“You have to admire how Funky Winkerbean sticks to its core mission: if someone asks an earnest question, often with the admission that they need help or advice, you can be godammed sure they’re going to get a snarky, smug answer that also isn’t funny at all.” –Chance

“Ha, Mr. Wilson is so silly! You only need to stand three feet away from the mirror! The other Mr. Wilson will also be standing three feet away from the mirror, so that’s six feet in total!” –Horace Broon

“In an artistic tour de force, Gary Brookins gives us the from-above perspective, allowing us to consider what it might feel like to poop on these annoying birds for a change.” –The Breathtaking Bonehead Brothers

“This strip makes way more sense once you assume that everyone involved in it — from the lions to the creators to the readers — suffered hypoxia at some point.” –pastordan

“‘So the animals escaped after the vagrants left the cage doors open?’ ‘What? Oh no, no. I unleashed the animals myself, for vengeance! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to lead an elephant stampede down Skid Row.’” –Mr. A

“Let’s all face it, if Shoe came up with an actual contemporary reference it would confuse and disturb us as much as anyone else. Like, I was going to make a joke about Ariana Grande and Justin Bieber releasing ‘Stuck with U… in lockdown,’ and then I realized that ‘Stuck with U’ already is about lockdown, and now my arthritis is acting up. Let Shoe have its Rolling Stones joke! We don’t want to unlock the forces that will escape if we think about how out of touch we are!” –matt w

“So, should we discuss how this one-sided exhibition game demonstrates that unequal access to resources provides some schools with unfair advantages over others, perpetuating the systemic injustices which plague our country?’ ‘Nah, let’s have some pizza!’” –TheDiva

“Your father was thrown into the mysterious region known as the Foreground, which made him appear twice normal size.” –But What Do I Know?

“I expect a certain level of formality from comic strip narration boxes, and the phrase ‘Milford is lots better‘ does not meet my standards.” –Joe Blevins

“Today’s strip must have been an emotional rollercoaster for all the famous national sportscasters on TV out there. Is it me? they wonder. Am I the one who looks like Dagwood? Is he gonna say? Am I about to read my own name? Wait … what? Nothing? Dagwood, you little slut.” –made of wince

“I can read a book in the morning! I have so much free time and even more constipation!” –Ettorre

“The DAGWOOD is often disturbed at the park when he eats his lunch by the cries of flesh units: ‘Oh god! How is he unhinging his jaw’ or ‘Is that a human leg?’ or ‘My baby! He’s eating my baby!’ It has become … annoying.” –Dread

“Here we see two different approaches to dealing with unpleasant young people. Mary Worth: Gah! I don’t know what to do about this unpleasant young person! I’d better call someone for help! Dustin: Unpleasant young person? Meh. Eventually, I’ll be dead, or he will; either way, the problem solves itself.” –Guy Lumbago

“Perhaps Wilbur could help, he has experience raising a daughter. [everyone stares at Dawn] Or Mary, maybe we stick with Mary on this one.” –Dan

“I like how today’s strip manages to make a joke about the modern age without leaving the 1960s universe of Dennis the Menace by turning the Amazon speaker into some kind of CB radio. Breaker! Breaker! I’m failing as a parent, Alexa. Over!” –pugfuggly

“If you look closely at the ‘monitor’ in today’s Dennis the Menace, it appears to have an anguished face. That’s not Amazon’s Alexa; that’s the trapped soul of famed German actress Alexa von Porembsky, as seen in The Cossack and the Nightingale and The Three from the Filling Station. I can only assume her appearance in box office bomb Josef the Chaste damned her to eternal suffering as a digital assistant. Menacing!” –Voshkod

“Ha, Rex read an article about ‘negging’ in Maxim magazine, and he’s clearly terrible at it.” –BigTed

“Wow, Bill takes to making empty promises like a duck to water. It’s like he was born for Hollywood.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“It’s clear that Les’s real issue with these young women is their unbridled joy and vigor — qualities he’s come to hate the way Gollum hates the sun.” –Bill L

“On Father’s Day, Cherry lets Mark talk about whatever disgusting animal facts he wants and he takes full advantage of it. Cherry’s reward is that it gets Mark horny, so this is the one time a year they actually have sex.” –Pozzo

“I will say this: the look of mild disgust on Mason’s face at that line either shows he’s as disgusted as we are, or he’s really worked on adopting Les’s anhedonia.” –Mumbles

“Only my dear dead Lisa is good enough to play my dear dead Lisa! [grabs shovel]” –Chance

“Public Service Announcement: there’s no door in the back of that opera box, just a bizarrely-placed drawn curtain. Leroy and Loretta will die up there, although one may survive longer after inevitably killing and eating the other. Remember kids, if you’re going to the theatre, make sure you sit somewhere that’s physically accessible.” –Truckosaurus

“A hawk? For your establishing shot animal in New York? Fuck off, Mark Trail. I’ll accept pizza rat or maybe a pigeon stealing from a halal cart.” –Irrischano

“I didn’t read the bat plot, so today’s Mark Trail is totally out of context for me, but yes, sure, I believe it. If there’s one man who would take time out in the middle of an action-packed brawl with human traffickers to note that white-nose syndrome is caused by the fungus Pseudogymnoascus destructans and has affected over 90 percent of bats in the US since 2006, it’s Mark.” –Dan

“Hi and Lois are just now discovering pop tops? They’re going to FREAK when someone tells them about microwave ovens!” –Steve Berlin, on Facebook

“The chili appears to be on fire in the last panel. Anyone who’s ever made the mistake of burning chili peppers knows just how fucking painful the smoke is. It hurts your eyes, nose, and throat. It hurts to breathe in, but the coughing is worse. What I’m saying is that today’s Blondie is much more palatable if you know that everyone in that last panel is actively suffering.” –Rosstifer

“You’re a plugger if you notice, much less care, that Hi & Lois is stealing your bit.” –Francisco Arrowroot

“I am very here for Hi and Lois’s inability to sustain the smallest moment of joy.” –matt w

“The entire updated Mary Worth drawing style has now been justified entirely, if only for that eye-roll. This is why Gen Z kids are so spiritual and intuitive — apparently, they can see all the way up into their own brains.” –BigTed

“Saul can’t relate to Madi’s clothing problems because he just wears the same blazer and bowtie every day. If he tried mixing up his look, he’d see the value of a good hallway floordrobe, too.” –jroggs

“The proper term, Gil Thorp, is Aztec or Mexitin, not the pejorative ‘sun-seeker.’ All will be forgiven if the losers of the game are marched across the Coyolxauhqui Stone before their sacrifice to Huitzilopochtli, praise be to the Southern Hummingbird, may his brightness raise the crops and overthrow his brothers.” –Voshkod

“How exactly does this guy have a suburban-living-room window in his office, when the entire building is made of giant glass triangles? Is he an extremely boring wizard?” –Mr. A

“I love those coffee mugs with the tiny handles at the top. Even if you succeed at sticking your finger through the hole, there’s no possible way that you can hold the mug without scalding your knuckles. If there is any couple in America I would expect to willingly inflict such suffering upon themselves on a daily basis, it’s the Lockhorns.” –seismic-2

“I think we need a plugger to translate. Somewhere in Iowa this was immediately clipped and stuck on the refrigerator next to a 20-year-old Ziggy with an approving nod and a muttered ‘Oh, that is so true.’” –Everything Is Better With Monkeys

“Now that the Ketchams no longer are getting that A&W money, they can cast as many aspersions as they wish. ‘An’ that stuff’ll rot your teeth, Joey. Also too, Europeans won’t think you are cool. Let my mistakes be your guide.’” –Only Here For The Ads

“What’s really menacing is that Dennis’s parents seemed to have filled up the already-sad kiddie pool to like 1/8 capacity.” –jeltranksss

“Greta’s eyes are saying ‘SAUL … I looked everywhere but I can’t find her yellow bow tie with black polka dots … SHE’S NOT ONE OF US, MAN!’” –DevOpsDad

“Andy is looking at Mark as if to say ‘I didn’t run all the way back here past fucking bears so you could stop halfway through my brushing.’” –nescio

“Sure, after #MeToo the casting couch is out, but I’m not sure stroking Les’s ego is less degrading.” –Ettorre

“Change dot org petition to end every Mark Trail comic like this. ‘Well, Cherry, the lifespan of the common wood beetle is roughly’ [JUMP CUT TO BEAR]” –Dan

“I have to give the Pluggers artist credit for their ability to imply a dog with a receding hairline. It shouldn’t work but it does.” –RexDartEskimoPi, on Twitter

“Who’s speaking here? Loretta’s gritting her teeth, and Leroy looks like he’s panting too heavily to be coherent. Maybe the car itself is voicing a vague threat, which explains their scramble to escape.” –Bill L

“I like to think Dagwood has been around so long, (Interjection: ‘How long has he been around, Johnny?’) so long, that he still acts like the phone has a cord, out of habit. He can’t place a call because he picks it up and waits to hear, ‘Number, please?’ Dagwood misses yield signs because he thinks they’re still yellow. He never turns his high beams off because there’s no switch on the floorboard.” –White Rabbit

“Mark Trail suddenly looking like a gritty Pluggers reboot.” –pugfuggly

“Last month they read Irma’s choice, Anna Karenina. ‘Each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way,’ Irma slurred after her fifth shot of vodka, ‘and ladies, I’m living proof.’” –Mr. A

“The real headline in Sarge’s paper today: ‘Man Ghosts Dog.’” –Marcus Theory

“Why does it seem like Lilian is staring incredulously at that woman’s retreating butt? Some people have butts, Lilian. You’ll have to learn to cope.” –made of wince

“‘The Thinker is looking at his phone‘: Bad topical joke, late to the phenomenon. ‘The Thinker is touching his face’: topical and timely.” —Ettorre

“That stunned look is Lilian finally registering that her books are someone’s favorites. It’s the cognitive dissonance, more than the missed opportunity to sell a woman a book her mother already owns, that will eventually cause her delicate mind to snap. ‘I’m tired of WRITING about murders,’ Lilian will say out loud, to no one. ‘I think it’s time to try my hand at COMMITTING them.’ (Spoiler alert: She’ll turn out to be equally terrible at both.)” –Doctor Moreau

“Congratulations to Andy on obtaining Large Foreground Creature With The Conversation Far In The Back status.” –nescio

“Why would you ever ask Les if he’s ‘excited’ about something? What do you think his answer is going to be?” –Joe Blevins

“That’s not a separate compound next to Mark’s house. That’s Cherry’s house, so they can sleep without their private parts sharing nighttime air.” –Jen

“Luckily, when COVID-45 hits they’ll have this strip to pull out of the archives.” –Randllw

“Soon, the Family Circus children will attack each other in an attempt to win their father’s love and to obtain the pride of being the gift-bearer. This was all in the plan: for this father’s day, the only true gift he wanted was bloodsport.” –Mike Podgor

“Well, let’s see — who’s paying for this gift? That’s right. You kids want your Daddy’s affection, you earn it with macaroni and glue.” –Bill L

“Fascinating to see Marvin of all comics take an early stance on a topic that’s been highly debated as of late. Going to present the essential rhetorical question, ‘Who needs cops when we have bladders?’ at the next town hall meeting I’m allowed to attend.” –Irrischano

“If Gil Thorp ends with Corina hitting the winning home run against the Mudlarks, I’ll be happy. If, as she runs the bases in triumph, The Mayor starts triggering the carefully planted explosives around the field, I’ll be really happy. She runs on dark summer night under the floodlights, and as she clears each base, it explodes, throwing shrapnel and Mudlarks across the infield. She slides for home as the light towers go down, shedding sparks like falling stars. She stands, covered in dirt, as the pitcher’s mound detonates, and sheds her helmet, tossing it aloft as the bleachers erupt in fire and The Mayor runs out of the dugout to embrace her. That’s how you hit a home run, and that’s how you end a comic.” –Voshkod

“‘Someone has to protect Lisa.’ From being played by an actress Les saw in an in-flight movie. At an audition all three characters don’t want to be at, for a movie the main character doesn’t want to make at all. If you don’t see the deep emotional stakes here, you just don’t get Funky Winkerbean.” –Banana Jr. 6000