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Apartment 3-G, 3/15/05

After years and years (OK, I guess just years) of reading Apartment 3-G, I can now finally say that I’ve seen something in its panels recognizable as being a potential part of the New York I’ve visited. This combination laundromat-restaurant is exactly the kind of twee, high-concept wackiness I expect from those people up there. Down here in Baltimore, we just like leave the house and pay someone to cook for us, but apparently in New York, you need to have a theme to pack ’em in. Of course, in real life this joint would probably just be called “Laundromat” or something similarly minimalist for extra confusion — “Laughs & Laundry” strikes me as, you know, trying too hard. Kids today! With their laundry bars and their oxygen bars and their cereal bars and their flim-flam and their hoo-hah and their pants hanging down so you can see their underwear! It makes me sick.

The stab at modernity is sort of undermined by the young woman in the background of panel one, who appears to be on spring break from Vassar, circa 1962. Or is she a retro-hipster, fresh from Williamsburg? Only Frank Bolle and Lisa Trusiani know for sure!

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When I was about 14, my mom urged to me to go down to the local mall because they were looking for teen models. Mortified, I locked myself in my room and didn’t come out for a year. But if I had only listened to her advice, I could be have become a supermodel, instead of wasting my time with distractions like “college” and whatnot. Don’t make the same mistake I did! Remember, if you are the proud owner of some Comics Curmudgeon gear, just photograph yourself wearing it and send the pic to me to join the rotating cast of models in the left-hand navbar. You could be the first to appear sporting a jaunty Fence Post Frank hat (after you become the first to buy one — you people are all talk).

The observant among you have already noted that we’ve added a new model to the mix: that’s the future Mrs. C.’s brother showing his Apartment 3-G pride. And hey, NYC-area ladies: he’s single! So if you’re living in an apartment in Manhattan with two adventure-loving roommates, he can add exciting new plotlines to your slow-moving life.

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Family Circus, 3/14/05

I’ll make a deal with those people who think that the Ten Commandments should be displayed in front of courthouses and other government buildings in the United States: I’ll go along with the idea, as long as we can alter the existing ten, and add new ones, based on the wacky utterances of cartoon characters. Sound fair? Here’s some suggestions:

The third commandment: “Observe the sabbath day, to keep it holy, as the LORD your God commanded you. Also, the LORD hateth Mondays; so shall you hate them as well.”

The sixth commandment: “Neither shall you commit adultery, unless advised to do so by Mary Worth.”

The eleventh commandment: “If thy husband, or thy girl-child, or thy coworker or boss shall engage you in banter, thou shalt show your appreciation for the verbal byplay with a facial expression that is ‘sly.'”

The seventeenth commandment: “Shun thee the harlot; for she is a gig, she is roadside. She shall be nothing more to thee than a sexual playtoy, though thou probably should not mention that to thy dentist. Once she has journeyed to that place, there is no way for her to return.”

The twenty-third commandment: “More zippers, mule!”

Incidentally, what exactly is going on in this panel? Is dad quizzing Dolly on the Ten Commandments? Is he going to get all “false witness” on her ass the next time “Not Me” shows up?