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You can’t be poorer than Snuffy

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 6/6/11

A recent trip to the mall left me idly contemplating the ways of modern capitalism. Did you know, young whippersnappers, that the corridors of indoor shopping malls used to stretch unbroken from the Foot Locker on the east to the Ann Taylor on the west, with plenty of room to walk and no kiosk in between hawking kibbutz-manufactured facial cream or calendars with cute cats on them or the same cell phones you could buy in two or more of the actual stores in the mall? You see, most shopping malls are owned by publicly traded corporations these days, and investors aren’t just satisfied with retail that makes more than it spends: it has to show an improved profit year after year, which for most older shopping malls means trying to extract more revenue from the same square footage, which in turn means that the broad indoor boulevards where old people used to power-walk are now cluttered with as many little store-shanties as management can cram in there.

In its own way, the mighty pharmaceutical industry is in the same boat. With most Americans now doped up on between two and six prescription medications at any given time, the drug companies need to cast an ever-broader net to find more customers for their wares. And if that means that pharmaceutical reps need to travel to isolated communities where you can still get burned at the stake for selling cures that aren’t root-based poultices, and then seduce lumpy-faced inbred nurses as if they were the villains of a Flannery O’Connor story, then so be it. The demands of the capital markets are remorseless.

Mark Trail, 6/6/11

“You have to return to your loved ones once every six months or so, and make a few days’ worth of awkward small talk! That’s what I do! Don’t worry, you don’t have a wife, so you won’t have to touch lips with anybody.”

Crankshaft, 6/6/11

Ha ha, it’s funny because everyone hates the bus drivers and wants them to quit! Some people are trying to make sure they quit, by threatening violence against them. That … that’s the punchline?

225 responses to “You can’t be poorer than Snuffy”

  1. The Blurbist
    June 6th, 2011 at 8:36 am [Reply]


  2. nescio
    June 6th, 2011 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    Spiderman is astonished that someone wouldn’t waste time.

    B.C.-Nice rendering of Wolf on the verge of vomiting in panel 2.

  3. Terry in Maryland
    June 6th, 2011 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Phantom: Honestly, I think after the cavorting at sea while his wife was in prison then taking weeks to wander around the grounds of the prison, I think this whole new storyline is a quickie to try and macho old Stripey back up again.

    Sure, he hid behind shrubberies for a couple weeks but he’s removing a bullet from his own back now. That’s a SUPER hero!

  4. Binder's Butter Beans
    June 6th, 2011 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    I can’t believe you mentioned Flannery O’Connor and Snuffy Smif in the same paragraph. In an effort to keep my brain from exploding, I’m going to go have another look at the disturbing fringey shirt young John is wearing in “Mark Trail.”

  5. Faoladh
    June 6th, 2011 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    MT: Perhaps Jackelrod is planning to end the strip finally. That goat looks like it could be just the thing to lead to a life of sweet, sweet retirement.

  6. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 6th, 2011 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    Dick Tracy — Apana was the inspiration for fictional detective Charlie Chan!
    (I recommend Yunte Huang’s Charlie Chan biography for more info on Chang Apana’s life!)

    Apartment 3-G — Um, Tommie… I think Mrs. Bloom is referring to the mess Prissy left on the floor… the mess you just stepped in:

    (That’ll teach Tommie not to ignore signs!)

  7. langostino
    June 6th, 2011 at 8:46 am [Reply]


    Geddit? The tires will be slashed, so they will have to put new ones on. They will have to re-tire!!

    Oh, Funkyverse, you are so witty!

  8. S. Stout
    June 6th, 2011 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    Snuffy: They be havin’ sex on that ther’ desk! I…don’t want to know what yellowish liquid she’s drinking either.

    Luann: Luann, you’re thinking too small! Imagine the entire event, and how everyone who participated is INSANE.

  9. Binder's Butter Beans
    June 6th, 2011 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    Speaking of the Funkyverse – I’m hoping to get at least another four strips of people saying to Les, “No, seriously. TWO women are in love with you? Are you sure they said they’re in love with YOU? Are you sure they’re women? Maybe they’re alien robots. That makes more sense, they’re alien robots, right? Les? Because two women couldn’t be in love with you.”

    Greatest story arc ever!

  10. Effluvius Erratus
    June 6th, 2011 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Archie: Seeing that the average age of a box of TMNT cereal is about 18 years, I wouldn’t want to eat it either!

    FC: I think this is my favorite of Billy’s poses…hands behind back and sideways glancing eyes…as if he’s just waiting for the moment when the screws aren’t looking so he can shiv that bitch…

    Get Fuzzy: Gee…this seems so familiar…as if there were some other comic strip out there about a cat who hates diets, dogs, and Mondays…

    Phantom: “Maybe I can stop the bleeding by digging around in my wound with a sharp knife! Wait…that might cut me more. A dull knife then!”

    S-M: I like Morbius’s style! I’m going to change my voicemail message to “This is Effluvius. I’m not in right now, as if you care!”

  11. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 6th, 2011 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    Sunday Mark TrailLoon may be a corruption of the old Scandinavian word “lom”, meaning a lummox or awkward person

    Actor HERBERT LOM might beg to differ:

    Lom played “Chief Inspector Dreyfus” in the original Pink Panther film series. He also would have made an excellent “Vermin P. Crock” if a Crock film had been made in the 1970s or 1980s!

  12. pugfuggly
    June 6th, 2011 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    BG&SS: Doc don’t believe in no ‘pill medicine’. He pr’fers to do things the ol’ fashioned way: leeches, mustard plasters ‘n’ pokeweed root. Nurse changed her mind on the matt’r after Chester showed her how to mix up oxee-contuns in her sodee-pop.

    MT: I know that little spiel Mark is giving is intended John the Mountain Man, but it looks like it’s making the mountain goat rethink his life too.

    I can’t just stay up here, watching sunsets, munching grass, and rutting every fall. Maybe I should head back to mountainview college and finish my b-a-a-a-a-a-chelors’…..

  13. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    June 6th, 2011 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    @The Blurbist (#1): Re-tiring.

    With every day, my hate for Batiuk grows more intense.

  14. But What Do I Know?
    June 6th, 2011 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    A3G — If you’re really going to explain “everything” to Tommie, it’s going to take more than that little note. Of course, it’s going to take more than that little note to explain how to get back to her apartment to Tommie. . .

    Cranky — It might be security that’s slashing the tires! If I were Cranky (thank God I’m not) I’d be checking the brake linings every time I started the bus.

    MT — Mark’s trying to explain to myson John that he has a responsibility to the country to sire children(?) like Rusty. . .

    The Ghost Who Bleeds — This would only be slightly more believable if he could actually see the wound. And, oh yes, oozing blood into a tropical river isn’t going to attract anything nasty. . .

    SSmith — The folks in this strip aren’t Misfits, just Good Country People. . .

  15. Dan
    June 6th, 2011 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    You have responsibilities, John. You can’t just stay up here watching the sunrise, writing about animals, and carving giant altars to the Goat Demon Baphomet.

  16. Dennis Jimenez
    June 6th, 2011 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    BG&SS – This strip is so far off the mark – in the real hillbilly parallel universe, Daisy Mae from Lil’ Abner would be the the pharma rep….

    MT – Um, this strip couldn’t get any more gay – not that there’s anything wrong with that….

    Crankshaft – See, I think a better punch line would have been, “I like the old days when the buses spewed diesel fumes and gave kids cancer.”

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  17. Not Just Any Dipstick
    June 6th, 2011 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    MT: All is now clear. MT is written in Chinese. The translators, good as they are, have shown their hand. No one, repeat, NO ONE, uses ‘also’ like that. Do you speak Chinese also? I have no brain also.

  18. Not Just Any Dipstick
    June 6th, 2011 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    MT: Worse, I just noticed (my bad) that ‘also’ was used a second time, in another example wordiness to no purpose. Take ‘But I also realize’ out and something approaching English appears.

  19. Not Just Any Dipstick
    June 6th, 2011 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    Snuffy: That bottle is, or course, the last 5 patients urine samples. I just want to know how she got that straw through the metal cap.

  20. seismic-2
    June 6th, 2011 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    You were wrong yesterday, Josh. This is the geekiest post ever. “Shopping malls” and “Hootin’ Holler” are intrinsically completely independent concepts, and putting them together in a single analysis is like using the population densities of wallabies in Tasmania to derive the annual production of automobiles in Sweden.

    BTW, the crazy bird character in Shoe is, of course, Loon. It is not established whether he is also a lunatic, but then in Shoe, that’s pretty much the default.

  21. Tom Allen
    June 6th, 2011 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    Daisy Mae most certainly would NOT have been the pharmaceutical rep. It was Mammy’s famous Yokumberry tonic that made Li’l Abner strong and, ahem, Mark-Trailian sexually. Though maybe if she had the Viagra commission, Daisy would agree.

  22. Bill Thompson
    June 6th, 2011 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    @Not Just Any Dipstick (#18): It’s the subtle corrupting power of this strip at work. Yesterday they spoke of the “deeper depths.” Soon the Jackelrodball will reduce us to drawing pictures on the walls, which will help Myson John redecorate his cave as he prepares for visitors.

  23. wossname
    June 6th, 2011 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    A3G – Obviously Mrs. Bloom hasn’t found what’s left of Prissy after the Black Mass.

    JP – You know, Emma, instead of flailing your left arm wildly about, you might want to use that hand to increase your grip on the fire escape. Just sayin.

    MW – If Giella were able to draw actual facial expressions, we might be able to figure out whether Drew’s words are sinking in. Oh well, it’s more fun this way.

    MT – Hey, Mark? Why the hell can’t he just stay up there for the rest of his life, if that’s what he wants to do? Huh? You’re not the boss of him!

  24. Doctor Handsome
    June 6th, 2011 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Damn lazy pill salesman! If he had any ambition, he’d be cooking meth. Pills, schmills.

  25. Jasini
    June 6th, 2011 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    You have a shopping mall? One that isn’t lonely stores surrounded by miles of empty storefronts?

    I haven’t seen a living mall in years. The ones around here are too depressing to go to.

  26. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 6th, 2011 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    9 – Dancing on one of those wobbly little pedestal tables. Since we’ve thrown the laws of plausibility out the window, maybe he’ll juggle a piano next.

    Archie – How many years since Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cereal was available? Please tell me the answer is “a lot of years.” [Thanks, Effluvius Erratus @10!]

    Crock – Uh. Does the writer mean “Conscientious Objector,” or (what seems more likely) did he mean nothing at all, and is now basing the strip on what comes up in his Alpha-Bits in the morning?

  27. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 6th, 2011 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Dick – Now the story is coming so fast it’s layered on top of itself. This is a simultaneous call-out to the Green Hornet (“Scarlet Sting”) and the real-life model for the Charlie Chan franchise. All while mentioning Indiana Jones and Mrs. Pruneface.

    (ps: Years ago, a friend drew up a comic character who used a whip, but couldn’t think of a good name. The Whipmaster maybe? I suggested Jack the Whipper, and he quietly retired the whole idea.)

    Doones – Aw, damn it, this is sweet.

    Hägar – Once more into the cliché, dear friends,
    Or bore them all with our Viking shtick.

  28. Charlotte
    June 6th, 2011 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Why would kids slash the tires of buses that are taking them home later? Surely thet’d just mean they have to stay at school even later? Then again this is the Funkyverse so they’re probably all being beaten at home or something anyway.

  29. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 6th, 2011 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Phantom – This is how they’ll find the Phantom: slumped over with blood loss, sticking a knife in his own back while his dog watches. I laughed more at this than anything else on the page today.

    R=R – It’s good that Jimbo is too damned stupid to reach up and take off the painful clip-on earrings and head scarf. That’s how they’ll find him, only instead of his dog, it’ll be his wife looking on with bemused cluelessness.

    Slylock“Slylock Fox asked Max Mouse to evise a system of secret hand signals. Several hours later, Slylock asked Max if he had completed the task. Max responded by tugging his right ear. By asking one more question, Slylock was able to determine whether that was a yes or no answer. What will Slylock ask?”
    “Do you want me to beat the fucking shit out of you?” (He’ll assume that whatever Max Mouse answers, up to and including trying to run away, means Yes.)

  30. Colonial
    June 6th, 2011 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    This doesn’t require much explanation…let’s just say that Luchovich seems to no a great deal about Jeffy’s no-pants policy…

  31. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 6th, 2011 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Tiger – Bright dandelions,
    Each one perfect in its way.
    Mowing them, I smile.
    (Actually written a couple of weeks ago.)

    Josh – re Snuffy: Great Manley Pointer reference there!

    @Effluvius Erratus (#10): I’m going to change my voicemail message to “This is Effluvius. I’m not in right now, as if you care!”
    I really wanted to have a message at work that said, “This is Kip. I’m not able to answer the phone right now, so please hang up.”

  32. Not Just Any Dipstick
    June 6th, 2011 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    @Charlotte (#28): Hah, hah. Ever tried to ‘slash’ a tire? A car tire wil defeat most ‘kids’. A bus tire, most adults. Course if all you do is cut or take the valve stem out, a 4 year old could do it.

  33. Dennis Jimenez
    June 6th, 2011 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    @Tom Allen (#21): I guess where I was coming from, is these drug reps always seem to be hot women with effusive personalities, that have these nerd docs that are their clients stumbling over their tongues hanging out – I don’t seem Mammy Yokum as the type – she’s more of a Hootin’ Hollar research scientist….

  34. Not Just Any Dipstick
    June 6th, 2011 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#29): Ignoring the obvious that ANY question with an obvious answer will do. ‘Does the sun come up in the morning?’, ‘Is water wet?’, or a negative, ‘Do fish breathe air?’. Not only ‘obvious’, but stupid ‘also’.

  35. seismic-2
    June 6th, 2011 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    @The Blurbist (#1): We all know that the “humor” in Crankshaft is meant to reflect the age of its characters, but the “Time to Re-Tire” gag has been an advertising icon since it became the slogan of the Fisk Tire Company in 1910. Norman Rockwell drew many of their ads, starting around 1917. The famous “sleepy boy” signs bearing that slogan were omnipresent in American garages in the 1920s. I’m sure Walt Wallet had one hanging up in Gasoline Alley.

  36. commodorejohn
    June 6th, 2011 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    This is why I love xkcd.

    A&J – This isn’t the only reason I read Arlo ‘N Janis, but damned if it isn’t one of ‘em.

    Archie – Oh, hello, ALGJU3K. Welcome to 1988.

    Curtis – Curtis, I gather you live in one of the middle floors of a multi-story apartment complex. See that very large window? You know what to do.

    DT – Bing Crosby?


    JP – Okay, this is starting to take on a kind of Looney Tunes vibe.

    Luann – Oh joy, another storyline about what a Special Snowflake Gunther is and why won’t you just love him already, Luann? Blurgh.

    Mandrake – Oh, don’t mind the cars, Narda – they’re just here ’cause they disagree on a gangland boundary.

    MT – “Can too!” “Can not!” “Can too!” “Christ,” the goat thinks, “am I going to have to ram them off the edge to get them to shut up?”

    MW – It says a lot about this strip that Drew can make telling off a stalker seem like a dick move.

    Phantom – Uh, dude, I’m not an expert on field medicine, but I kind of thought for bleeding you want to leave the holes plugged until you can get them taken care of.

    SM – Mmm…MJ, you are fine.

  37. word-doctor
    June 6th, 2011 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    Hi and Lois-That’s a lot of different hues of salmon in just one strip. I know what I’M having for lunch!

  38. TheDiva
    June 6th, 2011 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: I often wonder why Cranky doesn’t retire, especially since he’s surely well past the mandatory age for it right now. Then I remember his leisure time consists of setting things on fire, tormenting his family, and making convoluted malapropisms, and I’m just thankful he doesn’t have more of it.

    MT: “And on another topic, let’s talk about this kettle for a moment…”

    9CL: Brooke McEldowney does what he does best: lovingly render his masturbatory fantasies for the whole world to see.

    DT: …What?

    FW: Les was, no doubt, the sort of nerd who spent all his free time fantasizing about how he would grow up to be successful and famous and have women lining up for him, and then wouldn’t the bullying jocks and snooty pretty girls be sorry? Of course, Les being Les and this being Funkytown, now that he’s living the dream he’s still managed to cock things up royally.

    JP: Damn, the roof scene in Spider-Man didn’t last this long.

    Luann: “Not on myself, but I’m working on an infusion which, once I add it too your daily Coke, will make you a slave to my every….what?

    MW: “….You wanted the chocolate cake instead of the yellow for your birthday, didn’t you?”

    SM: Look, just because you have the proportional procrastinating ability of a spider….

  39. Bring me the Hart of Johnny
    June 6th, 2011 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    I don’t follow Mark Trail, but this is a drug storyline, right? The way I read it, John’s watching the sunrise while eating ‘shrooms.

  40. Esther Blodgett
    June 6th, 2011 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    DT: *jaw drops* Is it wrong to find Dick Tracy with a whip sexy?

    FW: SHUT UP.

  41. wossname
    June 6th, 2011 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    @Colonial (#30): That, and Luckovich draws the melonheads looking more human and more interesting than Keane does. (And Luckovich ain’t the greatest artist in the world.)

  42. survivor
    June 6th, 2011 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    HA! HA! Oh, that Jack Elrod and his wacky speech balloon misplacements! Some of those latter statements were most definitely coming from the mountain goat and not Mark Trail.

  43. Esther Blodgett
    June 6th, 2011 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: It seems to me that coming in out of the damn rain would be better insurance than an umbrella. Maybe this Plugger lost his home because he didn’t have Aflac. Perhaps he believes the rain has curative properties that will keep him from needing insurance. Am I getting anywhere near the point?

  44. Greg
    June 6th, 2011 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    Just had eye surgery and at first I thought the mountain goat in MT was the white buttocks of some large creature, like a mall-goer. Get Lasik, everyone!

  45. Apeman
    June 6th, 2011 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    The ‘Shaft: Batuik has accomplished the impossible: He’s made a comic strip that is written poorly when compared to Crock. Now all he has to do is stop giving a shit about the art and they’ll be exactly alike.

  46. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 6th, 2011 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#27):

    Years ago, a friend drew up a comic character who used a whip, but couldn’t think of a good name. The Whipmaster maybe? I suggested Jack the Whipper, and he quietly retired the whole idea.

    I’ve always been partial to “Bullwhip Griffin” myself:

    (That’s Suzanne Pleshette back in her Disney days!)

  47. ArchieNemesis
    June 6th, 2011 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    Oh, Slylock Fox, how I hate to get dragged into your demented world of tiny complicated drawings and felonious animals. But couldn’t Max, by tugging at his ear, be indicating that he has developed an acute ear infection from living in a tent, and he can’t hear a thing that Slylock is saying?

  48. Effluvius Erratus
    June 6th, 2011 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#27): If Locher still wrote the strip, the character would be called “The Whippersnapper” and his entire modus operandi as a criminal would be to wear a Devo helmet while standing on Dick’s lawn screaming “I’M GONNA WHIP YOU OLD MAN! WHIP YOU GOOD! HAHA-HOHO! WHIP YOU DEAD! GOOD AND DEAD, OLD MAN! WHIP YOU! HEE-HOO-HEE! WHIP YOU GOOD!” for six months at a time.

  49. Calico
    June 6th, 2011 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    @Binder’s Butter Beans (#4):
    O’Connor and Smif in the same essay? Pure Americana.

    Oh, and John the Highlander must be Double Rainbow Guy!

  50. Mibbitmaker
    June 6th, 2011 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Crank: Batiuk: “See? This is why I don’t do humor strips anymore! If the badly contrived malapropisms Cranky spews don’t convince you, maybe this will! Well’p, back to the seering drama of my complex, writerly FW saga…..”

    DT: Chang Apana today will be played by Anderson Cooper.


    MT: Mountain goat: “Oh, no? (pause, out of character, to readers) Oh, hi, True Fable!”

  51. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 6th, 2011 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Momma fans (is there such a thing?) have a chance to bid on a novel by cartoonist Mel Lazarus:

  52. Calico
    June 6th, 2011 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    @But What Do I Know? (#14):
    Oh God, not The Misfit…
    Along with the books “The Secret History” and “Men and Angels”, the story “A Man for all Seasons” is one of the pieces of literature that has eaten into my consciousness and will never ever leave my scarred psyche. Beautiful, haunting prose and very troubled characters in all.

  53. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    June 6th, 2011 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    It’s nice to see Mark Trail firmly addressing the social irresponsibility of young people . . . in 1969

  54. Old School Allie Cat
    June 6th, 2011 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    gilthorp – Oh, Al-Jo – boys are so…oblivious! Good thing your guitar understands you.

    FW – Thanks for recapping your Sunday strip, Tombat. You’re suffering from delusions of Mary Worth sized grandeur.

    Doonesbury – I really like Alex/Toggle weeks.

    So, I woke up this morning covered in hives, which I discovered roughly at the same time I was reading Sally Forth. I don’t believe there’s a direct correlation. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m just upset about some goings-on at the office, but I thought I’d share just to see if others have ever had an allergic reaction to…

  55. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 6th, 2011 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#51): D’oh, it’s M-e-l-l (“looks like Hell”) Lazarus!

  56. Scott Bot
    June 6th, 2011 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    MW – Of course Liza’s listening, she just has selective hearing. She heard the following parts of Drew’s speech: …many calls…many texts…do you hear what I’m saying…you and I…working for me. It’s all a matter of interpretation.

    Pluggers – Can someone explain this one to me? Is it a sad comment on the state of the underinsured and uninsured in America, or just a plugger looking like an idiot wearing a raincoat and using an umbrella at the same time?

    SfX – Complicated codes aside, I am interested in who besides Slylock would be wearing a suit and tie on a camping trip. Does he wear formal wear when he goes to the store?

  57. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2011 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    Snuf: Ol’ Doc Pritchart has been taking some of them elocution lessons. Instead of “Nurse” he used to call her “Nuss.”

  58. bats :[
    June 6th, 2011 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    Nice. “Adam”‘s wife taking the opportunity to discourage her daughter’s oh-so-slight increase in vocabulary by harping on the dangers of the intertubes. Insipid comic.

  59. Tophat
    June 6th, 2011 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    I actually like Crankshaft today, God help me. The reason I like it is because of ‘Shaft’s expression in the second panel. “Pussy,” he thinks to himself. “When they slash your tires you have an excuse to run them over.”

  60. Alan's Addiction
    June 6th, 2011 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    We’re supposed to believe that the bunch of in-bred hillbillies in “Snuffy Smith” even know what the word “pharmaceutical” means? No, I can’t suspend my disbelief for that.
    I, too, have troubles believing that Mark’s encouraging someone to get out of the wilderness and have contact with other humans. Of course, John could have a discussion about what post-traumatic stress does to humans, and how it makes social interactions much, much harder, etc. But that’s complicated and nuanced, which means that Mark wouldn’t understand it (remember, he communicates only through mindless platitudes and punching). Instead, John should just point to his Davy Crockett shirt, which, in the world of poorly-developed caricatures masquerading as characters, communicates the idea, “Me totally happy and self-sufficient in wilderness; me staying here.” Mark could understand that.
    Ah, “Crankshaft,” the lighter side of the Funkiverse. I suppose that, compared to cancer and death, having one’s tires slashed is kind of funny. I also choose to read the character’s hopeful plea that no one slash their tires as an indication that they’re becoming aware of their position in life, as playthings for a cruel and impulsive creator, and are desperately praying to Him for minor mercies. They won’t get any mercy, but it’s fun to watch them try.

  61. Little Guy
    June 6th, 2011 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    yPV: Late to the Sons of the Royal Court of Camelot lovefest. Brilliant shoutout.

    ySpidey: I’m sorry, was there any dialogue above MJ’s half-covered cleavage?

    yCandorville: Let’s see, over 10 years, including a stint on SciFi, and two spinoffs, and it took SyFy and the Voyagerization of the franchise to kill it…. nope, won’t mourn.

    Judge Footsie: Yesterday, she caught a heel but still appeared shod with hose. Today, she’s clean-legged. I look forward to the gradual clothing damage by week’s end where she’s in a short short skirt and tighty-whities.

  62. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    June 6th, 2011 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    FW: Great. A whole damn week of Les and Funky mesmerized that two women are in love with Les.

    MW: Bring on the boiled rabbit!!

    Archie: It’s been, like, 20 years since you could get Teenage Mutant Ninja Cereal……???……..WTF???

  63. jvwalt
    June 6th, 2011 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    “Re-tiring.” Gaaaaaahhh. And people actually get paid to produce this crap? You know, if stand-up comedy were run like the comics page, we’d still be enjoying the comic stylings of Shecky Greene, Foster Brooks, and Milton Berle. And if the comics were run like your local Comedy Club, Tom Batiuk wouldn’t last five minutes on Open Mic Night.

    Pardon me for interrupting the usual Parade O’ Snark for a moment of genuine emotion… but as a lifelong comics fan, it saddens and angers me that nobody cares about quality in the comics. Nobody ever gets fired or retired (although plenty of ‘em get re-treaded — and there’s an actual pun, Batiuk!), no editor ever says to these jokers, “C’mon, if you can’t make if funny, you’re out!” That’s sad, and it’s corroding away the future of the medium.

  64. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 6th, 2011 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    Grin and Bear It — Wagner’s art is even sloppier than usual… Rodney’s face resembles a Rorschach Ink Blot Test:

    (Someone needs to buy this man a bottle of WITE-OUT® immediately!)

  65. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2011 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#62):

    Archie: It’s been, like, 20 years since you could get Teenage Mutant Ninja Cereal……???……..WTF???

    Just goes to show how old the cereal is around the Andrews house. I bet Jughead would eat it.

  66. Chyron HR
    June 6th, 2011 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    @Alan’s Addiction (#60): We’re supposed to believe that the bunch of in-bred hillbillies in “Snuffy Smith” even know what the word “pharmaceutical” means?

    Sure. It means when Farmer Hofud puts on his Sunday best.

  67. Larry Fine
    June 6th, 2011 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    MT — “And another thing, John: You might want to lose the beard. I have certain issues with facial hair.”

  68. But What Do I Know?
    June 6th, 2011 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#52): I don’t want to come off as a pedantic nitpicker, but the Misfit I was thinking of was in her story “A Good Man is Hard to Find.”

  69. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 6th, 2011 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    SSmith: As it turns out, exhibitionism is frowned upon in Hootin’ Holler. In the neighboring town of Hollerin’ Hooters, on the other hand…

    C-Shaft: Maybe they just want Crankshaft to quit but don’t know which bus is his. Do your homework, people!

    Baldo: Wow. If both the characters and the cartoonist weren’t Latino, I don’t think Baldo could get away with this joke.

    GT: She can’t hear a word you’re saying. She’s distracted by the sight of your pepperoni-on-matzoh pizza.

    GA: Fitting. If I recall correctly, Boog’s mother herself is pretty much made out of jugs.

    Phantom: I see. Ghost-Who-Bleeds-Out is just going to pry out the bullet in the not particularly sterile jungle. What’s “dumbass” in the Bandar tongue, again?

    A3G: “What the–Two expired Papa Gino’s coupons? No this really doesn’t explain anything.”

    DT: “That was the week I spent with Mrs Pruneface while Mr Pruneface was out of town on business. Heh heh, good times.”

  70. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 6th, 2011 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#52): Have you read The Little Friend? It took Donna Tartt a decade to follow up The Secret History but she’d really built up a head of steam. Well worth reading.

  71. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2011 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#69):

    SSmith: As it turns out, exhibitionism is frowned upon in Hootin’ Holler. In the neighboring town of Hollerin’ Hooters, on the other hand…

    I did not know that Judge Parker took place next to Snuffy Smith.

  72. Pseudo3D
    June 6th, 2011 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    FW – “Well, they were in love with me, anyway.”

  73. nancy sluggo 4ever
    June 6th, 2011 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    Wow, Josh, I’m impressed. Capitalism and the American Way summed up in 2 succinct paragraphs! And, young whippersnappers, it’s all true.

  74. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 6th, 2011 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    @jvwalt (#63):

    You know, if stand-up comedy were run like the comics page, we’d still be enjoying the comic stylings of Shecky Greene, Foster Brooks, and Milton Berle.

    I think I know where Funky Winkerbean fits here. There’s no way recent events make sense unless Les Moore is supposed to have a Berle-like appendage.

  75. Aviatrix
    June 6th, 2011 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#23): Exactly! The correct thing to do is for Mark to accept a cup of tea made out of tree roots, shakes hands in a manly way, then return to the needy, worry-wart parents and tell them that their son is fine, get a life. Or I suppose the prodigal son could adopt a dog, making everything fine again.

  76. wossname
    June 6th, 2011 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @But What Do I Know? (#68): Oh gods, the Flannery O’Connor Misfit is one of the scariest characters ever.

  77. AndyL
    June 6th, 2011 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    Someone needs to teach the Mark Trail Legacy Comic Tracing Team about “computers“. With a “computer” you could easily rescale the head you’re tracing so that it’s roughly the same scale as the body you’re tracing.

  78. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 6th, 2011 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#69): “I see. Ghost-Who-Bleeds-Out is just going to pry out the bullet in the not particularly sterile jungle. What’s “dumbass” in the Bandar tongue, again?”

    well, there’s always Devil to lick the wound clean. I’m rather shocked that Devil isn’t actually doing the surgery in the first place. Guess he’s not up to Lassie standards after all.

  79. SecretMargo
    June 6th, 2011 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    Re-tire! Ha ha! Oh, that Batiuk wit, it should be treadmarked.

  80. AndyL
    June 6th, 2011 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    “The doctor isn’t available to see a salesman right now? No problem. I’ll come back this time next week.”
    That’s the closest the nurse ever comes to romance and she’s going to milk it for whatever it’s worth.

  81. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2011 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    @SecretMargo (#79):

    …Batiuk wit,

    Oxymoron of the day.

  82. Calico
    June 6th, 2011 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#70):
    No, Ben, I have not. I really should, though, and soon. Years later I’m still reeling from TSH. (I lived in VT for many years, and she bases her faux college on Bennington, which she attended; I recognize some of the little places and spaces she refers to, like the dairy bar along Rt. 7.)
    I’ve seen the French version in the downtown (independently owned!) bookshop-it is calle “Le Petit Copain.”

  83. Walker of Dog
    June 6th, 2011 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    @But What Do I Know? (#14): It’s those monsters at Discount Tire that are bleeding the school district dry.

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#29): Are you sure the dog will just be watching during the surgery? I mean, a free meal is a free meal.

  84. MaryAnnTheRest
    June 6th, 2011 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @The Blurbist (#1): Seriously? That’s the punchline? It was funnier when I thought Crankshaft was in fear for his life.

  85. Calico
    June 6th, 2011 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    @But What Do I Know? (#68):
    I don’t see any pedantic nitpicking – you are correct, I forgot the title. Same story we refer to, though, and oh so creepy and sad. Gaaaaahhhh.
    As I get older, my memory sort of does what it wants at times.
    (Below, “My mind’s got a mind of its own”, by Phish)
    Cheers to Snuffy-yeeeehhhaaaa!

  86. Eau de Plugger
    June 6th, 2011 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Dammit Mark! Punch him clean cut already. This jibber jabber is growing tiresome.

  87. Walker of Dog
    June 6th, 2011 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    Phan: I’d assumed that Kit was wearing a spandex onesie – my mistake. Also, it creeps me out when the artist shows him without eyeballs.

    MT: Release the Kraken!

    A3G: No, Mrs. Bloom, she means ‘what is it’. No one’s ever written to Tommie before, and if you don’t help her, she will probably guess that it’s some tasty pita bread, or a new ultra-thin feminine napkin.

    DT: An exuberant whip-cracking scene and an important public-service announcement about chang apnea, both ruined by Sam’s pervy creepiness.

    FW: How greasy is the water in that fishtank?

  88. AndyL
    June 6th, 2011 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    “I refuse to eat Ninja Turtles Cereal!!!! What is this? The Eighties? This stuff must be twenty years old, or more! Are you trying to kill me?”

    Would it have killed the cartoonist to turn on his television for sixty seconds and get the name of a current children’ cartoon?
    Really, In this day and age it’s not hard to figure out, at a basic level, “what the kids are into”. Just turn on Nickelodeon and watch a few commercials.

  89. Effluvius Erratus
    June 6th, 2011 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    @Eau de Plugger (#86): Heh…”jibber-jabber”…I never thought of it before, but I guess, technically, Mark is Mr. T.

  90. Gene S.
    June 6th, 2011 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    9CL – Does Brooke McEldowney actually get paid for this? I understand that some comics need to be followed to be understood, but a week of some bitch dancing around with no speaking is bull shit. It’s not art…it’s lazy.

  91. Walker of Dog
    June 6th, 2011 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @Gene S. (#90): It’s called Not Writing.

  92. AndyL
    June 6th, 2011 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @Gene S. (#90): It’s blatant padding.

    If you’re really interested in the plot, here it is : The dancer slept with the gay guy and is now trying to seduce him again. He doesn’t like being seduced by women. It makes him angry. So very angry.

  93. Gene S.
    June 6th, 2011 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    @91Walker of the Dog: whether he’s not writing it, or they’re not speaking it, it still sucks. I guarantee within 3 weeks he’ll go to his “go-to” love-making scenes for a week where all we see is two deformed hands thumbwrestling each other for world dominance of lameness.

  94. Little Guy
    June 6th, 2011 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    MT: Um, does John Thrasher have a “wife and family” (and I’m using the tearm loosely in Mark’s case, or is he a single adult and with no kids? If so, why the fuck is Mark bothering him other than John’s dad dragging him back? He’s alive and well, Mark; that’s it! It’s no different than grown children living X miles away from the parents?

  95. Fashion Police
    June 6th, 2011 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#29):
    While we cannot endorse wearing pirate gear under any circumstances (not to mention that there isn’t much swagger in pirate gear without ruffles). However, if one simply must, the romantic comedy is the place to do so. If one wishes to be a pirate at a pirate movie a nice suit and tie would be the more appropriate choice.

  96. Little Guy
    June 6th, 2011 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    @AndyL (#92): It makes him angry. So very angry.

    Says Marvin the Gay Martian.

  97. Gene S.
    June 6th, 2011 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    @AndyL (#92) : I knew the plot, I’m just aware that most people aren’t, making anyone who picked up a paper today and read that comic all the more likely to not read that BS again.

  98. bats :[
    June 6th, 2011 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#81): Lovable Les, a close runner-up.

  99. Little Guy
    June 6th, 2011 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    Catching up on Luann…

    Saturday: Wait… Toni’s brother all along has been Merrill Osmond?

    Sunday: I’d said, “As drawn by McE”, but the difference between the strip have been blurring for years. I’m waiting for Mama DeGroot to ignite TJ’s latent heterosexuality.

  100. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2011 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#96): Don’t ask about Seth’s disintegration gun.

  101. Lisa
    June 6th, 2011 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    Sadly, I had to read that more than once to find the “joke. Momentarily, I thought it was some sort of Crankshaft/BeetleBailey crossover.

  102. Walker of Dog
    June 6th, 2011 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    @Gene S. (#93): Yep, and I think he calls that Not Porn.

  103. But What Do I Know?
    June 6th, 2011 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#83): Yeah, they really need to ease up down at the tire store. . .

  104. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 6th, 2011 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

  105. seismic-2
    June 6th, 2011 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    A3g: “What is it? It’s called a ‘note’, Tommie. People use it to send messages to other people. Now study it carefully, and tomorrow we’ll move on to the concept of a ‘pencil’ and ‘handwriting’”.

    Phantom: When he gets back to the Bandar homeland, Kit will have to be very careful to describe how all the bullets were bouncing around and ricocheting all over the place. Otherwise, when they see that he got shot in the back, they just might begin to realize that he is the ghost-who-runs-away.

    GT: I have never been in a restaurant that was so cheap that the patrons are served only slices of pimento loaf, which they have to eat with their hands without even being made a sandwich. Milfordians ought to know better by now than to eat at Hobart’s.”

  106. Anonymous
    June 6th, 2011 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#76): Actually, Flannery saw The Misfit as a means of grace, though an unwilling one. For her, he’s the only character in the story who thinks things out to a logical conclusion and acts on it (not that she approves of his actions). She saw the entire story as darkly funny.

  107. Joe Btfsplk
    June 6th, 2011 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail – I know sometimes it feels like you don’t have any friends, John, sometimes when everything seems wrong with the world, and you can’t find the way to make it all right again… Well John, I can tell you that you do have a friend, a very special friend, who will always be there for you, to help you rid yourself of everything that’s holding you back and keeping you from being the fine, good man that you know you are… He’s been my special friend too, John, ever since I was a young man, younger than you, and he’s never let me down! Would you like to meet my special friend, John? I’m sure he’d like to meet you… His name is Mr. Gillette, and he comes with me everywhere I go… Why don’t we go on down by the river and I’ll introduce you!

  108. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2011 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @Joe Btfsplk (#107): A razor! Whew. I thought you were going have Mark upzip his pants.

  109. boojum
    June 6th, 2011 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    Sorry. 106 was me.

  110. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2011 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#98): Or Baka Gaijin’s clown pals.

  111. bats :[
    June 6th, 2011 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#87): re Phantom: there must be a logical reason, right?

  112. Baka Gaijin
    June 6th, 2011 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#110): EEEEEE! QLUNQ!

  113. Fashion Police
    June 6th, 2011 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    One wonders if Mr. Moore will be so pleased with himself when he remembers that his friend Mr. Winkerbean married both the head cheerleader and the drum majorette from high school.

  114. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2011 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#112): By the way. I forgot to mention how much I liked your travelogue from a few days ago. Good job. You didn’t faint, did you?

  115. Fashion Police
    June 6th, 2011 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#106), @boojum (#109):
    Flannery will get you nowhere…

  116. Walker of Dog
    June 6th, 2011 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    Jumb: “Yep, nobody could half-ass a treehouse like dear old Dad.”

    MW: More of Drew’s mixed messages in the second panel; is he dumping Liza or wishing her a Happy Birthday?

    Plug: And the copyright enforcement team at Travelers Insurance swings into action. “Gentlemen, shivs at the ready!”

    S-M: “But if you’re calling for Bill and Janet, the new sub-letters, please leave a message and they will return your call after they return from shopping for new placemats and an ocean-themed shower curtain at…*sigh* Wal-Mart.”

  117. boojum
    June 6th, 2011 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @Fashion Police (#115): Au contraire, mon ami. Flannery will get you everywhere.

  118. CanuckDownSouth
    June 6th, 2011 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @AndyL (#88): I’m pretty sure today’s strip is proof that they aren’t even spot-checking the 80s archives anymore before sending them to the syndicate. Archie: the strip so bland editors can’t stay awake long enough to spot the anachronisms!

  119. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 6th, 2011 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#78): Shoulda borrowed Andy from Mark Trail.

  120. Mysterious shirtless lawyer
    June 6th, 2011 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    “You can’t just stay up here and watch the sun rise the rest of your life!”

    “Or, maybe … you can! What did you say was the name of this mountain?”

  121. Slippy the Grimhead
    June 6th, 2011 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @Mysterious shirtless lawyer (#120): Is John Thrasher the Little Prince? How did Mark get to his asteroid?

  122. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    June 6th, 2011 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    9CL: “It’s called ‘wanking’.”

    BB: Before they begin their D/s play (or as they call it around the camp, “coffee and a doughnut”), Beetle wants to know the safeword.

    thorps. In two non-commital syllables, glasses chick here encapsulates my feelings about the current plot line.

    One-Eyed Trouser Snake Sailor: What a coincidence. My Congressman just tweeted me a picture of an Oid the other day.

    Ziggy: A “Punch Ziggy in the Face” app? I’d pay $1.99 for that.

  123. JH Pants
    June 6th, 2011 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    I can’t help feeling that John’s appearance in Mark Trail is due to pressure from the powerful People With Facial Hair Against the Tyranny of the Clean Shaven (PWFHATTOTCS) organization. “Look! Here’s a bearded guy who won’t get punched in the face by Mark! Happy now? Bunch of deviants.”

  124. forgot
    June 6th, 2011 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    you cant just stay out here in the wilderness and not take prescription drugs!

  125. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 6th, 2011 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#81):

    @SecretMargo (#79):

    …Batiuk wit,

    Oxymoron of the day.

    Batiuk wit is fueled by OxyContin®

    @Slippy the Grimhead (#121):

    @Mysterious shirtless lawyer (#120): Is John Thrasher the Little Prince? How did Mark get to his asteroid?

    To answer your questions in order: John Thrasher is Comet the Super-Horse in human form… and Mark punched himself free of Earth’s gravity!

  126. Swordsmith
    June 6th, 2011 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @Charlotte (#28):

    Crankshaft: Why would kids slash the tires of buses that are taking them home later? Surely thet’d just mean they have to stay at school even later?

    They aren’t slashing the tires that will take them home later. They are making the journey to the bus lot to slash the tires during the summer, when they have plenty of time to walk all the way there and back again, like the filthy knifeweilding hobbitses they are.

  127. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 6th, 2011 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

  128. littlestevie
    June 6th, 2011 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    MT: I thought Mark was up in the Appalachians along the east coast not in the Rockies or the Cascade range. Then what is a Mountain Goat doing in the last panel? They aren’t found where Mark is supposed to be. I guess if you want to convey the fact that he and John are up in some mountains, why not draw a llama an alpaca or a mountain gorilla? They all live up in the mountains, just not where Mark is.

  129. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 6th, 2011 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

  130. littlestevie
    June 6th, 2011 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    JP: I know the judge likes ‘em barefoot and pregnant. He’s got the first one, now about the second…

  131. molly777
    June 6th, 2011 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    That giant big horned sheep in the foreground of Mark Trail is obviously some kind of foreshadowing of future events, especially since the sheep seems to be listening worriedly while Trail tries to convince John to leave. Maybe this will end with Mark wrestling the sheep to the ground, or punching John in the face while somehow defending the sheep.

  132. commodorejohn
    June 6th, 2011 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @molly777 (#131): The big wooly goat is symbolic of the inherent beardiness of life in the mountains – it tries to tempt Myson John to remain and Mark to join him, but Mark knows that while civilization means having to interact with people who make you uncomfortable, it also offers Pancakes.

  133. Baka Gaijin
    June 6th, 2011 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#114): Travelogue? Trip to the third circle of Hades is more like it. Clowns and Mary Worth? EEEEEE! QLUNQ! Whoa, where was I? Right. I almost sent it to Josh but it didn’t seem big enough an adventure.

  134. True Fable
    June 6th, 2011 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail GOAT!! Mountain GOAT!!

    That about sums it up today.

  135. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2011 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#132): Ah. So the mountain goat (which pretty much hangs out in northwestern USA into Canada) is a prop. It welcomes one to the entrance of “Mountain John’s Goatacular Bed and Breakfast.” Pancakes being the speciality.

  136. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2011 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#133): NOT A BIG ENOUGH ADVENTURE?! Man, you had clowns and Mary Worth in which to contend. What else did you need to make it an adventure? Rex Morgan M.D. offering you a free prostate exam (well, the first one is free)?

  137. Baka Gaijin
    June 6th, 2011 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#136): Drive-by prostate exam from Rex? That would have made the descent into the fourth circle. I’m thinking that story needed a purloined tricked out red and white bicycle, a hollow dinosaur, and the basement of the Alamo to be a “Big Adventure.”

  138. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2011 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#137): You know, everyone’s always got a big but…

  139. True Fable
    June 6th, 2011 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    9 Dickweed Lane – Another chinless, dancing chick day.

    Between Foobs – I can’t read this bullshit. None of the women in this strip have a backbone whatsoever, despite their surly protestations otherwise. She gets what she deserves – she doesn’t ‘owe’ her jerkwad ex-husband a thing and she chose not to go out with the single wealthy interesting financial advisor. Go whine somewhere else, chick. You’re in Canada – you and Elly Patterson can have a Pity-Party-off.

    Canadian Zombie – Holy shit, I’d be freaking out too if the disconnected head of my baby sister floated alongside me wherever I went. As if the smile and the googly eyes weren’t creepy enough.

    Cancerville – And these women are both still living, right?

    Fist O Justice Theater – “You have responsibilities to that goat over there! You can’t just stay up here waiting to get punched in your heavily bearded face, although I can fix that if you want.”

    Poopeye – I haven’t check this strip out in a while, and what do I find? Olive Oyl scaring off a Giant Penis Man! Geez, Olive, if you’re going to have lousy choice in men, at least get one who is useful. So Popeye’s got oversized fists and forearms – this guy’s whole BODY is a penis, with hands attached! Some women are never satisfied.

    Rex Morgan, agent of F.A.I.L.E.D. – Maybe we’ll get to see the annual June Morgan loses her temper display tomorrow!

    Remarkable Mr. Fox – Tonight’s the night for Slylock and Max, under a dreamy moon. Just what WILL he ask??

  140. Baka Gaijin
    June 6th, 2011 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#138): I know you are but what am I?

  141. ArchieNemesis
    June 6th, 2011 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    I miss the old days, before Mark Trail turned into a nagging wimp. Back then, a big angry deer with sharp antlers might gore you suddenly, or a Jeep might go flying off a cliff and burst into flames for no reason. You might even intentionally roll your station wagon onto the beach, and then let Rusty get trapped beneath it while the tide comes in. And that’s when the punching would start.

  142. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2011 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#140): Yes, there are thousands and thousands of uses for corn, all of which I’m going to tell you about right now!

    Wait. That was from Poteet.

    Ah! I Know… Go ahead and scream your head off! We’re miles from where anyone can hear you!

  143. Mark B
    June 6th, 2011 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#138): Call 1-900-Mix-A-Lot …

  144. gnome de blog
    June 6th, 2011 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    Mark lives in Lost Forest. It’s a magick place, like the Isle of Avalon or the Big Rock Candy Mountain. It contains whatever is necessary: diamond smugglers one day and mountain goats the next. Arrow-butt Bear lives there, and so does Lucky Beaver. It cannot be surveyed by conventional instruments.

  145. Mark B
    June 6th, 2011 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    I can understand Peter Parker being shocked by someone who acts quickly. It’s a concept which is pretty much foreign to his nature.

  146. JesseBaker
    June 6th, 2011 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth- My new theory about Liz and her batshit craziness; she’s acting all clingy stalker because her previous boyfriend dumped her, after subjecting career-obsessed Liz with a rant where he tells her that he’s dumping her because she spent too much time at work and didn’t dedicate every waking moment of her life telling her boyfriend how much she loved him and giving him gifts and other items that he wanted as far as demanding Liz spend all of her money on things her ex wanted.

    Liz will break down, possibly trying to kill herself and confess her secret past to Drew and cry because she was doing everything her dick of an ex-boyfriend told her she should have done with him to Drew only to have Drew reject her. Drew will then tell Liz that she should be herself and not try and be the perfect girlfriend or let others browbeat her into acting differently in order to land a man. This shocks Liz sane, she thanks Drew, and goes back to being a workaholic who spends all of her time at the hospital, shunning romantic entanglement for her career.

  147. Baka Gaijin
    June 6th, 2011 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#142): The mind plays tricks on you. You play tricks back! It’s like you’re unraveling a big cable-knit sweater that someone keeps knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting…Why am I suddenly thinking of Tommie Thompson?

  148. gnome de blog
    June 6th, 2011 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    @True Fable (#139) said:

    Maybe we’ll get to see the annual June Morgan loses her temper display tomorrow!

    Good. Maybe she’ll make Rex take her on another cruise to Lost Bikini Forest.

  149. Baka Gaijin
    June 6th, 2011 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#148): Is it open boarding? Just asking.

  150. Poteet
    June 6th, 2011 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#142): Fear not — though I ranteth about many things, yea verily I say unto you that the thousands of uses of corn shall never be among them.

  151. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2011 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

  152. This Guy
    June 6th, 2011 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    Last night, I saw a two-part episode of Doctor Who featuring a guy who smirked pretty much just like the characters in Funky Winkerbean. He was the villain, and he was meant to look deranged and creepy. He succeeded in that admirably. I think that says it all, really.

  153. cj
    June 6th, 2011 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    “You can’t just stay up here and watch the sunset for the rest of your life”
    Yes, he can, Mark – just give him a couple days at the vista point without food or water, and the last thing he sees may be the dawn.

  154. Anonymous
    June 6th, 2011 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: I think Guran* is the only doctor the Ghost-who-Bleeds’s insurance covers.

    *In the Bandar HMO.

  155. bats :[
    June 6th, 2011 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    @True Fable (#134): I was wondering where you were…was getting a little nervous not hearing the GOAT signal! :D

  156. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2011 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#155):

    …the GOAT signal!

    Do you use that to summon GOATMAN and his sidekick KIDBOY?

  157. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 6th, 2011 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#152):

    Last night, I saw a two-part episode of Doctor Who featuring a guy who smirked pretty much just like the characters in Funky Winkerbean.

    Are you referring to Son of Mine from “Human Nature/The Family of Blood”?

  158. Gone fishin
    June 6th, 2011 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#108): Same thing I thought. But it could be close to what we both thought. Maybe Mark wants to shave John’s pubic hair!

  159. Effluvius Erratus
    June 6th, 2011 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    @Gone fishin (#158): So…Mark Trail created the Oids?

  160. Illustrator Steve
    June 6th, 2011 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    True, the mountain goat is only found out west. But keep in mind this is a GIANT albino mountain goat. And as we all know, Lost Forest is known for it’s GIANT animals. This obviously was some poor old innocent mountain goat who was being transported to some east coast animal farm or zoo when one of those huge radioactive clouds from Japan drifted over the highway causing the truck to overturn. The goat got out and wandered off into the applechain mountains along the east coast and ended up growing over sixty feet tall. This is the main reason John Thrasher has decided to stay in the mountains and dedicate his life to worshiping this sacred GIANT albino beast. Looks like Mark showed up just in time to become the next sacrifice. Way to go John Thrasher!!
    (Hey, that’s not any more rediculious an idea than Elrod’s lame story lines!)

  161. This Guy
    June 6th, 2011 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#157): Yes, I just didn’t want to labor the point with the details.

  162. Gone Fishin
    June 6th, 2011 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    Depends on which Oids you think Mark Trail created. If it’s the “Oklahoma Indigent Defence System” I doubt it. Maybe Kelly Welly could dream up creating something like that, but Mark? No way!

  163. littlestevie
    June 6th, 2011 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#160): Would that be something like the movie “The White Buffalo” with Charles Bronson?

  164. This Guy
    June 6th, 2011 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#161): Maybe this image will work.

  165. dreadedcandiru2
    June 6th, 2011 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    Sorry I’ve been away for a bit. I’m delurking to share something that interested me; as you know, I’m part of the Foobiverse LiveJournal community and one of us asked Lynn why, if Elly had spent four years in college, she’d only just now gotten her first year English. The response was, as follows and I quote:

    I don’t know, Katje…can we just let it go? HUM?! It’s a comic strip and stuff happened. Thanks. LJ

    Translated, of course, it means “I don’t know, I don’t care and would you please stop asking me questions I don’t want to make time to answer?”

    What we have here is yet another reminder that Lynn wants things both ways; it’s real when she’s being praised but when criticized or even questioned, the Foobs are fake.

  166. Violet
    June 6th, 2011 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    How lazy exactly do you have to be for it to constitute a conspicuous character flaw in Hootin’ Holler? I think we can assume the pharmaceutical rep is curled up on the floor in front of Nurse’s desk, napping in his own filth and using a prosthetic limb as a pillow.

  167. Gone Fishin
    June 6th, 2011 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    @littlestevie (#163): You hit the nail right on the head! Of course it’s the same as that movie. Afterall, the non-talented Jackelrod is well known for ripping off and plagiarizing other people’s story lines and clip art!
    Too bad good old Charlie Bronson isn’t still around so he could punch JackElrod’s lights out for doing that. It could be the plot for “Death Wish – the fifth sequel” Starring Charles Bronson, Mark Trail, Kelly Welly, Rusty the muntant with a guest appearance by non-other than the chest-full-of-metals heor guy, Sargent John Thrasher, who will sing the theme song, “Ballad of the Mean Fillet”!

  168. Illustrator Steve
    June 6th, 2011 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    Any chance of seeing a transcript of the lyrics to that theme song, “The Ballad of the Mean Fillet”?
    Then I could sing it while hiking the John Thrasher Memorial Trail in the Applechain mountains!

  169. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 6th, 2011 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

  170. zerowolf
    June 6th, 2011 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    MW: “I understand, Drew, next time I’ll get chocolate cake.”

  171. Liam
    June 6th, 2011 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    Popeye-Popeye shouldn’t hit that Oid to hard it might spit in his eye.

  172. gnome de blog
    June 6th, 2011 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#149):
    No, but if it’s anything like the last one there’s a stowaway plan.

  173. Illustrator Steve
    June 6th, 2011 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    MT: One of today’s posts indicated the Mark Trail story takes place in 1969. That being the case, today’s Mark Trail should read something like this…..

    (Mark): “John, you should get out of these mountains and stop living like some kind of degenerate hippy. Yes, John, you should go find a job. Maybe work on a farm somewhere. I have a friend up north in Bethel New York who owns a big dairy farm. He sure could use some help with cleaning out the manure and stuff. Yes John, he would set you straight so you could blend back into society as a nice clean-cut conservative citizen. His name? Oh yeah, it’s Max Yasgur up in Bethel N.Y. right near a nice quiet rural place called Woodstock. I’m sure it would help clear your mind and allow you to get some serious meditating done while working out there on his farm this summer. By the way, I heard he’s going to let some people use his pastures for some sort of event. Probably some church group picnic or something. Anyway, I’ll betcha when you leave that place you’ll want to get a crew cut and a nice suit after you get all this freedom of expression stuff out of your head!”.

  174. zerowolf
    June 6th, 2011 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    MT: More punch, less talk.

  175. Violet
    June 6th, 2011 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#43): @Scott Bot (#56): @Walker of Dog (#116):

    I grappled with this one a while myself (and, yeah, I can live with myself just fine…ish.) and came to the conclusion that the thought process of the Plugger submitter and the expected response of the Plugger hordes would be something like, “Huh. Umbrella…insurance, oh yeah, wasn’t there some insurance company with an umbrella or…was that a bank? But does that make this make sense, or…(Shrug). Close enough.” So the actual concept of the installment is “Pluggers are senile,” it’s just kind of oblique and meta.

  176. zerowolf
    June 6th, 2011 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    @Charlotte (#28): Home is where the cancer is.

  177. ElkMeadow
    June 6th, 2011 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#160):

    If mountain goats get lost and show up in the Lost Forest, what hope is there for a directionless Bigfoot? I mean, Mark would beat the poor thing to pieces.

  178. Jamus The Bartender
    June 6th, 2011 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#6): Not only that, Scarlet Sting and Ponytail seem to be expies of The Green Hornet and Kato.
    Also, Dick uses that whip a little too well. I wonder what Mrs. Pruneface has to say to that?

  179. Jamus The Bartender
    June 6th, 2011 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Oh, hell no, Gunther doesn’t use drugs. That would make the strip marginally cooler.

  180. Jamus The Bartender
    June 6th, 2011 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    Slylock: Is Max saying hi to his mom?

  181. The Silhouette Crusader
    June 6th, 2011 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    I’m sure there’s a gorgeous sun setting behind that ten story tall mountain goat.

  182. Poteet
    June 6th, 2011 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    MT — I looked up mountain goats to try to figure out where the hoohah this story is supposed to be taking place, and it turns out that mountain goats have been introduced to several locations in North America to which they are not native, and in a few cases, that has turned out to be a bad idea. I now realize that someone dropped off a few mountain goats in LoFo, and I’ll bet this one is frantically trying to figure out how to get the hell out again.

  183. Bill Thompson
    June 6th, 2011 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    @jvwalt (#63): as a lifelong comics fan, it saddens and angers me that nobody cares about quality in the comics. Nobody ever gets fired or retired (although plenty of ‘em get re-treaded — and there’s an actual pun, Batiuk!), no editor ever says to these jokers, “C’mon, if you can’t make if funny, you’re out!” That’s sad, and it’s corroding away the future of the medium.

    I think these garbage strips live on because they reassure their audiences. Aside from their messages (which are always conservative), there’s a meta- to their reassurance. “That strip I loved as a kid is still there!”

    Twain had a bit in the Connecticut Yankee, where the title character regularly attends dinner banquets at Camelot. He notices that when the guests hear a joke for the first time, they don’t laugh. Jokes have to be repeated every night for weeks before they begin to laugh. Eventually the same damned joke becomes uproarious. It isn’t funny, but it’s familiar and they know how to react to it.

  184. Bill Thompson
    June 6th, 2011 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#178): Dick uses that whip a little too well. I wonder what Mrs. Pruneface has to say to that?

    I dunno. She may have been too edgy to want a safeword.

  185. This Guy
    June 6th, 2011 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    H&J: That should’ve read “Sing it right, sister!” Just because it’s a kids’ song doesn’t mean you can cram in random words and break the meter.

    Love is…: Arbitrarily developing a sense of modesty.

  186. commodorejohn
    June 6th, 2011 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    @Bill Thompson (#183): I do love the bit where, when the Yankee rises to power, the only real abuse to which he’ll admit is executing the jester whose jokes are all stale. Methinks the comics industry could use a little of that mindset…

  187. Mister Mustang
    June 6th, 2011 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#173):
    Deja Vu all over again! That’s the same damn speech my dad gave me back in the summer of ’69! The farm wasn’t that one but was about 100 miles from there. I left that place ahead of the traffic and heading up to Yasger’s farm in Bethel and nothing has been the same in my life since. Little did my Dad know I would Meet my wife while he was hitchhiking on the way there and forty years later still maried to the same beautiful lady and have two great adult children and have aquired a big barn full of 1965-66 Mustangs, ’57 Chevy’s, model A Fords and also some nice old Corvettes. I wouldn’t own my own business today if it wern’t for that traffic jamb on the way to the concert back in ’69.
    Who said Woodstock was a bad influence? NOT ME!!

  188. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 6th, 2011 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#96): Says Marvin the Gay Martian.
    Marvin Gaye?

    @littlestevie (#128): I thought Mark was up in the Appalachians along the east coast not in the Rockies or the Cascade range.
    Yeah, he’s hiking the Appalachian Trail. If You Know What I Mean. In his pants!

  189. Mr Foofram
    June 6th, 2011 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers don’t have enough sense to come in out of the rain.

  190. Buck Ripsnort
    June 6th, 2011 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    @Bill Thompson (#183): You gotta remember, these are strips for newspaper readers. It’s an older crowd, that wants the same damn thing day after day after day.

  191. seismic-2
    June 6th, 2011 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    As a slightly OT foreword, let me explain that I am a fan of heavily malt-flavored beers, and my favorite lagers are therefore of the Bock and especially the Doppelbock types. Now, it was traditional for Bavarian Bock beers to have a goat on the label, and many modern-day German and Austrian Bocks and Doppelbbocks (and even some American ones) still adhere to this tradition. This weekend I stocked up on one the best, Celebrator Doppelbock from Germany’s Ayinger brewery, a brand which perhaps goes a bit overboard with the goat motif by putting not one but two goats on the label and then adding a cute little plastic goat as a doo-dad hanging on the neck of every bottle, like this.

    Now, my reason for bringing this up is, of course, today’s MT. Now normally Jackelrod makes the animals speak to us through word balloons, but in today’s strip he lets the goat say all that needs to be said through his breaking-the-fourth-wall look of disgust. Clearly he is saying, “Would you just listen to all that malarkey he’s spewing forth? How can you stand that? I mean, I’m as sure-footed as a mountain goat, but after a few minutes of this nonsense I’m about ready to join those babes in Spiderman and Judge Parker in plunging to the pavement, so I can just imagine how you must feel about it. I suggest you go down to the fridge right now and open up one of those Celebrators. OK, better make it two. Well, actually, you do realize that this prattle is just going to go on like this all week, right? And it’s not going to get any better, either. You had better brace yourself by emptying the entire four-pack.”

    Done, and done. Thanks, Billy.

  192. The Ridger
    June 6th, 2011 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    Say, do you suppose that all the people at Drew’s Magical Birthday Surprise Party will hear him and hate and ostracize him for breaking up with a darling girl like Liza who’d go to so much trouble for him? Plus how could he be so insensitive as to dump her at the party? Maybe the whole hospital will stop talking to him. And some hunky surgeon will take Liza home to “comfort” her and because he’s a surgeon he’ll accept her obsessing over him as right and proper…

  193. ElkMeadow
    June 6th, 2011 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#192):

    Gee, maybe that would drive him back to Vietnam! And then Liza could hook up with someone else, like you suggested.

  194. Liam
    June 6th, 2011 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    MT-Uh oh, Mark it looks like John’s wife has just shown up. You boys better wrap it up.

  195. Race Fan
    June 6th, 2011 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    MT; The way that huge mountain goat is learing down at Mark it appears he has had all he can take of Trail’s lecturing. I wouldn’t be surprised if that old goat were to jump down and place Mark in a headlock while beating the pancakes out of him. JUst like Richard Childress did to that little wise ass Kyle Bush in the garage after the truck race the other day!
    Go get him goat! Teach that dope a lesson he’ll never forget!

  196. Clint
    June 6th, 2011 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    @Violet (#166):

    “Lazy” is Hootin’ Holler slang for “not currently tweaking out on meth.”

  197. Mr. O'Malley
    June 6th, 2011 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    I’ve been trying to reconstruct this memory without going to all the bother of actually looking it up, and I have it now.

    “Private Mulligatawny (the Australian Stock-whip wonder) frequently causes a lot of bother in the enemy’s trenches.”

    This is from Bruce Bairnsfather’s classic cartoon collection Fragments from France, which I was pleased to discover is available at Project Gutenberg.

    You’ll have to search within the page to find that exact cartoon, or, better, look at all of them.

  198. Joe Blevins
    June 6th, 2011 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

  199. Poteet
    June 6th, 2011 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    @Mister Mustang (#187): Wow, this is the closest I’ve come to actually meeting someone who was at Woodstock. Though I know a couple of people who were at the 1970 Wadena rock festival in Iowa, woo hoo!

  200. yahtzee
    June 6th, 2011 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

    SS&BG – I am extremely troubled that the nurse in Hootin’ Holler appears to be drinking a urine sample. But not surprised.

  201. This Guy
    June 6th, 2011 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    You guys mocking that Plugger for being too dumb to come in out of the rain are being a little unfair, I think. It’s not that he doesn’t think to go inside; he has to stay out there. The only job he could get is holding down the pavement by standing on it.

  202. Poteet
    June 6th, 2011 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

    SS — The nurse is possibly the most normal-looking human I’ve ever seen in Hootin’ Holler, and she has learned how to pronounce a word with five syllables. I predict this is just the beginning of a community campaign to drive her out of town.

  203. seismic-2
    June 6th, 2011 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    The Atlanta Journal-Constitution‘s Pulitzer Prize-winning editorial cartoonist Mike Lukovich does to FC exactly what should be done to FC, here.

  204. Sgt. Stoned
    June 7th, 2011 at 12:05 am [Reply]

    MT: This has to be the lamest story line ever, and that’s saying a lot. All John Thrasher wants is to be left alone. He has no wife, he has no children, he has no “resonsibilities”. Why can’t Trail just get off his back? He cannot come up with one good reason why John can’t stay in the mountains and watch the sun rise for the rest of his life. Say, given his special forces training, Thrasher could kill Trail, make a necklace out of his ears, and dispose of the body in such a way that it can never be found!

  205. Sequitur
    June 7th, 2011 at 12:07 am [Reply]

    @yahtzee (#200): Ease up. No prob. No urine involved. Pharmaceutical Romeo is getting Nurse Wantsitbad to drink one of these.

  206. Sequitur
    June 7th, 2011 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#204): Yeah. It’s not often you get to meet a decent, moral sociopath who enjoys the finer things of nature.

  207. ElkMeadow
    June 7th, 2011 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    Rex and Mary Worth are on board now.

    Dex has spent the day fixing Berna’s car. It looks like Berna went and bought it without telling Dex that she was going to. I’m trying to decipher June’s expression–is she ticked that Dex didn’t clean out the garage for the new car? Or does she suspect, as I do, that there’s going to be another shouting match. Dex had to get rid of a boat he bought on clearance, but his sister gets to have a brand new car?

    Liza and Drew repeat the conversation they had just a few days ago.

  208. Bill Thompson
    June 7th, 2011 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#204): Say, given his special forces training, Thrasher could kill Trail, make a necklace out of his ears, and dispose of the body in such a way that it can never be found!

    Don’t get our hopes up.

  209. bats :[
    June 7th, 2011 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#191): I have one of those little plastic goats! It goes on our tiny kitchen Christmas tree, along with all the miniature Tupperware bowls and such I’ve accumulated over the years.
    Maybe True Fable needs some talismans…talismen…good luck goat charms.

    Cool info on the goat ‘n’ bock connection, too.

  210. Bill Thompson
    June 7th, 2011 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: Peter Plotzer leaves MJ to contemplate the sad parallels between her and Martine. Martine travelled the world and confronted a vampire, risking all for the man she loved. MJ, too, faced a vampire for the good of her husband. Martine found that her man was a paragon of virtue and refused to become a killer. MJ found that her husband was a slacker who couldn’t set an alarm clock to save her life. Now the callous SOB is going to sell Jameson a picture of the tragedy she just witnessed. Tomorrow MJ will begin an effort to get bit by a radioactive praying mantis.

    FW: In the first panel, it’s obvious that Young Les was talking to himself. Never before has Batyuck been so open about his identity as Les.

    FC: Shouldn’t ELIZA get credit for writing Melonhead’s words?

    MT: Giving up so soon, Trail? You have a by-God duty to make Myson John see the error of his ways! Look at him, living in the wild, free of the corrupting influence of city life, out of contact with his family–you don’t need the competition, Trail!

    Phantom: I can’t wait until Kit discovers the Home Lobotomy Kit.

  211. Baka Gaijin
    June 7th, 2011 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    QUESTION FOR FASHION PLATE: Per @Sgt. Stoned (#204), would a necklace of ears “go” with fringed leather outfit?

  212. Backup
    June 7th, 2011 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    MW- So Drew is running around the hospital and Liza is giving chase. Man, Santa Royale Hospital hasn’t had this much entertainment since the tweaked out hooker with the coke bottle.

  213. Baka Gaijin
    June 7th, 2011 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: As our good friend Occam would say, pluggerdude is standing in the rain to keep his chicken wife from drowning. I know turkeys are the poultry that drown in rain but we are talking about a Plugger chicken here.

  214. LogopolisMike
    June 7th, 2011 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    @This Guy (#152): And that smirking villain in the end got trapped, locked in time, in the body of a scarecrow to miserably watch over the fields for all eternity — of course, this — and the punishment dealt out to the rest of his “family” — was different versions of eternal misery; what was meant to be a horrific fate sounds like day-to-day life in the Funkyverse.

    @Bill Thompson (#210): Dang it, Bill, you beat me to the fact that it was going to get really confusing for those hoping to do any pop cultural analysis of Funky Winkerbean strip if the actual name “Mary Sue” appears in a strip starring one.

    But in the current strip, I guess it was too much to hope for that both declarations of love would end both icky relationships, but it’s supposedly a “game changer” – why? Hopefully Les only sees it as a turning point for one or both of his romances but I’m afraid, since he’s broadened the memory to include his even more sad sack past that he has discovered that he is irresistible to the ladies. We don’t want Les to be self-aware like this; like Skynet, it will surely bring about our destruction.

  215. Lisa
    June 7th, 2011 at 1:47 am [Reply]

    Wait, Abercrombie and Fitch is buying ad space on a trash truck in Hi & Lois?

  216. Bill Thompson
    June 7th, 2011 at 2:31 am [Reply]

    @LogopolisMike (#214): Funky’s “game-changer” comment baffles me as well. Presumably Lisa loved Les, so while it’s deplorable that other women could love him, it’s not unprecedented. Les might now verge on a self-awareness of his situation, but as you said, that way lies universal catastrophe. Perhaps Batyuck has slyly pulled a fast one here. The real change is in Funky, whose mockery of Les erases any sympathy the reader might feel for him. The game-change could be that the strip is now about the sadly misunderstood life of an artistic writer.

  217. Ian
    June 7th, 2011 at 3:52 am [Reply]

    Kudos to you for taking the high road and overlooking the obvious and somewhat more unsettling “nurse and pharmaceutical salesman engage in public lewdness” joke.

  218. gleeb
    June 7th, 2011 at 6:46 am [Reply]

    Dennis: “Now we can trust each other, Pop. No we have something on each other.” Actually quite menacing.

    ‘bean: Yeah, galactic scale killer-shark issue game changer, right here.

    Phantom: “One of the most annoying bullet wounds I’ve had.” Oh, if I had a nickle for every time I’ve said that myself.

  219. Chip Whittle
    June 7th, 2011 at 7:05 am [Reply]

    @Bill Thompson (#210):

    MJ found that her husband was a slacker who couldn’t set an alarm clock to save her life.

    Hey, it’s not Peter Parker’s fault that the sound of alarm clocks soothes him to sleep. It’s weird, but it’s not his fault.

  220. Little Guy
    June 7th, 2011 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker, uncensored third (and fourth) panel:

    “Maybe she’s not ready….”

    {Panties fall on his face}


  221. Jessy
    June 7th, 2011 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#211): I am not Fashion Police, but I feel the call to answer this one. A necklace of ears is timeless and classic, like the string of pearls, and goes with anything. But as with pearls, two ears do not a necklace make. There must be a full strand, preferably graduated from largest in the front center to smallest in the back. John Thrasher’s work has just begun, unless he has been collecting ears for the duration of his disappearance.

  222. Mister Mustang
    June 7th, 2011 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#199): Thanks. The fact is, we never actually attended the actual “concert” at Woodstock. The life changing event for me and my wife was meeting each other on the way there. She was hitchhiking with another girl and I picked them up in my ’67 Camaro RS/SS convertible. The traffic backup was terrible and people were leaving their vehicles along the side of the country road in even in pastures and woods.
    Long story short, I didn’t want to leave my Camaro convertible out in someone’s field and the girls wanted to continue on to Woodstack. I left and they got there and attended Woodstock. I met up with her the following week and the rest is history. We were married two years later in 1971 and are still going strong today. (I did, however, attend a Beatles concert in 1964 as a kid and was in the front row of a Jimmy Hendrix concert in Virginia Beach in 1968 plus multiple concerts by Dylan, the Who, the Hollies and many of the other groups we had back when the music was MUSIC and not this crap they listen to today). I still use old vintage 8-track players in two of our old Mustangs!

  223. Stu
    June 8th, 2011 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail is way too late. John missed last week’s Buffalo Springfield reunion.

  224. Gone Fishing
    June 8th, 2011 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    MT: “John, you can’t just stay up here and watch the sun rise the rest of your life”.

    (John’s reply) “Yes mark, you are correct. I ALSO get to watch the sun SET the rest of my life. Besides, it’s a lot more entertaining to watch the sun rise and set than it is watching 400 channels filled with commercials while paying thorugh the nose for cable TV! Up here hte viewing is FREE and broadcasted LIVE 24-7 in living color on the biggest WIDESCREEN you’ll sure the hell ever see! Talk about your High Definition!”

    (Mark) “Hey John, You by any chance got a guest bedroom in that cave of yours? I don’t have to stop by the house to say “hi” to cherry again for at least another six more months or so.”

  225. Gone Fishing
    June 8th, 2011 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    When Ed Dodd created Mark Trail back in 1946 he had the forsight of placing a, “no digitizing of my artwork allowed”, clause in his will.
    When Dood kicked the bucket and Jackelrod took over the studio all he and his untalented staff could do to meet each publishing deadline was to paste and clip anything they could find laying around in Dodd’s file drawers regardless of detail, scale or proportion. Since Jackelrod couldn’t write, he payed a day care center to have their pre-schoolers think up the story lines for his plajarized comic strip.

    So sad. So very very sad indeed.

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