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The Phantom, 12/14/04

One of the defining characteristics of works of fiction is that they aren’t happening in the real world. That won’t come as a shock to most, but many authors find themselves berated by obsessive readers and/or viewers about unrealistic or inconsistent plot developments or details — like “The Enterprise just went to Warp 12, but they said earlier that you can’t go past Warp 10,” or “Nobody just passes out from their first hit of meth,” or “You can’t keep a tiger in a hotel room — where would it go to the bathroom?”

Well, this one’s for you, fanboys; I hope you’re happy. Better make that a real big housekeeping tip, Walker.

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In an attempt to be positive despite the cruel oppression under which I suffer, I thought I’d offer some extra-special serial comic-y goodness today. These strips will serve both to amuse and to show those bastards at the Sun how wrong, wrong, wrong their whole decision-making process is.

Apartment 3-G, 12/13/04

This is great. Margo has long ago managed to alienate her roommates, her family, and her clients. Now she’s managing to antagonize even her fellow enslaved garment workers. And if that pissy face in the last panel is any indication, she’s still managing to learn nothing from this whole experience. And why the tree, anyway? I think these guys are pretty half-assed about the whole ruthless-exploitation-of-the-innocent thing.

Mary Worth, 12/13/04

Let’s see … housedress … housedress … choir robe … why, Anna, it looks like you’ve got plenty of nice things. I don’t see why you have to waste your money down at the store!

Now, can Zits match any of that? I ask you.

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Gil Thorp, 12/13/04

An oil slick? An oil slick? I don’t know what that means, but I love it! I knew Gil Thorp featured ultra-right-wing political views and crappy art, but I didn’t know that it also employed slang phrases that have never actually been used in coversation at any time in human history. This is going to be great!