Death fart
Crankshaft, 3/26/07
Not only does this joke manage to somehow be both horrifyingly tasteless and completely incomprehensible; it also is the exact same joke that this trip used to similarly poor effect last June (and thanks to faithful reader Gg83 for pointing this out in the comments). At least that version was told by other characters.
Does Crankshaft own any garments other than that jacket? I don’t even want to imagine what it must smell like.
For Better Or For Worse, 3/26/07
The other day I was saying to myself, “Josh, you know what FBOFW really needs? A really sanctimonious teen sex storyline.” April has always been the odd Foob out; now she needs to decide if she’s stay pure, or give in to her sinful urges, forever shame the name of Patterson, and join Team Gig with Becky. I for one am looking forward to the horror.
Gil Thorp, 3/26/07
You know what’s even more thrilling and exciting than writing a nice, long paper about fairness and ethics? Looking at a crude drawing of two people writing nice, long papers about fairness and ethics.
You know what’s even more thrilling and exciting than looking at a crude drawing of two people writing nice, long papers about fairness and ethics? Looking at two crude drawing of two people writing nice, long papers about fairness and ethics.
Judge Parker, 3/26/07
Oh my God, Abbey’s maternal instincts about the need to accompany Neddy to Paris were right on the money: she’s been there for two days and she already thinks it’s fun being a whore. WATCH CLOSELY, APRIL PATTERSON: THIS IS YOUR FUTURE IF YOU GO PAST FIRST BASE BEFORE THE AGE OF THIRTY.
Plinko Commie
March 26th, 2007 at 9:40 pm
Crankshaft: When Funky Winkerbean fills you with too much hope.
stinky pete
March 26th, 2007 at 9:44 pm
April looks like she’s leaning towards Team Gig here – when Gerald, the lout, asks “Got any food?” rather than saying “hit the road, asshat,” she runs right for the “Tortilla Chipz.”
Plinko Commie
March 26th, 2007 at 9:44 pm
Also, I’ve said my piece about FOOB until Tuesday’s edition, which will hit my Yahoo page in about 90 minutes, give or take. But something I just noticed is April looks like she has a teenager’s face on a elementary school-aged girl’s body in the third panel. But by the time we get to the icky “comfy accomidations” panel, she’s taller than ever. Maybe the thought of giving Gerald the gift of her allegedly untainted lady parts is supposed to make her feel like an adult. More likely, she’s puffing herself out to give a Junior Elly lecture.
Gerald my boy, you’re going to go down harder than a prostitute with balance problems.
Kenny
March 26th, 2007 at 9:46 pm
Nothin’ says “funeral suit” like a red mesh-back hat complete with white indeciperable stitch-on patch adorning the front foam.
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 26th, 2007 at 9:49 pm
So the punk rockers have cunningly disguised themselves as a Marlboro Man and the young Leslie Nielsen? Or did they lose interest and go do something else? Hard to imagine that happening.
FE
March 26th, 2007 at 9:50 pm
Josh, I didn’t see anyone point out the “Richard’s Poor Almanack” comic in Saturday’s WaPo, page C3. The strip theorizes that “all those complaints about dropping ‘Mary Worth’ come from hipsters who ‘appreciate’ her ironically.” Finally, I’ve been accused of being a hipster. Also, it promises this: “We’ve got a new strip called ‘Whiny McSluggard,’ about a guy who complains about comics.” However, the drawing does not resemble you, which is outrageous.
Sjofn
March 26th, 2007 at 9:53 pm
Deep down inside, April is excited as hell. “At last! At last! I get to cockblock someone! Just like Sis!”
Man, I can’t decide which outcome I would hate most … April goes roadside, and the Hammer of Lynn comes down upon her, filthy slut that she is, or she doesn’t, channeling her old fart of a creator in a preachy punfest that makes the angels weep. Or perhaps she doesn’t go roadside, but everyone THINKS she did, getting the best of both worlds: She gets punished for being a slut, AND sanctimonious puns from all sides.
Citric
March 26th, 2007 at 9:55 pm
A Patterson having premarital sex? Imagine the exciting consequences! Pregnancy! STDs! Shame and humiliation! All of the above!
Of course, she’s a Patterson, so she won’t actually enjoy it, and is predisposed to playing with uncomfortably phallic objects in the basement and shaving her sheets in order to distract herself from her extreme sexual frustration. That is, if she doesn’t lecture Gerald on the dangers of sex and go join a nunnery instead, which, being FOOB, is a fairly likely scenario.
Non-Shannon
March 26th, 2007 at 9:55 pm
Hee hee.
Out of a perverse wish to see exactly how bad that French is, I put that sentence back through Babelfish (since that’s presumably where Wilson got the translation)–
“To want to make a turn, injuries?”
BWAAAHAHAHAHAA!
Moon Mullins
March 26th, 2007 at 9:57 pm
I can’t wait until tomorrow, when Gerald shows April his condom with a picture of Farley stamped on it.
Kurdt
March 26th, 2007 at 10:00 pm
Was that supposed to be a joke in Crankshaft or was it written straight and it just came out that way?
And who the hell gets diagnosed with terminal gas?
And who wants to bet that theres already been some sicko who’s drawn out the April gets laid scenario on some sick hentai site already?
And who wants to bet it involves tentacles?
And and….and I need to go to sleep.
Chan
March 26th, 2007 at 10:09 pm
Where does a middle schooler get a bottle of wine? I’m certainly seeing a “growing up too fast” storyline here.
These next few weeks in FOOBland are going to be dull and wrought with angst. I’d almost rather we didn’t test April’s virtue, thankyouverymuch, if it’s going to involve lessons.
Mooncattie
March 26th, 2007 at 10:10 pm
Alas, April is no Becky and Gerald is no Jeremy Jones (a vastly more interesting spinoff comic that we’ll never get to see!). The clothes will stay on, the wine (among other things) will stay corked, and the only Chipz getting munched tonight will be Gerald’s when he rolls over in bed and sits on the rabbit.
Trotzenbonnie
March 26th, 2007 at 10:13 pm
Crankshaft – The old fart’s attire reminds me of one of the professional mourners saying the Kaddish for my first husband. My son & I got stuck behind a guy wearing a custom leather yarmulke with a choo choo train applique running around it and a cheesy red satin baseball jacket with “Party Hearty DJ Service” emblazoned on the back. He went well with the “Shiva in a Box” kit delivered from the synagogue. Oy vey!
FBOFW – Isn’t this “April Goes Wild” business giving anyone else the willies? I would like to forget about the days when I used to play Parcheesi with my toes. And the morning I went into my son’s room and found him sleeping with his girlfriend. Okay. It was winter in upstate New York so they were both wearing sweatshirts and huddled under three layers of blankets. But I backed out of that room with a look on my face like Michael Myers and Freddy Krueger were coming at me with a Texas chainsaw. Si deve passare sui mio cadavere!
Chan
March 26th, 2007 at 10:14 pm
Also: who uses that rec room, besides April, if it’s got a boom box and a game system? Sure, the big-screen TV is useful for watching the game or the Model Railroad Channel, but most of the stuff they mention is there for April’s benefit now that Liz and Mike have moved out.
Maughta
March 26th, 2007 at 10:15 pm
For once Gil Thorp sticks with one storyline for more than one panel without making more quantum leaps than Scott Bakula and they choose these panels?!
Blade Runner
March 26th, 2007 at 10:17 pm
French Hooker Outfit
*All apologies to Page and Plant*
There’s a lady who prowls the sidewalks of Paris
And she’s dressed in a French Hooker Outfit.
Her bustier is divine, and her cleavage so fine
There should be more whores in the comics.
She says Angel’s her name, but she wants to be sure
That you know she’s a Brooklyn Art Student.
She has a masters degree, working on her PhD
On the streets she earns all her tuition.
Ned and Abbey got lost when they missed their bus stop
and their driver was helpful as Crankshaft.
Now they’re running from punks, and side-stepping drunks
And carloads of horny young Frenchmen
And it makes me wonder
If there’s a leopard print hooker, don’t be alarmed now
It’s just a spring clean for a drag queen.
Yes there are two punks chasin’ you down
They want to rob you.
There’s still time to call a taxi.
And as they run on down the road
Neddie’s beret is getting old
There walks a lady we all know
She is an artist and a Ho
With her hair of brilliant gold
And if you listen very hard
Her voice will come to you at last
She’s not just another piece of ass
Wearing Heels, leather and lace
Not just another pretty face
And she’s wearing a French Hooker Outfit
Mr. O’Malley
March 26th, 2007 at 10:20 pm
T1004,P186. AhClem, I seem to remember another “comic” strip not so long ago, in which this fella who was hoping to go “roadside” with his drunken girlfriend ended up getting covered with vomit. Then he got cancer. Or had to give up smoking or something.
A good joke bears repeating, as they say.
jvwalt
March 26th, 2007 at 10:23 pm
FBOFW: Well, I’d think this was a continuation of the all-men-are-scum-except-John-and-Granthony trope, except that Gerald is the teenage heartthrob. And as we all know, every Patterson winds up in a tight, unbreakable orbit around their first boy/girlfriend. My guess: Gerald and April get down to bidness, Warren happens by, looks in the window and starts leering, Liz sees him and gets mad, G&A are interrupted before passing second base, April’s virtue is saved, and Liz breaks up with Warren and falls into the slack-muscled, pasty arms of Granthony. Huzzah.
JP: Now’s about time for Neddy to break out that French Tart outfit she was modeling last summer, no?
Uncle Lumpy
March 26th, 2007 at 10:24 pm
#14 Trotz -
This April story would truly creep me out if I couldn’t hear Lynn’s plot gears creaking like a Ptolemaic orrery.
April has been forthright about her sexuality in ways no Patterson ever has. Watch it stop for no reason, absent any hint of character motivation. Boy in house? Ok. Lies to parents, brings wine? Ok, ok. Our own party? Yeah, yeah. EEK! What are you DOING!?!
Norville Barnes
March 26th, 2007 at 10:26 pm
I love that we’re supposed to believe that Gerald is perfectly willing to lie to his parents, be a pushy sleaze with April, and drink wine…but he doesn’t want to be out past curfew?! I guess in Canada, even rebelliousness has its limits.
Djur
March 26th, 2007 at 10:31 pm
God, I really hope April and this guy just get smashed and have clumsy but ultimately exciting sex. Seriously, it’s about time someone has some fun in this comic.
Also, remember that these young adults aren’t as underaged in Canada as they would be in the US — I mean, April is 15 or 16 by now, right? As far as drinking goes, that’s like 18 in American years. And I don’t know about any of you, but being 18 wouldn’t have been the same without binge drinking and sex.
Mighty Sam
March 26th, 2007 at 10:33 pm
I bet Gerald will make it as far as 3rd base, but that’s only 2nd base in US currency.
TheChemist
March 26th, 2007 at 10:34 pm
FBOFW: It seems as though the “comfy accommodation” is the bed of a pull-out couch, which should fool no one who’s ever slept at their grandmother’s house.
Maybe the next strip will have Liz surprised at seeing the limbs of April and Gerald sticking out from under the cushions at weird angles.
Justafoob
March 26th, 2007 at 10:34 pm
You know, it would take a lot more than a bottle of Foobsfarm wine to get me to do the nasty with April.
Even if I were still a randy 15 yo.
Just saying.
Jamus The Bartender
March 26th, 2007 at 10:36 pm
FOOB: We have a situation. April’s going roadside, repeat, we’ve got a roadside situation…
Gerald, you filthy, filthy, filthy sonofabitch.
You STUPID sonofabitch. Trying to get into April’s lady parts with kids in the house. There’s a stupid level of hell for kids like you. And with every single Patterson at a party nearby. You should KNOW the party is gonna de-mobliize the SECOND April makes the call. April’s been listening to what scum men are since January, since the whole Mgtick-tick thing with Liz, who, btw, is dating the chopper pilot who dropped her into that mess. The same pilot leering at the Weed’s naked pictures…yeah, that one.
I know what you’re gonna say. April’s the one Patterson whose all forthright about her sexuality, bla, bla, bla. I hope that’s consolation in the middle of the night at juvey when some burly big boy decides to make you his butt candy…
You stupid, stupid sonofabitch….
Oh, Josh, late congratulations on the millenipost. I found this site featured on My Yahoo. Haven’t had this much fun following For Better Or For Worse in years.
Poteet
March 26th, 2007 at 10:43 pm
Foob — Please pardon, but I am confused. Is it certain that Gewald was dissing Shannon, or not? I didn’t look closely at the guilty parties but I assumed they couldn’t include Gewald because he is the (temporary) chosen one of a Patterson. Please enlighten me.
Also, Pope Josh, I think you perhaps meant to say “she’ll stay pure” rather than “she’s stay pure.” I blame the bad Lynn vibrations.
# 17 — BWAHAHA! Thanks, Blade Runner.
(DT)GT — Dear God, my eyes hurt. All hail, brave CC followers of (DT)GT. I only see it when it’s featured on a post, and it always makes me flinch and want to drink. I envision several denizens of the planet Xynex, permanently imprisoned in a small room with pens and paper, forced by one of the ministers of Galactic Emperor Chennux to draw a human comic strip for his amusement, based on the faint occasional TV signals that Xynex receives from Earth. The Xynexians’ leaden despair, as they laboriously grasp the pens in their tentacles and try to portray human beings acting in sequence, is almost palpable.
Father Ned
March 26th, 2007 at 10:54 pm
Vouloir faire un tour, dames?
Let’s dissect this phrase, shall we?
Vouloir is an infinitive so literally translated it would be “to want.”
faire un tour – My French dictionary defines this as “une petite sortie => promenade”. I think a reasonable translation in this case would be “go for a ride” or something to that effect.
dames – I tend to think of a dame as an old lady. The dictionary says it can also be a woman of high social class. I like the definition that wordnet proposes: “woman of refinement”.
So here we are at my preferred translation:
“To want to go for a ride [young] women of refinement?”
Clearly, the young men in the car feel that existential questions make for the best pick-up lines.
ben
March 26th, 2007 at 10:54 pm
WOAH! Gil Thorp continuity alert! There’s a character in the first panel who’s also in the second panel, and two people in the second panel who are also in the third! Of course, it still looks like crap and makes no sense, but I sense real progress.
I wish that April and Gerald would rise up against their evil creator in a Mylesian* rebellion and drown her in a bag of milk. These two kids are just nice, normal teenagers, and Lynn is going to warp them and make horrible things happen to make some nasty, hypocritically pious point.
* — Read “At Swim-Two-Birds” and get back to me.**
** — No-one*** ever gets back to me on this.
*** — With one notable exception. I’m a lucky man.
shane shiner
March 26th, 2007 at 10:55 pm
Sigh. April asked first, of all things, how did you get here?
True foob.
Blynneda
March 26th, 2007 at 10:55 pm
24– HA! The sad thing is, that sounds exactly like the kind of joke that would appear in a Foob strip. Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking.
Rusty
March 26th, 2007 at 10:56 pm
To be fair to Crankshaft, that’s his good mesh hat with the foam front.
kippetje2000
March 26th, 2007 at 10:56 pm
Mayhaps Gerald’s family name is Kelrast? Could we be leading up to a drunken sexually disfunctional encounter that has Gerald blinding running out of the Patterson basement tabernacle; careening off into dark of the night on his bicycle? Can we possibly be in store for a graveside service next week that send’s April to the nunnery? We’ll I’m not into making predictions, but I bet that it’s St. Lizabreath who’s going to break up this particular porn party ohh, let’s say… March 31st?!
kippetje2000
March 26th, 2007 at 11:01 pm
And I think, I’m not sure without my glasses, but I think Frenchie in the driver’s seat is flippin’ the dames the bird.
kippetje2000
March 26th, 2007 at 11:07 pm
JP>Maybe he’s asking them if they want a tour of his finger. Or a tour on his finger. Margotit, I flunked French. Wish they were speaking Dutch. I know Dutch. The rest is Geek to me.
Fred P.
March 26th, 2007 at 11:13 pm
“Rec Room”? As in “Recreation”? More like “Proc Room”, as in “Procreation”, seems to me. What kind of foobland rec room comes pimped out complete with a bed, mood lighting, and what appears to be a skateboard propped up against the wall? Although, I must say that Gerald is quite the catch. Bummed a ride there… Already angling for food… Say, Gerald, what wine is it that you brought? Mad Dog? You don’t say. What? Uh, okay, here’s a quarter. Yeah, God bless you too. Asshole.
Also, in terms of Other Garments Crankshaft Potentially Owns, I remember that recently Josh pointed out how distasteful it is to contemplate Ziggy with Sailor Moon underwear. Bad, yes- THAT I CONCEDE. But to picture Crankshaft prancing around wearing Sailor Moo– NO! NO NO!!! NO! AGGHH!
Uncle Lumpy
March 26th, 2007 at 11:13 pm
#29, #35 -
á¼Î¾Î¯ÏƒÏ„αται Î³á½°Ï Ï€Î¬Î½Ï„’ ἀπ’ ἀλλήλων δίχα
Frinkenstein
March 26th, 2007 at 11:14 pm
Gil Thorp’s artist draws about as well as Judge Parker’s writer speaks French.
mumbles
March 26th, 2007 at 11:17 pm
I don’t know which storyline I dread more, a Pornstache/Lizardbreath inevitable denouement, or a week of “April Gets a Diaphragm.”
t.a.m.s.y.
March 26th, 2007 at 11:17 pm
“Faire un tour” is actually a reference to the Tour de France. These gentleman do indeed want them to “take a ride”; they’re inviting Neddy & Abbey to join their bicycling team, short two riders on the eve of the big race. The fellow with the mustache is under the mistaken impression that all Americans are on ‘roids, which he is basing mostly on the size of Abbey’s gams.
He will surely be devastated to discover that a race that commonly takes three weeks to complete will take the cast of Judge Parker no less than 25 years.
ben
March 26th, 2007 at 11:21 pm
Is there anything Uncle Lumpy can’t do?
Uncle Lumpy
March 26th, 2007 at 11:24 pm
Can’t dance for shit.
Sharkbait
March 26th, 2007 at 11:26 pm
April will be fine. Granthony will burst in at the last possible moment and pummel Gerald senseless with a model train engine. He will then propose marriage. This will set up the intense sister-sister battle to be resolved before the strip ends. Which lucky Patterson girl will end up with the virginal Anthony? (yes, I know he has a child, but his cold French-speaking wife insisted on artificial insemination).
April’s admiration for Anthony will make Liz see him with fresh eyes. Their wedding will be the culmination of the strip.
April will finally go roadside on a “very special” FBOFW reunion episode in 2027. The lucky man? Anthony’s socially awkward younger brother.
winky
March 26th, 2007 at 11:29 pm
“terminal flatulence” is straight from Mad Magazine circa 1972. someone probably called him on it so when he repeated the joke he called it “terminal gas” which, of course, isn’t anywhere near as funny. if it could be considered funny at all. i’ll go look up the definition of funny on the internet tubes and get back to you.
Ryan
March 26th, 2007 at 11:36 pm
You can tell that April is into Gerald because of his mock turtleneck…. what’s that? He’s NOT wearing a mock turtleneck? And he’s involved with a Patterson? Thank you, Johnston, my mind has been blown
Poteet
March 26th, 2007 at 11:36 pm
# 42 — Nonsense, Uncle Lumpy. I seem to recall a few terpsichordian sequences in CAPTAIN KANGAROO in which you performed beautifully.
Plinko Commie
March 26th, 2007 at 11:38 pm
Tuesday’s FOOB is up and running. Elly and John are leaving Michael’s
deification ceremonyparty, and Apewill and Gerald are … spooning, fully clothed. Either that, or they’re both dead at the hands of the Ghost of the Great Water Heater. A boy can dream.Uncle Lumpy
March 26th, 2007 at 11:43 pm
#46 Poteet -
The moose always led. My secret shame.
Albtraum
March 26th, 2007 at 11:43 pm
As has been already pointed out, that phrase is gibberish in French. Something like “to want take tour ladies?”, only more grammatically incorrect.
Those ’70s Lucky Strike-ad refugees have warped their car as badly as they’ve warped the. Look at the rearview mirrors on that thing. It’s some sort of twisted portal to existential madness.
The right-hand mirror appears to be protruding out of the middle of the passenger’s door at a rakish angle which would have it facing directly away from the driver. Just looking at those mirrors is enough to make me want to stab an Algerian.
Jim Anderson
March 26th, 2007 at 11:51 pm
Actually, they’re downloading copies of nice long papers on fairness and ethics. Helen’s is apparently in 1-point Trebuchet.
Maggi
March 26th, 2007 at 11:52 pm
#36: Totally. A rec room with a bed?? The Pattersons are just tempting fate. Tempting sexy sexy fate.
Anyway, my bet is that April refuses to go for extra bases (although she might get caught in a rundown between first and second), and Gerald tells everyone they had sex anyway. Ohh man, I hate this storyline even more than when Family Matters did it, and that involved Urkel euphemizing about “the horizontal polka”.
Weasel Boy
March 27th, 2007 at 12:03 am
So what would be the most exciting way to put a stop to April and Gerald’s roadsideshow? Two words: carbon monoxide.
Justafoob
March 27th, 2007 at 12:04 am
Tuesday’s FBOFW background music
bowwwwww chiccka bowwwwwww bowww bowwww
Wednesday’s FBOFW background music
dummmm de dummm dummmmmmm
Frank Parsnip
March 27th, 2007 at 12:05 am
“The rec room is perfect, April. We have everything … including a blanket with a complex pattern to hide stains!”
Why is it that everbody in this strip talks over each other like Kate Hepburn on uppers?
Steve S
March 27th, 2007 at 12:07 am
How did I get here, April? It’s called the Plot Taxi, and you should have seen Lynn Johnston driving it down Broadway.
Weasel Boy
March 27th, 2007 at 12:12 am
I think “comfy accommodation” is Gerald’s nickname for his penis.
REB
March 27th, 2007 at 12:13 am
I’m pretty sure JP is using babelfish to translate english phrases into French. Pretty much anyone with a few years of high school French could have rendered the appropriately sleazy “Care to go for a ride, ladies?” into grammatical, and possibly even idiomatic, French.
Donald The Anarchist
March 27th, 2007 at 12:17 am
FOOB If this were a sitcom, it would be called a Very Special Episode. Since it’s FOOB-Land, it’s just Monday. I think a Very Special Episode would involve the whole family sitting around the house, getting stoned, and just saying random shit to make each other laugh. You know, like REAL families do. (And most of us don’t need the marijuana. But the Pattersons are SPECIAL.)
Christ, even Shannon doesn’t seem to be able to make it through four panels w/o something sanctimonius coming out. It’s just hard to believe someone who was essentially mentored by Charles Schultz has forgotten everything she once knew about how to be funny. Maybe we should lock her in a closet and force her to watch “The Simpsons” and “Family Guy” until she remembers how to write jokes again.
Richard Onley
March 27th, 2007 at 12:19 am
#36: Fred P.: “Gerald, what wine is it that you brought?”
“And she’ll have fun, fun, fun till her daddy takes the T-bird awaaaay!”
#39: Mumbles: “I don’t know which storyline I dread more, a Pornstache/Lizardbreath inevitable denouement, or a week of ‘April Gets a Diaphragm.’ “
And if she gets pregnant, Mom and Dad will kick her out of the house, saying, “Fend for yourself!”
#47: Plinko Commie: “Apewill and Gerald are … spooning, fully clothed.”
Well, they’re not going to show them . . . forking!
Marion Delgado
March 27th, 2007 at 12:23 am
Becky’s a teen idol, not just a trollop. Okay, work with me here.
April’s just gonna be a wild girl wannabe. Becky may no longer be able to entertain the old sleepy town without good monitors, but April is not about to get tips from Alanis Morrisette. Mark my words, April, when you and your father visit the States and you can’t go to the Purity Balll, you’ll wish you’d saved it for when Gerald can grow a pornstache!
keregi
March 27th, 2007 at 12:34 am
MT- With Cherry’s continuously worsening state of hysteria being affected by the thought of what the GIANT tightrope walking chickadee might drop, I can’t even imagine the horror brought on my the SUPER-giant skunk and what treasures it might leave behind.
And, I don’t know from where the bale of hay in the last panel arrived.
Noah
March 27th, 2007 at 12:43 am
Ohh! I see a completed “and” in FBOFW! Oh glorious “d”!
Andy
March 27th, 2007 at 12:46 am
There appear to be at least eight differences in today’s Slylock Fox.
Emily
March 27th, 2007 at 12:56 am
I wager that without even opening that foobsfarm (good one #25) April and Gerald fall innocently asleep like the narcoleptic babies they are, are found by MaFoob/PaFoob, incriminations fly, everything is resolved. Classic family sitcom trope.
Bob The Boat Wrassler
March 27th, 2007 at 1:01 am
A Foob Haiku
*ahem*
April is a gig
Is it time to go roadside?
She gets more than Liz
Thank you all.
That is from my upcoming book (I signed a contract ‘n everything) of Haikus about comics called Margo Boxcar Saturn
Jym
March 27th, 2007 at 1:09 am
=51= Foob: There will be no sex. But April will get her room back, because the den is one of iniquity.
Draktyr
March 27th, 2007 at 1:12 am
MW – just when you thought it was safe to read MW again, BAM! She hits us right between the eyes with one of her corny platitudes. I’m still reeling from the impact.
Captain Calzone
March 27th, 2007 at 1:18 am
I read the FOOBS today at work and everyone I showed it to agreed: it is rapetacular. Cheap bottle of wine? Gerald showing up out of nowhere? Creepy come hither look from the guy in the last panel while holding said bottle on a sleeper sofa? Check check and check. I think that Lynn is trying to go out with a bang, two rapes in two years, to solidify her status as a true comic punk icon.
Then again, I am cynical like that.
Djiril
March 27th, 2007 at 1:29 am
A rare event happened today. I laughed at Cathy. A lot.
http://www.gocomics.com/cathy/2007/03/26/
kippetje2000
March 27th, 2007 at 1:47 am
#14 Trotzenbonnie
“when I used to play Parcheesi with my toes†my god that’s an image that’ll entertain me for quite a while.
#37*: Unk: Way over my head. Is it greeK? You can at least Slylock Foxtrot? You are the one that sent us the cheat are you not?
left of the pyle
March 27th, 2007 at 2:01 am
I’d say that Ma and Pa Patterson’s untimely return home will mean we have no opportunity to see ten toes up and ten toes down. “Gerald this is ground control; prepare for cockblock in t-minus 5… 4… 3… 2… 1.”
HoboMaster
March 27th, 2007 at 2:02 am
#68: My thoughts exactly. He’s pretty straightforward about the fact that he plans to get April drunk (seeing as how she’s a Patterson and therefore has never drank underage before) and then make her do things she would never do sober.
Of course, since she is a Patterson, everything falls under that category, and he’ll likely just end up kissing her once before being caught and sent to juvie for rape. That’s what he gets for trying to seduce a bastion of purity like April.
ben
March 27th, 2007 at 2:03 am
#70, kippetje2000
Note that Unk refers, if I may make so bold, to my own meagre contribution at #29 above. More information about At Swim-Two-Birds may be found, etc.
AppleGirl
March 27th, 2007 at 2:24 am
27 – Poteet – (DT)GT – Your Xynex explaination is most insightful. I think it’s the truth.
I just got back from the 7.38th Dimension, and are my feet ever happy… mmmm, CHENNUX… mmmm, SHOES.
FBOFW – Hey! What are you kids doing down there!
Dingo
March 27th, 2007 at 2:36 am
Dear Penthouse Letters,
I never thought that I would be writing you at the age of fifteen but felt the need to share with your readers the awesomeness of the spooge explosion I experienced last Saturday in my parents’ rec room…
Legion
March 27th, 2007 at 2:39 am
Everybody’s laughing at the horrible French in JP, but has anyone noticed that the car has the steering wheel on the left side?
Obviously, this isn’t Paris at all. When Neddy expressed an interest in going to live among dirty foreigners, Abbey must have drugged her, then flown to an elaborate set somewhere in the Nevada desert. There, she hired actors to menace and proposition her daughter until Neddy never questions the good ole’ U.S. of A. again.
AppleGirl
March 27th, 2007 at 2:40 am
Dingo – Spooge explosion. Aww, cute.
Hey, you kids! Don’t make me come down there!
AppleGirl
March 27th, 2007 at 2:42 am
I mean it! You kids better not be making out on the sofabed!
AppleGirl
March 27th, 2007 at 2:43 am
You kids! It’s awfully quiet down there!
AppleGirl
March 27th, 2007 at 2:44 am
Sorry, everybody. That last FOOB panel threw me back in time to the early 70s. It won’t happen again.
Dingo
March 27th, 2007 at 2:50 am
AppleGirl, you just gave me a horrid thought of wistful, youthful love: your legs aimed to Jesus, the milky white hairless beach ape of a boyfriend pounding at you like Gil Thorp driving home a metaphor to his team, and the smell of ripe sex while listening to Bobby Goldsboro albums. Then I think of your poor, noble mother entering the room with Rice Krispie treats and Tang only to find that her daughter will be forced to wear cream on her wedding day instead of white.
Tsk tsk, my dear.
Tsk tsk tsk.
Dingo
March 27th, 2007 at 2:51 am
Oh, and your boyfriend would be Robert and the song? Watching Bobby Grow
kippetje2000
March 27th, 2007 at 3:00 am
What? No baby monitor? Someone call the RCMDCFS. There’s children being neglected in this household.
Rhekarid
March 27th, 2007 at 3:15 am
Judging by his expression he’s genuinely upset that this person died…which means that Crankshaft is so crusty and heartless, the closest emotion he has to sadness is fart jokes.
Dingo
March 27th, 2007 at 3:26 am
Damn. It’s Watching Scotty Grow. Beam him up, April!
Dingo
March 27th, 2007 at 3:30 am
It’s time you lost your cherry
You’re young and strong and brave
No one will call you ‘fairy’
Gerald! BURMA SHAVE
Abbey's love slave
March 27th, 2007 at 3:38 am
Oh, Abbey, don’t be silly…you know only I can satisfy you. Naughty minx.
taotu
March 27th, 2007 at 3:46 am
Bwaugh!
I can’t believe today (tuesday’s) foobery! I just- it makes me wonder just how far they’ll go! I am filled with anticipation… before I remember Lynn Johnson writes this, and there will be no intriguing drama, just judgment and damnation.
Why is Sally Forth the sexiest comic in the paper? Apartment 3G and this Foob storyline are begging for sex to be included as a plot device, but it will never happen. And this crushes the most cherished of my hopes and dreams.
Father Ned
March 27th, 2007 at 3:52 am
76 Legion – Frenchies drive on the same side of the road as us north americans.
Lynngineering
March 27th, 2007 at 3:59 am
#81-Dingo: aaargh – flashbacks, must stop – I can’t get Bobby Goldsboro songs off my mind now! And those Rice Krispies treats!
FBOFW: Michael’s dreams…
1- of course, no sequential logic between the last comic panel and April’s expressions of non-excitment at Gerald bringing “gifts” and her willingness to just forget the kids and lay down clothes and all with this Canadiot. (And you know this isn’t going to appear often in FBOFW because it took alot of work to draw those two figures on bed like that)
2- Even though it doesn’t matter for this scene, or even for this plot segment, it’s important for MEMEMEMICHAEL, so of course MOM has to AGAIN mention MICHAEL HAS SUCH GOOD F**KIN FRIENDS and blah blah MICHAELMICHAELblah blah.
3- Because it’s Michael’s perspective, the question would be, where did he stick Dee away at his all important party, No word from his better half? The mother of his kids, who are so obviously going to be part of the final scene coming up? But MOM Elly isn’t shutting up -ever.
At least Dee should show up to say something like, ” I wonder how April’s doing with the kids, should we call?” but no way, this is Michael’s dream, who has never taken care of the kids because he is just a baby still, so he has no idea how to plot that concept.
Coma fantasy. Michael is laying there with his feverish body, purely conjuring up any scene he can where the subject is: hey I really am SO good.
So Mom should say something again about me. NOW. Wait a minute, what was I thinking about APRIL..oh yeah, hmm. Just put her in that couchbed in the rec room and I send Mom and Dad home early to catch them…heh yeah, let’s say Mom can’t take the wild party, so she goes home early. But first Mom should say once more, how good MY friends are!!
And April’s are NOT!! Michael RULES! Wait..(conjuring party scene up to scan room in his mind) Dee, where’s Dee… – oh cool, Weed is going to make another speech!
The Avocado Avenger
March 27th, 2007 at 4:10 am
Tuesday FOOB: Dry humping at last! How I have waited for this day.
Slylock Fox: The arm of the couch in the 2nd panel isn’t colored, and I thought it was done purposely as one of the six differences. Fie on Slylock Fox for cheating like that.
(DT)GT: I think I discovered the problem with the girl’s team. It’s that they’re not teenaged girls at all, but actually middle aged men, as evidenced by their receeding hairlines. They’re not even trying to hide it — the guy who slam dunked in the first panel is in the girl’s team in the second panel. At least this explains the funny lumps in their basketball shorts. NOT THAT I WAS LOOKING. Perverts.
dale
March 27th, 2007 at 4:29 am
76 – Legion
I hadn’t noticed where the steering wheel is. But if this is Paris (the one in France), the wheel should be on the left. They drive mostly on the right side of the road.
anonymous
March 27th, 2007 at 5:10 am
So, should a Comics Curmudgeon deadpool be started on Ben? As I doubt he’s living by the end of April (MAYBE through the end of April’s virginity though, barring her parent’s comign home early)
yellojkt
March 27th, 2007 at 6:25 am
Here are problems with the Very Foobish Episode unfolding:
1. April is on the clock as a babysitter. You don’t get paid to screw. Usually.
2. The Continental (as the Foobiverse calls him) is plying her with cheap wine. If you need booze, you don’t deserve the action.
3. You have to set a cat bell if you expect parents back anytime soon. They deserve to be caught.
Today’s Stone Soup actually does it better. Holly is sneaking out of the house showing that she is at least consenting. I can’t believe I’m using Stone Soup as a good example.
Love the song, Blade Runner. Maybe that is the tune Gerald is using to get past April’s defenses.
Dean Booth
March 27th, 2007 at 6:45 am
Since the comics are down this morning, here’s a MT + Pluggers mash-up to hold you over.
Dean Booth
March 27th, 2007 at 6:46 am
Oh, I forgot to say Congrats to Dingo and all the other COTW snarkmeisters!
Calico
March 27th, 2007 at 6:49 am
#1, 23, 56 – I nominate all for comment of the week.
Almost Roadside-but what will ultimately thwart the hormone-and-cheap-wine party in the basement?
April needs Dad to build her a little love shack out back for the warmer months (complete with Tortilla Chipz and a mini-bar), of course considering that there is any room, what with all the damn trains all over the property.
Xcellent
March 27th, 2007 at 6:55 am
Foobs- April already shows keen interest in kissing Gerald way back, in that segment where she instructed HIM to keep kissing HER in front of Elly, saying Elly had better learn from her than somewhere else. So it was April leading the way in a good way, against Mom.
Suddenly its Geraldteen with his crap props, the wine, the lines, and she’s like all wha? It’s interesting, as he’s decided to follow her lead forward, but he lies to his parents (she kissed in front of hers) and he brings all the forbidden props, and she thinks it is a BAD thing because he’s so crap at being cool obviously! Duh…
April IS a Patterson. The only thing she needed him for was to push it all upfront in Mom Elly’s face. Notice she didn’t do that to DAD yet.
So it makes no sense when she was allowing him to get all touchy-feely with her, especially when the kids are asleep and all that parents coming home jazz. UNLESS, she knows she is going to be caught, and this is just using Gerald again, a major push into both Mom and Dad’s face, all, like, getover it already.
by the way, as a matter of interest, there never was any April has her time-of-month strip, so….just saying.
Galactic Emperor Chennux
March 27th, 2007 at 6:58 am
ATTENTION EARTHERS! SET COURSE FOR MAXIMUM GROVEL! CHENNUX SPEAKS! ESPECIALLY TO #27 POTEET!
HOW DARE YOU BLAME FOOB ON ME?? CHENNUX IS CAPABLE OF MANY HORRIFIC TORTURES, BUT TO BLAME TENTACLED SLAVES FOR THE FRIGATE WRECK THAT IS FBoFW??? AND THE PLANET IS NAMED ZYNEX, NOT XYNEX!!!
CHENNUX HAS SHUT DOWN THE KINGFEATRUES WEBSITE IN RETALIATION! POTEET WILL PRODUCE SOME GALACTIC-CLASS APOLOGETIC GROVELING OR YOU WILL GO COMICS-LESS FOR THE REST OF THIS SOLAR PERIOD!! HAHA!!
END TRANSMISSION!!
Jake
March 27th, 2007 at 7:04 am
Today, in Mary Worth: Mary works on her telepathy skills.
Calico
March 27th, 2007 at 7:11 am
#96 – Hysterical stuff. Keep up the great work.
I noticed one seemed to be missing – the one where Mary is having a wet dream about Ella and she’s moving around in her sleep – could you post that one again? The last time I saw that I laughed so hard I cried.
Mary’s upset because she’s known Vera for half a day and thinks there is an internal meddling system error because she doesn’t know everything about the young lady through osmosis. In her biddy misery she’s taken to drinking copious quantities of caffeine to jump-start the Nosy-Chip® in her skull. Mary, you are no Ella Byrd!
Rebochan
March 27th, 2007 at 7:15 am
FOOB: Holy crap, is April going “hands on”? Is she a “gig” after all? Well, it’s time to shun her for breaking the Patterson tradition of being a walking saint. Her name shall be stricken from the family record Patterson and to all who walk those hallowed halls and a scarlet letter “A” affixed to her uniform lapel.
TDIET: Old lady’s never heard of a VCR. OH YEAH!
Webhead: If Spider-Man hadn’t been hit by a bucket of wet cement, slammed into two trees, and been clubbed by a little old lady, he might be able to save this lady. Yes folks, AMAZING Spider-Man in action!
Calico
March 27th, 2007 at 7:17 am
#98 – just wait until Gerry gets his hand down in her pants and finds out April is a hermie.
Tweeks_Coffee
March 27th, 2007 at 7:19 am
3/26
Damned King Features, you realease my comics! Commenting on what I can…
DT: How is it possible that there’s this many people with card themed shticks that aren’t aware of each other?
Foob: Raise your hand if you can’t predict what the next month’s worth of strips are going to be like.
GA: Holy crap, are the making a reference to Cocaine? I really didn’t think drugs even existed in a world where dishwashers find deeds behind ovens that save seedy, yet desirable, diners.
(DT)GT: I’m not exactly sure what “drubbing” means, but I’m going to start using that on a regular basis.
Pluggers: I really would’ve preferred to start my morning without seeing the exposed belly of RhinoMan. Even more horrifying is the imagery they forced on me of RhinoMan digging into his bellybutton with one of his giant fingers.
dreadedcandiru2
March 27th, 2007 at 7:19 am
97 – I’d be willing to bet that not only is this the AprilContinental BustaThon, it’s also the ‘Watch the GrandFoobs like a hawk’ Hour, too. Who KNOWS what kind of crazed shit the Antichrist Twins are into while she’s getting rogered by a doorknob?
miraclemet
March 27th, 2007 at 7:20 am
GT: I’m very impressed with Rick and Helen’s ability to write a long paper about fairness and ethics, considering they have Down Syndrome, or is that just how they are being drawn?
Ten Day Dinosaur
March 27th, 2007 at 7:23 am
#99 (Chennux the Superfluous Adjective) As usual, thank you for making it so I don’t need to read Mary Worth for another couple hours. Here is some spicy clam chowder in appreciation.
#81 (Dingo) Thank whatever that I don’t remember the seventies… Or the sixties, fifties, and only have fragments of the tail end of the eighties. Mind, the ninties, complete with boybands, were also a strange time to be a teenager.
Tracer Bullet
March 27th, 2007 at 7:25 am
I can only hope FOOB isn’t written in real-time and April is actually a sexually-empowered 27-year-old living in Montreal with her boyfriend . . . and her girlfriend and not a high school freshman(?) whose mother has produced a comic strip about her first sexual experience. Otherwise, we’ll soon see the headline, “Teen butchers Patterson family; April Patterson found standing over mother’s bloody corpse; Canada’s greatest living artist choked with own intestines.”
Or, in the United States, “Cartoonist stains carpet.”
Justafoob
March 27th, 2007 at 7:25 am
There once was a girl named Apewill
Who went roadside with her good friend Gerald
They started for fun
But got the home run
Now she wishes she had taken a pill.
jules
March 27th, 2007 at 7:26 am
Y’all! Check out the dancing waiter in the last panel of today’s (DT) Gil Thorp! Woooo-hooooo! Shake it don’t break it, Tuxedo Boy!
Galactic Emperor Chennux
March 27th, 2007 at 7:26 am
ATTENTION EARTHERS! TREMBLE LIKE GERALD’S SCROTUM! CHENNUX SPEAKS, AGAIN TO THE ONE CALLED #27 POTEET!
SORRY ABOUT THE FOOB MENTION! I MEANT TO SAY (DT)GT, WHICH IS JUST AS BAD, BUT DIFFERENT! BESIDES, GH HAS ALREADY EXPLAINED THE WAY GIL THORP IS DRAWN! COMICS WILL STAY DOWN, REGARDLESS!! HAHA!!
END TRANSMISSION! WHICH IS NOT THE SAME THING AS TERMINAL GAS!!
Ten Day Dinosaur
March 27th, 2007 at 7:26 am
104 (Tweeks_Coffee) Drubbing means a completely one sided beating. Witness Mark Trail punching any evildoer.
Anonymous
March 27th, 2007 at 7:26 am
JP: Abby and Neddy seem to be in some alternate-reality Paris that contains the most unsuave Frenchmen outside of a Pepe Lepew cartoon. Those two guys in the convertible look and are acting like extras in a 1970s B-movie.
Joseph Wong
March 27th, 2007 at 7:27 am
Most humble apologies, Galactic Chennux, but if you would be so kind as to read #27 Poteet again you would see that she blames your tentacled slaves for Gil Thorp and not for Foob.
compass rose
March 27th, 2007 at 7:28 am
#17 Blade Runner – Awesome!
Chron is not loading color comics. Who ticked off the Emperor last night?
berserker lurker
March 27th, 2007 at 7:29 am
The Jumble is getting a little kinky again today.
compass rose
March 27th, 2007 at 7:29 am
Whoops, typing too slow again.
jules
March 27th, 2007 at 7:31 am
Oh all right, I just noticed Dancing Waiter Man is not wearing a tuxedo. But he is wearing a fussy apron and carrying a covered tray. My brain must have added the tuxedo all by itself. Need coffee!
Allie Cat
March 27th, 2007 at 7:36 am
FOOB:
Looks to me like they “uncorked the wine” down in the basement and now they’re “letting it breathe”.
I am loving the Teen Sex With Consequences Plot. I was hoping we’d get to see that with Darrin and Jessica over at FW, but this is better – no vomit – at least, not yet!
April – don’t be dumb, get you some!
man behind the curtain
March 27th, 2007 at 7:38 am
FBOW — So in which of several directions will this go. The obvious is the Ma and Pa Patterson stumble in on our happy teen couple in flagrante delicato or April has a last minute change of heart whcih may or may not be follwoed by Gerald going Howard Erk on her. Not to mentiuon her un-Patterson like behavior putting the little ones at risk as she forsakes her babysitting duties or the entire familia Patterson stumbling into the basement one-by-one to offer their perspective. At the end the whole Fooberverse will be crowded into the basement with April and gerald semi-dressed in the bed, and Uncle Phill palying a tune on the hoseaphonium with Becky on vocals.
Dean Booth
March 27th, 2007 at 7:41 am
#101. Thanks, Calico. Here’s the one that was missing. Thanks for the heads up.
srah
March 27th, 2007 at 7:42 am
Today’s JP French is so bad I don’t think Babelfish can even be blamed.
Ne pas être timide, filles, nous ne mordra pas!
Is this the first time we’ve actually seen a French verb get conjugated in JP-French? Bravo! Of course, you didn’t conjugate it correctly, but at least you’re on the right track.
D+ (because the meaning comes across even if the grammar is horrible).
And “working girls”? What Frenchman would use that phrase?
I’m a Yogi, Not a Pooh
March 27th, 2007 at 7:43 am
FOOB: Why is there a sock laying on the top of the couch? If this were any kind of realistic, shouldn’t that be April’s training bra?
willethompson
March 27th, 2007 at 7:45 am
gh! True Fable! Would someone wake Poteet and get her to apologize to the GEC? I need my A3G and MW fix! I’m shaking like a leaf with the withdrawal!
True Fable
March 27th, 2007 at 7:46 am
A3G Him who? To whom does Luanne refer: Eric, the ghost, or her late husband? Or maybe it’s dead bachelor #4! Oh wait, Eric’s not dead. Well, once Margo’s had her way with him, he’ll want to be that way.
DtM That’s no menace, Dennis, you worthless punk. Minus 20 points from MenaceWatch2007. On the other hand, what is a perfectly normal-looking character doing in this strip? Shouldn’t he have big jowls or a terrific overbite or chubby sausage-like appendages exuding from his torso? Hmm.
JP Neddy, Neddy, Neddy. In the immortal words of Rick Springfield: “Don’t talk to strangers, baby don’t you talk…” Dumb broad, you never listen to kind Parisian streetwalkers, do you?
MT Yep, panel two is giving us a hint that Mark finally understands “Hey…something stinks about all this!” So what have ubiquiducks meant all this time, I wonder?
MW Well, Mary, if you hadn’t kept grabbing at Vera and getting some squeeze action in, she just MIGHT have said something to you instead of remaining in the meddle-free land of Thought Balloons.
RMMD Ladies and Gentlemen, panel three presents: Roy Lichtenstein!!!!
9CL What? Thorax with no political lecture or the hard little planet with the soft center? I’m…I’m stunned. Stunned, I tell you!
(DT)GT What the HELL is up with the creature at the front of the pack in panel 2, what happened to its neck? Something like a tumor is growing there…oh, oh! RJ or Tyler must have experimented with it, and that is where the alien baby is growing. I guess. Right now panel three has me singing “Skip a Rope” and it’s driving me fscking crazy.
Hogen Mogen
March 27th, 2007 at 7:47 am
If I were one of Crankshaft’s friends, I’d be really glad that he went out of his way and dressed up to go to my funeral. Oh, he’s still wearing his bus driver uniform – but there’s a clip-on tie. Would it be too much to ask to remove your hat in some minor display of reverence, Ed? I know you’re an uncouth slob with no manners, but I bet on Veteran’s Day you’d do it for the flag (unless you hate America and yourself).
True Fable
March 27th, 2007 at 7:50 am
Poteet, my Queen! I will shield you for as long as I can, if you will ask His Grand Whosis the Galactic Emperor to allow willethompson his comics fix! Withdrawl is a terrible thing!
A snark a day keeps the grxticurbit at bay!
Dean Booth
March 27th, 2007 at 7:56 am
My FOOB prediction:
Wednesday
Panel 1: Mom and dad and catch April and Gerald in the act.
Panel 2: Liz and Warren get home and go down to the basement.
Panel 3: The dogs hear the commotion and run barking into the room.
Panel 4: The children wake up from the noise and come downstairs.
Thursday
I’m not completely sure…
Friday
A one-panel group portrait, with Elly in the middle shouting, “THE ARISTOCRATS!”
zeeba
March 27th, 2007 at 7:58 am
3/27:
Dilbert:
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/3/27&name=Dilbert
Note to Batiuk: if you want to make a successful point about the dangers of smoking, see Dilbert today. No more of your sanctimonius saturn.
FOOB: what can I say that hasn’t already been said, except I feel badly for April. She’s in a no win situation. Her family’s gonna never let her forget it, EVAH!!
FW:
OH NO!!!! Bull says Les is half right about him and Linda adopting. Please, NOOO, Bull, don’t ask Les to be your sperm donor!!!!!
JP:
Today’s translation:
“not to be timid, girls, will not bite us.” Damned right they have no intention of ever biting you, weird talking dude. And Neddy, talking so tough with that ridiculous beret on your head.
Lio:
http://www.uclick.com/client/sea/lio/
and
R&R:
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/3/27&name=Red_n_Rover
Wow, 2 homages to Peanuts on the same day. I was thinking maybe it was the anniversary of Schulz’s death, but he died in February 2000. Lio still pushing the envelope on beloved comic strips.
Pluggers:
BLEAH!!!!
kippetje2000
March 27th, 2007 at 7:59 am
Crankassshaft: “s funny, I don’t feel tardy.” Shannon over at foobs is also a bit tardy, but it’s mean to call her that to her face.
cheech wizard
March 27th, 2007 at 8:00 am
JP – This whole episode would be a lot more interesting if Neddy were wearing that skanky little black number she modeled for Abbey a few months back. Perhaps the gentlemen in the car read the American newspapers and recognized her?
Calico
March 27th, 2007 at 8:01 am
#121 – at the risk of sounding like the Immortal Meddler herself, the one I was referring to is when Mary has the wet dream and then in panel two she says “Jeff can just go to Hell!”
Do you still have that particular mashup?
Thanks!
Oh, and to Dolly in Family Crisis – Yes, dear, you’re correct-the mailman hates your guts. You’ll never see a piece of snail mail as long as you live in that Circle.
and finally MT – I think Cherry got blasted by the Ubiquiskunk. Peeeeeuw! Bucket of Tomato Juice, dear?
Hogen Mogen
March 27th, 2007 at 8:01 am
Foob: Ah, to relive the days when all the nookie I got was on some nasty basement mattress while hoping the parents (mine or hers) wouldn’t catch us doing the sinful teenage horizontal mombo in their beloved basement. Eh. It was great, but now I sort of acquired the taste for clean sheets.
I’m actually rooting for young Gerald to deflower the equally young Apes. The parents will come home and in the scram to find and replace inexplicably absent clothing, the merlot will get spilled. Gerald will be forced to hide under the bed while April nervously confronts the Patriarch and Matriarch of the Patterson estate. She passes the test, but only because John & Elly are wasted drunk on BYOB. Gerald is eventualy smuggled to the hallway by the front door when Liz walks in an’ Gerald has to dive into a coat closet. “Oh, I’ll get your coat for you, Liz – you just say good night to your boyfriend Ger- ur, Pau- Anth- um… Warren.” Eventually, Gerald makes it past the front door and is again a free man.
Except when Elle sees the wine stain.
Busted!
True Fable
March 27th, 2007 at 8:02 am
Luann The Horniest Teen in Town just called dibs on GI Joe. Film at 11. Don’t worry, it was bound to be a rebroadcast from an earlier storyline.
TDIET Heh, this is like when Mary immediately gets a passport, flies to Vietnam, Finds Jeff, scolds the hell out of him and drags him back home in less than three weeks’ strip time. I get it! I get it! ….still isn’t funny, but I get it.
FC No, Dolly; as a matter of fact from the looks of it, the mail carrier wanted to take a running start and ram the mailtruck straight through your storm door. Hell yes, raise the price of stamps if they can guarantee they’ll wipe out the obnoxious Keane kids.
FW My prediction: Bull knocked up someone and wants to adopt it. But the child has cancer. Of course.
C(MD) Her whole trouble is, she stares all day long at a full-length mirror and STILL doesn’t get that anyone built like the Hindenburg should not wear tapered slacks, tapered skirts, big fucking polka dots, little fucking polka dots, huge tracts of Scotland or stand in front of a full length mirror. Cathy Must Die.
FBoFW I’m saving all my snarking for that big Rant that is still building inside. Bwahaha.
Calico
March 27th, 2007 at 8:04 am
When Elly goes to shave the sheets she’ll see not only wine but…
yuck.
Busted indeed. In more ways than one.
Justafoob
March 27th, 2007 at 8:04 am
Apewill’s training bra????
How about Apewill’s training underwear. With that much junk in the trunk and her family history, she better be going that route.
andreavis
March 27th, 2007 at 8:05 am
FOOB: Oh, Aypo. My own roadside gigs were a while ago (not Bobby Goldsboro era, more like Pet Shop Boys) but I haven’t forgotten the first rule of making out in the parents ‘basement: make sure the parents are OUT OF TOWN. Because if you can be interruped, you will be. Second rule, not while babysitting, you stupid, stupid girl. Third rule: see the first rule. Stoooopid!
Flywheel
March 27th, 2007 at 8:05 am
Man if farts could kill, Elly would have offed her family years ago.
Damn Canadian bacon and beans.
Dean Booth
March 27th, 2007 at 8:07 am
#132 Calico, Yeah that’s it. I changed the numbering so you’re probably looking at a cached copy from your last visit. Refresh the hell out of it.
DrBear
March 27th, 2007 at 8:09 am
Nah, I’m betting on the pets bringing May showers to “April Deflowers.”
StriderGirl
March 27th, 2007 at 8:23 am
Longtime lurker, etc.:
I live near Toronto. And soon, there will be no escape for any of us Ontarians from FBOFW. Even hopping in the car and driving in the opposite direction of the newspaper stand will no longer be a guarantee of foob-avoidance. I think we’re going to need an Aldo cliff at the edge of the GTA…*
http://lfpress.ca/newsstand/News/National/2007/03/23/3812791-sun.html
* (That’s the Greater Toronto Area, for you American types.)
Dennis Jimenez
March 27th, 2007 at 8:29 am
Not to be out done by FBoFW, I can see the very special after school special telegraphed by Luann from a mile away. Poor Ben, we hardly knew ye, and now pureed by an IED – dashing Luann’s adolescent romance fantasies and the budding relationship with Bernice and family. Boo hoo – boo hoo in spades.
Erika
March 27th, 2007 at 8:33 am
I can’t wait to see tomorrows Mark Trail when the rug on the wall and the skunk try to figure out what the hell Dan was up to!
Chat Noir
March 27th, 2007 at 8:34 am
FOOB — Well, Elly and John only just set out for home and April and Gerald are, after all, 16ish. Their roadside trip should be wrapped up in one panel, with three left over for awkward cuddling and sobbing that April just missed her last Patterson party ever.
Hogen Mogen
March 27th, 2007 at 8:35 am
Mark Trail: I like the symbolic use of the skunk – like “something stinks about this… ”
But did I miss the contour map? What contour map?
Hogen Mogen
March 27th, 2007 at 8:41 am
Comix crossovers today:
Liberty Meadows
Lio
Foobar
March 27th, 2007 at 8:50 am
21- Yeah, not to mention, what did he mean by “bummed a ride”? If he got his parents to drive him, he’s obviously not out with the guys. If one of his friends drove him (thus convincingly fooling his parents) then what the hell? A pushover?
36- Dispelling further misconceptions about Canada, my buddy’s Ottawanian domicile has a rec-room with a shag carpeted annex separated by sliding dividers. This annex has flourescent black lights in the ceiling and comfy accomodations (read: crappy sofa-bed). This room came exactly like this with the house, and I wish you could have seen the weird old man they bought from.
Holy Prepuce
March 27th, 2007 at 8:51 am
Lest we get too excited about the potential for graphically-rendered underage chipz-munching on the pullout, I would draw your attention to a Washington Post Comics: Meet the Artist online chat in which Lynn Johnston participated in October 2004.
A reader asked: “Will you ever cross that gap about premarital sex with Elizabeth, her friends, or with April (in the future hopefully)? Do we assume that Elizabeth has ‘crossed over’ so to speak?”
Johnston replied: “Well I think that you could assume that she’s crossed over since she lived with her boyfriend for well over a year. But like the Mexican novelas, which I love to watch, I’ve discovered that no matter how hard to imagine it is, everyone wants the heroine to remain pure as the driven snow. So people can read into the storyline what they want to read into the storyline.”
So whatever it is that April and Gerald get up to, it will no doubt be addressed via the most roundabout invented slang yet to grace the panels of FBOFW.
O’Fogeyette
March 27th, 2007 at 8:52 am
#27 Poteet: I love your explanation of Gil Thorp. Or Thorpe. It makes perfect sense. I feel very sorry for the Zynexian “artists.” And I don’t blame our Great Tentacled Overlord for denying responsibility.
commodorejohn
March 27th, 2007 at 9:00 am
FOOB – God damn it, Lynn, we get it already! We know you hate men who aren’t whipped, pussy- or otherwise! Why the fuck do you have to keep character-assassinating the single men in your strip to keep making the same damn point!? Just make all your ladies militant lesbians and kill off those people with the yucky penises already! It’ll piss us off less!
Philly
March 27th, 2007 at 9:01 am
From Freaks & Geeks: “There was a girl in my school. She had premarital sex. You know what she did on graduation day? Died! Of a heroin overdose!”
Tats
March 27th, 2007 at 9:03 am
Uh oh, the kids have bare feet. They’ve rounded the .333 repeating’th base!
Also, would it be uncouth of me to point out that April and her boyfriend have the same dumpy ass? The FooB caboose has always been a point of fascination for me and it’s apparently not a solely Patterson genetic defect. I’d hate to think for Americans to think that all Canadians are similarly emdowed; it’s just not so.
bats
March 27th, 2007 at 9:09 am
#81 Dingo: Having to wear cream on her wedding day? If there is a gawd, April will be wearing cream a whole lot sooner than that…
Pelagius
March 27th, 2007 at 9:10 am
Gerald’s about to give April some hose-a-phonium practice!
I guess April’s been listening to Princess Superstar again: “I’m a bad babysitter, got my boyfriend in your shower, Woo! I’m makin 6 bucks an hour”
Tats
March 27th, 2007 at 9:10 am
153: My appreciation for your clever wordplay can only be expressed as a horrified gasp followed by admiring applause.
miraclemet
March 27th, 2007 at 9:11 am
Is it wrong to hope that Mom and Dad Patterson are going to walk in on April getting ready to play the hoseaphonium? And that Elly then has the heart attack thats been building for years, going to the Big Farley in the Sky. Then Big John can finally make a move on Anthony since he can’t fulfil his homo-erotic desires vicariously through Elizabeth since she refused to take Anthony’s offier for the moustache ride…
Justafoob
March 27th, 2007 at 9:18 am
Granthony is going to save the day.
He will go down to the basement and pull Apewill and Gerold apart and put a huge titty twister on the Apes that her head will spin.
Poor Gerold is the victim herev
Foobar
March 27th, 2007 at 9:29 am
Ruh-roh, the ‘rents are on their way whilst the kids are embroiled in a semi-lusty embrace– juice glasses hastily emptied of their Chateau Cochon ‘06 litter the floor whilst the snowboard stands stoic witness. The enormous crescent moon, like the blade of a sickle, presages the beginning of the end beginning of the end is heralded by the enormous crescent moon, like the blade of a sickle! Is this the Gathering of the Norns to the FOOB Gotterdammerung?
I’m surprised how much cynical ill-will this fledgling plot has already inspired. Personally, I can’t wait to see where this pleasant diversion goes. It’s only a matter of time before we get back to Liz’s and Mike’s stupid stories, so enjoy it while it lasts.
Jamus The Bartender
March 27th, 2007 at 9:31 am
FOOB: Message recieved, “April going roadside”….Sheet Shaver and Trainman departing Mike’s party, moving in to intercept…
Foobar
March 27th, 2007 at 9:32 am
Hooray for not seeing it before I say it. Ahem…
“…like the blade of a sickle, presages the beginning of the end!”
You should ignore the bit where I repeat myself backwards ignore the backwards bit where I repeated myself.
bootsybooks
March 27th, 2007 at 9:32 am
Oh, man! French comix crossover today. JP has the bad French speaking leerers, and MT has Pepe Le Pew!
that’s comic gold.
HBGlord, whre ya been?
dimestore lipstick
March 27th, 2007 at 9:37 am
If there’s a leopard print hooker, don’t be alarmed now
It’s just a spring clean for a drag queen.
Blade Runner, that’s gonna have me smiling all day…
Saint Elly
March 27th, 2007 at 9:41 am
I am shocked that we’ve gotten this far in the Foob storyline without Elly and John shouting “I hope April won’t mind that we’re coming home EARLY” and beating it into us that they “won’t be expected for a couple more hours”… utterly shocked! Since when do we not get things beat into our heads like that?
Chat Noir
March 27th, 2007 at 9:46 am
I would also just like to point out that, looking back over the full-color strips of the past few days, April has changed her shirt and pants three times in as many hours. Anyone that cannot commit to a fashion concept isn’t ready for more hands-on activities. That’s just common sense.
Richard Onley
March 27th, 2007 at 9:56 am
#123: I’m a Yogi, Not a Pooh: “Why is there a sock laying on the top of the couch? If this were any kind of realistic, shouldn’t that be April’s training bra?”
Don’t call it that! You might give her father ideas . . .
#152: Tats: “The FooB caboose has always been a point of fascination for me “
Don’t call it that! You might give her father ideas . . .
Blynneda
March 27th, 2007 at 9:57 am
158- I agree. I can’t wait to see how April and Gerald’s Night Moves story plays out. Not because I’m that interested, but because it may result in unintentional hilarity–and, of course, bad punning, which I can wait for.
I haven’t looked forward to a Foob storyline this much since, I don’t know, Farley died.
Justafoob
March 27th, 2007 at 10:02 am
Apewill killed Farley.
Now she is going to kill Butterscotch.
Pelagius
March 27th, 2007 at 10:07 am
Since FOOB is borrowing plots from ABC After School Specials, will we find out that April is adopted, is addicted to mary jane, and has the herpes as well?
andreavis
March 27th, 2007 at 10:08 am
GF: noooo! Rob, don’t send Foodar and Chubby Hugs away! I love them. Mac McManx can beat it, though.
also, #167 justafoob: Bwahhah! Good one! Gerald better hurry up and get Apewill’s pants off to make it come true, though…
Dêgouté
March 27th, 2007 at 10:08 am
Speaking as a certified French… major… I’d like to congratulate JP’s cast for locating the long-lost Paris Populated Entirely by Americans.
Today’s butchery of the language reads, in full: “To not be timid, (article missing) girls, we will not bite (article missing)!” Except “will not bite” is conjugated for he/she/it, not we.
Jamus The Bartender
March 27th, 2007 at 10:09 am
“…God, it was amazing, Red Shoe Diaries. To this day, I get all squishy whenever I eat Tortilla Chipz or cheap Muscatel. If only Mom and Dad hadn’t burst in on us just then. Now Mom spends all her time shaving sheets…don’t ask…and Dad just plays with his trains, and i’m not using a metaphor there either. I still write to “Dwight” in juvenile hall, he’s gonna be out any day now…but i’ll always remember that night in March…or was it February when that party was…that I finally had the chance to go roadside and never looked back
Sincerely,
“June”
*nods to the yellow laborador* Nothing like Muscatel and Doritos to enhance romance, ain’t that right?* dog barks once* Amen to that. Amen and hallelujah. * Duchovny walks off with dog along the beach*
Dégoûté
March 27th, 2007 at 10:10 am
Ugh, and I just realized I got the accents wrong in my “name.” Blast.
Bunnë
March 27th, 2007 at 10:15 am
The interesting thing about the French in JP is that it’s getting progressively worse as the story lurches forward. We started with gender errors, moved on to simple idiomatic vocabulary errors, and now we’ve added verb conjugation and sentence structure. I foresee this degenerating into Pepe LePew-inspired patois. Moi speakez le Frenchais tres bien! Watchez le out pour les street-punks et hookeurs.
Calico
March 27th, 2007 at 10:18 am
#139 – Oh, Mary! Yes! Yes!
Thanks DB – that is priceless.
Looks like that’s how April will be spending her night after the tribe comes home, actually-humping the sheets. Oh well.
Frank Drackman
March 27th, 2007 at 10:19 am
Ahh european hookers bring back such fond memories..I thought this hot chick wanted to buy my watch for $20..when she was really saying 15 minutes for $20..
gh
March 27th, 2007 at 10:30 am
#27 Poteet
Hey! Other side of the street!
Doesn’t mean I won’t talk to YOU-KNOW-WHO though.
Foobaphobe
March 27th, 2007 at 10:30 am
FOOB:
With LJ’s quasi-retirement, her strip is taken over by Funky and Crankshaft.
… This is the night the Kelpfroths get their revenge. Fresh from their extended stint in the burn unit, they visit the Patterson manse with matches, kerosene, and old rags. The flames light up the sky. The widdle ones, asleep in their cozy room, will never awake. Because the slut April is gigging it up with Gerald in the rec room. She lives out her remaining life hearing their horrible screams of agony, never able to face Michael, the amazingly successful author, again.
Tweeks_Coffee
March 27th, 2007 at 10:32 am
MW: No, Mary, I’d say working at an advertising agency makes it a pretty solid bet that Ben’s in advertising.
Toonhead
March 27th, 2007 at 10:34 am
MW (3/27): Mary, looking remarkably manly in the first panel, has met her first introvert and does not know what to make of human being that does not need constant companionship, chatter and prefers to not talk too much about anything. Will Mary learn to accept Vera as simply a part of the 35% of the U.S. population who operates in the world differently than herself and allow the friendship to develop at its own pace? The answer, of course not! Mary is an extrovert gone mad. She will ignore all the hints, signals and restraining orders until it ends in an ugly way. The funny thing is that Mary will blame Vera. Mary will never realize that she is the problem.
MossMoses
March 27th, 2007 at 10:34 am
Well alright, April’s got you goin’ tonight
Doin’ all she can, its alright
Come on cant you see
That when we all let go
April’s a slutty ho’
April Wine seems apropo.
gh
March 27th, 2007 at 10:37 am
3/27
(DT)GT–
Thank god it’s back to three story lines. I was so disoriented yesterday I had to lie down.
MW–
What with all that physical contact, Mary has contracted Vera Shields Disease [VSD]. Symptoms include not being able to finish the last panel without a grimace and a thought balloon. There is no known cure.
Poteet
March 27th, 2007 at 10:44 am
Oh jeez. So sorry, folks. Here goes…
# 111 — Your Unutterable Gloriousness, I kneel before you, rending my garments in apology and supplication. I of course was not really thinking that Your Imperial Majesty was responsible for (DT)GT, but that a renegade minion had imprisoned some innocent Zynexians and had been supplying incorrect information to you as to the strip’s origins.
Please try to understand, Your Overlordship, that here on our puny planet, it is not uncommon for our leaders to disclaim responsibility for unfortunate decision-related outcomes by claiming that they did not receive good information on which to make the decisions. It is sometimes difficult for my small human brain to grasp the greatly-magnified abilities of Your Infallible Decider-ness, whose minions are undoubtedly under your complete control and dominion.
And beyond that, as I further rend my garments into shreds to show my remorse (not that they were anything like designer duds to begin with), I beg you to consider, Your Majesty, the impact of seeing (DT)GT when I am so unused to it. Only when it appears on this website am I exposed, and when that happens, I can feel my cerebrum melting and affecting my judgment. I beg of you to not further punish others for my misdeed, but to allow Kingfeatures to transmit in future without interruption. And now I humbly crawl backward out of Your Shining Presence, to don sackcloth and ashes and meditate further on my huge mistake.
Hogen Mogen
March 27th, 2007 at 10:45 am
Dilbert: I love the little nerd, but this is two days in a row with the same joke, and it was ashtolutely ashtounding or fabulash the first time.
TDIET I don’t know if these two people are surprised at the TV, or the exploding coffee. But I have to say that I empathize, as do most followers of the daily grind of soap comics. Except the part about missing a day only to find that the world has changed. If you were to take a pass on Mary Worthless today, for example, you would remain clueless to the fact that Mary thinks something strange is up with the over-anxious, anxiety-ridden Vera with the blank stare that would be the facial equivalent of a cardiac flatline. “So, Vera, here’s the available condo-” “I’LL TAKE IT!!” “-minium…”
Hogen Mogen
March 27th, 2007 at 10:46 am
JP: Oh, you’re Americans? I’m from the Bronx, New York City, New York. What a coincidence, no?
Plinko Commie
March 27th, 2007 at 10:48 am
Because there’s other comics than FOOB and FW …
Curtis: So The Little Dreadheaded Girl taped D and “O”’s confession. Somehow they’ll escape the expulsion that damned Curtis for a couple of days. But what if someone else drew this plot?
FOOB: D and “O” disappear forever, Curtis, Barry, the girl and Mom all make terribly puns. Plus the teacher’s in a wheelchair and she gives us lessions in life.
Pluggers: The strip where the teacher goes out the window is titled “Plugger Airlines”
Mallard Filmore: Mom blames it on Hilary Clinton
Sally Forth: Mom blame it on Hilary
Boondocks: See Mallard Filmore, replace “Clinton” with “Bush”
FW: Chutney saves the day, then develops uterus cancer
TaxiGirl
March 27th, 2007 at 10:51 am
#185 — Hillary Bush?
Scary!
Poteet
March 27th, 2007 at 10:53 am
# 111 — Your Generous Shoeprovidingness, please permit me to respond to a few comments before withdrawing for ours to lament my unworthiness.
# 48 — BWAHAHA! But the dancing looked great, Uncle Lumpy, and that’s what counts.
# 74 — Thank you, AppleGirl, and I’m very happy for you and your shoes. I probably have you partly to thank that I’m not already a charcoal briquet. But please note, for your own sake, ahem, that my explanation for (DT)GT was wrong, wrong, so terribly wrong. Wrong altogether.
Anon
March 27th, 2007 at 10:54 am
Hillary’s bush?
Now there is a Clinton I can go for….
Plinko Commie
March 27th, 2007 at 10:54 am
186 — oops, forgot to make that a whole name. Too bad you can’t edit posts in the blog. Though Hilary Bush WOULD be a great political cartoon.
This Modern World: Hilary veers slightly right of hard left on an issue, is potrayed as divorcing Bill and the Democratic Party and is seen playing Hour of Power with Jenna and Tom DeLay while lighting homeless kids on fire.
Poteet
March 27th, 2007 at 10:55 am
# 187 — That should have been “hours.” Geez. I may quit reading (DT)GT even when it’s part of a post.
Hogen Mogen
March 27th, 2007 at 10:57 am
#12 – Chan Where does a middle schooler get a bottle of wine?
Ontario drinking age is only 19, and normally you don’t have to show ID. When I was in my teens, I’d swipe some from my parents if I needed any.
Poteet
March 27th, 2007 at 11:00 am
# 127 — Thank you, Sir Fable, my True Knight. I disappear now to avoid drawing further wrath upon us.
# 149 — O’Fogeyette, thanks, but (nervously looking up) I was entirely mistaken about (DT)GT. Entirely.
# 176 — Sorry, gh, don’t quite understand what you mean, but it doesn’t matter, because I’m going under my boulder. From now on, I leave (DT)GT explanations to you, because (ahem) YOU HAVE IT RIGHT, AS THE EMPEROR POINTED OUT.
Hogen Mogen
March 27th, 2007 at 11:04 am
March 17 Foob had Gerald announcing his intentions to come over and boink. Then guess what? Gerald comes over and wants to boink, and April is all “What??” about it. It’s not like she didn’t know. She’s either just trying to play coy for plausible deniability or she’s a two faced shit just like Becky says.
I’ve now descended from being a responsible adult to taking sides in a juvenile pubescent girly spat. Next time I get into a fight I’m afraid that I might pull hair, bite, slap and kick. Time to do something macho, like drink straight from a bottle of Johnnie Walker Gold.
Badwater
March 27th, 2007 at 11:07 am
No matter what happens to April and the rest of her family, I hate Gord.
O’Fogeyette
March 27th, 2007 at 11:09 am
192 Poteet: I still like your explanation best. I find DTGT rather frightening, and an otherworldly, alien origin is the only way it can make sense to me.
Great grovel, by the way. I’d give you a ten out of ten, but only His Magnificent Lizardness can award a true score.
I need to find time to read the comics today.
D.A.Pennington
March 27th, 2007 at 11:10 am
Just remember kids, Saturn boxcar pipe cleaner
is Canadian for Gerrald practices the “pull-out” method.
Thoth
March 27th, 2007 at 11:11 am
Is the sole purpose for the skunk in panel 2 of today’s Mark Trail to illustrate that something “smells bad” about the Dan drowning situation?
Hostrauser
March 27th, 2007 at 11:15 am
Abbey and Neddy are stupid. Don’t they realize that the dude in the car who’s smoking that cigarette in a most-decidedly American fashion is actually Burt Reynolds? And that he’s trolling for chicks to take on his next Course de boulet de canon?
MossMoses
March 27th, 2007 at 11:16 am
194. Badwater, great comment! I hate him, too. What redeeming features does that Karl Rovian car dealer have? He’s a fat, bald Glandthony, as the name Gordo implies. His meaningless life of quiet desperation is a waste of a good sperm an’ egg.
ElSanto
March 27th, 2007 at 11:17 am
#188 – Ew.
queek
March 27th, 2007 at 11:18 am
Lio: In Wednesday’s strip, we’ll see good old Charlie Brown after a few rounds of “clear” and “cream” courtesy of the nice folks at Balco. We’ll just see how many baseballs knock him off the mound now!
BladeRunner, that’s inspired.
9CL: its spring, and its not just the young man’s fancy that is turning. Nice to see that its not just Apes going roadside.
velouria73
March 27th, 2007 at 11:33 am
Luann: Dang. Even Luann has better luck with boys than I do.
Ian Cameron, PhD
March 27th, 2007 at 11:36 am
Foob: Push it . . . . push it real good!
Pozzo
March 27th, 2007 at 11:42 am
Why is the flute player from the Moody Blues trying to pick up American tourists in France? Guess the groupies on the oldies circuit leave something to be desired.
Other_Sally
March 27th, 2007 at 11:44 am
I just want to say that when I was in Paris, I had loads of helpful men come up to me and offer help with directions/walking me somewhere/giving me a tour of the Louvre/asking if I wanted to be treated to dinner as a “foreign guest.”
What was also interesting is that every single one of the left me be with a simple, “sure, have a nice day” whenever I said “ok, thanks, but I’ll be going now,” even when they’d insist on say, showing me around some part of the city for an hour. (I didn’t accept the dinner, but I did take them up on the rest.)
So what I’m saying is, Addy and Neddy just refused no-strings-attached free rides.
Jamus The Bartender
March 27th, 2007 at 11:47 am
FOOB/TDIET Mashup:
John and Elly leave the party and the convo goes something like this:”Gosh we had a nice time at Mike’s party, I hope April’s not getting into any trouble, like that awful Gerald taking advantage of her precious teenage innocence…”
But at Casa De Patterson’s Den Of Iniquity, it’s going something like this: “No…no…dammit Gerald not like that…like this….move over here….ow, don’t touch me there….touch me here…..Jesus Christ….oh, here, let me do that, you don’t know what you’re doing…..”
gh
March 27th, 2007 at 11:50 am
O’Fogeyette –
Top o’ the mernin’ to ya, lassie! (Well, it was mernin’ when I started.)
I feel bad I forgot to congratulate you on your anniversary, plus now I’ve ruined two of your erstwhile favorites [John Prine, Jay and the Americans], so I guess I owe you one.
So, Ed?
Ladies and gentlemen . . . please welcome back to our . . . really big shew . . . the Rolling Stewnes!*
I see a crazed feline, his name’s Google the Cat
His swagger’s out of line, don’t Margo with this cat
Got sick, went to the vet, that’s how the story goes
Now well, he’s livin’ large, keeps O’F on her toes
I see a line of cats and they’re all ranging free
With Google back in charge enthroned on the settee
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Thank god they had the sense to get the others spayed
These cat hospital bills are devastating me
Thank god I can depend upon my royalties
Google’s back at home again and each Curminion cheers
But I must close my eyes until that damn check clears
O’Fogeyette and Mr. O’F , if you please
You think that we could have that last bit of brie cheese?
If you look hard enough into the fridge once more
We think you’ll find a piece of salmon from the store
I see a crazed feline, his name’s Google the Cat
His swagger’s out of line, don’t Margo with this cat
Got sick, went to the vet that’s how the story goes
Now well, he’s livin’ large, keeps O’F on her toes
Hmm, hmm, hmm,…
I wanna say it, Google! Google’s back!
Back is right, back in charge
I wanna see the sun shining on the settee
I wanna say it, Google! Google! Google! Google’s back!
Yeah!
*No, not Honky Tonk Woman. It’s Paint It Black.
bootsybooks
March 27th, 2007 at 11:51 am
MW: Mary Worth, I am calling you out! When Aldo pestered you, you had your friends over for an intervention, and we all know what happened. You wished Aldo would leave you alone when you politely requested it.
Now, the new chick wants to be left alone, and you will stalk her until your meddling itch is scratched.
Gah! I hate you, I hate your meddling ways! Leave Vera alone!
Plus, if we see Vera and Toeby in the same panel, the world will implode. Just sayin’.
Oh, and death to Gil Thorp
bootsybooks
March 27th, 2007 at 11:54 am
#207, gh: brilliant!
Justafoob
March 27th, 2007 at 11:55 am
I am so glad that Apewill paid attention to her Uncle when he was giving her hosephonium lessons.
Gerold is too.
Musicfan
March 27th, 2007 at 11:56 am
What does Crankshaft’s jacket smell like? Probably like a fart that could kill you.
dimestore lipstick
March 27th, 2007 at 11:57 am
#167, Justafoob
*SNERK*
Oh, you are soooo naughty!
Now that it’s all chemicals, and “whizzing on a stick”, do many people still use the term “the rabbit died”?
smacky
March 27th, 2007 at 12:00 pm
JP: What’s wrong with Abbey? Doesn’t she see that the guy riding shotgun is ALIVE WITH PLEASURE (and, incidently, teeming with the crabs he caught from the Sociology major from Brooklyn, New York)?
Dingo
March 27th, 2007 at 12:04 pm
Off-topic: for those of you helping to put Starved Rock State Park in the #1 position for northern Illinois at Enjoy Illinois, is it just my computer or have they stopped showing the vote total percentages? This IS Illinois so you have to wonder if some dirty tricks are afoot. Or… maybe it’s just my computer.
If you haven’t yet, please go to Enjoy Illinois and vote for Starved Rock State Park for the northern region. It’s a bloomin’ NATURAL wonder!!! Garden of the Gods in southern Illinois was knocked out, which is unbelieveable. Luckily (sorry Sox fans), Wrigley Field is still in the running. There’s not much natural left in Chicago, but leopard-print bustier wearing Brooklyn whores would have been a fine choice. Then again, her assets didn’t exactly look natural either.
Rock the vote! Starved Rock, that is.
queek
March 27th, 2007 at 12:04 pm
somewhere, there’s someone clever enough to do The Who’s “Going Mobile” as “Going Roadside”
“watch the Lizard and the Book-Man miss me, I’m roadside!”
sadly, I’m not that clever.
smacky
March 27th, 2007 at 12:08 pm
Today’s Phantom:
Talking Dog Alert!
Way to give our position away, dipshit. And what is this love affair you have with the hyphen?!?
gh
March 27th, 2007 at 12:08 pm
#192 Poteet
What did I mean? What did I mean? Nuthin’. Just thought you were looking for a little Gil Thorp turf wa– is that a shiv? *chuckle* I just meant I’d be happy to escort you across the street any time if you ever OH MY GOD LOOK AT THAT (flees for life)
#206 Jamus The Bartender
You forgot to add April’s [45 minutes later] Oh, yeahhhhhh!
Justafoob
March 27th, 2007 at 12:15 pm
#212 dimestore lipstick said
Trotzenbonnie
March 27th, 2007 at 12:17 pm
Dingo – I haven’t seen the percentages since Sunday. How do you know who’s winning?
And, like the good Louisiana citizen that I am, I voted early and often.
In other comics news-
One Big Happy jumps on the Bilious Bandwagon.
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/3/27&name=One_Big_Happy
Who’s next?
#42 – Uncle Lumpy
Can’t dance for shit? Who would want to?
Musicfan
March 27th, 2007 at 12:23 pm
I am looking forward to April explaining to Liz what she did and Liz realizing two things: Howard was just trying to give her what she needed a looooong time ago and that a big fuzzy mustache can get in the way of certain pleasurable activities.
gh
March 27th, 2007 at 12:23 pm
#212 dimestore lipstick
do many people still use the term “the rabbit died�
Wait, Butterscotch is the rabbit’s name? BWAHAHAHA! Pass that one back up the line to #167, Justafoob. That’s primo snark.
#214 Dingo
Two more votes in!
stinky pete — whatever happened with the St. Louis poll? [That was you, right?]
Trotzenbonnie
March 27th, 2007 at 12:25 pm
#215 – Queek
If we’re doing The Who requests – how about “The Kids Are Alright” as sung by John and Elly in the car on the way home?
Cornwhacker
March 27th, 2007 at 12:27 pm
See, now this is why the Foobs pad around the house in stocking feet.
If they didn’t, would today’s display of undress seem quite so scandalous?
man behind the curtain
March 27th, 2007 at 12:35 pm
LuAnn — We all know that things are tough for or troops in Iraq but are they so bad that they would pine away for the likes of LuAnn? Sgt. York must be feeling the effects of his troop surge ready to bust out any minute now. He wants to penetrate while Congress is urging withdrawal. Dubya, it’s all your fault.
andreavis
March 27th, 2007 at 12:37 pm
TDIET: Hey, haven’t we seen a submission by Ollie & Harry before? I picture them as a charming older gay couple, watching their stories together on the teevee before heading out on their daily constitutional. Oh yeah.
brtny sprs (in rehab)
March 27th, 2007 at 12:39 pm
Um-Kay! I can’t believe you guys!! They let me go online and I just found this site(!) and I saw all these songs and poems so I just couldn’t help myself. I’ve had lots of time on my hands so I’ve been writing like mad and just knew you would want to see these!! They’re from my diary, but I feel, like, they’re personal, but not, you know, private? You know? Anyway, enjoy!
Girl’s Night Out
Oops! I did it again!
Got in my car!
Drove to a bar!
Decked Terri Garr!
(this one is a little painful)
Justin! Justin!
He’s disgustin!
This rhyme I’m bustin!
‘Cause he was just lustin’.
Anyway, I’m going to do some lullabies when I get out because I have two kids!! It’s awesome!
Sorry if you don’t recognize me. I gave up all the vowels in my name for Lent. And my hair.
monica
March 27th, 2007 at 12:40 pm
A genius rehash of Paint it Black, a horrifying Aristocrats reference, mentions of the Pet Shop Boys and Flann O’Brien…. Holy hell, have I mentioned that I LOVE YOU GUYS?!?! Talk amongst yourselves, I’m having a moment….
Plugmein
March 27th, 2007 at 12:48 pm
You know you are a Plugger when you go out for the evening and you come back to find you 15 yo daughter blitzed on Boone’s Farm and the lead guitarist from her band trying to find the right hole to plug his amp in.
Plinko Commie
March 27th, 2007 at 1:00 pm
Pluggre birth controul*: Gerald yanks it out and dives under the bed.
* — lol, Canadian spelling
willethompson
March 27th, 2007 at 1:04 pm
#17 Blade Runner, very nice and #207 gh is singing to…O’Fogeyette’s cat? Ooooookay, a bit off-topic but a nice effort…clapclapclap.
However, the big news today: is Apewill going on the Woadside Woadtwip? Let’s find out to the tune of CCC’s Bad Moon Arising…Cue the ‘62 Fender riff…
I see some white moons arising,
I think that’s April’s derriere!
I see Gerald’s junk upsizing,
Trying to escape his underwear!
CHORUS:
Tortilla chips and wine
Make April feel fine,
When a good FOOB goes roadside!
I smell aroma of arousal,
I hear the sound of zippers, mule!
I fear a shotgun-forced espousal,
If Gerald dares insert his tool!
CHORUS:
Gerald came to play
You can almost hear him say,
“Be a good FOOB! Go roadside!â€
I see LizardBreath returning
Just as matters come to pass
I see John and Elly screaming
I see trains up Gerald’s ass!
CHORUS:
April’s now in chains
They won’t find G’s remains
When a good FOOB goes roadside!
BONUS CHORUS:
Yeah, she wears a chastity belt
Gerald’s skin is now a pelt
When a good FOOB goes roadside!
brtny sprs (in rehab)
March 27th, 2007 at 1:07 pm
#230 willethompson
Brilliant! Brilliant! Brilliant! You had me at “moons.”
willethompson
March 27th, 2007 at 1:09 pm
Thanks, Brtny! Hey, I bought some of your hair on eBay. Need it back?
Non-Shannon
March 27th, 2007 at 1:10 pm
Uh oh! April’s gonna need this!
gh
March 27th, 2007 at 1:10 pm
#230 willethompson
BWAHAHAHAHA!! HAHA! Best first line ever!
Eric G
March 27th, 2007 at 1:11 pm
What the hell are they watching in Slylock Fox? Is “Real Sex” on HBO during dinnertime, or is in on demand?
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 27th, 2007 at 1:12 pm
RMMD: What the hell is with June Morgan? “You’ll have to be lucid?” Yeah, that’s real comforting, fembot.
willethompson
March 27th, 2007 at 1:13 pm
Non-Shannon, if Josh gave out LOTW, that would be it.
brtny sprs (in rehab)
March 27th, 2007 at 1:13 pm
#232 willethompson
Ha ha! Sometimes people laugh at me, but I can tell you’re laughing with me. You’re so sweet! Keep the hair!
Trotzenbonnie
March 27th, 2007 at 1:14 pm
Bravo, Wille. Bravo.
In the spirit of RMMD’s homage to Roy Lichetenstein today, I think other strips should follow suit. Perhaps Abbey and Neddy could be prancing in pantaloons a la Toulouse Lautrec. And the smooching of April and Gerald could be Lynn Johnston showing us how she does a Klimt.
Enchilada
March 27th, 2007 at 1:17 pm
This is unrelated to the current entry, but very funny & in line with the spirit of the Curmudgeon. Don’t miss this:
http://www.yesbutnobutyes.com/archives/2007/03/top_15_unintent.html
(Note: I have no financial or other material interest in yesnoetc. — I just thought this was funny as hell!
willethompson
March 27th, 2007 at 1:17 pm
#239 trotz – MW could be Veermer and (DT)GT could be…ummm…Colorforms? Winky Dink?
fishbulb42
March 27th, 2007 at 1:19 pm
David Willis made an April/Gerald “roadside” icon.
http://shortpacked.livejournal.com/189532.html?thread=6403164#t6403164
gh
March 27th, 2007 at 1:30 pm
#240 Enchilada
It was dropped in a couple threads back, but definitely worth re-linking.
bootsybooks
March 27th, 2007 at 1:35 pm
#239, Trotz,
“And the smooching of April and Gerald could be Lynn Johnston showing us how she does a Klimt.”
Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
Also, Justafoob, extra points for knowing the rabbit’s name. COTW!
PInk Haired Girl
March 27th, 2007 at 1:42 pm
I love scandalous comic story lines, don’t you?
Gabe
March 27th, 2007 at 1:52 pm
242: He made it for me! Walky is my hero.
stinky pete
March 27th, 2007 at 1:57 pm
230 wille, nicely done, and I was unaware that CCR covered the Civilian Conservation Corps’ version of that song.
O’Fogeyette
March 27th, 2007 at 1:57 pm
#207 gh: I am touched and honored, and so is Google. The Stones, yet! The Gods of rock & roll (along with Van Morrison). You definitely got Goog’s personality exactly right. Only inaccuracy was the royalties, alas. Nearly all my book are OP, and I make in the low three figures a year on the ones that are POD or online. Not enough for vet bills. Anyway, thank you so much! You have made my day!
#230 willethompson: Hahaha, funny! But what’s wrong with gh serenading Google? He (Google, not gh) sits on my lap all day while I’m at the computer, plus you all held my hand while he was so sick, so I think he’s kinda an honorary Curminion.
Now if only I could find time to read today’s comics….
Galactic Emperor Chennux
March 27th, 2007 at 1:58 pm
ATTENTION EARTHERS! STAND BY TO RECEIVE AN AURAL ENEMA! CHENNUX SPEAKS!
THE ONE CALLED POTEET! AS YOU HAVE NOTICED, KINGFEATURES IS BACK UP! CHENNUX HAS ALWAYS BEEN IMPRESSED WITH YOUR GROVELING AND YOUR ABILITY TO SWIM IN SYRUP! APOLOGY ACCEPTED!
AND NOW CHENNUX MUST APOLOGIZE FOR THE LINK TO THE CHRON! THAT ONE GOT NAILED EXTRA HARD IN THE ATTACK, BUT MELKARDAMMIT, CHENNUX WAS ACCUSED OF BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR GIL THORP! WOULDN’T THAT JUST FRY YOUR GRANNIX TO A CINDER? AARRRGH!
END TRANSMISSION!
Mr. O’Malley
March 27th, 2007 at 2:01 pm
JP: They should give up using Babelfish and just write all the dialog in Europanto. It would be infinitely more amusing.
Foobar
March 27th, 2007 at 2:02 pm
229- Haha, Canadian spelling indeed, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Here, from the Onion, is one of my favorites (regarding the foiled Canadian terrorist attempt from a while back):
Will Foley,
Mountie
“I was shocked to hear on the news programme that some of these men were living in the centre of my neighbourhood, about 20 metres from my favourite theatre.”
willethompson
March 27th, 2007 at 2:03 pm
#247 Stinky Pete – It’s a little known falsehood that Bad Moon Rising was a work song for the CCC gangs clearing the path for the Blue Ridge Parkway. Well, that and Looking Out My Backdoor when they found that still north of Wilkesboro…
Non-Shannon
March 27th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
Come to think of it, I got caught roadsiding with my high school boyfriend once, by my mom. Her reaction?
Uncontrollable giggling.
She also mentioned recently that she thought I’d never gone “all the way” with him, so I guess it didn’t make much of an impression on her.
Boy am I glad I don’t live in the Foobiverse, or I’d be destined to marry him and sire a neverending string of little gigs.
gh
March 27th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
#248 O’Fogeyette
Aw, shucks.
queek
March 27th, 2007 at 2:05 pm
for the Charlie Brown fans.
http://danbooru.nyaatorrents.org/post/list?tags=charlie_brown
(click for larger versions)
I found these very sweet drawings awhile back on an image board, sort of anime-versions of the Charlie Brown gang as teens. The link is SFW, but the rest of the site is generally not. (naughty tentacle stuff abounding, so browse further at own risk.) There are a few more on a similar, larger board, but it’s currently down. For the record, I *love* the version of Peppermint Patty, and Marcie with her laptop is so very cute.
Stranger…
March 27th, 2007 at 2:06 pm
Where are my comics! rbma.com keeps timing out!
fizzy logic
March 27th, 2007 at 2:06 pm
Great songs today, people! Nicely done, all of you. O’Fogeyette, I hope you sang gh’s song to Google, I’m sure he would appreciate it.
I’m not sure who is responsible for writing Judge Parker, but I’m going find out and send him an email or something about these weeks-long French lessons he has subjected us all to. (My very own native language odd sentence structure, there). And I’m sure the language lessons (how not to speak French) will continue for months and months as they continue to blunder their way around the city.
But couldn’t Aunt Blabby have lived in Mordovia, where they speak Erzya? Or Klaipeda, where they speak Samogitian? Then no one would have known that you can’t speak another language for sh*t. Nooo, they have to go to the big city of lights to Art School (yeh, sure, go see LuAnn), where everyone can point their finger and laugh at you, because everyone (besides me [and you, obviously]) can speak French to some degree and are willing to repeatedly point out how stupid you are. I’m tired of it. Move them on to Aunt Blabby’s vacation house on Maio Island Cabo Verde, where they speak Maio Crioulo. Stop the madness!
Hmmm – maybe I’m feeling a little crabby today. Mary Worth didn’t help. What did you want Vera to do, Mary? Beg you to stay with her so she could pour out her life story to you? Solve problem after problem of hers? Maybe have her invite you to work with her? Lunch every day? Slumber parties every night? Have her adopt your hairstyle? As a private person myself, Mary the meddler is exactly the neighbor I would NOT want to have. I’d be crying at my breakfast table wishing for my hovel again.
On the bright side, we have days of FOOB lectures to look forward to, and a sanctimonious Elizabeth when she can give April the sister-to-sister “right thing to do” talk, or even better, the “disappointed in you” talk. Mike will remain so full of himself that he won’t even notice that his kids weren’t being watched for a short period of time. Elly’s mouth will be flappin’. But I agree, any diversion from the party and Mike is a welcome diversion in my book. (oh god – I said book! Aaarg!)
David V. Matthews
March 27th, 2007 at 2:07 pm
#230: Nice song parody, but it’s “tortilla chipz.” Lynn Johnston likes using that end Z.
man behind the curtain
March 27th, 2007 at 2:13 pm
RMMD — Once Heather finds out that Hugh is huge she’ll forget all about her missing husband and jump into the arms of his son.
AAckTTpth
March 27th, 2007 at 2:15 pm
OK, I have to ask.
I didn’t know Mark Trail BCC (Before Comics Curmudgeon). What’s with the *gigantic* animals? In what toxic, irradiated land does Mark live? Was Dan actually swallowed by a mutant minnow? Do the inhabitants run screaming when the glowing wolverine shows up? Great, now I won’t be able to sleep this afternoon.
Mr. O’Malley
March 27th, 2007 at 2:16 pm
BONUS! Der advice por April en Europanto! Autrement it bin un poquito antico, pero es still humoristisch.
PS German for “advice” is “Meldung”; perhaps a slight translation error was made in Mary Worth?
Dennis Jimenez
March 27th, 2007 at 2:20 pm
247 – CCC hit – I heard it through the bread line….
Non-Shannon
March 27th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
Wait, can a female (like myself) SIRE children? Maybe I mean dam.
Which reminds me of the classic Simpsons quote from last night’s rerun:
“Up yours, children!”
O’Fogeyette
March 27th, 2007 at 2:39 pm
Margo! Boxcar! Saturn! I finally get enough time to read the comics and the fershluginer Chronicle is down!
Non-Shannon
March 27th, 2007 at 2:43 pm
Despite an initally tepid audience response several posts back, I am reposting my feeble attempt at ingenuity for the masses (this song parody) because it is so Scadutoing CATCHY!
CAUGHT ROADSIDING (to the tune of “Kung Fu Fighting,†with apologies to no one)–
April was caught road-siding
They weren’t just tonsil-fighting
In fact it was a little fright’ning
I felt my sphincter tight’ning
They were funky gigs from Funkytown
He was gettin’ it up, and she was goin’ on down
She was chewin’ on his cheeks, Rob’ ‘n’ Merrie snuck a peek,
Patterson ass he was ridin’, an’ his salami he was hidin’!
April was caught road-siding
They weren’t just tonsil-fighting
In fact it was a little frightening
The tension started height’ning
Then in walked Elly ‘n’ John (He was about to “mow her lawnâ€),
She screamed, “I come home early, and the kids are gettin’ it on?!â€
Ger’ pulled it out and made a stand while April stood behind her man,
An’ he said “You FOOB! You only wish you weren’t some train-man’s limp side dish!â€
April was caught road-siding
So much for Elly’s guiding
In fact it was a little frightening
My sphincter won’t stop tight’ning!
willethompson
March 27th, 2007 at 2:44 pm
#264 O’Fogeyette – It’s Poteet’s fault – she cheezed his Massive Assholiness (see #27 above and #249 response). In the meantime, go to http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/.
AhClem
March 27th, 2007 at 2:46 pm
Does anybody remember the “Buckeye Cola” ad in the National Lampoon “1964 High School Yearbook” parody, which was published in the early 1970s? It’s shows a drawing of a somewhat disheveled young woman getting out of a car at a drive-in movie, heading towards the bathroom with a bottle of Buckeye Cola in her hand, while her boyfriend grins at her from the back seat. She has her thumb over the top of the bottle, as if preparing to vigorously shake it up.
For some reason, Apwil’s rec-room roadside adventure made me think of that.
Brent
March 27th, 2007 at 3:02 pm
I think you guys are missing the real plot line in FOOB. Gerald comes over with the bottle of wine he hooked from Mom and Dad’s “wine cellar” (really a cheap rack they picked up at Canadian Tire). He and April do the horizontal nasty which is – typically – quite disappointing for her (even though it is more and better sex than Tommy and Lu Ann at 3G have had in over a quarter century). The fact that she was bored out of her skull during the event “proves” to April that she is in fact of the Lesbian persuasion. While her parents are initially shocked by the fact that their baby has surrendered her pearl of great price (and to Gerald no less – why couldn’t it have been to that nice boy Duncan) they are supportive of her lifestyle choice, particularly when they get to know her lover Eva.
Either that or April decides that she isn’t ready for sex and gets caught giving Gerald the Monica Lewinsky treatment.
Non-Shannon
March 27th, 2007 at 3:21 pm
Re: 268 Brent
I wish! (regarding the lesbian prediction)
Regarding the Lewinsky treatment, I swear, when did kids decide that oral sex “doesn’t count?” I know I had the “real thing” way before the other, ’cause it took me a few years of experience with the concept of wang before I wanted to put one in my mouth.
Uh oh. I’ve crossed a line.
HBGlord
March 27th, 2007 at 3:36 pm
#269 (indeed!) — I go away for several weeks, and not only has Fogeyette gone Gaelic but Non-Shannon is now channeling Belle Barth. After reading N-S’s comment, i really wish i had no idea what she looked like. (”Joe Torre won the N.L. batting crown in 1969 with an average of .348…. Cleon Jones batted .340 that same year, which is still the Mets’ team record for batting average in a season….” Nope, ain’t working.)
AtomicDog
March 27th, 2007 at 3:45 pm
MT – That is the second biggest skunk I have ever seen…
Rolon Bolon
March 27th, 2007 at 3:48 pm
In the tradition of MODOK, I submit that KORDOK, kidnapper of fake-spider-wives, is a Komputational Organic Robot Designed Only For Killing.
techinin
March 27th, 2007 at 3:52 pm
Mighty Sam #23 – COTW!!!
My nominations are getting closer to COTW!! (Uncle Lumpy got an honorable mention with his metastatic FW storyline comment last week!) (Hey, if I can’t be witty enough for COTW, at least I can point out witty, right?)
cheech wizard
March 27th, 2007 at 4:18 pm
267/ AhClem – I remember it well – she also had a very saucy, salacious expression, as I recall. Of course, April will probably use a Molson’s.
One of my favorite NL ads was from the Boy’s Vice magazine parody, the greeting card sales ad, where you had a kid holding a stereo and all kinds of other goodies with the caption “Hey kids! Look at all this neat stuff I got just for breaking into a house!”
Richard Onley
March 27th, 2007 at 4:27 pm
#239: Trotzenbonnie: “And the smooching of April and Gerald could be Lynn Johnston showing us how she does a Klimt.”
I think they should go Rodin-side . . .
Ukulele Ike
March 27th, 2007 at 4:45 pm
#269: Non-Shannon: when did kids decide that oral sex “doesn’t count?â€
Ah, so you didn’t grow up in an all-Catholic neighborhood?
See, if good teenage Catholic girls go “all the way,” then Father Innocenzi down at Saint Mike’s makes sure their SOULS ARE DAMNED TO HELLFIRE FOR ALL TIME.
So they opt to give blowjobs instead.
(I got more head than a wicker basket in the Place de la Concorde all through my highschool years, but no “real thing” until I went off to college. I never knew how good I had it.)
Non-Shannon
March 27th, 2007 at 4:51 pm
Of course, as soon as I repost my Roadsiding parody, a new thread opens…
*insert Charlie Brown sigh here*
Oh, and HBGlord, purrrrrowr!
Non-Shannon
March 27th, 2007 at 4:53 pm
276 Ukulele Ike:
Ah, it’s a Christian thing. I should’ve known.
Oh, and “…more head than a wicker basket in the Place de la Concorde…”?
HA!!!
Anonymous
March 27th, 2007 at 5:37 pm
You know what would save this Foob storyline for me? If one or (dear God please, please!) BOTH of Mike and Dee’s odious children got into the household cleaners and DIED while Gerald and Apes are having a drunken orgy. I’m giddy just thinking about it. Then again, this isn’t Funky Winkerbean, so I’m probably SOL.
dale
March 27th, 2007 at 6:59 pm
267 – Ah Clem —–Yearbook parody.
I remember the scene and still have a copy. When I got it, I also got the Sunday newspaper parody. This very morning I was wondering whether there was some way to share the comics section. Maybe the things are still available. I haven’t suscribed to or even seen a NatLamp for years. Is NL even still in business?
Moon Mullins
March 27th, 2007 at 7:44 pm
267, 280: My two favorite possessions are my 1964 yearbook parody and the Sunday Newspaper parody. I was thinking of scanning the Apartment 3-G parody from the funnies in the Sunday paper, to post here somehow. If I can scan and send to someone let me know as I don’t have a blog or website.
perrik
March 27th, 2007 at 8:18 pm
#279: Hey… didn’t we have a Foobian plot a while back with the youngest Foobspawn suffering from some dreadful ear infection? That storyline just kinda fizzled out as Lynn lurched into the next phase of the Klepforth Kapers.
But what if the ear infection was a symptom of some horrible infant disease – and Wobbin is upstairs writhing around in pain while Apes is writhing around in… well, pain, since it’s presumably her first time and Gerald doesn’t strike me as the sensitive, gentle type.
commodorejohn
March 27th, 2007 at 8:22 pm
#281 Moon Mullins – ImageShack will allow you to upload images off your computer and you can then post the link to us.
HBGlord
March 27th, 2007 at 8:44 pm
#267, 280, 281 — Ah, the A3G parody. NatLamp is still around but as a mere shell of its former self — i think the name is still owned by publisher Matty Simmons and he just leases it out as a brand for mostly piss-poor humor products (see their Web site, at the obvious URL, and cry, cry, cry). But they did republish the yearbook parody (i still somehow held on to my original despite my thieving high school friends who absconded off to their various universities with all my other ’70s-era comedy) as well as the newspaper parody, this time in bound softcover — which is good for me, as i wore out my original 30 years ago! I still laugh thinking about the Food Clown circular! (Q-Bone Steak! Chocolate Cheese — Kids Love It!) I’m gonna look at the comics page immediately!
Do any of you own the book i only half-jokingly attribute to landing my wife — Bruce McCall’s Zany Afternoons — perhaps the funnest book i own? On our second date, her eyes got saucer-big like Olive Oyl when i revealed i own this increasingly rare trove of humor.
#277 — Begone, Jezebel!
deeeeeeeeelightful
March 27th, 2007 at 11:07 pm
Man, we better seem some underage action here! But with the whole nature of this strip, Mama and Papa Foob will bust in and ruin their whole loveparade…..Or those damn kids will set a fire and ruin everything…..
bnmcw nisrzky
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Darrickb
November 30th, 2007 at 7:26 pm
Crankshaft: baked beans can kill you,almost for Al
i wonder why what happen to him??
nemoErensenuT
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