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Gay gay gay gay Friday

Beetle Bailey, 7/6/07

Sarge is completely unimpressed by this rampant display of heterosexuality, showing no more interest in the mating ritual between Killer and Random Brunette Nurse than the average person might in baboons showing each other their big red asses on the Discovery Channel.

Pearls Before Swine, 7/6/07

But if you do want to get Sarge interested, you mess with his territory. Zero’s trip home is quickly going to turn into a trip straight into the middle of Anbar Province.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/6/07

Help each other Commitment You ready for that? I don’t know much about this stuff JESUS GOD THIS DEFIES PARODY

Apartment 3-G, 7/6/07

Damn it, I was really on a roll there. Hmm, let’s see … if the Apartment 3-G girls were actual young women living in Manhattan, they’d almost certainly have some gay male friends, whose encounters with Ruby would be good for some larfs. “Ah do declare, Jason and Cory are just as thick as thieves! And so handsome! Ah can’t believe none of you young ladies have made a play for one of those boys!”

Anyway, I mainly wanted to comment on this strip because, as several of you pointed out, it provides further evidence that this woman is a relative of Lu Ann, as she apparently doesn’t know how to read.

This entry was posted on Friday, July 6, 2007 at 03:56 pm and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Beetle Bailey, Pearls Before Swine, Rex Morgan, M.D..

326 responses to “Gay gay gay gay Friday”

  1. bats :[
    July 6th, 2007 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    It’s a gay world after all.
    That it were the case for FOOB…unless Anthony…you know…

  2. Anonymous
    July 6th, 2007 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    second!!!

  3. Maughta
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G!?! Anything but that den of sin!!!

    Why is Paparidiculous so flustered?! Did he just leave Margo and Tommie in states of sexual satisfaction. Ewwwwwwww.

  4. Maughta
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G!?! Anything but that den of sin!!!

    Why is Paparidiculous so flustered?! Did he just leave Margo and Tommie in states of sexual satisfaction? Ewwwwwwww.

  5. Maughta
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    Oops, I posted twice. Shit, now it’s a third time. I will properly chastize myself for mucking up this thread with uselessness.

  6. Anonymous
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    How big is that middle finger Lynn Johnston is flipping off at us these days?

  7. Mack
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    Come on, Rex Morgan. If I wanted to watch a creepy older married man make sexual advances to a barely teenage male ragamuffin, I’d start going to Bible school again.

  8. scan
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    I don’t want to be anonymous anymore so I’ll repeat:

    How big is that middle finger Lynn Johnston is flipping at us this week?

  9. ColoZ
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    Rob’s T-shirt in todays Get Fuzzy says “DUMB HITS 4 JUDGES.” Nice Supreme Court commentary!

  10. Tracer Bullet
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    They’re denying me the pleasures of June’s Sweater Puppies and the threesome they’re about to inspire for this Batman-and-Robin style homoerotic lovefest? Dammit, this aggression will not stand.

  11. Burning Prairie
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    I hale from Tulsa, Oklahoma and I can tell you that Ruby can most certainly read, but she’s like every lady here. We just like to have gentlemen perform acts of unnecessary gallantry, keeps them in their place. Anyway, in Foob today, it looked like Anthony was trying to break Liz’s spine, fortunately for her, his arms have all the tensile strength of over-ccoked ramen noodles.

  12. T. Chicana
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    This old southern belle is so going to get mugged. And also, what do y’all predict will happen in Foob tomorrow? The makeout session has GOT to end. Right? What if it gets more intense? Oh dear sweet Jesus. And Julia will just keep right on watching.

  13. Harry Paratestes
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    RMMD deserves a ‘Holy Mother of Fuck!!’ for its rancidity.

  14. Theominousoat
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    My initial thought upon seeing Beetle Bailey today was the massive lump in killer’s blanket. Sure, it’s supposed to be a knee, but then we would have to accept killer’s a midget…

  15. Harry Paratestes
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    #12 T. Chicana
    Of course Julia’s going to watch Granthony. She’s the one who pimped him out to Lizardcrotch in the first place.

  16. Lammergeier13
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    Damn it! That’s the first time I’ve ended a thread, and with any luck it’ll be the last. But, to necropost:
    FOOB: Random girl with Paul McCartney hair-’Julia, do you know where Elizabeth and Anthony are?’
    Julia- ‘Yes, I do. They’re over by the lake trying to figure out how that whole “sex” thing works.’
    RGWPMH- ‘But wait, didn’t he have a daughter by his ex-wife?’
    Julia- ‘Yeah, but the kid has an uncanny likeness to the mailman, if you know what I mean. Anthony still thinks that the way to make babies is for him to sleep on the couch in the living room while the woman sleeps in the master bedroom from which some moans and a faint buzzing sound may be heard.’

  17. Brown-eyed Girl
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    Spectacular Spider-Brick, last thread:

    Sorry if my moniker has bad associations for you. It’s been my nickname for myself for a long time. As far as I know, I don’t have an ex-husband.

  18. Tracer Bullet
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Physically, they’re over there. Mentally, Liz is in the arms of George Clooney and Anthony is wearing a gimp mask while in the arms of George Clooney.

  19. Brown-eyed Girl
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    This week in the comics:

    FBOFW is supposed to be romantic, and 9CL is supposed to passionate, but Rex’s seduction of Niki has them both beat. And that’s just wrong. Sick, sick, and wrong.

  20. Bootsy
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    All right people. It’s bad enough I gotta hear the comments about starfish boy being from the gay mean streets of New Orleans and thus quite susceptible to Rex’ advances (I admit this is one of the gayest towns in the US of A not that theres’a damn thing wrong with that), but now we gotta put up with everyone’s abysmal southern accents?

    Whoever quite a few threads ago used the expression “christ on a cracker” made me laugh and gave me a new expression to add to my already long list of taking other people’s diety’s name in vain expressions.

    Thank you.

  21. Hysterical Woman
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    14. Umm, there are two lumps. Does this mean Killer has two giant dicks? I can certainly see why the nurse wants to keep him under observations.

  22. Bootsy
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    Sweet petunias, Spider-Brick! That Clambake American Pie on the last thread made me laugh so hard the guy in the next office came over to see what was so funny.

    And I couldn’t even begin to tell him.

    bows deeply in awe

  23. Reedzilla
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    Someone please tell me Mary’s not seriously elbow-deep in Wilbur’s slacks in panel1 of today’s MW.

    Please.

  24. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    #21 Hysterical Woman: More information about diphallia can be found on the internet (but you probably don’t want to at work).

  25. Non Compost Mentos
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    #14 Theominousoat: “Sure, it’s supposed to be a knee”…hey, isn’t that also the excuse for the aroused priest in The Little Mermaid?

  26. Uncle Lumpy
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    I believe Rex Morgan, M.D. has become the first mainstream comic strip to go completely postmodern (sorry, Zippy, “postmodern” ≠ “being a jerk”). All its content is now either deeply ironic or intentional self-parody:

    - as Josh notes above, obvious pederast Rex sees himself, is presented to us, and is treated by Nikki, as a hero

    - as Josh noted elsewhere, the Hugh/Heather/June storyline documents stock manipulation, fraud and conspiracy, only to dismiss them:

    every single thing that Hugh is saying is in fact 100 percent demonstrably true, and yet he’s being drawn like a paranoid lunatic drama queen

    I anticipate an accelerating downward spiral of evil from Rex and June, punctuated by outraged bleats whenever anyone questions their motives for raiding a pension fund, poisoning a reservoir, or feasting on the flesh of infants.

    Bravo, kindred souls Wilson and Nolan! We toast you with your own wine!

  27. Dingo
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    Actually, Josh, you’re still on a roll.

    The introduction of Luann’s the tornado came racing through like your stepdaddy with a hardon and took the trailer and all mah clothes before I even knew what happened mother will finally allow the Professor (as he likes to be called) to come out of the closet when she introduces him to that lovely Sondheim man she heard playing the piano while sunning herself on the window ledge. Finally, someone in apartment 3G will make a decent mimosa.

  28. Bootsy
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    #26, Unc, you’re not toasting with a pedestrian wine, are you?

  29. Gabe
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    I’ve always preferred holy deep-fried christ as a euphemism.

  30. Squawk
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Hey Niki, Sprout from the Jolly Green Giant commercials just called. He wants his hair back.

  31. Dean Booth
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Yesterthread, I threatened Liz with graphic punishment, and here she is, Queen of Hearts. (Depending on your resolution, you’ll probably need to scroll right to see the whole thing.)

    FC: Also, an FC Warhol.

  32. Karim
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    This Apartment 3-G strip eerily reminds me of the opening of A Streetcar Named Desire. An ex-Southern Belle.

    God. Wouldn’t that be really really fun? I can so totally picture Margo as Stanley.

  33. Karim
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    Okay my actual comment is :

    This Apartment 3-G strip eerily reminds me of the opening of A Streetcar Named Desire . An ex-Souther Belle looking for a relative. A piece of paper, an address. A big, big, big surprise.
    Oh, and alcoholism. Probably.

    God. Wouldn’t that be really really fun? I can so totally picture Margo as Stanley.

  34. Giacomo Tostada
    July 6th, 2007 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    Yikers. I’m mildly crestfallen. I was hoping you’d help explain the talking donkeys in today’s ep of Mark Trail. The Jackelrod stripbot appears to be under the influence of powerful hallucinogens these days.

  35. Lammergeier13
    July 6th, 2007 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    #33: “HEY, TOMMIE!!!!! TOOOOOMMMMMIIIIIEEEE!!!”

  36. Wellsey
    July 6th, 2007 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    Dang it Josh! Why you gots to do me that way? Alright, necroposting this so people will actually see it.

    I know, this is soon after my last “reimagining” but I just have so much fodder to work with. Same mildly NSFW tag applies but this image has been in my mind for a few days now. I couldn’t help but bring it to life. I call it: “A Mother’s Dreams Come True.” Behold!

    http://i61.photobucket.com/albums/h44/mandawells/dreamsdocometrue.jpg

  37. Tom M
    July 6th, 2007 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    Damn, I was going to change my name to Aristotle Papagoras. Now I ‘ve got to come up with something else.

  38. Jamus The Bartender
    July 6th, 2007 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    A3G: I’m thinkin’ Ruby is pretty hot. DAMN hot. I never used to pay attention to A3G, but now i’m hooked. Does this mean Ruby and the girls are gonna be dressed in wispy clothes all summer, drinking lots and lots of booze, getting into fist fights, and having lots of sex with old rich men on a downward spiral? And homoerotic subtext…we’ve gotta have homoerotic subtext. I am SO there…

  39. Burning Prairie
    July 6th, 2007 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    #21 Hysterical Woman- perhaps “under observation” is what the kids are calling it these days, let’s ask Liz and Anthony…wait.

  40. stinky pete
    July 6th, 2007 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    9 ColoZ, Yep, it’s surprising no one’s noticed that yet.

  41. Wellsey
    July 6th, 2007 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    #31 – Dean Booth Why do I even try to compete with the likes of you? I’m still laughing at that. The first strip was great in itself but then to see her come down in the second one. I nearly hurt myself laughing at that one!

  42. Islamorada Girl
    July 6th, 2007 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    Margo Brando in the AG Community Theater production of Streetcar.

    Dean Booth, take it away!

  43. Dean Booth
    July 6th, 2007 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    #41. Thanks, Wellsey. I got a big kick out of the sheet shaving. There’s some strange satisfaction that comes from drawing comic characters nude, eh? As Letterman used to say, This is not a competition, it’s only an exhibition. [something, something.]

  44. Buck Ripsnort
    July 6th, 2007 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    Wanna know somethin’ really scary? That’s not LuAnne’s momma, THAT’S LUANNE! Well, they said she’d go psychotic, and impersonating an MGM-style belle surely counts. Physically I’m here, but mentally I’m throwing rocks at Lynn Johnston’s house.

  45. John C Fremont
    July 6th, 2007 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    That’s a bad touch there, Rex.

  46. Andrea D and The Grandstanding Oddballs
    July 6th, 2007 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    33, 35, 42 – Sweet buddha on a bun, you’re all right! Right down to the hideous bleached hair and neat suit and false modesty.

    You know, I really hated that movie, but I was pleasantly surprised to find that Marlon Brando was, indeed, hot at one point in his life. Ridiculously hot.

  47. Darkefang
    July 6th, 2007 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    A3G:Really? You’re going to go with the illiterate southerner stereotype?

    Also, did Professor Papagoras spend some time being brainwashed in a Soviet secret prison? It’s pretty obvious to me – judging from his change in mood from jovial to crazy-eyed in a single panel – that this “Ruby” character is a communist secret agent sent to activate the Prof’s repressed assassin training, keyed by the word “sugar.” I guess Vladimir Putin has decided that the best way to undermine American society is to assassinate America’s sweetheart, Margo Magee.

    Archie: The good news is that today’s strip features a pretty graphic cameltoe.

    The bad news is that it’s Jughead’s.

    BB: I’m pretty sure someone has hired Killer a stripper, since no actual nurse has worn a uniform like that since about 1975.

    Also, I’m pretty sure he shouldn’t be doing what he’s doing under the covers. Hospitals are supposed to be sanitary, for Pete’s sake.

    Crankshaft: No wonder Crankshaft is so crotchety. Instead of lemonade, on hot summer days his wife serves him what appears to be iced castor oil.

    Foob: Ummm… What exactly instigated this ultra-passionate make-out session? Maybe I missed a couple of strips somewhere, but all I remember is a lot of bland conversation, a passed out best man and then some vague declaration by Anthony of his amorous feelings for Liz. I haven’t seen such an unconvincingly portrayed romance since Gigli.

    GT: Oh no! The Clambake syndrome has infected Ken Burger. Note the clammy claw hand on the shoulder of the surprised generic ballplayer in panel two.

    MF: Way to be topical, Mallard. That case has been dismissed already.

    MT: Who doesn’t love a strip where talking moose track down assassins who shoot birds at planes?

    RMMD: Rex Morgan’s writer is challenging us to read this strip as anything other than a creepy pedophile propositioning a teen boy.

  48. Biblio
    July 6th, 2007 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    I don’t understand Ruby’s ribbons. How are they arranged around her hair like that? It’s like she arrived in New York from Milford.

  49. Wellsey
    July 6th, 2007 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    #43 Dean Booth. It’s more like, they’re merely giving us a blank canvas with which to finish what they were really trying to say. And in “completing” the picture, it’s our way of saying, “We know this is what you meant, if it weren’t for those darned syndicates!”

  50. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 6th, 2007 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    Since I spent so long working on my last song parody, I don’t want it to be neglected at the bottom of the last thread. So, go read it.

  51. StrangeRover
    July 6th, 2007 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    #6 Mack- and which one would you be??

  52. PeteMoss
    July 6th, 2007 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    A3G

    The Professor looks a little like Red Greenback’s mouthpiece.

    http://www.bcm-law.com/Bio/MichaelBrandow.asp

  53. Rusty
    July 6th, 2007 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    MW: Wilbur looks for the shortest route between Mary and another highball. He just may have to go through her.

  54. Blondie
    July 6th, 2007 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    MT: I predict Sam the Moose will be the next Mollie.

  55. Dean Booth
    July 6th, 2007 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    I highly recommend Brick’s GT American Pie parody. Great stuff.

  56. MossMoses
    July 6th, 2007 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    Why the look of sheer terror on Prof Paptestagorus’s scholarly visage? Ruby is going to 3-G, so what? Why is that such a big deal? You’d think he had just seen Albert Pinkie Ryder’s ghost or was being attacked by trangendered ubiquiducks, judging from that startled expression.

  57. Brown-eyed Girl
    July 6th, 2007 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    Well, I’ve snarked myself sick over the last few days, what with the foobocalypse and all. Not to mention the vile courtship rituals now being enacted in FOOB, 9CL and RMMD.

    But no week can be truly bad, when it also features talking moose (mooses? meese? moosii?). Thank you, Jack Elrod.

  58. Bunnë
    July 6th, 2007 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    A3G: I’m gonna go with, she could read if she were wearing her glasses. She never wears her glasses, however, and instead relies on passing Greeks.

    Meanwhile, I’m a little disturbed by the Escher-esque placement of bodies in the 3rd frame — she’s showing him the paper, but her shoulder is turned in front of him so he’s reading it over his shoulder. Their heads and hands seem right, but the bodies are kind of inverted. And really, this is the kind of thing Escher specialized in — drawing things that are physically impossible and making them look ordinary, so you feel slightly disturbed looking at them. Usually you see this in Gil Thorp, but really never as well done.

  59. gnome de blog
    July 6th, 2007 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    The only Ruby I know was born 81 years ago in Louisiana, drives a hybrid car, wears fishnets, and never called anyone “sugah” in her life. LuAnn’s mom, or whatever she is (LuAnn’s from Wyoming, not that there’s anything wrong with that), is an insult to Rubys everywhere.

    Not to mention that she’s a dead ringer for Doris Day.

  60. Dingo
    July 6th, 2007 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    Doris Day? BAH!

    Luann’s mother looks like Debbie Reynolds with a yeast infection.

  61. AhClem
    July 6th, 2007 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

    If “Rex Morgan, M.B.L.” gets any creepier, you’re going to have to prove you’re over 21 to buy the newspaper.

  62. stinky pete
    July 6th, 2007 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    More on the møøse in MT today:

    Møøse trained by TUTTE HERMSGERVORDENBROTBORDA
    Special Møøse Effects OLAF PROT
    Møøse Costumes SIGGI CHURCHILL
    Møøse Choreographed by HORST PROT III
    Miss Taylor’s Møøses by HENGST DOUGLAS-HOME
    Møøse trained to mix concrete and sign complicated insurance forms by JURGEN WIGG
    Møøses’ noses wiped by BJORN IRKESTOM-SLATER WALKER
    Large møøse on the left half side of the screen in the third scene from the end, given a thorough grounding in Latin,
    French and “O” Level Geography by BO BENN
    Suggestive poses for the Møøse suggested by VIC ROTTER
    Antler-care by LIV THATCHER
    Executive Producer JOHN GOLDSTONE & “RALPH” The Wonder Llama

  63. Benicillin
    July 6th, 2007 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    “ARISTOTLE PAPAGORAS” becomes…

    (scramble scramble)

    “I RAPE RAT, GOATS, PALS”

    Run LADY, RUN!!!! He’s not your friend!!! And I bet he smells like a zoo!!!

  64. Mooncattie
    July 6th, 2007 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    I’m back home after a four week holiday in Europe, and in pain from laughing at the CC selections from June/early July. Speaking of pain, I’m now about to attempt to read a month’s worth of Foob, Funky and others in one sitting! I’m rather jet-lagged, which should help somewhat. Also, I’ve forgotten where all the sharp objects in the house are, so my wrists should be intact to help me type again when I’m all caught up.

  65. Mel
    July 6th, 2007 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    52 – Just to put this guy in context, check out the rest of Michael Brandow’s law partners — methinks the photo call was the day after the office Christmas in July Mai-Tai Party.

  66. Harry Paratestes
    July 6th, 2007 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    Instead of saying ‘cheese!’ to Michael Brandow, I bet the photographer said ‘motion denied!’, which caused Atty. Brandow to spontaneously shart in rage.

  67. Steve S
    July 6th, 2007 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    Interrobangin’ Aristotle looks like he’s having an infarction in panel 3 as he finds out where Ruby is headed. Maybe he’ll end up in the hospital with Lu Ann.

  68. Motorposus
    July 6th, 2007 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    Great song parody, SSB! It makes me feel kind of emotional.

    For those of you who can still handle an ounce of Foob, here’s the extended dance mix for today’s strip.

  69. Wellsey
    July 6th, 2007 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    LOL @ #62! Ah, I wish I had a better copy of that movie. Hmm. A trip to the friendly neighborhood rental store may be in order!

  70. Wellsey
    July 6th, 2007 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    OMG #68! Bwa + ha to the nth power! Bravo!

  71. Ukulele Ike
    July 6th, 2007 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    There is SOMETHING about panel two of FOOB that bothers me a LOT. That strange grinning death-mask rictus on the face of Elizabeth. And the abnormal angle in which she is leaning backward. With Anthony pressing her downward. Almost as if…..he were snapping her spine.

    I must resort to a quote from another Canadian Literary Great —

    “There are only two subjects that appeal nowadays to the general public,murder and sex; and, for people of culture, sex-murder.” — Stephen Leacock.

  72. Cerebus the Earth-pig
    July 6th, 2007 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    #62 Stinky Pete – A moose once bit my sister….

  73. Eleusis
    July 6th, 2007 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW: Physically, they’re over there. In their minds, they’re longing for an opportunity to escape the meaningless, trite exercise in wish fulfillment that their lives have become, knowing that their existence is nothing more than the faded dreams of a sad old cartoonist. It’s all very I Have No Mouth, And I Must Scream.

    Meanwhile in Apt 3G… Maybe it’s just me, but I get the sense that Lu Ann’s mother and Dr. Papadopawhateverit’ssomethinggreekus are going to be knocking boots in no time. This will no doubt vex Gina, the professor’s feisty lolita, leading to an epic clash of the titans that can only be stopped through the efforts of Margo. Yes, efforts! It will be a sensational new direction for the strip.

  74. Poteet
    July 6th, 2007 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    # 65 — HAR!! I agree with you, Mel, though saying that about attorneys seems possibly potentially hazardous. (clears throat) I’M SURE THEY’RE ALL HIGHLY COMPETENT, ANYWAY.

    And thank you for the wonderful “Rhymes With Orange” about pets and heaven. It helped.

  75. TurtleBoy
    July 6th, 2007 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    Josh, I’m saddened that today’s episode of Dennis the Menace didn’t make it into your cavalcade of end-of-week gayness. Little Mister Mitchell was positively faaaabulous this morning!

  76. Poteet
    July 6th, 2007 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    Foob — Sorry to bring up today’s strip once more, especially if this warning has already been issued, but if you get a paper edition of Foob, do NOT, for the sake of all you hold dear, hold it upside down and take a really good look at Liz’s face in the second panel.

    (faints)

  77. Mel
    July 6th, 2007 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    Some one get the smelling salts for Poteet…I think she just took one for the team…

    And, you welcome, Poteet, glad to see you snarking again!

  78. Laura
    July 6th, 2007 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    I’m surprised you haven’t commented on how morbidly depressing Funky Winkerbean has gotten lately. Nothing like discussions of death in the comic pages to start the day.

    Also, nothing about The mustache dipping Elizabeth in today’s foob strip?

  79. fizzy logic
    July 6th, 2007 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    #62 & 72 – Stinky Pete & Cerebus – No, realli!

    I warned you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew, didn’t you? Oh, it’s just a harmless little bunny, isn’t it?

  80. Genevieve
    July 6th, 2007 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    I realized what Lynn Johnston is doing to the readers, her strips are like bags of dog poo that she has set on fire. Only in this scary scary world -we can’t put the fire out. Thanks lady.

  81. NotThatGuy
    July 6th, 2007 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    #73 Eleusis, I was thinking Foob is not Mark Trail, ergo very I Have No Moose And I Must Scream.

  82. Proteus
    July 6th, 2007 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    Is it just my computer?

    When I scroll with the Liz/Anthony Lip-Fest on the screen, the background seems to flicker. Like there’s a big wedding bonfire. Or like a large metropolitan area on the horizon is being incinerated by magmacannons.

    Either way, it is groovy cool.

  83. Eleusis
    July 6th, 2007 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    In other news, Mary Worth has now had three strips in a row that consist of nothing but banter and Dawn’s lusty thought bubbles. I know that Dawn’s biological clock is clearly ticking from her murder of crows’ feet, but I really don’t need to see her hot flash every time it happens, cartoonists. Thanks in advance.

  84. Little A.
    July 6th, 2007 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: I still haven’t decided or figured out where this string is going. So far Michelle doesn’t seem to mind so much that Curtis has taken her into a 7-11 or a pizzeria or wherever they are. I am perplexed.

  85. Jym
    July 6th, 2007 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    =v= A3G/9CWL (Josh): You realize, of course, that Ruby just needs to wander a few blocks west and drop in on Edda and Seth to achieve wacky hijinks up and down the Kinsey Scale.

  86. Andy
    July 6th, 2007 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    Could I be the first to point out the excellent Slylock Fox parody over at PvP?

  87. Islamorada Girl
    July 6th, 2007 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    3G: You can tell Miss Ruby is a true daughter of the South: she’s gone through Talbot’s with a magnet to pick out her wardrobe. Oh, law, I’ve lost my reading glasses, can you see that fine print? I swear, that child just has the worst handwriting, just like her Great Aunt Leonora, who did a lovely stitch, but couldn’t scribble her own name without gettin’ all strange the way she did whenever anyone mentioned her finance, Beaufort, who drowned in a tragic hunting accident. We could never mention boats around her again, or she’d take on one of her spells—Oh, law, young man! I dropped my purse! Can you help me? I just can’t seem to find my reading glasses. . . and on and on and on. . .

  88. CrabbyGenes
    July 6th, 2007 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    to #78 Laura. I finally quit reading Funky Winkerbean, (a few days ago), and I don’t miss it a bit. Judging by your comment, I’m glad I quit when I did.

    I know a few other CC’ers have quit it too. I don’t know if that’s the reason that there are fewer comments on it. I suspect that, if it’s getting as depressing as you say, there just isn’t much anyone can snark about it.

  89. Major Hoople’s Boarding House
    July 6th, 2007 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    #52, 65, 66, 74

    This must be the attorney for Milford High.

    http://www.bcm-law.com/Bio/PeterStavropoulos.asp

  90. D. E. I.
    July 6th, 2007 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    In case you missed it, in Apartment 3-G, the character of Aristotle Papagoras is supposed to be of Greek heritage. I may not have gleaned this myself if he were named, say, Pete Papagoras, or Mike Papagoras.

    Killer’s hat is, and always has been, an extension of his penis, in that its knobs wiggle when he gets sexually aroused. I am assuming that it is the nurse, and not Sarge, that excites Killer in today’s BB, thus affirming Killer’s heterosexuality. Sarge is behaving in a totally asexual manner. The half-closed eyelids indicate that the first thing on his mind is pizza, and not sex. If Sarge really were a homosexual, he wouldn’t have said anything at all, being ever mindful of the Army’s “don’t-ask-don’t-tell” policy.

    I saw the last two panels of today’s Rex Morgan on a NAMBLA website while I was searching for information about CB radios. What does this mean?

  91. CHA5NCE
    July 6th, 2007 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    My Gay Agenda
    1. Equal rights and protection under the law
    2. Marriage and partner benefits
    3. Infiltrate Rex Morgan, M.D.

    One out of three ain’t bad.

  92. reader-who-posts
    July 6th, 2007 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    MT: My brother Sven was bitten by a moose once…

    MW: Wilbur and Mary are getting a little too close for my tastes. Those five hairs must be working their magic!

    GT: Oh, Clambake, you will be missed! Now I’ll be forced to go back to making pedophilia jokes about Rex Morgan, which isn’t nearly as fun.

    RMMD: Now, Niki, you need a physical for the application…could you please take your clothes off?

    (that was not nearly as fun)

    Gasoline Alley: I’m beginning to get disturbed by the way the basketballs have possessed poor Slim. Not as much as I’m disturbed by the racism, though.

    FW: I wonder how some other comics would handle this storyline… Pluggers: Pluggers don’t have health care. TDIET: First Dr. Barfina says that Lisa is in remission but then…Wha-a-a? (The urge to remiss her to Antartica!) Doonesbury: Dick Cheney gave her cancer! Mallard Fillmore: Hillary Clinton gave her cancer! RMMD: There are no young boys involved so Rex wouldn’t care. GT: We know that one…everyone shave their heads! FBOFW: That’s what the bitch gets for having a career.

  93. Heckler123
    July 6th, 2007 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    “…showing no more interest in the mating ritual between Killer and Random Brunette Nurse than the average person might in baboons showing each other their big red asses on the Discovery Channel.”

    Hey, I personally enjoy watching big, red baboon asses on the Discovery Channel. It reminds me of my ex, and confirms that I was right to dump him.

    But I’m not bitter.

  94. mere cog in the machine
    July 6th, 2007 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    Is Lynn Johnston dead? I sure hope so, ’cause I just wrote her eulogy, with some help from Wallace Stevens:

    Call the muncher of cinnamon buns
    The freckled one an’ bid him sip
    In Gordon’s cups concupiscent coffees
    Let the retard dawdle in such pants
    As she is used to wear, an’ let Meredith an’ Robin
    Bring flowers in Michael’s last rejected manuscript
    Let be be finale of “Hoo!”
    The only empress is the empress of Foob.

    Take from the hope chest of deal
    Lacking April’s bloodied, prom night panties, that sheet
    On which Elly labored shaving once
    And spread it so as to cover her face
    If her ink-stained claws protrude, they come
    To show how self-righteous she is, and dumb
    Let “boxcar!” be shouted by the addled, old boob
    The only empress is the empress of Foob.

  95. Lammergeier13
    July 6th, 2007 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    DT: I’m glad that Tracy has decided to pull the plan off now instead of, I don’t know, continuing the ruse until he was taken to their hideout where he would meet all the major players and find out about their true plans at which point he could call in a strike. But no, let’s screw it up now with your twirling gun trick!

  96. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 6th, 2007 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    In honor of today’s Mark Trail, I have come up with a T-shirt idea, which I humbly submit here.
    http://www.gate.net/~flagator/bricks/MooseBros.gif

    This is 200 dpi at 8 inches across, so it should reproduce fairly smoothly. I can see this on a deep forest-green shirt.

  97. Islamorada Girl
    July 6th, 2007 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    And I would buy that shirt in forest green.

  98. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 6th, 2007 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    The thing that really hit me about Beetle Bailey today was the overall lack of urgency. Killer’s in a room with at least one other empty bed, and his nurse is doing ’50s covergirl poses. Other patients? What are those?

    As for gays in A3G: Margo may or may not have female genitalia, but she’s the ultimate drag queen.

  99. Wary Mirth
    July 6th, 2007 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    My name links to a Rex spoof. I was waiting to see today’s to see how to twist and when I did…I realized there was nothing, absolutely nothing I could change to make it more sexual. Sweet giddy god.

  100. Squid Countess
    July 6th, 2007 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail, Sort of – If you wanted to, you could click this link to see the photos from my first and only moose experience. They’re not the best photos, but the moose were uncooperative. Of course I had no idea at the time that they were on patrol. They were trying to solve crimes in rural New Hampshire, and I was just some crazy woman slowing them down. (By the way, I have a 12x optical zoom on my camera; I was not within petting distance of the moose.) The picture of the Smith house I threw in just because it was near the moose pictures, and it amuses the hell out of me to call it the Smith house. You might need to enlarge it to appreciate it. Or maybe it’s just me.

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/8770296@N03/tags/maine/

  101. Poteet
    July 6th, 2007 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    # 87 — Islamorada Girl, thank you. Your depictions of Southern ways (and those from other South-wise Curmudgeons) fascinate me. I would try to repay y’all by describing an Iowa county soil and water conservation district meeting, but trust me, you don’t want to know. I can only hope that Miss Ruby will inspire further Dixie revelations.

  102. t.a.m.s.y.
    July 6th, 2007 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

    BB: What’s up with the nurse’s pose/facial expression? Did the Walker brothers trace her off a Hustler centerfold? Everything about this comic screams NSFW.

  103. stinky pete
    July 6th, 2007 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

    100 SqC: The Smith House? Why not “R House?”

  104. Poteet
    July 6th, 2007 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    # 100 — Wow, Squid Countess, I like those mooses. Er, moose. The one taking a drink looks about ten times as smart as Dick Tracy. Or anyone else in the current DT storyline, come to think of it.

  105. Lynngineering
    July 6th, 2007 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    Apt3G: Josh, you can connect your gayosity theme to the 3G by way of the introduction of “Ruby”, whose name connotates THOSE slippers; who looks and acts (and I assume talks) like she’s trying for the part of “poor relation of Blanche” from the “Golden Girls”…
    Stay tuned for over the top drama and costume changes! And if we’re lucky, Bea Arthur.

  106. Mack
    July 6th, 2007 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    51 – Neither, actually. Hell, I’m not even male.

  107. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 6th, 2007 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    #26, Uncle Lumpy,
    Definitely agree with you on Zippy. That’s not so much “surreal whimsy” as it is “hostile disengagement.”

    #58, Umlauted Bunne,
    “Ah have always relied on the kindness of Greek academics.”

  108. Kip W
    July 6th, 2007 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    AD – Ha ha! The Fat Broad is making a funny about having to clean up a nasty death scene. Like, say, that of a born-again (and now dead-again) cartoonist.

    FOOB – Physically, they’re right over there. Mentally, they’re in a Fred Astaire movie. Emotionally, they’re in junior high. Sexually, they’re in heat. Economically, they’re in the middle class. Spiritually, they’re in Purgatory. Ethically, they’re on thin ice. Dramatically, they’re lost in one damn cliche after another.

    A3G – The real horror of the addled love play going on before our eyes won’t be fully understood until we see the front of the paper. It’s blank!

    #90 (DEI) – So many great posts today, but your scientific observations on Killer’s knobs takes the twinkie.

    #94 (cog) – Now that’s a suitable poetical apotheosis of the whole damn thing, there.

    #96 (Brick) – The white space between the mooses looks like… a fox wearing a deerstalker hat!

  109. Mel
    July 6th, 2007 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    89 – I was thinking he was Popeye’s — but your are right, he is not nearly squinty enough.

  110. uncle balustrade
    July 6th, 2007 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: I had to scroll back and look at the second panel again, but phallic symbols seem to abound after a bit of study. Most disturbing of these: note the motion lines around Killer’s hat. Are the ends becoming erect!?!

  111. Poteet
    July 6th, 2007 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    # 31 — Dean, you mad genius, thank you. As a former Queen of Diamonds fanatic, I was charmed even as I spit water on the screen.

    # 36 — Wellsey, excellent! Yours made me spit water on the keyboard. Three cheers for all the graphic talent on this site!

  112. reader-who-posts
    July 6th, 2007 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    BB: Given the way Killer is positioned on the bed with his arms underneath the covers, it’s obvious that his ‘knobs’ are vibrating because he’s masturbating.

    But my favorite part of the strip is the sparseness of the ‘hospital’. Just plan barrack beds, no charts, no monitors, just a bare light bulb with a convenient chain to turn it on and off. There are hospitals in Sumatra with better equipment.

  113. Dingo
    July 6th, 2007 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    No gay man, short of a heart of stone, can hear of the name Bea Arthur without laughing.

  114. MossMoses
    July 6th, 2007 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    Having worked in law firms, I recognize that Michael Brandow look. It’s the one lawyers use on the paralegals and secretaries who made a mistake that costs them billable hours. This guy is an undoubtedly an abusive tyrant like the lawyers I worked for.

  115. Original Lee
    July 6th, 2007 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    #20 Bootsy – I believe I used the term warmed-over Death on a Wheatabix, in order to avoid offending you and others. I apologize if this was still too close to the bone. The aunt who introduced me to this phrase was from Baton Rouge, so maybe that’s why it was so familiar sounding?

  116. Wellsey
    July 6th, 2007 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    Oh man! I want a Moose Bros. T shirt too!

    I think Elrod should just quit the charade of using Mark at all and let the animals solve all the mysteries from here on out. They’re so much more on top of all this.

  117. Gojira
    July 6th, 2007 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    #78 Laura: In the outside chance you’re not kidding, a priorthread comment re: Funky Deatherbean and one re: Foobocalypse Now. For my money, both have to be top COTW contenders.

  118. uncle balustrade
    July 6th, 2007 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    Whoops; missed post #90, which had already noted Killer’s lascivious (sp.?) hat knobs. The unnecessary el cheapo light fixture with the bare bulb sticking out is disturbing as well. Not to mention the pillow corners…

  119. Squid Countess
    July 6th, 2007 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    #103 Stinky Pete It’s a joke, boy! A funny, don’t ya’ see? They’s obsessed with the “R” in their surname beyond all reason, and it made me want to go to the door and ask if it was the home of Bob and Gloria Smith. Smith! I say , I say Smith! And they would say, “Didn’t you see all our “R’s”? And I’d say….Oh, forget it. Maybe it is just me.

  120. Dingo
    July 6th, 2007 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    For those of you enraptured with Ruby, may I suggest reading Maryln Schartz’ Southern Belle Primer: or Why Princess Margaret Will Never Be a Kappa Kappa Gamma. It’s a delightful book on proper Southern womanhood and a good start for the young urban male. A woman such as Ruby… well… for her Kohls is Lord & Taylor. She probably uses mint extract in a julep.

    The great story of the title refers to a ladies luncheon in Dallas attended by Princess Margaret in the early 1960s. She walked into the room holding a lit cigarette in a gloved hand. The response was, “Well, she may be a princess in Great Britain but she could never be a Kappa Kappa Gamma.”

    More close to home, Ruby is the type who brings a KFC bucket to Ravinia.

  121. The Avocado Avenger
    July 6th, 2007 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    #86 Andy – That was cool. I used to read PvP but I confess that Kurtz’s crankiness and thin skin just turned me off. He would get so upset by some blogger’s mild criticism he’d send his rabid fans to go slam the critic for him, and that’s not cool.

    I do love the bit about the differences in the two pics. I get caught by that a lot; every so often in “Slylock”, the colorist will screw up and I’ll think it’s one of the 6 differences, but it isn’t. Tricky stuff.

  122. Wellsey
    July 6th, 2007 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    #111 Thanks Poteet! Honestly, I’m not sure if I prefer the Sheet Shaving or my one from the end of yesterthread with Julia lurking in tall grass urging them on a la Leslie Nielsen.

  123. Squid Countess
    July 6th, 2007 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    #96 SS Brick – Love the shirt!!!11! Do want!

    Also, your Clambake/American Pie parody was so perfect, I found myself not only laughing, but also nodding as I read it: “Uh-huh, uh-huh, yeah, well of course, that’s exactly how it goes.” It’s like it was handed to you all of a piece, carved in stone or cast in gold or scribed by an alien named Xenu, or something. It’s perfect. It’s a super-human effort.

    And now the shirt. If you were a woman, I’d bet a thousand bucks you were ovulating.

  124. kat
    July 6th, 2007 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    “Aw, sugar, we still can’t read nothin’ down in Dixie! Lord Almight, we just wander around all day hollerin’ ‘HOWDY!’ wearin’ cowboy hats and really long ribbons, in case a good lynchin’ arises! Oh my, I done forgot my chewin’ tobacca, I wonder if that other ‘comically stereotypical mother’ over yonder has any? Mexican, you say? Well, land sakes alive, send her back where she came from!”

  125. Doug Puthoff
    July 6th, 2007 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    PBS: Two things about today’s strip, one funny, one sad.

    Funny: It wasn’t Julius who was hugging Beetle.

    Sad: That’s the funniest strip a Beetle Bailey character has appeared in since Lt. Flap’s first appearance in BB darn near 40 years ago.

    (DT) GT: What galls me about the Clambake storyline is that Marty Moon, Rick Bozich, and that lady newspaper reporter all could’ve done some research about Clambake. At best: they could’ve discovered he was a fraud. At worst: they would’ve had a great human interest story. No wonder reporters are held in such low esteem anymore.

    RMMD: Niki just annoys me now. He used to be interesting, but now he’s turned into an apple polisher. He’s the white version of Barry from :”Curtis.” Niki is the third character I’d most like to punch right now, right behind Male Lesbian Ted Forth and Clambake.

    (THTI) FW: I’m not usually one for advocating suicide, but if Lisa wants to, that’s perfectly all right with me. Heck, I bet the Pope would even endorse it. More information about the Catholic Church and suicide can be found on the Internet.

  126. Squid Countess
    July 6th, 2007 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    #122 Wellsey – Regarding your other image at the end of yesterthread, it was so horrifying, I made up a little spell on the spot to keep the evil away:

    Anthony’s bologna lips
    Shall never touch my pointy nips.

    Then I spat three times and did the sign of the cross.
    Stop playing around, dude. Some things are too nasty to be thought about, much less rendered visually. Ewwwwarrrggh!

  127. Anonymous
    July 6th, 2007 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    SSB: I also would love to purchase a Moose Bros. T-shirt in forest green.

  128. Original Lee
    July 6th, 2007 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    Oops, #127 Anonymous was me. I’d still like the T-shirt, though.

  129. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 6th, 2007 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    Original Lee @ 128 and everyone else who wants a Moose Bros. T-shirt: Sorry, but I’m not selling them. Instead, once Wille Thompson gets done with the current run of M!B!S! shirts, he and Josh are free to use my artwork to do so. That way, the money goes to keep our favorite snarketeria open and serving.

  130. NotThatGuy
    July 6th, 2007 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    I want a Moose Bros. mug.

  131. Zamboni_Rodeo
    July 6th, 2007 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

    SSB, I would proudly wear a Moose Bros shirt, should Josh decide to add them to the CC collection.

  132. HBGlord
    July 6th, 2007 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    #130: I already have a moose bros. mug — but if i wear a hat, no one can notice!

    I got a million of ‘em! Ha-cha-cha-chaaaa!

  133. Slither
    July 6th, 2007 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: What I’d like to see happen is for Anthony to pull a small box out of his pocket and open it, revealing a diamond engagement ring, and propose to Liz right there on-the-spot! Of course, that won’t happen, and we’ll be forced to endure more weeks of Liz and Anthony re-discovering each other, contemplating the future, and discussing their wishes and dreams of the future. In the meantime, something or someone will throw another monkey wrench into the works.

    If and/or when they do get married, I wonder if 4 Evah an’ Eva will be playing at the reception? They could introduce their new single, “For Evah and Evah, Amen” with The New Brentwood Rockers featuring Hose-a-Phonium Phil playing backup.

  134. huminahuminawhaaa
    July 6th, 2007 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    the 7/7/07 FOOB went up at Yahoo already – if in the third panel Anthony isn’t trying to extract an alien from Liz’s belly, I will eat my hat. (Since I don’t own a hat, this is truly an empty threat, but I won’t waste any real effort on FOOB, aka the world’s longest most gruesome train wreck.)

  135. alamo
    July 6th, 2007 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    bb — sorry to break to everyone so hard but killer’s coming out of the closet (and into the blanket!) — those goo-goo eyes are for sarge. just wait until bb finds out. he will be so-o-o-o jealous.

  136. Kronkina
    July 6th, 2007 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    Where are the comics on Yahoo?

  137. alamo
    July 6th, 2007 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    bb — sorry to break it to everyone so hard but killer’s coming out of the closet (and into the blanket!) — those goo-goo eyes are for sarge. just wait until bb finds out. he will be so-o-o-o jealous.

    (corrected copy)

  138. Kronkina
    July 6th, 2007 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

    #108 Kip W re: FOOB – Best comment! COTW!

  139. rich
    July 6th, 2007 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

    99 – Wary Mirth, your “Sex Organ” parody cracked me up. Sick, to be sure, but aren’t they just asking for it?

  140. moe99
    July 6th, 2007 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    Jeff Corey’s son now has two young women he can lead on and both are likely to get their hearts broken.

    While in A3G, I would bet dollars to donuts that Luann is being eased out for ‘health reasons’ and Ruby Wright is taking her place. Luann is just a shadow of herself and they need a spunky blond to, as they say, beard Margo in her den.

    bwa ha ha hahaha

  141. NotThatGuy
    July 6th, 2007 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

    #136 http://news.yahoo.com/comics

    Is it my imagination, or is Elizabeth shrinking?

  142. Curugon
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    Okay, after months of being inundated with this propaganda, I can now ultimately say that I want to move to Canada. I want to passionately unite with my high school crush, despite all crushing emotional and physical boundaries, and having stalked her for my adult life. I want to be seen as a jingoistic hero, despite loving my soul-pulverizing, dead-end job.

    And the best part is – if none of this happens, I can sue the shit out of Lynn Johnston.

  143. Cerebus the Earth-pig
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    #125Doug Puthoff – That’s the funniest strip a Beetle Bailey character has appeared in since Lt. Flap’s first appearance in BB darn near 40 years ago.

    “How come there are no blacks in this honky outfit?!”

  144. Cerebus the Earth-pig
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    #125Doug Puthoff – That’s the funniest strip a Beetle Bailey character has appeared in since Lt. Flap’s first appearance in BB darn near 40 years ago.

    “How come there are no blacks in this honky outfit?!”

  145. Cerebus the Earth-pig
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    #125Doug Puthoff – That’s the funniest strip a Beetle Bailey character has appeared in since Lt. Flap’s first appearance in BB darn near 40 years ago.

    “How come there are no blacks in this honky outfit?!”

  146. Cerebus the Earth-pig
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    Oops sorry

    Oops sorry

  147. Poteet
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:11 am [Reply]

    # 141 — Yes, NotThatGuy, Liz is shrinking. It’s not just you. Meanwhile, now that Angsthony’s landed her, his nose is growing back (blech). Maybe the ‘Stache will be next. (And belated thanks for your cat sympathy!)

  148. Kronkina
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:11 am [Reply]

    A3G OH NO SHE DI-INT!!!! UH-UH, RUBY WRIGHT DID NOT JUST CALL MARGO MAGGIE!!!

    Actually, Margo looks a little taken aback rather than infuriated as one might expect. Perhaps, Ruby is her relative and is about to totally blow Margo’s whole persona.

    Wait, what is LuAnn’s last name? Is Wright a hint that I don’t get?

  149. Kronkina
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    May I be honest and serious for a moment? I ain’t on the hatin’ Funky Winkerbean bandwagon. And yes, I have lost family members to cancer (mother, grandfather/surrogate father). And my mother actually made the choice that Lisa is making; once her cancer spread to her liver, she refused further chemo. I think people just get to a point where they don’t wanna feel sick any more, and if the sweet darkness is the only way out, then…

    But can I also say I love you people? Don’t stop the snarkin’ because I love this site and I love Josh and I love SecretMargo and I love the Spectacular Spider Brick and I love Islamorada Girl and I love the Divine O’Fogeyette and I love True Fable and I love Red Greenback and I love Dingo and I love the Avocado Avenger and … so many more.

    And I’m definitely not just saying that ’cause I’m drunk. Y’all ROCK.

  150. Skulking on the Outskirts
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    Where, oh where, is our big green Galactic Emperor?

    Dammit, I can get along fine without any Gretchen, but I need my CHENNUX.

  151. Kronkina
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    Shit! And Poteet AND CrabbyGenes! Love ya, ladies!!!

  152. Kronkina
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    MT Hey, what happened to Sam? She has un-aged by about 10 years.

  153. Mibbitmaker
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    Shatterday:

    FOOB: Oh, great! Drunk Guy (aka The One Lynn character-doomsdayed) is looking for Lizardbrain. So now he’ll see Blan’y with her and a stupid fight will happen. BlanFlakes will give ‘im the ol’ Howard “Erk” move and be a contrived hero… by adding more humiliation onto the poor bastard, who DARED like Liz on ANTHONY’S TIME, DAMMIT!

    Plus they found something they lost — our dinner! Again!

  154. Skulking on the Outskirts
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    Spectacular Spider-Brick, I am sending a standing ovation your way for your spiderific Don McLean cover. Brilliant!

  155. Kronkina
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    Mibbitmaker!!!! Have I mentioned how much I LOVE your comments? And I forgot Trotzenbonnie!! Y’all funnay.

  156. Aaron T.
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    7/7 Pluggers: Is this the introduction of a new character? Along with old favorites “Rhinoman”, “allegedly sexy Afghan hound woman”, and “kangaroo or rabbit or something lady”, we now have “Hawaiian shirt-wearing catguy”. Welcome aboard, catguy!

  157. Kronkina
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    I don’t think Drunk Guy give a hoot where Liz is. Smart man, I say.

  158. Kronkina
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:36 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Oh! I get it. Its a cat. Buying fishsticks. Hardee har har, writer of Pluggers. Good one.

  159. Kronkina
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:39 am [Reply]

    Today’s Bizzaro is funny.

  160. Mibbitmaker
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:39 am [Reply]

    More Shatterday (SheDoBe!):

    A3G: The joyous antidote to FOOb! Margo = “Maggie”! Her troubles are over? Wha hail, Sugar, her troubles are jus’ begeenin’, Hon’! ’cause’n Ruby Wright has arrived!!… WHOEVER TH’ HAIL SHE EES!!!!?!! (Maggie! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Love it. Lo-o-o-o-ove IT!)

    BBailey: Soda?? From Beetle’s attitude, word choices, and mouth in panel two, that boy’s been drinkin’ HOOTCH! And Zero’s heaving because Beetle said, “Germs and goo!” EEEWWWWWWWW!! Also, “Sargieness” is next to “Maggie”ness.

    Does this mean Beetle’s not gay? Poor Sarge.

  161. Jack Parsons
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    MW: My friends have just moved to “Scenic Avenue”.

  162. Poteet
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    # 151 — Kronkina, we love you too:-). And I’m staying with FW. I do understand why some Curmudgeons are bailing, but I’m hooked. Of course I’m also hooked on DT, so hooked-ness on my part is no comment on comic quality.

    And to change the subject, before I amble off to the land of Nod, I just wanna say that I don’t understand what’s going on in PIBGORN. Am I supposed to? Or should I just be grateful that we’re not in the stepping-in-doo-doo storyline anymore? G’night, folks.

  163. CrabbyGenes
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    to #151, Kronkina. Thanks!

    And don’t obsess trying to get everybody. I went through that when I wrote the song parody below. Pardon my posting it again, but it was in the middle of one of the very long threads when Josh was gone, and maybe some people who missed it would enjoy reading it.

    I finally gave up on getting everyone in—-it would have taken about eight more verses at least—-and I posted a disclaimer at the end.

    (to the tune of DOWNTOWN)

    When you’re alone, and life is making you lonely
    You can always go—to CC,
    When you’ve got worries, all the posts and the humor
    Seem to help, I know—at CC,
    Just read the daily comics and you’ll feel yourself get wired!
    And Josh’s posts are just the thing to get us all inspired
    How can you lose?

    The snarks are much better there
    You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares
    And go to CC! Things’ll be great when you’re
    At CC! — no finer place for sure,
    CC! Everyone’s waiting for you!

    Commodorejohn, and Trotzenbonnie, and Little A, and Brown-Eyed Girl—at CC!
    Calico, Justafoob, and Paperback Riffler, and the Spotted Horse—at CC!
    SecretMargo, fizzy logic, Gadge Cubic Mole Preener,
    MonkeyHawk, and Chat Noir, and Jamus the Bartender,
    And O’Fogeyette—

    The snarks are much better there
    You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares
    And go to CC! Things’ll be great when you’re
    At CC! — no finer place for sure,
    CC! Everyone’s waiting for you!

    Dean Booth, Poteet, and Mibbitmaker, and AhClem, and the Spider Brick—-at CC,
    Islamorada Girl, Moss Moses, and Stinky Pete, and Allie Cat—at CC!
    And Uncle Lumpy’s always there with links and explanations,
    And Dingo’s links will fry your eyes and lead to exclamations!!!
    How can you lose?

    The snarks are much better there
    You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares
    And go to CC! Things’ll be great when you’re
    At CC! — no finer place for sure,
    CC! Everyone’s waiting for you!

    GALACTIC EMPEROR CHENEX, and True Fable, and King Folderol—at CC!
    Trilobite, Hogen Mogen, Skullturf Q. Beavispants and Apple Girl—at CC!
    And you may find somebody kind to help and understand you
    Someone who is just like you and needs a gentle hand to
    Guide them along

    So maybe I’ll see you there
    We can forget all our troubles, forget all our cares
    And go to CC! —things’ll be great when we’re at CC!
    Don’t wait a minute; go to
    CC!—everyone’s waiting for you!

    CC, CC, CC, CC, CC……

    (My sincere apologies to those CC’ers whose names I was unable to use–there are so many of you, and I had to choose the names which scanned the best.)

  164. Kronkina
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    Today’s Slylock Fox makes NO SENSE WHATSOEVER. I mean, yes, okay, the “joke” makes sense, but are these recurring characters that I somehow have never seen nor noticed? Where is Slylock himself? More importantly, where the hell is Cassandra?

  165. Skulking on the Outskirts
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    Jesus H. jumped-up Christ on a pogo stick. I just read Saturday’s Rex Morgan. There is absolutely no margoing way that they are not messing with us. Trout. Good God.

  166. True Fable
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    A3G I can’t remember who Ruby Wright is, and I don’t really care, becaus I like how the Professor looks so happy at the opportunity to bobble Margo’s world.
    9CL Brooke, your sins have been absolved. All you have to do now is bring in Mark with his whimsical goat-nibbled hair, and I will sit back and enjoy the bright wit that I know you can knock out of the park. THIS is the Chickweed Lane I love.
    MT Sam in panel three must be under the influence of the Black Oil from the X-Files!
    MW I’ll tell you what, Curmudgeons: y’all come to Greater Metropolitan Roopville, and I’ll throw us a big ol’ Curmudgeon Pool Party out at my apartmet complex pool! We’ll have lots of fun snarking, someone’s bound to get lucky, while the rest of us will walk around sucking on drinks and holding plates of cookies up at collarbone level for no particular reason.
    RMMD Trout. That must be a code word between the kid hustler and the adult predator. This was an inevitable wreck. Let’s get back to the Hugh-June-Heather threeway.
    FC This strip is made solely so Gramma will clip the strip from the paper and make the whole family look at it everytime we go into the kitchen. Here, Gramma: read the new issue of Shoenen Jump, for christ’s sake.
    BB Goo? Sargieness? – You mean Spooge, Beetle? Man-juice? Hey, it’s Gay Saturday too! Why don’t they just call the strip Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell?

  167. Kronkina
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    CrabbyGenes, you did a much better job at remembering everybody than I did. How could I not mention Uncle Lumpy? Skullturf (being a math person myself – have a B.A. but don’t work in the field)? Paperback Rifler? Aw, hell, I give up. Just everybody, okay?

    I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!

  168. Trilobite
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    Saturday morning comics, just the thing to make you want to sleep in:

    A3G: The professor’s so gleeful about ushering mysterious hick Ruby Wright into Margo’s presence, it’s obvious that he did his doctoral dissertation on schadenfreude. Look at him, he’s as giddy as Colonel Sanders at a cockfight. I don’t even think he cares which one of them kills the other one, as long as he gets to watch.

    The Phantom: I know just what the first mate is thinking: how the heck did a ghost walk out here? They’re in the middle of the damn ocean, you’d think they’d have to worry about ghosts who could fly, or at least swim. But a ghost who walks? On water? They’re totally unprepared for this.

    Rex Morgan: Oh, Rex, you master of seduction, now you’ve got Niki playing your sick game. The little flirt wants to catch a trout…in your trousers.

  169. Dingo
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    After seeing Saturday’s FOOB, I want to drive to Ontario and rub Lynn Johnston’s nose in dog excrement. When did Mason develop soft manbreasts? How is it that Julia went from the ugly, fat robo-date to good again by virtue of giving up on Blanthony? Blanthony is either growing taller or his entire body grows from an erection. Oh, and that’s the worst bridesmaid’s dress ever.

  170. Kronkina
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    #162 Poteet, just in case you’re still up, I don’t get Pibgorn either. I read my comics on the Houston Chronicle’s website, which doesn’t carry Pibgorn (or Lio). So I got the email subscription, and let me tell you, having Pibgorn delivered personally to your emailbox each strip does not guarantee that it’ll make any more sense.

  171. Mibbitmaker
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    (DT)GT: “CLAMBAKE: The Retired Mailman” Now there’s the title of a new comic strip! Howzabout it, guys?

    FW: Yeah, so she can see the leaves turn one more time… which she won’t because she DIED FROM NOT HAVING FREAKIN’ CHEMO!!! Oh, well… at least we’ll be spared the bald look at the end.

    S-M: How ’bout that Maria Lopez, huh? She caused a head bobble outside A3G (heeheehee — “Maggie”……heh)! That takes talent, brother!

    FC: Dolly’s on drugs.

    Marvin: Marvin read this week’s FOOB in one sitting.

    Curtis: Shouldn’t he be grinning excitedly in the last panel?

    “Maggie”! :o)

  172. Kronkina
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    See, Dingo. That’s why I love you.

    …and rub Lynn Johnston’s nose in dog exrement.

    I mean, that’s awesome. You didn’t stoop to using such vulgarities as shit or even a juvenility such as poop. No. You’re above that, and for that, I applaud you.

  173. One-Armed Bandit
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:01 am [Reply]

    7/7 FOOB: I get it now! This whole sequence has been Lynn’s homage to the classic sci-fi thriller “Invasion of the Body Snatchers.” Anthony is already one of the Pod People, and the last panel clearly shows him dragging Liz’s Earth form into the bushes to await the hatching of her Pod form. Luckily, no one in the wedding party suspects a thing, though Mason will probably start to get real nosy and suffer a similar fate.

  174. Kronkina
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:04 am [Reply]

    Has anyone here seen Alien Love Predator in New York? Its rarely updated now, but let me tell you, it is funny. I don’t know that its a proper comic since it’s not really drawn, but take a look.

    Actually, I may have originally heard of it here, but I don’t remember. Whatever!!!

  175. Kronkina
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:10 am [Reply]

    crickets

  176. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:11 am [Reply]

    I know what you’re thinking. “Has Lynn run six Liz-and-Anthony strips or only five?” Well, to tell you the truth, in all this regurgitation I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is For Better Or For Worse, the most powerful emetic on the comics page, and could make you puke your guts clean out, you’ve got to ask yourself a question: “Do I feel lucky?” Well, do ya, punk?

    If you do, then let’s read some Saturday comics.

    9CL: More insightful than a month’s worth of unicorn ruminations.

    A3G: Well, whoever Ruby Wright is, she knows Margo on sight, but not well enough to know better than to call her “Maggie.” Oh, well, what a shame. She might have been an interesting character.

    BB: Nice act, Beetle, but we all know you’ve swallowed your share of “Sargieness” in the past.

    DT: “You’re right, I’m not The Baron, I’m Orson Welles… you can call me Citizen Cane!”
    Okay, I’m sorry. I’m very sorry about that one.

    DS: Pretty good today.

    (DT)GT: Damn, Coach Gil’s got huge hands. He could just palm Clambake’s entire skull with those meat-paws. And the hair on those arms! When Dr. Frankenstein stitched him together, he must have used the forearms of Ron Jeremy.

    JP: Randy is this close to being a Dick Tracy villain.

    Luann: See, Lynn? SEE? This is how you depict a relationship.

    MT: Mark won’t be much help when he’s on a jet already halfway home. Good thing the Moose Bros. Detective Agency is on the case!

    Marmaduke: Someone tell these kids baseball is played on a diamond, not a rhombus. And did the shortstop just bean Marm in the head? Way to go, kid!

    Pluggers: Have we seen the cat Plugger before? I’d like to think his name is Mr. Scruffers.

    RMBLA: Insert “trouser trout” joke here. They’re making this just too easy. Heh heh heh… I said “insert.”

    S-M: Does this mean someone’s going to kidnap Maria Lopez now? Oh, please? Let’s just keep doing the same plot, over and over.

  177. rich
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    FBOW: You can’t really see it in that last panel, but I’m pretty sure that Anthony’s weeping and blubbering like a baby right about now.

    If this were real life, a career loser like Anthony — his dreams suddenly realized — would soon begin to overwhelm Liz with his unbearable clinginess. She’d quickly find that unbecoming blend of Anthony’s sad-eyed neediness and Hallmark dreams to be smothering, and she’d have to beg him to slow the fuck down: No, I don’t think we need to see each other every day of the week; No, Anthony, I’m not ready to move into your basement yet, it hasn’t even been a week…

    However, in the hands of the Master Storyteller, this once independent character will prove herself to be every bit as needy as her new drama queen boyfriend, racing happily, blindly, willingly toward the fulfillment of L-Uncool-J’s simplistic denouement.

  178. True Fable
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    FBoFW Mason, go out and claim her! I want to see how a wasted and hung over Day Player stands up against a Lovestruck Annointed consort to a Foob. And check how Angstony holds Liz in the last panel – she will be assimilated at once! “Now let me do a reach around – well, that’s what your father called it when..er, never mind, Elizabeth.”
    Is Angstony going to call her Elizabeth all her life? Why not Liz or Beth? Or is he simply going to give her a number on her cage in the basement?

    (Oh, poor frustrated Lynn…. all the day players are looking for their Main Star, just as your minionns are looking to you for guidance… but your lust for your Fable just makes the story of unrequited love-about-to-be-requited oh so painful. Doesn’t it, Baby?
    I know why you want to turn the strip over to the minions, Lynn. You know why, too. It’s so you can come to America and ravish the Fable. You want to flap the loose wings of your upper arms and fly south so you can count MY freckles and shave MY upper lip. But you can’t have me, baby. Ever hear of “standards”, Lynn? I have them. I have them riiiiight here – ah! I caught you looking – and those standards mean I won’t be taken by a woman who produces bullshit for a living!
    Yes, Pine for me, woman! Yearn for the Power of Fable Arms! Beg for a single Hot Glance from Fable Eyes! Behold the rigidity of my middle digit as you get the Fable Sign of Fuck You, You Hack Writer!

    Not only that, but I fucked Abbey Spencer in Paris when Barreto went back to the States. To put it in terms you’ll understand, Lynn baby… You have no Hoooooome!)

  179. AppleGirl
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:19 am [Reply]

    FW – I don’t usually read it, and I don’t even like these characters, but what she said just made me so, so, sad.

  180. AppleGirl
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:27 am [Reply]

    36 – Wellsey, your cartoon is hilarious! Sheet shaving!

  181. Phil Spectre
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:27 am [Reply]

    re: For Better Or Else– if *Liz* were the single parent– (which, from what we’ve seen, is about 127 times more likely than Anthony’s “marriage”), would Anthony still be so hot for her? My guess is no- “damaged goods”.

  182. Mibbitmaker
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:31 am [Reply]

    PC: Omigod, they’re going to grow up to be another Carvelle & Matalin, aren’t they?

    9CL: Touche!

    MT: Wow, ironically referencing stuff we know is true but they don’t know or believe is true must really run in the family.

    JP: This Sam is 1000% more savvy than the MT one. One tough customer, that guy!

    Oh… what the hell….

    MAGGIEMAGGIEMAGGIEMAGGIEMAGGIEMAGGIE!!

    Hey, Margo, why don’t you get a pacifier and crawl around on “The Simpsons”? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

    ……. “Maggie”…………

  183. AppleGirl
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:34 am [Reply]

    31 – Dean Booth, I had my safari window so tiny on my miniscule MacBook, that I didn’t even see the DT next to the FOOB earlier. So glad I took a second look on a normal-sized screen! You are the master, sir Dean.

  184. Obélix
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    #164 – Kronkina – For reasons I don’t understand, I think that Bonnie and Boo-Boo is sort of a strip-within-a-strip in SF, kind of like Itchy and Scratchy on The Simpsons. (Why do I know this? I am so ashamed.)

  185. True Fable
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    And I must say, Josh’s comment on Rex Morgan made me laugh out loud. His comments are always spot on but that one was just hilarious.

    I don’t even have to follow Funky Winkerbean to know what’s happening. Batuik is going to give us another daily round of I Have Cancer and Have Decided to Die Now I Have It Worse Than You So I Will Leave You With A Guilt Trip Because I Can. She will hit every character with this, a new one every day. Occasionally Darin’s desperate search for the mother he doesn’t know is dying will pop up from time to time, just to exacerbate the aching sadness, sense of impending loss, and overall DEATH WATCH of this strip.
    I for one don’t need that right now. I just hope this peculiar therapy helps Tom Batuik with whatever the hell guilt trip HE’S got going.

  186. Kronkina
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:39 am [Reply]

    Do not feel ashamed Sir Obélix. For you have helped the one called Kronkina.

  187. True Fable
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:43 am [Reply]

    Archie Jughead has some peculiar moves. Who walks/runs like that? I like the “I am My Own Solar Panel” in panel two, and in panel three – poof! he’s gone.

    Life is swell in Riverdale!

  188. Dingo
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:43 am [Reply]

    Mason: fourth spear carrier from the left in the opera of FOOB.

    Julia: in a war, she’s the one ridiculed by everyone but who throws her body on top of the grenade to save the entire platoon. A park will be named for her back home.

    Shawna-Marie: will never speak to Liz again based on her 4-year-old cousin discovering Elly’s spawn on her knees giving Mister Blah oral pleasures out behind her mother’s azaleas.

    Anthony: will die from rectal bleeding after an incredible night with a First Nations constable up north while on a fishing trip.

    Shan… non: Will marry “Hoo” guy at a Tim Horton’s. Unbelievably shy one-on-one, the minister will have to ask him to repeat his vows by stating, “Does Horton’s hear a Hoo?”

  189. Scherzo
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:49 am [Reply]

    FW: Actually, I do understand (and respect) Lisa’s decision. It’s a hard one. I, myself, had some major health problems, and had to think through things like Living Will, treatment guidelines, and medical direction. When would you make the call to discontinue treatment? It’s a real nightmare.

    Two things Lisa’s having to make a call on — Quality of life and draining the family’s financial resources.

    Given that one has a terminal illness, you would have to evaluate whether any treatment could extend your life versus the costs of the side effects. Honestly, there are some meds I’ve taken that I could really have done without their side effects… chemo would just be even more so.
    And… given a terminal illness, you need to start thinking about conserving your family’s resources. Hospitals and cutting edge treatments have huge price tags, and even the best of insurance won’t cover it all. There’s no need to bankrupt a spouse for the sake of providing treatments that won’t cure.

    (I really can’t believe I’m so entangled in the plight of a fictional character from the “funny” papers. [Batiuk! Those scare quotes are aimed at YOU! You know, people often use humor to cope with difficult situations --- can we see a little of that, please?] )

    Speaking of being involved in fictional characters’ lives, Anthony and Lizardbreath had better stop dancing around and make sure they really know each other well enough before getting engaged. There’s some major premarital counseling going to be needed — a nasty ex-wife to deal with — a child to mother — train of Liz’s exes —
    Gosh, wouldn’t it be great if Therese decided she was jealous and going to make ‘em all miserable? And the Yet-as-unnamed Spawn of Anthony was a total brat? And Warren decided that their house needed to be buzzed early and often?

    Hilarity WILL ensue!

  190. Snowglobe
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:56 am [Reply]

    In panel 4, Anthony appears to be giving Liz the Heimlich maneuver. What’s stuck in Liz’s throat? Is she horrified by the plush right breast that suddenly grew on a drunken Mason? By the asymmetric hemline on the incredibly growing and shrinking Julia’s dress? Or is it possible that she has swallowed up the last vestige of her independence, sense, and good taste?

    Or is she simply choking on Anthony’s bodily fluids?

  191. Kronkina
    July 7th, 2007 at 2:01 am [Reply]

    Crap. Whoever has to work tomorrow, raise your hand.

    *Kronkina raises her hand*

    G’night all you snarkin’ beasts, you!

  192. True Fable
    July 7th, 2007 at 2:04 am [Reply]

    #188 Dingo: Every one of your comments elicited a “Ha!” from me; excellent snarks! If Dean Booth found a way to illustrate your scenarios, I might likely die in a fit of screaming laughter. (for all my writing, I’m visual at heart!)

    At the Foobsite, apologists are rallying aroud the “what’s so bad aboot Anthony?”
    um…because he’s a pussy?
    “He’s a single father, doing his best to raise his little girl!”
    the little girl he cajoled his wife into having, despite her not wanting children? Promising her he would take care of the child, then trying to get his wife to parent with him? He brought it on himself. Having a child does NOT guarantee a stable marriage! If that was the point my dear little liverspot was trying to make, why is she pushing Liz into instant motherhood?
    “Lynn does too support career women! Look at Liz, she’s a career woman!”
    oh yeah, Liz is such a career woman, she cut out on a job where she was needed very much, because she had to come back home and get Mommy’s approval on everything she did! She came back home and behaved like an 11 year old for months! Yeah, career woman.
    “…and Dee is a career woman, she’s supporting her family!”
    Yeah, she’d BETTER support her family, since Michael just wants to sit around and daydream and write historical fiction based solely on what he finds on the Internet, and not get too involved with the kids he spawned. And suppose her career required her to take more or specialized training elsewhere? Would she go? – hell no, because Michael would have to take care of the children and he won’t give up his precious daydream time as it is.

    (Dammit, Lynn, sometimes I want to take you in my arms in order to see the vacuous stare of your eyes for myself, and stuff your muppet mouth with styrofoam so won’t have to listen to you rattle on with puns about coffee and percolating and beans. I know you want me, my haughty little ice queen, but there are better things you can do with your mouth than talk to the hand, bitch.)

  193. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 7th, 2007 at 2:05 am [Reply]

    7/7/7 Jackpot!

    SFx: Dude, where’s my brain-teaser?

    Phantom: The crooked boss is so terrified, his hair’s gone from white back to yellow.

    Pluggers: Portrait of a deeply sad cat.

    DT: Judging from panel one, Dick’s going to get brained by a falling gun. And I’m going to laugh.

    BB: “Disgusting sargieness.” “Germs and goo.” My God, we don’t need all the details.

    S-M: Hey, Maria, how about a little margoing professionalism here. If you’re going to throw yourself at the guests, be at least as subtle as Barbara Walters.

    TDIET: You know, I’ve heard there’s a barbershop that has golf and fishing magazines. And you can see them perfectly well because your pupils aren’t dilated. Sounds too good to be true, though.

  194. AppleGirl
    July 7th, 2007 at 2:08 am [Reply]

    100 – Squid Countess – The Smiths must be pirates, arrrrrrrrrrrg.

  195. Old Bean
    July 7th, 2007 at 2:08 am [Reply]

    A3G: – Professor, why do you have luggage?
    - Look, Margo, we’ve been through this before. When humans wish to transport their belongings…
    - What is this thing ‘belongings’?
    - Well, say I own something…
    - You own nothing! All is Margo’s!

    FBOFW: Even sozzled as a fart, Mason has more charisma than Anthony. And he’s got a sort of Dean Martin thing going now. If he just had a piano to lean on, he’d break into wonderfully slurred song. Meanwhile, Anthony pushes Liz silently, slowly down into the black, sucking mud with his chin, while fiddling limply with her chastity belt. The man is class.

    FW: Whenever this strip strives for poignancy, I just get distracted by Les and his hard hard shell of black porcelain hair. I keep waiting for him to headbutt a passing car, just to hear the satisfying CLANG sound it would make.

    (Just been skimming / catching up on the last few threads, and the wonderful things in them, particularly Dean, Wellsey and the Spectacular Spider McLean… haw!)

  196. Uncle Lumpy
    July 7th, 2007 at 2:10 am [Reply]

    #166 T. Fable, #176 S.S.B., #182 Mibbitmaker –

    9CL Damn straight; credit where credit is due.

  197. Jack Parsons
    July 7th, 2007 at 2:11 am [Reply]

    MT: She’s got black oil eyes!

    Phantom: Great. Just great. Bug-eyed darkies taking superstitious fright. Mikifiki. “Next: the native sailors jump off the boat!” And you all get worked up about annoying white people.

  198. True Fable
    July 7th, 2007 at 2:16 am [Reply]

    S-M There is a recurring theme in Spider-Man that just annoys the hell out of me, and that is the constant worry over jealousy between Peter and MJ.

    For God’s sake, they are public figures. There will likely be oodles of rabid fans declaring their undying love for one or the other. It goes with the territory, so why does MJ, the beautiful actress, and Peter, the secret mysterious superhero crimefighter, act so surprised and territorial when someone of the opposite sex comes into view?

    If I were Peter, I’d make light jokes of this obviously terrible and non-objective interviewer. If I were Mary Jane, I’d be laughing and taping the show so I could laugh with Peter all over again later. But no, peter’s worried that Mary Jane will be upset. Oh geez.

    Gwen Stacey needs to be resurrected. She had so much more confidence in herself.
    /rant

  199. True Fable
    July 7th, 2007 at 2:31 am [Reply]

    Edison Lee *sigh* Well, I suppose this is marginally better than the stereotype of all Indians being drunk. Yuk yuk yuk, oh funny, Indians are all noble! Indians are all about casinos! Har har har!

    …eeeeeayeah. First of all, Edison Lee is not funny. It’s not the poor man’s Calvin & Hobbes – hell, it’s not the third world’s Calvin & Hobbes, it’s not even the FIFTH world’s Calvin & Hobbes! Second of all, stop patting Indians on our heads and praising our nobility, you sound like Lynn Johnston so don’t get me started. You assholes won, we lost, okay. We’re not noble, we just let you act goofy and we pretend not to notice because it only encourages you.
    Third of all, Edison Lee is still not funny.

  200. True Fable
    July 7th, 2007 at 2:34 am [Reply]

    That should be this link My laptop is erratic.

    (Hands off my laptop, Lynn. You’re a bad girl and you know it. no, I won’t spank you. Shh. Go sit down.)

  201. tae bee
    July 7th, 2007 at 2:44 am [Reply]

    Meanwhile, they need to STOP resurrecting Gwen Stacey in the comic books. She’s a clone, she’s Carnage, she was date-raped by Norman Osborn and had magical fighter babies … gah.

    I know this is so wrong, but I just can’t help myself:

    BB: Hellllloooooo Nurse.

  202. tae bee
    July 7th, 2007 at 2:45 am [Reply]

    Meanwhile, they need to STOP resurrecting Gwen Stacy in the comic books. She’s a clone, she’s Carnage, she was date-raped by Norman Osborn and had magical fighter babies … gah.

    I know this is so wrong, but I just can’t help myself:

    BB: Hellllloooooo Nurse.

  203. AppleGirl
    July 7th, 2007 at 2:55 am [Reply]

    FBOFW – So you guys all think that Liz and Anthony will actually get together? Like married, or something?

    I think they’re both just drunk at the reception and they’ll wake up with hangovers and a vague unease about the few bits and pieces they remember from the night before. After that, they will look away and avoid passing each other on the street.

  204. AppleGirl
    July 7th, 2007 at 3:01 am [Reply]

    I mean, don’t they both SEEM really drunk?
    “I love you, man.”
    “No, I mean it. I really, really love you.”
    “In fact, I love ALL you guys. You’re all the greatest.”
    “Hey! What are YOU looking at?”

  205. True Fable
    July 7th, 2007 at 3:06 am [Reply]

    #203 Apple Girl: This is my idea of a FOOB Sunday panel for Hell:

    No dialogue until the last panel, mind you.

    First panel: Angstony and Liz return to Chez Patterfoob.
    Second panel: they start necking. Prerequisite cute bunny or dog staring at them over to one side.
    Third panel: Close up of Angstony and Liz in hot smooch.
    Fourth panel: Clothes on the floor, maybe even draped over Shiimsa.
    Fifth panel: Elly, John and April come home and
    Sixth small panel: John flips on the light.
    Seventh panel: Liz and Angstony in buck naked doggie style on the couch.
    Eighth panel: Elly says, “I’m glad that’s the couch I’m leaving here!”

  206. True Fable
    July 7th, 2007 at 3:16 am [Reply]

    #202 (&203!) Tae bee: I agree with you; they should have let Gwen rest in peace – or hello, never killed her in the first place!

    Zombie script styles always bother me because it’s cheating; it’s like all those old Superman “what if” comics.”What if Lois had super-powers?” “What if Superman killed Lois?” What if Superman and Lois became King and Queen of the world?”
    An exercise in bleh. :-)

  207. AppleGirl
    July 7th, 2007 at 3:18 am [Reply]

    True Fable – Hehe, oh yeah, THAT couch. Probably the same one Michael was conceived on, back in the day.

    I truly think Lynn is just messing with everyone’s heads, and she’ll have a realistic ending to the fairy-tale buildup.

    I’d love to see Liz gathering up her rumpled bridesmaid dress, sneaking out of Granthony’s house at 5am, calling for a cab, and stumbling into her basement apartment, going: “I need a Diet Coke, an Alka-Selzer and three Advils.”

  208. Cerulean Pointing Hand of Doom!
    July 7th, 2007 at 3:19 am [Reply]

    And yet, apparently at one pointshe WAS called “Magee.”

  209. True Fable
    July 7th, 2007 at 3:20 am [Reply]

    p.s. to tae bee: two wrongs might make it right! and how could such a great snarkline be wrong?

  210. Robert Whitaker Sirignano
    July 7th, 2007 at 3:47 am [Reply]

    The whole point of Edison Lee is…what was I thinking…uhm…to fill the hole left by BOONDOCK’s departure? maybe they should have dropped SLUGGY FREELANCE into the space to really baffle the ordinary mundane reader. And wake them up.

    EDISON LEE is too close to preaching for any comfort, and there’s no characterisation beyond the 2D flatness, and only Grandpa seems to have any personality and he’s usually complaining.

  211. Skulking on the Outskirts
    July 7th, 2007 at 4:56 am [Reply]

    Kronkina, I clicked on your link and spent waaaay too much time going through all the ‘Alien Predator in New York’ strips I could before the darned thing froze up on me. I especially liked Abe’s little brothers. They were cute. Abe knowing exactly what the flavor of a Penthouse spread tastes like–not so cute, but funny in a gross-out kind of way. And WTF is “urinal hockey”?

    Uh, never mind. I think I’m happier not knowing. But it’s a really great strip, thanks for that link.

  212. Skulking on the Outskirts
    July 7th, 2007 at 5:11 am [Reply]

    210, R.W.S.- I stuck with Edison Lee for a couple of months, but I’ve recently given up on it. E.L. is like what would have happened to Calvin if they had put the poor kid on massive doses of Ritalin and sucked the zaniness out of him. There’s just no funny to be had here.

  213. Pinback65
    July 7th, 2007 at 5:16 am [Reply]

    I couldn’t stop laughing at today’s Zippy. What does that say about me?

    Also, the random background cat in today’s Slylock (or Bonnie and Boo-Boo, if you prefer) seems to be portrayed by the Do-Do Bird from Porky In Wackyland. Nice to see a Bob Clampett homage, even if it’s probably inadvertant.

  214. Jobrill
    July 7th, 2007 at 5:40 am [Reply]

    Here’s my bet on the Final Foob Strip:

    Cue church, Liz and Anthony running down the steps laughing and having Rice flung at them. They turn around just at the door to the Limo and look to see their friends and family gathered round, looking of course, ecstatic and happy and all that – except John, who has more of a “can-i-go-play-with-my-trains-now” look.

    The church bells begin to ring, and Therese, looking all dolled up and cute and chipper as can be – no doubt because she is relieved to be out of her jail cell – runs up and leaps into Daddy’s arms, and says,

    “Daddy, Daddy, teacher says every time a bell rings, and angel gets it’s wings!”

    And of course, Anthony replys, “That’s right, Therese! That’s right!” And then, looking up at the sky, with a knowing wink, he says, “Atta girl, Julia.”

  215. dreadedcandiru2
    July 7th, 2007 at 5:55 am [Reply]

    FOOB : At least they’re not looking for Liz’s virginity. She’s never gonna lose that!

    FW : Next year, of course, Lisa will be fertilizing the trees, won’t she? Real brilliant, Batiuk. We GET it! The ‘autumn’ of her life came too early….CRAP!!! I just leaked a spoiler, didn’t I?

    Luann: I wonder if this is how Mr and Mrs DeGroot got together? Given that Dad is simply Brad with eyeglasses and Mom is more or less a dark-haired Toni, I really think so.

  216. Islamorada Girl
    July 7th, 2007 at 6:18 am [Reply]

    Kronkina–Mmmmwah! Love you too!

  217. Dean Booth
    July 7th, 2007 at 6:31 am [Reply]

    FOOB: To quote Stacheless, you know you want it. Ewwwww! Oh, and NSFW. The look on his face takes on a whole new meaning.

  218. TurtleBoy
    July 7th, 2007 at 6:54 am [Reply]

    Ah, Saturday!

    Foob: is there no end? We get it, Lynn, they’re happy. Really frickin’ happy. Will you put down the goddamned sledgehammer already? Sheesh. (By the way, #205 True Fable: excellent idea. Have you submitted that one to Lynn yet?)

    MT: good call, everyone who’s mentioned Sam’s apparent discovery of a time machine. I’m pretty sure Jackelrod just doesn’t remember how he’s drawn his characters from day to day, so we should be happy for any kind of constancy. He wakes up each morning on the puke-stained couch in his remote mountain cabin, suspenders askew, eyes bleared with last night’s binge. He rolls to the floor and lies there staring at the ceiling for a while before extracting himself from the empty Wild Turkey bottles and cigarette butts. Then he stumbles onto the back porch, where he yawns and scratches and marks his territory, laying claim to the blackberry brambles that grow just outside his bedroom window. Crawling back inside, he peels the coffee sludge from the bottom of yesterday’s pot and waters it down a little, putting it over a fresh fire to heat it up again. A few minutes later, coffee in hand, he sits down at his drawing board and mutters to himself, “what the hell am I doin’ today?”

    TDIET: Speaking of time travel, I’d say those mags in the dentist’s office are actually ahead of the times: judging from today’s hero-schlubb’s pants and tie, I’d say we’re in 1962 or thereabouts.

  219. Motorposus
    July 7th, 2007 at 7:25 am [Reply]

    I’m reposting this from earlier in the thread (tacky, I know) because its “use by” date is fixing to expire, and I’m not sure anyone noticed it (except Wellsey—thanks Wellsey!).

    Love Foobieville Style

  220. Dean Booth
    July 7th, 2007 at 7:29 am [Reply]

    #219. I noticed, Motorposus. Great stuff. My favoirte part was Liz in panel 3.

  221. stinky pete
    July 7th, 2007 at 7:30 am [Reply]

    Among the strips that appear in my local paper, two of my favorites, which don’t get mentioned here much (if at all) are Speed Bump and In the Bleachers.

    119 SqC: Aha. Got it. Irony detector now tuned up & ready for action.

  222. Mr. Coffee Nerves
    July 7th, 2007 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Liz isn’t shrinking. It’s just that Anthony has already hobbled her so she can’t escape.

  223. Motorposus
    July 7th, 2007 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    Thanks Dean B.

    By the way, does your son belong to the Opus String Quartet? I heard them on the radio recently. Very energetic playing.

  224. Harry Paratestes
    July 7th, 2007 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    Gotta love the Dick Tracy story twist this week: the Baron is actually Master Po from the ’70’s show ‘KungFu’, and he’s kickin’ it up with the boys from the Warsaw Pact ‘hood.

  225. Dean Booth
    July 7th, 2007 at 7:51 am [Reply]

    #205 True Fable, love it.

    #223 Motorposus, yup. They were on From the Top radio last week, and the TV version the week before. He amazes me.

  226. Mumblix Grumph
    July 7th, 2007 at 7:57 am [Reply]

    Call me crazy, but am I detecting a subtle gay undertone in Rex Morgan MD?

  227. The Avocado Avenger
    July 7th, 2007 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    #226 – Never. I won’t believe it.

    “I want to catch a trout with this, Rex!” You have to admit, that dialogue is ten pounds of awesome in a five pound bag.

    Order of the Stick – No, it doesn’t count, but I’m gonna talk about it anyway since I’m just talking to myself here. I love how Burlew manages to make stick figures look nonplussed. Hinjo’s expression when Elan starts mourning the two guards is priceless.

  228. Harold
    July 7th, 2007 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    Judging by today’s Beetle Bailey, I guess it’s “Even Gayer Saturday!”

    “That can was probably covered with disgusting ‘Sarginess’!”

    It’s the Clarence Thomas hearings all over again…

  229. Harold
    July 7th, 2007 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    An observation:

    I’ve only been following Gil Thorpppe and Dick Tracy since I’ve been coming here. Now, I’m not saying that either one of them have compromised their, umm, “unique artistic styles” in that time…but is it my imagination, or has the narrative structure of each vastly improved?

    The “Clambake” saga, aside from its incomprehensible intro, seemed to have a fairly straightforward, linear narrative, with only a finite number of infinite discontinuities throughout (and an odd little “head-shaving” plot thrown in to pad things out). And the current storyline In DT is, as far as I can tell, much less ridiculous and convoluted than the “Figment Froid” or “Queen of Diamonds” storylines. Maybe that’s because the current storyline is keeping dialogue to a minimum. The less any of the characters in Dick Tracy have to say, the more sense things make!

  230. Mibbitmaker
    July 7th, 2007 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    So Clambake exits the comics for good, and Ruby Wright (Hey! Alliteration!) enters. There’s your Cycle of Life, Batiuk!

    All on the Aldo anniversaries, too (*snff*)

  231. Mibbitmaker
    July 7th, 2007 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    #230: Circle of life? (if, unlikely, 230 makes COTW runner-up, you can correct that, Josh. Thanks.)

  232. TwoClubs
    July 7th, 2007 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    [b]RMMD:[/b] I just couldn’t resist with today’s reference to trout. I’m sure THIS is the original version, but they couldn’t get it past the conservative media in this day and age.

    [url]GayRex[/url]

  233. The Divine O’F
    July 7th, 2007 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Credit Where Credit is Due (rapid skimming-to-catch-up version)

    Yeterthread Spider Brick: OMG, The Day that Clambake Lied is brilliant! Also very funny.

    100 Squid Countess: terrific moose pictures! Especially the guy who’s drinking. Did you witness any moose strikes?

    149 Kronkina: Thanks! I love you and all the others too, and I haven’t even had my coffee yet. I am still with you on the non-hatin’ of Funky, but I certainly understand where everyone else is coming from. I agree that Lisa’s decision is a good one. I think the real problem here is not that she has cancer, but that a) she didn’t do something about the switched results that may have hastened her death, and b) (and on this one I concer) the extreme detail is just not something you want to see on the comic pages. They’re supposed to be friggin COMICS, and kids read them, for Margo’s sake. I know that if I had read this when I was a child I would have had nightmares for months. We simply don’t need to see someone going downhill and dying in great detail week after week. Too many of us have seen that in person. We come to the comics pages to be entertained, not to have our worst fears and experiences reinforced.

    188 Dingo: “Does Horton’s hear a Hoo?” Many bwas and has. If I had my coffee I would have spit it on the screen.

    219 Motorposus: thanks for reposting. Excellent!

    And… I want my coffee!

  234. ChefMike
    July 7th, 2007 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    FW: of course you realize, if you stop your chemo there’s a greater chance you won’t live long enough to see leaves change. but let’s go back to yesterday’s statement about “wanting to live.” My mom had a friend who lost a battle with breast cancer about 12 years ago. once she knew it was over, she sold her house, and most of her possessions, moved the rest of her stuff into a storage locker, and spent her last year or so traveling the world. Of course she had no husband or children to be concerned about, so this might not be an option, but fer cryin out loud, dream bigger, Lisa!

  235. Wellsey
    July 7th, 2007 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Man. The comics all suck today. If it wasn’t for Mark Trail and Spidey there’d be nothing to report on. That said:

    Finally! The airplanes are doing it for themselves. Petey the Plane says screw the moose and Mark, I’ll take care of this “bird problem!” Go Petey!

    And poor Maria. Humiliating herself on the local news in a way rarely seen. Spidey! Quick! Webnet this woman, hang her from the ceiling and get the heck out of there.

  236. Dean Booth
    July 7th, 2007 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    While wandering the intertubes this morning, I came across this joke, which struck me as a CC pleaser. To make it comics related, imagine it’s about Drew Cory:
    A doctor goes through a Scottish hospital, and visits a ward. The first patient leaps up and declaims: “Wee, sleekit, cowerin’ timorous beastie, och, what a panic’s in thy breastie!” The second one joins in with “When chapman billies leave the street, and drouthy neebors neebors meet…” and the third one says “Ye Jacobites by name, lend an ear, lend an ear…” The visiting doctor says to his hosts: “This must be the psychiatric ward.” “No,” comes back the answer, “this is the Serious Burns Unit.”

  237. Vince M.
    July 7th, 2007 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    FOADFW – Not looking at it anymore. Don’t have the fortitude. Sorry.
    But is Mason back and constituting a threat of some sort? I wouldn’t worry, since anyone who is an obstacle to FOOB-happiness invariably becomes broader and less defined – by Tuesday he should be an undifferentiated sack of protoplasm.

  238. Major Hoople’s Boarding House
    July 7th, 2007 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    A3G – Ruby Wright? She looks great for being 90 + dead 3 years! You can get her album from Amazon, I think you’ll all enjoy this:

    http://www.bigbobh.net/dowop/wright.htm

  239. John C Fremont
    July 7th, 2007 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Foob – Yeah, Lynn Johnston has her hands on the teats and she’s gonna keep milking this for all it’s worth. No, that’s not funny, but I like the idea of Lynn Johnston manning the teats. Good times.

    MW – Who is that character actor in the last panel? The one hoisting his plate of delicious looking “stuff” over the shoulder of that 40 year old college student. The one who’s about to spill his unidentifiable beverage down the front of his stylish shirt. Yeah, that guy. Who is he?

    RMMD – Comments here are not necessary. This one speaks for itself. Gad, I haven’t laughed so hard in ages. Fly. Trout.

    Zippy – White courtesy telephone! White courtesy telephone!

    FW – I don’t know why it took me so long to see it – Funky Winkerbean is like MASH (the series, that is). It started out funny, but with a message. And then it turned into one really long, serious message with a few smirks thrown in to remind us that is somewhat related to humour. (I used the alternate spelling of “humor” in deference to Old Bean, as well as our Canadian friends. Good day, eh?) And Funky Winkerbean himself has turned into the strip’s Judge Parker – rarely seen (or even referenced) and adding absolutely nothing to the story when he does appear. So getting back to the MASH comparison, I guess the cancer girl is Hawkeye, and her hubby is BJ, the band leader guy is Col. Potter – but nobody is playing the roles of Col. Blake or Trapper, ’cause they had the sense to get out before the shark jumping began.

    All I’m saying is, there’s a connection between MASH and FW. That’s all. And give peace a chance.

    The above rant was sponsored by the McLean Stevenson Promotional Board. “McLean Stevenson – He fishes for trout.”

    Honey, where’s my medication?

  240. Bud
    July 7th, 2007 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    FOOB – This whole Granthony and Lizard-Breath thing has Scooter Libby all over it.

    You knew it was coming so you prepared all sorts of psychological dampers and practiced so many mantras… but in the end, it STILL pisses you off!

    ARGH! JOHNSTON!

  241. Poteet
    July 7th, 2007 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    # 170 — Dang, another hope dashed. I hoped that if I ever did subscribe to PIBGORN, I’d get little narrative explanations with every strip. Thanks for the reality check, Kronkina:-).

    # 205 — Sir Fable MTK, you owe me a keyboard.

    # 236 — Dean Booth, I am SO going to share that. Thanks!

  242. ralph
    July 7th, 2007 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Spiderbrick, I love that moose t-shirt design and add my hope for a mug. It would be a wonderful way to support the CC. Hopefully the shirt could come in moose sizes, too. Your fan,

  243. Major Hoople’s Boarding House
    July 7th, 2007 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    RMMD – Great! FOOB’s John Patterson has made model railroaders look impotent, now Rex and Niki makes fly fishing look pederastic.

    9CL – Today’s strip has made up for all the unicorn strips.

    GF – See, a good cartoonist can make an illness funny (tinnitus).

    PBS – Just say WOO! HOO is optional.

    JP – Keith = Flattop Hilter Jr.

    Luann – GO FOR IT BRAD! I’m with TJ on this one!

    Crankshaft – Langley VA? Isn’t that where CIA HEADQUARTERS is? And where they drive around in CIA cars? (see DT 2 weeks ago)

  244. Theominousoat
    July 7th, 2007 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    #112 – Sparse equipment…almost like a hospital scene in a porno…waitaminnit….

    Oh god…oh god no…sarge, the nurse, and killers duel phalli…it all makes sense now.

  245. Vince M.
    July 7th, 2007 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    FOOB: I was catching some of the ‘Twilight Zone’ marathon and had a mental picture:
    Elizabeth has taken up horseback riding. As she crests a knoll she sees her again – an older woman in black on a black horse. The woman promptly hurtles after Liz, screaming frantically, chasing her homeward, but losing her once more…

  246. Little A.
    July 7th, 2007 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    FOOB. So what did Liz find? Happiness with that bland boring clunky doofiss? This is what she found? Happiness with this freckled snail? GIMME A BREAK AND PASS THE BARF BAG.

  247. snacktime
    July 7th, 2007 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    Vince M. #237: Mason is not a threat; rather, he seems to be the only guest at the wedding reception who quite rightly doesn’t give a rat’s ass where Liz and Granthony have gotten to. Also, Lynn seems to be suggesting that excessive alcohol consumption causes one to grow breasts. I’ll have to try that some time!

    The bodice of Shawna-Marie’s cream wedding dress is looking somewhat soiled. Did she find a moment to scoot off into the woods with that dude she was frenching right after the ceremony while the guests were distracted by Liz & G.’s dance of love? Or is it just that she’s been wearing the same dress for three weeks?

    Anthony looks paralyzed with fear in panel four.

  248. Trilobite
    July 7th, 2007 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    #229 Harold — Man, I hope you’re right about Gil Thorp and Dick Tracy making more sense lately. I keep worrying that it’s just ME that’s changed, and that somehow, something in my brain has been irreparably broken by those strips, and that this is why at the end of the week I actually have some vague notion of what’s happened in them.

    But I fully expect that Dick Tracy will still condescendingly over-explain itself for several weeks at the conclusion of this storyline. Brace yourself for at least two weeks’ worth of Dick telling Gretchen and the Baron and the CIA guy all about how he put on a Baron disguise in order to capture the evil terrorists. And hit them with a cane. The Baron’s cane, you see, because he was disguised as the Baron. Only the Baron couldn’t have hit those guys, because he’s old, and Dick Tracy isn’t old, he just disguised himself to look old. And isn’t it a good thing that the terrorists didn’t see through the disguise? The disguise that he, Dick Tracy, was wearing? You know, he looked just like the Baron….and so on, and so on, until the weeks he spent talking about glass doorknobs and big diamonds and people falling into smokestacks seem like NOTHING.

    *sigh* …all I really want Dick Tracy to explain is why everyone’s arms keep getting shorter and shorter.

  249. Major Hoople’s Boarding House
    July 7th, 2007 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    Poteet: Think of cartoons as books. Most are disposable like a Jack Chick tract. Some are harlequin novels, and some are the favorites you read over and over. Pibgorn is a outré fiction novel that you have to read intently, things never quite what they seem to be, and you’re still wondering at the end what went on. It’s not for all, but it’s a challenging read if you’re into something like that.

  250. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 7th, 2007 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    Cerulean Pointing Hand of Doom @ 208: Magee is Margo’s last name. Originally, their names were Margo Magee, Tommie Thompson and Lu Ann Wright, but Lu Ann later married a dashing pilot named Powers, who eventually died in Vietnam to restore the strip’s three-bachelorette dynamic.

  251. Professor Fate
    July 7th, 2007 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    FOOB: I now know how a tent peg feels when a camper has pounded completely it into the ground and not knowing what else to do keeps on hitting it. Lynn JUST SHUT UP – fine they are your creations and you have joined your imaginary daughter to a limp passive agressive manipulitve sack o’bland with bad skin – (those spots on his skin look pre cancerous to me – but that could be the FW influence) this is isn’t a happy ending for her – this is “Settling – the Musical” to borrow a MST3K quip. For him of course this is merely a prelude to more maniplutive actions “don’t you want to have a kid lizzzy? WE need another kid – you don’t want my litle girl to grow up an only child do you? Come on lizzy, stop shaving the sheets and get into the gimp suit – I won’t make you wear the mustache this time I promise.”

    FW: The Chron doesn’t want me to see the strip just yet. Still you do wonder if we all would be that upset if smirking helmet hair had gotten sick instead – I think Batiuk missed a real chance there. Seeing as they must live near a former A-bomb site and an illegal chemical dumping ground.

  252. Zach
    July 7th, 2007 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    I like Mason more and more each day, mainly because he reminds me of me.

    “Oh shit, I have to escort this annoying friend of my buddy’s girl. I need more wine. Wait, she wants me to dance? I better pretend I’ve passed out.”

    Honestly, if I was in his position I would have been eating at ALL the questionable eating establishments I could find the night before, in hopes of getting food poisoning. Salmonella dog? That sounds exquisite!

  253. queek
    July 7th, 2007 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    MT: now THAT is how you beef up security!

    RM(G)MD: It could be worse. Rex could be fishing for chub.

    Loved the Popeye shout-out in Lio.

  254. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 7th, 2007 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    DOH!!! I just found the answer myself. Before marrying flyboy Powers, Lu Ann’s last name was Wright. So Ruby Wright has to be related to her — if not her mother, then an aunt. I’m guessing a long-absent mother, since Blaze was presented as Lu Ann’s next of kin, and the whole “Where were you when Lu Ann was on death’s door” bit is rife with drama.

  255. Major Hoople’s Boarding House
    July 7th, 2007 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    Allow me to correct myself (#249)

    The 2nd and 3rd sentences should be:

    “Pibgorn is a outré fiction novel that has to be read intently from the start, with things never quite what they seem to be, and with the reader still wondering what went on at the end.

    If a challenging read is something you like, then Pibgorn is for you, but it’s not for everybody, .

  256. LTBF
    July 7th, 2007 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    Why is the bride still hanbging around the recpetion? We stuck around for maybe three hours at ours and then went to the hotel. Why is she worried that Liz doesn’t have her escort with her at all times? Obviously if Mason was able tio get passed out drunk without her even knowing until it was too late, they nweren’t excatly hitting it off.

  257. Krauthead
    July 7th, 2007 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    FOOB:
    How nice. Granthony is trying to dry-hump her ass. I can hear him now: “Uh. Uh. Uh. Oh Elizabeth. Uh. Uh. Uh. Come on pecker, get hard! Get hard like you do for John! I’ll coax the Lizardbreath back to my basement and I’ll perform all the anal techniques that me and Mr. Cinnamon-bun have perfected! Uh. Uh. Uh.”

    I hope Mason goes looking for her, finds them and then flies into a rage, drowning Blanthony in the lake. Shit. Where’s Howard when you need him?

    But no……I predict that in the final foob-strips before the foobiverse is frozen in time, we get to see Granthony and Lizardbreath running out of the church (like they ran from the wedding to the lake before thier makeout/dry-humping session), in a shower of birdseed, her dress and vail flowing in the wind, with Elly blubbering and her even-bigger and flabbier nose drooling snot…..

    Is it possible to puke up what hasn’t been eaten yet??

    Eat shit and die, Lynn.

  258. Poteet
    July 7th, 2007 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    # 255 — MHBH, thanks, and I plan to stick with PIBGORN for now. Naked Geoff played only a small part in that decision:-).

  259. Brown-eyed Girl
    July 7th, 2007 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    Poteet & Kronkina — Pibgorn’s starting a new story line. All these disparate pieces will come together, (and not in an icky way, I hope). Stick with it.

  260. LTBF
    July 7th, 2007 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    I missed the Liz-Anthony high school romance since I lived somewhere that didn’t carry the strip. Was he always a huge wuss and was she always pining for him like this?

  261. Red Greenback
    July 7th, 2007 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    Kronkina @ 149: Right back at you, Sugar!

  262. Virginia
    July 7th, 2007 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    GA: So, of all the music one can play to annoy people, Slim picks one with cannons? I mean, who DOESN’T like music with explosions? And it’s good, energetic rousing music. That’s only going to encourage people to play basketball with more gusto! Thanks, Slim for the great accompaniement.

  263. The Divine O’F
    July 7th, 2007 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    I am two days behind on the comics, and reading the current snark makes me think I ought to shoot for three days behind.

  264. Marion Delgado
    July 7th, 2007 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    All of Margo’s “man problems” are over! She’s finally met Ms. Right! And she’s a real gem.

  265. Trilobite
    July 7th, 2007 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    #256 LBTF — You asked about the bride: “Why is she worried that Liz doesn’t have her escort with her at all times?”

    I think the answer to this is fairly straightforward. Shawna-Marie knows Liz from way back in high school, and therefore knows that Liz is a total wreck without a man around…especially when she’s at a romantic scene like a wedding reception. (Or even at a semi-romantic scene, like a Tim Horton’s.)

    Assigning a guy to Liz duty is just something you have to do if Liz is single and you don’t want your reception to turn into her one-woman show where she sits in a corner having really depressing and pretentious thought balloons all night long. Having a guy around means she can dedicate her pretentious internal monologue to him, and therefore not bring down the entire party.

  266. Trilobite
    July 7th, 2007 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    #266 — I meant LTBF, of course!

    Sheesh, I suck at typing this morning.

  267. Poteet
    July 7th, 2007 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    Foob — I just had a sudden vision of what the August Foobsite letters are going to be like, given recent developments. Excuse me, I’m going to go lie down for awhile.

  268. Trilobite
    July 7th, 2007 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    #266 — GAH! I give up, I really do. Numbers and letters are not my friend today. If this were Sesame Street, I’d be keeping one hand on my wallet and avoiding eye contact.

  269. reason.decrystallized
    July 7th, 2007 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    go and check out the July 6 strip for a nice slylock fox parody.

  270. Mel
    July 7th, 2007 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    257 – FOOB disgust has no time or space limitations — the nausea is impervious to magnetic bracelets, and there is no amount of saltines or gallons of flat ginger ale to combat it. Just this morning’s strip caused me to cough up a Twinkie I ate in the fifth grade.

  271. Tats
    July 7th, 2007 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    Man, all these years of pining and moaning and frumping and enduring Therese, all to use your very first passionate hook-up for, in order, a kiss, spinning, and just standing there like idiots. Have sex in the damn bush. We’ve watched ancillary characters comment on your situation, INCLUDING the bride — besides, in FOOB, it’s alternately all about the Pattersons and all about the white people — at least make it worth our while.

  272. LTBF
    July 7th, 2007 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    266-I guess that explains why Mason got so drunk.

    If Anthony was so crazy about Liz and Julia knew this, why didn’t he tell her Liz asked him to the weddin? They only went as friends anyway and she seems glad they got together. Wait a minute, I keep forgetting I’m in Foob World, whre nobody dores anything rational.

    Next week-We see Liz begging Deanna to open her pharmacy early Sunday morning to get her a morning after pill.

  273. Scud
    July 7th, 2007 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    I had to do a double take on 9CL because people are actually liking it. They’re actually using commonly used modern English in their conversation!

    What’s the matter Brooke Lose your thesaurus? Well don’t get a new one, this is much better.

  274. Echo
    July 7th, 2007 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    #227 Avocado Avenger — You’re not just talking to yourself. Have you read Start of Darkness yet?

    FOOB: Liz is shrinking because Lynn is infantalizing her. The whole thing is so despicable, disgusting and textbook narcissistic that I’m not even amused by it any more.

    FW: Am I supposed to like Lisa? Because I really don’t. Stopping chemotherapy is a personal decision blah blah blah, but I think we’re supposed to sympathize with her decision, even applaud it. Well, I don’t.

    RMMD: Wilson and Nolan have got to be doing this on purpose.

  275. Tats
    July 7th, 2007 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    #275, Echo — I find it difficult to have any feeling when I read FW besides “vaguely disturbed.” It’s gotten kind of sadistic, to a degree.

  276. Tweeks_Coffee
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    #166 – TF: That’d be “Shonen Jump”. Sorry, I’m an anime geek and a grammar nazi to boot!

    ‘Shaft: Whoa, he took off the jacket. He doesn’t even do that at friend’s funerals, I wonder what the occasion is.

    DT: That is one helluva long cane. Of course I realize it’s pretty pointless to bring up how implausible the art makes things in this strip, but doesn’t that car seem way too small in the second panel? It looks like they drove a Miata to the scene. Where the hell were they going to shove the Baron?

    FC: Wow, that’s one of the sappiest sentiments I’ve ever heard. Is it strange that I have the urge to slap Dolly about now?

    FOOB: Meanwhile, Julia’s condemned to point out the two of them making out for the rest of the wedding. Also; she’s disproportionately large in that background shot. Except for that stray figure in the middle, she’s easily the biggest thing there.

    (DT)GT: I was really waiting to see Clambake drawn giving the ‘ole double victory signs a la Nixon.

    Heathcliff: There’s not actually a joke in this strip, is there? I’m only further confused by the fact it looks like we’re reading the ice cream guy’s dialog.

    Pluggers: I’d be a significantly happier man if I hadn’t seen that cat-thing today.

    SF: Can I just say how much I love the fact that Ted neither shaved or changed before going to exercise? Seriously, he went from eating Oreos on the couch to taking a walk outside. This guy is currently my new hero.

    Oh yeah, I was quite pleased when I realized that Cancer Deatherbean wasn’t on the comics list at home. This is the start of something good, I think I’ll have to redo the list at work to reflect this.

  277. Islamorada Girl
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    I was really hopin’ Ruby Wright would be LuAnn’s Bible-thumpin’, van- dwellin’ aunt and Mom of Mim The Unwed Teen, but Josh says it ain’t so. Damn, I wish this was her!

    Oh law! I swear, Margo, you just gotta accept Jay-sus as yer lawd an’ personal savior! Now y’all just git down on yer knees right here and now, Tommie and Margo and pray for LuAnn’s soul ’cause that girl goin’ right to hell, ’cause she never did make the altar call, even tho’ that nice Reverend Tommie Bob Sweatley begged her, just begged her, and even sang “I’d Rather Have Jay-sus” at her weddin’ to that handsome pilot boy, even tho’ he died and jus’ went straight from that there Viet Nam to hell, ’cause he wasn’t hardshell saved, just softshell saved,
    then we’ll have some of ma nice fried chicken and a picnic on the grounds!

  278. Krauthead
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    FOOB:
    Just freeze the strip NOW, Lynn! You’ve accomplished your goal of smashing Lizz and Dopethany back together! We all know what’s coming next!

    Just freeze it now, you nasty old skank!

    Just kill it. PLEEEEEASE.

  279. Old Goat
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    RM: Rex needs to be careful here or he might be going back to driving a limo — local medical societies don’t take to kindly to pedophiles.

  280. Red Greenback
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    Good Wing Sauce!…Hi wille!

    Alternative Pluggers caption: “Christ, what an asshole!”…so many fish references in the comics lately…Had to regurgitate this one: http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20040524&name=Rex_Morgan
    Have a nice day!

  281. commodorejohn
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    I just know I’m gonna get post-jumped, but…

    A3G – Ruby Wright? Luann’s last name is Powers, dammit! Don’t let this be true – this has to be Luann’s mom, it just has to! I like how Prof. Papagoras is sizing up Margo’s ass and hauling the luggage back for a swing in the last panel.

    BB – Covered in disgusting “Sargieness.” You just can’t make this stuff up, folks. Besides, we already knew that Sarge has a thing for food.

    Crankshaft – is morphing into Kevin & Kell.

    DT – Please, please, please let this actually be the Baron kicking all this ass…

    FC – I thought the clouds are where Heaven is; their dead Grandpa lives there.

    FOOB – Either Liz has shrunk or Anthony is riding on/humping her shoulders. Also, Shawna-Marie wears the world’s largest clam shell and pokes Mason in his manboob.

    GT – Some things we’re better off not knowing. I couldn’tve said it better myself.

    MT – Much like KITT, the airplane in panel two is intelligent and offers its assistance. David Hasselhoff is nowhere to be seen, however.

    MW – Protip: this is not how you hold a pen.

    RMMD – He wants to “catch” a “trout.” Okay, that didn’t make any sense, but I’m still getting over the week of this stuff we’ve had to deal with.

    SFx – Precisely what is the relationship between Bonnie and Boo-Boo, anyway? He looks like a less exaggerated Ziggy, and she’s Mary Lou from Momma. Are they siblings? Lovers? Roomies? Help me out here.

    SM – Okay, this is as utterly pointless as anything else in Spider-Man, but that third panel is just GOLD.

  282. MossMoses
    July 7th, 2007 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    They call it Gay Gay Friday but Saturday’s just as bad…

    “What kind of trout will you catch when I’m your little brother, Rex? We’ll catch trouser trout, Niki. Now let’s go trouser trout trolling together”.

  283. Little A.
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: This coming week will probably be about the telethon. Perhaps we will all be given a respite of sorts by Lynn to enable us to allow our gorges to settle down to a normal anatomical level, for a few hours maybe.

    Gerald, who has matured even more than April in the past year (he looks like a college fullback sometimes) while April resembles a young lady from a magazine feature from Playboy, The Girls of Foobville — Gerald will be busy playing for Rebeccah and for April. Let’s see how this plays out. Naturally April still hasn’t asked him why he’s being paid to play in a charity event and how come he never told her and how come Rebeccah is paying him in the first place. Something is cooking here and maybe Shannon is at the center of it. She’s had her eyes (both at the same time) on Gerald for a long time and she’s about to make her move. She may talk slowly but she ain’t stupid and her gonads certainly work normally.

    Just wait at see what happens.

    May I ask you folks again: WHY DOES ANYBODY READ SLYLOCK FOX? I can’t even bear to look at it. It reminds me of the stupid shit we used to read in Jack and Jill magazine or Humpty Dumpty back in the day, that passed for humor when we were about seven years old. It’s worse than Family Circus, even.

    That’s just my opinion.

  284. Jon
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    Papa Aristotle looks so jollily happy when he says his name – look at those cheeks! But frankly, with a name like his, who wouldn’t?

  285. Poteet
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    # 283 — Cassandra Cat:-).

  286. Red Greenback
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    FC:
    so, my mom was putting in her CD with church pics but it wouldn’t work on her computer
    so she put it in mine
    now, the last thing I watched on windows media player was hardcore lesbian porn
    that got into the action right away
    so my mom puts in the cd into my computer
    opens up windows media players
    but then…
    she goes berserk
    she was screaming “THIS CD HAS BEEN POSSESSED BY THE DEVIL!!”
    and she took out a HAMMER
    and smashed the fucking CD
    it was the best thing ever
    not only was I completely off the hook
    you have to love the awesome displays of religious apeshit
    I think if god existed, he put people like my mom on this earth to entertain us

  287. Poteet
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    # 174 — Kronkina, I owe you. ALIEN LOVES PREDATOR has reinforced what Lynn keeps trying to take away, my faith that images with word balloons coming out of them can be wonderful (sniff). I especially like the apartment-hunting episodes.

  288. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    commodorejohn @ 281: Powers is Lu Ann’s married name. Lu Ann is a Vietnam war widow. Yeah, I know, she doesn’t look a day over 40. But her original last name was Wright, so Ruby is in some way related to her.

  289. commodorejohn
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    #283 Little A. – Mostly we read Slylock Fox for two things: Cassandra Cat appearances, and ridiculously obscure solutions. Of course, there’s the occasional other absurdity, but those are the two main reasons.

    And worse than The Family Circus? I think not.

  290. commodorejohn
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    #286 Red Greenback – True story? Please say yes.

    #288 The Spectacular Spider-Brick – Well, that’s a major relief. Still, though, Luann? Married? I think this strip needed a DC-esque continuity reboot a while ago. Keeping everybody the same, of course, just fixing some of these pseudo-anachronisms.

  291. Jym
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    =v= Foob: The Foobocalypse is upon us, yet somehow I feel empty. I think it’s all the throwing up.

    But seriously, with all the advance telegraphing going on I just knew there was no satisfaction to be had, and I’m afraid all the snarking in the world won’t help, for pretty much the same reason. In times like these I turn to a fresh (well, 16yo) perspective: April’s Real Blog is truly kicking ass this week. Jym Bob sez check it out!

  292. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    Little A @ 283: In addition to the reasons CommodoreJohn gave @ 289, I can add that I find it entertaining because of its craftsmanship: that is, Weber knows what his strip’s mission is, and he does it well. The name on the Sunday strip lays it right out there, “Comics for Kids.” It is for kids, but it doesn’t talk down to or condescend to them. It challenges, it teaches, but not in a preachy way. And, other than Boo Boo and Whatshername (who are supposed to be brother and sister, I believe), it entertains. The artwork is clean, readable and charming, and I’m not alone in loving the many little details and throwaway bits Weber puts in the drawings for readers to find. Regardless of the genre or target audience, I like works of art that are well done, and IMO, Slylock consistently is.

  293. Tabby
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    I’ve often wondered what was up with the depressing FW storyline. Like somebody said, this is supposed to be the comics! However, humor is often the best way to approach difficult subjects, and a nationally syndicated comic has a big reach. Now, I have NOT found this arc to be funny, but I wonder if Batiuk is using this as a way of pointing out some of the very disturbing flaws in cancer treatments.

    The ‘mudges are a pretty intellegent lot, but if you scan the posts, you see most of the ones who understand Lisa’s decision are the ones who’ve been through real life cancer situations. Unless (and may it never be so!) and until you go through something like this, or watch someone close to you in the situation, it’s hard to understand just how much Kool-aid there is to be drunk. It’s all a very personal decision, and there are so many individual factors in every case. One is at such a vulnerable place it’s very difficult to work through what options one really has. There is tremendous pressure to “be good” – to not ask questions, to not weigh the “cure” and it’s devastating side-effects vs the disease. And it all comes at a time when one feels like crap!

    There are many ways of “fighting” this disease. Making a choice to discontinue or not to undergo the devastation of chemo should NOT be regarded as “giving up”. I’ve not been a fan of FW, and I avoid depressing comics, but Batiuk may be doing a good thing if he can get people to fight their own fights, or at least to ask questions.

    I rarely post, but often enjoy! Big thanks to everyone who snarks so heartily!

  294. Old Bean
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    #283 Little A. – What commodorejohn said. Also:

    - Slylock’s weird glassy stare;
    - the way Max Mouse happily ignores the case at hand, letting himself get happily distracted by whatever catches his eye: a nearby crab, a shiny bit of glass, a muffin as big as his head. He’s a sort of attention-deficit Sancho Panza to Slylock’s Quixote;
    - outraged beavers;
    - Weber’s art, which combines bold, clear visuals with an eye for bizarre, charming detail;
    - vultures wearing stethoscopes;
    - the way that Weber’s silent characters are more expressive in a single panel than most of the characters in full dialogue-driven strips;

    and the clincher:
    - dead fish skeletons, and plenty of them.

  295. Old Bean
    July 7th, 2007 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    Sorry, SSB, I repeated you a bit there. Should finish reading the thread before posting.

  296. Red Greenback
    July 7th, 2007 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    Again with the fish…How many “trout” skeletons does Rex have in his “closet”?

  297. Jana C.H.
    July 7th, 2007 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    No one else seems to have noticed that Liz and Anthony have finally adopted the Official Operatic Love Duet Pose and are about to burst into song. In German. I know it’s going to be German because it’s gone on so long already.

    Puccini would have had Liz disembowel herself over Paul months ago. Verdi would have her fling herself from Warren’s helicopter. Gilbert and Sullivan would pair everyone up neatly by voice type (sopranos with tenors, altos with baritones, flutes with clarinets, violins with cellos) and let them dance merrily into the sunset.

    But no. We have to wait for Lizhilde and Sieganthony to set themselves and the entire comics page on fire in a glorious Föoberdämmerung. There’s only one thing I need to know: Where’s the horse?

    Jana C.H.
    Seattle
    Saith Floss Forbes: If you don’t know the tune, sing tenor.

  298. Slither
    July 7th, 2007 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    7/7/07 Comics:

    Mary Worth: Is it just me, or does that girl swooning over Dr. Drew look like a 1920’s flapper? That hairstyle — I can hardly describe it, but it looks more like something that should be on a Nun rather than on a young single woman at a pool party. Also, why does the guy in the background have a credit card in his glass — and why is he drinking thru a straw? When was the last time you saw a middle-aged guy drinking with a straw? They (we) just don’t do that! However, it is nice to see that The Thing is back, hard at work, serving unidentifiable snacks on a plate.

    Luann: I am having a hard time believing that a woman in Toni’s league would even be sitting at the same table with someone like Brad, much less having “relationship” talk with him. A woman in her class can have any guy she wants, so why should she settle for Brad when she could have a doctor or lawyer? This is just not making sense to me.

    9CL: I still don’t get it. Is this strip bashing Catholics or what?

    FOOB: There’s pretty much nothing more that can be said about this story-line at the time. We’ve now at the stage where, instead of applying any sort of creative storytelling effort, we’re just being subjected to incidental and boring interactions followed by a visual/verbal pun-ch line. That’s not LJ being a cartoonist; she’s just phoning it in to take up space and waste the valuable time of her readers. BTW — check out the color version of the strip on gocomics.com. Why is Julia’s hair blue? And what’s going on in the last panel? Do you think Liz can feel Anthony’s boner?

    TDIET: This one was a complete waste of time, but then again, most are. The only truly original ones I’ve seen lately are those suggested by fellow curmudgeons.

    Mallard Fillmore: Still one of the best strips on the comic pages! I’ve always thought that the people who say “Ya Think?!” usually don’t. I also liked that the dolt saying it looked like a politician.

    Zits: If Jeremy were my kid, there’s no way he’d still be alive.

    Pibgorn: Incomprehensible.

    Boondocks: I take it these are re-runs. Isn’t the Dreamcast pretty much obsolete?
    Oh, just read the dates — 12/4/99. Never mind. Now will someone please kick the bloody crap out of that little tea leaf?

    Pluggers: I often see myself in this strip. In fact, today I bought two large packages of frozen fish portions. Ripping good stuff.

    Gasoline Alley: Why doesn’t Slim just get himself an Army surplus M-16A1 and fire some warning shots into the b-ball court, or deflate the balls? Or, and forgive me for being so conventional, why doesn’t he just call the police? Why didn’t Clovia think of that? What is the point of this story line? Is this that “midnight basketball” thing, or what?

  299. Uncle Lumpy
    July 7th, 2007 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    Reasons to like Slylock Fox:

    1. Craftsmanship, right up there with RMBLA, JP and the Sunday Phantom
    2. Detail: fish skeletons, Six Differences, all that junk in Weirdly’s lair, etc.
    3. Narrative complexity – there’s a lot going on for a single-panel comic! And backstory, too!
    4. Characters – OK, Shady Shrew is sort of one-dimensional (he bad!), but Max, Cassandra, and the bit-part players are richly layered characters with complex motivations
    5. Nonlinear solution logic – I mean, have you read some of those solutions? Dumb is easy — it takes an artist to achieve nuts
    6. Accessible subtext – whole worlds beneath the surface
    7. Charm – Just look at the guy! Baffled but still game, he just pulls out the old magnifying glass to see where it will take him this time – with that cute smile on his face!
    8. Style – That hat! The lovely trim jacket with shirt cuffs shot just right! That cape, with a tail vent!
    9. Consistency – Six Differences. Six.
    10. Cassandra Cat, dammit! Cassandra Cat!

  300. commodorejohn
    July 7th, 2007 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    #298 Slither – Isn’t the Dreamcast pretty much obsolete?

    That all depends on who you ask.

    Myself, I never had a Dreamcast, but I still play my Sega CD on a regular basis.

  301. Red Greenback
    July 7th, 2007 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    ATTN: gh and Paperback Rifler and Mibbitmaker and Uncle Lumpy, etal: “Gay gay gay gay Friday” is begging for parody. Might I suggest the Tom Jones “Delilah” treatment?

  302. bats :[
    July 7th, 2007 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    Well, my poor attempts at throwing salt into the wound, or sand into our eyes:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/

  303. Red Greenback
    July 7th, 2007 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    I saw the nurse under light that was harsh and unshielded
    I saw the flickering shadows of love on her whites
    She was my wet dream
    But Sarge was there and I watched but it ruined my sight
    Gay, gay, gay gay Friday
    I’m not gay!, gay Friday
    I could see that nurse was no good for me
    But I was lost like a slave that no man could free
    At break of day when Snorkel drove away, I was waiting
    I cross the street to her house and she opened the door
    She stood there laughing
    I showed her my boner and she laughed no more
    Gay, gay, gay gay Friday
    I’m not gay!, gay Friday
    So before they come to break down the door
    Forgive me gay Friday I just couldnt take any more

    [insert trumpet solo here]

    That’s all I got.

  304. Red Greenback
    July 7th, 2007 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    #302 bats :[—Brandow,…SWEET!

  305. odinthor
    July 7th, 2007 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    RMMD — Hm. I wonder if they’re being so in-our-face in order to make us question the assumptions we make about people’s motivations. After all–and I know it seems incredible–but father figures can take an interest in son figures without intending to make sex toys out of them. Well, o.k., maybe not Rex Morgan and a boy with a starfish on his head; but I’m just sayin’… On the other hand, if Niki opens Rex’s fishing box and finds a DVD of Brokeback Mountain (”My word,” says Rex, “I wonder how that got in there. June must have put it in there to surprise us! It looks like a Western, Niki–wouldn’t it be fun to watch it together? Um,” he continued, nervously tensing his lips, “maybe you should go lock the door. Movies are so much better when you’re not interrupted…you agree? Right? Wow, Niki, you’re such a mature young man. I bet you’ve really seen it all . . . Whew, isn’t it hot in here? Let’s get comfortable . . . “), well, then never mind.

  306. odinthor
    July 7th, 2007 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    Oops–didn’t mean to make that whole thing bold. Sorry!

  307. anymouse
    July 7th, 2007 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    236 Dean Booth: Was the visiting doctor from India?

  308. Red Greenback
    July 7th, 2007 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    odinthor #305- There is a “How Stella Got Her Groove Back” book in Rex’s creel. I…I…don’t quite know what that means.

  309. Calico
    July 7th, 2007 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    3G – Ruby!

    “Didja know what happened when the neighbor’s cows got out and onto the (dirt) road, Sugar? Udder Chaos!”

    RM – I’m sure Rex and Niki will have no problem catching trout.

  310. Trotzenbonnie
    July 7th, 2007 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    Ahhhhh! God bless Civilization. No more incessantly pounding pristinely blue surf, no more sugary sand between my toes or dead jellyfish in my maillot. Back to the land of muddy water and the endless rumbling of distant thunder. Home sweet home, Louisiana where I can drive into my garage and roll over a roach so big it leaves a splat wider than my tires.
    While on Pensacola Beach, we took no pictures nor did we buy any souvenirs — Mr. T’s Close Encounters-style unilateral tan is lagniappe enough for me. Well, that and his hollow eye sockets, the result of me acting out the pivotal scene from ‘Equus’ after he looked at one too many nearly naked nymphets. No, I’m not a jealous or insecure woman. It was just not fair that he could gawk at all the flesh on the beach but I wasn’t allowed to start a conga line with the entire Brazilian rugby team who just happened to be dining at our hotel restaurant. (They all had really really really nice legs. Really!)

    I can’t wait to catch up on all of my favorite comics and all of your comments. Hmmmmm. I wonder if Liz and Anthony finally got back together….and how Lisa is doing…..or if Rex and Niki ever got around to getting it on…..

  311. Calico
    July 7th, 2007 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    Shit – sorry, Moss for trying to build a Levittown from your most recent comments – I haven’t read much of the last few threads due to (finally) some vacation days.

    SlyFox – I am truly pleased that Bob Weber did a full-panel Beano and Bogart today.
    “Clean something, dammit, you little freeloader!”
    “Sure hon, I’ll clean out your bank account!”

  312. John C Fremont
    July 7th, 2007 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    # 293 – Tabby, I have no problem with cancer girl’s decision. It was good enough for Warren Zevon, so that’s good enough for me. And in this day and age, most of us have had our brushes with cancer among our friends and family. That’s not the issue, at least for me.

    The issue is that this is a comic. A comic called Funky Winkerbean. Again with the MASH comparison, it started out as something funny, or at least amusing, featuring a character who actually has the wacky name of Funky Winkerbean, but it has morphed into a strip of unrelenting depression. Even the less weighty stuff with Chien was laced with sadness. I’m quite sure that when this character dies, it will be uplifting and a celebration of life and we’ll all be enjoying every sandwich – but it’s still going to be sad and depressing. Gad zooks! There’s enough to be depressed about in this world without months (MONTHS!) of cancer girl dying.

    Sigh. I guess it wouldn’t bother me so much if it were called Real Life or something, but the name Funky Winkerbean seems to be trying to assure us that light-hearted, humorous adventures await.

    Okay, what really bothers me is that I can’t stand it, but I can’t stop reading it. So ultimately, I’m angry that I’m a large idiot.

    Say, where IS my medication, anyway?

  313. Calico
    July 7th, 2007 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    #293 – Bravo.
    I have dealt with several folks with cancer over 20+ years, in family and otherwise.
    I think Lisa’s decision in FW is a reasonable one – finally, she’s ready to call the shots. How ironic.
    We have a friend in her 50’s who has had a brain tumor for 5 years now. She is doing well but wants nothing more of radiation or esp. chemo. She wants to live fully without the horrible side effects, and I completely respect that.
    #312 John – bravo as well.

  314. Dean Booth
    July 7th, 2007 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    Last!

  315. stinky pete
    July 7th, 2007 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    314 really?

  316. Red Greenback
    July 7th, 2007 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    315- No… “Last is Only a Shoe Part” that’s the title of my first novel. Patterson House-2007, all rights preserved.

  317. whoamItoday?
    July 7th, 2007 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    Miss Lady in A3G would rather appear illiterate than pull out her reading glasses and reveal her age, or risk discovering that Mr. Papawhatsis subscribes to that old idea of not making passes at girls who wear glasses.

  318. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    July 7th, 2007 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    Penultimate!

  319. stinky pete
    July 7th, 2007 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    not

  320. stinky pete
    July 7th, 2007 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    quite

  321. Islamorada Girl
    July 7th, 2007 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    Never

  322. Kip W
    July 7th, 2007 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    #239 (John C.) – Whoops! Made my “fly” comment in the next thread without going back and reading yours in this one. No wonder nobody else had made that joke yet… or so I thought.

  323. Kip W
    July 7th, 2007 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    (Oh, and thanks, Kronkina! I haven’t been around long enough to be blah-zay about the occasional note of praise…)

  324. Cerulean Pointing Hand of Doom!
    July 7th, 2007 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    Brick @ #250: Ah, thanks for clarifying. Apologies for my shoddy research on a comic with which I’m insufficiently familiar to properly snark. I’ll do better!

    Snacktime @ #247: Worked for me. Beer, specifically. Of course, it wasn’t *just* those that grew, so caveat imbiber.

  325. King Folderol
    July 7th, 2007 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    In the ultimate irony, it turned out that Zero was an Arabic translator. He was never stupid, it just turns out that while his English was poor, his Arabic was impeccable.

  326. Carly
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:49 am [Reply]

    You can’t tell me the cowboy hat cousin isn’t gay.

    And also, Ruby?

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