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¡Mi nueva heroína!

Apartment 3-G, 5/11/07

Sure, Gabriella is a cringe-inducing stereotype who babbles in a parody of Spanish that’s worse even than the Judge Parker punks’ French. She also nurtured the black, black soul of Margo in her womb for nine months. But if she manages to rescue Lu Ann where all others have failed, she’ll officially become one of the most together and interesting people in this strip, rivaling the “I’m a docent!” guy and leagues ahead of Tommie. She’s doing it with style and panache, too, saying a little prayer and then letting Satan himself know that she is on the side of good and that his infernal “locks” cannot keep her from her holy mission.

Family Circus, 5/11/07

For reasons I can’t explain, I am totally charmed by the fact that Jeffy and Dolly have thrown some pillows on the floor to relax on for their little chat, and that Jeffy is resting his chin in his hand while he contemplates the insane nonsense that his sister is spouting. If they were older, I’d say they were high (“Hey, is that old saying, like, ‘moth’ or, like, ‘moss’? And, like, what does it mean?”), but as it is they’re clearly just morons on pillows.

B.C., 5/11/07

So, for those of you not following the details: the B.C.s written before Johnny Hart’s death ended around the end of April, and for the next eight weeks or so we’ll be getting the Hart family’s favorite classic strips before we start in with the “new” strips assembled from old drawings and new jokes. The repeat strips have as near as I can tell all been from the last ten to fifteen years, which is kind of odd for a strip that had decades of storied history and a kind of terrible last ten to fifteen years.

Anyway, today’s repeat struck me as really familiar, which is an experience I have a lot, since I read newspaper comics obsessively and have a disturbingly good recall for them. If you squint at the copyright notice beneath the first panel, you’ll see that the date on this is 1996, but my memory of it was a lot fresher, so I went hunting through my archives and found this, from three months ago:

B.C., 2/5/07

Yeah. Um. The weird part is that it’s clearly not the same strip — the art is different and the wording of the punchline has been tweaked a bit. I do need to say that if you have to write a joke every day for years and years, you could actually plagiarize from yourself and not realize it — after all, if you thought it was funny once, you might think so again a few years later. Going through my archives, I’ve found that I’ve made the same joke, nearly word-for-word, in more than one post. Still and all, you’d think someone else would have noticed that and chosen not to run this rerun strip just now.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/11/07

Now, let’s cast aside our petty differences over Asian stereotypes and dumb names and unrealistic corporate governance procedure. I think we can all agree that panel three is the most awe-inspiringly beautiful depiction of a combover ever set to paper by an artist. Mary Worth team: you’ve been resting on your laurels long enough. The next time Wilbur needs a close-up, you’ve got to raise the bar.

They’ll Do It Every Time, 5/11/07

There’s much to love about today’s TDIET, including, but not limited to, “Doodleville,” “Dancing With Dorks,” “the urge to tear out her vocal cords,” Nurse Nulla using a conveniently placed stack of books as a leaning post, and “Nurse Nulla.” But I’d really like to direct your attention to the “thanx to” box. It’s as if someone held captive by substandard medical care sent a desperate message out to the only person who he knew could help: Al Scaduto.

465 responses to “¡Mi nueva heroína!”

  1. td
    May 11th, 2007 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    Wow! Gabriella is awesome! She has a secret power to get her through locked doors: knocking. Wait, is that “BANG BANG” the sound of the super visiting the comatose Lu Ann?

  2. AD
    May 11th, 2007 at 1:42 am [Reply]

    Don’t kid yourself, Josh. Hart’s family hasn’t read the strip in years; they just randomly grab a drawing from one pile and slap on some equally random dialog from the other pile. This strip is a favorite because it ran on the day little J.J. Hart got his first royalty check.

  3. Thel
    May 11th, 2007 at 1:45 am [Reply]

    Those morons did not toss some pillows out for a chat; they are serving time on their “naughty pillows”.

  4. Weasel Boy
    May 11th, 2007 at 1:46 am [Reply]

    Yes, Josh, I too love “Doodleville,” “Dancing With Dorks” and “the urge to tear out her vocal chords,” but they can’t hold a candle to “Walter Groinkite.” Gotta love Scaduto goofing on the name of a news guy who hasn’t anchored the news in 26 years.

  5. Uncle Lumpy
    May 11th, 2007 at 1:51 am [Reply]

    Hey, Thel, you busy?

  6. Spiny Norman
    May 11th, 2007 at 1:54 am [Reply]

    #4: Yeah, there’s nothing like spending a noble career garnering credibility and gravitas, only to have your name turned into a cheap genital pun to make a dubious joke about a garrulous health-care worker. Please God, don’t let Walter Cronkite Google “Cronkite” and “groin” anytime soon.

  7. Holly
    May 11th, 2007 at 1:55 am [Reply]

    Landy Gentry? Are you kidding me?

  8. Spiny Norman
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:00 am [Reply]

    #7: She’s the elder sister of Sir Vile Peasantry.

  9. Donald The Anarchist
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:01 am [Reply]

    FC Jeffy learned early on that girls will let you do anything as long as you pretend to be listening…The real life Dolly is probably terrified that he’ll depict the game of “Doctor” that was soon to follow…

    BC What’s really sad is that the 2/5/07 is markedly superior to the one from 1996, and it still sucks!! Proof that even the oldest, moldiest turds are capable of being polished….

  10. Andrea D and the Grandstanding Oddlballs
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:01 am [Reply]

    Gabriella’s profile in panel 2 is probably going to prevent me from sleeping tonight.

    RMMD: Don’t most boards go by standard quorum rules when it comes to voting? Or is that only legislative bodies? Or are all of those things overwritten when the CEO dies and you have to use his handwriitten note to determine what do do next?

  11. Spiny Norman
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:02 am [Reply]

    We could just as easily have the BC caption read:

    Panel 1: “Fun-dementalist” [sic]

    Panel 2: “He’s crazy, but somehow he’s too entertaining to stop him from talking.”

  12. Holly
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:03 am [Reply]

    Friday FOOB: I think Jim and Iris are going to go roadside.

    Hold me.

  13. Red Greenback
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:03 am [Reply]

    Sickness in German is Krankheit. And as a member of the old skool anglo/hispano community, we call a person like Gabriella a “duck”…more information about ducks can be found on the internet,eses y esas.

  14. Andrea D and the Grandstanding Oddlballs
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:07 am [Reply]

    If only Johnny Hart had lived long enough to define “hootenanny”, even if only two or three times. Oh, the combination of “owl” + “childcare professional” puns would have been priceless.

    Also, in more time-travel news, the Foobs: John humilates Elly in public back when Reagan was still in office.

  15. mdrew
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:09 am [Reply]

    I’m telling you ALL that Margo’s Filipina!
    LOOK at her mother!
    Bad Spanish.
    Meddling in the lives of the “friends” of her “adult” offspring.
    Belief in “spirits” and “ghosts” in spite of being a “Catholic”…
    Next she’ll be making LuAnne a big pot of chicken adobo
    and asking her “Not married yet?
    Okay, lang…for now…you come at church?…

  16. saint ruby
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:13 am [Reply]

    I’m pretty upset that Mrs. Clarke is wasting valuable class time seemingly misteaching old sayings rather than preparing the children for their next round of standardized testing.

  17. The Avocado Avenger
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:18 am [Reply]

    FW: It’s a trainwreck, I can’t stop reading. But believe you me, if my oncologist had ever screwed up my scans, I wouldn’t just sit there and make weak, passive-aggressive attacks. Things would be thrown, lawyers would be consulted.

    TDIET: Not only is the guy’s right foot in a cast, so is his left toe. A toe! In a cast! This is comedy gold. Has anyone told Funky Winkerbean about this?

  18. FootFace
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:55 am [Reply]

    Shindig. Pile of tibias. This is a joke? (Can someone let me know the part that’s supposed to be funny?)

  19. Jonathan Bogart
    May 11th, 2007 at 3:00 am [Reply]

    See, it’s funny because the tibia is the shinbone…

    Oh, who am I kidding?

  20. SixFootJen
    May 11th, 2007 at 3:12 am [Reply]

    I just wanted to jump on while the post is still young — something I rarely get a chance to do — and tell all y’all that I have been preparing for law school finals by drinking (what else) loads of coffee out of my (what else) Margo! Boxcar! Saturn! coffee mug. And mmmmmmmm is it fine! The mug makes every sip that much more delicious. It really takes my mind off the fact that my roommate has been missing for days and is dying of paint fume inhalation somewhere across town.

  21. Jym
    May 11th, 2007 at 3:15 am [Reply]

    =v= There she is again. *Swoon!* It’s Christy, the loveliest Aldomania model.

    Uh-oh. Now “Matt” is gonna come kick my “ass.”

  22. True Fable
    May 11th, 2007 at 3:16 am [Reply]

    A3G Wait, when did Margo lock the door?

    (DT)GT Maybe what the kid needs is what Susan Sarandon gave Tim Robbins in Bull Durham.

    DtM Weenie.

    MT(whisper!) Here we have the curiously stiff-limbed mating dance of the Full-Breasted Booby, as she displays her peculiarly worded ritual for the Already Chosen But Mootly Asexual Nut Hatch.

    RMMD Oh Lawdee Mercy, if it isn’t Landy Gentry! Well, Land o’ Goshen!
    Who comes UP with this shit? I could have come up with anything better for the chrome-headed crone than some Patrician drive-by naming. So WHY wasn’t Niki named Starfish Ameobahead?

    JP Neddy, go model something for the man. And Abbey, I’d like for you to show me your profile.

    FW Batiuk said in his interview that he wanted to show Lisa testifying before Congress. Well, get the show on the road, Batiuk. Right now I can’t imagine her having that kind of backbone, since you are making her SO DAMN PASSIVE.

    Am I gonna have to come down there and open up my jumbotronic-sized can of whupass on you?

  23. True Fable
    May 11th, 2007 at 3:40 am [Reply]

    Sorry I am not able to link from this laptop, but since this is about Edison Lee you’re better off for it anyway.

    TB?MoELLet’s put aside for now the fact that if coming up with trite examples for a trite phrases means this kid is brilliant, than I’m a fucking GENIUS. Let’s put aside his precocious Poindexter glasses and cowlick used to announce his geekhood – he’s no geek, I’m a geek, I know geeks and Senator, that kid’s no geek.

    Instead, let’s look at Poindexter’s father in the third panel. The man has only ONE EYE. So, the kid is brilliant because he was smart enough to make the artist give him two eyes? He also has a large brown smear where his mouth should be. That’s just gross.Maybe his one eye is the one usually found below the belt. That means that Edison lee’s father is a giant dickhead.

    makes perfect sense. Carry on.

  24. Old Bean
    May 11th, 2007 at 3:48 am [Reply]

    A3G: You know, it just occurred to me that the A3G folks might not intentionally be playing this ‘LuAnn lies friendless and dying’ subplot for laughs. Think about it. If you step back and squint from a certain angle, it’s actually quite a worrying situation. It’s not impossible that some pure honest reader out there, innocence still untainted by Josh, could theoretically be finding this all pretty nail-biting.

    But I vote they keep it as a permanent running gag. Gabriella finally smashes through the Perfectly-Standard-Door-Lock del Diablo only to find… ‘Stairs?! Ay Carumba. You win, Satan.’

    FC: Jeffy has never looked this closely at Dolly before. ‘It’s more a snout than a nose, really. Fascinating.’

  25. Call me Snake
    May 11th, 2007 at 3:54 am [Reply]

    I gotta rant. Is there anyone out there that doesn’t find the whole recycling of BC strips with old artwork lame? The example that Josh has shown above is bad enough, but the fact that they just won’t let BC die a quiet death is driving me nuts. There are so many other funny, imaginative and well written strips out there waiting for a chance to be seen that continuing BC in such a way is…well obscene! Admittedly, I didn’t like BC much after about 1980 or so, but even if there are die hard BC fans out there…..ALL THINGS MUST COME TO AN END.

    We survived when they cancelled MST3K. We can live without BC.

    Ok, I’m done ranting.

  26. The Avocado Avenger
    May 11th, 2007 at 4:23 am [Reply]

    #22 True Fable – What’s appalling is that I don’t think you can really have “landed gentry” in the U.S. So the pun name is bad on more than one level.

  27. Junior
    May 11th, 2007 at 4:32 am [Reply]

    Long Time reader, blue moon poster..

    just wanted to say, you are one of the good belly laughs of my day and I’m proud to call you Cardinal…

  28. King Folderol
    May 11th, 2007 at 5:05 am [Reply]

    I never understand why Scaduto makes up fake names like “Walter Groinkite” or “Dancing with Dorks.” Clearly Walter Cronkite or the producers of Dancing with the Stars aren’t going to come after Scaduto with a frivolous lawsuit, so Al must clearly think he’s being funny with these stupid names. I’d say someone should explain to him that he’s not funny, but if he hasn’t gotten the message by now, he never will.

  29. William Sommerwerck
    May 11th, 2007 at 5:22 am [Reply]

    “A locked door will not stop me, evil one!!”

    Well, no… Not if you have some plastique and a detonator cap.

  30. King Folderol
    May 11th, 2007 at 5:22 am [Reply]

    #14 – In Canada, the humiliation came while Brian Mulroney was in office. And now my nerdly duties are done.

    FC – It just occured to me that the parents are probably the ones who put the pillows in the corner, hoping for touchy-feely moments like the one you see here. Of course, one would think that the Keanes would have hoped for more than this pair of imbeciles to spring from their loins, but judging by the fact that Bil will take a whole string of these Dolly malapropisms and cram them into a Sunday strip called “rememberies” tells me that the bar in the Keane household is very, very low.

  31. Albtraum
    May 11th, 2007 at 5:42 am [Reply]

    King Folderol – I like the Vaudeville-era pun names. Reminds me of when I used to spend hours reading MAD magazine movie parodies of movies I hadn’t seen.

    And “Walter Groinkite” is incredible. My only question is about the meaning behind it. Both possibilities are equally awesome: GROINK-ite, A pig newscaster, or GROIN-KITE, a man with a spool of string attached to his genitals.

  32. Little A.
    May 11th, 2007 at 6:00 am [Reply]

    FBOFW: Since Shawna-Marie has a rhinestone-piercing in the side of her nose (or maybe it was a freckle, a birthmark, or a big blackhead) the last time we saw her, and a real beautiful hair-do, at least the last time she was in the strip, I can’t wait to see her now, matured, Maybe she’s got one on the other side now. Or in her lower lip. I cannot imagine what her husband-to be looks like. Maybe she’s going to marry Eric. Or has somebody suggested that already? I can’t keep up with all the posts.

    While I sympathize with Jim and Iris, am I the only one who finds this series of strips EXTREMELY BORING?
    I would rather read about Liz’ suffering, or April descending into quasi-slutsville. But we have to admit, she may not be the brightest, or the most respectable looking (I sure wouldn’t let MY daughter go to school or parade around the mall looking like an out-of-work POLE DANCER) but she has a good heart.

    Just some thoughts.

  33. John C Fremont
    May 11th, 2007 at 6:11 am [Reply]

    A3G – Now that we’re nearing the conclusion of this story line, we’re racing ahead at breakneck speed. Well, except that the door’s locked and Gabriella can’t get in. A locked door will not stop her? I’d say it’s working just fine so far.

    MT – Sam’s talking into her cell phone as though it were a walkie-talkie. Elrod’s just a little behind the times. Again. And I’m pretty sure that plane in the second panel is about to hit the tower or something.

    RMMD – No sir, that is clearly Bob Newhart in the final panel. Maybe the phone will ring and he’ll entertain the board with his hilarious telephone routine.

    SFx – In the absence of a real puzzle, Weber taunts me with a picture from young Toby Anderson of Fort Worth, Texas. Laugh all you will, Weber, I’ll be back!

    JP – Looks like Roger’s trying to swallow some comically oversized antibiotics.

  34. Pozzo
    May 11th, 2007 at 6:14 am [Reply]

    The odd positioning of Jeffy’s head, hand, and elbow makes me think M.C. Escher is doin’ time in the suburbs.

  35. Abbey the Wonderdog
    May 11th, 2007 at 6:22 am [Reply]

    I think that the folks over at RMMD are closet Curmdgeons.

    Who else would come up with names like that for their characters?

    Give it up boys, we know you are here.

    We want a character named Josh Pope in the soonest arc you can do. Then we will know you are “in”.


  36. smacky
    May 11th, 2007 at 6:27 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: “Dueling Comic Book Guys” Day 5: Oh my, foot rub trumps house painting! Time to kick it up a notch, Tubby. Perhaps it’s time for the “oral” portion of the exam. Begin with a good pick-up line, something like, “How’d you like to feel 57 again, Granny?” It’s the only way you’re going to win against Hyde from “That ’70s Show.”

  37. Laura
    May 11th, 2007 at 6:31 am [Reply]

    Oh, dear. Luann is dancing around the line of acceptable sibling behavior again. First the “Gee Brad, that’s an awfully big bed” conversation and now this! Leave bickering about who flirted with who followed by a pouty “You don’t think I’m flirtworthy?” in slash fiction where it belongs!

  38. willethompson
    May 11th, 2007 at 6:35 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Landy Gentry? LANDY GENTRY? Someone commented yesterthread that Wilson wasn’t even trying, but I disagree. I think this ushers in a whole new generation of non-ambiguous secondary character names. If we apply this format to Wilson’s other day job JP, the art student/hooker is named Hooty Prostitutey, the punks names are Shaggy Mohawk and Francophone Maladroit, and Abbey Spencer gets renamed Redmullet McSweaterpuppies.

  39. King Folderol
    May 11th, 2007 at 6:35 am [Reply]

    #31 – Who talks like that, though? That’s the point – Scaduto is so out of date that even his vaudevillian references seem oh so pre-vaudevillian.

    And now my nerdly duties are definitely done…

  40. Heather Avery
    May 11th, 2007 at 6:37 am [Reply]

    I would just like all of you at Comics Curmudgeon to know that for the next several days, I will be turning my head away from all of you cranky readers due to your cruel and harsh comments about my piggy nose this week.
    I should be less huffy and back to normal soon.
    Thank you,
    Heather “The Nanny” Avery

  41. Widdle Jeffy
    May 11th, 2007 at 6:43 am [Reply]

    So, should Jeffy listen to the teachings of the Dolly Lhama or the sayings of her dolly?

  42. Heather Avery
    May 11th, 2007 at 6:44 am [Reply]

    MW – blah blah blah.
    FOOB – nag nag nag.
    FC – Dolly, just shut up for once, o little princess of platitutes.
    3G – I sure hope God is on Gabriella’s side – plus a good locksmith.
    MT – I’m noticing a multitute of rather blatant phallic symbols (airplanes and neckties) featured in this week’s strips.
    How to scare birds away – just put giant cardboard cutouts of Cherry, Sam, and Rusty near the tarmac, and those avians will never come back-they’ll probably go so damn far they’ll become “accidentals” somewhere.

  43. Heather Avery
    May 11th, 2007 at 6:45 am [Reply]

    See, I am still pissed off about the nose comments. Very pissed.
    Now, back to that stupid board meeting…

  44. True Fable
    May 11th, 2007 at 6:49 am [Reply]

    Dear Heather Avery,
    I’m so sorry we offended you. We were simply concerned, that’s all. We try to see everyone as equal around here, but sometimes it seems some are more equal than others.
    You don’t happen to have a cousin named Napoleon, do you? Just wondering.


  45. drmedula
    May 11th, 2007 at 6:52 am [Reply]

    Rolling stones gather no moths? I can’t believe no one’s brought up the Glimmer Twins. (On the other hand, that does raise the…DISQUIETING, shall we say, image of Mick and Keef as FAMILY CIRCUS characters. Was Mom once one of their groupies? (I will not stoop to implying anything about Jeffy’s parentage…)

  46. TurtleBoy
    May 11th, 2007 at 7:00 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Once again we see the stilted English of a comic artist unfamiliar with modern conveniences first-hand: “…those darned kids, with their so-called ‘DVD movies’! I ain’t too good for my Betamax!”

    MT: Just try to convince me that Mark and Sam(antha) are having a pleasant little chit-chat on the tarmac one hundred feet underneath the roaring engines of a 747 in take-off!!!!!

    MW: Do you think Vera’s ever going to tell Mary about the “punchbowl incident” that was the cause of the rift between her and her brother?

    FC: Today’s strip is clearly Jeffy Keane’s tribute to the great School of Athens by Raphael. Here we see Dolly the Entomologist in conversation with Jeffy the Bryophytist.

  47. R. Lilycropp
    May 11th, 2007 at 7:05 am [Reply]

    What fascinates me is that art-wise the two BC strips are clearly photocopies of the same strip, with the only the heads and “ground” hatching re-drawn… I mean, why re-draw the heads??

  48. dreadedcandiru2
    May 11th, 2007 at 7:07 am [Reply]

    FW: Lisa : ‘You mess up my scans like an idiot and babble about some trial you wanna stick me on? I won’t call a lawyer to sue your sorry ass, because for some reason I’m channeling Elly Patterson.’

    Crankshaft: Will somebody just declare the tentpole character mentally unfit and lock him away for the rest of his worthless life? I mean, he’s mean, dimwitted, incompetent, doesn’t give a shit and thinks that’s something to be proud of. He deserves to go through all the shit that Grandpa Jim is going through in the Foobiverse.

  49. AhClem
    May 11th, 2007 at 7:16 am [Reply]

    “Midnorth 25, Trailville tower. You are cleared for takeoff on runway one-niner.”

    “Roger, tower. Cleared for takeoff. Engines to full power, starting our roll, and … HOLY SHIT!! Some doofy-looking guy and a high BWR female with incredible sweater puppies are standing in THE MIDDLE OF THE GODDAMN RUNWAY!! PULL UP! PULL UP!”

  50. ltrftp(not so first time)
    May 11th, 2007 at 7:23 am [Reply]

    Andrea & The Etc,

    Johnny Hart’s ‘hootenanny’ would more likely be an Au Pair’s breasts, or a goat’s gas, or a goat’s breasts or an Au Pair’s gas.
    Or just possibly Little Orphan Annie’s gassy breast development.
    Or Hoot Gibson’s sister Annie.

    Fyi, more information on Annie Hooten can be found on Google.

  51. Montag
    May 11th, 2007 at 7:27 am [Reply]

    RMMD: People are interrupting Mrs. Avery to introduce themselves like they’re nearly checking on Lu Ann over in that other strip. However, I’m heartened to see Bob Newhart is there to move the vote along. Perhaps he’ll take time to eulogize Tom Poston for a frame or two next Thursday just before moving that, indeed, a quorum is present and they should call the meeting to order. Meanwhile Rex, still across town, will tell Mr. Avery’s son, “I just have to stop off at the school for a minute to drop off Niki’s lunch. He forgot it this morning.” And, “I just have to stop off at Subway and buy it first.”

    I see that #33 John C Fremont beat me to the Bob Newhart joke, but still.

    And #38 willethompson: It’s the George Lucas school of secondary character naming. By Episode 3 he was down to naming the bad guy “General Grievous.”

  52. James G
    May 11th, 2007 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    Say what you want about Landy Gentry, but there really was a guy in my undergrad school (he was a SR when I was a FR) named Landon Gentry. So I didn’t find it that ridiculous.

  53. p.
    May 11th, 2007 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    #47: I don’t think the bodies are photocopies — the limbs are really close but not spot-on copies, though the discrepancies are more obvious if you look at Peter’s (is it Peter?) outfit. Either it’s crazy muscle memory at work, or Hart inked from a body template for these strips. And I have just spent 10 minutes staring at B. C., but at least it is not in the usual stupefaction or horror.

  54. Rosebud
    May 11th, 2007 at 7:33 am [Reply]

    John C Fremont noticed the same thing I did–Bob Newhart has joined the cast of Rex Morgan. Throw a little stutter in the text, and you’ve got the real thing.

  55. Calico
    May 11th, 2007 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    Dear Ms. Avery,
    We apologize for our comments. Now go kick some booty at that meeting, girlfriend! And don’t let Hugh bully you.

    You’d better create some sparks in the boardroom as the comics are a real yawn today, or at least what I’ve seen so far.

  56. Squawk
    May 11th, 2007 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    Idea for a sitcom: A successful, elderly cartoonist dies and leaves the rights of his comic strip to his alienated children, who, although never having cared about the strip before, and having no artistic talent among themselves, suddenly realize the goldmine on their hands and struggle the keep the strip wheezing along by not-so-subtly recycling past strips with minor changes in artwork.

  57. Tex LeBeauf
    May 11th, 2007 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    I’m a little confused about Apartment 3G, since the only place I ever see it is here…is Ryder’s ghost trying to murder LuAnn? Doesn’t he want her to keep knocking off copies of his paintings for the Starving Artist Sale down at the Ramada?

  58. man behind the curtain
    May 11th, 2007 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    RMMD — What’s amazing is how from panel #1 to panel #2 Landy has managed to change into Heather’s outfit.

    A3G — Josh now that you mention her name, I wonder just what has Tommie been up to through all of this?

    MW — And exactly how long has Vera been out of the house, Years? Weeks? Hours?

  59. Jose Pluma
    May 11th, 2007 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    My wife is a nurse and I just graduated from nursing school so I know a little about the subject. Two comments about TDIET:

    1. No nurse has worn the outfit with hat and starched whites since at least the early eighties.

    2. No nurse has the time to sit around and make chit-chat with her patients like that.

  60. Ran
    May 11th, 2007 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    What if God really hated the B.C. strip and is punishing Johnny Hart by making him spend a year in purgatory for every strip he produced? Then he finds out that his family is going to extend his punishment by wringing every possible dime out strip they can! Ha hahahahahahahahahaha

  61. Hogen Mogen
    May 11th, 2007 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Ok, let’s get beyond the fact that the show is being run by a chauffer and a nanny. Has comb-over-guy actually read Robert’s Rules of Order? A quorum is required, and that’s it. In fact, a quorum is only required for a vote, and the meeting can start prior to the quorum being present. You simply need a chair or acting chair.

    Stop. The position is called a “chair”, ok, no jokes about how there are lots of chairs in a board room or how you’d like to sit on the chair or how you prefer to stand or whatever. Come on, CC’ers, we can do better than “chair” jokes. Like jokes about tibias. That’s comedy gold.

  62. AAckTTpth
    May 11th, 2007 at 7:57 am [Reply]

    Now what FC really needs is a couple of concubines feeding Jeffy grapes and a eunich fanning Dolly with a palm frond.

    And I can’t wait to see Gabriella going SWAT on the door. Poll of the week:

    How will Gabriela get through this door?
    a) She will whip out her Mossberg 500 and blow a couple of breaching rounds through the locks
    b) She will whip out her battering ram, and after a couple of blows will reduce the door to splinters
    c) She will whip out a block of C4 plastic explosive, roll some thin ropes, jam them around the door frame and POW – explosive entry
    d) A well-aimed high kick at the lock

  63. whoamItoday?
    May 11th, 2007 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    Being as I’ll be coming to Shawna Marie’s nuptials from England, and Hats are Required at weddings here,and I’ve never had a proper lady’s hat in my life, I thought I’d find a good hat to wear. something classic, something I could wear again and again, something that really made me think of the mudges, Oh Saturn, here it is:

    I hope it html’s itself, cause I dunno how exactly.

  64. whoamItoday?
    May 11th, 2007 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    oh joy, it worked. and the rest of you can scroll through to find your own appropriate haberdashery.

  65. ltrftp(not so first time)
    May 11th, 2007 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    Yes, that hat is hard to top, although the model does not look at all like Levar Burton.
    On another note, I see English Dentistry is still living up to its reputation.
    Ta. Oh, I think the main course is a cold pork sarnie.

  66. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 11th, 2007 at 8:03 am [Reply]


    A3G: I like to think that Gabriella first used the line “A locked door will not stop me, evil one” when a teenage Margo was sulking in her room.

    TDIET: Today’s panel boils down to a complaint about social interaction. Like, the fact that there is such a thing. Let the robots take over, already!

    Marvin: “Wet bar” is a horrifying metaphor that I don’t want to think about too much.

    C-Shaft: John’s rival is Art Garfunkel with a bushy mustache?

    JP: In panel 2, it looks like Roger is about to pour the water on himself and then shake his mulleted hair. Sexily.

    S-M: Oh no! Tied up with job lot chains! If only Spidey had superhuman strength, he could get out of this fiendish trap.

    Lockhorns: “War on poverty”? There’s a cutting edge topical reference for y’all. Are Leroy and Loretta still waiting to see if LBJ runs for a second term?

    BB: When Sarge says, “Beetle, you’re holding the ball wrong” you just know that Clambake is smiling, somewhere.

  67. Harold
    May 11th, 2007 at 8:04 am [Reply]

    I was away from the site yesterday, so I’m about 10,000 comments behind. But has anyone else noted that William Hartnell (the first Doctor Who) is on the board of Avery Sprockets?

    #22 True Fable, I also think Gabriella is addressing her daughter.

  68. Wellsey
    May 11th, 2007 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    Uh oh. I’m starting to follow this stuff too closely. Even I noticed the BC mashup today and thought, they just did that one. Just another sign the family should hang it up. Print up a couple compilation tomes for yourselves and leave the rest of us to enjoy the good comics.

  69. teenchy
    May 11th, 2007 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    Josh writes: “The weird part is that it’s clearly not the same strip — the art is different and the wording of the punchline has been tweaked a bit.”

    I may be mistaken, but look at the shading on the rock and the pages in cross-section in the dictionary – they’re exactly the same. Granted everything else around them is slightly different but the rock and dictionary are cut and paste.

    #17: Isn’t cancer victim Lisa a lawyer herself? Perhaps she should retain outside counsel, on a contingent basis, of course.

    FOOB generally: Is it me or has pretty much every Grampa Chinnuts strip featured a punchline that consists of a line from a previous panel, repeated? Is that some sort of play on Chinnuts’ aphasia? Even if not, it’s just incredible hack work.

  70. Mr. Coffee Nerves
    May 11th, 2007 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    3G: Her travails remind me of a comedian (whose name I forget) talking about people who lock their screen doors — what kind of low-self-esteem criminal would be thwarted by such security.

    (wannabe robber skulks up to screen door, finds it locked and says “Dammit…Vito, Rocco, turn back! This place is a friggin vault!!”)

    FW: Even Job is saying “Give Lisa a fucking break already.” If I were Les, I’d let Lisa leave the room and casually tell the doctor to start hiding assets in Fiji because by the time I was finished suing him I’d own everything down to the “D” in “M.D.” Of course, given that this is Funky Cancerbean I’m sure the other woman’s diagnosis was “You’re Cancer-Free! But you do have necrotising facitis, spontaneously combusting kidneys and we have to drill a hole in your brain to get out the badger living in your skull.”

    FOOB: Somehow manages to make Funky seem upbeat

  71. Harry Paratestes
    May 11th, 2007 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Ol’ Landry Gentry has had her face lifted – and then dropped onto concrete – about 30 times, from the look of it.

  72. Chat Noir
    May 11th, 2007 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    TDIET: Given the fierce nursing shortage, no nurse jabbers on like that to their patients. So, no, Al Scaduto, they don’t it every time! It would be more accurate to have the exchange go this way:

    Whining lay-abed: “Please, nurse, can’t I have more OxyContin?

    Long-suffering, overworked valued medical professional: But you only have a broken toe. See, it’s in a cast….

    Underinsured slug: Morphine, then? Dilaudid?

    #12 — Funny, Holly, I would have said Iris had Jim’s feet in his slippers and one of hers right out the door. She’s about to crack.

    FC — Today’s Family Circus, coupled with one a few days ago that juxtaposed Jeffy with Grandma, is incontrovertible proof that Jeffy is shrinking, perhaps under the influence of Dolly’s talking toys. Either that, or Dolly just needs to lay off the Ring-Dings.

  73. Nine
    May 11th, 2007 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    Re B.C–

    It seems to be common for long-running cartoonists to unwittingly “plagiarize” themselves– for one, I’ve noticed at least three sets of nearly identical strips in Gary Larson’s history.

  74. Trotzenbonnie
    May 11th, 2007 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    El Rod isn’t making this stuff up.

  75. O’Fogeyette
    May 11th, 2007 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Before I go back and try to absorb the essential nourishment from the previous comments on this and yesterthread, I just had to share that I dreamed about CC again last night. This time I was with a friend in Rockefeller Center. We had a hard time finding the right elevators, but eventually made it to the top floor where a vendor had dozens of varieties of “Margo! Boxcar! Saturn!” tshirts displayed, in all styles (such as French cut and long sleeve) and colors. I was trying to decide which to buy when I woke up.

  76. ohyes
    May 11th, 2007 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Actually, Milton is VERY specific. His instructions are that the meeting must begin AT ONCE, even without his stepson, if his step-son is running a little late. That’ll teach that kid to be prompt!

    Especially in RMMD, where you have a month to get through an hour, there’s no excuse for tardiness. Go shack up with Vera, you tardy, loser heir! Go crying to Mary Worth about your “poor car service driver” excuse for poverty.

    If Von only knew, Vera did that “silly thing” because Dr. Morgan was tickling her. Rex Morgan: the Disinheritor – conning people out of their birthright, because June said so.

    Dr. Morgan’s gonna be needed in Judge Parker next, to poison Roger before Roger has his way with Abby and Neddy, sipping oaky merlot in all the chateaux in France that should rightfully be his.

    And then Dr. Morgan flies to America to expose Sam’s torrid affair alone in his wife’s mansion with that Irish rose of a maid, the best thing happening in the comics, although it’s all off-page. Sam’s out on his ass and Abby can marry Von. The consolidation of wealth continues.

  77. Christopher
    May 11th, 2007 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: I normally don’t follow this one, but I decided to follow the current storyline, since I am something of a comics nerd myself.

    I have to say, it’s REALLY pissing me off, in that same visceral way the Funky Winkerbean story seems to piss the rest of you off.

    Like somebody said a thread or two ago, the protagonists are pretty much trying to lowball this old lady, hoping that they’ll be able to get a good price because she doesn’t know about comics and hasn’t contacted anybody else.

    And that bothers me. This poor woman’s in the twilight of her life; she has maybe two or three more decades on this earth. $200,000 dollars is a very conservative estimate of how much her collection is worth, and she deserves that money so she can spend the last years of her life in comfort.

    She should tell these small town mooks to fuck off; she’ll have plenty of money to pay people to paint her house and rub her feet when she sells her books to a serious buyer.

  78. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    May 11th, 2007 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    I think Nurse Nulla’s last name must be “Prosequi.” She’s going to be needed to testify in the Lisa Moore v. Dr. Gaff Flubbo case. Not that she has any knowledge about the case; they’ll just put her on the stand and she’ll talk the plaintiff to death.

  79. Laura Jane
    May 11th, 2007 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    When Landy Gentry proclaimed, “We are still missing a board member,” she misspoke. They are, in fact, missing several board members:

    Pat Trician
    Hie Bourne
    Blu Bloode
    Aristo Kratz
    Noble Mann

  80. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    May 11th, 2007 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    A3G: Tommie? Who’s Tommie? Is that the bland-looking blond guy? Or the bland-looking blond guy in the glasses? Or maybe the bland-looking guy in the cowboy hat? I’ve read through this blog’s archives from the beginning, and I’ve never seen this “Tommie.”

  81. Hogen Mogen
    May 11th, 2007 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Actually, “all the legal papers” doesn’t quite cut it. I could be wrong, but I believe it takes a stockholder vote to put a member on the board. And, I don’t understand “immediately”. Immediately after what? His death? He’s not yet been declared dead. Does “immediately” mean “instantaneously”? Because that’s impossible – especially in RMMD where the days last years.

    You know, anyone can come up with a Family Circus panel if this is the low bar to which one must jump.
    A smile is a frown turned around.
    A rose, by any other name would grow in the street.
    It’s not the heat, it’s the stupidity.

  82. John Small Berries
    May 11th, 2007 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    Why would Nurse Nulla have to “[see] to it that no visitors tire her patient with small, idle chatter”, when (according to the sign behind her) no visitors are even allowed?

    And since this blog introduced me to it, I just have to say: though I’ve encountered a number of comics which I find distasteful, TDIET actually makes me furious when I read it.

    It’s not the art in which post-1960s technology is never seen, nor the contrived situations which rarely happen (let alone “every time”).

    It’s the words. For no reason I can consciously determine, every time I see the pointlessly drawn out words like YAS-S-S!, AN-N-ND, SO-O-O-O, WEL-L-L-L, etc., I am filled with a visceral loathing of Al Scaduto and wish graphic violence upon him.

    I’m sure he’s probably a very nice man, completely undeserving of my urge to break every finger in his drawing hand and carve “OH YEAH–” into his forehead with an HB pencil. But his strip pisses me off, and I’m not even sure why I react that way to it.

  83. Geoff
    May 11th, 2007 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Josh, I’m sitting here at my desk laughing with tears rolling down my cheeks after reading your comments on Thorp smugness from 2 years ago. I think my co-workers think I’m insane.

  84. Meanwhile
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    It appears we will never be apprised of the nature, or even the subject matter, of Vera and Von’s fateful argument. So how, I ask you, are we to emulate the behavior of our hero Mary Worth? How are we to pass high-handed judgment? How are we to plot our meddlesome course? How are we to decide who should live and who should die?

    The answer is clear. We must biddy them both to unto the very edge of madness, and let psychological Darwinism cast the deciding vote.

  85. ohyes
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Today’s MT:

    Mark : “But what you’re doing is really pretty obvious stuff. You find out where the birds are? What, you’re Einstein now? I need something hot for my story, something new, something young and fresh…”

    Sam: “Excuse me, Mark. That ringing sound is my cell phone, in case you’re befuddled.”

    Mark: “I was assuming it was a human pheromone monitor, registering increased levels!”

    Sam: “Honey, I’ve got my pheromone monitor on vibrate.”

    Mark: “Me too. And it’s feeling good!

    Sam: “Oh, yeah!”

    Those scientists will do it every time.

  86. SatanicMechanic
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    Wow! Granpa Jim’s slipper combined with the chair leg really looks like high heels! I know I shouldn’t be having this thought but, now I’m thinking “Doctor Everette Scott”! You know, For Better or For Worse would be a lot for better if every one dressed up in garter belts and fishnets and did a floor show! Especailly Lizard!

  87. gh
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    OK, before I catch up, #164 ltrftp (not so first time) [yesterthread]

    I don’t know what the hell that link was, but it freaked me out because I had dinner at an Indian restaurant last night and snippets of it kept popping up on this giant hi-def TV bolted to the wall. Now I feel like it’s following me around.

    Check, please!!

  88. Justafoob
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    “While you are down there Iris playing with my slippers, you wanna check out the equipment too?’


  89. ChefMike
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Baituk needs to try harder with this arc. I haven’t followed this strip nearly as long as I have been watching Funky Cancerland, but here’s what I think should happen, to get this plotline moving.
    a) while the guys are downstairs trying to one-up each other on wooing the old lady, the attic catches fire, the comics being unequivocally destroyed.
    b) suddenly during the night, the old lady dies of natural causes (could be cancer, doesn’t particularly matter) and the first one to the house the next morning grabs them up for free, before the family sells them off for 25 cents apiece in an estate sale.
    BC: I saw a copy of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch the other day and noticed that they had dropped BC, my mom said they did almost as soon as right after Hart’s death. I assume most other papers have done the same, (or will soon)so why is the Hart family intending to persist in crappy strip remixes?
    FOOB: I’m glad this week of “pity poor Jim the stroke victim” strips is over soon. Other characters in this strip (Farley the dog, and Jim’s wife) have been allowed to die, since this is supposed to be a “real time” strip. What’s so special about Jim that he gets granted eternal life?

  90. Hogen Mogen
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    A3G: How does Gabriella even know where LuAnn is?

    MT: I see Jack Elrod has gone out of his way to make sure that the speech balloon is not pointed at the plane, but to the Cherry-look-alike chick. Points for that. Troubling plot development: Dad and daughter are involved in same business. Obviously that means Dad is up to no good (but daughter is innocent). I just find it hard to figure out how Mark is going to justify his standard fist-o-justice on a non-violent white collar crime. I do some work where I just found a vendor intentionally double billing. I think I’m going to drive to his office and punch him.

    GT: I don’t understand. Rick Ballzitch is for Milford. The hit fell in to the guy’s mitt. How do you get a run when the crappy hit is caught? No mention of sacrifice fly or anything. Just Evil Spock excitedly babbling baseball jargon.

    Spidey: Again with chains. Chains around the chest are a really ineffective way to restrict motion. At least Kordok is talking about shooting something now. I thought he would take Spidey to dinner, like in all the James Bond villians’ headquarters. He’d serve up delicious turtle cheesecake, but since Spidey can’t take off his mask, he won’t be able to have any! Bwa ha ha ha ha!

    Spider-brick: Tommie is the third room mate, the red-haired one. The fact that she gets less face time than the cardboard and disposable boyfriends says a lot. But do not let this dissuade you from digging into A3G with both hands. The inarticulate, inspid and inert Tommie shall one day reappear to claim her rightful post as mute-sounding-board for the more interesting characters’ rants.

    Phantom: A harrowing event at sea and you can become tribal leader? Woah. I thought getting an MBA would get me ahead. Instead, I should have trained for a triathalon. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

  91. smacky
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    # 77: Don’t worry, Christopher.

    Since one of the comic book guys came over from Funkytown, he’s invariably brought some of that “Funky” luck with him. He’ll end up with the winning bid, but while he’s at the bank getting the cashier’s check, the old lady’s attic will catch fire from an ember from Crankshaft illegally burning trash in his back yard.

    Crank (Mr. Shaft) will then make a snide comment about it being the old woman’s fault somehow, and then it will be two weeks of strips of Cranky abusing kids on his bus route.

  92. Laura Jane
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    I am really stumped by Willy & Ethel:

    Panel 1 Woman (presumably Ethel) says, “Magnificent, glorious…I’ve never seen a more beautiful sunset.”

    Panel 2 Man (Willy?) replies, “It always struck me as weird that people use words normally associated with food to describe nature.”

    Huh? This seems like a non-sequiter. Had Ethel used descriptive words like “scrumptious” “delicious” “tasty” or “low fat” then the cartoon would have made sense. Since when have magnificent, glorious or beautiful come to be associated with food? Has the Dummies Guide to Cooking Magnificent BarBQ hit the best selling list without me noticing?

  93. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    #12 Holly,
    That would be a surprise to me. I thought the whole “stroke” business was Jim’s ruse to avoid sex with Iris.

  94. mattt
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    #49 – I was trying to think of something funny to say about today’s MT and the impending aviation catastrophe shown in panel 2, but you beat anything I would say.

    Maybe Mark and Sam are actually at the airport on St. Martin:

    (Not Photoshopped. I’ve been to that beach and it is truly incredible when a plane comes in.)

    TDIET – Was anyone else astounded that one of Scaduto’s references, Dancing With Dorks, is actually modern?

  95. Red Greenback
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    A3Gee-I think Frank Bolle and/or Lisa Trusiani should have gone for it and had Gabriella’s door pound sound effect say “EL BANGO, EL BANGO”

  96. TurtleBoy
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    #94, mattt: re TDIET, if you define “modern” as 15-year-old movie reference. Personally, I’ll drop dead of shock when he starts speaking in Shizzle or makes reference to his “nine.”

  97. Fritz H.
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    I’m with Lilycropp: the artwork IS the same in the old and new BC strips — the rock, the book, and the caveman’s body are all identical. The only changes are the head switch, the ground cover, and the caption.

    So it can’t really be a case of unconscious plagiarism, and the duplication isn’t related to the reruns, because the original version ran in 1996 and the “new” version ran in February, when Hart was (presumably) still drawing his own strip.

    Doesn’t that mean that somebody (Hart?) had to dig out the old strip from 1996 and consciously rerun it with just a few changes?

    Or does it mean that every time any ‘Wiley’s Dictionary’ gag was run, the same rock, book and caveman body were always used, with just the new head and caption drawn on? If that’s the case, I guess it could theoretically have been an unconscious repeat of an old gag.


  98. mattt
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    #96 – Actually, I was thinking of the show Dancing With the Stars.

  99. Gal Friday
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    #63 I didn’t realize Isabella Blow had died–she’s one of the great personalities in fashion–her hats were her signature.

    A3G Surly, “A locked door will not stop me, evil one!! (Bang! Bang!)” is coffee-mug worthy?!

  100. Josh
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    #47 lilycrop/#97 Fritz — if you have a browser that uses tabs (IE 7, Firefox, Safari), I urge you to open both graphics in separate tabs and switch rapidly between the two. You’ll see that there are subtle differences even in those parts of the drawing that seem identical — the slope of the character’s shoulder, for instance, or the line weight of the rock.

    Upon more reflection, my current theory is that all of the “Wiley’s Dictionary” strips were built from a template — perhaps one that was in pencil, with the inking done new for each strip, and the head left to be built from scratch each time. Ditto for all the other running jokes.


  101. Red Greenback
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Tuh Diet Inside Info Dep’t: Nurse Nulla’s surname is Voidbutt.
    A3Gee Whiz: I did not know this: Lu Ann Powers
    This glamorous blonde schoolteacher has always had a craving for experiencing life to its fullest. When her Air Force pilot husband was shot down and killed, Lu Ann was able to use her widow’s benefits to further a number of important causes, including the natural environment and troubled teens.

  102. fizzy logic
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    “An immediate vote is required…but first, a round of introductions. My name is Harry Nomoore, Mrs. Avery. You’ve met Landy Gentry and Oki Merlot, of course. The muscular gentleman over there is Jim Nayzzium, and to his right, in the riding togs, is Horace Mann. The woman with the smudge of dirt on her face is Violet Gardiner, and the young woman next to her with the cat hair and scratches is Kitty Trayner. The man with the poor fitting suit’s name is Mal Tailor [xxoo, Uncle Lumpy]. This young gentleman with an interest in geology is Mica Stone. Our a/v specialist’s name is Flip Chart, and our IT guy is Mike Rowe-Chip. I think that’s everybody around the table, so perhaps we can move along to the vote….”

  103. smacky
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    # 101: I guess back then widow’s benefits went a lot further than they do now. Or Lu Ann “further a number of important causes” by donated $5 to each.

  104. willethompson
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    (continuing #102 Fizzy Logic to the fizzylogical conclusion)

    “…but first, let’s hear from the succession committee composed of I.P. Freely, Connie Lingus, Amanda Hugandkiss, Seymour Butts and Prince Albert, who at the moment is in the men’s room.”

  105. smacky
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    Wow, my grasp of English verb tenses suddenly failed me. Lu Ann “further[ed] a number of worth causes” by donating $5 to each.

    “Me fail English? That unpossible!”

    –Ralph Wiggum

  106. man behind the curtain
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    A3g — how will Gabriella open the locked door and get in? Maybe the door isn’t locked but you are supposed to PUSH, not PULL.

  107. gh
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    Great, great parodies on yesterthread, guys! I was beginning to wonder if we’d run out of steam.

    As for today:

    BB: No need to finish that sentence, Sarge.
    We know where your headed.

    (DT)GT: There was some discussion yesterday as to the connection between this strip and schizophrenia, and I believe we have clear evidence today
    as Marty Moon’s Good Angel and Bad Demon are clearly perched on his shoulders. The dark demon on the left (sinister) is urging him to club the poorly-drawn humanoids senseless, while the good angel – light, right – covers his ears so as not to hear the demon’s violent imprecations. This is why Marty drinks like a fish: to drown out the voices in his head.

  108. Mibbitmaker
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    #38: Hooty Prostitutey is a cutey!

    #33, 51: I started the Bob Newhart likeness observation late in yesterthread… and even threw in a George McGovern for good measure. Gotta take credit before it rises to Capt. Kangaroo levels!

  109. Red Greenback
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    102 &104- “And over there on the wall is our HR guy, Nosmo King”

  110. Calico
    May 11th, 2007 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    #61 – and a butt to sit in it! Hahahaha!
    You got me – I WAS about to do the stupid chair joke when I caught your caveat. Ooops!
    But you know what? I did it anyway. Because I am bored (room) – hahaha again, yes?
    God, the Daily (st)Ink comics are dull today.

    Where are Queenie or Kelly Welly or Celeste the Drunk when you need them? Oh right, QoD is looking a little ashen right now.

  111. Calico
    May 11th, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    #62 – Personally, I think she’ll do a headbutt.

  112. Harry Paratestes
    May 11th, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    According to the name patterns in RMMD, I should probably be on the board, maybe as a non-voting member.

  113. Mibbitmaker
    May 11th, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    TDIET: Isn’t “Get Me Outta Here Already” the pseudonym for every character in Funky Winkerbean?

  114. Clumsy Carp
    May 11th, 2007 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    The big difference in the BC strips is that one day Peter is reading the definition and the next one is BC reading the definition.

    In two months, the Fat Broad will read this definition.

    In another two months, Curls will read it.

    and so on . . .

    hilarity results. . .

  115. teenchy
    May 11th, 2007 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    lilycropp beat me to it – I didn’t even pick up on the bodies. Apologies and kudos.

    I still hold that Lynn Johnston is a hack. Must be nice to develop a strip so popular that you can coast in your final years by introducing everyone to your fucked up worldview.

  116. Red Greenback
    May 11th, 2007 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    “Mrs. Avery, I’d also like to introduce you to Rolly Church of Crete’s legal representitives, L.F. and Titus.”

  117. ltrftp(not so first time)
    May 11th, 2007 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    That was to Kum music.
    I love Indian food.
    Punjabi Chili Chicken is my new fave.

    In fact, there is a new deli down the street…..

  118. Mibbitmaker
    May 11th, 2007 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    #102, etc.: …And, also present, our chief shareholders Colonel Angus (“Hi, Connie!”), and you all know Chevy Chase (think about it). They flew in Saturday night. Chevy’s old money (finally ready for prime time), and the good colonel is a more recent investor, though alittle Fey if you ask me!

    Col. Angus: “I had a fine time Walken in here today, especially entering this, frankly, moist conference room. Air conditioner on the fritz, Avery? Ha ha ha!”

    Great one, sir. Okay, you’ve all seen this portrait of our founder, Tex, on our wall here….

  119. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    May 11th, 2007 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    #92 Laura Jane — I had the same puzzled thoughts about today’s Willy & Ethel. My best theory about what the “joke” is: You see, Willy is such a glutton that to him, words like “magnificent” and “glorious” and “beautiful” are primarily associated with food. Still a dumb strip.

    #96 TurtleBoy — what 15-year old movie were you thinking of? I also assumed it was a “Dancing with the Stars” reference.

  120. Yitzchok
    May 11th, 2007 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    TDIET: By the way, everyone, “Whatta you think of the awful world situation?”

    Truly, Al Scaduto writes for timelessness. OH YEAH!

  121. Red Greenback
    May 11th, 2007 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    “Alrighty then! Let’s get this Avery International party started. Miss Nomer will be taking notes.” …OK, that was a reach, sorry!

  122. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 11th, 2007 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    #114 CC
    Then a few months out, Grog will get halfway through reading it before he eats the book. Hey, that would actually be kind of cool.

  123. Calico
    May 11th, 2007 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    #104 – Oh, and Wille, don’t forget Monsieur Claude Balls!

  124. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    May 11th, 2007 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    #120 Yitzchok —

    “Looks like those clowns in Congress are at it again. What a bunch of clowns!”

    “Hey, how does it keep up with the news like that?”

    BTW, Josh, your recent musings on Family Circus are discussed in great detail on Language Log — particularly, the one where Dolly accuses Jeffy of only saying half the Hail Mary.

  125. Uncle Lumpy
    May 11th, 2007 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    #124 SQB -

    Interesting post! I’d go with “Hail-Mary halves.”

  126. exfashionvictim
    May 11th, 2007 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    #63/64, that is a truly margo!boxcar!SATURN! wondrous piece of headgear. Astronomically stylish. Makes me head spin just a little. Really.

  127. Bunnë
    May 11th, 2007 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    Exactly how similar are the two BC strips? Here they are superimposed over each other.

    (I had to adjust the proportions a little, since one version seems to be a little stretched compared to the other.

    So the odd part is that the dictionary, rock, legs, feet, hands, arms, and body are the same. What different is the ground, head, and loincloth. Yes, the 2007 version features a larger loincloth. The 1996 version was maybe to racy?

  128. John Small Berries
    May 11th, 2007 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    #115: Must be nice to develop a strip so popular that you can coast in your final years by introducing everyone to your fucked up worldview.

    Ah, the Dave Sim Method.

  129. Gabe
    May 11th, 2007 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    Beetle was funny on its own today (hey, I like military gags, go figure), but yeah, with all the talk of gay subtext in BB lately, that last sentence can be finished in just so many ways.

    And Beetle in the first panel looks strangely off-model, or perhaps reverted to an earlier 60-ish model.

  130. gh
    May 11th, 2007 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    #117 ltrftp(not so first time)

    I’m heating up my leftover vindaloo lamb curry right now. The video was still creepy, because it just WOULDN’T STOP.

  131. fizzy logic
    May 11th, 2007 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    #104 – wille – Yes, Hugh Jass and Anita Cocktail couldn’t make it either.

  132. Gabe
    May 11th, 2007 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    72: I’ve noticed that nursing seems to be the job of choice for second chance-late 20s/early 30s women around here (Memphis). Most of the classes I take at comm. college are filled with these students (which makes class frustrating since I’m the only one who cares about the material, they’re just filling a requirement).

  133. Paperback Rifler
    May 11th, 2007 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    Gil Thörp: Dang. I’m late to the thread, so I got scooped on the angel and the devil on Marty Moon’s shoulders. Curses upon you, gh!

    Well, since everything else that I was going to say has already been said in a funnier manner than I had thought of, I’ll just throw out a few suggestions on how a couple of today’s more painfully unfunny comic entries might have turned out less unfunny:

    Marmaduke: So there probably isn’t much you can do to make this strip any less unfunny; but setting Marmaduke and the “Reserved” sign on armchairs really doesn’t help. Instead, the setting should be outside, and the “Reserved” sign should be on a fire hydrant. Honestly, if you’re cranking out a comic strip about a big freakin’ dog, then you figure that a fireplug gag would be a no-brainer.

    Dennis the Menace: The entire “weightlessness eliminates the need for footwear and / or foot hygiene” shtick is neither cute nor funny nor even coherent. It would have been less unfunny if Dennis instead were talking to his mom and if he had said, “Just think, Mom, if we were weightless, you wouldn’t have to be on a diet all the time.” Yeah, that still wouldn’t make it actually funny; but it would at least be almost a little bit menacing.

  134. Lynngineering
    May 11th, 2007 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    BC: When I saw “Shindig” only the tv show came to mind. Talk about archeological digs.

    FC: My observations on these Jeffy / Dolly scenes remains the same, I give Jeffy some credit: As Dolly blabbers on, Jeffy does what every talk show host does, fazes out, looking past Dolly’s head, just a bit behind her to the hulking monster he is imagining sizing up his kill.

    FBOFW: Michael is just deep in autotrance mode, worn out from his Liz experiences, and his mind wandered off to Grandpa “King” Jim. He smiles watching him fidget under the IRIS-surveillance figure. It’s not unlike the ant-under-the-magnifying-glass-under-the-sunlight setup, only it’s omniscient King Michael looking through his Iris, and it’s the fluroscent lights of nursing homes.

  135. PTrig
    May 11th, 2007 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    Wilbur doesn’t sport a combover. Those are spider webs on his head. He spends most of his day immobile pondering the emptiness of his existence.

  136. Susie Derkins
    May 11th, 2007 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    #38 willethompson–

    “Redmullet McSweaterpuppies” just made my day. Now I will giggle like a schoolgirl whenever I think of it (no doubt to the curious looks of innocent bystanders). Thanks!

  137. will
    May 11th, 2007 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    I know this will be an unpopular opinion with my fellow curmudgeons, but Garfield has been cracking me up this week. The reactions to Jon’s horrifying tuxedo are wonderfully absurd.

  138. Lynngineering
    May 11th, 2007 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    #75 O’Fogeyette – I really like your unfulfilled T-Shirt dreams as they seem like potential T-Shirts in the making. More whenever you have them!

  139. queek
    May 11th, 2007 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    a day for bad jokes in the funnies, it seems. Frazz, MG&G and GF were all “they did NOT just go there!”

    Lio was inspired today. two thumbs up!

    PBS: poor Pig. he’s the Funky Winkerbean of his strip.

    Heart of the City: stoned kids! a humor gold-mine!

  140. Steve S
    May 11th, 2007 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    Jeffy, unaware that there’s nothing actually restraining him, tries to chew his hand off so he can escape his sister’s pontificating.

  141. Douglas E. Iannucci
    May 11th, 2007 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    Hi. Tommy Shanks here. Don’t forget: vote for me, for mayor of Melonville, and get me out of here!

  142. gh
    May 11th, 2007 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    KBIQ local news update:

    Tragedy struck at the local airport today as the wing of a departing jet was sheared off by a giant word balloon. Local biologist Sam Hill was an eyewitness to the event and had this to say:

    It came out of nowhere. If I had seen it, I would have kept my voice down.

    Authorities have promised to install more word-shear detectors, but councilmen are calling this “just another reason we need to consider moving the airport away from high exposition traffic areas altogether.”

    This is Hugh G. Rexion reporting for WBIQ.

  143. O’Fogeyette
    May 11th, 2007 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    Old Bean from yesterthread: loved your “Seasons in the Sun.”

    Poteet! Yes! You must come to the wedding as the elegant version of the Queen of Diamonds! Perfect!

    Mr. O’Malley and others envisioning Chernobyl: if you enjoy really well-written mysteries try “Wolves Eat Dogs,” by Martin Cruz Smith, most of which takes place in present-day Chernobyl, and which tells you pretty much everything you ever wondered about what really happened and what it is like there.

    64 WhoamI? I covet your hat!

    DTGT: I think the aliens are finally beginning to catch on to the realities of earth sports. The pitcher says: “I need something else out there.” Can only mean drugs or perhaps a sliver of razor to cut the ball.

    Blondie: I have a friend who once assured me that Blondie becomes funny once you are forty. He was right. Unfortunately, he neglected to tell me that it reverts to banal and tedious once you are forty-one.

    JP: If Roger is actually Dr. Johnny Fever, as someone speculated on a yesterthread, then Abbey had better watch out. Dr. Fever becomes much smarter and more capable the more he drinks.

    MT: Mark Trail disappoints today. The conversation is actually coming from the characters and not inanimate objects or random body parts. Of course Sam Hill’s first speech in panel two is strained through the bowels of a ginormous airplane that seems to be hovering two or three feet above hers and Mark’s heads.

    RMChauffer: I get it now! Landy Gentry! Bwahahaha… erp!

  144. Lizardmess
    May 11th, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    TDIET used the word Dorks, which is like the word Nerds. I’m uncomfortable. For me It’s the comic strip equivalent of nails on a chalkboard. Am I the only one?

    Also I automatically heard the Patty Smyth song The Warrior when I read A3G.

    Shooting at the walls of heartache
    Bang, bang!
    I am the warrior.

  145. O’Fogeyette
    May 11th, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    138 Lynngineering: Omigosh! I totally forgot that my last dream was also a tshirt dream. What could it mean that I keep dreaming about tshirts?

  146. Andrea D and the Grandstanding Oddlballs
    May 11th, 2007 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    #14 – In Canada, the humiliation came while Brian Mulroney was in office. And now my nerdly duties are done.

    As someone with significant quantities of beer-diluted Canadian blood running through my veins, I actually KNEW that. Just figured that most readers would be better informed if I refer to, oh let’s say, the leader of an important country? That, and it was late, and I had had a lot to drink, and I couldn’t spell Mulroney for the life of me.

  147. TurtleBoy
    May 11th, 2007 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    #98 and #119: D’oh! I misread the speech balloon; I was thinking of Dances With Wolves. I stand corrected, and Al stands outdated.

    I’m not gonna hold my breath, but I’d like to see a TDIET featuring a reference to bling.

  148. INotI
    May 11th, 2007 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    Jeffy’s not looking at Dolly at all. My guess is he’s trying to calculate exactly how long it would take him to get to the kitchen, get a big knife, and come back. Forget it, Jeffy, conventional weapons won’t do the job against a Keane, as you should know.

  149. Busted Flush
    May 11th, 2007 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    #102 Fizzy Logic.
    Looks like you’ve been listening to the closing credits on Car Talk. My favorite is still the Russian chauffeur “Pikop Andropov”

  150. Cedar
    May 11th, 2007 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    For you, Josh

  151. NotMe
    May 11th, 2007 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Hey, isn’t that the Quaker Oats guy sitting next to Mrs. Avery? He certainly looks a lot like Captain Kangaroo.

  152. Cedar
    May 11th, 2007 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    I’ll try again. I’ve never done comics-editing before, nor image hosting

  153. sally
    May 11th, 2007 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    #32 Little A, I’m glad you said it first. I’m sure there is a large contingent of senior citizens who read the comics and never see themselves and their struggles depicted in a sensitive, caring manner (as opposed to, say, Momma). Still, I’m bored to death with all the Jim-and-Iris strips. Instead of sympathy, they inspire resentment.

    Recovering from a stroke is a long, painful, depressing, frustrating, and often boring process. Reading a blow-by-blow account of recovering from a stroke is a long, painful, depressing, . . . well, you get the picture. Too bad Lynn doesn’t. More Liz-is-a-loser-at-love strips, mule!

  154. MossMoses
    May 11th, 2007 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    Kordok certainly has quite the haymaker, knocking Spidey out with one punch. If his spider senses are back, why couldn’t he see a telegraphed punch from a fat guy coming a mile away and taken evasive action? It seemed way to easy to punch him. He’s being chained up yet again when they should just plug his ass with a bullet, once and for all. Why must supervillains always insist on some elaborate, complex scheme to kill the superhero, thus giving him the chance to escape? What’s wrong with capping him when he’s lying there unconscious? Spidey in Chains would be a great name for a rock band. It seems to be a recurring theme.

  155. stinky pete
    May 11th, 2007 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    154 MM, You just don’t get it, do ya? You don’t.

    At least Kordok is not using an unnecessarily slow-moving dipping mechanism.

  156. Hogen Mogen
    May 11th, 2007 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    #137 – will – Jon is getting the kind of reaction to his absurd signature dating clothes now that he should have received for the past 20-something years. I’m not sure if I can find it funny because there’s a glimmer of hope that Jim Davis actually wrote it (instead of merely running his computer-generated-laugh program), or if I should be insulted for having the last 20 years of my life shown to be a complete farce.

    Ok, it wasn’t exactly the full 24/7 of the past two decades, but a tiny piece of every day for that long still adds up.

  157. AhClem
    May 11th, 2007 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    #149 Busted Flush -
    you beat me to it. I was going to comment that the Board of Avery International was actually part of the production team at “Car Talk.” Here the others:

    As for Garfield, it’s clear that Jon is planning to attend Shawna-Marie’s wedding. Why else would he be wearing a shirt that comes with its own MSDS?

    Regarding Blondie today, I can’t figure out the point of this strip (And that’s different from every other day … how?). Dagwood is lamenting over spending $24.95 on a book that Blondie found funny but he didn’t. This means that either: (a) Dagwood feels that the money was wasted, even though his wife enjoyed the book, which indicates how low his regard for her has become. (b) They bought two copies of the same book, meaning that they have too much extra cash lying around. No wonder Mr. Dithers never feels compelled to give him a raise.

    There is also a third scenario: (c) I’m wasting way too much time trying to analyze an idiotic strip when I should be doing something more constructive, like sorting toothpicks or ironing socks.

  158. lesles
    May 11th, 2007 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    speaking of shirts, i reckon “a locked door will not stop me, evil one!!” has potential t-shirt written all over it. BANG BANG

  159. man behind the curtain
    May 11th, 2007 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    A3G/RMMD — That’s not the locked door to LuAnn’s studio. That’s the door leading to the Avery International board meeting that Gabriella is about to crash. Meanwhile, Hugh Avery will be delayed while Rex takes him to rescue LuAnn. It’s the same building but different entrances.

  160. RoboDoodle
    May 11th, 2007 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    If I ever get into porn, I’m totally calling myself “Walter Groinkite”.

  161. Montag
    May 11th, 2007 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    (DT)GT: Is that right fielder even eligible to play high school sports? Looks more like he should be buying a sports car, coloring his hair and flirting with high schoolers.

  162. mock robster
    May 11th, 2007 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    (DT)GT: “Thanks, but let’s face it, I need something else out there.”

    Time for Clambake to use his connections with BALCO.

  163. srah
    May 11th, 2007 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    Did anyone hear that sound?

    That was my HEART BREAKING as I discovered that I am a Plugger today.


  164. Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe, LLC
    May 11th, 2007 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    114 Clumsy: On behalf of the estate of Johnny Hart, I would like to thank you for extending the profitability of “BC” seven times (or so–none of us is really sure how many characters are in this strip, to be honest). On the eighth day, a breeze will turn the page, and each character will revisit the definition of “ilk.” (In case you’ve forgotten: a sick elk.)

  165. smacky
    May 11th, 2007 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    #163: Is “DVD movies” redundant? Or is it simply an unnecessary specification? You don’t say “Your book novel” came in.

    Maybe the dog is a classifier for a living, and Chicken is lucky he didn’t say “DVD, movie, romantic comedy, Sanda Bullock” is in.

    Oh, and Dog and Chicken are lovers? Who knew?!?

  166. Ghost Riders in the Foob
    May 11th, 2007 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    As long as A3G is going to Spanglish dialogue, why not go all the way and do it up right:

  167. Hogen Mogen
    May 11th, 2007 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    #154 – Moss – No, Kordok has a special plan for Spiderman. He will force him to eat his favorite ice cream very fast, so he gets one of those throbbing headaches! Bwa ha ha.. heh… whatever.

    More abused platitudes from FC:
    I know you are, but what is pi?
    If at first you don’t succeed cry, cry again.
    ALL MUST OBEY THE DOLL GODDESS!! (not based on an actual platitude)
    (While fishing) Be careful what you fish for, you just might eat it.
    It takes a villian to raise a child.

  168. Lynngineering
    May 11th, 2007 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    145 O’Fogeyette: I won’t comment on what it might mean until some more dreams come by your way, and a collection is almost ready : )

  169. Cedar
    May 11th, 2007 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    #163 I’m out-pluggering the pluggers, as I don’t even have a dvd player, and request “vhs movies” instead.

  170. Yitzchok
    May 11th, 2007 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    #124 Skullturf – This all reminds me of a New Yorker “Shouts & Murmurs” from a few weeks ago: the dialogue at a dinner party as imagined by an out-of-earshot child…

    DAD: “Did you see the politics? It made me so angry.”

  171. stoner
    May 11th, 2007 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

  172. too stoned
    May 11th, 2007 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    I meant: Stone Soup

  173. OwenDangertooth
    May 11th, 2007 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    It occurs to me that Hart probably drew two versions of the joke, ran the one he liked best, and left the other among his papers, where his relatives found it. That would explain the redrawing of the heads.
    Mike Peters once did a Mother Goose & Grimm in which a boy discovers that his father is the Tooth Fairy; then apparently forgot about it and ran a redrawn version of the joke a few months later.

  174. Squeak
    May 11th, 2007 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    Rex Morgan, panel 1: Yes, I know the woman in green is supposed to be Asian, but she looks more like she’s taking a dump.

  175. True Fable
    May 11th, 2007 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    Linky Links on Parade!

    Big Dog How is he able to sit this way? It looks like someone chopped off his back legs and just stuck them in the cushions.
    That someone deserves a raise.

    Cathy(MustDie) On behalf of children everywhere this Mother’s Day, I offer to bitchslap Cathy for this.

    Question: Why the hell do Cathy characters get those odd spasms that propel an arm straight up in the air? Do people do this naturally? I’ve looked around and even though Roopville has a bonus share of eccentrics per capita, I’ve never seen this happen. Cathy Must Die.

    PBS I found myself laughing at this despite myself.

    Tiger A perfect example of why I consider Tiger to be Cathy’s absolute exact clone in terms of horrible, lame, and deserving of death. Make it mercifully quick for our sakes, not its.

    Ziggy Oh… put some pants on, goddammit. The reason I won’t buy Hallmark-type cards that might support cartoon panels like this.

  176. cheech wizard
    May 11th, 2007 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    Where was Gabriella and her banging when LuAnn was painting this dreck? Door’s locked, horse is gone.

  177. True Fable
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    Josh: linking back to “I’m a docent!”, I looked further down the screen and realized how much I miss Gary Dent’s latest dance steps and gestures.

    Come on, Karen Moy! Work Dancin’ Gary back into the story. So what if Ella Enchanted is gone? Dancin’ Gary could be just the gravy train ticket Vera needs to get revenge on the cursed Von!

    Since you haven’t resurrected Aldo, it’s the least you could do, chickie.

  178. T. Chicana
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    #72, it does seem like Iris is about to crack. I know it must be hard to be a caretaker and all, but I just don’t like her for some reason. And when Grandpa ChinNuts was thinking to himself “You are my world” about Iris, was that a good thing or a bad thing? I sort of think it’s very, very, bad. Everything sucks right now for Grandpa C! This is not cool. And how long do we have to watch?!!

  179. True Fable
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    #176 cheech wizard: Maybe Gabriella was banging Professor Papsmear?

  180. Paperback Rifler
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    I wish someone had told me when I started reading this blog that I would end up writing song parodies about Mary freakin’ Worth. It’s a funny old world, innit?

    Anyway, with apologies to Eric Clapton, Derek and the Dominos, and, as always, everybody everywhere:

    Purple suit blues; I’m in a bind
    I’ve been thrown out in a drizzle.
    My fortune I’ll lose; I cry and whine
    But only in thought balloons.

    You ain’t gonna see me crawl across the floor to you.
    You ain’t gonna hear me beg you to take me back.
    I would never do it ’cause
    I will move to Charterstone; I will be a typist-clerk.
    I will move to Charterstone; and by the way, Von, you’re a jerk.

    It’s all wrong; no, it ain’t right;
    The way you meddle, Mary.
    Once I was strong, but I lost the fight;
    You made me tell my whole life story.

    Do you wanna make me tell my secret past to you?
    Are you gonna gossip ’bout me with your friends?
    Oh, that Chinbeard’s creepy, but
    I’ll confide in Mary Worth; she gave me some shapeless food.
    I will blab to Mary Worth, and I’ll wear my purple suit.

    Purple suit blues; it’s been many days;
    This plotline is way too long.
    And when it’s through, you’ll still hear me say,

    Am I ever gonna say why Von and I fell out?
    Will I ever let him make up and take me back?
    I would never do it ’cause
    I have moved to Charterstone; where weirdo voyeurs roam the halls.
    I have moved to Charterstone; I’d like to kick Von in the balls.

  181. CT
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    178 T.
    Don’t forget, Gwampa has residual aphasia from the stroke. I think “my world” actually is supposed to say “an insufferable co-dependent foob.”

  182. stinky pete
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    141 Doug E., I would come vote, but the Uzbeks drank the battery acid from my Lada. Uzbeks are are the weak link in the great chain of socialism!

  183. gh
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    #134 Lynngineering

    I looooved Shindig [or more correctly: Shindig!]. Especially any appearance by the Beau Brummels.

  184. True Fable
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    #178 T. Chicana: I have NEVER liked Iris, so you are not alone. And like you, I don’t really have a definable reason. Maybe it’s because Lynn gives her characters those creepy round eyes (for Blink-O-Vision!!) and when put together with a potato nose and the saggy baggy elephant jowels…

    Maybe Lynn will reveal that all this time, Iris has secretly been siphoning funds from Jim’s bank account as well as John and Elly’s savings, and plans to run off by herself to Aruba during the confusion of moving. Then Jim will have to move back in with John and Elly. Heh heh heh, my evil laugh!

  185. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    If I ever get into porn, I hope that the camera adds those ten pounds in the right place.

  186. Teem
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    I am ashamed to say this but I laughed when I saw Jon in his shirt on Garfield. It reminded me of the pirate shirt episode on Seinfield–arrr.
    I bet Chennux wears one of those.

  187. MossMoses
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    My world = annoying, simple minded, treacly old nagging biddy hag. Damn Chin_nutz, you really have nothing left to live for anymore (besides your perverted senile fantasies, that is). Time for you to kick the boxcar.

  188. Lynngineering
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    #183 gh – or if you were living in Bedrock, the Beau-Brummelstones!

  189. Paperback Rifler
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    Okay, now I wish that someone had told me when I started reading this blog that I would end up writing two song parodies about Mary freakin’ Worth in the same dang day. This could not possibly be healthy.

    Anyway, they made for a good album, did Derek and the Dominos. I prefer the original, fast version as the setting for the following:

    What’ll you do when Von disowns you;
    And suddenly you’re left high and dry?
    If you run on down to Charterstone,
    A biddy in your life will pry.

    You’ve got that ponytail
    You gnash your teeth and wail
    Maybe you can land old Von in jail.

    Looking for some consolation
    ‘Cause your twin brother was so rude.
    You went to Worth, and to her you did blurt;
    But she’ll just reel off platitudes.

    You’re filled with so much gloom
    Just in your thought balloon
    Now you live in Aldo’s former room.

    It’s a sorry situation
    That landed you in Mary’s grasp.
    He did you wrong, so curses upon Von;
    And could you kick old Mary’s ass?

    You’d better make a plan
    To get out while you can
    Maybe you can run to Vietnam.

    (cue instrumental; take a shower and then eat a sandwich while waiting for instrumental to end)

    With apologies to Eric Clapton, Jim Gordon, Derek and the Dominos, and, as always, everybody everywhere.

  190. willethompson
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    #182 Stinky Pete: Why don’t you bet the Uzbeks that you can get Yorgi to say three words?

  191. True Fable
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    #189 Paperback Rifler: Excellent!

  192. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    #170 Yitzchok — Yeah, I saw that Shouts & Murmurs, and I agree, it was hilarious. For the benefit of everyone, here is a link.

  193. Little Guy
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    With the amount of time passing, and with Comment 27 in mind, by the time she gets to Lu Ann, the ghostie may have her down to nekkid nude buttocks.

  194. Rooser the Bruiser
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    I admit that I have only been following Rex Morgan via this blog. Usually, serial comics move so slowly that you only need to read every third one to understand what’s happening anyway. But RMMD’s current plot is so convoluted that I’ve just given up trying to understand it. I’ve now accepted that it’s just some sort of surrealist commentary on modern life. A woman makes threatening phone calls! A man sits in ice cream! A lady attends a board meeting in a cheongsam!

  195. Wellsey
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    Nice one Paperback Rifler! Personally I wish Vera and Von WOULD just fade away.

    The nice thing about RMMD:Boardroom Intrigue is that it represents nearly every hairstyle in the world. I feel confident that the next time I go to my stylist I can just take along some RMMD:BI clippings and say, this is what I’m looking for.

  196. gh
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    #189 Paperback Rifler

    Woohoo! I’ve been waiting for a great Layla parody! That will get me through the weekend.

    Bell Bottom Blues not too shabby, neither.

    #188 Lynngineering

    Beau Brummelstones? I must have missed that one. I do remember Chad and Jeremy on The Dick Van Dyke Show, though.

  197. T. Chicana
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    Ha! True Fable~you’re right about that undefinable Iris-dislike. And I like your scenario. Then, once she arrives safely on the beach of Aruba, Iris peels off her Iris mask and it’s KORTNEY! She wasn’t finished with Ellie when she got busted embezzling from the store. Oh no…she hatched this elaborate plan, and it involved a rubbery, jowly mask with round eyes.

  198. Harry Paratestes
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    #192 SQB
    Thanks for the explanatory link, that was pretty good.

  199. Spotted HØrse
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    ltrftp(not so first time): (yesterthread) Aficionadoes of comedy agree: kumquats in any context are funny! Maybe less so in other languages…

  200. True Fable
    May 11th, 2007 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    #197 T. Chicana: Man, you KNOW it’s got to be revenge for her to bed down with Grampa Chinnuts. That’s dedication; that’s pure madness at its finest.

    Ah, but now she can relax and enjoy her new life, secure in the knowledge that Lardbutt moved too soon, and still doesn’t have enough room for her family. Jim’s been Boxcar!-ing for days, and they don’t realize he’s really saying,
    “You damn fools, it was Kortney all along, and what’s more, she ATE MY DAMN PRIME RIB AFTER ALL!”

  201. Proteus
    May 11th, 2007 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    Redmullet McSweaterpuppies. I can say that over and over and it keeps making me laugh!

    But I can’t figure out how Sam is a high BWR (AhClem). Google offers the following: Boiling Water Reactor, Black and White Ruffled (Lemur), Birth Weight Ratio, and Bacteria Wilt Resistant. Any of which could apply to Sam, the Babe With Rack.

    Meanwhile, the door is locked because Alan is still wandering loose with a key that he doesn’t know why he has, and he’ll show up to let in Gabriella who will save the day, praise Madre de Dios, and proceed to tell Luann and Alan they aren’t right for each other because it is not their destino and so they can part as friends (without benefits). Which is what A3G is there for, que no?

  202. stinky pete
    May 11th, 2007 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    190 wille. I’d lose…..comrade.

  203. Theominousoat
    May 11th, 2007 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    Something I have just now noticed: Scaduto’s e-mail address is “alscaduto2.”

    Does he have a personal e-mail and this e-mail, or is there truly another Al Scaduto in this world? Perhaps Al Scaduto 2 is an evil clone of Al Scaduto 1 and someday they will be thrust into a vicious to-the-death battle royale in the thunderdome.

    They’ll do it every time.

  204. stinky pete
    May 11th, 2007 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    201 Proteus. “Bust-to-Waist Ratio.”

  205. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    May 11th, 2007 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    Proteus @ 201:

    BWR = Bustline / Waistline Ratio.

  206. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    May 11th, 2007 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    #203 Theominousoat — my favourite explanation, which someone else here suggested, is that Al forgot the password for his original email account, at which point he registered “alscaduto2″.

  207. Gabe
    May 11th, 2007 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    194: I read RMMD every day, and I have no idea what’s going on.

  208. MossMoses
    May 11th, 2007 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    Isn’t shindig a term for a deep gouge on the leg caused by shincidental contact, also known as a shinjury or shincident? (pun shintended)

  209. Uncle Lumpy
    May 11th, 2007 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    #208 -

    Watch it there, Moss – you’re venturing pretty close to “Mutts” territory. And you don’t wanna go there.

  210. gh
    May 11th, 2007 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    #209 –

    MossMooch? Is that you?

  211. gh
    May 11th, 2007 at 4:01 pm [Reply]


    Uncle ‘QuickDraw’ Lumpy wins again.

  212. Uncle Lumpy
    May 11th, 2007 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    I read these comments every day, and I have no idea what’s going on.

  213. Mooch
    May 11th, 2007 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    #212 – Unca Lumpy – But your shoooo funny!

  214. Lynngineering
    May 11th, 2007 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    #196 gh: Indeed – it was a very good version of them, and they played “Laugh, Laugh” all the way through.

    Shinrock-A-Go-Go. First aired: 12/3/1965

    “Fred’s hopping around and howling in pain after dropping a bowling ball on his foot is mistaken for a new hit dance, the Frantic. Invited on the television music show “Shinrock,” Fred comes down with stage fright, until a jab from a misplaced pin gets him hopping and howling again.

    The Beau Brummelstones are, from left to right, Declan Mulligan, Ron Elliott, Ron Meagher and Sal Valentino. On the drums is John Peterson. Sal Valentino is interviewed on the Flintstones sixth season DVD about his appearance on the show.”

    The Dick van Dyke one is quite good as well in the “British Invasion” theme, liteweight as it is with Chad and Jeremy, indeed…

  215. Karl LaFong
    May 11th, 2007 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    #199 — Spotted HØrse:

    “…Aficionadoes of comedy agree: kumquats in any context are funny! Maybe less so in other languages…

    As Neil Simon noted, it’s a “k” word. “K” words are inherently funny.

    Simon most certainly was citing W.C. Fields when he’s running a grocery store in “It’s a Gift.”

  216. tblue
    May 11th, 2007 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    Margo wouldn’t even dial the number or her cell phone to check on LuAnn when she found the door locked, but Gabriella will force her way through a locked door to save LuAnn. I think the contrast is deliberate.

    Also, are we sure that “Evil One” doesn’t refer to Margo?

  217. gh
    May 11th, 2007 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    #214 Lynngineering

    Yes, Chad and Jeremy were such nice boys. Not like that sniggering duo, Peter and Gordon. I never quite trusted them, with that risque “Lady Godiva” and all. Honestly!

  218. True Fable
    May 11th, 2007 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    “Please lock me away
    and don’t allow the day
    where I hide deep inside
    with my loneliness
    I don’t care what they say
    I can’t stay in a world without love.”

    Oh Em Gee, if that doesn’t have Anthony Caine written all over it…. or Liz, after the Foobocalypse.

    Somebody play with it, I’ve got to kneel at the porcelin throne for a while.

  219. minosbull
    May 11th, 2007 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    Upon seeing today’s BC, (Myself humbly scrolled down enough to see the first instance of the strip but not the second) I did a double-take of Herculean proportions and reread it. Surely, I was going insane! This was the same joke as had been used not-that-many moons ago, but subtly different! But thank whatever gods there may be for good Sir Josh, who saved the local asylum’s switchboard from a deranged and panicky comics addict babbling incoherently about B.C.

  220. Paul Revere
    May 11th, 2007 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    Chad Stewart and Jeremy Clyde … the two-man band with four names.

    They were “The Redcoats,” and that particular “Dick Van Dyke Show” was the perfect time capsule of Beatlemania in America in 1964. It’s really more valuable than all the newsreels and Ed Sullivan clips of the real events because it captures the emotions and the absurdities.

    That’s the power of fiction. A long time ago I read somebody’s quote about how Madam So-and-so could have read histories of the French Revolution and been pleased that her sins would be forgotten; but if she read (and this is a problem, because I can’t remember the fictional account), she’d be shocked that all her secrets had been revealed.

    The best comic strips work that way. If you read Pogo through the 50s you’ll see McCarthyism and nuclear paranoia and nascient consumerism gone wild…disguised as talking animals in a swamp.

    More subversive comics, mule!

  221. AhClem
    May 11th, 2007 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    #201 Proteus -
    Now that you mention it, I think I prefer “Boiling Water Reactor” over “Bust/Waist Ratio.” Maybe after Mark clobbers the bad guys with the RHO’J ™, he and Sam can get some worms and go fission.

  222. True Fable
    May 11th, 2007 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    #221 AhClem: I wonder if our Asexual Nut Hatch, Mark, is finally ready to introduce Sam the Full Breasted Booby to his trouser worm.

  223. DaveyK
    May 11th, 2007 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    Am I the only one who’s disturbed by the fact that Scaduto seems to have graduated from metaphoric threats of violence (pan fry him to the moon) to very real threats of violence (tear out her vocal chords)?

    I think this is a cry for help. Someone needs to remove all the sharp implements from Scaduto’s home, quickly. Unless, of course, we think he’s only a threat to himself, in which case, we can consider turning a blind eye.

  224. Uncle Lumpy
    May 11th, 2007 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    Hey, Squid Countess -

    Off-topic (hah!), but here’s a Lego Squid!

  225. whoamItoday?
    May 11th, 2007 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    #65 on my penultimate weekend cooking at the yacht club (before moving to England) a hotel pan got knocked off a shelf and chipped my front tooth. Jorge, my Mexican dishwasher (who was raised in Minneapolis and can’t stand spicy food) chuckled the rest of the evening about how I now had “Dentes Ingleses” just in time for moving, I’d blend right in! I mean, jeez, when the stereotype is so entrenched that people in countries with no dental care to speak of make fun of it…

    I was able to get it patched, thanks to workman’s comp.

    And Stoner, thanks for Stone Soup. I spent the afternoon at the antenatal clinic (it’s ante, not pre over here) worrying about my blood pressure so the laughs about pregger issues was cool.

    and now, to bed. while you guys are whiling away your afternoons.

  226. whoamItoday?
    May 11th, 2007 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    I mean,

    . . . whilst you guys are whiling away your afternoons.

  227. Vince M.
    May 11th, 2007 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    63: Can that be properly called a hat? It could possibly be a veil orWHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING??? Is it in a fixed orbit around the woman’s head?
    Whatever it is, wear it and you will be the object of Curtis’ unsparing mockery.

  228. whoamItoday?
    May 11th, 2007 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    227 oh, at least it’s vaguely hatlike. the print version of the paper had one that was like 3 or 4 dozen wires sticking out of her head, with about a 1 in diameter circle of ?? at the end of each. Kind of like a wig full of deely boppers.

    Curtis mockery means nothing to me. I have 4 brothers. I am immune.

  229. O’Fogeyette
    May 11th, 2007 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    I got nothing. I think I broke my snark bone.

    We lost the softball game last night, to our nemesis, UCLA. I am still weeping inside.

    Tonight we play Washington, and I hope we win, but nothing can make up for losing to UCLA. We have, however, already won the Pac-10.

    I think I’ve been reading too much Gil Thorp(e). See y’all sometime tomorrow.

  230. Daktari
    May 11th, 2007 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    #189 – Paperback Rifler -

  231. willethompson
    May 11th, 2007 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    #222 TF – COTW!

  232. alamo
    May 11th, 2007 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    rmmd — this episode of rmmd reminds of the clue board game with its wacky caricature characters. maybe that is why i am bored. i think we need to refocus on what june is up to. her story line is the only thing that holds attention in this lame-o. let’s make that — double our refocus.

  233. Mulvaney
    May 11th, 2007 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    Been reading for a while now, and decided it’s finally time to join in the snarking.

    I really hope that that LuAnn can just die, and we somehow won’t have to suffer through three months of Gabriella trying to break the door down while muttering incoherent pseudo-Spanish.

    Also, “her nose became detached from its moorings” and “Redmullet McSweaterpuppies” make me giggle uncontrollably, no matter how many times I read them.

  234. Squid Countess
    May 11th, 2007 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    #22 True Fable – Well, I was going to say that your “Land a ‘goshen!” response to the name Landy Gentry showed that your mind went not to “landed gentry” but directly to Bobbie Gentry, and did your mother ever sock it to the Harper Valley PTA? (Ha!Ha!) But then I remembered that was Jeannie C. Riley, and Bobbie Gentry, of course, is the singer of Ode to Billie Joe which is a pretty cool song, and besides I can’t even spell Tallahag Talacha the name of that bridge. So I hope you’re happy.

  235. Poteet
    May 11th, 2007 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    # 63 — whoamItoday, I like the hat. And somehow I feel it may have protective powers against the really bad vibes emitted by the Pornstache. I may edge closer to you when we see him at the wedding.

    # 143 — O’Fogeyette, thank you for giving me the courage. Yes, by golly, I am going to Shawna-Marie’s wedding as Queen of Diamonds. My robes will be floor-length, which I think will be more flattering, or at least not quite as bizarre. But the headdress will be exactly the same. I may even paint a small tasteful moustache above my upper lip.

    # 189 — BWAHAHA! Paperback Rifler, those are two of my favorite songs from that album. I can’t speak for Derek and the D’s, but I totally forgive you:-).

  236. Poteet
    May 11th, 2007 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    TDIET — Apologies if this has been said and I missed it — I had to skim fast to get through all the comments. I’m very lucky to have limited hospital experience, but what I’ve observed is that most nurses have a lot of work to do. They don’t stand around and yak — they get their work done and leave. Same with doctors. If there’s a huge surplus of medical personnel down in Miami, such that every patient gets lots and lots of extra attention, I would really like to know.

  237. AndyL
    May 11th, 2007 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    BC: When you say “Clearly the art is different” you mean “Clearly the heads are different”, Right?
    Because the dictionary strips are one of the sets of strips That use the exact same artwork every time. Hart simply redrew the heads.
    I offer these as proof:

  238. John C Fremont
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    # 134 & 183 – I thought the same thing the last time BC ran that Shindig strip, and I’ve appreciated the Beau Brummels-related memories you’ve stirred up. Thinking of Shindig! invariably gets me to thinking of Where The Action Is! Memories…

    # 194 – Rooser, when you said “A woman makes threatening phone calls! A man sits in ice cream!” I thought you’d started a Chicago “Saturdays In The Park” parody. Not that you should do one – I tried, but I never got into Chicago. (The band, that is. Great city – I understand it has broad shoulders or something. I mostly remember the Indian food.)

    # 234 – Countess, I have not thought about Bobbie Gentry in decades. Man, this is turning into one long trip down memory lane!

    “So come on and let me take you where the action is…”

  239. Squid Countess
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    And speaking of Ode to Billy Joe, there’s a song that’s ripe for parody by some talented CC’er . I believe “Anthony and his pornstache are in the basement now with Liz” scans pretty nicely against “Billy Joe McCallister jumped off the.. ” etc. I sense endless possibilities there for the talented, of which I am not one.

  240. Buck Ripsnort
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    Let me see if I understand this: rather than drawing new strips, or even hiring a ghost-who-draws, Hart’s heirs are photocopying old strips and attaching pre-written “jokes”? This is beyond a Zombie Strip, it’s a Soylent Green strip, or something. See, I’m too outraged to make a decent pun, but the gag is, neither can the Hart family!

  241. Charles
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    This week in Apartment 3-G: Gabriella woke up and walked to Luann’s apartment.

    Wow! If it weren’t so craptastically awesome, I’d be bored to tears with this strip…

  242. stinky pete
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    While I am solidly pro-Scaduto, today’s TDIET didn’t ring true for me either. I was the lucky recipient of a 6-week hospital stay a few years ago, and the only thing that may have kept me sane (still a matter of debate in the pete household) was the nurses. Yes they are quite busy but they are also the only source of human kindness & contact for a large chunk of the day, and anyone who would resent them talking to you about anything is an idiot. Small, idle chatter can be very underrated.

  243. MossMoses
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    210. GH, ishn’t Shaun Connery, alsho known ash “Forreshter”?

  244. Spotted HØrse
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    TDIET: I think that the patient is the victim of a new type of sociopath… a nurse impersonator, someone who gets decked out in starched 1960s nurses’ drag and wanders the wings of hospitals, looking for helpless patients in toe casts to bedevil.

  245. LariLee
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    A shout-out to Nurse Nulla: Give me one of the good shots and you can talk all night, I won’t care.

  246. Spotted HØrse
    May 11th, 2007 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    #243 Moss Moses:

    210. GH, ishn’t Shaun Connery, alsho known ash “Forreshter”?

    Sean Connery, alasch, passhed into hack shtatush in my humble eschtimation with “Jusht Caush”, wherein he declares “If THAT’SH a confession, my ASH isch a BANJO!”

    I think he was the executive producer or something, and he not only allowed but embraced that line. Dude can really chew up the sheenery.

  247. Spotted HØrse
    May 11th, 2007 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    #246 However, I really loved Connery’s turn in Sally Forth when he exhorted the girls to send their opponents to the
    (nice thread, that).

  248. Red Greenback
    May 11th, 2007 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

    All this Shindig! talk in the upperthread about the fab! gear! British Invasion (Peter & Gordon and whatnot) dredged up this truly hideous Herman’s Hermits piece of bile from the darkest recesses of my brain…

    No milk today, my love has gone away
    The bottle stands forlorn, a symbol of the dawn
    No milk today, it seems a common sight
    But people passing by don’t know the reason why

    How could they know just what this message means
    The end of my hopes, the end of all my dreams
    How could they know the palace there had been
    Behind the door where my love reigned as queen

    No milk today, it wasn’t always so
    The company was gay, we’d turn night into day

    But all that’s left is a place dark and lonely
    A terraced house in a mean street back of town
    Becomes a shrine when I think of you only
    Just two up two down

    No milk today, it wasn’t always so
    The company was gay, we’d turn night into day
    As music played the faster did we dance
    We felt it both at once, the start of our romance…

    …And it just goes on and on all treacly like…Oooff!!!
    (I’d put the rest of the lyrics up, but I like you Mudges too much).

  249. Red Greenback
    May 11th, 2007 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    I liked Sean Connery on Celebrity Jeopardy when he said “I’ll take ‘The Rapists’ for one-hundred, Trebek.”

  250. alamo
    May 11th, 2007 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    remembering this past week may 2, the untimely death of leslie harvey 35 years ago.
    electrocuted during a sound check.
    friends forever.

  251. Andrea
    May 11th, 2007 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

    I have been too busy to take the time to figure out how to send you an email, but I have to tell you, sadly, that you totally choked last week in your usually excellent coverage…
    Baldo ( a strip that your archives indicate you read regularly as a decent, fairly benign strip) had a naked plotline for all of May1- 5 that CLIMAXED on May 4 wtih Tia Carmen referring undoubtedly to Baldo’s manly parts as being so huge that someone might trip on them…
    How could you have missed this opportunity???!
    Oh, how I regret how busy I’ve too been that I didn’t send this sooner. Opportunity lost!

  252. Dub Not Dubya
    May 11th, 2007 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    Hey, I just realized something. If Margo’s mother from A3G married the guy who draws MW, she would be Gabriella Giella!

  253. Jason
    May 11th, 2007 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    I want to see some of these old BC strips Josh keeps talking about that are supposedly so brilliant. Any idea where I can find such a thing?

  254. bobbaloo (aka bob byrd)
    May 12th, 2007 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    I don’t know how they did it, but panel 2 in the 5/12 spiderman looks 3D.

  255. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 12th, 2007 at 12:38 am [Reply]


    (DT)GT: What is this “class” of which Helen speaks? Surely we’ve never seen it occurring at Milford High.

    FW: “Yes Mrs. Wilson. It’s really kind of funny if you think about it. Not funny ha-ha. Funny in a droopy-eyed half-smirk kind of way…”

    Ghost Who…: Funny how you see the words “Guns come in handy” over the second panel. How long before the Phantom get a cap busted in his stripey ass.

    JP: Ooh, the conniving bastard is lying about his mother’s mental clarity. Roger now reveals himself as a villainous villain. We need to see his mustache sent flying by Mark Trail’s left hook o’ justice.

    SFx: Barbara Bush hits the campaign trail, unaware that none of her offspring are currently running for office. Many small children traumatized.

    H&J: The Right Rev. Croom is shocked and disgusted to hear reference to the heathen concept of “karma.” In addition, it reminds him of his missionary years in India, and the sad tale of how his hair got like that.

    Thoughts on Archie:
    1. I often pick pennies up off the street. I do not, however, stop people to brag about it.
    2. In what sense is Betty Cooper “shiny” and “new”?
    3. Where I come from, if you grab a girl by the shoulders and compare her to a near worthless zinc coin, you get a knee in the balls.

  256. Poteet
    May 12th, 2007 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    I used to think of myself as a moderately compassionate person. But now I find myself looking with coldness and even hostility on brothers casting out sisters, new brides who think their husbands have just been killed in plane crashes, dying flower artists, large women hurtling down smokestacks, short-haired women with recurring breast cancer, elderly women with terminal brain cancer, old men with strokes and the second wives who care for them, and any female who wears any kind of hairbun.

  257. Ribinin
    May 12th, 2007 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    Totally non-comic related. The Corpse flower is about to open, probably tomorrow.

    Thought you would like to know.

  258. Mibbitmaker
    May 12th, 2007 at 1:19 am [Reply]

    #252 (Dub…): With jokes like that, I‘m getting nostalgic for “Laugh-In”. Sockittome! (splash)

  259. Mibbitmaker
    May 12th, 2007 at 1:35 am [Reply]


    FW: “Good news, Mrs. Wilson! Due to our grossly incompetent screw-up that’s inexcusable and contrived, as if to cruelly traumatize anyone involved, that should mean we get sued off our….. Wait a minute, Mrs. Wilson, that isn’t coming out right…”

  260. Mibbitmaker
    May 12th, 2007 at 1:49 am [Reply]

    More 5/12:

    A3G: Gabriella bangs the door “to wake the dead”… and LuAnn wakes up! Then, Albert Pinkham Ryder appears. He’s whips out a gun and shoots LuAnn between the eyes. She collapses in a bloody heap. Ryder: “*sigh!* If you want something done right, you gotta do it all yourself!”

    RMMD: Thank God we’re leaving that bizarro parlor mystery of a board meeting to go back to the hilarious chauffer sitcom!

    JP: Not only is the old lady a Funky Winkerbean reject, but Sleazy Roger has her being like Gran’pa Foob as well.

    MW: “What Von did”, Vera? We still don’t know what YOU did yet!!!

  261. Crooked Soricidae
    May 12th, 2007 at 1:57 am [Reply]

    #254, a 3D Spiderman doesn’t help the 1D characterizations.

  262. Eleusis
    May 12th, 2007 at 2:10 am [Reply]

    Maybe I am too invested in the possibility of Gabriela Magee’s magical powers, but I’m looking forward to a Poltergeist-style showdown in which she screams for Lu Ann to ‘come into the light’ and then makes the studio implode on itself in a burst of eldritch wonder.

  263. rich
    May 12th, 2007 at 2:27 am [Reply]

    At least Hart’s redrawn strip was superior to the original one — improved wording, better facial expression. It’s telling that his heirs would honor his memory… by choosing the wrong version.

    DT — OK, so essentially this whole case turned on the fact that a doorknob somehow fell off in Dick Tracy’s hand? Well, then — let’s hear it for cheaply made crap!

    RMMD: I’m sorry, this so-called board is one of the motliest assemblages I’ve ever seen. You’ve got Bob Newhart, some mean old dowager, a Halloween dragon lady, and Edward Everett Horton in “old maestro” garb. It’s like one of those Airport films, with Rosie Grier and Helen Reddy — or maybe that Twilight Zone episode with the ballerina, the soldier, the bum and the bagpiper.

    A3G: Ouch…This is sad on too many levels. Every one of the people Luann pathetically chose to celebrate in her dying montage dropped the ball when it came down to saving her life — while the one person who seems to actually care about her was left out!

    MT, Panel 2: Mark Trail is “Janitor” from Scrubs!

    MW: I love today’s strip, particularly the juxtaposition of those two hoisting-a-glass poses. While Vera sits in a cheap diner, Von morphs into the personification of out-of-control arrogance. Suddenly all furrowed of brow (and wearing a cravat?), he stiffly raises his wine glass, filled to the brim with Hawaiian Punch… It’s like his very own Buddy Love moment!

  264. Jym
    May 12th, 2007 at 2:30 am [Reply]

    =253= B.C. (Jason): I took piano lessons when I was a kid, and my piano teacher was an old lady (well, old to me at the time) who had some cartoon books on hands for her pupils to read while we waited for our parents to pick us up after the lesson. She had a bunch of B.C. paperbacks from the 1960s, on yellowing paper.

    Man, those books were great.

  265. td
    May 12th, 2007 at 2:30 am [Reply]

    MT 5/12–Wait, there’s an article in the newspaper about a reporter coming to town to write about a local airport? Wow, a Woodward-and-Bernstein-worthy scoop for the homeboy!

    Also, Monty has inverted nipples.

  266. Mr. O’Malley
    May 12th, 2007 at 2:45 am [Reply]

    Another (THTI)FOOB parody. Tonight’s apologies go to Cole Porter. Pronunciation is dictated by the need for a workable rhyme scheme.

    If on a farm I got quite warm
    I might take a ride on a pony
    It might explain my look of disdain
    But my heart belongs to Anthony

    If I invite a boy some night
    To dine on some cheese and macaroni
    That’s Patterson food, so get used to it, dude
    But my heart belongs to Anthony

    Oh my heart belongs to Anthony
    Though the whole world thinks I am mad
    Yes my heart belongs to Anthony
    Soon he’ll be playing trains with my dad

    Even though you may be a Shoshone
    Or fly a chopper so well
    Still my heart belongs to Anthony
    Locked up in its own warm basement cell

  267. Christopher
    May 12th, 2007 at 2:52 am [Reply]

    Did Vera go to college before Von hurled her bodily onto the porch of her own house?

    Did she have friends? You’d think her rich firends would at least have a sleeper sofa she could crash on, if not a, you know, guest house.

    I dunno, I know a lot of people who are too poor to afford a phone. I find it a little hard to feel too sorry for Vera here.

  268. Christopher
    May 12th, 2007 at 2:55 am [Reply]

    And, incidentally, didn’t she have keys? What would he have done if she’d gone in the back way?

  269. A different Josh
    May 12th, 2007 at 3:07 am [Reply]

    All I know is that I’ll be happy when we are done with the flashback secquence in MW. Von really creeps me out. He looks like Ronald McDonald with blond hair.

  270. The Avocado Avenger
    May 12th, 2007 at 4:53 am [Reply]


    FW: Oh, that’s a laugh fucking riot right there.

    FOOB: Ditto.

    #267 – Yeah, it’s like this plot in MW wasn’t thought out at all. Unless Von and Vera were brother and sister in the creepy Roger Corman “Fall of the House of Usher” kind of way, then it makes a bit of sense.

  271. True Fable
    May 12th, 2007 at 7:37 am [Reply]

    #234 Squid Countess – as long as I caught your eye for even a moment, I consider myself very happy.
    Tallahachee Bridge. And even though my mama would not have been caught dead in a mini skirt, she socked it to our PTA anyway by the reversal of fortune: she was a lady, and they were not. :)
    TDIET I guess our hospital is the only one where the nurses on the 4th floor were legendary for standing around chatting with each other while the nurse call display lights up like bingo numbers. They don’t do it much anymore – they can and were replaced by people who actually wanted to be nurses.
    JP Roger, it’s time to twirl that limp yellow moustache of yours!
    A3G Luann, it’s time to twirl that limp little brain of yours!
    MT Mark, it’s time to twirl that limp little inchworm of yours!
    MW Vera, it’s time to twirl that limp twin brother of yours!
    DtM Dennis, it’s time to twirl that limp excuse for a menace of yours!
    S4th Ted, it’s time to twirl those limp little hands of yours!
    RMMD Rex, it’s… yeah, it’s pretty unnerving the way you just naturally take to twirling those. In traffic too, that’s like, the biggest distraction ever.

  272. Ukulele Ike
    May 12th, 2007 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    #251 Andrea: Hey, I posted a short comment about the “Baldo’s enormous schlong” strip, as soon as I was able to raise my jaw back into position. No responses of awe and wonder, though.

    #257: Ahhh, we had our own Brooklyn corpse flower here at the Botanical Garden. OURS opened six months ago. So HAH hah, flyover state corpse flowers!

    260: If Albert Pinkham Ryder really DOES go ahead and shoot LuAnn, I want to introduce him to Klopstock, or whatever the fat Spiderman villain’s name is.

    263: I had the same thought about Von, reclining there in his electric blue leisure suit while the pets run amok and climb all over the furniture. But not the Hawaiian Punch part; that part is genius.

  273. SatanicMechanic
    May 12th, 2007 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    9cwl: AUGHHHHH! My eyes!

  274. Ukulele Ike
    May 12th, 2007 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Wait, I LIKE that in 9CWL, everyone gets laid, no matter how unattractive or wrinkly or obese they are! Good ol’ Gran, you see where Juliette and Edda got their strong libidos.

    Incidentally, have Amos and Edda boinked yet? Has anyone noticed?

  275. Dennis Jimenez
    May 12th, 2007 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    A3G Life Lesson 273 – When Gabriella comes a’knockin’, always pretend like nobody’s home.

    Archie – Next line – Well, I rub my new found penny all over for good luck. You decide – Arch or Reg.

    Luann – I can totally see other girls being into Luann – Luann’s butch right – definately not lipstick, anyway.

    TDIET – A plugger likes talking to telemarketers naked and in suspenders when waiting for an important call – perhaps from some mental health professional or collection agency.

    FC – WTF

  276. MossMoses
    May 12th, 2007 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Comrade Iris, your saintly devotion to ChinNutz and complete selfless disregard for your own wants ‘n needs is a shining example we should study as resolutely as a stainless steel bolt that never rusts. In fact, if your testicle chinned husband ever dies, there is a room waiting for you in the Patterson Peoples Commune.

  277. queek
    May 12th, 2007 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    for those who are jonesing for more Brooke-tastic faerypr0n:

    strips resume on Monday.

    *happy dance*

  278. Poteet
    May 12th, 2007 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    An Iowan (NOT me) longs for the funny funnies of yesteryear, and mildly-demented responses appear (also not me)…

  279. Poteet
    May 12th, 2007 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    A3G — Sorry to rant on this again, but I’ve really liked the paintings of Alfred Pinkham Ryder since I was thirteen, decades ago, and I SERIOUSLY resent him being dragged into this MargoBoxcarSaturn stupid storyline. And now APR is being called “evil one”?! And to add insult to injury, it looks as if Lu Ann won’t die, which I was really looking forward to. I am pissed.

  280. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    May 12th, 2007 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: “You’re a Plugger if you’re an obese rhino who wears suspenders with swim trunks.” OK, now I know for sure I’m not a Plugger. And better yet, NOBODY is. I can rest easy.

    FW: Okay… so who could Dr. Ima Fockup possibly be calling with good news at this point? My guess is it’s the hospital administrator. “Good news! The Moores were as spineless as a glass of warm spit. We’re off the hook! Wooo! I’m gonna celebrate by raiding the morphine cabinet before surgery this afternoon. You in?”

  281. Poteet
    May 12th, 2007 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    # 280 — Spider-Brick, re your FW comment, my thought exactly. And if you are right, this strip is mixing more cynicism with the depression. Batiuk, what a guy.

  282. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 12th, 2007 at 10:14 am [Reply]


    That’s like my favoritest Twilight Zone ever. Thanks for bringing it up.

    And there was a stereo company that, back in the seventies, did these ads where a guy would have a drink in his hand, sit in a plush armchair, and listen to Beethoven so loud his longish hair would go flying back. I don’t remember which company it was exactly, but Von reminds me of that guy in panel 1.

  283. Red Greenback
    May 12th, 2007 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    #282- Maxell

  284. td
    May 12th, 2007 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    Retail has an intriguing mystery today–better than any I ever saw in Slylock’s world. Who wants to speculate on what’s going on with the poorly-edited dialog in panel two? Either someone got really sloppy, or Feuti is trying to make a statement about censorship. I can’t decide what was originally under “skydiving,” but it appears “peace corps” was always “peace corps”–only in a slightly different position.

  285. Daktari
    May 12th, 2007 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    #278 – Poteet -

    Wow! Are you sure that the second response wasn’t written by Rolly Church of Crete?

  286. queek
    May 12th, 2007 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    Poteet @ 278: buh, what? Darn that liberal Peanuts strip, with its message of love and inclusion! (and warm puppies) (and socialism disguised as a security blanket!) (and uppity women pulling footballs away!)

    not sure which set of granny kisses were worse, 9CL or SFx.

    PBS: “stupid doorknob” :D

    poor Heart of the City.. Little does she know that those aren’t her scans. The diagnosis of juvenile lukemia will have to wait. (oh, this is HoC, not F(c)W. . .)

    Todays guest appearence in MG&G are the Slowskies, from the cable company commercials.

  287. Poteet
    May 12th, 2007 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    # 285 — Daktari, I have no idea. That’s an interesting thought…

  288. Harry Paratestes
    May 12th, 2007 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    I’m thinking that ‘Stinking Corpse Lily’ would be a great new name for FBoFW when it goes into stasis mode soon.

  289. Poteet
    May 12th, 2007 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    # 286 — yes, queek, come to think of it, I suppose a liberal would also be more likely to depict a namby-pamby dog-bird friendship. And if Iowans are all going to be alike and work for the state, I hope we’ll get to vote on who we’re all going to look like, because I have some definite opinions.

  290. Harry Paratestes
    May 12th, 2007 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    TDIET: I love the way that the woman has only one toe on each foot, probably from stubbing her feet on furniture corners for years. I’m still mystified by why she’s wearing an unsuccessful plum pudding on her head, though.

  291. O’Fogeyette
    May 12th, 2007 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    235 Poteet: You are going to look SO spectacular at the wedding as the Queen of Diamonds, that even the bride, Shawna-whatsit, will droop in the shade of your splendiferousness.

    Our team lost again last night. Two home games in a row, now. They play this afternoon, last game of the season, but it is expected to be in the low 100′s, so I am not going. I love softball, but I don’t love suffering.

    I’m trying to get into the comics, but I just can’t because my heart is broken. Maybe Gil Thorp will cheer me up.

  292. Len
    May 12th, 2007 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    #262 (Eleusis) — Gabriella is Margo Magee’s birth mother, but Gabriella’s family name is something Hispanic or Romany or something. Margo was ADOPTED by the Magee family, and only met Gabriella after she had grown to adulthood.

    It’s a common theme for great heroes (or heroines!) to be “fostered out” and raised by unrelated parental units — think of Moses, King Arthur, or Darrin from Funky.

  293. Len
    May 12th, 2007 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    #274 (Ike) — Of course, Thorax and Gran are a long-time item in the strip. Old folks need lovin’, too!

    As for Edda and Amos, I dunno… They both were raised as observant Catholics. Does that make them less or more likely to “experiment” with sex before marriage? They’re also VERY young, having just graduated from High School maybe a year or two ago. I think they may not be legal in many states!

  294. O’Fogeyette
    May 12th, 2007 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    Yes! GT has cheered me up! Our team may be on the ropes, but at least our coach doesn’t have to get a mammogram. Though maybe his wife does.

    A3G: I don’t remember anyone commenting on this, but Luann is dead! Gabbriella clearly states that she is making noise to wake the dead, and Luann slowly sits up. So we ARE going to get a Luann zombie story, and won’t that be fun? Too bad that neither of her roommates will notice the change.

    MT: Instead of a thought-balloon over his head, Mark has a thought-airplane, while he gazes at Sam’s hills. Or maybe he’s simply wondering why Sam is wearing a 747 on her head.

  295. John C Fremont
    May 12th, 2007 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    # 278 – Poteet, when I saw the letter to the Register was from a Bud Madsen of Spencer, I misread it as being from Bud Spencer. Now I’m trying to remember all those “Trinity” movies which, invariably, gets me to thinking about “Mr. Billion” and how swell that seemed back in the 70′s. Then that gets me to thinking about how the Governor’s mansion is called Terrace Hill, yet I never saw it in any of the “Trinity” movies. This is about the time my head usually explodes Cronenberg-style. This happens a lot in my world.

  296. Len
    May 12th, 2007 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    I really enjoy “Ink Pen’s” portrayal of the Norse god Tyr. His giantess wife, Bruda, is’t scriptural (“how do I know? the Eddas told me so!”), but she tickles me.

    (I’m wondering where 9CWL’s “Edda” got her Nordic name from, eh?)

  297. Poteet
    May 12th, 2007 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    # 291 — Thanks, O’Fogeyette, and I’m so sorry to hear about your team. May their luck improve, and I’m glad that (DT)GT cheered you up. (You brave soul.) And at Shawna-Marie’s wedding, I may carry a small sack of blue glass doorknobs to hurl at any Foobians who particularly offend me.

    # 292 — Thanks, Len, I get it now — Satan is Margo’s real father, and “evil one” is Gabriella’s pet name for him. That explains a lot.

  298. Poteet
    May 12th, 2007 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    # 295 — Sorry, John, I’m lost. I tried looking up Trinity online, but could only find a science fiction movie set in the Arctic. I’ve seen photos of Terrace Hill in winter that look as if it’s been transported to the Arctic, but I don’t think that’s what you mean:-).

  299. Dean Booth
    May 12th, 2007 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    #294 O’F. Luann zombie story: “Brains… I need brains.” We’re there already.

    I’d illustrate, but I’ve been at Notre Dame since Thurs. (for a chamber music competition), and I left my crayons at home.

  300. Al
    May 12th, 2007 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    FW: How much you wanna bet Dr. Hallet is telling Mrs Wilson that she miraculously cured Mrs. Wilson’s uncurable cancer?

  301. John C Fremont
    May 12th, 2007 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    MT – “A thought-airplane” – that’s hysterical! Wish I’d thought of that. It is pointing suggestively upward. In the words of Beavis and/or Butthead, “Boiiinngg!!”

    RMMD – Reminds me of the “Mitchell” episode of MST3K and the exciting on-ramp scene. “Hot merging action!”

    SFx – Ha! Solved this one in under a minute! Okay, so my wife solved this one in about 10 seconds, but the point is that you can’t fool me, Weber. As The Decider himself once said, “Fool me won’t get fooled again!” (or words to that effect.)

    Retail – Hmm, I hadn’t noticed the white-out job in the word balloon before, td. I wonder what Marla said that was so naughty that she had to be cencored… Margo? Boxcar? Surely not – Saturn?!

    TDIET – “… then it do not ring the whole day long…?” So who’s to blame for this grammatical error, Scaduto – or Sarah Culp of Annandale, VA?

    JP – Don’t trust him, Abbey! Don’t believe him, Neddy! He has a mustache!

  302. John C Fremont
    May 12th, 2007 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    Ah, c’mon – Everybody knows Bud Spencer and Terence Hill (Carlo Pedersoli and Mario Girotti), right? They Call Me Trinity? Trinity Is STILL My Name? Everybody loves Italian westerns from the 70′s, don’t we? (sigh) (slumps off to the comic book store to look for another American Splendor)

  303. MonkeyHawk
    May 12th, 2007 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    #299 — Dean Booth:

    A chamber music competition!?

    Texas Death-Match Rules, I hope.

    Violas and cellos are the artillery, the violins are infantry. Charging each other with swinging bows and booby-trapped resin. And it really gets interesting when the competitors are reduced to G-strings!

    Is this on pay-for-view?

  304. Spotted HØrse
    May 12th, 2007 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    MT: As much as I appreciate Sam’s airplane hat, I am disappointed that her legendary Hills are increasingly reticent. What the hell happened to them? Elrod, you’re seriously off model here!

    I like Mark’s friendly rictus in panel two. I’ve seen that look before, Mark.

    SF: Man, this pep talk gets better and better… in panel one, Ted looks absolutely insane. Someone get that man some blue woad!

  305. Spotted HØrse
    May 12th, 2007 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    #271 True Fable: Hot… twirling… action!!

  306. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    May 12th, 2007 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    #301 John C Fremont –

    “who’s to blame for this grammatical error…”

    I think you mean “who’s CULP-able”, no?

    (ducks flying tomatoes)

  307. Sylko
    May 12th, 2007 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    I fail to see how a business that calls itself Avery INTERNATIONAL can fail to have a decent conference phone system. Why can’t Hugh just call in and participate via telephone?

  308. Harry Paratestes
    May 12th, 2007 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    #303 MonkeyHawk
    I like the idea of Texas Death-Match Rules for chamber music competitions. I’m sure they could be held in an acoustically-corrected steel cage.

  309. Lynngineering
    May 12th, 2007 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    #302 – John C. Fremont – As far as I know from experience, the “Trinity” movies and Bud Spencer etc. are major TV-rerun properties…. in Europe.

  310. AtomicDog
    May 12th, 2007 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    Garfield – Is that a naked Jon telling Garfield about his embarrassing date? What did she do, point to it and laugh?

  311. O’Fogeyette
    May 12th, 2007 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    297 Poteet: the thought of you hurling glass doorknobs at random FOOBs cracks me up!

    299 Dean Booth: Well, damn, I hope you come home soon. Just gotta see that Luann Zombie illustration. Also, I was thinking about something. If we all sent you pix of our costumes… er… fancy outfits to the wedding, and head shots, would you be able to do a group portrait? If so, we could give THAT to the happy couple. Also also, Chamber Music Competition summons up images of violinists and violists fencing with their bows. (Though Monkeyhawk’s image is also arresting.) How do they determine a winner?

  312. Ukulele Ike
    May 12th, 2007 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    #293 Len: Ah, but they’re in New York City now, where anything goes. Except buying a bottle of wine on Sunday.

    #307 Sylko: No, don’t you see? It SPECIFICALLY says on the PAPER that everything has to be JUST SO.

    This is clearly one of those crazy wills out of The Cat and the Canary….everyone will be forced to stay overnight in a spooky old house, the lawyer will speak only at midnight, eyeballs in portraits will start moving to watch the heirs, clawed hands will start reaching out of sliding panels in the walls…

  313. Anson Pants
    May 12th, 2007 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    Maybe the BC “shindig” strips were supposed to be a find-the-differences-between-pictures (ala Shlock Fox) for people with really long attention spans. Or not.

  314. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    May 12th, 2007 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    Sylko @ 307:

    I fail to see how a business that calls itself Avery INTERNATIONAL can fail to have a decent conference phone system. Why can’t Hugh just call in and participate via telephone?

    I wondered the same thing. Perhaps there is paperwork that must be presented to the board before the vote in order to be named chairman. And it must be signed by the candidate, which is why Hugh can’t have his proxy Landy Goshen present it. Oh, if only there were some kind of reliable, affordable document-delivery service that could have absolutely, positively got it there overnight!

  315. True Fable
    May 12th, 2007 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    Okay, everyone! Get those hips swinging and those fingers snapping; ladies, have those panties at the ready, it’s Mr. TOM JONES! -

    It’s not unusual to see heads shaped like wood blocks
    It’s not unusual to see ears like Mr. Spock’s
    ‘Cause anytime you travel to Milford in sweat socks
    It’s not unusual to see me gag
    It’s in the bag

    It’s not unusual to whack the back of Tyler’s head
    It’s not unusual to believe the whole team’s dead
    But if you ever find yourself talking to Clambake
    It’s not unusual to pull your head
    Its made of lead

    (big brass section bridge w/ wailing guitar!)

    It’s not unusual to get orders from Brynna
    She just might call E.T. on her funky antenna
    And just in case she tattoes her forehead with henna
    It’s not unusual to read, “I’m a dirty Bucket girl!”
    Wo, wo wo wo wo wo, wo wo –
    whoa whoa whoa whoa-ho wo….

  316. Colleen
    May 12th, 2007 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    Can I just say that I love the artwork in Judge Parker? Ok, the story line is generally bizarre (when was the last time we actually saw Judge Parker? And what is going on with the election back home????) But the use of the inset panel today—gorgeous.

  317. Spotted HØrse
    May 12th, 2007 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    #315 True Fable: Oh my LORD, wicked funny! Perfect song choice for Milford.

  318. O’Fogeyette
    May 12th, 2007 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    315 True Fable: Bwahahaha!

  319. rich
    May 12th, 2007 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    301: “… then it do not ring the whole day long…?”

    I think that was intentional — it sounds like that early ’60s hipster style of speech that Sinatra and the Rat Pack would often employ. I think they might have been imitating Kingfish from Amos and Andy. (Yeah, we’re talking a long, long ago version of “hip”.)

    Like in Sinatra at the Sands: “Well, we goin’ down da line, and I’m gonna have me a little Jack Daniels tonight…”

  320. John C Fremont
    May 12th, 2007 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    If Scaduto’s idea of being hep is channeling A and A’s Kingfish, then he’s a sadder man than I thought. Personally, I prefer to blame Sarah Culp of Annandale, VA. Unless she looks like Abbey, Neddy, June Morgan, or Sam Hill (in the better 50% of her panels, when she’s chesty, not freaky) in which case, it’s all Scaduto’s fault for being; a) a careless proofreader; b) 50+ years out of date; or c) all of the above, and so much more.

  321. MonkeyHawk
    May 12th, 2007 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    I can’t vouch for the authority but once I asked a Texan “Just what are ‘Texas Death Match Rules?’”

    He said, “That means, ‘There ARE no rules!’”

    So I’d think chamber music done right would include cello-spile impalement and assorted bow fights.

    As for how you detemine who wins, I can only cite my freshman year assignment in j-school (silly me, I had no idea the “j” referred to “journalism.”) I was sent to cover a senior recital.

    My review began: “Last night (whatever her name was) played Bach. Bach won.”

  322. Squid Countess
    May 12th, 2007 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    #224 Uncle Lumpy – Thanks for the link! Leggo Squid cannot understand the hostility directed toward her. Did you notice the look on the face of the soldier driving the sub? There’s a rectangle with some issues.

    TDIET – Dancing With Dorks is Al’s joking reference to Dancing With the Stars.

    Dances With Dorks was my Indian name in high school. Thank you! Waitress, veal, etc.

  323. Spotted HØrse
    May 12th, 2007 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    #319 rich

    I think [Sinatra and Ratpack] might have been imitating Kingfish from Amos and Andy.

    #320 John C.:

    If Scaduto’s idea of being hep is channeling A and A’s Kingfish, then he’s a sadder man than I thought.

    Gentlemen, you’re scaring me… I think you’ve nailed Al’s reference. “Hep” is Rat Pack patter from forty years ago referencing radio humor from twenty years before that. Sad, really.

  324. Dorianne
    May 12th, 2007 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    I haven’t yet read the postings, so I apologize for jumping ahead like this.

    But I just have to say this somewhere:

    OH MY GOD, could For Better or For Worse BE more DEPRESSING!?

    Thank you, Josh, for providing this space for someone like me to just “get it out.” I feel so much better now.

  325. Vince M.
    May 12th, 2007 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    278: Boy, I’m scratching my head over that guy calling out ‘Peanuts’ for being offensibly liberal – Schulz was very well known as a religious man, but I guess not being a Pharisee doesn’t cut it for some people.
    Hmm, maybe it’s the whole Peppermint Patty thing he’s ticked off about…

  326. gh
    May 12th, 2007 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    #248 Red Greenback

    A wrinkle in the time-space continuum (possibly due to bridemaid’s dress/guest tux color combos) allows me a quick weekend de-lurk:

    I was so thinking of Herman’s Hermits when I mentioned Peter & Gordon, but it was with a glance to “Baby, Baby, Can’t You Hear My Heart Beat.” A story for another day. Ack! I hear the hounds baying! To the treeline!

  327. CanadianBoy
    May 12th, 2007 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    # 324 Boxcar! Yes?

  328. Dorianne
    May 12th, 2007 at 5:48 pm [Reply]


  329. MossMoses
    May 12th, 2007 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    324. Dorianne, look on the bright side here. The ScrotalChinned geezer is finally getting attention from young females that he craved in his fantasy. The “Iris is my world” crap is really him saying he’s stuck with that sappy old nag hag until he can recuperate and get a chin erection again…

  330. Mr. O’Malley
    May 12th, 2007 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    Actually, the strange syntax in TDIET reminds me of Damon Runyon. However, I must admit that I have only limited exposure to Amos ‘n Andy, for which once all America stopped to listen.

  331. Uncle Lumpy
    May 12th, 2007 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    #329 Moss -

    I’m with you — applying the reflexive principle we get:

    “My world . . . is . . . Iris!


    His next round of fantasies will be of gas jets and high places.

  332. AJ
    May 12th, 2007 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    Family Circus–Why is Jeffy inviting other family members to a “cookie eating contest” in his bedroom? Oh wait, I don’t want to know…

  333. TB Tabby
    May 12th, 2007 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    332: The Keanes have been forgetting to feed little Jeffy again, so he’s goading them into a cookie-eating contest in the hopes of getting SOME nourishment. There’s only so many stale potato chips you can scrounge from between the sofa cushions.

  334. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    May 12th, 2007 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    I’d gladly go up against Dagwood and Alexander in a Cookie-eating contest.

  335. Gabe
    May 12th, 2007 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    Dorianne: Have you looked at FW lately? Way more depressing.

  336. Trotzenbonnie
    May 12th, 2007 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    #332 – AJ
    I think it’s a Blondie cross-over/shout-out thing.

  337. Trotzenbonnie
    May 12th, 2007 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    #334 – SS-B
    Oops! You got there first.
    I should learn how to type faster.

  338. Mibbitmaker
    May 12th, 2007 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    Another parody from the Imagine album soundtrack.

    Give Me Some Laughs ( ain’t that the “…Truth”!)

    I’m sick and tired of reading crap
    from down-beat self-righteous-
    Batiuk fooling cancer patients
    All I want is some laughs
    Just gimme some laghs

    I’ve had too much of reading crap
    ’bout Liz-cheating Mike-bleating
    M-tiggy FOOBer-hosers
    All I want is some laughs
    Just gimme some laughs

    No old-strip manipulating
    long of Funky Winky‘s
    gonna punnin’-funnin’ slow-death me
    With just a paperful of croaks
    Used to be jokes
    Wanna-be soaps

    Oooh, I’m sick to death of seeing strips
    from drunk-duck squiggle-girly
    Gipper-lovin’ ideologues
    All I want are some laughs
    Just gimme some laughs

    I’ve had too much of watching strips
    of Dubya-bashing Cheney-baiting
    Danae-istic allegories
    All I want is some laughs
    Just gimme some laughs

    No old-strip manipulating
    Long of Funky Winky‘s
    gonna punnin’-funnin’ slow-death me
    With just a paperful of croaks
    Used to be jokes
    Wanna-be soaps

    Aaaah! I’m sick and tired of reading strips
    of once-fun bun-haired
    self-important hack-cartoonists
    All I want is some laughs
    Just gimme some laughs

    I’ve had too much of reading strips
    of tin-Lynnion o-pinion
    Sarcastic tragic-addicts
    All I want is some laughs
    Just gimme some laughs

    All I want are some laughs!
    Just gimme some laughs!

    (fade just as the JL Primal Screams come in)

  339. Mibbitmaker
    May 12th, 2007 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    #338: Clearly, the actual song “Give Me Some Truth” was a kinda answer-song to veep Spiro Agnew’s wordplay-filled diatribes at the time. Little did he realize that there were at least two major wordplay geniuses during those same times, John Lennon and Walt Kelly, who were no fans of Agnew. And they had a field day, which was really cool.

  340. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    May 12th, 2007 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    At risk of ending the thread (yeah, we bricks laugh at danger)…

    Click here to see the original version of today’s Family Circus that was rejected by the syndicate.

  341. will
    May 12th, 2007 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    I remain convinced that Iris is going to bump off Grampa Chinnuts. There’s no other reason for Lynn to keep showing us her ugly potatoface and care-giver fatigue.

  342. Fried Froid w/ Squid
    May 12th, 2007 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    Hey, Gil Thorp is playing the cancer card! Worked for Funky, should work for Gil?

  343. Harry Paratestes
    May 12th, 2007 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    Nice one there, TSS-B, good slam on both cartoons.

  344. MossMoses
    May 12th, 2007 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    341. It would be really easy to kill him by slitting his chin.

  345. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 12th, 2007 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    #278 & 325,
    I noticed the same guy as Vince M. did. Maybe he was referring to that “No Blood for Oil! Charlie Brown” paperback that Schultz was putting together.

    Some people will jump on the same hobbyhorse no matter what happens. It’s kind of scary, impressive, and sad in equal measure.

  346. Harry Paratestes
    May 12th, 2007 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    I’m thinking that Iris should kill Gwampa, put on a black wig and enough makeup to look like a 35-year old having a hard life, then fly to Jamaica and proceed to get her groove back.

  347. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 12th, 2007 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    Just scrolled up to this response. Thanks, Red. That was pretty [Margo]ing fast.

  348. Dub Not Dubya
    May 12th, 2007 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    340 Spider-Brick, excellent!

  349. Joe Bftsplk
    May 12th, 2007 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    Whatever else may be said about this Family Circus panel, few in history have been better material for The Nietzche Family Circus.

  350. Joe Bftsplk
    May 12th, 2007 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and I meant the 5-11 strip. Hard to keep up with things here.

  351. Poteet
    May 12th, 2007 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    # 302 — John, as an alternative, you could take a superior attitude and feel smug because you know the TRINITY movies and some of us don’t. Now that I checked Wikipedia again, I do understand the Terrace Hill joke, at least:-).

    # 315 — BWAHAHA! Sir Fable MTK, I’m not a Tom Jones fan, but you had me at “ears like Mr. Spock’s.”

  352. Poteet
    May 12th, 2007 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

    Foob — At the risk of sounding maudlin, I’m usually a sucker for long-term devotion, and seeing an elderly man smiling at his wife while helping her at a doctor’s office recently brought tears to my eyes. So why do Iris and Gwampa really annoy the hell out of me? There’s no such thing as a break in this strip anymore — ALL the characters are annoying.

  353. John C Fremont
    May 12th, 2007 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    Nah, when a guy’s feeling smug and superior because he knows about B-grade serio-comic spaghetti westerns and their B-grade actors, he’s in serious trouble. I’m sticking with a trip to search for more American Splendors. After all, WWHPD – What Would Harvey Pekar Do? Pretty sure he’d go looking for comics and jazz records – just substitute Richard Thompson and Rammstein for jazz, and I’m there. I could also ask, “What Would Steve Buscemi Do?” The correct answer is NOT Thora Birch, although it worked for Buscemi in Ghost World…

    Wait – Thora Birch… There, I feel better already!

  354. CrabbyGenes
    May 12th, 2007 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    From the SMUG-O-VISION thread, #47, Trotzenbonnie

    “To the person who posted the link to the Prank Place which I unfortunately shared with my knucklehead son, thanks a bunch. My Mother’s Day presents arrived today and I must say I am truly touched by my son’s thoughtfulness. No sentimental cards, beautiful flowers or silly jewelry for me. Au contraire. I have a gnome that blows bubbles with his ass, a single finger that emitted a loud BRAAAP! at me when I tried to pull it out of its bubble wrap and two refrigerator magnets with humorous rants of a bilious nature printed on them. Lucky me. Nothing says “I love you, mom” like fart jokes.”
    CrabbyGenes here. I have to say that this comment of yours made me howl with laughter. I read it to my 18-year-old daughter (who also loved it), and we had fun trying to guess what age your son might be. (Somewhere between 9 and 14 is my guess.)

    Posting this here rather than on that thread, because I think that thread is just about dead by now…

  355. Stranger…
    May 12th, 2007 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    Ok, I must really be a dad, because today’s (Sat 5/12) Zits actually made total sense to me. I got the joke, but I understood where the mom was coming from. *sigh* I’m officially a parent when I see the parent’s perspective on Zits.

    At least I get to have lots of sex before 6pm when the kids are gone tho…

  356. Poteet
    May 12th, 2007 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    # 353 — Heck, John, I feel smug and superior because I’ve memorized the lyrics to AMERICAN PIE. And part of feeling smug and superior is refusing to recognize what that says about me:-).

    # 354 — Yep, CrabbyGenes, I howled with laughter also. A touching tale of filial love — bwahaha!

  357. John C Fremont
    May 12th, 2007 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    MW – Unbelievable. Mary is doing her impersonation of that guilded buddha I saw in The Book Of Lists all those years ago. Too bad she’s not very good at it.

    RMMD – Great. Now we get a week’s worth of the reading of the minutes from the last board meeting. At Avery International, Robert’s Rules of Order are really more Robert’s Suggetions of Some Semblance of Order. Gee, I wonder how this one’s gonna turn out?

    A3G – So is that supposed to be our ghost talking in the last panel, or have Bolle and Trusiani been to the Jack Elrod School of Speech Ballooning?

  358. CrabbyGenes
    May 12th, 2007 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    FOOB. Okay, WHY has Deanna been left to deal with her two kids by herself on MOTHER’S DAY?! No doubt, Saint Michael is off writing his stupid second book.

  359. rich
    May 13th, 2007 at 12:11 am [Reply]

    323, Spotted HØrse says,

    I think you’ve nailed Al’s reference. “Hep” is Rat Pack patter from forty years ago referencing radio humor from twenty years before that. Sad, really.

    Both funny and true. Something about that observation, in my present state, kind of blows my mind. It’s like mirrors upon mirrors… Oh, by the way, good self-medication tonight!

    340, Spider-Brick —

    Excellent work! — There was a late second laugh when I noticed Thel’s legs.

  360. Jym
    May 13th, 2007 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    =304= MT (Spotted HØrse): Sam’s charms have faded right along with her revelations that the drained the wetlands and evicted the wildlife. Not only did her Hills erode, but her mascara fell off, her hair got limp, and her face bloated.

  361. Widdle Jeffy
    May 13th, 2007 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    “Anyone want to challenge me to a cookie eating contest?”

    Nope, but just as soon as we get the ass kicking contest ready, you will be first in line.

  362. rich
    May 13th, 2007 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    Sunday A3G – Goodnight, moon! Despite several additional minutes of breathing whatever fumes or hallucinogens that weird old superintendent guy has been pumping into her studio, suddenly Luann is able to pull herself from death’s grasp and finally open the damn window.

    Today’s episode… “No! Please make it stop!!”

  363. Uncle Lumpy
    May 13th, 2007 at 1:31 am [Reply]

    #362 rich -

    Luann speaks for us all.

  364. Spotted HØrse
    May 13th, 2007 at 2:09 am [Reply]

    #360 Jym:

    Not only did her Hills erode, but her mascara fell off, her hair got limp, and her face bloated.

    Ah. We’re now seeing Sam Hill through Mark’s eyes.

  365. FortyTwo
    May 13th, 2007 at 2:22 am [Reply]


    Thanks for linking to The Nietzche Family Circus! This one is my favorite.

  366. Trilobite
    May 13th, 2007 at 2:37 am [Reply]

    I was away for a couple of days, so I’m just getting caught up with y’all.

    Y’know, I still haven’t heard a good reason why the local paper in Mark Trail apparently runs articles about which journalists are in town and what articles they plan on writing. Perhaps it was a puff piece, something like “Severe Autism Doesn’t Hold Reporter Back” or “Coming Soon — The Most Boring Article Ever” or even “Famous Face-Puncher Visits Airport”? Because if that’s what counts as a major story in that town, they desperately need a good spree killing or molasses fire or SOMETHING.

    I’ve been starting to follow Dick Tracy (yeah, I know, “For the love of god, WHY?” — well, I don’t have a good answer for that, I’m just doing it), and could someone better acquainted with the ongoing horror of this strip please tell me how much longer the post-murder wrap-up is going to take? Seriously, didn’t Dick shove that lady into the smokestack weeks ago? Save it for the Internal Affairs hearing, detective, no one else cares.

    But my favorite strip from these missing days? Sunday’s A3G, of course! What’s not to love? First, LuAnn is convinced that the moon talks to her with a comically bad Spanish accent. Then she’s convinced that it will be able to come into her crappy little studio. Then, fully gripped by the worst-ever case of CRAZY EYES, she clutches her head like a stunned monkey as her elbow shrieks “No! Please make it STOP!” I applaud her psychotic break, and look forward to Monday’s strip where she finally jumps out of the window and splatters herself all over the sidewalk below. If that gallery owner was so damn impressed by her awkwardly painted flowers (which I guess are ripoffs of Albert Pinkham Ryder, although I can’t for the life of me see how), just wait ’til he catches her brave combination of performance art and Jackson Pollock.

  367. Squid Countess
    May 13th, 2007 at 3:09 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth – “He cut off my funds!” “He broke my heart!” He was the best Kenickie since Grease’s Broadway Production!

  368. Red Greenback
    May 13th, 2007 at 4:48 am [Reply]

    The forkball has recently come back in favor with pitchers and has even prolonged their careers. It has an awesome effect when thrown properly and the bottom drops out of it at the last second, causing the hitter to “pull” their head and miss. It is difficult to learn but is worth the effort.

    The forkball, not unlike the sage advice of Otha “Clambake” Yancey, is a great weapon for a lot of pitchers, most notably, Bruce Sutter, Mike Scott, and Roger Clemens to name a few. Yet, most pitchers don’t bring it out until later in their career when they have lost a few mph’s on their fastball. However, it is a great strike out pitch and very difficult to hit as a hitter.

    The forkball is gripped in between the index and middle fingers. The fingers are spread out very wide as the ball fits in between these two fingers. It helps if you have long fingers and is a difficult pitch to learn if you are young and still growing.

    The ball action of the forkball is the bottom dropping out of it. Or it slightly tumbles at the end. The rotation is minimal and you can almost see the seams of the ball. The ball is split by the index and middle finger, and the thumb supports it from underneath. The ball is thrown like a fastball only with a slightly stiff wrist. The ball comes out of the hand on the same plain as the fastball and is hard to pick up. It is usually thrown hard like a fastball but will have a little less velocity.

    On the other side of the coin, some pitchers will use it as an off speed pitch with a considerable amount of less velocity. The forkball can also be caused to break down and in to a right hander, or down and away by applying finger pressure as you release the ball.

    This is a tough pitch to master and I don’t recommend it early on in your career. You need to remember that mastering the fastball and location is at the top of the list. Once you can do that, than you can apply other tools to your arsenal. But don’t forget the basics, learn your mechanics, learn the fastball, and learn location. The rest will come, but you’ll probably be too old to hang out at The Bucket by then.

  369. Trilobite
    May 13th, 2007 at 5:21 am [Reply]

    368 — So basically what you’re saying is that Clambake’s either a senile old coot who’s going to end up maiming those poor young ugly pitchers by getting them to throw a forkball too young, or that he’s been sent by the rest of the league to sabotage Milford’s chances of taking the championship this year?

    Hmm…dementia or malice, dementia or malice: which option best suits Clambake?

    I think I’m going to go with dementia on this one. The dude can’t put on his damn shirt properly, he’s clearly got no business telling anyone else what to do. He probably just likes saying “forkball.” I bet with his (no doubt quaint) New England accent, it sounds really dirty, too.

  370. Red Greenback
    May 13th, 2007 at 5:38 am [Reply]

    Grin and Bear It: This one’s for you mom (she was a GaBI fan back in the day, but now she isn’t) There’s still a glimmer of hope, MamaSan, Just look at the round panel, it’s almost Scaduterrific!
    I ❤ you. mom!

  371. dreadedcandiru2
    May 13th, 2007 at 5:56 am [Reply]

    FBoFW #358: That is correct, CrabbyGenes.

    Crankshaft: Another comic strip woman who needs a good slap in the mouth: Jeff’s mom! The old biddy is reaching near-Winkerbean levels of ill-health, but is she grateful for the son who’s trying to help her? You better believe she isn’t! The whizzled-up old bitch can barely move under her own steam but she yowls at the poor mope, who’s already burdened with one obsolete old dullard, because he’s trying to take her independence away. She praises her no-show son cause his card is bigger? Jeff should do himself a solid and NOT contest the ineviatable DNR.

  372. Red Greenback
    May 13th, 2007 at 6:02 am [Reply]

    #369-Trilobite- I concur with your prognosis of Mr. “Bake”…definitly dementia. If someone doesn’t step in soon to put Mr. “Bake” on a stiff regimen of psychotropics, I foresee him donning a fun fur one-shoulder loincloth shouting “CLAMS GOT MOMMIES!, CLAMS GOT MOMMIES!”

  373. Red Greenback
    May 13th, 2007 at 6:28 am [Reply]

    #372: Did you mean: definitely
    Why yes, yes I did! Thank you Google!…and by Google I mean, of course, O’Fogeyette’s cat.

  374. True Fable
    May 13th, 2007 at 7:14 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft The old lady in today’s allegedly “comic” strip reminds me of my late grandmother. My father and uncles and aunts jumped every time she said frog, day or night, easy or hard, handy or inconvenient. She rarely thanked them, because she expected it of them so why should she thank them for perfunctory courtesies?

    Instead, she griped at them for each inadequacy she percieved, both in what they did for her and in the chinks in the armor of their character. My father had open holes in his armor; the man was charming but an alcoholic, was frankly terrible with money and had an eye for the ladies. She used to rip Dad up one side and down the other, but he worshiped her. No matter how badly she treated him, he took it and never talked back.

    So, today’s Crankshaft has left me irritated, irritated at a long-dead old fashioned, ice-hearted old Indian woman who wielded the forces of tribal matriarchy like a club. When I was a kid, I thought Stomp Dances were where Grandmother went to chew someone out. Even though I am thankful that my dad married the exact opposite and my mother was a gentle, caring, steadfast soul, I still don’t understand why he never told Grandmother, “then hire somebody to fix your roof or re-string your fence if you don’t like it.”

    Why has Tom Batiuk made this Fable Hates Batiuk Week?! Damn you, Tom, today I hate Crankshaft 1/4 inch more than Funky Winkerbean!

  375. goaty
    May 13th, 2007 at 7:14 am [Reply]

    #366 – If you’re looking forward to Monday’s A3G strip because you think you’re going to see some new action — my dear you are as psychotic as Luann on paint fumes. We all know Monday’s A3G will be just be a few frames out of the Sunday strip and absolutely nothing will have happened to advance any sort of action.

  376. Red Greenback
    May 13th, 2007 at 7:25 am [Reply]

    Admittedly, I don’t follow the Winkerbean much so if I don’t hit all the marks here, please feel free to fill in the blanks— I’m looking at you Mibbitmaker, wille,Uncle Lumpy gh Paperback Rifler, etal:

    Please allow me to introduce myself
    I’m Batuik,first name Tom
    My Winkerbean was an okay strip
    But something horribly wrong
    And I was round when Doonesbury
    Stole my thunder and made me think
    I gotta get more relevant
    Human misery is the key
    Pleased to meet you
    Hope you guess my name
    But whats puzzling you
    Is the nature of my game
    I stuck around the cancer wards
    When I saw it was a time for a change
    Talked to key oncologists
    OK, I can’t rhime this one
    I rode a humvee car
    In a computer VR
    When the Insurgents raged…That’s all I got!!!! Take it away Muges!
    And the bodies stank
    Pleased to meet you
    Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
    Ah, whats puzzling you
    Is the nature of my game, oh yeah
    I watched with glee
    While your kings and queens
    Fought for ten decades
    For the gods they made
    I shouted out,
    Who killed the kennedys?
    When after all
    It was you and me
    Let me please introduce myself
    Im a man of wealth and taste
    And I laid traps for troubadours
    Who get killed before they reached bombay
    Pleased to meet you
    Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
    But whats puzzling you
    Is the nature of my game, oh yeah, get down, baby
    Pleased to meet you
    Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
    But whats confusing you
    Is just the nature of my game
    Just as every cop is a criminal
    And all the sinners saints
    As heads is tails
    Just call me lucifer
    cause Im in need of some restraint
    So if you meet me
    Have some courtesy
    Have some sympathy, and some taste
    Use all your well-learned politesse
    Or Ill lay your soul to waste, um yeah
    Pleased to meet you
    Hope you guessed my name, um yeah
    But whats puzzling you
    Is the nature of my game, um mean it, get down
    *Starey Gap Toothed Hoo Guy*
    Woo, who
    Oh yeah, get on down
    Oh yeah
    Oh yeah!
    Tell me baby, whats my name
    Tell me honey, can ya guess my name
    Tell me baby, whats my name
    I tell you one time, youre to blame
    *Starey Gap Toothed Hoo Guy*
    Ooo, who
    Ooo, who
    Ooo, who
    Ooo, who, who
    Ooo, who, who
    Ooo, who, who
    Ooo, who, who
    Oh, yeah
    Whats me name
    Tell me, baby, whats my name
    Tell me, sweetie, whats my name
    Take it home, *Starey Gap Toothed Hoo Guy*
    Ooo, who, who
    Ooo, who, who
    Ooo, who, who
    Ooo, who, who
    Ooo, who, who
    Ooo, who, who
    Ooo, who, who
    Oh, yeah

  377. John C Fremont
    May 13th, 2007 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    # 376 – Well played, Red. I especially liked the inclusion of the Hoo Guy ’cause, like, who else could sing that part?

    Lio – More squid action! I love Lio! Squid(s) love lio!

    MT – Why is the whale sneering at the poor polar bear? The polar bear doesn’t understand the whale’s hostility toward her. Also, I know there’s no speech balloon coming from the killer whale in the final panel, but you just know he’s the one telling us to learn about the arctic and antarctic and to – GO POLAR! As opposed to going bipolar, as Elrod obviously has.

    SFx – So, Mr. Weber. I’ve beaten all three of your “puzzles” in record time once again, especially the writing on the cake mestery – that was pathetically easy. And yeah, I’m gonna draw the fish and crab, too. Come on, Weber. Offer me a real challenge!

    A3G – I know I mentioned this last night, but I love the Elrod influence on other comics. Not so much a talking elbow as a talking bicep or shirt sleeve. Either way, it’s comic gold!

    FW – Aaaagghhh!!! Or to put it another way, have a happy – I mean, have a FREAKIN’ DEPRESSING HALF-SMIRKIN’ MOTHER’S DAY! Here are the papers – go harvest the bone marrow and organs from the son you abandoned years ago! He’s young. I’m sure he doesn’t need them much.

    Mutts – Very touching today.

    JP – Get him, Cedric! You tie him up (after borrowing one of MT’s Fists of Justice) and Neddy can kick him in the groin. Where’s that blow torch, anyway?

  378. Pinback65
    May 13th, 2007 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    JP–Roger’s hammy theatrics would make Jonathan Harris jealous. He’s so flamboyant, he can steal attention away from Abbey and Neddy’s breasts. Well, almost.

    Slylock–Hope you’re planning on paying for that donut, Max, you squeaky little bastard.

    3-G–Anyone else thinking of the Girl Called Eddy song Did You See The Moon Tonight?

    Mutts–My mom died over a year ago, so I should be over this sort of thing, but today’s strip made me cry. A lot.

    Foob–So the point is, children are horrible and they’ll ruin your life. Thanks, Lynn.

  379. John C Fremont
    May 13th, 2007 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    TDIET – ‘Can’t Be Too Careful Dept.” That’s the joke? Really? The security guard doing his job is the joke? The fact that the guy forgot his ID is the joke? Oh, ho, ho, I’m holding my sides. Also, the foreman who comes home to his puppy – Robert Klein covered that 30 years ago, only it was a Nazi. Hmm, 30 year old humor. That’s almost cutting edge stuff for Scaduto.

  380. queek
    May 13th, 2007 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    some interesting Sunday strips for Mom’s Day.

    FOOB: puppies!

    Jump Start: Howie creeps me out, even when he’s not in your bedroom in the middle of the night.

    Frazz: Maudlin shout-outs rule.

    FC: I’m trying to be non-snarky, so I’ll just say nice inter-comics shout-out, instead of noting that none of the characters have names, merely titles. Or maybe Keane couldn’t remember their names either.

    Dilbert: “the urge” returns

    and last but not least: “an eggplant IS a shape!!!”

  381. The Avocado Avenger
    May 13th, 2007 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    #278 Poteet – So, basically, that one commenter proves he can ramble at length about something, yet not know the first thing about it. “Peanuts” doesn’t compare in any way to “BC”, if you ask me. And I don’t think many liberals nowadays would author a Christmas special with lengthy Bible passages and an anti-commercial message. But I could be wrong, I’m probably a commie pinko scumbag and didn’t know it.

    FW – After browsing through the first strips in ’99 or so, when Lisa first got cancer, I’m even more pissed at Batiuk. He used to handle the subject with some dignity and humor, but now it’s just maudlin and creepy.

  382. O’Fogeyette
    May 13th, 2007 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    I hate to admit it, but I liked FC today. I practically never read it, but was struck by the pix of all the moms. Cute.

    340 Spider Brick: Bwahaha! And whatever happened to Nicky, anyway?

    373 Red: Google is a cat of many talents.

    And my team won the final game of the season yesterday afternoon! We weren’t there, but listened on radio. Came back in the bottom of the eighth inning (softball has seven regular innings) on a home run by first basewoman Sam Banister! Is that a great sports name, or what? Now, on to the playoffs….

  383. MonkeyHawk
    May 13th, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    #382 — O’Fogeyette:

    … a home run by first basewoman Sam Banister!

    Is her first name Samantha? And her friends call her “Sam?”

    Perhaps you should explain that to me a couple more times.

  384. Red Greenback
    May 13th, 2007 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    #376-Did you mean: gap toothed starey hoo guy
    -Thanks again Google. Here’s a nice chin scritch and a catnip toy that looks like Aldo.
    Hmm,… come to think of it this Aldo catnip toy bears a striking resemblance to Will Geer!.

    Hey…Happy Mother’s Day’all!….♥ and ☮ and ☯ all..and O’Fogeyette: ♥ and ☮ and ☯ and a nice cuppa joe!

  385. Squid Countess
    May 13th, 2007 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    Sunday Apt 3G – As the shading on her hands and face in the last panel reveals, Lu Ann’s becoming a werewolf! Monday:Still becoming a werewolf. Tuesday: Lu Ann tries to bite Margo. Margo unhinges her jaw and swallows Lu Ann whole. Meanwhile, Tommie receives the new pant suit she ordered from the Blair catalog.

  386. O’Fogeyette
    May 13th, 2007 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    383 Monkeyhawk: According to the AZ Softball Media Guide, her birth name is Samantha Marie. You see, girls named Samantha are often nicknamed “Sam.” I’m sure you and the others here didn’t know that. I don’t know what her friends call her, but the fans call her “Bam-bam.”

    384 Red: Awwwww…. thanks so much. I’m touched. Really. Sniff. Where else could I find my addiction so well respected? And Google thanks you too. His favorite toy heretofore has been a raggy, disintegrating pink thing that he had when I got him. But I’m sure he’ll love the Aldo/Will Geer catnip toy much more.

    Happy Mother’s Day to you and everyone else here too. Anyone who feels like reading a weepy and heartwarming, extremely well-written article about the meaning of motherhood should click here:

  387. Red Greenback
    May 13th, 2007 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    #382 O’Fogeyette and #383 MonkeyHawk- It could be Samuella, see: and or

    When i search for Samulla Banister, this is at the top:

  388. O’Fogeyette
    May 13th, 2007 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    387: Red! Pull yourself together! I’m sure Josh will have a new post up soon, or at least before tomorrow.

  389. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    May 13th, 2007 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    It could also be Samiha. (I think I went to elementary school with a girl by that name.)

  390. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 13th, 2007 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    Mother’s Day edition

    FBOFW: Does it disturb anyone else that Merediff already has Liz’s face? Couldn’t Lynn wait until she was somewhere near puberty to give her the sexillicious puffy-lipped look? What’s that? Due to the strip going into deep freeze, that’s never going to happen? Fine with me.

    FC: I have to admit that I don’t recognize the woman in Billy’s thought balloon next to Ma Zits. But why is Abbey Spencer missing? True, she’s never actually given birth. But she’ll take you on a drunken European jaunt when you’re in your teens. That’s gotta count for something.

    Rhymes With Orange: Mother’s Day reclaimed somehow involves sleeping in the same room as your kids. On the lower bunk. With their dad nowhere in sight. Well, that does help to guard against conceiving kid #3.

  391. Spotted HØrse
    May 13th, 2007 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    Happy Mother’s Day! As we await the new post, here’s a little BBC gangsta rap, sorta, for all us Goodass Motha Likahs.

  392. Red Greenback
    May 13th, 2007 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    Ooh! Ooh! O’F: Before I forget, and I know this’ll make me sound like a quiche-eating Alan Alda…but a coupla few yesterthreads ago I was not hatin’ on Mutts.

    Au contraire, when I hit Mutts, it more often than not cleanses the palate after I read RM,MD. and FOOB.

    Some of you Mudges call it treacle, but for me, Mutts really provides an “Awww” factor in a sea of inanity.

    How’s that for a “Snark Free Sunday”?

  393. Red Greenback
    May 13th, 2007 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    388: O’Fogeytte-I’m good! AAMOF, I’m taking my mom out for lunch and a tour of Sherman Gardens (a beautiful botanical garden in Corona del Mar…AppleGirl, highly recommended, BTW)
    Anyhoo, I’ll be back in time to see that I’m not in the COTWs again.
    Hey! anyone heard from Dingo??

  394. Red Greenback
    May 13th, 2007 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    393- Me- Dayum! just call me Talking Tina!
    I hope that didn’t sound like I was highly recommending AppleGirl, please don’t magmacannon me Chennux!
    Syntax is not my co-pilot!..Oooh, look at the time!…Gotta go!

  395. mnemonica
    May 13th, 2007 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    Bizarro is worth looking at today — not for the joke, but for the cup of coffee and wedge of blueberry pie amid all the incomprehensible alien paraphernalia.

  396. Leeming
    May 13th, 2007 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    A3G/MW: Luann will die, and Vera will move into the apartment. Margo, of course, will get her sweater puppies out for Von. Tommie? She’ll be working another double shift at the hospital…

    #357 RMMD: There’s no need to read the previous minutes because it’s an extraordinary meeting.

    #378 JP: Sweater puppies, sweater puppies, sweater puppies. That’s all you need to say, the magic words of the day…

  397. Len
    May 13th, 2007 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    Doing adventures of your characters as babies (remember “Little Archie”? or the “Tiny Toons”?) is usually a sign of a series having jumped the shark. It’s way too early for “L’il Lio” — but even as a toddler, he got along well with cephalopods?

    While looking at Go Comics online, I noticed a link to “Big Top,” which I recalled someone saying was being closed down. Here’s the last strip, dated March 25th 2007:

    Kinda sad.

    On the other hand, Go Comics is picking up “Pibgorn” soon. Hurrah!

  398. Len
    May 13th, 2007 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    Josh? Uncle Lumpy? Since the number of posts has risen humongously, may I suggest picking an arbitrary number (say, 300?) after which a new Metapost be automatically installed, just for ease of handling?

  399. Uncle Lumpy
    May 13th, 2007 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    #398 Len -

    A metapost might be one way to do it, but I think RSS feeds provide an alternative route that would operate unattended by Josh. With RSS, the comments are pulled to a reader site or your own client, so each comment travels just once, instead of the whole page every time you look.

    Problems include:

    a) Josh’s latest WordPress upgrade apparently broke RSS for comments. Caroline and I mourned; the world shrugged.

    b) RSS never worked that well anyway, with comments coming out of order, big overnight gaps, and so on

    I’m looking into some alternatives for my own use, and will post a guide to any I find. I can’t imagine all this F5. . .F5. . .F5 with these big pages does much good for Josh’s bandwidth budget (but at least we’re not posting images!).

  400. queek
    May 13th, 2007 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    397: Len, Tiny Toons was far from shark-jumped. It was a wonderful fresh look at the Warner-warped Looniverse. “our teaching staffs been getting laughts since 1933!”

    “No relation.”

  401. O’Fogeyette
    May 13th, 2007 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    392 & 393 Red: Awww… so happy to hear you not hatin’ on Mutts. It’s probably my favorite comic, despite–or perhaps even because of–the treacle element. It’s just very nice sometimes to have a little smile and a little puppy or kitten luv. I don’t mind the preachiness about shelter animals and species extinction, because those messages deserve to be heard over and over until they sink in. Just IMO, of course.

    Sounds like you have a great Mother’s Day planned. Hope you and your mom enjoy yourselves!

  402. Trotzenbonnie
    May 13th, 2007 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    To Crabby Genes:
    (Sigh) My son is almost thirty years old.

    The second part of my gift arrived later that afternoon–a gift box from
    that contained chili fixins and enough dried beans to make all of my other gifts obsolete.


    And where the hell was Michael Patterson today? No little heart bags for all of the women in his life? Not even brunch at IHOP for Deanna? WTF?!

  403. SecretMargo
    May 13th, 2007 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: Well, it was nice of Dagwood to put off his usual weekend orgy with his pals until the afternoon. Mother’s Day only comes once a year, after all, while gay foursomes do so four times a weekend (at least).

  404. Spotted HØrse
    May 13th, 2007 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    #401 O’Fogeyette:
    392 & 393 Red: Awww… so happy to hear you not hatin’ on Mutts.
    Mutts is a great strip. As for the treacle factor, when you can flat out draw like McDonnell, it helps a lot… the guy has chops for days. I don’t mind, either, when Mutts gets preachy. I just look at the art and go, awwww.

  405. dale
    May 13th, 2007 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    FunkyW -
    Is it a coincidence that the doctor’s name is an anagram of LETHAL?

  406. O’Fogeyette
    May 13th, 2007 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    Thanks, Spotted HØrse. Everyone here is so sharp, and rapier-like, and snarky, and generally sarcastic, that I am always a little nervous when my soft gooey side comes out. It’s very good to know others love Mutts. and I agree about the art. I have several of the collections, and there’s extra art in all of them, some of it quite beautiful. McDonnell is very influenced by Japanese art.

  407. Cedar
    May 13th, 2007 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    Why is Robin always portrayed to be such a horrible, whining, screeching monster in FOOB? Excepting the strips right after his birth, I can’t recall a single strip with hm that doesn’t end poorly. Meredith used to get cute, pleasant comics when she was a toddler, but has also turned into a brat after Robin’s birth? What’s the deal? Is LJ still resentful of her own offspring for ruining her life, and expressing it through the strip (again)? Is it sour grapes because she has no grandchildren? Or does she think this sort of stuff is cute?

    By the way, how old is Robin? Like, two and a half? He’s acting like an infant in this recent strip
    but seems relatively age appropriate in today’s.

  408. Uncle Lumpy
    May 13th, 2007 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    #405 dale -

    Wow – nice catch! I’m guessing not.

  409. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    May 13th, 2007 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    Dale @ 405:

    OMG! You’re right. That has to be intentional! I betcha Batiuk thinks it’s “humor,” too. What a Margoing piece of boxcar he is.

  410. SecretMargo
    May 13th, 2007 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    Fully gripped by the clammy hands of procrastination fever, I was innocently poking around the parts of the FBoFW website this afternoon that I normally know better than go near. Of course, it wasn’t long before I was forcibly reminded why:

    I usually don’t go for ad hominem attacks on Ms. Johnston because they generally strike a weirdly misogynist note for me, and I feel she should be commended for becoming a giant in a field with few female movers an’ shakers. And while flipping through the “studio tour,” I was struck by her hiring of what appears to be an exclusively female workforce of ancillary executives. This seems like an interesting response to the most likely male dominated workplaces employed by her counterparts.

    But dudes and dudettes, look at that picture. Or, better yet, start at the bottom of the list on the “tour” page and go through several candid, normal pictures of perfectly reasonable-looking women going about their business, and then look at it.

    It’s….LYNN!! You might think drawin’s a drag, but here’s LYNN!! I used to be dowdy, I used to be drab, but now I’m LYNN!! I once was kind and caring, now I’m simply oversharing, I’m LYNN!!!

    Song parodies are not my thing, but I’m sure someone out there can stare upon this portrait of Medusa in a kicky tropical top and think of something better, provided your snark muscles haven’t been frozen into lifelong stony paralysis by the horror. As mine have.

  411. John C Fremont
    May 13th, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    JP – At the risk of offending my favorite comic artist, Eduardo Barreto, this is twice this week we’ve had to watch Evil Roger take a drink and talk at the same time, and it’s really starting to bug me. The other day it was just awkward, but today it looks as though he should have most of his glass of yellowish liquid pouring down his chin and onto his shirt while saying “Fogggrr abougggght aggh yearggg nowgg. Cough-cough!” And to top it off, he’s just daring the girls to pull his finger. Thank goodness there are sweater puppies for distraction. (Sweater puppies – now officially one of my favorite descriptors ever!)

    Happy Sweater Puppies Day, everyone!

  412. John C Fremont
    May 13th, 2007 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    And is Cedric also challenging someone (Roger, perhaps?) to pull his finger as well? Wonder what’s for dinner…

  413. Poteet
    May 13th, 2007 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    # 366 — Trilobite, welcome to DT! You’ll fit in great, because “for the love of God, WHY?” is our official motto.

  414. Poteet
    May 13th, 2007 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    # 381 — Avocado Avenger, you are correct. And of course this person is not the first know-nothing-but-ramble-at-length commentor on that site.

    # 401 — O’F, I’m a sucker for MUTTS. More some days than others, but on cat days especially.

  415. Harry Paratestes
    May 13th, 2007 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    #410 SecretMargo
    It looks like Lynn was in the middle of a huge, self-congratulatory smile when she crapped in her Depends.

  416. SecretMargo
    May 13th, 2007 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    415: Harry — Indeed. It looks like the 29th shot in a series, taken right at the moment her composure started to crack.

    Also, if you wish to scar your mind further, play Slylock and try to find the waistband of her white, white pants.

  417. Poteet
    May 13th, 2007 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    I’ll probably sound like I’m trying for a cushy position at the Vatican:-), but I think we should be grateful we get new posts as often as we do. I’d come here even if the posts ran to 800 comments. I don’t know what all else the Pope is doing these days, but posting several times a week and reading all comments regardless of their sanity level must take up a lot of time. If there were a fast easy cheap acceptable-to-the-Pope way to start new threads, sounds interesting, but if not, I’ll settle for what we’re getting.

  418. Harry Paratestes
    May 13th, 2007 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    You’re right, it’s such a totally forced pic, as though a nerdy photog had said ‘cheese’ for the 300th time. Also, I hate to say it, but it looks like her waistband and bra strap are one with each other.

  419. O’Fogeyette
    May 13th, 2007 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    417 Poteet: Well said! Me, too. Even though my main talent here is ending threads, and it doesn’t work well on weekends.

  420. Harry Paratestes
    May 13th, 2007 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    417 Poteet
    Also, Himself posts on wonkette, and may even work a day job. Clearly, frivolity is a stern taskmaster.

  421. O’Fogeyette
    May 13th, 2007 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    Harry and Poteet,

    How come we don’t know if Josh has a day job? Does his beautiful wife support him?

  422. willethompson
    May 13th, 2007 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    #419 O’F – In this regard, you are as powerless as Superman after eating a Kryptonite cassarole. We’ll get the advertising metapost and the COTW later this evening or early tomorrow, but we must realize that His Popeness has a life outside of…(sniff)…us.

  423. SecretMargo
    May 13th, 2007 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    421: Don’t we know? I thought he alluded to writing/editing technical prose for some sort of Geek-O-Matic concern at one point or another a few moons ago. Though this may have changed.

  424. Harry Paratestes
    May 13th, 2007 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    I’ve never heard if Himself supports Himself with a job or not. Let’s ask.
    Hey Josh
    What do you do in real life, i.e. when you’re not blogging on Wonkette or riding herd on this bunch? Do you have a day job?

  425. Uncle Lumpy
    May 13th, 2007 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    Here’s Josh’s public profile on LinkedIn. LinkedIn members can see the full profile behind the login.

  426. Harold
    May 13th, 2007 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    Mutts is probably the only strip that has made me cry. It was a few years ago at Christmastime, and it was a strip that had the little dog give his sweater to a big bulldog who was chained up outside in the cold. Cripes, just thinking about it is putting tears in my eyes.

    And everybody may already know this but me: Brookins, who does the Pluggers one-panel, also does editorial cartoons. I opened up my paper yesterday and say a cartoon on the editorial page called “Alpo and Old Lace”, featuring some very familiar-looking dogs.

  427. O’Fogeyette
    May 13th, 2007 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    Thanks, Uncle Lumpy. I actually joined LinkedIn so I could read his profile. It appears he is a freelance editor/writer. As I am the same, I award him large amounts of sympathy.

  428. Squid Countess
    May 13th, 2007 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    Was Moon Mullins serious in a yesterthread when he said he was posting from the French Riviera? I haven’t been able to get the “Secret Agent Man” song out of my head since I read his post. Now I just remembered it was Moon who parodied “Secret Agent Man”, with these immortal words:

    Mark Trail’s got your number
    And his potato knows your name

    Et sa pomme de terre sait votre nom, eh Moon?

  429. Harold
    May 13th, 2007 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Family Circus is just begging for some head-substitution. Maybe Momma (from the strip of the same name), and Meth-Lab Momma (from Rex Morgan, M.D.)…and…and…Loretta Lockhorn? Wait, she’s not a mother, as far as I know…any other nominees?

  430. O’Fogeyette
    May 13th, 2007 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    426 Harold: Nearly all the “Guard Dog” strips make me cry. I once co-authored a book with a veterinarian about the evolution of animal emotions. Dogs are engineered to deeply need the company of the pack. When they are left alone they truly suffer. It breaks my heart that there are so many dogs like that “Guard Dog” in Mutts. Likewise, cats have a deep-seated need to explore and interact with their environment. A cat that is left alone all day in an apartment is a suffering cat. If people cannot meet their pets’ emotional as well as physical needs, they should not keep pets. End rant.

  431. True Fable
    May 13th, 2007 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    #417 Poteet – well said, my queen. I’m grateful Josh shoulders the burden of this site. Because of him I have been able to meet all these wonderful people here like my lovely queen, and an extraterrestrial emperor! I also have the pleasure of enjoying the humor of some of the wittiest people I’ve ever met.

    Thanks, Josh. I don’t think we say it enough.

  432. Poteet
    May 13th, 2007 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    # 430 — O’F, one of my cats has informed me that I could spend several hours a day petting him and still not meet his deepest emotional needs:-), but I do agree with you.

    # 431 — Sir Fable MTK, I feel the same way. And what a good idea. Thank you, Josh!!

  433. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 13th, 2007 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    Seeing that picture gave me the feeling that the dean’s drunk wife was making a pass at me. Needless to say, I’m mulling it over.

    About today’s Lio: Is the pink squid his mom? That would keep the strip in today’s holiday theme. And how surprised would you really be if Lio were a human-Elder god hybrid.

    Over in the sister strip, Heart’s leg seems to have heeled already. Maybe there’s something a little uncanny about her too.

  434. Spotted HOrse
    May 13th, 2007 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    #428 Squid Countess:
    Moon’s Secret Agent Man post for MT was sheer magic.
    “He knows WHAT you did!
    Time for SUNDAY squid!”

    Keeps haunting me, too.

  435. Josh
    May 13th, 2007 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    I am charmed by everyone’s interest in my non-Curmudgeoning life. The details have pretty much come out, but here are the details for those of you who have stuck it out to the end of the thread: I am a freelance editor, and at the moment I mostly edit material written by and for computer programmers and other IT folk (though I have ventured outside this scope — I was a copy editor for a life sciences journal for a while, for instance).

    As a freelancer, I work at home in my jammies, and don’t have bosses breathing down my neck, so as long as I get my assignments done on time, nobody complains if I (say) dedicate much of my time to a goofy blog about comic strips. Also, as I make more money on the blog, I’ve been able to cut back on my boring but well-paying freelancing gigs a bit to make more time for it. I’m certainly not at the point where I can cast all of my tech clients aside recklessly and dedicate myself to this site full time yet, but it’s definitely an important part of my income at this point. (I also get paid for the stuff I do at Wonkette — not a ton, but enough to make the time investment worth my while.)

    Oh, and I’m gonna have some comics up for you tonight at some point — honest!


  436. Josh
    May 13th, 2007 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    PS If anyone feels that they desperately need my editorial talents — or even not-so-desperately — check out my resume:

    Please ignore any and all typos and howlers on this site, I beg of you. I’m also writing at like 3 am and don’t have a second pair of eyes to back me up!

  437. Harry Paratestes
    May 13th, 2007 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    Oh no, you’ve got to read stuff from IT? I’m hoping – for your sake – that it’s technical manuals and stuff, not techieraunch filled with fantasies of orc-orgies, elf-porn and furrie doings.

  438. Uncle Lumpy
    May 13th, 2007 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    #436 Josh -

    Josh, you have hundreds of eyes to back you up – steely, steely, unforgiving eyes!

  439. Josh
    May 13th, 2007 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    #437 HP — It’s mostly shorter articles, like … oh hell, I can just show you:

    That’s one of mine. Not for the faint of heart! I would edit furry slash fiction if the prices was right, though. I have a lot of professional pride in the quality of my work, but not a lot of shame about content, if you follow me.

    #438 UL — Tell me about it. Each day brings a fresh humiliation.


  440. Dennis Jimenez
    May 13th, 2007 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    RMMD = Oki – Whatchu talkin’ ’bout Willis (or Wallace or whatever TF your name is).

  441. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 13th, 2007 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    Whoa, Josh, you sure you want to broadcast your address and home phone all over the place.? What if you do something to really piss off Tom Batiuk?

  442. Harry Paratestes
    May 13th, 2007 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    My hat off to you, Josh. As an engineer (EE) I’ve gone through tech writing classes and do technical reports occasionally, and I have great respect for people who can write clearly, accurately and concisely.

  443. CrabbyGenes
    May 13th, 2007 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    To #402 Trotzenbonnie. Oh, my. Maybe I’ve put my foot in it. However, part 2 of your present sounds great! I love beans of any kind, myself.

    I am about 500 comments behind in reading, and decided, in despair, to just hop, skip, and jump around for a while. That’s how I came upon your comment. I suppose I would have gotten to it sooner or later, but probably later. Keeping up is becoming a problem.

  444. Harry Paratestes
    May 13th, 2007 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    # 441 Artist formerly known as Ben
    You’re right, Josh could be the victim of Batiuk’s vengeance and wake up with cancer, lupus, STDs and a monstrous rupture! Josh, I urge you to find a witch doctor to perform a sorcerous preemptive strike and inflict anal fissures on Tom Batiuk.

  445. CrabbyGenes
    May 13th, 2007 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    And on that note (my #443), here is my take on what it must be like to be Josh:

    Keeping this site up must be kind of like feeding a bunch of pigeons in a public park. When you start, there are very few pigeons. But over the weeks, months, and years, you acquire more and more pigeon friends, who become ravenous hoards. Pretty soon the pigeons are waiting for you at the park at the time they know you’ll probably show up, even before you get there, ready to jump on every tidbit you throw out. They grouse and grumble about why you haven’t shown up yet. When you do show up, they gobble up all your food and demand more. And you realize that there are gradually more and more “droppings” at the place where you feed them, requiring ever larger shovels, and finally a back-hoe to shovel them into the archives…

    And finally it get’s so bad that you decide to hire a substitute pigeon-feeder when you go on vacation. (The pigeons appreciate this. And it’s fun to have a different food-provider from time to time.)

    And even though your pigeons are becoming so fat that they can’t even digest all the food that you give them (right now I am 500 comments behind), they keep demanding more. They also start suggesting that since there are so many of them, you should feed them more often, and in more than one place so that’s it not such a struggle to get through all the droppings to the food.

    Well Josh, we pigeons really do appreciate you, and good luck dealing with us all. I just hope you don’t go off the deep end one of these days and do something drastic like “poisoning pigeons in the park!”

  446. willethompson
    May 13th, 2007 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    As a fellow traveler in the world of IT ghost-writing (my Network Design Guide has been the talk of the industry since its first printing in 2003), I can fully appreciate Josh’s day job/night evocation persona. More often than not, I’m under deadline when the muse strikes and I feel the need to lampoon FBoFW with a song parody. And, based on what I surmise from other posters, we all interrupt work to view/contribute here.

    You make me laugh. I make you laugh. Somehow, a living is made and work gets done. And that’s my non-funny COTW. (The funny one was the Redmullet McSweaterPuppies earlier.) QED.

  447. willethompson
    May 13th, 2007 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    #445 CrabbyGenes – cooooo. coooooo. cooooo. AkkPThtt!

  448. Ukulele Ike
    May 13th, 2007 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    {checking the date on the bachelor’s degree}

    My god, Josh…’re just a BAYYYYY-BEEEEEEE!

  449. Red Greenback
    May 13th, 2007 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

    Great day with Moms!

    #439 Josh zzzzzzzzzzzz-No wonder you were so into seeing “ExtravaDanza”when you were in Vegas… I kid Josh, I heart you and I love you for bringing this wondabuliclous Community together! This is the nicest blog with just the right amount of piquancy to keep it real.
    La Vida Gil Thorp!

  450. fizzy logic
    May 13th, 2007 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

    So, Crabby Genes, if I’m grasping your metaphor correctly, us commentors’s writings are akin to a pile of pigeon poop? I think some of us (not me, necessarily) think we are funnier than that.

    Whee, I’m just funnin’ ya. I think your description is pretty apt – we’re all just sitting here waiting for the next batch of crumbs to be thrown out, and we’re a noisy, demanding, ungrateful bunch at that. We puff and preen and flutter around from topic to topic – we ARE a bunch of pigeons.

    Josh, we do appreciate you and all that you do to keep us entertained.

  451. Gabe
    May 13th, 2007 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    Josh, I prefer to think of you as as violent idiot savant, locked up in a padded room, only let out when you’ve “been good,” and allowed access to a keyboard and a pile of comics where you wail away avante level humor at the internets.

    This makes me feel more comforted on days you don’t updates than the boring “I had real work to do” excuses. Frankly, I just don’t buy it.

  452. John C Fremont
    May 13th, 2007 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    Gee, no wonder the Bird Lady from Mary Poppins was always looking for other people to feed the birds. What a weird and, probably, accurate analogy.

    Thanks, Josh. I feel all warm and mushy – Oh, it’s my Depends. Ha, ha, ha! Oh, that one keeps them in stitches at the nursing home. I hereby bring this thread to a close.

  453. Red Greenback
    May 13th, 2007 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    Okay, this has nothing to do with the comics, or the rising price of pork, or whatever, but…I just saw a dog going to the bathroom on my fukkkin’ lawn!…Okay, *gasp, gasp* another dog (I’m assuming the female canine, came upon the scene and and sniffed he fecal matter laid down by dog 1, Thusly dog 2 “presented”…and then those darn dogs made love to “beat the band”

  454. Gabe
    May 13th, 2007 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    John Free: I’m so happy my favorite euphemism for Female Mind Control Vices has become the standard description on the Mudge.

    Sweater Puppies Forever!

  455. Poteet
    May 13th, 2007 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    # 450 — fizzy logic, like you, I think CrabbyGenes’ metaphor is very apt. (Coooo, coooo.) However, from time to time, I think some of us also behave a little like raccoons. I’m thinking of a tragic tale I heard about a man near here who started out giving part of his peanut butter sandwich to a raccoon in his backyard one evening, and ended up, a few weeks later, feeding a mob of two dozen coons who were none too pleased if he didn’t come up with enough edibles.

  456. queek
    May 14th, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    445: yay 4 Tom Lehr references!

  457. gh
    May 14th, 2007 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    Congrats, Reedzilla and everyone topside! A fine blend of rage and befuddlement.

    After months of coming here, I am actually laughing out loud at the comics again. Just not the way I used to. This morning I laughed at (DT)GT‘s “breast maintenance,” MT‘s whacky commissioners ["WHAT do you mean?"] who will presumably be crane-lifting in one ginormous ubiquiduck to block the runway, and GF, which this site introduced me to. I laughed knowing that more than one person [me] was cleaning up the puddle of drool produced by staring at a cartoon cat in a plaid skirt.

    So why do I come here every day [when I can] for as long as I can?

    1) I will be hugely entertained.
    2) I will make an honest and honorable connection with someone I respect.
    2a) Respect is earned, and you guys don’t even have to break a sweat.
    3) As per Poteet’s Postulates, #s 2-6 and 10.
    4) I can behave like a 12 year old and no one calls me on it.
    5) Orange tuxedos!
    6) At least three people know who Chad and Jeremy are.
    7) If not, at least six people know who Rocky Rococo is.
    8) If not, at least 60 people know who Don Martin is and can reproduce at least one of his sound effects.
    10) At least ten people still mourn for the National Lampoon cover dog.
    11) Yesh!
    12) Molly’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.
    13) Margo (‘nuff said).

    True Fable, Mibbitmaker, you had me howling with the Lennon and Tom Jones riffs. Red Greenback – a noble effort. I threw in the towel on “Sympathy for the Devil” weeks ago.

  458. Carly
    December 3rd, 2007 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    Clearly it hasn’t been noticed before because you are the only person in the world who actually reads B.C.

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