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For Better Or For Worse, 4/19/05

OK, the “slutty 12-year-old girls of Canada” thing in FBOFW has gone past laughable and unsettling and is headed into insane moral panic territory. To ask a halfway-serious question: does anyone remember from the days when Elizabeth was in junior high whether her burgeoning sexuality was repeatedly dissected for our squirmy edification? Because you know, before the Clinton administration and all those damn blow jobs, no one under the age of 21 ever thought about sex. (His pernicious influence has even spread to Canada!)

Seriously, I’m all for 12-year-old girls lusting after hot twentysomething dentists with stupid facial hair — it’s part of the natural order of things. What I can’t get behind is the lusty use of the word “morsel.” Ick. The block-lettering font makes it all the harder to ignore. And the interjection “Hooo!” just leads me to think about a certain monologue involving the phrase “sexual playtoy” that I promised my therapist that I would try to forget about.

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An embarrassment of riches in today’s funny pages! I present to you five one-panel short takes.

From Luann, 4/18/05

I dare you to use the phrase “She’s a honey … but you’re sugar” in conversation with someone with whom you’re trying to ingratiate yourself romantically. I dare you.

From Apartment 3-G, 4/18/05

And by “she,” I’m pretty sure she means Margo. “Seriously, I can’t believe they let you in. What are you doing here?”

From Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/18/05

“Why weren’t you invited? Because Buck likes men, June. Real men with cleft chins and tight jeans and thick coats of forearm hair. Now you make sure that thumbsucker is out of my sight and my breakfast is ready by the time I’m back from the tent-pitching, you hear?”

From Mary Worth, 4/18/05

Be careful what you wish for: after three weeks of Mary filing patient reports, you will beg to see Anna and Brian quoting Richard Bach at one another again.

From B.C., 4/18/05

No, but seriously: what the f— oh, why do I even bother?

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At long last, my plans are coming to fruition. Behold our newest model, Patrick Gibbs, who here offers photographic evidence for a claim I’ve been making all along: Comics Curmudgeon-branded items do not terrify small children.

By the way, I was shamefully remiss in failing to identify Chris Culmsee as the genius behind the Fence Post Frank hat-based art installation that’s also gone into the sidebar rotation. Keep ’em coming, people!