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Mr. Jerkface goes to Washington

Crankshaft, 8/17/07

UH OH WATCH OUT YOU POLITICAL CRUMBUMS! IT’S BEEN A MERE TWENTY MONTHS SINCE YOUR SINISTER MEDICARE PART D WENT INTO EFFECT, AND NOW YOU’VE GOT THE ’SHAFT TO ANSWER TO! At long last, Crankshaft’s smoldering anger will be harnessed to effect progressive political change. I can see it now: just as Lisa stands up to begin her testimony about how cancer is bad, suddenly the ’Shaft bursts into the committee chamber, planting an elbow into her tumor-ridden torso, sending her tumbling to the floor. “GOD DAMN IT ALL,” Crankshaft bellows. “I’M OLD, I’M PISSED, I’M WEARING A HAT, AND I DON’T WANT TO PAY FOR MY MEDS!” Everyone stands up and applauds, Medicare is fixed, Lisa expires unnoticed under the table, and cancer remains legal.

Mary Worth, 8/17/07

All week I’ve been ignoring Santa Royale’s most eligible young medico as he romances Bachelorette #2 over lumpy grey mush and human blood at some hideously decorated restaurant, but that was before today when oh Jesus God did Vera seriously just compare Drew to her brother?? Drew, I’ll tell you how this story ought to end: with your running for the door right now. Don’t bother picking up the check, as Vera’s lonely at the top of her chosen career path and can surely afford it. Just get out now.

Spider-Man, 8/17/07

“W-we’re vibrating!! And it actually feels pretty great! Boy, this is working a lot of stress out of my deep tissues. Thanks, the Shocker!”

446 responses to “Mr. Jerkface goes to Washington”

  1. Trilobite
    August 17th, 2007 at 3:21 am [Reply]

    It’d be great if those guards went on Maria Lopez after this incident to describe the armored car robbery. “I think he said his name was…uh…The Magic Fingers, or something like that!”

    Cut to the epic final panel, where The Shocker blasts his television to smithereens and shouts “SOON ALL OF LOS ANGELES WILL KNOW MY NAME!”

  2. TB Tabby
    August 17th, 2007 at 3:26 am [Reply]

    I hope this story arc ends with Mary Jane and Mario Lopes bravely throwing themselves on the Shocker’s gountlets to save LA.

  3. Herro!
    August 17th, 2007 at 3:33 am [Reply]

    I knew there had to be some sort of Flowers in the Attic arc involved with the Vera-and-Von weirdness. Hello, creepy anyone?

    Meanwhile, over in A Busy New York City Hospital, Tommie is adding a head-bobble to her head turn. Now that takes some talent.

    Meanwhile, my last day of law school orientation is tomorrow (today), it’s almost 2 am, and I’ve been up for hours learning how to brief a case. And it’s only going to get worse when classes start. And I’m reading the ‘Mudgeon. You guys do me a favor and stop being so #$(*%saturn$% funny! It’ll really help me in my career!

  4. S.T.B.
    August 17th, 2007 at 3:37 am [Reply]

    I will give Spider-man this, after this week’s iPhone debacles and Ziggy’s mid-80s understanding of e-Harmony, those cops not only use Google as a verb, but manage to place it in an appropriate context.

  5. Spotted HØrse
    August 17th, 2007 at 3:38 am [Reply]

    Herro, I will endeavor to be only blandly and limply funny. (cool deal, BTW, on your lawyerin’ school and that)

    SM: I’m lovin’ me the hunchy, dejected shoulders of the Shocker.

    MW: “And what about us, Vera? How will our story end?” AAAGH! Who talks that way? Creepy guys who don’t date much, I’d expect, despite Dr. Corey the Younger’s reputation of being catnip to the ladies.

  6. S.T.B.
    August 17th, 2007 at 3:46 am [Reply]

    SpottedHorse: That should clearly be, “roofies” to the ladies. . .

  7. Brian
    August 17th, 2007 at 3:49 am [Reply]

    “You’re no longer close to your brother? What happened? … Okay, that’s enough about not me: are we gonna do it or what?”

  8. Spotted HØrse
    August 17th, 2007 at 4:02 am [Reply]

    #1 Trilobite: “The Magic Fingers”… heh, you and Josh have a point, if the Shocker ever wants to go straight, he could be a masseur to the stars. It would be a great way for him to get the acknowlegment, validation, and human contact he so deeply craves.

    I hope that our boy the Shocker lets go of his aggressive posturing, and uses his powers for good.

  9. Spotted HØrse
    August 17th, 2007 at 4:06 am [Reply]

    #6 S.T.B.: Well, I agree that Dr. the Younger gives off a creepy vibe, but I doubt he’d resort to roofies when he has a place to hire tiny plywood Mongolian ponies for wholesome outings that culminate in minty bursts of love.

  10. Marion Delgado
    August 17th, 2007 at 4:23 am [Reply]


    We need to have 2 “parties” here. One to celebrate when Lisa finally dies (Batiuk is deliberately making her completely unbearable to help us cope). The other when Liz and Anthony get married.

    “Thank God it’s finally Over” parties. The worst has happened in both cases. Now we’re waiting around like Vladimir and Estragon. Hell is cartoon people.

  11. TB Tabby
    August 17th, 2007 at 4:52 am [Reply]

    #2: MARIO Lopes?! Why didn’t I notice that?

  12. Octal
    August 17th, 2007 at 4:54 am [Reply]

    So the Shocker has a name that’s a… sexual reference, and his power is that he vibrates. Got it.

  13. Eau de Plugger
    August 17th, 2007 at 4:59 am [Reply]

    (DT)GT: I can’t stop staring at the second panel. Kaz (or whoever is giving him the D’oh smack) has five fingers and no (visible) thumb. Eeeeeek.

    Archie: Um…that’s not lazy. In fact putting that contraption together is a hell of a lot more work than just walking five steps. Unless Jughead made Archie do the work…and in that case Archie is just a sucker.

  14. The Avocado Avenger
    August 17th, 2007 at 5:24 am [Reply]

    GT: That second panel has made my life complete. Kaz better be careful or he’ll knock his earrings off.

  15. Christopher
    August 17th, 2007 at 5:33 am [Reply]

    Herro!: Don’t worry, I have a wole lot of words to say about today’s comics, very few of which are funny.

    You’re welcome.

    Da Comics!

    Archie: Oh, so close, but no cigar!

    Presumably, Jughead had to walk to the campsite with the gang and presumably he set up his own chair. So why wouldn’t he just put his chair down next to the fire area and just sit there while everybody else set up the tent?

    Now, if he was actually INSIDE the tent, snug in his sleeping bag, we might have a joke.

    I guess I can’t blame the AJGLU3000; as an untiring machine it has to guess at what lazyness is by context; it probably saw a Lay-z-Boy and figured the main component of lazyness was sitting in chairs, rather then on other things.

    On the other hand, that doesn’t explain Archie’s tiny, tiny campfire. Usually when I go camping, I like a fire big enough that I can’t put it out by accidentally stepping on it on the way to take a piss.

    Maybe the AJGLU used its immense calculating power to determine the minimum necessary fire size needed to properly roast three marshmallows at once.

    B.C.: Speaking of things that can be stepped on… these guys… should… be.

    Man I’m not funny. At least I don’t write for B.C.

    Blondie: Was anybody else reminded of Sherlock Holmes frequent violin sessions, in turn making them think of Blondie going in a whole new direction, with Elmo solving grisly murders and Blondie being the bumbling audience surrogate?

    There had to be a few of you.

    Curtis: And now the fact that Michelle somehow found an artist lurking in a church is giving me a kind of Hunchback of Notre Dame feeling. Michelle should watch out for Archdeacons. And talking gargoyles.

    Also, I really hope the starving artist in question was the Ventriloquist from a while back, because the only thing that could make him cooler is if he and his dummy lived alone in a decaying Cathedral.

    Dick Tracy: So, they’re asking us to believe that, 6 years after 9/11, Pentagon security is so bad that a crippled old man with a package that obviously contains a bomb still poses a serious threat?

    Feel free to insert the obvious political joke here.

    Funky Tumorbean: So she immediately goes from “I’ve only got a few months left, and I want to spend them with my family” to “Screw the family, I’m taking a few weeks to lobby in Washington!”.

    The only conclusion I can make is that her family completely blows, and being woozy from chemo was all that kept her from realising it.

    Angry Duck: Has apparently switched formats and become a Calvin and Hobbes style lice of childhood strip.

    I’m not quite sure how to deal with this.

    Mark Trail: I know we’ve beaten the whole “Hey, Aldo looks just like Captain Kangaroo!” thing into the ground, but I can’t remember; did we do the same with “Hey, Rusty looks just like Liza Minnelli!”?

    Mary Worth: I’m no expert, but it seems to me “You remind me of my brother” is a pretty clear indication that hot monkey love isn’t in the cards.

    And if it IS in the cards, maybe you don’t want to be there.

    Television-Man: First of all, I have to say I REALLY like that they showed us how Shocker activates his shock gauntlets, and no, that’s not sarcasm.

    Somehow knowing how he does it adds a kind of verisimilitude to the strip that makes me happy for reasons I can’t quite define. Maybe it’s the symmetry, since I already know how Spidey fires his web gauntlets.

    On the other hand, Shocker is essentially part of a subclass of villains I call “Guys with guns that don’t shoot bullets” (Other members include Paste-Pot Pete and Captain Cold).

    The problem with these guys, which this strip makes me acutely aware of, is they aren’t much more dangerous to the fuzz then guys with regular guns would be.

    I mean, Shocker’s not bulletproof; if one of those guys had been a quick draw he would’ve been on the ground bleeding out of several holes by the third panel.

  16. Erich
    August 17th, 2007 at 5:38 am [Reply]

    When those guards Google “Shocker,” they’re probably going to be in for a nasty surprise…

  17. jnoble
    August 17th, 2007 at 5:53 am [Reply]

    gotta love how, in true comic book form, the cops have to say out loud what’s happening to them in detail so the dummy reader can follow along

  18. Ogg Ogglesby
    August 17th, 2007 at 5:54 am [Reply]

    MT: Elrod’s got to be having us on, is that the ghost of Mark Trail in panel one? For bonus points, either Mark is a ventriloquist or Cherry taught her crotch to speak while he was away. Given that he never pays any attention to her while he’s home, I’m betting on the latter as a desperate final attempt at conjugal relations.

  19. Godzooky
    August 17th, 2007 at 5:55 am [Reply]

    S-M: Considering how often MJ’s “gotta have it”, The Shocker may be Spidey’s greatest threat yet: A villain with not just one, but two vibrators.

  20. Sheilagh
    August 17th, 2007 at 5:58 am [Reply]

    Maybe this was all thoroughly thrashed out yesterday, when I was inexplicably busy at work and couldn’t keep up, but: since when is Vera at the “top” of her profession? Five minutes ago she was a clerk typist — then she got promoted to what, copy editor? And now she’s CEO, wow, that’s some vertical movement ya got there, girl!

    Aw, this is stupid — she’s still a copy editor. And a POMPOUS PINHEAD! Drew should indeed run screaming.

  21. FSogol
    August 17th, 2007 at 6:06 am [Reply]

    Vibrating? Good for you, The Shocker. He’ll now be able to open a booth at the mall next to those water massage guys.

  22. Godzooky
    August 17th, 2007 at 6:07 am [Reply]

    S-M: Also, The Shocker needs to work on his choreography: Fist out, one arm akimbo, followed by a slouchy arm-cross? All that practice in front of the mirror for nothing.

  23. Gagott68
    August 17th, 2007 at 6:09 am [Reply]

    Is that Earl from Pickles sitting across from Crankshaft?

  24. John C Fremont
    August 17th, 2007 at 6:10 am [Reply]

    Cherry Trail – Did she – I mean, is that her – did it just – tee, hee, hee!

    JP – Even Rusty’s large word balloon is not big enough to cover her ginormous breasts. Maybe Cherry Trail can teach her to make them talk.

  25. smacky
    August 17th, 2007 at 6:21 am [Reply]

    FW: I think it’s worth echoing others with this question: Lisa quit treatment some time ago, right? Thought she was cured and all that? Then got the bad news and decided to say “Screw this.” So why, except for cheap dramatic effect, is she still completely bald? Has her hair decided to give up and die with dignity too?

  26. Godzooky
    August 17th, 2007 at 6:29 am [Reply]

    MT: I think Cherry’s talking cherry is meant to keep readers from noticing Elrod’s Draw Once, Copy Many Times (DOCM) technique. Pretty sure I’ve seen both that Mark pose and Rusty profile before.

  27. Gagott68
    August 17th, 2007 at 6:30 am [Reply]

    Luann: Why is Brad there? Just stopped by to steal a soda? Or do Luann and Bernice now hang out at Brad’s place? If so, whose bed was Luann lounging on two days ago? This could be more disturbing than the Bernice/Ben angle.

  28. Chert the Chort
    August 17th, 2007 at 6:30 am [Reply]

    Good morning all!

    This got buried yesterday, and I’m fairly certain I’m right about it, so here’s a necropost:

    H&J: Priests? Any evidence that they are Roman Catholic? The collar and the reference to “bishops” is no guide here, they could well be Episcopalian. More likely, though, they are black evangelicals, many, many black denominations have an episcopal structure (i.e. bishops) and wear clerical collars, north and south. My surmise is that Rev. Whoosits and his ilk are AME (African Methodist Episcopal). I may have missed the Roman references over the course of the strip – I make no claim, sadly, to be an avid H&J devotee – but I’m betting there ain’t no priests in this picture.

    Sorry to ruin your topical altar boys joke, I know that’s a fresh, fresh subject.

  29. willethompson
    August 17th, 2007 at 6:37 am [Reply]

    MT: Creepiest. MT panel. Ever.

    Rusty, with his squashed-Howdy Doody head in horrific profile, is telling someone about 30 feet to Mark’s right that he hopes no “wild” animals will be hurt. Rusty, you fool! That’s the kind of loophole developers drive their Hummer H2s through every day! Right now, the construction crew probably has sacks of free kittens ready to go under the treads of that lone bulldozer!

    Meanwhile, Cherry is practicing her vaginal ventriloquism act (booked at the LoFo Comedy TreeHouse under the name of ‘Cherry and Chatterbox’) right in the face of her father who is smiling while Mark basks in the glow of this dysfunctional familial warmth.

    Jack Elrod! Yeah, I’m talking to YOU! Have you no decency, sir? Have you no decency at all??

  30. Pozzo
    August 17th, 2007 at 6:39 am [Reply]

    “Yeah, I was going to call myself ‘The Vibrator,’ but that seemed to lack a certain panache. And ‘Captain Dildo’ was already taken. Hey, you wanna see my secret hand signal?”

  31. Godzooky
    August 17th, 2007 at 6:40 am [Reply]

    Phantom: So, thanks to sudden burst of homesickness, Ghost-Who-Watches is skipping off, leaving the freed hostages to pilot a boat they may not know how to pilot back to shore in the sole company of his pet wolf, who they have no way of returning to him even if they get it past the authorities on shore. Ghost-Who-Doesn’t-Think is more like it.

  32. Mollie
    August 17th, 2007 at 6:41 am [Reply]

    I laughed SO hard at this Crankshaft snark. Well done. Also: the young eligible women in MW are all hideous and I hate looking at them. Somebody buy this artist a “How to Draw Ladies’ Hairstyles” book. They look like they cut their hair with hedgeclippers.

    #128 – I saw your comment yesterday, but maybe you missed the many comments before (and after) related to that same question?

  33. Mooselet
    August 17th, 2007 at 6:57 am [Reply]

    Um, shouldn’t the Shocker belong in the type of shop that has the windows blacked out? Or in Mary Jane’s bedroom?

  34. Wanders
    August 17th, 2007 at 6:58 am [Reply]

    MW: How does it end? I’m pretty sure Dawn Weston shows up at the Three Trees restaurant tonight to see her smallish-horse ridin’ lover man with the pink car conducting a little medical research on his own time. No doubt, once Mary Worth learned Drew was ridin’ with Dawn, she called Vera and told her to cash in that rain check NOW. We know who Mary prefers for potential in-laws.
    But regardless of how it ends, just let it be quick. Please, St. Christopher, let it be quick!

  35. Jeff
    August 17th, 2007 at 6:59 am [Reply]

    #14: Yessss! Please, please, please….I need a shirt with that panel on it.


  36. Godzooky
    August 17th, 2007 at 6:59 am [Reply]

    JP: Rusty’s rack makes a valiant attempt to avoid being obscured again. (Note to Barretto: If all this obscuring is supposed to make us pay attention to that mind-numbing winery story, you’re supposing erroneously.)

  37. willethompson
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:04 am [Reply]

    #30 Pozzo: BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Coffee-spewing MargoBoxcar COTW!

  38. man behind the curtain
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:07 am [Reply]

    MW — Considering that Vera compared Dr. Drew to her brother, unless the good doctor thinks she was into incest, this isn’t going to end the way he wants it to end.

  39. Martin
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:08 am [Reply]

    I love that Kaz is detective by proxy for his girlfriend. At least she didn’t have to implant a chip in his brain, programmed to 12 Gigahertz.

    Boxcar! Boxcar! It’s like Tourette’s.

    If you imagine that Dennis broke all the stuff on purpose, he’s actually kinda menacing today.

  40. True Fable
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:14 am [Reply]

    MT Cherry’s goods hasn’t been used in so long, it’s begging to go out and do something.

    I say, Jack Elrod is messin’ with us. He knows good and damn well that today’s Talking Poon is going to make the rounds. So to speak.

    JP Rusty’s just making sure the wifey is away before she suggests the hubby play.
    Watch out, Sam! You don’t know where that thing’s been!

    A3G Maybe the Mystery Questionmaker today is that shmoe from the theater group who was so hot for Tommie six months ago or whenever that was. It’ll be sort of like, “oh, we have a loose storyline here, let’s arbitrarily knit it back in because the coloring gnomes are running out of shades of Dumb Blonde and Horny Black. But yay, we still have lots of Dull Red.”

    FC Face it, kids – the fact that you’ll come back to visit IS the reason Grandma and Grandpa are crying.

  41. Godzooky
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:15 am [Reply]

    Poteet, yesterthread: It helps if you think of Gil Thorp as a comic strip “Plan 9 From Outer Space.” Well, it helps me.

  42. monsieurjohn
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:18 am [Reply]

    Josh!! How could you neglect panel 2 of today’s Gil Thorp?!

  43. Whippersnapper
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:22 am [Reply]

    MW: If we’re lucky, their story will end with a raging catfight between Vera and Dawn, and the lucky winner will ride away with Drew into the sunset on itty bitty horses.

  44. AhClem
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:23 am [Reply]

    MW – Nice to see Pee Wee Herman is back in the dating scene.

  45. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:23 am [Reply]

    I think I know why Morning Snark (no relation to Morning Wood) is impossible… you gotta read all the previous eight hours’ snark first. That took an hour alone this morning, and I skimmed. So I’ll adopt Josh’s “quickies” technique and see how many I can bang out in a few minutes.

    9CL: Their clothing was fine before; however, they need remedial innuendo training. “Boil” is not a synonym for “get.”

    DtM: That’s the last time she takes Dennis to “Priceless Figurines and Fragile Tchotchkies ‘R Us.”

    DT: “The CIA’s Secret Phone to Russia”… is apparently a Sesame Street Talk ‘N’ Play Phone. “They want to know The Baron’s bomb target, sir.” “C is for COOKIE!” “That’s good enough for me! Thank you, sir!”

    GT: Panel 2 is teh AWESUM.

    Lockhorns: Yeah, nobody can accuse you of being Sarah Silverman, either. Uh… that didn’t work too well. Are there any comediennes who are both really funny and really sexy?

    MT: Goddamn. I thought you were joking about Cherry’s nethers speaking. That’s just creepy.

    MW: “The usual way… you in a bloody heap, me walking down a highway into the sunset, while that sad end-of-”The-Incredible-Hulk” music plays…”

    MC: Furry pr0n! Well, furry pinup, anyway.

    SFx: Arlene Tanner, age 12, of Trenton, N.J., has a bright career ahead of her as a substitute artist on “PreTeena.”

    Yay! I made it! Hope this doesn’t make me late for work on only my third day on the job. Well, even if it does, at least I have my priorities straight!

  46. Tommy Smarts
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:25 am [Reply]

    JP: mmmm…. Even the word balloons can’t obscure her enormous mammary mounds. Rusty would stick out just enough even if the writers have her quoting from War & Peace… Nice going chesty O’Riley! While MW’s Vera quotes from old Motels songs, let’s hope we can get Rusty’s “Milk Shake” song going.

  47. Jeff Fecke
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    did Vera seriously just compare Drew to her brother??

    Hey, she’s just complementing Drew — Von was the best lay she ever had. At least she’s not talking about how she wants to “ride” “horses” with him.

  48. Godzooky
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    GT: Okay, I know GT and reality are two completely different concepts, but the hotels I’ve been to have openly-accessible business centers and don’t track a guest’s every move there (at least I hope they don’t).

  49. Trotzenbonnie
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    Hi & Lois – Would teenage boys who like girls ever allow their asses to make contact with anything pink? When my rotten kid was that age he barely tolerated plaid.

    Well, I left Mr. T at the airport early this morning. He’s gone off to do his LA National Guard duty in Laredo TX for two weeks and most of his time will be spent flying his whirly-gig. I’m trying to be a brave Army wife but this is all very new to me so I’m scared.

  50. Pozzo
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    #10 (Marion Delgado) – Vladimir & Estragon? I’ve been looking for those guys! Lucky here keeps taking wrong turns.

  51. Squawk
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: I wonder how much time these four old farts have to spend together before they break out into a sea shanty.

  52. Trotzenbonnie
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:41 am [Reply]

    #44 – SSB
    Re: MT
    Holy crap! You’re not kidding. I think it’s the first time in comic strip history that a speech balloon has been used as a dildo!

  53. Never teh Bride
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    I just wanted to be the first to say, “BOXCAR! BOXCAR! YES!”

    Lynn is soooooo dirty.

  54. dreadedcandiru2
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    The Nauseating, Soul-Destroying Horror that is For Better or For Worse:
    Elly has never, ever looked more hateful than she did today. What’s her reasoning? If it’s what it seems to be, (namely, ‘Oh, my! The elderly woman whom I left alone to take care of my father while I wasted my life shaving sheets and eating telephone books is crying? Whatever could the matter be?’) Iris would be mor than justified if she shoved that damn casserole up PotatoSnoot’s fat, Foob ass.

  55. Dagwood P Crankshaft
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:47 am [Reply]

    Are we sure “the Shocker” isn’t a misprint? Shouldn’t he be the “Shaker”, or maybe the “Shooker”?

  56. alamo
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    foobville — i guess if you can’t get your garage cleaned you wash windows.

  57. StoutHearted
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    Could that blonde talking to Ron Burgundy in panel two of Mary Worth be Dawn in a blonde wig, doing a little reconaissance on her…ahem…riding partner? Both young women have the same fasciantion for fashions from the My Little Pony clothing line. Both favor the hair helmet bob. Coincidence? Or the inability to draw 20-year olds without making them look either 12 or 40?

  58. Pozzo
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    Okay, if the bad guy in Dick Tracy is named “Dmitri,” and he’s working for the Russians, why does he address the driver as “Herr Cabbie”? I know it’s easy to get former enemy countries with guttural languages mixed up, but how much trouble would it have been to type “Comrade Cabbie”? Are they not even trying anymore?

  59. T. Chicana
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    MW: “How will our story end?” With a pool party, of course!

  60. Trotzenbonnie
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    PLUGGERS – We finally see the definitive difference between a redneck and a plugger depicted in today’s cartoon. While a plugger grandpa’s four letter words are ‘love’ and papa’, a reneck pawpaw teaches his grandchild the words ‘spit’ and ‘chew’.

  61. Jimmy
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:03 am [Reply]

    MW: the residents of Bladderstone have all been steeped in a bland, incestuous tea without having benefitted from any additives like, oh… ginseng.

  62. Lynngineering
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:03 am [Reply]

    FBOFW: Elly: “Don’t worry Iris, I’ll make sure Michael comes by later to visit – I know how much Dad loves his company.”

    SPIDERMAN: The vibrating, the sexual reference to the name, I guess it all makes sense then that the Shocker’s costume appears like he cut it together from old mattresses.
    Now the real question, what’s a “Klik” vs a “Click”

  63. Weasel Boy
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    I don’t know what I hate most about today’s TDIET. Is it the fact that these biddies are taken aback that the kid doesn’t wear a suit and tie every day? Is it that Scaduto’s lame attempt at having the kid say something cool and hip manifests itself in the form of “like yo, you guys”? No, I think it’s the fact that the kid has a Plugger on his sweat shirt.

  64. Dennis Jimenez
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    A3G – Going my way? Dr. Kelly, er, Joe, is talking about bi-sexuality, Tommie.

    MT – I’m sure it’s been said already, but that Cherry Trail is quite a chatter box.

    MW – I don’t know about Dr. Drew, but if I was there, my psycho-woman alarm would be screeching at DefCom 2.

    RMMD – Speaking of dirty hands, could you give me a handy wipe.

    S4th – This is such an interesting strip – I foresee some sort of award for best rendered pineapple in a supporting role.

    FC – Jez – is anybody else reminded of that Twilight Zone, where the old coot who is about to die makes all his relatives wear the ugly masks until midnight during Marti Gras?

  65. willethompson
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    Why The Shocker is my favorite supervillian:

    While other suprervillians radiate ego and rage, The Shocker displays classic insecurity with the constant repetition of his name and that crossed-arm pose. I’ll bet he’s passive-aggressive, too. (Note to Spidey: Don’t attack him – just ask him to attack you! He’ll then sigh deeply, turn away and pout.)

    While other supervillians have sprayed-on costumes, The Shocker seems to have crafted his out of a quilted mattress cover or an elevator protection pad. And I’ll best he’s soooo soft to touch. He’s just like Master Soft Heart!

    He is the first supervillian to have an ON switch for his technology. With everyone else, the stuff just happens, but The Shocker actually has to turn on his – uh – vibrators. This is done to conserve power in his – umm – vibrator batteries. I’m assuming he also has to warm up his – er – vibrators – before he uses them. As should we all.

  66. Piper Grey
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    FW: The fact that Lisa’s hair hasn’t grown back despite her stopping chemotherapy gives the game away: Batiuk likes drawing bald chicks; cancer is just a pretext.

    MW: So Drew reminds Vera of her brother, eh? OK, so we’re in for perverted sex then Vera being kicked out again, are we? If they include some whips and chains, this could be interesting. Wait! This is Mary Worth so we’re just going to be left with bad innuendo and platitudes.

    A3G: Is it just my screen or do all the women in the strip appear to be wearing black lipstick? Is A3G going goth-lite?

    RMMD: What is all this about needing evidence. Hugh has confessed and without the police beating it out of him: what more does anyone want?

  67. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:17 am [Reply]


    MW: Josh has already covered this, because how could he not? But, Vera says Drew reminds her of her brother. And she still wants to date him. Yeah. Look closely at the adorable little hillbilly tykes in Snuffy Smith, and see if you can find some Von/Vera family resemblance.

    S-M: Shouldn’t he call himself “The Vibrator” then?

    TDIET: You spend the better part of an hour blathering on to your friends about how adowable your widda son looked in his graduation photo. Then he upstages you by walking into the room looking like a human being. Oh, yeah-h-h.

    GT: Panel one: Kelly gives Kaz a Curmudgeonly tip about looking for someone who used a printer, not just a laptop.
    Panel two: Kas is Homer Simpson.
    Panel three: Someone who might be Kaz grills a munchkin hotel clerk.
    Overall, classic Thorp.

    GA: I don’t even have the words for this one.

    Momma: Francis pulls a Hansom cab? When did he get superstrength? Did he get caught in a gamma ray bombblast? If so, that would be interesting, which explains why Mell Lazarus didn’t show it.

    BB: General Halftrack apparently tries to seduce Miss Buxley by singing to her falsetto. I bet she “has to go out” a lot.

    A3G: Oops. Tommie didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.

  68. Tweeks_Coffee
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    Archie: Wouldn’t it actually have been far easier to just move the chair rather than tie all those sticks together? Oh, AJGLU3000, you’ve failed me again.
    ‘Shaft: Oh great, political strips from The Shaft. And you guys thought political GF was bad.
    DT: The hands in this strip still really freak me out. Today’s first panel is a particularly prime example. Plus I’m pretty sure he’s using one of those old Fisher Price toy phones and he’s actually talking to Elmo right now.
    Dilbert: Beaver alert!
    F-: Why does everyone look so pissed at the dolphin? Did he sink the boat? Or is it just because he doesn’t have to be in the raft and that’s the “joke”.
    FC: tears of joy, baby, tears of joy.
    GT: Today’s second panel is absolute gold. The image of someone else seemingly pressing on our be-pearled hero is one of the best things I’ve seen.
    MT: Speaking of beavers (not that we really were); Cherry’s sure is anxious to go check out that mall.
    Phantom: Good idea, leave the kid in the company of the killer wolf. The Ghost-Who-Endangers-Children is really on top of his game today.
    RMMD: Why is Rex so concerned about evidence? It’s not like he’s the cops, despite his current line of questioning.
    SM: Jesus Christ, dude. I can’t think of a better way for this strip to go otehr tahn encouraging people to Google “The Shocker”.

  69. Pozzo
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    #25 (Smacky) – Evidently, Batiuk didn’t really do the research. He’s operating under the theory of “cancer makes you bald”.

  70. man behind the curtain
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    MW — For years now vera has harbored strong resentments towards her brother, hoping to exact horrible vengence upon him. However, when confronting him in person she found that she was unable to act upon these impulses. She realized that the only way she can finally be rid of those demons is to transfer to hostility and resentment to another man. Thus she has now sought out Dr. Drew as a replacement for her brother. She will now lure him back to her apartment, or to his, wherever it can just be the two of them. then she can in effect confront her brother without actually being in his presence. this will allow her to finally out on her feelings. So to make a long story short and to answer Dr, Drew’s question as to how their story will end — Not well, Dr. Drew, not well. Beware of sharp objects. I see a trial in the future.

  71. mattt
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    #63 Dennis: I think you meant to say “..that Cherry Trail has quite a chatter box.”

    GT Panel 2: Best GT panel ever? Discuss.

  72. Tweeks_Coffee
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    #67 – *other than*, that is. Guess I’m not much for typing before I have some coffee.

  73. Mack
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Watch out, the Shocker! If by “googling” the cop means “anally rape” (and I am confident that he does), then vibrating them will not help your situation.

  74. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    #44, SSB,
    Re: MyCage: Yeah, at McGuffin, the boss has a fully stocked bar in his office, which is very 1961.
    Also, you can keep girly pictures on the wall, a practice that most workplaces (garages and loading docks excepted) have discouraged for the past 20-30 years.
    Yet Norm gets to rock the Jeremy Duncan open flannel shirt over t-shirt look in the office. A mark of the post-1990 new economy.
    These furries have it made all over the place.

  75. ComixGrrl
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    Beatle Bailey: It really pisses me off that no one view Miss Blips the same way they view Miss Buxley.
    1. Bux doesn’t have eyes
    2. Blips could look just as hot if she wore what Bux wears to work
    3. Why do they go by “Miss”?

    Cathy: Someone got the wrong technology memo (from the other day) and has “rocked out” the blackberry instead of the iphone.

    FOOB: He’s at it with the Boxcars again… I’m thinking Jim’s only got a few months left at this rate.

    Garfield: Cling-cat (just like the ones people put in the back of their windows)

    MW: “What about us?” ??!!!!!
    You’re sleeping with Dawn you jerk!! You said it was only a dinner! ONLY A DINNER MY ASS!!!

    Sally Forth: Ted’s getting theraphy!!! YES!! Tired of these MONTHS of unshaven-ness.

  76. Non-Shannon
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Hey, that IS Ron Burgundy in Mary Worth!
    “You stay classy, Charterstone.”

  77. AeroSquid
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:44 am [Reply]


    Officer: The ‘Shocker’ ? More like ‘The Oven Mitt’

  78. Girl Friday
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Although mostly a lurker, I am a silent faithful reader as well. But today I had to mention three things:

    1) Josh’s comments on MW had me laughing outloud.

    2) Josh’s neglect of Cherry’s talking Cherry had me wondering if he was slipping.

    3) Mallard Fillmore: No one likes to bring this “comic” up, but I’m enraged at today’s gratuitous gender stereotyping. Guess what, Bruce: Lots of boys are smart and like school! Lots of girls aren’t and don’t. Why does this guy have a platform?

  79. Fightin Vague Shape
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    MW: Drew, here’s how your damn story will end: Forty years from now, you and Vera will finally rise from that table, having ingested all the lumps you could and spouted every platitude available. Meanwhile, the rest of the world will have died of old age. May your only comfort be that Vera isn’t having sex with the stranger who joined your table in panel one either.

    FW: Lisa’s right. Congressmen appear much larger on TV than in person. In real life, Dennis Hastert (R-Ill.) is actually a 108-pound ballet dancer.

    MT: Wow! I didn’t realize Lost Forest is home to the incredibly rare Clear Ash, the only known transparent tree.

    GA: One of these guys is going to be riding the meteorite down to the ground a la Slim Pickens in Dr. Strangelove.

    GT: Kaz could have had a V-8!

    Pluggers: Baby Plugger=Mary-Kate Olsen. Grandpa Plugger=Ben Kingsley. Commence vomiting.

  80. Irishgrapes
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Everything about The Shocker is depressing. He chose a name that he thought would be cool and menacing but in reality makes him a walking punch-line that he himself doesn’t get. He clearly lives alone in, as Josh said, a small studio apartment, hence his intense hatred of confined spaces. And finally his crushing self doubt, which can be clearly seen in the first panel.

    He looks truly hurt that these two random police officers he has never meet before have never heard of him. I can just see his lips trembling as his eyes well up “You mean you’ve *sniff* never heard of the Shocker?” Then again, he could just be beating himself up over choosing to wear his winter costume in the middle of August which, by the way, he either made from his mother’s favorite quilt or bought from a hunting store somewhere in Northern Wisconsin.

  81. Keg of Curd
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Drop the meteorite! Drop the meteorite! Drop the meteorite!

  82. Anson Pants
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    TDIET: Is Wombo doing the “Shocker” ? Oh yeah!

  83. rich
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    MW: “Our story”? There is no our, you cad!! This was supposed to be “an innocent meal”! Did the last two weeks of horseplay with Dawn Weston mean nothing to you?!

    MT: Don’t worry, Rusty, they won’t hurt any wild animals! Wild animals just love bulldozers.

  84. Professor Fate
    August 17th, 2007 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Go to hell – just go to hell. I feel like I’ve been hit with a firehose of bathos and deeply resent it. Elly being a jerk won’t let anybody have any dignity. So again go to hell.

    FW: you know – unless you have a huge flat screen TV people on TV look smaller than they do in real life. And god I hate the bald chick when she smirks.

  85. Pozzo
    August 17th, 2007 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Josh –

    Didn’t somebody create a program sometime within the last year that would randomly distribute word balloons throughout MT panels? Any idea if that link’s still good? Cuz I’m pretty sure jackelrod was using it to create the much-discussed “talkin’ snatch” panel.

  86. Anonymous
    August 17th, 2007 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    I’m seeing a new toy – Chatty Snatchy – pull the tampon string and it delivers four different memorable phrases:

    I’m a Lucky beaver.

    Oh, Mark, your so big!

    Are you a little Rusty?

    How about evening at the Pops.

  87. Francis
    August 17th, 2007 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    I like that the Shocker’s weapons seem to basically be two joy buzzers modified for remote use. I wonder if he went through a phase where he tried out other supervillain identities like Lord Sea Monkey and Mr. X-Ray of Your Hand.

  88. Tweeks_Coffee
    August 17th, 2007 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    #84 – Pozzo:

  89. louder
    August 17th, 2007 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Just when you think this piece of crap can’t sink any lower (or is it float any higher?) we get this sickness today by Ely. Hey Iris? Why are you crying? Frick and double frick, this is one sick-ass family where Elly can’t get a modicum of feeling for Gramps, but has the hots for Granthony. I think this “family” was more broken up by the death a a stupid then they ever will be when Gramps kicks it. Where’s John in all of this? No doubt playing with his toy trains… What a loser. This family is sick.

  90. Tweeks_Coffee
    August 17th, 2007 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    #87 – Err, there was text there a moment ago, I swear! Here’s the link;

  91. louder
    August 17th, 2007 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    I mean “This family was more broken up by the death of a stupid dog…” Sorry for the bad typing.

  92. benro
    August 17th, 2007 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    SM – A superpower that can get you laid. I want that.

  93. FSogol
    August 17th, 2007 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    The Judge Parker Guide to Business Meetings with Busty Red Heads:
    Step 1. Get the children out of the room. Check.
    Step 2. Establish that all spouses are away. Check

    Man, I can’t wait for step 3!

  94. britbike
    August 17th, 2007 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    If getting hit with a blast from the Shocker caused an armored truck to fall apart, shouldn’t our hapless cops be exploded like unpunctured potatoes in a microwave in about oh … . 5 seconds?

  95. teenchy
    August 17th, 2007 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    # 3: Herro!, please promise us you’ll be a better lawyer than Lisa Moore.

  96. benro
    August 17th, 2007 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    SM – And another thing, why call yourself The Shocker when all you do is make things vibrate? I guess “Look out world, here comes The Vibrator!!” doesn’t sound too menacing.

  97. CrabbyGenes
    August 17th, 2007 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    #48, Trotzenbonnie. I don’t know quite what to say except that you have my sympathy. Hang in there! He’ll be back before you know it!

  98. Darkefang
    August 17th, 2007 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Archie: Lazy? Instead of just sitting his chair next to the campfire, Jughead found a bunch of sticks and tied them together. That’s not lazy at all. It’s a stupid waste of energy, but not lazy.

    Betty and Archie are really the people of interest in this strip. First of all, they’re both sitting way too close to the campfire. In the next panel, I’d expect to see them rolling on the ground, trying to put out the fire in their shorts. Frankly, after about 50 years of dating and apparently never even attempting to get to first base, maybe some heat in the pants is exactly what these two need.

    BC: I’m pretty sure I’ve seen a BC with a joke similar to this recently. I don’t actually care enough to read the old strips and see, however.

    BB: Sexual harrassment is comedy gold!

    DT: After Stubbyhands McSquinty is inflicted on us in panel one, the stylized rendering of Moscow is actually kind of a decent drawing.

    FC: Don’t worry kids, those are tears of happiness. If you never come back, it’ll be too soon.

    Foob: I think we all cry at least a little bit every day when we read For Better or for Worse. Let’s just say… If the eyes are the window to the soul… I’m washing the Foob drivel from the windows.

    GT: I didn’t know it was possible, but the artwork in Gil Thorpe was actually a bit worse than usual today. I do enjoy the Homer Simpson “D’OH” and crosseyed look of confusion on Kaz’s face in panel two, as an unidentified person punches him in the head with the palm of their hand.

    H&L: Instead of “talking about girls,” it looks like Chip is serenading Jellyroll. That’s something you don’t need to see, Ditto. That’s something we all don’t need to see.

    JP: Rusty Red must be a helluva lawyer if filling out a name change form is too much trouble for her to bother with.

    MT: “There are no roads leading here and no people living nearby. We’re miles from civilization. What a perfect spot to put our Shopping Center of Evil, Muahahaha!”

    Also, is it just me, or did Cherry turn into a mermaid today?

    Marmaduke: Hey, I have an idea, let’s run a comic strip with nothing but “our dog is big” jokes for 50 years.

    MW: “What about us, Vera? How will our story end?”

    Josh already covered this, but it bears repeating: Dude, she compared you to her brother. She either doesn’t like you in “that way,” or else you are about to enter some creepy zone that you aren’t going to like.

    Phantom: I think I’ve finally figured out what Phantom’s superpower is: delegation of authority. He’s a master at talking everybody else into doing his job – the natives, the victims, his dog, etc.

    S-M: Oh, we’ve all heard of “The Shocker.” We just don’t want to see it demonstrated on the comics page.

    TDIET: Kids today, what with their dirty splotches on their faces, male kulots and backwards baseball caps. Wait, what’s the joke here again?

  99. benro
    August 17th, 2007 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    #92 – If you are anxiously waiting for step 3, you haven’t read much of Judge Parker. Step 3 consists of Sam nattering on about business matters while Rusty flashes her boobs and legs repeatedly. There will be much wine drinking involved, but nobody will get drunk and nothing will happen. And it will last 3 weeks.

  100. Perky Bird
    August 17th, 2007 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    #48 Trotzenbonnie:
    Your husband will be flying helicopters over Laredo? Please tell me he won’t be dropping any meteorites from them!

    Mark Trail: AAAGHHH! A talking hoo-hoo! Man, that’s too scary to see before I’ve had my caffeine. Almost as scary is the teeny-tiny squirrel silhouette being menaced by the rather angry-looking quail/grouse/ptarmigan in panel two. Run, teeny-tiny squirrel silouette! Run, before you get eaten!

  101. benro
    August 17th, 2007 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    #48 – When he gets back, he can get a side job delivering meteorites..

  102. American Idle
    August 17th, 2007 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    #15 Christopher – MW: I can vouch for that. I dated a girl once many years ago who said I reminded her of her brother – A CATHOLIC PRIEST!

    Needless to say, I stayed about as celibate as he presumably was.

  103. smacky
    August 17th, 2007 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    FOOB: I’ve heard of sociopaths that lack the ability to feel empathy, but an entire family of them? The Pattersons are carrying a seriously screwed gene in their line. Why does Elly look so completely perplexed at Iris crying? “You’re the sole caretaker of a spouse that had a serious stroke, who can’t communicate and lashes out innapropriately, and you probably get three hours of sleep a night and no time to yourself. WHY ARE YOU CRYING?”

    Elly is SUCH an emotional tard.

  104. benro
    August 17th, 2007 at 9:50 am [Reply]


    JP: Rusty Red must be a helluva lawyer if filling out a name change form is too much trouble for her to bother with.

    Being a male of the species, and being married to a woman who refused to change her name, I don’t have any personal experience with this, but I can only imagine that filling out the name change form is only the tip of the iceberg as to what needs to happen to change your name back. If you were married before you established your career, there would be a lot of people who know you by the married name, and to change your name back might amount to career suicide. That’s why a lot of women may officially change their name when they get married, but still use their maiden name professionally.

  105. The Avocado Avenger
    August 17th, 2007 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    MW: To be fair, we had a “several weeks later” moment last month, which makes everything TOTALLY believable. Vera didn’t climb the corporate ladder in a month, it was probably more like three months, so you can see how it all makes sense.

    If she’s in insurance, I can personally testify that it is indeed possible to go from typist to underwriter in a couple of years. But I can’t remember what business she’s in and I’m really just too lazy to go look it up.

  106. Old Man Muffaroo [Kip W - M d!>| ]
    August 17th, 2007 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    CS – I can’t forbear any longer! Crankshaft wears a cap, not a hat. Your basic hat has a brim all around it. The cap has none, or a bill in front, or a coonskin tail in back.

    FOOB – Elly didn’t know that irises don’t cry — the water actually comes from ducts behind the eyes. And before she could think much about it, Grandpa’s warning came true, and the house was hit by an out-of-control boxcar. Oh, the irony! WHAT A WORLD!

    MW – “This reminds me of the doughnut I had for tea on Tuesday. It had all-color jimmies.” “But what about our jimmies, Vera? Will they come in all colors? Or just blue?”

    Pluggers – These are the words Baby Plugger will get tattooed on the back of his fingers. He’ll later change “PAPA” to something else. Note that Grandpa Plugger is demonstrating “The Shocker!”

  107. migellito
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    I kind of feel sorry for this poor demented fool called The Shocker. I mean, what do his little wrist things have over a couple of pistols?

    I do remember him vaguely from the comic books, but I’m not sure if he can really do anything else. I mean, if he could like levitate stuff by .. um… vibratory waves.. or something… that would justify the added time, expense, and tailoring over just having a couple guns, one in each hand John Woo style.

    I just can’t stop picturing him looking in the full-length closet door mirror in his bedroom, saying ‘huh? you talkin’ to me? you talkin to ME?!’

  108. Mollie
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    I cannot stop staring at today’s Mark Trail. The awkwardly placed speech balloons always make me laugh — “Hee, he meant for Mark to say that, but it looks like the squirrel is talking with its butt” — but this is the first time I can’t figure out who is supposed to be talking. Usually the problem is that the tail on the balloon is much too short, so the source of the speech is ambiguous, but today the tail (hee) is very long and very specific, and it very definitely originates between Cherry’s legs. WHAT. The HELL. I seriously think Jackelrod may be blind. Or insane. Or both blind and insane.

    If this doesn’t result in irate letters to the editor, and temporary suspension and/or banishment to the op-ed page for MT, I will be very disappointed indeed.

  109. Calico
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    MT – I know it’s been mentioned already, but I just had to say that Cherry’s talking vagina has made my Friday.
    Andy seems impressed as well.
    That’s all for now folks!

  110. Calico
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    MT – I know it’s been mentioned already, but I just had to say that Cherry’s talking vagina has made my Friday.
    Andy seems impressed as well.
    That’s all for now folks!

  111. Calico
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    MT – I know it’s been mentioned already, but I just had to say that Cherry’s talking vagina has made my Friday.
    Andy seems impressed as well.
    That’s all for now folks!

  112. louder
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:05 am [Reply]


    “Foob: I think we all cry at least a little bit every day when we read For Better or for Worse. Let’s just say… If the eyes are the window to the soul… I’m washing the Foob drivel from the windows.”

    Feel like my eyes are covered with pigeon crap after reading The FOOB today…..

  113. Calico
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    Holy x3, sorry about that!

    See how impressed I really am? I had to post thrice! : D

  114. Calico
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    MW – “How will out story end?”

    Over a cliff, if Mary has anything to do with it.
    Dawn included.

  115. Major Hooples Boarding House
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp – Panel 2, Kaz says D’oh and slaps his head. Unfortunately, he’s knocked himself silly. Even more unfortunately, it doesn’t make a difference to Kaz, the plot, or the artwork. A great opportunity missed!

  116. Allie Cat
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    I feel kind of bad – usually I have at least one comment each week where I think, well, *maybe* I’ll have a chance at COTW – and then I don’t make it. This week, I don’t have anything pithy at all – so I don’t even have a glimmer of a chance. For this, I blame Therese.

  117. Old Bean
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    I’m beginning to suspect the Baron has some kind of chip in him.

  118. FSogol
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    Foob: Grandpa yells boxcar, boxcar, yes. Was he trying to say, Margo Boxcar Saturn? I think Lynn Johnson is making fun of Josh.

  119. Major Hooples Boarding House
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    The Baron does have a first name, Lio

  120. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    #115 FSogol,
    Not quite. The “boxcar” in Margo! Boxcar! Saturn! was originally a reference to Grampa Jim’s hi-larious post-stroke babble.

  121. Indiebass
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    We can thank the Shocker for one thing: in the final panel it is revealed that Rick Astley is working as a security guard for a small Armored Car company.

    Unless this is Stan Lee’s way of “Rick Rolling” his entire readership… (which I’m guessing is pretty much the cc community)

  122. Trotzenbonnie
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    #103 – benro
    You have no idea! When I tried to get my birth name back after I got married (boy was I pissed when I found out that there was no law that said I had to. Where’s Ruth Hale when you need her? Oh yeah. She’s dead). Anyway, it’s a big damned production that costs hundreds of dollars and requires an appearance before a judge and all kinds of legal crap.
    It doesn’t cost a dime to become Mrs. Whatthehellwaswrongwithmyrealname.
    Funny thing, after my first husband died and I got remarried, I could have gone back to my maiden name for free. You can change your name to whatever you want on a marriage license and it becomes your new legal identity–at least in New York. But heads sure would spin if people had to hear “This is my husband, Mr. T (X), and my son, Rotten Kid (Y)” then I introduce myself as Ms. Trotz (Z).
    At least my kid and I have the same last name. I don’t want any questions when he becomes famous and I tell everyone “That’s my boy!”

    #96 – Cr*bbyGenes
    Thanks so much! At least I have Hurricane Dean to distract me.

  123. Plasma
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    Incidentally, for the one or two people who haven’t already done it, the first Google result for ‘the shocker’ is the Wikipedia entry on the obscene hand gesture. However, to his credit, the second result is the Wikipedia entry on our evil masseur (Google that! (It seems to come up with gay porn, despite being the totally legitimate word for a male masseuse (masseuses always being female, you see))).

  124. Obscuranta
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    Why is the shocker quilted?

  125. Everett
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    59 Trotzenbonnie: And, of course, East and Left Coasters only teach their grandchildren (if their gay, atheist, liberal children manage to procreate at all) five-letter words like “volvo”, “latte”, and “opera”.

  126. T. Chicana
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    Iris: “If eyes are the windows to the soul, then my soul is getting an eyeful of a potato nose & a fat ass!”

  127. T. Chicana
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    #104 Benro: I wasn’t gonna change my name when I got married last year, but then at the last minute, I said, “Ohh, what the hell!” and changed it. My husband was so happy. I thought it would take way too much explaining to only use my maiden name professionally. And the further I get in my disastrous career, the more people who don’t know exactly who I am, the better!

  128. Dr. Mabuse
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    FBOFW – So learn your lesson, you old–timers. Marriage is for the young. If you try to be happy once you’re past childbearing years, THIS is what’s waiting for you – soul-destroying drudgery caring for an invalid who doesn’t even know you anymore, while his grownup children enjoy their lives and occasionally remember to toss you a casserole.

  129. TB Tabby
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    Wow, we love Shocker, don’t we? I love him even more now that I’ve read his bio from “Bring on The Bad Guys: The Villains of Marvel Comics.”

    In one of the more inspired moments of his crime career, the Shocker was wreaking havoc at the Stock Exchange when he decided to get creative and threatened a nearby stock broker. The broker played the market accordingly; the Shocker left the scene a million bucks richer. Let’s hear it for capitalism!

    This makes the Shocker at least as successful a villain as Enron.

  130. L1
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    #25- Well, yesterday our newspaper accidentally printed the comics from exactly one year ago today. The only way anyone could tell is because Lisa suddenly had an inch of hair again. For one cruel day, it looked like she might be getting better. Ha ha! Whatever!

  131. queek
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    Lio. I haven’t had that much fun with a product warning since Miko and the mattress tag.

    I’m not sure whether I’m amused or appalled at Speed Bumps take on Casablanca.

    Of all the female members of the comics pages, including Blondie, Fritzy, Trudi, Rusty, Abby, June or any other member of the SweaterPuppy Sorority, who gets a face full of pussy today? Liz, in Garfield. Talk about a lost opportunity!

  132. SecretMargo
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    Sorry to have been such a drama queen yesterday; I just was in a distracted haze because I found out that my grandmother went back into the hospital and it didn’t look so good (bad ticker), so I didn’t feel funny or productive or really anything but weepy and powerless. But today I feel a bit better, and I know that she would want me to keep wisecracking my blues away — after all, my mother told me that one of her nurses apologized for taking a few extra seconds to respond when she went into an episode (that she ended up pulling out of okay) because he (the nurse) had just gone on break to grab a sandwich after checking in, figuring that anyone who could make him laugh that hard couldn’t be feeling too poorly.

    Anyway, she’s the funniest person I know, and doesn’t even want a memorial service should the time come; so I’ll try and soldier on and be funny for y’all, and for myself. I owe her that much.

    PS: To Tweeks (I think?) yesterthread: I love your casting choice for me in the CC movie. I have delicious visions of traipsing around two-dimensionally, my hands suspended near my ears keeping me in eternal ironic remove from all of my lines, and turning slightly when piqued/stimulated to transform like a tilting hologram into the Hunk of My Whim. Then descending, oversized, from the sky and smashing Mallard Fillmore beneath my oversized, be-turtlenecked bosom.

  133. Martin
    August 17th, 2007 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    You know, it’s too bad that Scaduto had to edit down the caption for today’s TDIET. As it reads now, it’s not really clear what he is trying to say at the end. Fortunately, I have recovered the original caption, and have reproduced it in this space to enlighten the reader.

    First, the last part of the caption, as printed:
    “‘Nuff said—do we need to say more? No—I don’t think so”

    Now did that fully express the idea that no more needs to be said about little Wombo? Of course not. The reader is left unconvinced, uncertain whether more should be said. Scaduto has been handcuffed by his editor (?) and had to go with this shortened version. Here’s the intact version:
    “‘Nuff said—do we need to say more? No—I don’t think so—we’ve already said it all–can’t say anything more, really–ohhhhh yeaaahhh–that’s all that we can say—howzat? have we said enough—you bet we have–heh, heh–said everything now, righttt—more to be said, whaaa?”

  134. benro
    August 17th, 2007 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    #129 – I don’t get it. Did he shock the stock market into going up for him? You can’t just force a stock broker to make a million dollars for you. The best you could do is to shock him into giving up his commission.

  135. Bootsy
    August 17th, 2007 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    Trotzenbonnie! Come to NO and we’ll have a hurricane!…that sounds ambiguous. We’ll have a mojito!

    I am completely ignoring Dean by rolling in a ball, hedgehog-style, in plain veiw of everyone, and declaring myself invisible.

    When you’re around as many people on medication as I am, it works.

  136. BlinkAndItsOver
    August 17th, 2007 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    Too bad Orgazmo isn’t a Marvel hero. Think of the epic battles he and the Shocker … or who knows, maybe they’d just get a room.

  137. Tweeks_Coffee
    August 17th, 2007 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    #132 – SecretMargo: Spiny Norman was actually the one that developed the CC:The Movie cast.

  138. Montag
    August 17th, 2007 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    RMMD: What? The low-profile, wealthy industrialist who makes secret deals with the Chinese for top secret spy satellite technology had someone else plant the bomb in Heather’s car? He didn’t personally plant it himself? This complicates EVERYTHING!

    Or better yet…

    Once Rex coerces the name and address of the bomb-leaving lackey using a few ‘enhanced interrogation techniques,’ he’s all, “You know too much, Hugh. We can’t keep you alive.” And he and June ‘clean up a few loose ends’ before reporting to their Chinese handlers that they have established a new asset inside Avery International in none other than Heather Avery herself!

  139. Colinski
    August 17th, 2007 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    SM: The dialogue would’ve been so much better had it gone:

    Cop: “We’ll google ya — after we lock you up.”

    Shocker: “Not if I google you first!”

    Cop: “W-We’re vibrating!!”

  140. Lame Name
    August 17th, 2007 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    MT: I don’t understand why you all are so excited about today’s strip. If Elrod can draw talking squirrels, surely he can draw talking beavers.

  141. Trotzenbonnie
    August 17th, 2007 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    #135 – Bootsy
    The thing I hate most about impending hurricanes – if I wish for them to avoid me, that means I’m wishing them on someone else. So, to hell with it. I’ll just do the Hedgehog Roll too!
    My husband’s family felt sorry for me so they threw some of their kids at me. I have babysitting duty until Thursday so I’m trapped here in the city of Laughayette. Otherwise, I’d be circling Lafayette Square Park in my new Gail Martin t-shirt screaming “Tarzana Nights!” until either you or the NOPD noticed.
    But when next Friday rolls around…..hoowee. I’ll have to take a hurricane check because I will be thirsty!

  142. Maryn
    August 17th, 2007 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    How far in time did we jump in MW? Have the girl and Dr. Drew been dating for like years, is that why Vera has gone from clerk to “the top”? Or does “the top” mean “clerk who’s allowed to order lunch for everybody with the company credit card”?

    #49Trotzenbonnie: Pink is in for teen boys these days, my nephew (age 18) has a pink backpack. But his pink is light, baby-girl pink. He also has a girl’s jacket (fur-trimmed) he bought super-cheap. Other teen boys, I heard, do stuff like flat-iron their hair every day and wear super-skinny girls’ jeans. Dunno why. But that is a hideous shade of pink. Maybe it’s a castoff ’cause they spent all their money on the wild west tour.
    Re: 2 week deployment: my husband did that stuff too, first full-time in the Army and then in the NG. Keep as busy as you can; it’s weird because you basically have to build another life while he’s gone,then fit him back in when he’s there. Also, if there’s anything that annoys him (chick-flicks, dirty dishes, home improvement projects) enjoy doing them while he’s gone. So now’s the time to take in that wayward gender-neutral punk and make him clean out your garage. Best o’luck.

  143. Harry Paratestes
    August 17th, 2007 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    MW: Will young Drew soon be showing his chops as the ‘Master of the Simul-Duo-Fark Maneuver’? Did Rabbi Blackjacket spontaneously combust in the transition from panel 1 to panel 2? And are Drew and Vera so cheap that they share a single goblet of Kool-Aid? Stay tuned for the answers on ‘As The Gut Churns’!

  144. El Santo
    August 17th, 2007 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man: I can’t add anything to what everyone has already said here. Google the Shocker … Ooooh, man, why do I think Stan the Man knew exactly what he was writing down? He’s the guy that created Stripperella, remember. So thus far the Spidey universe has The Shocker, Hobgoblin, Green Goblin, MJ … and don’t tell me that Doctor Octopus doesn’t also sound incredibly dirty. Bless you and your addlepated mind, Stan Lee!

    I hereby nominate The Shocker as Spidey’s main villain for the next Spider-Man movie. What, like all villians have to be major threats? That’s prejudice.

  145. man behind the curtain
    August 17th, 2007 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    A3G — The unknown person is merely the nursing supervisor who is surprised to see that Tommie has actually come to work.

    FBOW — In Panel 3, is something leaking from the casserole dish? If so, will this create a greater trauma than Grandpa’s health?

  146. Lame Name
    August 17th, 2007 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    A3G: If I had a nickel for every time someone out of panel calls out to someone in the final panel of A3G…

    DT: Homeland Security sirens should be going off in the cabbie’s head. I was going to snark something along the lines of, “I’m sure he’s just assuming the Baron’s going on a tour, the Pentagon being the major tourist attraction that it is,” but then I decided to do some homework. Turns out, the Pentagon DOES offer tours.

    However, considering he just addressed the cabbie as “Herr Cabbie” (classic! but I thought he was Russian, not German? Or has this been established?), he would have had to make his request at least two weeks ago through his embassy. And even if he managed to drop the “herr” business long enough to claim to be a citizen, it still would’ve had to have been arranged two weeks ago through his senator or representative’s office.
    Ah, who am I kidding? This is Dick Tracy. We’ve already spent four weeks just on this conversation. If anything, he has to worry about fitting in the three-month window.

    GA: No, Wal-Mart would be a good target if you wanted to eliminate white trash. We’re just trying to get rid of the black people.

    Monty: So, now that you have a man around, are there any chores you need help with? A tire changed? Clogged drain? Cleaning the garage?

    S-M: I wouldn’t Google him at work if I were you, Mr. Security Guard.

  147. gh
    August 17th, 2007 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    Man, is it 1 PM already?

    #45 The Spectacular Spider-Brick –

    You think Morning Snark is impossible? Try early afternoon! And welcome back!

    #49 Trotzenbonnie –

    We’re not going anywhere, so relax. And don’t worry about Dean. Once he got over that yelling thing, he’s been much calmer.

    #68 Tweeks_Coffee –

    You didn’t get F-? Fllipper in a life raft with the Three Stooges and a woman? Pure comedy gold, baby!

    And is anyone here familiar with The Greatest Book Ever, Italo Calvino’s Invisible Cities? Wherein Marco Polo and Kublai Khan reach such attunement that they no longer have to speak, but can carry out intricate dialogs in their heads? That’s how I felt about us when I saw Cherry’s talking cherry this morning. It was very zen. I also think Elrod is giving us the finger.

  148. Paperback Rifler
    August 17th, 2007 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: There’s been a lot said today about Cherry Trail’s seemingly chatty private parts; but I think we’re just lucky that the “Let’s go see what’s going on!” interjection from Cherry’s womanly region ended with an exclamation point and not with a period. (Oy! You see the jokes you’re stuck with when you’re late to the thread and all of the good snark is taken! P.U.!)

    Speaking of good snark, the following bears no resemblance to it whatsoever. Apologies to Steve Miller and to everybody everywhere:

    Some people call me a vibrator;
    Some call me a commonplace thug.
    Some people just call me “Mitt” (Hoooo, hoooo!)
    ‘Cause my threads look like they’re oven gloves.
    People laugh about me, baby;
    Say my name’s obscene, my name’s obscene.
    And so I Googled, baby, I Googled it,
    And now I know, I know, I know, know what they mean . . .

    I’m called “The Shocker”
    (Not “The Smocker”),
    And I’m sick of
    You giggly mockers.
    I know what you all laugh about . . .
    I will not whine,
    Though you malign;
    Keep your obscene hand signs —
    (Though I might have to try that out . . . Hoooo! Hoooo!)

    Who’s the baddest bad guy you ever did see?
    I’d really love to “shock” you (though not sexually).
    Shake ‘n’ shake ya, shake ‘n’ shake ya, shake ‘n’ shake ya to the brink;
    Hoo-eee, baby; don’t joke ’bout “one in the stink” . . .

    I’m called “The Shocker”
    (Not “The Smocker”),
    And I’m sick of
    You giggly mockers.
    I know what you all laugh about . . .
    I will not whine,
    Though you malign;
    Keep your obscene hand signs —
    (Though I might have to try that out . . . Hoooo! Hoooo!)

  149. AlmostAGhost
    August 17th, 2007 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    FBoFW: and why do the windows to her soul need cleaning? Because of the horrible horrible horrors she’s witnessed by being in the Patterson family.

    MW: the real question is why that blue-haired guy with glasses is sitting on their table.

    GT: someone in yesterday’s comments (to lazy to look for who, sorry) called it, about nobody in the band bringing a printer so having to go to Kinkos to print out the threats. I’m impressed–predicting something as incredibly random as Gil Thorp is quite a skill.

  150. NickM
    August 17th, 2007 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    #29 – “Cherry and Chatterbox” – that got a belly laugh.

  151. Non Compost Mentos
    August 17th, 2007 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    MT First Attempt: Looks like Cherry is taking “The Vagina Monologues” a bit too literally.

    Second Attempt: Sure, it looks like Cherry has a talking vagina, but that’s actually just her answering cervix.

    Thank you, drive safely, tip your waitresses, veal!

  152. Lame Name
    August 17th, 2007 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    Hey, Dilbert and Mark Trail — two talking beavers!

  153. Calvin
    August 17th, 2007 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    I…I have a confession to make. I liked BC today. I’m sorry, everyone. I’ll be a better snarker tomorrow.

    Also, I seriously hope no young children google “the Shocker”. Most young children have enough sense to not read Spider-man in the first place, though.

  154. chumley
    August 17th, 2007 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    Jesus, that’s the most depressing Family Circus ever. Obviously the grandparents are crying because they know that they’ll die before the Circuses get around to visiting their boho asses again.

    Or maybe they’re just crying from the clouds of noxious smoke coming from the family’s forty year old station wagon. I guess they don’t have smog check in whatever creepy stepford fascist state they live in. “Sorry about your emphysema, Grandpa! Hope the sulpher dioxide
    isn’t bothering you!”

  155. BigTed
    August 17th, 2007 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    I don’t think today’s “Crankshaft” is a comic strip at all. It’s the storyboard for a Hillary Clinton commercial.

  156. Lame Name
    August 17th, 2007 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    132 Secret Margo — I’m sorry your grandmother’s not doing well. When her time does come — hopefully not soon — maybe when you’ve all recovered enough you can hold a roast in her honor.

  157. Dean Booth
    August 17th, 2007 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    Suddenly I find myself 300 comments behind, so please excuse any oversnark.

    Archie: Too Lazy (mildly NSFW).

    DtM: Poor Alice (SFW, but odd).

  158. Jennifer
    August 17th, 2007 at 12:32 pm [Reply]


    Okay, I know this has been addressed in a recent thread, but OMGWTF?!

    Why is it that two of the only remotely real (HUGE grain of salt, please) teenaged girls in comics (Luann, April) get treated like crap by their friends, and we’re all supposed to agree with this treatment?

    Since when is “your voice annoys me” something that then gets discussed calmly? If these were real teenaged girls, there would have been much shouting and probably tears and slamming doors and calls to Delta for sympathy.

    I now officially hate Bernice. Sure, Luann often is annoying, but she’s in high school and that’s to be expected; sure the Luann strip isn’t that great, but it does have a few moments here and there where it nails teenagerdom… but this?! I can’t even imagine what this is supposed to be about or how we’re expected to react.

    Bernice, go home to your own room, sit on your own bed, and read if that’s what you want to do. God!

  159. Super Size
    August 17th, 2007 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    I had to de-lurk just to mention this because it has been crawling under my skin and making me itch like crazy.

    I’m sorry if this has been hashed out in this forum already, but I wanted to ask if anyone else has noticed that some comics chronically break the 4th wall in lieu, as far as I can tell, of an actual joke. Today’s BC is a good example, and Crock sort of is, although at least the character is saying something instead of just staring. Actually, these two strips use the same method almost every day, it seems. Wizard of Id does, too, although it is not doing that today.

    Some strips use it as part of the joke. Garfield and Marvin both do this to varying levels of success. Garfield, as I recall, mainly started doing it as part of his caterwauling on the fence routine. That’s pretty okay with me, because it is deliberately meant to be part of the joke (not to say that those strips are ever particularly funny these days).

    Likewise, Lynn Johnston does it sometimes through her avatar character, which is reasonably okay in my mind, because sometimes an author likes to speak directly to the audience. Again, not to say that the strip is particularly good or enjoyable.

    But to get to my main point again! The strips I mentioned above seem to rely on the staring-out-at-the-audience to make the reader laugh even though the joke isn’t remotely funny. It’s like the writers don’t even have to bother writing a decent punchline; they can pony up the most ridiculous, contrived pun and then simply draw in someone appealing to us, saying “can you believe what I have to put up with?” And that, in itself, will make us laugh? No, I cannot believe it. I have never been subjected to such improbable, idiotic statements in my life. I can’t identify with you, and as such, it is utterly pointless to have you staring out of the panel at me.

    Anyway… that is the rant I had to get off of my chest. Thanks for listening!

    I’d also like to say that although I haven’t spoken up about it before, I have been reading this column for a few months and I absolutely love all of you. This is a smart, sarcastic, and above all literate group, and I appreciate that no one is afraid to throw out the most obscure references! Thank you all, and especially you, Josh.

  160. Perky Bird
    August 17th, 2007 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    #146 Lame Name:

    Actually, even though tours of the Pentagon can be arranged in advance, the cabbie still should have been more observant, namely because you can’t take a taxi to the Pentagon. After 9/11, they banned taxi drop-offs. You can only get there by public bus or by the Metro, which drops you right at the door. The closest the cabby could get to the Pentagon would be I-395, and the poor old Baron would have to hobble across the huge Pentagon parking lot.

    Besides, even if you could still drive to the Pentagon, it would cost less to take the Metro. Since the Baron is obviously hailing a taxi outside the capitol, that would mean crossing state lines to get to the Pentagon in Virginia. The fares in a DC cab go sky-high once you cross state lines.

    Oh, dear, I’ve put WAAAAAAY too much thought into this! Boxcar, boxcar, yes–it’s time for a nap!

  161. bats :[
    August 17th, 2007 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    57. Stouthearted: I thought it might be Dawn incognito eavesdropping on Vera and Drew. Ron Burgundy? Perhaps. But I thought, with Aldo gone a year, quite a few pounds can be shed in a year, the mustache thinned — OHMIGOD, he’s BACK! And he’s coming for you, Mary!!!

  162. Jennifer
    August 17th, 2007 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    on the other hand, FW:

    Someone just shoot me now. This might be a tolerable storyline if every third panel didn’t have to have some sort of snarky, smarter-than-you comment masquerading as a punchline. The Noble Dying Woman Who Speaks Truth to Power is making me want to vomit and then I feel bad ’cause she’s noble and dying and then I’m mad because this is such facile garbarge when it should be better — Batuik has personal experience with cancer; he should have something new to say about it, but instead, the whole thing comes off like a painfully earnest and well-meaning and good-for-you-dammit Lifetime movie. And not even a very good one of those.

  163. Laura c
    August 17th, 2007 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    I don’t think Mark Trail will be upset about the Lost Forest Mall when he finds out it has a Claim Jumper!

  164. Tweeks_Coffee
    August 17th, 2007 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    So mark was home for, what, 5 minutes? He didn’t even make it inside before he was apparently scared off by Cherry’s chatterbox. This does explain exactly what Andy was doing yesterday though, clearly he’s trying to kill the thing that’s living down there. Hmm, perhaps Pillowpants is real, after all.

  165. fizzy logic
    August 17th, 2007 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    Seattle Mudges: My email address to develop a contact list for setting up a meeting can be located here. So far we have not settled on a date or a place, but if you send me an email, we can work those things out offline.

  166. Gagott68
    August 17th, 2007 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    #163 Laura c: Mmmmm. Claim Jumper. You just gave me a plan for dinner tonight!

  167. AhClem
    August 17th, 2007 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    #122 Trotzenbonnie -
    You can also change your name for free during a divorce. All it takes is one line on the divorce decree. I have first-hand experience with this (I didn’t change my name, but my ex-wife did).

    Being a lawyer and having gone through a divorce, Red McSweatercannons should have known this. Maybe she didn’t want to mess around with Social Security, which also costs nothing but requires filling out a form.

  168. kingklash
    August 17th, 2007 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    Don’t forget another potentially disturbing aspect of The Shocker: his costume is well padded. He says it’s to protect himself from his own Vibro-Shock weapons, but who needs that much quilted softness?

  169. mattt
    August 17th, 2007 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    #151 Non Compost Mentos: “Answering cervix.” Heh. Heh heh. Heh heh heh heh heh. That’s pretty good.

  170. Rainbird
    August 17th, 2007 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    benro#104 As someone who has changed her name, and not bothered to change it back after my “divorce” (in quotes because of course, same-sex marriage isn’t legal, so I didnt’ really get a divorce, go figure), it is a pain. It is true, everyone knows you by your name, and to change it, even back to your old name, is more trouble than it is worth. It was a pain to change it the first time. And I did it by the petition method, which isn’t allowed anymore, because of the DHS.

    I’m with Rusty. Keep the old name, for now.

  171. Spiny Norman
    August 17th, 2007 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    #67 Ben: Your A3G comment cracked me up.

    #148 Paperback Rifler: Great song!

  172. Rainbird
    August 17th, 2007 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    Opps, ment to say the “usage method” which isn’t allowed anymore.

    Never mind, just go back to looking at Rusty, and wishing the artist in MW could draw that well.

  173. Rainbird
    August 17th, 2007 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    DT Has anyone asked why Big Ben is in the picture of the kremlin in Friday’s first panel? I thought, oh, perhaps it has been move there since the last time I looked, but I checked, and Big Ben is still in London. Perhaps the post CGB (whatever they are called now) has moved to Vegas, where things like that could be next to each other.

  174. VALIS
    August 17th, 2007 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    Spider-man: More information about the Shocker can be found on the internet. And the cops know it.

  175. cheech wizard
    August 17th, 2007 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    FOOB – Grandpa Jim is depressed because Iris hid all his guns and he can’t find them. He knows that if he doesn’t blow his brains out in the next two months, he’ll be forever trapped in the timeless, unchanging realm of the undead that Lynn has planned for them after the strip ends, able only to mutter “Boxcar” when what he really means is “Shut the fuck up, Iris!”

    At least when Hemingway’s housekeeper locked his guns away, she had the decency to let him have a key.

  176. TurtleBoy
    August 17th, 2007 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    Spidey’s next nefarious nemesis will be The Clapper™, whose subsonic hand-clapping pummels his foes into submission. “You’ll fall, Spider-Man, and you won’t get up!”

  177. UncleJeff
    August 17th, 2007 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    Paperback Rifler — I agree, great song.

    “The Shocker” might deserve a strip of his own.
    The shy supervillain with confidence issues.

    TS: “Put your hands in the air! I am The Shocker and I’ve come for your money.”

    Smart Ass Kid: “Hands in the air! You mean — like this!!!!”

    TS: “No. Just ‘hands in the air, OK? Stop it. I know what you’re getting at. Look. Just forget it.”

    Cop: “So you’re The Shocker. Do you know what
    The Shocker means to the kids?”

    TS: “Yeah, I know. (‘sigh*) I’ve heard it a million times.”

  178. T. Chicana
    August 17th, 2007 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    Eugghhh…Lynn looks extra devilish on the Foob-site. See for yourself…AND, here it shows how this sort-of-cute Canadian firefighter got lured into her lair! The look on his face in the first photo just says, “Yeah. I got sucked into the Foobiverse.”

  179. SecretMargo
    August 17th, 2007 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    177: UL

    “Put your hands in the air!”
    “You know, I just don’t care.”

  180. stinky pete
    August 17th, 2007 at 2:04 pm [Reply]


    I am going to be in Deep Lurk mode for a good long while, perhaps for good, which may come as news to those who did not realize I was ever here. Amongst my reasons are fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency My main reason is that work and family obligations are getting to the point where I can’t justify spending time trying to read 300+ comments per post, many of which, Viagra-spam-like, wonder if I have Googled “the shocker” lately. Moreover, I increasingly find that I have nothing to say and therefore no desire to say it. So, carry on, Curmudgeon Nation, and perhaps I’ll see you in the funny papers.

    (PS: Trotz: tell Dr. Starman Dan to knock ‘em dead, and I’ll keep a good thought for Mr. T’s safe return.)

  181. Rose
    August 17th, 2007 at 2:04 pm [Reply]


    If I don’t get this on a T-shirt, I will be sad.

  182. Pozzo
    August 17th, 2007 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    #90 – Thanks, T_C…I bookmarked it, for whenever I need some surreality to lighten my day.

  183. SecretMargo
    August 17th, 2007 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    179: Oops, I meant UncleJeff.

  184. Little Guy
    August 17th, 2007 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    113: Okay, who’s going to take the moniker, “Cherry’s Talking Vagina”?

    118: Pope Josh should write a letter to Lynn telling her that Pope Josh is based on a real live person, and that her comments are HURTFUL AND MEAN!

    S-M: Okay, I get it.

    We want to see The Shocker walk into Judge Parker and do NSFW things to Trudi and Rusty.

    And maybe to the Judge himself.

    Dirty, dirty curmungeons.

    Just post the links.

  185. benro
    August 17th, 2007 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    Tweeks, that speech balloon positioning device is freekin’ awesome..

  186. gh
    August 17th, 2007 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    #180 stinky pete –



    I’m starting a therapy group if you want to join.

  187. Kate
    August 17th, 2007 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    180, stinky pete — bummer. You probably never realized *I* was here either, but I thought you were funny.

    PS: When you Google the Shocker, you will find that he looks like Captain Kangaroo.

  188. Tweeks_Coffee
    August 17th, 2007 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    #185 – benro: Thanks, but it ain’t mine. All the credit for that gem goes to Dean Booth who hosts a whole bevy of comics related goodness on his site. Check it out:

  189. Chert the Chort
    August 17th, 2007 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    #142 Maryn: Your son may be gay. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. But there, there it is.

  190. Brown-eyed Girl
    August 17th, 2007 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    180. stinky pete. I’ll miss you. Thanks for the html lessons.

  191. Donald TheAnarchist
    August 17th, 2007 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    MW I get the feeling Drew asks for a ‘happy ending’ everytime he interacts with a female: after a massage; after dinner; in the supermarket checkout. ‘Cause he knows They’ll Do It Every Time…

    S-M Am I being a grammer Nazi by pointing out spaces are confinING, it’s the Shocker that would be confined…Of course, if he doesn’t want to be held by the MAN, he probably hates being confined by the rules of the English language even more…

  192. Ed Power, writer of \\\\\\\'My Cage\\\\\\\'
    August 17th, 2007 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Brick @ 45 and AFKABen @ 74,

    Yeah, Max’s deal is that he’s a throwback to the old ‘go to the office, drink, and have an affair with your secretary’ days.

    If I had my way Max would be the most evil character in comics (there’s a reason he’s red with pointed ears. :D ), but a lot of the things I write for him get rejected. Max holds the record for most rejected strips, well him and answering the question of what the characters eat. :D

    I was thinking of posting the rejected strips on the myspace.

    Aw well…


    PS: All the background posters are by Melissa BTW. I’m as surprised as you guys when I see what she’s done with the backgrounds (although we have made a list of movie title puns in case she ever wants to put movie posters up in the bg).

  193. Spotted HØrse
    August 17th, 2007 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    #180 stinky pete: Let’s not say au revoir… let’s just say hors d’oeurve! I have enjoyed your posts, buddy, and don’t stay away too long!

    Making one’s way through 300 posts equals a time commitment, perhaps to the detriment of familial/professional/scholarly duties. I could write a book about stuff I’m neglecting right now. Ah, for fun!

  194. Ed Power, writer of My Cage
    August 17th, 2007 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    Oops! Sorry about all the back slashes.

  195. willethompson
    August 17th, 2007 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    #180 Stinky Pete: What? The guy who led us thru the ‘Josh lost his car in NYC’ forced march is falling back to ünterlurker status?

    In April 2008 (if the publisher doesn’t change the margoing date AGAIN), there will be in bookstores a novel by yrs truly called ‘Scratch Golfer.’ Check the dedication page – you’ll find a familiar moniker…

  196. Godzooky
    August 17th, 2007 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    #180 stinky pete: Your posts were sharp and funny, you’ll be missed. Nowhere in your league as a snarker or puzzle-master, but I can relate. Reading these ever-expanding threads takes a while, composing some halfway-decent comment takes me forever and both activities cut into time I need for other things (example: I’m supposed to be writing e-discovery procedures right now). I’m still at the “Don’t know how to quit ya” stage, though. Might have to try that cold turkey myself…

  197. LTBF
    August 17th, 2007 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    122-Here’s my story from name changing at marriage.

    My wife went by her middle name. When we got married, she wanted her new name to be Middle Maiden Last.

    But the only way we could change it for free was to either drop the middle name or her maiden name, neither of which she wanted to do. So we had to fork over seven bucks to the state of Alabama to get it changed legally.

    Shortly after we got married we moved out of state for a few years. When we moved back, she applied for her driver’s license but the old one was under her old name and needed legal documentation to get that changed. We couldn’t find the document so we wrote to get a copy (for another fee). The day we finally got all that fixed, we were cleaning out a box and found the name change certificater we had to pay to get replaced.

  198. Islamorada Girl
    August 17th, 2007 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    MT—If you were going to build a strip mall, near LoFo, what stores would you want to put in there? I’m thinking a Hooters would anchor the place. And a squirrel taxidermist. But what else? What else?

  199. Chert the Chort
    August 17th, 2007 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    God, Jack Elrod is in the tokezone.

    #122 et. al. Names… my wife is First Last New, she just used the marriage certificate to change it. But as a social worker she has certifications here, there, and yon, so all that was a real pain.

  200. Tweeks_Coffee
    August 17th, 2007 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    #198 – Islamorada Girl Eye Hooks ‘R Us

  201. gh
    August 17th, 2007 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    #198 Islamorada Girl –

    Beavers, Ducks & Beyond?

  202. willethompson
    August 17th, 2007 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    I-Girl! The LoFo Mall has…

    Ginormous Lots (big discounts on enormous quantities of big things, like watertowers by the dozen, six-packs of jeraboams of dishwashing soap…)

    Punchable Hair (barber)

    Random Balloons (kiosk with gift balloons that are tied randomly to passers-by, shopping cats, pets, furniture…)

    Birds, Bathos and Beyond

    Dam Depot (for all your damming needs)

  203. AhClem
    August 17th, 2007 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    #180 stinky pete -
    I have always enjoyed your snark here; you will be missed. I sincerely (and selfishly) hope your absence is only a temporary one.

    At the very least, I hope you’ll stick around the discussion forum so you can help me with those blasted cryptic crosswords!

  204. any mouse
    August 17th, 2007 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: OK, I think I’ve got panel 2 figured out. The hand is indeed Kaz’s. But it’s clearly impossible for it to be attached to his body and still hit him at that angle. Therefore it must be the reappearance of his hand and forearm from when he clipped Gail Martin’s heckler at that cafe. The hand and forearm clearly slipped into some wrinkle in the space/time continuum in the heckler’s face(thus not appearing in the strip that day) and have reemerged several hours (days? weeks?) later and whacked Kaz in the head today.
    I’m posting this anonymously because it’s really stupid.

  205. dale
    August 17th, 2007 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    74 – AFKAB
    I always liked the line from some old guy:
    “You show me a calendar what ain’t got pictures of naked women, and I’ll show you a calendar what ain’t gonna hang in my garage.”

  206. fizzy logic
    August 17th, 2007 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    #180 – stinky pete – Adios, amigo. I will miss you. No only are you funny, you’ve been our archivist, our grammarian, our spell check and our DRD. This world will be a bit sadder without you in it. I hope you check in with us every now and again.

  207. MossMoses
    August 17th, 2007 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    It’s lonely at the top of the clerk typist pool at Affect Advertising? Was that Vera’s lame attempt at sarcasm? Don’t all the lower clerk typists keep her company with the ticka tacka of their keystrokes?

    Drew would be better off trolling for selkies at the Santa Royale wharf or picking up drunken hags at the women’s shelter. Dawn Weston and Vera Shields combined have less intellectual capacity than Big Moose. Drew is supposed to be such a slick Don Juan yet he asks how a relationship will end up on his first date. Isn’t that kind of jumping the gun a little? Maybe he figures Vera will be more likely to put out if she thinks he’s ready for a commitment.

    Which is the real Rusty? Is it the Dondi looking pre-pubescent punk or the deformed gap toothed freak? Maybe the freak is his doppleganger.

  208. cheech wizard
    August 17th, 2007 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    Stinkey Pete, hope we’ll still see you around from time to time. I’ve cut my postings way back for the same reasons you give, but still like to pop in from time to time. Don’t be a complete stranger.

  209. Buck Ripsnort
    August 17th, 2007 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    The Shocker wears that idiotic quilted mess because it keeps his Shock GauntletsTM from vibrating his body apart (the first time he used them, he broke both his arms).

    I’m gonna go to bed and cry a little because I know that.

  210. bats :[
    August 17th, 2007 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    210. I swore I wasn’t going to stroke Lynn’s ego, whether she knows it or not, but there are too many folks her that feel like I do regarding the golem that is Elly.

    (Thanks to Dean Booth for the pixelated sanctuary!)

  211. willethompson
    August 17th, 2007 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    #209 Buck R: Wait a margoboxcar minute: QUILTING prevents the The Shocker’s shock gauntlets™ from being – uh – vibrodestructive?

    “Darn! I could have robbed the museum of all it’s treasures if only that AIDS quilt hadn’t been on display!”

    “Dammit! I could have stolen that recipe for Apple Pan Dowdy from the Pillsbury Bake-Off, but they defeated me with their oven mitts!”

    “Shoot! I had the drop on SpiderMan until he snggled down beneath that coverlet!”

    No wonder this guy has self-esteem issues. He can be stopped by a wad of Northern ‘Quilted’ two-ply.

  212. fizzy logic
    August 17th, 2007 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    #206 – me – stinky pete – see how I had a typo in my post for you? One last gift from me to you. Seriously, I hate goodbyes – I’m going to tell myself you’re going to delurk every now and then, okay?

  213. Andrea D and The Grandstanding Oddballs
    August 17th, 2007 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    #63 – Well, the thing I hate the most about today’s TDIET is the part that goes, “Nuff said— do need we say more?—no, I don’t think so—”

    You ARE saying more, you raging, raging idiot. “Nuff said” alone would have covered it. But then you had to go and ask if more needed to be said. Why? And they you keep talking after you’ve made it abundantly clear and nothing more needs to be said about it.

  214. Perseid
    August 17th, 2007 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    Wait…. “the shocker”?… Really?

  215. Trotzenbonnie
    August 17th, 2007 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    I’m keeping the light on for you.
    This is a hard monkey to get off your back. Believe me, I’ve tried.
    Step 1 – Cold turkey (Lasts about a week but you get sad when no one misses you)
    Step 2 – Lurk a little, once or twice a week
    Step 3 – Read only Josh’s posts
    Step 4 – Read Gil Thorp and immediately think ‘Oh man! I bet they’re going wild in Mudgeville. I’ll just read all of the GT comments.’
    Step 5 – Read FOOB and/or FW which makes you so pissed off you have to comment here because who the hell else is going to understand your comics jones.
    Step 6 – Something like the Gail Martin Wiki starts and you get sucked in worse than when your friends all talked you into buying those Ed ‘Big Daddy’ Roth monster sweatshirts so you could all wear them to school.
    Then the wheels come off the wagon and you’re thinking of Family Circus song parodies in the shower again……

    And thank you so much, stinky, for your kind words about Dan and Mr. T. They are very much appreciated.

  216. Trotzenbonnie
    August 17th, 2007 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    And the muse of snarkicityness is a margoing fickle bitch!

  217. Plinko Commie
    August 17th, 2007 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    Iris: Let’s just say — if the eyes are the windows to the soul … I’m going to board them up so you fuckers will finally leave me alone.

  218. Spotted HØrse
    August 17th, 2007 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    #217 Plinko Commie: In Iris’s case, eyes are the goggly, fisheyed, plexiglass windows to the soul.

    Haw haw… that someone with freaky, googly bugeyes should be named… Iris!

    It is to laugh.

  219. Mooncattie
    August 17th, 2007 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    FW – I see the potential for a fine Comics Crossover if the chair of the One Voice Against Cancer committee turned out to be Shoe’s Sen. Belfry of East Virginia. Then Leese could hang out at Roz’s and get leered at by the Perfesser.

    Most of all, I want the first question for Lisa to be “Mizz Moore, could you please tell this Committee in your own words why you tore up that picture of the Pope?”

  220. SecretMargo
    August 17th, 2007 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    210: bats :[ (btw: is that a dinocomic reference? You're "internet serious" [4:09] about bats?) –

    Your photoshenanigans improve with every outing! Love it! (& thanks to Dean B, our very own Swiss bank account of outlaw tomfoolery)

    And stinky pete — Say it ain’t so! C’mon back when you feel all juiced-up and stinkysnarky again. We’ll be waiting.

  221. FortyTwo
    August 17th, 2007 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    Wow, my name-change was relatively painless. Since Mr. 42 and I were planning on moving to California a few weeks after the wedding, I decided to put off changing my name, since I didn’t want to go to the hassle of changing my name in Illinois, getting a new driver’s license in IL, then getting another new license in CA. Officially changing my name wasn’t so bad; I now have a hyphenated surname.

    However, I registered for grad school when I still had my maiden name, so they have me in their records with that. Then, when I found a part-time job after the name change, my new boss couldn’t be bothered to enter an extra six letters into the computer and shortened it to just my married name. Then my grad school decided to hire me as a TA, and they actually looked up my SSN to get the proper hyphenated name — though I’m still enrolled under just the maiden name.

    So, right now I’m going by three different names. So long as I can cash all the checks, I think I’m okay. For now.

    (Then there’s the fact that before the name change, Social Security thought my middle name was just one letter, and my birth certificate has a wayward exclamation point on it…)

  222. Godzooky
    August 17th, 2007 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    #213 Andrea D, etc.: Now, now. It’s been established here that, though his mindset is somewhere in the late 50s/early 60s, Al Scaduto is Master Soft Heart incarnate and several “Mudges have gotten quite the kick from having their submissions used for TDIET. Now, if you want to call Johnston or Batiuk some names, feel free to say more.

  223. Atomic Bird
    August 17th, 2007 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    You had to call him ‘Shaft, didn’t you?

    Who’s the school bus driver who’s a sex machine with all the chicks? ‘Shaft!

    See ‘Shaft the movie!

  224. True Fable
    August 17th, 2007 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    Stinky Pete!

    You magnificent bastard! Who am I going to go Lynn-baiting with? How can you walk away from The Best Little Whorehouse in Charterstone, what will we do without your razor sharp wit and blue ribbon snark?

    No, I get you, man. I’m going to have to buckle down and get other things done too, but as Trotzenbonnie pointed out, cold turkey from the Curmudgeon site is HARD, harder than comedy. But drop in now and then just to let us know all is odoriferous in Stinkypeteland.

    I’ll be looking for you O.O

  225. Andrea D and The Grandstanding Oddballs
    August 17th, 2007 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    Hey, hey. I submitted something to Scaduto, and he said he MIGHT use it. It’s not the ideas – it’s the execution.

    And, I know I’ll be stoned to death for saying this, but I don’t think Elly is being a total hag to Iris. I think it’s finally dawning on her that Iris is really struggling. Hopefully, the rest of the family, except for Michael, who is a douchenozzle, will make a point to visit more often and help out. Does that sound naive?

    stinky pete – I’ll miss your snarkage, but I know where you’re coming from. Be well!

  226. Andrea D and The Grandstanding Oddballs
    August 17th, 2007 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    Or is it “be goot!”, and my nana used to say?

  227. Jamus The Bartender
    August 17th, 2007 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    45. There’s Stephanie Miller, but she’s on the radio so you gotta kinda imagine it. Plus, she does this political talk/morning zoo kind of thing with two other guys who do most of the comedy.

  228. Virginia
    August 17th, 2007 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    Dr. Drew reminds me a lot of a certain ex-boyfriend, not in the successful career, or the shellecked hair (although, come to think of it, they did also have that in common), but in the sense of “I”m very devoted to whatever woman happens to be in front of me right now, and that includes the waitress, the postal service lady, and possible my own relations.” Maybe I should introduce the ex to Vera in whatever world I live in where humans and comic characters live side-by-side.

    Also, I think my brain just turned the sane part off. I blame Therese.

  229. LTBF
    August 17th, 2007 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    195-When you submitted your novel, did you get a $25,000 advance a month later despite having no prior books published?

  230. dreadedcandiru2
    August 17th, 2007 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    I just read an interview by Lynn Johnston in Panels and Pixels a little while ago. Y’wanna know why she says she wants to explore Anthony in the hybrid? She, get this, doesn’t know who he is. This from the same woman who says the characters tell her what to write. What she, of course, means is that she’s gonna retcon away all the stuff we hate about him.

  231. Red Greenback
    August 17th, 2007 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    Come back to the five & dime, stinky pete, stinky pete…..

  232. LTBF
    August 17th, 2007 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    Oh, God, we get more of the Liz-Anthony storyline? I thought Mikewas going to be the “star” of the new format.

  233. That's The Spirit
    August 17th, 2007 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    So, do police women fight each other for the job of trying to catch the Shocker?

  234. Spotted HØrse
    August 17th, 2007 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    #233: Certainly the “spirited” ones do!

  235. Spotted HØrse
    August 17th, 2007 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    #233 That’s the Spirit:
    Oh, hell, that’s where I thought of the term “spirited”. From your name! No offense intended, sir or madam!

  236. Dr. Marion
    August 17th, 2007 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley:


  237. Poteet
    August 17th, 2007 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    # 180 — Stinky Pete, others have said it well, and I share the hope you’ll come back from time to time. Starting soon.

  238. Islamorada Girl
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    I have more questions about The Shocker. Does he wander around parking lots, offering to jump start dead batteries? Is he the kind of guy who would also change a tire for you? Who does his quilting?
    Quilter’s Guild? Some nice Amish lady? Chinese political prisoners? What’s that quilt pattern supposed to be? It sort of looks like Lafayette Orange Peel, but it could be Philadelphia Pavement or Drunkard’s Path. Is that a chain stitch? A whipstitch? What kind of backing does he use? Mountain Mist polyester or 100% cotton? Wash or dry clean? I want answers!

  239. Poteet
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    # 41 — Thanks, Godzooky. I’m glad it helps you. I’m not sure it can do enough to help me:-).

  240. Poteet
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    S-M — I’ll just have to not comment on S-M until this storyline is over, because the villain’s name and extended digits keep reducing me to very immature giggling. And it’s the fault of this site. Until certain Curmudgeons informed me otherwise, I would only have giggled at a villain named Missionary Position.

  241. Andrea D and The Grandstanding Oddballs
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    So, my friend writes for this blog that I enjoy, and one of the other bloggers recently posted about Ned Tanner, the naked man-doll that made an appearance in old FOOB strips. I thought it was kind of funny.

  242. bats :[
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    242. Andrea: Wow, Ned is anatomically correct? That makes him the only male in the FOOB universe who is.
    (No, wait, maybe the fallen angels like Warren and Paul are…but we can’t have the Patterson girls being penetrated by anything but the divine omniscience of Saint Elly!)

  243. Uncle Lumpy
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    #240 Poteet –

    a villain named Missionary Position

    Somebody wanna come up with a monologue for ol’ Missionary Position? I assume his power would be to lay flat his foes! And who would his sidekick be?

    I’d give it a go, but my mind is reeling.

  244. Uncle Lumpy
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    #243 me –

    Ooh! To lay flat his foes — by the power of habit!

    I suppose the costume’s obvious — maybe he could be the first tonsured superhero? (If not, please don’t tell me.)

  245. Jamus The Bartender
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy’s Crimestopper’s Textbook
    Today’s Lesson: You Know…This Blubber Isn’t Too Bad With A Little Pepper And Hotsauce…

    Greeting’s Crimestoppers. It’s the ol’ prisoner here….wasting away , courtesy of the Anchorage Alaska Correctional Facility.
    It’s been some time since I posted anything, so…for those of you who came in late….while borrowing the starship owned by Great Emperor Chennux, the “Tarzana Nights”, currently in use by Josh and his little cult, travelling the world, “spreading the word of snark”….damn hippies…anyway, I “borrowed ” Mister Chennux’ ship in order to teach those damn hippies what live in San Francisco a lesson about terrorism and how they should obey their president in all things and not complain….by blowing up their bridge.
    Problems began when I crashed the ship into the bay, was arrested, had a brief but lovely stay in Alcatraz for a few days until they could arrange transportation to Anchorage AL for the trial. While en route to the 49th state, a family of squirrels ran in front of the truck , startling the driver. In the chaos, the ol’ detective escaped, made his way to a series of internet cafes/taverns/coffee houses/people’s living rooms in order to post my progress until …and this next part is something of a blur….I found myself hiding under the Patterson kid’s bed with nothing but an old wrist radio, my service revolver, and a bottle of Jim Beam to my name. I managed to hide out at chez Patterson for a few days until that damn Deanna squealed on me….and here we are.
    Fucking Canadians.
    Anyway, as jails go, this one is nice. Nice and white and clean. Damn white.
    I think i’m slowly losing my mind.
    Damn, I could go for some whiskey.
    Anyway, they feed me pretty well here, if you like fish and blubber. Which I don’t. I’ve tried making friends with the guard, but no dice. I’ve tried asking him what all the words for snow are. He won’t tell me. Unfriendly motherfucker. I call him Nanook.
    He does let me have a laptop and the daily funnies though. So…in order to keep mind and soul together… we go…
    9 Chickweed Lane-Looks like Father Feelgood and SIster Mary Needsit are gonna get it on. Good for them I’m glad SOMEONE’s getting some…
    Archie:Jughead you lazy bastard. Archie should kick your ass. Betty should take off her top….damn…
    BC: Hey…a prison joke. Just for me. How nice. It really sucks shit, but it’s a nice thought. Thank you new BC guy.
    Cathy: I know how you feel, Cathy’s fat husband. I lost the other half of my wrist radio, but now all I get is this cat lady who likes to lick herself…HAW, HAW, HAW, HAW….
    Yours Truly: Damn, Locher’s really gone downhill. When I beat this rap, we’re gonna have to renegotiate my contract. I like the picture of the Kremlin in the center panel though. I re-drew it to be a fairy castle with lots of little lady fairies. WIth big titties. Damn, Nanook, is it time for my meds already?
    Miserable, Narcing FOOB bastards: Feel free to cry, Iris. Your husband’s a good guy. Lousy drinker, but a good guy. Remember the three J’s, Iris. Jim Beam, Jack Daniels and Jesus.
    Gasoline Alley: I like the way this is turning out. Why didn’t I just hire a burnout Vietnam Vet hippie to take the rap? I’ll have to get his name from Slim if I ever get out of here….WHEN. WHEN I get out of here.
    Herb And Jamaal: Don’t let the young punk get you down, Reverend Bald Guy. I’ve been following the story and it comes down to this. If Jesus had had a squad car, he wouldn’t have just knocked over the money-changer’s tables, he’d have taken each and every one of them for a screen test, if you know what I mean. Remember that, young punk Reverend.
    Pluggers: Goddammit I need whiskey. I’m gonna cry….
    Rose Is Stoned: Yeah, Jimbo, I had some “Garbage Moments ” too. They mostly consisted of me finding old KFC chicken bones with meat on them because it meant one more day of staying alive. Once I found a bottle of Muscatel that was half full. Had to beat the hell out of a homeless guy to get it, but it was the best goddamn Muscatel I ever had.
    A3G: Time for your meds Luann? Oh, time for MY meds. Hi Nanook….
    BB. Damn. It’s been so long since i’ve been without female company, Miss Blips is looking good to me now.
    Crankshaft: One of the nice things about being in the penal system. All your drugs are free. So far.
    DtM. I don’t really have anything to say about this one. I just came to check out Mrs. The Menace. Damn, she’s fine…
    FC. “We’ll be back to visit some other time.”Yeah, that’s what my kids said too, Gramma and Granddad. Liars, that’s what they are. All of them. They’ll be back when they read your will, mark my words.
    FW:: I don’t get it. Did the bald chick see Uncle Duke deal drugs or something….why in hell is she testifying before Congress and not getting her chemo? Let’s move on…
    Phantom: Looks like me and Devil have something in common. I wonder what kind of whiskey he likes?
    Sally Forth: Hm.. Seems the gay unemployed bum of a husband is getting therapy. So begineth the downward spiral. HAW HAW. And he likes the Sopranos. This is real life, dumbass, not a television show. Besides, if they let me on the case, Tony Soprano wouldn’t rate a footnote.
    Slylock Fox: “How To Draw A Pig In A Bucket” NANOOK…gimme some goddamn crayons….
    And that’s it. I hear they have to pick twelve citizens, good and true, who have never heard of Dick Tracy. HAW. Good fucking luck fellahs.
    Damn, this blubber is pretty good once you get used to it.
    Till next time
    Dick Tracy.

  246. True Fable
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    #243 Uncle Lumpy -

    The Acolyte?

    Choir Boy?

    Barefoot Mama?

  247. Jamus The Bartender
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    Missionary Position goes to foreign countries and tells people of Christ, and how doing it doggy style is not right and proper.
    Missionary Position is sponsored by Faithpaths Unlimited, which is sponaored by Coca -Cola.
    Missionary Position is officiating at Jenna Bush’s wedding, to the guy who honestly looks like he might be gay.
    Missionary Position wants everyone to know that every time you touch yourself, the disciples cry.
    Missionary Position would never EVER think of engaging his wife anally. That would be improper. The bottom is not made for that.
    Missionary Position’s wife made plenty of tuna casserole for the church supper, enough to feed Christ’s hungry flock.
    Missionary Position only bought those porn magazines to write an article in the church bulletin’s “Nubs Of News” in order to warn teens of the dangers of pornography.

  248. Uncle Lumpy
    August 17th, 2007 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    #243 True Fable –

    I like The Acolyte. Timely! And again, the costume suggests itself. As do all kinds of lines like, “Evil runs a surplice.”

    But there’s also a certain ring to, “Here come Missionary Position and his dog, Style!”

  249. Herro!
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    #95 Teenchy, you betcha. At the very least I won’t be a walkin’ doormat. I’m probably not going into trial law, but I’d definitely have something to say if I got screwed by the hospital, and it wouldn’t be, “Ooh ooh! I wanna spend my dying days before Congress! Squeal!”

  250. Herro!
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    Darkefang, I thought the same thing about Cherry! At first I thought my eyes were just screwed up from fatigue and reading too many cases, but I’m glad it wasn’t just me!

  251. True Fable
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    #248 Uncle Lumpy – But there’s also a certain ring to, “Here come Missionary Position and his dog, Style!”

    BWAHAHA! That should get the Embroidery Thread’s COTW!

  252. Liam
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    “We’ll google ‘the shocker’ after we lock you up, strange man dressed in a yellow skintight full-body outfit. Oh my, you’re making us vibrate!”
    say the two men dressed as policemen.

    Spider-man is reaching new levels of filth.

  253. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    Jamus the Bartender @ 247: Master Soft Heart thinks Missionary Position is a nosy little bitch who is sublimating his repressed desires by trying to control others’ lives and should just MHOB and STFU. With all due respect.

  254. Mibbitmaker
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    Given FW’s “Ms. Moore Goes to Washington”, and the idea that Cranky could go to Congress to rail against health care policy, the ever-opinionated comics world would, of course, follow suit:

    Mallard shows up with squiggle-girl (PC) to testify for something called The Reagan Memorial Poor-Person-Dumping Bill, and to argue against a Hillary Clinton presidency.

    Edison Lee goes to Congress to push for Dubya inpeachment — and to argue against a Hillary Clinton presidency.

    Rob Wilco testifies in favor of making vegetarianism the Solitary National Ethical Lifestyle. Bucky, of course, will appear in opposition, though he’ll mainly just spout endless right-wing rhetoric, both actual and as imagined by leftist critics.

    Zippy will appear, campaigning to make the entire pop culture officially the entire pop culture, using more obscure references than Dennis Miller along the way.

    Ziggy will appear just to let the senators browbeat him.

    Margo will appear just to browbeat the senators. Later, she inquires about starting Margo Magee Day. Michelle from “Curtis” will insist on a holiday in her name instead.

    Aldo will return from the dead, campaigning for National Intervention Reform. YAY, Aldo!

    The Lockhorns will insist upon Manditory Divorce Laws.

    Gil Thorp and his entire staff will testify for Manditory Comic Strip Drawing Competency Laws. Cathy and Croc will appear in support.

    Danae appears, pimping for a ban on all male humans from earth. Cerebus (retired) will be the only comic book character to go to Congress, insisting on a female version of Danae’s Law. As the earth-pig is dismissed as not being an U.S. citizen, he tells Ellie Patterson she can’t go in and push for protection for comic strips that have Jumped the Shark. Which brings us back to FW….

    Finally, Mike Doonesbury shows up to stop the comic characters before Congress stuff, citing the fact that it’s the exclusive domain of his strip and the late “Bloom County”. The madness thus ends.

  255. commodorejohn
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    So very, very late, but…

    9CL – “Boil hard?” Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

    A3G – Dr. Whatshisface needs some new (read: post-1955) pickup lines. Also, how come he’s craggy but otherwise baby-smooth?

    Archie – The ALGJU3K has begun to experiment with panel structure. The next few weeks should be interesting, as we get things like Mandelbrot set-shaped Sunday strips.

    A.D. – is…FUNNY!? Wha…buh…er…um…when did this happen? Are the planets aligned?

    Blondie – Hint: violin lesson jokes went out of vogue sixty years ago. These days, the only kids taking violin lessons are the ones who want to learn violin (and hence, will actually be semi-decent at it.)

    Crankshaft – Well, at least it’s funnier than Edison Lee.

    Crock – Story Problems Illustrated, Vol. 12: Crock.

    Curtis – Have a bit of a preconceived opinion of the wealthy, do we, Mr. Billingsley?

    DT – When did we establish that it’s a bomb? How do we know he hasn’t baked them a cake?

    FOOB – She doesn’t have a soul. She’s a golem. A potato golem. Also, “Boxcar! Boxcar! Yes!” is very, very open to interpretation.

    FW – Yeah, well you’re no Robert Wadlow either, Baldy.

    Garfield – Feed me, Seymour…

    GA – *awesome-induced overload*

    GT – C’mon, kids! It’s time to play Guess Whose Arm That Is! Also, I like Kaz’s “Doh!,” because this seems very much like it could be a Simpsons plot, except that Kaz actually did punch out the drunk; in The Simpsons, he’d probably have tripped into Homer’s fist.

    HTH – One of these days, I’m gonna scan a few pages from the first two Hagar collections to show just how much more awesome Honi was back in the day.

    JP – She has a history with Sam, and wants to know whether his wife is around. Bow chicka bow-wow…oh wait, who am I kidding? This is Sam, the guy who turned Abbey down when she was lounging around with drinks. He’s practically as asexual as Mark Trail. Les and Lisa have a healthier sex life.

    MT – Speaking of the Trail, talking nethers! Again! Also, is that a blue jay that the coloring monkeys got wrong, or am I just not up on my crested bird species?

    MW – Well, you’ll probably both disappear, along with Dawn, just like Tommy, Von, Gary, Ella, and pretty much every storyline-specific character besides Aldo.

    RMMD – “You Americans need evidence to convict someone of a crime? God, what a rum sort of ‘country’ this is!”

    SM – Everybody else is discovering the iPhone. Stan Lee is discovering Google.

    WoI – is taking its script from Crankshaft, which was taking its script from Edison Lee, which is hopefully taking its script from Tiger.

  256. Big Sims
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    Trotzenbonnie – I don’t know what advice to offer an Army Wife, I’m the one headed off on deployments, leaving my wife and kids behind, but rest assured that he is missing you as much as you miss him.
    And – this may be hard to follow – but my sister married to Mr. M and kept her name (W). When their child was born they named him M (first name) W (last name) .
    No, his name is not Mary Worth

    Secret Margo,
    Chin up my dear boy. I hope for a speedy recovery for your Grandmum.

  257. IdleDandy
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    FOOB shoutout! Hoo! (I know, I know.)

    49. Obviously you are not familiar with the “Tough Guys Wear Pink” fad. Maybe that’s more the younger boys. When I put out an attractive array of assorted-color paper for a project, the boys always take all the pink. It’s a thing.

    Why do they go by “Miss”?
    I go by “Miss,” too. Personal preference.

    Archie: My problem with Jughead’s alleged laziness is that he’s placed the bag of marshmallows right next to him. Therefore to skewer a marshmallow he must awkwardly shimmy his hand down the twig-contraption. He must also do so to eat the skewered marshmallows. This arrangement is more trouble than it’s worth. It’s all hand-slivers and cold marshmallows tonight for our boy Jughead.

    Luann: I want to kill Bernice. It’s bad enough she’s “poor me”-ing so bad she takes it out on Luann, but now she’s actually roping Brad, the one person who will irritate Luann the most, into the conversation. Bad friend. Bad! Where the hell is Delta?

    Thank goodness for Lio.

  258. Jamus The Bartender
    August 17th, 2007 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    253. Missionary Position will pray for Master Soft Heart and hopes he finds his true Master. His name is Master Jesus Christ.

  259. bats :[
    August 17th, 2007 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    255. commodorejohn: I swear I went to Mark Trail to look at the bird. Someone mentioned a ptarmigan; I think it might be a “land bird” of some sort, like a grouse. The only crested songbird I can think of with that sort of drab coloration is the pyroloxia (it looks like a dingy cardinal).

    And while I’ve heard folks going on and on about “pay no attention to the voice behind the fly,” I was stunned. Do they have a separate cadre of caption-balloon monkeys? Are they drunk caption-balloon monkeys?! Good heavens!

  260. Mibbitmaker
    August 17th, 2007 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    Missionary Position is the latest in a long line of those who tack a bunch of blue-nosed, sex-obsessed prudishness and bullying onto Jesus’s original attempt to form a good human society for his Dad. Jesus has been fed up with people screwing around with His original preachings for generations (not to mention that the villian MS is being protected by a law inforcement official by the name of Tracy for some reason).

    And if Jesus is annoyed by some of His followers perverting His teachings, then Mohammad must really be pissed off by now!

  261. SecretMargo
    August 17th, 2007 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    142: Maryn–teaching hundreds of undergraduates this past year has confirmed what you observe: hipster teens/twentysomethings are reviving glammy 70s androgyny along with everything else at the moment, resulting in shaggy hair, glitter, long ‘n’ pretty hair, faux-fur-lined stuff, bell bottoms (or late 70s, early 80s skinny skinny jeans) and hideous pastels like those worn by the NY Dolls. As is the norm with these kinds of trends, it is adoptable across homo/hetero lines.

    Plus, even Donald Trump has popularized pink as a power colour, in ties etc., and people like Kanye West are dong their part to promote preppie styles in the hip-hop community, which frequently involves things otherwise thought to be “gay,” like argyle and pink polos.

    I love pink, and I enjoy especially the way that when worn by a man it creates a potent frission that translates into power — the power to wear it, the confidence that connotes. It reminds me of Eve Sedgwick’s fabulous essay about a male friend of hers who wore white glasses in the 80s — how when she wore white glasses to imitate him, they just disappeared (white glasses on a white woman — pure semiotic redundancy), but when he wore them, they were acidic and glaring, confident and aggressive and, well, fabulous.

    But I digress. My point: your nephew is totally hip, but is not signifying either girly or otherwise, most likely. Good for him.

    And re: MW — As SSB pointed out yesterday, Vera announced that she’d been promoted to “market researcher” at Creepy Lack of Affect Advertising Agency (*tm Josh), which I guess her inexperience in the job market has allowed her to misrecognize as “the top of her field.”

    Whoa! This is long, and I hope not too boring and self-indulgent. I’ll go back to A3G again soon, I promise.

  262. Josh
    August 17th, 2007 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    #254 Mibbitmaker — I don’t really get why you see the current GF arc as political. Most leftie types (like most people, really) eat meat, and believe it or not, there are Republican vegetarians. As for making it the world’s only ethical lifestyle, I can’t remember a single instance in the strip of Rob attempting to convert anyone to veganism — his own cat eats meat, for pete’s sake (I think Satchel is supposed to be a voluntary vegetarian). Most of his rage this week is derived from it’s hard to be be a vegetarian in modern consumer culture. It’s not about making other people do things (except maybe label stuff better), it’s about how it’s difficult for him to do what he wants to do according to his beliefs.

    Not that there aren’t plenty of vegans and vegetarians with a missionary complex, but there’s no need to project extraneous stuff onto the strip that isn’t there.


  263. Big Sims
    August 17th, 2007 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    Stinky Pete,
    Aloha, Shalom and all the other double meaning Good-bye/Hellos that I can’t remember right now. Resurface soon and often!

  264. Big Sims
    August 17th, 2007 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    Stinky Pete,
    So sorry, had to do this,
    Smell you later!

  265. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    August 17th, 2007 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    Master Soft Heart would like to inform Missionary Position that his personal relationship with Jesus should be just that — personal.

  266. AeroSquid
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

  267. Poteet
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    # 243, 246, 247, 253, 260 — BWAHAHAHAHA! Uncle Lumpy, Sir Fable MTK, Jamus, Spectacular, Mibbitmaker, thank you for the wonderful riffing on a very weird theme.

  268. Skooter
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    MW- Why doesn’t Dr. Drew take his blue hair and quit fooling around with Dawn and Vera and go perform some charity work down at the Women’s Shelter? Or better yet why doesn’t he heal a shattered swan?

  269. Natotx
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    #262 Josh –
    I must agree. My wife is as right wing as they come, will love GWB no matter what, but she is a vegan for ethical reasons.

    I, on the other hand, am not. And I must say, my cholesterol levels are suffering, having to pick up the slack, devouring all the cheese and meat she refuses to eat.

    Sad that it is this that makes me break my long, long lurking…

  270. Trotzenbonnie
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    I love it when men wear pink. Mr. T looks cool in hot pink. He shudders a bit when I try to talk him into wearing something from Lilly Pulitzer though.
    As for me, I’d buy shit on a stick if it was colored pink and I am the least girly person ever born in the history of the whole world. Hell, the Marlboro Man is more femme than me. I am so ready for the color pink to be liberated from the shackles of its gender stereotype so I can wear it without people assuming that I’m afraid to break a nail and men can wear it without being snickered at.

    I still don’t think that the colorists for Hi & Lois were making a hip statement though.

  271. Herro!
    August 17th, 2007 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    #268 Skooter: Please specify. Is this the Downtown Women’s Shelter, or the Local Women’s Shelter, or the Greater Metropolitan Area Women’s Shelter? Mary Worth prides herself on being very specific and not leaving things unnamed!

  272. queek
    August 17th, 2007 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    207: “Drew would be better off trolling for selkies at the Santa Royale wharf”

    I love it! fantasy geeks ftw!

    243: the texas twins, Cowgirl and Reverse Cowgirl.

  273. Non Compost Mentos
    August 17th, 2007 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    I can hardly wait for the inevitable showdown between Missionary Position and Battle Pope! (“When he’s not leadin’ mass, he’s out kickin’ ass!”)

  274. Big Sims
    August 17th, 2007 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

    I think I remember hearing that a long time ago pink a color traditionally associated with boys. Don’t know where I heard that, I’ll have to check with Mr. Internet.

    Also, do take Boosty up on her offer of a visit to NO, and I’ll by a round if I can make it into town.

  275. SecretMargo
    August 17th, 2007 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    270: Trotz – My God, the last thing in the world I would do would be to argue for the hipness of any aspect of Hi and Lois! I was more defending Maryn’s 18-year-old nephew, who sounds to be quite a happenin’ young man.

    On the H&L front, it seems rather hard to come up with a non-romantic explanation for the pink-blanketed serenading scenario taking place in today’s strip. Oh, Chip. To be thine own self be true.

  276. LariLee
    August 17th, 2007 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    Makes you wonder how a guy who can make things vibrate has the time to be a bad guy… You’d think he’d be too busy getting laid with that trick up his sleeve.

  277. Trotzenbonnie
    August 17th, 2007 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

    #275 – SecretMargo
    Mon dieu! I would never accuse you of such a horrible thing! I do apologize for the confusion.
    The whole set-up of Hi&Lo really irked me and I simply couldn’t let it go.
    And I’m still jumping for joy about the resurgence of interest in argyle that you pointed out. I’m practicing my hippity hop moves right now.

  278. Jack Parsons
    August 17th, 2007 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    Yeeek…. cannot keep up anymore, so I just drive-by.

    Yesterday’s GA: Ol’ Pappy ‘Nam has a robot with boobs on his dashboard.

    I think this monster movie is more the Monsters of the Id from Forbidden Planet, than “It Came From Beyond The Stars”, buddy. Or rather “Monsters Of The Shit I Should Move To Idaho And Join The White Masters.”

  279. Trotzenbonnie
    August 17th, 2007 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    #274 – Big Sims

  280. Trotzenbonnie
    August 17th, 2007 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

    I really really really want someone to jump up and shout “Damn it, Lisa! I’m a congressman, not a doctor!”


  281. SecretMargo
    August 18th, 2007 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    FBoFW 8/18 — Well, Lynn’s using a new trick to distract us from Ellie’s rampaging selfishness (Sure, you’re Dad’s pretty lucky to have Iris, but you know what? You’re pretty [margo]ing lucky to have her taking care of him, too, El-Dawg), and it’s one I admit I never considered: gratuitous John Patterson nudity. I thought the most nightmare-inducingly puddingesque a torso could get was demonstrated this summer as we were treated to the undulating landscape of Michael’s Manboobs of Madness at the beach, but this more …. mature Patterporn demonstrates that that I was very very wrong.

  282. pseudonomous
    August 18th, 2007 at 12:16 am [Reply]

    In Regards to ‘The ongoing men in pink’ discussion:

    Helen Boyd mentions in “My Husband Betty” that blue was once considered too feminine a color to dress young boys in and pink was considered more appropriate. It was also relatively common up until sometime (this century?) to dress young boys in dresses. I don’t think that you can argue that there is any innate ‘masculine/feminine/neuter/unisex’ color association that isn’t entirely cultural, and there’s no real reason why color connotation can’t drift over time.

    -Well that’s my random factual contribution for the day. Maybe someday I’ll contribute something funny.

  283. Trilobite
    August 18th, 2007 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    Is today’s TDIET really the submission of our very own Dean Booth?

  284. SecretMargo
    August 18th, 2007 at 12:31 am [Reply]

    Dean! Booth! Nice black sweater vest today, big guy! And I think you win the contest for the most convolutedly spectacular “urge” to come down the pike in a while. Well played, sir, well played! And give my “warmest” regards to Annoyia.

  285. Dicky
    August 18th, 2007 at 12:31 am [Reply]

    274, Big Sims: You’re correct. Prior to the 20th century, pink was considered aggressive and raucous and thus male infants were swaddled in it, while blue “was” calm and soothing and thus female infants were swaddled in it. I have no idea when the hell pink became this horrible pox upon straight masculinity everywhere, but it’s one of those many examples of the social production of gender. (Damn, I loved my gender studies courses in college~)
    I, for one, need more color in my wardrobe, but do own three pink shirts which I absolutely adore wearing out for that conformist yet confident “Why, yes, I am gay” form of personal amusement. (It shouldn’t amuse me so much, but it does~)

  286. rich
    August 18th, 2007 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    A3G: Most. Exciting. Love. Triangle. Ever.

  287. Skulking on the Outskirts
    August 18th, 2007 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    Stinky Pete, sorry to see you go, hope you will delurk from time to time, and thank you for the tips on how to italicize, embolden and strike through.

    I also have a really hard time keeping up with the 300+ comment threads, and trying for some curmudgeon-level snark before ninety-nine people beat me to it. But I will continue to at least skim through, looking for posts from Emperor Chennux, Poteet, Jamus, True Fable, Trotzenbonnie, Dingo, SecretMargo, Red Greenback, Squid Countess, Spider-Brick, Mibbitmaker, bats:{, Herro!, Tweeks Coffee, Paperback Rifler, Uncle Lumpy, Shannon, NonShannon, Islamadora Girl, Artist Formerly Known As Ben, Trilobite, willethompson,–(deep gasp for breath)-and so many more than I can fit in here! Jeez, even skimming takes more time than I’ve really got for it. (But I do it anyway, you people are ALL TOO FREAKIN’ FUNNY, DAMMIT, I CAN’T STAY AWAY. AAAACK.)

    And then, of course, there are always the latest pronouncements from the papal throne. I swear, somebody’s going to have to come up with a twelve-step program for curmudgeon addiction. But hopefully not for a really, really long time! :p

  288. Poteet
    August 18th, 2007 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    Foob — Why does this dialogue sound so artificial to me? I don’t get that impression from most other “family dialogue” strips. When I read a strip like ZITS or STONE SOUP, I may think the subject matter is lame or that the jokes aren’t worth making, but I never think “I can’t imagine any couple I know talking to each other in the stilted, pontificating way these people talk to each other.” It’s not like I’ve never pontificated myself, to put it mildly, but geez.

  289. Sunny Mel Blatherscythe
    August 18th, 2007 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth –
    If you think Dr. Drew should be freaked by the comparison to her brother, just wait until later when she compares his sexual performance to her father…

    Spiderman –
    Ooooh the shocker, he makes people vibrate! Like I’m like totally shaking with fear………literally.. Who’s next Dr. Paper Cut? or maybe the nefarious Cold Coffeeman?? Did the Supervillain union go on strike leaving us with this super-scab Shocker?

  290. bats :[
    August 18th, 2007 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    266. AeroSquid: I don’t quite understand it, but I like it! (my spleen!!)

    281. SecretMargo: okay, Mr. bats is no Mr. Universe, and probably about the same body shape as John Patterson, but geesh, I just felt my gorge rise seeing panel after panel of half-naked dentist. Yes, it even distracted me from the potato-nose queen.
    Quick, some REAL beefcake!

  291. Poteet
    August 18th, 2007 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    # 288 — Actually, what I really think when I read Foob is just (MargoBoxcarSaturn). G’night, sweet snarkers. May flights of angels, whatever.

  292. Trilobite
    August 18th, 2007 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    Midnight arrives in Houston, carrying a sample platter of Saturday’s comics:

    A3G: Oh yeah, Gary. Isn’t he the boring repressed stagehand who was lusting after boring repressed Tommie even though it’s totally creepy because he’s basically her?

    I think I’ve figured out who he really is; Tommie’s fear of sex has gotten so strong that it has actually spawned a visible entity, which manifests itself whenever there’s even the tiniest possibility that she’ll get some action. She lusts after the rat bastard director guy, and suddenly “Gary” is there to get in the way. She remembers to call Dr. Kelly “Joe,” and “Gary” appears out of nowhere to interrupt the conversation. Right now it’s just a theory, but I’ll know it’s true if Margo ever hugs Tommie and “Gary” suddenly rushes in and tackles her.

    Gil Thorp: Even momentarily turning Asian cannot win the hotel desk clerk over, forcing Coach Kaz to enter the business center, where he plans to wrestle the printer into submission until it tells him who wrote the threatening notes.

    Mark Trail: No mustaches around, but then, this John fella is sporting the finest head of ’70s disco hair ever to be seen since Michael Landon. And apparently he’s the son of the owner of the Thomas Construction Company, which makes him…John Thomas. I knew that the bad guy in this plot arc would be good. Sure, Elrod could’ve just stopped at giving us a (presumably) fat real estate developer looking to build his new shopping center near the Lost Forest even if he has to do it on the dynamited remains of innocent squirrels and deer — but adding that he named his son after a euphemism for his own penis? GENIUS!

    Mary Worth: I have to give Drew Cory props. Sure, for a while I doubted that he really was the Doctor of Love, the most eligible bachelor in Santa Royale. I figured his dad was just desperately trying to see some kind of talent in him, any shred of accomplishment that he could claim as a source of pride. But no, the fact is, Drew’s got some serious game after all. Look at how quickly he’s sussed out Vera’s defense mechanism and turned the tables on her: she tries to push him away by making creepy statements about her long-lost lover and brother Von, and he pushes right back in with even creepier statements (complete with an awkward hand-touch!) suggesting that he’s already obsessed with her even though they’ve only shared a few moments over the potato chips at a Charterstone pool party and a couple of glasses of fruit punch at dinner. And it seems to be working! He’s slicker than his overly-pomaded hair, I tell ya.

  293. rich
    August 18th, 2007 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    FBOW: Aagh! Too many shots of John Patterson’s pale, hairless, eggplant torso! Been pining for Mark Trail’s missing nipples? Well we’ve got nipples here! Nipples! Lots of them! Maybe even an extra one (like Marky Mark)! Blaaagh!

  294. SecretMargo
    August 18th, 2007 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    281: I’ve made at least one glaring typo in every post tonight, but I can’t let this one pass: your Dad, not you’re Dad. Jeesh.

  295. rich
    August 18th, 2007 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    TDIET: Dean Booth…Wow. Wow. Big-time score! A great family portrait — and Scaduto really went all out with the narration!

    “Then — comes it summer — Now what says friend wife? Oh, yeah!”

    DT: “Herr Cabdriver! Vill zey let a foreign visitor inside?”

    …Why doesn’t he just tell them he’s Kissinger?

    GT: Oh, okay. At first I thought it said “Bob Kazinski meets a good-natured cockblock.”

  296. Skulking on the Outskirts
    August 18th, 2007 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    290, bats:{ OMG, that link of yours. :p Yikes, I thought for a moment Trail said the squirrels ate his penis. Silly me. How could they eat what he never had?

  297. Sunny Mel Blatherscythe
    August 18th, 2007 at 1:15 am [Reply]

    #295 –

    I for one am glad for you Goses. After all my last encounter with a shop vac was more like Bambi does Buffalo ..

  298. bats :[
    August 18th, 2007 at 1:17 am [Reply]

    (Trilobite, is Tucson that boring that we’re sitting huddled around our respective computers on a Friday night?!)

    It’s late folks, and I’m all snarked out. Stunning, but true!

  299. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 18th, 2007 at 1:26 am [Reply]


    GA: He’s really trying it. Yosemite ‘Nam there is attempting to aim the Mother of All Meteors at that teensy basketball hoop. He’ll wind up bringing down Slim’s whole building, and I’m gonna laugh.

    MW: Drew looks like he’s received an icepick to the brain. This explains why the Von thing hasn’t registered.

    MT: Oh, please tell me that Mark’s next nemesis will be this Ronald McDonald impersonator in a blue wig.

    RMMD: Stop the presses everybody. Hugh just said something that makes sense.

    DT: The cabbie is quite fishy indeed. He’s confused “9/11″, the day that changed everything or whatever, with “9-1-1″, which is, according to Flavor Flav, a joke. Mayhap the Baron isn’t the only spy here.

    Luann: has had her confidence thoroughly sabotaged by toxic friend Bernice and troglodyte brother Brad. I look forward to the day she snaps and takes bloody vengeance.

    Phantom: “Wherever there’s stuff happening that sort of needs someone to watch over it and make sure it doesn’t get too out of hand, I’ll be there.”

    A3G: “Oh yes. Dr Kelly is my dungeonmaster. He can also play a mean elf cleric, but he’d never tell you that himself.”

    DtM: Dennis, not promising to marry a girl you met in kindergarten isn’t all that menacing. Except maybe to Lynn Johnston.

  300. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 18th, 2007 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    Holy geez. Scaduto really does thank Dean Booth. Our Dean Booth? Rockin’!

  301. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 18th, 2007 at 1:35 am [Reply]

    #262 Josh,
    I don’t think any dog on this earth would last three days as a vegetarian. Their metabolisms just aren’t built for it. Now maybe you’re right about Satchel being a voluntary veg, and maybe this has been covered in GF. My memory isn’t perfect. And maybe it’s best to suspend disbelief a little. Still, I’ve always thought he was just too naive to know where Alpo came from, and Rob didn’t have the heart to tell him.

  302. Non Compost Mentos
    August 18th, 2007 at 1:35 am [Reply]

    OK, I know that snarking on Close to Home is really not worth the time, but don’t these parents know that, top speed of 25 mph or no, a 1920s-vintage car in running condition is a pretty damned expensive birthday gift for a kid? He should list it in Hemmings Motor News…

    A3G: “You two know each other?” “Why, yes, yes we do…we were created in the same facilities on Kamino, along with all the other men of your world. Hadn’t you noticed that we all sound like Temuera Morrison?”

    MW Dr. Drew and Vera are living out that bit from Whose Line Is It Anway where all dialogue consists of song titles. Soon, he’ll invite her for a ride in his “Pink Cadillac” for some “Afternoon Delight,” but she’ll either insist that he “Stop in the Name of Love” or just wonder, “Johnny, Are You Queer?”

    (Oh, and that kid from “Close to Home” will sell the jalopy and buy a Bitchin’ Camaro)

  303. Sunny Mel Blatherscythe
    August 18th, 2007 at 1:44 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft –

    Alas, today’s Crankshaft reminds of a grander time when our treasured elderly folk lived a dignified quiet existence….Because if they opened their senile pieholes they knew that they’d get thrown down a flight of stairs into the basement or just pummeled with a broom handle until they soiled themselves… Ah , but for the good ol days.

  304. True Fable
    August 18th, 2007 at 1:53 am [Reply]

    Here I come, snarking late in the thread. Read now, ignore later.

    FW What’s all this shit about, “until a few weeks ago, [I was] an attorney”? STUPID, she’s still an attorney, just not a practicing one! Just because you close your law office does not mean you are no longer licensed to practice law, although an attorney who won’t fight a hospital for negligence against herself, is not all that admirable of an attorney I suppose.
    FBoFW Here we go again, Selfless Elly doing something she doesn’t want to do for someone else, so she can complain and grumble and bitch it up later. I almost didn’t recognize her with her hair down, but that homely face in panel three can only be Elly Patterson. The other face in the panel is hard to see, obscured by the blinding expanse of belly white on John.
    GA None of this story makes a damn bit of sense, but it’s got nice looking graphics lately.
    MT Dude, go see a barber. Your sides need to be evened.
    MW At the speed he’s going, Drew’s going to propose any minute now. Vera’s already not the most sociable person around; once she finds out what a two-timer Dr. OilSlick is, she’s going to swear off dating forever and then Von will have his sister back, ugh.

  305. Trilobite
    August 18th, 2007 at 1:55 am [Reply]

    #299 bats :[ — Boring? BORING? Why, it’s almost midnight, and I’m doing laundry.

    And earlier, I took a nap!

    …so I guess what I’m saying is “yes.” ;)

  306. Trilobite
    August 18th, 2007 at 2:07 am [Reply]


    #300 Artist formerly known as Ben — Your Phantom, A3G, and FBoFW comments would totally get my vote for COTW, if it were up to a vote. Especially the FBoFW one!

  307. Darkefang
    August 18th, 2007 at 2:14 am [Reply]

    #262 Josh –

    I don’t think Satchel is a vegetarian. I’ve read every Get Fuzzy for the last six years or so, and I recall Satchel eating the following foods: cheese, crab cakes (with blueberries), jerky treats, roadkill, hamburgers.

    I’m also pretty sure that at one point he ordered a meal at a Chinese restaurant that had meat in it also. And I think there was also a time when he ordered lobster at a seafood restaurant where he and Bucky were wearing pirate hats.

  308. Mibbitmaker
    August 18th, 2007 at 2:14 am [Reply]

    #262: I’ve long known that the Rob character was a vegetarian. No problem. Bucky’s just been set up as a semi-strawman (and semi-accurate) reactionary in opposition, as versus Rob’s anti-war shirt recently.

    Oh, whatever! I just wasted good snark time agonizing over typing this (or not). I’d rather struggle with a song parody than with being all defensive. It’s getting harder telling where the minefields are anymore.

    A perfectly good early paper delivery shot to hell!


  309. Spiny Norman
    August 18th, 2007 at 2:20 am [Reply]

    Lurk away, stinky pete, and pop up whenever the mood strikes you. Practice the following, though:

    “Hi, my name is Pete.”
    “Hi, Pete!”
    “I am a Mudge-aholic. It all started with Mary Worth…”
    “Pete, we’ve all been there. You’re among friends.”

  310. Big Sims
    August 18th, 2007 at 2:23 am [Reply]

    I don’t know why I’m telling y’all this but I guess I’m just angry. Seems my book idea has already been imagined, written and going to be made into a movie staring Russell Crowe. Yuck.
    It was just the germ of an idea, but it was a lot of fun to research.

  311. True Fable
    August 18th, 2007 at 2:25 am [Reply]

    and a little bit more Fable fodder:

    Preteena I wish I could say I completely like this strip, but I can’t. It’s humor is fine, but the artwork plus the words are just too scratchy in style for my taste, it’s uncomfortable to look at. It’s just a personal quirk of mine, that’s all. Carry on.
    RMMD Oh, Hugh, you’re just pissed because Peter told you to get your own damn car, that he wasn’t your servant any more. Why you aren’t mad at Dr. Rex “I can’t find my own ass with both hands, lend me yours” Morgan for the same reason, I don’t know.
    6cks I actually identify with today’s strip, holy mackrel!
    Strange Brew Made me chuckle! Don’t know why, it just struck me as funny!
    TDIET YAY DEAN! You da MAN!!
    Dilbert Usually this strip leaves me cold, but Panel Three won me over. Theo the Beaver from Mark Trail’s Lost Forest gets a job to support Cleo and the kits, but he’s caught up in the corporate grind – and the face and the warning, priceless!
    H&L Honest to God true story, I swear: A lady in our choir got to church & then realized she neglected to change out of her house slippers. They looked like a pair of loafers to me, I didn’t see anything wrong with them. Her boss’s son was getting confirmed that day and she was all nervous about greeting him in slippers. Hey, at least they weren’t Lois’s bunny slippers; and what’s the big deal anyway? Maybe God likes house shoes, baby, and it’s His house, right? Besides, if a guy’s son is getting confirmed, he’s not going to notice what’s on his secretary’s feet unless she points it out when she stops by for thirty measly seconds to tell the boy congratulations. Honestly, where’s the sweat factor?
    I say, Lois: tell your host it’s the new business casual, and enjoy your comfort!

  312. True Fable
    August 18th, 2007 at 2:35 am [Reply]

    #312 Big Sims – I feel ya, man. I have a whole series written, only to find out that Battlestar Gallactica used the same premise AND name of the planet. And I didn’t even watch BG back in the original day! So now I may have to go back and come up with a new name and change it in twenty-three fucking manuscripts so I won’t have to deal with copyright issues, of a show I didn’t and still don’t watch.

    It could be worse.

    I could have actually watched Battlestar Galactica. :-P

  313. Big Sims
    August 18th, 2007 at 3:10 am [Reply]

    # 314 True Fable
    Good Lord! Twenty-three manuscripts! I’m so sorry. Mine was just an idea. It’s about Robin Hood so I’m not too worried about copyright issues.
    I wonder what set of social cues, circumstances or trends lead to this “nothing new walks under the sun” phenomenon?

  314. CrabbyGenes
    August 18th, 2007 at 3:27 am [Reply]

    I was unusually tired this afternoon, and ended up taking a two-hour nap, which is a bit too long for me. Consequently, I woke up at 5 pm blurry-eyed and disoriented. Down to the computer to see the new comics (which go up in the afternoon over here).

    Well, as I’m sure some of you are aware, reading comments when you are sleepy and blurry-eyed can have strange effects.

    MARK TRAIL: Not only is the bird’s wing talking, it refers to itself! “My feather is pressing me to get this project moving faster.”

    MARY WORTH: Having read Drew’s dialog bubble before Vera’s, and not remembering anything of the previous day’s conversation, I found myself thinking, “Boy, he moves right along! Talking about having a kid already?!” (“Do you feel that we could have one, Vera?”)

    And now, should I think what to do about supper? Or should I catch up on three-hundred-and-fifteen-plus posts?

  315. CrabbyGenes
    August 18th, 2007 at 3:30 am [Reply]

    #313, True Fable. I know what you mean about Pre-Teena. I like it, so I put up with the inconvenience of reading it EXCEPT on Sundays, when I skip it entirely. The writing is just too tiny on my computer screen.

  316. AppleGirl
    August 18th, 2007 at 3:40 am [Reply]

    One good thing about Funky Cancerbean: They made really good time on that roadtrip to Washington.

  317. CrabbyGenes
    August 18th, 2007 at 3:45 am [Reply]

    #180, Stinky Pete, You have my sympathy. For what it’s worth, when I have a lot of real-world obligations, I sometimes do better cutting down by skipping entire threads and allowing myself to read SOME others, selectively.

    The problem is choosing. And also, the problem is when I happen to read a comic that I KNOW will inspire great snarking, and then I’m sucked back in.

    One last question: When you make an announcement like that, HOW do you keep from continuing to read comments to see what people might reply to it? Sometimes I purposely do not comment in order to avoid future checking.

    Sigh….we will miss you. And now, not having really caught up at all except for a very few posts just now read, I really must think about dinner.

  318. AppleGirl
    August 18th, 2007 at 3:48 am [Reply]

    OMG! I just saw Dean Booth on TDIET! Congratulations, Dean! GOOD ONE! The CC infiltration has really improved that comic strip over the last “coupla” months… oh YEAH!

  319. Ivan Lermolieff
    August 18th, 2007 at 4:03 am [Reply]

    so my wife left me for real after months from announcing it, breaking a marriage of eleven years that I thought mostly happy, and I discovered instead o be, on her part, mostly miserable and loveless, so I don’t even have memories left to linger about and I feel like a complete insensitive jerk, like some charachter in one of those comic strips where all sort of shit happens and they deserve it. She went to Colorado to her brother to pursue a new life and left me here in Milano, ugliest dirtiest city in Europe. I work at home all day doing just enough to pay the mortgage to our apartment with Mr Curmudgeon & C. now more or less my only company.

    I know it sound boo-hoo and self complaining and plain pathetic and in broken english and mostlu comppletely out of place but I simply had to tell somebody, write it down once and no one else is around to talk. Pretty sure no one will notice this comment anyway, otherwise sorry for the O.T.


  320. AppleGirl
    August 18th, 2007 at 4:05 am [Reply]

    180 – Stinky Pete – Yes, this blog is the meth of the internet. It’s been impossible for me to look away. Same with FBOFW. My solution was to cut my work schedule back to 3 days a week. After all, I already have all the shoes a girl could possibly want. But now that iPhone Day In The Comics has passed, I may be able to resume my career.

  321. AppleGirl
    August 18th, 2007 at 4:08 am [Reply]

    322 – Ivan – Better days ahead, my friend.

  322. Brown-eyed Girl
    August 18th, 2007 at 4:27 am [Reply]

    322. Ivan. AppleGirl is right. There will be better days ahead. Look forward, not back.

  323. Jym
    August 18th, 2007 at 4:39 am [Reply]

    =v= MT: “Let’s go see what’s going on” is pretty poignant stuff coming from the chatterbox. Consider the implications of being married to Mark Trail: The poor thing’s suffering form such a lack of attention that it’s all het up about going to a construction site to see them building a new shopping center.

    =30= S-M (Pozzo): I’ll have you know there’s a real-life hero named Dildo Man. I’ve biked with him.

    =105= MW (Avocado Avenger): Vera is in advertising. Perhaps her meteoritic ascent up the corporate ladder can be attributed with such ringing self-endorsements as “The time has come! Are you free for lunch?” while actually smiling and hiding her unsightly word balloons.

    =117= DT (Old Bean): What’s that, old bean? A chip, you say? I say, where in the Dickens did you get such a deuced notion?

    =213= TDIET (Andrea D. et al): I think he wrote that extra stuff to fill out the blank space in the caption box …

  324. Spotted HØrse
    August 18th, 2007 at 4:54 am [Reply]

    #282 pseudonymous: I can attest to the fact that toddlers kick ass in black. Pushers of pastels hate children!

    (DT)GT: Man, I’m lovin’ panel 3. Coach Kaz has such a look of stoopid determination.

    FOOB: Wow, let’s take a moment to envy Elly, up to her wristeses in the gelatinous expanse of Pater Patterfoob’s gloopy back. Yum.

  325. Spotted HØrse
    August 18th, 2007 at 4:56 am [Reply]

    #293 rich: My dad had a third nipple removed sometime in the late fifties. Come to think of it, I wonder what he ever did with it?

    Congratulations to Dean Booth, oh y-e-e-e-a-a-a-h-h!

  326. dale
    August 18th, 2007 at 5:21 am [Reply]


    GilThorp – looks like they let the backup artist draw all the panels rather than just the last one.

    Zits – not a headlock, more of a choke hold, but keep it up for an hour or two.

    Dennis the M – smartest line ever!

  327. Big Sims
    August 18th, 2007 at 5:22 am [Reply]

    322 – Ivan
    So sorry, hang in there.

  328. Brown-eyed Girl
    August 18th, 2007 at 5:22 am [Reply]

    When it comes to self-absorbed ass-holedom, Edda from 9CL has Elly from FOOB beat. I suppose that “Shut up” could be interpreted as “Don’t worry about Diane and Francis”, but I heard it as “Don’t bother me, I don’t care.” Hey! Maybe Edda and the Phantom are soul mates!

    The monitor is old, the eyes are bad, but there seems to be weird happenings with the artwork in 9CL today. Compare:

    In both versions, the second panel gives off an Addams Family kind of vibe. I expect to see Uncle Fester leering through the background murk.

  329. alamo
    August 18th, 2007 at 5:27 am [Reply]

    foobville — so when did papa patterson lose his dick? maybe lj doesn’t know how to draw a package??? sheesh.

    you girls need to complain — not that a large lump in his shorts is going to get anyone really humped up but still — reality must be served — oops wait…this is foobville. momentarily losing it here. been up all night with a puking cat which is not too far from the experience i get after reading foob crap. garbage in; garbage out.

    and have a nice day.

    ps — hang in there ivan. life goes on and believe me it will be okay. plus this is the best place for grief counseling. you are among friends.

    oops back to the puke.

  330. Skulking on the Outskirts
    August 18th, 2007 at 5:31 am [Reply]

    Hey, Ivan-cheer up, sweetie, it does get better. In fact, in a very short time, you may get up one morning and realize that your life has improved 500% because she’s gone! That’s how it worked with me when my ball&chain finally walked out on me and my three small children. Yeah, it was tough, but it was so much less tough than when he was around. Once you get over the pain of being left, suddenly the sweet, sweet rush of relief hits you, and life is good. So hang in there.

  331. Brown-eyed Girl
    August 18th, 2007 at 5:37 am [Reply]

    Alamo. I’m sorry about your puking kitty, but I think you may have discovered a new glurge rating system. For example, Lizanothy’s wedding frolic rates five puking cats, while today’s semi-naked seniors rates three puking cats.

    Sigh. I have no excuse for still being awake. I hope your poor cat will be ok.

  332. Godzooky
    August 18th, 2007 at 5:38 am [Reply]

    #159 Super Size: Despite the stereotype, I’ve found that comics reading = high level of literacy. Just don’t ask about nerdiness.

    A cartoon question: Just watched an episode of “8 Man” from a bootleg DVD. It’s a Japanese animated series from the early 60s, but this is the U.S., English-dubbed version where the approach is to show it and tell it and tell it some more. (DT readers can relate). Does anyone know if there’s a legit “8 Man” DVD anywhere (preferably undubbed, with sub-titles)?

    Dean Booth: Congratulations on making TDIET! And today’s thermostat setting is…?

  333. alamo
    August 18th, 2007 at 5:48 am [Reply]

    tdiet – a tip from the old alamo dome topper to you deano! gosh i wish i was that clever.

    and stinky – if you are still there remember i was there myself recently but the siren call of the comics and curmudgeonville will call you home. this is your place. the rest of the world out there is just a distraction from the real world in here. don’t be lured by all of those meaningless things like work and family.

    especially don’t leave because you have nothing to say. my god if that was the criteria for snarking this site would shrivel to less than papa patterson’s toolbox. i would have been banned a long time ago.

    back to puke. it is my turn now.

    we love you stinky.

  334. alamo
    August 18th, 2007 at 6:02 am [Reply]

    b-e girl — (puke – false alarm.) you are on to something, or maybe just on something, but i am afraid that a 5 puking cat system is just not enough puking cats for foobville nonsense. i am not sure if 10 is enough. unless all 10 puke on that part of the page. yes. now that might be something worth getting up in the middle of the night for. i might even get up by noon for that!! yee-haw!!

    i am going to sleep on it. not the puke, but this idea.
    foob = 10 puking cats.
    fw = 10 puking cats after chemo.
    mt = 10 puking squirrels?
    mw = 10 puking cats who are seen by a doctor on a horse? maybe 10 puking cats on a horse? 10 puking doctors? maybe the horses are puking too?
    jp = 10 puking cats with large breasts? lots of breasts with nipples? (see slylock long ago.)

    god i have been up too long. sorry about that. now i have everyone puking. all together now, on three….1….2…. i am out of here.

    see stinky? you don’t have to have anything to say.

  335. Brown-eyed Girl
    August 18th, 2007 at 6:10 am [Reply]

    Alamo. Oh God! I now have a litany of puking cats running through my head to the tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas. I am seriously sleep deprived. Please, blessed unconsciousness, take me now!

  336. Ivan Lermolieff
    August 18th, 2007 at 6:30 am [Reply]

    Boy, I really did not expect anyone to take notice and answer my rant so warmly: thank you Apple Girl, Brown Eyed Girl, Big Sims, Alamo, Skulking on the Outiskirts (that could be me!!!) and I hope no one got forgotten.

    My eyes are brimming with tears – nothing new reading the CC, actually. It’s also a confirmation of the generous disposition of Americans (except one, maybe).

  337. Godzooky
    August 18th, 2007 at 6:31 am [Reply]

    S-M: What’s a Shocker to wear on an 86-degree day in L.A? Why, a quilted sweatsuit, of course. And what could be more comfortable than cuddling up to an armpit while sitting near a roaring fireplace in the even-hotter Death Valley? That must be one heck of an anti-perspirant.

  338. Marion Delgado
    August 18th, 2007 at 6:51 am [Reply]

    In 9CW I think we’re seeing that woman-flesh not only trumps God, but nature – Francis is going to hell for Diane, and I think Edda is turning her ballet partner straight. If God gave Edda a chin, she’d be an unstoppable force. But He won’t – maybe that Francis/Diane thing wasn’t such a smart move after all, huh, Edda?

  339. True Fable
    August 18th, 2007 at 6:59 am [Reply]

    #322 Ivan Lermolieff – This is a strange world, where the one you think will be the one you can depend on to be there from now on, isn’t; and strangers you never knew before and may never meet face to face, reach out to you when you need it most. Don’t apologize about anything you wrote, I was there once too and would have given my left leg for a place like this to lift my spirits.
    Shine her on, pal. Stay around and snark with us. I find that venting my spleen on comics is a good way to stay mentally heatlhy.

  340. Onqelos
    August 18th, 2007 at 7:02 am [Reply]

    A3G: Now we know why Gary had to call Tommie from off-screen yesterday: He was still changing into Eric’s blue suit and yellow wig. When you find a system that lets readers tell your identical male characters apart, why mess with it?

  341. True Fable
    August 18th, 2007 at 7:08 am [Reply]

  342. Ivan Lermolieff
    August 18th, 2007 at 7:21 am [Reply]

    I find that venting my spleen on comics is a good way to stay mentally heatlhy.

    In Italy (and more generally in Europe except UK), as you probably know, we have little or no funnies on daily papers, exception taken for political satyre; I’m sure this is one among many factors adding to the old continent’s grimmer and grimmer moods – I am talking seriously.

    Other than that, this site, in its barely three years of life, has become an invaluable window on US life and society, whimsical and unhinibited as it is (the site); you’d be surprised to see how many people over here have it between their favorites.

    Thanks, m

  343. True Fable
    August 18th, 2007 at 7:22 am [Reply]

    9CL Are they boiling hard now? Or are they just past a brisk simmer? I can never tell with all this nouveau lingo flying around.

    Blondie Question: Why does Dagwood always get roped into the honey-do’s, when they always end up calling in a professional plummer because he can’t fix shit? That’s why my apartment complex’s maintenance people are treated like gods by the citizenry. We know our shit’s weak in the handyman department, and we want to keep them as happy as possible.

  344. True Fable
    August 18th, 2007 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    #345 Ivan Lermolieff – No kidding? Wow, that is so cool, knowing that our window is whimsical and uninhibited!

    Lynn baby… powder your potato, sweet gums. You’re on Candid Curmudgeon!

  345. Mal
    August 18th, 2007 at 7:51 am [Reply]

    #302 Artist Formerly Known as Ben: Dogs can do just fine as vegetarians. Ours eat a vegetarian recipe dog food, mostly due to one of the dogs having nasty allergies to chicken and corn (which is in almost *every* dog food now). Cats, on the other hand, need specific nutrients that cannot be obtained without meat, and will likely try to kill you in your sleep if you only give them vegetarian food.

  346. Darkefang
    August 18th, 2007 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    #345 Ivan Lermolieff –

    My bathroom humor and sex-joke-laced commentaries partly serve as the basis for which Europeans see Americans? I guess it could be worse. They could be basing their views of the US on our politicians and entertainment.

    Also, sorry to hear about your troubles, but dude, you live in Italy. You could be stuck in Camden, or Detroit.

  347. willethompson
    August 18th, 2007 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    #335 Godzooky: Wow. Tobar the 8th Man! “He’s the mighty robot! He’s the one to get!” But not on DVD yet, evidently. Amazon has English-version used VHS. However, since AstroBoy has made it, it shouldn’t be long.

    If you liked 8th man, you’ll LOVE Gigantor.

  348. True Fable
    August 18th, 2007 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    Found this on the Foobsite:

    Hmmmmm… Jim has an awful lot of pills in his medicine cabinet, doesn’t he? I think I see where you’re going with this based on reading some of the articles about your dystonia. What sticks in my mind is tha the fact that you’re in a lot less pain after you stopped taking a certain prescription. I’d say that Jim’s condition will soon improve after his drug regime is re-evaluated. Just don’t make his miracle cure TOO miraculous. That would tend to transform two befuddled but well-meaning women into callous, shiftless ogres to too many pairs of eyes.

    Paul J

    Note the line, “Just don’t make his miracle cure TOO miraculous.” I wonder if his assessment just might be right. We’ve been dreading The Big Freeze catching Grampa Jim in a perpetual twilight of Boxcar Saturn into eternity. Maybe Elly’s saintly eyes will note the over-medication problem, report it to his doctor, and voila! Grampa can somehow communicate again!

    While it would spare some of us the horror of more insulting observations from the Patterfoobs, it would create a Farley’s Halo for Elly that would never be idle.

    This will teach me to go to the Foobsite without taking my Meclizine first.

  349. Piper Grey
    August 18th, 2007 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    FW: A few weeks ago? Everything since Lisa found out that she was dying up to her appearance at the Congressional hearing has taken place over a few weeks? The way the ‘will she find out Darin is her son’ story had been played, I thought we were talking months, at least. If it weren’t for the fact that Lisa had been told that she only had months to live, I would have said it had taken place over several years.

    Spiderman: The strip should get a new costume maker: the Shocker’s costume looks like a quilted version of Spiderman’s.

    JP: The question is not whether Busty’s boss always gets his way but whether Busty always gets her way…

    GA: I never thought it would go this far.

    MW: Please let this have a serial-killing type ending instead of the wash-out it will have!

  350. bats :[
    August 18th, 2007 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    316. Goses: you bet it tingles, particularly since it hit him square on the nipple ring!

    319. AppleGirl: with Lisa’s condition, time is of the essense! Also, her bastard kid wasted a considerable amount of it staring at that letter from the adoption agency. And doin’ it with his girlfriend (well, in all honesty, that probably didn’t take too long).

    349. Darkefang: so your views might never get you nominated as a U.N. ambassador, but things could be worse (you could be stuck in Camden, or Detroit)…

    9CL– I know that he’s her dance partner and roommate, but I’m still waiting for Seth to finally wake up, see Edda sprawled all over him, and scream “Girl cooties!”.

    Dean Booth is indeed da man! Scaduto’s muse! And only a little less than the angels (Foobophiles might think otherwise):

  351. Ivan Lermolieff
    August 18th, 2007 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    #349 Darkefang:

    My bathroom humor and sex-joke-laced commentaries partly serve as the basis for which Europeans see Americans? I guess it could be worse

    You betcha. That kind of language is normal and accepted lingo in the Italian Parliament, unfortunately without a hint of humor.

    dude, you live in Italy. You could be stuck in Camden, or Detroit.

    That’s where you hail from? Well, call me up if you ever become interested in an apartment exchange for, say, a couple months… :-)

  352. Mibbitmaker
    August 18th, 2007 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    Monty: Talk about suffering for the sins of the fathers (grandfathers?)!

    FW: “… and ultimately didn’t do anything about it that funding would help. Did I mention I let my hospital get away with mixing up my results?…”

    S-M: This Lisa Moore thing is spreading: Peter will next testify before Congress about funding Shocker prevention.

    I(?)GT: “We’re not at liberty to share that information, but if we say it in hushed tones, that makes it okee-dokee.”

    A3G: Iiiit’s a small world aaaafter all… well, it is the shrinking world of comics, after all.

    NS rerun: …Though, try as he might, he couldn’t make all the cats go away.

    Lockhorns: “…Whenever Edwin Starr sings the word ‘war’, we substitute the word ‘marriage’.”

  353. Christian
    August 18th, 2007 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    The Shocker’s insecurity and lameness are plot points in the comics. Basically, if he’s in the next Spider-Man movie he’ll get beaten up in a pre-credits montage (along with The Rhino and Captain Boomarang)

  354. willethompson
    August 18th, 2007 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    354 Ivan L: Ummm, Ivan, first, sorry about the domestic issues. I can add nothing to the advice given above except that you will get thru this.

    But, as for apartment exchanges in Camden or Detroit, I’d hang onto my apartment keys if I were you. Tightly. You’d be swapping ‘grotto’ for ‘grotty,’ if you see what I mean…

  355. CrabbyGenes
    August 18th, 2007 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    #354 Ivan Lermolieff: It’s great to hear from someone in a country other than the U.S. who is not a U.S. expat (like me) or someone from an English-speaking country (such as Australia*). Yay, diversity!

    And I haven’t “been there” (in your situation), so I haven’t felt that I had the right to say much. But, as we say in the U.S., hang in there! More experienced Mudgies than I have given you good advice and counsel!

    *I can’t quite remember who it is on this site who snarks from Australia, but absolutely no offense intended! (And if you identify yourself once more, I will promise to remember you! And please identify yourself on THIS thread, even it it ends soon, so that I won’t be obligated to read the subsequent one if I get too busy. I promise to keep checking back.)

  356. Hank
    August 18th, 2007 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    By the way: while I realize that criticizing “Cathy” is truly like shooting the proverbial barreled fish, has anyone else noticed that Guisewhite has also succumbed to the dreaded “jokes about ‘hot’ technology the cartoonist doesn’t understand syndrome”?

    The whole week has been about how stupid Irving lost his Blackberry but never backed it up. Apparently, Guisewhite doesn’t understand that Blackberry’s constantly sync with the server and, therefore, are automatically backed up every 15 minutes or so.

  357. CrabbyGenes
    August 18th, 2007 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    #281 Secret Margo wrote

    “I thought the most nightmare-inducingly puddingesque a torso could get was demonstrated this summer as we were treated to the undulating landscape of Michael’s Manboobs of Madness at the beach, but this more …. mature Patterporn demonstrates that that I was very very wrong.”

    I have to say I had a similar reaction when I saw the Saturday Foob. And that comic and your comment made me remember something from a while back. For a long time I was a member of a health club here in Japan so that I could use the swimming pool. I am very near-sighted, and a friend suggested that I buy prescription goggles so that I could see when swimming. Well, I did. And I immediately decided that most middle-aged men should resurrect the custom of wearing bathing suits covering their entire torsos, a la the turn of the century. I did not want to see (most of) my male swimming counterparts in the half-nude!!! (No more so than I would like to look at my own 54-year old body in a bikini!)

    Good God, Lynn, couldn’t you have spared us that view of John Patterson?!

  358. Mibbitmaker
    August 18th, 2007 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Archie: Now he’s being lazy!

    DT: “What is this “9-1-1″ of which you speak? I’m sorry, mine herr, I’m only programmed up to 1954.”

    JP: “So, you work for a spoiled brat, eh?”

    MF: Hey, Tinsley, I have an idea: keep the kid, lose the duck. We’ll talk about a non-partisan name for little Rush later…

    MT: I have a feeling the term “your father’s moustache” is going to come in handy here…

    MW: Of course you have a story. A tedious, soapy, endlessly dull story.

    Ghost-Who-Leaves-Canine: “Mind your own beezwax, zip-a-tone-face!”

    R&R: His parents are James Watt and Anne Gorsuch-Burford. (Caution: Dated Reference)

  359. John C Fremont
    August 18th, 2007 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    Maybe I’m just in the wrong mood today, but it sure seems there’s not much to say about today’s comics. Okay, so Judge Parker has me singing that Rolling Stones song in between my Edwin Starr “Huh!” noises thanks to The Lockhorns, and Mibbitmaker’s take on The Lockhorns has me doing my Peter Cook bit from The Princess Bride. Oh, and Lisa Moore has me doing Michael Stipe impersonations, all of which is confusing my cats (not puking, by the way). And I want to punch Coach Kaz, and slap the bejeezes out of Elly “Sheet Shaver” Patterson. And I’m in disbelief that A3G has dragged that ultra bland Gary guy back into the story. Oh, and the New Guy in Mark Trail is clearly Mark with a bad hair piece. And I got to thinking that Bonnie And Boo Boo would be much better if it were Bobo from the SciFi Channel MST’s. And why is Lisa Moore/Michael Stipe speaking before congress again? And do we have actual confirmation that this is Our Dean Booth in today’s TDIET, not just another guy named Dean Booth from Columbus who just happens to have submitted an idea about thermostats?

    The only thing I really wanted to say was “hey” to Ivan, so – Hey, Ivan. Hope thing get better. And I hope that our more obscure references make sense over there. I’d hate to think that I might accidently start an international incident by referencing Rolly Church of Crete or something.

  360. Old Man Muffaroo [Kip W - M d!>| ]
    August 18th, 2007 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    TDIET – Okay, I’m officially freaked out! Here’s what I sent to Scaduto on the 11th of this month:

    On summer nights, Thermo Statt cools his room to 65 degrees…
    (Thermo sleeps, Mrs. Statt possibly shivering)

    …but let the temperature outside dips below 70, and Thermo’s turning the heater on full!
    (Mrs. Statt sweating, fanning herself, while Thermo snores, wrapped in blankets)

    I didn’t hear back from him, and I’m presuming Dean sent him something a couple of weeks earlier, given lead times and all. I swear I didn’t peek across the fourth dimension! The only possible explanation is that Dean did.

    Dean Booth – Quit it!

  361. SecretMargo
    August 18th, 2007 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    358: I hate to speak for him, but Old Bean is Australian. I remember because he posts on what I think of as “Japan” time, because of my Japanocentrism. Trilobite, AFKABen, True, and a few others (including myself sometimes) also post during this time, which I guess should be more properly known as “Insomnia” time in these cases.

    And Ivan: having just shared sad news of a different sort here, I can attest to the therapeutic nature of just having a forum to share, a generalized feeling of community that is even more therapeutic than specific responses (or rather, that may be what the specific responses signify — the “something” larger that comforts) Well anyway, as long as we’re here, the camaraderie of an angry mob holding torches outside Castle Foob can be yours. Enjoy.

    And Crabby: Indeed.

    Also, I was afraid this morning that that comment would seem unfair to John’s not-really-so-terrible-body (for his age), but my point was more a) would it kill you to give him a shirt, Lynn? I mean, he might think he’s in private, but thanks to you we’re right there, and b) the way she draws male flesh (Michael, Ant’ny, etc.) makes me think of Jell-O molded chicken fat and the Cthulhu Mythos simultaneously, which is hard to get over.

    Remember the letter from Decency I anticipated following Lynngineering’s letter from “Art”? I bet it’ll arrive this week.

  362. Islamorada Girl
    August 18th, 2007 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    How nice that Dean Martin has come back from the dead for a special guest appearance in Mark Trail!

  363. willethompson
    August 18th, 2007 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    #364 SecretMargo, who said, “…makes me think of Jell-O molded chicken fat and the Cthulhu Mythos simultaneously, which is hard to get over.”

    Time to soak the Brain Brillo in Clorox for a thorough lobe scrubbing, ’cause nothing else will remove THAT imagery.

  364. commodorejohn
    August 18th, 2007 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    9CL – Um…my mind wouldn’t be going where it is if this were any strip but 9 Chickweed Lane…

    A3G – Wait, who are all these blond people walking around?

    A.D. – Putting aside the stiflingly unfunny, preachier-than-actual-Johnny-Hart dialogue, what is with the second panel? There are loads and loads of pre-drawn images of the Fat Broad talking – where did they come up with this soul-scarring horror and why? WHY!?

    Crankshaft – Son-In-Law has apparently been taking hate lessons from Crankshaft himself.

    Curtis – We get it, Billingsley, we get it! The rich are self-absorbed bitches who don’t care about anybody else! Only the middle-class and the poor are not scum! Up with the proletariat!

    DT – So what we’re learning here is that Pentagon security is a better crimestopper than the estimable Mr. Tracy. Hmm.

    FOOB – I’d be pretty bad-tempered too, if I lived with people who put me down to my face. Also, YEARGH MIDDLE-AGED MAN TORSO I MEAN GOD SHE EVEN DREW THE SAGGING FAT

    FW – “I am the face of cancer. Despite the fact that I voluntarily gave up treatment and declined to seek compensation for a hospital screw-up, I am the most qualified person to speak to you on this topic. I want to be remembered. It’s all about me.”

    GA – Good gravy, this strip is a work of art.

    GF – “Vegetarian confession.” I like that.

    JP – There’s more smirking in this strip than in a typical Funky Winkerbean.

    MT – Talking wings, now?

    MW – This is a ladykiller in the world of Mary Worth. Riiiight.

    MC – Hey, I like that idea. Let us assist in this effort, gentlefolk!

    PC – No kidding.

    RMMD – Criminy, Mark Trail would’ve employed the Fist O’ Justice by now.

    SM – Sounds familiar.

    TDIET – “The urge to thermostat her up to the cool moon.” Oh man, oh man, oh man. Congratulations, Dean Booth, on inspiring Scaduto to new levels of awesome.

  365. True Fable
    August 18th, 2007 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    #364 Crabby Genes – In my time zone, people with normal lives sleep. I work the graveyard shift that means – hooray! I have time and access to the Internet on my hands. On my days off, I’m often awake at night out of habit.

    In fact, I’m heading off to bed now. Anti-Lynn devices set to stun & go boom.

  366. Jamus The Bartender
    August 18th, 2007 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    Stinky Pete: Not to worry. Even Harpo Marx left the Algonquin Round Table to play harp and make silly noises with his brothers. We’ll be thinking of you. And thanks for the positive …I guess…responses to Mr. Missionary Position. Missionary Position needs funds so he can build the “Jesus First, Food Later” church in Africa someplace. Any checks may be sent care of the Caring Alternative Society House, or it’s acronym, C.A.S.H.

  367. True Fable
    August 18th, 2007 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    wille, check your mail!

  368. Jamus The Bartender
    August 18th, 2007 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    FOOB: HAW, HAW, HAWWWWWWWWWWW….I gotta admit, John Patterson knows how to turn a sensitive situation to his advantage. Firstly, they’re talking about Elly’s dad, Jim Nuts, and his aphasia, then, he manages to have Elly give him a massage. I’m betting if there were a fifth panel, he’d have talked her into a happy ending. HAWWW HAW HAW….

  369. Dicky
    August 18th, 2007 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    MC: If you think there’s too much slang around, Norm, you could always try using the name of the person with whom you’re speaking. That, and most slang isn’t used in reference to the person with whom you’re speaking; it’s all those other words used to talk about what you’re talking about.
    But please, if this is an indictment of the usage of the word “dawg,” please have him use it and then start sniffing the ass of the guy with whom he’s talking! That would be so many kinds of win.
    “M’lord” and “m’lady” also have that disparate power structure thing going on such that Norm could be considering himself of a lower status than everyone else in the world… Though being a middle manager in a large corporate setting could totally do that. You’d think he’d relish that little bit of status, being able to call lackeys by some diminutive descriptor.

    9CL: I’m quite impressed no one has explicitly talked about the behavior of the former priest being natural. Yay for innuendo allowed to run rampant!

  370. Jamus The Bartender
    August 18th, 2007 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    322. Damn.
    Hey, go read today’s Dick Tracy’s Crimestopper’s Textbook. That’ll make you feel better. Guy’s got nothing to eat but blubber and a little pepper. Plus, he’s gonna get a visit from…you guessed it…Missionary Position.

  371. Ivan Lermolieff
    August 18th, 2007 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    #364 SecretMargo

    The least reassuring of nicks. But I can take this right now, probably because I’m slightly drunk. And sorry for whatever sad news you had to endure.

    # 362 John C Fremont

    Thanks, and I can only hope this is you real name. As someone with a special itnerest in American history, this sort of saves my day. No reference is obscure to these dude here.

    #358 CrabbyGenes

    I know for sure about many afftectionate readers over here. You won’t hera from them because Italians are ashamed (usually with reason) of their English skills. I should also be ashamed ,of course, but I don’t care much right now. Shoot, I managed to keep a Californian wife for close to eleven years. Of course now I am wondering what the fuck I might have been saying all those years.

    #357 WilleThompson

    Grotto > grotty, hm? Well, Yeah, diversity, in the words of CrabbyGenes. I’m up for it. Besides, I was briefly in Detroit time was, and looked fine to me (you should give a good look at Milan – or better, you shouldn’t).

    And I really, really miss the funny pages in all their papery splendor. It has been two years…

  372. Jamus The Bartender
    August 18th, 2007 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    331. Edda is a bit self-absorbed yes, but I love how that first panel, all smoky and reeking of sinful women juxtaposes…is that the right word?….with the second one, with Father Francis and Sister Notanunnow sitting in the park, with all of God’s glory beaming down on them as Francis proposes to his lovely lady.

  373. odinthor
    August 18th, 2007 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    Spidey — Right, I know that the colorists are kept in dark caverns, the only lighting being luminescent fish in the stagnant ponds below; but don’t their masters occasionally strike a match to light their ciggies when coming to pick up the work? Haven’t they ever seen, or heard older generations reminisce about, fire? The fire in panel two looks more like the hotel left its Hallowe’en festoons up to give year-long pleasure. Or maybe we’re looking out the window and it’s Garfield in a cat-fight with the toupee being handed around by the guys in Apt. 3-G.

  374. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    August 18th, 2007 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    #372 Dicky: Heh heh, you said “in you end-o”.

    Re today’s comics:

    I normally like Bizarro and consider it to be one of the better surreal one-panel comics in this post-Far Side world. However, today it lays an egg by resorting to the tired “boy, new technology sure changes things!”

    Also, there’s something in Preteena that I keep meaning to mention but keep forgetting. The way they draw the speech bubbles, if you look at the “negative space” between them, it sometimes looks like a white rectangle that’s been pasted over top of words to censor them. (See the final panel today, for instance.)

  375. CrabbyGenes
    August 18th, 2007 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    #364 Secret Margo. Thanks! (Old Bean, Australia. Old Bean, Australia. Old Bean, Australia. Old Bean, Australia. Old Bean, Australia…….) Got it!

    I just beat my husband at Wii Bowling, and my daughter’s left-behind hamster has been fed, so I’m off to bed. See y’all in the new thread! (unless we’re all still on this one when I get up)

    And Ivan (#374), keep posting even if you are not a bit drunk. My Japanese husband’s English isn’t perfect either. (And God forbid you should ever hear my Japanese!) It makes no difference! You’re one of us Mudgies now!

  376. John C Fremont
    August 18th, 2007 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    “One of us! One of us! Gooble gobble! Gooble gobble!”

  377. Tweeks_Coffee
    August 18th, 2007 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    A3G: I’m putting my money on these two guys being former lovers. Check out that look in the third panel, there’s definitely some memories there. I also like how he just kind of brushes Tommie aside to continue talking to the doctor.
    ‘Shaft: I do like how his grill is matched to his outfit. Is that a gas can next to the grill?
    DT: Wow, they actually got something kinda right. Frankly that freaks me out a little bit, did a new writer suddenly step in and is trying to reel in this ridiculous story?
    Drabble: Really now, did anyone not see this coming from a mile away?
    FC: What, did they turn Fort Knox into a restaurant now? I mean, that huge building has no windows, a fence around it and a guard out front.
    GA: So what exactly is the time frame on this whole episode? Did all this happen in one day? Because that’s the impression that I’m getting.
    GT: Today, Kaz fails at negotiating. I’m assuming there’s a missing panel in there where Kaz promptly decked the hotel clerk since he appears to be using his computer in the third panel. I love that look of dim perception on his face, though. It’s like he’s seen a computer before, but really has no idea how it works.
    MW: Oh Dr. Drew, you old dog, you. Clearly you’re smitten, I’m sure that Vera’s short sleeved blazer over what appears to be a leopard print shirt really won you over. Not that I can blame you, she’s quite the picture of blandness, what with the frumpy ponytail and everything.
    Phantom: So that’s it for Devil? Damn, now who is The Ghost-Who-Observes going to get to do his dirty work?
    Pluggers: Uncle Bob? Really?
    SM: “You got that? It’s The Shocker. Tell everyone. Here, you need me to write it down for you? S-H-O-C-K-E-R. Shocker.”
    TDIET: Congratulations to Dean Booth! I didn’t realize that you also hail from Columbus.

  378. Rainbird
    August 18th, 2007 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    337 alamo Yes, barfing cats are great for making you leap out of bed at 3 am in the morning, which is when my cats tend to want to do so. Huntingbyrd, my daughter, has suggested making an alarm clock out of the sound, and it would just get more intense as you didn’t wake up.

  379. GotFuzzy
    August 18th, 2007 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    Ivan, sorry to hear that things are rough right now, and Milano is about the most dismal city in Italia to be dismal in. But just down the autostrada are Parma and Bologna. Get out there and drown your sorrows in some carbs and gelato and then come back here and tell us about it!

    MW: Gah! Dr. Drew has skipped from quoting 80s lyrics back to the 70s. If he follows it up with Please Please Me, I will be sickened, horrified and just a little impressed.

    I(?)GT: The look of squinty concentration on Coach Kaz’s face in the third panel is just priceless.

    PBS: Rat may be the sharpest lawyer in the funny pages. Of course, when you’re up against the likes of Lisa “Malpractice? Never Heard of It!” Moore and Sam “I’m a Lawyer?” Driver, that is some mighty faint praise.

    TDIET: Dean Booth? Oh yeahhhhhhh…I mean, like, congrats!

  380. Godzooky
    August 18th, 2007 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    #376 odinthor re: Spidey: And, just a few days ago, that sofa was pink.

  381. Cornwhacker
    August 18th, 2007 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    374, etc: Well, well, well. Here I was, doing my own quiet little stinky pete-style retreat for the past couple of weeks, and what happens? Folks just assume that because I’m away, it’s safe to badmouth Detroit. Sheesh. Thanks for the vote of confidence, Ivan. It’s grotty here all right, but if you don’t let that bother you it’s a fine place to be.

    When I travel and tell Europeans I’m from Detroit, they often respond with “Wow, I’ve always wanted to go there!” The typical US response is a dumbfounded look which usually means “what the hell is wrong with you?” Americans don’t know what they’re missing.

  382. Pinky
    August 18th, 2007 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    You remind me of my brother Von. We used to be close.

    But No longer? What happened?

    Did you know incest is illegal?

  383. Red Greenback
    August 18th, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    9CL: I was going to infer something nasty and disgusting about a “kneeling position” coming naturally to a priest, but…oh wait, I just did!
    Ivan, I am sorry to hear about your situation. All I can tell you is you are fortunate you are hip to the CC. I have seen Josh’s blog help many Mudges over rough times (myself included) You have a strong support group here.

  384. Zamboni_Rodeo
    August 18th, 2007 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    FC: That’s not a restaurant; it’s a mausoleum.

    FOOB: There goes Potato Nose again: “Dad’s being such a brat!” Well, you would probably act out too if you were suffering the aftereffects of a stroke and the only person who showed even the remotest interest in you at all was your long-suffering second wife, and you were trapped in your own mind with the knowledge that your ungrateful child and her idiotic, self-absorbed children (the moronic, undeserving ingrates who will someday inherit what’s left of your estate) have more important things to do than come and take care of you in your dotage. Seriously, Elly, you and your train-loving husband and your asshole hellspawn (and their own demon seeds) should all just crawl back into the sewer from whence you were ejected. Well, except maybe for Apes. She might not be beyond salvation yet.

    DtM: Actually made me *snerk* today.

    CancerCancerCancer: Panel four: Congresspeople: “We know.”

  385. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    August 18th, 2007 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    Congrats Dean Booth! And did y’all notice that for the second day in a row, TDIET features a “kid” wearing a backwards baseball cap and a shirt with a Plugger Dogbear on it?

  386. Gabe
    August 18th, 2007 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    No Josh, Satchel is not a vegetarian (his favorite food is jerky bits).

    Congrats to the uber talented Dean Booth! I just argued with my wife about the thermostat last night.

  387. Godzooky
    August 18th, 2007 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    Is it me, or is this “Lisa Lectures Congress” storyline turning into the equivalent of “Shannon Takes a Stand?” Where’s some french fries to throw when you need them?

  388. Cornwhacker
    August 18th, 2007 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    And since I’m here: A3G does the “bland, sandy-haired man meets otherwise identical bland, yellow-haired man” scene twice in the same week! And this time they’re both wearing identical eyeglass frames. Clearly Mr. Walker*, Dr. Joe, Eric, and Alan are all played by the same actor. I’d say he had quite a range, if I could actually keep these characters straight.

    *For the dishrag who walks

  389. Red Greenback
    August 18th, 2007 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    #372 Dicky-Re:9CL-When I posted that pedo priest shtick, about 16 posts came up in the interim.
    Red (worlds slowest clerk/typist) Greenback

  390. commodorejohn
    August 18th, 2007 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    #390 Godzooky – If only. If only. Although I like to imagine that she has, by accident, walked into the room where the hearing on a new highway funding bill is being discussed.

  391. Red Greenback
    August 18th, 2007 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    #287 Skulking on the Outskirts: Aw shucks, thanks for including me in your list of “non skimmables” I am honored to be mentioned with the sultans and sultanesses of snark. *blush*

  392. Dean Booth
    August 18th, 2007 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    Thanks to all for the TDIET congrats. I’m beaming in my black sweater vest today — with the thermostat set at 68, I need it.

    #135 Bootsy: “I am completely ignoring Dean by rolling in a ball, hedgehog-style, in plain veiw of everyone, and declaring myself invisible.” I don’t understand your hostility toward me!

    FW: We know already, Lisa

    SM: If The Shocker went straight (SFW). The line “Delivering superior cavitational performance” was purely coincidental.

  393. Ivan Lermolieff
    August 18th, 2007 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    #386 Red Greenback

    That’ true, Red. How nice.

    #384 Cornwhacker

    Thanks for the vote of confidence, Ivan. It’s grotty here all right, but if you don’t let that bother you it’s a fine place to be.

    Cornwhacker, I’ve been *real deep* into jazz and soul since I was 12: you say “Detroit”, I (being a Catholic gone bad) hear “Betlehem”.

    Americans don’t know what they’re missing.

    Alas, this is so often true. Don’t overrate the knowledge of Europeans, though.

    #382 GotFuzzy

    Milano is about the most dismal city in Italia to be dismal in. But just down the autostrada are Parma and Bologna.

    So you’ve been around the block a coupla times! Anyway I’ll be in Parma next week.

  394. Red Greenback
    August 18th, 2007 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    Oh Ivan, One more thing, when I’m in one of my “life stinks so bad it could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon” moods, this helps turn my frown upside down.

  395. dreadedcandiru2
    August 18th, 2007 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    #387: Well, Zamboni_Rodeo, you’ve saved me the effort of typing out what I hate most about today’s comics page. I’ll save my rage for when we all check out tomorrow’s pile of crap.

  396. Godzooky
    August 18th, 2007 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    #395 Dean Booth shoots, and scores, yet again. The FW take-off: LOL

  397. LTBF
    August 18th, 2007 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    So Jim doesn’t even get a full week in the spotlight. We had to spend Monday watching Elly and John stuff their fat faces with greasy hamburgers and today we see the beginnings of them going roadside.

    I think Jim is feeling sick becuase he caught something from Elly when he ate a shrimp she had drooled on last Sunday at the cookout. Too bad Anthony or Mike couldn’t have eaten that deadly shrimp.

  398. Tweeks_Coffee
    August 18th, 2007 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    Big Dog: Ignoring the weak joke in today’s panel, why in the hell was this guy talking politics to a dog? Unlike Garfield, Marmaduke doesn’t even have any thought balloons that would help us imagine an actual conversation between these two. So really this strip is pretty much what it would look like if Arbuckle was actually a licensed strip.

  399. Trotzenbonnie
    August 18th, 2007 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    Crap! Late to the party. I curse my need for sleep!
    Is there any snark left or should I start rooting around in the sofa cushions for the crumbs?
    Has anyone out there seen ‘High School Musical 2′ yet? Haha! Tant pis pour vous! It debuted last night and I’ve already seen it three times! I love babysitting. The mind-numbing drone of the Disney Channel is my new Valium!
    Yeah, I’m old. I can’t even think of a friggin hip drug reference.

    DEAN BOOTH – Woo diddly hoo! You are the man! I love how the kid in the bottom panel looks so eager for the fisticuffs to begin.

    #396 – Ivan
    You said – ‘Cornwhacker, I’ve been *real deep* into jazz and soul since I was 12: you say “Detroit”, I (being a Catholic gone bad) hear “Betlehem”.’

    Don’t worry. Your English language skills are just fine. And I’m having a swell time imagining all of your posts spoken in an Italian accent. My grandpapa was from Sardegna and served in the Italian Navy.
    I don’t know what to say about your sadness except I’m sorry. And don’t try stalking. It will get you into a lot of trouble. Believe me. Getting tipsy is better.

    RED GREENBACK – I like it when you’re here!

  400. Spiny Norman
    August 18th, 2007 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    #395 Dean Booth: LOVED the blimp.

    JP: If Rusty’s about to render under to Caesar what is Caesar’s, I hope we get to watch.

  401. LTBF
    August 18th, 2007 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    A number of years ago Martina Narvratalova testified before Congress to appeal for more money for cancer research. Had I been on the comittee, I’d have asked her if she felt cancer deaths would be lowered if the main provider of her income didn’t make the leading cause of cancer in the world.

  402. Red Greenback
    August 18th, 2007 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    Big Dog: Why did Marm get so pissed off When Mr. neighbor said “Piss on Bush!” I always thought that was a thing dogs do all the time. WTF?

  403. True Fable
    August 18th, 2007 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    I have just been awakened by an unknown inconsiderate bastard who for whatever reason thought it necessary to bang on the side of the trash receptacle for awhile.

    Makes me so mad, I think I’ll go find some old hippie with a helicopter and have him drop a big rock on it and pass it off as a meteor strike.

    …See how stupid that sounds?! Now I’m really mad. Frustrated. And really awake.

  404. Old Man Muffaroo [Kip W - M d!>| ]
    August 18th, 2007 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    Dean, kudos on the FW blimp. Well executed; scary good.

    And on other stuff, too.

  405. commodorejohn
    August 18th, 2007 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    #401 Tweeks_Coffee – Today’s Marmaduke is hardly the most improbable/unbelievable thing about the strip.

  406. Duff-Man
    August 18th, 2007 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    Duff-Man says Oh, YEAHHHH! to Dean Booth’s blimp schenanegans!

  407. Ivan Lermolieff
    August 18th, 2007 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    # 402 Trotzenbonnie says:

    Has anyone out there seen ‘High School Musical 2? yet?

    Really, they made a #2? I saw the first one a couple of days ago… I suspect I struck some sort of bonanza of shit lately.

    Don’t worry. Your English language skills are just fine. And I’m having a swell time imagining all of your posts spoken in an Italian accent.

    I KNOW! You are missing indeed half the fun, like listening to Richard Pryor dubbed in… Sardinian.

    My grandpapa was from Sardegna and served in the Italian Navy.

    They are born sea-people, them Sardinians. And they don’t even speak Italian by the way, but a much more ancient (and quite ear-grating) language. Proud people with a generally hot temper, the kind you want to have as friends. More informations on the Internet.

    I don’t know what to say about your sadness except I’m sorry. And don’t try stalking. It will get you into a lot of trouble.

    No way, I’m stuck in MIlan, she is now in Montrose, CO, where they are probably already shoveling snow. The liquor store is much handier.

  408. Ivan Lermolieff
    August 18th, 2007 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    # 402 Trotzenbonnie says:

    Has anyone out there seen ‘High School Musical 2? yet?

    Really, they made a #2? I saw the first one a couple of days ago… I suspect I struck some sort of bonanza of shit lately.

    Don’t worry. Your English language skills are just fine. And I’m having a swell time imagining all of your posts spoken in an Italian accent.

    I KNOW! You are missing indeed half the fun, like listening to Richard Pryor dubbed in… Sardinian.

    My grandpapa was from Sardegna and served in the Italian Navy.

    They are born sea-people, them Sardinians. And they don’t even speak Italian by the way, but a much more ancient (and quite ear-grating) language. Proud people with a generally hot temper, the kind you want to have as friends. More informations on the Internet.

    I don’t know what to say about your sadness except I’m sorry. And don’t try stalking. It will get you into a lot of trouble.

    No way, I’m stuck in MIlan, she is now in Montrose, CO, where they are probably already shoveling snow. The liquor store is much handier.

  409. Ivan Lermolieff
    August 18th, 2007 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    # 402 Trotzenbonnie says:

    Has anyone out there seen ‘High School Musical 2 yet?

    Really, they made a #2? I saw the first one a couple of days ago… I suspect I struck some sort of bonanza of shit lately.

    Don’t worry. Your English language skills are just fine. And I’m having a swell time imagining all of your posts spoken in an Italian accent.

    I KNOW! You are missing indeed half the fun, like listening to Richard Pryor dubbed in… Sardinian.

    My grandpapa was from Sardegna and served in the Italian Navy.

    They are born sea-people, them Sardinians. And they don’t even speak Italian by the way, but a much more ancient (and quite ear-grating) language. Proud people with a generally hot temper, the kind you want to have as friends. More informations on the Internet.

    I don’t know what to say about your sadness except I’m sorry. And don’t try stalking. It will get you into a lot of trouble.

    No way, I’m stuck in MIlan, she is now in Montrose, CO, where they are probably already shoveling snow. The liquor store is much handier.

  410. AtomicDog
    August 18th, 2007 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    MT – John’s Shoulder Angel is about to speak!

  411. Red Greenback
    August 18th, 2007 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    Dean “Lugbutt” Booth: Not only did you make the TDIET cut, but you inspired what is arguably the best Scadutoism ever! “The urge to thermostat her up to the cool moon” Huzzah, Sir!

  412. commodorejohn
    August 18th, 2007 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    #412 Ivan Lermolieff – The liquor store is much handier.

    Just promise us you’ll stay away from the Charterstone Cliffs.

  413. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    August 18th, 2007 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    My roommate and I are experimenting with speech recognition software, and we’re using it to play kind of a game of “broken telephone” where we say something, then the computer prints its interpretation, then we recite the computer’s interpretation out loud, then the computer interprets that, and so on.

    I said, “Josh Fruhlinger is the Comics Curmudgeon”, and after just a few iterations, it turned into

    “Shooting from the Mayor has been comments from nineteen.”

  414. True Fable
    August 18th, 2007 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    Therapy for the unhappy. Works for me!

    Here ya go, Ivan; everybody. Unstress with this; it’s totally safe for anywhere.

  415. Tim T.
    August 18th, 2007 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    FOOB Friday 8/17: Did anyone other than myself
    see the first panel and think (if only for a fraction of a second) : “Wow! Grandpa Jim reads CC!”? Nobody? Nobody? Someone’s lying.
    Best wishes to all Curmudgeons.

  416. Dean Booth
    August 18th, 2007 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    #363 Old Man Muffaroo, sorry about that. Maybe Scaduto has a thermostats per year limit.

    We’ll be watching for you stinky pete. Maybe you can take it slow and just jump in to correct typos.

  417. AhClem
    August 18th, 2007 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    Blondie – Just what exactly is Blondie stuffing down the drain that requires Dagwood or a plumber to take apart the trap every couple of days? I’m still seeing the four FC kids in their strip, so it isn’t their little dismembered corpses, but a guy can still dream.

    Ivan Lermolieff: Having been recently divorced myself, as well as originally being from Detroit, I can safely say that things can and do get better. The divorce was a tough road, but being out from under that burden, as well as making a whole new circle of friends with new activities (in my case, playing mandolin in local jam circles, as well as the great folks here at CC), I am happier than I have been in a very long time.

  418. Ivan Lermolieff
    August 18th, 2007 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    # 415 commodorejohn says:

    Just promise us you’ll stay away from the Charterstone Cliffs.

    Now that you mention it, with six or seven pounds more and a droopy moustache, i could easily pass for Aldo Kelrast.

    Commodore, you are not helping here.

  419. Dean Booth
    August 18th, 2007 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    Oh, I forgot to give a big congrats to wille on the book. Congrats, wille!

  420. Trotzenbonnie
    August 18th, 2007 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    IVAN -
    My brother-in-law is in CO right now and he knows how to kick ass. I simply mention that in passing….
    My grandma was from Naples so she and grandpapa had a very loving and somewhat volatile relationship. She always told him he wasn’t a REAL Italian since he wasn’t from the mainland.
    Big Frank also had his own little cement mixer so yes, it was best to stay on his good side. From what I’ve been told, if you go to Sardegna today and mention his name Franco Cuccureddu won’t be throwing a parade for you.
    Thanks to them I had a very loud childhood.

  421. Trotzenbonnie
    August 18th, 2007 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    What book? What did I miss, dammit?

  422. Red Greenback
    August 18th, 2007 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    Where is The Divine O’F?

  423. commodorejohn
    August 18th, 2007 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    #421 Ivan Lermolieff – Ooh, sorry.

  424. Gulielma
    August 18th, 2007 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    FW: “Thank you, Mrs. Moore, for taking the time to speak to us. If only more people with cancer did so, instead of wasting their time lying around dying, we would make better strides in treating your disease.”

    FBoFW: in the FOOBiverse, telling your spouse that something is hard on someone else exempts you from actually having to do something to make their lives easier.

  425. Trotzenbonnie
    August 18th, 2007 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    Does that mean Ivan looks like Capitano Canguro?

    DAMN! Those girls are watching that movie AGAIN!

    RED – I haven’t even seen The Divine O’F on WorkCrack lately. It’s time to put out an APB.

  426. LTBF
    August 18th, 2007 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    420-I was wondering the same thing. Sometimes the sink is on the left side of the kitchen and sometimes on the right. Like the furniture, it isn’t consistant.

  427. Spotted HØrse
    August 18th, 2007 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Is anyone else captivated as I am by the assumption that John’s going first to hell in a handbasket? One glance at Elly, in all her strapping glory, with her sags, wiggles and jiggles and overall animal vitality, gives us the 411 on who’s going to be caretaking whom during the golden years when retirement ain’t quite as “dynamic”. Elly pwns Trainman!

    SecretMargo and Ivan: I’m thinking about youse guys… take good care of yourselves! Ivan, I’m delighted that you have received such a warm welcome. Snarking’s good food! Much better than Charterstone tuna casserole.

  428. True Fable
    August 18th, 2007 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    #424 Trotzenbonnie – wille wrote in post #195 : “In April 2008 (if the publisher doesn’t change the margoing date AGAIN), there will be in bookstores a novel by yrs truly called ‘Scratch Golfer.’ Check the dedication page – you’ll find a familiar moniker…”

    Isn’t that the coolest? Our little wille, showing Michael Patterson how a REAL writer does it. *sniff* I’m so proud!

    Punch Mikey where his ‘nads are supposed to be, wille! Do it for us all!

  429. HobbesianParadox
    August 18th, 2007 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    That’s funny; everything I’ve heard indicates “the shocker” would most certainly enjoy confined spaces.

  430. Spotted HØrse
    August 18th, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    #195 willethompson, #431 True Fable: Man, how’d I miss this!

    Wille, oh that you should savor the sweet smell of success! Did the checque for $25,000C cover the down payment on your house?

  431. Duff-Man
    August 18th, 2007 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    Well, there’s nothing on Saturday afternoon TV, so I’m left to my own devices:

    417. True Fable: cute bebeh goats, and at the Tucson Folk Festival! (I hope they didn’t end up as cabrito burritos… Tucson events are all about chowing down.

  432. Ivan Lermolieff
    August 18th, 2007 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @423 Trotzenbonnie

    My grandma was from Naples so she and grandpapa had a very loving and somewhat volatile relationship. She always told him he wasn’t a REAL Italian since he wasn’t from the mainland.

    I know perfectly what you mean, actually I’ve known your grandparents! You gotta love those italian old-timers. You barely find them in Italy anymore, you got to cross the ocean.

    if you go to Sardegna today and mention his name Franco Cuccureddu won’t be throwing a parade for you.

    You are wrong here: they will instead, because (Antonello) Cuccureddu, soccer player for Turin Football Club and the National Team in the ’60-’70s, is one of the glories of the island.

  433. MonkeyHawk
    August 18th, 2007 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    Funky Tumorbean

    So Batuik got into this story because he survived cancer, right? But he’s already announced Lisa’s gonna die.

    Finally we’re getting into a part of the story arc that calls for a little creativity.

    Don’t bet on it though. Lisa’s gonna grow out her hair with cherrubs strumming harps around her pillow. She will have singlehandedly defeated the forces of the Big Cancer Lobby in Congress and will leave a reel of pithy advice on tape for her daughter.

    (Excuse me. Is it too early to puke?)

    I’m losing my will to snark. I really want Liz and Blandthony’s wedding to be disruppeted by Warren in a helicopter, shouting in his best Dustin-Hoffman-in-”The Graduate”-voice: ELAINE!!! ELAINE!!! (Forget for a moment “Elaine” isn’t the right name. Elizabeth will get the message.)

    I think the Rat’s gonna out-lawyer the Duck in PBS and we’ll be subjected to a zeebah neighbor forced to skewer himself on a rotisserie spit.

    I suspect the Baron might have a chip implanted in his brain.

  434. alamo
    August 18th, 2007 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    381 — rainbird that is a great idea. barfing cat alarm clocks. it has a certain ring to it.

    i like the idea of the intens-o-meter too. and if you don’t get there in time it launches a real hairball (if you are hardcore you could load some real live phlegm) at you. this would require the pre-positioning of the clock and loading it up the night before. but imagine the family fun tricks one could play on unsuspecting dad after a night of boozing it up. reset the alarm early and watch as old dad gets an early wake-up call!! hah!!

    nothing says love more than phlegm from up above.

    our cat is really quite ill. we have to feed him with a syringe, and give him anti-biotics and immuno-boosters. a real sweetie pie and charmer. we got him a year ago from our shelter after our other cat was killed by a hit and run driver. he has been pretty healthy up to now. we think he is experiencing an allergic reaction to his annual shots. he has been doing this about a week. he is holding his own.

  435. Trotzenbonnie
    August 18th, 2007 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    #431 – True Fable
    How the hell did I miss that?! Thanks!
    Congratulations aplenty for wille! And, if the book has anything at all to do with golf, golfers, golf clubs, little dimpled balls and/or men who wear loud pants, thanks for making my 2008 gift giving season a whole lot easier. I may single-handedly make it a best seller.

    Hmmmmm…Scratch Golfer. That’s a guy who golfs without any handicaps, right? And a bogey golfer is like a blind bipolar crack addict in a wheelchair?

    C’mon, everybody. Let’s sing!
    We’re gonna have fun in the sun
    Now that all the hard work, work is done!
    Come on, everyone let’s dance!
    We can’t let this moment pass!
    Let’s make this party last!
    All for one!
    All! For! One!
    I love High School Musical 2!

  436. Poteet
    August 18th, 2007 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    # 364 — SecretMargo, thanks for the quick education. I learn a lot on CC. When I looked up Cthulhu Mythos on Wikipedia, I saw an illustration of Cthulhu, and I gotta say that to me, he looked FAR better than John Patterson without a shirt.

  437. Old Man Muffaroo [Kip W - M d!>| ]
    August 18th, 2007 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    Dean Booth @419 – Great minds, I guess, but it was kind of freaky because for a second, I thought… well, I guess I thought that the laws of space and time had been repealed, and Scaduto had somehow gotten a finished strip in and published in less than a week, somehow bypassing the usual two-week lag time.

    My secret fear has been that you announced “Well, I just sent an idea to Al, about thermostats and (etc etc),” and that I subconsciously stole it from you.

  438. Ivan Lermolieff
    August 19th, 2007 at 12:09 am [Reply]

    #423 Trotzenbonnie:

    IVAN -
    My brother-in-law is in CO right now and he knows how to kick ass. I simply mention that in passing

    I am not sure if the little lady has gone native yet and is now packin a gun

    #430 Spotted HØrse:

    Thank you!

  439. Skulking on the Outskirts
    August 19th, 2007 at 2:32 am [Reply]

    “Puking cat alarm clocks”…yeesh. I’m still looking for the one that’s made to look like a baseball, and designed to be shut off by being thrown against a wall. My neighbors (I live in an apartment building) might not like it so much….

    Ivan, welcome to Curmudgeonville! Vent away, my friend. We’re good listeners, here. Just bring an extra bottle to pass around, okay?

    OMFG, it’s 3:30 am here, I gotta get to work. Nightie-night, all.

  440. Ivan Lermolieff
    August 19th, 2007 at 5:31 am [Reply]

    #470 AhClem says:

    (in my case, playing mandolin in local jam circles, as well as the great folks here at CC), I am happier than I have been in a very long time.

    Just figure that, living in Italy, I’ve never actually seen a mandolin. I must make up mymind and move to Detroit.

  441. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 19th, 2007 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    GF & Zits: So, shall we start a sloth count to complement the squid count?

    NS: Wiley didn’t think to mention the end-Permian mass extinvtion, which is still the grandaddy of them all. Pardon me while I make an L on my forehead.

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    Wait, so you’re telling me that the reason I can’t get a date is because I keep telling men they remind me of my brother and they don’t like that?

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