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TDIET says, “Bite me!”

They’ll Do It Every Time, 5/26/07

For many, TDIET is a glimpse into a kinder, gentler past, when doctors and nurses wore bright white starched uniforms and little kids of both genders wore plaid vests and inevitably responded to obscenity with a hearty “Oh, what you sa-a-a-a-i-d.” But today’s installment for me offers a look into the future — specifically, my future wearing dentures. Who knew that this seemingly innocuous prosthetic device came with its own elaborate code of shame? Who knew that breaking your dentures while eating is somehow socially acceptable to explain to a licensed dental professional, but that breaking your dentures while brushing them is not? I think I’ll redouble my flossing efforts so as to avoid ever having to navigate this complex sea of lies.

Herb and Jamaal, 5/26/07

Yes, isn’t it odd that people are willing to idly pass the time discussing potentially untrue things written in a modern publication, but aren’t willing to wholeheartedly base their moral code and belief system about how the universe works on the exact wording of a series of books written between three thousand and seventeen hundred years ago and painstakingly copied by hand by semiliterates over and over again in the intervening centuries? I sure see exactly how this might confuse you.

On another note, I dare you to brightly say the following to one of your friends: “Wow, check out the latest on the hotel socialite! The stuff they say about her really makes you think, doesn’t it?” I’m pretty sure you’ll soon find yourself in an interrogation room at CIA headquarters, since obviously the only person who would construct such a sentence would be a sinister robot scouting out our planet and reporting back to an alien invasion fleet.

Pluggers, 5/26/07

Wow, I was really torn between saying “Pluggers are almost unfathomably lazy” and “Pluggers really don’t understand how this stuff works,” but then I realized that I didn’t have to choose! That made me feel better.

Gil Thorp, 5/26/07

“That’s right, I have it on good authority that he’s being scouted by the Baltimore Elite Giants and the Pittsburgh Keystones! Believe me, Mike’s got what it takes to have a real future in the Negro leagues.”

203 responses to “TDIET says, “Bite me!””

  1. Johnny
    May 26th, 2007 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    TDIET – In the future, we will all wear double-breasted suits to the dentist.

  2. mere cog in the machine
    May 26th, 2007 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    So now we’re impugning the Bible? Next you’ll be telling us that the egyptians didn’t invent the airplane!

  3. Busted Flush
    May 26th, 2007 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    Meanwhile, back in Paris … Redmullet McSweaterpuppies refuses to play the Condo Flip game for a measly $1.5 million. Maybe she’s still concerned about the check clearing … or an appaisal … or do the French worry about such things. Looks like she just bought a flat at “Condos R Us” (First?)

  4. Busted Flush
    May 26th, 2007 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    Nope … Missed it by THAT much.

  5. commodorejohn
    May 26th, 2007 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    Well, in all fairness, the people I know who read tabloids pretty much do wholeheartedly base their belief system and moral code off them.

  6. fishmorgjp
    May 26th, 2007 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    So now we’re impugning the Bible? Next you’ll be telling us that the Egyptians didn’t invent the airplane!

    They didn’t use airplanes anyway — they used alien antigravity units to construct the pyramids!

  7. mere cog in the machine
    May 26th, 2007 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    And another thing – is “wups” just a short and snappy way of writing “whoops”? Or does this Scaduto guy habitually create his own slang, sort of like Snoop Dog?

  8. jules
    May 26th, 2007 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    I heard Mike Bouchard was being scouted by the Palookaville Pencilneck Geeks.

  9. zen velo
    May 26th, 2007 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    Geez, I thought the people who read and believed the tabloids were the same ones who DON”T question what the Bible says.

    I don’t like the way Clambake describes the young man as “up and coming”….

  10. evie oh oh
    May 26th, 2007 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    tdiet: I wonder if this was sent in by a dentist or a denture wearer. If it was sent in by a dentist, I find it very endearing that, when confronted by an obvious lie about broken dentures, the dentist’s vision of the awful truth is a brushing accident, and not the insane meth induced bdsm/tooth breaking fetish nightmare that i would naturally lean towards. “spongecake” indeed. But then again, if i was a dentist i would probably have passed on wearing the reflective circular head gear that this one still sports.

  11. Timothy Burke
    May 26th, 2007 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    I think someone needs to tell Clambake that the “baseball players” that he’s advising are actually all people trying out to be in the circus freak tent.

  12. BigTed
    May 26th, 2007 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    If you’re going to discuss “the Hotel Socialite,” it makes sense that you’d be reading “Gossip Tabloid” in a restaurant called “Soul Food.” It’s an entire world in which everything is named after its generic description.

  13. Chromium
    May 26th, 2007 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    #9- Damn it, you beat me to it. It’s actually a pretty clever punchline if you just reverse it. Or if you live in the year 1302.

  14. Octal
    May 26th, 2007 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    It’s too bad they don’t have some kind of stamp that’s worth a smaller amount, that people can use in addition to stamps from before prices went up, to bring the postage up to the correct amount, isn’t it?

  15. Necron 99
    May 26th, 2007 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    9CL – Edda tells the unicorn that she moves and tells stories with her body. That makes sense. Her legs always talked to me.

    Archie – Nice baby doll there, Betty. Veronica may be answering calls as Miss America, but Bettie will be starring in porno right after high school. Ta Ta, Riverdale. She’s headed to the big time!

    Zits – I know the feeling, Walt. Counting the wii remote, we have ten. That includes the ceiling fan remote in the living room, and the remote for the dvd player that we never use.

  16. Porky
    May 26th, 2007 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    H&J
    Who questioned the Bible??? Talk about a crappy set-up for a punchline! Even hiding the guy’s identity til the last panel (terribly awkwardly) is ludicrous.
    I’m betting the “…’People’ that believe the gossip tabloids…” are the same ones the tabloid “news” channels quote when they want to discredit someone:”People are saying that the Senator, known for his liberal views, is fond of molesting small boys……”

  17. Mooncattie
    May 26th, 2007 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    TDIET – Now I know where the Daleks came from. They started life as menial dental assistants, exterminating plaque, until they gained self-awareness and broke free to spread chaos in the universe. S’Help me, it’s true!

  18. Prehumous
    May 26th, 2007 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    My favourite bit is how Paris Hilton the Hotel Socialite’s scandals remain undescribed but the Priest assumes that they are agreeing with it.

  19. gr8kat
    May 26th, 2007 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    Who knew that breaking your dentures while eating is somehow socially acceptable to explain to a licensed dental professional, but that breaking your dentures while brushing them is not?

    Not to be a wet blanket here, I think the problem is one of insurance. His coverage probably only pays for new dentures every few years, so if he breaks them, he has to replace them out of his own pocket. But if they break on their own while eating sponge cake of all things, then they were probably defective to begin with and insurance (or the dentist himself) should replace them.

  20. ltrftp(not so first time)
    May 26th, 2007 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    Clambake will turn out to be a fraud.

    But wait.

    He is a kind fraud.

    And it won’t be his fault.

    It will turn out that he did not play in the Negro Leagues because:

    A) He was in the Army

    B) He was in the Arctarian Imperial Galactic Army

    C) He’s white

  21. Gillian
    May 26th, 2007 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    I’m pretty sure it’s not social acceptability the tdiet guys worried about, but insurance coverage. that’s why i found it depressing! If they break because they’re faulty you can probably get covered for new ones, but if you drop them it’s your fault and have to got toothlesss or pay out of your pocket!

  22. Linus
    May 26th, 2007 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    Lovely that you think everyone here is not a Christian. *rolls eyes*

  23. Theominousoat
    May 26th, 2007 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    Note Scaduto pulled this out of the “Tell it like it AIN’T department.” Apparently he either enjoys butchering the English language, or he occasionally likes to show us a sort of bizarro TDIET world.

    No wait, in a bizarro TDIET world everything would make sense. This still doesn’t make sense.

  24. 12xuser
    May 26th, 2007 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Apwill’s faith is shattered when she realizes that the “God” explanation is no more likely than the “curses” explanation, and if it was an act of God, why does God do such terrible things?

  25. Plasma
    May 26th, 2007 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    #12: Just like that movie that’s on my list to see! Where the cans are labeled ‘food’ and ‘drink’! Um, Repo Man, maybe?

  26. alamo
    May 26th, 2007 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    plus he is not a real clam and only half-baked!

  27. Trilobite
    May 26th, 2007 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    Up-and-comer Mike Bouchard must have nerves of steel to be able to give the reporter a dopey “Aw, shucks” grin while Clambake’s gnarled Yoda-claw is gouging the soft flesh beneath his collarbone.

    Seriously, that hand is scary. Like, Dick Tracy claw-hand scary.

  28. ltrftp(not so first time)
    May 26th, 2007 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    Alamo
    Shucks! I wish I’d thought of that pearl of wisdom!

  29. Mooncattie
    May 26th, 2007 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    FOOB – Hey kids, don’t worry about God or curses, just hand over some of those Hot Spuds! Yum!!

  30. TurtleBoy
    May 26th, 2007 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    Not being a regular reader of (DT)GT (I still have some pride), I was surprised to see in today’s first panel that Cousin Itt has learned to speak intelligibly and is making the rounds as a high school sports reporter.

  31. MrP
    May 26th, 2007 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    Wait, Yancey’s black?

    Holy crap! I totally didn’t see that one coming.

  32. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 26th, 2007 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    If somebody claims to be moved to a profound new level of thought by the Weekly Star, I don’t inquire after his religious views. I just get away.

  33. ltrftp(not so first time)
    May 26th, 2007 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    Artist formerly known as Ben

    I find it difficult to believe that someone whose level of thought is raised by a tabloid knows what “profound” means……”Condound”, yes, “Profound” no.

    It reminds me of that old saying: Anytime someone leaves the Democratic Party to join the Republican Party, he raises the relative IQ of both Parties……

  34. Just Plain Bob
    May 26th, 2007 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    Been away – anything happen? Reminder to self: Watch “Repo Man” again – thanx # 15. For anyone who actually likes comics the New Yorker has an article on Tintin this week – not up to their usual standard imho, but still passingly interesting.

  35. GodWithFire
    May 26th, 2007 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    I never thought I’d defend “Pluggers,” but as a kid growing up in rural Virginia in the 1970s, it was not uncommon to leave money in the mailbox, along with a note, when we ran out of stamps or were a little short on postage. Perhaps this is still practiced in rural America?

  36. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 26th, 2007 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    #35, just a technical lil’ thing. If you want to link to your blog, you should put blogspot in the URL, rather than blogger. This http://sarcastro101.blogspot.com/ is yours, right?

  37. pesch
    May 26th, 2007 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    Wait, does this mean that Paris Hilton pushed the tree down on the Patterson’s roof?

    I’m so confused. Guess I must be a plugger.

    BTW, I wonder if Milford’s Marjie Ducey is based on this Marjie Ducey. If so, I’d sue for slander.

  38. Rhekarid
    May 26th, 2007 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    So, Clambake is 3 feet tall? I think he’s now officially Yoda with his ears tucked under a bald cap.

    That Bible/tabloid leap in Herb and Jamaal is insane. Not the good kind of insane that fills art museums, or even the bad kind of insane that fills hospitals, but the sort sheer, implacable madness that I thought only BC was capable of. It makes no difference what your belief system or opinion of celebrities is. That strip is so wrong in every fathomable way, so baffling from angles too convoluted for even light to shine, that it singlehandedly disproves the existence of any just and/or loving God.

  39. Dustin DeWind
    May 26th, 2007 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    I know what Clambake sees in young Mike Bouchard – an amazing resemblance to young Joe Dimaggio:

    http://www.nndb.com/people/466/000023397/

  40. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    May 26th, 2007 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    SFx: It’s apparent that Weber has never seen a whole, live lobster, and therefore has settled for teaching kids how to draw the parts of a lobster he’s seen in a restaurant, connected by four thin black lines. Once he was done drawing this, he should have taken it over to Doodles to fill in “What’s Missing?”

    I really don’t have anything else to snark. I don’t think the comics are getting any better; it’s just that it’s the same kind of bad, day after day. Ooh! Gil Thorp is drawn badly! April’s a dimwit! A3G is slow! 9CL is pretentious, boring twaddle! Spider-Man hasn’t been exciting since the last appearance of that handsome, dynamic super-brick! It’s all been done. It’s enough to make one read Zippy the Pinhead. At least it’s different.

  41. commodorejohn
    May 26th, 2007 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    #34 – Tintin was just about my favorite thing to borrow from the library when I was a small child. I’d go there with my dad, pick one out, and we’d go home and drink hot cocoa while he read it to me. Ah, memories…

  42. That's The Spirit
    May 26th, 2007 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    “The stuff they say about the hotel socialite really makes you think, doesn’t it?” would make a good T-shirt.

  43. mere cog in the machine
    May 26th, 2007 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    22: Frankly, Christians are pandered to enough in this great land. It’s refreshing that it doesn’t happen at this site.

  44. Wellsey
    May 26th, 2007 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    God With Fire, we did too! We lived out of town and it was simpler to put the three dollars out in the mailbox and when we got our mail that day, huzzah! a book of stamps. I tried it a year or so back in the town I now live in and the mailman left me a note and the money, telling me where the nearest stamp machine was. Bastard!

    Anyway, comix.
    Lynn Johnston breaks new ground today by introducing daughter April as a closet lesbian. Hooray!

    Gil Thorp. (I’m still new here, why do you guys put DT in parentheses?) Why is this old guy giving players advice (dirty or otherwise) when he admits himself that he sucked in the majors? Or is it even crazier that here is a slightly interesting and largely forgotten slice of America the cartoonist could be enlightening us on, and instead he chooses to go with a boring quasi-cancer subplot?

    RMMD: Looks like we weren’t the only ones expecting a little H on H action, eh Hugh? His disappointed look says it all.

  45. apostate
    May 26th, 2007 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    Linus:

    Josh would be pretty naive if he didn’t expect at least some of his readers were Christian. So what if they are? Last I checked, it’s not a crime to criticize others’ religious beliefs.

    If it makes you feel any better, atheists tend to get just as annoyed when they read something that’s overly reverential to a book of superstition.

  46. Mibbitmaker
    May 26th, 2007 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    H&J: Isn’t it strange that people are willing to waste their time with half-truth and slander about some twinkie who has no possible good reason to be famous,

    but are either willing or unwilling (given people aren’t all clones of each other) to believe, in various ways ranging from beautifully decent to dangerously intolerant, in a book that’s both timeless (in intent) and archaic (written centuries ago) in content, with worship but also allegory to make a point that is usually only taken completely literally by ultra-pious fundy extremists and atheists that come to contrary conclusions,

    (INTERMISSION)

    while the believers in general often live their lives without being those obnoxious, glassy-eyed zombies (like Johnny Hart seemed to become) who insist on converting everyone — and also are (the non-zombies) often not really all that religious in their lives, including those sometimes given to writing lengthy, defensive, deconstructionist pseudo-satire made up of a giant run-on sentence (depending too much on adjectives) in the comment section of a blog, using the occasional self-deprecation to feebly attempt not to piss anyone off in the process, all in the name of snarking a comic strip with an African-American clergyman in it.

    Not only that, but didja see the taller-than-a-Hilton-hotel heads on those characters? Yikes! Am I right, people?

    ETA:(Aw, hell, I put too much work into this stupid thing to just erase it meekly. Please don’t hurt me! ;o) – Mibbit)

  47. mere cog in the machine
    May 26th, 2007 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    46: It was a run-on sentence but it was a GOOD run-on sentence. And you can never use too many adjectives. Actually, my own weakness is unnecessary adverbs.

  48. Plinko Commie
    May 26th, 2007 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    Don’t forget “Pluggers actually keep pennies on purpose”

  49. Proteus
    May 26th, 2007 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    The food scene in Repo man: who remembers when generic food was popular? You could really get stuff labled that way. “BEER” tasted rotten but was really popular at parties.

    Paris Hilton? Oh. I thought they were referencing a category of famous people I was not aware of. I pictured an aging, mink-coated woman who lives in small town splendor in the only hotel in town, someone everyone knows about and refers to as “The Hotel Socialite.”

    My imagination often fills in narrative holes, only to learn later that they are just mud puddles. As we say, I liked my version better. Sigh.

  50. Jamus The Bartender
    May 26th, 2007 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    Archie.
    See Veronica in her bikini.
    See Betty in her babydoll.
    Damn.
    They fine.
    See Betty and Veronica waste their time on Archie.
    Instead they could be discovering their bi-curiousness.
    I would buy Archie comics again for that.
    Really.

  51. Dean Booth
    May 26th, 2007 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    #46. That was good, Mitt. No need for self-flaggilation at all.

  52. Dean Booth
    May 26th, 2007 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    Clambake + Lio = Clamjuice.
    FC + John the Baptist = this.

  53. Steve S
    May 26th, 2007 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    Ah, but you see, Scaduto himself was too embarrassed to actually draw how the dentures really got broken in panel 1. They broke against the porcelain of the toilet after ol’ Barfo’s night of binge drinking. Appropriate name, ain’t it? Oh-h-h-h yea-a-a-a-h!

  54. SixFootJen
    May 26th, 2007 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    Wow, did you guys see this Archie?
    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/4/26&name=Archie
    “Women:” Veronica is sitting at the table and Betty guesses what fragrance Veronica is wearing.
    “Men:” Jughead belches and Archie guesses what Jughead has been eating.
    Ewwwwwwwww!

  55. Mibbitmaker
    May 26th, 2007 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    I rarely buy the newer ones, but I’ve once again purchased a couple Nixon-era Archies (the ones titled “Archie”) from our area’s friendly neighborhood comic book warehouse/store recently. What we see in the comic strips today — given that they’re churned out by robot and all ;o) — is nothing next to the old ones. The writing is surprisingly good for what it is, and Harry Lucie was the best artist they ever had, imho.

  56. Krazy Kat
    May 26th, 2007 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    (DT)GT-Clambake sure is avoiding those questions. Why, I’ll bet he wasn’t in the negro leagues at all. For that matter, what proof do we have that he’s even a negro? I haven’t seen him smoking any reefers or anything.

  57. Eleusis
    May 26th, 2007 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    I for one see the tabloid magazines as in direct opposition to the Bible. Why just yesterday, after reading my National Enquirer, I felt compelled to forge a giant golden idol of Paris Hilton, at the feet of which I sacrifice Christian infants in the name of Baal.

  58. SecretMargo
    May 26th, 2007 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    52: Not clamjuice — Clamato! It brings flavor to your afterlife.

    Stellar job as always. My favourite is still your chilling Vera to Aldo transformation. Brrrrr.

  59. SecretMargo
    May 26th, 2007 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    58: Link wormhole! I meant it to go here, not that it matters that much: http://www.clamato.com/index_ing.htm

  60. True Fable
    May 26th, 2007 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    #46 Mibbitmaker: Thank you.

    # 52 Dean Booth: Ahhhh hahahaha! Thank you!

  61. winky
    May 26th, 2007 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    I think Mike Bouchard has a bright future at the Milford Hooters Restaurant. Damn, check out that rack in panel 3!

  62. Red Greenback
    May 26th, 2007 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    TDIET: While Googling thru the nets one day/ In the merry, merry month of May
    I was taken by surprise/ When I entered “doctor mirror headgear”
    And this came bubbling up through the tubes: http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/topstories/tm_objectid=16754952&method=full&siteid=94762&headline=george-michael-had-sex-toys-and-gimp-mask-in-car-name_page.html
    MT: I don’t know about you, but this is what I’d like to see. http://www.yo-god.com/comics/oops!

  63. Porky
    May 26th, 2007 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    38 – Rekharid
    Yes, Clambake is actually three feet tall. We know this because The Up-And-Coming Mike Bouchard is played by Tom Cruise: compare their relative heights.

  64. juggernaut
    May 26th, 2007 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    Now, about Funky Wankerbean – I totally get how whatshisname is using the cartoon to work through his own cancer trauma. No problem there. But do I really want to know what he’s working through w/ the whole “brother and sister want to fuck like drunken monkeys” storyline?

  65. Dingo
    May 26th, 2007 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    I keep trying to figure out which will happen first: Von and Vera running gaily through a field of daffodils to a Karen Carpenter song while bathed in 1960s sepia tones or Mike Bouchard being blown away by a 10mph wind.

  66. I’m Happy
    May 26th, 2007 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    The people who believe the tabloids can’t read well enough to read the Bible, much less understand it. Holy cow! A shoe box full of little green men just landed in my yard. Oh. It is just some kid’s box of plastic army men.

  67. ChefMike
    May 26th, 2007 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    I’m constantly having to revise for myself the very definition of a Plugger. At first I was content with the understanding that if you were both old and morbidly obese you fit the description of a plugger, but now I have to factor in education as well. I can understand how a Plugger might not “get” these new-fangled technological devices, but I find it hard to believe that a Plugger doesn’t understand how the US Postal Service operates. I’d feel better about today’s comic if it read something like “A Plugger holds on to a sheet of one or two cent stamps to deal with the constantly changing postal rate.” Come to think of it, I’d feel better if I hadn’t been introduced to the concept of Pluggers at all.

  68. eliza
    May 26th, 2007 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    It’s becoming pretty clear to me that all Pluggers live in Ohio. And that if I continue to live here, I too will start taping pennies to envelopes. And keep jewerly in egg cartons. And marry an anthropomorphic dog and die while watching television. *sigh*

  69. Michael Patterson
    May 26th, 2007 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    Mibbitmaker 46: It was a very good sentence.

  70. Red Greenback
    May 26th, 2007 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    Re my last post: I feel kinda like “Granny” on The Lundford Twins Feel Good Variety Hour when she says; Ah, NUTS!!!

  71. Dean Booth
    May 26th, 2007 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    #56, KK, You’re on to the truth about Clambake.

    #58, SecretMargo, I couldn’t think of the name. Clamato it is! (Lio smiling makes me laugh no matter what the context.)

    #62 Red, you left off the “!.jpg” in your link.

  72. Red Greenback
    May 26th, 2007 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    Re my last post: I feel kinda like “Granny” on The Lundford Twins Feel Good Variety Hour when she says; Aw, NUTS!!!

  73. Citric
    May 26th, 2007 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    My paper prints Sunday comics a day early. So, as a result, I know that tomorrow’s Slylock Fox is perhaps the greatest thing ever, and yet don’t want to spoil it, lest I ruin the sense of sheer delight.

  74. Trotzenbonnie
    May 26th, 2007 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    I lie to my dentist about flossing.
    Heh heh.

  75. Red Greenback
    May 26th, 2007 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

  76. Dean Booth
    May 26th, 2007 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    #75: Try again Granny! :)

  77. That's The Spirit
    May 26th, 2007 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    #47 cog:

    “Actually, my own weakness is unnecessary adverbs.”

    Shouldn’t that be “Actually, my own weakness is unnecessarily adverbs?

  78. O’Fogeyette
    May 26th, 2007 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    Please forgive me; I have not read this thread nor today’s comics, but want to briefly post on yesterthread:

    Squid Countess yesterthread: I love your names for the Gil Thorp Fates. Can they also be aliens?

    Poteet and Secret Margo: about my ornithologists. I may have misspoken a little. I know some ornithologists from long ago, when I was a zoology major (though that’s not what I got my degree in). But the ones I mostly hang with now I only know in the sense that I know you guys, from a hummingbird listserv. They all have a pretty good sense of humor, but are quite single-minded, so I doubt I could ask them for help with Mark Trail interpretations. Though two or three of them have been very helpful in helping me identify unusual backyard birds.

    There were so many other brilliant/funny comments, but no time to note them all.

    I am now about to watch the AZ Wildcats in the first game of the SuperRegional, against Cal State Fullerton. Best two out of three. I’m a little nervous. It’s on ESPN at 5 Pacific Time, if anyone wants to see Caitlin Lowe (left field).

  79. Red Greenback
    May 26th, 2007 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    Dean, forget Granny Lundford! I am more like the dame in every 50′s sci-fi movie who twists her gam attempting to escape from …no, wait! I’m more like the man with the plan who warns his friends of impending danger and is poo-poohed by all he…no wait!…I’m more like Dingo when he….Aw, NUTS!!!

  80. Applemask
    May 26th, 2007 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    TDIET – I have a feeling this is actually put out by the Dental Association to encourage us to brush our teeth more, lest we endure the humiliation of the endless, arcane Denture Rituals.

    GT – really, how many times is it considered OKA to keep saying “Negro Leagues” in a national newspaper?

  81. mere cog in the machine
    May 26th, 2007 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    77 Spirit: You are right, of course. And allow me to truthfully state that I loved the word “biggify” on your site, as well as your art.

  82. Red Greenback
    May 26th, 2007 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    Dean! clue me in Hombre! How can I get “Jackball Strike” all up in here? Sorry, Mr. Booth, it’s probably not all that funny anyway.
    TDIET:Shelp me Doc! the wife bought some of those bargain basement chokies. I luv chokies, but they give me the plaques somethin’ awful!

  83. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 26th, 2007 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    #44 Wellsey,
    In RMMD, Heather is Hugh’s stepmother, and they’re nearly identical. Isn’t there enough Aryan near-incest going on in Funky Winkerbean? Oh, then you have Von and Vera. We don’t need it to become an epidemic. What if it spreads to Luann? (Assuming that dark-haired yutz Brad isn’t adopted.)

  84. Don
    May 26th, 2007 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers – Leaving aside whether or not a bunch of people camped in front of their computers ought to be taking a fictional anthropomorphic dog to task for “laziness,” in my experience, leaving outgoing mail and money for postage in the mailbox for the mail carrier has always been a perfectly acceptable transaction. A postal worker is a postal worker; all operate under the same creed, so what difference would it make whether it’s the clerk or the carrier who takes the letter and money?

  85. Beauregard Bugleboy
    May 26th, 2007 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    How many years has it been since doctors actually wore those little mirrors on their foreheads? And did dentists ever wear them? I realize that in TDIET world Eisenhower is still president, but it’s a cartoon cliche that pops up elsewhere too.

  86. Dean Booth
    May 26th, 2007 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    #82. Here it is, Red: Jackball Strike. I had to rename it without the ! to get it to work.

    The jackballs are probably more effective than birds to stir up public sentiment.

  87. .Doc
    May 26th, 2007 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: April and Eva, enjoying comfy accommodation after a session of hot lesbian sex, have a philosophical discussion about falling trees and houses. As they snack away on Hot Spuds, they cannot decide if April is cursed or blessed by God. Here’s a clue, girls: There are no “blessings” in Foobville. You are ALL cursed!

    LuAnn: I cannot figure out why there could possibly be a problem with LuAnn being “interested” in Bernice’s brother, Ben. Is Bernice afraid she will lose a potential lesbian lover? Or is she afraid she will have to share a secret, incestuous relationship with her best friend? What’s the problem here?

    9CL: Hmmm, something’s happening here. I think the Unicorn’s “don’t be absurd” response to Edda’s description of her “job” is a spot-on analysis. Of course, Edda will, in tomorrow’s strip, become all insulted and defensive, and maybe by next Tuesday or Wednesday, she may break off the Unicorn’s horn and impale him through the heart with it, as he almost did to Edda yesterday. I must say, that is one beautifully drawn Unicorn — but that only makes it more difficult to understand Edda’s monkey face.

    Ripley’s Believe It Or Not: The math is correct, but what is the point? It still doesn’t explain how someone can live a reasonably healthy life on a diet consisting mainly of cheese. However, I will admit that we need more works of art made out of decommissioned instruments of war.

    Pickles: My grandfathers were about Earl’s age now. Never in my life have I ever heard the word “whippersnapper” come out of their mouths, for any reason. So, this begs the question, where would Brian Crane have heard it, unless he’s in his 70′s or 80′s himself? Of course, if he were, it would explain the antique thinking prevalent in his strip.

    Rose Is Rose: Now, what exactly would the cat have done with the rabbit had she caught him? Loved him to death? I mean, in a strip as sappily lovey-dovey as this one, we would never see any actual gore, would we? Could we? It could start with cats and rabbits, then progress to Pasquale, Jimbo, and, finally Rose. Let’s have them all eaten by vicious predators. Yeah, that’s it!

    Beatle Bailey: That’s right, Zero. You should NEVER believe anything Beetle tells you. After all, he’s been in the Army for decades, and is still only a Private. What a loser!

  88. odinthor
    May 26th, 2007 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    # 84 — “what difference would it make whether it’s the clerk or the carrier who takes the letter and money?” The difference is that it’s the clerk’s job to do financial transactions; and it’s the carrier’s job to carry the mail. Expecting one to do the other’s job is like being at the supermarket and expecting the butcher to go pick out a nice cantaloupe for you–yes, he could do it, but that’s not what he does. I also suspect that it’s actually against regulations for the carriers to accept money, as the last thing the post office wants is for the carriers to become convenient sources of income for robbers.

  89. flummoxicated
    May 26th, 2007 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    I’m concerned that Clambake always seems to be touching one of the baseball players.

  90. Red Greenback
    May 26th, 2007 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

    #86- Thank you Dean, I was really grinding my bees trying to get that to post! A li’l slip o’ the choppers as it were.

  91. King Folderol
    May 26th, 2007 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    GT (DT) – “Oh for the love of God, throw me a frickin’ bone! I majored in journalism in college dreaming of covering the White House, and I’ve been stuck writing about high school sports for SEVEN YEARS!!! C’mon! Your name is Clambake and you’re the most colorful thing this town has seen since forever! Just give me a few snappy quotes! I’m dyin’ here!”

  92. Mad Dog Rackham
    May 26th, 2007 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    #84 Don – “A postal worker is a postal worker; all operate under the same creed, so what difference would it make whether it’s the clerk or the carrier who takes the letter and money?”

    Oh man, you had to ask…

    Most mail is now sorted by machine, and pennies taped to an envelope (not merely left in the mailbox) will do bad things to sorting machines.

    “Nonmachinable” mail does not qualify for the letter rate (42 cents) and becomes a “flat” which is priced at the first class package rate of $1.13. So you’d have to tape a lot more pennies on there, which would raise the weight, which would cost more, which would…

    Plus we can get into the whole issue of postal carriers not wanting to carry cash and stamps around with them. It’s a tough enough job without getting mugged for your money.

    The moral of the story: Don’t be a margoing plugger and buy some damn stamps already!

    (Used to follow my dad as he delivered mail on his bicycle, back in the day when four pennies would mail a letter.)

  93. King Folderol
    May 26th, 2007 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers – How about “Pluggers are morons.”

  94. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    May 26th, 2007 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    Marjie Ducey and Dairsey Ducey and Lidda Lambsey Divey… Akkiddley Divey too, wouldn’t you?

  95. Wellsey
    May 26th, 2007 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    #83-Former Ben – Were you here yesterday? Aside from grinding bees, the unspoken looks between Heather and Hugh were big talk here. Yeah, I know who the characters are, all I was saying is that Hugh is looking disappointed today that he misread yesterday’s signals.

    So no one knows what the (DT) in (DT)GT means?

  96. ltrftp(not so first time)
    May 26th, 2007 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    Wellsey
    Pay it forward.

    DT stands for Death To

    And by the by, speaking of religion:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gil_Thorp

    Gil Thorpe’s Left Behind.

    And his right.

  97. Red Greenback
    May 26th, 2007 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    Sire Folderol-”In the land of Pluggers, the Moron is king”

    Rex Morgan, Chauffeur who has a DEA license to dispense drugs:
    What the hell happened with Nlki’s “sore jaw”? I mean, June employed him to “clean her garage” when he was clearly ailing even in my laymans perception as a mandibular fracture. And where the heck is Elvis? and Eightball? and Sarah? I know Rex is “putting” on the “back nine”…but where is is everyone else???

  98. anameimadeup
    May 26th, 2007 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    I’m actually enjoying 9CL. Yeah, it’s true.

  99. Dingo
    May 26th, 2007 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    Thanks to today’s On a Claire Day, I now know where to go to get a birthday cake shaped like a naked plumber (as long as I’m in the London M25 area – wherever that is).

  100. commodorejohn
    May 26th, 2007 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    #96 – The funny thing is that according to the article, Jenkins planned to expand the GT universe to include a series of “youth novels.” Imagine, if you will, Gil Thorp as kid’s books, written by a guy whose concept of “kid’s books” includes stories where preteens are left behind after the Rapture and then die. Yeah, it scares me too.

  101. alamo
    May 26th, 2007 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    my guess would have been “delirium tremens”.

    it does seem like a very long time ago there was another name associated with the title of this strip and that may be the true dt source. i still prefer my guess.

  102. Dingo
    May 26th, 2007 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    Red Greenback #79: Dios Mio! Am I now the modern-era Cassandra to the Hellenistic curmudgeonites? Or am I the vixen with gams of death who gets her heel caught in the subway grating and therefore cannot outrun the monster moving at 2 city blocks per hour? Which is worse?

    At least I’m not the homicidal apparition in Luann’s studio.

  103. ltrftp(not so first time)
    May 26th, 2007 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    CommodoreJohn:
    Maybe that is were they are now.
    Of course, Voldemort attempts to kill a 1yo child, so even ‘fun’ fictional universes can be scary. But at least the people in Harry Potter look normal.

    Alamo:
    Your guess is funny, agreed.
    But, alas, incorrect.

  104. alamo
    May 26th, 2007 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    itrftp — it’s yours. you inspired me so can take the credit. i was only tagging along on your nickel anyway.

    keep up the good work.

  105. Buck Ripsnort
    May 26th, 2007 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    TDIET: The problem is our denture-wearer is afraid to admit his Parkinson’s symptoms, so he tells the dentist lies about sponge-cake, et al. He should soak his dentrifices, like the commercials tell him to!

  106. Zamboni_Rodeo
    May 26th, 2007 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    I have a question, and I’m surprised no one else has brought it up yet:

    Just how old is Clambake supposed to be, anyway?

    In the Gil Thorp episode posted here, he claims to have played with Ted “Double Duty” Radcliffe. As was discussed in earlier threads, there was in fact a real-life Ted Radcliffe who went by the nickname “Double Duty.”

    The real-life Ted Radcliffe was born in 1902 and played in the Negro Leagues from 1928 until 1943. Extrapolating that, I suppose it’s possible that if Clambake played with him in the 40′s, Clambake himself could conceivably be in his late 70s or early 80s today, but if he played any earlier, he’d almost have to be in his 90′s. He’s awfully spry for an old guy.

    Personally, I like the idea of Clambake as a mystic who has discovered the secret to eternal life and wanders the country looking for baseball teams in need of questionably-worded pitching advice.

  107. Red Greenback
    May 26th, 2007 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    Did you hear the one where the Hotel Socialite rammed her Luxury sport utility vehicle into the valet station of a former affordable housing /industrial space that now is now an upscale/high end “artist/proffesional loft” area downtown? Bleaaahhhh! As a native Angelino, I’m so outta here on the first thing that’s smokin.

  108. alamo
    May 26th, 2007 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    itrftp — my 104 comment refers back to your 28,

    it all is so complicated and in the middle of this we’ll get new work assignments.

    i don’t know…if (dt)gt doesn’t inspire a lot of heavy drinking i don’t know what does.

    perhaps you may be correct though in that the dt’s are brought on by withdrawal and no one has the fortitude to sober up this.

    http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000766.htm

  109. Bobdog
    May 26th, 2007 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers — I assumed this installment was about “how pluggers say FU to the USPS” — not only does the affixation of two pennies to the envelope actually make it more expensive to deliver the letter, but it also is the Plugger version of snark — “I got you’re two cents right here.”

    My picture of Pluggers is that the excursion to go get two cent stamps from the postal service would add some excitement to their lives — and clearly they have the funds to actually purchase the stamps. This how they “stick it to the man.”

    By not having their letters delivered because of insufficient postage.

    Go Pluggers!

  110. Zamboni_Rodeo
    May 26th, 2007 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    So… you’re a Plugger if you still send letters via snail mail?

  111. TripleDolemite
    May 26th, 2007 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    GT. In Panel 1 we’re treated to a Celebrity Cameo by an aging Tom Selleck, posing as Clambake. He’s even muggin for the audience, letting us in on the joke thats just between us. I can almost see him winking.

    Panel 2 clinches it; I’d recognise Tom Sellecks aura anywhere.

  112. Stranger…
    May 26th, 2007 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    I don’t know if it is just the SFGate version of Sally Forth
    But why is Ted’s hand blue in the first panel? I could imagine other parts turning blue… But how would that get to his soft effeminate hand…. oh, wait… I answered my own question. Never mind…

  113. SecretMargo
    May 26th, 2007 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    99: Dingo, I think you found spongecake hard enough to crack a pair of dentures — but it’s worth it to get to a nice, satisfying mouthful of “jam and buttercream,” non?

  114. ltrftp(not so first time)
    May 26th, 2007 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

    Alamo
    WC Fields is credited with this response the question “Have you ever had the DT’s in Hollywood?”

    His response: “It’s hard to tell where the DT’s end and Hollywood begins.”.

    I thought of stealling that line earlier, but realised that Hollywood is reality based and (DT)GT is not. At least in my space time continuum.

    Fwiw, growing up, I and everyone in Southern Ohio felt that the strip was based on place names from this area.

  115. Dan Coyle
    May 26th, 2007 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    Wow, that Herb and Jamaal strip is hateful, paranoid, and delusionally defensive.

    Wow, I can’t believe I actually commented on Herb and Jamaal, a strip I steadfastly refuse to believe wasn’t canceled in 1995.

  116. ltrftp(not so first time)
    May 26th, 2007 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    Dan Coyle

    I assumed it was Kudzu.

  117. AhClem
    May 26th, 2007 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    (DT)GT – Okay, I admit that I never read this strip (there are some things I simply will not do, even in the interest of good snark). From the examples shown in Josh’s commentaries, the freakily-shaped beings, badly-drawn panels and a total lack of panel-to-panel continuity justify my decision.

    Having said that, WTF is going on in the third panel?? Not only has an extraterrestrial talon appeared out of nowhere to grasp the left arm of a cardboard cutout of a baseball player, but that arm seems to have atrophied to one-third the size of the right one. Not only that, some sort of wrinkled, erect penis is nuzzling Clambake under the chin. And if THAT doesn’t give me nightmares tonight, nothing will. Curses upon you, Rubin and McLaughlin!

  118. Don
    May 26th, 2007 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    92: Mad Dog, I think you’re right, inasmuch as our anthropomorphic protagonist seems to be under the impression that the two pennies will 1) be accepted as postage in and of themselves and 2) somehow survive a trip through automated postal machinery that takes a pretty rough toll on regular mail.

    But, an unintended consequence of that joke is that the Plugger is not likely to be disabused of his false notion, since the postman will most likely replace the two cents with the appropriate postage and send the letter on its way. This is not uncommon, which was my only point. All I was saying was that mail carriers regularly, without complaint, and at no real inconvenience to themselves that I can see, accept letters accompanied by postage money from mailboxes.

    I didn’t think this was controversial, and was surprised to encounter responses implying that some sort of sacrosanct postal ritual was being undermined by the practice. It’s an ordinary occurrence, and not just out in the country, even though it may not happen in the pseudo-bohemian, hybrid-driving, free-trade-coffee-drinking communities in which the naysayers likely reside.

  119. commodorejohn
    May 26th, 2007 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    #106 – The Dalai Screwball, maybe?

    Also, according to Wikipedia, “backdoor breaking ball” is baseball jargon. Now that is just begging for a Clambake line.

    Also also, so is “get good wood.” Seriously.

    Also also also, “keystone sack.”

  120. alamo
    May 26th, 2007 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    all this (dt) gt talk is getting to me. i need a drink.
    a stiff one!!

  121. ltrftp(not so first time)
    May 26th, 2007 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    Don
    Before you get this thread sent to the cockpit for dissing somone who marches to the SQA re Pluggers please remember that FT coffee is good coffee made with an eye to the future.

    Plus, you are dealing with folks who think cows don’t have horns, know no one by first name in the military, and have never seen a hopscotch game drawn on a sidewalk.

    They wouldn’t know their mailman if she came up to them in mufti.

  122. ltrftp(not so first time)
    May 26th, 2007 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    Don
    Before you get this thread sent to the cockpit for dissing somone who marches to the SQA re Pluggers please remember that FT coffee is good coffee made with an eye to the future.

    Plus, you are dealing with folks who think cows don’t have horns, know no one by first name in the military, and have never seen a hopscotch game drawn on a sidewalk.

    They wouldn’t know their mailman if she came up to them in mufti.

  123. ltrftp(not so first time)
    May 26th, 2007 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    Alamo
    In honour of Clambake and baseball, might it a highball!

  124. Sunny Mel Blatherscythe
    May 26th, 2007 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorpeeeee- The game is afoot indeed, Clambake clumsily avoids the reporter’s question regarding his murky past. My 1947 strangled Toledo hooker theory is coming to light. You can’t hide from the scathing light of truth forever old man!

    Pluggers- Hah, she ain’t no Plugger A real “Plugger” would shove 39 cents up a carrier pigeons ass and send it on it’s way.

  125. Tomcat
    May 26th, 2007 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    #87: Luann claims she isn’t interested in Ben, but since Bernice grew up with Luann, she knows about her never-ending boy habits, and that Luann still craves love from Ben.

    Still, I know Bernice is normally very pessimistic, but this time she is getting much too paranoid. Just let Ben reject Luann’s heart. They always do.

  126. pesch
    May 26th, 2007 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    Hungh, Alamo said “stiff”

    hungh-hungh-hungh-hungh-hungh-hungh-hungh-hungh-

  127. alamo
    May 26th, 2007 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    pesch — i would say you are well-hungh.

    thank you.

  128. Josh
    May 26th, 2007 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    I hope I don’t destroy everybody’s view of the hedonistic hateful lifestyles we liberals live in non-Plugger land, but I am actually on a first-name basis on our mailman, who is a very nice fellow; we have friends in common and have been at parties with him. He’s gay and we gave a yoga gift certificate for our Christmas tip, just to reinforce your opinions, though.

    I will say that urban mail carriers are much more likely to (a) have many more houses to cover on their routes and (b) be cycled in and out of several neighborhoods, which means both less time and less inclination for personal services like taking money for stamps.

    Josh

  129. Sunny Mel Blatherscythe
    May 26th, 2007 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    If only all mailmen were as friendly as yours Josh. My mail order pornography is already dog eared by the time I open my mailbox.

  130. Sunny Mel Blatherscythe
    May 26th, 2007 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    :-(

  131. Sylphi
    May 26th, 2007 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    Heh, Pluggers. Nono, it’s not that they don’t understand how the postal system works, it’s just that going down to the Post Office is a pain in the ass, and pennies are a pain in the ass, so for a couple of days until you get to the PO, you just make due by taping on pennies. It only works if your mail carrier is cooperative. :P

    The fact that Clambake played in the Negro Leagues is far weirder and more logic-twisting than the Pluggers’ method of dealing with stamps–considering that the Negro Leagues shut down in the 50s. Sure, the guy’s supposed to be old, but pushing 80 seems just a bit *too* old to be out coaching baseball.

  132. Old Bean
    May 26th, 2007 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

    Herb & Jamaal:

    Semiotics in Comic Strips #394 – ‘By their pants shall ye know them.’ The two tabloid-reading chaps are going to hell. Black trousers, duh! Our priest friend, however, trusts in the power of the white comfortable-fit pant. He’s going to heaven. Right after he’s finished sucking tequila through a straw.

    Don’t question the pant!

  133. Edgy DC
    May 26th, 2007 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    There’s a lot of disappointing posts today.

    Let’s say we stop contributing crappy comedy to “They’ll Do it Every Time” and start contributing crappy coutoure to Katy Keene:

    http://www.archiecomics.com/katykeene/home.html

  134. dale
    May 26th, 2007 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

    92 Mad Dog
    A first class letter is 41 cents. If it is nonmachinable, add a 17 cent surcharge. I had reason to check this out – a 6×9 envelope fits the limits for a letter, but the clasp on this particular envelope invokes the extra charge.
    The next step up is large/flat which begins at 80 cents.
    Their site explains some of this, but it takes some mental gyrations to figure out the size limits.
    I ended up using the 800 number. The voice response menu thing is frustrating. Try saying “customer service” to get a real person as soon as possible.

  135. ralph
    May 26th, 2007 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: I live in a very rural area and we used to be able to buy stamps from our postal carrier. There was even a postal classification for our area’s ability to do that. Maybe some of you can recall what it is.
    But sigh, it’s all part of the past now.
    We still can stop at the group o’boxes for our road and chat with the friendly mailman.

  136. bats
    May 26th, 2007 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    I live in urban Tucson, and although our neighborhood has successfully fought against “community” mailboxes, so that our carriers have to walk house-to-house, their courtesy astounds me. Not long ago, there was an empty envelope in the mailbox with this printed on it: “Your letter had deficit postage. Please enclose ___ (the amount was filled in by the carrier) and return to your carrier.”

    The carrier pretty much “footed the bill” and kept my letter going rather than just leaving it behind.

  137. rich
    May 26th, 2007 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    SF: Barely 8:00 and Ted’s already stoned!

    (Yep, unemployment can have its fleeting charms…)

    MW: “Forgive me and come home, Vera!” Er… why does she have to “come home”? How about just handing over her share of the money and she can build a life someplace else, instead of having to quasi-incestually shack up with Creepy Brother??

  138. Trilobite
    May 27th, 2007 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    Von probably needs Vera to come home because by the time he’s hit the bottom of one bottle of scotch, she’s the only one in the house sober enough to open the next bottle.

    Either that, or she’s the one who refilled the ice-cube trays.

  139. Necron 99
    May 27th, 2007 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    A3G – Wait a minnit, lady! You didn’t say anything about battling any evil spirits. You can open your own doors! I’m outta here!

    BB – Wow, that shark sure is lucky to find such a fat, tasty treat like the Sarge.

    JP – Good Lord!! Rachel Cabbot has turned in to George W Bush in panel 5! It’s funny what I can remember now. There were no WMD’s. Just sweater puppies.

    RMMD – Apparently, Peter is not a good chap after all. Let’s see if Rex will carry the bags for “Momma’s Boy”.

    9CL – Again, we see Edda hard at work. She loses more men between those legs…But what a way to go!

    MT – If you look carefully in the background, you can see one of the vultures is wearing a 10 gallon hat and saying “Hey look, I’m a cowboy! Howdy, Howdy, Howdy!”

  140. Trotzenbonnie
    May 27th, 2007 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    What the friggity hell?! Ted is gesticulating like he finally figured out how to work those ruby slippers in panel one. But somebody tell me please – how old is he? Why is he reckymembering Swatches and Rubik’s Snake? My sisters had those damned rubber watches and they’re both under 35. My kid had a Rubik’s Snake (he recently sold it on E-Bay for many dollars…) and he’s chronologically 29 (although we all know his love of fart jokes makes him mentally around 11 years old). Isn’t Ted over 40? Shouldn’t he be misty-eyed about kabangers and his Wonder Woman Underoos? http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/style/comics/king.htm?name=Sally_Forth

  141. Spotted HØrse
    May 27th, 2007 at 12:55 am [Reply]

    Red Greenback: Great visualization of a Jackball Strike! Hey, if a Jackball were a cocktail, what’d be in it? Remember, it would have to be something that would appeal to all your rowdy friends.

  142. Mibbitmaker
    May 27th, 2007 at 1:07 am [Reply]

    Sunday, SUNDAY!!:

    FOOB: “Compost Queen”, huh? Great nickname for Lynn Johnston — especially after Sept.! Also, today’s message (about as subtle as a drunk duck) is: You must be environmental, even though it’s utterly futile! At least she notices that the worst offenders are still industry.

    MT: Shouldn’t that vulture be in Funky Winkerbean instead? He’d feel right at home.

    Shoe: She really IS “in the flesh“! And she’s a sexy bird! EEEEWWWWWW!!!! New comics taboo broken: beastiality.

    (Interlude: Until just a few seconds ago, I was listening to a Rod Stewart song that mentions “Gasoline Alley” alot on my headphones. Huh. Update: It’s the song’s name, the DJ says)

    FW: “(Hospitals, gotta love ‘em)”?? For mixing up results?! I swear, Lisa Moore has “Welcome” printed on her back and lays down in front of doorways! (Tom Batiuk, gotta loathe and dispise ‘im!)

    S-M: Nelson the bully to JJJameson:Ha, haaa!

  143. TB Tabby
    May 27th, 2007 at 1:16 am [Reply]

    SFx: CASSANDRA! WHOO! Let’s ignore the no-way-in-hell-would-it-take-a-detective-to-expose-this-lie and just focus on her soaking wet diving suit and fur dye job. I’m beginning to suspect Weber is deliberately slipping this cheesecake into his comics…not that I’m complaining, mind you.

  144. Dub Not Dubya
    May 27th, 2007 at 1:56 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s FOOB’s opening (throwaway) panel was missing something, so I took the liberty of putting it back:

    http://members.cox.net/blogpicsaddy/thatswhat.gif

  145. Johnny Cat
    May 27th, 2007 at 1:56 am [Reply]

    The Bible: 2014. Hiltons 16:5…And the hotel socialite did smite those who wrongfully improsoned her, and laid down God’s decree with a lispy tongue.

  146. Randy S
    May 27th, 2007 at 2:04 am [Reply]

    The Herb and Jamaal strip reminds me of just the type of distorted viewpoint typically portrayed in the Answers In Genesis website’s comic strip section:
    http://www.answersingenesis.org/CreationWise/CW_Pages/0408.asp
    Oh, sorry Christians… I’m not really criticizing Christians, just a certain subset who seem to be clueless about how logic (and the world around them) really works.

    Om a different note, I’ve read TDIET several times now, and even many of the comments here, and I still can’t quite figure it out. Is the first frame the “real story” and the second frame the made up story? Or…

  147. Trilobite
    May 27th, 2007 at 2:52 am [Reply]

    A3G: As much as I enjoy it when someone in this comic strip suddenly realizes that Gabriella is totally insane (it’s the fearful look in their eyes that does it for me…oh, and the obligatory head-bobbling seizure, of course), the last panel here just makes it look like she’s grabbin’ herself a handful of angel ass. And judging from the saucy arch to his eyebrow, I’m thinking that Alan likes it like this.

    Judge Parker: Thank god, they turned on the lights! Rachel and Abbey have been having this same stupid conversation all week in a pitch-black room, and…OH MY GOD THIS IS HORRIBLE MY EYES ARE BURNING TURN OUT THE LIGHTS TURN THEM OUT OH GOD THE WRINKLINESS THE SQUINTING HORROR…uh, I mean, jeez, Rachel’s looking even weirder than usual, what with her eyes squeezed tightly shut and the outfit she ordered off page 23 of the J. Crew menswear catalog. Yeah. Look, Paris might be the city of lights, but maybe we can do without ‘em in this scene, okay?

    Mary Worth: “Come back to me, Vera. We were once as close as twins…I with my liver cirrhosis, you with your raging hepatitis C infection. Say you forgive me, and we shall live in this House of Jaundice together, and you shall never want for anything again.”

    Rex Morgan: Speaking of jaundice…what is it with the Sunday colorists and the color yellow, anyway? Did I miss the memo announcing that canary yellow was the new color of DRAMA? Being snubbed by Chauffeur Pete just caused Hugh Avery’s liver to explode!

    Slylock Fox: If Weber wanted to devote the next year of Slylock Fox to drawing Cassandra Cat as every Bond girl who ever graced the screen, I would have no objections. And considering the way he draws Cassandra, I’m betting he wouldn’t have any objections, either.

  148. Dingo
    May 27th, 2007 at 3:20 am [Reply]

    On certain days, I have too much time on my hands: Lynn Johnston

  149. Red Greenback
    May 27th, 2007 at 3:40 am [Reply]

    Trilobite- Speaking of Sunday yellow usage: http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/tdiet.asp -Looks like Scaduto hit up Home Depotâ„¢ for a few gallons o’ Crocksand Mustard. Also, I totally ♥ the name “Miss Pothooks”…You da Man, Al!

  150. Red Greenback
    May 27th, 2007 at 3:53 am [Reply]

    Dingo-That LJ is some friggin’ scary shit!!! And of course I mean the photo. Budumpum! Veal!…

  151. Red Greenback
    May 27th, 2007 at 4:09 am [Reply]

    Seriously Dingo, you gotta re-post that on the threadmorrow. Hopefully Mr. Booth will do his voodoo and make your LJ blink!

    Hey Dingo. I just thought of something; what if the NSA and the Gonzopublican Guard are monitoring this blog? No worries, they’re probably still hashing over the potential terr’rist implications of “More Zippers, Mule!”

  152. Red Greenback
    May 27th, 2007 at 4:38 am [Reply]

    Red Greenback says: *TAP TAPPITY TAP*— Is this thing on?

  153. MonkeyHawk
    May 27th, 2007 at 5:12 am [Reply]

    More information on the Negro Leagues Baseball Museum can be found… you know where.

    It can also be found at 18th & Vine in Kansas City, Missouri.

    It is the legacy of Buck O’Neill (who was Ken Burns’ star in his “Baseball” series on PBS back in the 90s.

    I knew Buck O’Neill. Buck was a friend of mine. And Clambake, you’re no… aw hell, maybe you are a Buck O’Neill.

    Buck died last October 6th, a month away from his 95th birthday. The previous summer, as a promotional stunt, the Kansas City T-Bones of the Northern League signed Buck to a contract and he led off the first inning. They walked him and he trotted (yup, trotted) down to first base where he was replaced by a pinch-runner.

    Buck was a star human being. He refused to do personal appearances alone; he always insisted any still-living Negro Leagues ballplayers attend with him and get paid as much as he did for appearances. Just about everything they earned went into building the Negro Leagues Baseball Museum. And the stories they can tell.

    Stories about Satchel Paige (for whom Satchel in GF is named), Josh Gibson, young Willie Mays, Buck O’Neill himself (for whom Bucky in GF is named), Ernie Banks, Jackie Robinson, Cool Papa Bell (so fast, Satchel said he could turn off the light in the hotel room and be under the covers before the room got dark)…

    I was sitting next to Buck O’Neill in Royals Stadium one day when Bo Jackson hit a ball 450 feet into the fountains. Buck said he’d never heard the crack of a bat that loud; then corrected himself. He said he had heard that sound twice before: once when Josh Gibson hit a home run and once when Babe Ruth went park.

    If you happen to be close to Kansas City, give yourself an hour or so to visit the Negro Leagues Baseball Museum, even if you don’t care a whit about baseball. It’s a story of American arpartheid, it’s a story of people doing what they do very, very well, and there are frequently real-life “Clambake Yancys” ready to tell you stories you’ll never forget.

    It’s kinda sad, really, that “Clambake” is stuck in (DT)GT. The whole strip is an abomination of art and story-telling.

    GF sometimes goes on a short story arc that, to the informed, makes references to the Negro Leagues, but it hasn’t happened in a while. Would that Satchel might start calling Bucky “Nancy.”

  154. Christopher
    May 27th, 2007 at 5:27 am [Reply]

    Somebody probably already said it, but I think that if Us published an article about how Paris Hilton can walk on water and raise the dead, people would probably question it.

    Judging by the good Reverend’s penchant for making incredibly poor analogies and then acting smug and superior, I wager he spends a lot of time on the internet.

    Also, anti-props for “Check out the latest on the hotel socialite”. The DJ3000 was a joke, not something to be emulated.

  155. Sporadic Andy
    May 27th, 2007 at 5:30 am [Reply]

    Hey Slylock! Nobody cares that Cassandra Cat’s story is made up, because everyone wants to see “Cassandra Cat: The Movie.” Surefire blockbuster material there.

    My favorite Non-Cassandra part of this cartoon is Max Mouse collecting sand dollars. Normally, he shows at least some interest in helping Slylock solve the case, but this time, everything about him says, “Dude, give it a rest for once.”

  156. Dub Not Dubya
    May 27th, 2007 at 6:04 am [Reply]

    148 Dingo: Love it, but can you add a version to make her match our good friend Gap-Tooth Starey “Hoo!” Guy? Then my day would be complete.

  157. Trilobite
    May 27th, 2007 at 6:04 am [Reply]

    #149 Red Greenback — If the reason for all the yellow is because it’s really cheap, I’m going to have some difficulty figuring out whether I should be appalled or merely annoyed.

    At least Al has the good grace to use it on the walls of his comic strip and not on his characters’ faces.

    For a while there, I thought the suffusion of yellow thing was something exclusive to Mary Worth, where Sunday usually brings one DRAMA PANEL in which the shocking nature of someone’s dialogue might turn them bright yellow, or sometimes half yellow and half light blue.

    But apparently this is spreading to other serials, so be warned: if you’re normally colored a standard-issue honky flesh tone, you’re at risk for acute single-panel liver dysfunction whenever you make a Sunday appearance.

    Some strips are immune to the phenomenon, of course. But in a way, it’s almost a pity that Mark Trail devotes its Sundays to delivering animal factoids, because it’d be fun to see a dramatic closeup of Mark’s cheerfully inebriated countenance done up in glaring yellow as he said something like “All these birds must have come from somewhere!” Actually, strike that thought, that’d just freak me out.

  158. Red Greenback
    May 27th, 2007 at 6:12 am [Reply]

    MonkeyHawk-Wow! …All’s I can add is my thank you!
    MyTwo Cents: Clambake is indeed a character in (DT)GT. But how would one feature Mr. Yancey in say, Hi and Lois? or Zits? or Rex Morgan, MD.?…come to think, Clambake is needed in every soap strip!

  159. Trilobite
    May 27th, 2007 at 6:19 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: Apparently god hates Sgt. Snorkel, which certainly suggests that mankind was created in god’s image…but until Lynn Johnston and Batiuk get hit by lightning just before being devoured by carcinogenic locusts, I think the jury is still out.

  160. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    May 27th, 2007 at 6:25 am [Reply]

    Sunday comics…

    JP: Finally! The lights are on. It’s good to see veteran actor Jason Robards still getting work, ain’t it? But seriously, ladies and germs… how well do Abby and Neddy know these two faux-Frenchies? As in, would they recognize the difference if Cedric the WonderButler brought them to the wrong flat? Something has been fishy about this strip ever since the facile explanation of how Cedric knew where they were. Then, Roger gets a check and loses his mustache, and Rachel’s disease conveniently changes to something that could easily explain away any discrepancies between what she says and the real story. Les Dumbasses Americains are getting fleeced, I tell ya. Good thing Judge Parker doesn’t let Abby carry the real checkbook any more. Not since that whole “Warren Buffette” fiasco.

    PBS: Rocks. Would have rocked harder without the obvious clues in the first panel.

    TDIET: What recipe in the world uses both nutmeg and oregano? Italian gingerbread?!

    S-M: Kordok must be losing a lot of blood. His suit’s looking awfully pale.

    FBOFW: Sound effects seen in Sunday’s strip: Peel peel peel peel peel. DUMP! Tie, tie, tie, tie, tie. Missing sound effects: Carry, carry, carry, carry, carry. REPLACE! Straighten straighten. Step, step, step. Preach, preach, preach, preach, preach. VOMIT! …Oh, sorry, that last one was me.

  161. Red Greenback
    May 27th, 2007 at 6:28 am [Reply]

    Yesterthread: “Ed Power…he’s the man who’s name you’d love to touch! But you mustn’t touch! His name sounds good in your ear, but when you say it, you mustn’t fear! ‘Cause his name can be said by anyone!”

  162. Squawk
    May 27th, 2007 at 6:37 am [Reply]

    TDIET: I think this one just goes to show that Scaduto knows his audience, and he knows his average audience member is a septuagenarian who is now suffering the consequences of being too plugger-like to take care of his teeth in his youth. This is a deft bit of psychology: Dropping your dentures while you’re brushing your remaining teeth (or tooth) means you’re clumsy; breaking your dentures while biting into something as soft as sponge cake means it’s the dentist’s shoddy work. Shame on the double-breasted suit guy for trying to put one over on somebody who is clearly his intellectual superior.

    H&J: Um, right. If you believe Darwin, then you believe the National Enquirer. Thank you for clearing that up, Mr. Comic Strip Artist Whose Name Shall Not Be Specified.

  163. Trilobite
    May 27th, 2007 at 6:50 am [Reply]

    I’m trying new comics this morning, things I don’t usually read:

    The Lockhorns: I’ve only ever read this strip when Josh comments on it, which isn’t too often because I get the impression that every single strip is basically the same. It is an unending procession of comics featuring two dumpy, nearly-identical people looking desolate and abandoned, set above unfunny captions.

    For years, I’d known about the Lockhorns only as a pop-culture reference for a couple that always fights, but if that was ever true, then the fight has long since been beaten out of them. Now there’s only a dreary, morose resignation peering out from those half-lidded eyes, and after reading the five panels from today I’m afraid to look in the mirror because I fully expect to see that same expression staring right back at me.

    I don’t know how or why this strip is being published, but there can’t be any wholesome reason for it. This is soul-destroying bleakness in comic form. This is a blunt instrument that smashes all the serotonin in your brain into tiny pieces. This is a depiction of fictional human misery intended only to create actual human misery.

    This is The Lockhorns.

    Abandon all hope, ye who click here.

  164. Calico
    May 27th, 2007 at 6:57 am [Reply]

    Ah, Sunday Daily Stink (lines)…
    (DT)GT – Mike Bouchard better knock off the steroids – he’s growing boobs in panel 2.

    FOOB – I’m pleased to know that Elly has her own batch of talking potatoes, even if all they can say is “Peel peel peel” and “Dump!”
    The earth would be more environmentally sound if Elly got rid of that fat ass. She’s contibuting to as much global warming as a plastics factory with that thing.

    SFx – Go Cassie! Rrrrroooooowwwrl.
    Boo Boo is closing in on the menacing crown for the month of May, shutting out Dennis today, even though I like the Curtis-style Please-Don’t-Smoke guilt trip.

    MW – boring…dull…slow…right on schedule.

    Finally, for now – JP – I’m really beginning to wonder if Rachel and Roger are grifting Abby. Rachel’s purported dementia seems almost too perfect, and I have worked with folks with both dementia and Alzheimer’s.

  165. Calico
    May 27th, 2007 at 6:59 am [Reply]

    And one more thingy – we get a small payoff in RM, finally! Go Pete – stick them thar bags where the SON don’t shine!

  166. Islamorada Girl
    May 27th, 2007 at 7:12 am [Reply]

    Unfortunately, there are also people out there who would believe an Us story about Paris Hilton walking on water and raising the dead.

  167. stinky pete
    May 27th, 2007 at 7:21 am [Reply]

    160 SSB, In defense of Big Al S., Cookinglight.com’s recipe search function yielded 14 recipes that contained both nutmeg and oregano, most of which were pasta-based (no Italian gingerbread, though).

    Also, bonus points for “she cures all the ills on the soap operas, too” and “Miss Pothooks” in the panel above.

    BUT…. all the junk spills out of the closet of the supposedly clean room? Wow, I’ve never seen that gag in 153 other comics and sitcoms before .

  168. schlimmerkerl
    May 27th, 2007 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    The idea the *any* religion, despite many varieties of crazy beliefs, automatically deserves any respect whatsoever: Rolling *my* eyes.

  169. True Fable
    May 27th, 2007 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    Meanwhile, Brookins is probably delighted that Pluggers has stirred controversy once again – at least it’s proof that someone actually looks at it.
    Our mail carriers drive the little postal cars that look like little bread delivery vans. The carrier at our old place north of town would usually help you out with the stamp issue if you needed it, but the one here in town does good to beat the clock just to deliver all the mail on the route on time. So yeah, it depends a lot on who, where, what, when, why, and wtf.

  170. Calico
    May 27th, 2007 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    #146 – Ah yes, the year of the religious / pseudo-christian comic strip. Hissss, Dolly, hissssss.

    This is the Answers to Genesis site I prefer:
    http://www.genesis-music.com
    Jesus He Knows Me!

  171. april glaspie
    May 27th, 2007 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    Nutmeg does not belong in sauce. There are morons that put sugar in sauce to “take out the acidity”.
    The acidity is in the tomatoes, nutmegnuts, that’s why we have agita. You can’t take it out, by any stretch of anybody’s imaginataion. But who’d want to? Sounds like some obnoxious recommendation from Giada’s boobs. That twit will put nutmeg in anything. That’s why she can’t cook a lick. But there are the boobs.

    Far as Doonesbury Sunday, include those boys in Popi’s bomber when he bailed. And include everybody that served for W and Dickless when they had to stock the OClub liquor cabinet or had “other priorities”.

    Don’t include the guy Kerry pulled out of the river in Cambodia. He lived. And he says the Short Boat aholes are a piece of lying crap. I don’t know, who do you believe? Guy that got shot rescuing his men or guy woofing cocaine in Alabama.? We present, you decide. Help America Vote Act? Arrest Black Folks for Voting While Black Act? Help America Think Before They Vote.

    PNACenturions: dishonoring ptariots and trashing the Constitution, 24/7. Oh, Happy Barbecue Day. Not my country. Sorry to wax political, but there are heroes and there are cowards, and the cowards are stiffing the heroes about now.

  172. KJG
    May 27th, 2007 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    For those who have not read of the accuracy of the Bible:

    Both the Old and New Testaments are strongly supported by manuscript evidence (the evidence of early hand written copies). The famous Dead Sea Scrolls are one example of the Old Testament evidence. These documents came from the “library” of a settlement founded at Qumran before 150 B.C. and abandoned about 68 A.D. Some of the manuscript copies were made during that period, and some were written earlier (third century BC) and brought to the settlement. Ignoring spelling-oriented (orthographic) changes and similar small differences, the Dead Sea Scrolls match the Hebrew text behind today’s Old Testament, in spite of the passage of over 2,000 years (where one would expect errors to creep in).

    Over 20,000 known manuscripts document the New Testament text. This makes the New Testament the most reliable document of antiquity (a document written before the printing press). These manuscripts vary in size from a part of a page to an entire Bible (Old and New Testaments). The earliest New Testament manuscripts date from the second century (100-199) AD These manuscript copies were written in different languages by people of different nationalities, cultures, and backgrounds. In spite of all those differences between them, the New Testament texts all agree. (That is, those differences that we do observe between these hand written documents are occasional changes in the spelling of names or isolated cases of missing or changed words. Still, since we have so many copies, it is obvious to anyone but the hardened skeptic can that they all represent the same text.)

  173. True Fable
    May 27th, 2007 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    I put this in the forums because I was afraid I was going to rapidly rant as usual, but it was shorter than I feared. So:

    Lynnie’s got to trowel on the drama like so many pounds of spackle. She wants April to feel guilty about not getting caught with Gerald so by golly, she’s going to do it [make her feel guilty] no matter how much sense it disregards.

    Elly and John don’t seem to value Lynn’s imagined third child who is outliving her usefulness as a plot device. Maybe Lynn realized (but won’t dare publicly admit) how hard it is to write new material with an old-fashioned brain, so that is why she’s going to rest on her laurels this September. She probably wants to follow the adventures of cute widdle Mewedith and Wobbin but she’ll only open herself to even MORE ridicule for being out of touch. Unfortunately, this is not leaving on a high note. This is leaving on the same note, and one dreadfully out of tune.

    I swear, if April lets her imagined guilt eat at her until she bawls out “On the night of Mike’s party I let Gerald feel me up while we were on my bed drinking wine in the basement!” with her eyes squinted shut and her mouth dropped open so her tongue can rattle forth like a party favor, I will print out every single rant I’ve made and MAIL IT ALL to Lynn Johnston.

    “This is how your former fans feel about you, hoser.”

  174. stinky pete
    May 27th, 2007 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    A3G seems to be stuck in an infinite loop, where Sunday’s strip summarizes the prior 6 days, and then the next 6 days stretch out what was presented on Sunday. Alan turned the key in the last panel on both Saturday and Sunday. LuAnn is destined to spend eternity saying “E-e-e-e-e-e-e” and leaking black oil.

    On the plus side, it’s nice to see that people still tap dance in the NYC night’s darkest hour (panel 2).

  175. Motorposus
    May 27th, 2007 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    H&J: The expression on the face of that preacher man in the 4th panel has got to be the smuggest I’ve ever seen. When I look at it, my palms start to tingle and I get The Urge. Dingo, are you out there? Please make Vera punch this man!

  176. True Fable
    May 27th, 2007 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    You know, religion SHOULD be challenged and SHOULD be questioned not because I don’t like religion, but because it makes those of us who follow a particular belief system, to constantly re-examine who we are, what we believe, why we believe it, and how we can use those beliefs to better the world in which we’ve been born.

    Nobody has to get their neck hairs all ruffed up on either side of the issue. Just read, say “okay, I see where you stand” and keep moving forward.

    Let’s go back to snarking on the comics, gang! Sure, debate is healthy but I’ve sure there’s a spot in the forums that can accommodate the increasing polarization here.

    More bee grinding, mules! :-)

  177. King Folderol
    May 27th, 2007 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    #106 – Clambake was always supposed to be a symbol of the underdog in all of us. It’s also possible that Gil Thorp is still in the late 70s/early 80s, due to the slow passage of time in the comics.

    #137 – Don’t the Forth’s have a cat? Ted’s probably going to wind up spending the day scaring the neighbors with that scruffy beard of his as he searches for the cat.

  178. queek
    May 27th, 2007 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Opus hit the Memorial Day strip on the head. Wonderfully done, Berke.

    Cassandra Cat in a wet suit. *swoon*

    Get Fuzzy was wonderfully geeky. “Your ankles are weak, old man”

    Lovely art in Heart of the City as well. Spock is such a cute kitten. Lio was also fantasticly drawn. well done, MarkT! *applause*

    PBS: just funny. In so many ways.

    and to ruin non-snark Sunday, stoned kitty joke in FC! with dotted lines! bwa2theha.

  179. Professor Fate
    May 27th, 2007 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    H&J: it may mean of me to note But I find it odd that a preacher is contemplating the absolute infability of the bible in a resturant that serves ham.

  180. Squid Countess
    May 27th, 2007 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    This just in: newspaper readers in Hampton Roads, VA are asked to chose between Boopsie’s and June’s.
    http://content.hamptonroads.com/story.cfm?story=125513&ran=91488

  181. april glaspie
    May 27th, 2007 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    And this just in: Carbon dating exposed as a myth by chem department at Regent University. Proof of fallacy of DNA to follow. “It just doesn’t exist” says Goodling Professor Emeritus. “God couldn’t possibly be that smart.”

  182. lesles
    May 27th, 2007 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    if johnston is going to persist with the sound effects, then this is how it should be done, but since lj seems to understand neither whimsy nor humour, i don’t hold out hope.

  183. reader-who-posts
    May 27th, 2007 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    Saturday comments…

    9CL: I was gone for a week and they are still talking about unicorns and dancers? I can’t believe I’m saying this but when will they go back to having everyone lust after Amos for no apparent reason?

    JP: Every time Judge Parker places a word balloon over Abbey’s sweater puppies an angel cries.

    FW: I can’t wait to when Darin finds out who his mother is and that he will die miserably of cancer.

    GT: I’ll tell you, young Mike Bouchard can swing at that hole better than anyone I’ve seen since that homeless man I paid to have sex with me in 1960.

    Luann: Ewwww, let’s not venture into 16 year old fantasies ok?

  184. ralph
    May 27th, 2007 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    Monkeyhawk, 153, wow! (What one can learn from reading CC comments.) Lately I’ve been doing some research on Native Americans in the baseball leagues, so I found your personal stories and the tidings about the museum very interesting. It IS really too bad that Clambake is sharing such a rich part of our American heritage with a bunch of extraterrestrials in GT.

  185. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    May 27th, 2007 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    KJG @ 172:
    …Which proves only that your sacred writings are based on a bunch of older writings. I fail to see how any of that supports the assertion that they are the word of God, or that they are relevant to life today, or even that they are truthful.

    Um. So, how ’bout that Gil Thorp? There’s evidence of unintelligent design for ya! Hooo!

  186. lesles
    May 27th, 2007 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    maybe clambake is really dead, and he’s currently whiling away his time unknowingly in purgatory, which we’ve come to know as gil thorp. i think that would answer any number of questions about this strip.

  187. SatanicMechanic
    May 27th, 2007 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    Why oh why can’t the comics page have a good evnironmental message without adding some doom and gloom at the end????

    Think Funky Winkerbean back on earthday with its rip off and bastardizing of a joke from “The Inconveniant Truth”.

    The very worst part of FBoFW, at least for me is that they run a strip like this to convince people that the characters are really good citizans who recycle, after all that garbage about “Sporty SUVs” and “Severing Land”. That and the fact that every other time we’ve seen Elly in a motorized vehicle in this strip it’s been a van.

    Heres an idea: Carry on with a funny strip. When a character gets a good idea put a CFL bulb over his head. When he drives to the store, make it a prius. When he’s talking on the phone, let him be crunching soda cans. Put “Sierra Club” magazines on the coffee table… Instead of doing penance once a year with a strip like this, make the environment everyday and subtle.

    I wish Get Fuzzy did this.

  188. SatanicMechanic
    May 27th, 2007 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    Oops, one word in and I bungle it. Environmental… I DO know how to spell it…

  189. MonkeyHawk
    May 27th, 2007 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    #184 — “ralph” –

    There’s a rich history of Native Americans related to the Negro Leagues as well as the majors.

    If you conceivably look “Indian,” you might sneak into the major leagues with a nickname like “Chief.” In fact, the Cleveland Indians may have taken their non-PC nickname because Nap Lajolie or Louie Sockalexis or somebody was passing as an “Indian” instead of African-American. As we most certainly know now, anybody’s ethnicity is subject to interesting turns once you go back a few generations.

    A great many “Cubans” played in the big leagues during its era of apartheid. And the only reason Big League baseball expanded was the threat by Branch Rickey to create the Continental League, which would have incorporated the best ballplayers of the Negro Leagues into a third “major” league.

    Jackie Robinson may have broken the color barrier in 1947.but it wasn’t until 1959 until the last major league team integrated (Boston, with Pumpsy Green).

    Even after Jackie and Willie and Hank and Satch and Ernie and Elston and Roy and a bunch of guys made it to “the Show,” there were plenty of pretty good ballplayers in the Negro Leagues. When I was a kid, I happened to see Satchel Paige playing for a barnstorming team. I was too young to really understand what was going on but my Dad kept telling me to pay attention. Part of the show was for him to call the outfielders in to sit on the bases as he announced he’d strike out the side. He did.

    I’m not all that old. Maybe Clambake Yancey was the kid sitting on second base that night.

    Satch might have been in his 60s that night. Or his 90s. Or in his 30s. You never knew about Satchel Paige.

    So it makes me sad that “Clambake” Yancy makes it into (DT)GT. Because, yes. A character like that could be put into a story line of strips created by far more talented cartoonists.

    He could teach the nerd from “Foxtrot” that putting your body in front of a ground ball isn’t gonna kill ya. He could help the ballina in from “Chickwood Lane” realize that recreational softball is, as is all baseball, simply a game of tag…where the ball is IT!

    There’s no justification for Elmo’s appearances in “Blondie” except for a lame “kids these days” joke. But Clambake could teach the kid a curve ball and make Dag look goofy when he can’t catch it… a concept totally thrown away by (DT)GT.

    Maybe the nanny from RMMD could take the Avery fortune and buy a baseball team and make Clambake the manager! And Nikki could be the bat boy.

    I’d even accept Apwil and Iris doing a 3-way with Clambake if it would mean that the story line weren’t reduced to (DT)GT!

    I’m deserate here, folks.

    Deal with it.

  190. John H.
    May 27th, 2007 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    The look on that guy’s face when he says “…but question what the Bible says” makes me want to break things.

  191. Breathing Meat
    May 27th, 2007 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    Try as I might, I cannot identify the partially-drawn elements in the pastor’s mostly-out-of-frame face in the second frame of the “Soul Food” strip. What are those things, and what face is he pulling? Does he have one great big eyeball in the centre of his face, which becomes two eyeballs over the course of the next two frames?

  192. Poker BUtt
    May 27th, 2007 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    Clambake wouldn’t be a coded reference to scientology? (Google clambake, of course.)

  193. Foofy
    May 27th, 2007 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    I guess it’s a small-town thing but lots of people put coins/bills in the mailbox to cover extra postage or purchase a book of stamps. Personally I consider it rude, just makes more work for the poor carrier. Another reason I don’t do the “Click and Ship” stuff from the website.

  194. Frank Parsnip
    May 27th, 2007 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    Clambake’s bizarre ET-like claws are outdone by the oddities of perspective in GT. Clambake is both way in the foreground talking to the reporter and yet somehow able to reach way back to put his arm on the shoulder of future Negro Leaguer Mike Bouchard. (The distance had somehow been emphasized by making Clambake’s head significantly bigger and by placing Bouchard into what should have been the background but for Clambake’s hand.)

    Compare against 5/16 when he was about the same height as the other players and previous strips where he had almost normal arms.

  195. Foofy
    May 27th, 2007 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    I forgot to actually make a point! Ordering stamps by putting money in the mailbox is fine, they’ll even give you forms for it, and it doesn’t necessarily make you a Plugger (just annoying). Or maybe that’s the same thing.

    /me curls up in the corner and cries in shame.

  196. Poteet
    May 27th, 2007 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    Can’t resist adding a mail story. I used to live on Rural Route 2 until they gave us all urban-style addresses (five-digit house numbers, three-digit street names). Back in the RR days, I received a few pieces of mail addressed to just “Poteet, RR 2.” (From urban friends who didn’t quite understand how a rural route worked and that a last name was needed.) It was nice that my nice mailperson knew who I was.

  197. Yahtzee
    May 27th, 2007 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    Honest to God, when I was a youngish kid, I thought “Clamato” was the name of a venereal disease. No, I don’t know why. And no, I have never drunk any Clamato. Nor will I. Could you, after that?

  198. cyberpersephone
    May 27th, 2007 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    Is there even an attempt at a joke in today’s FOOB? Is it that Elly is a chump for recycling and conserving before taking the bus straight into the factory district? Where is Elly going at the end of the strip anyway?

    Pearls Before Swine made me laugh out loud. That happens all to rarely.

    What the hell’s up with Foxtrot? I mean, I’ll give them this, at least there’s a joke there (unlike FOOB!), but seriously, two panels? Come on, Bill Amend, you only write one strip a week. Could you at least put some effort in to it?

  199. kayrbear
    May 28th, 2007 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    Mike Bouchard is the name of the sheriff in Oakland County, MI — the home state of GT co-author Neal Rubin. (Also, Milford is a MI city, most recently brought into the national eye as the site of the extremely failed FBI search for Jimmy Hoffa). Apparently, Michigan’s Atty General, Mike Cox, in “To Catch A Predator” form, has put the county sheriff undercover at Milford to catch old Clambake in “the act.” CB seems desperate to both distract the newsperson from himself, and to shower more attention on little Mikey.

  200. Jeff
    May 29th, 2007 at 6:28 am [Reply]

    Wow, you really don’t know how the Bible came about, do you….?

  201. Tukla in Iowa
    May 29th, 2007 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    Sure he does. He just described in in the post.

  202. Poteet
    May 30th, 2007 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    # 199 — Arrgh, kayrbear, I spent twenty-five formative years in Oakland County. Please, folks, don’t blame Oakland County — the (DT)GT horror could have been spawned anywhere.

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    July 25th, 2009 at 8:36 am [Reply]

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