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Your comment of the week is here! Isn’t it exciting!

“That’s a pretty sophisticated navigation of verb tenses for a Keane. I’m just sayin’.” –Damian

And the runners up! Very hilarious!

“I’m digging the doorbell on Reeky’s cot-sized house.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

MW: “The only possible relief in sight to this non-stop blither would be for Mary and June to trip over a pile of bones out in the desert, and for June to say, ‘Oh Mary! I told you I was unhappy because I lost my husband, but look — here he is! Yep, that’s him, all right. I’d know that tibia anywhere. Well, he’s not lost any more, so now I’m OK. Thanks, Mary. Bye!'” –seismic-2

“In the first panel, Perfesser is saying ‘Yeah’ during breaks in the conversation, in order to maintain the fiction that some kind of meaningful human interaction is taking place. By the second panel, he’s even given up on that, because he’s dead.” –Nekrotzar

“The true selling point of this comic is the angry child’s reaction. ‘Flying magic wee-wee pads? Damn, I wish I could urinate in public like dogs. Then I could fly too. Wait … what’s stopping me?’ We can be grateful Heathcliff isn’t a multi-panel strip.” –Christopher

“Notice that the caption of this particular cartoon does not even end with an exclamation point. If any situation called for an exclamation point, it’s this one.” –Joe Blevins

“There’s no better place to appreciate bean bags of any size than in a dedicated bean bag room, bereft of any other furniture, decorations or other non-bean-stuffed distractions. Speaking of which: Archie, grab a bean bag or get the fuck out.” –pugfuggly

“Remember when everyone wore Beanie Babies on their head? Yeah, neither do I.” –Dood

“Pop quiz: Which of these two women is the tallest? If you guessed Mary, then I’m sorry — see panel 2. If you guessed That Other Woman, then I’m sorry — see panel 1. The correct answer is that it depends on the position and movement of the women relative to the observer. (Note, accordingly, that That Other Woman is in the process of approaching the speed of light.)” –vewatkin

“Marvin’s dad in that last panel is just … just mellowin’ with the trees, ya dig? No problem with the baby, man. You can keep him! You can — can pick up all the chicks! You just let me have a little more of your fantastic weeeeeed.” –Black Drazon

“Spider-Man/ Spider-Man/ Ugly American Spider-Man/ Can he speak/ Your native tongue?/ No he can’t/ Cuz he’s too dumb. Look out! He is the Spider-Man.” –Bunivasal

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Heathcliff, 8/2/13

People, I have been terribly remiss in not informing you about an amazing live performance that you can see if you live in or near Baltimore! It is a water ballet based on Moby Dick, and it is being put on by Fluid Movement, the wacky Baltimore performance art troupe that I am occasionally affiliated with. I’m not in the show this year, but my lovely wife is, and I’ve seen the performance and it’s fantastic. There are shows at 5 and 7 p.m. this coming Saturday and Sunday nights at Baltimore’s Patterson Park pool. Behold the amazing poster!

You can buy tickets here and find out more information here and maybe see/say hi to me because I’ll be volunteering in some capacity. I can’t believe it has taken a Heathcliff cartoon to prod me into promoting it here! For real, though, I’ve known people who have performed in peg legs and Heathcliff’s is pretty hardcore. Based on the leg we can see, it’s clearly not something hollow that he’s stuffing his leg into. Is he walking about with his leg uncomfortably strapped behind his back? Or did he actually amputate his leg, just to pull off a flawless sight gag that barely impresses our fish merchant? He might’ve. Heathcliff doesn’t do things by half measures. Heathcliff keeps it real.

Apartment 3-G, 8/2/13

Hey, remember when this Apartment 3-G plot was going to be about the psychological trauma that combat vets face when they return to civilian life, and that could’ve been timely and important but they could have also screwed it up pretty badly? Well, now it’s about brain tumors. Can’t go wrong with brain tumors, right?

Mark Trail, 8/2/13

I am of course duty-bound by my Comics Summarizer’s Oath to let you know when violence breaks out in Mark Trail, so here you go! We all know Mark traditionally wears pants that are too short, which becomes pretty obvious when he kicks someone, but instead of wearing khaki socks like usual today he’s just showing off his sexy bare ankles, the tease.

Spider-Man, 8/2/13

Ever since Spidey’s daring/cowardly escape from his plane, much of his time in Costa Verde has been taken up by him loudly remarking to nobody in particular that he doesn’t speak the local language. This will definitely make him beloved when he meets up with his allies! There’s nothing Latin American revolutionaries like more than being shouted at in English.

Wizard of Id, 8/2/13

I guess the Wizard of Id takes place in some pseudo-medieval era when even the basics of rudimentary statescraft were poorly understood, but still: ethics and accounting are not the same thing, guys!

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Crankshaft, 8/1/13

I’m a little disappointed about Crankshaft’s insufferable he-yuppie neighbor’s poor grasp of economics. Agricultural jobs as a rule aren’t shipped overseas; agribusinesses are protected by tariffs and then resort to hiring the cheapest labor they can possibly find, often in the form of easy-to-exploit undocumented immigrants. Insufferable she-yuppie neighbor at least undersands that changing the formula so that work is done by old ladies makes for a poor business model.

Marvin, 8/1/13

Good lord, look at Marvin’s smug little smile in panel three. He’s all in favor of a gender-defined division of labor because he knows the patriarchy will be working to his benefit soon enough and because it gives him extra time to stew in his own poop. If he gets to ruin someone else’s sex life in the process, that’s just a bonus.

Mary Worth, 8/1/13

Yes, Mary Worth’s Sonoran Desert Heal-A-Thon continues to happen! Good news: As you can tell by Mary and June’s weird poses and increasingly rambling dialogue, the peyote is finally starting to kick in.