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I love the smell of meteorite strikes in the morning

Gasoline Alley, 7/27/07

For the last several years — or, oh, let’s say decades — Gasoline Alley has been guilty of crimes against humor, the comics medium, and its own storied history; the “Slim keeps his neighborhood white with a meteorite he bought on eBay” is only the latest outrage, though it is by no means the worst. Much of these transgressions are unforgivable, but perhaps we can accept as a mitigating factor the fact that this hippie/’Nam vet/militia type just referred to a course of action that might lead to incarceration as “jaily”, which may be the most delightful new adjective I’ve encountered all week. I don’t really live a life of danger on the edge of the law, but I will try to use the word “jaily” in conversation as often as possible — or, if circumstances dictate, “finey” or “community servicey”.

Gil Thorp, 7/27/07

Never mind Coach Kaz’s false modesty, or Kelly’s brutally honest assessment of his earning potential. What the hell happened to our soda jerker’s chin in panel one? It looks like he’s all bandaged up there. Did Kaz get him with an uppercut just to keep in practice for when the next drunken lout comes along? Or did he hit his chin on the counter when he emerged from the time vortex that brought him and his little paper hat here from 1958?

Mary Worth, 7/27/07

Dawn’s sitting on the world’s smallest saddle, but that’s OK because she’s also sitting on the world’s smallest horse. I’m no equestrianologist, but I’m pretty sure that a horse’s head is usually larger than a human’s head. I do note that you can’t see the horses from the withers down, which may indicate that they’re made of fiberglass, perched atop a giant spring, and sitting in front of a Wal-Mart.

Meanwhile, in panel one, Mary waves at a total stranger in a desperate attempt to stop talking to Wilbur.

Mark Trail, 7/27/07

Ohmygosh, do you think he’s going to release more birds soon? THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!

Hey, everybody, my mom’s coming to visit for the weekend, so posts might be a little sparse on the ground for the next few days. COTWs coming on schedule Sunday, though, don’t you worry about it!

552 responses to “I love the smell of meteorite strikes in the morning”

  1. SatanicMechanic
    July 27th, 2007 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    No comments? I’d just like to say in pickles that Nelson understands very well the motorhead meaning of “goat”…

  2. Michael Farris
    July 27th, 2007 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    MT: I’m not sure, but I think it’s something about releasing something …. birds??? Sounds pretty ‘jaily’ to me.

  3. rotts
    July 27th, 2007 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    Holy cow! Could I actually have posted the first post?

  4. rotts
    July 27th, 2007 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Guess not – boo hoo.

  5. SatanicMechanic
    July 27th, 2007 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    If Nelson does get a goat, we can only hope it will lead to a speading tickety and juvenile detentiony situation.

  6. Pozzo
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    “Death Before Taxes” – All right! Way to stick it to the man!

    Actually, it was meant to be a more specific anti-Bush protest: “Death Before Texas”, but the tattoo artist was drunk at the time. (As was Derle, which explains the “Winona Forever” tattoo on his butt.)

  7. Blake
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Is that Rebecca in the last panel, or is it the Cowardly Lion?

  8. True Fable
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    Yeah, necro-snarking, but hey, it’s FRESH necro-snark!

    DT Look! It’s the Fantastic Four! Great, now maybe we won’t be cheated out of the true-blue Galactus. But wait…this is Dick Tracy. that makes it…The Fantastic Flatfeet?
    FC Psst, Thel! Get the duck tape and do as she asks. >:D
    GA Yeah jail-y. Conspiracy to destroy private property, threatened/ potential child endangerment, willful destruction, public nuisance, terrorism. Book ‘em, Dano.
    (DT)GT Dumb. Big and Dumb. You left it out.
    RMMD Uh oh. Hugh go boom.
    MW Come on, that’s no horse. With their tiny hands they think he’s twenty-five hands high, but he’s more like ten or twelve. But still, props to Dawn: it can’t be easy, riding with a Shetland Pony for a wedgie.
    A3G Check out Eric’s expression in Panel 3: “You mean, it’s an OPTION?!”
    JP Keith’s ready to administer the BackSlap from Hell that will propel Little Miss Know It All down the steps toward a broken neck.
    MT With all those birds releasing at once, they are going to be covered in poo. Duck guano. *snark continuity!!*
    Big Dog Well, goddammit, kids. He’s just a dog.

    #1 Satanic Mechanic – Did somebody say Goat?

  9. Weasel Boy
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    FOOB: April…could…your…band…do…a…song …that…totally…patronizes…me?

    Sure, Shannon! Let me just get my rhyming dictionary. I’ll have that for you in about five minutes.

  10. serpentineminer
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Gasonline Alley is written by a crazy person. Derle had NO PROBLEM when he thought the meteorite was going to be dropped on a specific person, and balked when he found out the only thing it was meant to hit was the ground.

    That’s…that’s unspeakable.

  11. TurtleBoy
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    MT: I smell a Right Hook o’Justice™ comin’ on…everyone ready with their tequila shots?

  12. McManx
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    MT — “I’m supposed to release my birds… Apparently he’s going to release those birds…That man is going to release more birds…” No, wait. Nevermind. While we were building suspense, all the goddamn birds starved to death.

  13. mc
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    Seriously, what is up with Kaz’ earlobes? If I were going to draw a man wearing very old-fashioned, un-masculine earrings, that’s exactly how I’d draw it. Does anyone know what else this could possibly be? Other than tumors resulting from the massive amount of styling product needed to keep the hair swept up over his ears? And really, what would his hair look like after he got wet? It’s like a double transverse mullet!

  14. Foobar
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    Isn’t it weird that the um, guy, in GA assumes (or perhaps suggests) that the meteorite is to be dropped on a person. That’d be lethal, for sure. Also, it’s only after he find out that it’s not being dropped on a person that he expresses his reservations and demands compensation. That guy REALLY wanted to crush someone!

  15. zenvelo
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    that soda jerk either left his boxing tape on his left hand, or else he’s wearing his fingerless cycling gloves. More important, he’s sweating into the sundaes.

  16. True Fable
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    OMG! Plugger goat!

    Movie star goat!

    The Truth? You can’t haaaandle the truth!

    Okay, enough out of me for now. :-)

  17. Blake
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    FW: Yea! Batiuk has found yet another disease to exploit. In today’s FW, Darin is clearly schizophrenic. Watch how quickly he changes moods and expressions. Panel 1: Angry. Panel 2: Sleepy. Panel 3: Surprised.

  18. Foobar
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    Oh man, today’s FBOFW is going to be legendary. That is a vile song, truely.

  19. TurtleBoy
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    MW: The springy horses provide the first scene of a romantic montage of budding love, on the cheap. Tomorrow finds them on the roof of a downtown warehouse watching the Local Baseball Team through binoculars, Monday shows a day at the water park after they’ve commandeered some kid’s Slip ‘n’ Slide, and Tuesday’s climax brings a romantic dinner on free samples of garlic crackers and summer sausage slices at the Local Grocery Store.

  20. Rusty
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    GA: I haven’t seen how Slim ws able to get that big old meteorite shipped to him from the internets, but unless it’s hollow it would totally collapse the truck bed. I’m digging the rat-tail on Derl, he should have his own strip.

    MT: I’ve yet to see the flock of birds that airliner pictured in the background couldn’t slam right through.

    MW: Sadly, all that talk about riding and getting back in the saddle was meant literally.

  21. Dangello
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    I don’t have much to add, other than I think we should all call Josh’s mom Mama ‘Mudgeon.

    Or Mamamudgeon, I can’t decide.

  22. juggernaut
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    Kaz better watch hisself if he’s thinking of lashing out w/ the fists o’ fury. That sodajerk has one BIGASS PRIMATEY HAND there, & might just reach out and pop the coach’s head like a big old pimple. Good times, good times.

  23. t.a.m.s.y.
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    As usual, the best installments of Mark Trail are the ones guest-written by Philip Glass.

  24. Keg of Curd
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    “Sam, it’s really going to help me untie these knots if you could just le-e-an back a bit. Uh-huh. That’s good, but they’re still tight. Push that chest out a little more – perfect.”

  25. seanman
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    Foobtunes…there is something a little unhealthy, perhaps, in the urge to experience the forbidden, the vile, the “inappropriate,” thus the “Faces of Death” videos, Bush’s polyps and Danish animal books. It was in this unwholesome spirit that I first read the lyrics to, then actually downloaded April’s latest song stylings. My advice: don’t do it! I’m still weeping, sweating, disoriented from filling my ears with hot wax and thumbtacks to MAKE THE NOISE STOP.

    Seriously, do not d/l that song, or you’ll wind up like someone in a Japanese horror movie. Like me.

  26. B
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    I love the “Death before Taxes” tattoo. Also, I enjoy how the vet seems to be perfectly fine with dropping the meteorite on a person, but not on a place.

  27. Garvey
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    FOOB: If I may make a dire prediction here, I fear that today’s song will be recorded live by the same girl who did the legendary birthday song back in Apwil.
    “And it shall be released upon the FOOB website, a plague of suckage so great that not even His love can save thee. Repent, sinners!”

  28. Blake
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    HOLY CRAP!!! If you haven’t listened to the song on the official FOOB site yet go here now!

    This makes today’s comic so much funnier. Imagine Rebecca, an alleged popstar, saying this “song” is “really good”.

    Lynn, seriously, you live in some alternate universe. You have no connection whatsoever to anything remotely resembling the reality outside of your imaginary fantasy land. I can only assume you are holed up in some Howard Hughes-esque apartment with tissue boxes on your feet.

  29. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Hm. Seems my semi-rousing defense of Canadian pop may have killed the last thread. Anywaysy…

    What I love about Derle is that his business is called Fly-by-Night and his prominent tattoo declares him to be a tax evader. Look for Derle in the yellow pages under SMUGGLING-OPIUM.

  30. stinky pete
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Josh, in the spirit of Dave’s mom doing Top 10 lists, why not let your mom do the posts over the weekend? Or at least let her pick COTW?

  31. Keg of Curd
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Whoever ghostwrote that foobsong seriously denied me the rhyme I wanted for “We’re the ones with the smarts.” Oh, and incidentally, made my soul shrivel and blood trickle out of my ears.

  32. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Somewhere in Canada, Leonard Cohen reads today’s FOOB…and weeps.

  33. Garvey
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    Good God man! I spoke too soon about the song. The prediction has come to pass!
    Damn you, Lynn Johnston. You win this round…

  34. Mollie
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    In MW, is Wilbur speaking his response to Mary aloud? Or just thinking it? And does it matter? Not to Mary, I’m pretty certain. Perhaps he’s so used to being ignored that he’s fallen completely out of the habit of sharing his thoughts.

    I had to look back at the archives to find out whether Gail Martin’s Manager has a name. He introduced himself as “Dave Richards,” but everyone (including the narration boxes) seems to have forgotten. I hope Gail Martin’s Manager will be able to convince Coach Kaz to join Gail Martin’s Manager in protecting Gail Martin!

  35. --MC
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    Maybe it’s the back pain, but I totally misread Derle’s name. I initially thought that Slim was calling him “Dearie”. I wondered if this is another one of Scancarelli’s friends, and briefly speculated on the nature of their relationship, before a rereading corrected my error.
    And the Trail strip reads like the libretto of an opera. I can see the characters striding to the center of the stage to declaim their motivation in song. Though my knowledge of opera is limited to what I know from animated cartoons. It makes me kinda giddy to imagine Mark Trail singing about his spear and magic helmet.

  36. TurtleBoy
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    Foob: Ummmm…wow. Um. Yeah. I can’t believe that I wasted 1,677,688 bytes on my hard drive for that fucking “song,” if only for the two minutes and change it took to play it.

  37. Joe
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    Dawn appears to have stolen one of Mary’s neckerchiefs. They’re also not wearing helments, so I’m now rooting for one of them to get thrown, leading to an interminable, Apt. 3-G-style hospital saga with various characters coming out of the woodwork and Drew working through his sorrow by making out with Vera on the floor of Dawn’s hospital room.

  38. AAckTTpth
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    I’m no meteoriteologist, but, oh, man – the size of that thing… Least. Realistic. Meteorite. EVER. Dude, try Wikipedia. Yeah, I know it’s GA, and “scientists” are probably on par with snake oil salesmen and revenooers, but…

    FOOB: Here’s a thought – maybe we’re on top of the food chain BECAUSE we’re insane.

    And now we know Wonder Woman’s secret identity – Becca-the-singer-and-roadside-attraction.

  39. Calico
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    FOOB – well, they did it.
    And I’m fearful of listening to it.
    Who’s gonna go first?

    MW – my goodness, they CAN draw horses!
    Meanwhile, Mary and another Charterstone resident flash Gang symbols. Wilbur checks out Blondies tits.

    RM – here we go – shades of Appolonia in The Godfather. Whamola!

    FC – Dolly is playing speed metal on the piano.

  40. TurtleBoy
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    #39 Calico: Don’t listen to it, in the name of all that is holy! Actually, I think they stole the music from an old Thamesmen song, and lyrics are pure off-the-drugs-and-high-on-life Gail Martin, circa 1979 when she was doing the Canadian children’s show circuit.

  41. Chimakwa
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    MW: Panel two is clearly allegorical. Dawn and Drew are definitely “in the saddle”, but Drew’s mount is more of a “shetland pony” than a “stallion”. Which might explain the polite but merely genial look on Dawn’s face.

  42. The Troll Whisperer
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Has anyone here ever read The Shining?

  43. Calico
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    GA & MT – drop and release seem like the latest (truly ridiculous) hobbies.
    Maybe Dawn in MW will get tossed off a horsey next? Or mullet will chuck Sophie out a window during dinner? Stay tuned!

    OK, I won’t listen to that thing on FOOBsite-until I’m fully sedated, or I’ve put in earplugs.

  44. commodorejohn
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    9CL – is actually funny again.

    A3G – She’s getting clingy. He’ll head for the hills any minute now.

    Archie – What the hell? Is that supposed to be a riding lawnmower? Since when are they designed like budget go-carts? And where are the front wheels? Someone get the ALGJU3K some new vehicle models, stat!

    A.D. – W. T. F.

    BB – It’s like they have some sort of monthly weirdness quota they have to meet, and they try to get it in with as few strips as possible.

    Blondie – The mailman has the hots for Blondie.

    Curtis – Please, please, please turn into a Little Shop Of Horrors homage.

    DT – The Farcetastic Four.

    FC – She thought back. It had all started when she was a little girl, messing around on the piano. Eventually, she switched to a little Casio synthesizer; at fifteen, she’d become the keyboardist in a local band. Their second record had sold much better than expected, and one of the singles had even gotten some airplay. From there they went straight to the top. But now, as the antidepressant cocktail kicked in while she waited for her latest boyfriend to show up, she wondered what might’ve been.

    FOOB – This is Shaggs-caliber bad songwriting. This is “Philosophy Of The World,” part two. And for those wondering, the MP3 version is two generic girls singing these profoundly stupid Johnstonian lyrics (plus more profoundly stupid Johnstonian lyrics) set to generic MIDI music. I think she hires people to perform her stupid songs so we’ll take April seriously as a songwriter so it’s credible when she walks away from the Success That’s Not For Her. Also, I’m loving Rebecca’s 80s Aerobics Wonder Woman outfit.

    FW – “This is the Ohio Department of Health. You have cancer.”

    GA – “Death Before Taxes.” Yes.

    GT – Guest-starring Mike Shinoda of Linkin Park.

    H&L – Gee, thanks, Walkers.

    JP – It’s like he’s Bizarro Mr. Rogers, giving small children a tour of a wine factory.

    MF – It’s not going to be what you think. The universe would implode.

    MT – “Sam, close your eyes! Whatever you do, don’t look at it!”

    MW – They’re riding horse. Which this strip has clearly established as a euphemism for intercourse. Hey, at least we’re seeing more than Funky Winkerbean showed us.

    Pluggers – Finally, a Plugger criterion that doesn’t include basically everybody.

    RMMD – They keep looking more and more alike. It’s like Treebeard said, how “sheep get like shepherd, and shepherd like sheep.” Rich twits get like gold-digging nannies, and gold-digging nannies get like rich twits.

    SM – Pretty much, yeah, Mr. Defeated-By-A-Loose-Brick.

    Edison Lee – has descended into madness.

    TDIET – The funny thing is, I’m that guy.

  45. fishmorgjp
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    Well, everybody in the FOOBiverse IS the same… eventually evrybody there has their features become increasingly prettified and sappy, because they are all really extensions of Lynn. Like some dreadful Lovecraftian elder god, Lynn scoops out the original psychic contents of everyone and replaces it with her own self-stuff.

  46. Paperback Rifler
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    28. Well, in Rebecca’s defense, the song plays a lot better in print. Aw, whom am I kidding? That song doesn’t play well in any medium! If you took a psychiatric patient in an asylum who spends his days using his own excrement to paint pictures of demons having sex with dogs playing poker, and if you presented that song to him, he would probably say, “Good God! That’s terrible! Purple monkey dishwasher!”

    Okay, so maybe none of that made any sense; but my dismay after having heard that song has severely compromised my coherency.

  47. Motorposus
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    If today’s Mark Trail could be put to music, it would be the “Tonight Quintet” from West Side Story.

    Buzzard: It’s getting to the tiiiime to release my biii-iiirds!
    Mark: He’s going to release those biii-irds sooo-oon!
    Sam: That man, that man, he’s going to release more birds! We’ve got to stop that man and his birds!

    Add the two crooked commissioners, and you’ve got a great ensemble. I wish I could flesh this out, but I’m leaving town for a week. I look forward to reading commentary on the impending mustache-punching.

  48. ItAintEazy
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    FBOFW: If I were one of the Sherman Brothers, I’d be getting very litigious after hearing the latest Foobtune.

  49. Ribinin
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Speaking of peeves, mine is song lyrics that should rhyme but don’t, especially when plurals are involved.

    Mind you, I don’t insist that poetry rhymes, just that if you are using a rhyming scheme, than don’t fail to rhyme.

    MW: Pictures of Dawn “in the saddle”. Ewww. What we are not seeing is the wheel that tethers the ponies as they walk around in circles.

  50. NotMe
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Worst. Song. Ever.

  51. Calico
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    #44 – Curtis – or like the old song “Return of the Giant Hogweed”, which, by the way, I believe Gail sang as a cover version only a few times during her prog experiments circa 1973. The braid was an especially nice touch during this tune.

  52. FreshHell
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    Speaking of breasts, Kazmanic’s babe is showing some serious, if non-matching, boobage in Panel 3.

  53. Mr. Coffee Nerves
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    FOOB: I guess April was so enamored of Shan…non’s speech on the cafeteria table that Shan—non is now the official lyricist for the band.

  54. AAckTTpth
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    32 GCMP – Now I can’t read the song without hearing that deep bass voice in my head. A far better version!

    30 sp – I second that motion! Let CurMom pick the COTW.

    35 –MC – The Mark Trail opera. Now *there’s* the idea of the week. I can’t think of a strip that would be better suited for operatic treatment. Now all we need are some librettists…

  55. NaughtyNatureLover
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    WTF is up with BC today?

    It *looks* like the BC style, yes, but the setting and characters are out of left field.

    It’s as if Pseudo-Johnny Hart is doing a guest strip for “Those Wacky Aliens” or something.

  56. FreshHell
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    Whatever the black hole of mystery was on Kaz’ neck a day or two ago is spreading. It has metastasized to the right side of his neck and the soda jerk’s hand and chin. Does this mean the soda jerk’s hand and chin have been in contact with Kaz, neck?? I would pay to see that drawing.

  57. AAckTTpth
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    Schadenfreude Alert!

    Wouldn’t it be SOOO SWEET if LJ was sued for copyright infringement on that “song”…

  58. Calico
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    #32 – COTW fer sure.

    “First we take Manhattan, then we take Milborough.”

  59. Pozzo
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Okay, the girls who sing “Everybody’s Different” (MP3 version) are named Bailey and Kaleigh. Are they going to go on tour together, singing Apwil and Eva’s greatest hits? Or is this some sort of Milli Vanilli deal, where you never get to see the people who really do the singing? Personally, I’m going to reiterate my thought from yesterday’s post that they come to the lower 48 to play at the Brain-Dead telethon for Luann. Then they seek asylum here so that they won’t be forced to sing Lynn’s abysmal lyrics anymore.

  60. Forthillrox
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Adjectiving is fun. I work in a municipal law office and when telling one of the attorneys about the Judge that we were going to go before in a hearing at a local court I told her “He used to be a magistrate before he was appointed to the bench, he’s still easygoing, but more…” and she finsished with “Judgy, robey?” .

  61. andreavis
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    GT: They can’t fool us, that soda jerk is really a ventriloquist’s dummy. Look at the lines on his chin, just like Charlie McCarthy. And this being Gil Thorp, you aren’t going to be able to see the ventriloquist’s arm behind him. Case closed!

  62. dallas
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    How’d Kaz land a date with the chick from the Fiery Furnaces?

  63. Hogen Mogen
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Gaaaah! Foob song is real, and there’s no information (even on the internet) about where I can hear “Unemployed Werewolf” by Hillary Forth and Faye the eleven year old goth queen.

  64. p.
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    44 — Holy crap, I was just about to post that I imagined the FBOFW song being sung à la The Shaggs — naïve sensibilities, ludicrously slow tempos, offbeat singing and playing and all (for this song, something like “Who Are Parents”). Rebecca’s admiration of them therefore makes her Frank Zappa, which makes me wish we had gotten more than a glimpse of her set.

  65. Hogen Mogen
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    GT: aren’t those funny hats supposed to prevent hair from falling into the food? What would be the point of wearing it if you’re bald?

  66. skankmonkey
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    God help me, I’ve listened to the FOOB song. It’s a children’s song. A bad, bad children’s song. Like the kind of bad children’s songs that are written by smug, self-serving “entertainers” who feel they know what children should be taught, and put together entire albums of preachy, moralistic songs that NO ONE buys.

    For the record, my daughter was raised listening to Sesame Street songs, Green Day and any music from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (including the musical episode).

  67. JD
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    GT: “And then he offered you $700 to stand around being big?” Probably the first time a mainstream comics character has been asked to be a rent boy. Note the disturbing eagerness with which his girlfriend says, “Take it!”

  68. Calico
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    #59 – Is there a third on named Jaily?

  69. Keg of Curd
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    A back-of-the-envelope estimate puts Slim’s meteorite at about 3.66 tons, or 7300 lbs. Not only is that somewhat suspect in light of the dilapidated appearance of his truck, I make a conservative estimate of the cost of such an artifact to be on the order of $33,000,000.

    Slim, just buy the fuckin’ b-ball court, genius.

  70. Calico
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    One. Sorrah!

  71. cantaloupe
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    GT: After meeting the Wizard, the Tin Man moved to Milford and worked as a soda jerk, to pay for his heart medications.

  72. oss
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    Holy crap, Josh, your work has sucked this week. Petty and/or unfunny remarks, boring indulgence of your pet peeves (I’d be happy to never see you mention LuAnne or B.C. again), picking strips that there’s nothing much to say about (did that Gil Thorpe soda-jerk chin really beat out every other strip today?).

  73. Major Hooples Boarding House
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    re: FOOB song –



    (passes out, smoke pours out of PC)

  74. gh
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    Two things I never do: click on one of Dingo’s links or go to the FOOB website. You people are out there.

    (DT)GT — When did we start granting work visas to winged monkeys from the Wizard of Oz? Because I swear that’s one of them serving up the ice cream. This country’s immigration policies have gone to hell.

    SlyFox — I just noticed that if Weber prints your drawing, you get a free Slylock Fox poster. Anyone seen one? Because if it’s Cassandra at the beach, I’m sending one in.

    MT — How can you not love this strip? I mean, how can you not love this strip? You just have to love this strip.

    #237 [yesterthread] CrabbyGenes – I lived in Thailand for three years [two years in a small village upcountry]. On the rare occasions when I wore my earring it drew very strange looks.

  75. Blake
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:17 am [Reply]


    FOOB: I guess April was so enamored of Shan…non’s speech on the cafeteria table that Shan—non is now the official lyricist for the band.

    That is rather unkind. Shannon is only supposed to have a speech impediment; she isn’t actually retarded. Clearly, the nonsensical lyrics can only be attributed to Gramps and his aphasia.

  76. ElSanto
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    Today, the soda jerk in Gil Thorp will be played by Telly Savalas.

    Also, “Dawn’s sitting on the world’s smallest saddle”, eh? That’s not nice. I’m sure it’s just cold.

  77. colorado
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    Foob song….why do I feel like I was immediately transported back to the 70′s, listening to the Brady Bunch sing??? I died a little inside just hearing that shit….

  78. ElSanto
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    Also, no snark, but I do have to give props to Funky Winkerbean this week. I understand that none of the strips were actually funny, but they were suspenseful, and I have to give Batiuk credit for a good job with the pacing.

  79. Mad Dog Rackham
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    #65 – You must never have worked for minimum wage in the food service industry. The rules are the rules and must be followed.

    As your manager, I don’t get paid an extra 35 cents an hour to be fooled by your so-called “logic” and “common sense.”

    Now put your paper hat back on and get back to work. And remember it’s your turn to clean the bacteria tray in the SoftServ machine.

  80. queek
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    There is a wonderful Warner Bros bit in Lio today. All things considered, I like Lio’s summer camp strips much better than Preteena’s.

    Phantom: oar-fu?

    Paperback Riffler, I forgot to mention yesterthready that your Styx parody was made of awesome and win.

  81. Non Compost Mentos
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    #44 commodorejohn: The Shaggs could only improve that “song” (if nothing else, there’d at least be the amusement of trying to imagine a relationship between the dinging and the drumming).

    I’m going to have to go listen to “My Pal Foot-Foot” to get the sound of this dreck out of my head.

  82. MagicDave
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    I suppose it’s pointless to get all pedantic on a comic strip like Gasoline Alley, but nonetheless, one feels obligated to point out certain problems with the current story line:

    1) If the meteorite pictured had actually fallen on the Earth, it would have pretty much leveled an area at least the size of a city block.

    2) The fact that it appears to be intact suggests that it is a nickel-iron meteorite, which means that it would probably weigh several tons more than the cargo capacity of that old pickup truck.

    3) If such a specimen did exist, the chances it would show up for sale on eBay are astonishingly slim.

    4) If it WAS up for sale, the price would have at least eight figures in it. For that price, I’m guessing this yahoo coulda just bought the property in question and turned it into a whites-only croquet ground, or whatever.

  83. Keg of Curd
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    But as was pointed out earlier, it’s impossible to build suspense if the revelation you’re working toward is already blatantly apparent and widely known. As I believe Anton Chekhov put it, “If there is a tumorous, bathetic, piteously ravaged mother figure on the mantle in Act One…”

  84. commodorejohn
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    #64 p. – Yeah. If I could stomach going over to the Coffee Talk section, I’d send them this: With lyrics like those, April and Eva could be the next Shaggs! They should go for it! But I’ve had more than my fill of FOOBsite for the decade.

    #74 gh – I was just wondering that same thing. I’m not sure they’d let a 21-year-old man send in a drawing, though.

  85. edgeways
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    The soda jerk is a wounded Ira war vet, reconstructed jaw and right arm, see how stiff it is?

    And, horse drawing skills aside, Dawn is not so much riding that horse are grinding her crotch into it. sheese

  86. commodorejohn
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    #81 Non Compost Mentos – Yeah. When I said “songwriting,” I was referring to the lyrics. The music is just run-of-the-mill MIDI-pop boring awfulness.

  87. kat
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    MW: Perched atop the World’s Smallest Saddle is the World’s Smallest Crotch! I was wincing at Dawn’s mom jeans and then I realized that the saddle, like, removed her vagina and…I’M SORRY I LOOKED, OKAY? But, for real, whatever Dawn and Drew have been doing together, it certainly hasn’t involved sex.

  88. AhClem
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    GA – the meteorite looks to be about 6 feet in diameter. Ther density of rock varies, but 150 lbs per cubic foot is an average value. Based on this, the meteorite weighs nearly 3 tons. Ignoring the fact that it would probably flatten Slim’s old beater truck, two questions remain:

    1. How did he get that thing into the truck in the first place?

    2. Since he bought it on line, how many 41-cent stamps did it take to mail that sucker (taking into account the surcharge the Post Office applies for mail that doesn’t fit through the sorting machines)?

    Not only that, but jaily-man much have a pretty substantial helicopter to lift a load like that.

    [Engineer Geek Mode / OFF]

  89. Josh
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    #72 — This site exists wholly as an outlet for my pet peeves. I’m frankly surprised anybody else even reads it.


  90. Kurdt
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Back in the 50′s a simple soda jerker finds a strange machine whilst exploring the basement of the local record hop. He steps inside and is transported to the strange and magical world of 2007. How will he survive in a world that has no need for him? Will the lines on his chin caused by the warp go away? Find out next in the All New Adventures of….Anachronistic Man!

  91. AhClem
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    Re #88 -
    ther the
    much must

    Stupid fingers.

  92. Mitsuki Matsuya
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    DT: Hurrah for the return of Dancing Grandfather! But what’s with the cut-rate sentai team in the last panel? It’s missing the child/pet/child dressed as pet member.

  93. Les
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    My girlfriend is now threatening to break up with me because I played today’s FOOB song over the livingroom stereo speakers. Curses FOOB, you’ve ruined my lovelife!

  94. Lame Name
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Doesn’t the burst around April’s face in panel three kind of remind you of when Jerrica turns into Jem?

    “If we’re all carnivores
    And have the nervous system core
    Why do we act like we need to be diagnosed with something out of the MSD-IV?”

    Maybe because we’re … TRULY OUTRAGEOUS!

  95. Red Greenback
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    Favors is usually free, man- but this favor sure sounds expensive an’ bee-grindy.

  96. Lame Name
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    FOOB P.S. — How do you sing a numeral 2? I’ve always wanted to do that.

  97. Keg of Curd
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    #93, if you’ll pause a moment for self inspection you’ll find that’s all a moot point, because listening to the foobsong has caused your testicles to retract and wither to husks anyway.

  98. Cornwhacker
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    This comic named Foob-Foob (Foob-Foob)
    It always makess me groan
    This comic named Foob-Foob (Foob-Foob)
    It never quite hits home…

  99. Hogen Mogen
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    Couldn’t Slim just pay the kids to play b’ball at some other time?

  100. Calico
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    KO-I’m going to hold my nose and dive in to the “song” in a minute. Please call the Canadian Coast Guard, or Gabriella the Gypsy, if I don’t respond.

  101. Keg of Curd
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    I find it simultaneously heart-warming and frightening that at least three people have made (very similar!) estimates of the weight and value of a fictional meteorite in a third-rate comic. Tell me this place doesn’t have a certain… something.

  102. Little A.
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    GT: Funny, I thought that soda jerk was Will Rogers, come back to earth to spew some common sense and homilies.

  103. Allie Cat
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    Foob – Hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl

    FW – He opened it, he opened it!

    That’s all I got.

  104. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    A.F.K.A. Ben @ 293 yesterthread: Re: A3G… You’re not alone. I was trying to come up with a Lu Ann = Polaris joke myself, I just couldn’t think of a funny one.

    commodorejohn @ 44 thisthread: Hey! I don’t know who you’ve been talking to or what she told you, I am not loose!

    oss @ 72: Troll.

    Blake @ 75: Sh…a…nnon was established years ago as being retarded. The speech impediment (which, if that’s all that she had, was actually fixed years ago) is a retcon tacked on to unsatisfactorily explain the goofy ellipses Lynn uses in her dialogue. Which is doubly stupid because she didn’t speak haltingly back when she first appeared and was supposed to be only retarded.

  105. Lame Name
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    69 Keg of Curd — Don’t forget the shipping charges. They’ve got to be … wait for it … astronomical!

    I know. Sound the bad pun alert.

  106. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    I don’t think that any comment ever given a “COTW nomination” mention has even made it as far as the runners-up. I’m starting to think it’s a curse that guarantees said comment won’t be considered, however worthy. So I’m just going to say that one of our regular snarkers has said something I find very insightful and humorous earlier in this thread, concerning a certain comic strip set in Canada. That’s all. Just sayin’.

  107. gh
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    #84 commodorejohn

    I’m only 10 years old (well, I draw like one anyway). That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

    Dear Mr. Weber,

    My son, Davey, really loves Slylock Fox and drew this picture of a deer (I know it looks like Marmaduke, but he says it’s a deer) and was hoping you liked it enough to print it in your strip. If you do, could you please send the poster [oh, Davey REALLY LIKES CATS] to my place of work? It’s an odd request, I know, but his mother is a strict Muslim and doesn’t allow representational art in our home.

    Many thanks!

    GA — I only follow this strip when forced to keep up with the comments here, but wasn’t Meteorite Guy suffering from insomnia or a head-injury or something? My guess is that this whole basketball court revenge arc is some fevered dream brought on by a noisy air conditioner. Then again, there was that whole Old Comics Home thing so I guess anything is, literally, possible in GA.

  108. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Somewhere a little more than 60 comments ago.

  109. Chat Noir
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    On days like today, I wish Daniel Johnston wrote FOOB instead of Lynn. Then at least I’d feel there was a reason and purpose for all the misery.

  110. Lame Name
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    68 Calico — 2 points for truly outrageous use of “Jaily.” And I’m singing the “2.”

  111. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    with the initials P.R.

  112. Paperback Rifler
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    80. Gawrsh, queek; thanks! As for the Phantom and his Mori friends, I think I actually have heard of “oar-fu” before. I seem to recall that once you’ve mastered the art, you are given, in lieu of a black belt, a “palme d’oar.” I’ve also heard that the initiation into the oar-fu discipline involves quite a bit of ritual paddling.

    (DT) Gil Thorpè: What I noticed about today’s strip is that those are enormous bowls of ice cream. I guess all those calories are just the trick to give Kaz all of his pummeling power. Of course, I don’t recall off the top of my head ever having seen anyone in (DT)GT actually in the act of eating. I’d like to believe that they simply unhinge their monstrous alien jaws and swallow their foodstuffs whole.

    More on (THTI) Foob: I seriously think that they left out a panel in today’s strip. If we call it “Panel 4a,” then the strip would flow a little bit like this:

    Panel 4
    Gerald: What do you think of them, Rebecca?
    Rebecca: They’re good. They’re really good . . .

    Panel 4a
    Rebecca: . . . for me to poop on!

    Panel 5
    Gerald: That’s a compliment!!
    Rebecca: That’s the truth.

    And I just have to share that I took possession of my very own Margo!Boxcar!Saturn! shirt today! You da man, wille! I’m thinking of wearing it to a church social that I have tomorrow. Really.

  113. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    and he posted it a little more than an hour ago.

  114. Red Greenback
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    Slim: Whaddayamean by “bee-grindy?”
    Derle: I dunno, but I did stay at the Bay Street Motel.

  115. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    and his name rhymes with “Capersnack Stifler.”

  116. Non Compost Mentos
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    84 commodorejohn: I already sent a message to FOOB’s “coffeetalk” thanking them for the mp3 and letting them know I’d added it to my Shaggs mix CD.

    Aw crap…they’re gonna send a lawyer letter telling me it’s not licensed for reproduction, aren’t they?

  117. Little Guy
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    Someone on the acclaimed Binky Betsy FOOBiverse posted the lyrics. (I had not read the comic for today.)

    I thought it was a devilishly snarky attempt at lame lyrics until I actually read the strip.

  118. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:57 am [Reply]


  119. Paperback Rifler
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    Well, gawrsh, SSB; I’ll keep an eye out for someone whose post and screen name fit your descriptions. I’m pretty sure that that individual is going to be as flattered as all get-out.

  120. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    So, it’s been previously observed that we have the Cowardly Lion in the last panel of FOOB, and the Tin Man behind the counter in the first panel of Gilles Theaurpe.

    Who’s the Scarecrow? I’m thinking either Gunk, Francis, or the guy asking for directions in Id.

  121. MossMoses
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    Warning – The wretched, treacly, feel good lyrics an’ stilted dialog of today’s FOOB may induce projectile vomiting. “We’re different shapes and sizes an’ we got different minds”. Those lyrics were either plagiarized straight from Barney or else Shannon wrote them. This could be the first ever redemption of an evil FOOB character. The reason it could happen is that Rebec-cah was once the best friend of a saintly Patterson. That makes her intrinsically good. She has been led astray temporarily and is now finding her way back to righteousness via the telethon. Other evildoers have been at odds with the holy ones. I was really hoping she would dis’ 4 evah and Eva and the noble developmentally challenged “different people” in the audience.

    Even Western Union can’t telegraph like Mark Trail. “WHY is Buzzard releasing game birds”?

  122. Islamorada Girl
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    Josh’s mom as guest blogger. How cool would that be?
    Does Mrs. Fruhlinger even know about Josh’s blog? What does she think about it? In this celebrity-crazed world, we need to know these things.

  123. gh
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    #106-113 The Spectacular Spider-Brick

    I’d like to buy a vowel, Pat. An “o?”

  124. commodorejohn
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    #116 Non Compost Mentos – hey, if they laid the smack down on Old Bean, I wouldn’t be surprised at all.

  125. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    Now I’ve said too much. I haven’t said enough.

  126. gh
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    FBoFW — You do realize that those lyrics were written by Lynn’s “special” niece, don’t you? The one who did the whole Shannon-on-the-table storyline? The one whose wracking sobs are echoing in Lynn’s ears as our mocking reviews come in? I, for one, feel really bad – that I can’t reach through the monitor and strangle Lynn with my bare hands for pulling such a shameless stunt.

  127. Pelagius
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    Birdman can spare the effort. Since the wing engines have dropped off that DC-10 in the background, there’s already a nice little air disaster in the making.

  128. just me
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    Hey Josh, say “Hi” to mom for me!

  129. Ghost Riders in the Foob
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    My soda jerk theory? Clambake decided not to go to Raleigh, shaved his head and mustache and took the job.

  130. Trotzenbonnie
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    #125 – SSB
    I thought I heard you laughing…..

  131. Lammergeier13
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    #130: Spidey-Brick? Which one is he? Is that him in the spotlight, losing his religion?

  132. Josh
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    #122 I-Girl — My mom (not Mrs. Fruhlinger due to remarriage) does read the blog. We try not to let the fact that she is a FOOB defender strain family amity. She was tickled that I mentioned her aversion to encountering her students in the summer the other day, though.


  133. Lame Name
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:18 am [Reply]


    I’d jump on this band wagon, but I don’t know if I can do it.

  134. Red Greenback
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    Non Compost Mentos @ 116- Lest we forget; we have Micheal K (Kookooo for cocoa puffs) Brandow in our corner.

  135. ElSanto
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    Soda jerk also looks like he’s eyeing Kaz suspiciously. Look at those eyes. The defensive crook of his arm. You don’t think … that he might be a henchman of “The One,” do you?


    OK, now I see him pulling out an AK-47, gunning down Kelly, and Kaz shaking his fist in the air and crying, “MENNDOOOZZZZAAA!!!”

    This is where your mind goes after being exposed to hype for “The Simpsons” movie this week. Carry on.

  136. Gabe
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    122 I-girl: Well, she’ll certainly have questions about his bizarre collection of shirts and mugs, at any rate.

    “Josh, dear? Exactly *why* do you need more zippers? And a pack animal?”

  137. Bunnë
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    FOOB – Deep in the recesses of my brain, when I read yesterday’s strip, lay a fear that I could not even give voice to, a fear that today we would be subjected to the lyrics to what promised to be an overly-earnest message song written by young April. My fears were born out, and much more so… I will not under any circumstances be following that link to the FOOB site to listen to the song. Well, maybe if Lynn held a gun to my head, but honestly, how likely is that?

    GA – That’s an awfully big meteorite. Just for the price of shipping alone, he could probably have simply taken a hit out on the basketballers… or maybe bribed a politician.

    You know, I live across the street from a park with two baseball fields in it. I chose this location. You don’t hear me saying, “It’s Tuesday afternoon! Those damn kids are playing kickball again! Who do they think they are! Ball fields are for lookin’ at, not playin’ it!”

    MW I have two theories on the mysterious disappear crotch. #1: the horse is made out of butter, and Dawn is slowly sinking into it in the summer heat. #2 Dawn is made of butter, and is slowly melting into the horse in the summer heat. All of my theories involve butter, apparently. Mmmm butter.

  138. Gabe
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    (I guess assuming she reads it as “More zippers; mule.”)

  139. JudeMorrigan
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    So you remember that scene in Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan? You know, the one where the worm-thing crawls out of Chekov’s ear as it leaks grape jelly?

    I just listened to the foob song and found myself thinking about it, for some odd reason.

  140. Bunnë
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    137… er, “…disappearing crotch…”

  141. Krazy Kat
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp-Kaz is really Tyler Durden.

  142. Josh
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    #137 Bunnë — To be fair to Slim, they built the basketball courts next door to the house he was living in at the time — he didn’t choose to live next door to a basketball court. Also, I don’t know you noticed, but the kids on the basketball court are not white. Horrors!


  143. Gal Friday
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    MT: To add to the suspense, Buzzard seems to be holding an antique pocket watch. What if it stops? How will he know when to release the birds?

  144. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    Trying to keep up with FOOB, and I don’t know if I can do it. Maybe that was just a dream, just a dream.

  145. Just_human
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    Where can you find FC online? I don’t normally want to read it, but twice now people have made comments that made me want to read it, only to discover the official webpage is purposely two weeks behind, and you have to pay for the recent junk.

  146. Alfred Hitchcock
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    MT: Release the Birds! Release the Birds!

  147. commodorejohn
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    #146 Just_human – has a good selection of comics, including FC. Or, which has a lot more (but is not so dialup-friendly.)

  148. Kaiser
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    #87 kat –
    I also noticed that Dawn is, um, missing some crucial parts of her anatomy. those must be some tight freakin’ pants if they can give her a concave crotch.

    GT – personally, I thought the soda jerk had a mohawk when I first glanced at the strip. maybe he does have one hidden under that little paper hat. I’m hoping that as soon as Kaz is distracted by his ice cream, Mr. Soda Punk will rip off his uniform (revealing a Crimson Ghost t-shirt), slap on some spiked wrist-cuffs, and use those massive fists to punch Kaz in the ear, allowing for another great beat-down scene.

  149. Anonymous
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    What the hell happened to our soda jerker’s chin in panel one?

    Actually, he’s drooling chocolate syrup. He just happens to be perfectly suited genetically for his career.
    I wouldn’t eat a sundae at that shop, though.

  150. Katherine
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    crap, 149 was me. stupid cleaned cookies.

  151. Just_human
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    #147 Thanks!

  152. KarenD
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    (DT)GT:Of course Kaz should take the job. $700 a week buys a lot of earrings, and he sure needs some new ones to switch off with those pearls now and again. Big, bold hoops in Milford’s colors would be perfect for home games.

  153. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    MW: Notice how Dawn’s leg goes pretty close to straight down from her hip. That shouldn’t be the case, because horses are generally, you know, wide. I think she’s actually straddling a plywood cutout painting of a horse, like those things you can get your picture taken on at the county fair.

  154. Squawk
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    GA: That’s not a meteorite, that’s the world largest meatball. No wonder the two fat guys are drooling over it.

  155. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    What are Milford’s colors, anyway? Since GT is only printed in black and white, I’m going to assume they’re tan and beige, which were changed by a vote of the student body in 1983 from the previous colors of tan and khaki.

  156. Brian Cooksey
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley! Now with special guest writer Joss Whedon on panel 3!

  157. man behind the curtain
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    MW — So Dawn believes that the bridle path will lead to the bridal path. I’m just trying to figure out when alol this horseback riding is taking place. Isn’t she supposed to be in class? On a more serious note, I want to come back in my next life as dawn’s saddle.

    A3G — let’s see. LuAnn almost dies and she’s worried about losing Alan and not vice-versa. Get this woman some therapy.

    RMMD — Obviously, Hugh is trying to lure heather so he can get her alone and do away with her. Then he gets everything. I see him kidnapping Heather and replacing her with Oki merlot in disguise.

  158. Brian Cooksey
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    GT: Why that soda jerk is none other than special guest star Zippy the Pinhead! Let’s hear it for him, folks.

  159. Calico
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    OK – have come up for air –
    FOOB tune – It’s not as pukish as the Birthday lament, but it sounds like it was written for five year-olds, not an audience of teenagers.
    Dammit, they wanna hear thrash or hippity-hop!
    Maybe Shannon will start a mosh pit and slam-dance for the next 20 hours.
    Just store the damn thing as a tertiary backup for a McCain’s or Tim Horton commercial, if anything at all, and be done with it.

  160. willethompson
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    Re: FOOB song: Ze earplugs! Zay do less than ze goggles!

  161. kingklash
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    I wonder whatever happened to the Prime Rib?

  162. Cedar
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    I love that Gasoline Ally is taking dialouge cues from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Maybe Derle is a big fan.

  163. Lame Name
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    157 — Oki Merlot? I can’t believe I just now got that. Ba ha ha! Our staff wine taster is Oki Merlot. Our guaranteer of repeat business is Lucinda Bolts.

  164. Girl Randolf
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    Ok, if I wrote song lyrics, they would probably be worse than this junk. I lack that gift and so I don’t.

    While the physically and mentally challanged should have our respect, support, affection and consideration that doesn’t mean we have to molly-coddle them. Nor should we.

    There are many handicapped people who are highly talented muscians and writers and poets. Often a unique outlook, when combined with talent and hardwork produces a product worthy not just of respect, but awe. In literary history so many poets suffered from some form of disability. From the mythic Homer onwards…

    Clearly, being a motivational speaker (which is apparently what Ms. Johnston’s niece does) cannot make one a lyricist.

    If the song sucks, it doesn’t matter who wrote it. It still sucks. I hereby respect the author as a person by stating my initial reaction – the song is awful.

    But in its possible defence, most pop lyrics seem trite and weird without the music.

    FOOB should just shy away from this kind of strip all together. It’s neither funny nor cute nor entertaining in any way.

  165. willethompson
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:00 pm [Reply]


  166. bats :[
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    71. Ah, that’s it, canteloupe! I thought the soda jerk looked like one of the Munchkins (heck, he probably still does), but there is a resemblance to the Tin Man, too. (Who knows what kind of couplings go on in Oz?)

    And for Zamboni_Rodeo and other Red Meat fans: a friend of mine dated Max Cannon, years and years ago (to the tune being very grateful for having her now-husband “rescue her.” Ah, well.) Max seems to have survived in spite of a broken heart: on the first Fridays of the month, he’s the MC at Tucson’s local art-film house, the Loft, for its amateur movie-makers’ night. (And, of course, Red Meat continues…)

  167. man behind the curtain
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    FBOW — Following this strip for quite some time, I’m still waiting for the “For Better” part.

  168. Cornwhacker
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    Chat Noir 109: He draws, too, remember. A Daniel Johnston FBOrFW would be worth it for the Casper cameos alone!

  169. commodorejohn
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    #164 Girl Randolf – Well said. However, I don’t think Stephanie wrote it; the site credits the lyrics to Lynn Johnston. Unless you were calling her physically or mentally challenged, which admittedly would explain a lot.

  170. Krazy Kat
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    Josh-is that your mom posting here as OSS in #74?
    Just wondering

  171. Galactic Emperor Chennux®™©
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:16 pm [Reply]




  172. Chat Noir
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    168 – Cornwhacker – I yearn for just such a thing. Except usually I’d prefer less-than-friendly ghosts or actual poltergeists to visit the FOOBs.

  173. bats :[
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    Gack, comic crossovers gone insane!

  174. Girl Randolf
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    mea culpa…. I must have read wrong.

    commodorejohn says: . Unless you were calling (Lynn Johnston) physically or mentally challenged

    I wouldn’t insult those with disabilities by using it as a jibe. Johnston’s just a plain old hack these days. Nothing challanging about that. Unless you consider the inability to criticize oneself a disability.

    But I’ll take the telethon if I don’t have to listen to Elizabeth yammer on about how perfectly grand it is to be with Anthony. I’d curse, but I’m a lady.

  175. Squid Countess
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    #8 True Fable- You are a perfect dream rabbit. I just know we are going to be so happy in our eighties, sitting on the porch watchin the goats frolic in the yard, eating moonpies, drinking Jack -n- RC and screaming “Margo you!” at the neighbors if they imply we have too many goats, or that we should cut back on our Jack -n- RC consumption. I think we need more ‘mudgeon’s, though. Poteet can be on a chaise lounge, always with 5 cats on her lap, CrabbyGenes will read the comics aloud, while gh explains them and Red Greenback will mutter and chuckle to himself. Anybody else want to join us in our old age idyll?

  176. Krazy Kat
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    Sorry-meant #72

  177. benro
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    MT – I released the bird to Mark Trail shortly after I started reading the strip.

    FOOB – I listened to the song. Must…drink…heavily…to.. get..this…out…

  178. commodorejohn
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    #174 Girl Randolf – Good point.

  179. Cornwhacker
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    (continuing my thought from #168)

    Hmm. So far today we’ve compared Lynn Johnston to both the Shaggs and Daniel Johnston. For some reason now I’m wishing Wesley Willis had written a song called I Kicked Michael Patterson’s Ass.

    “Rock Over London, Rock On Milborough!”

  180. Mollie
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    66 – Skankmonkey, I thought the same thing as soon as I hit “play” on that disgusting mp3. It sounds like a children’s song, written by the kind of people who think children’s songs shouldn’t take more than 3 minutes to write. What I find strangest about it is that its sound is so gentle and sing-songy, which is completely not how I’ve imagined April’s band should sound. Granted, it would be hard to write music that rocks even a little bit if you had these lyrics to work with, but still — some things are best left to the imagination. I mean, now I don’t even want to hear their version of “Tarzana Nights.”

  181. bats :[
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    I listened to the song.
    It sucks. Marlo Thomas (“Free To Be You and Me”) is spinning in her grave.
    This is what passes for “really good”? Well, maybe at a telethon in a mall in a Toronto suburb.

  182. gh
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    #175 Squid Countess –

    Can I have the porch rocker?

  183. Anonymous
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    If I recall my 1930s, 1940s cinema correctly, soda jerk is the perfect narc/inside plant to catch the delinquents selling mary jane at Pop’s.

  184. Ginger Yellow
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    GA: What 156 said. cf Firefly: “Things are getting a mite explodey”

    Maybe Whedon’s taking some time out from Astonishing X-Men to write the funnies.

  185. Garvey
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    Ok, I just listened to the FOOB song. Now I just…don’t feel anything at all.

  186. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    Squid Countess @ 175: I can prop up the rickety end of the porch. Or you can fling me at kids who won’t stay off the lawn.

  187. Francis
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    Please note that Coach Kaz’s eyelashes extend about a half inch beyond the bridge of his nose. Drag queen much, Kaz?

  188. Galactic Emperor Chennux®™©
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:43 pm [Reply]





  189. Ogg Ogglesby
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    MW: How did Drew and Dawn manage to find 2 coin operated horses next to each other? Can’t be at a Wal-Mart, there are trees in the background.

  190. Kate
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    I’m not going to the FOOBsite to hear that song. Can’t make me can’t make me can’t make me can’t make me can’t make me can’t make me can’t make me can’t make me can’t make me can’t make me can’t make me can’t make me can’t make me can’t make me can’t make me can’t make me can’t make me can’t make me can’t make me.

  191. Echo
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    FOOB — Sesame Street never had a song with lyrics that dull. The song isn’t all /that/ cloying, I’ve seen worse in “inspirational” e-mails. But I’m trying to recall a real song or poem that rises to that level of boredom, and failing. If Lynn’s niece really wrote it, I’m sure it was on command, because it looks like homework slapped together 10 minutes before it was due.

  192. Spreadable Butter
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    So does anyone know of the explanation behind Coach Kaz’s earrings? It just seems odd that a male character in such an all ‘merican strip would be wearing them.

  193. Dr. Mad
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    For MIlford’s school colors I vote for the same as Wassamatta U – Ocher and Alice Blue. And I think Kaz would look best in some kind of Native American-style dangly earrings – like the fake silver/fake turquoise ‘dream-catcher’ thingies. One of those and on the other ear a pina colada scented car air freshener.

  194. gh
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    Finally got around to the comics in the paper and decided — what the heck — I’d read the FOOB song again because, frankly, I just kinda skimmed it this morning. So where’s the “deep down we’re all the same” part? Or did she mean to say “Deep down we’re all INSANE?” Smells like teen crap to me.

    As per Lynn’s niece writing the lyrics — I made that up. I’m a pathological liar. It’s what I do. Like that time I said I was Spartacus? Technically, that’s not true either.

  195. Never teh Bride
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    Let. Me. Guess.

    Rebbecca is gonna be all nice now.

    Um, Barf?

  196. Spiny Norman
    July 27th, 2007 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    Actually, the FOOB song makes perfect sense if you read today’s FC as a prequel to it.

  197. britbike
    July 27th, 2007 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    #181. Marlo is alive and as far as I know, still well. Doesn’t mean she isn’t spinning like mad, though.

  198. commodorejohn
    July 27th, 2007 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    Just to elaborate on my earlier point, may I present a comparable song by the sisters Wiggin…

  199. Jemmy
    July 27th, 2007 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Before Alan leaves Luann, I want him to burst into a chorus of “If Ever I Would Leave You.”

    Wait– no, no I don’t.

  200. NotMe
    July 27th, 2007 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    Welcome back Emperor Chennux.

    That must have been some wedding; your hangover seemed to put you incommunicado for weeks

  201. StrangeRover
    July 27th, 2007 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    Mallard Fillmore is a dangerous drunk, a nazi AND he’s gay?!!

  202. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 27th, 2007 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    Spreadable Butter @ 192: Coach Kaz wears those Bar Bush pearls to show that he’s just that much of a man that he can pull it off and still seem masculine. (Seriously, though, we don’t know. All we know is he’s always worn them for as long as he’s been in the strip.)

    commodorejohn @ 198: I could swear I’ve heard that “Who Are Parents” song before, but I have no idea where. Was this song parodied on SNL or MST3K? Does that ring a bell with anyone? I can’t imagine ever willingly placing myself in a situation where I would hear such a thing in its intended context.

  203. Anonymous
    July 27th, 2007 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    201 – I hear he’s a hermaphrodite, too – at least everybody on this site says he can go f*ck himself.

  204. deeelightful
    July 27th, 2007 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    OMG did any one else check out the next april song on the website? I never thought that they would try to bring back the brady bunch variety hour, but damn….never say never to lynn “were all the same” johnston……she’ll make you dissapear farleystyle

  205. commodorejohn
    July 27th, 2007 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    #202 The Spectacular Spider-Brick – I have no idea, but if it was, I want to see that.

  206. Paperback Rifler
    July 27th, 2007 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    I dunno; something made me think of this. It’s not going to get me of them there WSG awards; but heck, what do you want for free? Rubber biscuit?

    Anyway, apologies to R.E.M. and everybody everywhere:

    Oh, tripe
    It’s bigger
    It’s bigger in “Foob”
    It’s nauseating
    The depths that they have sunk to
    It’s all so asinine
    Oh no, I’ve read too much
    I’ve read enough

    That’s me in the corner
    That’s me in the spotlight
    Heaping my derision
    Between the chunks that I spew
    And I don’t know if I can take it
    Oh no, I’ve heard too much
    I think I’ll lose my lunch
    I thought that the song was crappy,
    I thought that the song was lame;
    It makes the baby Jesus cry . . .

    Any red blister
    Any sore that festers is
    Better than 4Evah
    And if someone would make me choose
    Between that song and burning coals, coals . . .
    Oh no, I’ve heard too much
    I’m throwing up

    Consider this,
    Consider this
    “For Better or for Worse”
    Consider this strip
    To be a vile curse
    Hey —
    What if all these fetid scenes are
    In the hybrid?
    Now I’ve said
    Too much

    I thought that the song was crappy,
    I thought that the song was lame;
    It makes the baby Jesus cry . . .

    But that just makes me scream,
    That just makes me scream —

    That’s me in the corner
    That’s me in the spotlight
    Heaping my derision
    Between the chunks that I spew
    And I don’t know if I can take it
    Oh no, I’ve heard too much
    I think I’ll lose my lunch
    I thought that the song was crappy,
    I thought that the song was lame;
    It makes the baby Jesus cry . . .

  207. Dean Booth
    July 27th, 2007 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    MF: Finally, something true (too easy).

    #188 Great Emperor C, I will gladly photoshop fruitcakes for all!

  208. benzo
    July 27th, 2007 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    GT: The only explanation I can think of for Coach Kaz’s earrings is that this comic is written by some old fart who knows that some young fellas like to wear earrings nowadays but isn’t aware that no heterosexual male would EVER wear pearl earrings.

    GA: Ah, the things you can get away with when you write for a comic that nobody reads. This blatantly racist plot line continues without public outcry.

    I also couldn’t help but be amused that beardo had no problem with the idea of dropping the giant rock on a human being but he’s suddenly worried about legal ramifications when he finds out it’s being dropped on a place. This comic is frighteningly insane.

    FOOB: If I had to actually listen to that song, I don’t think I’d be able to resist the overwelming urge to punch a total stranger in the face.

  209. Big Sims
    July 27th, 2007 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    OK it’s a re-post from last night when I was pulling the night shift, I just wanted to see how it would fly in the light of day, with some corrections and whatnot of course.

    Is the “back in the saddle” therapy of Dr. Drew based on graduating size? Is he trying to work up to larger and larger animals until she’s finally on a howdah and at peace with her past? These creatures are no Hyracotherium (Dawn-horse! Get it? Ha ha!), but they’re really, really little ponies. But I shouldn’t hate on the poor girl, great progress for only two weeks, way to go Dawn! Just think, last week it was Great Danes, next week we’re moving up to Shetland Ponies!

  210. GoofyRobo
    July 27th, 2007 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    I just figured out Coach Kaz….neckbolts.

  211. John
    July 27th, 2007 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    GA: Pardon Derle! Pardon Scooter! Pardon the drunken astronauts!

    FBOFW, panel 3: As to top of the “food chain,” let’s hope they don’t run into some orcas when they take the show on the road to Vancouver.

  212. gh
    July 27th, 2007 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    I mean, sometimes I like to write Spartacus over and over again on a legal pad or, you know, dress up like Spartacus. But I don’t really believe I’m Spartacus, which I think is the key to mental health.

  213. Andrea D and the Grandstanding Oddballs
    July 27th, 2007 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    Um. So, I downloaded the Foob song. Listened. Cringed. Deleted it. And then emptied my recycling bin.

    I still felt dirty. My computer felt dirty, too. So I decided to defrag my hard drive. Then I thought, well, why not just reformat it? Sure, I’ll have to reinstall everything, but it’ll be cleansed, you know.

    When I got all booted up again, my computer displayed the following message: Out, out damned spot.

    So, I burned it. It was the right thing to do. I’m out a laptop, though. You think Lynn would reimburse me?

  214. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 27th, 2007 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    #207, Dean B,
    All together now:

  215. stinky pete
    July 27th, 2007 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    Josh, given your law-abiding tendencies and your minor internet celebrity status, it seems likely that anything you’d do would be considered, at worst, probationy, or perhaps home confinementy.

  216. Big Sims
    July 27th, 2007 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    I listened to the song, and to my utter shock and horror, I caught my 3 year old dancing to it! I HAVE NO SON.
    Ok, I still have the 1 year old boy. But it’s going to take some intensive Anthrax, Mighty Sparrow, Porterhouse, Peter Tosh therapy if there is any hope of him turning out normal.

  217. Calico
    July 27th, 2007 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    #191 – more lame lyrics, mule!

  218. Big Sims
    July 27th, 2007 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    My wife, the wise woman she is, pointed out that maybe I should go into time out for playing the damn song.
    All right, 3 mins time out for me it is. And I should consider myself lucky to get off so easy for introducing such an abomination to the house.

  219. Spotted HØrse
    July 27th, 2007 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: I’m seriously enjoying the lyrics to the Fooby mp3. It actually sounds exactly like the kind of song a sixteen year old would write.

    An emotionally crippled, repressed, unindividuated sixteen year old.

    Oh here I am, getting all stern and stuff. Actually, I’ve grown rather fond of Foobish idiocy. Guess I’ll just have my foobcake and eat it too, penduluming between giddy enjoyment and ascerbic contempt.

    #112 Paperback Rifler: Panel 4a! Hoo-o-o! Well executed, friend!

  220. SecretMargo
    July 27th, 2007 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    209: You beat me to the “dawn horse” joke! But I always thought that li’l guy was called an “eohippus” (making “dawn horse” more literal). I’m trying to remember from my dino/prehistoric-beastie-mad pre-teen years, though, so I could be wrong/nomenclature has changed with the times.

    Whatever the case, I agree: Dawn’s horse is nearly eohippid in stature, and Drew’s looks little bigger. Are they wearing rollerskates attached to their boots?

  221. Spotted HØrse
    July 27th, 2007 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    #212 gh:

    I mean, sometimes I like to write Spartacus over and over again on a legal pad or, you know, dress up like Spartacus.

    A worthy pastime, sir! One I may just undertake myself.

  222. Trotzenbonnie
    July 27th, 2007 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    #175 – Squid Countess
    I’ll be there in a big straw hat carrying a tray of mint juleps and a basket of my home grown tomatoes (well, they’re not grown at my home…I steal them from the neighbors. But they’re good!)

  223. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 27th, 2007 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    145, just_human,
    More information on Family Circus can be found at

  224. gh
    July 27th, 2007 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    #221 Spotted HØrse –

    Tip: they have neat little wooden swords at Hobby Lobby, but you have to paint them yourself.

  225. Big Sims
    July 27th, 2007 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    I thought it was something like “eohippus” too, but wikipedia proved me wrong, again.

  226. Dono
    July 27th, 2007 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    Holy crap, the song is even worse when you hear it.

    Here’s a tip, Lynn “I Write Songs Too” Johnston: There are these things called rests that you can stick in between the notes–say, at the end of a line. Actual composers use them all the time to keep singers from flying through verses like they’re running from the law.

    These characters need considerable songwriting practice before they can even be mentioned in the same breath as the Shaggs.

  227. Cornwhacker
    July 27th, 2007 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    209/220: “Dawn Horse”! That’s brilliant. And I think you’re right about it being eohippus, SecretMargo.

    (I did a school report on horse evolution in 5th grade. For the rest of the year, my teacher assumed I was really into horses, but I wasn’t. I was just really nerdy.)

  228. Mumbles
    July 27th, 2007 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    Y’all on fire! References to the Brady Bunch (“Time to Change”?),REM, the Shaggs, The Jazz Singer…

    I’ll throw out another. Remember when that little kid Ricky started singing with the Partridge Family? That’s what that song sounds like.

    I can’t wait for Eva and April’s next hit: “Mommy Says My Stepmother Liz is a Homewrecking Bitch.”

    (And yeah, Eleanor from the Fiery Furnaces AND Telly Savalas are doing guest appearances in Gil Thorp. Sort of a new “Love Boat”.)

  229. Spotted HØrse
    July 27th, 2007 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    #224 gh: Excellent! For now, I’ll content myself with Photoshopping my head onto Kirk Douglas’s body. Only not when Spartacus is crucified… that would be a downer.

  230. Chloe The Cat
    July 27th, 2007 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    Squid, I can be sitting on the steps saying, “Huh?”

  231. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 27th, 2007 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    Paperback Rifler @ 206: Excellent parody, as usual. Wonder what made you think of that song?

  232. Cornwhacker
    July 27th, 2007 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    225: That’s what I get for not previewing. “Hyracotherium” and “Eohippus” are synonyms, according to Wikipedia.

  233. gh
    July 27th, 2007 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    #229 Spotted HØrse

    I know. That part is so sad. I usually try to pretend it’s Lynn Johnston.

    Extended weekend starts … now! Play nice, everyone. Back Monday.

  234. Spotted HØrse
    July 27th, 2007 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    #228 Mumbles:

    I’ll throw out another. Remember when that little kid Ricky started singing with the Partridge Family? That’s what that song sounds like.

    GAAHH! I remember that song! They brought in that little bastard when the littlest Partridge kids started to get too big to cuddle. Not that I ever found the littlest Partridge kids remotely cuddleworthy.

    Anyhoo, the song went, “YOU can do it! (strum strum) YOU can do it! (strum strum) YOU can do it! (strum strum)…”

    The lyricist is, I believe, a graduate of Jack Elrod’s Learning Exchange seminar on the songwriter’s craft.

  235. Colinski
    July 27th, 2007 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    Kaz’s earrings make as much sense as his hair. I mean, what the hell is going on there? His sideburn hair appears to be long enough to sweep over his ears, yet the top is a half-inch flattop. He’s just a rebel all around, defying all convention with confusing hair, and enormous pearl earrings, and fake eyelashes! This strip takes place in small-town middle-America, where they still have soda jerks in paper hats?

  236. Jay
    July 27th, 2007 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    Just had to pass this on, assuming that the lovely and talented Mrs C is still in the Sex Ed field:

    It’s a special Planned Parenthood issue of “Spiderman” from (natch) the 1970s.

  237. Spotted HØrse
    July 27th, 2007 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    MF: Aww, you just know the duck’s gonna “come out” as a simple, benighted, beleagered, male Caucasian defender of the Bill of Rights. Way to play the victim card, asshat!

    Bruce, go rent “Falling Down” and have yourself a nice beverage. You’ll feel better.

    Waitress, I’ll have biscuits and gravy with my ad hominem attack grits.

  238. AppleGirl
    July 27th, 2007 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    FOOB MP3 – Hahahahaha! Hahahahaha! /Delete.

  239. Sto Odin
    July 27th, 2007 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    Due to today’s FOOB, the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy has just released a new update.

    Vogon poetry is no longer the second worst poetry in the known universe. It has been demoted to third, replaced by Lynn Johnston’s.

  240. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 27th, 2007 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    I remember now where I heard that “Who Are Parents” song. The MP3 was linked from the page on one of those “Worst Album Covers of All Time” sites. I’ve been doing some searching, but can’t find it now. Still having fun looking at bad album covers, though.

  241. Big Sims
    July 27th, 2007 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    232: So “Hyracotherium” and “Eohippus” are different but they’re really the same? Curious…

  242. Hogen Mogen
    July 27th, 2007 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    GT: Yeah, $700 a week, take it!
    Kaz: That’s only $35K per year. As a tenured coach, I already make that plus union benefits… Of course in my current occupation I don’t get to pummel.

  243. Sheilagh
    July 27th, 2007 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    Two things:

    1. Dawn’s crotch. Haha! I knew everyone would have things to say about it, so before posting this comment I just searched for “crotch” on the page. And indeed! A topic of conversation.

    2. April’s song. Those are hands-down the LAMEST lyrics I have ever heard. I can’t imagine a tune that would make up for them. Treacle with a beat? Fecal. Just excrete.

  244. Robert Whitaker Sirignano
    July 27th, 2007 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    I am motivated by todays FOR BETTER OR WORSTED song lye-rics, etching out corners of my brain and causing the gag reflex to folllow……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………uh urp.

    Four barf bags full.

    I would say Lynn J ston has passed the point of no shame in her strip, wherein, if we don’t like it, we should be ashamed. Sorry. It sucks. It could be placed in a collection of stuff to be called IT’S NOT ENTERTAINMENT!l Perhaps we should translate it and drop it on Iran, to see if they would surrender. Or see if Goerge Bush agrees with it (cause he’s obviously brain damaged.) And the pious will follow to Lynn’s throne and praise her mighty talent. I will pause at my throne and heave another load.

    The lye rics are good enough for THE STUFF OWL, a classic collection of bad poetry.

    I have noticed that I stopped bying the FOOB books six years back.

  245. Hogen Mogen
    July 27th, 2007 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    GA: So how is Slim going to get a 3 ton meteor from the back of the pickup into a helicopter? I moved some rock last weekend, and even being an exceptionally powerfull man, I had trouble with the half ton bits. And Slim is the guy who took two months just getting his piece of shit car home.

    Would you believe that the rocks I moved only felt like half a ton? Ok, they were itsy bitsy rocks slightly larger than pebbles. Yeah, sure, just burst my bubble. For once I was happy, if only for a moment. Now, what? I’m stone cold.

  246. SmartPeopleOnIce
    July 27th, 2007 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    It’s, like, inhumane
    And so is acid rain
    Or, um, a viral strain

    Like a subway train
    Goes up an incline plane
    Overflows the sewer main

    Why can’t we just abstain
    It gives me mental strain
    And one big bad migraine

    So I smoke Mary Jane
    And go to Key Biscayne
    or Frankfurt on the Main
    and the capital of Spain
    Graze on sugar cane
    Bite your jugular vein
    Run a sales campaign
    Something something eminent domain
    Wear a cross of Lorraine
    Like the mark of Cain
    Drive in the fast lane
    Across the coastal plane
    Change my maiden name
    Enroll at Tulane
    Or the U of Maine
    Drink champagne
    Eat Wolf’s bane
    and a candy cane
    and romane
    Huff butane
    Get chest pain
    Circle the drain
    Can’t explain

  247. ElSanto
    July 27th, 2007 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    #216 — Big Sims, that should be “I have no hooooooome!”

  248. Jordon
    July 27th, 2007 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – Everybody seems to be so looking forward to the explosion that no one’s mentioned Heather’s shocking decolletage in panel one today. She is showing what looks like a quarter inch of cleavage. Pretty daring to put into a family newspaper.

  249. ElSanto
    July 27th, 2007 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    Also, in GA I am now waiting for the scene where “Death Before Taxes” guy is about to drop the meteor, he freezes as he sees the dark-skinned people in the court and cries, “Oh, God… Da Nang! Flashbacks!”

  250. Hogen Mogen
    July 27th, 2007 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    “Sounds expensive and jaily.”

    For someone who pledges to take his own life before the tyrannical government can force him to pay his taxes (an illegal act), I’ve got a problem with “Derie’s” sudden concern for the legal ramifications of his actions. It’s like he took a page from the Autobiography of Hugh Avery: From Aristocrat to Wuss in One Day.

  251. McManx
    July 27th, 2007 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    FOOB – To me, the best response to Lynn Patterson’s wretched song would be for someone to hack into her site and substitute her mp3 file with “South Park’s” “Blame Canada” lyrics.

  252. rich
    July 27th, 2007 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    MW: Remember Tuesday’s strip? What we’re seeing here takes place in the future, “several weeks later.” Those tiny li’l horses will be the norm after the famous Atomic Disaster of July 27, 2007.

  253. Mountain Mama
    July 27th, 2007 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    I downloaded the song. I’m now quivering with fear and loathing. I have never heard anything so frighteningly juvenile or musically void of meaning, phrasing, or lyricism.

    I weep. I weep for the future, for the songs that might have been written, and for the poor, poor readers that have been subjected to this.

    Today is the day the Music died.

  254. Spotted HØrse
    July 27th, 2007 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    The ‘Shaft: Shoeboxes full of decades old stock certificates and passbooks for savings accounts that bewildered dutiful son never knew existed. He’s apparently never seen any statements on these stocks or accounts since taking on Vinegar Mom’s financial stuff.

    Call me impetuous, demanding, spoiled… it’s all true, as I can’t wait for next week’s exciting trip to the state division of unclaimed property. It’ll be like June Morgan at the DMV, minus the sweater puppies!

  255. Non Compost Mentos
    July 27th, 2007 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    # 228 Mumbles: “I can’t wait for Eva and April’s next hit: ‘Mommy Says My Stepmother Liz is a Homewrecking Bitch’”

    Stepmother Liz is a Homewrecking bitch
    She’s the biggest bitch in the whole wide world
    She’s a Foobish bitch, if there ever was a bitch,
    She’s a bitch to all the boys and girls.

    Shaving sheets she’s a bitch
    Raising kids she’s a bitch
    And having hot flashes she’s a sheet-flapping bitch
    Then with Lizthony just to be different,
    Shes a super king kamehameha bitch

    With sincerest apologies to Eric Cartman

  256. FortyTwo
    July 27th, 2007 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    #239 — Vogon poetry was already regarded as the third worst; it’s now the fourth worst. I believe the ranking is now:

    4. Vogon poetry
    3. the poetry of the Azgoths of Kria (whose Poet Master Grunthos the Flatulent wrote “Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning”)
    2. the poetry of Lynn Johnston
    1. the poetry of Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings

  257. Non Compost Mentos
    July 27th, 2007 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    #134 Red Greeback: Thanks for the reminder, but I’m pretty sure I won’t need Mr Brandow’s services. Although I used a real email address when I posted to Cawfee Tawk, I gave my name as “Milford Thorp” and my location as “Santa Royale CA” Then again, Foobspawn lawyers may be able to see through usch clever subterfuge.

    Gasoline Alley (variation on a theme by Josh):

    “But Slim, that’s Charlie’s basketball court”
    “Charlie don’t need a nap!”

  258. SpazRyl
    July 27th, 2007 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    That Gasoline Alley made me laugh. Is that a sign of the coming apocalypse?

  259. Non-Shannon
    July 27th, 2007 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    #175 Squid Countess:
    Can Shannon (Hubbell, not Foobish Shannon) and I join you in our old age, too? We can amuse everyone with our comedic vaudeville stylings.
    I’m not sure which one of us is the straight man.

  260. Harold
    July 27th, 2007 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    Dr. Drew: “Dawn, that’s a lovely little thing you’re riding! Is it an Arabian?”
    Dawn: “No…it’s a Sybian.”

  261. Final Orbit
    July 27th, 2007 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    As a black man myself, I’d like to verify that we are repelled by meteorites. I first discovered my this when I dated a white girl in high school. Her father didn’t like the idea of it, so he hung a meteorite around her neck and I wasn’t able to get within 10 yards of her. Go figure.

  262. Dr. Marion
    July 27th, 2007 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    Why the Decemberists have to do the soundtrack to Funky Winkerbean: The Movie

    “So let me explain something: so the earlier song, “We Both Go Down Together*,” is really intended to be the prequel to this song ["Leslie Ann Levine**"]. Yeah, but, but, I, but theres a little bit of explaining that needs to be done. So in that song, the two are perched on the cliff ready to dive off, when in fact, the woman steps away, the man, the cad, falls off to his death. But the women, impregnated, has, has the baby, in a ditch, and dies. So its all really tragic but thats sort of how it goes. So anyway, we’ll continue.”

    *I found you, a tattooed tramp
    A dirty daugher from the labour camp
    I laid you down on the grass of a clearing
    You wept but your soul was willing
    And oh, my love, my love
    We both go down together
    Here on these cliffs of Dover
    So high you can’t see over
    And while your head is spinning
    Hold tight, it’s just beginning
    My sweet, untouched Miranda
    And while the seagulls are crying
    We fall but our souls are flying

    **my name is Leslie Anne Levine
    my mother birthed me down a dry ravine
    my mother birthed me far too soon
    born at nine and dead at noon
    i still wail from these catacombs
    and curse my mother’s name
    fifteen years gone now
    i’ve got no one left to mourn for me
    my body lies inside its grave
    in a ditch not far away

  263. Hal Jordan
    July 27th, 2007 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    #251: I think these lyrics would do.
    That song made me grit my teeth. I get it Lynn, the Pattersaints just want world peace. April (like Molly the bear) just can’t understand all this hostililty

  264. Paperback Rifler
    July 27th, 2007 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    261. Dude, have you thought of the possibility that you could be a black man . . . FROM KRYPTON?!! Step away from the computer and get back to the crimefighting, you!

  265. The Divine O’F
    July 27th, 2007 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    Just dropping in to say hi

    I haven’t been able to read the last 500 posts. I know I’ll see the high points in the COTW post. If I’ve missed anything else truly important, will somebody please recap or point it out to me?

    I’ll try to stay somewhat current for the rest of the weekend, but we have thunderstorms coming so who knows?

  266. jimbobjoe
    July 27th, 2007 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    MW: Isn’t Wilbur adding that Dawn is “over 18″ a bit odd? Either he meant to say she’s mature, or that she’s an adult, but I can’t help but think he’s saying “my daughter is shaggable in all 50 states.”

  267. Harold
    July 27th, 2007 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    It’s too bad the focus in today’s FOOB cut away from April and Eva before they could get to the line about “stick with your own kind.” This is not a pro-diversity song. This is actually an anti-miscegenation song, in keeping with this strip’s well-established themes.

  268. Echo
    July 27th, 2007 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    237 Spotted Horse — “Aww, you just know the duck’s gonna “come out” as a simple, benighted, beleagered, male Caucasian defender of the Bill of Rights.” Which brings up the question, how can a duck be Caucasian? I suppose there probably are ducks in the Caucuses, but they’re too worried about surviving and reproducing to place chips the size of Montana on their shoulders. Stupid, stupid strip.

  269. Wisconsinite
    July 27th, 2007 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    I don’t *think* this has been mention, but between Thursday’s and Friday’s Foobery, you don’t see any of the audience actually enjoying the song.

    In my happy place I imagine the audience coughing up an embarrassing smatter of applause when they finish – pretty much the same you hear after ANY musical group at the mall. Which, of course, is usual just groups of mediocre musical students.

  270. AppleGirl
    July 27th, 2007 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW – Apewil, those folks are NOT insane, just SLOW. Insane is a helluva thing to call them at their very own telethon.

  271. Trotzenbonnie
    July 27th, 2007 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    Divine O’F –
    In a nutshell – fruitcake.

    To Josh’s MOM – How do you do, ma’am, and welcome! Why, that’s a lovely outfit you’re wearing! Is there anything I can do for you? Perhaps there’s a favorite eau de parfum or flower that I could have sent to Chez Josh in your name? Or a large mattress into which I can stuff a significant quantity of unmarked U.S. paper currency for immediate delivery? And, have I mentioned that I think it is a wonderful idea to have you choose the next COTW?

  272. Dean Booth
    July 27th, 2007 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    I started a MT thingie, ‘Twas the Day Before Justice but ran out of steam. Maybe one of our CC parody experts will be inspired to pick up the baton.

    ‘Twas next to the airport, far down a dirt road
    Where Buzard was waiting, about to unload;
    The birds were all stuffed in his old truck with care,
    He planned to release them soon into the air.

    The comish was seated all smug in his chair,
    While visions of money danced under his hair;
    And Sam in her askot (some said that she grew),
    Had just then arrived to discover a clue,

    When out on the road there arose such a clatter,
    She sprang from her car to see what was the matter.

    Away to his truck Buzzard flew like a flash,
    Tore open the trunk and thought about cash:
    “I soon will release them, I’ll soon let them go
    And soon after that I’ll be rolling in dough.”

    When, what to his wondering eyes should appear,
    A beautiful girl with the face of a deer,
    So evil he was, though he had no goatee,
    He tied up poor Sam to a small Baobab tree.

    That’s as far as I got. I wanted to use these lines:

    Mark struck with a vengence, a punch trademark Trail-y,
    Buzzard shook when it hit like a bowlful of jaily.

    I should stick to what I do best: here’s a simple riff on DT.

  273. AppleGirl
    July 27th, 2007 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – Now Heather and Hugh will reinact the Sicialian wife learning to drive scene from The Godfather. Good times.

  274. Vince M.
    July 27th, 2007 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Mark Trail was today’s one strip that made me laugh out loud (almost made me release my birds!)

  275. The Divine O’F
    July 27th, 2007 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    Thanks, Trotz! Since I do not like fruitcake, I don’t feel too bad. Another storm is brewing and we have guests coming for the weekend, so it looks as if my further participation is a lost cause.

    Enjoy the fruitcake, though.

  276. Trotzenbonnie
    July 27th, 2007 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    Dean – Ummm. How’s this?
    Breaking through tree limbs and trampling brush
    Out sprang Mark Trail in a bit of a rush.
    With the Jack El Rod ball bouncing gaily about
    Our hero was poised to punch Buzzard, that lout.

    “I’ve got to do something quick”, our Mark said
    While a spit curl danced sweetly across his forehead.
    “Apparently he’s going to release those birds soon”
    Mark Trail deduced as the airplanes were flewn.


  277. Christopher
    July 27th, 2007 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    Every comic’s different… but deep down they’re all the same.

    9 Chickweed Lane: Yet another example of a joke that only works in the comics medium. If he just said his name out loud, I’m pretty sure he had to pronounce it so she’d hear.

    Apt. 3-G: So… um… not a good place for Alan to be, and I wonder if Luann’s being manipulative on purpose. I mean, she just got out of the hospital with possibly life-changing injuries. What’s he gonna say? “Sorry baby, I’m not built that way!”?

    Dick Tracy: GO TEAM VENTURE!

    FOOB: Okay, I skipped over it the first time, but I must… force myself… to read it…


    Funky Cancerbean: I’ve got to… stretch… this… out… as… long… as… possible.

    Long Live Gil Thorp: Hey, there’s an old-fashioned soda jerk in the background, maybe she’s so excited because she thinks it’s $700 a week in 1940s money.

    Mallard Fillmore: Look, Mallard, given the fact that you live in a featureless void, I’m pretty sure you’ve been projected into the Phantom Zone. It’s a little late to confess.

    The Phantom: Actually, practitioners of the Hawaiian martial art of Lua are trained to use oars as weapons, and apparently, Pacific Northwest Coast groups also used oars as weapons.

    It makes sense if you think about it; oars are heavy and have a long reach, and they’re the one piece of cargo you HAVE to bring with you on a war canoe. Or any canoe. So I’m sure it’s traditional to train for paddle-based combat in many parts of the world.

    (Cue the “The More You Know” star)

    Okay, I’m gonna try to listen to the actual FOOB song… wish me luck.

  278. Daktari
    July 27th, 2007 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    #65 Hogen Mogen said-

    “GT: aren’t those funny hats supposed to prevent hair from falling into the food? What would be the point of wearing it if you’re bald?”

    I was thinking that he was hiding a third eye, like the alien in that classic Twilight Zone episode, where a busload of travelers are stranded in a little diner and fear an alien invasion.

  279. Dean Booth
    July 27th, 2007 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    #276. Well done, Trotz!

  280. Dean Booth
    July 27th, 2007 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    #89 Josh: A charming response to a mean comment.

  281. cheech wizard
    July 27th, 2007 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    FOOB – Yes, April, deep down, you’re all the same – full of blood and intestines and partially digested food and bile…. and shit. Yes Apwil, deep down, you’re all full of shit.

  282. Christopher
    July 27th, 2007 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    FOOB Concert: I wish Lynn Johnston had thought twice before she dished out the pain.

  283. Bunnë
    July 27th, 2007 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    142 Josh
    I confess I haven’t looked at Gasoline Alley on a regular basis in over 10 years, so my comments were based just on what I’ve seen here. So that’s probably not fair of me.

    So I just went back to read the whole sequence… assessment: it’s pretty bizarre. The racism strikes me as, well, like a lot of racism: unspoken but clear. (Though technically they aren’t all black; one day there was one white kid.)

    I admit I’d be pretty torqued if the city built a basketball court under my window suddenly. (Not that cities ever do much suddenly.) And I’ve been known to get pretty torqued when people baseball after midnight in the park. across from me. On the other hand, it’s clearly posted there that the park closes at 11pm, so I have some recourse which does not involve the 1812 Overture.

    Anyway, the whole sequence feels sort of improbable and forced. But I guess that’s par for the course for the comics page. *SIGH*

  284. NotMe
    July 27th, 2007 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    Family Circus with a twist (sfw)

    enjoy, or not.

  285. Trotzenbonnie
    July 27th, 2007 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    Hey, Dean! This is fun!

    ‘Mark, thank heaven… I was hoping you’d show up!’
    Sam Hill exclaimed, as she strained her left D cup.
    She said ‘That man is going to release more birds’
    What in Sam Hill? We just heard those same words!

    As Mark fiddled with some ropes and grabbed Sam Hill’s ass
    He averted his eyes from that charming young lass
    Who issued the warning ‘We’ve got to stop him’.
    The set of Mark’s chin said ‘I can’t wait to bop him!’

    Ah, crap!
    Time for Texas Roadhouse….
    Have fun, y’all.

  286. Mibbitmaker
    July 27th, 2007 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    “You know the kind of guy who would leave the Vietnam war dedicated to making the world brighter than that awful conflict, and then wonders what he’s doing in Gasoline Alley? Well, that was me: every time I did something good, something bad just seemed like more fun.


    That’s when I realized I had to go bad. So, I made a business of everything bad I wanted to do. One by one, I’ll do things like become an anti-tax extremist nut, or drop heavy things to kill people, but never hurt an inanimate object for some reason.

    I’m just tryin’ to be a goofier person.
    My Name is Derle.

  287. treedweller
    July 27th, 2007 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    DT: Was it really necessary for Gramps to count his steps? Couldn’t they just program “Face east, walk to barn?

  288. Gabe
    July 27th, 2007 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    NotMe: Hey, you ever noticed that Aldo looks like Capt. Kangaroo?

  289. CrabbyGenes
    July 27th, 2007 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    #74 gh. Maybe you had it in the wrong ear?

    Just kidding. Your comment has me intrigued. Could it be that only royalty was allowed to wear the single earring in days of yore? Could the staring have anything to do with the fact that you were a foreigner? Could the wearing of a single earring by a male be sort of an out-dated custom, similar to the way Japanese maidens used to blacken their front teeth a few hundred years ago? Could Hollywood have taken liberties? (Ohmygosh, they would NEVER do that! Would they???)

    Now I REALLY want someone to explain that custom (?) and those movie costumes to me.

    Thread-looping here, and I have not read any comments in this thread past yours (yet).

  290. Spotted HØrse
    July 27th, 2007 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    #271 Trotzenbonnie: What a warm and gracious welcome for Josh’s mom! Can I order up a pint sized version of you to sit on my shoulder for social events? Suppose I keep the mini-you plied with fancy appetizers and little thimbles of mojitoes, and in return, you help me with the basics: Always say please and thank you, mingle, don’t be an ass, etc.

    Welcome, Josh’s Mom! We mudges are awfully proud of your boy. You know, I make a wonderful limeade iced tea. Would you like a nice, tall glass?

  291. Squid Countess
    July 27th, 2007 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    Yes, yes! Idyllic life at the goat-farm-and-retirement-spa-for-old- ‘mudgeons (see #175) is shaping up beautifully! You know it’s the place to be if GE Chennux wants to come. (Don’t worry Brick; we’ll get you out from under the space cruiser.) Welcome, all. We’ve just learned that gh might lounge around the porch dressed as Spartacus. Which is totally cool with me, ‘less it bothers the goats.

    Kaz’s earrings in Gil Thorp- In a strip where the main characters are lucky if all their facial features are drawn in, it makes sense that the “artist” would never, ever take the time to draw a hoop earring. (In fact, probably cannot draw a hoop earring.) He draws a circle, and we are to use our imaginations to make it a hoop; much like when he draws some vertical lines and we imagine it to be a hand, or a stick, or a telephone.

    P.S. That’s a pretty darn good exclamation – “Kaz’s earrings in Gil Thorp! Is that gh dressed like Spartacus?”

  292. Islamorada Girl
    July 27th, 2007 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    Wait, just wait until you all see tomorrow’s RMMD and MW.

  293. migellito
    July 27th, 2007 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    Who could possibly be so drop-dead stupid as to think a 5 foot wide meteorite could be anywhere but in a museum?

    Oh.. nevermind.. he signed it right there.

  294. Ukulele Ike
    July 27th, 2007 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    Josh’s Mom: “Oy. For THIS we sent him to Cornell?”

  295. Mooncattie
    July 27th, 2007 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    MW – The final panel is like a road accident, only with more victims (everyone that looks at it). The horror of the vapid, Lawrence Welk Happy Smiley looks the two D’s are giving each other is at least soothed somewhat by the eye-rolling of supreme disgust from the wee Shetland pony. And the hope that their ride in the forest is taking them directly toward MT’s Westville Airport and a facefull of Angry Released Ducks.

  296. CrabbyGenes
    July 27th, 2007 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    Credit where credit is due Department. (And sorry if I don’t seem to be on the FOOB-bashing bandwagon today.)

    I just found this relatively new feature on the Foobsite

    I found it well-written, well-displayed, and fascinating. In spite of my current hatred for the strip, I remember the days when it was good, and I know a lot of you do also. One thing I always admired was Johnston’s skill in drawing.

    Anyway, check out the link if you have ancient memories of enjoying the strip. If however, you are a dedicated Fooblotharian (I’m talking to you, sister Poteet!), don’t bother.

  297. Buck Ripsnort
    July 27th, 2007 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    Came late to the party– Damn, but you people snark early and often– but I’m not dumb enough to touch any of those Goat links at the top. That’s a good way to get Goatse, or worse, a FOOB mp3.
    A few things that never have to be said again–
    1. Kaz wears pearl earrings.
    2. Aldo looked like Captain America.
    3. Derle would rather drop rocks on people than property.
    4. Lynn Johnston is a margo-in’ hack.

  298. Anitsirc
    July 27th, 2007 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    Something about the look of resigned mortification on Mary Worth’s face in panel one today tells me that the geriatric diaper she tries so hard to conceal is not as clean as it was earlier that day.

    And Wilbur’s pained expression doesn’t really dispel the idea that Mary just shit her pants.

  299. Marion D
    July 27th, 2007 at 7:29 pm [Reply]


    Rebeccah is right. If we can get April’s aging pedophile uncle back playing the penisophone, and some more Up With People songs written by Alan Alda and Marlo Thomas, this could be the hottest Canadian band since the Crash Test Dummies!

    They’re just that good They’re good. Very good. Very. Good. Very.

  300. Marion D
    July 27th, 2007 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail is going to ask Sam if she has any fantasy type thoughts she’s never been able to experience. Cuz he surely does.

  301. Tabby
    July 27th, 2007 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    I love horses. Never got over the whole 11 year old girl thing. I wanted to see the ponies in MW.

    What kind of saddle is that? Not a western saddle. Not an English saddle. Kinda sorta almost an Australian saddle? And, yeah, no helmets and no idea what to do with the reins, either.

    Be careful what you wish for.

  302. Marion D
    July 27th, 2007 at 7:35 pm [Reply]



    *grumble* Okay, I’ll have to erase the memory on my Cherry 2000 when I get home, but it’s worth it! It’s worth it!

  303. CrabbyGenes
    July 27th, 2007 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    #175 Squid Countess. Your comment left me open-mouthed. I DO read comics aloud! Have I mentioned it on this blog and just forgotten it? or are you psychic?

    My dad, now 80, had a tradition of reading the Sunday funnies aloud to us every week over Sunday breakfast. I continued the tradition by reading comic collections to my daughters. In recent years I have updated my dad’s custom by now and then calling my (18-year-old!) daughter from work and saying, “Get on the computer and get up the comics, I’ll read you the ones I like today.”

    Love your scenario, and I will be happy to be the read-aloud person!

  304. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 27th, 2007 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    OMG, everybody! I think I’ve found out how Michael Patterfoob got published.

  305. Cedar
    July 27th, 2007 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    #296 I think it’s cool too. Although the drawing of the strip has gone downhill over the past few years, I’ve always liked LJ’s style (especially the way she draws dogs). I’ve also admired her willingness to play with perspective and movement, which is one of the reasons I found that section so interesting.

    That being said, I still don’t understand why she draws Liz’s cat to look like a ferret. The toy cays she has there look relatively normal.

    Also, has there ever been an emu in the strip?

  306. AppleGirl
    July 27th, 2007 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    296 – CrabbyGenes – I really enjoyed seeing Lynn Johnston’s reference albums! It’s fun to see the process behind an artist’s work. Back in the day when I was a commercial artist, I had many files just like hers. Also, there are books published for illustrators that have photos of every imaginable pose of people and children, taken from many angles. I just donated all my reference books to the public library in Virginia last year before my big move to the west coast.

  307. Doug Puthoff
    July 27th, 2007 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations Josh! I found out and you and Batiuk. You now have a famous arch-enemy! You are Marty Moon to Batiuk’s Gil Thorp. All you need now is a Van Dyke and a radio show–and lose a ton of money hustling golf.

    But seriously, folk. JUST HURRY UP AND KILL LISA, BATIUK! Your behavior is bordering on the sadistic. We now she’s going to die, so put her–and us–out of our misery.

    And speaking of Gil, this strip possesses all the goofieness of a Bullwinkle cartoon, though none of its wit.

  308. Spiny Norman
    July 27th, 2007 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    I was even more mystified by MW than usual, but I think this scrap of paper I found explains everything:

    Dear Diary,

    I feel so radiant these days! I’m all aglow with the deep, deep joy of confronting my “difficult adolescence.” As you know, Diary, I was troubled in those years–deeply troubled–by an inner sadness and extruded sexual organs that prevented me from enjoying my one true love, riding ponies too small for me. I even considered going into medical research in order to find a cure for my condition!

    But, Diary, I’ve met a man who can truly work miracles! His name is Dr. Drew! He’s not at all put off by my two-tone helmet hair, and at the Hearts of Palm–after I confessed my secret shame–he revealed that his surgical specialty is excising extruded sexual organs!!! (He performed the procedure on himself ages ago.)

    I look a little odd now, Diary, but today I spent all day riding, and I’ve never felt better, especially now that I’ve had a special saddle designed. Got to go! More later…

    And Daddy, if you’re snooping in my stuff again, can you PLEASE give me some privacy? This is my PERSONAL diary! I mean, REALLY!

  309. CrabbyGenes
    July 27th, 2007 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    Welcome, Josh’s Mom! Do you happen to like embroidery? Because in about 100 more comments, I am going to declare EMBROIDERY THREAD! If I’m still here, that is.

    I mean, Josh HAS warned us, right? About the probable scarcity of new posts from him this weekend.

    We pretty much covered the topic of FRUITCAKE in yesterthread stitching. I wonder what tangents will predominate in this one? I’ve noticed that stitches tend to be few and far between during what is, for you people, the wee hours of the morning. It’s kind of fun to watch from over here, who tends to post very late at night or very early in the morning.

    And now that I think of it, I really won’t be here to observe today. We have an invitation to lunch with friends, and after that we’re going to a fireworks festival. I love fireworks! In Japanese, the word is “hana-bi” which translates as “flower-fire” or maybe “fire-flower” if you go more for the poetic syntax rather than the literal syntax. One of my favorite words, actually. Prettier-sounding than “fireworks.”

    See you all later, maybe!

  310. CrabbyGenes
    July 27th, 2007 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    Can’t leave without saying to #304 SPIDER-BRICK that that link is a hoot! Thanks!!

  311. Rainbird
    July 27th, 2007 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    308 Spiny Norman: I think that is all her father does, is snoop, after all he is the advice colunist. Perhaps that is where he gets all his ideas from, his daughter confessing her latest problem. He’s run dry, and perhaps that is what is troubling him. No one writes to him any more. He has to make it all up

    And CrabbyGenes, I don’t do embroidery any more, but I do knit. I am sure there are a bunch of knitters out there. Knitting is apprently the new big thing in the 20-40 age group. Not sure what it is replacing, though.

  312. True Fable
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    #175 Squid Countess – Yes!! That sounds like a smooth little bit of heaven there, sweet thing. Jack & RC, sittin’ on the porch surrounded by the people I love. And goats. Lots of little goats.

    #297 Buck Ripsnort – No, for once I am telling the absolute truth, all my goat links are for the real thing – goats. Strictly SFW. This is where the “True” part of my name comes in. :-)

  313. Vince M.
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    I like seeing that when Lio does speak, it’s in fluent Frelengese.

  314. Harry Paratestes
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    Why not a huge, hulking, muscular goat instead?

  315. King Folderol
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    GA – Yeah, those moonshine and chitlin’ taxes are sure rough on those hillbilly stereotypes.

    (DT) GT – Gaaaah!!! I know I’ve commented on the manliness of the woman in Gil Thorp before, but Kelly’s jutting jaw and broad shoulders make me think that I’d be doing a whole lot of masturbating if I lived in Milford.

    MW – Furthermore, Mary’s carrying nothing in that paper bag…she only has it with her to suffocate herself if the conversation with Wilbur goes on any longer.

  316. NotThatGuy
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    #01 Tabby, it’s NOT an Australian saddle. Nor is it an endurance saddle. Nor is it a treeless saddle, a flat racing saddle, a dressage saddle, a forward seat saddle, a stock saddle, barrel racing saddle, or bareback pad. It might be a leadline saddle, accentuating that Dawn is riding a pony of not more than 12 hands high (Drew is on something even smaller) and perhaps she’s so desultory about the reins is because someone is leading them around while she and Drew natter (Drew has no hands on the reins and his head-up, ears-back pony isn’t taking the whole thing well at all.)

    I suspect Drew’s mount is walking on a crest in the middle of two trenches, so Drew’s feet don’t drag.

  317. NotThatGuy
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    #305 Cedar, I think Lynn Johnson draws dogs well because she likes dogs and looks at them. She doesn’t like cats, therefore why use a reference? She’s also right up there with Mary Worth as far as horse anatomy, but at least her horses are horse-sized.

  318. Kip W
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    GA – Slim’s plan seems to be based (perhaps freebased) on something from a slapstick animated cartoon. Why does he need to enlist the help of his friend? Why not just tie a handful of birthday balloons to the three-ton monster and pop them from the ground with a peashooter? Or fly over it in an airplane and hold a horseshoe magnet out the window? Questions need to be asked: if he could afford this magnificent chunk of unearthly rock, why didn’t he just pack up the truck and move to Beverly (Hills, that is)? He could still sell it for a tidy pile and cash out of his crummy old house, and it would save him from the inevitable denouement of standing in the middle of his own yard, staring up hopelessly as the shadow (contrary to the laws of such things) gets larger and larger, and having to decide whether, at the last demisecond before impact, to hold up a sign that says “Eep!” or open a ramshackle little umbrella.

    (“Derle”? Is that a name? “Hi, I’m Lery. This is muh brother Derle, and this is m’other brother Derle.”)

    AD – My stars, it’s the Bruks Brothers, from “Short Ribs”!

    FOOB – Redemption of Rebecca? Well, maybe she could sacrifice her life to help kill Lord Granthony (aka He-Who-Should-Not-Be-Dated).

    MFFIt’s time to come out of the closet and confess that I’m… …unable to spend less than a week beating any concept I come up with into the goddamn ground. (Just another reason I call him Mallard Fucking Fillmore)

    Motorposus @47 – Excellent aural imagery. I hadn’t realized MT was such an ensemble strip!

  319. True Fable
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    #314 Harry Paratestes – You mean like this?
    Well, I considered it, but I had in mind goats that would stay in the yard and not kill anyone when it goes into rut.

    We’ll have our hands full just keeping some of us natural born troublemakers out of trouble, especially once Jamus the Bartender gets here and Abbey or June or Miss Buxley comes by to visit!

  320. Foobar
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    Oh man, that song. The funniest thing is that it exists. I laughed harder at the fact that the file opened than at the content (which I have not been able to fully listen to yet. It’s like Vogon poetry. I’ve got to take it in chunks.)

  321. True Fable
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    #319 WHOA! Not that any of us humans would do anything to the goats for our troublemaking. The goats are strictly for admiring and mowing the grass. Just need to make that clear before Chennux starts salivating and warming up his magmacannon.

  322. Slither
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    Oddly enough, almost no information about all things jaily can be found on the internet.

  323. Harry Paratestes
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    TF #319
    Beasts like that are handsome, but I was thinking more of Tennessee Meat Goats:

    They’re a breed which get muscular from an inherited form of myotonia that causes them to stiffen up and flex (goat isometrics!) and thus get huge muscles. They’re like the Hans and Franz of the goat world.

  324. Slither
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: The diminutive size of the horses being ridden by Dr. Drew and Dawn actually makes sense, since they’re both used to having unusually tiny things between their legs.

  325. Mooncattie
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    #188 – Your Imperial Galacticness, I’m still hoping to score a ride aboard the celestial comic-hopping cruiser “Tarzana Nights” and hope you’ll make a quick pit stop to pick up us Mudges from north of the border before you give downtown Toronto your patented Zap Treatment! Perhaps Skullturf and I can fashion a hitching thumb from pieces of hockey sticks, poutine and Celine Dion. I’ll bring the Moosehead!

  326. Major Hoople’s Boarding House
    July 27th, 2007 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley

    Nobody got it. Slim bought a fiberglass replica of a metorite from a old science fiction movie. When it gets dropped, it’s going to be a giant basketball.

  327. Joe Btfsplk
    July 27th, 2007 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    What? No! You can’t cut back on posts this weekend! Don’t you understand, man?! He’s going to release the birds! Soon!!

  328. Anonymous
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    There is absolutely nothing about Wilbur’s speech or behaviour that suggests he’s Dawn’s father. If I saw this strip without context, I’d think he was her emotionally abusive husband or some sort of stalker.

  329. nsr
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

    Prime Margo in Fri’s strip. That exquisite neck. The cruel, sensuous mouth. Those haughty eyes cast back over the shoulder. God help me, I love her so.

  330. dozens
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    Derle is willing to volunteer killing people, no questions asked, but apparently destruction of property is crossing the line.

    Glad to know the Alley is full of these standup citizens.

  331. Non Compost Mentos
    July 27th, 2007 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    #304 Spider-Brick: What I really love about that Atlanta Nights link is that it intentionally leaves out one of the key hoaxsters–Gail Martin, of course!

    In 2004, just after her well-received collaboration with They Might Be Giants on “Tarzana (not Constantinople),” Dave Barry invited her to tour with the Rock Bottom Remainders. (Incidentally, while Gail and Amy Tan certainly hit it off, both remain coy about the nature of their friendship. Rumors to the contrary, there are no known photos of Tan with her hair in a braid. On the other hand, there’s more than a hint of autobiographical detail in Gail’s 2005 song “The Joy Fuck Club.”) She learned of the “Travis Tea” project from Stephen King, apparently while helping him fix his guitar between sets (King later said that Martin had “slipped off her G-string” for him).

    Always happy to help out with a good literary prank, Gail provided the SF writers with several unused pages of the Galt! libretto for inclusion as Chapter 34 of Atlanta Nights, but insisted that her participation be anonymous. To take the gag a little further, project leader James D MacDonald attributed Gail’s chapter to the “Bonsai Story Generator” computer program, describing the text as “machine-generated word hash.”

    Good times….

  332. Mibbitmaker
    July 28th, 2007 at 12:03 am [Reply]


    FOOB: Okay, clearly Lynn is now aware of the popularity of the Hoo Guy. I dunno; now that Lynn’s giving us the Hoo Guy intentionally, it’s just not the same. Also, now Becky says she’s too good for her own good. Well, by all means, do poorly and destroy your potential in your career. You should ruin everything to fill up April’s ego, Becky. Dipshit. (April’s doing fine without needing ego boosts. Exactly, Apes: STUFF IT, Eva!!)

  333. Joe Btfsplk
    July 28th, 2007 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley – OK… You don’t just drive to a dealer conveniently located a few miles from your house and buy a six-foot-diameter meteorite. Meteorites that size have names, and articles about them in encyclopedias, with pictures. But, our Slim-man here nonetheless has the kind of money squirrelled away that enables him to buy this thing on a whim. And that creaky relic of a truck that he drives didn’t do a backflip when he plopped a small asteroid into its bed, or bottom out with its wheels splayed sideways under the enormous weight, which must be something like fifteen or twenty tons (though it’s kind of hard to estimate, as the proportionate dimensions of Slim, the truck and the meteorite keep fluctuating from one episode to another). Even if I accept that Derle-dude’s probably-Vietnam-war-surplus Huey is able to carry such a thing, there’s no chopper in the world with enough lifting power to suspend my disbelief.

  334. Slither
    July 28th, 2007 at 12:08 am [Reply]

    I hereby claim bragging rights as being the first to have the song “Everybody’s Different” by 4Evah an’ Eva, on my iPod. I’ll play it whenever I need to be reminded of my place on the food chain. However, I fear that place may have just dropped a few notches.

  335. Spiny Norman
    July 28th, 2007 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    #315: King Folderol: love the paper bag comment.

    #331: They Might Be Giants are serving as my kids’ anti-FOOB / Barney musical influence (along with the Beatles, Cake, Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs, Billie Holiday, Bessie Smith, The Andrews Sisters, Evanescence, Barenaked Ladies, The Beach Boys, The Mamas and the Papas, Buddy Holly, the Eurythmics, Glenn Miller, the Klezmer Conservatory Band, K. T. Tunstall, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Mary-Chapin Carpenter, Lucy Kaplansky, Nickelback, Pink, Paul Simon, and pretty much anybody else I can summon up to drive that crappy crappy crappy crappy crappy crappy shit out of my gray matter). (I figure, with our eclectic musical taste, there’s at least one band in there that will keep 95% of the Curmudgeons from dismissing my musical taste entirely.)

    Josh’s Mom: Hi and welcome to the insanity! Just got off the phone with my own mom and dad, who are rampaging around Alaska on their We-Just-Retired RV trip, contributing to global warming, frightening the local wildlife, making bad moose puns, and doing things with empty five-gallon ice cream containers that can barely be mentioned in decent company. Now that I write that down, some of the stuff we riff on in the comics is comparatively sensible!

  336. Spiny Norman
    July 28th, 2007 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    9CL: Best version EVER of “Is You Is Or Is You Ain’t My Baby”–Joe Williams. Also best version of “I Want a Little Girl,” “Teach Me Tonight,” and, best of all, “Smack Dab in the Middle.” CD: Joe Williams’ Finest Hour. If you like jazz / blues , you will not be disappointed. I discovered him through a Roulette label collection that I bought in order to find (I kid you not) “Leader of the Laundromat,” a ’60s parody of “Leader of the Pack.”

  337. Spiny Norman
    July 28th, 2007 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    I should mention, in case it’s not obvious already, that I’m a little odd.

  338. NotThatGuy
    July 28th, 2007 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    #333, Joe, I think Slim bought a rubber meteor.

  339. Mibbitmaker
    July 28th, 2007 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    Since #332, I took a second look at FOOB, and it’s Gerald who’s impersonating the HOO Guy. What sick, twisted mind games is Lynn playing, anyway???

    Aw, HOO is just the group’s catch phrase now. Proving that FOOB is not the opposite of HOOey!

  340. Skulking on the Outskirts
    July 28th, 2007 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    Squid Countess, may I join you on your ‘Mudge retirement home porch? I’ll bring lots of maple syrup. It goes well on ice cream (so I’m told, I personally don’t believe in polluting my ice cream with anything but whipped cream). Emperor Chennux has a thing for syrup, I understand. Maybe it will distract him from the goats. They’re much too cute to let them get magmacannoned.

    On another topic: Okay! All right already! I have been sufficiently teased, tormented, lured, and manipulated! I will go listen to the damned song now!! Are you all happy?!

  341. Skulking on the Outskirts
    July 28th, 2007 at 12:33 am [Reply]


    …..oh, dear God, I think I sprained my ears…..

  342. Skulking on the Outskirts
    July 28th, 2007 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    ….and I’m in serious need of an insulin shot. Gaaaagg.

  343. Poteet
    July 28th, 2007 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    # 175 — Hi! I’m finally back, and…what did you say? I’d get to be on a chaise longue, always with five cats on my lap? I accept the post! Totally! Someone’s got to do it. Thank you, Squid Countess. Heaven, I’m in heaven….except now I have to depart for the night. But not before saying welcome to Josh’s mom.

    # 280 — And yeah, Dean what you said.

    # 296 — And thank you, sister Crabbygenes, for respecting my deep religious beliefs:-).

    RMMD — And also before I leave, I find this storyline boring even with a big explosion just added in. Bring back Fencing Frank or Penniless Hand-Wound Guy or some other colorful character who has nothing to do with corporate boardrooms. And feature June in the foreground with her sweaterpuppies shown in loving detail.

  344. Skulking on the Outskirts
    July 28th, 2007 at 12:57 am [Reply]

    Ah, Poteet, thanks for reminding me….I also want to say welcome, Josh’s mom! And I’m also putting in my vote to have Mrs. Josh’s Mom pick the COTW. Pretty please?

  345. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 28th, 2007 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    It’s getting late, have you seen my mates
    Ma tell me when Chennux gets here
    It’s one o’clock and I want to snark
    Gonna face Lynn Johnston without fear

    That old Mallard’s drunker than a barrel full of monkeys
    And old Thorax, he don’t care
    June Morgan’s in bloom with her big ol’ bazooms,
    a cutting remark and a stare

    Don’t give us foobish patronization
    We had it with your telethon
    Saturday night’s all right for snarking
    Getting my sarcasm on

    Get about as oiled as an HO train
    Gonna set this blog alight
    `Cause Saturday night’s the night I like
    Saturday snark’s all right, all right, all right!

    A3G: “What’s more, she’s been home two hours, and she STILL hasn’t cooked dinner! Just because Ruby made 12 pounds of ribs doesn’t get her off the hook! It’s her night!”

    Archie: That’s not a “subcompact economy car.” That’s a Mighty Wheels. Which explains why they let Moose buy one.

    C’Shaft: Ha ha! Hatefulness is funny! Good times.

    Curtis: Geez, not a “Little Shop of Horrors” plot. I hope it eats Gunk.

    DT: “Gretchen, give us a detailed description of the man whom we had in custody at CIA headquarters until about 15 minutes ago, and whom we made a perfect reproduction mask of, which is laying right over there where Tracy dropped it!”

    FBOFW: The Redemption of Rebecca begins. We can only hope Redemption Equals Death.

    GT: Believe me, Coach Kaz, you will soon learn you do NOT say “no” to Gail Martin! She’ll braid your short hairs!

    BB and H&L: Saturday must be Golf Strip Day. When does “Good Joke Day” come around?

    JP: “I’m a little too precocious for Mr. St. James! When I slid my hand up his inner thigh, he must have jumped three feet!”

    MT: Kerchief Count: 1

    Big Dog: Kerchief Count: 2

    MW: What is that under Dawn’s eye in Panel 2? Did she fold her nose against her cheek to get it out of the way? (Kerchief Count: 3)

    MC: “The Croaker.” I love it. He’s a frog/toad, plus it implies he kills people. (I think Bridget should wear more kerchiefs.)

    Pluggers: Finally, a Plugger couple that doesn’t practice interspeciation. I used that big word to distance myself mentally from the fact that the husband dog is staring at his wife’s ass while he says “MMMM…”

    RMMD: I’d lay down good money that Hugh isn’t dead. Either he’ll be hospitalized (in which case a deathbed confession may be in the offing), or he had the chauffeur bring the car around.

    Tumbleweeds: Kerchief Count: 4. Otherwise, this strip is beneath notice, as usual. In fact, I don’t think I even read it.

  346. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 28th, 2007 at 1:01 am [Reply]

    Those who are asking Mrs. Noodlefoot to select the COTW… you do realize you’re asking the poor woman to read upwards of 2,000 comments, don’t you?

  347. Spiny Norman
    July 28th, 2007 at 1:01 am [Reply]

    Ballard Street: And thus, medical students, lithotomy was born…

    A3G: Margo!

    Beetle Bailey: “Especially for a guy missing so many parts!”

    Bizarro: Wish like HELL I could do that in real life.

    Cathy: At my husband’s family reunions, the Activity Schedule is very similar, but a little darker: Stretch. Bitch. Snipe at the relatives who didn’t show up. Roll eyes about the relatives who did. Decide the pool is too cold. Go out to a movie. Drink margaritas. Segue to Jack Daniels. Eat spumoni. Argue about who didn’t mark their margarita glass.

    Crankshaft: Golly, that in-laws’ family reunion is starting to look positively jolly by comparison!

    Crock: “There’s a telethon going on in Canada that may be of some use to you.”

    DtM: “Yeah, she’s just smarter than they are. That pretty much does it.”

    FC: “And if you don’t look up, you won’t see the blood stains.”

    GA: Because the first thing people do when confronted with a meteor in fingerprint it. And conjugate it in present indicative: “I suck. You suck. He, she, it sucks. This strip sucks. We suck. Y’all suck. They suck.”

    (DT) GT: Good old Platt Tech, I remember it well, especially the fight song:

    Fight on, fighting plattypi,
    Fight on, fighting Platt!
    We will make our rivals die,
    We will squish them flat!

    We’ll eviscerate their dreams,
    Punch them in the face!
    Fight on, noble monotremes,
    Shoot them into space!

    Hey, my hair is pretty weird,
    Looks just like a wig,
    But one day I’ll get paid good cash
    To stand there “looking big.”

    Still brings a tear to my eye…

    MW: Creepiest. Kiss. Ever.

    PBS: Love this strip normally, but if Wilhelm the Aquatic Lamb is going to be anything like Connie the Judgmental Cow, I may burst a blood vessel.

    Pluggers: When my husband says “third time this week,” usually he’s got a happier look on his face. Guess I’m not a Plugger.

  348. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 28th, 2007 at 1:11 am [Reply]


    DT: Oh Dick, you changed your name to Gretchen. That’s so darling.

    Luann: Womenses, they love a man in a uniform. So if you’re trying to get your baby sister all hot and bothered… No?

    H&L: This and Beetle Bailey both do angry golfer jokes on the same day. What are the odds?

    MC: A bat who dresses up as a bat? Not much of a disguise. (But Ed Power seems to have the same gripe about Burton’s Batman that I did.)

    MW: Thank God Drew and Dawn are wearing clothes. Otherwise we’d be in Love Is… Land.

    GA: Slim, if you don’t want to be connected to this, maybe you shouldn’t have paid… Ah, why bother?

    BC: Did Johnny not teach his kids English? Maybe this makes sense and is funny in the original Aramaic.

    9CL: Thorax’s father is a Thorax ventriloquist’s dummy. That’s some clean-burning nightmare fuel.

    A3G: From King Features Syndicate:
    Life has been somewhat of a bumpy road for this lovely brunette talent agent. And although she’s considered the hothead of this close-knit trio, she most often has been the anchor of calm for her roommates, Tommy and Lu Ann.
    So “anchor of calm” translates to “vicious psychopath”? Not that I’d have it any other way.

    TDIET: Looks like “the urge to make him short” would involve a machete. Don’t know how they plan to make the boss concise, though.

  349. AppleGirl
    July 28th, 2007 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    Hi, Josh’s mom!

  350. Holly
    July 28th, 2007 at 2:10 am [Reply]

    Oh my god! The HOO GUY!

    Wait, it’s Gerald? It wasn’t Gerald before. Gerald was the one whose announcement of whoopie brought the “hoo.”

    WTF, man, eh?

  351. SecretMargo
    July 28th, 2007 at 2:20 am [Reply]

    A3G: See Kaz, that’s how you bust up a party while keeping your coif and accessories impeccable. Stand back Tommie: it’s all over but the punching.

    Crankshaft: That’s right — sell low, buy high. Internet stock is the surest bet in the business! It says so right here on*!

    *powered by Amazon, Google, and

    MW: Drew, succumbing to eohypnosis, unwittingly touches off a Class 3 nuclear event as he dislodges and swallows the uranium capsule that’s been stuck beneath Dawn’s tongue since a particularly cruel friend slipped it to her at a rather unfortunate rave she attended during the particularly unfortunate “Deee-White” phase that formed but a part her spectacularly unfortunate adolescence, telling her it was X “with a wicked half-life.” After the intense yet pallid glow subsides, Drew discovers that the main result of the incident was similar to a certain other comics page denizen’s brush with a nuclear spider: he now had the proportionate wit, charm, and follicle hardness of his would-be equestriconquest. Though this meant that he soon lost his medical practice, friends, and social standing, he found solace in the simple pleasures to be found in the butting green Dawn built behind her house, from which the rhythmic clanging of their helmetted heads locked in a perpetually percussive mating dance of unrequitable desire could be heard long into the night.

    FBoFW: Becks. Seriously. Ditch these patronizing losers and assault a paparazzi or fuck that metalhead you met at Promises or just fill a bathtub with ill-gotten “bling” and run your wicked little fingers through it, cackling. And make sure to take Gerald with you. Teach him what the real meaning of HOO can be. Encourage him to send Apes’n’Eva “Wish you were her” postcards with your face pasted onto them. Show those bitches what the view from the top of the food chain really looks like.

  352. Cornwhacker
    July 28th, 2007 at 2:21 am [Reply]

    296, etc: You’re all missing the most interesting revelation in those reference books: Paul Wright’s name was originally Dave.

    Well, I thought it was interesting.

  353. jamoche
    July 28th, 2007 at 2:27 am [Reply]

    OK, I have to admit it, GA makes me laugh. Not at the plot itself, but at the idea that it actually got written. It’s beyond surreal, and I can only guess that the writers have a pool going for when their bosses finally ask them what they’re smoking.

    It reminds me of the old movie Creepshow – the segment where Stephen King plays a not-too-bright farmer (or, as we called him back at Texas A&M, an Aggie) who finds a meteor and has all sorts of problems with it. First he thinks scientists are going to pay big money for it, and then, when it breaks open, he imagines those same scientists shaking their head sadly, going “A broken meteor? No money for you!” I’m just waiting for them to drop the meteor and break it.

  354. Jack Parsons
    July 28th, 2007 at 4:11 am [Reply]

    Today’s MT, third panel:

    What was I doing? Something about releasing birds? But I have no birds to release!

    Hey! Half my mouth is gone!

  355. Jack Parsons
    July 28th, 2007 at 4:18 am [Reply]

    Today’s Zippy.

    The Doggie Diner heads are truly awesome. There was a chain called Doggie Diner in SF which had a giant fiberglass dachshund hound head, rendered (as usual) very faithfully by Griffy. Griffy does realistic roadside memorabilia which is supposed to talk, while Elrod’s realistic giant animals are just accidentally verbal.

    The chain closed, several heads were destroyed, and somebody has a collection of three on a flatbed trailer in a warehouse somewhere. They bring them out and park them in the street for various alt-cult happenings.

  356. Jack Parsons
    July 28th, 2007 at 4:22 am [Reply]

    More information can be found on Laughing Squid.

  357. True Fable
    July 28th, 2007 at 4:44 am [Reply]

    RMMD I called Pete bringing the car around and I’m betting this is still the case. Can’t let Hugh die; he’s too much fun when he’s an asshat and when he’s groveling it’s just like rubbernecking at a car wreck.
    The question on MY mind today is, if June is leaning against the sink counter in panel one, How the hell can she be horizontal in the air with her feet above where she stood before? Did the explosion make the ground jump straight up? Is she levitating somehow? How is this pose possible, or is the artist taking a page from Gasoline Alley’s Highly Impossible Logic Dodging Artwork?
    Hugh go boom. Film at eleven.

  358. True Fable
    July 28th, 2007 at 4:52 am [Reply]

    MW What’s that I hear from the bushes? “Curse you, Drew!” Sunday will probably be a pornacopia of Drew -n- Dawn, ending with Dawn writing his name over and over in her spiral bound notebook at Iwanna B. Wealthy College of Future Doctors’ Wives. What do you want to bet that come Monday, Vera will be free from her tension-filled, 80 hour week as a clerk-typist long enough to go out with Drew, and he will have the joys and high meddle potential of juggling two girls at one time.
    It happens all the time, Drew. Face it; you may think the target is someone else, but you’re really just screwing yourself when all is said and done.

  359. True Fable
    July 28th, 2007 at 4:56 am [Reply]

    MT Oh ye of little faith. Mark, don’t you know by now that the Fists O’ Justice can stop bullets?
    Of course, your head, torso and arms & legs don’t stand a chance, so you’re going to have to do that thing Wonder Woman does with her bracelets or bangles or whatever they are, and deflect theh bullets. Or have Sam flash her charms at Buzzard and you can use the distraction to get the rifle away from him, and then will come the Punches of Doom.
    Piece o’ cake.

    JP Oh for pete’s sake! WHAT ABOUT ABBEY???

  360. MonkeyHawk
    July 28th, 2007 at 5:24 am [Reply]

    Tinsley’s lost his driver’s license.

  361. willethompson
    July 28th, 2007 at 6:04 am [Reply]

    ‘Mudges, I am impressed. Well into the 300s on comments and still going strong. I see AFKAB, the Brick, TF, Spiny Norman and Secret Margo have trained well for the Josh’s Mom’s Visit marathon. And MonkeyHawk is keeping us current on the news.

    Still, the way Josh said, “Um, my MOM’s in town and I won’t be able to SEE you or CALL you or anything…” makes me feel, oh, I dunno, kinda like he’s ashamed of us, like he doesn’t want to introduce us to his MOM…

    …not that I’m bitter or anything…

    PS – #340 Skulking! You were warned! “Don’t open Pandora’s Box,” you were told. “It’ll be a BAD thing,” you were told. “You’ll need industrial strength Q-tips, the ones with acid-impregnated steel wool to clean your ears afterwards,” you were told…

  362. Ogg Ogglesby
    July 28th, 2007 at 6:12 am [Reply]

    MW: OMG you can see the cut line from her rhinoplasty, further evidence if any was needed, of Dawn’s unfortunate adolescence. Wonder if she has any other body mods, like a tramp stamp or enough piercings of her labia to impersonate an ocarina?

  363. T. Chicana
    July 28th, 2007 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    I was at work when all the hoopla about the Foob song was going on. I didn’t want anyone to see (or hear) me do it, so I waited until I was at home. Today I have a bad hangover and I couldn’t sleep. So…I did it. Why didn’t I heed the warning of that one poster, who, early on, compared it to watching the video in The Ring?! OH WHYYYY did I DOOOO it?!!! How can I UNDO it? An’ I only made it 40 seconds into the song.

  364. True Fable
    July 28th, 2007 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    Review: “Everybody’s Different” by April Patterson & Eva Whatshername

    Thank you and welcome to Truman A. Fable’s Music Review. Today we have the task of examining a recent musical effort from Canada.

    This recording is perfect. Perfect in the sense that, if you ever needed an example of what NOT to record, this is it.

    Let’s put the lyrics aside for a moment (god YES PLEASE put it aside!) and concentrate on the sounds.
    The guitar has an aggressively jangly, now-pay-me-for-my-studio-time-so-I-can-get-drunk sort of sound once only found on old Archies songs. The drums are an uninspired boom-thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-chiss! that defies positive emotion, and the resulting chord progressions, while dutiful, go nowhere but back to another dreadful verse. The voices are easily recognizable as the very girls who sing happy, chirpy, wholesome songs about the wonders of the world, as only a two year old could love. It’s as if you can hear their latest hit, This is a potato: “This is a potato/Potatoes are your friend!” Their desperate cry to flee their Chirpy Song prison is searing in its painful need to be heeded.

    The lyrics are supposedly written by a rock and roll teenager but I must be mistaken. One can find the same sort of lecture in a Jack Chick booklet, only minus the religious overtones, and with the rhyming talent of a five year old. So simple, so direct – so so. One would think this was written by a sixty year old woman with unresolved personal issues who is still wearing blinders to real suffering and difficulties around her. Ha, but that can’t be.

    The merging of sound and lyrics gives rise to this frankly awful attempt to “capture the sound of today’s youth”. You read things like that in Time and Reader’s Digest, and other periodicals written by crusty oldsters who only want young readers for their circulation numbers and the bottom line. They don’t really know what young people do or say or listen to, and neither does the producer of this song. It has all the banality of an Anne Murray song, only without her soothing tones. While Ms. Murray’s voice at least sounded pretty as honey, this unfortunate tune only brings the white bread to the picnic. No filling, no spices, nothing healthy – it’s just white bread, the ho-hum shell that only inspiration and effort can transform into something digestible.

    This is no rock song. This is not even an easy listening song. This is a Veggie Tale filled with condescension about brotherly love and topped with a hefty dollop of poser.

    My recommendation: Bury this song before the stench gets to you.
    /TF rant

  365. Major Hooples Boarding House
    July 28th, 2007 at 8:04 am [Reply]

    Mal-lard Frigmore

    MonkeyHawk wrote:

    Tinsley’s lost his driver’s license.

    Plus he wouldn’t pass a drug test. Not only at the Tour de France, but writing for daily comic strips.

  366. Major Hooples Boarding House
    July 28th, 2007 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    From yesterthread,I’ll ask again…


    Rebecca was wearing a plain bustier with laces yesterday, but today (2 minutes later) she’s wearing a striped bustier? Doesn’t anybody check for continuity?

    Today it’s Rebecca talking to April & Eva

    (3rd panel) Gerald’s is in the background.

    (4th panel) (same angle) Shan-non is in the background

    Doesn’t anybody check for continuity?

    Hello, hello FOOB Central -

    Doesn’t anybody check for continuity?

  367. Motorposus
    July 28th, 2007 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    MW – What appears to be a chaste and tender kiss between Dawn and Dr. Drew is actually an endorsement for “Gee, Your Right Nostril Smells Terrific”.

    Okay, I’m totally leaving town now.

  368. Wellsey
    July 28th, 2007 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    Kaz went to Platt Tech? A tech school with a physical education degree? Also, a Platt Tech shirt. Awesome. Something along the lines of “I Majored in Phys Ed at Platt Tech, I Minored in Face Smashing!”

    JP “I’m a little too precocious for Mr. St. James.” Ugh. You would be the most despised girl in the school if you went to public school, you despicable little twit!

    MW What? How do you get from actual horse riding to kissing just like that? Drew is such a hussy.

    My Cage: Is that a typo in the second panel???

    Pluggers marry women who can’t cook.

    RMMD: Le piece de resistance du jour! Goodbye, snobbish Hugh, we hardly knew ye!

  369. T. Chicana
    July 28th, 2007 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Major Hoople #366: About Rebeccah’s bustier…well, they also dropped the H in her name. Continuity obviously isn’t as important as showing that she is a hussy! Not a proper lady like the profusely-sweating-in-a-purple-v-neck-sleeveless-sweatsuit Apewill.

    Becky’s costume really looks like something you would see in an amusement park. At Cedar Point here in Ohio, there’s this heinous show at a place called “Lusty Lil’s.” It’s like an Old West brothel or something. And the costumes look a lot like Beck’s. Although there’s something vaguely clownish about her ensemble, too.

    Lynn clearly wants other busy body mom types to say on the Ellie’s Coffee Talk, “Tsk, tsk, that’s an awful lot of cleavage for a telethon for ree-rees! But I’m sure glad Anthony is back! My own kids haven’t wed yet, though, so thanks for bringing me the magic…I feel like I’m you…sigh…” And so it goes on the Coffee Talk.

    oh…….. oh no. Back to the toilet for me!

  370. T. Chicana
    July 28th, 2007 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    wow, two posts using the word “hussy” in a row! This is the blog for me!!

  371. Squid Countess
    July 28th, 2007 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    #360- Monkeyhawk you simian/avian dog, you – why so quiet? Anyway, thanks for making my morning! Tinsley’s policy:”I never drive my car unless I’m too drunk to balance my bike.”

    In other news, My mom has started writing Tiger from heaven. I do think today’s entry is cute.

    #246 SPOI – Excellent!! “huff butane” is my favorite.

    #260 Harold
    Dr. Drew: “Dawn, that’s a lovely little thing you’re riding! Is it an Arabian?”
    Dawn: “No…it’s a Sybian.”

    Bwahahahahahaha…gasp…hahahaha! (I’m OK to reveal I know what a Sybian is, my mom’s distracted writing Tiger.)

  372. AhClem
    July 28th, 2007 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    RMMD – Won’t they ever learn? Elvis and Hugh have teamed up to create yet another meth lab in Heather’s garage, with the inevitable result.

  373. kate
    July 28th, 2007 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Final Orbit is my nomination for …. I’m not sure what, but I am so happy now that I have read #261. That is all.

  374. Major Hooples Boarding House
    July 28th, 2007 at 9:35 am [Reply]


    Don’t worry. Hugh will appear from the smoke and flames just like Uncle Fester did in Adams Family Values.

  375. True Fable
    July 28th, 2007 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Hugh gets blasted out of RMMD, SuperCedric is buried under Sophie debris in JP, Drew and Dawn kiss as if they aren’t leaning toward each other and their horses are stick horses in MW, and the birds are still waiting to be released in MT…. I believe I will fade any moment, the excrementexcitement is too much for me to bear…
    But I’ll take leather helmet head Dawn over the Foobs any day.

    Major Hooples – I sure hope Hugh survives, RMMD would really miss him, and we’d either have Blondielocks wringing her hands over both Avery men, or Rex trying to seduce Starfish Boy. At least Hugh gets drunk and pisses June off.

  376. willethompson
    July 28th, 2007 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    RMMD: I think that Hugh apologizing was so contrary to his spoiled-toff Breck-girl High-Class-Twit-Of-The-Year demeanor that his head exploded. Or maybe Slim’s meteor hit. The bomb is still in the car, waiting for Heather. I see it as a win-win situation.

  377. True Fable
    July 28th, 2007 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    June can levitate, you know, according to today’s strip.

  378. cheech wizard
    July 28th, 2007 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    RMMD – Wow, the car bomb was so powerful, it even shook the artist’s workboard.

    Anyone else think that Heather’s the one who planted the bomb in both the car and Milton’s plane? Now if she can just get rid of that troublesome nurse….

    Of course, if Jack Chick were drawing this, Hugh would have died on good terms with June and Heather, but it would be all for naught because he hadn’t accepted Jesus. Then Heather would finally open her robe the rest of the way, revealing Satan’s face growing out of her belly – BWA-HA-HA!!

  379. Calico
    July 28th, 2007 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    RM – The Payoff! Hoo-ahh!


    Maybe he won’t die, like Niki’s Mom.
    Then Hugh can clean June’s garage again while Rex takes Niki fishing with his Rod.

  380. Calico
    July 28th, 2007 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    FOOB – my new meditation word is:


  381. Red Greenback
    July 28th, 2007 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    GA: Nice to see Derle wasn’t too drunk when he got his tats, or he could very well have come to the next morning to find “DEATH BEFORE BLUEGRASS” on one shoulder and “TAXES RULE” on t’other. “We’ll wipe the fingerprints off before delivery-with our FINGERS!”
    Hi Josh’s Mom! We are all so proud of your kid!

  382. Zamboni_Rodeo
    July 28th, 2007 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    Your imperial holiness G.E. CHENNUX, I must apologize on behalf of those boozing earther astro/cosmonauts. I know space travel must be perilous enough without having to worry about drunk drivers all over the Andromeda Belt.

    RMMD: DAMN!!! They had dragged out Hugh’s apology to Heather for so long that I completely forgot about the guy putting the bomb in the car. For once, writing a strip that moves at a snail’s pace turned out to be a good thing, I guess.

    MW: Is anyone else vaguely disappointed by this turn of events? I can’t explain why, but I was kind of hoping Drew would snub Dawn in his pursuit of Vera. I guess men really don’t want women to play hard-to-get after all…

    BaBlu: Countdown until Monkey-Boy wants his room color changed in 3… 2…

    Strange Brew: Bertie Botts branches out from jelly beans into pastry.

    GT: 700 bucks a week? I guess there’s not much profit in doing an all roadhouses and dives tour if that’s all Gail can afford to pay someone to be in her posse.

    JP: SOMEone’s been taking smirking lessons from the gang at Funky Cancerbean.

    Drabble: Passive-aggressive much?

    F-: I seem to recall a Kids in the Hall sketch with a similar setup…

  383. TB Tabby
    July 28th, 2007 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    I don’t read the webcomic “F@NB0Y$” too often, but I saw this one posted on scans_daily, and I immediately thought of the grieving Hilary and Ted Forth.

  384. Ukulele Ike
    July 28th, 2007 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    Laying aside the high amusement factor of Tinsley needing to get around on a bicycle because he had his license taken away, I want to examine the actual text of today’s strip.

    Does anybody know the whereabouts of these Evile Liberals who want to pass laws forcing people to bike instead of drive?

    Over in Paris, the Mayor just tricked a big corporation into paying for a bajillion clunky bicycles, which anyone can rent for about $1.50 a day….pick one up, ride it anywhere you like and drop it off at a depot near your destination. Sounds like a great idea executed neatly, with no dastardly legislation to take away anyone’s civil liberty to sit in an automobile traffic jam.

  385. John C Fremont
    July 28th, 2007 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    RMMD – I LOVE that last panel! Really!

    MT – Crap, now we have to wait until Monday to see Mark let go with his mighty Fist.

    MW – Yup, a nice closed-mouth, tight-lipped ultrawhite person kiss. Even Mary’s probably off to the side saying, “Sheesh!”

    FW – Speaking of, “Sheesh!” Apparently, the letter instructs him to sit on the post office floor.

  386. Ukulele Ike
    July 28th, 2007 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    RMMD: The second panel really is great. I like how Heather appears to be disco-dancing.

    If I was the homicide detective assigned to this case, I would be all about the gold-digging nanny as my principal suspect.

  387. Dean Booth
    July 28th, 2007 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    Great comics and comments today. I’ll contribute my usual nonsense:

    MW: Playing Horsey
    MW2: Love Is in the Air
    FW: The week in FW

  388. NotThatGuy
    July 28th, 2007 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    Pleasedon’tletHughdiePleasedon’tletHughdiePleasedon’tletHughdie (haven’t we SUFFERED ENOUGH with Aldo?)

    Dean Booth, your interpretation of The Kiss in MW is a masterpiece. My helmet’s off to you!

  389. The Divine O’F
    July 28th, 2007 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    Credit Where Credit is Due, Spotty Skims Edition

    Trotzenbonnie: I LOVE your MT poem!

    294 Ukelele Ike: BWAHAHAHA! And Welcome, Josh’s Mom!

    309 Crabby Genes: Enjoy the fire-flowers! I love that!

    Spiny Norman: Thanks for Dawn’s diary entry.

    331 Non compos: And thank you for the new addition to Gail lore.

  390. Calico
    July 28th, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    #385, MW –
    Yeah, even Tommie the nurse got some tongue a while back with that Director guy.
    Lame kiss, Drew. Are you afraid of germz?

  391. Calico
    July 28th, 2007 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    #387 – Dean – nice!

    “Love is in the Air” is my favorite mashup of the three!

  392. SatanicMechanic
    July 28th, 2007 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    No one seems to be talking about the right kind of goats here. PONTIAC GOATS!!!

  393. SecretMargo
    July 28th, 2007 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    389: The Divine O’F: I’ve been meaning to tell you that CrabbyGenes, when we met, actually thrust a printout of your Japanese mental asylum story into my hands when we first sat down and had me read the whole thing before we started talking. And I was glad she did! What a story! I wonder how different our impressions of foreign countries might be if we were habitually introduced first to their mental institutions. (I smell a book deal…..) Anyway, I’m glad you seem to have retained a somewhat favourable view of Japan, and I thank you for the thought-provoking story.

  394. True Fable
    July 28th, 2007 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    MW Wha-! They’re not kissing! They’re rubbing noses!

    Good Lord, Dr. Drew. Even Mark Trail tries to at least make a try at locking lips, even if he has to pinch Cherry’s nose first.

  395. mumbles
    July 28th, 2007 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    #234: Spotted Horse, thanks for validating my repressed memory. Now even the “la-la-la” bridge is coming back to me. And I agree, those young Partridges had the emotional range of ventroliquist dummies.

    #21: I like Mama Mudgeon, or we could call her “Mrs. Josh’s Mother” in an overly deferential tone like the nanny in “The Courtship of Eddie’s Father.” (Josh enjoy the weekend!)

    Could Lynn be shouting out to us with the “hoo!” in today’s strip? Nah……

  396. mumbles
    July 28th, 2007 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    Er, to clarify, I just meant for Josh to have a nice weekend with his mom, and not some weird reference to overly deferential Asian women.

    I think I’m going to have a cup of coffee now…..

  397. Islamorada Girl
    July 28th, 2007 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    I respectfully request Mrs. Josh’s Mother chose COTW.
    Thank you.

    And death to Gil Thorp.

  398. Gabe
    July 28th, 2007 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    Hey, my TDIET is published today! And yes, it’s true. Except I’m not the recepient, my coworker is.

  399. Monster Jamz
    July 28th, 2007 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    i know it has been said before but … um … Coach Kaz’s appearance really freaks me out. he’s like a glam rocker mixed with Barry Bonds.

  400. True Fable
    July 28th, 2007 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    #399 Monster Jamz – “like a glam rocker mixed with Barry Bonds.” LOL! That is so spot on, it’s downright eerie.

  401. Dean Booth
    July 28th, 2007 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    #298. Congrats, Gabe! I saw Gabe in the byline and wondered if it was you. I should have known it was given that CC now rules TDIET. Josh will have to do it up right when he gets a chance.

  402. ElSanto
    July 28th, 2007 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    Good submission, Gabe! Your friend’s dilemma happens to me at work all the time, too. It’s a serious source of frustration when I work at something all day and the boss says, “I want it down to ONE Powerpoint slide.” Gah! I think Homer Simpson once said, “The moral of the story is: never try.” Also, I see you scored yourself a “Y’hear!” Keen-o.

  403. ElSanto
    July 28th, 2007 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    Oh, also I think I’m going to print out the TDIET and hang I up in my work cubicle. I like it that much … and Dillbert is overplayed, y’hear?

  404. Spiny Norman
    July 28th, 2007 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    387: Dean Booth, love the MW kiss and horsey!
    398: Mazeltov!

  405. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 28th, 2007 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    Dean Booth @ 387: Nice treatment of the plywood horses.

  406. Lame Name
    July 28th, 2007 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    If Hugh dies, who will call Heather a gold-digging nanny? And who will insist on talking to her when she’s started to undress, so we can see the cleavage in her gapped robe?
    That does it. If Hugh dies, I am officially naming myself “Gold-Digging Nanny” in his honor. You hear me, June Morgan?
    I did like the shaky panel edges, though.

    366 Major Hooples — I noticed that too, about the bustier. Mainly I was disappointed because I liked the first one better. Sexy! I would wear that! Lynn has committed so many crimes against good narrative in her strip that continuity only counts as minor infractiony, to use a Gasoline Alleyism.

    A3G: Way to call a spade a spade, Margo. They may have thrown in the self-absorbed “we’re the ones who have to deal with her” line to deflect the truth of the statement, but come on.
    Here’s LuAnn’s internal monologue: “Must keep attention of bland boyfriend. Must extract promise that he will never leave my side. Must … squeeze … out … a … tear. My puppy died in fifth grade! My puppy died in fifth grade! My puppy died in fifth grade! Waaaaaaaahhh!”

    347 Spiny Norman FC — Ha ha ha! I could never have come up with something that good.

    FW: Letter of Tragedy III: The Sitting.

    MT: Mark and Sam must be playing leapfrog.

    MW: The Virgin of Guadalupe has just appeared behind Dawn and Drew.

  407. AtomicDog
    July 28th, 2007 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    9CW: Ah, Thorax – The Jar Jar Binks of 9 Chickweed Lane.

  408. Lame Name
    July 28th, 2007 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    387 Dean Booth

    I literally laughed out loud at both your MW treatments. Thanks!

  409. AhClem
    July 28th, 2007 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    Gabe -
    How long ago did you send your idea to Scaduto, and how quickly did he respond?

    I sent him some ideas a couple of months ago, but haven’t heard a thing.

  410. The Divine O’F
    July 28th, 2007 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    Squid Countess: If it’s not too late, I’d like to join you on the CC old age porch. I’m not sure what I could contribute, except appreciation of everyone else. Plus I’ve already got a lot of the age.

    True Fable: Another great rant!

    389 Secret Margo: Thanks! I’m so glad you liked my mental institution story. And I like your idea of spending two weeks in a mental institution as the best way to get to know a new culture. Talk about your “total immersion….”

    398: Congratulations, Gabe! I look forward to reading your TDIET if I ever again get time to read the comics.

    407 Atomic Dog: BWAHAHAHA!

  411. AtomicDog
    July 28th, 2007 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Why should she have to BUY anything? How much the hell longer do you think she’s going to live?

  412. Epoxy Creep
    July 28th, 2007 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Awe…some.

  413. AtomicDog
    July 28th, 2007 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    CancerCancerCancer: “Congratulations! You have just inherited Cancer!”

  414. Gabe
    July 28th, 2007 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    Took about 6-7 weeks for him to respond with “I might use it.” A month later I got the print in the mail (I guess he decided to use it) and two months after that it appeared in print.

  415. Dean Booth
    July 28th, 2007 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    Will Josh’s mom choose the COTW? — Josh Reeds: Comic Blogger. (Josh, I know your mom is probably much younger, but I gotta work with the materials at hand.)

    #405 Brick, I remember reading your comment. It sunk into my subconscious and apparently I pulled it out again unrecognized.

  416. Slither
    July 28th, 2007 at 1:23 pm [Reply]


    FOOB: Uh uh, this isn’t happening. Becky isn’t about to suddenly “go nice” and get back together with 4 Evah an’ Eva. Sorry, Lynn, you created a monster, now she has to play the part. There is absolutely no way that Becky is going to genorously share the spotlight with her inferiors, and we all know it. She saw how good April and Eva are as singer/songwriters (yech!) and she is now plotting to eliminate the threat by, maybe, employing them as her “backup” band or using them as her “entourage.” Trust me, it will end up being all about Rebecca, and what’s best for April, Eva, Gerald and the other guy will not be of any concern to her.

    Barney Google: Hmmm. Loweezy is going to straighten up her house with that little tack hammer. This should go down in history as one of the great engineering feats of modern times.

    FW: So, now he knows. Unfortunately, just as Darin finds out who his birth mother is, she is about to be killed off by that sick monster Batiuk.

    JP: Ok, Sophie’s smug precociousness just went too far over the already-crossed line. Now she needs to be beaten senseless with her own laptop full of global-warming hooey.

    Jump Start: Marcie, my dear, I’ve seen Halle Berry — and you’re no Halle Berry!

    Mallard Fillmore: My main duck gets it again! I also am a whole lot “greener” than than those who claim moral superiority on the environmental consciousness agenda. My ’03 Corolla gets 41 MPG highway, 28 City, and I only drive it around 9,000 miles a year. I deliberately chose to live 2 miles from work, so I would enjoy a short commute, which I also do on my bicycle whenever possible. I conserve energy in any way I can, I’ve been re-cycling long before it was fashionable. I’ve probably accumulated less than half of the “carbon footprint” of the average American, simply by making the right choices in my lifestyle. And no legislature has had to force me to do this. BTW — the last Cadillac Escillade I saw was being driven by a woman, well-dressed, professional-looking, and it was sporting an old Kerry/Edwards bumper sticker. The truth is, conservatives usually conserve, but liberals want to empower themselves by forcing you to conserve.

    Mark Trail: Mark sure missed out on a great opportunity while he had Sam tied to that tree. The heck with the birds, the heck with the airport, c’mon, baby, let’s have some kinky bondage sex!

    Mary Worth: Yes, Dawn is happy for the first time in her life. The problem is, Dr. Drew will be cheating on her before she can say “helmet hair.”

    Non-Sequitur: Ah, another ball-busting feminist Nazi. How clever! I am so glad this is going to be continued in September. By then, I’m sure I’ll forget it ever happened.

    Popeye: Castor Oyl? I wonder if Olive also has siblings named “Peanut,” “Safflower,” and “Canola?”

    Zits: Jeremy Duncan has created a new job classification: Cell Phone Secretary/Personal Call Screener.

    Luann: Are we to gather that Luann actually admires Brad now that’s he’s a firefighter? If so, Way To Go, Luann! You’re a good sister, whom I’m sure, deep down, Brad loves very much!

    Andy Capp: That Lobster and Vine Tomato Salad is $60.80 in US Dollars. For that price, it had better dance a little jig as well!

    Jane’s World Classics: That Jane would be one lucky guy, if she were one! I view Jane’s World Classics on, and what I really like is that image of the two lesbian women, holding hands, the one looking askance at the audience. I so don’t get it. Why doesn’t Braddock apply that level of artwork to her strip? The strip is drawn in such a juvenile manner that it could have been done by Mikhela Reid, Lynn Johnston, or even me!

    Nancy: Yea, Sluggo, my main man! You get it — but then again, you usually do! And If there’s ANYONE who knows anything at all about conserving energy, it’s you, my old son!

    The Boiling Point: Looks like Mizz Reid should have extended her vacation for a few more weeks. The creative juices just aren’t flowing.

    Doonesbury: This latest storyline about Roland Hedley in the White House Press Room is just not funny. Let’s go back to the soldier girl.

    State Of The Union: Shrub’s legacy will be that of probably the most inept President since Jimmy Carter.

  417. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 28th, 2007 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    Lame Name @ 406 wrote:

    Lynn has committed so many crimes against good narrative in her strip that continuity only counts as minor infractiony, to use a Gasoline Alleyism.

    You mean… an Alleygory?

    And I think you should name yourself “Gold-Digging Nanny” anyway. That’ll show ‘em. Show ‘em what, I don’t know, and I’m not clear who ‘em are either. But it sure will, you betcha! Oh-h-h-h-h yea-a-a-a-ah!

  418. The Divine O’F
    July 28th, 2007 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    MT: I’ve finally figured out how Mark Trail is able to stay so fit despite his relatively sedentary job: he spends a lot of time jumping to conclusions.

  419. True Fable
    July 28th, 2007 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    #407 Atomic Dog – Despite the fact that I generally like Thorax, your observation that he is “the Jar Jar Binks of 9 Chickweed Lane” is 24-carat Snark Gold. I laughed so hard I started to hack for breath. XD

  420. Spotted HØrse
    July 28th, 2007 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    #369 T. Chicana:

    Becky’s costume really looks like something you would see in an amusement park. At Cedar Point here in Ohio, there’s this heinous show at a place called “Lusty Lil’s.”

    You know, my first thought about Rebecca(h) in the last panel was that she looks rather like an inflatable Gentleman’s Companion.

  421. The Divine O’F
    July 28th, 2007 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    Gabe: Finally read your TDIET, and it also works for editors and writers.

  422. April (not a Patterboob though!)
    July 28th, 2007 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    Foob – has anyone else noticed that Rebecca is dressed like a character from the popular Broadway musical “The Lion King” in the last panel of today’s strip (07/28) ? She’s got a mane and whiskers and everything.

    Maybe tomorrow Elly will make an appearance as Grizabella from the popular Broadway musical “CATS”. We can only hope.

  423. Spotted HØrse
    July 28th, 2007 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    FOOBish mp3: Think twice before you dish out the pain?

    I always think twice. I ask myself: Is it dishy enough? Is it painful enough? Will the recipient be emotionally/spiritually crippled for life by my painful, dishy thrust, or merely devastated?

    #415 Dean Booth: You are a force of nature, sir! A god of comic thunder!

  424. Piper Grey
    July 28th, 2007 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Well, they finally got round to the bomb in the car. Now, the question is not whether Hugh is dead or alive, but who gets to grovel next at the altar of June’s sweater puppies?

    MW: Drew and Dawn kissing look just like two hand puppets being mushed together. Who will Punch hit next?

    A3G: All I can say is, thank the universe for the Vicious Goddess, Margo, in her full glory.

    JP: Enough with the global warming nonsense already. Let’s see something happening somewhere. Maybe Sam and Trudi were indulging a little ‘offstage’ action when they were ‘checking the accounts’. Yes, ‘checking the accounts’ is the new ‘cleaning the garage’. You heard it here first, folks.

    FBOFW: My eyes jumped out of my head and hid on Mars when I read the ‘song’ lyrics. There is no way that I will ever listen it., at least, not while I still have ear drums.

    FW: How many diseases Darin is catching sitting on the post office floor? There must be something that causes cancer on the bottom of people’s shoes…

  425. True Fable
    July 28th, 2007 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    #423 Spotted Horse – I find that a nice generous ladle dishes out the pain with a side order of discomfort leftovers to boot. It’s all the rage in at Montoni’s of Cancerville.

  426. True Fable
    July 28th, 2007 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    #425 “in at”? “IN AT”??!?!

    Prepositions for sale! Fresh, overstocked prepositions!

  427. Non Compost Mentos
    July 28th, 2007 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    Deathy Cancerfate: “Your birth mother is…” (name cleverly obscured). What do you want to bet that the person at the Ohio Health Department is the twin sister of Lisa’s doctor, and has sent poor old Derwood the wrong friggin’ name?

    Man, oh, man, is Comic Book Guy ever gonna be surprised when Darrold hugs him and says “Mother?”

  428. Spotted HØrse
    July 28th, 2007 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    #425 True: Hmm. Like it. Now do you prefer a tureen of pain, or chafing dish?

    I don’t monitor the sitting temperature of my pain. Fuck ‘em, let them get FOOB borne illness.

  429. monsieurjohn
    July 28th, 2007 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    I’m gonna go ahead and predict that Darrin and Jessica in FW are brother and sister. Somehow. I dunno if someone else already predicted it, but I wanted it to be in writing from me.

  430. Non Compost Mentos
    July 28th, 2007 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    FoobSong update, if anyone cares: As I mentioned, I sent a note to Elly’s Coffee Talk (though not about daughters or dawgs or New Yawk), in which I said “Thanks for the mp3 version of “Everybody’s Different!” I have added it to my mix CD, right along with the Shaggs’ greatest hits!”

    So this morning, I got a nice email from the Foobsite’s webboss, Stephanie van Doleweerd, saying, “Ah yes, the Shaggs…didja know they’re Frank Zappa and Kurt Cobain approved?”

    No doubt about it: I like Lynn Johnston’s minions far more than I like Lynn Johnston.

  431. True Fable
    July 28th, 2007 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    #428 Spotted Horse – I find that a Crock Pot of pain keeps it all hot and moist and disease-ready. It’s the modern conveniences that separates us from the animals.

    That, and scissors. Even great apes struggle with scissors.

  432. smokie
    July 28th, 2007 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    Mary and Wilbur seems to be attempting to back away Slooooowly from the homicidal transvestite in the first panel,
    “Just… smile and back away away quietly, keep waving- don’t make any sudden moves.” They are going to use those battered cinderblocks they are carrying as a last resort, if the murderous tranny attacks.

  433. AhClem
    July 28th, 2007 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    FW – The Health Department folks have carefully torn away the bottom corner of the letter, so the name of the birth mother is missing. Darin will frantically tear open the envelope and overturn wastebaskets in the post office lobby trying to find it. Laffs galore will ensue.

    Reminds me of Frank Burns in the “Pioneer Aviation” episode of M*A*S*H, but without the humor, good writing and believable characters.

  434. queek
    July 28th, 2007 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    416: slither, this weeks Doonesbury included Helen Thomas, and thus is awesome.

  435. Poteet
    July 28th, 2007 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    MW — Oy, this is so pathetic. I looked at Drew and Dawn (argh) and suddenly “I HONESTLY LOVE YOU” came to mind (don’t hit me, I heard it blaring from a store loudspeaker recently, it wasn’t my fault!) because I thought one verse said “There you are with your horse and here I am with mine.” So I actually checked the lyrics on two sites online and apparently they actually say “There you are with yours and here I am with mine.” Huh? So now I don’t even know what the song lyrics refer to. Genitalia? (I did warn you this was pathetic.)

  436. Remus
    July 28th, 2007 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    C’mon guys, that song (Everybody’s Different) on the site is sweet. After hearing it, much like Gerald and Gap-toothed guy, all I can manage is a rousing “Hoo!”

    Hoo! indeed.

  437. AhClem
    July 28th, 2007 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    Poteet -
    If that song gets stuck in my head, there will be — jaily or not — an eBay meteorite heading towards Iowa.

    Back in 1975, I was on a cross-country road trip from Michigan to California. Somewhere around Cedar Rapids, they were playing one of her songs on the radio — it may have even been that one — and afterwards the DJ referred to her as “Olivia Newton Pig.” Damn near drove off the road with that one.

  438. Gabe
    July 28th, 2007 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    429 Monsuier: Not only wre you beaten to it, but the online comic Shortpacked! drew a comic about it months ago.

  439. monsieurjohn
    July 28th, 2007 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    438 Gabe … oh well, I figured as much. Now we get to find out if it comes true.

  440. commodorejohn
    July 28th, 2007 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    9CL – Completely insane, but moderately amusing as well.

    A3G – So when do we get an “I ? Margo/Margo ? Margo” shirt?

    Archie – I know a guy who tried to test-drive a Miata. He couldn’t fit inside.

    A.D. – Unfunny: the B.C. strips produced after the death of Johnny Hart.

    Crankshaft – For someone who could easily be put in a nursing home, she’s awfully mouthy.

    Curtis – Holy expletive, Gunk’s eyes changed position!

    DTM – Potential for Photoshoppery involving Joey’s fudgesicle: infinite.

    DT – Until they find out that the farm is hosting the 35th annual Convention of the Blind and Elderly, that is.

    FOOB – The fact that this is not infuriating me like most FOOB strips attests to just how blatantly this is stolen from the teen comedies of the 80s. As long as Lynn isn’t trying to create original material, she’s pretty good.

    FW – Gee, that subplot only took sixty-five million years to resolve. Oh wait, it’s still not resolved. Nothing’s ever resolved in Winkerworld.

    GA – Now I’ve got the most horrible images in my head, inspired by Derle’s use of the word “conjugated.” Also, “Gluerags rules;” they’re really sparing no expense to show us what sort of fellow this ‘Nam vet is.

    GT – Yeah, Gil’s right; Gail’s cover of “On A Plain” is exceptional. In my mind, it ranks right up there with Cobain’s original. But holy cow, Kaz, Gail wants you. Do not pass this up.

    H&L – In Loisland, anger moves you into an alternate universe temporarily.

    JP – You know, Sophie would be a lot more adorable if she didn’t come down with Man Face every time she got a close-up.

    Luann – It’s actually pretty cool that Evans added some posters to the background in Luann’s room. I like it when people show an eye for detail, even if they are kind of sketchy. Wait, does she have a Beatles poster? Does she even know who the Beatles were?

    MF – Yeah, yeah, here’s your medal. I like that Tinsley has to note that his bike is not actually small enough for a duck.

    MW – I refuse to believe that’s Dawn’s hair. That’s clearly a leather helmet.

    NS – Continued in September!? Geez, why can’t anybody ever actually see their subplots through?

    Pluggers – just referenced Monty Python. Universe implosion in 5…4…3…2…hey, is he staring at her ass? Although as far as female Pluggers go, she is pretty attractive.

    RMMD – I’m no physicist, but I don’t think an explosion that merely takes out a window would send anybody flying. Particularily when the explosive was strapped to a car parked a good twenty or thirty feet from the house. Also, will Hugh be killed, or merely horribly maimed and crippled for life? This not being Funky Winkerbean, death is a possibility, but we shall see.

    SM – He isn’t wearing his costume. You know it. He’s just that much of a screw-up.

    Edison Lee – Edison’s mother is fucking creepy. Slylock’s dead stare on a body that’s a third-rate knockoff of Calvin’s mom…brrr.

  441. commodorejohn
    July 28th, 2007 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    Dammit, it removed the hearts from “I

  442. Gabe
    July 28th, 2007 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

  443. commodorejohn
    July 28th, 2007 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    Argh, darnit, it did it again.

  444. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    July 28th, 2007 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    Archie: Moose’s relationship with his automobile is reminiscent of the TDIETiverse. See here or here or here.

  445. ChristianPinko
    July 28th, 2007 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – Ironically, Hugh could have saved his own life if, instead of riding in a car, he had chosen to be a pedestrian.

    MW – I can’t explain why, but this is really disturbing me. Maybe it’s Drew’s dead eyes just before the kiss. “The thing about Drew… he’s got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll’s eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn’t seem to be living… until he kisses ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then… ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin’.”

    DT – Is anyone else wondering why the Russian guys didn’t tell the American cops right away that the old guy was brainwashed, instead of going to the trouble of kidnapping Gretchen and then trying to swap her for her uncle? Just me, then? Okay.

  446. BigTed
    July 28th, 2007 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    I wouldn’t worry about “Kaboom” too much. It may sound like a powerful explosion, but to tell you the truth, the stuff doesn’t even clean your toilet all that well.

  447. AtomicDog
    July 28th, 2007 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    419 – True Fable:

    I’m sorry if you like him, but to me, every time Thorax pops up he gets in the way of the story and I just want him to get his “musings” over with and leave. Glad you liked the snark, though.

  448. dale
    July 28th, 2007 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    Funky – Doesn’t Ohio Health have some standard form letters to choose from?

    Luann – I don’t think Brad is smart enought to be a firefighter. Would they really trust him with one of those power saws that will slice and dice a dump truck?

  449. Poteet
    July 28th, 2007 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    # 420 — BWAHAHA! Spotted H0rse, you are definitely on a roll today. And by the way, extremely belated thanks for the kind cat words, and best regards to Magenta (what a great cat name).

    # 437 — Sorry, AhClem. And if that infernal song stays stuck in MY mind, I might welcome the obliteration of a meteorite.

  450. Dennis Jimenez
    July 28th, 2007 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    So has anyone else noticed that Get Fuzzy has, well, er, … sucked for quite a few weeks now?

    And our little Luann is growing up, which sort of sucks, too, but then Luann has pretty much always sucked.

    S4th – Don’t fret, Ted – there’s a whole shelf of Sweet Valley High awaiting you in the juvenile fiction section of your local library.

    There’s actually a little do do it every time truth to today’s TDIET – I wouldn’t give this strip to anybody on suicide watch.

    JP – This guy can draw smug – I’ll give him that much.

  451. True Fable
    July 28th, 2007 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    #447 AtomicDog – Heh, no worries. He does get in the way, and when he appears more than three days in a row he gets me testy, so I understand where you’re coming from. I like his off-the-wallness, which reminds me of my uncle. Those kinds of things are passed down. Of course, I’m not off the wall. I careen off the ceiling like my father.

    #445 ChristianPlinko – re: your RMMD snark: I read that and the first thing that came to mind was, “I wish I had thought to say that, dammit!”

    All this prime snarking today is going to give Josh fits to have to choose.

  452. Rainbird
    July 28th, 2007 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    Slither (#416)-I don’t read Jane’s World online, but I find her stories to be fun. It isn’t supposed to be Dykes to Watch Out for, it is just supposed to be a funny strip about women who happen to be lesbians. So, if it is drawn like FOOB, then that just proves the point.

    As for Andy Capp since Reg Smythe has been dead for a while, who knows when the original strip was written, so the Dollar vs Pound might have been better, such as when it was almost one to one back in the 1980s.

  453. Kip W
    July 28th, 2007 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    Spiny Norman @336 – Oddly enough, the 78s collection at has a side by the Detergents, and it’s not “Leader of the Laundromat,” it’s Double-O Seven. Go figure.

  454. Spiny Norman
    July 28th, 2007 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    453: Kip, that was great! (It even has the self-referential “I don’t know” at the end.) I’d never encountered that song before. You should still find and listen to “Leader of the Laundromat,” though, if you haven’t. It’s great Proto-Snark.

  455. Micah
    July 28th, 2007 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    I dont know about you, but to me dropping a meteor someWHERE sounds a lot less “jaily” than dropping it on someONE. Apparently ‘nam was especially bad for derle.

  456. John C Fremont
    July 28th, 2007 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    The soda jerk from yesterday’s Gil Thorp? Post-stroke Vin Diesel. And today, by the end of the strip, Coach Kaz has morphed into one of the Rocky Horror ensemble guys. Not one of the “It’s just a jump to the left,” guys, but one of the “And then a step to the righ-yigh-yi-i-i-ight,” guys.

  457. Rainbird
    July 28th, 2007 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    OK, Spny Norman, I found the Detergents on iTunes, so on your word, I’ll buy Leader of the Laundrymat, just to keep my mind of the sort of stuff that FOOB has been putting out.

  458. Kip W
    July 28th, 2007 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    Spiny Norman @454 – Yes, I’m aware of “Leader of the Laundromat.” I’m not sure if I have it on vinyl or not (it doesn’t seem to be on the Rhino LP I bought for “I Want My Baby Back” by Jimmy Cross), but I heard it a few times on Dr. Demento.

    Wazzat? Comics? Okay, I’ll get back on topic in a second. First, I just want to mention some gently used household items for sale at a reasonable price…

  459. Mibbitmaker
    July 28th, 2007 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    I dunno about characters seen as bad in comics, “humanized” only to die in a car. First we see stalker Aldo forced into shame, just to die in a car falling off an improbable cliff. Then snooty, snotty Hugh Avery makes a big apology, just to (possibly) die in a car rigged to explode.

    Now we have Rebecca(h) needlessly humbled for being a success. The odds have her dying in a car. Probably from a badly-aimed meteorite!

  460. Spiny Norman
    July 28th, 2007 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    OK, here’s a shameless last-ditch play for COTW:

    New! From K-Tel! The Greatest Hits of 4-Evah!

    1. Everybody’s Different (But Deep Inside, We’re All the Same!)
    2. Everybody’s Smart (But Deep Inside, We’re All Stupid)
    3. Everybody’s Virtuous (If You’re a Patterson)
    4. Everybody’s Beautiful on the Inside (But Outside, Most of Us Are Trolls)
    5. War Is Peace
    6. Some Animals Are More Equal Than Others
    7. Josh’s Mom Is a Goddess
    8. My Ex-Best Friend Is a Slut
    9. Everybody Can Draw a Great Comic Strip If They Really, Really Try (No They Can’t)

    Now I must go to a party where people will shamelessly ply me with wine from the blasted, parched wasteland that is northern California…poor, poor me….(mock sniff)

  461. Cornwhacker
    July 28th, 2007 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    Saturday’s Rex Morgan has gotta be the most exciting strip since this one. (We nicknamed this gal “Skanky”, but I feel I should point out that her name was actually Gretchen ).

    387 Dean Booth: You’re missing a “#2″ on the back of one of those horses.

  462. Jym Hooo!
    July 28th, 2007 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    =339= &c. Foob (Mibbitmaker &c.): As one of the people Gerald tried to impress by insinuating that he’d gone roadside with April, Gap-Toothed Starey “Hooo!” Guy is certainly a major figure in his life. In today’s strip Gerald tries to emulate his hero, but he’s one “o” short of a a “Hooo!”

    Exhibit A: The Master at work. Notice the extra-large “H” and the way the “o” keeps shrinking. Genius.
    Exhibit B: Gerald failing to get the word right.

    At night, Gerald wears a special brace in a desperate bid to spread his incisors apart.

  463. Mibbitmaker
    July 28th, 2007 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Like I said in #459, Hugh becomes a nice character after being a jerk, only to maybe die in the explodey car. He’s this strip’s Rosalind Shays.*

    *think: “LA Law”, open elevator

    9CL: That’s Thorax father??? (“Pap”? Really??) taking both the visual image and the type of dialogue, this must be the humanoid version of “The Brak Show” from Adult Swim.

    DtM: Yeah, she can keep boys — and everyone else — away with her two legs becoming one big leg with two knees on it! Eeeewwwww!

    H&J: Well, if you find yourself possibly appreciating him, just repeat to yourself: “Twanna Brawley” (or whatever parody name this strip has for her), and you’ll be back to disliking the bad Rev. in no time.

    JP: By this time, I’m sure even Al Gore can’t stand that girl.

    MF: Between JP’s version of Dakota Fanning and this strip’s drunk duck, there’s some evidence that smugness over global warming is bipartisan.

  464. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 28th, 2007 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    I predict that Darrin is Vera Shields’ love child by her brother Von, born when Vera was only 14 and given away to protect the family honor, and Sophie is his younger sister. And Heather is Vera and Von’s half-sister by their mother and Milton Avery, meaning she unknowingly married her own father!

    Oh, and everyone in GT is a space alien.

  465. Mibbitmaker
    July 28th, 2007 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    MT: Here we have Trail showing those political villians the proper way to use “WHY” in a sentence, which applies to WHAT and other such words.

    MW: Those lines in panel 2 are actually the beginning of a sudden explosion of both their heads. The goopy, goofy storyline has caused this effect, with the “kiss” finally setting it off.

    NS: Sure, when dealing with his bad-girl daughter or ne’r-do-well brother, or doing his left-wing radio stuff, this guy’s always portrayed as the Voice of Reason. But have a woman interested in him without him reciprocating, and suddenly he becomes the Wiley Archtypical Idiot Male Human ™ who really is interested but dopey, yadda, yadda, yadda…

    R&R: But how could he discover that tree when he looked at it with his patented No Eyes Sideways ™ ? Furthermore, why doesn’t the cartoonist’s other strip, Adam, have characters suffer the same malady? Boggling minds want to know!

    RMMD: I love the panel border in p2! I do the same kind of panels where applicable. Nice effect.

    TDIET: Excellent “Urge” in this one.

  466. Mibbitmaker
    July 28th, 2007 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    I just realized that my NS comment was done TDIET-style! Even my “Yadda, yadda, yadda” is Scadutoesque. O-OH YEEEAAA-A-AHHH!!! (Oh, brother!)

  467. Tabby
    July 28th, 2007 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    #316 NotThatGuy – you, too, must be a horse person!! And from the sound of #317 a cat person, as well? Josh attracts all the best people!

    Another strip I never followed (even looking at the pictures bored me) ’till I found Josh – Gasoline Alley. I must admit to being rather bemused at Derle. Both the term “jailey” and the character conveyed in the way he’s drawn are more interesting than what I’d expect from GA. Do we ever get to see more than just the titular Alley? What about the rest of the town? Main Street? The other side of the tracks? The trailer park? Where does Derle live & does he have family? Are these dangerous questions? Will they lead me to places I don’t really want to go?

  468. commodorejohn
    July 28th, 2007 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    #467 Tabby – I dunno about most of your questions, but Derle clearly lives on a hobby farm/makeshift copterport, probably way out in the sticks where the fuzz won’t find the strange weeds that are taking over his tomato patch. He’s probably right next to the guy who watches for UFOs on a nightly basis in his tinfoil hat.

  469. LTBF
    July 28th, 2007 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    She’s staying down here the whole 24 hours? Not everyone has a mom like you!!!!


  470. Tabby
    July 28th, 2007 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    sounds like some of my neighbors.
    We moved out to the country a couple years ago & mostly, it’s great. Quiet, starry night skies and amazingly friendly neighbors. You have to sort of train yourself to respond in kind and wave back as you drive down the road, and then to return to your stoney city-face on trips to town.

    But there are a few neighbors you just kind of wonder about. I did not know that people really do line their caps with a strip of tinfoil. And there are more than a few funny weeds in tomato patches a little way down the road.

  471. commodorejohn
    July 28th, 2007 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    #470 Tabby – Indeed. I wouldn’t trade rural life for anything, but those occasional odd neighbors can be a bit strange.

  472. Tabby
    July 28th, 2007 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    I somtimes wonder if they think we’re odd . . .

  473. Margaret
    July 28th, 2007 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: June’s hand got blown off! How else to explain the wrong angled hand coming on on the right hand side? Or is that Hugh’s hand that got blown through the window?
    My bet is that Heather will die just as they find Milton, alive, floating in the frigid Atlantic, having survived by slitting open the belly of a grey whale and crawling in a la Luke Skywalker.

  474. Squid Countess
    July 28th, 2007 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    Divine O’F It’s not a bit too late to reserve a spot on the porch at the goat farm and spa for old ‘mudgeons; we’re still in planning stages. (see #175.) The place needs a name. Found Forest? Snarkdom? PTJ? (Praise the Josh?) PTJ sounds like quite the compound. Big high fences behind which goats run free and Gail Martin plays on loud speakers and old people laze around drinking Jack -n- RC or Trotzenbonnie’s Mint Juleps as they make derisive “Hoo” noises about the bad comics, applaud the good, and listen to Paperback Rifler’s latest song parodies. If you weren’t there, Divine O’F, who would organize the charades? Neither Dingo nor SecretMargo has reserved a spot, but if they move in, I want them both on my charades team. Dingo seems to have endless film knowledge, SecretMargo literature and pop culture, then I need Skullturf for math and Moon Mullins for …well, whatever he’s supposed to be co-writing a text book about, and HBGlord for music, and Spider Brick for …trains. You never know when you’ll have to act out Wabash Cannonball or something.
    Does your Prudential agent have a plan like this? I think not! =)

  475. Ol'Froth
    July 28th, 2007 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

    MW: That’s no horse! Its a sybian!!!

  476. Aldo Kangeroo
    July 28th, 2007 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    It’s a little late for the old hippy in Gasoline Alley to be worrying about jail time; it looks to me like what he’s got in the back of that truck is the Williamette Meteorite, the largest meteorite ever discovered in the U.S. That’s going to be worldwide news, and he’s going to have the FBI all over him.

    Still, we have to give him his due: sneaking it out of the American Museam of Natural History can’t have been easy, and transporting a 15 ton meteorite in the back of an old truck must have taken some serious mods to the truck.

  477. Jym Dyer
    July 28th, 2007 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    =384= DS (Ukelele Ike): More information about evile “greens” on bicycles can be found on the Internet, often under my full name (above). Yep, it’s true, in my non-comic-strip-snarking life I’m a carfree bike-riding eco-activist. I haven’t actually noticed anyone or anything “legislating” people’s cars away, but I don’t live in the same right-wing batduckshit insane universe that Tinsley inhabits and April sings about.

  478. Anonymous
    July 28th, 2007 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    Wait, so… it doesn’t sound ‘jaily’ to drop a Meteorite on someone and most likely killing them… but it does sound ‘jaily’ to drop the Meteorite on something and cause property damage?

  479. Allie Cat
    July 28th, 2007 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    #460 – Spiny – KTel Records – you forgot the bonus track:

    “It’s OK to go into a burning building if you’re saving the Great Canadian Novel”

  480. mcmc
    July 28th, 2007 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Man, Heather is ruthless. You just don’t mess with a gold-digging nanny. Maybe she felt a little bad when Hugh came around and apologized, but it would have been way too embarrassing to admit she’d been planning to blow him up. Better to just go ahead with the scheme as planned.

  481. LTBF
    July 28th, 2007 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

    Well, morbid curiosity forced me to go listen to that song. It was even worse than I imagined.

  482. Kip W
    July 28th, 2007 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

    MTMark, thank heaven… I was hoping you’d show up. That man is going to release more birds. We’ve got to stop him! “That’s right, honey. But just to keep you safe, I’m going to have to chain you to this tree!”

  483. Hysterical Woman
    July 28th, 2007 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    Thanks to, I just remembered Tinsley’s DUI, which makes his recent “I bike, but I’m no hippie” comic much more amusing. Of course you bike, dude. They took away your freaking driver’s license.

  484. andreavis
    July 28th, 2007 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Yay! shit blew up!

  485. Red Greenback
    July 28th, 2007 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

  486. AppleGirl
    July 29th, 2007 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    Red Greenback – Holy cow! My eyes! My eyes!

  487. AppleGirl
    July 29th, 2007 at 12:08 am [Reply]

    484 – andreavis – I know, huh? Very cool.

    Cars always blow up whenever people are asked to “bring the car around.” Never when “backing out of the garage.”

  488. Spotted HØrse
    July 29th, 2007 at 12:17 am [Reply]

    #449 Poteet: Well, thanks. Poteet! I think that “Love is in the Air,” by Dean Booth, put me in an especially lighthearted mood. Nice to see innocent lil horses find love. Sigh….

    “…extremely belated thanks for the kind cat words, and best regards to Magenta (what a great cat name).”

    Awww… thanks for remembering my cat! Magenta had a little milestone today: her first birdstrike! My sainted Auntie Pat, visiting from Chandler AZ, glanced out the kitchen window and saw her take down a bird. I found no feathers or other evidence that Magenta closed the deal, but still!

    While I prefer that she not go after birds (moths and skinks first, please), I can’t help but be proud of my little Artemis after 7 years of mere bug snacking.

  489. NotThatGuy
    July 29th, 2007 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    MT: Bluefin tuna do not understand the hostility against them.

    Tabby, yes horse person, cat person, and, uh, sheep person. And Curmudgeon, although usually gaping in awe at the snarks on-site rather than trying to feebly insert my own.

    But those MW horses piss me off, man.

    (And RMMD, is Hugh all blowed up? Is it OVER for our blonde, petulant Galahad?)

  490. NotThatGuy
    July 29th, 2007 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    I don’t think Sunday’s Foob is as funny as Lynn thought it would be.

  491. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 29th, 2007 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    Sunday snarkage!

    9CL: Didn’t we just see this in Pibgorn?

    A3G: “Oh, goody! The focus is back on me, Margo, where it belongs! Here… Red, or whatever your name is… I gotta go start my plotline 24 hours early before this mopefest further harshes my buzz!”

    JP: Technically, he just said a lake. He didn’t clarify that he meant the winery is built on a lake… of blood! …Meh, nope, even that can’t make this plotline interesting. Forget I said anything. But meanwhile, what raptor in nature is colored like the one in Panel 2? The Trippy-Crested Tie-Dyed Freakyhawk?

    Marvin: Melkardammit, even Blondie’s anniversary wasn’t this self-congratulatory. Give it up, Armstrong, nobody likes your stupid strip! Just get back to the poop jokes so I can get back to ignoring you.

    MW: Much to snark here: “Would you like to…?” “Yes! Oh, god yes! Let’s stop here, I brought condoms.” Also… age difference? You mean the fact that Dawn’s in her mid-40s? Also also… those are some damn well endowed stallions in Panel 2.

    Phantom: Native chick booty! Oh-h-h-h yea-a-a-ah! As the “NEXT:” box says, “Dig it!”

    RMMD: Still no telling Hugh’s condition, but it’s not looking good. Inside, the explosion blew the red right off Heather’s suit and got it all over June in Panel 5.

    SFx: Slylock knows Count Weirdly is lying about his injury because pro wrestling is fixed and Sam Smasher is a limp-wristed pussy who couldn’t crush a crouton with a pair of Vice-Grips. Besides, he’s Count Weirdly. Count Weirdly always lies.

    SS: Sheriff Tait is a better detective than Slylock Fox.

    S-M: Least surprising “Next” box ever. In order to be more obvious, it would have to read something like “Next: MJ Stands Around Being HOT!” or “Next: Peter Pusses Out!”

  492. rich
    July 29th, 2007 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    Lynn Johnston furiously tying up loose ends…

    Mike finds fame and fortune (check!)
    April finds fame and fortune (check!)
    Liz finds…er…..Anthony (check!)
    Rebekah suddenly matures, and becomes super nice (check!)

    So what’s next, Melville Kelpfroth and Howard Erk show up at the door to beg the Pattersons’ forgiveness? Every trace of conflict will be eradicated by the September (or whenever) deadline.

  493. Joe Btfsplk
    July 29th, 2007 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    #338 NotThatGuy – I considered but discarded the possibility that the meteorite was in fact made of foam-rubber, because even within the context of this brainless mess of a plot, I wasn’t able to accept that a guy with enough basic brain function to operate a computer and drive a pickup could, at the same time, not perceive that the weight and texture of foam-rubber wasn’t appropriate for a genuine meteorite. Though of course, it may just be that even after all the horrors I’ve witnessed here, I still haven’t learned my lesson.

  494. Red Greenback
    July 29th, 2007 at 12:59 am [Reply]

    Spiderman: A Rockomic (1972) by The Webspinners.

  495. Zamboni_Rodeo
    July 29th, 2007 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    Curtis: Wait… it takes an hour to go the long way, but just ten minutes if they shortcut through the cemetery? Just how big is that cemetery?

    It does give me a good segue for my favorite cemetery joke, tho:
    Q: How many people are buried in there?
    A: All of them!

    Thank you! Waitress, veal, tips.

    DtM: Now THERE’s a visual I just didn’t need.

    HtH: This strip is just the Viking version of the Lockhorns, as it turns out.

  496. rich
    July 29th, 2007 at 1:19 am [Reply]

    28, etc.: The 4-Evah FOOB song could easily be a track from The Best of the Brady Bunch. Which is not meant as a putdown — I think the Brady Bunch singers had their charms. Still….. there’s no way an earnest, retro bubblegum tune like this would elicit a sincere “Hoo!” from a modern teen, or be able to compete with the overproduced dance tracks that constitute popular music today….Even in Canada.

    I think Rebecca’s garish “Lindsay Lohan meets Wonder Woman” get-up might be a response to those of us who found April’s “I’m 16, got my foot to the floor” makeover to be particularly slutty. “No, you hosers,” Lynn is telling us, “pay attention! THIS is slutty.

  497. NotThatGuy
    July 29th, 2007 at 1:42 am [Reply]

    #493, Joe, don’t you know there are stony meteorites and iron meteorites and foam rubber meteorites? The foam rubber ones can be further subdivided into open or closed cell foam. I’m sure Slim got a Certificate of Authenticity when he bought the thing.

  498. Mibbitmaker
    July 29th, 2007 at 1:43 am [Reply]


    FW: The 2nd panel in the full Sunday version, we see the certificate. The date given for Darin’s birth happened to be my 27th birthday! Notably (to me, anyway) for being the first time I ever saw the cartoon “Draftee Daffy” (WB, Clampett, 1944).

    FC: “Mommm! Billy’s bein’ stupid again!”

    NS: Cap’n Eddie is Richard Armitage??

    Cranky: “Y’know, that’s just like mah own dawg, Lady Bird, I tell ya what.”

    S-M: Love that “Next” panel!

    FOOB: April: “There! Now you know how ignored I feel, Pops!” Also, forget Liz; John is the one being reverted into a li’l kid. (I know… redundant)

    Adam: Needless to say, they got the rights to the Teletubbies.

    Shoe: Unhappy Gilmore.

  499. Jack Parsons
    July 29th, 2007 at 2:14 am [Reply]

    17: (Blake) FW has a new disease: schizophrenia.

    Schizophrenia is when you stand on the street and scream at gopod. More information on schiz can be found in this freaking awesome book.

    The condition you’re thinking of is Multiple Personality Disorder. This might be new artistic territory for Batiuk: MPD is caused by severe chronic child abuse, usually sexual. Like, for years. If this is Darvish’s story, he would hate his birth mother for allowing him into the clutches of his molesters.

    And I don’t even read the damn strip, I’m just channelling you people.

  500. True Fable
    July 29th, 2007 at 3:03 am [Reply]

    A3G Oh, this is going to be good. Margo will get over there around Thursday (after three days of head-bobbling anticipation and repetitive words) only to find Eric in the sack with his sister-in-law (what brother doesn’t know won’t hurt Eric!) Then the Rampage will begin. Alert Tokyo, Godzilla isn’t dead, just living in Manhatten.
    FW He’s trying to lull us into complacency, but I see a major flaw in the Sunday panel: we can’t SEE that the flagpole is at perpetual half-mast, so how do we know that’s the right post office of Winkersdoom, and that mail really is his?
    JP When I first glanced at this, I didn’t notice Sam’s reply to Sophie at the bottom of panel one. So when she said, “Looks interesting!” and he replied in panel two, “…which I am not”, the stars still felt as if in their correct alignment. Then I notice his word balloon and thought, the first way was better and loads more accurate.
    MT By golly, according to the last panel, it’s Shark Week in the Lost Forest as well as the Discovery Channel.
    MW Would you like to…? Yes? Then later he says he doesn’t think at all when he’s with her. No, he doesn’t. He’s letting his dick think for him.
    RMMD I am still hoping that Little Lord Breck Boy reverted to type and ordered a lackey to start up the car. Hugh would drive it, but he’s above all that “starting up” business.
    FBoFW See, John? NOBODY gives a flying red-winged fuck about your stupid hobby, you have bored everyone around you to tears with it. Now grow up, dammit. And what the hell kind of casserole does Elly have? Did she finally decide to take advantage of a rare John-themed Sunday panel and kill off the bunny or the cat?
    Lynn, Lynn. I imagine even your warped, shrived, tundra’d little mind needed a rest from the Telethon, huh? You’re working too hard writing horrible lyrics and coming up with dumb dialog and character assassination, baby. Let me rub your shoulders for you…carress your Dorothy Hamil-inspired wedge cut… and throttle you good and hard for PUTTING US THROUGH THAT SONG! Even on paper, it stunk, and the mp3 didn’t download onto my computer, I clicked it and the damn thing just started PLAYING! All on its own, AT ME! Your website is fucking POSSESSED!!
    That seals the deal, kiddo, you can’t have ANY of the Fable except when I smack you upside the head with a rolled up newspaper. Bad Lynn! Bad!
    Go shit in the corner next to Robin.

  501. Jack Parsons
    July 29th, 2007 at 3:19 am [Reply]

    DT: The Baron is going to cause “mayhem”, causing an “international incident” which will embarrass “the Local Government”. The newspapers will print “stories” and there will be a “scandal”.

    This is more vague than Sherlock Holmes’ great achievements for the war ministry. At least with Holmes there was a “red-headed woman” to fall in love with; DT has no sex. My Gretchen looks scarier than the Queen of Hearts.

  502. Jack Parsons
    July 29th, 2007 at 3:27 am [Reply]

    DT: If it is a “time-release chip”, rather like a Manchurian Candidate’s Everlasting GobStopper, they can just do an EMP strike in the area and destroy every last chunk of circuitry in a 20-mile radius of “the Barn”. It could fry the old goat, but he’s had a full life of Eastern Bloc spydom. Or as Danger Man’s John Drake used to say, “the Other Side”.

    (EMP = Electro-Magnetic Pulse. Everlasting GobStopper=you have got to see the first Willy Wonka movie. Danger Man=you have got to rent the Secret Agent/Danger Man DVDs.)

  503. Jack Parsons
    July 29th, 2007 at 3:39 am [Reply]

  504. AppleGirl
    July 29th, 2007 at 4:43 am [Reply]

    MT – I hated the story of the finless sharks. It has stayed with me all evening and made me feel so sad. I will never read another Sunday Mark Trail again. Man is too cruel to animals.

  505. True Fable
    July 29th, 2007 at 6:25 am [Reply]

    # 504 My dearest tenderhearted AppleGirl – yes, man is too cruel to animals and has always been that way. Man is also inhumane to man, we know this too. There is nothing I can offer that makes these facts any less painful.

    That is why the Comics Curmudgeon Community is so valuable. We know there are dark and terrible things that exist in the world, and we can do little about them. But we can come here to snark and make one small corner as light as possible. Oddly enough, we sometimes fight fire with fire by using dark naughty thoughts of our own to counterbalance the foolishness and waste we see in the world, through comics.

    Nature is cruel, and Mark Trail only reports the bad with the good.

    Now consider the unnatural worlds of For Better or For Worse or Funky Winkerbean. Pick up your arms with me, my girl, and we shall battle against such inhumane acts against logic and sensibility, together. It may not improve the natural world but it might make us feel a little better. :-)

  506. Keg of Curd
    July 29th, 2007 at 6:52 am [Reply]

    Check out Sunday’s FW. Then flip over to Dean Booth’s Week of Funky Winkerbean. Flip back and forth a few times until you can no longer tell which one is real and which one is parody.

  507. CrabbyGenes
    July 29th, 2007 at 6:54 am [Reply]

    #504, Apple Girl: You might think that because I teach English in Japan, my students are all Japanese. Actually, over half of them are Chinese because my school attracts a lot of foreign students.

    About a year ago, I had to give one Chinese student an excused absence because he was a senior and he had an interview with a company for a job. Later when I asked him how the interview went, he told me that the company was a fishing company, and that he knew they were involved in the cruel treatment of sharks you read about in Mark Trail. I don’t remember if it was a Chinese or Japanese company, but I suspect it was a Chinese company, since they are the ones known for doing that to sharks in order to make sharks’ fin soup. Japanese companies, on the other hand, generally go for the tuna fish for sushi. (Not that it makes much difference what country it was; it seems like every country is to blame for something.) I don’t know if what the company wanted him to do specifically was to train him to hunt and de-fin sharks, but I got the idea that it might have been.

    Anyway, I was happy when he told me that he had turned down the job offer because he wanted no part of that inhumane treatment. In fact, it cheered me up for the rest of the day. So I am passing on this true story in the hope that it may cheer you up too!

  508. Vince M.
    July 29th, 2007 at 7:12 am [Reply]

    476: Derle’s pickup is the same model Oddjob used to haul a cubed Lincoln Continental (gold bars and gangster added).
    If there’s any justice in this world, Tinsley on his bike gets harrassed by SUV drivers telling him ‘get off MY road, hippie!’

  509. Dingo
    July 29th, 2007 at 7:27 am [Reply]

    What is it with Mary Worth and cravats? Every woman in the strip seems to have a treasure chest full of multi-colored cravats waiting to be worn. Is there a store in Santa Royale called “Cravats Crave!” or is there an ordinance?

  510. True Fable
    July 29th, 2007 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    Curtis Props to Big B for giving us a nice, amusing, irritation-free Sunday comic. It’s snarkless but still tasty.
    BB On the other hand, the Walkers portray Beetle as askin’ for an ass-whuppin’. Of course, running across rooftops if kind of nifty but on the whole, I was rooting for Sarge to do some drop-kicking.
    FC Billy Keane: I’ll bet he pours all the water out of the canteens before taking a hike in the desert so they will be lighter to carry.
    DtM Well, that’s one way to make certain you stay an only child, Dennis. Maybe you ARE a little menace, but it’s a weak natural instinct and not like you honed learned skills.
    MW Yeah, what kind of saddle IS that, anyway? No saddle horn so it’s not a Western saddle, and the pommel and cantle are too high to be an English saddle. It might be an Endurance saddle, especially since every Mary Worth character has to endure Mary.

    #509 Dingo – they use them to hide their pronounced Adam’s apples.

  511. True Fable
    July 29th, 2007 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    Mutts It just makes me smile, that’s all. Look at the crab’s face in the last panel, so triumphant.
    H&L If a dog that scrawny can still shag, then there’s hope for us all.

  512. Big Sims
    July 29th, 2007 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    Back from the beach, tanned, rested and ready… Oh, we’re still on the same thread.
    MW – To quote P-Funk; “Age ain’t nothin but a number, and goin down ain’t nothing but a thing.” Go Dr. Drew! With your extensive medical training, you should know that spit don’t make babies!

  513. True Fable
    July 29th, 2007 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn Holy Mackrel, Mark! It’s Diarrhea of the Single Panel again. Where are you going with this, Brooke? Tell me in ten words or less, please. Or just draw some sexy fairies swapping pixie dust with their human paramours, that’ll work.

    You’re making my bees grind, y’know.

  514. Big Sims
    July 29th, 2007 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    Holy S%@#! Is Josh’s mom reading this?
    Um… Hi Josh’s Mom! Please overlook my last post and my you’ve done a wonderful job raising your boy. We all think the world of him. Now I have to go… paint the orphanage, and play backgammon at the old folks home.

  515. Islamorada Girl
    July 29th, 2007 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Vince at 508: “If there’s any justice in this world, Tinsley on his bike gets harrassed by SUV drivers telling him ‘get off MY road, hippie!’”

    Mister, you just made my day. I can’t stop smiling. Sweet irony!

  516. MossMoses
    July 29th, 2007 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    “I don’t think at all when I’m with you, Dawn”!

    Dawn must be contagious. It’s either that or Drew’s “Mr. Happy head” is doing all the thinking for him.

  517. Meander
    July 29th, 2007 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    the “Slim keeps his neighborhood white with a meteorite he bought on eBay” is only the latest outrage, though it is by no means the worst.

    No, really — they had WORSE? Really?

  518. John C Fremont
    July 29th, 2007 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    # 491 – SSB, I see I’m not the only one who was fixated on the lady’s, uh, behind in the last Phantom panel. She is now the only reason I have for reading the Sunday strip.

    # 504 – It’s not all that bad, AppleGirl. Mark didn’t mention the many undersea rehab facilities for these finless sharks. Most of these facilities are staffed with squid because of their multitasking capabilities. I heard of one young fellow who was training to be a finless boxer. Or a Wal-Mart greeter, I can’t remember for sure.

    RMMD – To paraphrase John Cleese, “Don’t be so sentimental, Heather, things explode everyday.”

  519. Inspector Dim
    July 29th, 2007 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    FOOB – John like trains. TRAAAAAAINS. This is the greatest moment of his life. But, alas, all of his friends hate him. On the other hand, I kind of want to play that game April is playing. It looks fun!

    FW – Gasp! Never saw it coming.

    Garfield – Why would Garfield be in Jon’s crappy little inflatable pool? Has Garfield ever expressed a liking for water in the past? Don’t most cats, you know, hate the water? The only reasonable explanation is that he’s just trying to piss Jon off.

    Oh, and given his expression in panel 2, I don’t think that hair is all that he left in there.

  520. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 29th, 2007 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Dingo @ 509: Re: MW… Joe Giella can’t draw necks. Which makes you wonder why everyone in DT isn’t wearing boxing gloves.

  521. Pinback65
    July 29th, 2007 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    3-G–The Professor’s rubbing heads with someone other than Gina. I’m shocked!

    Blondie–Dagwood, you’re the laziest man on Mars.

    Foob–I hate you, John Patterson.

    One Big Happy–What is this, Train Set Day? I forgot to send cards…

    Sally Forth–I’m sorry, that “Foolish, foolish humans” line made me laugh.

  522. Inspector Dim
    July 29th, 2007 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    BB – Beetle goes AWOL! I expect we’ll see him turn up dressed in 1960s-era civilian clothes at his sister Lois Flagston’s house, where he will proceed to loaf in Trixie’s sunbeam and get into fights with Thirsty.

  523. Inspector Dim
    July 29th, 2007 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    True Fable @ 511: Crabby is my favorite Mutts character. More Crabby! @#$%!

  524. Dean Booth
    July 29th, 2007 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    #485 Red. It all makes sense; he did “backgrounds” for Barry Manilow and Neil Sedaka, too.

    Josh Reeds: True Fable Strikes

    MW: The love story continues…

  525. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 29th, 2007 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    Speaking of @#$%, I received my M!B!S! T-shirt the other day. It looks lovely. Out of curiosity, which outfit printed it? Is it someplace that does one-offs, like CafePress? I have been reluctant to indulge my personal twisted T-shirt ideas because I don’t want to pay good money for an iron-on, but this looks like quality screen printing.

  526. ralph
    July 29th, 2007 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    No. 470-y or thereabouts, Tabby and commodorejohn, if, by any chance, down the country road from you there is an eccentric-looking home that exudes happiness, with shaggy dogs bigger than ponies shedding, playing, or just loping about, that would be me. (I don’t do tinfoil or funny plants because I’m already on the far side.) cheers,

  527. Mibbitmaker
    July 29th, 2007 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    Well, there’s one good thing to come out of the finless shark’s plight in MT: He can go to Milford and learn to box!
    In GT, a dumbass with a chainsaw suffers because of said dumbass with the cutting instrument.

    In MT, a poor shark suffers because of some dumbass with a cutting instrument.

  528. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 29th, 2007 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Damn, we need a new thread soon. This one’s completely unraveled.

  529. Tabby
    July 29th, 2007 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    Hey ralph! We’ll be looking for the shaggy dogs – I bet y’all are down a road not too far from here.

  530. Inspector Dim
    July 29th, 2007 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    Shoe – Once again, all of the Perfesser’s problems can be solved by alcohol. It’s kind of sad–he seems genuinely upset about his goldfish. Well, one less reason to live.

  531. Shadrach
    July 29th, 2007 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    9CL clearly should stick to Thorax jokes as they’re the only remotely funny aspect of this comic (indeed, they’re often more than remotely funny). If McEldowney gets bored with that, he can always slip in the odd “Edda stretching” filler or “Hallmarks of Felinity.” True, neither is funny, but at least we’d be spared Juliette’s increasing misanthropy and outright cruelty, as well as pretentious artsy-fartsy stories about unicorns.

  532. Squid Countess
    July 29th, 2007 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    MW – What about Drew’s gigantism in the last panel? That is so creepy; it looks like a pedophile’s dream. If we assume he is a normal sized adult, then she must be around six years old. His neck is bigger than her whole head.

  533. Inspector Dim
    July 29th, 2007 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    MW – Hideous gigantism aside, now is a good time to ponder where this storyline will end up.

    Possibility #1: A mud wrestling match between Vera and Dawn for the heart of Dr. Drew, which takes a turn for the hideous when Mary joins in.

    Possibility #2: Mary takes Dawn to the abortion clinic, then comforts her with casserole.

    Possibility #3: Wilbur hires Mary to do away with Drew. Her fee? HIS IMMORTAL SOUL. Or maybe a couple of bags of old person mints. You know the ones I mean. Your grandma has them in a bowl whenever you come to visit. They are old person crack.

    Possibility #4: After three grueling months of riding and kissing, Drew and Dawn go home for the evening. Next storyline!

  534. Poteet
    July 29th, 2007 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    # 501 — Jack, are you referring to the late lamented (well, lamented by me, if only because what replaced her is stupider) smokestack-diving Queen of Diamonds? If so, I agree that My Gretchen is worse. And I still think QoD had a great (albeit insane) costume, and My Gretchen sure doesn’t have that going for her.

    # 504 — AppleGirl, I sympathize. I hope CrabbyGene’s story cheered you up a little. There’s plenty of grim wildlife news, but there are also encouraging stories, and I hope you’ll come across a few.

    Foob Spoiler for 7/30 — Monday keeps us with April and the Gang, and the strip itself is so lame that it made me embarrassed to be human.

  535. willethompson
    July 29th, 2007 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    #524 Dean Booth: BWA + 15HA! Geez, the FOOBsplosion alone was worth the price of admission, and then you toss in the MW as a cherry on the sundae.

    Oh, yes – Simpsons Movie. Go. Now. What else do you have to do at the five-hundredth-something comment?

  536. Cornwhacker
    July 29th, 2007 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    Regarding the comments on Saturday’s MF: You’re all presuming that Tinsley’s speaking as himself here, and that it’s not Mallard who’s making this shocking confession that, um, ducks don’t drive cars. Not very often, at least.

    If the thought of a new “car culture” taking hold in China and elsewhere doesn’t make you fear for the global oil supply, just wait. Mother Nature’s gonna be so screwed once her ducks decide they’d all rather drive south for the winter.

  537. Tracer Bullet
    July 29th, 2007 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    I’m sure somebody has already mentioned this, but I have to get it out:

    Meteorites, except in very rare cases, are pretty small. A meterorite big enough to fill the bed of a pick up truck would be a huge news story and would cost millions to purchase.

    Thanks. I feel better now.

  538. Remus
    July 29th, 2007 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    Has anyone else been interested in the etymological derivation of “Hoo!” (or more properly HO0oo!) when used in its exclamatory form? Whether it has Saxon origins or perhaps Slavic? Whether, in all seriousness, if it is indeed something Canadians might exclaim in moments of unadulterated joy? Or if it is purely a Johnstonism – like “roadside” or “Michael Patterson’s success”. I wonder. I wonder night and day, I wonder all the way.

    I consulted the OED but alas, nary a “Hooo!” I am left somewhat limp and sweaty, also afflicted with what may prove to be the vapors.

  539. True Fable
    July 29th, 2007 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    #524 Dean Booth – Bwahaha! Hot damn! Take that, Ellie; you bitch!

    Thanks, Dean! Dinner’s on me if you ever make it to Greater Metropolitan Roopville!

  540. Red Greenback
    July 29th, 2007 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    #538- Hi Remus! Check out the Japanese teevee show “Hard Gay” for more “HOO!” action. (sorry i couldn’t provide a link, just google the damn thang)

  541. MonkeyHawk
    July 29th, 2007 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    I don’t bother with Sunday strips all that much since my connection doesn’t deliver ‘em. I know how do get most of my Sunday versions of the dailies, it just doesn’t seem worth the effort. Has anyone told the Houston Chron about the glitch in their algorithm?

    Anyway, my snarks on Sunday rely on the woodpulp version that falls on my lawn.


    So here’s what showed up next to my neigbor’s dog turd today:

    FOOB — Is there anyone on the planet who cares, really cares, about another person’s hobby? Unless it’s one of your own?

    DILBERT — It’s funny ’cause it’s true. Or not. Funny, I mean.

    >B>GF — I’m a sucker for Bucky. I admit it. Who’s to say Monet didn’t work on notebook paper?

    Baby Blues — I’d’ve called it BB because it’d be confused with Beetle Bailey. Eh?

    Page 2
    The Sunday-only FOXTROT simply should die.

    ZIGGY — Wouldn’t it be funnier if Zig was at the beach playing on an airline seat?

    ZITS — I don’t want to go into all the incongruities of this lame “joke.”

    CATHY — Once again, Cathy Guisewite demonstrates her amazing grasp of the obvious.

    NON SEQUITUR — Is there anything more annoying than the fake Maine accent? Well, yeah, there’s lotsa stuff, but it doesn’t make it any less annoying.

    Page 3

    SLYLOCK FOX — Perhaps if there were a CLUE, a little kid could solve the “mystery.” The only purpose of this strip seems to be to tell children, “grown-ups lie to you!”

    They try to trick you with subtle differences between seemingly identical drawings. They show Galactic Emperor Chennux’s wanted poster and pawn it off as a “goofy dinosaur.”

    DOODLES — No paper in the world other than mine seems to carry this lame kid/puzzle. Why bother?

    FC — Billy doesn’t understand the concept. Of tables, of humor, of humanity.

    DtM — Henry just got a model submarine up the butt. I’m betting he liked it.

    SHOE — “Fighting-est Hour, 8 to 9. Arresting-est Hour, 9 to 10,”

    GARFIELD — This strip doesn’t get a lotta snark on this site, because it’s like booing at the Special Olympics. But since I’m reporting on my Sunday pulp versions, here goes: Lame.

    Page 4

    BRENDA STARR, REPORTER — Nobody comments on this strip and it might be because only my local paper carries it. Lemme give you some background. Brenda isn’t just a reporter, she’s been hired by whatshername to be the Editor of some Los Angeles paper and the guy who writes all the editorials works by phone/internet, in the nude.

    Today’s BS (an abbreviation which seems highly appropriate) takes place at a campaign fundraiser and the most dramatic panel includes the dialog, “I see Shovitz and Puffin!

    Don’t bother.

    OPUS — A lot of drawings and a not-bad execution of obviously political overtones. But… Eh?

    PBS — Okay, I’ve visited the Penultimate Silent Panel website (or whatever it’s called). I appreciate the Penultimate Silent Panel website’s snark. But here’s THREE silent panels that don’t add to the joke. It’s a daily that’s been milked for space in my paper’s Sunday edition. Does it earn its expansive space? No. Already I get only 4 pages of comics in my Sunday newspaper. It’s hard to convince them to give me more.

    BREVITY — This is one of those strips that adresses the question of how many weeks’ lead time cartoonists have to submit strips to their syndicates. Natalie Portman could very well have been arrested for drunk driving on the Friday before this showed up in print. So ya win some or lose some. The only-est thing that makes it not dreadful is its position next to…

    BEETLE BAILEY — Only, in my local paper it’s called, Mort Walker’s Beetle Bailey. It’s gotta be a contract thing. The little poofs of smoke are a direct rip-off of little Billy Keane’s dotted lines tracking his progress. And has ther been anything in this strip that’s had anything relevant to how America’s military operates these days, or any time in the last thirty years or so?

    What a waste of ink.

    THE WIZARD OF ID — This Sunday’s strip is just as funny as WoI has ever been. Which is to day, not.

    Finally, the last strip on Page 4 of my local newspaper is DOONESBURY.

    “With all respect, Governor, how shallow must your conventions be?

    There are plenty of lightweight hypocrites in the running for the presidency these days. But Trudeau really has a thing against Mitt Romney.

    I kinda like his subtle snipes at the Republic Party’s field. But in the GOP primary, it almost seems like he’s carrying Sam Brownback’s water.

  542. LTBF
    July 29th, 2007 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    The further to the right the GOP nominee is, the easier it will be for Hilary to win.

  543. LTBF
    July 29th, 2007 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    Maybe if John had made it down to the mall to see April’s concert, she might fake some interest in his train set.

  544. farnsworth
    February 25th, 2010 at 1:37 am [Reply]

    OK, this comment is years too late, and probably will be read by no one, but I just had to respond to this GA strip.

    Meteorites sell for a lot of money per pound. A meteorite that big would be worth as much as several million dollars. Where is this stupid fat man going to get that kind of money?

    Not to mention the huge hole it would have created when it hit the ground. A meteorite a quarter of that size hitting the playground outside Slim’s window would almost certainly take out his building as well. One that size would probably leave a hole st least the size of a city block, and level everything for blocks all around. Millions of people would have seen or heard or felt it as it hit. Scientists from around the world would flock to the impact site.

    So yeah, the authorities are totally going to believe that meteorite hit the playground, and therefore put an end to the evil bounce bounce bounce outside Slim’s window.

    Of course, considering that Slim is mad because people are using the basketball courts, the stupidity of the gigantic meteor is only par for the course.

  545. Francis Higgins
    May 31st, 2010 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    You’ve done it once more! Amazing read!

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