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CURSES UPON YOU, AJGLU-3000!

Archie, 5/12/07

Hey, Archie creative team, do you think I like making joke after joke about how your comic strip reads like it was written by a computer that almost understands the humor and emotions of biological life forms, but doesn’t quite? Well, I don’t, OK? So just stop writing jokes that sound like they were written by a computer, damn it. I mean … shiny … penny … Betty … glowing for some reason … WHAT THE HELL. CUT IT OUT.

It’s also possible that the lady in the third panel isn’t actually Betty, but some new one-off character named “Penny,” and that everyone looks alike in this strip and the only way to tell them apart is by their hair. In the interest of saying something nice: those are some sweet-ass pants on whoever that girl is in the third panel. (That’s sweet-ass pants, not sweet ass-pants. I mean, they may be sweet ass-pants, but we can’t see the back, so I’m not going to take a position on that.)

Judge Parker, 5/12/07

Roger has already been established as a villain because others have been talking smack about him before he arrived, plus he’s astoundingly hideous. But, you know, a less careful reader might assume that Rachel really had succumbed to dementia “these days” — she seemed pretty sharp the last time we saw her, but of course that was more than three months ago. Except that, as near as I can tell, those three months have covered less than 24 hours of strip time. DON’T THINK WE’RE NOT KEEPING TRACK, JUDGE PARKER OVERLORDS! Anyway, it looks like we’re in for a Very Special Elder Abuse storyline as Groves and Rachel are held captive by this evil refugee from the Allman Brothers Band.

As you may or may not know, Judge Parker and Rex Morgan, M.D., are both written by the same guy (Woody Wilson), and both are currently in the midst of storylines involving the dissipated, ungrateful sons of the rich attempting to protect their inheritance from ancillary family members. Wild speculation in the comments as to the motivation is encouraged.

This entry was posted on Sunday, May 13, 2007 at 08:36 pm and is filed under Archie, Judge Parker. |

94 responses to “CURSES UPON YOU, AJGLU-3000!”

  1. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    May 13th, 2007 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    “Sweet ass-pants”? Josh, do you read xkcd?

  2. flotsam
    May 13th, 2007 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    You’ll notice in the secong panel Archie is looking at all of us in anticipation of this “joke” bombing…

  3. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    May 13th, 2007 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    To explain a bit further, see this comic.

  4. The Management
    May 13th, 2007 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    Perhaps Penny is a prostitute?

  5. Rusty
    May 13th, 2007 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    I will give the computer the benefit of the doubt, Penny is certain to be a red-haired babe that otherwise looks like Betty in B@W. And Betty and Veronica look identical except for their hair, it is the Archie stepford girlfriend way.

    Am I the only one to see this prodigal son in JP as Dr. Johny fever from WKRP in Cincy? Too dated? Hell, everyone here immediately recognized Aldo as Capn Kangaroo, I can’t be that much older than the demographic here.

  6. alamo
    May 13th, 2007 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    i’ll bet reggie’s new penny is going to cost him plenty!

  7. Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
    May 13th, 2007 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    Why is Archie’s head drawn with a grid pattern around the sides and back? Is his skull held together with 1/2 inch hardware cloth?

  8. Harry Paratestes
    May 13th, 2007 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    JP: I haven’t seen Roger and Rachel together yet, so I think Roger’s doing the Psycho thing and masquerading as his own mother. Clearly, he has been driven insane by the burden of mulletude.

  9. Citric
    May 13th, 2007 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    With her vacant, soulless eyes, and hand polished shine, I think “Penny” is some sort of creepy sex robot Reggie inexplicably carries around with him.

  10. MossMoses
    May 13th, 2007 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    The two toned guilt bubble with the yellow Von inside is a lot like the decapitation bubble with the heads of Mary Worth’s gang of four floating in it, only not as happy. Vera is letting her foolish pride get in the way of a massive trust fund. Why does she turn down her own twin brother when he’s asking for redemption? It’s a lot like people who win millions in the lottery and keep their dish washing job. The choice between filthy richness and being a clerk typist at Affect Advertising seems like a no brainer.

  11. Lizardmess
    May 13th, 2007 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    I thought of xkcd too!

    I love science humor.

  12. Josh
    May 13th, 2007 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    Skullturf — Ha! I have been reading xkcd for a while now (it’s a good ‘un) but I don’t remember that strip — I think it’s from before I discovered it. Great minds and all that, I guess…

    Josh

  13. alamo
    May 13th, 2007 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    rusty — i am with you on the howard hessman look-a-like.

    http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/e/e9/WKRP_Jennifer_and_Johnny.jpg

  14. Yitzchok
    May 13th, 2007 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    Archie: The pattern on Penny’s skirt/pants looks like a printed circuit board. I think the Computer is just keeping itself (himself?) interested…

  15. MossMoses
    May 13th, 2007 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    7. Chet, that’s not cheesecloth, those are grill marks on Starchie’s head from a childhood injury he suffered when his abusive father put his head on the barbecue grill.

  16. Lizardmess
    May 13th, 2007 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    “Hyphen”

    http://xkcd.com/c37.html

  17. Francis
    May 13th, 2007 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    Why is Archie looking behind him in panel 2? Is he afraid someone is going to steal his precious new penny???? If so, this strip is stuck in the past in more ways than one. “Keep away from my penny! I’m planning to buy ten licorice whips with it!”

  18. John C Fremont
    May 13th, 2007 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    # 7 – Long before I’d actually read an Archie comic, I read the parody in an ancient Mad magazine. I’ve been pondering that grid on the side of Archie’s head ever since. Scary stuff.

    And sure, Roger’s uglier than your average roadie, but Barreto’s artwork is gorgeous – even when Abbey and Neddy are absent. Except for Rachel and Groves, of course. They’re scary. Just like the side of Archie’s head.

  19. Harold
    May 13th, 2007 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    Is Woody Wilson by any chance writing the current Phantom storyline, involving some filthy rich characters and an heir? And…say, Mary Worth is also doing a storyline involving the filthy rich and their heirs. What’s next? Will the AJGLU-3000 start focusing on Veronica Lodge’s prodigal ways? Will Lu Ann in A3-G turn out to be the long lost heir to Albert Pinkham Ryder’s fortune?

    I think Oki “Oaky” Merlot is Hugh Avery’s secret contact in the Avery International board meeting. She’s broadcasting to his cell phone using the antennae sticking out of her head. And now we begin the exciting reading of the minutes from the last meeting…this could potentially be as long and tedious as an actual meeting.

  20. Buck Ripsnort
    May 13th, 2007 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    Judging from that glow, Penny won’t look like Betty for long; that radioactive shine will leave her looking like Lisa from Funky Cancerbean.

  21. Rusty
    May 13th, 2007 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    #13: Thank you. i couldn’t find a decent photo to link, but he certainly has that weathered look and 70’s pornstache.

  22. Harry Paratestes
    May 13th, 2007 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    With xkcd, I’ve found that some is good, some is not, and quite a bit is outright incomprehensible, such as the FFT of one’s feline.

    http://xkcd.com/c26.html

  23. manxome foe
    May 13th, 2007 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    I wonder if Reggie found his penny “heads up” or “tails up.” Sorry . . . I’ll go away now.

  24. Mooncattie
    May 13th, 2007 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    I’m trying to imagine any teenager, at any time in history, bothering to pick up a penny and then telling another teenager to “check it out!” More likely is Archie’s dopey neck elongation at the magical appearance of this Jeannie lookalike on Reggie’s arm. Saddest of all is the young lass’s beam of delight at sarcastically being compared to a US one-cent coin.

  25. somethingofafan
    May 13th, 2007 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    This may be more relevant whenever you get around to posting Sunday’s stuff, but who the heck is “Garfielb”?

  26. astrange
    May 13th, 2007 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    > quite a bit is outright incomprehensible, such as the FFT of one’s feline.

    All of xkcd makes complete sense. You just have to be a CS major.

  27. Not that Unitard Guy
    May 13th, 2007 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    Judging by the pants, Penny is visiting from Tron.

  28. aldos
    May 13th, 2007 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    Is it just me, or is Roger essentially Powers Boothe’s character from 24 plus facial hair and a mullet?

  29. Cody
    May 13th, 2007 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    Harry Pairoftestes:

    I read that strip a long time ago, but I just got a huge laugh out of seeing it again and hearing about it from someone that doesn’t get it. I don’t think it would be funny if you have never seen Fourier (pronounced fur-ee-ay) Transforms, but if you’ve ever worked with them before then that becomes immediately hilarious. Plus stuff happening to cats in physics/mathematics is always funny. Just ask Erwin Schrodinger!

  30. Mac
    May 13th, 2007 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    I don’t think that’s even the AJCLU-3000. The 2000, maybe. What really bothers me — who picks up a penny? Nobody picks up anything smaller than a quarter, or at most a dime. The AJCLU was apparently programmed during the Depression.

  31. Blade Runner
    May 13th, 2007 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn starts tomorrow at gocomics.com!

  32. Harold
    May 13th, 2007 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    What’s the deal with the “yellow” panel in every Sunday’s Mary Worth? Today Mary’s head is yellow in panel 5. Last week Vera’s head was yellow in the last panel. Two weeks ago Vera’s head was blue and yellow in panel 5, as was Mary’s the week before that. And before that, Mary and Vera were both yellow in panel 6 of the 4/15 strip! Nobody was yellow on 4/8, but then Mary is yellow in panel 2 on 4/1! What’s going on? Is this some sort of code? Tell us, Moy & Giella!

  33. Dean Booth
    May 13th, 2007 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    Yay, I’m back from the National Texas Death Match Chamber Music Competition — lots of sax and violins, Monkeyhawk!

    From yesterthread, I’ll see what I can do about the LuAnn zombie, O’F. Depends on what images I can find to work with.

    …back just in time for a new thread.

  34. Gabe
    May 13th, 2007 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    How the hell did this get to 30 something comments already? I just refreshed!

  35. Mooncattie
    May 13th, 2007 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    JP’s Roger looks just about evil and unstable enough to pass as a member of Avery International’s Board of Directors.

  36. td
    May 13th, 2007 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    I think Rachel does, indeed, have dementia, and it has caused her to replace all the comfortable furniture in her house with the most upright, straight-backed chairs available in all of Europe. In a wide variety of colors and styles.

  37. Dean Booth
    May 13th, 2007 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    JP: Roger reminded me of Rowsdower from The Final Sacrifice.

  38. Poteet
    May 13th, 2007 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    Per Roger, I’ve seen much more hideous people and incredibly more hideous mullets at the Iowa State Fair. I suspect that’s a major reason why the Fair was listed in as one of the 1,000 places you’re supposed to visit before you die, in the book by that name. (Though if you have a choice between the Iowa State Fair and the Taj Mahal, head for India and don’t look back.)

  39. td
    May 13th, 2007 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    Also, it appears Roger is slipping himself a mickey. Maybe he’s demented, as well . . . .

  40. Warren
    May 13th, 2007 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    In other news, let’s check out the Mother’s Day comics:

    Sally Forth thankfully doesn’t continue its weekly story in which Ted finally snaps and attempts to convince his team to slaughter everyone else, but the other comics make me scream in abject terror. First off, there’s The Family Circus, which invites the reader to picture Pa Keane with a variety of other comic women. While the thought of Billy, Dolly, PJ, and that other kid nobody cares about being trapped inside For Better or For Worse (make a punny filler comic about THAT, you little punk!) is certainly amusing, the idea of Pa Keane being in a world that would explore his relationship with his wife gives me the shivers. Of course, it’s nowhere near as bad as Bumstead, in which Dagwood refuses to have sex with his wife in lieu of “a men’s foursome.” I’m not sure whether my dirty misinterpration is worse than the truth (that is, that he’d rather play golf than have sex).

  41. Poteet
    May 13th, 2007 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    # 38 — Sorry about the extra “in.”

  42. TMC
    May 13th, 2007 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    Looks like Penny/Betty is bringing back the early 90s with her Zubaz pants.

  43. nineandsixtyways
    May 13th, 2007 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    #30 – The Penny/penny homonym doesn’t work for any other currency. Like, for instance, try:

    “I just picked up this girl, Nickel.” Nickel-bag is more like it.

    “I just picked up this girl, Dime.” We’re outa dime, sorry.

    “I just picked up this girl, Quarter.” Doesn’t work; no quarter given.

    In fact, it might only work for Susan B. Anthony and Sacajawea coins…but that’s too tortured for the heuristics of the AJCLU-3000. (Or even the 2000. Maybe the 800…)

  44. Steve S
    May 13th, 2007 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    Another fun thing to do in the ass-hyphenation-relocation spirit (which I do to my brother a lot) is to take it literally when someone uses “shit” as a synonym for “stuff,” as in “I have to buy some shit at Target” (I also do this to my brother a lot).

  45. Steve S
    May 13th, 2007 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    Archie looks more proto-hominid than ever in panel 3. He’s probably considering whether to knock Reggie out with a club and haul Penny back to his cave for a good mutual grooming session.

  46. Lore
    May 13th, 2007 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    According to Wikipedia, there was once a minor Archie comics character named Penny. How minor? She doesn’t even get her own entry in the Minor Characters in Archie Comics article, instead only being referred to as the girlfriend of two minor characters, Freddie “Fangs” Fogarty and Jinx Malloy. In fact it’s not entirely clear whether the Penny referred to in each case is the same Penny, or if either Penny is the Penny in the above comic strip.

    Paid for by the Council to Appear Helpful But Not, In The End, Actually Help.

  47. Vince M.
    May 13th, 2007 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    Archie: I immediately thought of Beck with his chain smoke Kansas flashdance ass pants.

  48. Dean Booth
    May 13th, 2007 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    O’F, here’s your Zombie Luann, per your request yesterthread.

  49. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 13th, 2007 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    Rest assured: if those are sweet ass-pants, Reggie will be taking a position on it. If you know what I mean, which I almost do.

  50. Uncle Lumpy
    May 13th, 2007 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    Is it only me, or does everybody?

  51. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 13th, 2007 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    Nice, Dean. Did Margo just emerge from the Cabinet of Dr Caligari?

  52. wooga
    May 13th, 2007 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    Looking at that last panel of “Roger” in Judge Parker, I can’t help but hear in my head:
    “After the Hulkster is finished laying the smack down on Rachel’s dementia, it’s on to face Judge Parker at WrestleMania 24, brother!”

  53. Red Greenback
    May 13th, 2007 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    Is that a subliminal penis in Penny’s pants.?

  54. Traitor to the Cause?
    May 13th, 2007 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    Since I finally get to post in the first hundred: You know what I’d like to see on this site? Just once, I’d like to see everyone say what comic strip they LIKE and why. Or even what you genuinely like about the comics in general. What got you hooked on comics? Why do you still like and read them? Yeah, the boring, outdated, brain-dead, and cancer-themed strips deserve scorn, but how about going on record with what you think is good? Josh? Anyone?

  55. Red Greenback
    May 13th, 2007 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    Yo Dean- did you get the “FC Sniper Scope” template???

  56. Poteet
    May 13th, 2007 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    # 48 — Dean, you did your best with the material. But alas, even as a zombie, Lu Ann is a total drip. To revive myself from the sudden urge to slumber, I checked out some of your previous masterpieces again, and Lu Ann is not worthy of you.

  57. Mibbitmaker
    May 13th, 2007 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    JP: Somehow, I don’t think Roger is saying that Rachel has become a Doctor Demento fan. Too bad, really.

    LuAnn Powers, on the other hand, is joining Ann Coulter and Rosie O’Donnell in the Crazy Lady Hall of Fame. (On the male side, a suggestion was made yesterthread that Clambake was nuts. If so, he joins Ross Perot and Zombie Dick Nixon in their equivalent.)

  58. Ralph
    May 13th, 2007 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    Dean Booth, congrats on returning alive from the Death Match Chamber Music competition. (The song “Dueling Banjos” comes to mind, only with chamber music.) cheers, ralph

  59. King Folderol
    May 13th, 2007 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    Wild speculation about Judge Parker in the comments section of Josh Reads is oh so 2006. Someone should create a web site about Woody Wilson, start some fabulous rumor about how he’s feuding with his ex-wife/mother/kidney transplant buddy over millions of dollars, and then post a link here. That would be something, people.

  60. Mibbitmaker
    May 13th, 2007 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    #53 (Red Greenback): No, I think she’s just glad to see us! (rimshot!)

  61. Islamorada Girl
    May 13th, 2007 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    Confidential to Dean Booth— When Wyle E. Coyote needs a walking dead person to confound Roadrunner, does he order one from Acme Zombies?
    BTW, you’re a genius.

  62. Dean Booth
    May 13th, 2007 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    #55 Red, Yuppers, your pic is here. I emailed the link to you earlier today.

    p.s. thanks Ben, Poteet and Ralph.

  63. Spiny Norman
    May 13th, 2007 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    The “sweet-ass pants” vs. “sweet ass-pants” dilemma reminds me of a sign I saw in New Orleans a while back, with–let’s just say odd–line spacing: “Huge / Ass Beers / To Go.” Would it have killed the sign maker to print “Huge-Ass / Beers / To Go”? I can’t imagine anyone’s really thrilled about buying an “ass beer.”

  64. Dean Booth
    May 13th, 2007 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    #61, thanks IG. LOL, I didn’t even notice the Acme brand. I see now that the pic is an ad for a ACME comedy troupe in LA; Zombies is their “newest improvised comedic soap opera.”

  65. Zach
    May 13th, 2007 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

    Come on, I think we all know why Penny is glowing… that’s some premium after-sex glow. You can tell by her ruffled hair and the “I feel like I’ve just been violated by a robotic Walter Matthau and I’m still trying to comprehend how this makes me feel” look on her face.

  66. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 13th, 2007 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    #55,
    Oh yeah Red, that made me laugh as well. Man, Jeffy didn’t know what he was getting into.

  67. Slobocrock
    May 13th, 2007 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

    I know this is asking too much of Family Circus, but in Billy’s warped imagination, it looks like Dennis the Menace’s mom seems to be checking out Blondie’s enormous rack and might even be blushing, while Ellie Patterson seems to be rather freaked out by Momma Zit’s pointy boobs (who isn’t?). Or I suppose it could be MY warped imagination?

  68. Uncle Lumpy
    May 13th, 2007 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

    A tender moment in Monday’s Funky Winkerbean: “. . . thank you for making my horror yours. . . .”

    No, thank you, Tom!

  69. TB Tabby
    May 13th, 2007 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    30: I still pick up pennies. It’s one cent I didn’t have before, and they add up after a while.

  70. Jef
    May 13th, 2007 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

    67–freaked out? I’d say she looks like she’s about to barf. Maybe she just read her part for next week.

  71. Christian
    May 13th, 2007 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    Lumpy: it says way too much about me that i find that line really really sweet

  72. Dan Coyle
    May 13th, 2007 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    FW: What the hell was that? Of course he’d look for oncologists, her Doctor’s a screwup! He’s her husband, it’s his goddamned job!

  73. Red Greenback
    May 13th, 2007 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

    #62 Dean Booth- Tip o’ the Greenback hat for posting my li’l funnie…Do you know how to post my own art??? …w/o going thru you Guys and Dolls.

    Mucho apreció…Rojo Verdeposto

  74. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    May 14th, 2007 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    Traitor to the Cause @ 54:

    I like comics that surprise me, make me think and don’t talk down to me. Which, unfortunately, leaves out most of the “humor” strips. Most of the good ones are gone: Bloom County (Opus is no substitute), The Far Side, Calvin & Hobbes. I liked Calvin because it always seemed real to me. I was a hyperactive redhead once (I’m older now, but in a way, I still am one), and I always thought when reading that strip, “Yeah, that’s what being a kid was like.” And I don’t think it’s just nostalgia; I have collection books of some of those strips, and looking back at them now and then, they still appear to be the work of geniuses. They especially shine compared to the idiot imitators that swarm around these days, like The Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee, Quigmans, Mallard Fillmore and Bound and Gagged.

    As for strips that are still around… Dilbert is getting kind of old, but still has its moments. Doonesbury is still both insightful and funny (but then, I’m a card-carrying member of the Godless liberal media). Of newer strips, at least strips that I’ve only started reading in the past few years, Get Fuzzy and Non Sequitur are promising (when the first isn’t being too self-referential and the latter not too self-important). There are others that I sort of like (most of the drama strips), and others that I used to like and read out of sheer inertia (the “popular” gag strips). The list of comics I hate is much longer, but you asked about ones we like, so I’ll end it there.

  75. Eleusis
    May 14th, 2007 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    Roger’s real name, of course, is Victor, and he is the long-lost brother of Vera and Von. After he was unable to properly exploit his aging father, he made his way to France and found an old biddy to accuse of senility. Get ready for an action-packed crossover, in which our favorite old biddy, Mary Worth, must save one of her own. Curses upon you, Roger!

  76. magic8ball
    May 14th, 2007 at 1:21 am [Reply]

    [raises hand shyly]
    #54: I like dinosaur comics at http://www.qwantz.com/
    They’re really off-the-wall and probably not that funny when you first start reading them, but after a while I got to know the characters a little better … and then I realized that the characters are actually developed, in spite of the fact that they do the same thing every day. Also the writer makes the occasional linguistics joke, which I really appreciate.

    And I’ll second whoever said they like “Get Fuzzy.”

  77. Lynngineering
    May 14th, 2007 at 5:49 am [Reply]

    FBOFW: In the midst of this long transition to September, Michael’s coma fantasy seems to have slipped into a recuperative moment, to get some orientation on what’s important to King Michael: control and domination. So we have a week of watching Jim squirm under the surveillance of Iris, and now, Iris takes a break, we see Jim fascinated by, what else, eyes. Michael, in his hospital bed, without control of his bodily functions, lost in the fantasy of his coma, created King Michael’s court, where watching or being watched dominates. The eyes, the irises, the surveillance-like comments on relations all benefitting Michael’s perspective, is hardly subtle.

    Sunday Michael managed to recall a pause for Mother’s Day, to state simply he deserves BETTER! Dee has only 2 kids, and Michael plots her a course to visit – - – a DOG?! Becaues a dog has SIX new kids damn it. GET THE HINT, MULE! More progeny pronto!

    And for those who commented the little girl looks creepily Liztastic – that’s been the characteristic of Michael’s later phase of fantasy, all the females started to blend together, sisters (especially at that shower bath scene) mothers, children… he’s losing it you know…

    Only April in her hormonial glory has the chance to break free occasionaly, and rub Michael the wrong way.

  78. Dean Booth
    May 14th, 2007 at 7:09 am [Reply]

    #54: I like Get Fuzzy, PBS, Zippy the Pinhead, Dilbert, Agnes (!), Doonesbury, and sometimes Zits.

    I like lots of old movies, too, but the banter of Mystery Science Theatre can make watching a terrible movie more fun than watching a really good movie. CC is like that — I’ve never enjoyed all the comics as much as I do now; with CC, they’re all snarkeriffic!

  79. Ginger Yellow
    May 14th, 2007 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    “The Penny/penny homonym doesn’t work for any other currency. ”

    It works with British currency, old and new:

    I just picked up this poet, Pound.

    I just picked up this Fox News pundit, Shilling.

    I just picked up this monarch, Sovereign.

    I just picked up this bird/West African country, Guinea.

  80. Laura Jane
    May 14th, 2007 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    #54, although nothing can fill the great sucking void that is the absence of The Far Side, I still faithfully read Doonesbury (which I have been following since the early 70’s.) I also enjoy Dilbert, PBS, Brevity, F-Minus, Lio, Bizarro, and Reality Check. Sometime favorites are Mutts, Baby Blues, and Non Sequitur.

    Unfortunately, thanks to the CC and This Week in Milford I am now hopelessly hooked on G. Thorp. Gah!

  81. dimestore lipstick
    May 14th, 2007 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    #54

    Pearls Before Swine, Get Fuzzy, and Lio are my current favorites. None of them score every time, but they can raise a smile, at least, from about 80% of the strips.

  82. bootsybooks
    May 14th, 2007 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    #54, What you want is Ilovethecomix.com. This is the Comics Curmudgeon. There’s a reason for that.

    I like Get Fuzzy, and (speaking of ass-pants) Phantom.

    Dean Booth, zombie Lu Ann is scary! Wait, no, no she’s not. Not nearly as scary as Brynna Antenna. But still awesome. Thank you!

  83. teenchy
    May 14th, 2007 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    #79: Would that be along the lines of: “I just ate a garbanzo bean salad, Farthing”?

  84. MeganKoumori
    May 14th, 2007 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    Archie: It can’t be Betty. If I remember correctly, Reggie has no interest in Betty.

  85. Wonkey the Monkey
    May 14th, 2007 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    The Joke Generator 3000 for Archie clearly knows that we’re on to its little secret. How else do you explain the desperately conspicuous “human” signatures in the first panel? They’re placed there as if to say “I am not a computer! I am a hu-man! In fact, I am TWO, or possibly FOUR hu-mans!”

  86. Little A.
    May 14th, 2007 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    MW: Vera has absolutely no bosoms. Maybe that’s why he threw her out of the family mansion. She refused to do her exercises: We must, we must , we must improve our bust. She refused to try to improve herself.

    Of course if her nose were a little longer (or three inches longer) she could always get a job subsituting for Miss Grundy in Riverdale High School.

    Or maybe she’s her natural daughter? Who knows what Miss Grundy did in her flaming youth, back in the day? Maybe she and Mr. Weatherbee used to get it on in the janitor’s closet, during lunch break.

    Who the hell knows?

    Incidentally, why do so many of you messengers seem to think or believe that Lizardbreath is still a virgin? Do you all think that when she lived with Eric she barricaded her door at night with all her stuffed rabbits, or something?

    Just a few random thoughts, very random.

  87. Hap Hapless
    May 14th, 2007 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    .. Groves and Rachel are held captive by this evil refugee from the Allman Brothers Band.

    LOL!!!

  88. Al
    May 14th, 2007 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    #86 — I can’t believe you just did a Judy Blume reference, and I can’t believe I’m old enough to know what book that’s from….

  89. Monster Jamz
    May 14th, 2007 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    bless you Josh. do not ever stop the AJGLU-3000 bashing. its attempt to conquer human humor is an afront to my comic-reading sensibilities. and, as a human, i wonder why “Archie” even exists. must be funny to robots.

  90. AppleGirl
    May 14th, 2007 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    54 – Traitor to the Cause? – As a kid, I really loved Archie comics. The comic books, not the daily strips. I also enjoyed Winnie Winkle and Blondie. Later, I enjoyed snarking with my best friend about Rex Morgan and June before they were married. Doonebury, Calvin & Hobbes, The Far Side, Ernie Pook’s Comeek and Dilbert were my favorites a few years back. I still like Dilbert.

    My favorite strip now is Retail, which I found in the Seattle PI:
    http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/retail.asp

    If you’ve ever worked retail, you’d enjoy it. I swear the author works at my store.

  91. dale
    May 14th, 2007 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    Anyone else like Red Meat?
    The only time I see it is when I pick up the local alt-weekly, so I don’t even know how often it runs. Checked the Web site once or twice, but that seemed to be a dead end.
    That I like the strip might say something scary about me.

  92. Don
    May 14th, 2007 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    An inability to make female characters look different isn’t a problem unique to Archie. Willis made the joke about the Batman animated series recently in Shortpacked!

    Check the hairstyle.

  93. Zamboni_Rodeo
    May 14th, 2007 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    #91, dale: yes, I LOVE Red Meat! He updates the strip once a week, usually on Tuesdays. I’ve been reading it since the early 90’s (maybe since its inception, as I’m not sure when he first started it).

    Have you ever seen the Red Meat Construction Set?

    #54: In addtion to Red Meat, the current-run comics I actually enjoy are Bizarro, Rhymes With Orange and Non-Sequitur. The hit-or-miss strips for me are Dilbert and Get Fuzzy , although GF for me is often more hit than miss. I’ve discovered that Darby Conley has a way of taking a hilarious idea and running with it for so long that it ceases to be funny by the time he gets to the end.

    The dear, departed strip I miss the most is Bloom County. Outland wasn’t quite as good, and while Opus can be funny on occasion, more often than not it just makes me miss Bloom County.

  94. rapid turtle
    November 6th, 2008 at 3:55 am [Reply]

    in honor of the XKCD discussions, I suggest that it is, in fact, part of an infinite grid of one ohm resistors on the side of Archie’s head.

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