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“Hello kids, and welcome back to World of Animals—I’m your beloved host, Carl. My goodness, it has been such a long time; let’s dig right in to those fascinating Nature Facts from the wonderful World of Animals!”

Speed Bump, 8/6/23

“Say, do you ever feel taken for granted? Well, then, you just might be a turtle!“

Mark Trail (panel), 8/13/23

“See what I mean? Ahem! Did you know that the Ohio River also supports snapping, spotted, painted, northern and Ouachita map, river cooter, pond slider, smooth and spiny softshell, eastern musk, Blanding’s, and box turtles? And that it wouldn’t kill you to mention a few of them?”

Shoe, 8/13/23

“Did you know that birds have vasa deferentia? It’s true!” “It’s still a bad idea to get your avian reproductive facts from Shoe, though; just sayin’.”

Arctic Circle, 8/13/23

“Did you know that squid eat mackerel? It’s true!” “Did you also know that penguins don’t eat mackerel but do eat squid? It’s true—these guys are just waiting.”

Mary Worth (panels), 8/13/23

“If Mary Worth has taught me anything, it’s that dogs are good, but fish are delicious!” “Hey you guys, how about a to-go box for your old pal Carl?”

That’s all for today—time to get outside and explore the wonderful World of Animals!

— Turtle Carl

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Speed Bump, 1/28/05

Faithful readers will remember this month’s shameless swipe at Cathy in Pears Before Swine. At the time, I wondered whether this violation of the unwritten laws against comic artist infighting might unleash a wave of carnage on the comics pages likes of which we’ve never seen before. While Cathy has taken the high road (and there’s a sentence I never thought I’d type), Pearls Before Swine seems to come under a flanking attack today from Speed Bump. After all, Stephan Pastis is the author of PBS, and you’ll note the “PBS” belt buckle being worn by our optometrist patient here.

Of course, if Speed Bump is working as a paid character assassin for Cathy Guisewite revenge, she should shell out a bit more, because this joke is pretty laaaaammme. Stephan Pastis 2, Anti-Stephan Pastis Cabal, 0.

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Speed Bump, 12/16/04

One of my New Year’s resolutions for the coming year is to be less negative, and in that spirit, I had decided to not make my first comment about any of the new comics in the Sun until I had something nice to say. So, here’s today’s Speed Bump. It made me laugh.

I mean, not a lot, mind you, but, you know, more than I did at the last three, which were so spectacularly unfunny that I didn’t even understand why they were supposed to be funny.

Oh, wait, I’m doing it again! Hah. Sorry ’bout that.

Anyway, this panel: funny. Vaguely. Play on words. You know, the word “flight” used to primarily be used as a noun derived from the word “flee,” and it generally meant “an escape.” But now we usually use it as a noun derived from the word “fly.” Still, the old meaning is embedded in certain set phrases, like “fight or flight.” Thus the joke.

I like the sad expression on the trying-to-fly guy’s face, too. And the fact that the mugger is rolling his eyes in disgust.

Or at least I think he is. The drawing of the mugger’s face isn’t very good. What’s that little line thing on his chin? A beard?

Gah! No, I mean, the art is fine. Really! I certainly couldn’t do better. I can’t draw a lick! Ha ha! Panel: funny!

Anyway.

No doubt you’ve noticed that my blog has gone back to its original color scheme. This is not because I’ve gotten over the Sun’s execrable comic-elimination decisions (I haven’t); it’s just that I was getting a headache from reading white type on a black background all the time.

Making me even less over it is something that my fianceé pointed out to me this morning: part of the real estate on the newly consolidated comics page (which has been cheerily rechristened Fun & Games) is taken up by a syndicated contract bridge column. Yeah, you heard me right. A bridge column. It’s not even the one written by Omar Sharif, which is kind of cool in principle because, you know, it’s a bridge column written by Omar goddamn Sharif. But this other, non-Omar-Sharif-penned bridge column — who the hell reads that? Nobody. And the people who do are weirdos.

As opposed to the perfectly normal people who read all the comics every day, even crap like Speed Bump.

Wait, did I say crap? I meant…

Dammit.