodpecker? Why, dammit? Who’s eating those chickens? Can’t we have Shoe removed from the papers by a court order or something? So many questions.” –Chance

“I don’t know, but yours is going to be sent to Elon Musk’s orbiting nursing home satellites as soon as we can get the technology nailed down.” –Christine Lehman, on Facebook

“‘Corina Karenna‘ is what you call your protagonist when the Tolstoy estate refuses to endorse your Anna Karenina porn parody.” –Schroduck

“When I started my first corporate job, it was well-known that any email from our VP had actually been typed up by his secretary, per his dictation. I used to think this was just a power thing, but I later learned that he never typed anything at all. That’s because he couldn’t type, and had in fact had never used a computer and never planned to. This was 20 years ago, and it while it was slightly odd then, it would be unheard of now, where the current, 55-year old VP conducts business on his phone 24/7, and you can’t get him off it long enough to pay attention in a meeting. The point I’m trying to make is, the 3rd panel of Dustin should be: ‘Dude, shut the fuck up.’” –Carsick Yankee

“‘Reckless‘ behavior can be surprisingly tame for people who sit around all day pretending to be restrained by imaginary straight jackets.” –nescio

“Cayla doesn’t want Les running off, she needs to produce a body and a death certificate to collect on that insurance policy. Her first attempt didn’t quite pan out, but we’re all still rooting for you, Cayla. Don’t give up.” –K.M.

“The trope ‘A number of women greater than one struggle for Les’s affection’ is the Funkyverse’s worst trope. Please bring back depression/comic books/comic book-related depression.” –Ettorre

“Let’s do something reckless tonight — let’s reference Scrabble without putting the little circle-R symbol after its name. Come and get us, Hasbro!” –Pozzo

“My favourite part of this strip is the smile on the snake’s face, almost as if this whole gag was his idea. If this was a Chick tract, in the next panel that snake would definitely be telling Denis to skip church and listen to heavy metal.” –pugfuggly

“‘I gotta say, Will Thayer looks like he lived in the weight room all summer.’ ‘Yeah, he’s pretty disheveled all right. Do you really think he’s homeless?’ ‘Uh, that’s not what I meant. I … you know what? On second thought, let’s just enjoy this beautiful day in silence.’” –Joe Blevins

Remember: If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Hey all! Just a reminder that the Zoom version of my live comedy show, the Interent Read Aloud, is tonight!

Email me at jfruh@jfruh.com to get the Zoom URL, or sign up to get the URL and all future URLs from my mailing list!

But before the laughter, there’s … other laughter, at this week’s comment of the week.

“As an exhausted parent who sometimes feigns busy-ness just to get a few moments’ rest from the relentless magical narcissism whimsy of small children, I’ll just say that Bil and Thel studiously reading every last word on the back covers of their respective periodicals, like starving jackals picking every last bit of marrow from a bone, is a major feel.” –Effluvius Erratus

And your runners up are laughworthy as well!

“Beetle is thinking, ‘Man, it’s gonna be a long ride back to camp on the Picasso bus.’” –Peanut Gallery

“I finally understand why George yells at Dennis even when he’s not much of a menace. ‘He’s a bored and depressed old man, son. Try not to take it personally.’” –SeaCountry

“Loweezy finally left Snuffy and ran off with someone possessing a superior personality, a teddy bear. She likes ’em short.” –nescio

“Has mustache twirling gone out of style? It seems like beard stroking is all the rage with the huckster crowd these days.” –Wilktoast

“I think the ‘KEEP OUT’ sign reveals that this neighbor may not be concerned that Leroy was revealing what happened in a show that came out FIVE MONTHS ago, and is instead disturbed that Leroy was trespassing in his backyard at 3 a.m. to do it.” –Johnny Johnson, on Twitter

“No, no, no, my good friend and neighbor. Season three of Ozark was quite trite; your spoilers only prevented disappointment. This is the palisade wall for my reproduction of the keep at Oût in the Kingdom of Jerusalem. Yes, surely you recall the siege of Oût, where Saladin’s brave men battled Richard’s courageous Crusaders in hand-to-hand skirmishes that determined the fate of the Holy Land? Soon, old pal of mine, you will have a full-sized Crusader keep next door. Oh, yes, it will help resale value, particularly the authentic privies, which will empty into your back yard. Enjoy your frosty beverages!” –Voshkod

“Stress and repressed shame of the outlaw life is getting to Rene, so now his hands shake uncontrollably. He can’t go back to painting if he wanted to, so he dives deeper into crime, hoping the shaking gets bad enough to get him transfered to Dick Tracy.” –ArtOfWargames, on Twitter

“And Madi, when you call on her, make sure the chalk circle is FULLY CLOSED before you draw the pentagram. You don’t want her getting out before you can bind her.” –richardf8

“Having found all of the normal methods of educating the aging public about phone scams to be futile, the feds are turning to their last resort option: Rex Morgan, M.D.” –mary!

“Okay, Phantom’s Daughter’s Friend, for this next take, I want you to give me the kind of wide-eyed, gape-mouthed reaction rarely seen outside of silent movies and Three Stooges shorts. Remove any trace of subtlety from your performance. I want your facial expression to be readable from space. And … go!” –Joe Blevins

“Should they get Marvin a dog, hoping he will learn by example to poop in the yard? Or a cat, to teach him how to use a box? Which will make it easier on Marvin’s new foster parents when Jeff and Jenny dump him at the fire station and drive off into a new life?” –K.M.

“When the apocalypse comes, Loweezy’s tulips, capable of blooming their way straight through a sturdy cardboard box, will rule us all.” –pastordan

“‘A goldfish? With their short lives, we’d just wind up flushing it down the toilet.’ ‘No, I just meant one of those little crackers. He can play with it and won’t know the difference. He’s a baby, remember?’” –The Breathtaking Bonehead Brothers

“Thel is thinking: ‘One week ago they were miserable in the woods, but now they have already reframed their past through rose-tinted glasses, forgetting all their suffering. This is promising for how I will be treated in their therapy sessions!’” –Ettorre

“Empowerment and so on is all very well; but I really think militarizing maids and housekeepers has gone a little too far.” –odinthor

“Thel’s magazine cover story is about how supermodels emerge from the cocoon.” –RogerBW

Remember: If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Hey everyone! Another edition of my live comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, is happening live on Zoom ONE WEEK FROM TODAY, on August 28th!

If you want to get information about the show, including the link you’ll need in order to watch it, you gotta sign up for the Internet Read Aloud mailing list. I promise to only use your email to give you updates on these shows and for no other purpose! There’s also a Facebook event for this month’s show, if you like Facebook events!

One thing that I bet you really like is comments of the week! Well, good news:

“Cancer is of course the most Funkyverse way to die, but ‘burned alive by wildfire because you were gawking at a filming location for a cult 1930s serial in what is almost certainly a mandatory evacuation zone’ has to be pretty high in the rankings.” –TheDiva

More good news? You bet.

“The fact that they live close to a church doesn’t stop Hi and Lois from burying a body on their property.” –nescio

“It would cost Thirsty a hundred bucks each week to get someone to mow his lawn, given how enormous his yard is. On the other hand, he’ll never get it done by himself, since Irma apparently wants him to do it with a rake.” –BigTed

“The sudden appearance of Hi’s barn raises a lot of questions but also provides an answer to ‘Why did Hi and Lois keep having children?’ More kids means more farmhands, simple as that. Dot should enjoy these waning days of talking to sunbeam or whatever before her tender hands are coarsened by fieldwork.” –Jenna

“The most unrealistic thing about today’s Hi and Lois is that there’s no way Lois hasn’t uploaded twenty photos of Trixie sleeping on laundry to Instagram already. Hi must have turned his notifications off if this is at all new to him.” –Truckosaurus

“Wow, Lois has a LOT of faith in the integrity and waterproofing of Trixie’s diaper.” –Schroduck

“While the child in Daddy Daze is depicted as a pre-verbal infant, the artist is drawing on the more extensive comedic possibilities of his real-life child’s toddlerhood or pre-school years. Meanwhile, with the original model of the Trixie character long since grown, the artist has confused her with a cat.” –a.

“‘You see, colonial domination enforced by brutal violence will provoke a violent backlash by the colonized people and disrupt international relations. Capitalism allows voluntary international cooperation, so much that local people will welcome globalisation for the fruits it brings, such as more consumer goods.’ This strip must come from the period when Francis Fukuyama was writing Crock.” –Ettorre

“A quick google tells me that there are no Wal-Marts in Algeria, nor in any part of North Africa. What I’m saying is that Grossie is still waiting there, and maybe dead.” –pugfuggly

“Today’s Funky Winkerbean inspired me to look up whether excessive grieving is a mental disorder. It is, it’s called Complicated Grief Disorder, and guess what? Les doesn’t have it! He’s not suicidal, unfocused, emotionally numb, or any other symptoms. I literally looked in the DSM-5 for a way to make Les Moore sympathetic, and he still fails at it.” –Banana Jr. 6000

“With Miss Buxley’s expression I prefer to think she’s asking ‘how is this perfume?’ because it’s very much not.” –Rejax

“Dagwood’s face says he’s wondering if they’ve discovered his wildly influential ‘SammichPornLvr’ Tumblr.” –Lorne

“Our thoughts today are with Michelle (last name unknown), frightened into a coma when her personal space was invaded by a Curtis Wilkins parade float.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“I thought I would have a rough time here in Santa Royale, but then I met Toby. Have you seen her husband? Have you seen his beard? She breaks down crying over banana bread, but… [bite of lunch] I dunno, there’s more going on there.” –Dan

“Love the attention to detail in this strip. Les’ hairline in the third panel has crept so far back to reveal scalp even when we’re looking up at him.” –Bill Peschel’s Tummy Brain

“Do you think they’ll hold off shooting while he flies back to Ohio to retrieve them? Or does he travel with them, which is even more unsettling.” –Maltmash3r

“Note the faintest flicker of … anger? shame? … as Les looks away, unable to meet Marianne’s gaze. ‘Yes … I think Lisa would have wanted that,’ he says bitterly. Most of the time, he’s happy to serve as Her dark messenger here on the material plane, spreading her legend in preparation for the great Day of Ascension when mankind throws off the shackles of the old god and accepts Lisa as their One True Mistress. But some days … days like today, when he must lure another innocent into Her unspeakable web … it chips away at what’s left of a man’s soul.” –Doctor Moreau

“Chip is attracted to girls his age who look like a younger version of his mom. Unfortunately for Chip, no girls his age are attracted to someone who looks like a younger version of his neighbor Thirsty Thurston.” –bone

Remember: If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!