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Tommie can you hear me?

Apartment 3-G, 8/20/07

WOO-HOO! NERD FIGHT! NERD FIGHT! NERD FIGHT FOR TOMMIE’S LOOOOOVVVVE!

Last we saw Gary Walker, he was some kind of ancillary member of Gina’s Required-By-Court Order-To Remain-A-Minimum-Of-500-Yards-Off-Broadway theater company … the bookkeeper or something? I forget, and Lord knows I’m not looking it up. He mooned mopily after Tommie as she made out with the pencil-mustached director of the play. His hair, it almost goes without saying at this point, was the same sandy hue as Dr. Whatshisbutt, but apparently he’s dipped into the Miss Clairol Sassy and Brassy in a desperate attempt to win Tommie’s heart.

I know that failing New York theater companies aren’t professional, and that their members almost always have real jobs, but I’m suspicious of Gary’s professional geek credentials. (His personal geek credentials are in the clear, obviously.) “Solution package” just doesn’t ring true to me, and believe me, I have to read more of this crap than the average mind can comfortably encompass. “Solution” should be the noun for whatever horrible mass of code he’s going to foist on the hospital’s hapless IT department, modified by one or more of the following: “enterprise-class,” “HIPAA-compliant,” “open standards-friendly,” “Web services-ready,” or “XML-based.” I can only assume that Gary isn’t a systems engineer at all, but is merely willing to type aimlessly on a laptop he’s brought into the hospital for a chance to hover passive-aggressively in the vicinity of the boring object of his desire. Tommie’s quizzical look in the second panel seems to say, “Wait a minute — I’m going to be fought over by these two? I’m sorry, even I don’t find that remotely believable.”

Luann, 8/20/07

Now, the question of “What aspect of TJ’s outfit is the most jaw-droppingly ludicrous?” is one that we can all have a good time debating. Is it his elevator heels? His extra-high-waisted pants? The stripy sweater vest? The fact that Brad non-ironically calls it “stylin’”? The best part is that there are no wrong answers. Still, I’m holding out hope that what appears to be a sort of weirdly dark set of buttons below the collar is actually a tie, of either the bolo or the skinny ’80s variety. Either way, this ensemble is surely an early Labor Day present to each and every one of us.

By the way, I was in the Gap on Saturday and there was an entire rack of black sweater vests in the menswear section. Could Al Scaduto have more control over fashion choices than any of us realize?

For Better Or For Worse, 8/20/07

OH SNAP LIZ CANDACE JUST CALLED YOUR NEW ~~BOYFRIEND~~ FRIENDSHIP PARTNER GARBAGE! By uttering the phrase “angelic little Francie,” Candace cements her place as one of the few remaining likable characters in the strip.

Liz’s word balloon is already taking up a lot of panel four, so there probably wasn’t room to improve its accuracy by putting “who hit on me while he was still married to her” after “wonderful man” and “whom she was passive-aggressively browbeat into having” after “beautiful daughter.” I’m very excited about Liz’s boast that she can “handle” Thérèse. I sure hope she gets a chance to prove herself in physical combat — not because I get off on seeing the ladies fight with each other, but because Thérèse would almost certainly win any such altercation in short order.

Blondie, 8/20/07

I have to admit that I actually laughed at Blondie today. Dagwood’s eating patterns — frenzied bursts of feeding activity in which massive caloric intake occurs in a short period of time, followed by hours and hours of napping — match up pretty well with those of typical large carnivores, so the nature-documentary vibe of this strip, with a feral, hungry Dagwood roaming the corridors of Dithers Enterprises, works pretty well. The question is, who is the weakest member of this herd, destined to be culled by Dagwood’s razor-sharp teeth?

Marvin, 8/20/07

I’ve never raised an infant, so maybe I just don’t know, but someone who has raised an infant, help me out here: Surely it’s not socially acceptable to come into work covered in vomit, just because that vomit came out of someone too young to feed himself? And you wouldn’t relay this information without shame with a sort of heavy-lidded numbness to whoever might ask? Is this what casual Friday has wrought?

This entry was posted on Monday, August 20, 2007 at 02:22 pm and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Blondie, For Better or for Worse, Luann, Marvin.

555 responses to “Tommie can you hear me?”

philip
August 20th, 2007 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

haw-haw! Dagwood eats to fill the void in his soul!
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
August 20th, 2007 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

I agree that this has perhaps the best visual composition of any Blondie I’ve seen in a long time.
Dik-Dik Vendetta
August 20th, 2007 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

Actually, it’s probably Martin’s snot. My two year old has a remarkable ability to make it appear on my work clothes, often while never actually approaching closer than 3-4 feet.
Tweeks_Coffee
August 20th, 2007 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

My vote goes to TJ’s slacks being the most ludicrous. I do remember a time in the recent past when sweater vests were semi-fashionable, so that aspect isn’t too much of a stretch.
no springs
August 20th, 2007 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

Either TJ’s got his slacks excruciatingly high or his torso has collapsed in on itself.
*sings* “Hike up your pants, take your butt cheeks for a ride…”
Inspector Dim
August 20th, 2007 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

We’ll need to work a battle scene into FOOBical. I’m thinking something with tridents.
Schlimmerkerl
August 20th, 2007 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

Dag is lucky Dithers Enterprises doesn’t have a branch in the UK:

http://www.city-journal.org/html/eon2007-08-17td.html
Darkefang
August 20th, 2007 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

A3G: A “solution package for the computer filing mess”? The wording isn’t quite Scadutian, but it does sound like something someone with no real-life “geek” experience would think a systems engineer would say.

Crankshaft: Angry old person vs. angry health care worker. Can someone explain why this is funny?

DT: Seriously, what the fuck?!? I thought we were done with the cab ride to the Pentagon. Now we’re starting over? Let’s get on with the story. Someone please tell Dick Locher that no matter how much he stalls, he still has to draw three panels a day.

Foob: Don’t forget, Liz threw Anthony away first, so technically, she’s into recycling what others have already recyled. I’m pretty sure that makes Anthony the human equivalent of particleboard.

JP: Beat Sam at his own game? It isn’t like he’s initiated some crafty legal maneuver. All we’ve seen Sam do so far is conduct due diligence. Granted, I don’t know how the wine business works, but this is a pretty standard business practice when a majority partner is bought out.

MF: Everyone knows that you learn more from listening to someone else talk about what you read than by actually being forced to explain it yourself.

MW: There’s nothing more romantic than an after-dinner cheek biting session. Also, nothing says “experienced ladies man” more than when a guy awkwardly grapples with the woman’s arms while making out.
SecretMargo
August 20th, 2007 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

a) re: Josh re: The Gap — I have been rockin’ the black sweater vest all year (as my former students who seem to lurk here can affirm), and let me just say I’m glad The Gap has finally caught on to what I and Al always knew.

I’m balking a bit at the magenta angora sweater, though, I have to admit.

b) TJ has been replaced by Justin Timberlake playing Charlie Brown wearing a costume tailored by Blanche Devereaux. It is both the gayest and least gay thing I’ve ever seen, though it is closely rivalled by Tommie’s re-emerging pseudo-suitor (pseudor?).
Chris
August 20th, 2007 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

Luann: T.J. has apparently come out, Waylon Smithers-style

MW: Two possible plotlines: Dawn, spurned by what she thought was true love at last, goes hyper-emo and starts cutting on herself, or, Vera, spurned by what she thought was true love at last, goes crazy and seeks solace in the incestuous sheets of brother Von. Either way, we readers win.

FC: 65 MPH is the latest “update” to bring the vintage strips into the 21st century. Listen for “My Humps” to be playing on the car radio any day now.

GT: Coach Kaz: “Great show tonight. With luck it’ll be the last one I see.” Nice left-handed compliment there, Slick–what do you tell Gil after Milford victories–”Great game today. With luck it’ll be the last one I see.” I’m still betting that the bad note guy is the jealous Ben Franklin-lookalike drummer. Seeking revenge for some slight by Gail, decades ago, he’s been biding his time, waiting for the right moment to strike…but he didn’t factor Coach Kaz–former lineman, former bouncer—into the equation.

Pluggers: When I saw the caption, “The plugger facial,” unclean—filthy, actually—thoughts leapt out at me, so I instantly averted my eyes. Alas, my mind’s eye had already conjured images that sear the soul. What’s next? “The plugger rimjob?” “The plugger Dirty Sanchez?” Please, make it stop.

GA: Slim will be somebody’s bitch in PMITA Federal Prison. Then the strip will actually be funny.

DT: Wait…does the baron have a chip embedded in him? ‘Cos, I’m not sure about that.

TDIT: Barfwell is apparently a native American like Two Dogs Walking or Dances With Wolves. “Barfwell”. Barfs well, and presumably, a lot.

JP: I don’t care how this tired storyline plays out, just get back to the boobs. Please. They’re the only thing that makes this awful strip readable at all.

H&J: The hip young deacon has worn out his welcome in, oh, about 2 seconds. Watch this become an intergenerational battle and culture clash that culminates in a maudlin man-hugfest that will bring bile to your throat.
anameimadeup
August 20th, 2007 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

Mr. Dithers is old, weak, and fat. He shall be the first fall because he can’t keep up with the herd.
bees on pie
August 20th, 2007 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

#5-nice Daddy-O reference

No, it is not OK to go to work covered in your child’s vomit, snot, wayward food, whatever. You have to at least make a half-assed effort at wiping it off, which is what I usually do, ’cause I’m sure as hell not gonna spend five minutes finding another outfit when I’m already running late in the morning. But anyway, what I want to know is, why is the food (or whatever) only on Marvin’s Dad’s tie? Did he change his shirt and then put the nasty tie on over the clean shirt? Or does his shirt have some kind of awesome stain-repelling powers?
Tweeks_Coffee
August 20th, 2007 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

#8 – Darkefang: “Anthony the human equivalent of particleboard”
I’d say that’s a pretty fair assessment, personality and all.
Rainbird
August 20th, 2007 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

It’s been a while, but yes, I would go to work with bits of oatmeal on my jacket. But, unlike the Dad in Marvin, I did so because I didn’t know it was there. I think my daugther also got the stuff in my hair as well, and it was usually when Iw as rushing out the door. But on my tie? I would at least have the time to take it off. Vomit, or even strained peas, or not fun to wear all day if you have a choice.
mattt
August 20th, 2007 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

Luann I think T.J.’s gone completely mental, I must say!

A3G It seems like the two guys are playing that comedy improv game Fill in the Blank. “Right. A geek, who likes …who likes…” “Who likes Milk Duds, playing World of Warcraft until 3 in the morning and…and…” “And walks on the beach!”

My latest Review in Haiku is of FW, if anybody’s interested.
jakester
August 20th, 2007 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

Josh makes the easy mistake that Jeff’s tie was originally red, and then vomited upon. I am almost certain that the tie was originally green, and is currently being bled upon.
Biblio
August 20th, 2007 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

Maybe Dagwood should just look around the office for folks like Marvin’s dad and offer to lick their ties clean.

Ok. ewww.
Sanity Clause
August 20th, 2007 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

Is anyone else disturbed that Peter and Mary Jane Parker are lounging by a roaring fire in Death Valley, Califorina in August? MAYBE if they’d have taken their getaway to Lake Tahoe. I guess they’re simply trying to experience the hell the rest of us know from reading the strip. (and my apologies if this has been snarked before. I’ve been away for a couple of days, and can’t get through all the thousands of comments to see.)
BigTed
August 20th, 2007 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

“Luann”: For some reason, a sweater vest over a button-down shirt has emerged from the realm of nerdish Diltons to become a high-fashion style for hip Timberlakes. (The proof is that a few years ago, “American Idol” contestants wore this kind of thing before their superstar makeovers, but this year, it became a common “after” outfit.)

I’d worry more about TJ’s face, which seems to have been surgically altered to give him squinty eyes that he can barely see through and a permanently big-lipped smile.
Halifaxer
August 20th, 2007 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

The most disturbing aspect of TJ’s appearance is his rictus sardonicus.

These new clothes are either
(a) his version of a funeral shroud, one that he will have to wear forever in whatever form of the afterlife is permitted to peripheral characters, or
(b) an attempt to signal Brad not to mention that it’s time for a tetanus booster.
AhClem
August 20th, 2007 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

#8 Darkefang –
“Anthony the human equivalent of particleboard”

You will soon be receiving a letter from the Particle Board Construction Council, complaining about the Granthony reference.
Rainbird
August 20th, 2007 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

16 Jakester I wondered about what the solid color was as well. So does that mean the Marvin is dead? That his dad killed him after feeding him? No more Marvin?

Or was it his wife’s blood.
redlikerubies
August 20th, 2007 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

I always cut the most stupid comics out of the paper to comment on and mail to my sister…. I had already noted TJ’s midriff top layered over his dress shirt paired with sternum -high pleated dockers before I checked out the site today … Also, 90% of the character’s shoes in Luann always look like the ones TJ’s sporting today… even the sneakers seem to have heels. That has been bothering me since the days of Luann’s lumpy hair.
Eric
August 20th, 2007 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

Um, I think the idea is that Marvin flung his food (some kind of oatmeal, perhaps?) onto the tie. As someone who *has* raised an infant, I can say that the food-flinging does happen.

That said, there’s no reason Marvin’s dad couldn’t have changed his tie, which makes me think that this is a protest against children in general and Marvin in specific. “This is what has become of my life,” proclaims his befouled tie. “Don’t make the same mistake I did.”
Rainbird
August 20th, 2007 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

#18 Sanity Clause I know we all have been shouting about this ever since Peter got out of the car with his quilted jaket on in Death Valley, during the day.

Stupid. All I can think of is that, like DT the author/writer of the stirp wasn’t playing 52 pick up, but was told the strip would run int he dead of winter.

Or pehaps the strip is taking place in Australia, Argentina or New Zealand, in a snow capped place called Death Valley, and we just didnt’ see Pater and MJ get on a jet and fly down there.
Sili
August 20th, 2007 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

I happen to like slip-overs. I can’t wear them, myself, but they can be … ahegm … sexy.

More to the point. “No white after Labourday” so TJ’s trousers will have to come off.

I – for one – am not complaining.
Girl Reporter
August 20th, 2007 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

Forgive me if this was already a topic of discussion back when it happened, but I’ve only just arrived at this party and am a few steps behind everybody.

Who was Vera’s coworker at the Local Advertising Agency who called Mary to see if there was a vacancy at Charterstone? The guy who practically had “licks chops” in his speech balloon? Was he the Master Thespian who’d plotted with Dawn to get rid of Wendy’s gold-digging girlfriend?

And don’t get me started on how difficult it is to find someplace to rent! If only landlords could come up with some way to publish information on available apartments on a daily basis. It would be so wonderful if such information was widely available for only, say, 50 cents on a weekday and $1.50 on Sundays. And maybe the landlords could include a phone number to call so you could set up a time to go take a look. I know, I know. I’m a dreamer.
Darkefang
August 20th, 2007 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

Luann: I’m pretty sure Brad is still bitter about TJ trying to horn in on Toni. That’s why he’s encouraging TJ’s new look. No risotto is good enough to make her stop laughing at that ridiculous outfit.
Jamus The Bartender
August 20th, 2007 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

FOOB, Panel 4: In relation to “the ex-wife”, Lynn forgot to add, “Whom Anthony conveniently” forgot” to pull out of..”. Honestly, Candace, Therese may have been an unpleasant person, but , as Buffy once said regarding her rival Cordelia Chase, “I think she’s got the moral high ground here.”
walker
August 20th, 2007 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

I dressed like TJ when I was a teenaged girl in the 70’s–I think I had that outfit. It was cute on me!
Jamus The Bartender
August 20th, 2007 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

29. Now…I forgot to mention in the above…I don’t think Therese is gonna want to come within five hundred miles of these people ever again. And more power to her, I say.
Sweet Pea
August 20th, 2007 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

I would have scoffed at TJ’s outfit, if I hadn’t picked up my husband’s copy of Men’s Health this morning and read the fashion section. Beleive it or not, they’re recomending sweater vests, declaring the grungy look gone, and I’ve noticed in general waistbands are getting higher. It’s freaky to suggest, but a strip that usually hits me like fingernails on chalkboard might actually be making a relavant statement. I say “statement,” because it’s not really a “joke.”

As to Marvin, I thought kids were known for spewing (in the non-vomiting sense) food everywhere, more than they were known for on-target projectile vomiting. I vote it’s strained peas. Even if vomit was the case, it’s not what I want to think is on the tie while drinking my coffee.

Did Lynn Johnson actually let that third panel in? I think not. It must have been smuggled in by a spy. NO ONE can get away with an indictment of a Patterson in the FOOBverse.
P-Supe
August 20th, 2007 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

Okay, did anyone else think that was Eric and Alan wearing “clever disguises” consisting of glasses and a stethoscope, in order to fool Tommie for some reason?
Chris
August 20th, 2007 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

#27 Girl Reporter: If only landlords could come up with some way to publish information on available apartments on a daily basis. It would be so wonderful if such information was widely available for only, say, 50 cents on a weekday and $1.50 on Sundays.

Or a list that’s on line that’s hosted by a guy with a name that sounds like “Greg”.
Halifaxer
August 20th, 2007 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

Josh, my friend, you have read today’s All Three Gals all wrong.

Dr Joe Kelly and Mr Gary Walker are not rivals for our plaintive angel of the bedpan; their awkward reaction in front of La Belle Nightingale is due to their last meeting in the “sling room” of the local fetish emporium. Joe was strapped in and Gary was constructing a solution for the Doctor’s package. It is the memory of their lusty passion which make Joe stammer.

Tommie, as we all know, exists solely as a sexually dampening force: she is the cold wave which crashes on the shore as the walruses thrash and couple.
fluffy
August 20th, 2007 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

Brad’s eyes have whites? Who knew?
True Fable
August 20th, 2007 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

Marvin I used to wear a bath towel over my shirt with the towel ends draped over my shoulders when I fed the babies their cereal. I think the dark circles under my eyes were indication enough that there were wee ones at home.

But Marvin’s dad isn’t exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer, I notice.
T. Chicana
August 20th, 2007 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

Are they in Lizard’s apartment? She has lawn chairs for furniture! Classy. Couldn’t John and Elly help her out? And get “everything new” for themselves? Oh wait, I forgot–Michael has first dibs on shaved sheets and all other Foobish accoutrements.
Chris
August 20th, 2007 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

JtB #29–when did that happen?

Fourth panel of FOOB hits new levels of pretentiousness.
Tweeks_Coffee
August 20th, 2007 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

Inspired by #10 – Chris (I am so, so sorry)
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v675/Tweeks_Coffee/Pluggers872.g.jpg“
Uncle Lumpy
August 20th, 2007 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

#32 Sweet P –

Re: the high-waisted look is back.
Chris
August 20th, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

Tweeks_Coffee #40…Oh, my…so a Plugger Dirty Sanchez just involves one person…it all makes sense…
Professor Fate
August 20th, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

“TJ Thy Lord commandeth, Ditch the sweater vest and pull thy pants down a tich”

borrowed from MST3K – Horrors of Spider Island.
Krauthead
August 20th, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Talk about a total barf-fest. Liz is a lying little shrew and Assthony threw out his half-assed marraige proposal while going through thier dating-game style checklists over tasty bowls of Spaghettios and White Zinfandel.

Lynn has her foreshadowing going: Watch for Therese to come back and fight with Lizthony.

HA!!!!!!! This may turn out good after all.
rhonda from kansas
August 20th, 2007 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

#41 –

I’m not too observant but even I can tell that’s a girl.
Beauregard Bugleboy
August 20th, 2007 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

Oh, Gary’s a geek, all right. Only a geek constrained by a dress code would choose an electric blue suit. As for TJ, the Charlie Brown zigzag says, “I go both ways.” But the wrist on hip pose signals his real preference.
True Fable
August 20th, 2007 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

#41 Uncle Lumpy – well, yeah, but it works on her. On TJ – not so much. As in, never.
Kiesha
August 20th, 2007 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

Today, both “Marvin” and “Foob” are excellent examples of why NOT to have children.

I should cut those out strips out today and paste them in my packet of birth control pills.
El Santo
August 20th, 2007 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

Luann: So… TJ’s dressing like a sensible woman now, I see?

And it’s not even a metrosexual look, which sorta emulates young party-going gals in their 20’s. This is like the 40ish soccer mom look.

…

Also, rumors that TJ is trying to make a play on Brad are getting closer to reality each day.
Squawk
August 20th, 2007 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

A3G: “Create a solution package for the computer filing mess” = “Show the administrative assistant how to use MS Access.”
El Santo
August 20th, 2007 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

#32 – Sorry to break it to you, Sweet Pea, but when I think of fashion magazines that have the pulse on what’s trendy for young early 20-something men, I do not think “Men’s Health.” ;)
Lame Name
August 20th, 2007 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

Marvin: That’s why you don’t feed your infant peas for breakfast. Cereal is much more neutral and goes with a broad color spectrum.

It looks like he changed his shirt, but not the tie. Some of the green splotches extend to the edge of the tie, but his shirt is still white. This tells me Jeff actually likes the tie better this way.

Luann: It’s not just the high waist that makes those pants pure sartorial evil. The pleats alone could get you to the second circle of Fashion Hell.
Will
August 20th, 2007 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

“That’s quite an unusual pattern in your hair there, Jeff.”
“Actually, it was a solid color when I put it on this morning.”
Jeffster
August 20th, 2007 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

I think there’s a real fashion trend in today’s comics. All characters either wear a shirt and tie or a tee-shirt. Why don’t any of them where open collar shirts? Is there some ban on chest hair and clevage? Oh, wait! There’s Busty Rusty in JP.
AtomicDog
August 20th, 2007 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

Hi and Lois – I’d just like to compliment the artist for getting the phase and position of the Moon correct (the horns of a crescent Moon always point away from the Sun.)

I have to subtract points, though, for that puny Sun in the third panel – the angular size of the Sun and the Moon are in reality the same.

What? Pedantic? MOI?
Ron Hogan
August 20th, 2007 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

Maybe it’s just his shit-eating grin, but TJ reminds me eerily of Ed Grimley in that outfit, I must say.
Jamus The Bartender
August 20th, 2007 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

FC: I’ve seen that look on the old man. In about five seconds, Mister Knuckle Sandwich is gonna come into play in rapid succession upside Billy and Jeffy’s heads if they don’t buckle themselves in and shut the hell up real fast.
9 Chickweed Lane: Better jump on this one fast, Amos. Edda won’t admit it, but this is just a booty call disguised as a “personal problem” . And a thin one at that.
Archie:Never mind the alarm clock…I don’t think the health inspector is gonna dig Betty coming into your latest place of employment sans pants. No matter how hot she looks without them.
Sally Forth:”40 Minutes without blinking”….Ted, you just spent about eight WEEKS without blinking. Cut the kid some slack and get your ass a job. What, are you too good for McDonalds? Time to start pulling your weight.
Spider-Man…Spider-Man…does whatever a spider can: You know…considering his comic book counterpart is, A. Currently on the run from the law for unliscenced super-heroing due to recent events in Marvel’s Civil War…2. Spending time away from MJ and Aunt May due to said events, and …Thirdly: Getting a lot of hairy eyeball looks from his “buddies” Wolverine and Luke Cage in New Avengers as to whether he might be a Skrull(shape-changing alien to you) or not, the newsprint Spidey’s got it pretty sweet. I know everyone likes to snark on him here, but if given a choice between soggy, sorrowful dinners at Dr. Strange’s hovel, or great sex in a Death Valley hotel with MJ in front of the television, i’d go with Curtain Number Two, Monty.
T. Chicana
August 20th, 2007 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

Yes, pleats = very, very bad. I am dismayed that the high-waists are in style. They’re too hideous to really catch on, though, I hope. They look like denim sausage casing!
My sister-in-law (a soccer mom in her 40s) wears outfits like TJ’s. It’s like, “Why do you hike your khakis so G.D. high?” And then she belts it. Yummy.
Jeff
August 20th, 2007 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

I think I’m starting to understand Canadian slang:

“You’re into recycling” == “Sloppy seconds”
SecretMargo
August 20th, 2007 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

Marvin: Is this a misbegotten “call-back” to Marvin’s first “words,” “I h8 ur tie”?

Though this should somehow make it funnier, instead it just feels like watching a friend throw up in front of you and being able to correctly identify all the things he ate that day.

Luann: I concur with Sweet Pea and UL that fashion is swinging toward the dressy/high-waisted [though less so for da boyz on the latter, I think], which is why I thought of JT earlier, as he is the current leader of this charge. But as his name implies, TJ got it backwards and consulted Men’s Health : an apt source of confusion, as it falls into the same most/least gay thing on the planet category as the outfit itself.
Perky Bird
August 20th, 2007 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

A3G:
You know, I’m getting tired of all these A3G men who look alike and randomly change hair color. I realize that A) there are alimited number of hair color choices available, and B) there are also a limited number of men’s hairstyles to choose from.
But this guy isn’t even trying!

I think this is why more comics should involve anthropomorphized animals. It would be much easier if we knew, for instance, Alan is always an otter, Greg is always the pelican, Blaze is always the coyote with the bandana, etc.
Quacks Like A Duck
August 20th, 2007 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

$20 says that Dean Young hired a new writer and artist.
JamesinMaine
August 20th, 2007 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

A3G: “Create a solution package for the computer filing mess.” This statement only makes sense if “solution package” means “asinine plot gimmick involving blond male” and “computer filing mess” means “the bland gooey mess that is this strip.”
odinthor
August 20th, 2007 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

NYer Contest — Final thoughts (unless something else occurs to me; no, threats will not avail you):

9. “So I get into this argument with some guy at the bar, and Larry says, ‘Show him you’re a real man, Bob!’”

10. “Y’know how your quote of the day was ‘Simplicity is a virtue’, honey?”

11. “So much for my career as a fan-dancer!”

12. “I think I misunderstood about that ‘naked juice’ place…”

13. “It appears that all is not well today with Brother Ambrose!”

14. “There must be certain subtleties to that thing about ‘Sex sells!’, honey.”

15. “Pardon me, ma’am; but if I can sell this last briefcase, I get to go home!”

16. “I’m beginning to have second thoughts about that shrink of yours, Denise…”

17. “No, that performance of ‘Rite of Spring’ was not a join-in!”

18. “So I’m sitting at my desk this p.m. and thinking what a repressive society we live in…”

19. “Barbara, it seems that the doorman’s feelings for me have developed somewhat.”

20. “Did you know that saguaros are not native to north Africa?”

21. “Well, my performance art on Kant’s Critique of Pure Reason flopped again!”
Chris
August 20th, 2007 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

Oh, for the days when Tommie was a sassy little wiseacre with a temperament that matched her fiery coif…she’d have responded with, “The only mess I see here is a pair of bespectaled twerps…I’m outta here, STAT!”
Whippersnapper
August 20th, 2007 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

Foob: Why does Liz keep insisting that she and Assthony are just “friends”??? All they do is suck face. I don’t make out with my friends nearly that much, and they’re 100,000 times more attractive and interesting than Assthony. Also, I’m really confused as to Robin and Francie’s development. They’re about the same age, right? So how is it that Francie offers her asshat dad fashion advice, and Robin communicates mostly by grunting and crapping his pants?
Jamus The Bartender
August 20th, 2007 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

39. Just an educated guess. I know it’s not something one would like to think about more than they have to…bottom line, I don’t think Therese is coming back.
AeroSquid
August 20th, 2007 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

LuAnn: Wow ! Before I actually read the word balloon in the second panel, I though TJ had announced that he was ‘Out & Proud’. Well…..he does cooks fancy euro-stuff…..
Jamus The Bartender
August 20th, 2007 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

66. I do, but this comes under the heading of “friends with benefits”….
Flipper
August 20th, 2007 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

A3G: A Google search suggests that “solution package” was used correctly by the blond generic gentleman. Though if he possessed any social skills, he would have simplified the technical jargon for the other two. Or for Tommie’s benefit, used hand puppets.
Jamus The Bartender
August 20th, 2007 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

66 re Robin and Francie: I’m guessing that the Kelpfroths used lead paint in their apartment, which flakes and chips after time, and tastes pretty salty from what i’m told. That would explain any number of things.
AtomicDog
August 20th, 2007 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

Slylock – the Count’s alibi would actually have worked if he wasn’t holding an umbrella.

Count Weirdly is an idiot.
bats :[
August 20th, 2007 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

66. Whippersnapper: Because Wobin is a Patterson, and you can ask anybody (except for Dee), Patterson shit don’t stink!
I’m sure the clan passes off his lack of verbal skills with something like “Einstein didn’t talk until he was five.”
The Divine O’F
August 20th, 2007 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

(WTF) I?GT and Pibgorn: These strips today remind me of the time when, as an undergraduate, I became enamored of Ionesco and Beckett. I didn’t have the foggiest idea what was going on in their plays, but I liked immersing myself in all the obscurity. I even wrote my own absurdist play, “He Who Drives Goats Uphill.” I am older and much wiser now, and I prefer my plays, life, and comics to make at least a modicum of sense.

MT: I hope Squid Countess and Poteet are right, but my money is on a snake, which very few people are likely to think is cute. I happen to be an exception, but I used to read Ionesco, so what do I know? And by the way, Rusty’s hope that all the animals got out of the way amounts to wishing that a neutron bomb had depopulated the area, not very eco-friendly in my opinion.
Andrea D and The Grandstanding Oddballs
August 20th, 2007 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

#66 Whippersnapper – Word. Assthony and Liz talk about wanting to get married, they go over a checklist of their expected qualities in partners, they make out at every chance (possibly even having sex after that last dinner, bleh), and then Liz gets all “We’re just FRIENDS, OK?” with the only friend she actually has that she’s NOT boning? Puh-leeze.
Tweeks_Coffee
August 20th, 2007 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

In the frenzy over the spectacle of TJ’s outfit, I think something is a bit overlooked here. Brad’s idea of a good time is to “chug” a soda (He is supposed to be at least 21 too, right?) and eat Cheetos? Of course he’s supposed to be a bit of a loser and all, but this hardly seems like normal bachelor activities.
etho
August 20th, 2007 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

Based on the sparkling cleanliness of Jeff’s shirt, one assumes he was feeding Marvin while wearing nothing but a tie. It’s open to speculation whether or not he was wearing pants, or for that matter, whether or not he is wearing pants in the strip.

The comics today seemed particularly dire. Although FOOB, to me, seems more clearheaded than usual. Candace at least seems aware of the fact that Liz, having the intellectual and emotional development of a particularly bratty nine-year-old, doesn’t understand the consequences of her actions. Unfortunately for… well, for everyone, Candace is either unwilling or unable (and given her creator, I’d put my money on unable) to voice these concerns directly.

Seeing LuAnn this morning, I was pleasantly surprised to find that the role of TJ will henceforth be played by the 38-year-old lesbian that taught mhistory at my high school.

Though I see Brad is still played by Corky from Life Goes On. If I had any image editing abilities whatsoever, I would change Brad’s speech bubble in panel 1 to say “Apple juice! Apple juice!”

Family Circus today appeared to have no joke whatsoever. But I definitely think there’s something deeper going on. Why the look of unbearable despair on the face of the Keane family patriarch? Is he tired of feeling emasculated by his hydrocephalic children? And what’s up with little Billy? Is he growing a hump, or is his spine just gradually curving forward from the weight of his enormous freaking skull? Really, at what point did David Lynch take over the creation of Family Circus?
Mollie
August 20th, 2007 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

Once my blindness from looking at TJ’s outfit started to wear off, I have to say I appreciated the innovative overlapping-word-balloons trick in the last panel. At least, I think it’s innovative… in any case, it’s as good a visual representation of one person cutting off another person as I’ve ever seen.

But TJ still looks like a minor character from a low-budget early ’90s Britcom.
El Santo
August 20th, 2007 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

#76 – Damn straight, Tweeks! I’m a bachelor, and my normal fun-time diet is Arizona iced tea and Cheez-its!

Um…

*runs*
Alan Vanneman
August 20th, 2007 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

“…because Thérèse would almost certainly win any such altercation in short order.”

Ha, ha! Ha, ha! In fact, Liz could kick your ass, and probably will if you keep it up.
bats :[
August 20th, 2007 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

79. El Santo: I’ll protect you! Here, stand behind my bag of Frito’s toasted corn chips and Diet Coke with Lime!
Tracey
August 20th, 2007 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

Let’s not begrudge T.J. for daring to go all Grimley on us. I’m hoping he takes it all the way – hair, triangle and all. If you think about it, Brad has a slight resemblance to Pat Sajak.
gh
August 20th, 2007 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

MT —

That “movement” in the grass? Possibly something Andy left?
Crankenstank
August 20th, 2007 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

On casual Friday, you can come to work with your jeans and sportshirt covered with vomit.
T. Chicana
August 20th, 2007 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

#71 Jamus: I think you might be onto something. And maybe Michael is okay with the lead damage.

It surely makes it easier when your kid can’t demand ice cream sundaes like Francie does. Robin is perfectly happy to just eat dirt.
gh
August 20th, 2007 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

MT —

Actually, it will have to be some sort of endangered species they find – like Mark’s libido.
Tommy Smarts
August 20th, 2007 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

A3G: Wait a sec… Walker said he had a solution package? Looks like he used a whole package of solution on his hair.

Luann: TJ’s outfit only complements his Michael Jackson hairdo and lipstick. Now if only there was a Queer Eye for the Queer Guy, we might get some progress so that he might not remind me of my childhood full of creepy sleepovers at the Neverland Ranch…
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
August 20th, 2007 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

Re that NYer cartoon contest: Mine was:

“I told when I resigned as their in-house counsel that Suits-R-Us had a really strict non-compete.”
Gagott68
August 20th, 2007 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

Luann: The return of Z Cavarrichi. The horror! I’m still waiting for TJ to complete his slogan:

Proud and Flashy
Neat and Classy
Gay and Sassy
Sugar and Spike
August 20th, 2007 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

fwmarrrfsh oompgloggle dweestnopp*

* The look of ennui on the face of the equipment driver in panel 3 of Mark Trail today is quite impressive.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
August 20th, 2007 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

“told you” dammit! Stupid non-poofreading keyboar!
AhClem
August 20th, 2007 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

If it turns out that Michael enjoys a bowl of LeadPaintFlakes ™ with his kids every morning, that would explain a lot. Especially his writing.
Maughta
August 20th, 2007 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

Oh, boy, I saw Luann this morning and just prayed that you’d give it the old CC treatment. Thanks, Josh, you’ve made my Monday!
TB Tabby
August 20th, 2007 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

Personally, I think the stains are baby food rather than vomit. Doesn’t really make a difference, though; it still wasn’t funny.
MJ1066
August 20th, 2007 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

Luann: I’m not going to complain about TJ’s clothes, because I’m glad that Greg Evans at least temporarily dropped the “stupid Luann and smart Bernice” plot line. It’s nice to get a break from “Bernice smacks down Luann” strips (see my previous post #209 in the “Three for Saturday” thread, where I told about my former classmate that Bernice reminds me of). I wonder what TJ is up to now?
SecretMargo
August 20th, 2007 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

74: D O’F: I agree to a certain point, but the reason why I’m so very infatuated with GT and can’t quite bring myself to stand Pibgorn has to do with the attitude each comic’s respective brand of nonsense exudes. GT is endearing to me because it seems so sure that it’s making logical, straightforward sense — I think today’s apparent psychotic break is the result of attempting to inject a little “mystery” into the action, which the creators are apparently unaware is already barely decipherable. The result is like the final act of a Murder, She Wrote episode starring broken mannequins manipulated by puppeteers passing the time in an ineffective rehab facility, but one gets the feeling that these addicts really want us to understand their halting, awkward saga, making me willing to gleefully play along.

Pibgorn, on the other hand, seems to have a real bedrock of logic under it, and I think I might even understand where this may be going, but Brooke is being so deliberately elliptical and piecemeal in his presentation that it reminds me of a first year philosophy grad student who responds to everything with a smiling, obscure reference, chuckling because he (and it is always a he) knows what he’s talking about and is enjoying the agonizing process of revealing to the benighted idiots around him the painfully pretentious web of allusions and in-jokes that makes the damn thing hang together. This makes it hard for me to appreciate the sometimes exquisite art through my blinding desire to kick him in the nuts.
Groddeck
August 20th, 2007 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

Fortunately I never spoke my vow against necroposting out loud, so here is something from the last thread for the NY’er caption contest:

“Does this make me look fat?”
FreshHell
August 20th, 2007 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

FOOB:What’s her name’s rationalization for settling for a cringing douche like Anthony sounds a lot like what she would say about the “perfectly good” hair drier or tupperware container she pulled out of the neighbor’s trash. “It’s a wonderful [hair drier] and they just threw it away. Just threw it away.”

What a fine basis on which to predicate a lifetime commitment.
gh
August 20th, 2007 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

#96 SecretMargo –

Hear, hear!
He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus
August 20th, 2007 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

I can’t remember which of the not-Margo girls he was hitting on, but I can only hope that I’m A Docent is going to make an appearance, too.

Speaking of Margo (see what I did there?), I recently picked up Spoon’s new album Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga, and one of the songs on a bonus CD that accompanied it is called Mean Mad Margaret. I’m not certain what the actual lyrics are (besides, of course, “Mean Mad Margaret”) but it’s a lot of fun all the same.
John Robie
August 20th, 2007 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

Luann – as far as Pantsgate is concerned – props to SecretMargo, my first thought was Charlie Brown also – though I was thinking more Charlie Brown meets Ferris Bueller. High-waisted pleated pants, can concievably look good, but only if you’re Gene Kelly. Though to be fair, low rise pants are pretty unflattering to anyone lacking washboard abs.

A3G – Leaving aside the question of how long it will take for Gary to offer Tommie his “solution package,” panel 2 makes it clear that Tommie doesn’t really have to choose between these two winners, she can just pick one and when she gets bored with him, pull off his hair LEGO-style, slap the other’s down and have a whole new boyfriend.
Donald TheAnarchist
August 20th, 2007 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

LuAnn I view it as a hopeful sign that neither Brad or TJ has any active sexual drive. Maybe Brad’s parents should offer to pay for a vasectomy (or a castration). I’m sure Toni Dakota is destined for a career in porn; the name alone condemns her. Then Brad and TJ can sit around eating Cheetos and drinking sodas for the next 20 yars, until the diabetes sets in. Then they can live out their golden years checking each other’s blood sugar levels and remembering the time Brad got a girl to talk to him…
FreshHell
August 20th, 2007 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

Liz! That’s it, Liz.
Trotzenbonnie
August 20th, 2007 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

TJ, let me show you how to really rock that look….

http://www.lambiek.net/artists/f/flenniken_shary/flenniken_bonnietrots.gif

Now give me back my pants!
Donald TheAnarchist
August 20th, 2007 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

FOOB So does “friendship” have any boundaries other than “nothing that gets me pregnant?” Or is it that Liz can say they’re “just friends” until she gets pregnant, at which point it’s “true love.” One of these days, someone is going to need to print a Patterson’s version of “The Rules” although the best one I can think of is, “Never date a Patterson.”

Oh, who am I kidding? I’d go roadside with April in a second, if she’d have me.
FreshHell
August 20th, 2007 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

FOOB, again. Snarky bizarre ethnic girl’s advice is more pointed than LJ probably intended. Carrying through with the “recycling” trope, she is advising Liz to put Anthony and the kid out on the curb for pick-up on trash day. Sort with cardboard.

That’s some good advice there.
Rooser the Bruiser
August 20th, 2007 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

Could Al Scaduto have more control over fashion choices than any of us realize?

…and Josh himself wins for COTW!
AtomicDog
August 20th, 2007 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

104 Trotzenbonnie – You have no Idea how many years I read that strip and thought that Bonnie was a boy…
Scherzo
August 20th, 2007 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

Re: Marvin

Oh, it’s NOT vomit, Josh. Just sprayed mashed and strained baby food (which has greater fabric dying properties than anything modern science can produce).

My baby sister had the most innocent-looking chubby checks, but they were merely an extra-large spray reservoir. My mom would be shovelin’ it in, not really noticing that Lil C. wasn’t actually swallowing, then the vile thing would spew everything back at my mom, covering absolutely all surfaces within a 6-foot range. The feeding would escalate (more food, more spew, more spanking, more crying (this was actually my mom who was crying), repeat ad nauseum,. A cleanup would take 3 to 4 hours (Mom crying the whole time) at which point it was basically time to start over again with “feeding the baby.”

There are some very good reasons that our parents stopped with 2 kids.
Whippersnapper
August 20th, 2007 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

73 bats- You’re right, I forgot that crapped drawers from a Patterson are better than a soliloquy worthy of Shakespeare from a non-Patterson. What on Earth was I thinking?
Junior Tracy
August 20th, 2007 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

TJ is clearly auditioning for a slot in Hall and Oates which, given that it’s Luann, he might get.

I usually don’t see why you waste time with Luann, but this one would have been hard to pass up.
AhClem
August 20th, 2007 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

#102 – Donald TheAnarchist
Actually, her name is Toni Daytona (I’m ashamed that I know this). It still works very well as a porn name, though.
TaxiGirl
August 20th, 2007 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

A glance at Luann today had me convinced that Ellen DeGeneres was doing a guest appearance. Only closer inspection of the little head and then actually reading the text, clued me in to T.J.’s New Look.

But it’s refreshing to see the strip assert that even imitation-lesbian-TV-show-hosts flip for Cheetos. Mmmm, cheet. Mmm, o.
Artie Adams
August 20th, 2007 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

I’m not so worried about TJ’s outfit so much as the apparent tumour sprouting out of his right elbow. Unless he’s somehow managed to stash *two* packs of smokes in that sleeve.
MJ1066
August 20th, 2007 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

#111:”Why do you waste time with Luann?” is a good question. I’m considering not reading Luann when it’s a “Luann talking to Bernice and getting smacked down by Bernice” strip. I could just glance at it quickly, and not read it if I see Bernice with that smug look on her face.
willethompson
August 20th, 2007 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

A3G seen from the perspective of Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom:

While I watch from the safety of the blind, the two males circle each other warily, knowing that the female will mate only with the victor of the coming struggle.

The alpha brown pelt moves first, probing the soft underbelly of his adversary by seeming ignorance of his status within the pack.

The yellowhead maintains postion with a confusing high-pitched yap that attempts to imitate an alpha male’s bark!

However, the brown knows crap when he hears it and snaps at the poseur’s throat. The yellowhead backs away, admitting his inferior status and allowing the alpha male the prize of the female, who immediately goes into estrus. He will later be neutered by my assistant Jim, who is off-camera fighting for his life against a 42 year old unmarried radiologist.

The alpha doctor protects his right of primus noctus through verbal intimidation of the geek. You can protect your young with Mutual of Omaha!
Hysterical Woman
August 20th, 2007 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

M4R!N: Given Jeff’s dead look, I’d bet he just doesn’t care anymore about appearance after raising the same infant for 15 years. It’s surprising he’s lasted this long.
Cathy: Any technology that Guisewite doesn’t understand is geeky.
Curtis: What’s so insulting about giving someone a ten for something that cost $9.98 and asking them to keep the change? What, did Michelle want tax? Oh wait, that probably is the joke.
Drunk Duck: Teachers don’t use small group discussion to buy free time. That’s what film strips/videos are for.
Pluggers: I thought a Plugger facial was when they ate a sandwich with too much mayo.
The Divine O’F
August 20th, 2007 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

96 Secret Margo, you are such a terrific writer. Your description of I(?)GT is pure poetry, and IMHO more than the strip deserves. As for Pibgorn: “This makes it hard for me to appreciate the sometimes exquisite art through my blinding desire to kick him in the nuts.” Well said, my friend! And also more than Brooke deserves, also IMHO. Furthermore, I am losing patience with the art. He is so in love with his own drawing that I sometimes want to retch.

116 willethompson: BWAHAHAHA!
Big Sims
August 20th, 2007 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

Oh, another attempt at getting my snark back with a multi-snark!

Luann- I thought TJ’s outfit was a nod to Charlie Brown.

S-M- Spidy’s being sarcastic in the third panel, right?

H&L- Oh fuck, the ‘job-jar’ is back. I hate that thing. Of all the passive-aggressive crap. Just do what’s expected of you or what needs to be done without anyone having to ask you, or plead, or leave little ‘honey-dos’

SFx- I’m waiting for the Count to offer to ‘dry their clothes’ and train the laser on that meddling Fox n’ Mouse duo and let rip with all the power the 120 volt laser blaster can deliver.

Crankshaft- Jesus Lord! I hope her teeth are cleaning on the bed-stand, G-Maw looks ready to bite in the third panel. Batuik has a talent for drawing snarly as well as ironic death smirks too!

FC- Because the speed limit is 70 MPH in most states, that’s why your being passed. Or maybe pops is just rattled AFTER HIS NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE YESTERDAY! Expect some adherence to safe driving practices for at least the next week for Christ’s sake.

Cathy- I think someone pointed this out, but don’t Blackberrys ‘call home to mama’ and back themselves up periodically? Really Irving, the last thing you need to worry about is looking like a dork.

FOOB- I’m not touching this.

GT- SecretMargo in post 96 says it all. That’s COTYear award material. I have a (totally non-sexual, nothing creepy or weird) crush on SecretMargo.
Spotted HØrse
August 20th, 2007 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

#96 SecretMargo: I just wanna beat Brooke senseless with a flabby weeniecycle. I’m sure that he kicks ass as a musician, and the dude can draw, but he ANNOYS.

Initially, I was drawn by the intriguigingly lewd art of Pibgorn. Now I look on it as slick visual blather with a cryptic narrative… like pretentious, arty films of the late sixties. Because of this, I can’t even enjoy the art for sake of naughtiness. The sight of the succubus chick slobbing the knob of tweedyboy’s pommel is disgustipatin’ to me.
GoBobbyGo
August 20th, 2007 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

Luann: TJ’s get-up is certainly ridiculous, but I think it bears some resemblance to something Vanessa Williams’ assistant on Ugly Betty would wear. Maybe all this cooking business the other week was a rear-guard play for Brad?

Re: Blondie: Anyone ever read a book called Kings of Infinite Space? I’ve read it. I’m not proud. But today’s Blondie REALLY reminds me of it

@ Darkefang (#8) – it’s taken me all this time to realize that the initials of Mallard Fillmore are M.F. How appropriate.

@Sanity Clause (#18) – I’m pretty sure lighting a fire in Lake Tahoe this time of year would get you arrested.

And poor Slylock Fox – having to go out and get a job at Toothpaste for Dinner
4EvahFan
August 20th, 2007 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

FOOB: I like Candace. I think she’s the only one who can attempt to make the Patterson’s look in the mirror. But because she isn’t enamored by their entire being, Lynn has to draw her like a sea hag. If she hung on every word Lizard spoke, would her nose be more human, would her hair be less insane? Truly, she’s looking like the love child of Lovey Saltzman and Mira Sobinski in that last frame. Poor Candace — she speaketh the truth and get draweth the worst.
bobbaloo (aka bob byrd)
August 20th, 2007 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

Did TJ just say he was “out and proud”? That may expalin why he’s always hanging around Fireman Brad
Poteet
August 20th, 2007 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

# 74 — Divine, it’s nice to hear about other people who like snakes. I don’t hug them or anything, but I’m always happy to see them, and stop to move them off roads when I can. I do hope that MT will have some regard for my nerves this time and not do another endless adorable-animal-in-peril sequence. My system is stressed enough because Max and the Keane Family survived.
Poteet
August 20th, 2007 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

# 122 — 4EvahFan, I suspect that another reason Candace may be doomed to look freakish is because, as I recall, she (gasp!) doesn’t want to have children. In the Foobiverse, that puts her in the Outer Orbit of Weirdness.
Dean Booth
August 20th, 2007 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

Lots of great NYer captions — the CCer entries are much funnier than what makes the cut. My shot: “I forgot my briefs.” After reading some more comments, I see I stepped on somebody’s use of briefs. Mea culpa.

Oh, and my submission last month was “On longer flights, he has to buy two seats.” Better than the two-seat caption they picked, if I might toot my own germ.
Poteet
August 20th, 2007 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

# 96 — SecretMargo, I deeply bow. Several times in succession.
Bunnë
August 20th, 2007 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

What’s missing in TJ’s outfit is the pegged trousers that would clearly mark him as coming out of 1985 — or more accurately, coming out of the same fashion-addled minds that drew the Beyonder in Marvel’s secret Wars II series from 1985-86. Ok, pegged trousers plus a leather jacket with epaulets and random straps here and there.

OK I take it back; what TJ’s outfit says is “I went to the Goodwill and let a blind man dress me.”
jules
August 20th, 2007 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

Marvin: I like the implication that Marvin managed to puke only on Dad’s tie (note the completely spot-free shirt behind the tie). Believe me, babies don’t have that kind of control. Clearly, Marvin puked on the tie before Dad put it on, and Dad, defeated by the daily rat-race and the knowledge that his son is a cynical, sardonic little monster, put the tie on anyway and trudged off to the cubicle.

A3G: Gary quite suddenly looks like John Denver. And I am very sorry to insult a dead man (a dead man that I like, I might add) in such a manner, but Gary? Especially in panel one? Seriously looks like John Denver. Sorry, John.

Luann: TJ’s Charlie-Brown sweater-vest is totally stylin, dudes. Don’t tell me y’all aren’t jealous of his fashion sense, which will soon be covered in Cheeto dust.
Dean Booth
August 20th, 2007 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

Another NYer caption: “I told you not to kiss me goodbye!”
The Divine O’F
August 20th, 2007 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

Poteet, I adore snakes. I have a couple of pix on my blog of kingsnakes. The big snake is in the most recent post (reached by clicking on my name). The little bitty one is on an earlier post at http://backyardbirds.blogspot.com/2007_06_01_archive.html

I agree that I’m not sure my nerves can take another story of adorable animals in peril….
True Fable
August 20th, 2007 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

#128 Bunne w/ umlats – !! “I went to the Goodwill and let a blind man dress me.”? Bwahaha! That’s wondermas.

#96 SecretMargo – Wondermas plus.
Vince M.
August 20th, 2007 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

8,13 – I’d say Anthony is the human equivalent of the particleboard shelf left and picked up from the curb a few times with the wood-grain laminate surface blistering and the particleboard swelling from exposure to rain with a sort of kennel-smell to it.
Interceptor
August 20th, 2007 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

So, Liz’s lovelife is the emotional equivalent to eating from the dumpster… what’s new?
Slither
August 20th, 2007 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

Luann: If TJ’s outfit is a look at how men will be attired in the future, who decided that the Fred Mertz look was back in?
dimestore lipstick
August 20th, 2007 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

#5, no springs

I thought the exact same thing

when I saw TJ’s pants.
AeroSquid
August 20th, 2007 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

At least today’s FW is blissfully cancer-free:

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1108/1187864836_e861497ebb_o.jpg
Slither
August 20th, 2007 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

Marvin: Actually, we’re all missing the real question posed by today’s strip: Why was Marvin being fed Gerber Strained Peas for breakfast? No matter, I like the camouflage pattern he achieved.
Jamus The Bartender
August 20th, 2007 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

85. and 92. Amen and hallelujah. I forsee a future when Francoise and Robin start middle school, Robin’s “running” projector in the AV club, picking his nose, while Francoise and her mean girl “Francoisettes” club are watching him, one of them asks, “Francoise, is that your cousin Robin?” Francie of course denies it faster than Saint Peter denied Christ….it comes up on Thanksgiving what Francoise did to her sweet cousin Robin, a stammering Anthony blames it on her birth mother’s genes, and Francoise is forced to eat the Turkey day leavings out in the backyard on Farley’s grave.
He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus
August 20th, 2007 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

137: Is that… is that a Terry Pratchett reference in FW? God bless you, Batiuk.
Old Man Muffaroo [Kip W: certified!]
August 20th, 2007 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

Just popping in without reading comments (yet! must wait until daughter is down for the night) to mention that a friend has a real vintage Dagwood (original art, at that) up on his page to compare with the present incarnation of the strip. Not to pan the present art team, of course.

As to the disparaging comments about black sweater vests, I look down at a spot within arm’s reach, pick up a sweater vest of dark color, and note with relief that it’s really not black, but a very dark, dark, dark blue, or perhaps an ultra-charcoal hue.
rich
August 20th, 2007 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

FBOW: “It’s still ‘friendship’”…

Uh, didn’t Granthony propose yesterday, albeit in the wimpiest fashion possible (”Is willing to make a lifelong commitment…”)? And didn’t Loserbreath give him a de facto “Yes” with that cornball necktie-yank-and-kiss? Sure looked like a done deal to me.
Jamus The Bartender
August 20th, 2007 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

119 H and L: Conversely, you could always do as I did when I was a kid and fuck things up from hell to breakfast so badly I was forced to sit down and not do anything. My youngest sister would learn this trick too.
AeroSquid
August 20th, 2007 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

137: Batiuk ? Batiuk ?
AeroSquid
August 20th, 2007 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

140: Yes that is a TP reference. I just finished ‘Guards ! Guards !’ today.
AhClem
August 20th, 2007 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

#124, 131 -
Another snake-o-phile here. A friend with a large reptile collection has a California King snake that looks a lot like the one on Divine O’F’s blog. She also has corn snakes, a Chinese water dragon, three bearded dragons and some turtles (including a painted turtle named “Fluffy.” Really.) Three cats round out the menagerie.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
August 20th, 2007 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

Dang, you people write a lot of comments.

Anyway… re: NYer contest: Nobody seems to be picking up on the fact that Naked Guy is not looking at Couch Woman, but at something behind her. What? Nothing’s there. So I submitted this caption:

“Something’s different. Did you paint?”

I dunno, I just think it’s funnier if the caption totally ignores the fact that he’s naked. Much of Monty Python’s humor was based on such situations of treating the ridiculous as though it were normal. Eh, maybe it’s just me. Anyway, here are my alternative, non-submitted ideas:

“Odd, usually the dog greets me at the door.”
“Hey, where’s the credenza?”
“Ah… I’m in the wrong apartment again, aren’t I?”
“Do I smell paella?”
“Honey, I hope you don’t mind, but the boss is coming over for dinner.”

Anyone who doesn’t think these ideas are totally lame may feel free to adopt them as their own.
apostate
August 20th, 2007 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

Weirdly Dark isn’t the most fashionable color choice, but it’s way better than the appalling Slylock Red.
J'Freak
August 20th, 2007 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

Marvin: I’m pretty sure that if your child had been an infant for 20+ years, you’d have given up, too.
FreshHell
August 20th, 2007 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

As Jamus (139) suggests, the future for the Foobs is indeed bleak and barren. Emotionally crippled adults raising future ax-murderers, bed-wetters and abusers of inflatable women.

Especially poor sad Liz and the odious Anthony. Ask yourself – can any member of that pathetic trio hope for a future that is not utterly without joy or fulfillment of any kind? If we knew such a couple in real life, wouldn’t we be compelled to alert the Child Welfare Service of the imminent risk of emotional harm to the so-far innocent child?

What if everyone is wrong about LJ? What if she isn’t the warm, Canada-y, family values-y, hearth and home, softy everyone thinks. What if she is truly a black and tormented spirit whose macabre, nightmarish visions of the future are thinly concealed within these seemingly pleasant stories of attractive, everyday people? Wouldn’t that be super?
Rainbird
August 20th, 2007 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

147 The Spectacular Spider-Brick I vote for the “someting’s Different” one and Huntingbyrd votes for “wrong appartment.” She said that made her laugh, a sure sign that the people at the New Yorker won’t get it.

We just got to carpet bomb the New Yorker until one of us gets in.

Did you submit any of them?
Fascinated by (some) Comic Women
August 20th, 2007 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

9 Chickweed Lane: If Edda showed up at my door in the middle of the night and the word “vulgar” were mentioned, my wildest fantasies would be fulfilled shortly thereafter. Well maybe not – Juliet would have to be with her for my wildest fantasies to be fulfilled.
rich
August 20th, 2007 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

Predictions…

Therese will return, ostensibly to visit her daughter. She’ll carelessly discard her cigarette and “accidentally” burn down the Liz-and-Manthony lovenest. Impulsively, Liz will race back inside the burning building to retrieve The Moustache — which is kept in a bell jar beside the “friendship” bed.

Meanwhile, “Francie” and Manthony will die of smoke inhalation in their basement barracks.

Liz will fulfill her lifelong destiny and, at long last, join the convent.
Keg of Curd
August 20th, 2007 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

That gormless, slackjawed look on Tommie’s face as she stares directly between the two objets du désir is exactly what I have always imagined on the face of Buridan’s ass, as it slowly and uncomprehendingly starves to death.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
August 20th, 2007 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

Does anyone else think that Marvin’s dad looks like Conrad Bain?
Scherzo
August 20th, 2007 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

96. Secret Margo

Pibgorn, on the other hand, seems to have a real bedrock of logic under it, and I think I might even understand where this may be going, but Brooke is being so deliberately elliptical and piecemeal in his presentation that it reminds me of a first year philosophy grad student who responds to everything with a smiling, obscure reference, chuckling because he (and it is always a he) knows what he’s talking about and is enjoying the agonizing process of revealing to the benighted idiots around him the painfully pretentious web of allusions and in-jokes that makes the damn thing hang together. .

BRAVO! Bravo!

That expresses my thoughts very well. Now I don’t have to write it for myself!
:-)
albuqwirkymom
August 20th, 2007 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

#8 – I’m pretty sure that makes Anthony the human equivalent of particleboard.

Win. Shiny new internet for you.
fizzy logic
August 20th, 2007 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

#147 – Brick – I think your captions are hilarious, love the Pythonesque humor angle and agree with the fact that he’s not looking at her. But we are an embittered bunch, having submitted subtle and clever, only to be passed over for the obvious and clunky. So I think we need to cover the whole spectrum. I like all of ours much better than what they end up with anyway, so it’s more fun this way.

#155 – Whatchu talkin ’bout, Skullturf?

Sorry, had to do it.
AeroSquid
August 20th, 2007 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

Noooooooooooo !!!!!!

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1186/1188418558_a92d4f9029_o.jpg
Jorge Barnes
August 20th, 2007 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

Luann: Ok, I must be missing something. 150 comments plus, and nobody has pointed out that this is the exact style people wore 15 years ago on Beverly Hills 90210? The pleats, the sweater-vest, the sideburns? Come on, people. And, incidentally, if this is style is back, please allow me to kill myself.
doc nagel
August 20th, 2007 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

I don’t know what this says about me, but it’s obvious to me that TJ’s is wearing a string tie, you know, Jed Clampett style.
alamo
August 20th, 2007 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

b-e g says: Alamo. Perhaps “financially responsible” means “buys only high quality sex toys.” Or, “keeps enough cash on hand to pay for the emergency room visit to remove the hamster.”

Your serve.

very good but i say “financially responsible” might also mean
“able to cover the cost for the shots to get rid of the std’s”, ” able to cover the cost of paying off the judge so’s your name does not appear on the list of the d.c madam’s hot line speed-dial”, “being able to pay for a year of garage cleaning — in advance!”, et al.

back to you sweetie.

furthermore i have scrolled through the entire list of yesterthread and no one picked up my glorious idea of starting a “best of alamo” weekly award, for me of course. here is notice — i have a million brilliant ideas and until one of them is picked up you might just hear them all!

regardless after reading all of your comments i still feel like a sprig among the redwoods. gosh do you think mt might do a sunday special on that?

more — our local rag in the area printed next week’s comics this past sunday. it was weird after reading the foobville follies the night before and snarking on them with b-e g and then seeing a completely different one in the paper i had to do a double take – yeah a real old-fashioned laurel and hardy d-t. not ray milland’s dt’s. that came later.

ivan — you will be fine.

there has to be more but i know most of you have checked out of this bon mot-el long ago so i will too. here is a tip to all the people who work or who have worked in housekeeping – thanks for making my stays anywhere clean and comfortable. i loves ya!
Rusty
August 20th, 2007 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

#108: How could you have read Trots for years and miss the strips were Bonnie would get nekkid? I seem to remember it happening every other month in the Lampoon.
bats :[
August 20th, 2007 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

142. Oh, rich, you cock-eyed optimist! That was no more a marriage proposal than my Aunt Fannie! Now, that Asshathony might’ve thought it was one and/or Lizardbreath accepted it as such only goes to prove just how clueless and/or desperate they are.

150. FreshHell: hey! No fair trying to compare LJ to Sylvia Plath! At least Sylvia succeeded at…um…something…

153. Rich, would it be okay with your prognostications, if after all that transpires, Therese offers Liz a home, and they create a successful and dynamic lesbian duo. Double income, no kids, one ’stache?
Uncle Lumpy
August 20th, 2007 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

#163 Rusty –

the strips were Bonnie would get nekkid

Links, God damn it!
CrabbyGenes
August 20th, 2007 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

Yesterthread, #307 Skullturf Q. Beavispants.

Fantastic! And this:

“They also serve who only snark a bit”

has become my new mantra.
Major Hoople’s Boarding House
August 20th, 2007 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

Heavy rain has been passing over the boarding house the last two days and the temperature has dropped 25 degrees. I didn’t realize it until reading today’s snarks, that I’m wearing a black sweater vest.

Oh yeahhh…Egad!
AeroSquid
August 20th, 2007 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

165. Unfortunately, when they were published in NATLAMP back in the 70’s, no one thought twice about two nekkid 14 year old girls, a randy dog and a lesbian gym teacher chasing them around with a large inflatable phallus. Let’s not even mention the time one of them decided to play ‘Sex Doctor’ and castrate a neighborhood boy. I miss that magazine !
Uncle Lumpy
August 20th, 2007 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

#167 — Major H:

Hey! You got your apostrophe back! Fap!
Prouster
August 20th, 2007 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

Jesus Christ, it’s like Jack from “Will & Grace” mugged Charlie Brown. And stole a pair of the ‘Shaft’s old-man trousers to boot.
rich
August 20th, 2007 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

108, 163: You might’ve been thrown off by the episode where Bonnie indeed got naked but was wearing the gym teacher’s dildo (National Lampoon — 10/74)

164, Bats :[ — Or, Therese, Candace and Kortney move in together, as the wacky “Girls of Apartment 3-F” (for foob?)

(Oops — almost 9:30 — gotta look for the space station!)
Uncle Lumpy
August 20th, 2007 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

#168 AeroSquid –

two nekkid 14 year old girls, a randy dog and a lesbian gym teacher

Links!
Dean Booth
August 20th, 2007 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

GT: It was the “little twerp” drummer Cliff who was writing the nasty notes to Gail. With Kaz’s extraordinary subcontracting skillz, you could hire him for any job. He lets his alien claw fingers do the walking.
AeroSquid
August 20th, 2007 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

Trots & Bonnie

http://www.marksverylarge.com/people/tandb7403.html
Andrea D and The... ah, you get the picture
August 20th, 2007 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

#159 – NICE. If we can work cancer into every comic in print, our job will be done. Well, not ours, but someone’s.

#141 – Wait, for reals? It can’t be Dagwood.
Cedar
August 20th, 2007 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

I’m a little late on this, I know, but could someone tell me the answer to Sunday’s Slylock Fox?
Forthillrox
August 20th, 2007 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

18- Sanity Clause I have been to Death Valley and it is one of my favorite places so far. I was there in May 2006 and it was over 100° in the afternoon every day, one day it was 101° and completely overcast. I too was quite disturbed by the roaring fire. I was a bit confused as well by the mule ride they took down into the valley back a little while ago, as it is an extremely wide valley perfectly accessible (and probably required in the heat of August) by automobile, not to mention, most if not all accommodations there are well inside the valley (and closed between May and October).

On another note, I was spotted by someone from here in downtown Provincetown, MA this past week while wearing my “Finger Quotin’ Margo” T-shirt. They didn’t introduce themselves, but it was clear they knew where my shirt was from.
AeroSquid
August 20th, 2007 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

#176: Cassandra Cat could not have gotten knocked up by Reeky Rat. Slylock found the condom in the…. Wait…sorry….that’s NEXT weeks edition.
Josh
August 20th, 2007 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

#176 Cedar — The boulders and other bits of the landscape in Count Weirdly’s photo cast shadows, but the Count and his spaceship did not, proving that it was all a bad Photoshop job. THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE!

Josh
IdleDandy
August 20th, 2007 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

Anthony reminds me of a friend of mine from college. He worked the Seinfeld “dating loophole” thing pretty hard. He had this way of asking a girl out where he wanted it to be a date, but he was so casual about it that she didn’t know it was a date, so she’d agree, and then he couldn’t ever figure out if it had really been a date, because is it a date if she didn’t know it was one when she agreed to it? I was the girl on one such quasi-date, and as a result, I don’t know whether my first date was with him, or a different guy later that year.

Anyway, I can see Anthony thinking he asked Liz to marry him, and she doesn’t know she’s agreed to marry him, and eventually they’re living together, but he never has any idea whether to call her his fiancée…

Blondie did make me laugh today, what with Dag staring around the corner all surreptitious-like. However, it would have been funnier had the snack machine been empty.

NYer: I have played the game, inspired by other CCers, of pretending that every single NYer cartoon is captioned, “Christ, what an asshole!” Then no matter what I or anyone else comes up with, “Christ, what an asshole!” is always funnier.

Maybe something simple like, “Oops. I almost forgot my keys.”

I’m quite chagrined at the winner of the dog/cat caption. “Don’t worry; they’ll never build it” was much funnier.

Hi & Lois: the sun in the last panel looked like a thought-balloon-connector. I thought Hi & Lois were actually sharing thoughts.

139. Well, you know, Francie and Robin aren’t blood-related. I say he’ll be pulling her pigtails by nursery school. What a perfect way to keep it in the family without the messy genetic implications.

Does anyone else think that Marvin’s dad looks like Conrad Bain?
Oh my God! Now I can’t not see it.

I’m a little late on this, I know, but could someone tell me the answer to Sunday’s Slylock Fox?
Something about shadows?
willethompson
August 20th, 2007 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

#179 Josh: As someone who PhotoShopped the original moon landing photos (and it was a beta version for Apple II only), I take exception to…

oops.
True Fable
August 20th, 2007 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

#165 & 172 Uncle Lumpy – AH HAHAHA!! UL, that’s going to send me off to work with a devilishly cheerful laugh!
Zamboni_Rodeo
August 20th, 2007 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

NYer caption contest: I came up with this one after I’d already entered a submission, and I can’t re-enter, so if someone else wants to use it, feel free. Just be sure to share the love if it wins. :-)

“I’m considering resigning as house counsel for the nudist colony.”
LTBF
August 20th, 2007 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

Foob-When they were talking in the park, they said they wanted to take it slow, “after what happened at the wedding”. I’d hardly call two people in their mid 20s sneaking off to kiss and walk “getting out of hand”.

Now Liz is insinuating nothing happened after “Check, please”. Unless she subscribes to the same “Don’t kiss and tell anyone, even your best frieds” that April does, she is lying.

BTW, did Cathy and Irving ever have sex before they got married?
True Fable
August 20th, 2007 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

#184 LTBF Cathy and Irving have no known sex organs.
Red Greenback
August 20th, 2007 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

IdleDandy @180:
Slylock was working with the CIA and ex-KGB agents who planted a chip in Count Weirdly’s left buttock back in 1965. A group effort tracking the Weirdly chip’s frequency left no doubt that the Count never left planet earth.
Old Man Muffaroo [Kip W: certified!]
August 20th, 2007 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

Chris @10 – re Barfwell, in TDIET: “He barfs not wisely, but too well.”

Sweet Pea @32 – Maybe TJ’s working his way back to the ‘collegiate’ look of John Held, Jr. Soon he’ll be parting his hair with pomade, sporting bell bottoms, carrying a tennis racket, and calling Brad “Shadow” (while using slang terms like “the berries” and “the bee’s knees”).
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
August 20th, 2007 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

Other cartoon characters who look like real people:

Leroy Lockhorn and Dennis Franz

Loretta Lockhorn’s brunette friend and Maya Rudolph

Peter Griffin and Michael Moore

Beavis and Sting
IdleDandy
August 20th, 2007 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

John Clayton on ESPN looks just like Gyro Gearloose.
benro
August 20th, 2007 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

National Lampoon had the greatest comics ever. That magazine (and the radio show) had a tremendous influence on me.
AeroSquid
August 20th, 2007 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

#190: I used to hide mine under the bed during my early teen years. That magazine shaped my morals and made me the man I am today.

Sincerely,

Inmate 44534
Boca Maria Medium Security Facility
Boca Maria, FL
Bobchillingworth
August 20th, 2007 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

Marvin’s father is Joel Hodgson?
True Fable
August 20th, 2007 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

#190 Benro – I had in my possession the Mona Gorilla issue, but the ravages of time, moving, and divorce left the copy only God knows where.

In fact, He’s probably reading it right now for all I know.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
August 20th, 2007 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

Kelly from Gil Thorp looks like Marilyn Quayle

Ted Forth looks like Conan O’Brien (it helps, too, that Conan often makes self-deprecating remarks about his not being the paragon of hypermasculine studliness)

Changing topics, did anyone else notice that today’s Archie got the joke wrong? If you want to make sure you’re on time for things, you change your clocks so they’re running late. (Or is that the joke? It could be, but I think they just messed up.)
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 20th, 2007 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

The question is, who is the weakest member of this herd, destined to be culled by Dagwood’s razor-sharp teeth?
Hm. It’s a competitive field. Offhand I’d have to say the guy in the yellow shirt. Definitely has the “straggling gazelle” vibe.
The coke-bottle-glasses man would be slow getting away, but I think he’d also be determined to take his attacker down with him. He may also be packing heat.
AhClem
August 20th, 2007 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

Somewhere in the basement are a couple of boxes containing most of the first 4 or 5 years of National Lampoon, including the classic High School Yearbook parody. All this talk of NL is going to force me to wade through the cobwebs and uncover those old treasures.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
August 20th, 2007 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

#189 IdleDandy — holy crap, you’re right!
LTBF
August 20th, 2007 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

Since when does Dagwood bring his lunch? I thought he always went to that diner. Or can he not get through the day without a midmorning sandwich?
Baboo
August 20th, 2007 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

Oh Look! TJ in Luann is Charlie Brown all growed up. How sad.
Red Greenback
August 20th, 2007 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

Ivan Lermolieff-What up Paisano? hope things are getting better for you! Drop us a message here soon.
Rosso Verdedorso
Poteet
August 20th, 2007 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

# 131 — Divine, what a bee-yootiful kingsnake. Thanks for the photo.

# 146 — AhClem, I admire your snake-o-phile-ism. And wow, in just a few hours we might know what the mysterious grass-moving MT creature is. Or in a few days. Or in a couple of weeks.
April
August 20th, 2007 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

time travel complete! Yes, I’ve finally got to grade my summer-session class, since I’ve caught up on the archives. (I was net-dead over the weekend.) I just felt I had to share that, though there are normally too many comments here for me to read, and thus, by my own logic, this is quite an unlikely-to-be-read comment.
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 20th, 2007 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

Another idea for the NY’er contest:

“Honey, I just got through the toughest contract negotiation of my life.”

Eh, it could probably be better.
Uncle Lumpy
August 20th, 2007 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

#194 SQB –

If you want to make sure you’re on time for things, you change your clocks so they’re running late.

You’re quite sure about that?

Then again, I’m the guy who thought white and yellow dandelions were different kinds.
Red Greenback
August 20th, 2007 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

NYer caption: “Honey, where did I leave my condoms?”
fizzy logic
August 20th, 2007 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

#180 – IdleDandy – I like “Oops, almost forgot my keys.” I think you should submit it. They’ll never pick “Christ, what an asshole”, but I agree with you, the all-purpose caption and almost always funny.
nemryn
August 20th, 2007 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

What, still no mention of Sunday’s Pearls Before Swine? That was genius.
MonkeyHawk
August 20th, 2007 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

Test-driving a New Yorker submission:

“Turns out the smaller attache case would have worked.”
LTBF
August 20th, 2007 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

My favorite part of Pearls was when Rat said the soap strips end with “Some idiot staring at the phone”. Then he almost forces Pig to be the one with he phone.
Old Man Muffaroo [Kip W: certified!]
August 20th, 2007 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

I, eh, posted this to the wrong day, so I’ll just be a jerk and repost my possible NYCC captions from the previous thread:

1 “I’m back. I decided to lose the shoes.”

2 “What was in that pill? All day long, I’ve had to hold my briefcase up here!”

3 “Methought I was,—and methought I had,—but man is but a patched fool, if he will offer to say what methought I had.”

4 “Did I have a towel when I left?”

5 “Why’s all our stuff out in the hall?”

6 “I’m back. The ‘naval attache’ gag didn’t go over so well.”

7 “Mind if I hurry? I have a lot more telegrams to deliver.”

8 “Coo-coo! Coo-coo! Two o’clock!”

9 “Nothin’ up my sleeve!”

10 “Honey, I forgot to wear my clothes and I was all naked and stuff! Pretty wild, huh?”

11 “Whoa, deja vu!”

12 “S’alright? S’alright!”

13 “They pelted us with stones and garbage.”

14 “I want a bigger briefcase.”

Okay, I confess, the first one is the one I’ve thought of entering. #11 is also available in the form, “Christ, what a… whoa! Deja vu!” I’ve read so many captions today, I hope I haven’t put somebody else’s up there.
walt
August 20th, 2007 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

It may be a dangerous opinion around here, but I thought Sunday’s FBOW was pretty good, funny and touching.
I’ll duck now.
Poteet
August 20th, 2007 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

# 211 — walt, you have plenty of company over on the Coffee Talk section of the official Foob site. Here, not so much.
Major Hoople’s Boarding House
August 20th, 2007 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

# 169 – Thanks Uncle Lumpy.

The apostrophe charactor in a reply name acts weird in most computers and browsers. When a reply is previewed, a \ appears before the apostrophe in the reply name. Preview a second time 3 \ appear. Preview again – 7 \, than another preview – 15 \.

It happens in:
Windows – - IE 7, Opera
Linux (Ubuntu) — Firefox, Opera
Macintosh — Safari

But the reply name stays the same in Macintosh Opera! Why does it work here?

Paf, Hrumf!
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
August 20th, 2007 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

Ivan, it will probably come as no consolation at all to hear that almost the identical situation happened to me about 11 years ago. Except that she got the house. You probably feel nobody’s words of reassurance are likely to help you right now, including mine. The only thing that will truly help is time. Things do get better, though. Much better.

As for your wish to trade apartments with Detroit… alas, I think this is an outgrowth of America’s image problem abroad. People who get their impression of this country from television, or from brief visits to touristy spots, think America is a beautiful, clean, polite, safe and modern place. The truth is, there are places in America that are ugly, filthy, rude, dangerous or backwards. Luckily, very few places are all of those things at once.

That said, welcome to one of the most civilized corners of the Internet.
Tweeks_Coffee
August 20th, 2007 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

#147 – SSB: “I dunno, I just think it’s funnier if the caption totally ignores the fact that he’s naked.”

I definitely agree with you on that one. I just don’t generate those kinds of captions since it seems the NYer isn’t big on the oblique stuff like that.

Meantime, it took me about 20 minutes to finally be able to get here because my home computer picked up a virus. So between that and the active scan going on right now, the internet is pretty much inoperative.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
August 20th, 2007 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

Maj. Hoople @ 213: Interesting progression, that.

0
+2^0 = 1
+2^1 = 3
+2^2 = 7
+2^3 = 15

Or looked at another way:
2^0 – 1 = 0
2^1 – 1 = 1
2^2 – 1 = 3
2^3 – 1 = 7
2^4 – 1 = 15

Would I be correct in assuming that the next few totals would be 31, 63 and 127?
fizzy logic
August 20th, 2007 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

ALL our captions are funnier than what they will pick, trust me. I’m thinking another one along the lines of “Did you ever have one of those dreams where you show up for work naked?”, but I’m not really sure how to make it funnier. Just for you, not for the New Yorker, because I’ve already submitted one for them and they’re not worthy of teh funny.
Josh
August 20th, 2007 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

#213 Major Hoople — Part of the problem is that you are using a “curly” quote as your apostrophe. This is not part of the standard character set and not all of the computers that your name passes through (which include the server that holds the blog content) understand it. To avoid problems, just use a plain old straight-up-and-down quote, the kind you get by just pressing the button to the right of the colon/semicolon key on your keyboard.

#214 SSB — Speaking of image problems … there are many Americans who assume that many places in America are ugly, filthy, rude, dangerous or backwards, particularly if those places are not gleaming suburbs. But those of us who live on those places might beg to differ. And some cities that have particularly ugly, filthy, rude, dangerous or backwards areas all get tarred with the same brush, when those of us who live there know that many parts of them are beautiful, funky, energetic, culturally diverse, and great to live in.

Hope this doesn’t sound pissy. I’ve never been to Detroit, but I do live in Baltimore — in actual Baltimore, not the ‘burbs — and many people hear “Baltimore” and say ” OH MY GOD I WATCH THE WIRE HOW IS IT THAT YOU HAVEN’T BEEN SHOT?” There are places in Baltimore I wouldn’t go at night — heck, there are places I wouldn’t go during the day — but I don’t live in those places, and it’s overall a great city to live in. Faithful reader Cornwhacker said that she lived in and loves Detroit and was tired of the Detroit-bashing; maybe we should listen to a local?

(Apologies if I totally misinterpreted you and you were not in fact referring to Detroit as ugly, filthy, rude, dangerous or backwards.)

Josh
Rainbird
August 20th, 2007 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

Fizzy #217 Oh, that is probably the one they would pick too, as it sounds so obvious. It would be something like “I’m having one of those dreams again, right?”

Wish I knew how they picked them. Do they get drunk? Pull them out of a hat? Give up and make up their own?
IdleDandy
August 20th, 2007 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

206. Thanks, fizzy! I submitted it. I’ve been reading their archive and mine’s hella funnier than some of the winners.

207. I showed some PBS fun the other night. That strip brought me as close as anything to having Coke come out my nose. It was the way it escalated throughout the strip.

210. I like #11. They’ll never pick it, but it’s my favorite.

211. Christ, what an asshole. … Kidding! I just can’t not laugh at that line.

Here are some other all-purpose NYer captions, suitable for any cartoon:

* Now that’s taking Casual Friday too far!

* No, Bud Light!

* And the duck says, “It came with the pants!”
SecretMargo
August 20th, 2007 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

220: Don’t forget Red’s contribution to the canon: I fucking hate Mondays, which is especially apropos this week.
LTBF
August 20th, 2007 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

In Tuesday’s Foob, we learn Liz has the same table manners as her mother.
CrabbyGenes
August 20th, 2007 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

Tuesday FOOB. Uh…surely Lynn is snarking HERSELF in that last panel? There’s no way the last line could be a joke or a pun, so I have to assume that Lynn’s statement here is that Elizabeth is becoming/is already Elly, disgusting table manners and all.
Poteet
August 20th, 2007 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

# 218 — Pope Josh, regardless of whether your words were needed, I appreciate them. I grew up near Detroit, and got rather tired of the myth that the entire city was Totally Dangerous, especially when I heard the myth from Iowans who had never been in Detroit. I was amused to discover that some Iowans feel the same way about Des Moines.

I like living where I’ll never have to rediscover that I can’t parallel park, but I fully understand why many people prefer large cities with a rich variety of restaurants and cultural venues. You pays your money and you takes your choice.
IdleDandy
August 20th, 2007 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

BC: That cavechick is all about the ass.
LTBF
August 20th, 2007 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

She opens a can of bean dip to share with her guest and sticks her nose right on top of it. Then she has crumbs falling out of her mouth while talking with her mouth full. Almost as disgusting as Elly’s performance at the Sunday BBQ.

Liz was perfectly content to live out her life in the town without a vowel as the wife of Barney Fife until she found out the accent marks had left Anthony. Don’t give me this “find yourself” crap, you liked to live life on the edge, dismissing him as a childhood friend until you found out Mr. Boring was single again. After a year of lying to Paul how much you loved him when you were just waiting for an opening back home.
American Idle
August 20th, 2007 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

NonSeq – Delightfully skeevy today! “Long Pork”, the OTHER other white meat!
commodorejohn
August 20th, 2007 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

#10 Chris – “The Plugger rimjob” would have Obese Dog-Man carefully washing the whitewall tires and moonie hubcaps on his truck. I don’t know about “the Plugger Dirty Sanchez.”
SecretMargo
August 20th, 2007 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

119: Awww shucks, Big Sims! And thanks to the others who apparently share my giddy delight in GT and weary irritation with Pibgorn (not that it prevents me from checking in with it every week anyway….). How lucky I am to find an appreciative venue for my most insanely abstruse musings. Who else would even know what the [margo] I was on about?

And re: Slylock and the moon landing — I’m no astrophysicist, but my initial reaction was that the flag shouldn’t have been sticking straight out as if buffetted by strong winds if it was really on the moon. Is there wind on the moon, or does that require atmosphere? I honestly don’t know, but I was surprised at what the answer turned out to be.
LTBF
August 20th, 2007 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

I think Funky should try this gag one day (got in an e-mail)

A woman went to her doctor. The doctor, after an examination, sighed
and said, “I’ve some bad news. You have cancer, and you’d best put your
affairs in order.”

The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the
waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.

“Well daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we
celebrate when things don’t go so well. In this case, things aren’t
well. I have cancer. Let’s head to the club and have a martini.”

After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There
were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by
some of the woman’s old friends, who were curious as to what the two
were celebrating.

The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end.

“I’ve been diagnosed with AIDS.”

The friends were aghast and gave the woman their condolences.

After the friends left, the woman’s daughter leaned over and whispered,
“Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your
friends you were dying of AIDS.”

The woman said, “I know dear, I just don’t want any of those bitches
sleeping with your father after I’m gone.”
IdleDandy
August 20th, 2007 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

PBS Tuesday is NAUGHTY.
alamo
August 20th, 2007 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

i have never been to detroit and i have never been to baltimore and i can honestly say that neither place would i prefer to not live in.

including milano.
CrabbyGenes
August 20th, 2007 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

my #223. And continuing with my FOOB gripes, I am getting so, so sick of the Wizard-of Oz-final message that “there’s no place like home; I finally found myself, I now know who I am.” After only two years or so? (Or however long she was in Mit-whatever.) Give me a break!

I realize that I might not have stayed in Japan were it not for the fact that I met Mr. CrabbyGenes, but even if I had never met him, my plan was NOT to go back to my hometown and stay there forever! When I became a teacher of EFL, my plan was to travel to foreign countries and see the world. Yes, I was PLENTY homesick after my first two years in Japan, but after spending a short time at home, I would have had plans to come back or to set out to a different place!

Okay, maybe that’s just me, but I really hate the underlying messages in Lynn’s strips. We all know what they are: Stick with your own kind, your hometown boyfriend is the one for you, become clones of your parents and their lifestyle, women should be stay-at-home housewives, career-women are EVIL! EVIL!

Lynn, you are only about six years older than I am, but you act like you’re about a hundred years older.
Godzooky
August 20th, 2007 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

#162 alamo: “our local rag in the area printed next week’s comics this past sunday” Shades of “Early Edition!” Do you realize you hold the key to the Mysteries of the Pages in your hands? Does Liz nauseate? Does the Baron hail a cab? Does anyone mention he has a chip in his head? Does Dawn horsey-ride? Does Vera SOW? Does Lisa mention she has cancer? Does Spidey turn the TV back on? Most importantly, does Barretto finally get back to the boobs? C’mon, inquiring minds want to know!
Poteet
August 20th, 2007 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

# 223 — CrabbyGenes, you are right. Except that Elizabeth never even went through the funny, sarcastic,.irreverent period that Elly did, the period when many of us got hooked on the strip. Liz went straight to Older Ellyhood. Oy, suddenly I’m tired and want to go to bed.
SecretMargo
August 20th, 2007 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

FBoFWhy Can’t You Eat With Your Mouth Closed?:

Ugh, it’s like the ultimate confluence of the two womanly Pattervirtues: casual, messy gluttony and self-aggrandizing justifications for sloth. I mean, you went all the way to Mtgiwaki to discover that you break out in hives if the bean dip levels in your blood drop below a certain level?

Also, if I were Candace I’d share Shiimsa’s well-founded alarm. The roving, ravenous eye of the Patterbeast has found new prey — the next earth-toned, spit-shined chunk to spew from its lips may well be her.
alamo
August 20th, 2007 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

234 — i have thought long and hard about the difficult ethical implications of holding the incredible power of this knowledge in my head. thinking how can i benefit mankind best — revealing it now and possibly setting in motion events that would alter the course of human history? or holding back and imploding and destroying the mightiest brain known to have ever existed throughout the eons from the very beginnings of the universe?

thinking long and hard about this moral dilemma, agonizing for minutes over this decision, i have decided to go with the wishes of the highest bidder.

of course reserving the right to withdraw the offer at any time. void where prohibited by law. small print and fine legal details available upon request at an office near you. send a sase to a mail box in your closest retail outlet. check listings for further details and film at 11.
Red Greenback
August 20th, 2007 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

#221 SecretMargo: Damn! submit that bad boy!…I submitted something like…”Sorry Lady, I’m supposed to be in next month’s cartoon”
Godzooky
August 20th, 2007 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

#96 SecretMargo re: GT: On the money, expressed beautifully. Essentially, GT is the “Plan 9″ of comic strips.
Joe Btfsplk
August 20th, 2007 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth – No one is actually drawing or lettering this strip. This is the output of an advanced brainwave imaging device, capable of recording mental images and thoughts, which is plugged into the frontal lobe of an eight-year-old girl playing with her Barbie and Ken dolls and talking to herself like the people in the romance novels that her mommy keeps in the drawer of her bedside table.

That’s what I tell myself, anyway. The idea that this dismal thing is being produced by adults thinking that these characters’ speech and behaviors could seem at all plausible to the rest of us just upsets me.
dreadedcandiru2
August 21st, 2007 at 12:00 am [Reply]

FBoFW: She found out who she is, eh? Well, if she meant a younger, dumber version of Elly, she’s dead bang on.

Lusnn: Oh, how CUTE!! Brad built himself an electric chair!

FW: So, instead of cancercancercancer we get Wally going kablooey this week. Same glurge, different level of squick.
Red Greenback
August 21st, 2007 at 12:04 am [Reply]

Joe Btfsplk—-Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
Red Greenback
August 21st, 2007 at 12:09 am [Reply]

GA: Christ, what an asshole!
Joe Btfsplk
August 21st, 2007 at 12:14 am [Reply]

Mark Trail – The animals must observe environmental regulations? Mark might be just a bit confused about thow these things work. I hope noone straightens him out, though. I want to see him deliver the fist-o-justice to a bear: “You won’t be doing THAT in the woods again, mister!”
Chat Noir
August 21st, 2007 at 12:18 am [Reply]

Tuesday FOOB: Ick. But if I faced Liz’s future, I’d turn to chips and dips for comfort, too. And although Candace is the only tolerable character currently, she should be warned that cats are not neck pillows.

Also, #8 – Darkefang, Anthony might appear to be particleboard incarnate, but that stuff’s harder than he’ll ever be.
Rainbird
August 21st, 2007 at 12:23 am [Reply]

Plugger Caviar in Tuesday’s strip makes no fricking sense. It is as though the idea was written, then translated into French, and translated into Greek, then finally back into English.

I think it should have been “Plugger’s hors d’oeuvre “, as there is nothing fish-egg like about saltines and preserves, though you could say hors d’oeuvre for that, as the dictonary definition is “food or drink to stimulate the appetite (usually served before a meal or as the first course)”
True Fable
August 21st, 2007 at 12:32 am [Reply]

Marvin Again with the fart-n-poo jokes, only this time he erupts and causes a tidal wave in a wading pool. Where is it going to end, when he levels the playground after a helping of beanie weinies? This is disgusting. Change the fuckin’ water already.

FBoFW No wait; THIS is disgusting. Why is every Patterson a slob about eating? Greasy dripping burgers, spittle with every bite, and those FUCKING NOISES! God how I HATE glurpa-chompa-squirtle-slop shit, and how RELIEVED I am that Lynn left it out this time. The spittle was bad enough.
Learn some goddamn table manners, you buttmunches.

MW Another day, another grapple and mutual spit-swap. I suppose whatever Mary Worth diehards out there, those people who genuinely follow the strip breathlessly not to snark but to enjoy it (big assumption) must have been looking forward to this payoff for the poor little rich girl. Those diehards are no doubt all a-tingle at the prospect of seeing that two-timing young doctor getting his eventual comeuppance if he breaks her heart or if Dawn finds out. And if he does decide to settle down with the world’s hardest working clerk typist/ marketer, maybe the Red Hat Society of Mary Worth Devotees will have a luncheon to celebrate. That’d be kinda cute. I’ll find one and crash it.

And you know what? – I am happy for them. Genuine Mary Worth followers of the non-snarking variety have earned this week, let’s not begrudge them their happy vicarious thrill. Then again… enough is enough, Karen. Cut the crap and i’ll give you a nice little footrub, nubkins.
rich
August 21st, 2007 at 12:37 am [Reply]

AHEM…called this one, over a week ago…not that it took a genius to see it coming!

Tuesday’s Gasoline Alley
Poteet
August 21st, 2007 at 12:38 am [Reply]

MT — So the suspense is over, folks — it’s a duck. I don’t recognize the species, to put it mildly, but it’s a mommy duck. Awwww.

I would have had some idea of where the plot might go had it been an endangered plant or a threatened animal or even a special-concern-listed insect. But a mommy duck? Anything’s possible now. Maybe the mommy duck will turn out to be an Anatidaean version of Horton the Elephant, and is brooding a dodo egg.

The thought occurs that maybe the developers should have gotten a 404 permit. But if the site is a 404 wetland, they shoulda done that with or without any mommy ducks. I shall wait with bated breath to see where and how and why the Righteous Fist o’ Justice shall land its mighty blow.

By the way, don’t worry if I don’t snark much for a couple of days — gotta catch up on some stuff. Fare thee well, Mudges.
Beauregard Bugleboy
August 21st, 2007 at 12:39 am [Reply]

TJ’s new Charlie Brown look reminded me of this: http://www.boingboing.net/2007/08/13/peanuts_characters_a.html
bats :[
August 21st, 2007 at 12:43 am [Reply]

MT: darn it, now I’m scared for the mama duck! Hurry, Mark!

FOOB: I’d puke, but I think Lizardbreath is going to beat me to it.

MW: Dr. D: “You felt it, too, Vera?”
Vera: “Um, yeah, I guess.”
Dr. D: “What was it like?”
Vera: “Uh….it was just like an erection, only smaller.”
True Fable
August 21st, 2007 at 12:48 am [Reply]

MT For one brief shining moment, I thought the duck was talking in panel three until i saw the outline of the man in the background. i like my version better.
And the coloring gnomes are making a minor protest, giving Homer the helpfulconstruction worker a blue shade on his face and a really funky out-of-body experience with his leg.

H&L “You sold a house!” = hot monkey kitchen sex. For Hi and Lois, this will be intercourse for the first time since Trixie was conceived. Can this marriage be saved?!??!!!

GA Payoff!

FC Busted by the fuzz. Bil, rethink future family vacations, okay? You have worse luck than Chevy Chase’s National Lampoon Vacation, buster.

C’haft Jesus, what a CRUEL BITCH for a caregiver! Somebody fire this cretin. Sure, the old woman is a grumpy old fart but this kind of behavior does not need the patented Tom Batiuk Slow Dragging Storyline To Milk Out The Very Worst In A Given Situation treatment.

Stop it, Batiuk, you fucking misanthrope.
True Fable
August 21st, 2007 at 12:49 am [Reply]

Poteet, my queen! Hugs and snuggles from your true knight during your time of toil. :-)
Trilobite
August 21st, 2007 at 12:49 am [Reply]

Oh yuck, I stepped in some of Tuesday’s comics:

9 Chickweed Lane: I realize that chins are in extremely short supply in 9 Chickweed Lane, but someone desperately needs to tell this guy that buttoning his pajamas all the way up really doesn’t make it look like he has one. Either learn to live with your monkey-face or call a talented maxillofacial surgeon, dude; the pajama plan isn’t working.

A3G: I was going to go back and dig up some of the strips where Tommie looked right through drab ol’ Gary like he wasn’t even there, or even the strips where she was dodging his phone calls, but then I realized that I didn’t want to go back and re-read a plot arc that centered around Tommie. I take heart in the fact that the writer of Apartment 3G doesn’t want to look back at that drivel either, and has just arbitrarily decided that Tommie thinks Gary is cute now.

The only real mystery here is whether Tommie will manage to spurn one of her two impossibly bland suitors before the writer once again loses interest in her and moves on to Margo or LuAnn. The smart money says no, that we’ll just watch her dither for a few days and then the entire storyline will be unceremoniously dropped, just like every other Tommie plot arc.

Gil Thorp: But…but Cliff paid for his car and his little house thanks to Gail Martin! I think this is a red herring — my bet’s still on the manager being the treacherous note-writer. I mean, unless Wednesday’s comic reveals that Gail stole Cliff’s hair to make her trademark wig, what possible motive is there?

Mary Worth: Is the “it” Vera felt just Drew’s tongue on her tonsils, or is “it” in his pants? I can hardly wait until tomorrow to find out!

The Inane Horror that is FBoFW: Poor Candace: not only does she have to visit Lizardbreath in her squalid basement hovel, but now she’s getting sprayed with partially-chewed onion dip. (And way to show how grown up you are, Liz — you can’t even remember to chew with your mouth closed!)

But the real shame here is that Candace’s actual question is being ducked with the traditional Patterson insane non
Trilobite
August 21st, 2007 at 12:51 am [Reply]

The Inane Horror that is FBoFW: Poor Candace: not only does she have to visit Lizardbreath in her squalid basement hovel, but now she’s getting sprayed with partially-chewed onion dip. (And way to show how grown up you are, Liz — you can’t even remember to chew with your mouth closed!)

But the real shame here is that Candace’s actual question is being ducked with the traditional Patterson insane non sequitur. Seriously, I defy anyone to explain what the hell Liz is talking about.
TK
August 21st, 2007 at 12:52 am [Reply]

I was hoping someone besides me would notice the hoyay in Luann. See you never, Daytona. It’s time for some quality Brad and TJ time in that chair.
Trilobite
August 21st, 2007 at 12:52 am [Reply]

#254 & 255 — Okay, that was weird.
Rainbird
August 21st, 2007 at 12:54 am [Reply]

Tuedays Crock What exactly is a “thousand enemy”? Even if it was written in French and translated back, which it wasn’t, the French pluralize enemy with a thousand. (mille ennemis, or something like that.)

Sheesh.
IdleDandy
August 21st, 2007 at 12:55 am [Reply]

Liz’s declaration reminds me of Elizabeth Berkeley’s last line in Showgirls.

FC: Those seat belts are inexplicable.

The ‘Shaft: I want to beat the hell out of that woman. You can bet if any of my grandmother’s caregivers talked to her like that, I’d be on I-95 faster than you can say, “Internal bleeding.”
Rainbird
August 21st, 2007 at 12:57 am [Reply]

Tuesday’s Mary Worth
Did you feel that?

First thing I thought was, hell, get off the pier, it’s a earthquake and this structures not safe.

Stop biting him, Vera, and run, don’t walk, to the nearest exit.
Rainbird
August 21st, 2007 at 12:58 am [Reply]

structure’s not safe. Sorry.

I’ve got to proof better.
True Fable
August 21st, 2007 at 1:02 am [Reply]

#255 Trilobite – Oh, let’s hope let’s hope let’s hope, that tomorrow Liz will say, “I found out that I am a heartless, manipulative witch just like my mother, who likes to play people like finely tuned violins for the simple pleasure of having them worship me because I have them fooled into thinking I’m special. Yes, that’s who i am all right – a devious harridan who has a magic twat that restores its own virginity at will. A succubus.”
Sunny Mel Blatherscythe
August 21st, 2007 at 1:08 am [Reply]

Apartment 3-g:

This is looking like a Tommie Sandwich. One saucy tomato between two slices of geek.. With extra special sauce…

Blondie:

Rut – roh, Dagwoods gluttony has sealed his fate this time. Any decent company would have a human resources rep chat it up with ol’ Dagwood about his work related “issues”..But not the Dithers Company, No Sir…. The manic depressive old man Dithers has that blank soulless look that overtakes him just before he unleashes his berserk rage on his favorite punching bag Dagwood. He’ll kick poor screaming Dags until he urinates blood…
Anna Nimity
August 21st, 2007 at 1:10 am [Reply]

FOOB: “She just threw them away!” = “She ran for her life! She just ran for her life!” Has anyone else noticed how Blandthony’s nose has regrown since the wedding? Back to an Ellie-sized schnozz. I guess those Heady Days of Seduction are over and the spell has worn off. Check!
True Fable
August 21st, 2007 at 1:24 am [Reply]

#234 Godzooky – Early Edition is one of my all-time favorite shows, thanks for the mention & link!

more MW It sure looks like Vera is trying to fight him off in panel one. I guess Mr. Smooth as Ex-Lax Moves just overwhelmed the poor girl, although my money’s on her plotting to put a chokehold on him with her ponytail.

OBH I enjoyed today’s strip. Heh.

Preteena Geez, that’s like what happened two weeks ago when my sons and I went back to school shopping. You think middle and high school is expensive – damn, college is KILLER! That doesn’t even count later, getting the books the HOPE scholarship DIDN’T cover, which was everything but one biology book. ONE BOOK took up the entire book stipend.

My daughter’s going to London in two months, but she’s earned most of that trip herself. I’m going to the poorhouse just the same.

But they are infinitely worth it. Hopefully I won’t end up like the C’haft old lady and get stuck with an asswipe caretaker.

What am I saying? I’ll be rocking on the porch next to my treasured Squid Countess and all our Mudgeon co-conspirators at the Old ‘Mudges Home! :-)
SecretMargo
August 21st, 2007 at 1:25 am [Reply]

Crankshaft: So Batiuk’s not going to stop until he pushes the buttons of every single damn one of us, is he? Upset about the war? Check! Upset about being can adopted/giving up a baby for adoption? Check! Upset about cancer? Check check check!

And now he’s going for my personal weakest spot: elder abuse. I don’t want to watch it, I don’t want to think about it, it combines several horrible things that make me cry to contemplate. I feel a lesson may be coming at the end of the week of escalating horror, but to what end? Will she get a black eye before we’re through? Our elderly are vulnerable and the care workers and family members who look after them are overworked and unduly stressed. Horror ensues. I fucking know that already, and besides, how should I take such a critique when it comes from the same venue that sweetens similar treatment of this woman by her son for laughs? You can either smirk your way out of this or you can treat it seriously, but you really can’t have it both ways. But I guess that’s always been the problem with the Batiukscape — he either thinks you can, or that there’s no difference between the two forms of audience address. Fizzy suspected the latter when discussing his inability to distinguish happy/sad from sad/sad, and I think I fully concur. Too bad he’s a nationally syndicated cartoonist whose job is to do precisely that.

I’m drowning my sorrows in Ed Wood (thanks for the link, Godzooky!), then going to bed to think good thoughts for my own grandmother. And withhold cupcakes from my Batiuk voodoo doll. He’s such a little piggy.
Spotted HØrse
August 21st, 2007 at 1:25 am [Reply]

#252 True Fable: I can understand your hostility towards the ‘Shaft’s current storyline. I’m spittin’ nails too, but actually not hating on Batiuk this time.

Since lots of people feel completely entitled to be authoritarian and insulting to elders, youth, the powerless in general, and man, would it suck having someone like that in your home, “caring” for you, I gotta say that’s an interesting story. To me, anyway!

Batiuk’s setting up the “Vinegar Mom Fires Healthcare Worker” story. I’m not Vinegar Mom’s biggest fan, by any means, but by golly, I hope she brings down the thunder! Martyr Son better back her up on this.
OohShiny
August 21st, 2007 at 1:30 am [Reply]

I came to an interview once with a thin line of milk vomit along my tie, shirt, and trousers. It happened on the way there, and I had no chance to go back home and change.

They didn’t seem to mind, but I didn’t get the job either, so I guess it’s “Myth Plausible”.
Spotted HØrse
August 21st, 2007 at 1:32 am [Reply]

#266 SecretMargo:

how should I take such a critique when it comes from the same venue that sweetens similar treatment of this woman by her son for laughs? You can either smirk your way out of this or you can treat it seriously, but you really can’t have it both ways.

Excellent point and much deeper reasoning. I’ll hang out here at the shallow end of the pool. With Marvin.
True Fable
August 21st, 2007 at 2:49 am [Reply]

#267 Spotted HOrse – I think we all have certain buttons, as SecretMargo so eloquently pointed out, that when pushed bring a quick and firm reaction. (SecretMargo, your writing and passion for issues never fails to impress me. I admire the hell out of you.)

Several years ago, one of my sisters volunteered to take care of our ailing elderly mother. Mother was a remarkable woman who in her hearty days, survived difficult circumstances that would have broken a lesser soul. When she began to go downhill, my sister became increasingly short and sharp with her. She didn’t intend to be but she was. I was up to my neck in problems of my own, trying to keep my family afloat and my body intact, and could not help much.

There came a day when I came by to visit, only to find my formerly upbeat, lighthearted sister berating our mother in terms that absolutely stunned me. The vitriole and contempt in her voice were sickening. I jumped my sister’s shit. What the hell are you doing, you cannot speak to our mother that way.

“Well, you try looking after the stubborn old thing.” I’m paraphrasing but that is about what she said.

Another sister came in and took over, and sister #1 took off for a place of her own. Soon Sister 2 confided in me, “this is harder than it looks. Mother really IS stubborn and doesn’t realize she just can’t do for herself any more.” After a year, #2 called it quits too; she was trying to hold a job AND take care of Mother. Even when she quit her job, Mother was a handful. My brother and his wife took Mother into their home, reasoning that two people might be able to kind of care for her in shifts and therefore make it work.

They couldn’t either. She’d either soak the bed right through her Depends, or get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and not call for help. She always ended up falling and bruising herself. An adult potty chair in her room didn’t help because she was unstable on her feet. They stayed awake most of the night, worried that Mother would try to move around without help. She’d get the notion to cook something and scared the living hell out of them.
We finally found a good nursing home, and she was well taken care of by professionals until she passed.

It was hard enough to witness a loving family member to lose it, but it would have torn me UP to see a relative stranger behave so rough and vile. Today’s strip just brought all that back to me.

My problem with Batiuk is that he hammers his points home relentlessly, with only a smarmy smirk or a bad pun thrown in. He drags it on and on and leaves us with that familiar and soul-eating helpless feeling. Yes, he might be telling it like it is but dammit, this is a comic strip.

I really wish these dramatic soapy “comic” strips would go back to being funny on a daily basis instead of gunning for the Pulitzer like they do. I can’t help but think they would serve a better purpose to author an entire graphic novel on the subject so readers could finish the story by the final page. As it is, the strip burrows under the skin and festers like a mutated infection, leaving a distinct daily sense of unease to people like me and I guess SecretMargo.

/rant, jesus I am wordy.
True Fable
August 21st, 2007 at 2:55 am [Reply]

Not to imply that you couldn’t feel the same way, SH. I’m sure you get what I’m saying there. :-)
bats :[
August 21st, 2007 at 3:11 am [Reply]

270. True Fable: I feel for you and everyone else who goes through this. It happened to my mom 10 years ago. I’m an only child, and thank heavens for Mr. bats, who did the lion’s share of work in those last few months — it was a trial for both of us. I know that even with a slew of willing siblings, like there is in your family, it’s a challenge and a long row to hoe. I don’t need to be reminded. Ech.
bats :[
August 21st, 2007 at 3:14 am [Reply]

Back to funny stuff (well, theoretically)…here’s this, and I’m off to bed!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/1191855258/
Squid Countess
August 21st, 2007 at 3:37 am [Reply]

#266 Secret Margo – Crankshaft- I did notice, a while back, when I had the realization that Rose (the old woman) represents Batiuk’s actual emasculating, shaming, schizophreniform disorder-inducing mother, and I posted the same, noone said, “My God, you’re right!” But I am right. Throughout the history of the strip, we see that the more the son character tries to love her and do right by her, (the recent bank storyline, for instance) the worse she treats him.

Batiuk is one incredibly messed up mofo. His core beliefs: that nothing will be okay, that life is pain, and that noone can be trusted, speak to some pretty serious life-long emotional abuse issues, probably at the hands of mom. These core beliefs are what guides all his storylines – Lisa won’t live, plus she couldn’t trust her doctors. Mr Dingle won’t be able to grow old enjoying the music that is everything to him, because life is pain. When it comes to Rose, I think any poke Batiuk takes at Rose is his feeble attempt to lash out at his own mother. The mother character will always come out on top, of course, but that could mean the mother character getting beaten up by a caregiver so that she can guilt the son and the son wishes he was dead. God. It’s all so ugly.

If we are not prepared to see every Batuik storyline follow his core beliefs – nothing will be okay, life is pain, no one can be trusted – then we might as well give up reading him. Because that’s all he knows, and nothing is ever going to be okay for any character in his world.
Mooselet
August 21st, 2007 at 3:37 am [Reply]

Tuesday ,b>FOOB: So Liz had to leave to find out who she was? Someone who, after a brief period of big scary independence, moved back not only to her hometown but her parents house – despite having a job and being able to support herself – and back into the arms of her Mr Milquetoast ex-boyfriend and his mini-Gitmo in the basement of debasement. Oh, and with the table manners of a goat.

There’s an easy word for what you are – pathetic. And Candice isn’t being negative – she’s being honest with you. It’s nice to see someone not swallowing the whole Patterson lifestyle without a fight, although I’m sure Johnson will subdue her by the end of the week.
Boojum
August 21st, 2007 at 3:43 am [Reply]

#229 — Secret Margo: The flags planted on the moon had flexible rods inserted in the top to keep them “displayed.” Otherwise, in the non-atmosphere of the moon, you would not have been able to see the Stars and Stripes on TV. And the godless commies would have won.
True Fable
August 21st, 2007 at 3:50 am [Reply]

Right!

Let’s snark.

A3G ooooh, Dr. Parts-Hair-On-The-Right is rubbing his chin as he’s sizing up the competition for Tommie. Meanwhile Mr. Parts-Hair-On-The-Left takes his electric blue self out of there, taking three panels to do so. He’s a geek, but he’s a geek with a job, unlike the artsy type Luann has on hand.
Now check out Tommie. She went from being the Potential Cat-Crazy Spinster of the Future to being Red Hot Mama that every bland featured man in the Big Apple suddenly wants. What, did her investments mature, or did her health insurance improve in coverage? Something’s up. At any rate, instead of focusing on the patiently time biding doctor who’s already declared his interest in her, she is suddenly and inexplicably drawn to Left Part Gary, whom she didn’t give a hoot in hell for the last time we saw him, which was months ago our time.

Is Tommie becoming the new Elizabeth Patterson? Say it ain’t so.
Joe Btfsplk
August 21st, 2007 at 3:52 am [Reply]

I don’t understand this insistence on coloring weekday strips which are supposed to be in black-n-white. Do the artists even submit coloring guidelines along with their strips? And does the strip get colorized once and distributed to all the sites that display it, or does each do its own? Today’s Mark Trail is an absolute catastrophe, with the gnomes not only spilling blue pixels all over poor Homer’s arms, face and neck, but also continuing their relentless campaign to change female ducks into what anyone who knows anything about ducks, as Elrod is supposed to, knows are obviously males. I wouldn’t be able to keep track of which Apartment 3-G guy was which even if I had kept up with the damned thing over the last couple of decades, what with them changing hair colors seemingly at will and having no other distinguishing features. We’ve seen the old 70’s Family Circus station wagon in its beige Sunday version twice now, yet the weekday version keeps coming up bright screaming red.

I was born in 1962. As a kid I would read the funny-pages, as we called them, faithfully every day, either at the breakfast table or after I got home from school in the afternoon. I didn’t pay much attention to things like A3-G or Mary Worth, as there wasn’t much in the soap-strips to interest me at that age, but I do remember what they were like back then, and how they were drawn. There was a long gap between the end of high school and very recently, during which my contact with the comics gradually diminished and eventually became almost nil; I didn’t start reading any of these things again until I found this site maybe a year or so ago. So I wasn’t aware of the decline of things like B.C., which my child-mind remembers as a sharp and funny strip, and not the unpleasant aberration that I found shortly before Hart’s death, or the mutilated horror that it has become since. Mary Worth appalls me. Every character has the exact same friggin’ face, with those big soulful limpid eyes, and the dialog that comes out of their mouths is beyond unrealistic; I can not accept these creatures as human beings. Even Family Circus, while always determinedly precious and trite, was once a recognizably better strip; in these old reprints we see actual slice-of-life situations familiar to vacationers with small children, and the drawing seems richer to me in a way that I can’t put my finger on. The state of Archie these days depresses me. We didn’t have Mark Trail in our paper, so I didn’t have many feelings about it, though I’ve seen some of the old Dodd strips, and, well… You can find some and compare for yourself.

There’s a thunderstorm coming, and I’ll have to shut my ‘puter down soon here. Anyway, suddenly seeing all of these strips again after such a long time away from them is like having your pet come back from the Pet Sematary. It’s your cat, or it kind of looks like your cat, and it has the same markings, and wears the same collar and tag that you buried it in, but it’s changed, and now it snarls and bites your fingers off if you go to pet it. In my world Josh’s site here gives these strips their only reason for existence, really, because I can’t see myself reading them for any reason other than to snark at them. It’s the only way that I can enjoy them. I mean, honestly – you have a strip with the long history and iconic status of Mary Worth or Archie, and out of all of the thousands of artists and writers in the world who must be looking for steady work, you can’t find anyone who can do better than that??

Sorry, I’m ranting.

So… I try to snark with affection, but for those times when a certain note of hostility creeps in, this is why.
True Fable
August 21st, 2007 at 3:55 am [Reply]

#271 – I don’t think I worded that right. I wanted to say I know Spotted HOrse feels just as much empathy for the elderly as I do.

Dang, it’s too early in the morning for multiple contractions and for me to make sense, all at once.
Dub Not Dubya
August 21st, 2007 at 4:04 am [Reply]

A3G: It’s the return of Gary Walker*

*For “Geek Who Walks.”

273 bats, LMAO at that one. Everyone, be sure to use the zoom function to see all the detail in it.

Yesterthread: thanks to Chennux, Wille and the others who had my back. Just to clarify, I’m actually female. But I can understand the confusion because I was wearing a tux and trying to pick up women at Shawna-Marie’s welding. Maybe I’ll get lucky and marry a nice Canadian lesbian and enjoy the free health insurance.
Old Bean
August 21st, 2007 at 4:51 am [Reply]

#96 SecretMargo – Nicely put. Sure, Gil Thorp makes me feel Cthulhu is about to break through the wall of reality with a tray of tequila slammers, but I’d take that over McEldowney any day. Unlike a lot of you, I can’t even say I enjoy the pictures. Fussy, like his writing. And the colouring in Pigborn answers the age-old question: if I ate too many M&Ms and projectile-vomited on the wall, what would it looks like?

And Divine O’F #74 re Beckett – if there’s obscurity in Beckett’s work, it’s ~~never~~ rarely obscurity for obscurity’s sake, or obscurity to buttress the author’s ego. In fact, Beckett is almost the anti-McEldowney. He’s the opposite of self-indulgence. The problem is, Beckett has inspired a whole school of tediously obscure playwrights who lack his austerity and hunger for truth. (Obscurity’s a wonderful tool for writers with nothing to say.) But Beckett himself is one of the most authentic, self-critical, egoless writers I’ve read, always striving to make sense through the obscurity, to communicate the things that are difficult to communicate. Also, (i) Beckett was funny and (ii) he could write.

Sorry. Got carried away. Short version: Beckett, yay! (Please post your old play if you’ve still got it!)

Tuesday FOOB: ‘I found out who I am!’
Robert Whitaker Sirignano
August 21st, 2007 at 5:11 am [Reply]

I have recently seen a DVD cover for the old CLUTCH CARGO series. That little kid on the cover–named Spinner–looks an awful lot like MARK TRAIL’s Rusty. Seperated at birth? Unimaginative lift? Ugly child fetish? Shoot to kill? Look it up on Amazon.com and burn your eyes.
dale
August 21st, 2007 at 5:21 am [Reply]

276 what Boojum said.
Some people saw a flag move a bit (the result of moving the flag) and declared the event was faked becaues there is no wind to move the flag.
TB Tabby
August 21st, 2007 at 5:22 am [Reply]

We caughts the Keanes, everybody. Take down the roadblocks.
Big Sims
August 21st, 2007 at 6:31 am [Reply]

SecretMargo, Spotted Horse, True Fable and anyone else who has been offended and or commented on the recent Crankshaft strips.
I think your looking at it all the wrong way, but for all the right reasons. Crankshaft seems to be about angry elderly people and there long suffering children or caregivers. It’s a shitty premise and a mighty week excuse for a cheap laugh but that’s Batuik for you. I don’t see this strip descending to elder abuse, a very real problem and something that a good graphic artist could really manage tasteful and emotionally but Batuik is neither so we’re stuck this banter for a few weeks until another one of the ‘Shaft’s friends kick the bucket or something. Smirks-a-plenty in our forecast!
What really gets under my skin is the racist stereotyping going on in these strips.
Batuik at home:
“Humm, For varieties sake, I’m going to draw a Black woman, how should I cast her disposition? Caring?- nah. Smart? – overdone. Helpful and Concerned?- hell no, I’m Batuik, duh! How about Sassy?!? – yeah! There’s never been a Sassy Black Woman before, not at least since Gone With The Wind! Wonder if I could squeeze in a ‘kerchief…”
Jamus The Bartender
August 21st, 2007 at 6:33 am [Reply]

247 et al re FOOB table manners: Yeah, this could get ugly, come the Patterson/Caine nuptuals, dinner’s gonna sound like a combination of pig-feeding time at the Jimmy Dean sausage factory in Iowa,and look like the opening act of The Muppet Show. Which is gonna make it difficult while Shannon comes to pay respect to Elly and John, :…and….I….hope…their…first…no….wait…SECOND…child….is……a …..masculine….child…” Which would be something new for them.
Scherzo
August 21st, 2007 at 6:34 am [Reply]

Well, now we know that the creator of Marvin reads the New Yorker! That tsunami in the wading pool joke is a rip-off off the tsunami in the swimming pool cartoon caption contest a couple weeks ago!
smacky
August 21st, 2007 at 6:38 am [Reply]

Wow, Gail hires Kaz to be a P.I. and after a conversation with his girlfriend about how computers need printers to actually, you know, print, and his flirtation skills get him absolutely nowhere, he realizes he is in WAY over his head and calls in a professional. Then he gets to reveal everything in a Columbo moment. At least he was honest about hiring someone competent.
Inspector Dim
August 21st, 2007 at 6:39 am [Reply]

Spider-Man Both Flattop Hitler and Maria Lopez want a little of that Shocker action for themselves! Just look at the big grins on their faces. Mmm. Vibratey.
Inspector Dim
August 21st, 2007 at 6:44 am [Reply]

Crankshaft – Next: elder abuse hijinks ensue.

FW – Yes, you have one arm! ~~Batiuk~~ God is a cruel bastard!

MT – The blue ooze is slowly consuming him.
Jamus The Bartender
August 21st, 2007 at 6:46 am [Reply]

9CL:MMMmmm…damn.
Okay, Amos…work with me here….be honest with her….tell her sometimes we all make mistakes…and that Diane and Francis are nice people whom she really did help….and that she’s a good girl…..nibble on her ear a little bit….
Then pound her like a sirloin steak.
True Fable
August 21st, 2007 at 6:47 am [Reply]

Good morning!
Big Sims
August 21st, 2007 at 6:52 am [Reply]

#285 me
Sorry I left you out of the list my dear Squid C,
It is early and my thoughts on Chankshaft were competing with coffee and poor typing skills.
I hope all is well with you.
smacky
August 21st, 2007 at 7:00 am [Reply]

Anthony and Liz will make their engagement public at Candice’s funeral, because you know she’s due for an Aldoesque car wreck after what she just said. She will be punished.
smacky
August 21st, 2007 at 7:01 am [Reply]

“I’m Stone Phillips. Tonight, on a very special Crankshaft, we’ll be exploring the growing trend of elder abuse. Then Chris Hanson will bust a few more pedos. Stay tuned!”
Jamus The Bartender
August 21st, 2007 at 7:10 am [Reply]

Blondie: I myself would love some Creme de Blondie with a side of thighs.
Whippersnapper
August 21st, 2007 at 7:12 am [Reply]

Foob: 4th panel- I’m my mom’s puppet, an’ she says I hafta marry Anthony. Got any cyanide to go with these chips and dip?
Whippersnapper
August 21st, 2007 at 7:16 am [Reply]

297. Oops. That would be the 5th panel. I swear I can count!
Godzooky
August 21st, 2007 at 7:17 am [Reply]

What they said next:

9CL: “…And raise my skirt instead.”

FBoFW: “…I’m a pig.”

GT: “…Oh, that’s Gail. There, I mean. Hey, where’d that P.I. go?”
Jamus The Bartender
August 21st, 2007 at 7:17 am [Reply]

FW/Crankshaft: Okay, serious time.
Every day I thank God that Mom’s got her health and her mind…so far. She’s still teaching school, playing with her grandkids…gets a little cranky with them, but that’s okay. They need that. Anyhow, I totally understand everyone’s issues with Batiuk and his dismal approach to life.
I can even understand Batiuk’s dismal approach to life. God knows he seems to have things he needs to work out, but I understand it, without condoning or approving.
All that said…
I thought the “ol’ butter-butt” line was pretty funny.
I’ll use that on my nephew when he gets lazy.
“Butter butt” hee hee hee….
Godzooky
August 21st, 2007 at 7:21 am [Reply]

One more:

MW: “…It’s hard as a rock.”
Little Guy
August 21st, 2007 at 7:26 am [Reply]

299: 9CL… and out comes…. well, you remember the opening sequence to the classic “Scooby Doo” and the creatures before the title card and groovy theme music. That.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
August 21st, 2007 at 7:29 am [Reply]

Josh @ 218: No, I wasn’t referring to Detroit specifically. I was pointing out that America (and, by implication, everywhere else in the world) doesn’t live up to the hype, and there are bad places, and bad features, everywhere. I’d still rather live in the worst section of Detroit than, say, Rwanda or China.

But not Cleveland. I fucking hate Cleveland.
Godzooky
August 21st, 2007 at 7:41 am [Reply]

More Tuesday comics:

A3G: Looked twice before I realized “Nice seeing you” and “Really nice” came from Tommie.

DT: “Let’s grab some time.” That explains it! They grabbed so much, it’s gone backwards.

GT: So, Kaz, already working at a cut rate, sub-contracts his job. If he clears $10 from this gig, it’s a lot.

JP: Talking heads, blah, blah, blah…Once again, no joy.

RMMD: Jeez, what’s with the angry cops in panel 3? Are they upset they have to do some work?

S-M: As Peter & MJ roast in front of the Death Valley fireplace, it’s up to the rest of the cast to take inaction.
The Divine O’F
August 21st, 2007 at 7:41 am [Reply]

Spider Brick: I love your NY captions. I had been wondering about the lack of eye contact thing.

Secret Margo and True Fable: Applause and deepest respect to both of you for your comments on elder care/abuse. My 96-year-old grandmother was essentially neglected to death by my cousin, who was paid to take care of her but didn’t.

Old Bean: I agree with you about Beckett. He’s one of my heroes. My point was that when I was an undergraduate I was into reading stuff I didn’t really understan
F. Cecious Lee
August 21st, 2007 at 7:50 am [Reply]

FC: Bil left Jeffy tied to the rear bumper.
AtomicDog
August 21st, 2007 at 7:52 am [Reply]

176 Cedar: Well, one clue that Slylock missed is that real lunar surface photos don’t have stars in them (the exposure is way too short to capture them.) Weirdly’s does.

What Slylock caught is that Weirdly doesn’t cast a shadow, indicating that he probably created a Moon photo using miniatures and photoshopped himself into it.
Dean Booth
August 21st, 2007 at 7:53 am [Reply]

Sunday’s FOOB + Tuesday’s FOOB = Are those chips on your chin? (mildly NSFW).
AtomicDog
August 21st, 2007 at 8:03 am [Reply]

163 Rusty: What can I say? I’m so clueless about come things that I can identify with Peggy Hill. Actually, seeing Bonnie nekkid is what finally clued me in.
Klipper
August 21st, 2007 at 8:03 am [Reply]

Okay, what’s with the armless bitch in todays FW?
Comic Strip: A usually humorous narrative sequence of cartoon panels
Humorous, Batiuk, usually humorous! Not mostly grotesque and occasionally makes-ya-wanna-cry.
This sucks.
Tweeks_Coffee
August 21st, 2007 at 8:04 am [Reply]

8/21
AD: What a filthy, filthy strip. The last thing I want to think about is a drawing of this guy’s backside, thank you.
‘Shaft: I really don’t know what to think of this. I certainly sympathize with people that don’t like this current stretch as it’s coming off pretty harsh and is a rather touchy subject. I can’t really tell if this is supposed to be amusing or not, though. I’m certainly not laughing, but I think this is winding up to be another arc that’s about something rather than meant for the comedy. if this is being done because Batiuk thinks it’s funny, then for shame. Of course if this is supposed to be a serious arc, it’s certainly not being handled very well.
DT: Grab some time? GRAB SOME TIME!? You’ve been grabbing goddamn time for months now! Can we just get on with the [Margo]ing story now!? Christ! Also; “Gretchen, you go with the two guys who just tried to kidnap you, we’ll go on ahead.”
FC: Oh now come on, that seatbelt isn’t even vaguely on Billy. If you’re going to add these things, can you at least spend more than 5 minutes on it?
FOOB: Dear, sweet Christ, what the hell is Candace doing to that poor cat!?
GT: Wait, so Gail hired Kaz and he in turn hires an actual P.I.? Who would’ve thought Kaz would be the smart one out of the group.
Heathcliff: High on my list of things I wish I’d never seen is Heathcliff’s owner butt-naked in the bushes.
H&J: So is this guy going to be a permanent fixture in the strip from now on? What, is he supposed to be providing the hip, young edge that kids today can identify with? If that’s the case, it’s a pretty sad attempt.
MT: Though I like the see-through textbox that lets us see Homer’s ass, the blue arms and face creep me out a bit.
MW: “That? Oh, don’t worry about that Vera. That was just a flashlight in my pocket. Yeah, that’s the ticket.”
RMMD: Boy, those cops sure look irritated. Not really sure why, unless they’re not actual cops and Rex is now calling their bluff.
Harold
August 21st, 2007 at 8:05 am [Reply]

Hi there. I’m just shimmering back into existence to announce that
1. In case anyone noticed my absence, I’ve been back to work the last two weeks, on a schedule that cuts me off from the real world four days out of every eight. I beat Ted Forth! Thanks, Uncle Lumpy! (Did you get my card?)
2. Cathy has made me laugh with the Irving-lost-his-Blackberry plotline. Is this a sign of the apocalypse?
3. I’m gonna head out to The Gap and see if they have a black sweater-vest in my size – ’cause I just got my first callback from Al Scaduto! I’ll let everyone know if my submission progresses beyond this point!
AtomicDog
August 21st, 2007 at 8:06 am [Reply]

309: “SOME things.” I’d better quit while I’m ahead.
StoutHearted
August 21st, 2007 at 8:19 am [Reply]

I see TJ has been perusing the Steve Urkel collection at Boscov’s.
Dennis Jimenez
August 21st, 2007 at 8:21 am [Reply]

A3G – Gary – I always wear my knee pads, when “Neiling.”

Blondi – Desert – ah, yes.

DtM – Yes, dream big, Dennis – dream big.

FBoFW – I don’t think even hot girl on girl action could save this story line at this point.

MT – You’re slowing up work, Homer – The bosses daddy will have him dressed any minute now, and he’ll be on-site eating his Maypo.

MW – Boner alert, huh. I don’t think I’ve seen that in the strips before.

RMMD – Get these Trojans to Mrs. Avery, ASAP, sergeant.

Luann – Where’s the flush handle?

TDIET – OCD or Manic-Depressive?

FC – And he’s got a big doggie with him, daddy. I wonder if he’ll want to see your special tobacco?
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 21st, 2007 at 8:24 am [Reply]

8/21

C-Shaft: We now bring you another edition of “Black People Sure Are Mean.”

GA: The only thing needed to make this scene complete is Nelson Muntz riding by. Ha-ha!

S-M: Ah, so Maria Lopez is a Dane Cook fan too.

Marvin: So did the um… adorable little tyke just fart in the wading pool, or what?

MT: Do I smell spinoff? If we’re lucky, maybe Elrod will start a new “Homer, the Gentle Giant” strip. Master Soft Heart would approve.

Blondie: Anyone who’s read the strip more than twice could have predicted today’s punchline. But look at Dagwood’s slim waistline. If he had to choose one, I think it would be the kahlua cheesecake, because it would taste best coming back up.

FC: “Quick, Thel. Put this bag in your panties, and be cool.”

9CL: “Please tell me more about Seth ramrodding Francis.”

H&L: Hi’s gettin’ some tonight.

Shoe: Right the first time, Roz. If wearing damp clothes and then smirking about “wet T-shirt night” isn’t shameful, I don’t know what is.

Luann: Brad’s bachelor pad superchair is sure to impress Toni Daytona… as the saddest thing she’s ever seen.

GT: Kaz cracks the case! Of course he does it by hiring a guy who knows what he’s doing. But still. Victory!
AtomicDog
August 21st, 2007 at 8:30 am [Reply]

229 SecretMargo:Weirdly’s flag probably had a rod along the top to hold it straight out just like the flags on the real Apollo landings had.

http://www.clavius.org

All of your answers about the “Moon Hoax” are within.
Calico
August 21st, 2007 at 8:41 am [Reply]

#273 – Awesome.

FOOB – Liz eats like April’s not-seen lately rabbit – yuk. Or like her Mom or the dogs.
The Foob never falls far from the sacred tree, does it?
Time for Grandthonass to use his amazing carpentry skills to build his old/new love a high chair.
She can then dress him in diapers, and they can role play while Francie and Mewedith tumble down to the river.

RM – Did the colorists run out of ink? Booooring, except for Rexie telling the cops how to do their job.

MT – this poor soft-hearted construction fellow is going to be harped on until the day he dies for this expression of compassion.
Of course, weird-boy Rusty will take Ducky and her soon-to-be hatched fluffs back to LoFo for multiple photo-ops, stressing her even more, especially when she and the babies see that visage of horror.

MW – Synapse cleaner, please!
Big Sims, The Good Natured Roadblock
August 21st, 2007 at 8:44 am [Reply]

RE: Comments about Crankshaft.

I hope I didn’t come off unsympathetic to anyone or their relatives who had experienced abuse at the hands of inept or abusive “caregivers”. I just don’t think that Batuik is making this story-arc about elder abuse, insomuch as the entire comic strip is one long series of passive-aggressive smirks and elder abuse. I just don’t credit Batuik with the brains, talent or balls to tackle this subject.
Pozzo
August 21st, 2007 at 8:45 am [Reply]

Does it count as a “word balloon” if the words are just floating in space over a line pointing to the character’s mouth (or vagina, as the case may be)?
Braniff
August 21st, 2007 at 8:47 am [Reply]

Luann (yesterday’s strip): Considering how TJ’s dressed, I’m quite sure that Dirk will be glad to beat him to a pulp in less time than Luann can say “Gunther”. Does the creator of Luann know what he’s doing–or is he clueless?
anonymous
August 21st, 2007 at 8:49 am [Reply]

I’m wearing a black sweater vest even as I type this!

Regarding the loathesome Marvin’s Dad’s tie all bespattered with….something….I think it was supposed to be baby food. Although sometimes Marvin seems old enough to microwave a bowl of spaghetti-os and other times seems young enough to just be a squalling helpless lump in a crib. So I dunno. I think it’s baby food splatters on the tie. Kind of nauseating, though, whatever it is….
Big Sims, The Good Natured Roadblock
August 21st, 2007 at 8:54 am [Reply]

Marvin and FOOB

“Yeah, I was running late so I borrowed this tie from Anthony, it was a solid color but he wore it out the other night when he had dinner with Liz. He also got tired of picking her food out of his mustache too…”
Fightin Vague Shape
August 21st, 2007 at 8:59 am [Reply]

MW: What happened here? America just became the odds-on favorite for the Olympic gold in synchronized vomiting.

MT: That’s the least lifelike duck I’ve ever seen. And when I was a kid, I spent a lot of time at a store called “The Wooden Bird,” which sold, surprisingly enough, wooden birds.

TDIET: I am genuinely intrigued by this strip. I’d like to see how Catastra requires strength to fry an egg. I’m guessing that she uses some kind of laser eye beams. (I suppose laser eye beams don’t happen every time, but they happen about as often as the average situation in the strip, so I think they can be worked in.

GA: BOOOOOOOOO! BOOOOOOOO! BOOOOOOO! I mean, come on, it’s the first law of America’s Funniest Home Videos: If something heavy is falling in the general vicinity of an automobile, than the heavy item will fall directly on said automobile. So if you have an evil plan, move your damn car first!

Pluggers: So in Pluggerworld, the lady fish lay blackberry eggs for the boy fish to fertilize in private, no doubt with currant-flavored sperm. The fish are also human-sized, morbidly obese, old, walk on two fins, and are stupid. (Okay, that little thought experiment didn’t really go anywhere, but thank you for indulging me.)
Professor Fate
August 21st, 2007 at 9:09 am [Reply]

FW: Well for one thing – you could not be so freaking worried about what other people think of you, that might help not only your attitude but you complexion as well. Or get get cancer and then nobody will care about the one arm or the zit cause you’ll be bald.
Jesus is everybody in this damn strip a self absorbed whiner?

FOOB: “I found out who I am” Yes: A fat assed narrowminded cud chewing suburban matron with the manners of a drunken babroon who will marry the one true god of blandness, a colorless weak passive agressive sack of pudding with an nose like a potato, who works as an accountant for the local auto dealership (I mean not even his own accouting business? Jesus, sand has more ambition) who’s hobby apparently consists of chaining his child to the center pole of the playhouse in the basement while he wears the gimp suit. A man with no real personality other than wanting someone to mother him and make him whole. Just like her dad I guess.
Truly the only difference now between Elly and Liz are the hot flashes.
My only hope is that Therese when waking up making her coffee in her apartment in Montreal says “thank you god for giving the courage to get the hell out of that suburban pest hole” and then goes about her day.
Lynngineering
August 21st, 2007 at 9:15 am [Reply]

FBOFW: Well, after “check” and “mate”, my last take on the Michael’s perverse-food-cycle-of-life offers a view offstage, and weaves in and out here with Liz, who is giving away her opinion on the underlying story with her progressively nervous eating during what is a “serious” discussion:

“Wait a min (chomp, gulp, gnaw, munch) Why, what do you mean exactly? (gnaw, chomp, chomp, swallow, cough, burp) I don’t see any issues! I can handle (chomp, gulp, swallow) THE MOTHER of that kid (munch, munch, slurp, gnaw, chomp, chew) I am (slurp, dunk slurp, chew) I am fine Candace, (munch, gnaw, chomp, chew, burp, gasp for air, dunk again, stuff in mouth while reaching for next donut, swallow whole) What do you mean! (looks for next box of donuts) It’s all about (glug, glug, chomp, chew) me! (chomp, chomp, burp, swallow, gasp for air)”

She basically casually confesses that she has exploited the whole Mitmarginal nation as her personal Primal Scream therapy session (re-acted out back in her old bedroom as well). No wonder the cat is getting as far away as possible into the arms of Candace, the obligatory redhead and Devils Advocate (= “A Scalded Votive”) for the whole fantasy of a Pattersonian folly.
Comcis Fan
August 21st, 2007 at 9:17 am [Reply]

Does Mom or a nanny stay home with Marvin? In that case, Jeff could have changed his tie, at least once he arrived at the office. If both parents are working and taking Marvin to daycare, trying to get everyone out the door and where they need to go on time, Jeff’s crusty tie is OK. He could keep some spares in the office, however.
Dennis Jimenez
August 21st, 2007 at 9:17 am [Reply]

325 – FBoFW – I somehow, feel you’re hold back – tell us how you really feel.
Tweeks_Coffee
August 21st, 2007 at 9:20 am [Reply]

In case you haven’t seen it, there’s a nice little Slylock/Gil Thorp crossover on This Week In Milford:
http://gilthorp.wordpress.com/2007/08/21/how-to-draw-gil-thorp/
Calico
August 21st, 2007 at 9:23 am [Reply]

#326 – Lizzy Bordenfoob looks quite like some gross dude from an earlier episode of “To catch a predator”, with the creep nervously munching on mini-pretzels/bar snacks.

Interesting call there Re: Lizardhole, The Nervous Eater.
Rachel211
August 21st, 2007 at 9:30 am [Reply]

My husband and I litterally do not put on our work shirts until we are leaving the house. We are walking around fully dressed minus one shirt or blouse. Purse – check! Keys – check! Shirt….make sure the baby is secure in the carseat and no longer able to spit up on me….ok check!
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 21st, 2007 at 9:32 am [Reply]

#258 Rainbird,
I’m not in the habit of defending “Crock” but the “creative team” did get the idiom right, I think. “A thousand enemy” is in this case shorthand for “a thousand of the enemy.” “A thousand enemies” would be 1000 men and/or women breaking through for their own purposes, rather than for a common purpose.

Okay, Minions. It’s safe to wake up noe.
smacky
August 21st, 2007 at 9:39 am [Reply]

# 319: Big Sims, The Good Natured Roadblock, I suspect you’re right. Funky is Batiuk’s BIG MESSAGE strip, and Crankshaft seems to be his “letting go with a series of bad puns” strip. This will probably be a week of “Crotchety old white woman trades jabs with sassy black nurse” and nothing will ever come from it, no lesson learned, no resolution, just on to the next week of “jokes.”

The previous week, when Crankshaft spent a WEEK pulling a small tree out of a gutter, I would have bet that it was going to end with him in the hospital with a broken leg. Why spend a week building it up just to make a few lame “jokes”? But that’s all it was. And that’s likely all this week will be. Mean spirited and shocking, but with no deeper meaning whatsoever.
Erich
August 21st, 2007 at 9:40 am [Reply]

GA: Instant karma’s gonna get you. (If by ‘instant,’ you mean ‘in the five weeks since he came up with this cocakamamie meteorite plan.’)
mattt
August 21st, 2007 at 9:40 am [Reply]

A3G Others have commented on Tommie’s inexplicable sudden interest in Gary, given he was merely an impediment to her getting to the actor guy the last time we saw him. My guess is maybe she just goes for guys in suits.

MW Awww. Poor kitty purple jumpsuit girl’s heart is going to be broken. She should have seen it coming, given the hunkahunkaburninlove that is Dr. Drew Cory.
Motorposus
August 21st, 2007 at 9:41 am [Reply]

#319 Big Sims – I tend to agree with you on the nature of this Crankshaft story. I think of the home care nurse as a Mary Poppins type—and if you’ve read any of the books, you know that Mary Poppins is a very acerbic character—who will help Rose mend her mean-ass ways.

I kind of wish I had a cranky home nurse to bark constructive criticisms at me. Like, “Get offa your butter butt and put on some decent clothes. And quit wasting daylight reading that funny papers blog! You think you snarky? Whatever you were gonna say, Poteet or Trilobite said it two hours ago. Funnier. I’m gonna have to start calling you Milquetoastus!”
mattt
August 21st, 2007 at 9:45 am [Reply]

#194 Skullturf: No, you want to set your clock so it’s early. Let’s say you need to be somewhere at 1. If you clock is set to run late, then when it’s 1, when you need to be there, your clock will say 12:45 or whatever, ’cause it’s running late. Which is bad. Early is your friend.
Splinky
August 21st, 2007 at 9:47 am [Reply]

I often go to work covered in my own vomit, due to having read Marvin on the train.
Old Man Muffaroo [Kip W: certified!]
August 21st, 2007 at 9:50 am [Reply]

Robert @282 – A decade or so back, my eternal search for Clutch Cargo on video was finally rewarded with a VHS release by Streamline. It cost $15 for about a half hour, and at first I was a little leery — seemed steep — but I went for it. About halfway through the first or second cartoon, I remember thinking to myself thank god it’s only a half hour! I’d forgotten just how acidlike the show was. I’m glad I have some samples, and I’m still glad it’s just a half hour.

NYCC – 15 “Well, I’m pretty sure now that I’m not a superhero.”

16 “It worked. Nobody tried to sit next to me.”

17 “Hey, my eyes are up here.”
Big Sims, The Good Natured Roadblock
August 21st, 2007 at 9:54 am [Reply]

My little boys, whom my wife defines as the “fountains of youth”, at mealtimes do make an unholy mess at the table. But one poster (Dean, True, SSB?) uses the towel trick, a good one, and Rachel211 employs the ‘Breakfast at the (Topless) Beach’ maneuver, (we’ve done that too), only Marvin’s lame-ass dad would put something so grabable as a tie within the reach of a child’s bemushed hands.
The heavy-lidded numbness rings true ‘tho. Rearing the little ones is exhausting.
mattt
August 21st, 2007 at 9:56 am [Reply]

#339 Okay, 17 is the winner. It won’t be, but it oughtta be.
SecretMargo
August 21st, 2007 at 9:57 am [Reply]

TF, DO’F, SC, etc.: Thanks for sharing/support. My point is really less that such a subject should never be broached in the funny pages, but rather that Batiuk is so tone deaf that when he does, it makes the reader uncomfortable on the level of both art and content. Tweeks put it well: one just feels kind of stunned and “not sure how to take it.” Batiuk mistakes instilling this feeling for teaching the reader some sort of lesson — about the subject matter, and about “what comics can do,” via his version of boundary stretching. The problem for me is that other writers show me that similar things can be done sensitively and funnily without making me feel like I’m privy to the most mundane and petty of hells — Doonesbury’s handling of his wacky grandmother storyline is actually quite hilarious without downplaying her crotchety nature; his treatment of another of the least comical issues in the world (sexual abuse in the military) comes off to me as sensitive and readable — and it even still has jokes in it! The Batiukscape is tragic without the saving grace of catharsis for me — just day in, day out, a chronicle of the little deaths we die every day. I wish I could share Big Sims’s optimism that he won’t really “go there”– and indeed he may not, but even going this far (especially just pull back at the last moment, if that’s what happens) is provocative and cowardly at the same time to me, evoking a real issue to bask in the glow of reflected relevance while using that as an excuse to be as unartful as he pleases in the formal structure of his day-to-day. They don’t work as either jokes or vignettes to me — there’s neither comedy or revelation. I know I’m sensitive because of my personal situation and because I’m really glad that my hometown paper doesn’t carry the ‘Shaft so my mother doesn’t have to read about this as she’s trying to decide whether my grandmother will need in-home care after she gets out of the hospital. The thing is — people in these positions are who he should be targeting as his ideal audience, but reading his strips instead feels like having someone lick the skin beneath a burst blister. And this is the last I’m going to say about this, I think, because just like during the Days of Whine and Unicorns, I find myself able to go on and on and on enumerating my irritations, but I think I’ve made myself clear enough.

Plus, A3G is basically The Blandest Gay Porn In The World at the moment, which deserves my attentions more.
Big Sims, The Good Natured Roadblock
August 21st, 2007 at 10:06 am [Reply]

333 & 336 & 342

Yeah, but WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE A SASSY BLACK WOMAN! Can’t we drop the stereotype of Mammy/Nell Carter? Wouldn’t it be wild if the nurse was a no-nonsence white man? Or high-school aged candystriper? I’m sick of this “yessa lawd carin’ fo these ol cracka ladies is so easy ifin yuh jus giv em a lil pepper!” bullshit. Could the Nurse be intelligent, or friendly or anything but that old Rastus shit?
Mibbitmaker
August 21st, 2007 at 10:10 am [Reply]

YAAAAYYY! Fellow “Early Edition” fans here! One of my favorite underrated shows. Third season wasn’t the best and all, but I hated that it was abandoned by so many in time to miss one of the show’s best seasons, s.4 (2nd only to s.1).

Plus, imho, the show’s single best episode was during s.3 (when Gary couldn’t save the old bum and had a major crisis of doubt), and they mixed up the order at the end so that the true season/series finale wasn’t shown last, even in sparse reruns.

And I wanted to find out where the paper came from, too.
AhClem
August 21st, 2007 at 10:13 am [Reply]

FW – On her first day, the new band director will be nervous and probably will make a lot of dumb mistakes. How long will it take for the band members to start calling her the “One-Armed Band Ditz?” (rimshot!) Thank you! Veatress! Wail!
Big Sims, The Good Natured Roadblock
August 21st, 2007 at 10:27 am [Reply]

All right, I’m officially off Chrankshaft. Until tomorrow. Maybe.
Grumble…mumble…
rich
August 21st, 2007 at 10:31 am [Reply]

335, mattt — That was my conclusion, too — it’s gotta be the transformative power of a boring blue business suit. Hell, it always worked for Nixon…just ask Pat!

(But then again, throw Tom Dewey into the mix and all bets are off.)
Tweeks_Coffee
August 21st, 2007 at 10:35 am [Reply]

Actually, I’d prefer to see Crankshaft have an actual story about this rather than just leave it at a week of so-called puns. At least than he’d demonstrate some awareness of what he’s portraying here. Of course judging by the normal handling of serious topics in the Batiukverse, I certainly don’t expect much out of it. It wouldn’t be the first time Crankshaft was used to cover a serious topic though, they did so the Alzheimer’s arc a while ago. I won’t mind this so long as they don’t forget that their characters are humans, as opposed to the mess that is FW.
Cornwhacker
August 21st, 2007 at 10:35 am [Reply]

214, 208, 303: Looks like this conversation has come and gone. But I did want to say, Josh, I’m simultaneously ammused and touched for having been hauled into it.

I totally agree with your basic point, SSB, you shouldn’t get too starry-eyed about any faraway place, but before you put your foot in your mouth any further: don’t be too quick to dismiss any place with a bad reputation, either. Rwanda may not be for you, but personally I’m glad people are moving back there and trying to make it thrive.

As for China, particularly those huge industrial cities that are popping up all over the countryside; the folks living there really need to have a good, hard look at Detroit. Those who forget the past are condemned to blah blah.

Oh right. Comics. Um. Amos in 9CL looks kinda cute with his hair all tousled today, doesn’t he?
Mibbitmaker
August 21st, 2007 at 10:39 am [Reply]

Cranky: All the big comments about the serious subject and Batty’s ham-handed treatment of it are spot-on. I especially agree that Tom and other comic strip makers seem to be vying for Pulitzers or something. Besides, not only is it an overweight person making fat-joke references at someone else, but she’s even got an evil-woman mini-moustache! A Batiuk strip with a Mark Trail villian??

I(?)GT: So it’s not Fu “Mr. Obvious” Manchu, eh? It’s always who you’d least suspect: that living, breathing result of a Paul Shaffer/Ben Franklin “If They Mated”.

A3G: Tommie: Female Dr. Drew Cory Doppelganger (A Quinn Martin production) Tonight’s episode: The Geek’s Turn

Adam: “Our Back To School Sale is so amazing, we’ve blown the roof off the place! Literally!”

GA: Future edition of “My Name is Slim” (okay, Derle’s name is tailor-made, but it’s Slim’s show): “…and that’s when I got to #47 on my list: Tried to drop a meteor on the black kids’ basketball court.”

S-M: Oh, great, those two idiots are going to save the day! — As opposed to the usual idiot, that is.
SecretMargo
August 21st, 2007 at 10:45 am [Reply]

312: Yay Harold! I’ll look forward to reading it, perhaps while wearing my favourite black sweater vest and white shirt ensemble and yelling “Oh what he said!” gleefully at the screen.

281: Aww, thanks Old Bean, but really nothing I could ever say can compete with the elegant perfection of your Jonathan Livingthorp Seagull analogy.

To Boojum and AtomicDog: Thank you for clearing that up. You’ll be happy to know I have never been under the impression that the moon landing was a hoax — I just was peering at that infernal little fox box (um…..) on Sunday and the flag jumped out at me as a possible solution, so I wanted to know if I was right that there would be no wind. But I see now that if that had been the solution, it would have prompted 101 tiny crackpots as they peered at old pics of the real thing. So why put the flag in at all? Anyway…

Big Sims: re: Racial stereotyping/learning lessons from abrasive minorities — indeed. re: swearing off the ‘Shaft (until tomorrow, at least) — in double deed.
Motorposus
August 21st, 2007 at 10:48 am [Reply]

#343, Big Sims – While I don’t think the nurse is being portrayed as unintelligent, I agree that the character of the beleaguered-but-cheerful or sassy-but-caring black caretaker is troubling. The confusing part is to figure out when it’s okay to represent a nurse as black.
commodorejohn
August 21st, 2007 at 10:48 am [Reply]

9CL – Wow. I thought Edda was Always In The Right. Guess McEldowney isn’t quite as arrogant as Lynn Johnston, after all.

A3G – Tommie’s been taking thought-balloon lessons from Dawn over at Mary Worth, but she hasn’t yet got to the “innuendo after ellipsis” lesson.

A.D. – Don’t look so disgruntled, Peter. She thinks you have a nice ass.

BBlue – Ha ha, he’s a budding stalker!

BB – Uh…buh…wha…um…er…*aneurysm*

Blondie – makes a classic über-geek joke. The universe is due to explode shortly.

Crankshaft – Ho ho ho, it sure is funny watching someone verbally abuse an elderly person!

Crock – Who are they fighting, anyway?

Curtis – GOD DAMN IT, BILLINGSLEY, WE GET IT ALREADY!

DTM – Dinner at the Wilson household is carrot slices, lettuce, and an uncooked hamburger patty. Well, at least it’s more appetizing than the stuff in Mary Worth. And healthier than the stuff in FOOB.

DT – Wow, they’re leaving the building in pursuit of the Baron, and it’s only five weeks later! Good God, this strip makes Mary Worth look like…like…I don’t even know.

FOOB – More face-stuffing, joy of joys. This strip would send Richard Simmons into cardiac arrest. “I found out who I am! I’m the future shrewish, henpecking wife of the universe’s premier Dickless Wonder! I am the Goddess of Suburbia, the paragon of mediocrity and ennui! I. AM. ELLY. THE. SECOND!”

FW – Yeah, now they just notice the fact that Batiuk-God took one of your arms away.

GA – Surprise, surprise. As noted yesterday, with a helicopter there’s absolutely no reason that should have happened, so we can assume that weed was among the habits Derle picked up in ‘Nam. Watch for the Supreme Irony as the insurance company classifies it as an act of God.

GT – Is that supposed to be Gail talking, or did Kaz realize that he sucked at investigating and outsource his job? Get ready for the big reveal that…the guy was sending notes to drive Gail into his arms for comfort, because: He. Loves. Her.

H&L – That’s actually pretty adorable.

JP – I admit to not being an expert on stocks, but I thought that if you had a majority interest in the company, the only way to lose that would be if (A) someone bought more shares, putting them on top (and if that were an option, why would Mr. Caesar be so intent on buying Sam and Abbey out?) or (B) selling some of your shares (and if you want to keep your controlling interest, why would you do so?) This whole thing is still not making any sense.

Luann – You’ve got so much to learn, Brad.

Marmaduke – I’m sorry, what’s the joke here?

MF – Yeah, those damn teachers, always telling kids what those body parts God gave them are there for!

MW – What just happened here? A sudden drastic shift in lighting, apparently.

NS – The Non-Sequitur Laugh-Generating Unit 4000, code excerpt:

if (strip[today].topic == CORPORATION)
{
drawScenery(LARGE_BUILDING);
drawCharacter(FAT_MAN || THREE_PIECE_SUIT);
writeCaption(gist(CORPORATION || UNFAIR));
}

Popeye – I like how she just produced a jar out of nowhere to illustrate the point.

RMMD – Don’t worry, Rex! Kojak here will take care of Heather!

SM – Now, in Spider-Man the video game, a similar situation saw Jameson under attack by the Scorpion, with Spider-Man arriving in the nick of time to save him. All things considered, I think Spider-Man the comic strip will feature Maria Lopez doing the saving while Peter and MJ hang out in post-coital mode in front of the fireplace.

Edison Lee – Big Pharmaceutical is standing by and letting the murderous varicelle de poulet kill millions of children every year! This must be stopped! Humanity has never faced such a devastating…oh wait, never mind, the strip’s just as out-of-touch with reality (hint: KIDS HAVE HAD CHICKEN POX SINCE THE FREAKING DAWN OF TIME AND SURVIVED) as ever.
Uncle Lumpy
August 21st, 2007 at 10:52 am [Reply]

When he was very young, Tom Batiuk drew pictures of flies and pulled their legs off. At the age of five, he loved to drown pictures of rats.

He could play Hangman for hours.
Old Bean
August 21st, 2007 at 10:57 am [Reply]

The Gracious O’F – I think reading ‘Pibgorn’ and ‘Beckett’ in the same sentence made my brain break, and automatic Beckett defences kicked in. Wasn’t ranting at anyone in particular, more just banging off random shotgun rounds at the universe. The universe needs the occasional fist shaken at it, or it gets a bit full of itself.

Crankshaft: I admire you all for caring more about the plight of Batiuk’s characters than Batiuk himself does. I suspect the currect arc of Crankshaft is just the accidental result of some old Whoopi Goldberg film playing late at night as Batiuk sits in the dark, washing down the scraps of dried orphan heart with his nightly bottle of vinegar schnapps. Batiuk’s bloodless fingers reach out for the notepad: ’sassy black woman = funny?’ Then Driving Miss Daisy comes on…
Krauthead
August 21st, 2007 at 10:58 am [Reply]

FOOB: This shit gets more ridiculous with each passing day, if that’s possible.

Oh, yeah, sure……..Liz is SO grown up , isn’t she?? Liz now knows who she is, doesn’t she??

What she really means is “I realize now what a trollop I’ve been, running out for adventure, sowing my oats with my various boyfriends, and generally acting like a Patterfoob is not supposed to act, but now I know that my parents are always right, that now that I’ve crashed myself back to Milborough, it’s time for me to settle down, throw myself at Mustachio, the man my parents picked out for me years ago, have an instant family, pop out more kids, stop working because having a career is not what a decent woman does, become a pale copy of my mother, and settle into a role of daily drudgery, boredom and malaise, just like my glorious, noble brother and sister-in-law, under the ever-watchful eyes and subtle browbeating of my always-present parents!”

That face Lizzardbreath is making in panel 2 (8/21/07) looks a lot like Elly……..in the last panel, Liz says she knows who she is now………well, she looks like a fucking pig to me, slopping chips and dip into her face.

Fuck off Lynn, you fucking slutbag! Eat shit and die, oh destroyer of youth, virility and adventure!

Suck my cock.
SecretMargo
August 21st, 2007 at 11:03 am [Reply]

337: It seems that Skullturf (and I) disagree with you and the Archie-tron at the level of basic semantics: to me, setting a clock “early” would mean that it would display an “earlier” time — but to you, a “late” clock would do that, since your version of “lateness” refers not the time displayed, but to how “early” or “late” the clock itself is in reaching the point that it would display this or that time. I truly never thought of it that way!

I find this type of linguistic ambiguity infinitely more fascinating than the comic itself, I guess it goes without
saying. Thanks for clarifying, mattt!

352: I’ll answer your sensitive and interesting comment (The confusing part is to figure out when it’s okay to represent a nurse as black.) with a tasteless joke: when she appears as the third lusty suitor vying for Tommie’s limp-livered affections at Big City Hospital, of course!
Meander
August 21st, 2007 at 11:06 am [Reply]

9CWL: No, really, Edda did NOT just fling herself over your bed in the middle of the night in a clingy little dress after a night of tango with some hard-bodied hunk and call herself “vulgar”. Nope. Didn’t happen. You did not win the lottery, Amos. Nope.
Mibbitmaker
August 21st, 2007 at 11:13 am [Reply]

Luann: Oh, if only Chandler and Joey could see it now!

RMMD: (last panel) Barney Miller: “Gee, Detective, that’s the grimmest face I’ve ever seen you make!” (Next week on “Barney Miller, Junior Policeman”: Barney: “Dr. Morgan, before we go in, I have to ask: Do you know why Detective Fish keeps on showing up on ‘Late Night with Conan O’Brien’?”)

Agnes: “Gasoline Alley” sure has made ol’ Aggie jumpy lately!

GF: Uh-oh, now Bucky’s went and done it: he’s encroaching on Mary Worth’s territory!
Fascinated by (some) Comic Women
August 21st, 2007 at 11:17 am [Reply]

291 – Jamus the Bartender has it almost right. Edda is laying back on his bed with that short clingy dress (I have shortness of breath just thinking about it again). The time for talking is OVER. Pound that sirloin! Bring out the jack!

296 – I like my Creme de Blondie served over Hot Toasty Tootsie.
m_faust
August 21st, 2007 at 11:21 am [Reply]

Man, TJ has stolen Steve Canyon’s pants, and then decided that the Corey Haim look was what he really needed to complete the ensemble.
Jamus The Bartender
August 21st, 2007 at 11:22 am [Reply]

FOOB once again: “I finally figured out who I am” made me think of a much cooler family this sort of thing happened to…oh yeah, Michael Corleone. He came back from the war, got sucked into the family business and put bullets into Captain McCluskey and Victor Sollozo. He found out who he was too. Does this mean Anthony will sell out Elly to the Sollozos? And get taken for a ride? I really , really hope so.

Herb and Jamaal: Does the new deacon have a name? Cuz i’ve got one for him.
Wait for it…
DEACON BLUES
Haw, haw haawwww…oh, I kill me..thank you..thank you…i’m here all week…
Girl Reporter
August 21st, 2007 at 11:23 am [Reply]

Holy-moly! The ‘Shaft has suddenly gone all Whatever Happened to Baby Jane!
Big Sims, The Good Natured Roadblock
August 21st, 2007 at 11:24 am [Reply]

#352 Motorposus

I honestly don’t know. I guess I started it so it would be cowardly of me to shy away from the morass of racial politics, but other comic strips deal with race so well, even many of comics I don’t like. I think the true test is the old gut-feeling one; if it feels racist, it probably is. Why did most of the other posts about Crankshaft dwell on the elderly abuse aspect when there was nothing too overt? I’d venture the feeling was off and the tone so mean-spirited that the overall impression was one of abuse. Uncle Tom Batuik (couldn’t resist) is so ham-fisted and such a hack that he can’t even pen a spirited exchange between an old lady and her no-nonsence caretaker without totally hosing it up. This is from the man who claims “I know what my readers want better than they do.” The man with the sensitivity of a bag of hammers on race and aging- sigh.
REALLY REALLY REALLY I’m so disgusted with Crankshaft today I don’t want to think about it anymore.
Fightin Vague Shape
August 21st, 2007 at 11:27 am [Reply]

commodorejohn 353: “This strip would send Richard Simmons into cardiac arrest.” True, although I bet the same could be said for a lot of comic strips. I mean, MW would send Richard into cardiac arrest if he could imagine himself kissing Dr. Drew. Or cutting off the sleeves of Dawn’s kittycat shirt and wearing it himself.
Jamus The Bartender
August 21st, 2007 at 11:28 am [Reply]

360. Thanks FCW, but I honestly recommend the talking first. I mean, yeah, she showed up at two in the AM. Last time someone called me at two in the AM, it was the supervisor over at the Local Madison Italian Restaurant Across From The Police Station where Jamus works in order to tell him “the room was spinning”.
I’m getting off track. Yeah, a little talking is good. She did come over for consolation, but it was a pretty sexually charged situation…at least as charged as it could possibly be with Diane and Francis involved, I mean, they are kind of starting from scratch here…
Kate
August 21st, 2007 at 11:30 am [Reply]

SecretMargo, this:

The Batiukscape is tragic without the saving grace of catharsis for me — just day in, day out, a chronicle of the little deaths we die every day.

is IT. “It” in the sense that I dance around pointing at the screen gibbering and yelling “That’s IT! That’s IT! THAT is why I hate Batiuk’s comics! Yeah!”
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 21st, 2007 at 11:39 am [Reply]

#344, mibbitmaker,
Yeah, I have fond memories of EE. I liked William Devane as his father, who likely knew more about Gary’s mission than he let on.
Old Man Muffaroo [Kip W: certified!]
August 21st, 2007 at 11:44 am [Reply]

GT – I said it was the drummer! He’s just not manly, y’know? That sort always turns out bad.
The Divine O’F
August 21st, 2007 at 11:45 am [Reply]

355 Old Bean: 1) At the risk of making your head explode, I must mention those two names in the same sentence again, because I believe McEldowney sees himself as a kind of Beckett of the funny papers, a Deep and Ironic Thinker. Do we actually have any reason to believe he is not, in reality, a college sophomore? and 2): BWAHAHA! to your description of Batiuk’s nighttime munchies.
Jym L’apostrophe
August 21st, 2007 at 11:49 am [Reply]

=218= (Josh): I’m pretty sure Major Hoople is typing the plain old single quote apostrophe, and it’s getting “escaped” with the backslash. Your software does do normal-to-curly-quote transformations for the text, but not the Name field. To get an effect like the above, I had to type “L’apostrophe”; but using right single quotes for apostrophes makes me feel dirty and Microsoftish.
TB Tabby
August 21st, 2007 at 11:53 am [Reply]

9CL: Edda being insightful?! Little Miss talks-with-unicorns-about-how-much-lower-classes-suck acknowledging that she may have a fault or two? I can die now, I’ve seen it all.
Perky Bird
August 21st, 2007 at 11:53 am [Reply]

It seems today’s Crankshaft has everyone in some sort of an uproar (and rightly so, I might say). To ease the frazzled and outraged minds, may I suggest taking a long look at today’s Mark Trail? It features a cute mommy duckie! Cute mommy duckies do wonders to sooth the savage breast, even if they are poorly colored. And don’t fear, gentle readers–you know Mark and Rusty will let no harm come to her and her precious brood.

So, just sit back, take a deep breath, and look at the cute mommy duckie. That’s right…cute little duckies….

More cute mommy duckies, Mule!!!
cheech wizard
August 21st, 2007 at 11:55 am [Reply]

(DT) GT – In a strip that lionizes high school jocks as pillars of virtue, is it any surprise that the villan turns out to be the nerdy geek? Tomorrow, the drummer gets his comeuppance when Coach Kaz gives him a swirlee, then stuffs him in his locker.
Darkefang
August 21st, 2007 at 11:56 am [Reply]

A3G: I take it Tommie totally blew this Gary dude off when she thought he was a bookkeeper. Now that she knows he’s actually in a more lucrative profession, she’s interested?

In panel one, I see that Dr. Hoo isn’t particularly pleased with the IT geek grabbing the attention from his woman. He’s contemplating the most believeable “accident” that could befall Gary while he works on the hospital’s computers.

BC: I take it Mason doctored one of the pre-drawn strips for today. The woman was clearly not drawn by the same person who drew the guy. Plus, she’s smudged, while the lines in the rest of the strip are much crisper.

BB: No time for backgrounds today. It’s almost noon. Time to drink!

DT: Grab some time? I think Dick Locher’s mocking us. He’s already grabbed more of my time than I care to admit with all the repetition.

Oh, and hey, Gretchen, just catch a ride with the guys who kidnapped you and were going to kill/kidnap your grandfather.

Foob: Yeah Candace, stop being so negative. Liz changed while she was away the last two years. And now that she’s back under the direct control of her mentally stifling family, the odds of any further emotional development are pretty slim.

FW: An armless girl? This strip has quite a cast of characters. A cancer-ridden woman, a teen who was abandoned by his mother dating another teen whose father was brutally murdered, a deaf music teacher and now an armless girl.

Whatever happened to Funky anyway? I don’t think I’ve seen him in the few months I’ve been reading the strip again. Was he a fatality in of some fit of Tom Batiuk depression?

GA: It only smashed his truck? I was hoping it was too much to hope that it destroyed his house too.

GT: And we finally get to the meat of this goofy parable. Kaz – an all-American boy – isn’t able to complete a job assigned by his employer despite being the most qualified person available to punch out drunk guys in that bar at the time. The obvious solution is for him to outsource the work, no doubt to Raju P.I. in Bangalore.

MF: As a Republican, I’d like to make clear that any claims made by Bruce Tinsley that his views represent those of Republicans and/or conservatives is entirely false.

MT: Uh-oh, I sense trouble brewing. Mark better check the stomach contents of that hermaphrodite duck to see if the mall construction is causing it undue stress as it tries to hatch its eggs.

MW: Is this supposed to be romantic? Drew looks like he’s angrily attacking a terrified Vera in panel one. I feel like I’m witnessing a rape, not two lost souls finding true love.

Phantom: Don’t worry, Chief. Your son’s fine. The only disaster was my decision to read this boring-ass storyline.

Pluggers: C’mon, even pluggers don’t put jelly on Saltines. Club crackers are where it’s at, man.

RMMD: I gotta say, Hal Linden is looking the same as he used to, but Abe Vigoda is looking younger than ever.

Shoe: I’m impressed with today’s Shoe. No, not because of the joke, which was lame. Instead, I’m impressed with the fact that the artist appears to have learned a new trick. Normally, when the lame joke is revealed, the waitress expresses the same wide-eyed shock. Today, she appears to be blushing. With this strip, the artist has managed to double the range of emotions expressed by his characters.

SF: Michael Bolton makes a cameo in today’s Slylock Fox.

S-M: If your crime can be reported, picked up by the local news, and they can send out a camera crew to film it while it’s still taking place, maybe you need a class in time management.
The Divine O’F
August 21st, 2007 at 11:56 am [Reply]

ATTENTION SQUACK PLAYERS:

I just love the Calvinist attitude of the game; if you don’t stay on it every minute it tells you that “YOU HAVE BECOME IDLE.”
cheech wizard
August 21st, 2007 at 11:58 am [Reply]

OBH –

James – “I know all ’bout the farm. That’s a horse, that’s a cow and that thing there’s a hoe.”

Ruthie – “That ain’t no hoe! My momma’s a ho’ and she don’t look nothin’ like that!”
Big Sims, The Good Natured Roadblock
August 21st, 2007 at 11:58 am [Reply]

Ahhhh…cute mommy duckie… sure is cute… yup that’s one cute mommy duckie.

Bless you Perky Bird, I feel worlds better.
Dean Booth
August 21st, 2007 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

Pluggers: I started doing a caviar thing, and somehow wound up here (SFW).
commodorejohn
August 21st, 2007 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

#375 Darkefang – Funky works in the pizza parlor in between dealing with his chronic alchoholism.

What, you thought one of the characters might’ve felt the sweet release of death?
Big Sims, The Good Natured Roadblock
August 21st, 2007 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

#374 cheech wizard

You wrote this before and whereas you might think it went unnoticed, it did not, at least by me. I’m trying to keep a low profile and not get a wedgie and stuffed into a locker myself. Thanks for your bravery.
Darkefang
August 21st, 2007 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

#359 – Mibbitmaker

Dang it, you beat me to the Barney Miller reference.
MonkeyHawk
August 21st, 2007 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

Hmmm. Absolutely no reaction from the College of Cardinals about my New Yorker caption. I smell a winnner!

FOOB — “I finally figured out who I AM“ triggered an earworm of that wretched 1970s record by one-hit-wonder “Charlene,” “I’ve Never Been to Me.” I mention it only to share the misery.

9CWL — Changing a pillowcase must be an all-day ordeal for these women.
Darkefang
August 21st, 2007 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

#380 CommodoreJohn –

“Funky works in the pizza parlor in between dealing with his chronic alchoholism.”

Funky is an alcoholic? I guess I should have guessed that one character had substance-abuse problems.
cheech wizard
August 21st, 2007 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

MW – My god – did he just slip it to her standing up?
cheech wizard
August 21st, 2007 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

381 – thanks – I think this version was a bit more succinct, though.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
August 21st, 2007 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

#357 SecretMargo — thanks for the clarification. There are lots of ambiguities of this sort in everyday language.

For instance, I’m pretty sure the majority of people describe time zones by saying things like “New York is three hours ahead of Los Angeles.” Meaning, of course, that when it’s midnight in New York, it’s only 9 p.m. in Los Angeles.

However, that usage of the word “ahead” used to slightly bother me, because I thought, in a certain sense, Los Angeles is “ahead” — after all, if you have to finish something before midnight on Wednesday, the person who’s in Los Angeles has an extra three hours to do it in.
Sniffy The Bee
August 21st, 2007 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

The Family Circus brood in the car always reminds me of the following ad:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=SXwpvGjPDJ0

(SFW – but only with the volume turned waaaay down)
Trotzenbonnie
August 21st, 2007 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

Crankshaft made my stomach hurt and looking to Mark Trail for the antedote only got me wondering if tomorrow’s installment would feature Homer saying “I shall love her and squeeze her and pet her and I shall call her George.”
True Fable, can I see one of your cute little goats instead? Please?
My stomach really hurts.
Perky Bird
August 21st, 2007 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

#383 Monkeyhawk– Oh, gee, thanks, now I have that vomit-inducing song going through my mind! You certainly did share the misery…*BLECHHHH*

Must…go…look…at…cute…mommy…ducks…it’s…the…only…antidote…
MossMoses
August 21st, 2007 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

Lizardbreath, aka Snoopy Sniffer, inspects the dip carefully before inserting chip. Candace may be the sister of Bud Tugly. Why is there a curly little pubic hair coming out the front of her head? Liz(ardbreath) sure is smug about her adoption, single parenting, confronting ex from hell walk in the park. “It’s all easy like Sunday morning”.
t007
August 21st, 2007 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

MW: “You felt it too, Vera?” Boner!
snacktime
August 21st, 2007 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

FOOB: I find Liz’s sniffing of the onion dip in panel 2 way more disgusting than her reckless chomping in panel 4. I guess part of being all grown up is checking first to see if the onion dip is rancid before digging in. The Mtigwaki elders taught her well.
gh
August 21st, 2007 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

Normally, I’d complain about needing four [Margo]ing hours to catch up, but everyone has been so brilliantly witty and/or insightful that I’ll spare you the page of scribbled kudos that I can’t read anymore because there are too many numbers, names and BWAHAs at all angles with arrows to follow up HAs, etc.

But I can’t not say that bats:[, that mashup is your best yet and I sense even bester days ahead of you. And SecretMargo, well, just let me beat you at Squack and we’ll call it even.

Oh, and #254 Trilobite — I’ve come to rely on your midnight postings and must say your take on A3G saved me the trouble of writing more than this one sentence.

And #274 Squid Countess — … and the prosecution rests, Your Honor.

Not sure what the tensile strength of this thread is, but I’ll test it with a couple more comments.

MT —

Awww. A ubiquiduck. Not an endangered species, by any means. Just endangered. Someone’s already predicted that Rusty will adopt it and its eggs, which is inevitable since we really need some Lucky ducks.

FBoFW —

I daresay, that’s the first time I’ve ever seen a cat (excepting Garfield) break the fourth wall. Jump Shiimsa! Jump while they’re distracted! It’s too late to save the others!

I(?)GT —

See, because he’s the least likely person. This is as brilliant as anything by Agatha Christie! Except in Agatha Christie there is a reason other than he’s the least likely person. Gil Thorp is unfettered by such demands.
mattt
August 21st, 2007 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

#347 rich: And Gary has the added advantage of not having to overcome the sweaty upper lip.

I followed that Tom Dewey link back to the strip and got a little disoriented. Was the play a western? Was Tommie in it? Why is she dressed like A3G is a western? Does everyone dress like it’s a western? No, Glenda has a sort of 60s-mod thing going. The guys are…I don’t know what the guys are doing. The first panel has kids straight out of Gidget or Family Affair in it.

I was just so confused. And then I thought, “Why didn’t I think of any of this 6 months ago? It would have been so much more timely then.”

#342 SecretMargo Somebody has to has to has to get Batiuk to read this. Be he won’t. If he does, he won’t care.

Slylock Fox Here’s how much of a geek I am: I knew Sunday’s moon landing pix were fake because there are stars in them. Stars aren’t in the genuine photos because the foreground subjects are so bright that to properly expose them, the stars are just way too small and dim to show up in the photo. Here is but one of many examples.
commodorejohn
August 21st, 2007 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

Whoa, I didn’t even notice the dip-sniffing – it even has a little “sniff!” to go along with it. Personally, though, I don’t find it disgusting, just weird. I, personally, upon opening a fresh can of coffee, take a good deep lungful of the scent; I don’t know why someone would do the same with onion dip, but diff’rent strokes and all that.

The face-stuffing, though, is disgusting.

And couldn’t she put it on the end table instead of the coffee table so she doesn’t have to bend over to get to it? Or do such insights just not occur to a Patterson? Or is it a Dalek sort of thing where she’s so convinced that chips and dip are to be eaten off the coffee table that she’ll take the back strain?
mattt
August 21st, 2007 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

GT Wouldn’t it be awesome if the PI Kaz hired cost, like $800 a week?
alamo
August 21st, 2007 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

foobville follies — i wonder if anthony might have second thoughts if he saw how his beloved was chomping on those chips. ouch!! that could hurt a fella!
“my what big teeth you have!”
“all the better to chomp on your charlie!”
SmartPeopleOnIce
August 21st, 2007 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

Vern: What you got there Homer?

Homer: A mallard.

Vern: A mallard? What the heck’s that?

Homer: The Mallard (Anas platyrhynchos), also known as the wild duck, is a dabbling duck which breeds throughout the temperate and sub-tropical areas of North America, Europe, Asia, and Australia. Probably the best-known of all ducks, it gave rise to most domestic ducks, apart from the Muscovy Duck. It is strongly migratory in the northern parts of its breeding range, and winters farther south; it is one of the species to which the Agreement on the Conservation of African-Eurasian Migratory Waterbirds (AEWA) applies. It also frequents Central America and the Caribbean, and has been introduced into Australia and New Zealand. It is now the most common duck in New Zealand. In captivity, Mallards come in wild-type plumages, white, and other colours. Most of these colour variants are rare but increasing in domestic collections.

Vern: I’ll be darned. Truly a wonder of nature.

Homer: Yessir. Oh well, guess we better go hook up the sheepsfoot.
Sugar and Spike
August 21st, 2007 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

shshokllompsh mworgggle omsshk*

*Mark Trail: Is it just us or does Homer look like Homer Price? Nice nod to a kinder, gentler era of family entertainment.
Big Sims, The Good Natured Roadblock
August 21st, 2007 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

Has anyone thought of LizAsshats song, ya know- their SONG! I mean we all know we’re going to be ‘treated’ to a 4Eva an Uncle “Good Touch/Bad Touch” mash and with the recently liberated (and back in the Patterson good graces) Rebecca on back-up (can’t let her headline – not yet) but if the ‘mudges here could pick a song – what would that be?
Dennis Jimenez
August 21st, 2007 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

375 – Of course you know what Dick Cheney said to the hermaphrodite frog – Go f&*k yourself.
Big Sims, The Good Natured Roadblock
August 21st, 2007 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

and if Lynn really picks your song… I will mail you $5.00 (USD). Anyone else want to throw into the pot?

All that coming to mind is “Stop them Jah” by Augustus Pablo. It’d never happen tho.
it's me
August 21st, 2007 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

darkefang, if i remember correctly, the one-armed girl in funky winkerbean, becky, lost her arm when she was in a car accident with her now-husband, wally, in high school! she also waited tables at the pizza shop – with one arm.
Mitsuki Matsuya
August 21st, 2007 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

401: I was thinking more along the lines of “I Got You Babe”, with Wayne/Jayne County doing both sets of vocals.

But if we’re talking a 4Eva performance: “Little Bitch” by the Specials. Vocals by Shan….non.
willethompson
August 21st, 2007 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

A3G: Gary is a systems engineer? What brave new world is this, that has such people in it? A coat? A TIE?? And he’s not combing Skittles out of his beard? If he’s a real systems engineer, then I’m a scalable enterprise solution tied together with 50 micron multimode optical cable wearing a bright red thong.
snacktime
August 21st, 2007 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

Big Sims, how about this:

We’ve only just begun to live,
White lace and promises
A kiss for luck and we’re on our way.
And yes, we’ve just begun…

Sharing horizons that are new to us,
Watching the signs along the way,
Talking it over just the two of us,
Working together day to day
Together…

I should warn you that this may be at least partially plagiarized. But wouldn’t be funny if Lynn didn’t know that and chose it? Hee hee.
Zamboni_Rodeo
August 21st, 2007 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

GA: This, of course, comes as a surprise to absolutely no one.

GT: … And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for that meddling assistant coach with pearl earrings!

H&L: Exactly how bad is Lois at her job that selling a single fixer-upper starter home in a raw section of town is cause for celebrating like a meerkat ODing on cocaine and a box of No-Doz?
Uncle Lumpy
August 21st, 2007 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

FOOB — Gotta be a Canadian Love Song!

My money’s on Anne Murray’s “Could I Have this Dance”, or Bryan Adams’s “Heaven.”
Dennis Jimenez
August 21st, 2007 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

Or the Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald
Big Sims, The Good Natured Roadblock
August 21st, 2007 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

Or “Joy and Pain” by Frankie Beverly and Maze. But only the second half.
Uncle Lumpy
August 21st, 2007 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

Lover’s Spit by Broken Social Scene.
Zamboni_Rodeo
August 21st, 2007 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

Future Ex-Girlfriend by Voltaire, perhaps.
SecretMargo
August 21st, 2007 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

Didn’t some wag already suggest “Muskrat Love”? It seems hard to beat, though that Celine Dion song written for Air Canada that Hillary Clinton let idiots with keyboards decide was “her” campaign song would also be a perfect diagram of Patterscented folly.
SmartPeopleOnIce
August 21st, 2007 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

Let’s Have a War by Fear.
True Fable
August 21st, 2007 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

#389 Trotzenbonnie – Your wish is my command! Happy to oblige!
Big Sims, The Good Natured Roadblock
August 21st, 2007 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

I wish I knew how to italicize, or underline, or boldface…
Where art thou Stinky Pete!

Ah-hem, Uncle Lumpy? Still there?

“Loser” by Beck.
Jamus The Bartender
August 21st, 2007 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

Angie Baby by Anne Murray. There’s a line in there about a “secret lover who keeps her satisfied”. Describes Anthony to a T.
T. Chicana
August 21st, 2007 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

Does anyone know if that sick bastard Batty-ick showed the one-arm girl getting her arm severed??
Red Greenback
August 21st, 2007 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

Cinnamon Girl
Uncle Lumpy
August 21st, 2007 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

#417 Big S, the GNR –

<i>This text</i> gives you This text.

Substitute “b” for “i” and it’s bold, “strike” and it’s ~~struck~~. I think our kindly HTML overlords eschew underlining unless it’s done automatically, for a link.
Calico
August 21st, 2007 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

#393 – Yes, yes, boxcar!

I thought that rather gross too.

It’s as if everything Liz ~~killed~~ refrigerated is going bad all at once! Poor her.
Big Sims, The Good Natured Roadblock
August 21st, 2007 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

So you have to open and close brackets on each side of the text! Cool, Thanks Uncle Lumpy!
Red Greenback
August 21st, 2007 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

420 (I never inhaled) Me- Neil Young or Prince version-doesn’t make no nevermind.
Motorposus
August 21st, 2007 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

Big Sims, et al

My latest thoughts re: comics nurse=black woman

It’s fine if she’s Marcy in Jump Start,
or
She appears in a strip whose characters are racially and occupationally diverse,
or
She appears as the third lusty suitor vying for Tommie’s limp-livered affections at Big City Hospital.

Oh wait, SecretMargo already mentioned that last one. My bad!

Anyway, none of the above apply to Crankshaft. Maybe that’s why it fails the “gut feeling” test.

#373 – Perky Bird – I was praying for Molly the Bear, but I’ll take the duck.
Andrea D and The Grandstanding Oddballs
August 21st, 2007 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

Hey, I’m going to be a total prude here, ok? It’s going to sound like I’m trampling on free speech rights, and everything.

Lord knows I’ve got nothing against swearing. I like to curse like a sailor. And it’s pretty clear that I think Lynn has gone off the rails with her ego. I love reading rants against her evil, ham-fisted ways.

I’m really bothered by some of the words used to describe her here. Maybe it’s because I’m a raging feminist, but I feel queasy when I see people easily applying words like “fucking slutbag” or “cunt”.

I know everyone has the right to say what they feel, and my feelings won’t necessarily change the words you choose to express your disgust for her storylines, but I just have to say that I’m disgusted by this.

There are better ways to rail against a cartoonist.
Trotzenbonnie
August 21st, 2007 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

True Fable –
Thank you, thank you! I feel a little better. I hope you do too (#270)
I’ll put away the Brioschi now.
Promise to self: Self, no matter how eloquent the protest, no matter how scathing the snark, no matter how witty the remarks made by my fellow mudges, I will not – I repeat – I WILL NOT give in to the temptation to look at Crankshaft from this day forward.
I, too, consulted the dictionary for the definition of ‘comic strip’ after reading that crap today.

And, after spending the last four days with two girls (13 & 16), I am in the infant stages of formulating a theory to explain Lynn Johnston’s transformation into the gestapo of happiness. It has to do with faking the moon landing and an overdose of the Disney Channel.
That is all for now.
Red Greenback
August 21st, 2007 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

Can I Borrow A Feeling? by Kirk VanHouten
man behind the curtain
August 21st, 2007 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

My apologies for any oversnaking

FBOW– Maybe Candace is playing devil’s advocate. or maybe she has a secret longing from Blandthony and she’s just trying to get Lizzie out of the way.

LuAnn — Now that brad has pimped-out his lvoe seat maybe he can get TJ to sit on his lap and go for a test run. I guess TJ will be Felix to Brad’s Oscar while Toni moves in to provide a proper beard for this “odd” couple.

A3G Why settle for a doctor when you can get yourself a good systems engineer. When fighting for the heart of Tommie there can be no winner.
Al
August 21st, 2007 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

FW: Let’s play a game of “name that misery!”

Funky: Alcoholic, divorced

Wally: Alcoholic, chopped off girlfriend’s arm in car accident, crashed helicopter, taken POW, PTSD, nearly gets blown up by a mine and an IED, AND is stuck in iraq.

Lisa: Date rape, pregnancy, cancer, cancer

Becky: Missing Arm

Darin: Adopted

Tony: business failure

Crazy Harry: mailman

John: broke, lovelorn

Cindy: Divorced

Wade: Alcoholic

The Fairgoods: sterile

Jess: murdered father

Harry Dinkle: deaf

Nate: ‘nam vet, PTSD

Bull: Abused as child, former school bully

Les: bullied as child

The Li family: went broke trying to compete with pizza restaurant

Linda: Married to bull, divorced, single mom

Chien: Goth

Mooch: held back a grade by Les.

The Roberts kids: broken family

Jim: insane science teacher

Have I forgotten anything?
cheech wizard
August 21st, 2007 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

426 – Andrea D – I agree. Words like “skank,” “slutbag” and “cum dumpster” should be reserved for her characters.

There are limits on what you should say about people. But it’s open season on inkblots.
scan
August 21st, 2007 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

tj’s going for the paula poudstone look
Dingo
August 21st, 2007 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

Hey, folks. I apologize in advance for this but I plan to leave a similar message on a couple of threads in the next week. Since this thread is already in the 430s, I don’t want it tossed aside like so many Republican principles.

I live in the Chicago area. For the past six weeks, John and I have been attending the Chicago Outdoor Film Festival and one of its sponsors, WLIT, had a contest. The final film of the eight-week season is The Sound of Music and will be shown next Tuesday night, August 28, at 8:04PM (sunset). To coincide with the showing, WLIT decided to have people write parodies of My Favorite Things — two verses and a chorus — with an emphasis on Chicago. So, I wrote the following:

My Favorite Chicago Things

Fireworks watching in Grant Park with millions
Concerts in lawn chairs at Pritzker Pavilion
Removing the dib chairs from spaces in spring
These are a few of Chicago’s great things

Kristkindlmarket with tree lights a-blinkin’
Walking through parks: Rogers, Hyde, Grant and Lincoln
Stretch in the seventh while everyone sings
These are a few of Chicago’s great things

Second city?
How I pity
Those without our fun
Chicago is filled with such wonderful things
You’re second to whom? To none!

This afternoon, the promotions director called to tell me that I’ve been chosen as one of the three finalists. I have to go onto the stage in front of the screen and sing my version. The winner will be decided by audience applause. What do we win? Airfare for two from Chicago to Vienna, hotel accomodations in Vienna and Salzburg, tickets to The Sound of Music tour (Oh, DON’T get me started), and a stipend for meals.

If you’re in the Chicago area next Tuesday, August 28, please come to Grant Park and go to Butler Field (one block north of Buckingham Fountain) to the movie screen at the northeast corner. I have to be there at 6:45 and I’m not sure if the contest is at 6:45 or shortly thereafter. I need as many people as possible to cheer me on for a win.

Right now, I’m considering wearing my Gail Martin t-shirt. It just seems apropos to be photographed singing on a stage wearing Gail Martin gear.

Jeff Gillette aka “Dingo”
August 28
6:45PM
Butler Field in Grant Park
The Sound of Music

Thanks.
Ukulele Ike
August 21st, 2007 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

#311 on DT: “Gretchen, you go with the two guys who just tried to kidnap you, we’ll go on ahead.”

“And would you mind carrying these guns for us? We might end up needing guns.”

MT: If anything happens to the mama duck, I bet Homer’ll be willing to sit on those eggs for her until they hatch.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
August 21st, 2007 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

Congrats Dingo! I live too far away, but good luck.
Uncle Lumpy
August 21st, 2007 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

#432 Dingo –

You go! Wear a wig with long braids — sure-fire crowd-pleaser. And enjoy Vienna!
SecretMargo
August 21st, 2007 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

432: YAY DINGO!!!

Congratulations D-Dawg! If only I still lived in Chicago ….

Will cheers from frigid Canada reach all the way to fair Chi-town and help warm the night air so that Dingo’s dulcet tones as they slip silkily skyward do so with the utmost of comfort and ease?

We’ll find out.

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
commodorejohn
August 21st, 2007 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

#432 Dingo – Holy crap, congratulations!
Red Greenback
August 21st, 2007 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

Congrats Dingo! …What an amazing parody. I ‘ve never been to Chicago, but your lyrics made me like feel I was there! I wish I could be there to root for you!
Dingo
August 21st, 2007 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

How many people on this site thought that our writing song parodies would never amount to anything? Hmm?

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
bats :[
August 21st, 2007 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

432. Oh, Dingo, how exciting!!! Just like the Von Trapps singing at the Salzburg (?) music festival! At the end, are you going to climb the Sears Tower?
Best wishes!!! And when you make it to Vienna (note that I have every confidence in your winning!) watch out for that Rolf dude — sure, he’s cute, but he’s a Nazi!!!
Tweeks_Coffee
August 21st, 2007 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

Congrats, Dingo! Hopefully you’ll be vacationing in Vienna before you know it!
True Fable
August 21st, 2007 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

#426 Andrea D & 431 cheech wizard – you mean I shouldn’t say “suffer, bitch!” when I taunt her with withholding the red hot lovin’ of my Fabled charms? aww…!

Well, I get your point but gee, I don’t usually call her any of the other things. (”cum dumpster”? Musta missed that post!) It’s true that I have called her my sweet wizened little prune and my pudgy-wudgy little chunk of back fat, and Lynn baby, honey, sugar lips and my latest and favorite, my little dried-up caribou turdlet, but beyond that I don’t often go beyond bitch.

Besides, the term awesome love that is Fable should clue anyone in that this is pure satire.

:-)
Uncle Lumpy
August 21st, 2007 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

Wear a wig with long braids

Long braids and a wimple.
True Fable
August 21st, 2007 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

#432 DINGO!!!

You magnificent BASTARD, how cool, you fool; you RULE!

Man, I wish me & my Fablettes were up there, we’d bring the noise for your performance. Best of luck to you!
Erica
August 21st, 2007 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

Sometimes when FOOB depresses me, I like to imagine a spinoff series. Since I can’t draw, I present to you in written form:

“For Better. Just Better.”

Therese stirs in bed, reaching sleepily for her lover, Nicolas, a brilliant, handsome young entrepreneur who makes her laugh at his accomplished bilingual puns and tales of foreign travel, smile at his ability to actually listen to her wants and needs, and come like a porn star on ecstasy. While Nicolas harbors fond memories of the tiny provincial town where he grew up, he, like Therese, could live nowhere but the big city.

She walks to the kitchen to make coffee, admiring the sweeping view of the Montreal skyline from the two walls of windows that converge at the condo’s corner. Those long nights at the firm in the early days were hard, but it has all paid off now. A beautiful home, a loving yet ambitious partner, and two elegant Siamese cats snoozing on the reproduction Noguchi sofa. Between her well-placed early investments and the pending sale of Nicolas’s latest company to Microsoft, they should soon have enough money to establish their pet philanthropic project – a nonprofit aimed at young women who feel pressured to have babies too young. “Go ahead and have all the teen sex you want, but for God’s sake, don’t bring a child into this world just because some colorless dweeb with a mustache cries and whines and manipulates you into it,” will be the inspiring motto. (Perhaps it could use a little editing.)

Involuntarily, she sighs. Nicolas joins her at the window and slips an arm around her waist. “Thinking of Francine again?” he asks.

“Yes,” she says, “It’s amazing how a child that precocious could have Blandthony’s DNA! Already, she’s writing me letters, although of course we keep that secret from dear old Dad. Maybe in a few years, she can come visit us. It’s true I never wanted kids, but I at least owe her the chance to see a life outside of Milborough.” Therese’s entire, elegant body shudders at the thought of an entire childhood spent in the dull bedroom community where greasy burgers and tuna casserole are considered haute cuisine and the only live entertainment consists of teenage bands playing the local strip mall.

“You said he was dating someone else now, right?”

“Yes, Elizabeth Patterson. It’s funny, when I lived in Milborough she seemed like an interesting girl with a bright future ahead of her. Now she’s being sucked downward into the swamp that is Anthony.”

“Maybe that will end when she discovers he still sleeps with a teddy bear…”

“…in the biblical sense. Yes, I hope so. But I can’t be sure. The Curse of the Potato Nose Woman is a powerful, evil force.”

“I’m glad you were able to defeat it, Therese.” Nicolas smiles at her and she returns the smile with a rush of pleasure. After two years, she’s still overcome with amazement at the way his forehead is in perfect proportion to the lower part of his face.

“Well,” she says, “That was one part stubbornness and three parts karate. The Floating Hand techniques I learned at Sensai Thorpe’s workshop haven’t failed me yet.” She glances up at the clock. “Wow, I have to get going to pick Candace up at the airport. We wouldn’t want her to wait around – a girl’s got to be in a good mood to really appreciate a hot threesome.”

“Have they cleared up that bird problem on the runway yet? There were all kinds of delays last night.”

“Oh yes, someone put together a solutions package…”

Nicolas kisses her fondly. “Well, then, I’ll see you both tonight. Don’t forget, we have reservations at Cube at 7, and then we’re going out dancing. You know, I wonder, Therese… despite the glamour and excitement of our life together… do you ever miss the simple, homespun wisdom of what you left behind? Do you ever feel that you’ve thrown something incredibly precious… away?”

Therese just stares at him, utterly befuddled. After a few seconds he can’t keep a straight face any longer and bursts out laughing.

“Yeah…me neither.”
AhClem
August 21st, 2007 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

Dingo,
Fantastic! Just make sure you read the fine print to make sure they aren’t sending you to Vienna, Illinois instead.
http://www.viennaillinois.com/
Kate
August 21st, 2007 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

Dear Erica:

I love you. Please marry me. I promise I will not manipulate you* into having a child.

XO,
Kate

*heh heh. I said “manipulate you.” Heh heh heh heh heh.
Trotzenbonnie
August 21st, 2007 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

How do I say congratulations, Dingo?
How do you…um…lalala…something … something…about Vienna sausage Land?

Damn and holy crap! Your lyrics are superb and, if only I could be there, I’d make that guy yelling ‘Tarzana Nights!’ look like he had laryngitis.

Here’s a preambulatory “WOOOOHOOOOO!”
Josh
August 21st, 2007 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

Awesome, Dingo! I will probably link to your comment on the main page after my own experience with applause-based competition — we shall stack the deck as far as possible!

Re #440 bats: I’ve had a soft spot in my heart for Rolf the singin’ Nazi ever since the most recent stage production of the Sound of Music I saw. My wife works with teenagers for her job, and one of them was in his high school production of the play — his voice was definitely the best in the play, but he was short, so he had to be Rolf instead of the Captain. Where’s the justice? Anyway, he does do the right thing in the end … it’s too bad the Von Trapps had already escaped the the US by 1945 and couldn’t testify at his war crimes trial.

Josh
Red Greenback
August 21st, 2007 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

#445-Erica: Bravisimma!!!!
bats :[
August 21st, 2007 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

445. Erica: great stuff!
I’ll give you a quarter if you send that in to Coffee Stalk…LJ would probably lift it and start another strip under an assumed name, though…
Andrea D and The Grandstanding Oddballs
August 21st, 2007 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

True Fable,

You know I didn’t mean you. Your rants are pure genius, and we’re all that much richer for them.

I don’t even object to words like “bitch” or even “whore”. I just feel that when we really start bringing words like “cunt” into the conversation, we do a disservice to this site.

Maybe I’m just splitting hairs. I just know that I’ve been jarred a few times by what I’ve read here. After relatively intelligent rants, to top it off with a string of non-sequitor, anti-woman profanities seems so pointless.
MJ1066
August 21st, 2007 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

#430: What about Holly? Divorced, has a child by unsuccessful marriage, breast cancer survivor, had to break engagement to Funky because of Funky’s alcoholic relapse
Andrea D and The Grandstanding Oddballs
August 21st, 2007 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

Erica, bravo. That was sweet.
Zamboni_Rodeo
August 21st, 2007 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

#414, SecretMargo:

I would be the wag in question. I suggested it a yesterthread or two ago when someone (was it you?) said something about LizFOOB and Angsthony having what they termed “Restaurant Love.”
Rainbird
August 21st, 2007 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

Adrea D etc. #452 yes, the “c” word just pushes buttons with me as well, someting that bitch doesn’t.

It does bring down the tone of the site a bit.
Jamus The Bartender
August 21st, 2007 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

432. I used to live near Chicago, Dingo. I’ll be sending positive vibes your way :)
SecretMargo
August 21st, 2007 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

445: Ahhh, Zamboni, of course.

In the interim, I thought of another one: Girlfriend in a Coma by the Smiths.

Or the classic Ev’rything I’ve got Belongs To You, though that may be more appropriate for the opening expository montage for Erica’s lovely spin-off.
True Fable
August 21st, 2007 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

#452 Andrea D & All – Ah! Thank goodness, and thank you for the kind words. I agree wholeheartedly with you regarding the word ‘cunt’, btw. That’s one of those very private, end-of-the-line, save for the last caboose words that only fit into a narrow pigeonhole in my lexicon. I might personally call someone a cunt to her face if she really and truly deserved it by some completely low despicable act used against the hapless, but in all good conscience I couldn’t use it on someone I don’t really know. I never met Lynn Johnston or even heard the sound of her voice so I can’t say what her personal life is like.

As far as her public writing goes, however, she comes across as a bitch, as defined in Webster as ‘one who acts in a generic unpleasant, irksome or undesired matter’ which is how I regard the way she manipulates her characters.

Besides…Lynn baby, I just know you love it when I talk a little dirty to you, don’t you, my precious little tundra princess? I know you want the Fable; you hunger for a slow Southern drawl to permeate your brain while careful fingers do the walkin’ on your yellowed pages…
Suffer, bitch. The Fable is not for you!

Ahhhhh. Therapy.
fizzy logic
August 21st, 2007 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

#432 – Dingo – WOOOO! I’ll be yelling for you (silently, in my mind) from Seattle. Salzberg would be awesome – I’ve always wanted to go there, it looked so perfect in the movie. You must skip down the streets, guitar case in hand, upon your arrival.

And lederhosen with the Gail Martin t-shirt and braids, I suggest, for the performance. I wish I could be there. I know you’ll win the crowd over with your brilliant parody and performance.
Dingo
August 21st, 2007 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

#445 Erica: If Josh gave entire paragraphs a COTW – hell, entire chapters! – that would earn my vote by a landslide. I could gush all over you right now like a matronly spinster, kissing your cheeks and holding your upper arms with my hands as though life itself depended on your touch. Somehow, somewhere, we’ve got to make that an actual comic.

Oh, and one part stubbornness and three parts karate? Gold. Pure gold.
Old Man Muffaroo [Kip W: certified!]
August 21st, 2007 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

Mitsuki @405 – That would be Tiny Tim’s incredible rendition of the song as a seemingly live “duet” with ukelele accompaniment. At the end, he alternates between voices faster and faster and ends up singing in unison while the audience goes wild. Yay, Tiny!
Sweet Pea
August 21st, 2007 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

#41 — Uncle Lumpy — truly, thou art the all-knowing. I am awed.

Sorry it’s unfashionable late — work got in the way.
The Divine O’F
August 21st, 2007 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

432 Dingo: I’m so excited! I’m so proud! You will win! You MUST win! This is just too, too, too cool! Mazel tov!
Big Sims, The Good Natured Roadblock
August 21st, 2007 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

Andrea D and The Grandstanding Oddballs

I’m with you all the way. The reason I love this blog is it is mainly devoid of that sort of talk, unlike most of the internet. I’ve been a professional sailor for 10 years now and I’ve hear and said my fair share of cursing, but that word is generally verboten, even in all male settings.
A note to all: I’m really sorry if my sailor slang has offended any one of you.

Dingo
Best of luck to you m’dear man. I’ll be cheering loud and proud for you, but from Mobile AL. Hopefully I’ll freak out the neighbors even more than normal.
Mooncattie
August 21st, 2007 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

Hurray for two magnificent bits of writing this afternoon!

#432 Dingo, very best wishes to you and your wonderful tribute to Chicago! Mayor Daley, if you’re reading this, Make It So!(Also belated thanks from some time ago for your endorsement of Portillo’s – I have visited Chicago twice this summer and found hot dog heaven!)

When in Vienna, try the original Sacher Torte (dare I say “veal” as well?) and make the trek to Grinzing (sp?) for an authentic Vienna Woods wine tavern experience. Fantastic!

And #445 Erica, that is truly a brilliant Alternate FOOBiverse! I’d love to read spinoffs from some of our other “favourites”. Somehow, you have both really cheered me up – and I didn’t even know I was down.
Red Greenback
August 21st, 2007 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

Erica, I just gotta come back and give you major big ups on “For Better, Just Better” There are just so many brilliant minds and souls on this here blog, and I rate you up on the tippy-top!

Speaking of brilliant minds and souls, Dingo…If they have you on Jumbotron™ during your performance, make sure you trim your nose hairs before taking the stage. But you probably already thought of that. And if you can, get John or someone to record a video that you will post here on CC. And also photos from Vienna, because you’re gonna win, Big Guy!
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
August 21st, 2007 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

What, are we still here? Is nobody posting on this thread because we’re afraid it will snap? Fine. I’ll kill it by snarking on the strips everyone else has been snarking on for the last 18 hours. Brace for it!

9CL: Edda’s spirits aren’t the only thing being raised in Panel 4, I’ll bet. Ask yourself this, seriously: Would anyone read this strip — would it be carried in any papers at all, anywhere — if it were written exactly the same, but drawn like Luann, Agnes, Momma or Cathy? I posit that the answer is an unequivocal no. Therefore, we can feel comfortable dismissing this strip as soft-core porn.

A3G: Funny how the simple act of looking down at his watch not only ages Gary about 20 years, it gives him a completely different hairstyle.

A.D.: Why should B.C. be upset? The Cute Chick just complimented his butt.

BB: Nobody bats an eye that Sarge already owns a collar and leash sized to fit him.

Lots of strips here that all the good snark has been used up on… hmmm… to say something new, gonna have to take a clue from Edda and go vulgar… ah, here we are:

Pluggers: For some reason, I’m reminded of caviar’s third definition on this page.

S-M: I think I see another kidnapping coming down the road. Did these people learn nothing from the last plotline?
CrabbyGenes
August 21st, 2007 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

#426 Andrea D. Amen! And thanks for saying it.
True Fable
August 21st, 2007 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present: True Fable’s Mark Trail FanFic!

See it before I have to deal with SueAnn Suagean!

Hmm. Now that I think about it, I should have put it under the Long Stylings section. Well… foot.
Red Greenback
August 21st, 2007 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

Hey! anyone wanna join me for a game of SquidCrackWord? I’m dancing with myself over there!
banana
August 21st, 2007 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

awesome dingo! as a displaced chicagoan, I cheer you on!

I went on that sound of music tour in vienna, it was a long time ago but…so cheesy, and so much fun! hope you win :)
banana
August 21st, 2007 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

I meant salzburg, d’oh. That’s what comes of always lurking and never previewing.
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 21st, 2007 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

#468, SSB,
I think that’s Peter, not BC himself. And that would seem to be the implication, at least to you and I. Odd that she’d be admiring the butt of a man with such bad posture.
Jym
August 21st, 2007 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

=397= ~~(DT)~~GT (mattt): I think the P.I. story is only a ruse. Kaz just looked at the browser history and found recent visits to babes4twerps.com.

=414= Foob (SecretMargo): AC/DC’s “You Shook Me All Night Long” has been Canadianized by both Celine Dion and Shania Twain. I was trying to decide between these until …

=420+424= Foob (Red Greenback): … we have a winnah! Definitely the Neil Young version, though, for maximum Canuckness. Hey, why not a Foobapalooza cover version featuring Dion, Twain, Bryan Adams, Geddy Lee, and WIlliam Shatner?
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 21st, 2007 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

#452,
I think I know where you’re coming from. I’ve seen a few posts here lately that seem entirely lacking in the good humor that you need even for snark. My thing is that while things that happen in FBOFW may dismay me, I’m not going to go into school shooting/office mayhem levels of ragehate. And just stringing together obscenities and violent threats betrays a lack of wit.

But the best option for the rest of us is to be positive and love each other. Did I just say that?
Gagott68
August 21st, 2007 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

Is it actually possible? Did Brad’s testrorotic chair of horror really knock the perma-grin off TJ’s face?
Major Hoople’s Boarding House
August 21st, 2007 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

rage, rage against the dying of the light … not some tawdry scribler who once hit it big and then sold out.
queek
August 21st, 2007 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

Din-GOOOOOOOO!

best of luck!

OK, I am ashamed that this lot of geeks, some of them comics-centered, didn’t notice the Simon and Shuster shout-out in yesterdays Ink Pen. The creators of the Big Blue Schoolboy deserve better. Just sayin.

Today’s My Cage totally trips one of my favorite soap-box issues. I’m not even going there, or else I’ll froth all over my keyboard.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
August 21st, 2007 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

queek @ 479: Well, since it’s not on the Chron site, I don’t read Ink Pen. But I’m still willing to bet you actually meant Siegel and Shuster, not the publishing house.
Allie Cat
August 21st, 2007 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

Dingo – We had the good luck of meeting the nicest Austrian couple en route from Munich to Florence – they gave us their window seats on the train, tried to feed us leberkase, apples, cookies, etc. the whole trip, and they let my husband use his German with them for the whole six hours.

When we left, the husband got us off the train, helped us with our bags, and the wife jumped off and gave us some Austrian candy to remember them by.

We’ve been in touch with these two Guardian Angels ever since – last month they were in Vienna for their son’s wedding and sent us a post card featuring a large piece of wienerschnitzel in the shape of Austria.

All I’m saying is – get your butt to Austria. I had preconceived notions that Germans and Austrians would be very cold, but they are some of the nicest, kindest people we’ve met abroad!

And that, my friends, is some serious thread embroidery.
Mooncattie
August 21st, 2007 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

GT – Oh noooooo! It CAN’T be Cliff! Not the Wrobster!! Just look at those sad, trusting little peepers! First Ringo breaks up The Beatles, and now this! WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE DRUMMER’S FAULT?

It’s cute how how, after decades of jamming all night long with Gail (”because we could”), poor Cliff instantly becomes a “little twerp” on the say-so of an assistant gym teacher and his invisible P.I. That Gail, she’s one Tough Boss!
Red Greenback
August 21st, 2007 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

Hey, thanx Jym—(love your topical surnames, btw) I don’t follow foob too much only what I see here, but I know Anthony has a thing about cinnamon, so I thought that’d be a good choice for “their song”. I also am aware the trainman has a major crush on Shania, so let’s just hope she does a cover of “Cinnamon Girl” and John has to make speech after the performance. It’d be like a John Hughes film when Dr. John stands up pitching a mighty pup tent in his tux trousers or a big wet spot in his groinal area. I really doubt that’s gonna happen, but I would like to see that happen anyway.
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 21st, 2007 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

queek,
This is actually the first time I’ve looked at Ink Pen. Yup, that’s my story. But the strip you mentioned also pays homage to Bob “creator of Batman” Kane and his assistant Jerry “probable creator of the Joker” Robinson.
Mooncattie
August 21st, 2007 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

#480 The SS-B – Not Wayne & Shuster? *shudder*
Old Man Muffaroo [Kip W: certified!]
August 21st, 2007 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

Mattt @341 – The die is cast! I’ve crossed the Rubicon! I took your advice and sent in #17. (Damn, sounds anticlimatic that way.)
Inspector Dim
August 21st, 2007 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

Odds Line for Tomorrow’s Comics:

Vera and Drew are still kissing 2-1
Garfield eats something 3-1
TJ gets out of that stupid vest 70-1
Archie is sort of funny 1,350-1
Zippy is incomprehensible even
There’s a squid in Lio 5-1
Judge Parker appears 1,003,369-1
Marvin makes a poop joke 3-1
Tommie says nothing at all 5-1
Kaz punches drummer weenie 10-1
Spider-Man turns on the TV 6-1
Wally steps on a toe popper 15-1
Mark Trail has a coloring error 4-1
Liz comes to her damn senses ? -1
Inspector Dim
August 21st, 2007 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

Rats, that last one was supposed to be an infinity symbol. Curse me!
LTBF
August 21st, 2007 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

We had it wrong thinking TJ was breaking up Brad and Toni to get Toni for himself.

It is Brad he is after.
alamo
August 21st, 2007 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

dingo — congrats and hope you hit bingo with your little jingo (er, jingle) created from your lingo about chicago?
hey right now it is all about dingo.
hey the dingo sang his jingo.
will you get some jingle to go with your single?
we’ve got to get this recorded and out there man.
maybe you could get a side trip to milano and see ivan.
are they going to fly you back from vienna too? wow!
i can’t be there but i will be there in spirit and that means more than anything.
either way we are so very proud of you.
break a leg!
alamo
August 21st, 2007 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

inspector dim — odds that each one will equal or exceed the 10 puking cat scale? even.
True Fable
August 21st, 2007 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

#487 Inspector Dim – what are the odds on -

Quote marks in Curtis?
Mark Trail saying “Holy Mackrel!” ?
Rex Morgan with ice cream?
Jeffy displaying self hate in Family Circus?
Someone pointing upward in Cathy?
Blondie in Blondie and NOT Dagwood?
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
August 21st, 2007 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

Mooncattie @ 485: Definitely not Wayne & Garth.

Damn, this is… The Thread That Just Wouldn’t Die!
True Fable
August 21st, 2007 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

Odds on this thread breaking 500 look good.
Josh
August 21st, 2007 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

I wish I could kill the thread, but this 8,000-word masterpiece on mobile Java streaming video programming isn’t going to edit itself, nor break itself into two smaller, more easily digested articles. Sigh. I do plan to get a new post up before I go to bed, but that could be … a while.

The fact that I’m late working has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that my birthday-money-purchased Nintendo Wii arrived this afternoon. No sir. Nothing at all.

Josh
Herro!
August 21st, 2007 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

And continuing with my FOOB gripes, I am getting so, so sick of the Wizard-of Oz-final message that “there’s no place like home; I finally found myself, I now know who I am.”

Ohh, I know what you mean. I grew up all over, but my family eventually settled in the sticks of West Virginia. I hate the sticks and anything related. I don’t eat meat or wear leather, I have an education and all my teeth, I like nature only on vacation (prefer concrete jungles), small towns are boring, there are never any good movies, shopping, cultural events (unless you consider a fair named after a certain type of onion an event), or shows. I like the hustle and bustle of the city, the anonymity, and not having to run into the same people all the time. I like not having to have a relationship with my neighbors. Etc. etc. etc. But every time something happens to me, someone says, “well, you should come hoooooome!” My car gets stolen–instead of sympathy, dad says “I guess it’s time for you to move back home then.” Never mind I was in the middle of college and had no intention of going back to Podunk University where he lived. I get into law school in California, and I’m badgered for not picking a WV school (they have one school in the state, and it’s not close to my parents, and it’s fourth-tier, barely accredited, and a well-known party school). Ad nauseam. Or, as Scaduto would say, “Dad says to work hard and get into a good school…but what does he say when you follow his advice? You don’t ‘deserve’ a graduate degree because you already have a BS! Ohhhh-h-h yeahhhh!” ::the urge to juris doctorate him to the moon::
Comixchick
August 21st, 2007 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

I’m sorry if somebody already mentioned this (it’s just too late for me to read 493 comments), but why is everybody complaining about TJ’s clothes when he’s (always) wearing a freakin’ 80’s Jheri Curl? I’m only surprised he’s not decked out in MC Hammer’s parachute pants… yet.
True Fable
August 21st, 2007 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

Wii understand, Josh.

oh jeezus, take me now lawd, I am talking in pun.
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 21st, 2007 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

#487,’
Deranged Ziggy yells gibberish at household pests 4-1

Herb recycles ancient mother-in-law joke 6-1 (odds higher because of clergy storyline this week)

Phantom takes action 3,000-1
fizzy logic
August 21st, 2007 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

500th!

Is that better than “first”?

No?
LTBF
August 21st, 2007 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

I know Josh has other things to do, but at thiis pint is their any reason to put up Tuesday’s comics? We’ve already beaten them to death anyway and Wednesday’s will be online in an hour.
fizzy logic
August 21st, 2007 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

Sorry, Josh, just trying to be funny. Emphasis on “trying”.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
August 21st, 2007 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

Aren’t we approaching yesterthread status yet? Anyway: Wow – congratulations, Dingo! Let this be a lesson to those skeptics who say Snark Doesn’t Pay!

Re the little controversy: I’m not a fan of the c-word* either (the word, you clowns) – but, uh, it appears in this thread only in discussion about this thread. Or was something cockpitted?

*My favorite bad joke: Bush is on Air Force 1, struggling with the crossword puzzle from the Milford Town Shopper’s children’s page. After a while, he turns to the VP and says, “Dick? I’m having some trouble here. What’s a four-letter word meaning ‘female’ that ends in ‘u-n-t’?”

Cheney immediately responds, “‘aunt,’ of course.”

Bush: “Do you have an eraser?”
Trilobite
August 21st, 2007 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

#495 Josh — I was over visiting friends the day their Wii arrived. When morning came, I was still over visiting friends, and I had the worst case of “Wii Bowling arm” EVER. I never realized that a tiny, stylish bit of white plastic could be so insidious.

Just look out for Guitar Hero, man. If you thought a Wii could hose your productivity, that’s nothing compared to the insatiable need to rock out on a tiny plastic guitar.
Big Sims
August 21st, 2007 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

I’m here for the night shift, awake for the next 12 hours guarding our coasts. Hoo.

Take your time Josh, I’ve got all night.
Josh
August 21st, 2007 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

#501 LTBF — Hey, I haven’t weighed in yet! Don’t forget who’s the boss around here! I’m gonna make fun of some comics, and it’ll be … funny? Maybe?

Or maybe I should start posting “comments of the day”, skip my own posts altoghether, and let the ad money keep rolling in. Kaching!

#505 Big Sims — Are you actually on, like, a ship? Surfing the Web? What if you have to skull the yardam or some do some boaty thingy?

Josh
SecretMargo
August 21st, 2007 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

481: Well, it did give us Hitler and Freud and those little sausages; how bad can it be?

(I kid, I kid, Austria. Don’t give me that frown. You’re beautiful.)

LTBF: Having read all of the archives sometimes mutiple times, I can say that at least I find Josh’s insights to a) be different than mine, b) be pleasures unto themselves, and c) hold up over time. So I would hate to think the only “point” of his posts would be timeliness. Dude, I’ll wait, the rolling thread is more than entertaining enough for me in the meanwhile. And who knows, maybe I’ll get all angry again and rant for forty posts or something. Wouldn’t that be fun? Anything can happen!

Andrea: I agree re: vitriol directed against Lynn that verges on misogyny, though no one has actually used the “c” word lately that I recall (and actually, I used “snatch” fairly recently, which is close….I blame Margo. Sometimes she just takes control.) Ignoring things like that seems to work the best, and the discourse here is pretty elevated and selectively profane; the appropriateness of language use depends on context, after all. My only concern would be about creating “backlash” enthusiasts who suddenly start spewing profanity in an effort to upset our delicate sensibilities. Now that would be tiresome.
Red Greenback
August 21st, 2007 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

Sorry Fizz, Put your hands behind your back and face the wall. I’m taking you downtown for booking on a 502. Huh? not funny? Tip the waitress anyway….the veal’s on me!
SecretMargo
August 21st, 2007 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

507: Whoa, I didn’t see Josh’s post! I swear I’m not the toadying lickspittle I seem to be up there! No sir!

(unless you want me to be, Josh, I mean, if that’s what … No! Your shoes look great just the way they are! They don’t need my sullying saliva to shine shine shine! I just…. wait! Not the bamboo cane again! Aaaaugh!)
Big Sims
August 21st, 2007 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

Well burn me buttocks Mr. Josh, at an operations center with a bank of computers and radios listening for distress calls and the like. My clewing the mainbrace or splicing the orlops are behind me for a while. I might get a ship in the future and end me lubberly ways for a nonce.
LTBF
August 21st, 2007 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

Margo-I enjoy his comments as well. I guess I was just looking at it from my lazy point of view, as in by this time, get ready for tomorrow.
Dingo
August 21st, 2007 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

Ah… Guitar Hero. During my infamous three months on the night shift at Wal*Mart stocking shelves from 10PM until 7AM in the toy department, I watched countless teenage males in stocking caps and mullets stand for hours playing that damned game. How many times did I hear Guns’n'Roses Sweet Child o’ Mine? Too many to remember. One of them would score well and shout, “I ROCK!” Finally, one night, I just walked over and said, “Hey. See this pad? It’s not a set of strings. You don’t have any frets. This… is… NOT… a guitar. You wanna rock? Go buy a guitar and learn to play the chords.” He responded, “Oh, what. Fuckin’ old man thinks he’s better’n me.” I walked back to toys, grabbed a ten-dollar guitar, took it out of its package, tuned it, and played Robbie Fulks’ Let’s Kill Saturday Night in front of him and his buddies. Walked back to toys and they left the building.

If I only had the same powers over Lynn Johnston.
Red Greenback
August 21st, 2007 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

#508-Glory, I do declare that was probably my stupidest comment ever! wille, give Ian my apologies for that one, too! But not that enperial kid!, he still owes!!! I’m just gonna quit while I’m behind.
Lynngineering
August 21st, 2007 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

#507 Secret Margo – “My only concern would be about creating “backlash” enthusiasts who suddenly start spewing profanity in an effort to upset our delicate sensibilities”

Sounds like desire – - your Margo side? Anyway, the best defense is offensiveness, or.. no, wait, other way around, well anyway, CCers keeps surprising me with the level that appears here, to the point I find myself reading more than writing lately. Not that there’s much lately to discover with that f**ked up fantasy of Michael’s.
CrabbyGenes
August 21st, 2007 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

Re the new thread: Not to worry, Josh! We all know how to embroider!

And to #504, Trilobite. I know exactly what you mean about Wii Bowling Arm. I’ve been playing Wii bowling with Mr. CrabbyGenes every night (no matter how good I get, he always beats me! Grrr…), and my arm is SORE!

Have you ever tried the game with the hundreds and hundreds of pins? The one that adds a final row of pins every time you bowl? There is nothing so satisfying as the sound of a strike in that game!
AT
August 21st, 2007 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

Luann: I’m pretty sure TJ has been exposed to The Joker’s nerve toxin.
Old Bean
August 21st, 2007 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

Divine O’F:

355 Old Bean: 1) At the risk of making your head explode, I must mention those two names in the same sentence again, because I believe McEldowney sees himself as a kind of Beckett of the funny papers, a Deep and Ironic Thinker. Do we actually have any reason to believe he is not, in reality, a college sophomore?

Yeah, McEldowney could well fancy himself a bit of a Beckett. I’m pretty sure he fancies himself as an Oscar Wilde, an exquisite sensualist. Perhaps he just fancies himself.

I first pegged McEldowney as ‘possibly interesting once he gets through this adolescent masturbatory phase’. Then someone posted a pic of him which showed him to be in his 50s or so. I’m not holding out hope.

Hmm, I’ve been accentuating the negative a bit recently, so maybe I’ll post a link to a comic I enjoy without irony, and which can serve as a good antidote to / replacement for McEldowney. It’s Scary Go Round by John Allison. Like McEldowney: a web comic by a chap who likes to draw pretty girls. Unlike McEldowney: funny, humane and the good kind of silly. And it’s a pleasure to watch Allison’s art improve year by year. The plot’s been a bit convoluted recently, but a new story arc started last week, so it’s a good time to hop on board.
Rainbird
August 21st, 2007 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

#4l87 Inspector Dim:Oh, good, something to snark while Josh is playing with his…working, he’s working. Right.

Dict Tracy: That Baron will still be heading towards the pentagon 2 to 1
BB: Sarge will be lovingly beating Beetle 2 to 1
BB: There will be golf mentioned 5 to 1
DtM: That Dennis will not have menaced anyone 1 to 1
JP or RMMD: There will be perky breasts 2 to 1
Spider Man: That they will be still sitting by that damn fire 5 to 1
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
August 21st, 2007 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

Old Bean @ 517 wrote:

I’m pretty sure he fancies himself as an Oscar Wilde, an exquisite sensualist.

I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure McEldowney likes girls. Or really, really hates them. Probably both.

Perhaps he just fancies himself.

By Jove, I think you’ve got it.

As long as we’re exchanging links to enjoyable Webcomics with semi-well-drawn sexy women in them, check out Questionable Content. It’s funny, snarky, hip and occasionally thoughtful, without all the supernatural claptrap that gets in the way of my enjoying things like Scary Go Round. And talk about your watching art improve… compare Faye’s first appearance in strip number 3 to the present day.
SecretMargo
August 21st, 2007 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

Lynngineering: Considering that the last time “Margo” took over I woke up in an alley with my hands covered in blood and iridescent pubic hair lodged beneath my fingernails that shaded from sandy-brown to yield-sign yellow as I held it up to the light, I would say your diagnosis is probably correct.

Old Bean: I LOVE Scary-go-round. I’ve let it spin on without me recently, but I’ve been meaning to get back on. So it’s SecretMargo endorsed as well, if that helps persuade anyone.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
August 21st, 2007 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

Odds that this thread will reach 800 posts before Josh reaches 8,000 words: 15 to 1
Josh
August 21st, 2007 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

#518 Rainbird — Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately), the Wii is hooked up to the TV set in a room directly underneath the one where my darling wife is sleeping, so no more video tennis for me tonight. A real actual post coming up in a few minutes, one that may prove LBTF right after all…

Josh
LTBF
August 21st, 2007 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

Wednesday’s Foob is up on Yahoo.
LTBF
August 21st, 2007 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

A real actual post coming up in a few minutes, one that may prove LBTF right after all…

Does that mean I win COTW?
CrabbyGenes
August 21st, 2007 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

Okay, here’s something I’ve been saving. It isn’t comics related, but since this is now an “embroidery” thread…

My family loves musicals, and here’s a game I invented to play with my daughters. The idea is to see who can come up with the pithiest, most amusing short description of a musical.

Feel free to comment, ignore, or write one yourself!
—————-
-A lot of people go into a forest, and most of them come out again, somewhat changed and wiser.

-An old man with dementia picks fights with windmills.

-Anyone who takes voice lessons from a ghost in an opera house is asking for trouble.

-A king learns to polka, gets really angry about something, and dies.

-Felines sing and dance. Not much plot, but fun to watch.

-A dairy farmer marries off one daughter, says goodbye to a second, disowns a third, and moves to America.

-Girls sing and dance around in their underwear, the heroine takes a drug trip, a creepy guy gets killed and nobody gets punished for it because nobody liked him anyway, and a territory becomes a state.

-A young girl falls for a not-to-smart carnival barker. Her best friend falls for a stinky fisherman.

-(three in one). A girl orphan has adventures and finds a home. A boy orphan has adventures and finds a home. A whole bunch of boy orphans have adventures and find homes.
CrabbyGenes
August 21st, 2007 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

My 525. That should be “not-TOO-smart carnival barker.”
LTBF
August 21st, 2007 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

Town slut marries the dictator and becomes loved by all.
bats :[
August 21st, 2007 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

Oh, heck, it’s still the 21st here in the Old Pueblo, so this is current (and yet another punch-in-the-foob):
http://www.yo-god.com/comics/bats/bats.htm?23
IdleDandy
August 21st, 2007 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

and most of them come out again
Eh, I think more than half die. The character I played died offstage. The indignity.
LTBF
August 21st, 2007 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

She’s outgoing and fun to be with? Since when? April spent an hour with her at the baby shower and was ready to punch her.
Uncle Lumpy
August 21st, 2007 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

O’F, O’B –

McEldowney is practicing ribaldry.

Ribaldry:sex::humo(u)r:comedy — i.e., the disengaged, arms-length, ironically-distanced, classy version of something that gets folks goin’. That, to me, is why 9CL is so damn frustrating: the guy’s got the chops to write a damn good sex comedy (and in the daily paper!), and he just won’t. Instead, he dribbles out this fey, titter-titter lukewarm gruel that wouldn’t warm up my maiden aunt.
IdleDandy
August 21st, 2007 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

A bunch of French people die.
Uncle Lumpy
August 21st, 2007 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

Buncha folks try out for a musical. Most fail.
Uncle Lumpy
August 21st, 2007 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

Green witch OK; white witch not so much.
Uncle Lumpy
August 21st, 2007 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

And, in honor of Dingo: Singing 1, Hitler 0.
IdleDandy
August 21st, 2007 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

High schoolers in cool jackets have sex.

Women kill men and dance around in a slinky fashion.

Shakespeare performance echoes actors’ real lives.

Vietnamese woman gets knocked up, has son, kills self.

This is fun!
IdleDandy
August 21st, 2007 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

Elvis knockoff disrupts miswestern town.
IdleDandy
August 21st, 2007 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

Black people tap-dance.
IdleDandy
August 21st, 2007 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

Everyone has AIDS except the lesbians.
bats :[
August 21st, 2007 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

I’m holding out hope for a Wii control-lightsaber combination (I’ve seen a prototype on the internet, where you can find ‘most anything), and Mr. bats tells me that the logistics to stage a lightsaber battle with a video opponent is pretty darned complex.
Heck, changing the batteries in the TV remote is pretty complex for me.
CrabbyGenes
August 21st, 2007 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

#529, IdleDandy. I know there’s a new thread up (and that my timing for posting my game wasn’t the greatest!) but I gotta ask–who did you play? (If you don’t answer, I will have to ponder this for a while, or watch my DVD again.)

And I bow to your assessment. I’ve never done an actual body count, but having been in the musical, you are probably right.

And other contributers: Thanks! I’ve been chuckling!
IdleDandy
August 21st, 2007 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

I was Granny. At one point in the second act, Red comes in and says, “My granny’s gone.” That’s it. No mourning. No funeral. These kids today have no respect for the elderly…
SecretMargo
August 21st, 2007 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

Crabby:

A Brit and a Yankee get caught up in a love affair dreamed up by a homosexual. Also, fascism.

A barber and his wife start a business together.

530: And SHE “captured” HIM?!?!?! That’s why she had a baby she didn’t want? To … feed him in prison? WTF? Puns [do not equal sign] actual logic, Lynn!

Also, good summary of Evita.
Red Greenback
August 21st, 2007 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

In a public park, four guys in togas are stabbing a fifth guy in a toga. Lt. Frank Drebbin shoots and kills them all.
Red Greenback
August 22nd, 2007 at 12:06 am [Reply]

Some settlers thought they had reached the shores of the mighty Pacific ocean, but it actually was in Missouri. They ended up liking it and stayed on and called their community Blaine which gained the distinction of being the “Stool Capitol of the World”. In the 1950’s Blaine was visited by space aliens. And they all lived happily ever after.
Sylphi
August 22nd, 2007 at 12:35 am [Reply]

TJ just wants to be Charlie Brown.

What I can’t figure out is how Marvin’s dad got vomit/snot all over his tie, but somehow his shirt remains immaculately clean.
UnkleSam
August 22nd, 2007 at 1:57 am [Reply]

since i don’t have time to peruse 546 other comments, i’m just going to go ahead and vote for Brad’s Charlie Brown-esque sportsbra thing
April
August 22nd, 2007 at 8:56 am [Reply]

I think TJ wrote this article in the Onion: This Gap Sweater Is Fucking Awesome: http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/this_gap_sweater_is_fucking
queek
August 22nd, 2007 at 9:06 am [Reply]

481, 485. *headdesk*

the hazards of posting when I should have been going to bed.
mattt
August 22nd, 2007 at 11:06 am [Reply]

#487 Olf Man Muffaroo Well done, and I salute you! Good luck!
Pig in a Bucket
August 24th, 2007 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

LeadPaintFlakes™ stay crunchy in milk and is part of this balanced breakfast!
Trouser Tent
August 25th, 2007 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

I’ll try to make it Dingo! I’m more of a lurker here than anything, but I’ll try to make it. Hope they let me out of class early that evening :-)
MetalBruceAZ
August 27th, 2007 at 4:45 am [Reply]

…and don’t forget to practice your yodeling, Dingo! We’re all rootin’ for ya! ~Tam
TheMan370
August 18th, 2008 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

Sometimes, I just don’t know what to think anymore.

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