“Asking to do one’s homework in one’s skivvies is the kind of baffling, perverse request I’d expect from one of the Keane kids but not from Curtis. It’s amazing how just a couple of weeks of self-isolation can turn any family into Family Circus. The cure may indeed be worse than the disease.” –Jenna

“‘Which brings us to Ultima Thule*…’ [pronounced ‘Too-lay’] ‘Isn’t he the villain from the Thor* movie?’ [pronounced ‘Tor’] ‘I wonder if it’s too late to revisit the board’s early retirement package*?’ [pronounced ‘getting driven out into the country and released in a field somewhere’]” –Guy Lumbago

“Debonair? You’re looking for someone who’s debonair, lady? You’re living in the wrong century. The last of the debonair (and there weren’t many left) died of extremely old age in the early 2000s. They barely outlived the dashing, who were killed off by grunge in the ’90s.” –Joe Blevins

“Strange, I would have expected Hootin’ Holler to have at least one perfectly functional treadmill, but only because it is an old one that is actually used to power a local grain mill.” –Corynaut

“My favorite thing about Kevin is the way his hair keeps changing to match his emotions. In the first panel, he’s somewhat upset, and his hair is accordingly roiled. But by the third panel, Kevin is VERY upset, and his hair has formed into menacing spikes, ooh.” –Poteet

“I’ve been in some terrible conversations in my life, but never one so awful that I had to crack a window to ventilate the word balloons.” –jroggs

“I like to think Curtis is sitting there butt-naked from the waist down. ‘Mom, can’t I wear underwear?‘ ‘NO! The laundromat is four streets over and full of coughing homeless people. You’ll get clean underwear in the After Times.’” –Momster

“So Elmo has a trainee now? Hope he’s filed all the proper tax forms.” –Pozzo

“I think Alan is still having trouble getting into his ‘working-class hero’ persona. ‘I know, we’ll hold my fundraiser in a big barn! That’s where the lower classes live, right? In big communal barns?’” –pugfuggly

“The great thing about this Mary Worth story is no matter what choice Dawn makes, she’s going to regret it! Will she choose wet blanket Jared, who has all the sexual appeal of an actual wet blanket, or will she choose a relationship with someone thousands of miles away who’s definitely fucking other people? She can’t win and she’ll be miserable either way! Like father, like daughter I guess.” –Rosstifer

“Something tells me Mary could squeeze a slut-shamed face out of the pope. The woman is an artist, humanity’s her canvas.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“A very meaningful strip. Colonized people wish they could completely cancel the colonizers and return to an imagined purity pre-invasion. However, history is messier. The histories of colonizers and colonized are forever entangled, as evidenced by the fact that Grossie had a child with Maggot. French Algeria is no more, but there will be something French in Algeria and something Algerian in France forever. Also, men are slobs and wives nag.” –Ettorre

“Convenience, Mary? You don’t know the half of it. He works in a hospital. He can get me all the hand sanitizer I could ever use!” –Peanut Gallery

“Jared feels like home. Probably because he doesn’t comb his hair and wears a ratty hoodie, like you do when you’re home all day rather than out on a date with another person. Also I have to clean him a lot.” –Francisco Arrowroot

“What do you think happens when we die? I mean, I know what happens when we die inside, when our dream of doing cartoons for the New Yorker is crushed and we end up the sixth chick, such an insulting name, on a fifth-rate daily strip. But when we really die? Because brother, I cannot wait!” –Voshkod

“I’m just saying, ‘I hope you know you can trust me‘ is exactly the sort of thing you would say to a pure soul you plan to sacrifice to appease your cruel forest god.” –TheDiva

“Anticipating further declines in the traditional reader demographic of Mary Worth, King Features has cannily pivoted from catering to elderly widows to providing wish fulfillment narratives for incels. Look forward to the new ‘Dawn-chan is my Waifu’ line of promotional apparel!” –stepped pyramids

“The best part of this is the expression on the Dachshund’s face in the last panel. It says ‘Why must I be a party to these incomprehensible human dramas?’” –Peanut Gallery

“I love how Jared looks up into the sky pleadingly before he kisses Dawn. ‘Skywalker give me strength’ those eyes seem to implore.” –Lionheart

“I know this was written weeks if not months ago, but Rex Morgan hunkering down with some classic pulp fiction at a time when most doctors are coping with a global health emergency is so perfectly on brand.” –TheDiva

“I was going to say ‘Maybe I’m an old fogey but are there any touchscreen devices that hang up in that kind of position,’ and then I went ‘oh duh, smart this or that devices connected to the internet of things,’ and then I googled ‘touch screen’+microwave and got six million hits, so I’ve flipped from not understanding this strip one way to not understanding this strip in the completely opposite way.” –matt w

“C’mon Ed — I’ve never seen you at a loss for a comeback. How about: ‘NPR — what’s that, Nazi Pinko Radio?’ You can have that one for free, just to get you back on your feet.” –Pozzo

“Leave Katharine Hepburn alone! She’s obviously in seclusion while she waits for that terrible dye job to grow out.” –Peanut Gallery

“Speaking of difficult new realities in the face of a horrifying pandemic, Dawn could really learn to practice some better social distancing. Not so much for health reasons as much as so she stops falling wildly in love with every man she briefly interacts with.” –jroggs

“The real menace here is that there are no adults around while these kids aren’t just gobbling up fast food but have also raided the pantry. It’s tempting to think Dennis has finally succeeded and overthrown all authority, creating a child-based society, with Mr. Wilson’s head on a stick at the entry gates serving as a warning to all potential invaders, but the grim reality is probably just that Dennis and Joey found Mr. Wilson’s edibles and are high as fucking kites.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Since his mouth is full, Dagwood makes the ‘heart’ symbol to let Blondie know that it is his aorta that is currently in distress from that enormous meal he’s eating. When he stuffs himself with sweets, he expresses his discomfort by making the ‘pancreas’ symbol. And you do not want to see the symbol he makes when he’s eating too many bran muffins.” –seismic-2

“You know, if I was a criminal with an incurable shaking problem, I would probably avoid scams that involve trying to discretely get away with glass jars filled with coins.” –pugfuggly

“See Greg’s face in panel four? That’s the look of a man who suddenly realizes that his core beliefs come from a book filled with pages he ‘seldom reads.’ Curtis thinks his dad is unyielding to his shameless appeals now, but once Greg starts quoting Hitchens and agreeing with Marx’s assertion that religion is the opium of the masses, he’ll only have himself to blame.” –Mighty Sean Young

“As someone who was on track to become a member of the clergy, let me give you some advice, Curtis. Just say ‘Leviticus’ or ‘Deuteronomy.’ Even if someone has a bible handy to fact check you, they’ll give up right around the fourth time God explains how he wants the curtains in his tent made or what parts of an animal he wants burned on which altar.” –Dread

“The way Chris points, I feel like he’s accusing Alexa of something. ‘I think you two will hit it off! Won’t you? WON’T YOU?! Don’t deny it!’” –JJ48

“First of all, there’s no way a penguin’s foot would fit into those vegan Nikes. And even if they did, bare feet are essential in helping penguins maintain a proper body temperature — a padded shoe would cause dangerous overheating. So, basically, that polar bear is doing his penguin friend a favor, by making sure his desire to look like all the cool kids doesn’t end up getting him hurt. It’s practically an Afterschool Special!” –BigTed

“When the Funkyverse isn’t revolving around its characters writing novels, it revolves around its characters writing comic books. Or movies based on said novels and comics books. In the smuggest, most pretentious way possible. Man I miss cancer.” –The Dimensional Otter

“Where did the idea for this book come from? Are you an empiricist, who believes that the mind is a tabula rasa working with sensory data taken from the outside world? Are you a Platonist, who believes the immortal soul has already seen the eternal ideas in the Hyperuranion and learning is just remembering? The public craves to know your stance on epistemology!” –Ettorre

“I understand lead times in newspaper comics mean this is from the Before Times, but I’m having a hard time imagining being so excited someone brought something in from the outside world that isn’t toilet paper or pasta.” –Biiirdmaaan!

“First Rex schemes to have an elderly relative thrown out of his house, then he makes it plain to this person that he doesn’t want to tell this long story because he doesn’t want to spend time with him. When Covid-19 hits hard and we need a ruthless medical professional to decide how to ration life-saving medicine, Rex’s personality will be an asset.” –Ettorre

“Why is Mark’s face red as if he’s blushing? Maybe it’s the reference to an edible haypile, but you’d think that would go right over his head.” –nescio

“The comic strip Dustin should be called Am I Right, Folks? ‘How about these modern day coffee shops? Am I right, folks? They ask you your name so they can write it on the cup! We never had to do that in the old days! Am I right, folks? And most of the time, they spell your name wrong once you’ve told them! Am I right, folks? And what’s with all the terminology you have to learn, just to order a simple cup of joe? We never had to to that in the old days! Am I right, folks? And boy, are these places expensive! You have to make a down payment on a cup of coffee! We never had to do that in the old days! Am I right, folks? Huh? Am I right? Please tell me I’m right! PLEASE SAY THAT I’M RIGHT! I NEED TO HEAR THOSE EXACT WORDS!’” –Joe Blevins

“Apparently Summer checks to make sure that Les isn’t at home before she enters the house. This is the first case I can remember of someone in this strip actually behaving sensibly.” –seismic-2

“There’s another reason that they are fortunate to not be going to Italy. From the picture in the travel agents’ window, it seems to have been ripped out of the Earth’s crust and stood precariously on one end. The resulting death and destruction is a drastic way to deal with the pandemic, but perhaps effective.” –maarvarq

“I’m pretty sure that a fully mobile android capable of emotional expression could be better utilized for a plethora of more important jobs, but alas, its creator is forced to alter its programming in the hopes of winning money from an institution that thrives on greed and economic disparity, most likely in order to repay the excessive student loans that were necessary to graduate from MIT. And to top it all off, said creator has been forced to give her creation a mechanical bust and dress it in pearls, so that it meets the expectations of the male gaze. Damn, Six Chix is woke as fuck today.” –Mighty Sean Young

“Oh no! I accidentally set the robot’s mode to Poker Face (Lady Gaga)! Now she’ll be bluffin’ with her muffin! I’m not lying! She’s gonna be stunnin’ with her love glue gunnin’!” –Lionheart

“Long story. Involves a distant relative of June’s. Oh, wait, he’s also my patient! I guess it isn’t that long a story at all, if you’re as lax with HIPAA regulations as I am.” –BigTed

“Interesting to see that the Google Eyes of Horror shows up in other bird-themed comics. In any event, I’m pretty sure that Mother Goose just realized that she forgot to put on her own pampers this morning and is probably ruining her skirt. Birds shit constantly.” –pugfuggly

“That punchline isn’t nearly as disturbing as the thousand-yard stare that accompanies the grim delivery of, ‘What do you have to do, Joyce?’ I say these bird women need to band (flock?) together, re-read Lysistrata, and foment some shit.” –Hopester

“Thank you, Six Chix and newspaper comics lead time, for reminding us of the eternal recurrence of things we enjoy like the first robin of spring and also baseball spring training, a thing that is totally happening now and going to cheer me up! (Kidding, I’m a Pirates fan, nothing about baseball cheers me up.)” –matt w

“Am I alone in reading ‘How do you know?’ as kind of insulting? Like, she brought up the word, and he doesn’t recognize it. But apparently that doesn’t mean it makes sense she would know what it is, and any such occurrence of book learnin’ demands immediate special explanation. What I’m saying is, maybe there’s another layer to her reminding him that she knows how to kill animals by stabbing them through the face.” –pachoo

“Today’s comic, making no sense in mummy or cooking or television terms, can be interpreted as a disguised plea from the cartoonist herself. ‘Can I get some help here?’ After all the criticism, she’s at last ready to sub-contract the artwork.” –Just John

“It’s like Home Alone, only instead of Looney Tunes-style slapstick there’s mild nagging.” –TheDiva

“I’m picturing all the steps that led to a mummy hosting a televised cooking show. Was it initially pitched for British mothers aka ‘mummies,’ but wires got crossed and it’s too late to turn back now? Or did a fast-talking producer burst into the studio head’s office and start sputtering ‘What’s the problem with cooking shows? I’ll tell ya what’s the problem with cooking shows — no thrills! So what do we have to do? I’ll tell ya what we have to do — make ’em scary! And what’s scarier than mummy? I’ll tell ya what’s scarier than a mummy — nothin’, that’s what!’ To which the studio head replied, ‘Sold!’” –Jenna

“Someday I hope to see WWII era posters with Mary Worth vigorously scrubbing doorknobs with coronavirus-fighting motivational slogans like: ‘I’m not getting sick on account of you filthy little shits.’” –Foodar

“Finally we get the crossover no one asked for as Mark meets the last living Katzenjammer Kid.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid