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Maybe tonight’s news will be about Dan Brenon’s personal sadnesses

Six Chix, 1/24/12

I’m totally in love with this drunken lump’s extreme level of dishevelment! I especially like the incredibly awkward position he’s passed out in, and the fact that he’s still clutching his precious, precious tallboy, even in unconsciousness. Also, that slice of pizza, just sitting on the couch with no plate or anything and almost certainly permanently grease-staining the cushion, is charming to me in its disgustingness.

But still, ladies! Do not fear that any man you meet on the Internet will be gross! My wife found me online, and I have rarely left any kind of mark on the upholstery in her house in the eight years or so since I moved into it.

Mary Worth, 1/24/12

Well, if against all odds and good taste Mary’s victory lap is going to be extended for another week, I guess having Emily and her family do the worshipping is marginally OK, considering. “It’s good to see you too Ms. Worth! We are so very grateful! And we thought to ourselves, what gift could possibly be adequate to show our gratitude to the God-woman who rescued our daughter? So we now present you the dismembered torso of Emily’s kidnapper, wrapped in a plastic bag for your convenience. A blood sacrifice for you, O divine being!”

Archie, 1/24/12

If you need proof that the current run of Archie strips are repeats from a pre-Internet era, consider this: can you imagine any news event so horrible that would reduce a seasoned TV anchor, cynical to the core and used to smiling his way through whatever words the teleprompter spit out at him, to tears, that you wouldn’t learn about until the six o’clock news? Anything worth ol’ Dan Brenon’s anxiety here — nuclear holocaust, one or more coastal states falling into the sea, a mass outbreak of zombie plague, what have you — would surely have been chatted up on Twitter or something hours ago.

Spider-Man, 1/24/12

Having realized that he’s far too incompetent to defeat or even find Thor, Spidey has decided to seek help from the Avengers, just in time to be four months ahead of the Avengers movie! Anyway, they’ll probably rescue MJ for him, but they’re gonna smack him around a bit first, just for fun.

271 responses to “Maybe tonight’s news will be about Dan Brenon’s personal sadnesses”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 24th, 2012 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Lio — Shout out to Bill Watterson’s Calvin and Hobbes. (While I don’t mind Calvin selling his wagon to Lio, let’s hope he never decides to put Hobbes up for sale. Some things should remain sacrosanct!)

  2. Roy
    January 24th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    GT: Strange, but Cortez Beecher does not seem to follow the injuctions of Leviticus 19:27 about clipping the hair at his temples or spoiling the edges of his beard. Methinks he is just using the Good Book as a means of avoiding a tattoo.

  3. Lolsworth
    January 24th, 2012 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    Dan Brenon is clearly having a massive mental breakdown live on air, which makes me visualise an adaptation of “Network” set in the Archie universe. I hope Jughead has the Ned Beatty role.

  4. KreatureFeatures
    January 24th, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    FW:Today I learned Westview plays on nine-foot hoops.

  5. mojo
    January 24th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary was happy to see her “very special” visitors, until they made the fatal mistake of calling her “MS” Worth, like she was some sort of sad, manless feminist old maid with hairy legs and lumberjack shirts. The NERVE of these Goletians and their cheap supermarket-chain fruit baskets! And now one of them is TOUCHING her! Ahh!!! Get it off! Get it off!

  6. Katie
    January 24th, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    Look at those eyes, glazed and distant, and that rictus grin. Mark my words, this Mary Worth arc is going to end in Mary egging on a kidnapping ring, just so she can get the thrill of saving girls with bad haircuts over and over and over again.

  7. Chareth Cutestory
    January 24th, 2012 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man: Wow, Spidey totally got bitch-TZAPPED!

    Now, I know that wasn’t a real good zinger of a joke. I just stepped into the pitch and took the hit for everyone else. Please, continue on everybody, now that ugly business is out of the way.

  8. Mumblix Grumph
    January 24th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    Oh, man…I knew that Broadway would ruin Spiderman! Look at him using Jazz hands and letting himself get slapped around like a jailhouse snitch. You’re a super-hero, for Christ’s sake, not a host on HGTV!

  9. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 24th, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    @Lolsworth (#3):

    As long as Jughead doesn’t have the Ned Beatty role from Deliverance.

    I bet you can squeal like a pig.

  10. Yusaku777
    January 24th, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Good to see that even in the Spider-Man comic strip universe, Tony Stark’s pimp hand is strong.

  11. felixthecat
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    The slob on the sofa in SixChix looks like he has an enormous package. Why else would she allow him to remain in her home?

  12. CanuckDownSouth
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    @Roy (#2): Love the snark, but he could be sincere. Some Christians do have thought-out distinctions about which OT rules need to be followed, and permanent alterations to the body as a “temple of the Holy Spirit” are more of a problem for some groups than hairstyle, mixed-fiber clothes, etc. If you google the bit, you’ll find everything from pro-tattoo Christians (especially of bible verses) to people carefully explaining that the rounding of the beard was a sign of a pagan priesthood, so it doesn’t apply now, but the tattoos are still forbidden.

  13. hogenmogen
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    The Six O’Clock News With Dan Brenon: Sniff! Sob! There was a tragic child abduction that MARY WORTH COULD NOT PREVENT! YOU HAVE FAILED US, GODDESS OF JUSTICE! HAVE YOU NO CONSCIOUS THAT FORCES YOU TO ACT??

  14. True Fable
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    Oh, I don’t know about seasoned TV anchors, Josh. It seems like all our local TV anchors squeak and harrumph over the stories they cover. I know anchors USED to try to remain above the fray but Atlanta for instance is a hotbed of seething, fuming newspeople just itching to make their feelings known. WSB-TV’s Monica Pearson, for instance, regularly spews her disgust over stories once simply read in a factual manner, as if her outrage will galvanize her viewing community into some sort of torch-bearing mob that will rise from their Lay-Z-Boys and go forth to right the wrong. She also has the ability to let her voice fall exquisitely short of breaking with emotion over a sad story to cue the viewer that if you don’t agree with her then YOU ARE SURELY THE DEVIL, SIR. If newscasts had studio audiences then “anger” or “frustration” would replace the “Applause” sign.

    I like to imagine Ms. Pearson has a poster of Howard Beale in her dressing room, wet as mud and mad as the proverbial hatter, a poster she high-fives just before she goes out to the news desk as if slapping the leprechaun sign at Notre Dame stadium.

  15. Mibbitmaker
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    Today’s Pop Culture’s Kids is up!

    When you burp this baby — does he say “pardon”?

    or

    This one came up a WIN.
    (nah — too dated)

  16. hogenmogen
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    Yeah! Let’s hear it for Spider-senses! You know those super-senses that alert you when there’s an imminent attack from a dude in an iron suit standing in front of you at arm’s length so you can jump out of the way in time? Yeah – those senses.

  17. hogenmogen
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    I love the Avengers’ high tech deterrents to someone sneaking in to their headquarters. “Let’s turn out the lights and pretend like we’re not here!”

  18. vanya
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    More proof that Archie is running mid 1990s repeats – just look at the TV set.

  19. nescio
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    Archie: The cabinet TV with knobs gave away the fact that the strip was drawn decades ago, you don’t have to resort to some analysis of the modern news cycle.

  20. nescio
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    @vanya (#18): Beat me by two minutes, I should have typed quicker.

  21. hogenmogen
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Emily Smith’s Mom is a zombie who is taking a chomp out of Mary Worth’s neck. Mary turns into a zombie herself, but no one notices any difference except the subtle odor of rotting flesh masked with Channel whenever she’s around.

    And instead of salmon squares, she brings a mystery meat to the pool parties that she will only identify as “flesh”.

  22. pugfuggly
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    MW Christ, this is going to be painful. I’m pretty sure that a discussion on why Emily was kidnapped, or what the kidnapper intended to do with her, might get into an area that’s a little too ‘real’ for this strip. Which means, of course, we’re going to get a week of praising Mary, moralizing at the reader and a good dose of PIE! Well, maybe we’ll get lucky, and she’ll just help them separate the recycling they brought over…

    Archie “This just in…[sniff]…’Archie’ refuses to die….!”

    ASM Now comes the really fun part: when Iron Man mistakes Spidey for HIS lost love and takes him back to the Stark Mansion. My guess? Once Peter sees the size of the TV, he’ll be willing to play along.

  23. BigDave
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    What worries me about today’s Six Chix is that the women appear to be hormonally advanced 8 year olds – at least based on their height when compared to the pizza stained couch.

  24. Liam
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    MW-Will the self congratulation ever end? Are they even going to have a parade in her honor?

  25. True Fable
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    Evidently there is no more plot to 9 Chickweed Lane other than Edda pin-ups as Nicolette Cignet cheesecake, and Pibgorn’s commentary section so Brooke can talk about how fabulous he is in all things. It must be incredibly exhausting to be Brooke McEldowney, publicly masturbating to not one but two of his own comic strips every day.

  26. DebiDawg
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    MW: Oh puke! I’m tuning out till we get a pool party.

  27. Tom T.
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    The *current* run of Archie strips are from an earlier age? As opposed to some Archie strips that are not? Which are those?

  28. He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Peter. When you have personal beef with Thor, you don’t go trying to involve his team of allies. Especially since the only way you could beat any solitary one of them is by not being newspaper Spidey.

  29. pugfuggly
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    @BigDave (#23):

    Maybe they’re just praying for some stain remover….?

  30. Gabacho
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth – You know, we haven’t actually established that Emily was kidnapped. I’ve been wondering if the little vixen was merely dating the older fellow, having gotten the idea from the various Chris Hansen shows. This would give Mary a whole new tack since Mary loves getting people back together, no matter how whacked out their relationship is.

  31. True Fable
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Flunky Wangstinger And the Funky Winkerbean crowd goes wild – I smell cancer!

    RMMD PDQ HDTV IOU On top of everything else, Rex appears practically blind in panel two.

    Mary Wrath Hail Mary, full of capice!

    The Amazing Super Foot Spider-Sense Failure #13: cannot tell when a superfoot will spring out of nowhere and dole out an ass-whuppin’. Tomorrow: Special Guest Star Chuck Norris!

  32. Anonymous
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Blondie – Oh dear – graffiti artists snuck in and tagged the tablecloth between panels 1 and 2. Also, Thai restaurants don’t have fortune cookies. Also also, the heavy product placement by Thai Coconut solves the age-old mystery of where Dagwood and Blondie live: Clearwater, Florida. (And I know a couple of Mudges have mentioned that they’re from the Tampa Bay area, so by all means let us know if you ever see Dagwood and Mr. Dithers at lunch.)

    MT – Say what now, Tommy??? If you’re out hunting and you suddenly decide to leave, you leave your jacket on the ground and poor old Butch just sits on it waiting for you to come back? He’s not just blind, he’s dumb.

    MW – I think they’ve got Mary’s sweater in the bag.

    Where do y’all find Cul de Sac when Darkgate is a day behind (as it is today)? I thought it was in the WaPo but it’s not there.

  33. Mibbitmaker
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    S-M (re: Josh): Our fun, for sure!

    6C: Too bad, ladies, but he naps (how DARE he?!), drinks beer, eats pizza (sloppily)… in other words, according to pop culture, he’s everyman. EVERYman. Only thing missing is 24 hours of football programming, 365/6 days a year.

    MW: My reaction when I first saw this late last night was Oh, FOR GOD’S SAKE! STILL?!?! Not only is Mary going for Oprah’s “Queen of the World” title, but also the Les Moore “Specialest Snowflake” status!

    MT: Rabbit: “Hey! Looka me! I’m trained well, too! See? Hey! HEY!!!…..”
    (I almost switched today’s intended PCK for tomorrow’s to coincide with the last two days’ MT. Hint: It’s a Jimmy Carter gag.)

  34. Little Guy
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    Archie: WBAL, KGO, WMAR, KPIX, WBBL, KNTV,… which station is Dan Brenon on?

    Lio: Shoutout win!

    PBS: Best cartoon avatar since Frank Cho.

    Reinteration Interrogation: As much as we all fixate of the jubbliness in the background, if we didn’t have them, this would have been as riveting as Abby painting the room yellow while in a burka.

  35. wossname
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#32): That was me (computer troubles killed my cookies) and I screwed up the link to Thai Coconut.

  36. TheDiva
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    MW: In case you didn’t get the message the past two weeks, here’s Mary with a halo around her head.

    SM: Is it just me, or does every attempt by Spider-Man to get other superheroes to do his dirty work for him begin with said superheroes smacking him around? Maybe that’s their incentive for helping him out.

    C’shaft: No, I think Jeff has a valid point. (Mind you, he’s still being a dick about it.) What has Cranky done that’s sports related, beyond a single season in the minor leagues and being the token white champion for his token black teammate?

    FW: The Westview faithful burst with joy at the Specialest Snowflake’s single two-point basket. Hey, when your team is this bad, you take your kicks where you can find them.

    Lio: Win.

    Luann: “Mostly I’m afraid Rosa will get away before I have a chance to poison her and add her to my ‘doll collection’…”

    PBS: Anyone else have this song running through their head now?

  37. Powers
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Um, isn’t Thor a /member/ of the Avengers?

  38. SxSWhistlebritches
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    MW: These vacant-eyed rubes look like perfect cult material. Next thing you know, they’ll be ripping the beating hearts out smug snowy owls for the glory of mighty Mary-ma. On the plus side, it has the makings of a fabulous Mark Trail crossover.

  39. TheDiva
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#33): Maybe the Six Chix lady thought she was going on an online dating site, but it was actually a casting call for a Super Bowl commercial.

  40. word-doctor
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    MT: “That’s good training. I have TRAINED Cherry in the same WAY: she stays near my DRESS SHOES while I’m researching these CUTTING edge stories about honkers WITNESSING and blind DOGS!”

  41. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    Crank: Oh, he does belong in some sort of “Hall of Fame” alright..

    FW: So all it takes is for Bull to sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up, and the girls’ team can then perform?

    Luann: ……………..WHAT??

    Marvin: Can’t say the same for your diapers, you little shit stain.

    MW: So nice of Mr. and Mrs. Smith to give Mary their garbage.

    RMMD: What’s that? Foster’s unsent remittance for enduring Rex’s skull-fuckings all these years?

    Archie: Haven’t these people ever heard of 24-hour news channels?

    SixChix: I won’t even go there.

    Love is…: How about just a “ride”?

  42. Roy
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#12):

    I know, it is just Leviticus quotes annoy me, but I have a very good friend who is an ultra orthodox jew these days, and boy is he a pain about it. I think from a Christian perspective it would be better to quote

    1 Corinthians 3:16-17
    Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?
    If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are.

    This has a much better New Testament pedigree, and does the job just as well.

  43. Roy
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#33):

    MW: If only she could have her hopes and dreams dashed, or maybe Dr Jeff can get cancer…

    I take that all back, that would be unbearable

  44. Pyzimber
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#24): The “Mary’s Day Thanksgiving Day Parade” arc starts next week. BTW, the formula for Mary Worth: 5 weeks of slow-moving plot development + 1 day of actual action/resolution + 7 weeks of Mary pontificating or self-congratulating to everyone in her universe = Not much work in the storyline department for the cartoonist.

  45. sporknpork
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    “Thank you, Mary, for saving our child and telling everyone you see about your deed. As a gesture of goodwill, here’s a Hefty bag full of filth.”

  46. Kinghasnoclothes
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Fakey Wigglebone: Has the question already been answered as to why the woman coach is no longer coaching? I don’t follow this funny-page standout close enough to know. The obvious answer is a sex scandal involving one of her players.

  47. Esther Blodgett
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Today’s mashup devoutly to be wished: Mary Worth opens the mysterious lumpy gift bag to find Stephan Pastis’ removable head and/or leg inside. C’mon, please?

  48. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#4):

    Re: FW – No kidding. Summer is drawn as average height for a high-school girl, yet here she is playing above the rim for an easy lay-in. Maybe one of Coach Anal’s plays was focused on having the Special Snowflake detector installed on the backboard, the one that lowers the rim by two feet whenever Summer touches the ball.

    RMMD – “Another six figure check? Damnit, they are starting to pile up again. Now I’ll have to have one of the servants make a special trip all the way to the bank in order to make a deposit. And I just sent her with last week’s checks! People who think having money and boats gifted to them all day, every day, never stop and think what a burden it can be! SIGH!!.

    Luann – Now we see why there are less than a dozen kids at Pitts High School. Even the teenagers are too overwhelmed with their own stupidity to have sex.

  49. Maggie the Cat
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    I also immediately assumed the cellophane wrapped gift basket contained a body part of the kidnapper…. perhaps his insanely small head?

  50. Esther Blodgett
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    GT: Also in the Bible: Cross not Cortez Beecher, lest ye be sucked into the black hole of his upper lip. Uh…it’s in the back somewhere.

  51. Pyzimber
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    MW: In a shocking plot twist, Mr. & Mrs. Smith pull out a gun from the gift basket/bag they brought Mary, and demand that Emily get her promised rainbow swirl ice cream.

    GT: The giant head of Cortez Beecher certainly has me convinced not to get a tattoo. He still looks like Dick Cheney, though.

    H&L: I know I’m not supposed to care much about H&L, but what kind of workplace puts desks like that so close together? And Hi’s boss looks like he’s wearing a professor’s commencement gown!

  52. Tim O'Shenko
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    MW: Oh, shoot. Here I thought they were bringing Mary some gold, frankincense, and myrhh.

  53. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    JP: “If you’ve got something to tell me, now’s the time.” “I love you, Jim—I’ve always loved you. I know that I’m married and, you know, have boy parts and all, and we live in a universe of pure heterosexuality, but gosh darn it, I just can’t help the way I feel!”

    Curtis: Ooh, so Curtis is about to embark on a trenchant, up-to-date commentary on the controversy over for-profit schools and their often hollow promises of guaranteed unemployment, right? Either that, or we’ll get six months of Diane’s studies being interrupted by “Maaaaaa! Curtis is hitting me for no good reason!”

    MW: So I turned on my computer this morning and moseyed over to the WashPost comics site to check out the new plot starting this week in Mary Worth, and . . . Gah! Makeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstop!

  54. Dood
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    Whelp, Mary’s got a brand-new bag. Hey!

  55. LP2004
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#50): Must be in the Second Book of Esther.

  56. Little Guy
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    GT: Can he also get away with sitting down eating shrimp cocktails in the presence of President Bartlett COACH THORP?

  57. word-doctor
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#48):

    Re: Luanne-Pointed end first.

  58. Little Guy
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    ASM: Sorry, if it doesn’t have John Steed, it’s not the Avengers.

  59. Dennis the Two and a Half Menace
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    Archie: “Heyyyyyyyy, Mannnnnnn, Nicccccccce shot!”

  60. Austria
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    FW: TOKEN MINORITY PASSES TO SPECIALEST SNOWFLAKE! SHE SHOOTS! SHE SCORES! THE CROWD GOES WILD! ALL HAIL THE SPECIALEST SNOWFLAKE, SAVIOR OF BASKETBALL!!!

    MW: Oh gosh darnit

    PBS: So this is how everyone keeps un-dying.

  61. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    @Dale (#y283): Some do, and most don’t. I don’t know why, although I kind of like it when they don’t, mainly because a lack of a clock makes it easier for the class to lose track of time and become completely involved in what we’re doing.

    @wossname (#35): In answer to your CdS query, you can find it on the WashPost comics page if you click on the “Web Comics” tab on that page.

  62. Sequitur
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @[wossname disguised as]Anonymous (#32): My Darkgate has today’s (Jan 24) Cul de Sac (Petey gets bonked with a marimba mallet). However, you can right click on the comic, select “Open Link in New Tab” and it will take you to the comic source which, in this case, is Go Comics.

  63. Cal
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    @Katie (#6): I thought the halo around Mary’s head was a nice touch…

  64. tutuvabene
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth needs to be referred to the Catholic Church for sainthood. How many times have we seen the nimbus around Mary’s head?

  65. Señor Tortilla
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    GT: See, the Christian dude and the gay guy don’t want to get tattoos. Well, that just about covers it for moral superiority, right?

    MW: Didn’t they say earlier that Mary could’ve gotten a cash reward for finding Emily from Goleta? Surely that wasn’t from the police (was from the parents, obviously) which means Emily’s parents are quite wealthy. This means that Wayne (I’ve heard this was his name, can’t be sure) was holding Emily for possible ransom (explains why was taking care of her). But if it was a reward, not a ransom, then Wayne could’ve explained that he “found her wandering” and could’ve collected the cash.

    Spider-Man: Spider-Man getting smacked around? That means today is a good day.

    9CL: Remember the “evil clause invoked”, and I hypothesized that it didn’t apply to Edda as we assumed, but her red-headed friend so that Edda would be used as a full model…? I wonder if McEldowney’s forgot that part.

    OK, and now for something else: I’m working on a webcomic (partially inspired by newspaper comics, I admit) but there’s a problem: I can’t draw all that well. I can’t do faces well (more, however, than the famous Tim Buckley “B^U”) and can’t draw body shapes all that well. Drawing guys is bad (roughly an inverted triangle and legs) and drawing women is worse (either they have very wide hips, or generic non-gender bodies).

    I don’t want to swing the other way too far, however (like 9CL) and have lovingly rendered human-like bodies but a comic-strip head.

    I also have a lot of good ideas in terms of writing, but I don’t want to suck, and/or delude myself into thinking into a wonderful writer (like 9CL and FW), nor do I want light puns that everyone’s heard before (most comic strips).

    I can’t draw very well some basic everyday things (like cars).

    I also need to start out halfway decent…I don’t want to apologize for how sucky it is, and I need to know my limits: I was considering publishing it for a college newspaper, but I had to remove some characters that would get me shot (or worse) because I feared some people wouldn’t get the satire.

  66. bats :[
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    MW: I think the big baggie is just Wayne’s head. The rest of his body has been offered as a burnt sacrifice on the Charterstone community center’s grill.

    Of course you know what this means….POOL PARTY!

  67. Oregonian
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    “My wife found me online, and I have rarely left any kind of mark on the upholstery in her house in the eight years or so since I moved into it. ”

    Mrs. Josh, would you care to confirm or deny this statement? Men have a tendency to underestimate their… uh… impact on a household.

  68. Yahtzee
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    Over the years, Mrs. Andrews seems to be getting younger and thinner, while her husband remains the same pudgy middle-aged guy with a comb-over. Question: Is this because (a) Mr. Andrews is the luckiest man in the world, or (b) Mrs. Andrews is the unluckiest woman in the world? The answer is (b), because they both live in “Archie.”

  69. Cal
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#65): good luck on your new project! 3 suggestions — you can team up with an artist, draw stick-figures like xkcd does (successfully), or take some drawing classes and read some good books like “how to draw cartoons” and “how to draw the human figure” and practice until you get it right. I can occasionally draw, but not with any consistency, so I had to stick with one-off cartoons rather than strips with continuing characters. Remember, with cartoons, less is more — you can leave out the details.

  70. hogenmogen
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    Josh, I think it is the kidnapper’s head in a bag. Why would you think that the Smiths are presenting Mary with the dismembered body of the kidnapper? That could be anyone’s torso.

    Wife: Honey, you remember that we’re visitng Goddess Mary Worth tonight, right?
    Husband: What? Do we have any severed body parts to present?
    Wife: Not since last night’s stroganoff, dear.
    Husband: Crap! Now I’ve got to leave work an hour early so I can hack up some stranger.
    Wife: Gosh, you’re right. I’ll wrap it up nicely. She won’t notice there are no fingerprints or dental records for identification. Will she??
    Husband: When we get there, distract her with a bear hug. I’ll put the stomach on a table or something.

  71. Tony
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    MW: Oh, man! I had to feel bad for the family. In the first panel it seemed like they were doing everything right, establishing worshipful fealty from the very beginning with a pilgrimage. But from Mary’s reaction, we see that mistakes were made right off the bat. You don’t just rush in and hug Mary Worth! And you don’t offer her a shapeless bag of . . . whatever that is, clumsily tied at the top. You bring her a tasteful present carefully wrapped by Martha Stewart herself, and you humbly *wait* to be called into the Presence.

  72. Pink Floyd
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    Mary worth
    You gotta love the halo. It’s like an old renaissance painting and the moral
    Of the story is about as charming. Who enjoys this dribble… Other than to lampoon it….

  73. NoahSnark
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    Nothing like seeing Spider-Man get smacked in the mouth to start your morning right.

  74. bats :[
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    Things are just Biblical all over the place today…

  75. S. Stout
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    Thor is a member of the Avengers, so it’s more likely that Mary Jane asked to be rescued fromSpider-Man. “He just sits on the couch all day while I pay the rent! He makes me wear a Spider Tracer so I can’t get away from him! Save me Thor!”

  76. Mell Lazarus
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#65): Don’t sweat the artwork. It is highly overrated.

  77. Der Schnärkïnätör
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @vanya (#18):

    I’d say early 1980′s at the latest, more likely the 1970′s. Knobs were already starting to become a thing of the past in the mid ’80s with remotes becoming the standard.

  78. bats :[
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    More speculation and random gesturing:

    The Smiths aren’t oo-tay ight-bray…Mr. Smith was supposed to set down the big bag o’ poop (courtesy of Mark Trail’s friends Molly, Honey and Rusty) on the welcome mat and set it on fire BEFORE Mrs. Smith rang the door bell.
    This is going to be awkward…

  79. Dennis Jimenez
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    6-C – I always wanted to put this place on the map – Now I’m on the DOJ Sex Offender Registry – How cool is that!!!

    MW – I was guessing human head – Aldo’s decomposing skulll!!!

    Archie – Did this one run after the SC primary?

    S-M – So, TZAP – a zap to the testes? I gotta get with this crazy lingo….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  80. hogenmogen
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    http://www.chron.com/entertainment/comics-games/comic/Judge-Parker/

    Jim: If you’ve got something to tell me, now is the time.

    Sam: I fantasize about field hockey players… Oh, off subject?

  81. hogenmogen
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    http://www.chron.com/entertainment/comics-games/comic/Mark-Trail/

    Mark: That’s good training!

    Tommy: And I don’t shower often!

  82. Horace Broon
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    A3G: “I was thinking ‘I know you’re not really my parents, but that’s okay, because you were horrible at it. So it’s actually something of a relief.’”

    GT: Wait, did the religious guy just use Leviticus to support the gay guy?

    H&J: Seen in isolation, this appears to be a stip about Herb feeling guilt over lying to his friend. If you’ve read yesterday’s strip though, it’s clear that he’s depressed because he lied to his friend and he still isn’t getting to go golfing. (He’s also glossing over the extent to which he lied, so he’s lying to himself as well.)

    JP: “Look, you’re tight with the Driver/Parker plutocracy, so if you have tried to kill someone I can make it go away. But you need to be honest with me.”

    Luann: I’m normally happy to snark about how unrealistic these people are along with everyone else, but man, Gunther is so me 20 years ago.

    And now I’m depressed. Not because I was a geeky loser (I’ve come to terms with that), but because I was apparently scripted by Greg Evans. At least it wasn’t Batuik, or I’d be dead by now.

    MT: But … but he’s still wearing his jacket …

    RMMD: I was going to ask how great a book written by a shiftless drunk would actually be (“Chapter 6: Yuor my bst freind, ykno”), and then I remembered this was the comics page, where “shiftless drunk” overqualifies you to be a bestselling novelist.

    S4th: Hmm. I’m generally sceptical of the whole “If the main couple hadn’t met when they did, they’d have got together anyway somehow, because it’s DESTINY!” concept. But Ted’s insane burbling about his “real” life is so funny I’m sold. (Although I still can’t help feeling Sally should run a mile at this point.)

  83. bats :[
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    @Mell Lazarus (#76): **snort**

    Mary’s been lauded and adored and canonized already (at least in my own mind).

  84. jjjohnson
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    Great religious quote in todays Gil Thorp!

  85. hogenmogen
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    http://www.chron.com/entertainment/comics-games/comic/Snuffy-Smith/

    Jughaid playing marbles makes me think that Hootin’ Holler is something like the fabled Scottish town of Brigadoon that appears for a single day in each century. Unknown to them, the leap-second will expose their secret by throwing thier clocks off almost half a minute. And the fact that they think marbles is a cool thing to do.

  86. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 24th, 2012 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    9CL: good ol’ Charley Brown is about to find a different thing to eat his kite. . . .

    Lio: shout-out win!

    PBS: o_O. artists perhaps should not art with a 103 degree fever?

    JUMBLE: Sherman looks a bit different outside of his lagoon.

    MG&G: dang, that Soviet surplus is easy to get!

  87. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 24th, 2012 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    Love Is . . . going down.

  88. Liam
    January 24th, 2012 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    Archie-September 11th has finally hit the Archieverse.

    MW-As reward for bringing us our daughter we present you the head of her kidnapper.

  89. Johnny Knuckles
    January 24th, 2012 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    Snider-Man: So the other day the Wife and me made an unexpected visit to another couple’s place.
    The lights were off when we walked in and and the Wife sez, “Why so dark?”
    I just finish replying, “Maybe they’re not here,” when out of the black a fist hits me upside the head.
    “They’re here alright,” quips the Wife.
    Turns out they weren’t there. Home invaders tied them up in the garage and we kind of surprised them in the middle of dismantling the home theater.
    Anyhoo, the swelling has gone down and the Wife and me can laugh about it now.

  90. Hyhybt
    January 24th, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#77): They were still available new in the late 80′s… and I still have one :)

    Though I only use it when I pull out an old tape; otherwise any TV I watch is on the computer anyway.

  91. terrapin
    January 24th, 2012 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#74): Ha ha! Good one.

  92. These Strange Worlds
    January 24th, 2012 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    Mark

    Think of it as evolution in action.

    http://www.chron.com/entertainment/comics-games/comic/Mark-Trail/

    Everyone knows the story of the normally brown-ish white moths that slowly turned darkish-gray as the industrial evolution progressed in Europe. It seems that the normally recessive gene for gray-ness expressed itself as steam-age soot began to coat trees. All the better to hide themselves.

    What, you never heard that?

    OK, Everyone who went to high school before 1974 knows…

    Anyway, a similar phenomenon is apparently taking place in Lost Forest. As the apex predator switches to a non-visual approach to hunting, the canine’s main prey is changing from the normal brown color to a white coat.

    It’s amazing really.

    Either that or somebody bought a bunch of tame domestic rabbits at the Lost Forest Pet Emporium and “salted the field” so to speak so his blind dog would look good for TV.

  93. AhClem
    January 24th, 2012 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#65): It’s possible for a comic strip to be successful without good art if it’s well-written. For example, see any “Reply All” strip (well, except for the “well-written” part).

    As for Mary, receiving the big bag of $100 bills from the Smiths puts her in the company of Sam Driver and Rex Morgan in the “I Received A Shitload of Money For Doing Essentially Nothing” club.

  94. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 24th, 2012 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    6C: If only it were possible to somehow break ties with an unsatisfying romantic prospect. Oh well, I guess it’s just a pipedream.

    MW: Torso? No, that’s Wayne’s head with some decorative tissue paper filling out the package. Wayne’s torso was pulled apart by four Hummers at the latest monster truck rally.

    S-M: Hey, whoda thunk that when you attempt a B&E on the Avengers’ mansion they get pissed off?

    RMMD: In a surprise twist, Foster has left his entire estate to Dr. Morgan, but only on the condition that Rex read the screenplay he was working on. This just might be a dealbreaker.

    FC: “An’ my brain’s got hem’roids.”

    DtM: The elder Mitchells look awfully annoyed at Dennis for crying poverty to the phone solicitors, but at least he’s doing something to get rid of them. They really need to get over their pride.

    S4th: Ted is distracted by a brief view at the other side of the sliding doors.

    MT: Mark, the consummate outdoorsman and nature lover, is amazed to hear that a dog has a strong sense of smell. Or he’s better at covering boredom than I would have given him credit for.

    Phantom: Ah, it’s aspirational movie night at the Ten Tigers compound. “This film depicts a competent, well-administered criminal organization with fearsome ninjas. With research and development we hope to be there in the next five years.”

  95. These Strange Worlds
    January 24th, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    Mary

    Just what IS in that bag? Vote early and often.

    My nominees are either ice cream or a macrame wall hanging of mary herself.

  96. Walker of Dog
    January 24th, 2012 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    A3G: New York has spoken. Lu Ann self-deports.

    GT: Cortez’s sanctimonious triumph is short-lived, after Parker notices the tag on the team jersey: 50% linen, 50% wool.

    Plug: Pluggers never got memory chips implanted in their brains, because who wants a Plugger ruining the collective hive-mind.

  97. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 24th, 2012 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    BG&SS: It has been 5497 days since the Exalted Angora of the Order of the Brotherhood of Billy Goats has made an appearance in the comic strip that bears his name.

  98. joffeorama
    January 24th, 2012 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    considering how many other Mary Worth storylines tend to revolve around “don’t trust new people or technology, it will only hurt you!” I’m really hoping that this is in fact a long con. “We’re so grateful! Now if only we could get a little seed money to get our wealthy friend out of Spanish prison…”

  99. Shrug
    January 24th, 2012 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#36):

    “C’shaft: No, I think Jeff has a valid point. (Mind you, he’s still being a dick about it.) What has Cranky done that’s sports related, beyond a single season in the minor leagues and being the token white champion for his token black teammate?”

    Well, to be fair, we’ve heard several times that in an exhibition game against the major league club, Crankshaft struck out several (3? 5?) powerful hitters in a row.

    And while I don’t know how long he spent in the minor leagues, it was presumably more than a single season. I think he spent only a single season with the Toledo AAA team, but (almost) no one then or now starts a baseball career at that level, so he presumably put in a few years in the lower minors before getting to TripleA.

    (Sidelight rant: it’s always bothered me that the whole system of minor league classification (D, C, B, A, AA, AAA) got “rationalized” into the present A/AA/AAA scheme; it’s like supermarket products that come into in sizes large/extralarge/colossal.)

  100. These Strange Worlds
    January 24th, 2012 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    Spidy

    Show of hands:

    When visiting a superhero team’s headquarters to solicit assistance (involvng the possible insanity and probably felonious actions of one of said team’s members) the proper approach is to politely knock on the door and if there is no answer, leave a business card with a note stating when a return call would be acceptable.

    OK. Now show of hands:

    When visiting a superhero team’s headquarters to solicit assistance (involvng the possible insanity and probably felonious actions of one of said team’s members) the proper approach is to bend open the moly-cert bars on the skylight with your super strength and jump into the trophy room mumbling to yourself.

    I thought so.

  101. bats :[
    January 24th, 2012 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    @These Strange Worlds (#92): Sure, it might be a domesticated rabbit, but I’m torn as to whether it’s the Cursing Bunny seen on TV’s Craig Ferguson’s The Late, Late Show or the Deady Cairbannog…
    Heck, sometimes a white bunny is just a white bunny, not really much more logical than a squirrel.

  102. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 24th, 2012 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    The Power of Labrador eyes compels you.

    gigglez.

    a better ending for the Settlocalypse.

    slowsquee.

    if Mr. Burns was an otter.

  103. Sequitur
    January 24th, 2012 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    @These Strange Worlds (#95): POOL PARTY! supplies!

  104. A different JD
    January 24th, 2012 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    I’m hoping the bag that Mr. & Mrs. Smith brought contains the heads of the couple who lifted Mary’s wallet in the previous story arc. That would be real gratitude.

    One thing, though: after running this stupid plot for more than a month, Moy and Giella can’t be arsed to give the Smiths first names? Like “Smith” was struggle enough to have thought up?

  105. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 24th, 2012 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    @Oregonian (#67): Josh hasn’t peed on the sofa recently, unlike Marmaduke.

  106. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 24th, 2012 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    GA: How can I not like a strip that puts a beautiful word like “contumelious” back in circulation? Thank you, Mr. Scancarelli.

  107. Walker of Dog
    January 24th, 2012 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: The memo line on that check should read “Because you’re just so goddamned awesome”.

    MW: The Smiths’ diabolical plan:
    – Step 1: pop Mary’s head off her withered neck with an overaggresive hug.
    – Step 2: replace it with the big pumpkin in that bag.
    – Step 3: revel in Broadway fame and forture with their groundbreaking theatrical creation,
    Dolly Levi and Ichabod Crane FOREVER.

  108. TheDiva
    January 24th, 2012 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#99): I guess I’ve always assumed Cranky kept yammering on about that one baseball game because it was the sole accomplishment of his athletic career (and his entire life). If he’d gone to high school, he’d be the guy who can’t stop waxing nostalgic about high school because he’s totally squandered his adulthood.

  109. Snuggs
    January 24th, 2012 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    It is now time for the Avengers to live up to their name and avenge the character assassination of every Marvel hero that’s appeared in this strip. The bitch-slapping of Spider-Man is a great opening salvo, so kudos, Mr. Stark.

  110. Calico
    January 24th, 2012 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @Lolsworth (#3):
    What a terrific movie that was. I saw it with my parents when it was released.

    Josh, I was thinking pretty much the same when I saw the bag the Smith family brought Mary-only I thought “Severed head.”

  111. Frank Lee Meidere
    January 24th, 2012 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @Roy (#42): However, the verse before makes it perfectly clear that the only way to “defile” the temple (the body) is through sexual sin. So tattoos don’t count. Neither does smoking, or eating transfats.

  112. btown
    January 24th, 2012 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    MW: wouldn’t it be fun if everybody that Mary has ever “helped” began showing up at her door, one after the other, filling up her condo until it looked like a “Where’s Waldo” cartoon?

  113. Sequitur
    January 24th, 2012 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    @btown (#112): Only it would be a “Where’s Wilbur” montage where we could spot Wilbur because he’d be the one holding a sandwich.

  114. odinthor
    January 24th, 2012 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    H&L. — Tsk. That’s no way to refer to one’s spouse! After all, getting married was your boo-boo too!

    Boffo. — But those aren’t . . . I mean, why . . . oh, never mind.

  115. El Gringo
    January 24th, 2012 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    I have rarely left any kind of mark on the upholstery in her house in the eight years or so since I moved into it

    Just sayin’ … I lived with my girlfriend for five years, and she never let me forget it was her house.

  116. Effluvius Erratus
    January 24th, 2012 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#66) & (#83): Unfortunately for the Smiths, the head of such an unkempt and ill-mannered person is a most unfitting, almost offensive, sacrifice to the Heavenly Queen of Counsel. Unasked, Maria of the Many Meddles deigned to aid these Goletans, and their daughter Emily has been returned to their lowly midst. For such intervention, nothing less than their most treasured possession will do — which is to say, Emily.

    Normally, such an offering — far from being brutally and bloodily sacrificed — would taken into Mary’s Collegium Charterstoneum to be “trained-up” and offered to an appropriately bland male within Mary’s circle (see: Toby, Adrian, Dawn, Delilah, etc.), but of the two requirements for such a vaunted position — virginal purity and cow-like submissiveness (which, as her behavior in the diner suggests, Emily has in spades) — Mary must have some doubts about the former. After all, Emily’s kidnapper demanded no ransom and extorted no favor, which implies that Emily herself was his prize.

    To see if Emily’s purity remains intact, as it were, the Pious Proprietress of Propriety will convene a Pool Party. If Emily sinks, then her purity is vouchsafed, albeit posthumously; a feast of “salmon” squares will be had by all; and the Smiths will find peace in the knowledge that a little part of Emily lives on in each Charterstonean (and at a higher standard of living than she could ever achieve in Goleta!). If she floats, she’ll be cast into Kelrast Canyon like the rest of Charterstone’s un-Worthies.

  117. Señor Tortilla
    January 24th, 2012 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    @AhClem (#93): I’m thinking “Reply All” was passed because of who that hack knows. That or people were just mesmerized by what shapes appear in the woman’s scribbled pantyhose.

  118. Baka Gaijin
    January 24th, 2012 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#Y277): What a happy website.

    @Droopy Says (#Y282) on Mark Trail: A cat would scrape dirt over that jacket and walk away. Same could be said about Mary Worth’s sweater. Where the hell is that thing anyways?

  119. Frank Lee Meidere
    January 24th, 2012 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @These Strange Worlds (#92):

    Think of it as evolution in action.

    I’m so hoping you’re quoting from Oath of Fealty.

  120. bunivasal
    January 24th, 2012 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    Guys, O’Brenon isn’t a news anchor. He’s just some guy that the Andrews family has locked in their Head Microwave.

  121. The Rixter of Dibley
    January 24th, 2012 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    MW: Is there no end to this madness!?!

  122. bats :[
    January 24th, 2012 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    @Effluvius Erratus (#116): thinking more about this (and we’re all doing way to much of it, given the subject matter), if we wanted to get all Old Testamenty Biblical about this, forget the fruit basket or back issues of Reader’s Digest or whatever’s in that bag. I’d have Mary pull the Abraham and Isaac gambit: if you two are so very grateful to have your daughter returned, then sacrifice her to the Awesomeness of Mary. Maybe there’ll be a Costco bag of hamburgers to sacrifice in Emily’s place if her parents are faithful and really very grateful — maybe not. It’s a vengeful god thing, you know.

  123. Austria
    January 24th, 2012 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#65): I second Cal’s suggestion to pick up some books, but one thing to be careful about with how-to-draw books – you don’t want to pick up that particular artist’s style. Use the guidelines for inspiration, like for proportions and stuff, and techniques to pick up, but don’t try to copy things exactly. It’s better to develop your own way of drawing. And don’t even think about picking up a “How to draw Manga” book, because they’re always terrible. I have yet to find one that isn’t completely ridiculous.

  124. The Rixter of Dibley
    January 24th, 2012 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    MT: Hmm… I wonder if Tommy could train my jacket to always stay near me? That way I wouldn’t keep losing it.

  125. Frank Lee Meidere
    January 24th, 2012 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#117): Sometimes I find myself reading Reply All with some degree of affection. But that’s because my critical faculties have phased out slightly and my brain has started to view them as though they were drawn by a young girl. “How sweet,” I think. “For a six-year-old, she’s quite accomplished.”

    And then I remember that they’re supposedly written and drawn by a fully-grown woman and I have to slap myself upside the head to snap out of it.

    On a slightly-related note, I managed a corner store for a while about 30 years ago as a favour for the couple who owned it. (She was going through cancer treatment at the time.) The local postman befriended me and often came in with the request that I punch him on the side of the head. And he meant punch! He said that sometimes his head went funny and getting punched helped him straighten out.

    People say I have an irrational distrust of postmen, but I don’t really think it’s all that irrational.

  126. NotThatGuy
    January 24th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    SM: Once again, that amazing spider sense shows its fickle sense…of humor!

    Archie: I thought Dan Brenon just had allergies.

    And MW: So very, very creepy, so.

  127. Sequitur
    January 24th, 2012 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    bb,u, you’re needed in New York City.

  128. Frank Lee Meidere
    January 24th, 2012 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#65): Try Bitstrips. It allows you to create characters to your own design (with some limitation) and even comes with a wide variety of props. There are also shapes and lines that can be used to create your own props. You can see some examples here, here, and a completely different look (but same platform) here.

    It’s probably the most flexible program out there for making comics. It’s not easy, and still requires a sense of design (and of course, writing), but it sure helps.

  129. wossname
    January 24th, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#62): Yeah, Darkgate updated CdS a little while ago. But you’re right, all I needed to do was click on their link. Next time maybe I’ll remember that.

  130. AndyL
    January 24th, 2012 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    I’m hoping that it becomes apparent that Mr and Mrs Smith (If that is their real name.) are abusing their child, and now Marry Worth has to kidnap her to save her.

  131. Marc
    January 24th, 2012 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth- What the tits is the deal with Emily’s joker smile in panel one? She looks like she’s having stroke.

    Luann- Apparently Knute is the only character around that realizes what a total and completely dipshit Gunther is. “I like her so the best thing to do is not going to hang out with her”. Even for Evans this is fucked up logic.

    Funky- So Summer lays it up on the 6 ft high hoop and the crowd goes nuts as they cut the deficit to 32 pts.

    Cranky- Goddam it. It’s happening, I knew it. I was holding out hope I’d be wrong but now we just have to wait it out until that old dickhead is up on stage in his tuxedo and trucker, mispronouncing every other word in his induction speech.

    Hi & Lois- Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve never been berated by a boss for being 5 minutes late ONE TIME.

    Curtis- We all know that the Wilkins family has an aversion to money, hence Diane’s face. That is why they take every opportunity to remain in their impoverished state. I mean they won’t even buy their kids separate beds. Seriously, who makes their adolescent son sleep in the same bed with his younger brother?

  132. Apeman
    January 24th, 2012 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    I’m starting to think that Newspaper Spidey’s spider-sense is not a built in precognitive function, as it is with Comic Spidey and Movie Spidey. Newspaper Spidey’s spider-sense is controlled by an invisible astral being who always hovers within a few yards of Spidey. And this astral being only allows Spidey access to his spider-sense on a whim, just to screw with him. And it never allows access to his spider-sense on any occasion when he would need it, such as when Iron Man, falling bricks, or baseball bats are around. Then it laughs at poor Spidey as his blood pools on the floor.

  133. Marc
    January 24th, 2012 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#131): For Cranky is should be “Trucker Hat”

  134. word-doctor
    January 24th, 2012 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#131):

    Hi and Lois: It may be that the boss is berating him for spending 5 minutes kissing an infected abrasion, or that he misheard and thought Hi was late because he was kissing a boob.

  135. Amateur
    January 24th, 2012 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: “Which one is, for me, the best”? Who talks like that?
    Sally Forth: Methinks Ces has been watching a little bit too much Once upon a Time. (“We totally have a daughter together! In another life!”)
    Mary Worth: Da-da-da-go away! Da-da-END END END END!! [/mst3k]

  136. gnome de blog
    January 24th, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#48):
    The reverse left-handed layin is impressive enough without Summer’s inexplicably serious hops (she once dunked in practice, or so she said). As near as I can tell, Summer is 5’6″ in real life and 6’5″ on the basketball court.

    But seriously folks, Batiuk deserves a little love here for his artistic skill. His depiction of basketball action is far more realistic than anything ever seen in (Death To) Gil Thorp – admittedly a low standard. Panel 3 is excellent, with the exultant Scapenannies running back up the court and the opposing player with hands on hips in frustration. There’s a lot said there. Very nice job, Tom.

  137. Calico
    January 24th, 2012 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#131):
    Re: 5 minutes late, yes, I have, and even though I was friends with him and his wife, the guy was (is?) fucking crazy. I really think he has borderline personality disorder.

  138. commodorejohn
    January 24th, 2012 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    A3G – I am on tenterhooks. (I’m also excited, but I’d be enjoying myself more if I was off these damn tenterhooks.)

    Bizarro – Actually, rotary phones are a hell of a lot easier on the fingers. If I could get a cell phone with a dial, I’d do it. (Yes, I’ve seen the mockups for touch-screen smartphones. No, it’s not the same thing at all.)

    C&B – Mark Leiknes, you are a sick, sick man.

    DT – Tracy vs. Putty Puss in a nightclub? It’s gonna turn into a ballroom blitz!

    F- – “Meanwhile, I’ll just continue to stare down your cleavage which the counter has so cruelly denied the reader.”

    FC – “Also, I smell colors, and my feet are turning into elbows. What did you put in that cough syrup, Mommy?”

    FW – It’s kind of hilarious that Funky Winkerbean of all things provides a more dynamic, engaging depiction of high-school athletics than Gil Thorp.

    GT – On the other hand, Gil Thorp‘s plots are way better. Tattoos! They’re not fabulous enough for (wink wink, nudge nudge,) nor Biblical enough for decent, God-fearing Americans! The only people who could want a tattoo are shiftless layabout teenagers and filthy foreign terrorists, like New Zealanders!

    HTH – …whaaa?

    JP – Wait, if you didn’t get sufficient bullet material for ballistics testing, why do you need to take the gun in for ballistics testing…?

    Luann – Knute. Swirlie. Now.

    Mandrake – …well. This could get interesting.

    MW – “We brought you a sack of unwanted kittens to drown!”

    Momma – I dunno, why would “motherfucker” be considered objectionable in Momma?

    PBS – Aiee.

    Phantom – “The real reason I’m here is to catch some grade-A Hong Kong chop-socky action! I can almost hear the terrible English dubbing this will eventually get when it ends up in the dollar DVD bin at Wal*Mart!”

    Pluggers – A Plugger is not a robot. I think we already pretty much knew that, but I guess a canonical affirmation can’t hurt?

    PC – Carmen appears to be turning into an nth-generation Muppet knockoff, like the terrifying puppet-children on those awful direct-to-video Bible-story tapes from church/studios in some isolated corner of Idaho that you find at the very back of the Sunday-school classroom video shelf.

    RMMD – “Oh hey, some more people handed us money out of nowhere. Surprise, surprise.”

    SF – I think the moral here is that Ted and Sally are destined to be together, because they’re too weird to fit with anybody else on the planet.

    SM – Yay! Again! Again!

  139. Victory Garden
    January 24th, 2012 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    In re: Brooke McEldowney: Man, I am in love with this guy. I even adore his no-comments policy. I quote it around. I can’t help it. Also I love the pinup/cheesecake and the dancing white-on-black and all that other artsy stuff he does.

    But I do not like the Hand Jive Sexy Times. I keep trying to tell the screen, “That’s not how you find the G-spot.”

  140. The Rixter of Dibley
    January 24th, 2012 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    GT: Nothing like quoting Leviticus to cool the ardor of a gang shower.

    @Horace Broon (#82): I was apparently scripted by Greg Evans. At least it wasn’t Batuik, or I’d be dead by now.
    Hey, you may have a great future at Weenie World and/or as a firefighter!

    @A different JD (#104): I’m hoping the bag that Mr. & Mrs. Smith brought contains the heads of the couple who lifted Mary’s wallet in the previous story arc. That would be real gratitude.
    Or what if the Smiths are the couple that stole Mary’s purse and are presenting her with the $400 of crap that they purchased with her credit cards? How’s that for gratitude? Of course, they’ll slip out later with a place setting of silver.

  141. Sequitur
    January 24th, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    MW: Is Mary growing some sort of cauliflower/cotton boll hybrid on top of that sideboard in panel one?

  142. Uncle Lumpy
    January 24th, 2012 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    Regarding discussion a few days back of the iPhone “Marimba” interruption at the NY Philharmonic’s performance of Mahler’s Ninth — Here is how to handle it (requires audio).

  143. Sequitur
    January 24th, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

  144. Liam
    January 24th, 2012 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    MT-Hey, Mr. Squirrel have you heard a film crew is coming. If we polish our act we could be in movies.

  145. Baka Gaijin
    January 24th, 2012 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    Ces is a clever man. He makes it look like Sal and Ted will hook up as destiny fulfilled. They go out on a date to a Bennigan’s kind of joint. Ted thinks they’re having a great time. After a pity fuck, Sal does the walk of shame right off the end of the pier. When Ted sees Sally’s demise in the newspaper, he does the honorable thing and keeps swallowing Gnip-Gnop balls until he succumbs to death.

  146. gleeb
    January 24th, 2012 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#17): Maybe they were watching a movie.

  147. Sequitur
    January 24th, 2012 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#145): I’m sure glad Gnip-Gnop has lost popularity. Gnip-Gnops were getting endangered from all the removing of Gnip-Gnop testicles in order to have Gnip-Gnop balls for the game.

  148. SF_Reader
    January 24th, 2012 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    MW – Hey Moy and Giella, you forgot the halo!
    Tomorrow watch all of Charterstone kneel while chanting “Hail Mary, Full of Grace, The Lord is with thee…”

  149. hogenmogen
    January 24th, 2012 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#146): It was probably Spiderman 3. I wanted to punch Spidey after that one, too.

  150. Baka Gaijin
    January 24th, 2012 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    It’s obvious wifey dear is making a Greek frittata à la mode, Pluggerbear. Get with the times. Oh, wait, I forgot what strip I was talking about. Continue.

    I’m still chortling at Poncho. Bunny ears suit him and the look on his owner’s faces is priceless.

  151. Little Guy
    January 24th, 2012 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#99): Then again, if Starbucks was given advertising rights to Minor League Baseball, we’d be talking about “Grande-level”, “Venti-level”, and “Trenta-level” play.

  152. Baka Gaijin
    January 24th, 2012 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#147): Oh please. Gnip-Gnops are major nuisances like passenger pigeons and Bubal Hartebeests.

  153. Tophat
    January 24th, 2012 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    Oh my goodness, Spider-Man getting pimp slapped by someone just for being himself? Is… is it my birthday already? The only thing that could possibly make this better is if he had shouted something suitably ridiculous like “BITCH BE STEPPIN” first.

    Also, from the grim look on that newscaster’s face, for a moment I thought I was reading Dick Tracy.

  154. hogenmogen
    January 24th, 2012 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    What’s striking me as really weird in Spiderman is the fact that Spiderman had to break in to the Avengers headquarters. Isn’t he friends with these guys? Wouldn’t you knock on your friend’s front door rather than bend up the steel grate above the living room and drop in when the lights are out? Doesn’t he have his fellow spandex clad comrades on speed dial? Don’t tell me that every time Captain America wants to go to Avengers HQ he climbs a long rope, breaks a window and sneaks in. Cap might have the brains to keep his mouth shut instead of broadcasting every passing thought loudly to anyone who might want to do him harm, but I doubt it.

  155. Baka Gaijin
    January 24th, 2012 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#62): Is Petey a clown by any chance? I’m all for hitting clowns with hard objects.

    @Señor Tortilla (#65): Your feared limitations haven’t stopped Donna Lewis. Just sayin’.

    @hogenmogen (#70): “I’ll put the stomach on a table or something.” I am so using that line tomorrow. I’m in meetings all day but maybe not after dropping that bon mot.

  156. Señor Tortilla
    January 24th, 2012 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    @Austria (#123): Yeah, I have one or two at home, both obviously American (and designed for middle-schoolers). I’d like to show scans of it someday…

    And who doesn’t love old scans?

    Here’s some old Beetle Bailey cartoons from 1970, exclusively for Comics Curmudgeon readers. These document the arrival of Lt. Flap, which in the beginning was a far more outlandish (and slightly offensive) character.

    These are all from about the same week in October 1970 (check the dates).

    Flap’s first appearance

    Flap accuses Otto of racism


    Ha ha! It’s funny because he uses slang!”

    A bonus for Baka

  157. These Strange Worlds
    January 24th, 2012 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#119):

    Now that I think of it, I am! I wonder what Jerry is doing lately?

    Honory mention for the Darwin awards.

  158. Joshua
    January 24th, 2012 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    SM: Correct me if I’m wrong, but has the Spider-Man established in the last month and a half that (a) Thor is a member of the Avengers, (b) the Avengers are based on Earth, and (c) Thor had never visited Earth before his recent visit?

  159. Black Drazon
    January 24th, 2012 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    Just Spidey’s luck. He jumps in on the Avengers just in time to find them all suited up in their spandex and complicated multi-billion dollar gizmos instead of sitting around in their smoking jackets drinking multi-hundred dollar bottles of chardonnay between ass-kickings. With this kind of luck, by the time Spidey catches up to MJ, she’s going to punch him in the face too, but that may be unrelated.

  160. Baka Gaijin
    January 24th, 2012 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#78): I’m cackling just thinking about Mary stomping on a big flaming bag of big poo in her sensible flats.

    @AhClem (#93): Oops, didn’t see you there.

    @Señor Tortilla (#156): Not clicking that link. No way.

    @Joshua (#158): History doesn’t exist in a rational manner in the Spideyverse. Whatever gets the plot moving, that’s what we’ll use, regardless if it makes sense.

  161. Shrug
    January 24th, 2012 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#138):

    “SF – I think the moral here is that Ted and Sally are destined to be together, because they’re too weird to fit with anybody else on the planet.”

    Worked for Mrs. Shrug and me, and as far as I can tell for quite a few of our coupled (or tripled) friends. (Or this one set of quadrupled ones.). Of course, there are many flavors of weird, and compatable weirdnessitude is key.

  162. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 24th, 2012 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#156): In an odd bit of serendipity, one of the blots on Flap’s first appearance makes it look like Sarge has spontaneously grown a Hitler mustache. Not that there’s ever a good time, but this wouldn’t be it.

    Also it looks like Otto actually was being portrayed as a racist, in a kind of gag-strip precursor to Sam Fuller’s The White Dog. It would make for some edgy material. You can kind of see why Walker Brown LLC hasn’t pursued it in recent years.

  163. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 24th, 2012 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    @Tophat (#153): He’s not getting bitch-slapped by just anyone. He’s getting bitch-slapped by Tony Fucking Stark. With that armor he packs a pretty powerful haymaker.

  164. Flipped Wig
    January 24th, 2012 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    I’m getting more of a forced public confession vibe from Comrade Brenon than any kind of actual news. Are they going to execute him on the spot, on national television, or will he be made to disappear?

  165. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 24th, 2012 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#138):

    Pluggers – A Plugger is not a robot. I think we already pretty much knew that, but I guess a canonical affirmation can’t hurt?

    There are cyborg Pluggers, but they’re referred to as Plug-Ins.

  166. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 24th, 2012 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    Manroot the Magician

    After Fred the Baker delivers him to the local Dinky Donuts® franchise, DD CEO Sharon Stone forces Manroot to give up everything he knows about Ann Eiffel’s secret Weenie World® recipe.

    (Hint: “Weenie World® is people!”)

  167. Dood
    January 24th, 2012 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man: There’s no way Ol’ Shellhead is giving Spidey the remote control for the Avengers’ wall-screen TV.

  168. Marion Delgado
    January 24th, 2012 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    Tony Stark don’t give a @$#$. Tony Stark gonna bitchslap the guy who just got him free of the doll-guy – just for livin’! Smack a fool, Tony Stark! Smack a fool!

  169. Shrug
    January 24th, 2012 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#122):

    “if you two are so very grateful to have your daughter returned, then sacrifice her to the Awesomeness of Mary.”

    Or, equally Old-Testamenty, Wayne McThugster shows up and claims he’s really Emily’s dad and the Goleta couple are imposters, and Judge Mary solves the problem by offering to cut Emily in two and give each claimant half.

  170. Roy
    January 24th, 2012 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    @Tom T. (#27):

    Exactly, my mother whowas born before the war and read Archie in the 1940s thought they were out of time even then, sort of a magic pre WWII Depression free paradise.

    I like to think of Riverdale as being the Arcadia or (in honor of Chinese New Year) the Peach Blossom Village of the American imagination.

  171. seismic-2
    January 24th, 2012 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    MW: As Mrs. Smith wraps her arms around Mary in a surprisingly strong headlock, Mr. Smith reaches into the bag and pulls out Bree’s severed head. “Bitch waitress never did give my kid that rainbow swirl ice cream she promised! Now, where’s that modeling contract you were talking about?”

    FC: Dolly, I’ve heard that the best way to cure a headache is to take a bed sheet, wrap it around your head several times, and tie it in a knot. Of course, you have to be sure that it’s very, very, very tight.

    Phantom: “This is going to be a busy night! I have got to get that video system onto the boat so that I can take it back to the setup on Walker’s Mesa and finally get the decent reception that I can never get in the lousy cave back home!”

  172. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 24th, 2012 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    CS – So the joyless, sexless, identically drawn (they look like twins, with parents who force them to get the same haircut and wear the same glasses) parent lumps are discussing Cranky’s eligibility for the Centerville Ohio Sports Hall of Fame.

    He would be the second inductee, after Coach Gregg, who led the football team to the state finals in 1984, beating Moeller in the process. However, if word gets out about him being an Indians fan, the application will be shit-canned faster than you can say “the cops brought Rose home again!”. Centerville is a suburb of Dayton and in prime Reds country. It’s an hour drive to Cincinnati to see the Reds game, but 3-4 hours up to the Mistake on the Lake where the Indians play.

  173. This Guy
    January 24th, 2012 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    OtH: The podcast How to Do Everything recently had a piece on making homemade Twinkies (that actually sound infinitely better than the “real thing”) and discussed the shelf-life of Twinkies–about 25 days. A consultant opened a special-edition Twinkie from the year 2000 and when asked if he would try eating it, answered “No. You can’t believe how bad this smells.”

    Pluggers: I was going to point out that the memory-storage capacity of the human brain has been estimated to be around the equivalent of 2.5 petabytes, but then I remembered we’re talking about Pluggers. [*]

  174. IHateMowing
    January 24th, 2012 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    Rose Is Rose: Lots of great comments today regarding body parts, but the only one actually on display is the disembodied arm or leg Rose is sitting on.

    “Pasquale, how about some hot chocolate and a hand sandwich?”

  175. Dale
    January 24th, 2012 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#99):

    The only sizes are Large, Extra Large and Colossal?
    Looks like another subversive blow against traditional Family values.

  176. Sequitur
    January 24th, 2012 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#155):

    Is Petey a clown by any chance?

    Judge for yourself.

  177. word-doctor
    January 24th, 2012 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    @Roy (#170):

    That’s the story of my life: waiting for Archie to turn into Pleasantville. And yet Evans is the real genius, as he’s desexed postlapsarianism.

  178. Mysterious shirtless lawyer
    January 24th, 2012 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    Poor Spidey! He gets his ass kicked to promote someone else’s movie! With great power (and limited intelligence) comes great responsibility!

  179. The Waz
    January 24th, 2012 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#82):

    “And now I’m depressed. Not because I was a geeky loser (I’ve come to terms with that), but because I was apparently scripted by Greg Evans. At least it wasn’t Batuik, or I’d be dead by now.”

    Not necessarily. You could have PTSD. Or lose an arm. Batuik has range.

  180. Liam
    January 24th, 2012 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    FC-Dolly, have you and daddy been playing your special game again?

  181. Dr. Weird
    January 24th, 2012 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    MW

    In the last panel, is Mr. Smith crying? So overwhelmed by Mary’s beatific aura that he’s shedding a manly tear?

  182. Dood
    January 24th, 2012 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: “Well, here’s our refuse. You’ve already met Emily. We bagged up the rest of our trash. See-you-later-gotta-go-bye!”

  183. Baka Gaijin
    January 24th, 2012 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#176): Poor Petey. He doesn’t deserved to be socked. That just makes me clown-hitting mad!

  184. Sequitur
    January 24th, 2012 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    @Dr. Weird (#181): Naw. “Wonderful daughter” just punched Daddy in the groin. Just practicing. This is a maneuver her mother taught her figuring that if daughter knew how to do this in the first place she never would have been kidnapped.

  185. Sequitur
    January 24th, 2012 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#183): Yeah. Life sucks.

    Sorry. I just had a Winkerbean moment. I’m okay now.

  186. Liam
    January 24th, 2012 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    So this means we have about six more weeks of Mary pontificating?

  187. Sequitur
    January 24th, 2012 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#186): What?! Did she see her shadow?

  188. Liam
    January 24th, 2012 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman-I wouldn’t take any offense from this. That is how the Avengers greet anyone who visits them.

  189. Shrug
    January 24th, 2012 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#173):

    “Pluggers: I was going to point out that the memory-storage capacity of the human brain has been estimated to be around the equivalent of 2.5 petabytes, but then I remembered we’re talking about Pluggers.”

    We Pluggers have the same 2.5 petabytes as you kids; it’s just that we spend more of them storing important information on things like “who was that guy who used to play that other fellow on that show, you know the one I mean?” and “where did I leave the remote?”

    And by the way, get off my lawn.

  190. Dale
    January 24th, 2012 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#61):

    I didn’t think it was economics, but more like what you described.
    What happens during an exam, when some might actually want to know how much time they have left? They’re the ones smart enough to wear a watch?

  191. Liam
    January 24th, 2012 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#187):

    With that heavenly glow she is casting how can she not see her shadow.

  192. ElkMeadow
    January 24th, 2012 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    MW I’m starting to suspect that Moy and/or Giella has a dark secret that one or both is trying not to be obvious in sharing. Perhaps some childhood event, or some failure as an adult that is now crawling out of the subconscious, else why this unending Mary Sue Stops A Perv never ending applause?

  193. Ben
    January 24th, 2012 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    Great Sassafras, Mary Worth! How much mileage can you get out foiling a single caper? Don’t you have a pie that you need to be baking children into?

  194. Señor Tortilla
    January 24th, 2012 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#192): I’m starting to think that Moy and Giella really can’t write original ideas (or draw different faces, for that matter). I mean, Mary Worth & Me correctly pointed out that in 2005, a waitress really did a stall a kidnapper with offering the kidnapped girl free ice cream.

    http://articles.cnn.com/2005-07-02/us/deahn_1_restaurant-workers-coeur-d-alene?_s=PM:US

  195. seismic-2
    January 24th, 2012 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#192): Yes. In an incident that Karen Moy regrets to this day, she chose not to stop that nasty Wayne from running past, thereby enabling him to get away with molesting her Uncle Ben. With great power comes great nosiness.

  196. Sequitur
    January 24th, 2012 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#195): Uncle Ben? The rice guy?

    Yes, officer. There was rice everywhere!

  197. commodorejohn
    January 24th, 2012 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#189): What’s really unsettling here is that this is basically me, right now. I’m 26. What the hell am I going to be like when I’m of Plugger age?

  198. Charterstoned
    January 24th, 2012 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    MW – Hmm. I know we can’t smell the aroma here, but based on the shape and color of that bag, I’m pretty sure that’s a carry-out order of Mary’s favorite white glop from the Bum Boat.

  199. Sequitur
    January 24th, 2012 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#197): Well, you can take the precaution of not having a lawn.

  200. ElkMeadow
    January 24th, 2012 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#194): I remember when that happened, and I wasn’t happy (/understatement>) when I saw it reenacted, or when the kidnapper tore down the missing poster, as Polly Klaas’s kidnapper & murderer did to all the ones in his community.

  201. Arabella
    January 24th, 2012 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: Now that we have picked up the dropped thread of “Diane goes back to school online,” can we hope that we will someday revisit “Cousin Andrew was wrongly arrested because of Curtis and is rotting in jail” ???

  202. Baka Gaijin
    January 24th, 2012 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#197): Do you proudly show off your ignorance and obesity? Then you’re a Plugger. If you do your best to hide them, you’re not a Plugger. Only you know the true answer, grasshopper.

  203. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 24th, 2012 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#199):

    That doesn’t work, it just pushes the problem up another notch. “Hey, you kids!! Get off my couch!!!”

  204. Sequitur
    January 24th, 2012 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#203): Or even more personal with the Spider Man problem, “Hey, you kids!! Get off my wife!!!

    I didn’t know Spider Man was a Plugger.

  205. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 24th, 2012 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

  206. Der Schnärkïnätör
    January 24th, 2012 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    @A different JD (#104):
    Well, they DID take the trouble come up with a name for the kidnapper, and then used it only once or twice throughout this whole arc.

    I wonder why they bothered to do that.

  207. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 24th, 2012 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    Hi, folks! Recovering rapidly here, but I had to spend today in WORTHWHILE SOCIAL ACTIVITIES! Went to the Doctor, went to a training sesion, and now I have to go to a class. The class conflicts with my daughter’s chorus concert, but the training session was at her school, and when it let out, I discovered a rehearsal for the concert in the auditorium, and I got to hear the last song and a half that she was in, so it wasn’t a total loss! Anyway, I hope to get back on track here soon.

    @Señor Tortilla (#65): Years ago, a friend was drawing a comic, and it was most instructive to note that he apparently considered what he felt were his limitations, and then designed his comic universe to pretty much omit them all, and fashion itself to his strengths. I recommend this approach to everyone.

  208. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 24th, 2012 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    @btown (#112): And you know what would be even more fun? If that line of people were there to bitch-slap, punch, and abuse Mary, as in the scene in Airplane!

    @Sequitur (#127): Good lrod.

  209. Der Schnärkïnätör
    January 24th, 2012 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#197): ,

    What’s really unsettling here is that this is basically me, right now. I’m 26. What the hell am I going to be like when I’m of Plugger age?

    Crankshaft. Sorry ’bout that.

  210. Packy
    January 24th, 2012 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    Archie: What struck me was not that it had knobs, but rather that the TV was deep enough to actually have a top surface for a potted plant of some sort to rest upon.

  211. Spotts1701
    January 24th, 2012 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#154): This is what bothers me – in the comics world, web-head has bounced from reserve to active member of the Avengers quite frequently. He wouldn’t have to break in – he could knock on the front door and ask Jarvis to let him in!

    But of course, newspaper Spidey has to do things the hard way…

  212. Droopy Says
    January 24th, 2012 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    I can’t wait to see Mark Trail’s movie-making friend. I won’t settle for anything less than a fellow with a beret and a long cigarette-holder, with a tripod-mounted camera that runs with a hand crank.

  213. demoncat
    January 24th, 2012 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    mw and thus mary expression said it all yes i knew if i manage to rescue emily she and her parents would come around and be forever grateful that they would become my new worshippers. archie looks like Dan brenon discovered the dark secret of the archie verse jughead with out his hat and Archie secretly the one true ruler of the archie verse.

  214. CanuckDownSouth
    January 24th, 2012 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#190): Sometimes our room clocks are waaaayyy off actual time (plus they’re too high to get at reset the time and are always at an awkward angle for half the seats). Dunno about b,b,u but I’ve taken to using the projector to give the NIST website’s official time during tests.

  215. Stroker Ace
    January 24th, 2012 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    Archie – Dan Brenon was just beaten by thugs asking “What’s the frequency Kenneth?!”.

  216. Zerowolf
    January 24th, 2012 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    MW: The “Hail Mary” is not about you.

  217. Mr K Martin
    January 24th, 2012 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    MARY WRATH: The striking beams and yellow glow surrounding our heroine at last make it clear. Mary is no ordinary deity. She is Ra, the Sun God! This is unfortunate for her new worshippers, as Mrs. Smith will burn to death and her family will die from skin cancer. Mortals, learn to worship from afar!

  218. Zerowolf
    January 24th, 2012 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    GT: In panel three: does the boy’s showerroom have a window overlooking the parking lot or is someone hiding a smart car in their locker?

  219. Zerowolf
    January 24th, 2012 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#138): It’s kind of hilarious that Funky Winkerbean of all things provides a more dynamic, engaging depiction of high-school athletics than Gil Thorp.

    Too bad the SAT no longer has analogies:

    Gil Thorpe is to high school athletics as
    A) Mark Trail is to Animal Planet
    B) Rex Morgan is to medicine
    C) Mary Worth is to cult worship
    D) All of the above

  220. Anonymous
    January 24th, 2012 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    Why assume that the Archie was a repeat, instead of the product of an elderly ossified writer?

  221. Chrissy the Stooges Woman :-)
    January 24th, 2012 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    @Stroker Ace (#215): Since all the names and cultural references change ever so slightly in Archieland, wouldn’t “Dan Brenon’s” attacker have said something like, “What’s the call letters, Marcello”?

  222. Charlene
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    @vanya (#18): Which one? It changes from one panel to the next.

    I think the last panel is set in ca. 1955.

  223. Écureuil Écumant
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    GT: Cortez Beecher is a Godly power not to be trifled with. See how he smites the disbelievers with a plague of boils!

    Phan: Try as I might, I just can’t see room for a cerebrum in that chelonian thing he sports on his neck. “The smallest part of his mission there tonight” is clearly the supratentorial part.

    Phbbbgorm: Thorax actually reminds me not at all of Fred Astaire, but rather the thpitting image of Dom DeLuise leading the troupe in The French Mistake — final scene of Blazing Saddles.

    FC: So your throat has a headache, Dolly? Don’t be such a whiner. Billy’s nose has diarrhea.

  224. Trillian
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    H&L: “Coffee quickie” took a little too long this morning?

    Zits: Wouldn’t it be easier to tell your teacher the dog ate it?

  225. Harry F
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    You know, Spidey. You wouldn’t get Tzapped if you used the doorbell.

  226. Cleve Barrister
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    FW-Anybody EVER notice how unreal the basketball games are? You’d NEVER see crowds like that at a girls game, let alone go crazy because a basket was scored, but in Batiuk-world, up is down, good is bad (ex: football team-bad; band-good)

  227. Jamus The Bartender
    January 24th, 2012 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    reFOOB: Today’s strip made me think of something Daddy Warbucks said to his wife as Annie was listening to her and her friends gossiping. Something about “a fine example for Annie you’re setting with your hen parties ” and “if I see ‘em in here again, i’ll strangle ‘em”. While Daddy Warbucks and Harold Gray’s philosophies were not shared by me, today, I couldn’t agree with them more.

    Spider Man: My first thought was that Tony Stark had hit the sauce again, but then I remembered that from the years 1962 to post 9-11, this was a common greeting received by Spider-Man by just about every hero in the Marvel Universe.

  228. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn — Fred Astaire, my ass. Brooke’s inspiration was obviously actor Edward Arnold as Diamond Jim Brady:

    http://madamepickwickartblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/brady7.jpg

  229. Dale
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#214):

    IF you could see the clock, ALL YOU’D HAVE TO DO is constantly mentally adjust for when the class started and how long the period was, while you were taking the test. Conceptually, this is very straightforward.

  230. Jamus The Bartender
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#36): Spider Man: It’s not just you, Diva. In 1962, in Spider Man’s first self titled issue, he’s trying to get a job with the Fantastic Four. Their response to his B and E…an ass whupping. Similarly, the first time he auditions for the Avengers a few years later, the team is trying to figure out a task for him to perform, tempers flare, and the team goes round and round in a fistfight until they remember the Hulk is on the loose and send Spidey after him. Sort of puts all the crazy of Civil War in perspective, doesn’t it?

  231. Jamus The Bartender
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    @Powers (#37): Well, yeah. But, like a lot of high powered heroes, he’s often sent on these “Quests Of The Gods” and such to keep him busy while the street level powered heroes like Hawkeye, Luke Cage, Wolverine, and currently, your friendly neighborhood TV watching Wall Crawler are allowed their chance to shine. Then, when the numbers are down * knock, knock, knock* hey, there’s Thor, just like a deadbeat dad.

  232. Jamus The Bartender
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#58): Well said, sir. COTW.

  233. Jamus The Bartender
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    @These Strange Worlds (#100): Yeah, but this is the Marvel Universe. EVERYONE comes in and out through windows. And when they meet, it’s a fistfight. Even King T’challa, aka the Black Panther took note of this, and said it was why he didn’t mix with other superheroes for the longest time, until he invited the Fantastic Four to dinner and visit Wakanda. I’m really showing my geek cred here tonight, arent’ I?

  234. Jamus The Bartender
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    @Apeman (#132): Hm. I was thinking that Iron Man came up with a gadget that would neutralize Peter’s “spider sense” temporarily, but I think I like your idea better.

  235. MapDark
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    9CL : McEldowney finally gave up on the whole storyline thing when he realised he was using the strip as a fan service excuse anyway and will only do pin-ups from now on.

    MW : We brought you the kidnapper’s HEAD! I hope this will be enough oh lord of mercy!

    A3G : Because going on a trip to your adoptive family with your birth mother without warning anyone that you know she is our birth mother and that you’re coming to create a bunch of drama is an intelligent thing to do!

  236. Baka Gaijin
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#233): commodorejohn was worrying about being a Plugger. You may need to start worrying about being a Ted Forth. Just sayin’.

  237. Happythoughtindeed
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

    “Great! Thanks so much, Mary, for returning the troublesome child after we sold her for some good meth. Now YOU can do her laundry! Wash and fold by Friday, easy on the starch.”

  238. Old School Allie Cat
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    @True Fable (#14): Wow, usually when mocking Ms. Pearson (who, come on, is and will always be Monica Kaufman), we just stick to making fun of her ever-changing hair. That’s some high level criticism.

    Now, as Atlanta Journalists go, Doug Richards is my man – his blog, about the local news industry:

    http://www.liveapartmentfire.com

    is a hoot. Highly recommended.

  239. Jamus The Bartender
    January 24th, 2012 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#154): Yeah, even before he joined the Avengers full time, his status as “friends” with these people was a little suspect. If things were bad, he’d join in a battle with Dr. Doom or someone and really kick ass and everyone was all, “Thanks Spidey, let us know if we can ever help you, you’re a good guy” and Spidey would slink off back to Aunt May’s lest someone unmask him. He later joined the reserves only to keep the mansion’s security systems from attacking him, or, like we’ve seen, Tony Stark bitch-slapping him. It was like this until Brian Bendis had him join the team back in 2004.

  240. This Guy
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#238): Ha! That blog name alone is comedy gold. I haven’t watched any local news in a while because of “live apartment fires” literal and figurative. Does Monica Kaufman-Pearson still change her hair on a regular basis?

  241. Gordon Blvd
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    RERUN ALERT!!

    man, do any of these cartoonists realize that we have an interweb now?

    http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1914&dat=19910129&id=7AwgAAAAIBAJ&sjid=i2UFAAAAIBAJ&pg=2619,5304175

    dont forget to scroll up to the top of the page on the link for the final kicker :)

  242. Jamus The Bartender
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#236): Ohhhh, i’m afraid that particular starship Enterprise sailed into that final frontier a looong time ago.

  243. Gordon Blvd
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    @Gordon Blvd (#241):

    y’know – it’s funny to think about the fact that 20 yrs ago that Archie cartoon caused someone enough drama to actually right a letter to the editor lol

  244. Gordon Blvd
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    @Gordon Blvd (#243):

    um…………”write”

    :p

  245. Jeff
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    Another request hit up my paper, the Columbus Dispatch, who is considering an adjustment of it’s comics pages. They are asking for feedback at talking@dispatch.com. They want to know specifically if Judge Parker should move back to the comics page(s) or to kill it off. I would ask for a quick note to them telling them to put it back on the comics page. The Dispatch runs the following: Peanuts, B.C., Hagar the Horrible, Zits, Hi & Lois, Pearls Before Swine, Marvin, Stone Soup, Tina’s Groove, Dilbert, Blondie, Frank & Ernest, Sherman’s Lagoon, Funky Winkerbean, Garfield, Sally Forth, One Big Happy, Agnes, Garfield, For Better or For Worse, Overboard, The Middletons, Beetle Bailey, Jump Start, Baby Blues, Doonesbury, Get Fuzzy. Panels: Family Circus, Marmaduke, Moderately Confused, Six Chix, Ziggy
    Editorial page: Non Sequitor. Classifieds: Judge Parker

    I would specifically like them to move Judge Parker back to the comics page. Please email them at: talking@dispatch.com. Thank you so kindly.

  246. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#207): Good to hear you’re back on your feet. You made the effort to get to your daughter’s concert, which is more than I can imagine the Wrights doing for Lu Ann.

  247. Sequitur
    January 24th, 2012 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#246): The trouble with Lu Ann is that she doesn’t do anything for parents to attend. I’m surprised Lu Ann doesn’t have butt prints on her hands from sitting on them.

    She’s no Petey Otterloop.

    But it is good to hear that Muffaroo is up and about again!

  248. Ktrout
    January 25th, 2012 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    Archie: nobody is ever that happy when they watch the news.

  249. Eric Wyatt (@SunDriedRainbow)
    January 25th, 2012 at 12:36 am [Reply]

    Yes! The gratefulness! The gratefulness! Give me more, more!

  250. tb4000
    January 25th, 2012 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    S-M: It’s not even that Iron Man assumed Spidey was some foreign intruder, it’s that he KNEW it was Spidey, and actually ramped up his repulsor tech to provide an even deadlier charge.

  251. ElkMeadow
    January 25th, 2012 at 1:22 am [Reply]

    RM Wow, a check from a dead man’s estate for $25,000.

    1) I don’t think that it can be cashed, as Foster is dead, and I’m guessing that it’s from his account. I’m pretty sure that banks don’t cash the checks of dead guys, and they suspend the account until estate crap taken care of, don’t they?
    2) Why so little?

    MW Stop it! Stop it! If you were really grateful you would have brought her sweater from the diner AND found her wallet AND brought a pie instead of a fruit basket.

  252. Frank Lee Meidere
    January 25th, 2012 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    MW: This is especially infuriating because, as has already been pointed out, she didn’t do anything! Nothing. She thought about a lot of stuff, but she didn’t do a damned thing. Why aren’t they thanking the waitress who actually called the police, then tried to stall the kidnapper? Or the waiter who went into the kitchen to find a suitable weapon? Sure, they were all ineffectual, but damn it — they did something. Mary stood around wringing her hands and worrying, like a stereotypical LOM (Little Old Lady). She dithered, she dathered. But other than that — she didn’t do a damned thing!

    Just who does she think she is? Spider-Man?

  253. Maggie the Cat
    January 25th, 2012 at 2:25 am [Reply]

    Wednesday’s A3G…. it’s a virtual diamond mine of mockery!!! Lu Ann tells how the South Dakota meadow muffins are a hot item (slattern!), and Margo thinks she would like muffin, and Tommie giggles at the thought.

  254. Maggie the Cat
    January 25th, 2012 at 2:26 am [Reply]

    Josh, if you don’t capitalize on Lu Ann’s delicious meadow muffin tomorrow I will be sorely disappointed.

  255. Comcis Fan
    January 25th, 2012 at 2:36 am [Reply]

    MW: Ronnie? Who’s Ronnie?

    So the Seattle paper ran a Mary Worth primer that says she was born “about 60-something years ago.” The problem with this is that Mary Worth is like a 60-something-year-old from 60-something years ago, not a 2011 60-something, i.e. a Baby Boomer. Baby Boomers love their Kindles. They generally do not twist their long gray locks into a bun. Mary Worth is your grandmother’s 60-something-year-old.

  256. Comcis Fan
    January 25th, 2012 at 2:36 am [Reply]

    2012.

  257. Droopy Says
    January 25th, 2012 at 3:16 am [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: What’s that on Big Red’s left shoulder? Did smacking Spiderman give him a hi-tech happy? And how many days will it take Peter Putzer to repeat his humiliating story? Will he have to start all over when the rest of the Avengers show up, or will the two greeters eagerly repeat it for them as they fight down their laughter?

    Abusing Spiderman: Peter Putzer was bit by a trapdoor spider, wasn’t he? A very inept trapdoor spider. Nothing else explains all his pratfalls.

    Mary Worth: I can’t wait to see what direction this strip takes during Easter Week. I will be very happy if Mary ends up in Pontius Pilate’s dungeon.

    Mock Trail: If only it were winter! Sally could take Butch down to the river, put him and Tommy’s stinky jacket on an ice floe, and push.

    Dick Tracy: Win. Pure win.

  258. John C Fremont
    January 25th, 2012 at 6:44 am [Reply]

    A3G – Oh, I get it. Meadow muffins. Lu Ann made a joke. I wonder if this will make her popular in the community.

    FC – Oh, my.

    MW – Geez, Emily’s enjoying the hell out of that cookie.

  259. Little A.
    January 25th, 2012 at 6:55 am [Reply]

    A3G: Right, meadow muffins. What is this,another name for buffalo turds? Cow flops? Oh this strip is really getting sophisticated, it’s humor is getting cerebral, like Doonesbury.

  260. Trillian
    January 25th, 2012 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    A3G: It’s funny because Lu Ann doesn’t know what a “meadow muffin” is, either.

  261. Liam
    January 25th, 2012 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#258):

    If Luann puts out more then that will make her popular in the community.

  262. Swordsmith
    January 25th, 2012 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    @Jeff (#245): Open letter to the Columbus Dispatch:

    Get rid of Peanuts. While a great strip in its day, there’s no reason to rerun old strips when there are plenty of new ones that deserve a chance.

    Get rid of Six Chicks. The idea of a rotating gang of comics producers is an interesting one, but Six Chicks has at best one good writer, and at least two awful ones. The few good strips aren’t good enough to justify printing the mediocre and awful.

    Judge Parker is poorly written but very well drawn. Move it back to the comics page.

    Non Sequitor isn’t an editorial cartoon, in fact it rarely deals with topical subjects at all. While unevenly funny, it is sometimes hilarious, and I’d move it to the comics page rather than drop it… but there’s no way I’d put it on the editorial page.

    That’s killing two strips and replacing them with two strips from elsewhere in the paper.

    But since you’ve asked about killing up to five strips, here are three more you publish:

    For Better or For Worse: See Peanuts comment. This strip is in permanent reruns. When Johnston first announced she was going to start reruns she claimed she was redoing all the old strips and adding in new ones. Well, she’s actually rerunning the strips exactly as originally published, and while at first she did do a few new ones, she stopped putting in even that much effort, since July 12, 2010 there hasn’t been a single word or panel of retouched art, much less an actual new strip. So its a) reruns, b) reruns by someone who lies about that fact, and c) even as originally published, well, I read Charles Shultz, and Lynne, you’re no Charles Shultz.

    Frank and Earnest. This strip is actively bad, poorly drawn and lame “jokes”, my brain actively hurts when I accidentally fail to skip over it.

    Garfield. I know this is heresy but this strip, once king of the comics page, died long ago. It keeps recycling the same jokes over and over, but in less and less funny ways. Whenever I’m feeling blue about Calvin and Hobbes I think about Garfield and realize that this is what Watterson was trying to avoid becoming. Send Garfield to a farm in the country where he can run and play; stop publishing him.

    What to replace those three with? Well there are hundreds of worthy strips out there that deserve a try, and I’d look hard to see if there’s someone from the Columbus area you could give a chance. But to pick three from the syndicated ones out there:

    Cul de Sac. Probably the best comic currently being published, and it’s not just me saying it, Thompson won the 2011 Reuben. No excuse for any paper not carrying this one.

    Frazz: Well drawn, consistently funny, wide range of topics. Yes it can get a little heavy handed on the diet and exercise, but that’s part of the schtick.

    Brewster Rockit: The art seems wooden, the jokes stale and lame… but after reading it a bit you discover that this is all a subversive plot, and Rickard is asking you to laugh along with him at the conventions of cheesy sci-fi, and also poking fun at modern life and attitudes.

  263. Little Guy
    January 25th, 2012 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#262): Nicely done and I condone painfully. Although we have both in the WaPo, I’d choose BR over F&E, although regretfully. CdS over FOOB (WaPo is FOOBless) is a HELLS YEAH!

    Curtis: Curtis, online classes do not equal middle school. Unless it’s in a Brewster Rocket strip, the computer doesn’t reprimand you for talking in front of it or insluting it.

  264. Little Guy
    January 25th, 2012 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    @Gordon Blvd (#241): The write was “confident” that the newscaster was going to talk about the Persian Gulf War. Someone ought to look her up to ask her what the hell McE is talking about in the current 9CL.

  265. Écureuil Écumant
    January 25th, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#263): Siri will — and she’ll hog all your bandwidth while doing it. The ultimate cell phone queen.

  266. vanya
    January 25th, 2012 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#77): True about the knobs, but it was the floral arrangement on top of the set that caught my eye. I haven’t seen anyone keep flowers on their put flowers on their television set since my great aunt passed away 20 years ago.

  267. vanya
    January 25th, 2012 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    trying again in English – I haven’t seen anyone keep flowers on their television set since my great aunt passed away 20 years ago.

  268. Jeff
    January 25th, 2012 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#262):

    That was awesome, Swordsmith! Thank you.

    Hit up the Dispatch at talking@dispatch.com. Thanks for telling them to put JP back in the comics, not in the classifieds (which are dying).

  269. KarenMaru
    January 25th, 2012 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    Okay, didn’t this whole Mary Worth storyline begin with Mary being worried about dementia? She was forgetting her keys, her jacket… Going back and forth to that sad little diner… Wouldn’t it be great if Mary had hallucinated her entire heroic child-rescue? And the waitresses are staring at her as she drools into her coffee and mumbles congratulations to herself…

  270. Edwin Herdman
    January 25th, 2012 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    6chix:

    “Huh, how to draw a piece of pizza…”
    (Author looks at table, sees Quiche)

  271. correo hotmail inicio
    September 3rd, 2013 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    I could not resist commenting. Perfectly written!

Comments are closed for this post.