“My Gram loved colors. Shapes, too … she was really into shapes. Textures, aromas … most of the letters of the alphabet … she was kind of a Renaissance woman, I guess.” –Pozzo

“Today’s revelation that you can’t spell Funky Winkerbean without ‘KY’ will haunt me for the rest of the week.” –nescio

“‘We no longer call our presidents ‘Honest Abe’! Mostly because there has been only one president named Abraham and it would be silly to call ‘Honest Abe’ a George or a John. Sure, lack of honesty is also a problem, but not so much as lack of Abrahams.” –Ettorre

“This Judge Parker may seem to have the most throwaway-able of throwaway panels, but papers who choose to run only the second and third rows are depriving their readers of an excellent opportunity to admire Neddy’s hair. Look at the sheen, the bounce, the luster! That hair is better cared for than any part of your body, that’s for sure!” –Joe Blevins

“Snuffy may not be an educated man, but he’s not stupid. Chicken farm owners press charges for burglary, but you know who doesn’t? The dead.” –jroggs

“I’m really hoping Jeremy Cartwright is a fat, balding method actor who persistently asks Mark questions like ‘What was your mother like?’ and ‘How old were you when you lost your virginity?’ And I hope he breaks into the cabin late at night, eats the leftover pink and orange stuff Cherry so lovingly prepared, and spreads Mark’s pomade all over his chest hair.” –made of wince

“You just know Sarge’s ‘after’ shots involve a toilet. You just know it.” –Voshkod

“I’m sitting next to the guy who wrote Lisa’s Story. Also, I’m, like, one of the leads of the movie, and a major movie star, and the studio should have told you that they’re expecting me on set? Also, since when do security guards explain what movie they’re filming instead of just saying ‘lot’s closed’? This is easily one of the top, I dunno, forty things about this storyline that are completely unbelievable.” –Green Luthor

“Now that Dawn is settled down with a nice ugly Star Wars nerd instead of gallivanting around with foreigners and clubbing with yoga-practicing college professors, Mary needs a new young protégé to keep on the straight and narrow path of respectability. Look at her focusing her gaze, laser-like, on that tuft of pink hair, like a bohemian weed that needs to be trimmed. Gonna have you shopping at H&M before the summer’s end young lady, just in time to thank your father for crushing socialism in the global south.” –Dan

“This is of course June’s fantasy of what happened, and like so many of her fantasies, the rugged Dr. Keith shows up at some point.” –Jenna

“Rex is annoyed because his friend, Dr. Darkest Timeline Mark Trail, is explaining things to him like you would a 5-year-old. ‘Dude, we went to medical school together!’ ‘I remember, ol’ pal. Now, the ankle is a joint above the foot…’” –BigTed

“It’s nice to see the kids recognize that Hi and Lois’s days are numbered so they’re practicing their self-satisfied but wholly unearned smirks in hopes of getting jobs in the Funkyverse.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Snuffy’s drool droplets are indistinguishable from the strip’s usual sweat droplets. Is he just sweating out of his mouth? Does everyone in this strip sweat out of their mouths instead of their skin? Are their giant, flapping tongues some kind of cooling adaptation, like the giant ears of a desert fox? I have never been more interested in this strip than I am right now.” –Mr. A

“Even though it hurts her soul afresh every time, Loweezy always sets out a plump stack of ones and quarters to distract Snuffy from the fact that she keeps meticulous records of his extralegal income, and apparently has been doing so for DECADES. When the revenooers finally descend en masse, well, Snuffy, let’s just say that Hootin’ Holler hath no fury like a woman scorned.” –Doctor Moreau

“I’ll save you the trouble: It’s that antique pocket watch he always has with him. Mr. Trail don’t approve of them newfangled electronic gizmos.” –Peanut Gallery

“Jeremy seems pretty polite for a Hollywood bad boy, with the ‘Mr. Trail’s and all. OTOH, he did say ‘me and Mr. Trail’ putting himself first where usage dictates he should be second. The tension! I can’t stand it!” –But What Do I Know?

“The sheriff is definitely bribing the doc in the last panel, right? I’m assuming ‘kickbacks’ is their code word for some kind of opiate that will keep Snuffy in a pacified haze, or if nothing else at least make him slightly less prone to biting.” –Brad

“You have to admire how Funky Winkerbean sticks to its core mission: if someone asks an earnest question, often with the admission that they need help or advice, you can be godammed sure they’re going to get a snarky, smug answer that also isn’t funny at all.” –Chance

“Ha, Mr. Wilson is so silly! You only need to stand three feet away from the mirror! The other Mr. Wilson will also be standing three feet away from the mirror, so that’s six feet in total!” –Horace Broon

“In an artistic tour de force, Gary Brookins gives us the from-above perspective, allowing us to consider what it might feel like to poop on these annoying birds for a change.” –The Breathtaking Bonehead Brothers

“This strip makes way more sense once you assume that everyone involved in it — from the lions to the creators to the readers — suffered hypoxia at some point.” –pastordan

“‘So the animals escaped after the vagrants left the cage doors open?’ ‘What? Oh no, no. I unleashed the animals myself, for vengeance! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to lead an elephant stampede down Skid Row.’” –Mr. A

“Let’s all face it, if Shoe came up with an actual contemporary reference it would confuse and disturb us as much as anyone else. Like, I was going to make a joke about Ariana Grande and Justin Bieber releasing ‘Stuck with U… in lockdown,’ and then I realized that ‘Stuck with U’ already is about lockdown, and now my arthritis is acting up. Let Shoe have its Rolling Stones joke! We don’t want to unlock the forces that will escape if we think about how out of touch we are!” –matt w

“So, should we discuss how this one-sided exhibition game demonstrates that unequal access to resources provides some schools with unfair advantages over others, perpetuating the systemic injustices which plague our country?’ ‘Nah, let’s have some pizza!’” –TheDiva

“Your father was thrown into the mysterious region known as the Foreground, which made him appear twice normal size.” –But What Do I Know?

“I expect a certain level of formality from comic strip narration boxes, and the phrase ‘Milford is lots better‘ does not meet my standards.” –Joe Blevins

“Today’s strip must have been an emotional rollercoaster for all the famous national sportscasters on TV out there. Is it me? they wonder. Am I the one who looks like Dagwood? Is he gonna say? Am I about to read my own name? Wait … what? Nothing? Dagwood, you little slut.” –made of wince

“I can read a book in the morning! I have so much free time and even more constipation!” –Ettorre

“The DAGWOOD is often disturbed at the park when he eats his lunch by the cries of flesh units: ‘Oh god! How is he unhinging his jaw’ or ‘Is that a human leg?’ or ‘My baby! He’s eating my baby!’ It has become … annoying.” –Dread

“Here we see two different approaches to dealing with unpleasant young people. Mary Worth: Gah! I don’t know what to do about this unpleasant young person! I’d better call someone for help! Dustin: Unpleasant young person? Meh. Eventually, I’ll be dead, or he will; either way, the problem solves itself.” –Guy Lumbago

“Perhaps Wilbur could help, he has experience raising a daughter. [everyone stares at Dawn] Or Mary, maybe we stick with Mary on this one.” –Dan

“I like how today’s strip manages to make a joke about the modern age without leaving the 1960s universe of Dennis the Menace by turning the Amazon speaker into some kind of CB radio. Breaker! Breaker! I’m failing as a parent, Alexa. Over!” –pugfuggly

“If you look closely at the ‘monitor’ in today’s Dennis the Menace, it appears to have an anguished face. That’s not Amazon’s Alexa; that’s the trapped soul of famed German actress Alexa von Porembsky, as seen in The Cossack and the Nightingale and The Three from the Filling Station. I can only assume her appearance in box office bomb Josef the Chaste damned her to eternal suffering as a digital assistant. Menacing!” –Voshkod

“Ha, Rex read an article about ‘negging’ in Maxim magazine, and he’s clearly terrible at it.” –BigTed

“Wow, Bill takes to making empty promises like a duck to water. It’s like he was born for Hollywood.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“It’s clear that Les’s real issue with these young women is their unbridled joy and vigor — qualities he’s come to hate the way Gollum hates the sun.” –Bill L

“On Father’s Day, Cherry lets Mark talk about whatever disgusting animal facts he wants and he takes full advantage of it. Cherry’s reward is that it gets Mark horny, so this is the one time a year they actually have sex.” –Pozzo

“I will say this: the look of mild disgust on Mason’s face at that line either shows he’s as disgusted as we are, or he’s really worked on adopting Les’s anhedonia.” –Mumbles

“Only my dear dead Lisa is good enough to play my dear dead Lisa! [grabs shovel]” –Chance

“Public Service Announcement: there’s no door in the back of that opera box, just a bizarrely-placed drawn curtain. Leroy and Loretta will die up there, although one may survive longer after inevitably killing and eating the other. Remember kids, if you’re going to the theatre, make sure you sit somewhere that’s physically accessible.” –Truckosaurus

“A hawk? For your establishing shot animal in New York? Fuck off, Mark Trail. I’ll accept pizza rat or maybe a pigeon stealing from a halal cart.” –Irrischano

“I didn’t read the bat plot, so today’s Mark Trail is totally out of context for me, but yes, sure, I believe it. If there’s one man who would take time out in the middle of an action-packed brawl with human traffickers to note that white-nose syndrome is caused by the fungus Pseudogymnoascus destructans and has affected over 90 percent of bats in the US since 2006, it’s Mark.” –Dan

“Hi and Lois are just now discovering pop tops? They’re going to FREAK when someone tells them about microwave ovens!” –Steve Berlin, on Facebook

“The chili appears to be on fire in the last panel. Anyone who’s ever made the mistake of burning chili peppers knows just how fucking painful the smoke is. It hurts your eyes, nose, and throat. It hurts to breathe in, but the coughing is worse. What I’m saying is that today’s Blondie is much more palatable if you know that everyone in that last panel is actively suffering.” –Rosstifer

“You’re a plugger if you notice, much less care, that Hi & Lois is stealing your bit.” –Francisco Arrowroot

“I am very here for Hi and Lois’s inability to sustain the smallest moment of joy.” –matt w

“The entire updated Mary Worth drawing style has now been justified entirely, if only for that eye-roll. This is why Gen Z kids are so spiritual and intuitive — apparently, they can see all the way up into their own brains.” –BigTed

“Saul can’t relate to Madi’s clothing problems because he just wears the same blazer and bowtie every day. If he tried mixing up his look, he’d see the value of a good hallway floordrobe, too.” –jroggs

“The proper term, Gil Thorp, is Aztec or Mexitin, not the pejorative ‘sun-seeker.’ All will be forgiven if the losers of the game are marched across the Coyolxauhqui Stone before their sacrifice to Huitzilopochtli, praise be to the Southern Hummingbird, may his brightness raise the crops and overthrow his brothers.” –Voshkod

“How exactly does this guy have a suburban-living-room window in his office, when the entire building is made of giant glass triangles? Is he an extremely boring wizard?” –Mr. A

“I love those coffee mugs with the tiny handles at the top. Even if you succeed at sticking your finger through the hole, there’s no possible way that you can hold the mug without scalding your knuckles. If there is any couple in America I would expect to willingly inflict such suffering upon themselves on a daily basis, it’s the Lockhorns.” –seismic-2

“I think we need a plugger to translate. Somewhere in Iowa this was immediately clipped and stuck on the refrigerator next to a 20-year-old Ziggy with an approving nod and a muttered ‘Oh, that is so true.’” –Everything Is Better With Monkeys

“Now that the Ketchams no longer are getting that A&W money, they can cast as many aspersions as they wish. ‘An’ that stuff’ll rot your teeth, Joey. Also too, Europeans won’t think you are cool. Let my mistakes be your guide.’” –Only Here For The Ads

“What’s really menacing is that Dennis’s parents seemed to have filled up the already-sad kiddie pool to like 1/8 capacity.” –jeltranksss

“Greta’s eyes are saying ‘SAUL … I looked everywhere but I can’t find her yellow bow tie with black polka dots … SHE’S NOT ONE OF US, MAN!’” –DevOpsDad

“Andy is looking at Mark as if to say ‘I didn’t run all the way back here past fucking bears so you could stop halfway through my brushing.’” –nescio

“Sure, after #MeToo the casting couch is out, but I’m not sure stroking Les’s ego is less degrading.” –Ettorre